1 00:00:05,803 --> 00:00:07,723 Wahey! Wahey! 2 00:00:07,723 --> 00:00:09,283 Oh, my God! 3 00:00:10,443 --> 00:00:11,803 Well, that's ridiculous. 4 00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:14,803 Oh-ho-ho-ho. I mean, where do you start? I know. Come to daddy. 5 00:00:14,803 --> 00:00:17,563 Wow, wow, wow. Wow. What's that? What choice. Where do you start? 6 00:00:17,563 --> 00:00:20,043 Um allora, per me, 7 00:00:20,043 --> 00:00:24,163 una Pizza Diavola, per favore. 8 00:00:24,163 --> 00:00:25,643 Grazie. 9 00:00:25,643 --> 00:00:27,643 OK, one Pizza Diavola. 10 00:00:27,643 --> 00:00:29,603 Prego. It's spicy, do you know that? 11 00:00:29,603 --> 00:00:32,483 Si, yep, I know. Grazie. Ah, right. 12 00:00:32,483 --> 00:00:36,483 OK. Um, I will also have a Pizza Diavolo, thank you. It's Diavola. 13 00:00:36,483 --> 00:00:39,923 And do you know what, I will have a Pizza Diavolo, as well. Diavola. 14 00:00:39,923 --> 00:00:41,683 Quattra. What? No, no, no, hang on. 15 00:00:41,683 --> 00:00:43,683 So, that's four Pizza Diavolos? I'll get one as well. 16 00:00:43,683 --> 00:00:45,883 Well, no, wait, Sam, we can't all order the same thing. 17 00:00:45,883 --> 00:00:49,363 Why not? Because, you know, it makes us look very unsophisticated. 18 00:00:49,363 --> 00:00:50,723 We are. And sheltered, 19 00:00:50,723 --> 00:00:53,163 like we've all just escaped from some kind of clinic 20 00:00:53,163 --> 00:00:54,923 and it's our first time in a restaurant. 21 00:00:54,923 --> 00:00:58,243 Clinic? You're overthinking it a bit, hon. I mean, it's a bit... 22 00:00:58,243 --> 00:01:01,083 We're all basically ordering meat on toast. 23 00:01:01,083 --> 00:01:03,003 We may as well all eat out of one big trough. 24 00:01:03,003 --> 00:01:05,643 Well, you order something else, then. Well, I ordered it first. 25 00:01:05,643 --> 00:01:08,843 OK, well, I want a Pizza Diavole, so I'm getting one. 26 00:01:08,843 --> 00:01:10,523 Yeah, me too. What's Maya having, Amy? 27 00:01:10,523 --> 00:01:12,363 AMY: Yeah, she's just texting me now. OK. 28 00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:13,803 Look, to be fair to Rachel, 29 00:01:13,803 --> 00:01:17,723 if anyone wants the more expensive stuff, do order it. 30 00:01:17,723 --> 00:01:20,043 You know, like the, erm, the ossobuco or something. 31 00:01:20,043 --> 00:01:21,203 Ossobuco. Oh, God no. 32 00:01:21,203 --> 00:01:23,963 I mean, it's all on the house, so we should get our money's worth. 33 00:01:23,963 --> 00:01:25,643 What, as in their money's worth? 34 00:01:25,643 --> 00:01:27,723 Cheers. Or maybe the polenta? 35 00:01:27,723 --> 00:01:30,363 Nah. Anyone? Or anything with vegetables in? 36 00:01:30,363 --> 00:01:32,163 No, thanks. Come on. I'm happy. 37 00:01:32,163 --> 00:01:34,203 Why would you have vegetables? Oh, please? 38 00:01:34,203 --> 00:01:37,163 No? Go on, then, Rach, since it's you, I'll have a side salad. 39 00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:39,323 Thank you, Dean. Amy? No worries, babe. 40 00:01:39,323 --> 00:01:41,083 Well, I was going to order the sea bass, 41 00:01:41,083 --> 00:01:44,043 but now I'm going to get the Pizza Diavola just to annoy you. 42 00:01:44,043 --> 00:01:46,163 Brilliant, brilliant. Very clever. Very clever. 43 00:01:46,163 --> 00:01:49,923 Yeah, now, I'd like the Spaghetti Alle Vongole, please. 44 00:01:49,923 --> 00:01:51,163 Great. Well done, Sue. 45 00:01:51,163 --> 00:01:53,403 Uh, which ones are the vongoles, again? 46 00:01:53,403 --> 00:01:56,603 Erm, mussels...or clams. Oh, no, no, not that then, no. 47 00:01:56,603 --> 00:01:58,203 Mussels or clams. It can mean either. 48 00:01:58,203 --> 00:02:00,843 I'll just got with the, uh, Pizza Diavola, as well, actually. 49 00:02:00,843 --> 00:02:02,963 Can't go wrong. Nice one, Granny. Old trusty. 50 00:02:02,963 --> 00:02:05,683 And what about you, Bren, my love? 51 00:02:05,683 --> 00:02:08,043 Oh, is she all right? What's happening? 52 00:02:08,043 --> 00:02:09,763 And two garlic breads for Bren. Really? 53 00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:11,403 Oh, my God. Bit dry. 54 00:02:11,403 --> 00:02:14,683 Oh, and there's one more on the way who wants a spicy pepperoni pizza. 55 00:02:14,683 --> 00:02:17,163 Do you do that or is that just...? That's just another... 56 00:02:17,163 --> 00:02:20,083 So that's eight... Eight Pizza Diavolas. ..Pizza Diavolas... 57 00:02:20,083 --> 00:02:22,723 I just... I'm so sorry. ..two garlic breads, one side salad... 58 00:02:22,723 --> 00:02:25,283 Mi dispiace. ..and a bottle of Chianti Classico. 59 00:02:25,283 --> 00:02:28,603 That's the one. And also, could you please 60 00:02:28,603 --> 00:02:31,483 hang my Russian hat somewhere? 61 00:02:31,483 --> 00:02:34,003 Thank you. Yep. Dasvidaniya. 62 00:02:35,843 --> 00:02:37,163 Huh? 63 00:02:37,163 --> 00:02:39,323 I'm changing my order. 64 00:02:39,323 --> 00:02:41,683 Oh, my God. You all right, Dad? 65 00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:43,483 Oh, that's heavy. 66 00:02:43,483 --> 00:02:45,483 I mean, I guess that's the point, but still... 67 00:02:45,483 --> 00:02:48,003 Well, don't sell the weights, Dad. I might want to use them. 68 00:02:48,003 --> 00:02:49,243 As if, Sam. 69 00:02:49,243 --> 00:02:51,083 You'd be better off using a cotton bud, mate. 70 00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:52,483 Oh, you're funny. 71 00:02:52,483 --> 00:02:54,003 Rach? Hmm? 72 00:02:54,003 --> 00:02:55,283 I'm selling that umbrella. 73 00:02:55,283 --> 00:02:56,603 What? Why? 74 00:02:56,603 --> 00:02:58,323 Well, because we haven't used it in ages. 75 00:02:58,323 --> 00:03:00,043 Well, that's because it hasn't rained. 76 00:03:00,043 --> 00:03:01,763 It doesn't mean it never will again. 77 00:03:01,763 --> 00:03:03,483 Well, we've got raincoats. Oh, wow. 78 00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:04,923 Yeah? We don't need it. 79 00:03:04,923 --> 00:03:07,363 Anyway, you're the one that said I need to make some money, so... 80 00:03:07,363 --> 00:03:08,803 Yeah, by getting a job, ideally, 81 00:03:08,803 --> 00:03:11,603 not by selling all our possessions at the car-boot sale. 82 00:03:11,603 --> 00:03:14,123 And those plates, are they going? Yeah, they're really naff. 83 00:03:14,123 --> 00:03:15,723 Oh, what? I like those plates. 84 00:03:15,723 --> 00:03:17,683 Stay out of it, Sam, all right, they're goners. 85 00:03:17,683 --> 00:03:19,523 Your mum's OKed it. 86 00:03:17,683 --> 00:03:19,523 DOORBELL DINGS 87 00:03:19,523 --> 00:03:20,883 Doorbell. 88 00:03:20,883 --> 00:03:23,523 Hey, Robin. All right, Paolo. Spielberg. 89 00:03:23,523 --> 00:03:25,483 That's, uh, that's not a Scalextric. 90 00:03:25,483 --> 00:03:27,683 No, I know, I decided to keep that in the end. 91 00:03:27,683 --> 00:03:29,483 Uh, you can have all these though, instead. 