1 00:00:01,697 --> 00:00:03,873 [ Theme music plays ] 2 00:00:03,916 --> 00:00:05,179 -Hello, Neil. 3 00:00:05,222 --> 00:00:06,528 -Better now that you're here. 4 00:00:07,529 --> 00:00:08,791 -Okay. 5 00:00:10,575 --> 00:00:12,795 -Oh, that was uncomfortable to watch 6 00:00:12,838 --> 00:00:14,710 and I've seen Olivia trying to hold a baby. 7 00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:19,019 -It's Neil's crush on me. I mean, 8 00:00:19,062 --> 00:00:20,368 he was already being weird 9 00:00:20,411 --> 00:00:24,589 and now I know about it, so, me weird, too. 10 00:00:24,633 --> 00:00:26,983 -Been there. There was a bailiff I worked with 11 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,811 who had a thing for me. 12 00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:30,073 Ponytail Lou. 13 00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:32,728 -Oh, how'd you handle it? -Well, one night 14 00:00:32,771 --> 00:00:35,339 he yelled out, "Gurgs" while in bed with his wife 15 00:00:35,383 --> 00:00:37,820 and she snatched that ponytail right off his head. 16 00:00:37,863 --> 00:00:39,735 [ Laughs ] 17 00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:40,692 Now he's just Lou. 18 00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:45,567 -Next up, the People vs Zack and Patty Ludlow. 19 00:00:48,918 --> 00:00:51,181 -Mr. and Mrs. Ludlow are charged with criminal mischief 20 00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:52,574 in a gender reveal gone wrong. 21 00:00:52,617 --> 00:00:54,097 They set off a pyrotechnic device 22 00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:55,403 inside a Ruby Tuesday's. 23 00:00:57,405 --> 00:00:59,363 Oh, God, what is that smell?! 24 00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:01,409 Did you walk through a geyser of cologne? 25 00:01:01,452 --> 00:01:03,498 -It's not cologne, it's body spray, 26 00:01:03,541 --> 00:01:05,369 and I bought it from an Uber driver. 27 00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:10,070 -Your Honor, my clients were merely excited 28 00:01:10,113 --> 00:01:12,985 about their announcement, which they decided to hold 29 00:01:13,029 --> 00:01:15,640 in the booth where they first met. -Aww. 30 00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:18,078 -And where their child was conceived. 31 00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:18,991 -Uhh. 32 00:01:20,515 --> 00:01:23,213 -Defense pleads guilty and asks for the court's leniency. 33 00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:25,172 -My little girl is innocent! 34 00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:26,825 There was a second shooter. 35 00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:29,785 -I'm sorry, who is that? 36 00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:31,439 -Ah, the distinguished grandma-to-be is 37 00:01:31,482 --> 00:01:33,789 Mrs. Ludlow's mother. 38 00:01:33,832 --> 00:01:36,531 She has her own opinions about the defense strategy. 39 00:01:36,574 --> 00:01:38,576 And, while not a practicing lawyer herself, 40 00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:42,102 obviously, she passed a fewbars on the way here. 41 00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,452 -I demand a real lawyer, 42 00:01:44,495 --> 00:01:48,108 not some blurry guy who's making the room spin. 43 00:01:48,151 --> 00:01:51,502 -Okay, uh, how does a fine plus damages sound? 44 00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,113 -Let me consult with my co-counsel, 45 00:01:53,156 --> 00:01:54,462 Long Island Iced Tina. 46 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:57,073 Oh, that's right, I don't care. 47 00:01:57,116 --> 00:01:58,161 We'll take it. 48 00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:02,252 -This is your fault! -Uh -- 49 00:02:08,911 --> 00:02:09,824 Next case? 50 00:02:10,651 --> 00:02:19,313 ♪♪ 51 00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:26,015 ♪♪ 52 00:02:26,058 --> 00:02:27,756 -Hey, Gurgs, what are you doing in here? 53 00:02:27,799 --> 00:02:30,019 -I'm turning in my badge. -Oh. 54 00:02:30,062 --> 00:02:31,325 -And my sword. 55 00:02:33,065 --> 00:02:35,024 -There's no way the court gave this to you -- 56 00:02:35,067 --> 00:02:37,331 Oh, wow, "Property of the state of New York." 57 00:02:38,941 --> 00:02:39,811 -I swore an oath 58 00:02:39,855 --> 00:02:41,117 that I made up 59 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:44,120 to protect this court at all costs and tonight 60 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,688 a suit lost its life on my watch. 61 00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:49,168 -Aw, Gurgs. You know that old saying, 62 00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:51,736 "Every time a suit dies, an angel 63 00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,608 gets a suit." 64 00:02:53,651 --> 00:02:56,176 -But the fact is I should've known that woman was trouble 65 00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:57,916 the moment she puked in her purse. 66 00:02:59,788 --> 00:03:01,572 I have to do some soul searching. 67 00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:04,358 If you need me, I'll be playing my saxophone on the roof. 68 00:03:07,317 --> 00:03:08,884 -Alright, this has gone on long enough. 69 00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,668 We need to talk about this Neil crush. 70 00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:11,713 -Neil who?! 71 00:03:11,756 --> 00:03:14,324 DeGrasse Tyson? 72 00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:15,630 In my dreams! 