1
00:00:03,916 --> 00:00:05,221
-Hello, Neil.
2
00:00:05,389 --> 00:00:07,903
-Better now that you're here.
3
00:00:07,919 --> 00:00:10,181
-Okay.
4
00:00:10,575 --> 00:00:13,081
-Oh, that was uncomfortable to watch
5
00:00:13,083 --> 00:00:15,955
and I've seen Olivia trying to hold a baby.
6
00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:20,410
-It's Neil's crush on me. I
mean, he was already being weird
7
00:00:20,411 --> 00:00:24,632
and now I know about it, so, me weird, too.
8
00:00:24,633 --> 00:00:28,853
-Been there. There was a bailiff I
worked with who had a thing for me.
9
00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:30,116
Ponytail Lou.
10
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:32,770
-Oh, how'd you handle it?
-Well, one night
11
00:00:32,771 --> 00:00:35,382
he yelled out, "Gurgs" while in bed with his wife
12
00:00:35,383 --> 00:00:37,862
and she snatched that
ponytail right off his head.
13
00:00:37,863 --> 00:00:39,777
[Laughs]
14
00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:41,692
Now he's just Lou.
15
00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:46,567
-Next up, the People vs Zack and Patty Ludlow.
16
00:00:48,918 --> 00:00:51,224
-Mr. and Mrs. Ludlow are charged
with criminal mischief
17
00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:52,616
in a gender reveal gone wrong.
18
00:00:52,617 --> 00:00:56,403
They set off a pyrotechnic
device inside a Ruby Tuesday's.
19
00:00:57,405 --> 00:00:59,406
Oh, God, what is that smell?!
20
00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:01,451
Did you walk through a geyser of cologne?
21
00:01:01,452 --> 00:01:03,540
-It's not cologne, it's body spray,
22
00:01:03,541 --> 00:01:06,369
and I bought it from an Uber driver.
23
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:10,112
-Your Honor, my clients were merely excited
24
00:01:10,113 --> 00:01:13,028
about their announcement,
which they decided to hold
25
00:01:13,029 --> 00:01:15,683
-in the booth where they first met.
-Aww.
26
00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:19,991
-And where their child was conceived.
-Uhh.
27
00:01:20,515 --> 00:01:23,256
-Defense pleads guilty and
asks for the court's leniency.
28
00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:25,492
-My little girl is innocent!
29
00:01:25,494 --> 00:01:28,104
There was a second shooter.
30
00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:29,827
-I'm sorry, who is that?
31
00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:34,178
-Ah, the distinguished
grandma-to-be is Mrs. Ludlow's mother.
32
00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:36,573
She has her own opinions
about the defense strategy.
33
00:01:36,574 --> 00:01:40,290
And, while not a practicing
lawyer herself, obviously, she...
34
00:01:40,291 --> 00:01:42,971
passed a fewbars on the way here.
35
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:48,150
-I demand a real lawyer, not some
blurry guy who's making the room spin.
36
00:01:48,151 --> 00:01:51,544
-Okay, uh, how does a fine plus damages sound?
37
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:55,462
-Let me consult with my
co-counsel, Long Island Iced Tina.
38
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:59,161
Oh, that's right, I don't care. We'll take it.
39
00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:03,252
-This is your fault!
-Uh_
40
00:02:08,911 --> 00:02:10,650
Next case?
41
00:02:26,058 --> 00:02:27,798
-Hey, Gurgs, what are you doing in here?
42
00:02:27,799 --> 00:02:30,573
-I'm turning in my badge.
-Oh.
43
00:02:30,575 --> 00:02:32,838
-And my sword.
44
00:02:33,065 --> 00:02:35,377
-There's no way the court gave this to you;
45
00:02:35,379 --> 00:02:38,643
Oh, wow, "Property of the state of New York."
46
00:02:38,940 --> 00:02:44,300
-I swore an oath that I made up to
protect this court at all costs... and tonight
47
00:02:44,312 --> 00:02:46,730
a suit lost its life on my watch.
48
00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:49,211
-Aw, Gurgs. You know that old saying,
49
00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:53,650
"Every time a suit dies, an angel gets a suit."
50
00:02:53,651 --> 00:02:56,218
-But the fact is I should've
known that woman was trouble
51
00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:58,916
the moment she puked in her purse.
52
00:02:59,788 --> 00:03:01,759
I have to do some soul searching.
53
00:03:01,761 --> 00:03:05,503
If you need me, I'll be playing
my saxophone on the roof.