92 00:03:29,483 --> 00:03:32,963 It's all my old salsa dancing gear. 93 00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:35,403 HE SNIFFS God, it might need a wash, sorry. 94 00:03:35,403 --> 00:03:37,323 OK, cool. No, thanks, thanks, man. PHONE RINGS 95 00:03:37,323 --> 00:03:39,643 Sorry. Oh, this is Mum. 96 00:03:39,643 --> 00:03:41,163 Yello. 97 00:03:41,163 --> 00:03:44,003 Yello, no, it's just another way to say hello, Mum. 98 00:03:44,003 --> 00:03:45,803 Why are you selling your salsa gear, Robin? 99 00:03:45,803 --> 00:03:47,403 Are you and Cherry not going anymore? 100 00:03:47,403 --> 00:03:50,443 Well, you're half right. We're not going out anymore. 101 00:03:50,443 --> 00:03:53,643 Oh, no, Robin. No, when did that happen? 102 00:03:53,643 --> 00:03:55,723 Oh, about two weeks ago, 103 00:03:55,723 --> 00:03:58,323 when she got back from the Buddhist retreat. 104 00:03:58,323 --> 00:04:00,563 Right. I think there's someone else, as well, 105 00:04:00,563 --> 00:04:02,963 one of the other retreaters. What makes you think that? 106 00:04:02,963 --> 00:04:05,403 Just gut instinct, really. 107 00:04:05,403 --> 00:04:08,443 Plus, she's always meditating next to the same bloke's arm 108 00:04:08,443 --> 00:04:10,243 in all the photos. Right. 109 00:04:10,243 --> 00:04:13,483 Who is he, then? Iain, he's called. With two Is. 110 00:04:13,483 --> 00:04:15,683 Right. Well, we've all got two eyes. 111 00:04:15,683 --> 00:04:17,443 In his name, though. Right. Yeah. 112 00:04:17,443 --> 00:04:18,763 Ah, God, I hate that. No, me too. 113 00:04:18,763 --> 00:04:21,523 And he's an estate agent, as well. I mean, he sounds horrendous. 114 00:04:21,523 --> 00:04:25,563 Doesn't he? OK, OK, action stations. Mum's on her way round with Alf. 115 00:04:25,563 --> 00:04:27,563 Oh, wicked. Ah! Oh. 116 00:04:27,563 --> 00:04:29,003 What? Who's Alf? 117 00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:30,443 Mum's new boyfriend. Oh, right. 118 00:04:30,443 --> 00:04:32,483 Or rather, old-man-friend. 119 00:04:30,443 --> 00:04:32,483 RACHEL LAUGHS 120 00:04:32,483 --> 00:04:34,843 Anyway, I mean, he must be about 100. Stop it. 121 00:04:34,843 --> 00:04:36,923 OLD MAN VOICE: Ey-up, duck. Alf here. 122 00:04:36,923 --> 00:04:40,523 Please, no, I think it's sweet. She gets all lonely on her own. 123 00:04:40,523 --> 00:04:42,603 WALLACE IMPRESSION: Cracking cheese, Gromit. 124 00:04:42,603 --> 00:04:45,443 So, what is that? Alf's northern, then, is he? No idea. I don't know. 125 00:04:45,443 --> 00:04:48,243 We just always imagine him to be northern for some reason. Yeah. 126 00:04:48,243 --> 00:04:50,483 Trouble t'up mill, Mother. Uh... 127 00:04:50,483 --> 00:04:52,603 THEY LAUGH 128 00:04:52,603 --> 00:04:55,163 Stop it. Alf. Don't, no, stop. 129 00:04:55,163 --> 00:04:56,723 No, cos Robin, look, he's all upset, 130 00:04:56,723 --> 00:04:58,403 he's just broken up with Cherry again. 131 00:04:58,403 --> 00:05:00,963 Yeah. Oh, no. Robin. 132 00:05:00,963 --> 00:05:02,083 You too? 133 00:05:02,083 --> 00:05:03,603 Yeah, well, how do you mean? 134 00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:05,803 Well, Amy's going through a similar thing with Maya. 135 00:05:05,803 --> 00:05:08,403 Is she? Is Maya knobbing an estate agent called Iain, as well? 136 00:05:08,403 --> 00:05:10,043 No. I don't think Maya's into knobbing. 137 00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,843 No, we don't know that Cherry's doing that. 138 00:05:11,843 --> 00:05:13,963 That is just speculation. No, I know, I just... 139 00:05:13,963 --> 00:05:16,283 I need to find out either way, it's driving me mad. 140 00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:17,363 Buddy, buddy. 141 00:05:17,363 --> 00:05:19,123 Well, you could go undercover. 142 00:05:19,123 --> 00:05:20,483 What? How? 143 00:05:20,483 --> 00:05:22,723 Like, uh, well, he's an estate agent, 144 00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:26,323 so you could pretend to look at a house, and then suss him out. 145 00:05:26,323 --> 00:05:28,683 It's a bit shady, Sam. Yeah, and he knows what I look like. 146 00:05:28,683 --> 00:05:30,523 He's already blocked me on Facebook, so... 147 00:05:30,523 --> 00:05:32,603 OK, well, Dad could do it, couldn't he? 148 00:05:32,603 --> 00:05:34,923 I've bought some new hidden cameras, so you can use them. 149 00:05:34,923 --> 00:05:36,243 Well, you shouldn't have done. 150 00:05:36,243 --> 00:05:38,243 Can you just stop buying cameras, please, Sam? 151 00:05:38,243 --> 00:05:40,643 And would you be up for that, Paolo? Cos that would be great. 152 00:05:40,643 --> 00:05:43,043 Um... Of course he would. Well, I mean, in theory, I could. 153 00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:44,683 DOORBELL DINGS 154 00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:44,683 Yeah, of course he will. 155 00:05:44,683 --> 00:05:46,763 OK, that's... Oh, here we go, here go. That's them. 156 00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,443 OLD MAN VOICE: During the war... Behave. 157 00:05:48,443 --> 00:05:50,043 OK, just because they're old and dating 158 00:05:50,043 --> 00:05:51,643 doesn't mean it's necessarily funny. 159 00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:52,843 Yeah, don't panic, yeah. 160 00:05:52,843 --> 00:05:55,083 OLD MAN VOICE: Don't panic Mr Mainwaring, don't panic. 161 00:05:55,083 --> 00:05:56,243 RACHEL LAUGHS 162 00:05:55,083 --> 00:05:56,243 Stop it. 163 00:05:56,243 --> 00:05:57,843 Where's me dobber? Where's me dobber? 164 00:05:57,843 --> 00:05:59,483 I can't find me mint imperials. Dobber. 165 00:05:59,483 --> 00:06:01,883 What is a dobber? Where's me mint imperials? I don't know. 166 00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:04,003 RACHEL LAUGHS 167 00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:04,003 Stop it, stop it, stop it. 168 00:06:04,003 --> 00:06:05,123 OK. 169 00:06:07,483 --> 00:06:08,843 Hiya. 170 00:06:08,843 --> 00:06:10,083 Hi. 171 00:06:10,083 --> 00:06:12,843 Who's... Who's that? 172 00:06:12,843 --> 00:06:14,883 This is Alf. 173 00:06:14,883 --> 00:06:16,763 Alf, this is Paul... Hello. 174 00:06:16,763 --> 00:06:20,363 ..Rachel, Sammy with the camera, and Robin. 175 00:06:20,363 --> 00:06:21,443 All right? 176 00:06:21,443 --> 00:06:23,083 Uh, Alfredo, ciao. Hello. 177 00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:24,443 Alfredo. 178 00:06:24,443 --> 00:06:26,043 Wow, you are... 179 00:06:26,043 --> 00:06:27,563 Italian, yes. 180 00:06:27,563 --> 00:06:29,083 And, well, young. 181 00:06:29,083 --> 00:06:30,963 Well... Young. 182 00:06:30,963 --> 00:06:33,523 Come in. Come in. 183 00:06:33,523 --> 00:06:35,323 Thank you. 184 00:06:35,323 --> 00:06:37,003 Lovely to meet you. 185 00:06:37,003 --> 00:06:38,403 And to meet you. 186 00:06:38,403 --> 00:06:42,443 And may I say, Paul, you know, your mother, she's a real treasure 187 00:06:42,443 --> 00:06:45,443 and... Aw. ..a truly beautiful woman. 