73 00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:18,807 That guy's married to the stars. [ Laughs ] 74 00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:21,462 Yeah, I know this Neil thing is a real problem for me. 75 00:03:21,505 --> 00:03:23,115 -It's worse than a problem for you. 76 00:03:23,159 --> 00:03:24,291 It's a problem for me! 77 00:03:25,466 --> 00:03:27,250 He's distracted, he smells like the inside 78 00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:29,818 of a comedy club greenroom, 79 00:03:29,861 --> 00:03:31,341 and look what he drew on the backside 80 00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:32,560 of my crime scene photo. 81 00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:36,651 -Aww, he put me in a hat. 82 00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:39,915 I should wear more hats. 83 00:03:41,438 --> 00:03:42,831 Look, I don't know what he's thinking. 84 00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:45,094 He knows that nothing can happen. 85 00:03:45,137 --> 00:03:46,661 I mean, I have a fiancé. 86 00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:49,881 Just today, Rand sent me this. [ Chuckles ] 87 00:03:49,925 --> 00:03:51,274 -I don't get it. 88 00:03:51,317 --> 00:03:53,885 Is it a sex thing? 89 00:03:53,929 --> 00:03:55,452 -It's an inside joke. 90 00:03:55,496 --> 00:03:57,106 And it's cute. 91 00:03:57,149 --> 00:03:58,934 Look, I'm doing everything I can 92 00:03:58,977 --> 00:04:00,849 to shut this thing down with Neil. 93 00:04:00,892 --> 00:04:02,503 Before I knew he had a crush on me, 94 00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:04,113 whenever he would say something funny, 95 00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:05,070 I would laugh like -- 96 00:04:05,114 --> 00:04:06,550 [ Laughter ] 97 00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,552 And now, I laugh like 98 00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:09,466 heh. 99 00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:11,642 -See, stuff like that is what's 100 00:04:11,686 --> 00:04:13,992 just going to drag this on forever. 101 00:04:14,036 --> 00:04:16,038 You need to be swift and direct. 102 00:04:16,081 --> 00:04:17,344 -Okay, maybe doing it quickly 103 00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:19,868 is the best way to preserve his feelings. 104 00:04:19,911 --> 00:04:23,437 [ Sultry jazz plays ] 105 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:24,916 -Great! Just when I thought things 106 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,266 couldn't get any worse -- 107 00:04:26,309 --> 00:04:28,006 jazz! 108 00:04:28,050 --> 00:04:30,444 [ Theme music plays ] 109 00:04:30,487 --> 00:04:32,924 -Okay, here's the best of the lost and found. 110 00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:34,448 -Looks like most of these clothes are merch 111 00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:37,799 from something called Craig-Fest 2017. 112 00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:41,455 Who's Craig? -Better question is 113 00:04:41,498 --> 00:04:43,065 why are these things still wet? 114 00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:49,114 But I feel like you could pull this off. 115 00:04:49,158 --> 00:04:51,159 -Exposed arms are just someone's way of saying 116 00:04:51,203 --> 00:04:54,859 that their muscle tone is their onlycurrency. 117 00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:56,774 I'm just trying to apologize for letting that lady 118 00:04:56,818 --> 00:04:59,124 and her daiquiri give you a North Florida baptism. 119 00:04:59,168 --> 00:05:00,430 -Listen, I'm a lawyer. 120 00:05:00,474 --> 00:05:02,389 I've had things thrown at me for years. 121 00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:04,304 At least this wasn't sharp or on fire 122 00:05:04,347 --> 00:05:06,306 or a ferret. Poor thing was just 123 00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:07,872 in the wrong place at the wrong time. 124 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:11,441 -Wait, so this happens to you a lot? 125 00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:13,008 -Yeah. -Well, not anymore! 126 00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:18,100 I swear, by this Sandals visor, I'll protect you! 127 00:05:18,143 --> 00:05:19,754 -Um, uh-huh. 128 00:05:19,797 --> 00:05:21,103 Oh-oh, wait a minute, wait. 129 00:05:21,146 --> 00:05:22,191 Is that a Rolex?! 130 00:05:22,234 --> 00:05:23,410 Oh, no! 131 00:05:23,453 --> 00:05:25,150 It's a silverfish hive. 132 00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:26,413 Aah! Ew! 133 00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:28,023 Really, good job on the protecting. 134 00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:29,677 I feel like they're all over me! -[ Gasps ] 135 00:05:32,723 --> 00:05:34,682 -Oh, there he is. Now's your chance. 136 00:05:34,725 --> 00:05:36,988 Just remember -- swift and direct. 137 00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:39,034 -Okay. 138 00:05:39,077 --> 00:05:40,992 Hey, Neil. -Hi. 139 00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:43,778 -We need to talk. 140 00:05:43,821 --> 00:05:45,867 When I was a little girl... -We're screwed. 141 00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:49,218 -...I heard the story of another little girl. 142 00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:53,657 Now, she was half fish, but her problems were all too human. 