1
00:00:04,587 --> 00:00:07,424
-Given these cans
are full of steroids,

2
00:00:07,465 --> 00:00:10,176
I have a hard time buying
your physique is simply a result

3
00:00:10,218 --> 00:00:12,178
of "clean living and spinach."

4
00:00:14,889 --> 00:00:17,142
-Uh, Your Honor, I wish
I had more of a defense,

5
00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:18,852
but his statement simply reads,

6
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:23,148
"I'm strong to the finich
'cause I eats me spinach.

7
00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:25,942
Ah-guh-guh,
guh-guh-guh-guh-guh."

8
00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:30,905
-Why do you talk like that?
-[ Hoarsely ] It's the 'roids.

9
00:00:30,947 --> 00:00:33,575
Guh-guh-guh, guh-guh-guh,
guh-guh-guh-guh-guh-guh-guh.

10
00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:36,745
-Six months' probation
and $1,000 fine.

11
00:00:36,786 --> 00:00:38,747
Maybe work in a leg day.

12
00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:42,709
-[ Sighs ]
Your Honor, this is rough.

13
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,961
It's the first time
I've been in a relationship

14
00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:46,296
during Fleet Week.

15
00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:47,964
[ Weakly ]
Oh, my God.

16
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,883
-I thought you and the duke
agreed that you could look

17
00:00:49,924 --> 00:00:52,302
as long as you don't
ask permission to come aboard.

18
00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:54,095
-But he's in England,

19
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:58,600
and all these tight-pants heroes
are within pouncing distance.

20
00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:03,313
Oh, the pheromones are too much.
[ Gasps ] I got to take a walk.

21
00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:06,232
-Which briefcase should I buy?
-That one's cute.

22
00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:08,985
-Oh, yeah? Good.
I'll buy the other one.

23
00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:11,237
-You can spend that
kind of money on a briefcase?

24
00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:13,239
Give me the cash,
and I'll make you one.

25
00:01:13,281 --> 00:01:15,367
There's an alligator in holding.

26
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:16,701
-I need a new briefcase

27
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,620
to hold all the money
I'm gonna make.

28
00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:21,247
I finally got a seat in the
secret Fleet Week poker game.

29
00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:23,416
-That poker game is Navy only.
How'd you get in?

30
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:26,169
-Because, unlike you,
I have friends in high places.

31
00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:28,338
-I believe he's talking
about God.

32
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,215
-No, no, no.
I'm talking about you.

33
00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:32,092
You got me a seat
at the poker game.

34
00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:33,343
because of your Navy experience.

35
00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:34,969
I can't wait to play some cards.

36
00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:37,263
-Cards?
We're playing volleyball.

37
00:01:37,305 --> 00:01:40,433
Wait a minute. Ho, ho.
Whoa, whoa. Whoa. Sorry.

38
00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:43,728
You said you could get me a seat
at the Fleet Week poker game

39
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,939
because you served
in the good old Navy.

40
00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:50,485
-No. I said I served
for the good Old Navy store.

41
00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:52,696
On their volleyball team.

42
00:01:52,737 --> 00:01:55,323
I was stationed
at the Paramus Mall.

43
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:58,451
-Why would you phrase it
as "the good old Navy"?

44
00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:01,204
-Because the bad Old Navy
was on the first floor

45
00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:02,664
by the Sbarro.

46
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:06,543
Come on, Dan!
Get your head out your ass!

47
00:02:06,584 --> 00:02:10,213
-So when you said that you had
fought in a Banana Republic --

48
00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:11,756
-It was Black Friday.

49
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:14,134
We lost a lot of good men
that day.

50
00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:16,094
[ Theme music plays ]

51
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:20,890
**

52
00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:23,184
Judge, I-I'm going to
say something

53
00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:24,686
because I need to get fired.

54
00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:27,647
Emily Blunt was a better
Mary Poppins.

55
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,984
-You are so fired!

56
00:02:31,026 --> 00:02:33,194
What's going on?

57
00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:34,863
-The next defendant
is Jasmine Jennings.

