[♪ opening theme song playing]
[♪ orchestra music playing]
[man singing]
[ANNOUNCER] Acclaimed eastern opera singer Jonas Wellman,
has announced that on the 13th,
he will be traveling to Westalis
as part of a cultural exchange event.
Already greatly admired in the west,
there are high hopes this visit will prove pivotal
in easing tensions between neighboring countries,
earning him the moniker, the “Herald of the Thaw.”
[REPORTER 1] Jonas Wellman’ s numerous extramarital affairs
have been exposed!
[REPORTER 2] He's been leaking intel
to his western lover!
[REPORTER 3] The singer has secret ties to mafia figures.
Are these underground crime lords
the true driving force behind his upcoming visit?
[REPORTER 4] According to one mistress,
Mr. Wellman has made inflammatory statements like,
"I'm glad to be able to perform in Westalis.
The lowbrow Ostanian apes lack culture
and can’t appreciate my art."
It seems the real reason for the visit
is his waning popularity at home.
Are these allegations being made against you true, Mr. Wellman?
[grunts]
[REPORTER 2] The public has a right to know!
Any plans to cancel?
You’re a real scoundrel, you know?
[grunts] It’s nothing more than a smear campaign!
BEHIND THE SCANDAL
[WISE AGENT] I can’t believe the guy is such a sleazeball!
What a creep!
The "Herald of the Thaw," my ass!
This guy coming here right now
is gonna set diplomacy so far back, it’s insane!
Indeed, so make sure
these scandals don't reach the west by any means necessary.
You mean you want us to protect him?
I don’t even want him to set
one rotten foot inside our country!
- [Handler grunts] - Man, he’s such a dirtbag.
Seriously.
I said by any means necessary.
Yes, Handler.
[HANDLER] Remind me,
how long have you been with our organization?
Oh, you mean me?
About two years now, ma’am.
Then why has this gotten you so upset?
Because, obviously, it’s upsetting.
People on both sides worked extremely hard
to make this into a big cultural event.
But his comments and behavior ruined it.
I didn’t have anything to do with it personally, but still.
Well, it’s our duty to make sure
that all of their efforts don’t go to waste.
A lot of people in the west are rather inspired by it.
Yes, I realize that.
Honestly, so was I.
But now you hate him, is that it?
Well, yeah, of course I do!
Handler, did you even read the stuff he said?
I mean, everybody in Ostania practically despises the guy!
That’s the opinion of 100% of the people?
Show me the data.
I assume you’ve factually backed up this claim.
Not exactly.
Man, she's really nitpicky about this.
[HANDLER] If you’re going off those cheap tabloids,
they're all right-leaning propaganda
sponsored by the National Unity Party.
That alone should make you question
how they got these paramours and officials to comment.
You're saying all these articles are made up?
Maybe, and we mustn’t discount the influence of those
who don’t believe we should engage in any form of goodwill.
[MAN ON TV] What do people on the street have to say?
That guy should be in jail.
[WISE AGENT] My gut’s telling me that he’s a total scumbag.
A rookie like you
needs to consider facts over gut feelings.
Any agent worth their salt relies on data and objectivity.
Is your wife speaking to you after these allegations?
And even the most trivial scrap of info
can mean all the difference
between somebody living or dying.
[JUNIOR AGENT] Seems the plot has thickened, Handler.
[HANDLER] A death threat?
[JUNIOR AGENT] This was sent to the opera house.
"Death to this scoundrel who sows discord
between east and west.”
Followed by, "I shall be justice's sword!"
Some real self-righteous tough talk for you.
You think we should consider this a credible threat?
It’s just so unhinged.
[JUNIOR AGENT] Seems the media has already found out.
[HANDLER] We need every piece of related intel the police have.
[WISE AGENT] Really? We’re investigating this?
Ninety percent of the time, it’s just a stupid prank.
And what if that ten percent
is what leads us back into war? What then?
Would you be comfortable with that lame excuse?
That we just brushed the whole thing off as a joke?
[grunts]
If we caught this guy,
that could put the east in our debt for a little while.
[HANDLER] I'm going to the embassy
to discuss the security plan for this.
I need to take care of some other things while I’m out.
I’ll leave the rest to you.
♪
[HANDLER] Good grief.
Training new agents is always so exhausting.
I’m starting to sound so old.
Complaining about, "Kids these days."
When will you ever learn?
Not everything’s a matter of black or white.
Forget your preconceived notions,
and don't rationalize!
You do have a brain in your head, don’t you?
