1 00:00:04,629 --> 00:00:06,381 -Your Honor, Mr. Crane is charged 2 00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:08,425 with disorderly conduct after forcing his way 3 00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:09,718 into the kitchen at Chez Louie 4 00:00:09,759 --> 00:00:12,554 and demanding to sanitize his dishes. 5 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,140 -Disorderly conduct? 6 00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:17,559 As a man with OCD, my client is incapable 7 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:20,437 of being disorderly, according to these five 8 00:00:20,478 --> 00:00:23,106 hermetically sealed doctor's notes. 9 00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:26,276 -Humanity is in a silent war with germs, 10 00:00:26,317 --> 00:00:27,694 and we're losing. 11 00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:28,903 Losing! 12 00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,823 -Mr. Crane, only the Board of Health 13 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,700 is allowed to burst into a kitchen unannounced, 14 00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:36,411 and even they would frown upon Windexing vegetables. 15 00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:39,581 Hm, $100 fine and community ser-- 16 00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:41,249 Where is my gavel? 17 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:44,961 -[ Gavel bangs ] -You smell good. 18 00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:48,089 Like a dirty martini with a Lemon Pledge twist. 19 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:52,218 -Up next, the people versus Clark Everett. 20 00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:56,556 Y-- Ah, Sorry, Judge. My knees are killing me! 21 00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,767 I play catcher in "Damn Yankees." 22 00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:00,435 Well, it's my church's production, 23 00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:02,520 so it's "Dang Yankees." 24 00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:04,689 -Well, put 'er there. 25 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:07,025 -Your honor, with all due respect 26 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:10,028 to Nathan Lame over there... 27 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,988 isn't it time we got ourselves a permanent clerk? 28 00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:14,616 Or at least one who's not in a play that is so off-Broadway 29 00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:17,827 it is no longer technically theater? 30 00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:20,789 -Actually, we're not off Broadway or on Broadway. 31 00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:22,457 We're under it. 32 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,752 -No one wants a killer clerk more than me, 33 00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:28,171 but with budget cuts, there's been a hiring freeze. 34 00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:30,090 -[ Groans ] -Also a coffee-cup freeze. 35 00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:31,758 We have to bring mugs from home now. 36 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,677 Made it for my mom in fifth grade. 37 00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:36,096 She asked if we could turn it back into clay 38 00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:38,640 because at least clay has potential. 39 00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:41,601 -Uh, it's not so bad. We're making it work. 40 00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:42,769 [ Thud ] 41 00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:44,813 [ People gasp ] 42 00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:47,482 Also, to save money, they put our lights on a motion detector 43 00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:50,193 that doesn't detect motion. 44 00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:52,320 Alright, everybody! Headlamps! 45 00:01:57,659 --> 00:02:00,328 -Let the record show it isthat bad! 46 00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:08,420 ** 47 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:09,713 -So, what are we looking for? 48 00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:12,007 Because if it's rats, we can stop. 49 00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:15,719 -They cut our handcuff budget, so I need duct tape. 50 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,595 Of course, they do it after the holidays 51 00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:21,266 when everyone's all bloated with thick wrists. 52 00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:23,226 -What is Joltron Cola? 53 00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,979 -[ Gasps ] Joltron! I remember this! 54 00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:28,857 It has enough caffeine to kill a horse andrevive it. 55 00:02:28,898 --> 00:02:31,151 [ Chuckles ] You never heard of Joltron? 56 00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:33,653 -Growing up, I didn't hear about a lot of stuff, Gurgs. 57 00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:36,239 I was too focused on dominating my peers. 58 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:39,200 I'm personally responsible for four nervous breakdowns -- 59 00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:42,120 three classmates, one tutor. 60 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,663 So this stuff was popular, huh? 61 00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:45,623 -Joltron used to fly off the shelves. 62 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:49,336 That was before it was blamed for the 1997 Summer of Sprees -- 63 00:02:49,377 --> 00:02:51,838 carjacking, streaking, naked carjacking. 64 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,465 It's Florida in a can. 65 00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:56,509 -You know, the budget cuts 66 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,178 took away all the drinks in the cafeteria. 