188 00:06:45,443 --> 00:06:48,763 Ah, well, I suppose so. I don't really see it myself. 189 00:06:48,763 --> 00:06:52,723 PAUL LAUGHS AWKWARDLY Oi, Rachel speaks Italian, Alf. 190 00:06:52,723 --> 00:06:55,683 ALF SPEAKS ITALIAN 191 00:06:59,483 --> 00:07:02,643 Io... Uh, si, va be...va mene. 192 00:07:02,643 --> 00:07:05,763 Uh, io parlo un po...un pochetto. 193 00:07:05,763 --> 00:07:12,043 Uh, o vivuto...vivuta in Italia a briefa...briefamente. 194 00:07:12,043 --> 00:07:13,803 Yeah, I...I... 195 00:07:13,803 --> 00:07:16,283 ..I lived in Italy briefly, in my 20s, yeah, si. 196 00:07:16,283 --> 00:07:17,803 ALF: Ah, brava. RACHEL: In Genoa. 197 00:07:17,803 --> 00:07:19,283 Oh, I am Ligurian. 198 00:07:21,443 --> 00:07:23,563 Genoa is in Liguria. 199 00:07:23,563 --> 00:07:26,163 Ah, si va be...va bene. ALF: Si. 200 00:07:26,163 --> 00:07:28,923 Oh, gosh. Oh, wow, that's otti...ottimo. 201 00:07:28,923 --> 00:07:33,283 Um, you can introduce me to all the local Ligurian, uh, Ligurians. 202 00:07:33,283 --> 00:07:34,923 ALF SPEAKS ITALIAN 203 00:07:34,923 --> 00:07:37,923 Oh, I have...I have a gift for you. Shall I? In the car. 204 00:07:37,923 --> 00:07:39,763 Oh, yes. Yes? OK. It's two seconds. 205 00:07:39,763 --> 00:07:42,003 Run and get it. Excuse me, excuse me, two seconds. 206 00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:44,683 Molto bene. RACHEL: Oh, my goodness. 207 00:07:44,683 --> 00:07:47,483 Wow, Italian Stallion. 208 00:07:44,683 --> 00:07:47,483 RACHEL LAUGHS 209 00:07:47,483 --> 00:07:48,643 He seems nice. 210 00:07:48,643 --> 00:07:51,363 Um, he seems young. 211 00:07:51,363 --> 00:07:52,403 Yeah. 212 00:07:52,403 --> 00:07:54,043 How old is he, Mum? 213 00:07:54,043 --> 00:07:55,963 Erm, 60 odd, something like that. 214 00:07:55,963 --> 00:07:58,443 Jump to the loo, actually. 215 00:07:58,443 --> 00:08:00,483 God, how did you meet? 216 00:08:00,483 --> 00:08:03,243 Well, we got talking in Boots. 217 00:08:03,243 --> 00:08:05,963 I recommended a really good athlete's foot cream, 218 00:08:05,963 --> 00:08:07,683 and we went on from there. 219 00:08:07,683 --> 00:08:10,443 What do you know about him? Apart from he's got athlete's foot. 220 00:08:10,443 --> 00:08:13,923 Um, well, uh, not a lot, really. 221 00:08:13,923 --> 00:08:18,163 Um, he's been here about 20 years, he's got a restaurant. 222 00:08:18,163 --> 00:08:21,723 Um, he's kind. Italian. Athletic. 223 00:08:21,723 --> 00:08:24,803 Yeah. Hence the foot. 224 00:08:21,723 --> 00:08:24,803 RACHEL AND SUE LAUGH 225 00:08:24,803 --> 00:08:27,643 And has he asked you to take out any money or sell the house or...? 226 00:08:27,643 --> 00:08:29,483 RACHEL GROANS 227 00:08:27,643 --> 00:08:29,483 I'm just saying. Oh, God. 228 00:08:29,483 --> 00:08:31,923 Don't be so stupid, of course not. Got to ruin it. 229 00:08:31,923 --> 00:08:33,923 What are you talking about? It's not a scam, 230 00:08:33,923 --> 00:08:37,443 like when criminals pretend to be policemen to rob old people, 231 00:08:37,443 --> 00:08:40,403 it's just a mature Italian man who fancies your mum. 232 00:08:40,403 --> 00:08:42,443 As any red-blooded male would, Sue. 233 00:08:42,443 --> 00:08:44,163 Oh, thank you, Robin. 234 00:08:44,163 --> 00:08:45,843 Well, not at all. 235 00:08:45,843 --> 00:08:48,483 I'm just saying it's important to be alert, Mum, you know? 236 00:08:48,483 --> 00:08:50,963 RACHEL SIGHS 237 00:08:48,483 --> 00:08:50,963 Watch out for gold diggers. 238 00:08:50,963 --> 00:08:52,563 Oh, shut up. 239 00:08:52,563 --> 00:08:54,123 What? I haven't got any gold, 240 00:08:54,123 --> 00:08:56,923 and even if I did have, it's up to me what I do with it. 241 00:08:56,923 --> 00:08:58,163 Exactly. Yeah, yeah. 242 00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:01,203 Maybe I should sell the house anyway, it's far too big for me. 243 00:09:01,203 --> 00:09:03,843 I mean, to be fair, he is handsome, isn't he? Is he ever. 244 00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:07,083 Oh, God, don't tell me you've got the hots for my mum's new boyfriend. 245 00:09:07,083 --> 00:09:09,803 Not "the hots", not "the hots", 246 00:09:09,803 --> 00:09:12,203 but I do find Italian men very charming. 247 00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:15,443 Oh, good. Wait till you taste his arancini balls. 248 00:09:15,443 --> 00:09:17,523 Oh, please. 249 00:09:15,443 --> 00:09:17,523 ROBIN LAUGHS 250 00:09:17,523 --> 00:09:19,363 Blimey, Sue, steady on, not in front of Sam. 251 00:09:19,363 --> 00:09:21,003 SUE LAUGHS 252 00:09:19,363 --> 00:09:21,003 Can we...can we stop now? 253 00:09:21,003 --> 00:09:23,203 I love that. That's excellent. This is... That's enough. 254 00:09:23,203 --> 00:09:25,043 That's too much. Taste his balls. RACHEL LAUGHS 255 00:09:25,043 --> 00:09:27,683 You've crossed a line, I'm afraid. Can we stop talking about how dishy 256 00:09:27,683 --> 00:09:29,523 Alf is, please? Taste his balls. 257 00:09:29,523 --> 00:09:31,963 Honestly, because it... You know, it's the male equivalent 258 00:09:31,963 --> 00:09:33,403 of sexism, frankly. 259 00:09:33,403 --> 00:09:34,883 SUE: Oh, shut up. No. 260 00:09:34,883 --> 00:09:37,523 And, look, I'm just not that sure about him. That's all. 261 00:09:37,523 --> 00:09:40,083 Well, of course you're not, he's dating your mother. 262 00:09:40,083 --> 00:09:42,203 I think it's great, Sue, and I'm really excited 263 00:09:42,203 --> 00:09:44,603 to finally meet someone who I can speak Italian with. 264 00:09:44,603 --> 00:09:45,643 Yeah. Yeah. 265 00:09:45,643 --> 00:09:47,603 Or can't speak Italian with. 266 00:09:47,603 --> 00:09:48,843 What? What does that mean? 267 00:09:48,843 --> 00:09:51,443 Well, you know, you just gesture and say "va be". 268 00:09:51,443 --> 00:09:53,203 Va be. That's not speaking Italian, is it? 269 00:09:53,203 --> 00:09:55,643 Yes, it is, that is Italian, va be. Hey, he's back, he's back, 270 00:09:55,643 --> 00:09:57,763 he's back, he's back. Is it? Right. Yes, it means OK. 271 00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:00,443 Um, these are arancini, they're from my restaurant. 272 00:10:00,443 --> 00:10:03,083 Oh, so, where's your, uh, restaurant, Al? 273 00:10:03,083 --> 00:10:06,123 Uh, Girasole, on the Station Road. 274 00:10:06,123 --> 00:10:07,843 Oh, right. Yeah, I know. 275 00:10:07,843 --> 00:10:10,763 Yeah, you should go there, Paul, actually, some time. 276 00:10:10,763 --> 00:10:12,643 It's fantastico. 277 00:10:12,643 --> 00:10:15,323 Well, we're a bit strapped at the moment, Mum, you know, 278 00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:16,683 hence the car-boot sale. 279 00:10:16,683 --> 00:10:20,043 Yeah, Alf will treat you. Won't you, amore? 