(FLASHBULB POPS)
(BABY CRIES)
- (BABY CONTINUES CRYING) - (OLY SIGHS)
- Really? - I made him do it.
That is a new frontier of lameness.
Oh, come on, Oly, please. Please!
Please, darling.
How's... How's little Baby J?
She's not very big on sleeping anymore.
Oh, no.
That's that four-month sleep regression thing.
Hm.
So, did you tell Mr Hanover why I'm not speaking to you
when you were drawing him into this subterfuge?
Uh, no, not exactly. (CLEARS THROAT)
I just cannot believe that you did that, Mum.
You share a grandchild.
I'm really sorry. Just, please, just come home.
It's not home anymore.
You broke it.
Uh, Croaker told me about your exam results.
Oh, yes, and...?
I think he's right. I think you should do your HSC part-time.
(GASPS) My PIP is literally about the 132 million girls
who don't get to go to school.
- I know. - Yes?
And now my mother wants me to give up my education.
I'm not saying that!
What about Rosa? Does she know?
Thought not.
FYI, I'm getting Jacinda christened.
In a church. Bernardita says you have to come.
Maybe you should sit next to Rosa
seeing as though you have so much in common.
- Everything OK? - She was a shitty baby.
She didn't sleep for two years.
I gave up work until she went to school.
I... I did everything.
You raise a child for 16 years
and she is so fucking ungrateful.
She's getting Baby J christened.
In a church?
No, in a servo. Yes, in a church.
Whew. (LAUGHS) Wow!
Shit, eh?
Wow, I don't... I don't know, I suppose...
..live and let live, huh?
Sorry?
What the fuck is going on today? Is everyone insane?
Well, presumably it's the old girl's idea.
Might be her dying wish.
But fair enough. What's the harm?
What's the harm?!
Our daughter has left us!
And she is going against everything that she believes in!
Our beautiful granddaughter is going to be used as a warm prop
in a piece of political theatre
by a protection racket for paedophiles
and male supremacists,
as you and Oly usually refer to the Church.
You don't mind?
I've been focusing my energies on forgiving others.
I mean, you should try it, Ange.
Oh! Mm!
We could have the afterparty here.
ANGIE: Oh, my God.
(YAWNS)
This little jerk
wanted to play between 2:30 and 5:30 this morning.
- Where is everyone? - It's Saturday.
Hello, Olympia, have you met the Hernandez family?
Saturday, football. Tea?
Yeah, please. Thank you.
Get the ball. Jujo, move up!
(UPBEAT LATIN MUSIC)
Joel.
Go!
Go, go, go!
- Goal! - (WHISTLE BLOWS)
Did you know that less than half the countries in the world
have achieved gender parity at high school level?
- Is that right? - Yeah.
- Why aren't we protesting this? - I don't know.
What are you wearing tomorrow for the christening?
- I hadn't thought about it. - Hm!
- (WHISTLE BLOWS) - That's the Rocky I want to see.
Good boy! Well done!
(LATIN MUSIC)
Well done, guys. Well played.
- (BABY GRIZZLES) - Sh.
(RINGING TONE)
You guys sit over there. Everybody else over here.
Hey! What's up?
Hey, will you come home later?
Uh, probably in a few hours.
I have to stay back and ref another game. Is everything OK?
(BABY CRIES)
- Ol? - Well, um, I don't know.
'Cause I've got my... project to finish.
- Um, is Ita home? - Go, Jujo!
- (BABY CRIES) - She's shopping with Rosa.
- (YELLING) - Uh... Go, boys!
MATIAS: Santiago. Mate, you're refereeing.
(BLOWS WHISTLE) Hey, don't even think about it, Puffy.
That's keeper's ball.
I'm so sorry, Ol, I gotta go.
It's alright. J will help me finish my assignment.
Won't you?
OK, 'bye.
- (BABY CRIES) - Alright, 'bye! 'Bye.
(BABY CRIES)
Ohhh!
11 million girls are at risk of...
Oly.
11 million girls will never go back to school
because of the pandemic.
- How come? - Religion.
Nothing scares them more than a girl with a book.
- Malala? - Yeah.