67 00:02:58,219 --> 00:03:01,806 I bet we could sell this stuff. Just need a company name. 68 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:04,351 -Moore and Gurgs. We could be Morgues. 69 00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:06,436 "You'll die when you see our prices!" 70 00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:09,105 -Whoo-hoo! This is gonna be fun! 71 00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:12,025 -Let's get these upstairs. Uh, I'll clean out this cooler. 72 00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:13,651 -[ Rats squeaking ] -Nope. 73 00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:19,532 -Hey, there...Linda. I'm Judge Stone. 74 00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:20,825 And I'm here with a petition 75 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,452 to have my court's budget reinstated. 76 00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:23,870 -Take a number. 77 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,713 Fifty-five! 78 00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:37,050 -That's me. Ah. 79 00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:39,969 I just want you to know that I really respect this process. 80 00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:43,056 Every bubble, every box is important to me 81 00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,183 because it's important to you. 82 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,810 -Denied. 83 00:03:48,144 --> 00:03:50,605 -Denied?! That must be a mistake! 84 00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:54,401 -Oh, we're the government. We don't make mistakes. 85 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,404 But your petition had quite a few. 86 00:03:57,445 --> 00:04:00,615 Page ten, section F oval was toofilled in, 87 00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,951 as if done with resentment. 88 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,996 Box C3 needed to be completed in blue ink, 89 00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:09,416 but your ink had a violet hue. 90 00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:11,543 -It's called Blurple. 91 00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,378 -And since this is an even-numbered day, 92 00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:16,548 the L9 is invalid without the X8. 93 00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:18,299 -You need that X8. 94 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:21,761 -Okay, okay, well, I'm sure that I can fix every -- 95 00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:24,097 -And since this would be your second appeal, 96 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:28,059 you need to fill out a different set of forms. 97 00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,061 In triplicate. 98 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,980 -Three times. 99 00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:34,107 -Once received, you'll have your answer 100 00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:36,651 within 6 to 70 business days. 101 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:38,987 Be aware we work off the Swedish calendar, 102 00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:41,656 so our weekends are most of the week. 103 00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:45,535 -Now, you have a tough job. 104 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,954 It must be hard to say no all the time. 105 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,831 -Oh, I manage. 106 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:54,919 -I'm gonna get you to use that "yes" stamp. 107 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:59,090 Wow. That web was made by generations of spiders. 108 00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:01,968 -Fifty-six! 109 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:03,762 -[ Sighs ] 110 00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,266 Still me. 111 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,602 Look. I'm sure there are things we could do without, 112 00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:12,270 but a clerk is not one of them! 113 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:16,274 -So you're saying there are more things you can do without? 114 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:19,611 Here's your "yes" -- to another audit! 115 00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:21,654 -Who says "yes" to a bad thing?! 116 00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:25,408 La-la-la-Liinnddaaa! 117 00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:27,494 -Fifty-seven! 118 00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:34,918 -That's it! These budget cuts have gone too far! 119 00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:39,714 -You know, I don't even miss spoons and knives. 120 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:42,676 I'm getting used to forking my borscht. 121 00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:45,804 -What? That's not about me. 122 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:48,223 Look at my shoe! 123 00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:49,557 They're scuffed! 124 00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:52,560 The bastards took my shoeshine stand away! 125 00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:53,853 I don't mind the lights going out. 126 00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:55,480 I don't need to look at you people. 127 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,399 But this! 128 00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,943 I look like a school administrator. 129 00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,905 -Worst part is it happened out of the blue 130 00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:06,533 and not because of anyone's actions! 131 00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:10,995 -What the fork did you do? 132 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:13,415 -Only everything right! 133 00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,542 I went to City Hall, I took a number, 134 00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:17,752 and "Linda" still denied every request. 