280 00:10:20,043 --> 00:10:21,683 Yes, of course I will. 281 00:10:21,683 --> 00:10:25,763 Uh, you and Rachel must come for a Ligurian meal. On me. 282 00:10:25,763 --> 00:10:27,523 Oh. Ah, grazie mille, grazie. 283 00:10:27,523 --> 00:10:30,003 Great, but what about what about me? Can I come? 284 00:10:30,003 --> 00:10:32,323 Of course you can. Thanks, Sue. Lovely. 285 00:10:32,323 --> 00:10:34,243 What does Girasole mean, Mum? 286 00:10:34,243 --> 00:10:36,043 Ah, don't tell me. 287 00:10:36,043 --> 00:10:38,963 Erm, gira, gira means turn, 288 00:10:38,963 --> 00:10:40,803 and sole is alone. 289 00:10:40,803 --> 00:10:45,323 Uh, the female plural of alone, solo... 290 00:10:45,323 --> 00:10:47,523 Are you all right, Amy, love? 291 00:10:47,523 --> 00:10:48,883 No. 292 00:10:48,883 --> 00:10:51,083 What? Still not talking to Maya? 293 00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:53,043 Yep. 294 00:10:53,043 --> 00:10:54,643 What are those? 295 00:10:54,643 --> 00:10:56,123 Arancini balls from Alf. 296 00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:58,443 Take as many as you like, he's got tonnes. 297 00:10:58,443 --> 00:11:01,483 Uh, yeah, and so after the adjectival agreement, 298 00:11:01,483 --> 00:11:04,243 it's some alone women turning. ALF: It means sunflower. 299 00:11:04,243 --> 00:11:06,403 RACHEL: And therefore, sunflower, exactly, yeah. 300 00:11:06,403 --> 00:11:09,083 My Italian's a bit rusty, to be honest. Is it? 301 00:11:09,083 --> 00:11:11,603 I've been thinking of doing an evening class, actually. Yeah. 302 00:11:11,603 --> 00:11:13,563 ALF: Brava, brava. Have you? Cool. 303 00:11:13,563 --> 00:11:17,043 Put that camera down, Sammy, and put this in your gob. 304 00:11:17,043 --> 00:11:18,483 You won't regret it. SAM: Right. 305 00:11:18,483 --> 00:11:20,043 Um, can I take a few home? 306 00:11:20,043 --> 00:11:22,003 Hey, you made it. 307 00:11:22,003 --> 00:11:25,163 Oh, here we go. Get your wits about you, mate. 308 00:11:25,163 --> 00:11:27,043 Here we go. 309 00:11:27,043 --> 00:11:28,763 Can we share your Pizza Diavola? 310 00:11:28,763 --> 00:11:30,043 No. No way. 311 00:11:30,043 --> 00:11:32,243 I don't want to share your polenta. Not a chance. 312 00:11:32,243 --> 00:11:34,523 ALF: Buona sera. Buona sera, tutti. 313 00:11:34,523 --> 00:11:35,803 Ah, there he is. 314 00:11:35,803 --> 00:11:37,563 RACHEL: Buona sera. Bottle in a basket. 315 00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:39,443 Thanks again for this. Yeah, it's OK. 316 00:11:39,443 --> 00:11:41,683 I just didn't expect so many of you. 317 00:11:41,683 --> 00:11:44,483 Well, you offered to treat us, amore. 318 00:11:44,483 --> 00:11:46,843 Yes, you, your son, his wife... 319 00:11:46,843 --> 00:11:48,403 Sorry, who is this man? 320 00:11:48,403 --> 00:11:50,123 Oh, I'm Dean, I'm just a friend of Robin's. 321 00:11:50,123 --> 00:11:51,563 Yeah, and I'm Robin, we've met. 322 00:11:51,563 --> 00:11:53,643 Ah, yes, and this is? 323 00:11:53,643 --> 00:11:55,843 Uh, Bren, from number 71. 324 00:11:55,843 --> 00:11:59,683 Her judo was cancelled, so I thought I'd bring her along. 325 00:11:59,683 --> 00:12:02,923 Oh, I'm so up for this, I've only really had Pot Noodles all term. 326 00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:04,283 Thought I was getting scurvy. 327 00:12:04,283 --> 00:12:06,043 Hi, guys. Hiya, you all right? All right? 328 00:12:06,043 --> 00:12:08,803 Yeah. Oh, hi, Sue. Thank you so much. 329 00:12:08,803 --> 00:12:11,243 Aw, glad you made it. 330 00:12:11,243 --> 00:12:12,523 Hiya, Maya. 331 00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:15,643 Oh, and we need one more chair, amore, for Maya here. 332 00:12:15,643 --> 00:12:18,123 Oh, hi, ciao, thanks for having me. 333 00:12:18,123 --> 00:12:22,003 Yes, OK, I will get some chairs from the, uh, basement. 334 00:12:22,003 --> 00:12:25,363 You know, I hoped you would experience a range 335 00:12:25,363 --> 00:12:29,323 of Ligurian dishes, not order eight identical pizzas 336 00:12:29,323 --> 00:12:31,283 and some garlic bread, you know? 337 00:12:31,283 --> 00:12:34,043 RACHEL: Si, scusa, sono d'accorda, Alf, I agree. 338 00:12:34,043 --> 00:12:35,363 I did order the polenta. 339 00:12:35,363 --> 00:12:38,163 And to be fair, I'm getting a side salad, so... He is, actually, yeah. 340 00:12:38,163 --> 00:12:42,403 OK, well, then perhaps, you know, if I cover the food, 341 00:12:42,403 --> 00:12:44,163 you will pay for the drinks? 342 00:12:44,163 --> 00:12:46,363 RACHEL: Oh, va be, va bene. Yeah, good idea, thanks. 343 00:12:46,363 --> 00:12:48,563 Oh, well, in that case, we'll just have the house red. 344 00:12:48,563 --> 00:12:50,403 We don't need the Chianti Classico. 345 00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:53,803 Actually, posso order a limoncello? 346 00:12:53,803 --> 00:12:58,523 Limoncello? No. Limoncello, we don't sell. It's for tourists. 347 00:12:58,523 --> 00:13:00,243 Oh. Ooh. 348 00:13:00,243 --> 00:13:02,443 Are you sure this is all right, Granny? 349 00:13:02,443 --> 00:13:04,443 It feels like we're definitely taking the piss. 350 00:13:04,443 --> 00:13:06,323 Of course it is, fill your boots. 351 00:13:06,323 --> 00:13:09,483 Mm, yeah, don't mind if I do. ROBIN LAUGHS 352 00:13:09,483 --> 00:13:12,043 DEAN: Fill my belly. Oh, God. Oh, my God. 353 00:13:12,043 --> 00:13:13,443 What? Dad, who is that? 354 00:13:13,443 --> 00:13:16,123 It's one of the estate agents from our undercover operation. 355 00:13:16,123 --> 00:13:18,563 SUE: From your what? Oh, God, I'll explain later. 356 00:13:18,563 --> 00:13:21,483 It's not Iain, is it? I'll beat the bloody hot crap out of him if it is. 357 00:13:21,483 --> 00:13:23,643 All right. How could it be Iain? They're both women. 358 00:13:23,643 --> 00:13:25,883 Well, I don't know, do I? You found out diddly shit. 359 00:13:25,883 --> 00:13:27,483 Yeah, all right, I said I was sorry. 360 00:13:27,483 --> 00:13:30,203 Look, just ignore them, ignore them. 361 00:13:30,203 --> 00:13:33,203 Iain didn't have a clue. Honestly, I am still buzzing, 362 00:13:33,203 --> 00:13:36,523 that was intense, in a good way. Sam. OK. 363 00:13:36,523 --> 00:13:39,683 And, I mean, how, uh, Scottish is he? 364 00:13:39,683 --> 00:13:43,123 How do you mean? Well, on a spectrum from like Rab C Nesbitt 365 00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,763 to David Tennant? 366 00:13:44,763 --> 00:13:46,883 Kind of feels like you're asking how handsome he is. 367 00:13:46,883 --> 00:13:48,043 I think I am. 368 00:13:48,043 --> 00:13:49,523 Right, here we go, then, Dad. 369 00:13:49,523 --> 00:13:50,883 Oh, God. 370 00:13:50,883 --> 00:13:52,683 Don't know if I can face this. 371 00:13:52,683 --> 00:13:54,363 This is so exciting. 372 00:13:54,363 --> 00:13:56,923 Are you excited? What's that? What floor is this? 373 00:13:56,923 --> 00:13:58,363 That's my bag. Right. 