Amy, come on.
Oh, my God. Oh, for God's sake.
See you in a bit, OK? OK. Good luck.
OK. We'll be back as soon as we can then.
Argh, argh, argh.
Oh. Paul, what's happened?
My quads. My quads have seized up...
Oh, here we go. ..from sitting in the backseat.
Oh, lord, oh, Paolo. I blame myself.
Any idea when they'll seize down?
Which ones are quads again?
Legs, Mum, front legs. The things I'm currently rubbing.
Ah, these ones Sue. These ones.
And what about your bottom?
Mum. Can you be quieter, please?
Not from back here, no.
SAM: We're going to be late, Mum.
Yes. Thank you, Sam.
Just don't worry. I'll get it, Rach, don't worry. I'll get him inside.
How's your bottom, Paul?
Oh. Mum, it's five to four. Mum.
Yes, thank you. Thank you for your help, Amy.
Well, what do you expect me to do?
Well, maybe not lean against the car eating... Are those crisps?
..before your interview. Not really. They're Monster Munch.
Just go. Go and get Amy her job. OK...OK, good luck.
I'll get him in there. Have you got your speech?
Yeah, it's in my jacket pocket. Yeah. Robin, what you doing?
Aah. Carrying you, mate, fireman's lifting you in.
He ain't heavy, he's my brother in law.
Do you think it's going to work?
Aaargh, ugh. No, it's not actually.
Ooh, God. Oh, you're heavier than you look, ain't you?
Well, no. I'm about the same as I...
Yeah, but you're dense though. Like sort of dark matter.
OK, good luck. Sam: Hang on, wait for me.
Dark matter?
You still haven't answered my question about your bottom, Paul.
It's still hurting, Mum, thank you.
Come on, come on, Paul. I'll get it. I got you,
I got you. Ooh, just take little steps, like Pingu.
Archery time!
No, that's a bit much. That's a bit much, Sam.
Hi.
SAM: That's creepy. Um...
Do you want me to start on the trophy?
Yeah, let's start on the tro...
What's up, archery fans?
My name is Olympic archer Paul Jessop, as you know,
and this is my Paul4Ar... Oh.
Paul4Archery channel.
Please do subscribe below.
Now today I'm talking fingers, finger exercises,
finger health,
so this is my standard finger workout. Warm up.
So this is my standard finger warm-up.
We can just cut that together.
Huge part of archery, these guys, the talons, yeah.
Really want to feel it in the tendons.
Yeah, do you know want to fire an arrow or something Dad?
Oh, just can we... Can you stop interrupting?
Guys, please! I was nailing that one.
Wow, that was you nailing it, was it?
Yeah. It's got to be more active, Dad.
This is just a bit, you know, no offence, but boring.
Er, it... Have you ever been on the internet, Sam?
It's mostly boring, OK? People like it boring.
Do you know what the most popular thing on the internet is?
People taking photos of their own face.
That's how boring it is. Please! Please, love! Yeah, I know Dad.
I'm 15. You don't need to mansplain the internet to me.
Well, I'm not, and you're also a man, so I can't mansplain to another man.
The finger thing is quite boring, hon, and creepy.
Can we all stop back-seat driving my YouTube channel, please?
It's niche, sure, but that's how online influencing works.
You...you get everyone who's into a niche thing together,
OK, be it archery or...
Teabagging.
Oh, no, I'm sorry. It's not right.
Why don't people get real jobs any more?
Actually, yes. Um, where's Amy?
I'm meant to be helping her with some job applications.
Er, she's gone for a walk.
A what? A walk? Amy doesn't walk, does she?
I mean, she can.
I'll tell you, Paul, when I was growing up,
people had proper jobs, you know, like butcher, baker.
Or candlestick maker. I know, Sue, but times change.
We can no longer consult nursery rhymes
for effective careers advice, sadly. DOORBELL RINGS
Oh, good. Finally.
Well, our ancestors were all lumpers.
What? What are lumpers?