58
00:02:34,904 --> 00:02:36,823
She's the head of the PTA
at my daughter's school,

59
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:38,950
and I'd rather not be standing
next to the person

60
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,243
who might find her guilty.

61
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,828
-You're scared of a school mom?

62
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:44,789
You didn't bat an eye at
that guy shaving a cantaloupe.

63
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:52,839
-I don't bother Glenn.
Glenn doesn't bother me.

64
00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:55,592
Jasmine Jennings steamrolls
anything in her path.

65
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,594
And I don't want to be flat,
Abby.

66
00:02:57,635 --> 00:03:01,097
Being three-dimensional
is a big part of who I am.

67
00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:05,101
-Can't wait to meet her.
Jasmine Jennings, come on down!

68
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:07,520
-Hello!
Hello, hello.

69
00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:09,189
[ Gasps ]
Oh, my God!

70
00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:10,607
Wyatt Shaw?

71
00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:12,609
I didn't know you worked nights!

72
00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:16,363
This is why you show up
at drop-off in your jammies.

73
00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:19,491
I have court.
We'll catch up later.

74
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:20,825
Thank you, thank you!

75
00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:24,871
FYI -- Bradley Cooper
is a dad at my school,

76
00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:28,416
and he willsing a song
on my behalf.

77
00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:32,295
-The defendant is charged

78
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:34,089
with operating
an unlicensed food stand.

79
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:36,383
-I was raising money
for the school basketball team,

80
00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:39,552
so I set up
an itty-bitty bake sale.

81
00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,596
-In the main concourse
of Madison Square Garden

82
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:43,056
during a Knicks game,

83
00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:46,226
blocking the entrance
to multiple restrooms...

84
00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:47,560
with this.

85
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,646
-[ Gasps ]
Shot Clock Showdown?!

86
00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:52,565
Never wanted to commandeer
something so bad in my life.

87
00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:54,234
-Your Honor,
my client was merely

88
00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:56,069
trying to raise money
for children.

89
00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:58,822
Who doesn't love children?

90
00:03:58,863 --> 00:04:00,657
-You.

91
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,159
And me.

92
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:06,246
-If I don't raise money
for basketball,

93
00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:09,082
some kids might not make
the team.

94
00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:13,253
Some kids might end up
in art club...with Jeremy M.

95
00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:17,340
-M. Woof. I can tell
that's not the Jeremy you want.

96
00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:19,217
-All right.
I'm gonna say guilty.

97
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:20,593
Ten hours' community service.

98
00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:22,887
-But I already do
community service.

99
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:26,099
My foundation provides
nose jobs for at-risk youth.

100
00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:29,102
-Got it.
Not all giving is good.

101
00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:30,770
All right.

102
00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:32,939
I'm going to take a recess
so I can go get some quarters.

103
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:35,608
I mean...
go to my judge's quarters.

104
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,610
-Don't worry.
I'm banned from MSG too.

105
00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:42,449
Apparently, they got a lot
of rules about touching Beyoncé.

106
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:44,284
**

107
00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:47,245
-Well, thanks for the pretzel.

108
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,621
I'd love to stay and chat,

109
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:50,623
but you answer to the call
of the sea.

110
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:52,876
And I answer to the call
of the mustard.

111
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,921
-Getting free stuff
from sailors, huh?

112
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,465
-Look, I'm saving up
to buy an apartment,

113
00:04:58,506 --> 00:05:00,091
and every little bit helps.

114
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,010
I'm not proud of this.
-Oh, there's no shame in it.

115
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:06,097
People like us should never
have to pay for anything.

116
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,599
-People like us?

117
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,934
-Drop the act, Olivia.

118
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,603
We're both hotties.

119
00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:14,022
Your problem is you're thinking
small potatoes.

120
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:17,692
Watch and learn.
[ Clears throat ]

121
00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:23,698
I'm a wittle hungwy.

122
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:28,703
Thank you, honey.

123
00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,915
-I guess the poker game's off.

124
00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:33,792
We lost the basement
of the drama bookstore.

125
00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:36,503
Lin-Manuel Miranda's
workshopping a new production.

126
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:38,254
This one's about
George Hamilton --

127
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:39,964
also never a president.