54
00:03:07,317 --> 00:03:08,926
-Alright, this has gone on long enough.
55
00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,711
We need to talk about this Neil crush.
56
00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:14,367
-Neil who?! DeGrasse Tyson?
57
00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:18,849
In my dreams! That guy's
married to the stars. [Laughs]
58
00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:21,504
Yeah, I know this Neil
thing is a real problem for me.
59
00:03:21,505 --> 00:03:25,291
-It's worse than a problem
for you. It's a problem for me!
60
00:03:25,466 --> 00:03:29,860
He's distracted, he smells like the
inside of a comedy club greenroom,
61
00:03:29,861 --> 00:03:33,560
and look what he drew on the
backside of my crime scene photo.
62
00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:37,651
-Aww, he put me in a hat.
63
00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,915
I should wear more hats.
64
00:03:41,438 --> 00:03:45,136
Look, I don't know what he's thinking.
He knows that nothing can happen.
65
00:03:45,137 --> 00:03:49,924
I mean, I have a fiancé. Just
today, Rand sent me this. [Chuckles]
66
00:03:49,925 --> 00:03:51,316
-I don't get it.
67
00:03:51,317 --> 00:03:53,928
Is it a sex thing?
68
00:03:53,929 --> 00:03:57,148
-It's an inside joke. And it's cute.
69
00:03:57,149 --> 00:04:00,891
Look, I'm doing everything I can
to shut this thing down with Neil.
70
00:04:00,892 --> 00:04:04,155
Before I knew he had a crush on me,
whenever he would say something funny,
71
00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:06,593
I would laugh like... Ha, ha, ha!
[Laughter]
72
00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:10,466
And now, I laugh like... 'heh'.
73
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:14,035
-See, stuff like that is what's
just going to drag this on forever.
74
00:04:14,036 --> 00:04:16,080
You need to be swift and direct.
75
00:04:16,081 --> 00:04:19,910
-Okay, maybe doing it quickly is
the best way to preserve his feelings.
76
00:04:19,911 --> 00:04:23,479
[Sultry jazz plays]
♫
77
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,308
-Great! Just when I thought things
couldn't get any worse;
78
00:04:26,309 --> 00:04:28,049
Jazz!
79
00:04:30,487 --> 00:04:33,300
-Okay, here's the best of the lost and found.
80
00:04:33,302 --> 00:04:39,489
-Looks like most of these clothes are merch
from something called Craig-Fest 2017.
81
00:04:39,491 --> 00:04:41,002
Who's Craig?
82
00:04:41,003 --> 00:04:44,065
Better question is why
are these things still wet?
83
00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:49,157
But I feel like you could pull this off.
84
00:04:49,158 --> 00:04:51,766
-Exposed arms are just someone's way of saying
85
00:04:51,768 --> 00:04:54,902
that their muscle tone is their only currency.
86
00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:56,817
I'm just trying to apologize
for letting that lady
87
00:04:56,818 --> 00:04:59,167
and her daiquiri give you
a North Florida baptism.
88
00:04:59,168 --> 00:05:02,431
-Listen, I'm a lawyer. I've had
things thrown at me for years.
89
00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:05,448
At least this wasn't
sharp or on fire or a ferret.
90
00:05:05,449 --> 00:05:08,872
Poor thing was just in the
wrong place at the wrong time.
91
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:11,484
-Wait, so this happens to you a lot?
92
00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:13,449
-Yeah.
-Well, not anymore!
93
00:05:13,451 --> 00:05:18,142
I swear, by this Sandals visor, I'll protect you!
94
00:05:18,143 --> 00:05:19,796
-Um, uh-huh.
95
00:05:19,797 --> 00:05:22,233
Oh-oh, wait a minute, wait. Is that a Rolex?!
96
00:05:22,234 --> 00:05:23,452
Oh, no!
97
00:05:23,453 --> 00:05:26,455
It's a silverfish hive. Aah! Ew!
98
00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:28,599
Really, good job on the protecting.
99
00:05:28,601 --> 00:05:31,212
-I feel like they're all over me!
-[Gasps]
100
00:05:32,723 --> 00:05:35,264
-Oh, there he is. Now's your chance.
101
00:05:35,266 --> 00:05:39,076
-Just remember; Swift and direct.
-Okay.
102
00:05:39,077 --> 00:05:41,035
-Hey, Neil.
-Hi.
103
00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:43,820
-We need to talk.