135 00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:20,964 She didn't like blurple, Dan. Blurple. 136 00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:25,260 -Hey. You done with the fork? -Oh, yeah. 137 00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:26,720 I'm gonna need it back. 138 00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:30,473 Dan, it's gonna be fine. 139 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:32,100 I just have to do some more paperwork, 140 00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:34,144 and it should all be fixed before news of the exterminator 141 00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:35,520 being cut gets to the... 142 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:38,189 -[ Crunch ] -...roaches. 143 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:41,609 -Alright. You know what? I'm gonna take care of this myself. 144 00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,403 They say you can't fight City Hall. 145 00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:45,530 Well... 146 00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,240 I'm not gonna fight. 147 00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,661 -[ Knock on door ] -Take a number. 148 00:06:53,288 --> 00:06:54,706 -How about 12? 149 00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:59,127 -Bryant, put these in the leak bucket. 150 00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:01,212 The water's brown, but it's fine. 151 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,798 -[ Splash ] -So what brings youhere? 152 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,134 -Fate. Linda means "beauty" in Spanish. 153 00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:09,554 And now I can tell that your face is fluent. 154 00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:11,514 -And you are...? 155 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,975 -Dan Fielding. At your service. 156 00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:16,144 You know, I did come down here to talk about the courthouse, 157 00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:18,313 but now I think I'm more interested 158 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,273 in a courtship. 159 00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,901 Con tu, señorita. 160 00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:26,488 -I see. 161 00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,656 Bryant, make yourself busy. 162 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,325 -Copy that. 163 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:31,785 Lights on or off? 164 00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:34,704 -On. On. Leave the light on. On. On. 165 00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:38,458 -Dan Fielding, is it? 166 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,834 You thought you could come in here 167 00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,295 like some stretched-out Wolf Blitzer... 168 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:45,757 ...wave some flowers around, 169 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,467 give the basement lady some attention, 170 00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:49,260 and get what you want? 171 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,388 -Yeah, pretty much about it. 172 00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:53,390 -You live on West 86th. 173 00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:56,017 That's the block with 24-hour construction, right? 174 00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:58,019 -No. No, no. There's no construction. 175 00:07:58,061 --> 00:07:59,979 -There is now. 176 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:03,024 -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Please. Leave my street alone. 177 00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:05,110 I have family you can hurt. 178 00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:08,530 -Now...let's talk about 179 00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,573 what you can reallydo for me. 180 00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:14,911 -La-la-la-Liinnddaaa! 181 00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,790 -Well, spoons are back, the lights are on, 182 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,166 and your shoes are blinding. 183 00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:23,044 -Yeah. That's right. Saved the day. As usual. 184 00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:25,255 I look forward to my thank-you gift. 185 00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:27,257 [Hushed] Cash. 186 00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:28,758 -How'd you do it? 187 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,719 -Well, I just embraced America's favorite pastime. 188 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,095 A little gentle finagling. 189 00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:34,514 Even managed to get you a new clerk. 190 00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:35,682 [ Pounding ] 191 00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,350 -Is it court time? 192 00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:40,270 -Linda's assistant? 193 00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:41,771 -Oh, no. Much more than Linda's assistant. 194 00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:43,523 He's also her son. 195 00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:45,775 Turns out he's been having a little trouble finding himself 196 00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:48,111 since he took his gap decade. 197 00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:51,031 -This is nepotism. One of my least favorite -isms. 198 00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:54,409 -And your dad was an ice-road trucker, huh? 199 00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,870 You know what? You're the only one not happy about this. 200 00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,122 -Who the hell got soda put back in the cafeteria? 