Do you have to work on this right now?
Well, it's a week overdue, so...
I would have done it yesterday,
but it didn't really work out with soccer and everything.
- Ol, have you had any sleep? - No.
Come on, chill out. Come back to bed.
(SCOFFS) Chilling out doesn't really work out great for me.
What?
The last time I chilled out, I fucked up and I had a baby.
And my parents lost it and my family broke.
Oh, and I failed the half-yearlies
because I was spending too much time with you,
so I don't think I will be doing that, thank you.
Oh, hey, good party last night?
You were pretty stoned when you got home.
Maybe that's why you didn't wake up when J was crying.
I'm sorry, are you saying having Baby J was a fuck-up?
What would you call it?
You know the christening's today, right?
- Like, in a few hours. - I'm aware.
Don't you look pretty now?
Uh-uh. Stand up straight.
So, boobs out. And smile, Olympia!
You look like you're going to a funeral.
My daughter, my Santi
and now our Sorpresa.
Are all the guests arriving already?
I thought it was just immediate family.
Family and friends.
- Here. - Oh, no.
You were going to wear your ugly boots to Sorpresa's baptism?
Here, put them on. Let's go.
(CHILDREN LAUGH)
- Hey. - Hey.
- You OK? - Yep.
- You look... - No.
OK.
Alrighty.
So, I'll talk you through the main points.
You don't have to worry. Cool?
So after you say the baby's full name,
I'll ask both the parents and the godparents
if you're willing to raise a baby in the faith.
And then you'll say...
Sweet, yeah. Easy.
I mean, I'm... I'm Muslim, so I don't know if...
Well, perhaps if I just ask the parents.
- (BABY CRIES) - Uh...
Yes, we are?
Awesome.
Santiago and Olympia, each of you make a sign of the cross,
I'll bless the water for the baptism,
anoint the baby with the sacred oils
and read from the catechism.
"Born with a fallen human nature
"and tainted by original sin,
"children have need of this new birth in baptism
"to be brought into the realm
"of the freedom of the children of God,
"to which all men are called."
(LAUGHS)
My God!
- That is such bullshit. - SANTI: Oly.
OK, wait.
For starters, "babies are born with sin".
Seriously?
And "the realm of men". What the actual...
OK, what about the girls?
Hey, are you alright?
I'm fine.
SONG: ♪ Da-da-da Da-da-da-da
♪ Da-da-da Da-da-da-da
♪ Da-da-da Da-da-da-da... ♪
- Oly. - PRIEST: She's nervous.
No problem.
(DOOR LOCKS)
- Hey. - Hi. How are you?
How you going?
See you in there.
(CLEARS THROAT)
ANGIE: Oh. (LAUGHS)
- Hello. - Very good of you to make it.
Would not miss this kabuki show.
(LAUGHS)
- You look beautiful. - Thank you.
- You can't say that. - I just did.
♪ Da-da-da Da-da-da
♪ Da-da-da, da-da-da-da
♪ Da-da-da Da-da-da... ♪
We must stop meeting like this.
Hey, are you OK?
('BULLSEYE' BY JessB)
(GRUNTS AND GROANS)
Oly?
SONG: ♪ Issa bullseye
♪ Issa bullseye
♪ Issa bullseye... ♪
(REEMA GASPS)
♪ Anything I want, bet me gonna take that
♪ Too much I want so I'm never laidback
♪ Whole team with me you could never break that
♪ Protect at all costs, yeah, like a wave cap
♪ We don't follow, yeah, we innovate
♪ Been about the culture, not an accolade
♪ Everybody always got somethin' to say
♪ But meanwhile can't lift their own body weight, yeah
♪ We roll with the punches, yeah
♪ Then we roll to the lunches, yeah
♪ Roll out, now we run this Damn
♪ Yeah, this is really something
♪ All my people in the place go run it
♪ All my people in the place go running
♪ Do ya dance, yeah, you know you somethin'
♪ Yeah
♪ Do ya dance, yeah, you know you something
♪ Yeah, twice
♪ Issa bullseye
♪ Once, twice
♪ Issa bullseye
♪ Once, twice
♪ Issa bullseye
♪ Yeah, my people don't miss, that's a bullseye
♪ Issa bullseye. ♪
(SIGHS)
- (RINGING TONE) - She's still here, right?