143 00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:54,876 -Oh, no. 144 00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:57,574 -Yeah, so you see what I'm getting at, huh? 145 00:05:57,618 --> 00:05:58,749 -It's Gabrielle. 146 00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,882 -Who? -Don't look! 147 00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:02,318 I had a crush on her in high school. 148 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,188 -Ah. -We had chemistry. 149 00:06:03,232 --> 00:06:04,364 The class. 150 00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:06,714 I can't let her see me like this. 151 00:06:06,757 --> 00:06:08,368 Play it cool, Neil, play it cool. 152 00:06:08,411 --> 00:06:09,456 Nope, don't know how. 153 00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:13,721 -Neil Valluri? -Oh, hey! 154 00:06:13,764 --> 00:06:14,896 -I thought that was you. 155 00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:17,377 -Me too! 156 00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:20,684 I mean, I knew I was Neil. Hey. 157 00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:22,120 -What are you doing at the courthouse? 158 00:06:22,164 --> 00:06:23,513 You seem pretty traumatized. 159 00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:25,472 Was it a robbery, a home invasion? 160 00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:28,213 [ Whispering ] Wait, are you being held hostage right now? 161 00:06:28,257 --> 00:06:30,912 -I wish! [ High-pitched laugh ] 162 00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:33,001 -Ooh, this is hard to watch! 163 00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:36,831 -This weirdness is what I'm dealing with every day now. 164 00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:38,789 -I'm doing well. I'm a dentist now. 165 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,704 You probably remember. I always loved mouths. 166 00:06:40,748 --> 00:06:42,402 -Yeah! -They do so many things -- 167 00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:44,099 smile, talk, eat. 168 00:06:44,142 --> 00:06:46,275 They're not lazy, like arms. -Totally! 169 00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:49,757 Arms have been riding hands' coattails for far too long. 170 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:51,280 -Yeah. 171 00:06:51,323 --> 00:06:52,586 -So, what brings you here? 172 00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:54,283 -I'm finalizing my divorce. 173 00:06:54,326 --> 00:06:56,764 I brought these for all the nice people in the records office. 174 00:06:56,807 --> 00:06:58,722 -Aww! -Huh! 175 00:06:58,766 --> 00:07:00,768 The incessant smile, the way she's holding 176 00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:05,076 those treats -- she... kind of reminds me of you. 177 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:06,861 -Oh, really? I don't see it. 178 00:07:06,904 --> 00:07:09,603 -I do, and I think it can help us. 179 00:07:09,646 --> 00:07:11,866 -Oh, and, uh, these are my coworkers. 180 00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:14,782 -Well, hi! You know, I saw those and I have to ask, 181 00:07:14,825 --> 00:07:16,305 are those the Funfetti cookie muffins 182 00:07:16,348 --> 00:07:18,786 from Julia Child's "S'moredorable Collection"? 183 00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:21,266 -Good eye. That's the one recipe I can remember. 184 00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:23,094 I can't believe they pulled that book off the shelves. 185 00:07:23,138 --> 00:07:24,705 -Uh, I know! It's not her fault 186 00:07:24,748 --> 00:07:27,577 the Zodiac Killer used it for one of his cyphers. 187 00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:29,449 You know, I actually have two copies. 188 00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:30,885 You could totally have one. 189 00:07:30,928 --> 00:07:32,060 -That's so nice! 190 00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:34,149 -Oh, by the way, I'm Abby. -I'm Gabby. 191 00:07:34,192 --> 00:07:35,933 -[Both] It's so nice to meet you! 192 00:07:35,977 --> 00:07:38,283 -[ Laughs ] 193 00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:39,633 Okay, yeah, maybe I see it. 194 00:07:39,676 --> 00:07:41,678 [ Theme music plays ] 195 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:44,768 [ Theme music plays ] 196 00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:46,857 -Thank you so much for this! 197 00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:48,511 Oh! Just look at Julia, 198 00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:49,686 putting out her cigarette 199 00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,819 in that pile of cookies. [ Laughs ] 200 00:07:51,862 --> 00:07:53,516 -[Both] It was a different time. 201 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:54,778 [ Laughter ] 202 00:07:54,822 --> 00:07:56,127 -Okay, that's enough. 203 00:07:56,171 --> 00:07:57,607 It was real nice for Abby to meet you. 204 00:07:57,651 --> 00:07:59,653 -Bye. -She's great! 205 00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:01,829 Hey, do you think I should do pink highlights in my hair? 206 00:08:03,047 --> 00:08:04,658 -Let's not get hung up on the fact 207 00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:07,008 that Neil's high school crush is basically a carbon copy of you 208 00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:09,271 and let's just focus on the opportunity that we have here. 209 00:08:09,314 --> 00:08:11,795 -Ooh, that Gabby and I can win the courthouse bake sale 210 00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:14,276 and knock Sal from probate down a peg or two? 211 00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:17,845 -No, that we should set her up with Neil. 212 00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:19,716 -Yeah, yeah, they'd make a great couple. 