374 00:13:58,363 --> 00:14:01,363 IAIN: I think it's the third. Wait, wait till you see this. 375 00:14:01,363 --> 00:14:02,563 So, in here... 376 00:14:02,563 --> 00:14:04,923 That's me. That's me. Yep, I know. 377 00:14:04,923 --> 00:14:08,323 Are you looking for something for yourself to live in, then, Edwin? 378 00:14:08,323 --> 00:14:09,363 Edwin? 379 00:14:09,363 --> 00:14:11,563 I had to use a fake name, obviously. 380 00:14:11,563 --> 00:14:13,083 But Edwin, though? 381 00:14:13,083 --> 00:14:14,923 Well... 382 00:14:14,923 --> 00:14:17,283 I mean, you weren't meant to just film yourself, Paolo, 383 00:14:17,283 --> 00:14:19,843 I know what you look like. Yeah, I realised that in a minute. 384 00:14:19,843 --> 00:14:22,203 Are you single then, Iain? 385 00:14:22,203 --> 00:14:23,963 Nice one, Dad, real subtle. 386 00:14:23,963 --> 00:14:26,163 Well, I'm not married. 387 00:14:26,163 --> 00:14:28,563 Right. But are you... 388 00:14:28,563 --> 00:14:30,803 I mean, are you seeing anyone or...? 389 00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:32,803 Of course you are. Of course you are, 390 00:14:32,803 --> 00:14:36,443 a handsome stud...stud muffin like yourself must be. 391 00:14:36,443 --> 00:14:38,243 Stud muffin? 392 00:14:38,243 --> 00:14:39,963 Well, I don't know about that. 393 00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:41,923 Dodging the question, isn't he? 394 00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:44,843 There you go, see? I point the camera at him from now on. 395 00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:46,443 Well, that's not helpful either. 396 00:14:46,443 --> 00:14:49,763 Well, I wasn't planning on filming that bit. 397 00:14:51,763 --> 00:14:54,523 Oh, lovely, really glad you got that on camera, Dad. 398 00:14:54,523 --> 00:14:56,043 DOORBELL DINGS 399 00:14:56,043 --> 00:14:57,363 RACHEL: Doorbell. 400 00:14:57,363 --> 00:15:00,323 Do you ever go eat with someone else or...? Paul, doorbell. 401 00:15:00,323 --> 00:15:03,683 Can you get that, hon? We're doing our undercover operation. 402 00:15:03,683 --> 00:15:05,883 Film his face. Why didn't you just film his face? 403 00:15:05,883 --> 00:15:10,403 Hey. I managed to nab some tiramisus from Girasole on my way out, 404 00:15:10,403 --> 00:15:12,483 so I thought I'd drop them round. 405 00:15:12,483 --> 00:15:15,883 Nabbed them? As in, did you steal them? Yeah? 406 00:15:15,883 --> 00:15:18,603 No, Alf doesn't mind. 407 00:15:18,603 --> 00:15:19,843 Hiya Sammy, love. 408 00:15:19,843 --> 00:15:21,083 Hi, Granny. 409 00:15:21,083 --> 00:15:22,803 And are these plates from Alf, as well? 410 00:15:22,803 --> 00:15:27,163 Oh, no, no, I found them outside. Can you believe it? 411 00:15:27,163 --> 00:15:29,883 Now, there is a box of stuff on your wall. 412 00:15:29,883 --> 00:15:31,803 They're the same as yours. 413 00:15:31,803 --> 00:15:33,123 Yeah. Isn't that amazing? 414 00:15:33,123 --> 00:15:35,283 Yeah, these are ours, Sue. 415 00:15:35,283 --> 00:15:36,883 Yeah. Oh, I see. 416 00:15:36,883 --> 00:15:39,523 Well, don't leave them outside, someone's going to take them. 417 00:15:39,523 --> 00:15:41,923 That's the idea, we're trying to get rid of the stuff 418 00:15:41,923 --> 00:15:43,803 we didn't sell at the car-boot sale. 419 00:15:43,803 --> 00:15:46,483 Oh, I see. How did it go? 420 00:15:46,483 --> 00:15:50,283 Very badly, as you can see. We sold virtually nothing. 421 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,963 And the little we did make, 422 00:15:51,963 --> 00:15:55,123 Paul spent on a horrible Russian hat. 423 00:15:55,123 --> 00:15:56,403 Oh. 424 00:15:56,403 --> 00:15:57,643 SUE BURPS 425 00:15:57,643 --> 00:15:59,603 Oh, my God. Oh, God, are you all right, Granny? 426 00:15:59,603 --> 00:16:03,083 Oh, God. Oh, too much gnocchi. 427 00:16:03,083 --> 00:16:06,363 Nockie? As in like...sex? 428 00:16:06,363 --> 00:16:08,323 Not nookie. No, gnocchi. 429 00:16:08,323 --> 00:16:11,163 Gnocchi, the Italian potato pasta pellets. 430 00:16:11,163 --> 00:16:13,083 Oh, I just keep popping them in. 431 00:16:13,083 --> 00:16:15,043 He can't cook them fast enough. 432 00:16:15,043 --> 00:16:17,163 They're like little chewie tic tacs. 433 00:16:17,163 --> 00:16:19,083 Oh... Oh, dear. 434 00:16:19,083 --> 00:16:22,283 Oh, I think I'm going to have to go back to the ravioli tomorrow. 435 00:16:22,283 --> 00:16:24,843 OK, so you're basically having all your meals there now, are you? 436 00:16:24,843 --> 00:16:26,563 Yeah, I am. Yeah, I see. 437 00:16:26,563 --> 00:16:29,043 Oh, you've started to learn Italian, then, Rachel? 438 00:16:29,043 --> 00:16:30,883 Yes, yes. Well, relearning it. 439 00:16:30,883 --> 00:16:33,043 Yeah, had my first evening class last week, 440 00:16:33,043 --> 00:16:34,923 so, yeah, I'm already hard at it. 441 00:16:34,923 --> 00:16:38,003 At what? Looking at pictures of mid-'90s Italian footballer players? 442 00:16:38,003 --> 00:16:40,243 Yeah, no, that's research. That's research purposes. 443 00:16:40,243 --> 00:16:42,603 Yeah, no, I have to say, I am really loving it, 444 00:16:42,603 --> 00:16:46,443 you know, sitting in a classroom, learning. 445 00:16:46,443 --> 00:16:47,843 It is a bit basic for me, 446 00:16:47,843 --> 00:16:51,123 but I do get a bit flustered when I have to speak it, though. 447 00:16:51,123 --> 00:16:52,843 You know, I know all the Italian words, 448 00:16:52,843 --> 00:16:56,323 I just can't talk them together correctly, 449 00:16:56,323 --> 00:16:58,643 you know, in the correct grammar order. 450 00:16:58,643 --> 00:17:01,203 Well, yeah, but you have that same problem in English, as well. 451 00:17:01,203 --> 00:17:03,603 I'm better after I've had a couple of drinks, to be honest. 452 00:17:03,603 --> 00:17:05,323 Oh, yeah? I lived there when I was 23, 453 00:17:05,323 --> 00:17:07,723 and was basically drunk the whole time. 454 00:17:07,723 --> 00:17:09,363 SUE LAUGHS 455 00:17:07,723 --> 00:17:09,363 After a few limoncellos, 456 00:17:09,363 --> 00:17:10,763 it all just pours out of me. 457 00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,643 Yeah, well, take some into class with you. 458 00:17:12,643 --> 00:17:15,763 Have a few snifters as you go. 459 00:17:15,763 --> 00:17:17,923 Now, who wants a tiramisu? 460 00:17:17,923 --> 00:17:19,923 PAUL: Yes! Yes, I do. 461 00:17:19,923 --> 00:17:22,603 Yeah. OK, then, Paul. 462 00:17:22,603 --> 00:17:23,883 There you go. 463 00:17:23,883 --> 00:17:25,363 Oh, hiya, Robin. 464 00:17:25,363 --> 00:17:26,723 Ciao, Sue. 465 00:17:26,723 --> 00:17:29,083 Ah, what are you watching? Homes Under the Hammers? 466 00:17:29,083 --> 00:17:30,243 No, no. 467 00:17:30,243 --> 00:17:33,763 Paul. You never told me you were on Homes Under the Hammers. 