ALL CHEER
Oh, my God!
Oh, shame!
Wow! There he is. An artist.
Oh, for God's sake.
He's only done the odd portrait.
He spent most of his life working in Homebase. All right!
DOORBELL RINGS
Hang on, what are you going to say?
What do you mean? To Frank, about the painting?
Oh, I'll just say something good and classy, yet barbed.
Barbed? Yeah.
But you are going to apologise for ruining the painting? No. Absolutely not.
He ruined it first, in a way.
Well... This is his fault, if anything.
I just don't think you should go on the attack. I won't.
I'll say something pithy and strong that both humiliates him and
makes it clear that I'm the victim in all this.
With dignity. And you back yourself
to come up with that on the spot, do you?
Yeah.
Let's come back after Cherry's salsa class. Hmm?
Come on. Go, go, go, go! Quick!
Sam, come on! Sam! Let's get to the bubble.
You know, what is the point of even having a shoe rack
if you just leave your shoes wherever you want?
Completely agree. Let's get rid of it.
No, Sam, I'm...saying the opposite.
Oh, right. And why is there a grabber on the floor?
Anyone? That's mine, Rachel!
I can't bend down to get things since me hip replacement.
I mean, I would pick it up, but I'd need another grabber.
OK, OK. And can you put this bow away, please?
Paul? I'm job hunting!
AMY: Who is it, anyway? What do you mean?
Well, we only ever tidy up if someone's coming over, so who is it?
That's not strictly true. We do sometimes Hoover.
But, yes, it's Frank from number 2 about the family portrait.
What?! Yeah. We're not actually doing that, are we?
I thought you were joking. What's a data analyst?
Yes, of course we are. SAM: Do I have to sit and pose for it?
Yes. And put the camera down, please. Oh!
Getting a family portrait is really weird. No! And vain.
It's like something Vladimir Putin would do.
Yes, and I'm sure all the rest
of the Putins would be very appreciative.
Rach, do you think I could be a data analyst?
Erm, I wouldn't have thought so,
hon, given you don't know what it is.
Are there no bows and arrows
vacancies, then, Paul?
Er, no, no.
No-one's advertising for a freelance archer, Mum.
Surprisingly. Although I did hear that they were looking for someone
to work behind the bar at the Red Lion pub.
Oh, really? Yeah.
So I was thinking I might go for that.
You should. You look just like a barman. Oh, yeah?
H-How, exactly?
Well, you know, hearty.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. I mean, I suppose I am, really. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, you having another bag, then?
Yeah, he's like a chain smoker.
Well, Amy's got us starting this month-long detox thing tomorrow
so, you know, I thought I'd... Eat a month's worth of fudge today.
Pretty much, yeah. You what? Detox?
That's a bit hippy-dippy, isn't it?
If you consider not dying from heart disease hippy-dippy,
then yes. Exactly.
It's a month without meat, booze, caffeine, sugar and dairy.
But what else is there?
I mean, there's nothing left.
DOORBELL RINGS
There's vegetables. Yeah. Salad. Mm-hm. Bran.
It's only for a month. I'm looking forward to it, actually.
What, salad and bran?
Frank! Frank, hello, how are you?
Excellent, thank you.
I've just had reiki.
I'll just slip my Crocs off, Rachel. Oh, no, it's f...
Well... Now, then. I love peeking at other houses in the street.
I've gone completely open-plan. Game changer. Ah.
Morning, all.
Frank Walmsley, portrait artist. Yes, this is....
This is everyone.
Paul, you know. Amy. Hi.
And this is Sam. SAM: All right? Ah, yes.
Nice to meet you. Is he filming?
Yeah, he will do that.
Hello, I'm Sue.
Frank Walmsley.
Hello, hello.
Now, will you want us on our feet, Frank?
Because I've just had a hip replaced, and if I have to stand
for long, I will look very distressed in the portrait.
Well, I work off of a photo... Oh.
..so I'll be super duper quick, I promise.