[Handler chuckles]
How nostalgic.
I wonder if I was too soft on him way back then.
[birds chirps]
[WISE AGENT] You won’t believe it!
This is tomorrow’s issue of The Vakana Weekly!
The featured article completely rebuts
all of the Jonas Wellman scandals!
[HANDLER] I’m aware.
We intercepted the draft while it was edited.
[WISE AGENT] But look! Every alleged mistress
has recanted their story
and said they were paid to say those things about him!
And there’s evidence that this was all a big smear campaign!
They’re saying that it was a coordinated attack
by pro-war hardliners in the Unity Party leadership!
They bought and paid for this scandal!
And I’m telling you I already know.
And the most unbelievable part is,
Wellman is going on with the cultural exchange
without any kind of compensation!
What a guy! It’s really incredible.
From the very beginning,
I thought something was fishy about all this.
News outlets are gathered in front of Wellman’s agency
in hopes of learning the truth of the situation...
[WISE AGENT] Wow! These blood-suckers
won’t stop hounding him
even when it’s clear he’s being set up.
[Handler sighs]
- [thumps] - Now what was that for?
Hopefully, that article coming out means
we won't have to worry about someone
making good on that death threat.
Sorry, but the kind of person
that would send that sort of thing
can only see what they want to see.
This will not change their mind. Not in the slightest.
So, you're saying that this guy
will probably still go through with it?
[REPORTER] As you can see,
there are also several anti-Wellman protestors
filling in the crowd.
And in light of the threats made on his life,
a robust security force is in place in the area.
[grunts]
APOLOGIZE! YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS!
I assume that you’re recording this, correct?
You know it.
[HANDLER] The guards are from Phalanx Security?
[SENIOR AGENT] Right, again.
[HANDLER] Stop.
Look at that guard in the back.
He doesn't have a baton.
Phalanx would not send
an unarmed guard for crowd control.
And why would he be
on that patrol route at a time like this?
Well, considering all the chaos,
maybe things just got a little confusing?
And how come you know their patrol routes?
[HANDLER] That agency is in District four, isn’t it?
Yes, it is. Kebab would be the closest to it.
[phone ringing]
Hello, you’ve reached Sunset Kebab on West Main.
How can I help you?
[HANDLER] "Delivery, delivery."
I need three hot kebabs and two mint chocolate kebabs.
[KEBAB] Hmm.
Target is nearby. A guard from P Company.
Approximately 180 centimeters tall
with brown hair. He’s behind the payphone.
Hold the ketchup, please.
[KEBAB] I’ll keep an eye on him and stand by.
Your order has been received and is in preparation, ma’am.
We'll be heading down there, too.
We are? Seriously?
[WISE AGENT] Do you think that we should call in Twilight?
[HANDLER] Apparently,
he’s collapsed in his own home recently.
Let's give him the chance to rest a bit.
The police are saying we should remain here
at the office until further notice.
But what about the appearance at the big party later tonight?
I think that it should be fine.
We do have plenty of security.
We can avoid the press
if we leave through the back exit.
Yeah, sounds good.
[grunts softly]
[Kebab gasps]
Wellman must die. [exclaims]
It’s getting hairy.
I gotta think of a plan, and quickly.
Kebab! Where's the target?
[KEBAB] We’ve got a problem.
Wellman left through the back exit.
The target is just about to make his move!
We'll be right there!
Stall Wellman and his party.
- [KEBAB] Right! Will do! - [panting]
And here you go, sir!
The mint chocolate kebabs you ordered.
Uh... What? That’s not mine.
- Hold up, what’s going on? - Whoa, hey!
I’m just trying to make a delivery here!
Go on, take it, please! [grunts]
[GUARD] He said he didn't order that! Get lost!
Huh?
[groans]
[MAN] Is she a cop?
[grunts] You will not parry the sword of justice!
[grunts] Are you sure about that?
[groans]
That looks painful!
His jaw's definitely broken.
My apologies,
it was actually intended to go to the building next door.
Well, then move along.
[Kebab giggles]
We’re here to see the Ostanian performers off,
as they’ll be departing for Westalis soon.
Now that he's been cleared of all scandals,
Mr. Wellman seems to be in high spirits as he...
[Handler sighs]
[groans]
Aw... [grunts]
Is there something the matter, Secretary Sherwood?
Seems I forgot my age
and got a little too wild yesterday.
So now my shoulder’s reminding me to slow it down.
Well, I can understand your excitement,
but let’s save the celebrations
until this whole cultural exchange thing is over.