213 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,065 -Like "Beauty and the Beast." [ Laughs ] 214 00:08:21,109 --> 00:08:22,937 If Beauty fell for one of the townspeople 215 00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:25,940 who sold bread or something. 216 00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:27,681 -Or like me and Rand. You know, we met 217 00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:30,597 at the 99.7 Not Bummer Summer concert. 218 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,033 We roasted hot dogs together 219 00:08:32,076 --> 00:08:34,557 while Train played "Drops of Jupiter." 220 00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:36,037 Well, a Train cover band -- 221 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:36,994 Tram. 222 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,563 -So it's settled, then. 223 00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:41,825 I'll get Neil to ask Gabby out 224 00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:43,087 and you'll never tell me that story again. 225 00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:46,700 Wait, is that why he sent you a train? 226 00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:49,529 Now I really wish it was a sex thing. 227 00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:52,227 [ Theme music plays ] 228 00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:54,055 -Alright, everyone, I need to lock a perimeter 229 00:08:54,098 --> 00:08:55,752 around this man. 230 00:08:55,796 --> 00:08:57,275 That means six feet, Carol. 231 00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:00,670 That's better. 232 00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:03,978 -Gurgs, what are you doing? She's not even 233 00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:05,588 the most likely Carol to hurt me. 234 00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,721 That's Carol in the mail room. 235 00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:09,200 I told her her dog wasn't that cute. 236 00:09:09,244 --> 00:09:11,420 You know what? We have the Internet, nowadays. 237 00:09:11,463 --> 00:09:13,422 Standards are much higher. 238 00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:14,989 -Listen, I failed you once and it's not going 239 00:09:15,032 --> 00:09:16,686 to happen again, so, from now on, 240 00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:20,211 I'm with you day and night, no exceptions! 241 00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:22,213 Except tomorrow, 'cause I got a massage at 11:30 242 00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:24,215 and it'd be great if you came with me. 243 00:09:24,259 --> 00:09:26,435 -Oh, okay, well, no, you see, because I have 244 00:09:26,478 --> 00:09:29,046 a "never going to happen" at noon. 245 00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:31,222 Let me finish my lunch! -Of course. 246 00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:33,094 I just need to make sure it's safe. 247 00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:34,399 -What are you ta-- What? 248 00:09:34,443 --> 00:09:36,488 Gurgs, it's -- -Mm-kay. 249 00:09:36,532 --> 00:09:38,403 Now, we're going to wait 20 minutes 250 00:09:38,447 --> 00:09:39,579 to see if the poison kicks in. 251 00:09:39,622 --> 00:09:41,102 -Are you -- Screw this. 252 00:09:41,145 --> 00:09:42,799 I've got three Toblerone in my desk. 253 00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:44,409 I'm going to my office. -Oh, not by yourself, 254 00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:46,020 you're not! -Oh, Gurgs. 255 00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:47,587 -Carol, what'd I tell you? 256 00:09:48,762 --> 00:09:52,069 [ Theme music plays ] 257 00:09:52,113 --> 00:09:54,463 -This is a really big step in our relationship. 258 00:09:54,506 --> 00:09:57,858 I'm so honored that you wanted me to come meet your dentist. 259 00:09:57,901 --> 00:10:00,251 -About that -- 260 00:10:00,295 --> 00:10:01,296 -Be with you in a sec. 261 00:10:01,339 --> 00:10:02,950 Just finishing up with a patient. 262 00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:06,127 It's a redhead, so the painkillers didn't take. 263 00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:08,520 -Wait a minute. You brought me to Gabby's office? 264 00:10:08,564 --> 00:10:11,001 I thought you were going to talk to Neil about asking her out. 265 00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:13,482 -I was, but then I tried to picture Neil asking her out, 266 00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:14,962 and I just couldn't do it. 267 00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:16,485 It's shocking, the amount of scenarios 268 00:10:16,528 --> 00:10:19,009 that end up with his head stuck in a honeypot. 269 00:10:19,053 --> 00:10:21,055 -Come on, it's not that hard to picture. 270 00:10:21,098 --> 00:10:23,144 He just walks up to her and -- Oh, wow! 271 00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:26,408 How'd his head get in there so fast? 272 00:10:26,451 --> 00:10:28,540 -So, now, our only shot is to get Gabby to ask himout. 