104
00:05:43,821 --> 00:05:46,867
-When I was a little girl...
-We're screwed.
105
00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:49,961
-...I heard the story of another little girl.
106
00:05:49,962 --> 00:05:53,700
Now, she was half fish, but
her problems were all too human.
107
00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:54,918
-Oh, no.
108
00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:58,792
-Yeah, so you see what I'm getting at, huh?
-It's Gabrielle.
109
00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,924
-Who?
-Don't look!
110
00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:02,361
I had a crush on her in high school.
111
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,231
-Ah.
-We had chemistry.
112
00:06:03,232 --> 00:06:06,756
The class. I can't let her see me like this.
113
00:06:06,757 --> 00:06:10,456
Play it cool, Neil, play it
cool. Nope, don't know how.
114
00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:13,763
-Neil Valluri?
-Oh, hey!
115
00:06:13,764 --> 00:06:15,896
-I thought that was you.
116
00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:17,419
-Me too!
117
00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:20,727
I mean, I knew I was Neil. Hey.
118
00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:23,556
-What are you doing at the
courthouse? You seem pretty traumatized.
119
00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:25,514
Was it a robbery, a home invasion?
120
00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:28,256
[Whispering] Wait, are you
being held hostage right now?
121
00:06:28,257 --> 00:06:30,954
-I wish!
[High-pitched laugh]
122
00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:33,043
-Ooh, this is hard to watch!
123
00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:36,873
-This weirdness is what I'm
dealing with every day now.
124
00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:38,831
-I'm doing well. I'm a dentist now.
125
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,747
You probably remember. I always loved mouths.
126
00:06:40,748 --> 00:06:42,444
-Yeah!
-They do so many things --
127
00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:44,641
Smile, talk, eat.
128
00:06:44,643 --> 00:06:46,818
-They're not lazy, like arms.
-Totally!
129
00:06:46,820 --> 00:06:49,799
Arms have been riding
hands' coattails for far too long.
130
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:51,322
-Yeah.
131
00:06:51,323 --> 00:06:52,628
-So, what brings you here?
132
00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:54,325
-I'm finalizing my divorce.
133
00:06:54,326 --> 00:06:56,806
I brought these for all the
nice people in the records office.
134
00:06:56,807 --> 00:06:58,765
-Aww!
-Huh!
135
00:06:58,766 --> 00:07:00,810
The incessant smile, the way she's holding
136
00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:05,119
those treats... she... kind of reminds me of you.
137
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:09,645
-Oh, really? I don't see it.
-I do, and I think it can help us.
138
00:07:09,646 --> 00:07:11,908
-Oh, and, uh, these are my coworkers.
139
00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:14,824
-Well, hi! You know, I saw
those and I have to ask,
140
00:07:14,825 --> 00:07:18,828
are those the Funfetti cookie muffins from
Julia Child's "S'moredorable Collection"?
141
00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:21,309
-Good eye. That's the one recipe I can remember.
142
00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:23,645
I can't believe they pulled
that book off the shelves.
143
00:07:23,690 --> 00:07:27,620
-Uh, I know! It's not her fault the
Zodiac Killer used it for one of his cyphers.
144
00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:30,927
You know, I actually have two
copies. You could totally have one.
145
00:07:30,928 --> 00:07:32,102
-That's so nice!
146
00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:34,191
-Oh, by the way, I'm Abby.
-I'm Gabby.
147
00:07:34,192 --> 00:07:37,181
-[Both] -It's so nice to meet you!
-It's so nice to meet you!
148
00:07:37,183 --> 00:07:38,569
[Laughs]
149
00:07:38,740 --> 00:07:40,088
Okay, yeah, maybe I see it.
150
00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:46,900
-Thank you so much for this!
151
00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:48,554
Oh! Just look at Julia,
152
00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:51,861
putting out her cigarette in
that pile of cookies. [Laughs]
153
00:07:51,862 --> 00:07:54,074
-It was a different time.
-It was a different time.
154
00:07:54,076 --> 00:07:56,170
-[Laughter]
-Okay, that's enough.
155
00:07:56,171 --> 00:07:57,650
It was real nice for Abby to meet you.
156
00:07:57,651 --> 00:07:59,109
Bye.
157
00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:02,829
She's great! Hey, do you think I
should do pink highlights in my hair?
158
00:08:03,047 --> 00:08:04,700
-Let's not get hung up on the fact
159
00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:07,050
that Neil's high school crush is
basically a carbon copy of you
160
00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:09,313
and let's just focus on the
opportunity that we have here.