I had a new hip installation myself last year,
so I understand - intimately.
Oh, did you?
Now, how long before you could bend over?
OK, Mum, that's a bit personal.
I'm only asking! Now, are you swimming?
No. If you are, you will be bending like blimming Beckham
in no time at all.
Oh, I'll try that, then.
But you can stand, sit, cuddle...
Ooh! Cuddle...
..any arrangement for the portrait will be fine.
AMY: Not cuddle. You don't want a cuddle? No!
Where to do this? Oh, fantastic.
This is the lightest room, I guess. The garden room. So...
I put a new stone fireplace in mine.
Aegean limestone. Gorgeous!
Oh! Oh.
Yeah, you know, well, as long as we all look nice, I really don't mind.
Sorry? I don't follow.
Well, we just want to all look nice in the painting.
That's the main thing.
Yes. Well, you'll look how you look.
Well, no, I know, but,
I'm just saying, you don't have to just copy the photo.
You can, you know, make it a bit...kind.
Kind? What do you mean?
Well... She means propaganda.
Yes, thank you. Yeah, no. I just mean, you know, nice.
Nicer than... Yeah.
I'm an artist, Rachel.
I'm a servant of the truth. And the client. That's standard, no?
I'm sure Michelangelo didn't have to
make Jesus quite so buff all the time, did he?
Oh, I see. You want to look like Jesus.
Well, perhaps I should give you a halo as well, hmm?
No, I don't want to look like...
Shall we take this photo, then?
Yeah. Let's line up. Great.
You can't wear that. What? What's wrong with it? Can you change?
I've changed! OK.
Oh, yeah. There she is.
Judas Jessop, the job thief.
Oh, God, get over it!
Yeah, that's not get into that again. I'm over it.
So how's it going? Has it started?
Well, no, I don't think so.
There's no-one really in there.
Oh. Oh. Yeah.
Hiya!
Hi! How's it going? Yeah.
How's it look like it's going? SAM: Badly.
Don't say that, Sam!
It is going badly. Right, see? Yes. Oh.
Because this div forgot to say which Red Lion we were in,
so now everyone's gone to different pubs.
Oh, no.
Except Kay. All right?
And Dave, to be fair. Doing it here was all very lastminute.com,
and there are a staggering number of Red Lions out there, actually.
Probably more than there are actual lions, yellow ones.
DOOR OPENS MAN: Oh, here we are, Cherry. Oh.
Hiya! Are you here for the salsa class
or the loo? Loo. Second door on the left, mate.
That keeps happening an' all. Oh...
Honestly, I shouldn't even be doing this in a bloody pub.
It's so embarrassing. Well, it's... It's nice.
Oh, shit. Nicky, Yaz
and Ugly Chris are in the Red Lion in Hitchin.
Tell them to come to this one.
They've already ordered food, though. Oh!
Oh, I've eaten in that Red Lion before. It's pure goals, man.
Lamb shank was absolutely dripping off the bone.
And?
Right.
Mm, can I get another half of Amstel in there
when you get a second, my love? Thank you.
Actually, on that subject, though,
if you could all order something, food and drink,
that would really help me out.
There's this, like, £30 minimum spend when hiring the room, so...
Well, how's that going to work?
People can't eat and dance at the same time, can they?
They can if they get burgers.
Oh, that is good... Great... We're eating at home, actually.
We've got some lentils soaking, so...
Oh, you're still on your detox, are you? Mm.
PAUL: One day more. Lamers.
Hang on, 30?
No, the minimum spend is 300.
Not 30.
Ooh... Ow.
HE SNIGGERS
I-Is it? Yeah. Best make it a pint, then, love.
It's all right.
SUE: Oh, Rachel, that's fantastic! I agree, I love it. What?!
Well, that's because you're looking at yourselves.
Look at me!
Look at how old he's made me.
Well, you're just looking at yourself as well.
Well, of course I am. I can't look away.