273 00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:30,325 And, since you two are practically the same person, 274 00:10:30,368 --> 00:10:32,196 I figured you'dknow how to talk youinto it. 275 00:10:33,502 --> 00:10:34,503 -We don't have to do this. 276 00:10:34,546 --> 00:10:35,722 Neil can ask her out. 277 00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:36,853 Let me picture it one more time. 278 00:10:36,897 --> 00:10:38,463 I see them on a beach. 279 00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:40,117 Not a honeypot in sight. 280 00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:41,597 Neil walks up to her, and -- 281 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,165 Oh, there it is, right on his head again. 282 00:10:44,208 --> 00:10:46,776 -Sorry, ladies. The redhead is really fighting me. 283 00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:48,082 Got to bring out the big guns. 284 00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:54,218 [ Theme music plays ] 285 00:10:54,262 --> 00:10:56,873 -Where you going? -To the men's room. 286 00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:58,005 Is that still allowed? 287 00:10:58,048 --> 00:10:59,659 -I'll let you know. -Ah -- 288 00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:09,364 -Yeah, there's someone in there and he's 289 00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:11,018 real confused and angry right now. 290 00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:13,585 -That's funny, because there's somebody 291 00:11:13,629 --> 00:11:16,719 really confused and angry out here! 292 00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:18,590 -I understand it's been an adjustment. 293 00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:21,593 And that's why I have a gift to make up for it. 294 00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:23,291 -What? 295 00:11:23,334 --> 00:11:25,206 -It's a new watch. 296 00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:27,295 It goes around your ankle, it doesn't tell time, 297 00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:29,340 and it's not a watch. 298 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,214 Well, don't be rude. Try it on! 299 00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:36,783 -No, listen, nobody is trying to poison my food 300 00:11:36,826 --> 00:11:38,132 or ambush me in the men's room. 301 00:11:38,175 --> 00:11:39,481 And you know what else? 302 00:11:39,524 --> 00:11:43,920 My newspaper, it doesn't have to be childproofed. 303 00:11:43,964 --> 00:11:45,966 When is this going to end? 304 00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:47,881 -When my debt to you is paid. 305 00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:51,536 -Got it. 306 00:11:51,580 --> 00:11:52,407 Who wants to throw a drink 307 00:11:52,450 --> 00:11:53,495 in my face? 308 00:11:55,105 --> 00:11:57,412 Preferably someone with acting experience. 309 00:11:57,455 --> 00:11:58,543 -[ English accent ] I went to Juilliard. 310 00:11:58,587 --> 00:12:01,242 -So did I. 311 00:12:01,285 --> 00:12:03,505 -Kenny, you did not go to Juilliard. 312 00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:05,986 -Oh, I went to Julie's yard. 313 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,554 And I'm not supposed to. 314 00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:11,252 That's why I'm here. 315 00:12:11,295 --> 00:12:12,601 -Alright, the part is yours. 316 00:12:12,644 --> 00:12:14,559 Hey, this is the easiest job you'll ever book, 317 00:12:14,603 --> 00:12:15,735 so, don't get used to it. 318 00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:17,084 Learn a practical skill, alright? 319 00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:19,739 Like typing or...shoveling. 320 00:12:19,782 --> 00:12:20,957 Let him out. 321 00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:22,350 -Shoveling? 322 00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:24,744 That's what I was doing in Julie's yard! 323 00:12:28,704 --> 00:12:30,097 -I mean, what are the odds? 324 00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:32,316 I just met you yesterday and now you're my patient! 325 00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:35,102 -We got to come clean, Gab. 326 00:12:35,145 --> 00:12:38,192 This visit wasn't totally coinci-dental. 327 00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:40,063 [ Laughter ] 328 00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:42,109 -Oh, my God. I love that. 329 00:12:44,198 --> 00:12:46,417 -We made the appointment after Neil told us 330 00:12:46,461 --> 00:12:47,592 how amazing you are. 331 00:12:47,636 --> 00:12:49,464 -Aww, he is so sweet. 332 00:12:49,507 --> 00:12:51,205 I wish I knew him better in high school, 333 00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:53,816 but back then, my life revolved around my ex Steve 334 00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,426 and being goth together. 335 00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:57,298 You know how it goes. 336 00:12:57,341 --> 00:12:59,430 -My fiancé, Rand, and I were goth, too! 337 00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:02,738 Actually, we did adult stage managing, 338 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:06,046 but we were mistaken for goth, but it was a fun mistake. 339 00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:07,482 -Steve and I were stage managers. 340 00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:08,962 We met during our school's production 341 00:13:09,005 --> 00:13:10,877 of "A Christmas Carol," so, every year, 342 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,792 he'd get us tickets for our anniversary. 