201 00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:02,667 -You're welcome. -"You're welcome" blocked! 202 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,753 Did it ever occur to you that two work friends 203 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,755 might be launching a beverage consortium? 204 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,131 -You killed our semi-legal business 205 00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:11,968 selling semi-lethal soda, and we are full mad. 206 00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:14,387 -You know what? You guys are just jealous that my way worked. 207 00:09:14,429 --> 00:09:15,764 -Your way didn't work. 208 00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,390 If it did, we'd have a real clerk right now. 209 00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:19,768 -For all we know, he could be the next great legal mind. 210 00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,644 Just needs a little molding. -You're right. 211 00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:25,106 I shouldn't judge a book by the fact that it's all pictures. 212 00:09:25,857 --> 00:09:27,942 Bryant? Bryant! 213 00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:30,362 -I'm Bryant, the new clerk! 214 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,905 -Hi. I'm Judge Abby Stone. 215 00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:35,033 -Hold on. I'm about to do a really important jump. 216 00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:39,037 -[ Chuckles ] So much to mold. 217 00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:48,880 -Man, people are still buying this stuff 218 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,216 even though the drinks are back. -Money on the table. 219 00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:01,685 -One woman drank two cans and tried to fight a cement wall. 220 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,895 She won. 221 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,231 -That's a great story, but you got to get back to work. 222 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:10,026 And the next time there's a wall fight, charge to watch. 223 00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,778 -Well, okay. I'll get back to it. 224 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,530 "Morgues" on three. -There's no time, Gurgs. 225 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:16,074 "Morgues" on one. One. You missed it. Go. 226 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,283 -Morgues! 227 00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:21,955 -Okay, Bryant, let's try this one more time. 228 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:24,290 How do we get you to care about the law? 229 00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:26,084 Um, what about... 230 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:29,170 the law isn't all that different from a video game. 231 00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:31,965 -I freaking love video games! There's this one I play -- 232 00:10:32,007 --> 00:10:33,883 -Okay. Okay. Great. Let's go with that. 233 00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:36,011 Video games are just like the law. 234 00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,929 There are rules that we have to navigate. 235 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,640 -And you can kill as many people as you want. 236 00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:42,392 -You can't, though. 237 00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:44,227 What are some other things you care about? 238 00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:46,479 Oh! Your mom! Your mom! You care about your mom, right? 239 00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:50,025 -I'm not a mama's boy. I've had sex! 240 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,528 -What does that have to do with anything?! 241 00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,656 Why am I trying to make this work? 242 00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,324 -Because you're my mentor. 243 00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,827 -Is that what you think is happening right now? 244 00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:02,579 -Well, yeah. My mom's not around. 245 00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:05,040 I need someone to tell me what to do. 246 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:12,255 -I would love to be your mentor, but, ugh, I just can't! 247 00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:13,923 Err! 248 00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:15,717 -Because I make more money than you. 249 00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:17,844 -No, that's not -- Wait. Do you?! 250 00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:21,264 I have got the most perfect mentor for you. 251 00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,808 Don't change a thing. You're gonna drive him crazy. 252 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,436 I-I mean, he's gonna be crazy about you. 253 00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,440 -Dan. -No. 254 00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:34,778 -What qualities would you say you're looking for 255 00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:39,032 in a mentee of 41 who's had sex? 256 00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:42,577 -Who told you to do this? 257 00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:45,830 -The little one with the cape on backwards. 258 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:49,292 -Well, in that case, my advice to this 259 00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:52,671 sexually active young man would be to go take a flying -- 260 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,547 -Hey, Mom! 261 00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:56,758 -I came by to support my -- 262 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,134 No one's buying this. 263 00:11:58,176 --> 00:12:00,303 I'm just here to make sure that this jackass 264 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:03,098 is taking care of my jackass. 