It's like a horror film. I look like I'm about a million.
No, you look a lot less than that.
Anyway, you'll grow into it. Grow into it?
DOORBELL RINGS
It's supposed to be a nice family portrait, Sue,
not a coat for a toddler. Well, I think he's captured us perfectly.
Yeah, well, you would say that. He's made you look really chiselled.
That's just how I look, love... Robin and Cherry are here.
Oh! Hi, Robin! Cherry, you all right?
ROBIN: Oh, let me think, am I all right?
Well, put it this way, Paolo - Bitcoin went past 45.
Huh? Is that good?
Amazing, apparently.
SAM: Interesting shirt.
Oh, my Godfathers!
You look like Torvill and Dean!
Yeah, we're off to salsa.
Keep the camera up here, Sam, while I'm in this.
SAM: Who are Torvill and Dean?
Who are Torvill and Dean?
Wow. I've heard it all now.
Hi. We thought we'd take a squizz at this portrait.
Oh, I'd probably rather you didn't, to be honest.
I didn't know you had bitcoin, Robin.
Well, not a whole one, to be fair.
Me, Dean and Gelsman got a third each.
Yeah, he's got a BIT of a bitcoin.
SUE: I'm sorry. What is it?
You've got a big coin, Robin?
SAM: No. It's not a real coin, Granny.
It's a sort of virtual currency.
It's a cryptocurrency, so it only exists online
and you do transactions in the blockchain.
I wouldn't bother trying to explain it to Mum.
She still doesn't understand £2 coins.
I do understand them, thank you very much.
I just don't trust them.
Well, not being vulgar,
but so far this year, it's made me about eight grand. Eight grand?!
Oh, my Godfathers! I'd honestly
have to work at the pub all year to earn that.
Oh, did you get that job at the pub, then, Paul?
Not yet, no, but it's basically a done deal.
Ravi said there's only one other applicant, so we're...
Oh. Oh, Rach.
My tummy. AMY: Tummy.
Are you five years old? ROBIN: Oh, God, is he all right?
Yeah, no, we're just in the middle of this detox,
and Paul's had quite a bad reaction, so...
CHERRY: Shame. In the middle?
We've been doing it for, like, six days.
Rach? Yeah?
I'm not in it. Yeah, well, you didn't pose for it, Cherry.
Were you expecting to be in it?
Well, I wasn't sure, to be honest.
It's a lucky escape, really, because I mean, look at me.
Oh, God! He's just given me extra wrinkles on purpose.
He's basically punished me for asking to look nice, the bastard!
He's given me grey hairs as well, which I don't have.
Aren't there a few?
No, there aren't, actually. Oh...
I mean, I could probably fix it.
I could lose some of the wrinkles around the mouth.
Oh, yeah, Botox would sort that right out.
In the portrait!
I could touch it up a bit.
Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. Like Photoshop? Yes. Mm-hm
SHRILL RINGING, KLAXON SOUNDS
Oh, my God, what's that?
PAUL MOANS
That'll be my mobile phone.
Oh, I hate this.
It's like an air raid, isn't it?
This is exciting!
Ridiculous.
8659?
Yes, speaking.
Oh, yes. Very sexy phone voice, Sue.
So, where's the salsa class?
That is uncanny.
It's seven o'clock at the church hall, but it will start late,
though, because the Cubs always run over.
SUE ON PHONE: Right... Selfish little pricks.
They piss me right off, them Cubs.
Last week, Cherry nearly tripped on a woggle.
Oh, no. A woggle?! What's a woggle?
It's a little plastic hoopy thing the scarf goes in, babe.
It's called a woggle.
Wow.
He's so clever, in't he?
And kind. Do you know, Robin, as promised,
has actually helped me set up my own dance class.
And I dance with the instructor anyway,
so I'm definitely good enough.
Oh, she really is. Honestly, the way she swings those hips about,
it's like watching tennis.
Do you two not dance together, then?
No. Not yet.
Robin's a beginner.