161
00:08:09,314 --> 00:08:11,838
-Ooh, that Gabby and I can
win the courthouse bake sale
162
00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:15,276
and knock Sal from probate down a peg or two?
163
00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:17,887
-No, that we should set her up with Neil.
164
00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:19,759
-Yeah, yeah, they'd make a great couple.
165
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,622
-Like "Beauty and the Beast."
[Laughs]
166
00:08:21,624 --> 00:08:25,982
If Beauty fell for one of the
townspeople who sold bread or something.
167
00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:27,723
-Or like me and Rand. You know, we met
168
00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:30,639
at the 99.7 Not Bummer Summer concert.
169
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:34,600
We roasted hot dogs together
while Train played "Drops of Jupiter."
170
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:38,417
Well, a Train cover band... Tram.
171
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,606
-So it's settled, then.
172
00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:44,370
I'll get Neil to ask Gabby out and
you'll never tell me that story again.
173
00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:47,700
Wait, is that why he sent you a train?
174
00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:50,677
Now I really wish it was a sex thing.
175
00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:55,795
-Alright, everyone, I need to
lock a perimeter around this man.
176
00:08:55,796 --> 00:08:58,275
That means six feet, Carol.
177
00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:01,670
That's better.
178
00:09:02,469 --> 00:09:04,210
Gurgs, what are you doing?
179
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,120
She's not even the most likely Carol to hurt me.
180
00:09:06,122 --> 00:09:08,022
That's Carol in the mail room.
181
00:09:08,024 --> 00:09:10,734
I told her her dog wasn't
that cute. You know what?
182
00:09:10,735 --> 00:09:13,464
We have the Internet, nowadays.
Standards are much higher.
183
00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:16,345
-Listen, I failed you once and
it's not going to happen again;
184
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:20,254
So, from now on, I'm with you
day and night, no exceptions!
185
00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:24,258
Except tomorrow, 'cause I got a massage at
11:30 and it'd be great if you came with me.
186
00:09:24,259 --> 00:09:29,089
-Oh, okay, well, no, you see, because I
have a "never going to happen" at noon.
187
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:31,265
-Let me finish my lunch!
-Of course.
188
00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:33,136
I just need to make sure it's safe.
189
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:35,654
-What are you ta_ What? Gurgs, it's_
190
00:09:35,655 --> 00:09:39,621
-Mm-kay. Now, we're going to wait
20 minutes to see if the poison kicks in.
191
00:09:39,622 --> 00:09:42,842
-Are you_ Screw this. I've
got three Toblerone in my desk.
192
00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:44,620
-I'm going to my office.
-Oh, not by yourself,
193
00:09:44,622 --> 00:09:46,417
-you're not!
-Oh, Gurgs.
194
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,943
-Carol, what'd I tell you?
195
00:09:52,113 --> 00:09:54,505
-This is a really big step in our relationship.
196
00:09:54,506 --> 00:09:57,900
I'm so honored that you wanted
me to come meet your dentist.
197
00:09:57,901 --> 00:09:59,873
-About that...
198
00:09:59,875 --> 00:10:02,992
-Be with you in a sec. Just
finishing up with a patient.
199
00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:06,169
It's a redhead, so the painkillers didn't take.
200
00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:08,563
-Wait a minute. You brought me to Gabby's office?
201
00:10:08,564 --> 00:10:11,044
I thought you were going to
talk to Neil about asking her out.
202
00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:15,004
-I was, but then I tried to picture Neil
asking her out, and I just couldn't do it.
203
00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:19,052
It's shocking, the amount of scenarios
that end up with his head stuck in a honeypot.
204
00:10:19,053 --> 00:10:21,097
-Come on, it's not that hard to picture.
205
00:10:21,098 --> 00:10:23,186
He just walks up to her and -- Oh, wow!
206
00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:26,450
How'd his head get in there so fast?
207
00:10:26,451 --> 00:10:28,583
-So, now, our only shot is
to get Gabby to ask himout.
208
00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:30,835
And, since you two are
practically the same person,
209
00:10:30,837 --> 00:10:33,196
I figured you'dknow how to talk youinto it.
210
00:10:33,502 --> 00:10:35,764
-We don't have to do this. Neil can ask her out.
211
00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:38,506
Let me picture it one more time.
I see them on a beach.
212
00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:40,160
Not a honeypot in sight.
213
00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:41,640
Neil walks up to her, and...