You know, stevedores.
What the hell are you talking about?
Oh, that's tight.
That is tight. Oh, Robin, Dean, Cherry, hi. Hi.
All right, Rachel? Looking good.
Like a Jedi or something. Thank you. Why are you in, erm...?
Yeah, we've been cycling. Me and Dean have, not Cherry.
Oh, right.
I prefer cars.
All right, Paolo. Got your milk.
Yeah...
Hiya, Sue. Oh, new hip in yet, is it?
Erm, three weeks' time.
Oh! Oh, my God, Robin.
Why are your clothes so tight?
Cycling gear, so it's Lycra.
That's illegal, isn't it?
LAUGHTER
I know.
I have told him. I can see all his bits.
DEAN: The three amigos!
SUE: Yeah, it's like a boil-in-the-bag.
Stop looking at it. Sam, could you...
Don't film down there.
It's all sweaty and all.
No, nonsense, mate. You film what you like, brother.
I've got nothing to hide.
THEY WHOOP AND CHEER
No, I'm not being rude, but you're here. Why are you here?
Oh, yeah, sorry, just we're in the middle of a 25K river trail
around the corner, and I realised I needed a little pit stop.
Shit stop.
Hey! Only number one. OK...
But, yeah, I do, so I thought I'd, er... Ah, come and do it here.
Yeah, fantastic. Go for it.
You can actually do it in the Lycra if you have to.
It won't go anywhere cos it's sort of vacuum-packed,
just, like, sloshes around or whatever. Oh.
SUE: So you're not cycling then, Cheryl?
No. I'm following in the Suzuki. Ah.
Yeah, Cherry's in the support vehicle, Sue.
It's so bloody slow. Well...
I keep getting honked.
And bored.
Yeah, but it's nice to do stuff together, though, babe.
I go salsa with you, you come training with me.
I'm not with you, though, am I?
I'm in the car, watching your little bum pumping away.
It's rubbish. Sounds all right!
PAUL: So, how long you been cycling, Robin?
Since the dawn of time, mate.
No, just the last couple of years.
But I tell you what - feel these calves.
Honestly, they're absolute cows, aren't they, babe?
Yeah, in a bad way.
He's had to chuck out the skinny jeans that I got him.
Oh... That's a shame. Wow. Yeah?
OK... This is weird. There you are.
Meant to be doing these application forms.
Yeah, I know. That's why I went out. I very much don't want to.
Great! I'm so glad I'm going to be late for work
to give you pro bono careers advice.
Have to find another time.
All right, gorgeous?
Really? I'm 19.
Heh, I'm still waiting for the bad news!
I'm gay. That do it?
Yep. That'll do, yeah.
Is that my old T-shirt?
So? You don't wear it any more.
Well, can you please ask me before stealing my stuff, please?
Oh, my God. I should shave 'em, really. Actually, Paul, I've got
your dad's old bike in the shed from the '60s.
Oh, aye, the '60s?
What is it, a penny farthing? LAUGHTER
No, it's a proper racer. A Falcon.
Oh...
Falcon? Falcons are quality, mate.
Yeah.
Well, my Les absolutely loved it until his piles came through
and then he had to stop.
"Came through"? Piles aren't like teeth, Sue.
Er, Les's were. He could have eaten an apple with them.
So, which bike's yours, then, Robin? Yeah, the green one.
I'll show you the green machine. The Snot-mobile. The old Snot-mobile.
Amy! Can you not leave your coats lying around, please?
Wow, you guys aren't mucking about. Lean and green.
I might have to, er...might have to come out with you one of these days.
Oh, yes, Paolo! That's fightin' talk, innit?
Join the peloton, brother. I can...I can cycle.
Strap on the stabilisers and off we go!
I got rid of them when I was eight, mate, so, er...
Eight? That's a bit late, innit? Is it? That IS late, yeah.
OK, OK, Amy.
OK, come on.
We're late.
Oh, Amy, you're covered in whatever Monster Munch is made out of.