265 00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,475 -She worries. 266 00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:08,144 I was bullied a lot by my college for plagiarizing. 267 00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:11,940 -Took one form to turn that campus into a DMV. 268 00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:14,359 Most of the professors still work there. 269 00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:20,573 -So, Dan, what was your advice? 270 00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:23,201 -My advice would be 271 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,829 for you to find a mentor, 272 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:30,667 which you have and I love doing. 273 00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:32,502 -You're my mentor. 274 00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:35,380 No. Man-tor! 275 00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:38,383 No. Dan-tor! 276 00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,428 -This warms my heart. 277 00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:43,680 Come, let's go get you a Cutie orange. 278 00:12:43,722 --> 00:12:46,016 -And I'm peeling it! -No! 279 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:51,438 -I think 20 years has made the soda stronger. 280 00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:56,943 -Wow. We really cornered the market. 281 00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,195 And Flobert is an incredible salesman. 282 00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:02,032 -Hey, man. You want to touch the sky? 283 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,202 -Flobert's a part of our thing now? 284 00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:08,246 You're just gonna let him dance in on our profits? 285 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,874 You think he can twirl?! He's got bad knees! 286 00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:13,043 -Well, his knees have been good enough 287 00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:15,420 to tap-dance all over your sales numbers. 288 00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:18,006 Maybe you need to step up your game, Gurgs. 289 00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:19,549 -You better watch out. 290 00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:21,593 I wasn't originally cast as the catcher. 291 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:25,638 The guy who was caught a one-way ticket down a flight of stairs. 292 00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:31,895 -How's your new buddy working out? 293 00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:34,230 -Oh. Oh. G-Great. 294 00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:36,608 Uh, the questions, the bonding. 295 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,318 The orange peeling -- 296 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,071 because if he does it, he rubs his eyes, and then it's all, 297 00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:44,115 "It burns! Danny, it burns!" 298 00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,826 -I just love seeing this. 299 00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:48,536 You two are in it for the long haul. 300 00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:51,831 And the U-Haul. He said he was gonna ask you to help him move. 301 00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:56,211 -Well, like the hand that Bryant got stuck in his mouth 302 00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:59,297 when he was eating that orange, I'm all-in. 303 00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:02,926 -Alright, Bryant, let's get this show on the road. 304 00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:04,260 -Sure thing, Judge. 305 00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:08,515 Just gotta fold my newspaper like my Dan-tor. 306 00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:15,271 Uh, Dan, it's bullying me. 307 00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:17,190 -I told you it's simple. You close the door. 308 00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:20,360 Shut the window. Fold the menu. Tuck! 309 00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:24,531 -Dan, it's just a newspaper. 310 00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:26,116 There's a lot of ways to fold them. 311 00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:28,034 -Oh, you know there's not. 312 00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:31,913 -Next up, the people versus 313 00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:33,790 [Giggling] Mrs. Lipschitz? 314 00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:35,333 Oh, my God! Is that for real?! 315 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,878 Dan, your client is named Lipschitz! 316 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,631 -I know. Permission to approach. 317 00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,467 You did this on purpose. 318 00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:47,303 -I only fixed the first couple. Then I got lucky. 319 00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:50,140 A fight broke out at the Wiener family reunion. 320 00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:54,602 -Your Honor, my client... -Mrs. Lipschitz. 321 00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:57,105 -[ Giggles ] You got to stop saying it. 322 00:14:58,189 --> 00:14:59,649 -Bryant, it's only a name. 323 00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:02,610 Like Rod Sackhoff or Dick Butkus. 324 00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:04,487 -[Giggling] I'm sorry, Your Honor, 325 00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:07,782 but you're picking, like, all the worst ones! 326 00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:09,993 -The defendant is charged with reckless driving. 327 00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:11,828 -On a Rascal scooter. 328 00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:14,289 Could we just please let this go with a warning 329 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:17,000 and not say the defendant's name again? 