[SENIOR AGENT] We got confirmation
the fake security guard
was the one that sent the death threat.
Name’s Pance Karmer, age 52, a former soldier.
He’s bounced around from one job to another
while racking up multiple arrests for assault.
Apparently, he thought it was up to him
to be the “sword of justice.” What a kook!
I wonder what makes a person believe
that they can represent all of society like that.
[HANDLER] It’s a ghost of the war.
If he was driven by the idea
that he was truly fighting on the side of peace and justice,
he could justify it all.
We need to be mindful of that thinking ourselves.
[WISE AGENT] I gotta admit.
I learned a lot from this whole thing.
Because of my stubborn ignorance and thoughtlessness,
I was willing to let an innocent man
be punished for crimes he didn’t commit.
I will never let myself be fooled like that again.
And once Wellman comes back home,
I owe it to him to go and see the man perform.
[Wellman singing]
[SENIOR AGENT] Yeah, about that.
The conventional wisdom is he’ll defect
to the west and never come back.
Huh?
[SENIOR AGENT] Apparently, one of his mistresses
is the wife of a ruthless mafia boss.
And they’re not gonna send some crackpot to get rid of him,
- if you know what I mean. - [WISE AGENT] What?
But I thought all those scandals were just a hoax!
Maybe, but you just never know with some people, huh?
Hey! Don’t you remember this article said
it was all some big smear campaign?
[SENIOR AGENT] Well, whatever the truth really is,
I'm just glad the East-West cultural exchange
went off without a hitch.
[HANDLER] I don’t want to have to clean up
a mess like that again.
Wait. I’m confused here.
What? Hold on!
Does anyone actually know what the truth is,
or is everything a lie?
The answers are hardly ever the easiest ones.
Remember that.
So, you gotta use your brain, find them for yourself.
[bell tolling]
THE PATH TO AN IMPERIAL SCHOLAR
[laughs] Bye-bye now, Anya!
I’ll see you tomorrow!
See you tomorrow-row!
[WORKER] I'm terribly sorry about this, children!
The bus driver has unexpectedly fallen ill,
so the next bus is gonna arrive rather late.
Ugh, you’ve gotta be kidding me!
I don’t wanna wait here.
Cafeteria maybe?
- [GIRL] Yeah, let’s go. - Good idea.
So bored.
Well, Miss Forger, if you’re waiting for the bus,
I’m afraid it won't be arriving for a while.
Yeah, I know that.
But I’m a loner and I has nowhere else to go.
Ah, I see.
Miss Blackbell’s already gone home?
Mm...
If you have time on your hands,
some help carrying these documents would be appreciated.
The duties required by first year students
is a bit much.
Right now, I think I’m a little too busy
with all the time I’ve got on my hands.
If it changes things,
I can serve you some tea snacks once we're done.
Snackies! [grunting]
Tell me, Miss Forger,
have you been enjoying your scholastic career?
It’s okay.
Wait.
If I don’t enjoy it,
does that mean I’m a bad person?
An old, rotten orange?
Hmm? No, of course not.
Back when I myself was a student,
I didn't have any friends,
and my own share of troubles, of course.
[ANYA] You poor thing. It’s okay.
[HENDERSON] Um, indeed.
Well, troubles are best dealt with
by speaking with someone.
I know it takes courage to show weakness,
but I’m always here if you wish to talk.
Uh, not right now.
I’ve been doing kinda super.
[HENDERSON] It’s normal for a student
who received a Tonitrus bolt to be in low spirits,
but she seems to be undaunted after her second one!
She’s positively elegant!
[ANYA] I forgot I got a Tonitrus Bolt! Whoops!
[Henderson grunts] Perhaps it was foolish of me
to think I needed to show her special concern
and step in with some friendly advice.
What now?
[Anya gasps] I may not get those snackies after all!
Oh, I am a little bit upset
because I got those Tonitrus Bolts
and I’m in danger.
I don’t know what I shall do now.
I’m sorry it has been troubling you so.
My stars, so I was right all along.
[Anya sighs]
The bolt you received the other day,
it was for a lack of handkerchief, right?
That’s why I got a special stash of cool hankies with me.
[HENDERSON] That’s not the crux of the issue, Miss Forger.
Whether or not you have certain items in your possession
is not as important as having a preparedness mindset.
- Okay. - Yes, well...
One of the building blocks of elegance
is maintaining thorough,
yet unharried attitude necessary to give sufficient attention
to matters of personal grooming.