214
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,207
Oh, there it is, right on his head again.
215
00:10:44,208 --> 00:10:47,108
-Sorry, ladies. The
redhead is really fighting me.
216
00:10:47,110 --> 00:10:49,914
Got to bring out the big guns.
217
00:10:54,262 --> 00:10:56,916
-Where you going?
-To the men's room.
218
00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:58,469
Is that still allowed?
219
00:10:58,471 --> 00:11:01,082
-I'll let you know.
-Ah_
220
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:12,018
-Yeah, there's someone in there and
he's real confused and angry right now.
221
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:16,762
-That's funny, because there's somebody
really confused and angry out here!
222
00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:18,863
-I understand it's been an adjustment.
223
00:11:18,865 --> 00:11:21,867
And that's why I have a gift to make up for it.
224
00:11:21,869 --> 00:11:23,333
-What?
225
00:11:23,334 --> 00:11:25,248
-It's a new watch.
226
00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:28,251
It goes around your ankle, it doesn't tell time,
227
00:11:28,253 --> 00:11:31,255
and it's not a watch.
228
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,256
Well, don't be rude. Try it on!
229
00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:38,174
-No, listen, nobody is trying to poison
my food or ambush me in the men's room.
230
00:11:38,175 --> 00:11:39,893
And you know what else?
231
00:11:39,895 --> 00:11:43,963
My newspaper, it doesn't have to be childproofed.
232
00:11:43,964 --> 00:11:46,431
When is this going to end?
233
00:11:46,433 --> 00:11:49,305
-When my debt to you is paid.
234
00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:51,689
-Got it.
235
00:11:51,691 --> 00:11:54,606
Who wants to throw a drink in my face?
236
00:11:55,105 --> 00:11:57,454
Preferably someone with acting experience.
237
00:11:57,455 --> 00:11:58,927
-[English accent] I went to Juilliard.
238
00:11:58,929 --> 00:12:01,284
-So did I.
239
00:12:01,285 --> 00:12:03,769
-Kenny, you did not go to Juilliard.
240
00:12:03,771 --> 00:12:07,209
-Oh, I went to Julie's yard.
241
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:11,294
And I'm not supposed to. That's why I'm here.
242
00:12:11,295 --> 00:12:12,643
-Alright, the part is yours.
243
00:12:12,644 --> 00:12:15,777
Hey, this is the easiest job you'll
ever book, so, don't get used to it.
244
00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:17,126
Learn a practical skill, alright?
245
00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:19,921
Like typing or... shoveling.
246
00:12:19,923 --> 00:12:21,244
Let him out.
247
00:12:21,246 --> 00:12:22,837
-Shoveling?
248
00:12:22,839 --> 00:12:26,190
That's what I was doing in Julie's yard!
249
00:12:28,378 --> 00:12:30,139
-I mean, what are the odds?
250
00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:33,316
I just met you yesterday
and now you're my patient!
251
00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:35,144
-We got to come clean, Gab.
252
00:12:35,145 --> 00:12:40,106
This visit wasn't totally coinci-dental.
[Laughter]
253
00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:43,109
-Oh, my God. I love that.
254
00:12:44,198 --> 00:12:47,635
-We made the appointment after
Neil told us how amazing you are.
255
00:12:47,636 --> 00:12:49,506
-Aww, he is so sweet.
256
00:12:49,507 --> 00:12:51,247
I wish I knew him better in high school,
257
00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:55,469
but back then, my life revolved around
my ex Steve and being goth together.
258
00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:57,616
You know how it goes.
259
00:12:57,686 --> 00:13:00,775
-My fiancé, Rand, and I were goth, too!
260
00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:02,781
Actually, we did adult stage managing,
261
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:06,088
but we were mistaken for
goth, but it was a fun mistake.
262
00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:07,524
-Steve and I were stage managers.
263
00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:09,004
We met during our school's production
264
00:13:09,005 --> 00:13:12,834
of "A Christmas Carol," so, every year,
he'd get us tickets for our anniversary.
265
00:13:12,835 --> 00:13:16,142
-Kind of became our thing.
-Rand and I have a thing like that, too.
266
00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:18,361
We met at a Train concert and, every year,
267
00:13:18,362 --> 00:13:20,612
that's what we do on our anniversary.
268
00:13:20,614 --> 00:13:23,627
Wow, this is like listening to a mirror.
269
00:13:23,628 --> 00:13:26,704
-Except your relationship
hasn't ended in a messy divorce
270
00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:29,969
and a Pomeranian who blames himself.