468 00:17:33,763 --> 00:17:35,843 No. I'm not. No, he's not, he's not, Sue, 469 00:17:35,843 --> 00:17:38,003 it's a hidden camera thing that Sam made. 470 00:17:38,003 --> 00:17:39,243 Oh. 471 00:17:39,243 --> 00:17:41,603 What... Oh, it's a nice flat though, isn't it? 472 00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:44,243 Well, it's overpriced, I thought. For that money, you'd want a, 473 00:17:44,243 --> 00:17:46,483 you know, separate kitchen and living room, really. 474 00:17:46,483 --> 00:17:49,123 Well, you weren't there to buy it, so it doesn't matter, does it? 475 00:17:49,123 --> 00:17:50,803 Yeah, well, I know that, I'm just saying. 476 00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:52,923 What was that about tiramisu? Oh, here you go, love. 477 00:17:52,923 --> 00:17:55,483 No, we cannot... We shouldn't be eating tiramisu as breakfast. 478 00:17:55,483 --> 00:17:57,803 Why not? It's got coffee in it. ON VIDEO: Is there underfloor 479 00:17:57,803 --> 00:18:00,403 heating throughout? You were meant to ask about Cherry, 480 00:18:00,403 --> 00:18:02,123 Paolo, not the underfloor heating. 481 00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:06,203 Well, I'm not Serpico, OK? You know? 482 00:18:06,203 --> 00:18:07,883 I'm new to all this. 483 00:18:07,883 --> 00:18:12,123 I know what to ask next time, mate. I will nail it, I promise. OK? 484 00:18:12,123 --> 00:18:14,283 Eccolo, sette pizze la Diavola. 485 00:18:14,283 --> 00:18:15,763 Lovely. 486 00:18:15,763 --> 00:18:18,843 Pane al'aglio, tantissimo pane al'aglio per lei. 487 00:18:18,843 --> 00:18:20,563 Insalata mista per lui. 488 00:18:20,563 --> 00:18:22,083 Go on, Bren. Lovely. 489 00:18:22,083 --> 00:18:23,123 And the polenta for you. 490 00:18:23,123 --> 00:18:25,363 RACHEL: Ah, per me, le polenta, grazie. So juicy. 491 00:18:25,363 --> 00:18:26,883 ALF: You, uh, you have enough space? 492 00:18:26,883 --> 00:18:28,843 Oh, yeah, we're fine, thanks, amore. 493 00:18:28,843 --> 00:18:31,043 Yeah, no more people now, we promise. 494 00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:34,243 DEAN: Oh, uh, could I have some ketchup please, bro? Pardon me? 495 00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:37,763 RACHEL: Uh, lui chiede per un po di zucco pomodoro... 496 00:18:37,763 --> 00:18:41,443 Erm, uh, you know, uh... 497 00:18:41,443 --> 00:18:43,403 ITALIAN ACCENT: Tomato ketchup. 498 00:18:43,403 --> 00:18:46,003 ALF: Yeah, ketchup, no, I don't have it, sorry. 499 00:18:46,003 --> 00:18:48,363 I could nip home and get some. It'll only take a second. 500 00:18:48,363 --> 00:18:50,723 Oh, quals. Yeah, you could pick up my limoncello as well. 501 00:18:50,723 --> 00:18:52,083 Yeah, no, wait, why stop there? 502 00:18:52,083 --> 00:18:54,283 Why don't you bring the television from home, as well? 503 00:18:54,283 --> 00:18:56,323 Could do, actually, there's a UEFA Cup game on. 504 00:18:56,323 --> 00:18:58,923 This is my restaurant, it's not your house. 505 00:18:58,923 --> 00:19:00,843 You cannot bring your own food and drink here. 506 00:19:00,843 --> 00:19:02,643 RACHEL: Yeah, scusi, scusi about that. 507 00:19:02,643 --> 00:19:04,923 No, we're not scusi, don't scusi him. 508 00:19:04,923 --> 00:19:06,563 We're not scusi at all. 509 00:19:06,563 --> 00:19:09,123 Just stop overreacting, will you? 510 00:19:09,123 --> 00:19:10,843 And bring us some more tap water. 511 00:19:10,843 --> 00:19:12,003 Yes, great. 512 00:19:12,003 --> 00:19:14,403 I used to know the word for ketchup, but I just... 513 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:16,763 ALF: Please excuse me. Pizza's lovely. Grazie. 514 00:19:16,763 --> 00:19:20,243 Cheers. Cheers, Alf. He can be a real fusspot sometimes. 515 00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:22,523 AMY: I mean, he's got a point. 516 00:19:22,523 --> 00:19:25,203 This table is clearly not made for nine of us. 517 00:19:25,203 --> 00:19:27,363 Yeah, but we're creating an atmosphere, aren't we? 518 00:19:27,363 --> 00:19:29,283 Yeah, yeah. And that's good for business. 519 00:19:29,283 --> 00:19:31,403 Exactly. He should be grateful, if anything. 520 00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:33,283 Really? Should be grateful for business. 521 00:19:33,283 --> 00:19:34,723 But we've just eaten all his food. 522 00:19:34,723 --> 00:19:36,643 PAUL: Brenda, can you pass the chilli oil? 523 00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:38,923 I'm thanking him for this pizza. Do we need knives and forks? 524 00:19:38,923 --> 00:19:40,683 How's that? 525 00:19:40,683 --> 00:19:42,523 Yeah, it's fine. It's not too obvious? 526 00:19:42,523 --> 00:19:46,123 Look, as long as it gets Iain's face, OK, rather than his crotch, 527 00:19:46,123 --> 00:19:47,563 that's what matters, Sam. Hiya. 528 00:19:47,563 --> 00:19:50,363 Aren't you meant to be at your evening class thing? 529 00:19:50,363 --> 00:19:53,243 Yep, they kicked me out. 530 00:19:53,243 --> 00:19:54,723 SAM: Why? What did you do? What? 531 00:19:54,723 --> 00:19:56,723 Why do you immediately assume it was my fault? 532 00:19:56,723 --> 00:19:58,763 Well, was it your fault? 533 00:19:58,763 --> 00:20:01,163 Yes, I got caught drinking limoncello, 534 00:20:01,163 --> 00:20:03,203 and the teacher suggested I sign up 535 00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:05,043 for the AA meetings there on Thursdays. 536 00:20:05,043 --> 00:20:06,923 Limoncello? What? Where'd you get that from? 537 00:20:06,923 --> 00:20:09,003 They don't sell that at the tuck shop, do they? 538 00:20:09,003 --> 00:20:10,603 I smuggled it in my handbag. Oh, my God. 539 00:20:10,603 --> 00:20:12,403 Oh, my God, drinking limoncello at school, 540 00:20:12,403 --> 00:20:15,283 that's like something Drew Barrymore would've done. Well, it helps me 541 00:20:15,283 --> 00:20:18,163 speak Italian, OK? That's it. It's not an alcohol problem. 542 00:20:18,163 --> 00:20:21,043 It's an alcohol solution. Exactly, thank you, Robin. 543 00:20:21,043 --> 00:20:22,843 You can't speak Italian, just admit it. 544 00:20:22,843 --> 00:20:24,283 I can speak Italian. 545 00:20:24,283 --> 00:20:26,803 I can, and I will prove it when I next meet Alf 546 00:20:26,803 --> 00:20:29,363 and get in with the local Ligurians. 547 00:20:29,363 --> 00:20:32,003 Well, I wouldn't get too excited. Mum's going off him. 548 00:20:32,003 --> 00:20:34,723 Are you? What? Don't go off him, no, get back on him. 549 00:20:34,723 --> 00:20:36,363 Why go off him? He's great. 550 00:20:36,363 --> 00:20:40,123 He's been extremely sulky recently, for an Italian. 551 00:20:40,123 --> 00:20:42,803 And he had a right face on him today 552 00:20:42,803 --> 00:20:45,723 when I dropped in to take that lasagne out the freezer. 553 00:20:45,723 --> 00:20:48,883 What? He doesn't make them fresh? Well, that's lazy. 554 00:20:48,883 --> 00:20:52,563 Says the person who's still in their pyjamas at 6:40pm. 555 00:20:52,563 --> 00:20:53,763 THEY LAUGH 556 00:20:53,763 --> 00:20:55,443 I'm heartbroken. 