343 00:13:12,835 --> 00:13:14,054 Kind of became our thing. 344 00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:16,099 -Rand and I have a thing like that, too. 345 00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:18,319 We met at a Train concert and, every year, 346 00:13:18,362 --> 00:13:20,321 that's what we do on our anniversary. 347 00:13:20,364 --> 00:13:23,585 Wow, this is like listening to a mirror. 348 00:13:23,628 --> 00:13:26,283 -Except your relationship hasn't ended in a messy divorce 349 00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:28,590 and a Pomeranian who blames himself. 350 00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:31,549 -Right, no. 351 00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:33,290 Rand and I are veryhappy 352 00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:35,727 and our pet pig is extremely positive. 353 00:13:35,771 --> 00:13:37,033 Honestly, it's kind of toxic. 354 00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:39,862 -[ Muffled] Who cares? 355 00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:41,168 Just talk about the other thing. 356 00:13:41,211 --> 00:13:43,039 -What? -She said, "Who cares? 357 00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:44,258 Talk about the other thing." 358 00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:46,869 -Oh, right, okay. 359 00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:47,870 I was just wondering, though. 360 00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:49,393 I-It sounds like you and Rand -- 361 00:13:49,437 --> 00:13:51,787 sorry, you and Steve -- were very cute together. 362 00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,571 What happened? -I don't know. 363 00:13:53,615 --> 00:13:55,835 One day, I realized all that cute stuff we had 364 00:13:55,878 --> 00:13:57,358 was all we had. 365 00:13:57,401 --> 00:13:59,273 Then I didn't find it that cute anymore. 366 00:13:59,316 --> 00:14:01,492 I mean, "A Christmas Carol" sucks. 367 00:14:01,536 --> 00:14:02,406 It's not romantic. 368 00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:04,104 Only a couple scenes are sexy. 369 00:14:05,453 --> 00:14:08,543 But, yeah, we kind of just... drifted apart. 370 00:14:11,241 --> 00:14:12,503 -[ Muffled ] Enough of this! 371 00:14:12,547 --> 00:14:13,678 Neil has a crush on you! 372 00:14:13,722 --> 00:14:17,552 -Wait, really, Neil has a crush on me? 373 00:14:17,595 --> 00:14:20,294 -Yes! And he's too shy to ask you out, so, 374 00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:22,296 you need to be the one to make the first move. 375 00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:24,559 -Oh, wow! 376 00:14:24,602 --> 00:14:26,300 Huh! 377 00:14:26,343 --> 00:14:28,171 -We'll give it a couple days and, if this doesn't work out, 378 00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:29,564 we take the Pomeranian. 379 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,220 [ Theme music plays ] 380 00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:37,050 -Okay, so, uh, when Gurgs comes in, you yell at me, 381 00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:38,486 and then -- here, take -- and then you act 382 00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:40,575 like you're going to throw this drink at me 383 00:14:40,618 --> 00:14:42,446 and then let her stop you. 384 00:14:42,490 --> 00:14:45,275 -I don't feel like my character would have a drink. 385 00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:47,103 -Your character is a guy who wanted his bail paid. 386 00:14:47,147 --> 00:14:49,584 -Right, and you did that, so why am I throwing a drink at you? 387 00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:51,978 I just -- I-I'm having a hard time finding my -- 388 00:14:52,021 --> 00:14:52,892 my motivation. 389 00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:54,023 Uh... 390 00:14:55,677 --> 00:14:56,852 -Alright, fine, um -- 391 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:57,722 Oh! 392 00:14:57,766 --> 00:14:59,246 I stole your girlfriend. 393 00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:00,856 -Oh. What's hername? 394 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,597 -Oh, for God's sakes, man! I -- 395 00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:05,078 Her name is Penelope! -Oh. 396 00:15:05,121 --> 00:15:06,775 -She and I met in a cooking class 397 00:15:06,818 --> 00:15:08,733 where she was learning to make your favorite dessert -- 398 00:15:08,777 --> 00:15:11,171 brioche bread pudding with pecan ice cream. 399 00:15:11,214 --> 00:15:14,435 But now, she can't even stand to eat dessert 400 00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:16,872 because the taste of sweet caramel reduction 401 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,048 just turns bitter in her mouth. 402 00:15:19,092 --> 00:15:20,397 -And then so -- -And, yes, 403 00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:22,269 you have unresolved issues with your father. 404 00:15:22,312 --> 00:15:23,531 Places. -Great, yeah. 405 00:15:26,969 --> 00:15:29,232 -I got to tell ya, Gabby is a wizard. 406 00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:31,408 My teeth have never felt stronger. 407 00:15:31,452 --> 00:15:34,585 I bit a chicken leg in half earlier. 408 00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:37,980 -Oh, sorry, I was still thinking about her divorce. 