I can't believe it's potato.
Can someone grab my walker from the back, please?
Oh... Mum, quick.
Rachel! Rach!
You'll have to catch us up, Sue!
Hello. Sorry. Hi.
We've got an appointment with Kim Sinclair at four o'clock.
Yeah, sorry, we're a little late, er... Stuck in traffic.
What's the name? BOTH: Amy Jessop.
She's Amy Jessop, yes. I'm her mother.
And also, erm, an old friend of Kim's.
School friend.
So I thought maybe we could hang around and...
Well, no waiting.
Well, no, we'll be really quiet. You won't know we're here.
Help me, Rachel!
Oh...
Me walker's stuck in the door! Help me! Oh, God. Yeah...
Now, the saddle is very firm. Mm.
Mm-hm. Good.
Good. Firm's good. Firm but fair. PHONE CHIMES
Erm... We...
Ooh! Ooh, yes!
Yeah! I've got one more subscriber to my Paul4Archery channel.
Grr! That is great news.
SAM: Yeah, proper influencers tend
not to celebrate them individually, Dad.
PAUL: Huh?
Yeah, and the bell, the bell still works. Look.
SAM: Maybe you could use the bike on your channel, Dad, instead
of those really boring finger exercises?
PAUL: Yeah, that's a good idea.
You know, a whole-body fitness video. Yeah.
Maximise my subscriber reach.
Well, it would be good to break into double figures, certainly.
Well, I've actually got 14, so there.
Yeah, either way, can you stop dinging your bell, please?
We're meant to be doing Amy's mock job interview. All right.
Can I finish my cereal first?
No, I've been waiting 40 minutes as it is. We're doing it right now.
Amy, cereal?
It's 2pm.
So? You don't have to eat cereal at breakfast, Granny.
You can have it whenever you want.
Well, that's PC gone mad.
Erm...
No, it isn't, but...
Ready? Yeah?
Can you tell Sam not to film it?
Well, THEY might film it.
Well, yes, very true.
They might film it, so this is good practice.
OK, so, here we go.
Is she going to be wearing that T-shirt for the interview?
What's that? My Rage Against The Machine T-shirt
from the mid-'90s? Hopefully not, no.
Why? What's wrong with it?
Well, I don't know. Off the top of my head,
going to a job interview with Che Guevara on your clothes
might make them question your commitment to the role of admin
assistant and, indeed, capitalism in general.
Oh, is that who it is? Do you know, I thought it was Frank Spencer.
What? You know, the beret.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
To be fair, you wouldn't want to employ either of them, would you?
No, no!
No, you should be wearing a skirt, Amy, and a blouse.
A blouse? Seriously?
Yeah, with a smart handbag that matches your shoes.
OK, well, we'll discuss wardrobe later.
If we could just, please, let's get...let's get on with it.
OK, so, Amy...
..tell me about yourself.
Uhh...
..I'm tall.
I'm a Libra.
Mm-hm. I'm going to uni at Swansea next year... OK.
..because my girlfriend goes there. No, but don't...don't say that.
That makes it sound like that's the only reason you're going.
It is. Yeah, don't tell them you're going to Swansea.
That might make them not want to hire you.
Talk about your personality.
Right, yeah. Um...
..I'm impatient.
I get bored easily. OK.
I'm quite lazy.
Why would you tell them that?
Cos she IS lazy.
Yes, I know she is, Sam, but don't tell them that!
Let them find that out for themselves.
Talk about your...your skills.
Well, I can roll my tongue. OK.
And I know the name of that really long Welsh town, if that's useful.
Why would that be useful? Oh, go on, then.
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrn- drobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
Ha-ha! Well done! You should definitely do that!
No, don't do that. Don't do that.
Amy, you've got to sell yourself, yeah?
Talk about chess club or, you know, learning the harp briefly.
You know, anything that sets you apart.
It's really competitive out there.
And if you want...want Sinclair Business Process Outsourcing
to take you seriously, then you've got to be passionate
and dynamic and...