He can't even do a basic Cubana! THEY CHUCKLE
And he really does get very sweaty, don't you? I do, actually. Yeah.
No, especially the palms, they are, aren't they, gushers. Urgh!
I don't know why. So who do you dance with, then, Robin?
No, I don't. I just dance... Just generally, just on my tod.
But my class is not going to be in some crummy church hall, is it?
No. We're going upmarket, aren't we, babe? We are.
We're already in touch with Body Explosion Dance Studios.
So good. But if my bitcoin keeps on surging, genuinely thinking
about hiring out your friend and mine, The Shard.
Oh, very dramatic! That's miles away.
SUE: Right... It's in London, is what it is.
..I've got some good news.
Oh, have you managed to change your ringtone?
THEY CHUCKLE The pool's arriving on Wednesday.
What?! Oh, congratulations.
PAUL: What pool? My pool.
I've ordered a pool, so make sure you're in on Wednesday.
It's coming here?! Well, yeah.
Well, it'll ruin my lawn if I put it in my garden.
What about our lawn?
Well, screw our lawn. We'll take the pool. Thanks, Granny!
SAM: Sick! And I'm here more than I'm at home anyway, so...
Yeah. Oh, I know. Yeah. I know. Yeah.
You never told me you bought a pool.
I bought a pool. Yeah, and why have you done that?
Well, for me hip exercises. Oh, I see, right.
So you're just foisting it on us, are you? Foisting?!
ROBIN: We'll have it, if you don't want it.
I didn't say that. You can always foist on us, Sue.
You live in a flat. With a parking space, though. Hang on.
Where's my Suzuki going to go?
I'll be honest, I've not thought it through.
AMY: We'll take the pool. This is amazing!
I'm telling Maya! No, because I have not approved this yet!
Rach... Oh! Oh, no, my tummy's gone.
I got you. I got you, big guy. PAUL GROANS
Rachel, just give us a biscuit.
OK. Sam, you get a father one of those sugar-free oat biscuits,
please? No, a normal one. Not a normal one!
Right, so, two more apple pies. Mm-hm.
Another pint of Amstel. I'll try and squeeze in another sirloin.
Let's go medium rare this time, mix it up.
Another pint for you, Deano? Mm.
Take one for the team, yeah. Rach, Paolo?
Yeah, can I just have a fizzy water, please?
What?! No.
Rach, I've got to spend 300 quid here.
Robin, it's the last day of our family detox,
there is genuinely nothing else we can have on here.
So end it now, then. No, no.
We're so close.
Why is there no vegan food on here?
I don't know. Ridiculous!
Well, she had mussels earlier while I was pinging up the tinsel.
Oh... What?! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God. Is this a joke?
Have you been eating meat at work the last month?
Well, no, that's...
Shellfish don't have a face,
so technically you can argue that they're actually...plants.
Oh, can you? Yeah. You can argue that, can you? Yep.
Judas, again! Oh!
Double Judas!
Do you have any idea how difficult this last month
has been for me, Amy? Mm. No sugar, no booze.
Well, you're not getting either of those from mussels, Dad.
Yeah, it's the principle, though, isn't it? Yes, it is. You know?
Right, that's it. I'm going to have the pork belly. What?!
I'm going to have the chocolate fondant, two cappuccinos
and a pint of Guinness Extra Cold. Yes, Paolo, he's back! Pao-lo-o!
Seriously, you're breaking the detox on the last day?
You broke it first, mate. Oh, and a side order of wedges.
Great. Rach? I'm going to have the fish and chips, a mojito
and a bowl of butter.
Oh, yeah, just go for it. Yeah, yeah. God, I'm trembling
just thinking about it. Me too. I'm going to see if Mum's eaten.
ROBIN: Absolutely love it. MAYA: I mean, you didn't tell me it was one of these ones. It's a beauty.
What ones?
It's a swimming pool, isn't it? Yeah, well, I figured
it would go down...into the ground.