409 00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:40,156 I mean, one minute, everything's okay, 410 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,505 and then, suddenly, you're sick 411 00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:43,812 of all the things that you used to love? 412 00:15:43,855 --> 00:15:46,293 I mean, that won't happen to me and Rand, right? 413 00:15:46,336 --> 00:15:48,208 -Well, to be fair, "A Christmas Carol" 414 00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:49,687 was always going to get old. 415 00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:51,515 It's just a bunch of socialist ghosts trying 416 00:15:51,559 --> 00:15:53,648 to stop a decent man from running a small business. 417 00:15:55,693 --> 00:15:57,086 -Hey, have y'all seen Dan? 418 00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:58,131 I was guarding him in the men's room 419 00:15:58,174 --> 00:15:59,436 and he gave me the slip. 420 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,003 I opened the stall and all I found were 421 00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:04,789 a pair of pants wrapped around some mannequin legs. 422 00:16:04,833 --> 00:16:06,182 -Ooh, look! There's Gabby! 423 00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:08,184 -Oh. -And they're talking. 424 00:16:08,228 --> 00:16:09,838 Do you think she's asking him out? 425 00:16:09,881 --> 00:16:11,318 -Nah, they're talking about the weather. 426 00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:15,975 I majored in lip reading at -- 427 00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:17,367 I said, "SUNY Binghamton." 428 00:16:17,411 --> 00:16:19,195 You'd know that, if you took the class. 429 00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:22,982 -Is she touching his arm? 430 00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:24,940 -Oh? -Is this really happening? 431 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,116 -Oh! She just asked him to dinner. 432 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,118 Or for a skimmer. 433 00:16:29,162 --> 00:16:31,512 She must have a pool! Okay, dentist! 434 00:16:33,949 --> 00:16:35,081 -Did he say no? 435 00:16:35,124 --> 00:16:37,170 Wh-Why would he do that? 436 00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:39,476 -Hey, Fielding! I've got something for you! 437 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,000 -Oh, no, no! What is that?! 438 00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:41,913 -[ Sighs ] 439 00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:43,350 Forgiveness. 440 00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:45,700 And now my story truly begins. 441 00:16:45,743 --> 00:16:47,093 -Well, no, no, shouldn't it begin with you 442 00:16:47,136 --> 00:16:48,442 throwing a drink at me? 443 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:51,401 Actors! 444 00:16:51,445 --> 00:16:53,229 [ Theme music plays ] 445 00:16:55,231 --> 00:16:56,754 [ Theme music plays ] 446 00:16:56,798 --> 00:16:58,104 -Hey. 447 00:16:58,147 --> 00:16:59,931 Saw you talking to Gabby before. 448 00:16:59,975 --> 00:17:01,281 What was that about? 449 00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,196 -She asked if I wanted to get dinner, 450 00:17:03,239 --> 00:17:05,720 but I have plans, so. 451 00:17:05,762 --> 00:17:09,419 -Neil, there's a conversation that I've been trying to avoid. 452 00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:11,290 [ Sighs ] I should've done it sooner. 453 00:17:12,335 --> 00:17:13,858 I know you have feelings for me. 454 00:17:13,902 --> 00:17:15,904 -Do not! 455 00:17:15,946 --> 00:17:18,385 Unless you have feelings for me. 456 00:17:18,428 --> 00:17:22,432 -Neil, I have a fiancé, and you know that. 457 00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:24,739 Just like you knew that Gabby had a boyfriend 458 00:17:24,781 --> 00:17:26,654 back in high school. 459 00:17:26,696 --> 00:17:29,787 Do you think it's possible that you fall for unavailable women 460 00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:32,660 so you have an excuse, if it doesn't work out? 461 00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:36,751 -That would explain why I had a crush on Mrs. Brady. 462 00:17:36,794 --> 00:17:38,448 You could tell she was unhappy, but she was never going 463 00:17:38,492 --> 00:17:40,450 to leave Mike. They were a bunch. 464 00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:43,975 -If you keep doing the same thing, 465 00:17:44,019 --> 00:17:47,631 one day you're going to wake up and realize that it's too late. 466 00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:50,982 So, you need to decide what you really want. 467 00:17:51,026 --> 00:17:52,071 I think there's someone out there 468 00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:53,594 that's worth taking the risk on. 469 00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:56,597 -You're right. 470 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,077 I'm going to ask Gabby out. 471 00:17:59,469 --> 00:18:00,427 You think I should tell her I still remember 472 00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:01,515 her locker combination? 473 00:18:01,558 --> 00:18:02,733 -I wouldn't lead with that. 474 00:18:04,909 --> 00:18:07,086 [ Theme music plays ] 475 00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:09,131 -Uh, excuse me, sir? I'm going to need you to step 476 00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:10,698 six feet away from this man. 477 00:18:10,741 --> 00:18:13,962 -I'm going to need you to step six feet away. 478 00:18:14,005 --> 00:18:15,355 -Well, I said it first! 