Sinclair? Hang on...
Oh, my God. This is Kim Sinclair's business. Yeah, and?
Oh... I know her!
I've known her for years.
Oh, my God, this is great. You'll be a shoo-in.
Forget everything I said.
This is how people actually get jobs in this country.
It's with contacts. So, what, I don't need to practise
for the interview, then? No, forget it, forget it.
Just say that you like working in a team and you won't leave
your coat lying around, you'll be fine. Cool. Great system.
I'm having a bath, in that case.
Ah, this is great!
Oh, my God, Rach. Have you got up to 15, have you?
Huh? I'll hang your coat up then, Amy, shall I?
No, no, no, no. This is not another subscriber.
This is big-boy shit.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Oh, Paul, are you OK?
Huh? Yeah.
As in, my old school emailed, asking me...
..to give out the awards at the Year 11 sports day.
SAM: Well, yeah, because you asked them if you could.
PAUL: Well, yeah, I offered, just as a favour, but this is immense!
I can probably get you all free tickets.
SAM: Tickets? To a sports day?
PAUL: Yeah!
Oh, that's wonderful, Paul. I know.
And are you going to be getting a prize, as well?
Um...
Nooo. No.
But, you know, the point is, if you get the kids into something online,
you can very quickly go viral,
so I need to think about branded T-shirts, you know,
big foam fingers, you know, maybe even foam feet or something.
I don't know if you can do them. Mm.
Er, Amy Jessop?
Here! Yes.
Kim. Kim, hi.
Oh. Hi. Yes?
Er...
Sorry?
Rachel.
Erm... Rachel Hankey. From school.
Oh! Oh, yes.
Erm, hi. Hi.
Sorry, are you here for the assistant job, as well, or...?
What? No. No.
Amy's my daughter. Amy Jessop.
Hi. Hi.
Jessop's my married name.
OK, OK.
And the boy with the camera and the lady with the Zimmer frame,
are they with you too or...?
SAM: We are, yeah.
Yes. Yes. Yes, we are.
Sue Jessop, granny.
Very proud granny.
And I've just had my hip replaced.
Oh, no. So how are you?
How are you doing? It's been bloody yonks.
How's Dave?
It is Dave, isn't it?
No, it's David. Right.
How is he? He's amazing, thank you. Just so busy. Ah.
Yeah, he was made senior consultant a few months ago.
Wow! Was he? Yeah, thanks. Yeah, yeah.
What does your...
Are you married? Yeah.
Yeah, I am. Yeah.
My husband's a former Olympic athlete, actually.
Oh, wow!
Yeah. Which...which event?
Uh, outdoors. One of the track and field...
Archery. It's archery, yeah.
KIM CHUCKLES
How funny.
Yeah. Yes. It's funny.
Amy's such a good girl.
You're going to love her.
Hopefully, yeah.
So, how are you? How are your children doing?
Oh, so well, thank you.
Yes, Seb is a prefect. A perfect, I call him. Ah, perfect! Year 11.
And Constance is at Yale, majoring in political science.
Ah! So... Yale. Yeah, thanks.
Yeah, thanks. She's so driven.
I mean, far too ambitious to stay in the UK
and get any sort of office job or anything. Mm. Yeah. Yeah.
What about you, Rachel? What are you doing?
I heard that you'd given up being a careers adviser
and you set up a cafe.
Yeah, a few years back. That's right, yeah.
Oh, well, good...good for you.
Yeah, I mean, being a careers adviser must be horrendous and,
you know, owning your own business, well, it's the best, isn't it?
Hmm, no, definitely, yeah.
Had to...had to close it, though, the cafe.
Well, it's not for everyone, is it?
So, what do you do now? Yeah, back in careers advice. Aww.
Rightly or wrongly. Not really what I want, but... No.
..probably need to talk to a careers adviser myself. Probably.
Yeah, yeah.
Maybe you should apply to be my assistant after all!