Her approach may have seemed harsh,
but Mistress Schlag feared the first-year students
had gotten a bit sloppy and too comfortable,
so she wanted to refocus your attention.
Perhaps...
Okay.
[HENDERSON] I'm not getting through to her at all!
Calm down, Henderson.
She’s still a first-year student,
so she may not comprehend abstract concepts.
I must explain things in a simpler way.
- [ANYA] Uh... - What I mean to say, is...
Now don’t you worry.
I completely comprehendo.
You’re telling me I cannot get more bolts
if my hankies are thorough and unhairy!
[HENDERSON] She didn't get a damn word of it!
Oh, dear. I can’t think in such vulgarities.
My point is, it's all a matter of discipline and self-control.
I get Stellas if I self-control myself?
I see.
So you aspire to be an Imperial Scholar, do you?
She has ambition, if nothing else.
[ANYA] What? Nothing else?
[HENDERSON] Why do you want Stellas?
Why do you aspire to become an Imperial Scholar?
[ANYA] For Papa's world peace mission.
I want... Because of, uh...
The stars look super cool.
[HENDERSON] My word! How utterly shallow!
You said yourself at your interview
that you wanted to be like the headmaster, didn’t you?
Is that not the reason behind this?
[ANYA] Huh? Did I really say that?
Anyway, for a whole bunch of reasons,
I want to get all the Stellas that I can!
Then we can fight the final boss!
[Anya gasps]
[HENDERSON] Miss Forger, you should know
that Imperial Scholars and Stellas themselves
are not to be taken lightly.
They are hallmarks of Eden’s 500 years of dedication
to the pursuit of excellence and elegance.
[door closes]
Now, behold.
These students devoted themselves to their studies
and claimed that vaunted title.
Politicians, artists, athletes, scholars, engineers, et cetera.
And every last one, an Imperial Scholar.
Relentless pursuit through blood, sweat, and tears.
Dedication to self-discipline.
Always rising to the challenge.
Competing with, as well as supporting each other.
They became Imperial Scholars
only after many years of tireless work and experience.
Nothing worthwhile can be achieved
in the course of a single day. You understand?
[ANYA] It's just like the mission.
We have to keep working on it taking one step at a time.
You think I could become one someday, please?
Yes, is what I’d like to say, but I cannot.
Success depends on the individual.
There are times when luck plays a part.
But as a first-year student,
the most important thing is to properly master the basics,
which takes time.
Not just academics, but athletics, as well,
and of course, dignity, and spirituality.
Live your days with elegance and care.
[Anya groans]
[HENDERSON] Reflection is crucial
upon receiving a Tonitrus Bolt.
But you mustn’t let these minor failures
every now and then discourage you.
This young gentleman received six Tonitrus Bolts.
[ANYA] Oh...
[HENDERSON] Have faith in yourself, Miss Forger.
For I have faith in your potential for true elegance.
Right.
[door closes]
I do appreciate your help today.
Yay! Snackie time!
Yes, I know.
[Anya exclaims]
Even these delicious tea snacks
were crafted by an Imperial Scholar alumnus.
They toiled for years on end
to perfect that most elegant recipe.
Can you perceive the depth of flavor?
[ANYA] Yummy in my tummy.
[HENDERSON] How shallow!
[HENDERSON] Now tell me.
Were there any questions on your last quiz
that you’d like to review with me?
I'd be more than happy to help with that.
I got my tea snackies, so I’m all done for now.
- Thank you very much. - [door closes]
[HENDERSON] Hm...
Hm.
Education is quite the struggle.
[door opens]
[ANYA] Papa, Mama, I has returned!
[TWILIGHT] You're awfully late.
[Bond grunts]
[Anya exclaims]
[YOR] I guess it’s time for dinner.
[TWILIGHT] Sounds good.
[Twilight groans]
[TWILIGHT] The mission today was so brutal.
You’ve had plenty of time to catch up on rest.
Now back to work.
[Yor sighs]
[YOR] The target today was a beast of a challenge.
[ANYA] Papa and Mama worked hard at work today, too.
Hey, Papa!
After dinner, will you help me with my homework, please?
Wait. Where is this coming from?
Oh...
Did you get another Tonitrus Bolt?
Please tell me that’s not true!
[grunts]
Oh, no, Loid, please get a hold of yourself! [grunts]
Don't worry! I'll get dinner started right away!
Loid, stay with us!
[♪ closing theme song playing]
THE MOMMY-FRIENDS SCHEME