Yeah. This is a bit more like a jacuzzi.
SAM: Yeah, without the bubbles. Oh, there'll be bubbles!
What with the amount of lentils Amy's got us eating. Unbelievable.
Oh, great. Yeah, this just gets better and better.
Well, I'm sorry for dragging you all the way from uni
for a substandard swimming pool.
Hey, as long as I get free drinks in your pub, I'm happy.
It's hardly her pub.
She's basic bar staff.
Oh, Dad's upset because I got the job instead of him.
I'm upset for them, yes,
because you are the least hearty person I've ever met, Amy.
You working on Saturday 30th?
Yeah, probably. Why?
I've got my first salsa class, booked in at Body Explosion.
Seven o'clock sharp.
SAM: Could you not get The Shard then?
No. Bit pricey in the end.
Body Explosion is not cheap, mind you,
but should be all right as long as bitcoin
grows a pair and climbs back up again.
Has it gone down, has it, Robin? It's taken a minor nosedive, yeah,
after Elon did another one of his weird tweets.
The function room at the Red Lion's free to hire if you need it.
Keep talking. Well, there's like a £30 minimum spend, I think. Hmm...
That's...
Yeah, no, that's not funny. That's a bad idea.
I wasn't joking. Yeah, I was joking. All right? Don't want that, thank you.
Here we go!
HE CHUCKLES
She's ready!
She's ready, Rach! Mum!
SAM: I'm going to go and get my underwater camera.
Course you are. Sicko.
Rach! Stop fiddling with the painting, she's ready!
Yes, one second!
SAM: Jesus. AMY: Mum, you look like a zombie.
Oh, that is terrifying!
Yeah, I reckon leave it now, Mum. Yes, I know, I will.
Just the face... The face has gone a bit...plague-y.
So...
I mean, that's just... Just horrible.
Oh! Oh, Granny's ready!
Hey, let's get this show in the pool! Yeah!
Oh, this is the life. That is lovely.
Ooh, it's like being on holiday!
CHERRY: Yeah, budget holiday, maybe.
Did you not think to mix any water with that chlorine, Paul!
It is chlorinated, Maya, thank you. Reassuringly chlorinated.
In fact, it'll probably kill any parasites we might be carrying.
Oh, great. So like a sheep dip?
Oh, my God! This is genuinely fantastic.
Tell me about it, right? I'm going to use it every day.
OK, I'm coming in! Huh?
Geronimo! Whoa!
No!
Oh!
No diving, please, Amy. I'm not diving, I'm jumping.
Oh, jumping either, or bombing, OK? It's very unsafe.
That is a rule.
SAM: So what can we do? Just stand still?
No, you can swim!
You know, do lengths. CHERRY: Lengths? It's round.
Well, you know, diameters, then, circumferences.
Bloody hell. Which ones are they?
What about heavy petting - is that allowed?
Not with me, it's not, no.
Not with anyone, thank you.
This pool is primarily for my hip exercises,
not for your funny business.
Nature's hip exercises.
No, no heavy petting, thank you, Robin, and no veruccas, either.
Oh, no, really? CHERRY: Out you get, then.
Oh, gross! Don't you shame me. It's a virus.
Oh, my grandad does something called chair yoga, Sue,
for his hips. Absolutely swears by it.
Ooh, I like the sound of chair.
SAM: Whoa, what is that in the water?
Dad, what is that?
Oh, God, has someone spilled something. CHERRY: What? No.
Have they bled? Has someone bled something. What is it?!
No, no, I'm getting out.
What is it?! It's like an orangey-brown colour.
It's like the squits, maybe. Oh!
Oh!
SAM: I think it's coming from you, Mum. Oh, yeah...
Oh, my God, Rach, have you squitted?
No! No, I... Yeah. Yeah? Yeah.
What is it?!
Yeah! Have you?
Yeah, I think it must be hair dye.
Whose hair dye? You don't use hair dye, do you?