Hey, Dad, can you take Sorpresa for a second?
I think she ran for it.
- What the fuck, Oly? - I'm sorry.
If you didn't want to do this, you should have said.
I freaked out, OK? But I'm... I'm OK.
I'm coming back.
(DOOR OPENS)
I'm sorry. I can't.
Would you like to?
Yes. Yes.
(BABY BURBLES)
PRIEST: What name do you give your child?
SANTI: Jacinda Maria Rosalinda Aurora Hernandez...
..Chalmers-Davis.
She's our Sorpresa.
(SANTI LAUGHS)
And do you reject Satan and all his empty promises?
ALL: I do.
Sick name for a band.
(LAUGHS)
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
- Amen. - Amen.
(ANGELIC VOICES SING)
(BURBLES)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS AT LOW VOLUME)
- Hello! - I'm Angie. Welcome.
- Thanks for coming. - Nice to meet you.
- There's presents over there. - Great to see you.
- Hi! - Girl!
- Hello, mate. - How are you?
- Good. Thanks for coming. - You're allowed a champagne.
- How are we? - Thanks for coming.
- Hello, I'm Angie. Angel. - How are you? You look great.
Hello.
- Hello. Hola. - Oh, nice handbag.
Hey, grab a beer. Help yourself.
- Thank you. - Good to see you.
- Hello, Angie and Dom. - Wow!
- You didn't need to do that. - South American.
- Oh, delicious. - I bags one of those.
You're not drinking through the day, Edie.
Alejandro!
Alejandro.
Hey, guys.
Sorry I didn't get to say hello before.
Oh, gorgeous. Look at that.
- Oh. - Thank you.
What is it? "Pisco...
"espirit-oo del ek-why."
- Espiritu del Elqui. - Thank you, Mati-arse.
Shall I get us some glasses, have a drink?
Try not to be a prick.
That all went pretty well in the end.
Sure, if you think a newborn baby needs to be cleansed of sin
by a hipster in a dog collar and his imaginary friend.
(HALF-LAUGHS)
You have no concept of family or what it is,
or what Bernardita's been through.
You're like a big kid.
(CHUCKLES)
You live on your boat, do whatever you like.
Mm-hm.
I don't know how the fuck Angie puts up with you.
Well, thank you for that insight.
But she won't have to anymore
because we're finished.
Shit.
Cheers.
FRIENDS: Surprise!
What is this?
This is our TAZ.
He read about it on the internet.
Yeah, the temporary autonomous zone.
It's like a counter-curse.
Yeah, we're reclaiming Baby J's little soul
for the rebels and the artists,
the queers and the freaks and the geeks.
- Oh! - There we are!
SEBASTIAN: Now the baby's turn.
- Wow! - Thank you.
- Ooh, OK, maybe not. - Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
LACHIE: Now the gifts.
Oh, my God, it is perfect.
God, don't wish that on the poor kid.
OLY: Come here.
Jacinda, even though you're not actually mine,
I'll still love you anyway.
- ZAC: Aw! - Come here.
Oh, that's so cute! (LAUGHS)
Thank you.
Little bangles. (LAUGHS)
I got your mum, boo.
And I will teach you all the girl stuff,
because your mum is crap at that.
- I love you. - I love you too.
VINCE: OK, here we go.
Now, I know your parents have no sense of fashion,
especially your dad.
Doesn't mean you should miss out.
- Here you go, guys. - Oh!
- Got her the matching shoes! - Oh, wow!
- (LAUGHTER) - Thank you.
Make sure you pay attention, baby girl.
OK.
Now please join hands, ladies and gentlemen.
VINCE: Easy.
- Where did you even get that? - Etsy.
Alright, here we go.
Baby J, may you forever get to be who you truly are.
Now, you grow with love, Baby J.
(MYSTICAL MUSIC)
- Snap. - Whoo!
(LAUGHTER)
- Alright, let's dance, queens! - REEMA: Yes, let's dance.
- Do it. - I'll take my stuff.