KIM CHUCKLES
No, it is tough. It's tough. Yeah.
I mean, in some ways, you know, we've been so lucky,
but I sort of think you make your own luck, really, don't you? Hmm.
Erm, I've actually got a meeting at 4:30, Amy, so...
Oh, sorry. Can we? Do you mind?
Well, she's what my mother would have called a classic cow.
ON PHONE: And what is it?
Yeah, it's just a boring office job,
assistant thing so... it'll be faeces.
I don't even want it.
Sorry, guys. Can we just, erm... Oh, whoa! Wow!
Sorry, my dad's wearing Lycra.
SAM: Oh, my God.
ON PHONE: Oh, please let me see!
Yeah, no. No, no-one should see this.
OK, Amy, can you put your phone down, please?
What? Yes, please, can you?
We need to talk about something.
Yeah. All of us.
OK, better go. I think my parents are getting divorced.
No. No, we're not. No way. We're not getting divorced.
Oh, great - more Christmas presents!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Ah, very good, Maya. Take care, take care.
OK, bye. Bye. Can you put the camera down, please, Sam?
All right. Come on, Sam.
OK. Take a seat, Sam. All right.
OK, so...
Yeah, why are you wearing Lycra, though?
Huh?
Oh, I'm going out cycling with Robin. Yeah.
It's just to sort of make me more aerodynamic.
You? You may be the LEAST aerodynamic person in the world.
Have you been using drugs?
Hmm. What?
No. Where the hell has that come from?
I just found it, OK? Before you say anything, I wasn't looking.
I just found it. Found what?
Drugs...ruin... ..lives.
Do you understand me? Yeah, there's certainly no point applying
for a job if you're an addict, Amy.
AMY SCOFFS
You know, drugs will take y-y-your...
..your money, your time... Teeth. ..your energy. What?
Even a bit of puff can lead to blow and then it's down the K-hole.
Before you know it, you're smoking the dragon.
Dragon? If that's... It's heroin, isn't it?
I'm not taking drugs, Mum.
Oh, just... Don't lie to us, Amy, please. Ugh.
I could be banned for life by the International Olympic Committee
for even having it in the house.
Yeah, but you don't compete any more. If I was still competing.
I found it in your coat, in the inside pocket, OK?
Yeah, that's...that's not mine.
Oh, come off it.
Please.
Well, it's your old coat, Mum.
I've just been borrowing it.
I didn't even know it had an inside pocket.
Is it your coat?
Well, yeah, originally...
..but what are we saying, that I put it there in the '90s
and then I forgot all about it?
Because that's...
I mean, that's...
Yeah...
I don't even touch drugs. They're for losers.
Well, they're... Yes, they are.
Hmm, yeah... It's just hash.
It's not even that's strong. But it's disgusting.
Well, you know, if taken carefully with friends,
hash can be really quite fun, actually, but I get your...
Wait, sorry - are you warning us off drugs or suggesting we take them?
Yeah. The message. Yes, I'm saying...
Yeah, let's throw it out.
It's probably gone off anyway. It's been there that long.
It's wrapped in clingfilm, though...
It must have gone off.
Yeah, yeah. We could Google it.
No! No. Don't Google it.
No. Heavens, no. No.
I could be arrested.
SHE INHALES
DOORBELL RINGS
Oh, good. That's Robin.
OK, Sam, I need you to come and film some action footage for the channel.
Just say no!
HEAVY METAL MUSIC
Yeah!
Paul4Archery!
Hi! This is Paul Jessop from Paul4Archery.
Please do subscribe below.
Now, today I'm working on my full-body fitness with some cycling.
If archery's all about the arms and the chest, then cycling
is a great way to fill in those fitness gaps and spend some time
with our old friends, the legs.
Let's do this.
All right, Dad. Got it.
PAUL GASPS
LAUGHTER
You all right, Paolo?
The saddle. It's the saddle.
It's really, er...
I'm compromising, yeah?
I think I'm getting a callus.