Well... Since when have you used hair dye?
Since the painting and everything. Oh. I do have a few greys,
it turns out. CHERRY: You do.
Quite a few.
Yeah. Well, I didn't realise it came out in water, so...
Oh, in chlorine...
..it will, yeah. I mean, I knew that.
Great. So the pool's red now, is it?
Oh, oh, I've got it!
Why don't we add some white hair dye to cancel out the red,
like you do with wine?
Shut up! Not in this situation, Robin. No.
I mean, it's more a sort of greeny, swampy brown... Mm. ..river
than it is red.
Yeah. Yeah, apologies.
I mean, apologies.
SAM: So do we empty the pool or what?
Empty it?! You've got to be joking, haven't you?
How you going to empty it? It'll be like Noah's Ark?
Nah, nah. I'm going to keep it like this.
Hey! Well, so the water's a little bit brown.
So what? Who cares?
I don't. You know, no-one else has got a brown pool, have they?
Huh? It's like swimming in a river.
CHERRY: One, two, three, left forward...
Oh, my God, this is better than sex.
Yeah... All right!
Yeah, I agree with you, but don't...
You want to imagine you're drawing an eight
with a pencil up your bum.
Come on, that's it. Roll those hips, Sue.
I'd rather not roll me new hip, to be honest, Cheryl.
You need to keep up with your swimming, Mum.
You haven't done your hip exercises for weeks.
I'm over the pool now, Paul.
I'm actually doing chair yoga, and it's working wonders.
MOBILE PHONE VIBRATES
Oh, God, it's Frank.
Well, what time is he expecting the picture?
About an hour ago.
Oh, I'll call him back.
He's doing the robot.
It's not funny. Yeah, it's not funny. That's not funny, Dean.
Ugh! Ugh!
SAM: How is it, Dad?
Horrible.
Obviously.
It's like being in a huge cup of tea.
There's something about swimming in circles that's quite depressing,
you know, existentially.
Like I'm going down a drain.
Yeah, that's probably the detox talking. Yeah.
I'm just so low.
I need a doughnut or a beer, you know?
Rach?
Can we have one beer while Amy's at work? No!
Come on, it's one more week!
Oh, my God, Rach!
Stop fiddling with it!
I know! I can't, though.
I keep trying to fix it and making it worse.
I feel like someone in a documentary who's addicted
to plastic surgery.
DOORBELL RINGS
Oh, God. That is so bad.
Like I'm married to Mick Jagger.
My only hope is, if I just keep at it long enough,
I might gradually learn how to paint.
Oh...! Rachel, hello! Mind if I pop in?
Frank, hi!
HIDE IT! Huh?!
Sorry? Hi. Hi-de-hi. Hi.
It's Frank, Paul!
Hi, Frank! All right?
I'd really rather you didn't film me.
Hmm. Maybe Don't come in our house, then.
Everything all right, is it, Frank?
Marvellous.
I found a £10 note in a clematis. Oh!
But that wasn't what I came to tell you.
I'm actually having a little exhibition next Saturday evening.
Wow. So you should, an artist with your...
Yes, we'd love to come.
Of course, yes.
And given that it turned out so well, I simply must include
that super portrait of your lovely family.
Oh, do you know, I don't know if I can part with it, Frank.
I just... I just love it so much.
Oh, bless you.
I will take good care of it.
I give you my word as an artist
and as the chairman of the Hazel Road Allotment Association. Aw...
Even so, I... Where have you hung it? I'd love to see it in situ.
No, no, no, no, no, no. No. No? Oh...
You can't see it currently.
Oh, well, why not?
Because... Yes?
Because... It's being framed! It's being FRAMED! Brilliant.
It's being framed at the moment, which may take weeks, months,
maybe, even... I love you. Love you too. Oh, surely not.
Who's doing it? The framers. In town. The one near Lidl? Yes. No.
No. Not that one. The...
Well, you must mean Mr Frampton's, then? No.
Hmm...