- Yeah, I got it. - Let's go, boys.
Let's go, let's dance.
- I got it. - Oh, thank you.
- Mm-hm. - Hey, gorgeous.
Oly.
Can we talk?
(LATIN MUSIC PLAYS)
Mm.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
- Oh! Whew! - Oh!
Mm, your poor daughter.
A baby at 16. I mean, it's hard enough at 26.
Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it at 46 either.
No, she's a good girl. No sense of fashion.
(GASPS)
Anyway.
Never send them back. Would you?
ANGIE: No. Uh-uh. (LAUGHS)
So you're splitting up with Dom?
Uh...
That's... that's all very recent. Not really talking about it yet.
Mm, yeah, marriage is tough.
Yeah. Oh, we weren't married, but, um...
Yeah, things change over 25 years, that's for sure.
You know, Matias always liked working with you.
And now you're grandparents together.
- Ah! - (LAUGHS)
Yeah, funny.
So funny.
(UPBEAT LATIN MUSIC PLAYS)
- (LAUGHS) - Matias!
No, no, no, I'm fine. No, I'm...
From what I've seen...
..I think you're doing a great job, Oly.
It's a pretty low baseline
considering I didn't even know I was pregnant.
(WIND CHIMES TINKLE)
I think you just maybe need some sleep.
J and I are gonna move back home with Mum.
- For good, or... - I don't know.
Wh-what about us?
We've done everything backwards.
- Yeah, but... - We're still in high school.
We have a baby and we just got together.
Who does that?
We want completely different lives.
We're doomed.
I'm just... confused, Oly. I thought...
I thought we were in love.
Mum and Dad were in love.
Yeah, but, I mean, it's...
I think that we should break up now.
- Before we hate each other. - (LAUGHS)
- That's bullshit. - What? Why?
Who are we
to dictate what's gonna happen in the future, Oly?
We could be like Ita and Alejandro.
We could not. I mean...
My parents only had a few years together.
No-one knows how it's gonna go.
So why don't we just...
..see what happens?
That's your plan?
- Yeah. - To see what happens?
Yeah.
OK.
- Thank you. - Goodnight.
- Wonderful night. - You're beautiful!
- You are! - Beautiful kids.
Oh, Santi.
- You're going? - Yeah.
Thanks for having us, Ms Davis.
Yeah.
(DOM SNORES)
Sh.
Matias.
Your little work friend.
When did it happen?
(RETCHES)
Oh. I feel like a teenager.
In a good way.
Don't you laugh at me.
Oh!
I'm so sorry about Matias.
It only happened once and we didn't...
La-la! Oh!
You cannot conceive
how much I don't want to hear the end of that sentence.
Mm-hm. Yeah. (VOMITS)
- Oh! - Just please never do it again.
- (TOILET FLUSHES) - I won't.
I won't, I promise.
Are you gonna come back home?
('EL ORIGEN DEL ARCOIRIS' BY CAMILA MORENO)
SONG: ♪ T` eres mi sol... ♪
I am so proud of you.
♪ Mi corazon
♪ Un remolino
♪ Y yo quise caer
♪ En tus brazos, dormir
♪ As^
♪ As^... ♪
I know that we didn't really sign up for this.
(CRIES) But I think we're doing OK.
(BABY BURBLES)
But we need to get some sleep
because we have a lot of work to do tomorrow, hey?
(SNIFFLES)
We need to get our average up
if we're gonna do the advanced units next year.
Hey.
Hey, look.
Goodnight, stars.
Goodnight, planes.
Goodnight, Nanna's back garden.
Goodnight, back lane.
Goodnight, giant bamboo.
Goodnight, lorikeets and cockatoos.
(BABY BURBLES)
Goodnight, little babies.
♪ As^ yo podr\
♪ Encontrar tu sangre... ♪
(WHISPERS) Goodnight, you.
♪ Tu sangre
♪ Madre, no me dejes ir
♪ A la sombra que hay
♪ Al otro lado
♪ Que yo me puedo morir
♪ Sin ver a mi cielo enamorado
♪ Sin ver a mi cielo
♪ Est♪ llorando. ♪