Yeah, that will happen.
My arse is basically one big callus now, to be honest.
Oh, the thighs as well. My thighs are on fire.
Yeah. Mm. Yeah.
Argh. Tell you what, you should join us for the old Ampthill-Bedford loop
we're doing on Sunday morning. Steady on.
That'll certainly toughen up the old buns, Paolo.
I don't think he's quite ready for that, is he? Look at him.
What? I'm ready, boy.
I was born ready.
Oh! Watch your feet.
Don't tell Rachel.
Yeah, so, er...
Heh, how long is that?
What are we talking?
It's only a... I don't know, 45K or something?
Yeah, it's a shorty.
I'm down. Let's do it.
All right. Sweet.
SAM: God, why is it so heavy?
Have you packed an anvil or something?
No, no. Just a few essentials.
Jigsaw, me three Jack Reachers, Strepsils, me bins.
That kind of thing.
"Bins" as in binoculars?
Yeah. You'll not be doing any bird-watching, Sue,
you'll be in hospital.
Yeah, but I can ask for a window bed.
No, that's not something you can do.
Anyway, you'll be in and out.
You're having a hip replacement, not going on a cruise.
Well, you never know, do you?
I've made a will just in case.
Oh, can I have the car?
No! I want the car!
Granny, I should get the car.
No-one's having the car.
She's going to be absolutely fine.
Amy, get a job and you'll be able to buy your own car.
Ugh. Thanks for helping me.
ENGINE REVS
Oh, my God!
HORN BLARES
Man down, man down! Everything's going to be OK.
Let's get this door open!
What do you mean, "Man down"?
It's going to be OK, mate. Oh, my God!
Don't slide him! What's happened?
PAUL YELPS
SUE: Oh, no! Oh, me lovely Paul!
Everything's going to be OK.
It all got a bit much for Paolo and he sort of seized up,
didn't he, babe?
Yeah, and he's got a bit of a bum bleed going on and all.
Thankfully, though, my seats are leatherette so I can
just wipe 'em down.
Oh, are you all right, Paul?
Yeah, yeah, I'm OK. I just took on too much, that's all.
His eyes were bigger than his legs.
And his arse, to be fair!
I could do with some Savlon, though. Has anyone got any Savlon?
Oh, Savlon. I've got Savlon. Sammy, in me suitcase,
I've got a big tub of it.
What do you think it was, then?
Well, yeah, it was an incredibly long route, Rachel.
It's 45K. You stopped at 11, mate.
It'll be friction.
You know, some kind of saddle sore on the buns.
SUE: No, it'll be piles. I know it.
Huh? Yeah. Piles? Yeah.
What? Let me see. No, don't... It can't be, can it? Huh?
Oh, yeah, definitely piles. I can see through the Lycra.
I can see them. Really?
Hey, no! Stop it, stop it!
Stop looking! Mum, please! Can I just get inside, please, ladies?
Well, no, we were about to take Sue to hospital for her hip operation,
so... Oh, God, Mum, yeah, of course. I'm sorry, I...
Yeah, well, I think you should come too, then they can check your
undercarriage when they're doing my hip.
I think that's smart. That's wise. I think that's wise.
That's all right, I just need to stretch out my quads,
you know, and it'll be fine.
I mean, at least, I hope it's fine -
I've got that sports day on Wednesday. Yeah, you'll be fine.
You'll be fine. Just, can you...
Sam, don't film him when he's like this.
Dad's sports day's starting any second, Mum. Yep, thanks, Sam.
How'd it go? Didn't get it. OK.
Oh, OK, quick.
It's already started.
OK, and now, handing out the prizes themselves,
I'd like you all to welcome a real local sporting hero, an Olympian
who competed for Great Britain in the 2004 Olympic Games in archery.
He is the greatest athlete that Brickhill Park School has ever
produced, according to his website.
Please give it up for, er...
..Paul Jessop!
APPLAUSE
Yes!
Woo!