Well, yes, if that's the new one.
And, well, look, I'll telephone Mr Frampton first thing Monday
morning and chivvy him along. No. Make sure it's ready in time.
Nah, don't do that.
Well, no, I insist. Mr Frampton won't mind.
He's my Boggle partner. Oh. Great.
I'm collecting it on Monday.
In fact, I just remembered that,
so you don't need to call Mr Frampton. There's no need.
Oh, so, wonderful.
Yeah. You can bring it round, then.
Just trying to think of any other reason why I can't do that.
Why can't I do that? Why can't I do that? Why can't I...?!
I have the runs. Yeah, I can.
I can, of course, do that. Yes.
Any time before seven on Saturday.
OK. Bye. Great.
Ta-ta, then. Ta-ta.
Ta-ta, then.
Rach?
What are you going to do?
I'm going to fix it.
I'm going to put it back to how it was, and I'm going to frame it.
Got a week. Yeah, I can do that.
I can do that. Really?
You've got this.
So, all together, it comes to...
..drum roll, please... Oh, here we go.
DRUMMING
..£303.65.
CHEERING
Yes!
Well done, everyone. Well done.
Well, that worked out perfectly.
Well, no, it didn't, cos no-one bloody came.
Apart from that bit, yeah.
I'll have another pint of Amstel anyway.
Can you go next door? Cos I want to close this bar now.
Anyone else?
PHONE BUZZES
It's Frank. It's Frank. I've got to get it.
Frank, yes, we're on our way.
Yeah, right now. Right now.
Yeah.
DOORBELL RINGS
Back again, then.
Genuinely, what are you going to say?
I...
DOOR OPENS
Oh, at last!
Rachel and family.
Hi, Frank.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, God.
God, no.
What happened?
That's absolutely chilling!
No, I know.
Yeah, I tried to touch it up and then I got frustrated
and then, yeah...
..did that.
But why?
Well, in fairness...
..you had made me look quite haggard.
What?
Haggard? And I get it, you know?
I asked to look nice in the painting,
so you deliberately made me really old.
I mean, you know, be honest - that's what happened, right?
I just copied the photo.
Well, that is...
Yeah. Yeah, well played.
Well played. That is checkmate.
Well done, well done.
I actually prefer it like that. Yeah. Yeah, me too, actually.
SHOUTING: Stop filming me, boy!
Ugh...
Well, that went well.
Mm. I need a lie-down.
No, no, no, no, no. There's something we really need to do.
Please, no, Dad. I really need a shower.
I did a double shift today.
Yeah, and I've eaten an entire cheeseboard board.
It'll only take a second, OK?
OK, this is the plan.
I will make a careful incision in the pool's flank.
"Flank"? Side.
Creating a narrow aperture and a steady flow of water,
which we will collect in the buckets and take to the drains
in a four-person rotation. OK? RACHEL SIGHS
Always making sure that one person is stationed by the spout.
And then we'll just let Old Papa Gravity do his thang, OK?
God. I mean, it's ambitious. Yeah, let's do this.
Yeah? Let's drain a swamp. Yeah. Yeah!
Yeah, woo. Team.
Go...
..Jessops! ..swamp! ..pool!
"Swamp"? We're draining the swamp. What did you say? "Pool."
Jessops! Come on, Sam. Hurry up.
Yeah, I'll just put the camera on the tripod.
Is this right? Yeah?
You set? Yeah, let's go. OK. OK. Nobody move.
This needs to be a very delicate cut. OK?
OK. Here goes. Let's do it.
Whoa!
Oh, God! Oh, my God! Argh!
THEY ALL YELL
Get back! Oh, my God. Get the buckets!
Oh... Oh, it's so cold.
Who's got a bucket?
Oh, that was quicker than I expected.
The buckets... Where have the buckets gone?
I did say it would only take a second.
Well, I don't need a shower any more. No.
THEY LAUGH
I mean, all joking aside, I think we may have flooded someone's house.