557 00:20:55,443 --> 00:20:57,843 There we go. It's a triumph I'm even out of bed. 558 00:20:57,843 --> 00:20:59,083 Yeah, OK. 559 00:20:59,083 --> 00:21:00,683 Anyway, you can talk. What? 560 00:21:00,683 --> 00:21:03,443 You're only doing this Italian class to distract you 561 00:21:03,443 --> 00:21:06,123 from doing your actual job because you hate it so much. 562 00:21:06,123 --> 00:21:08,683 Just like Dad's doing this undercover bullshit... 563 00:21:08,683 --> 00:21:11,043 Well, hang on. ..because he's got nothing else to do. 564 00:21:11,043 --> 00:21:14,163 What? And, yeah, we all know Cherry's betrayed you, Robin. 565 00:21:14,163 --> 00:21:16,203 That's just what life is. 566 00:21:16,203 --> 00:21:18,923 Being knifed in the heart by people you love. 567 00:21:18,923 --> 00:21:20,283 SAM: Wow. 568 00:21:20,283 --> 00:21:22,923 SUE: Oh, my Godfathers, give it a rest, will you? 569 00:21:22,923 --> 00:21:24,963 It's like having dinner with Morrissey. 570 00:21:24,963 --> 00:21:26,243 SAM: What? 571 00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:28,843 SUE: In fact, pass me the pepper, would you, please? 572 00:21:30,603 --> 00:21:32,283 SAM: You're going to be late, Dad. 573 00:21:32,283 --> 00:21:34,363 Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 574 00:21:34,363 --> 00:21:36,243 ROBIN SIGHS Hey, listen, don't listen to her, 575 00:21:36,243 --> 00:21:39,363 buddy. She's upset and annoying. PHONE RINGS 576 00:21:39,363 --> 00:21:41,883 And, you know, let's go film this guy. Yeah. 577 00:21:41,883 --> 00:21:43,803 OK? OK. OK, buddy? Yes. 578 00:21:43,803 --> 00:21:45,003 Film him in the face. Yeah. 579 00:21:45,003 --> 00:21:46,723 AMY: Here you go. Love you, Paolo. 580 00:21:47,923 --> 00:21:51,123 Did you... Did you call Maya? 581 00:21:51,123 --> 00:21:53,923 You're welcome. 582 00:21:53,923 --> 00:21:55,683 Hey. 583 00:21:55,683 --> 00:21:59,123 Uh, no, er, no, I didn't, actually. 584 00:21:59,123 --> 00:22:01,563 Granny just called you. 585 00:22:01,563 --> 00:22:04,003 Uh, yeah. Are you OK? 586 00:22:04,003 --> 00:22:06,403 Edwin? Hi. Hi. I'm Diane. 587 00:22:06,403 --> 00:22:08,043 Oh, hello. 588 00:22:08,043 --> 00:22:11,323 Um, I...I was expecting Iain, is he coming? 589 00:22:11,323 --> 00:22:13,443 No, I'm showing you round today. 590 00:22:13,443 --> 00:22:18,243 Ah, OK. Um, it's just that it really does need to be Iain. 591 00:22:18,243 --> 00:22:20,523 Hmm. Um, so can you call the office? 592 00:22:20,523 --> 00:22:23,243 It's just that I...I just really trust him, man to man. 593 00:22:23,243 --> 00:22:26,043 Not that I don't trust women. My accountant's a woman. 594 00:22:26,043 --> 00:22:28,563 Um, I just would prefer it to be Iain. 595 00:22:28,563 --> 00:22:32,163 Yeah. Look, I'm going to be totally honest with you, Edwin. 596 00:22:32,163 --> 00:22:35,203 Iain didn't feel comfortable coming to meet you again. 597 00:22:35,203 --> 00:22:37,523 Oh, right? Apparently at the last viewing, 598 00:22:37,523 --> 00:22:39,563 you asked him some very personal questions, 599 00:22:39,563 --> 00:22:41,843 and kept complimenting him on his appearance, and... 600 00:22:41,843 --> 00:22:44,883 Well, I didn't keep doing it. ..we have had people in the past 601 00:22:44,883 --> 00:22:48,403 pretending to be interested in our properties in order to pick up men. 602 00:22:48,403 --> 00:22:49,963 Oh, well, I wasn't doing that. 603 00:22:49,963 --> 00:22:52,643 I know it can be difficult to meet people, especially at your age, 604 00:22:52,643 --> 00:22:56,243 but... I'm only 45. ..it is harassment, legally speaking, 605 00:22:56,243 --> 00:22:57,723 and a waste of our time. 606 00:22:57,723 --> 00:23:00,043 Well, I want to buy the flat for my mum. 607 00:23:00,043 --> 00:23:02,763 That's why I'm here. Honestly. 608 00:23:02,763 --> 00:23:04,683 There's been some sort of misunderstanding. 609 00:23:04,683 --> 00:23:07,363 Please, I really want to see the flat. 610 00:23:10,283 --> 00:23:13,283 OK. So if... Yeah. Yeah, OK. Come on up. Thank you. 611 00:23:13,283 --> 00:23:16,363 Oh, that was amazing. Wow, grazie mille. 612 00:23:16,363 --> 00:23:18,163 Thank you. Prego, prego. Top notch. 613 00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:20,563 Wow. Buonissimo. Perfection. 614 00:23:20,563 --> 00:23:23,003 Does anyone want my salad? I don't think I actually want it. 615 00:23:23,003 --> 00:23:24,403 You don't? Yeah, I'll take a leaf. 616 00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:26,523 There was a delicate balance of chilli in the sauce, 617 00:23:26,523 --> 00:23:28,403 that I found was so delicious. Edwin? 618 00:23:28,403 --> 00:23:31,203 Cos it's just moreish, it's not too hot. Edwin, sorry to interrupt. 619 00:23:31,203 --> 00:23:33,723 Edwin. That's you, Dad. Oh, yeah. 620 00:23:33,723 --> 00:23:36,003 Yes, sorry, no, yes, that's me. Um, Diane. 621 00:23:36,003 --> 00:23:38,883 Yes. Sorry. Hi. Yeah. That's OK, sorry. How are you? 622 00:23:38,883 --> 00:23:40,563 Yeah, good, good. I won't keep you long. 623 00:23:40,563 --> 00:23:42,963 It's just I've been trying to call you. Yeah? 624 00:23:42,963 --> 00:23:44,803 No, uh, my phone's been on silent. 625 00:23:44,803 --> 00:23:47,323 The vendor's accepted your offer. Ah. 626 00:23:47,323 --> 00:23:50,643 Have they? That's fantastic news. 627 00:23:50,643 --> 00:23:51,923 RACHEL: You made an offer? 628 00:23:51,923 --> 00:23:53,243 Yep, we made an offer. 629 00:23:53,243 --> 00:23:54,563 Congratulations, Edwin. 630 00:23:54,563 --> 00:23:55,843 Yep. Thank you. 631 00:23:55,843 --> 00:23:57,843 There was another offer at the same level, 632 00:23:57,843 --> 00:24:00,363 but the vendor said they were so touched by what you said 633 00:24:00,363 --> 00:24:02,683 about your mum getting all lonely in her big house, 634 00:24:02,683 --> 00:24:06,283 wanting somewhere a bit smaller... Yeah. ..nearer you and the family. 635 00:24:06,283 --> 00:24:09,163 Right, well, yeah, I suppose I do. 636 00:24:09,163 --> 00:24:11,123 Aw, you must be Edwin's mother. 637 00:24:11,123 --> 00:24:13,563 Yes. I am, yeah. Yeah. Edwina. 638 00:24:13,563 --> 00:24:15,443 Oh. And I'm Edward, the brother-in-law. 639 00:24:15,443 --> 00:24:16,803 Don't all do it. Wow. 640 00:24:16,803 --> 00:24:20,043 I mean, that's great, that's great. Thank you so much. 641 00:24:20,043 --> 00:24:24,163 And, I'm so sorry again about all that confusion with Iain, I... 642 00:24:24,163 --> 00:24:25,923 WHISPERING: Oh, it's fine, it's OK. 643 00:24:25,923 --> 00:24:27,883 WHISPERING: Ask her about... Ask her about him. 644 00:24:27,883 --> 00:24:29,123 Huh? Ask her about him. 645 00:24:29,123 --> 00:24:30,643 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, go on. 646 00:24:30,643 --> 00:24:32,043 FAKE COUGH: Ask her about Iain. 647 00:24:32,043 --> 00:24:33,443 Yeah, it's... 648 00:24:33,443 --> 00:24:34,723 Cos the thing is... 649 00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:36,043 Yeah? 650 00:24:36,043 --> 00:24:38,203 Does he have a girlfriend... 