PAUL GROANS
Just keep on moving, keep on moving...
PAUL WHIMPERS
Yep...
HE GROANS AND WHIMPERS
HE FARTS
Oh, my God.
I'm cool.
APPLAUSE
I'm cool, I'm cool.
I'm cool, I'm cool, I'm cool.
I'm cool.
HE YELPS
Jesus.
Thank you.
WEAKLY: Thank you.
As an elite-level sportsman...
STRAINING: ..I need to keep my mind and body in tiptop shape.
Oh, my God, I can't watch.
I'm going to find the loo.
My new tube... My new YouTube channel, Paul4Archery...
HE STUTTERS
A 4 for the word "for".
..is a one-stop shop to hone both your interest in archery
and your overall bodily fitnessss...
..with my regular instructional and inspirational videos.
I'm going to have to sit down, sir.
I'm so, so sorry, everyone.
Robin, my bag. Yeah.
Let's get on the bag.
PAUL GRUNTS
OK.
Oh, no. That looks good. Not the bow.
Er, thank you, Paul.
Thank you, everyone.
OK, so the first award is for the 1,500 metres,
which was won by Sebastian Sinclair-Hall!
Woo! Yeah?
He's also won 800 metres.
Aww. Well done, darling!
Woo!
Well done, darling.
Big sort of meeting you had to get to, was it, yeah? Oh!
Hello again. Yeah.
No, I just wanted to see Sebby collect his award. Oh.
We're a very supportive family.
That's your, erm, Olympian husband, is it? Up there on the bean bag?
Er... Uh-huh.
You know, Kim, I get that we might not have been the best of friends
at school, but... We weren't friends at all, Rachel.
You used to call me Kim Shit-hair.
No... No...
That was a few of us.
And your haircut at the time was a bit...
We hung out, though, at lunch.
Not really. No. No, you were usually off getting stoned.
Well, even so, that's no reason to take it out on my daughter.
Sorry, er, what do you mean?
It's a basic office job.
She could do it in her sleep.
Oh, it wasn't because of you.
No, I didn't give her the job
because she said it sounded "very boring" and that she didn't want
to work for a - and I quote - "massive bitch".
So, as a career adviser, you might want to work on her attitude.
There you go. Well done.
APPLAUSE
Sebby, well done! Just so proud. We're both so proud of you.
OK, moving on to something won by someone else,
er, and this award going to the 600 metres swimming...
A few people questioning Dad's athletic prowess in the toilets.
What? What is it?
I'm very proud of you, you know.
What for?
Just for who you are.
OK.
APPLAUSE
I'm never doing a fitness video ever again.
Yeah. My body can't hack it.
Yeah, well, I've got some good painkillers at home.
Great. Mm.
HE SIGHS
Come on, let's get out of here as fast as we can.
Agh...
Mum!
What's that music? It's, like, 2am.
What the hell are they doing?
# I'll take you higher
I'll take you higher
# I'll take you higher and higher... #
Erm... Hello.
You're up.
Are you smoking a joint out here?
What? No!
Just a small one.
THEY GIGGLE
Ah, you know. Sit down. Join us.
Join you? Are you serious?
I've got school in the morning.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Amy, then? No, no, definitely not.
Unless you want social services to take us away.
Well, might not be bad, actually.
THEY LAUGH
PAUL GROANS
Oh, no. Oh... Are you OK?
Oh, don't worry, he always does this.
He's, er... He's pulling a whitey.
Huh? No, it's off.
It's...it's definitely gone off.
Yeah, right. Uh-huh.
Come on.
All right, fine.
It's not like I've got work to go to.
Atta girl.
I'm going to bed.
Night, losers.
Goodnight. Love you.
Yeah.
You all right, Paul?
Yeah, he's gone.
AMY GIGGLES
Oh, God.
# Come and feel my energy
# Let's be as one in soul and mind
# I'll fill your world with ecstasy
# Touch all your dreams deep down inside
# Let me be your fantasy... #