330 00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:18,668 -Sure. Case dismissed. 331 00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:21,254 Thanks for being a good sport, Mrs. Lipschitz. 332 00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:23,423 -[ Snorts ] Every time. 333 00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:26,176 -It's actually a huge improvement 334 00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:28,011 over my maiden name. 335 00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:29,763 I was Geraldine -- 336 00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:31,222 -Don't! 337 00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:34,267 -Whisper it to me. I gotta know. 338 00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:39,481 -[ Clears throat ] Your Honor, I have to apologize 339 00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:41,691 for letting that name get the best of me. 340 00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:43,401 I'll try to be better. 341 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:47,364 I'm a guy who reads newspapers now. 342 00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:49,949 -Why don't you take some time to collect yourself? 343 00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:51,785 Five-minute recess! 344 00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:53,661 [ Cellphone rings ] 345 00:15:55,914 --> 00:15:58,500 -You gave him my cell number! 346 00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:01,461 -He has to be able to reach his mentor 24/7. 347 00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:03,296 And I know you're not gonna throw out your phone 348 00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:05,882 because you love that picture of you and Phil Collins. 349 00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:07,550 [ Cellphone ringing ] 350 00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:09,552 -Bye, Phil. 351 00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:11,763 -[ Crunch ] -[ Ringing stops ] 352 00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:14,182 -Alright. I've had enough. Make it stop, or I'm gonna 353 00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:23,441 -Alright. We need a plan. The kid has got to go. 354 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,278 But if we cross his mother, she's gonna turn 355 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,280 my apartment building into a septic tank 356 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,782 with a view of the park. 357 00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,951 -[Excitedly] Dan, I couldn't figure it out either. 358 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:35,954 Then Flobert sold me this $9 can of ideas. 359 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,372 Now I got tons of 'em! 360 00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:40,250 "Shark Tank" ideas, shoe ideas, TV-show ideas! 361 00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:42,919 Get this -- King. Kong's. Family. 362 00:16:42,961 --> 00:16:44,462 [ Imitates explosion ] 363 00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:48,091 -Doomed. Got it. -No. Hey! No, no! Don't go! 364 00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:50,468 You haven't heard my idea of how we're gonna get rid of him. 365 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,679 You and I work together. -I think I'd rather watch 366 00:16:52,721 --> 00:16:55,640 a whole season of "King Kong's Family." 367 00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:58,476 -We can beat Linda at her own game. 368 00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:01,062 I-I mean, with my form-filling skills and your ability 369 00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:03,648 to cynically nitpick, we'll leave no loop unholed! 370 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:06,568 Dan, I've seen the future. This works. 371 00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:09,320 Also, I'll have four kids and a bob. 372 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,698 -You got all of that from one can? 373 00:17:11,740 --> 00:17:13,658 -Yeah. Just don't ask me how you die. 374 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,744 Promise me you'll never go to Nevada. 375 00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:17,746 -[ Stammers ] 376 00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:19,122 "May cause..." 377 00:17:19,164 --> 00:17:20,915 What's "fire brain"? 378 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,085 -I think we're about to find out. 379 00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:25,253 -I -- I -- 380 00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:26,546 Well, well. 381 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,883 See you up there. 382 00:17:33,345 --> 00:17:35,513 -Poor faster, Sandy! 383 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,349 -What are you doing down here? 384 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,142 -Oh, well, we're out of fight juice, 385 00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:40,643 so I'm making my own. 386 00:17:40,685 --> 00:17:42,687 Coffee brewed with Mr. Pibb instead of water. 387 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,398 The can seals itself. It's a side effect of the chemicals. 388 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,692 Science is cool! I know, right? 389 00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,527 -How much of that have you had? 390 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,946 I can hear your heartbeat through your mouth. 391 00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:53,531 -Well, I-I gotta keep up 392 00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,158 so you don't replace me with Flobert. 393 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,494 I don't hear pouring, Sandy! 394 00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:01,247 -Oh, God. I did this. [ Gasps ] 395 00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:04,417 I made you Florida in a person. 