651 00:24:38,203 --> 00:24:39,603 ..though, Iain? 652 00:24:42,043 --> 00:24:44,203 I'm sorry, Edwin, I don't understand. 653 00:24:44,203 --> 00:24:45,763 Why do you want to know? 654 00:24:45,763 --> 00:24:48,523 I...I just really, really... 655 00:24:50,083 --> 00:24:53,043 ..need to know. I'm just so bloody curious, you know? 656 00:24:53,043 --> 00:24:55,083 We all are. We're a curious family. 657 00:24:55,083 --> 00:24:58,083 We are, we are. So just tell us. Please, just tell us. 658 00:25:00,083 --> 00:25:03,523 I...I think, yeah. 659 00:25:03,523 --> 00:25:05,083 Yeah. Right. 660 00:25:05,083 --> 00:25:07,283 He just met someone on a Buddhist retreat. 661 00:25:07,283 --> 00:25:08,603 Oh, God. 662 00:25:09,763 --> 00:25:11,563 ROBIN GROANS 663 00:25:09,763 --> 00:25:11,563 RACHEL: Oh, God. 664 00:25:11,563 --> 00:25:14,483 DIANE: OK, nice to see you. Nice to see you. OK, thanks, Diane. 665 00:25:14,483 --> 00:25:16,483 Oh, Robin, I'm so sorry. 666 00:25:16,483 --> 00:25:18,523 I'm so, so, sorry. 667 00:25:18,523 --> 00:25:20,483 Oh, dear. 668 00:25:20,483 --> 00:25:21,803 No, I knew it. I knew it. 669 00:25:21,803 --> 00:25:23,323 Have some of this. 670 00:25:21,803 --> 00:25:23,323 ROBIN GROANS 671 00:25:23,323 --> 00:25:25,803 It will not help exactly, but it's so sweet 672 00:25:25,803 --> 00:25:27,843 you basically can't think about anything else. 673 00:25:27,843 --> 00:25:29,723 Cool, thanks for that. Here you go, brother. 674 00:25:29,723 --> 00:25:31,483 I don't want the salad, Dean. 675 00:25:31,483 --> 00:25:34,043 And obviously, I'll pull out, Mum, you know, of the purchase. 676 00:25:34,043 --> 00:25:35,883 Yeah, well, let's see the details first. 677 00:25:35,883 --> 00:25:37,443 Uh, that is rancid. 678 00:25:37,443 --> 00:25:38,603 It is very warm in here. 679 00:25:38,603 --> 00:25:40,683 Eight tiramisu and eight crostata. Ah, si, si, si. 680 00:25:40,683 --> 00:25:42,963 I'm excited for these. Oh, yeah, they're amazing, 681 00:25:42,963 --> 00:25:44,443 I've had a lot of these. Oh, yeah? 682 00:25:44,443 --> 00:25:46,443 It looks lovely, actually, Paul. 683 00:25:46,443 --> 00:25:48,123 Yeah, with a balcony. 684 00:25:49,683 --> 00:25:51,563 ALF: No, no, assolutemente no. 685 00:25:51,563 --> 00:25:52,763 Stop. Out. 686 00:25:52,763 --> 00:25:55,363 Uscite, all of you. Adesso. Now, please. 687 00:25:55,363 --> 00:25:57,763 What? Is this a joke? 688 00:25:57,763 --> 00:25:59,843 I see you pouring your own drink. Yes, si, si, si. 689 00:25:59,843 --> 00:26:02,003 You refuse to pay for mine and you sneak in your own? 690 00:26:02,003 --> 00:26:04,283 What is? No, please. Yeah, but you don't sell it, 691 00:26:04,283 --> 00:26:06,243 so what's she supposed to do? 692 00:26:06,243 --> 00:26:10,123 Exactly, si, si. E solo perche o bisogno uh bisogno di della 693 00:26:10,123 --> 00:26:13,323 limoncello per parlare Italiano. No, please stop trying to speak Italian. 694 00:26:13,323 --> 00:26:15,563 It's painful and sad. 695 00:26:15,563 --> 00:26:18,483 OK, you visited, on holiday, but that is all. 696 00:26:18,483 --> 00:26:19,883 You must not try to speak it. 697 00:26:21,363 --> 00:26:26,283 Even so, stop being a silly salami, and let us have our puddings. 698 00:26:26,283 --> 00:26:29,043 You all right, Rach? In fact, who would like a bit of cheese? 699 00:26:29,043 --> 00:26:31,443 Yeah. Anyone? Yeah? Yeah. I would. Robin, Dean, yeah, Maya. 700 00:26:31,443 --> 00:26:34,523 No, come on, guys. No...No. 701 00:26:34,523 --> 00:26:38,683 No? No, enough, it's too much. 702 00:26:38,683 --> 00:26:41,283 You take, take, take, always taking things from my restaurant. 703 00:26:41,283 --> 00:26:43,603 Well, yeah, to give to her family, mainly. 704 00:26:43,603 --> 00:26:46,123 She's sort of like Robin Hood, but with tiramisu. 705 00:26:46,123 --> 00:26:47,923 Yeah, yeah, yeah, Robin Pud. 706 00:26:47,923 --> 00:26:50,563 LAUGHTER 707 00:26:47,923 --> 00:26:50,563 That's a good one. 708 00:26:50,563 --> 00:26:54,243 See, the thing is, Alf, is that, you know, this is just Mum's vibe. 709 00:26:54,243 --> 00:26:55,603 She's a bit of a feeder. 710 00:26:55,603 --> 00:26:57,803 Yeah, she's a food digger. 711 00:26:57,803 --> 00:26:59,643 A what? Is that a thing? 712 00:26:59,643 --> 00:27:02,883 Sue, you're not interested in me, you're only with me for my food, no? 713 00:27:05,763 --> 00:27:10,363 I've not been interested in anyone since my Les died, Alf. 714 00:27:12,283 --> 00:27:14,763 Only my family. Sorry. 715 00:27:17,283 --> 00:27:20,803 You're a lovely man, though. And you're a great cook. 716 00:27:20,803 --> 00:27:22,003 Well... 717 00:27:23,923 --> 00:27:26,603 So, is that a no to cheese? 718 00:27:26,603 --> 00:27:28,803 Yes. No cheese. No cheese. 719 00:27:28,803 --> 00:27:30,243 Please, I would like you to leave. 720 00:27:30,243 --> 00:27:32,323 Yeah, I want to leave. I want to leave. 721 00:27:32,323 --> 00:27:33,883 Yeah, just two ticks. 722 00:27:33,883 --> 00:27:35,723 Please, do not come back. 723 00:27:35,723 --> 00:27:39,083 Thank you for a lovely evening. Aw, you're welcome, Bren. 724 00:27:39,083 --> 00:27:41,003 OK, everyone. Shall we? Let's go. 725 00:27:41,003 --> 00:27:44,843 Yeah, come on then. Good, good. Yeah. 726 00:27:44,843 --> 00:27:49,203 Thank you. Hey, Rach, come on. All right? 727 00:27:49,203 --> 00:27:51,563 Notti vuote, senza te tra le braccia. 728 00:27:51,563 --> 00:27:54,283 Parole vuote, le tue promesse trasformate. 729 00:27:54,283 --> 00:27:57,283 Mi sono fidata di te, ho pensato a te, 730 00:27:57,283 --> 00:28:00,563 quando eri con lei, quando mi hai scordato. 731 00:28:00,563 --> 00:28:03,003 Seduto con nessuno, guardato la Luna, 732 00:28:03,003 --> 00:28:06,763 sola, sola, queste notti e parole vuote. 733 00:28:06,763 --> 00:28:09,963 Whoa, nice one, Mum. Wow. 734 00:28:09,963 --> 00:28:12,723 Whoa, that was hot. Really hot. 735 00:28:12,723 --> 00:28:14,083 Thanks very much. 736 00:28:14,083 --> 00:28:16,323 Blimey, Rachel, what was that? 737 00:28:16,323 --> 00:28:18,643 Um, it was just an Italian Eurovision entry 738 00:28:18,643 --> 00:28:20,043 I memorised years ago. 739 00:28:20,043 --> 00:28:22,923 It wasn't relevant to the situation in any way. 740 00:28:22,923 --> 00:28:24,683 Still Italian though, right? 741 00:28:25,843 --> 00:28:27,763 Si. Si. 742 00:28:27,763 --> 00:28:30,123 Si, vediamo. Oh. Love it. 743 00:28:30,123 --> 00:28:31,563 Now we're talking. 744 00:28:31,563 --> 00:28:33,963 Ah, Roberto Baggio. 745 00:28:33,963 --> 00:28:35,243 Ravanelli. 746 00:28:35,243 --> 00:28:36,723 Yeah, Batistuta. 747 00:28:36,723 --> 00:28:39,443 Yeah, no, he's Argentinian, mate. Is he? Yeah, he is, yeah.