271
00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:31,592
-Right, no.
272
00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:36,203
Rand and I are veryhappy and
our pet pig is extremely positive.
273
00:13:36,205 --> 00:13:38,467
Honestly, it's kind of toxic.
274
00:13:38,635 --> 00:13:40,278
[Muffled] Who cares?
275
00:13:40,279 --> 00:13:42,413
-Just talk about the other thing.
-What?
276
00:13:42,415 --> 00:13:45,258
She said, "Who cares?
Talk about the other thing."
277
00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:49,436
-Oh, right, okay. I was just wondering,
though. I-It sounds like you and Rand_
278
00:13:49,437 --> 00:13:51,830
Sorry, you and Steve... were very cute together.
279
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,061
-What happened?
-I don't know.
280
00:13:54,063 --> 00:13:57,400
One day, I realized all that
cute stuff we had was all we had.
281
00:13:57,401 --> 00:14:01,535
Then I didn't find it that cute anymore.
I mean, "A Christmas Carol" sucks.
282
00:14:01,536 --> 00:14:05,432
It's not romantic. Only a couple scenes are sexy.
283
00:14:05,743 --> 00:14:09,833
But, yeah, we kind of just... drifted apart.
284
00:14:11,241 --> 00:14:14,085
-[Muffled] Enough of this!
Neil has a crush on you!
285
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:17,594
-Wait, really, Neil has a crush on me?
286
00:14:17,595 --> 00:14:20,336
-Yes! And he's too shy to ask you out, so,
287
00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:22,338
you need to be the one to make the first move.
288
00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:24,601
-Oh, wow!
289
00:14:24,602 --> 00:14:26,342
Huh!
290
00:14:26,343 --> 00:14:28,693
-We'll give it a couple days
and, if this doesn't work out,
291
00:14:28,695 --> 00:14:31,044
we take the Pomeranian.
292
00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:37,092
-Okay, so, uh, when Gurgs
comes in, you yell at me,
293
00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:39,128
and then --here, take --
294
00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:41,422
And then you act like you're
going to throw this drink at me
295
00:14:41,439 --> 00:14:42,927
and then let her stop you.
296
00:14:42,929 --> 00:14:45,318
-I don't feel like my
character would have a drink.
297
00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:47,146
-Your character is a guy
who wanted his bail paid.
298
00:14:47,147 --> 00:14:49,626
-Right, and you did that, so
why am I throwing a drink at you?
299
00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:52,313
I just --I-I'm having a hard time finding my...
300
00:14:52,315 --> 00:14:55,023
My motivation. Uh...
301
00:14:55,677 --> 00:14:58,314
Alright, fine, um... Oh!
302
00:14:58,315 --> 00:15:00,121
-I stole your girlfriend.
-Oh
303
00:15:00,123 --> 00:15:03,466
-Oh. What's hername?
-Oh, for God's sakes, man! I_
304
00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:05,120
-Her name is Penelope!
-Oh.
305
00:15:05,121 --> 00:15:09,192
-She and I met in a cooking class where she
was learning to make your favorite dessert...
306
00:15:09,194 --> 00:15:11,523
Brioche bread pudding with pecan ice cream.
307
00:15:11,525 --> 00:15:14,477
But now, she can't even stand to eat dessert
308
00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:17,115
because the taste of sweet caramel reduction
309
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:19,091
just turns bitter in her mouth.
310
00:15:19,092 --> 00:15:20,708
-And then so_
-And, yes,
311
00:15:20,710 --> 00:15:22,789
you have unresolved issues with your father.
312
00:15:22,791 --> 00:15:25,010
-Places.
-Great, yeah.
313
00:15:26,969 --> 00:15:29,275
-I got to tell ya; Gabby is a wizard.
314
00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:31,451
My teeth have never felt stronger.
315
00:15:31,452 --> 00:15:34,628
I bit a chicken leg in half earlier.
316
00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:38,023
-Oh, sorry, I was still
thinking about her divorce.
317
00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:41,548
I mean, one minute, everything's
okay, and then, suddenly, you're sick
318
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:44,322
of all the things that you used to love?
319
00:15:44,324 --> 00:15:47,822
-I mean, that won't happen to me and Rand, right?
-Well, to be fair,
320
00:15:47,824 --> 00:15:49,841
"A Christmas Carol" was always going to get old.
321
00:15:49,843 --> 00:15:51,925
It's just a bunch of socialist ghosts trying
322
00:15:51,927 --> 00:15:55,016
to stop a decent man from
running a small business.