396 00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:06,419 -Nah. I'm good. 397 00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:08,421 I'm stepping up my game. We're making money. 398 00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:10,924 I can move things with my mind now. 399 00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:15,804 Nah, everything in here is too heavy. 400 00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:17,097 -Uh, you know what? 401 00:18:17,138 --> 00:18:19,224 Caused a lot of nervous breakdowns in my life, 402 00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:22,727 but this is the first one I feel bad about. 403 00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:25,647 It's time to shut this down. -Oh, thank God. Whew! 404 00:18:25,689 --> 00:18:27,565 Maybe we can get back to doing fun things. 405 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:30,068 [ Gasps ] Let's go to the hospital. 406 00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:31,569 My fingernails are sweating. 407 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:32,696 -Oh! 408 00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:36,908 ** 409 00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,743 [ Bones cracking ] 410 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:44,249 ** 411 00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:47,335 -Oh! Bup-bup-bup-bup! No blurple! 412 00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:48,628 -[ Gasps ] 413 00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:51,464 ** 414 00:18:51,506 --> 00:18:53,091 -The fine print on this one says, 415 00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:55,760 "Everything you're writing means the opposite." 416 00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:58,763 [ Groans ] Run it back. Run it back! 417 00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,015 -Ungh! 418 00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:05,020 ** 419 00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:10,066 ** 420 00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:11,901 -Aah! Aah! Aah! 421 00:19:11,943 --> 00:19:13,611 -No pain! No pain! 422 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,822 -Straighten out, or I'll cut you off! 423 00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:17,073 -Get -- Yeah. 424 00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:22,287 ** 425 00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:26,624 -Lind-a-a-a-a-a! 426 00:19:27,542 --> 00:19:28,752 Good day, Linda. 427 00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,545 -I don't remember calling your number. 428 00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:32,505 -We have all the numbers. 429 00:19:33,798 --> 00:19:36,634 We're also here filing on behalf of the court. 430 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:40,096 Bryant! That's your cue, baby. 431 00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:43,016 -Mom, don't be alarmed. It's me. 432 00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:47,687 -I think you'll find that this paperwork is flawless. 433 00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:51,441 -"Flawless." That's a big word. 434 00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:54,819 Wait. These are beautiful! 435 00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:57,989 Forms! Subforms! Addendums! 436 00:19:58,031 --> 00:20:01,493 You even found applications that are no longer in print! 437 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,328 -I hired a TaskRabbit to infiltrate 438 00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:04,829 the Library of Discontinued Documents 439 00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,623 in Little Serbia out on Randall's Island. 440 00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:09,209 It was almost too easy. 441 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:11,086 -This is undeniable. 442 00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:13,463 I have no choice but to say yes. 443 00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,174 And yet... 444 00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:18,551 saying no is who I am! 445 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:22,472 Without that, I'm nothing! 446 00:20:22,514 --> 00:20:23,848 -Go with it, Linda. 447 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:26,226 Feel that "yes" flowing through your body. 448 00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:28,478 -Huh... 449 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,980 I...did it! 450 00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,818 -It was the table, but it's a start. 451 00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:36,945 -Uh, there is one more form. 452 00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,697 -It's an XQ-14B. 453 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:42,617 -An XQ-14B? You're firing me? 454 00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:44,994 But I'm in suit clothes. 455 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,665 -Bryant, you weren't happy up there, 456 00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:50,000 and you don't need our approval. 457 00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:53,086 -And you would never have gotten it. 458 00:20:53,128 --> 00:20:54,879 -I think there is a person in this room 459 00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:57,215 whose approval you doneed. 460 00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,467 Linda, if you could say "yes" to those forms, 461 00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:02,762 I think you could say "yes" to something even more special. 462 00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:10,729 -Oh. 463 00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,731 -Does it say "approved"? 464 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:15,108 -Well, kinda. Your head's pretty greasy. 465 00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,946 -And that's the power of a "yes"! 466 00:21:19,988 --> 00:21:24,075 -Dan, I know this feelslike goodbye... 467 00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:26,745 -Oh, Bryant. It's absolutely goodbye. 468 00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:32,500 It's funny!