479 00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:18,836 -Gurgs, Gurgs, it's fine. 480 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,490 He's with me. 481 00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:22,449 Look, it's very hard for me to say what I need to say. 482 00:18:22,492 --> 00:18:24,929 That's why I'm going to make him do it. 483 00:18:24,973 --> 00:18:26,453 -I'm protecting him 484 00:18:26,496 --> 00:18:27,410 from you. 485 00:18:29,847 --> 00:18:30,805 -Is this true? 486 00:18:33,242 --> 00:18:34,287 -It is. 487 00:18:35,853 --> 00:18:37,725 -Gurgs, it's -- it's much better this way. 488 00:18:37,768 --> 00:18:39,292 Look, you can relax [ Scoffs ] 489 00:18:39,335 --> 00:18:41,816 and I can stop buying mannequin legs online. 490 00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:43,687 That's a very disturbing community. 491 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,561 -Well, as much as this hurts, 492 00:18:47,604 --> 00:18:50,259 the important thing is you're safe. 493 00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:52,305 Take good care of him. 494 00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:53,828 He likes it when you taste his food. 495 00:18:53,871 --> 00:18:55,221 -I don't. 496 00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:58,963 -Hey, Neil, I just got a text from Gabby. 497 00:18:59,007 --> 00:19:00,661 She said she had a great time on your date. 498 00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:02,489 -Well, I'm not one to kiss and tell, 499 00:19:02,532 --> 00:19:05,492 but we didn't kiss, so I can tell you everything. 500 00:19:05,535 --> 00:19:07,146 -I would like to thank whomever it was 501 00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:09,409 that kept me out of whatever this is. 502 00:19:10,758 --> 00:19:13,021 -I'm so happy for you. -I'm so happy, too! 503 00:19:13,064 --> 00:19:14,631 I don't know what to do with all this emotion! 504 00:19:14,675 --> 00:19:17,765 I just want to hug all of you. [ Laughs ] 505 00:19:17,808 --> 00:19:18,853 Dan? 506 00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:25,947 -[ Echoing ] No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o... 507 00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:27,992 [ Mop clatters ] 508 00:19:28,036 --> 00:19:29,472 ...o-o-o-o! 509 00:19:29,516 --> 00:19:30,430 -Ooh! 510 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,350 Wow! Someone really wanted a hug. 511 00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:42,093 -Gurgs. Gurgs, you took a hug for me! 512 00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:45,445 You were there when I -- when I needed you the most! 513 00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:48,404 You're fired. 514 00:19:51,015 --> 00:19:52,887 -My debt to you has been paid. 515 00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:53,931 -Ah! 516 00:19:53,975 --> 00:19:54,845 -Looks like you won't be needing 517 00:19:54,889 --> 00:19:56,238 this Dan tracker anymore. 518 00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:58,284 -Wha-- um, oh, uh, that. 519 00:19:58,327 --> 00:20:00,068 I, um, I put it in a piece of bread 520 00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:01,330 and threw it at a seagull. 521 00:20:02,723 --> 00:20:04,681 -I was wondering how you got to Montauk so fast. 522 00:20:04,725 --> 00:20:05,943 -[ Laughs ] 523 00:20:05,987 --> 00:20:09,556 [ Theme music plays ] 524 00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:11,427 -Well, mission accomplished. 525 00:20:11,471 --> 00:20:12,950 Neil is someone else's problem now. 526 00:20:15,431 --> 00:20:16,911 Wait, why don't you look happy? 527 00:20:16,954 --> 00:20:19,305 -All this just has me thinking about me and Rand. 528 00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:22,003 -Oh, you're getting into a whole thing. 529 00:20:22,046 --> 00:20:26,529 -Wondering what Gabby's story means for my relationship. 530 00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:29,706 I love all the cute stuff that Rand and I have, but, 531 00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:31,665 do I want every anniversary present 532 00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:33,667 to be based on "Drops of Jupiter," 533 00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:35,843 or that every trip we take has to be somewhere 534 00:20:35,886 --> 00:20:36,931 you can get to by train? 535 00:20:38,715 --> 00:20:42,241 It might be nice to go somewhere exotic, like Hawaii 536 00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:44,460 or Staten Island. 537 00:20:46,027 --> 00:20:49,291 -Well, the -- the good news is he's still upstate, so, 538 00:20:49,335 --> 00:20:51,815 you've got the time and the space to figure it out. 539 00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:55,689 By yourself. 540 00:20:55,732 --> 00:20:57,647 Maybe with a journal or a notebook 541 00:20:57,691 --> 00:20:59,780 or something else that doesn't involve me. 542 00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:04,611 -♪ Now that she's back in the atmosphere♪ 543 00:21:04,654 --> 00:21:06,874 ♪ With drops of Jupiter in her hair♪ 544 00:21:06,917 --> 00:21:10,312 -Why does it sound like my prom outside? 545 00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:11,661 -Because Rand is on the sidewalk 546 00:21:11,705 --> 00:21:13,881 with a Bluetooth speaker. 547 00:21:13,924 --> 00:21:15,535 -♪ She acts like summer♪ -Guess he took the train. 548 00:21:15,578 --> 00:21:17,319 -♪ And walks like rain♪ 549 00:21:17,363 --> 00:21:18,842 -And I thought jazz was bad. 550 00:21:23,804 --> 00:21:27,329 ♪♪