323
00:15:55,693 --> 00:15:57,129
-Hey, have y'all seen Dan?
324
00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:59,479
I was guarding him in the men's
room and he gave me the slip.
325
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,046
I opened the stall and all I found were
326
00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:04,832
a pair of pants wrapped
around some mannequin legs.
327
00:16:04,833 --> 00:16:06,225
-Ooh, look! There's Gabby!
328
00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:08,813
-Oh.
-And they're talking.
329
00:16:08,815 --> 00:16:12,978
-Do you think she's asking him out?
-Nah, they're talking about the weather.
330
00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:16,017
I majored in lip reading at_
331
00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:20,195
I said, "SUNY Binghamton."
You'd know that, if you took the class.
332
00:16:21,609 --> 00:16:23,024
-Is she touching his arm?
333
00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:24,983
-Oh?
-Is this really happening?
334
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,666
-Oh! She just asked him to dinner.
335
00:16:27,668 --> 00:16:29,494
Or for a skimmer.
336
00:16:29,496 --> 00:16:32,846
She must have a pool! Okay, dentist!
337
00:16:33,949 --> 00:16:35,456
-Did he say no?
338
00:16:35,458 --> 00:16:37,212
Wh-Why would he do that?
339
00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:39,519
-Hey, Fielding! I've got something for you!
340
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,042
-Oh, no, no! What is that?!
341
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:41,956
-[Sighs]
342
00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:43,586
Forgiveness.
343
00:16:43,588 --> 00:16:46,176
And now my story truly begins.
344
00:16:46,178 --> 00:16:49,877
-Well, no, no, shouldn't it begin
with you throwing a drink at me?
345
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:51,444
Actors!
346
00:16:56,798 --> 00:16:58,146
-Hey.
347
00:16:58,147 --> 00:17:01,323
Saw you talking to Gabby
before. What was that about?
348
00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:05,761
-She asked if I wanted to get
dinner, but I have plans; So_
349
00:17:05,762 --> 00:17:09,462
-Neil, there's a conversation
that I've been trying to avoid.
350
00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:12,290
[Sighs] I should've done it sooner.
351
00:17:12,335 --> 00:17:15,945
-I know you have feelings for me.
-Do not!
352
00:17:15,946 --> 00:17:18,427
Unless you have feelings for me.
353
00:17:18,428 --> 00:17:22,475
-Neil, I have a fiancé, and you know that.
354
00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:26,695
Just like you knew that Gabby
had a boyfriend back in high school.
355
00:17:26,696 --> 00:17:29,830
Do you think it's possible that
you fall for unavailable women
356
00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:33,032
so you have an excuse, if it doesn't work out?
357
00:17:33,034 --> 00:17:36,793
-That would explain why I
had a crush on Mrs. Brady.
358
00:17:36,794 --> 00:17:39,900
You could tell she was unhappy,
but she was never going to leave Mike.
359
00:17:39,902 --> 00:17:41,450
They were a bunch.
360
00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:44,371
-If you keep doing the same thing,
361
00:17:44,373 --> 00:17:48,028
one day you're going to wake
up and realize that it's too late.
362
00:17:48,030 --> 00:17:51,025
So, you need to decide what you really want.
363
00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:55,355
I think there's someone out
there that's worth taking the risk on.
364
00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:59,077
-You're right; I'm going to ask Gabby out.
365
00:17:59,469 --> 00:18:02,180
You think I should tell her I still
remember her locker combination?
366
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:04,357
-I wouldn't lead with that.
367
00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:07,922
Uh, excuse me, sir?
368
00:18:07,923 --> 00:18:10,740
I'm going to need you to step
six feet away from this man.
369
00:18:10,741 --> 00:18:14,270
-I'm going to need you to step six feet away.
370
00:18:14,272 --> 00:18:16,622
-Well, I said it first!
371
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:20,533
-Gurgs, Gurgs, it's fine. He's with me.
372
00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:22,491
Look, it's very hard for me
to say what I need to say.
373
00:18:22,492 --> 00:18:24,972
That's why I'm going to make him do it.
374
00:18:25,118 --> 00:18:26,940
-I'm protecting him...
375
00:18:26,942 --> 00:18:28,856
from you.
376
00:18:29,847 --> 00:18:32,328
-Is this true?
377
00:18:33,242 --> 00:18:35,287
-It is.
378
00:18:35,853 --> 00:18:37,767
-Gurgs, it's... it's much better this way.
379
00:18:37,768 --> 00:18:41,858
Look, you can relax [Scoffs] and I
can stop buying mannequin legs online.
380
00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:44,862
That's a very disturbing community.
381
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:50,302
-Well, as much as this hurts,
the important thing is you're safe.
382
00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:52,347
Take good care of him.
383
00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:54,292
He likes it when you taste his food.
384
00:18:54,294 --> 00:18:56,644
-I don't.
385
00:18:57,265 --> 00:18:58,346
-Hey, Neil,
386
00:18:58,348 --> 00:19:01,165
I just got a text from Gabby. She
said she had a great time on your date.
387
00:19:01,167 --> 00:19:03,267
-Well, I'm not one to kiss and tell,
388
00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:05,534
but we didn't kiss, so I can tell you everything.
389
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:10,409
-I would like to thank whomever it
was that kept me out of whatever this is.
390
00:19:10,668 --> 00:19:13,284
-I'm so happy for you.
-I'm so happy, too!
391
00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:15,821
I don't know what to do with all this emotion!
392
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:18,240
I just want to hug all of you. [Laughs]
393
00:19:18,242 --> 00:19:20,176
Dan?
394
00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:25,989
-[Echoing] No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o...
395
00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:28,035
[Mop clatters]
396
00:19:28,036 --> 00:19:29,515
...o-o-o-o!
397
00:19:29,516 --> 00:19:31,430
-Ooh!
398
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,634
Wow!
399
00:19:36,635 --> 00:19:38,350
Someone really wanted a hug.
400
00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:42,637
-Gurgs. Gurgs, you took a hug for me!
401
00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:46,947
You were there when I_
When I needed you the most!
402
00:19:47,650 --> 00:19:49,694
You're fired.
403
00:19:51,015 --> 00:19:53,974
-My debt to you has been paid.
-Ah!
404
00:19:53,975 --> 00:19:56,281
-Looks like you won't be
needing this Dan tracker anymore.
405
00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:58,326
-Wha--um, oh, uh, that.
406
00:19:58,327 --> 00:20:02,330
I, um, I put it in a piece of
bread and threw it at a seagull.
407
00:20:02,723 --> 00:20:06,566
I was wondering how you got
to Montauk so fast. [Laughs]
408
00:20:09,598 --> 00:20:11,859
-Well, mission accomplished.
409
00:20:11,861 --> 00:20:14,793
Neil is someone else's problem now.
410
00:20:15,431 --> 00:20:16,953
Wait, why don't you look happy?
411
00:20:16,954 --> 00:20:19,347
-All this just has me thinking about me and Rand.
412
00:20:19,456 --> 00:20:22,344
-Oh, you're getting into a whole thing.
413
00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:26,572
-Wondering what Gabby's
story means for my relationship.
414
00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:29,749
I love all the cute stuff
that Rand and I have, but,
415
00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:34,098
do I want every anniversary present
to be based on "Drops of Jupiter,"
416
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:38,321
or that every trip we take has to be
somewhere you can get to by train?
417
00:20:38,715 --> 00:20:42,961
It might be nice to go
somewhere exotic, like Hawaii
418
00:20:42,963 --> 00:20:45,460
or Staten Island.
419
00:20:46,027 --> 00:20:49,801
-Well, the... the good
news is he's still upstate, so,
420
00:20:49,803 --> 00:20:53,283
you've got the time and
the space to figure it out.
421
00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:55,731
By yourself.
422
00:20:55,732 --> 00:20:58,307
Maybe with a journal or a notebook
423
00:20:58,309 --> 00:21:01,345
or something else that doesn't involve me.
424
00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:04,653
-♪ Now that she's back in the atmosphere ♪
425
00:21:04,654 --> 00:21:06,916
♪ With drops of Jupiter in her hair ♪
426
00:21:06,917 --> 00:21:10,355
-Why does it sound like my prom outside?
427
00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:13,923
-Because Rand is on the
sidewalk with a Bluetooth speaker.
428
00:21:13,924 --> 00:21:14,957
♫
429
00:21:14,959 --> 00:21:16,922
♫
Guess he took the train.
430
00:21:16,923 --> 00:21:17,745
♫
431
00:21:17,747 --> 00:21:20,287
♫
-And I thought jazz was bad.
432
00:21:20,289 --> 00:21:21,521
♫
---oOo---
433
00:21:21,522 --> 00:21:23,522
---oOo---