128
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:42,467
-Excuse me. Are you talking
about the Fleet Week poker game?

129
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:44,678
-We can't tell you.
You're the law.

130
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:48,598
-Uh, n-no.
I'm a law-yer.

131
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,684
I have no allegiance to the law.

132
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:52,602
Oh, if you lost your poker room,

133
00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:54,938
I will not rest until
I find you a place to play.

134
00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:58,191
And all I ask in return
is for you to help me fulfill

135
00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:02,821
my lifelong dream of playing
cards for the first time.

136
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:04,197
-You got a deal.

137
00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:06,449
As long as you promise
not to take all our money!

138
00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:09,202
[ Laughs ]
-Take -- No! Come on!

139
00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:12,038
[ Laughs ]
I got an in on the poker game.

140
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,457
I need you to unlock
the basement.

141
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:15,875
-I'm not gonna help you
take money

142
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:17,711
from a bunch of hot servicemen.
-Fine, fine.

143
00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:20,046
If you're not gonna do it
for me, well...

144
00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:23,049
do it for your boyfriend,
the duke.

145
00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,552
There's no greater test
of your commitment to him

146
00:06:25,593 --> 00:06:27,345
than being locked
in a sweltering basement

147
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:31,808
with a bunch of muscle-bound men
who are good at taking orders.

148
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,894
-Is one of them named Bodhi?

149
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:37,731
And does he have hands that
look like they can fix stuff?

150
00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:40,400
-All six-foot-five of him.
-Too tall.

151
00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:43,028
-All six-foot-two of him.
-Mm.

152
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,572
-But come on.
Bodhi doesn't matter, right?

153
00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:49,367
You love the duke.
Or...do you?

154
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,910
Only way to really find out

155
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:53,455
is to let me host the poker game
in the basement.

156
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:56,791
-Damn it, Fielding.
You're right.

157
00:06:56,833 --> 00:07:00,045
And by the way,
the basement's never locked.

158
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,588
**

159
00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:03,590
-I hope my ruling
against Jasmine yesterday

160
00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:05,091
didn't make drop-off awkward.

161
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:06,760
-Nope.
Smooth as silk.

162
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,470
The material, not the nut milk,

163
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:11,723
which Jasmine banned because the
name is too sexy for children.

164
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,433
-She's just a basic bully.

165
00:07:13,475 --> 00:07:15,769
Just got to put them in their
place and they back right down.

166
00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:17,020
-Yeah.

167
00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,688
Let's live in a world
where that's true

168
00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:20,607
for the next two
seconds.

169
00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:23,985
[ Machine beeping, chiming ]

170
00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:26,946
-What is all this?
-Game over!

171
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:29,157
-W-What?

172
00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:32,577
She's doing her
community service here?

173
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:35,789
-Wyatt!
Thank goodness you're here.

174
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:40,168
Weare low on lemon bars.

175
00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:42,837
Thank you, thank you.

176
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:46,049
-She's made a mockery
of my ruling.

177
00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:49,969
And even worse,
she's weaponized lemon bars.

178
00:07:58,061 --> 00:07:58,978
-Holding a bake sale
in my courthouse

179
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:01,147
is not community service.

180
00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:03,024
She should be cleaning
a highway,

181
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:05,485
maybe even meeting a biker guy
who makes her realize

182
00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:10,156
that even though they're from
different worlds, love ain't.

183
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:11,616
-Just write it already.

184
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,326
The world needs to see
"Love Ain't."

185
00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:15,704
-I don't have time, Wyatt.
I need to put a stop to this.

186
00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:17,706
-Couldn't agree more.

187
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:20,000
I didauthorize it.

188
00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:22,419
-Why would you say yes to this?
-I didn't say yes.

189
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:25,588
She just put it out there,
then said it was for the kids

190
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:27,090
and thank you-thank you'ed me.

191
00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:28,925
-You can't let her
steamroll you, Wyatt.

192
00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,552
You have to stand up
for yourself.

193
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:33,179
-It's go time!
[ Machine chimes ]

194
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:34,639
-If you don't want to listen
to me,

195
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,307
listen to Shot Clock Showdown.

196
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,351
-Fine.

197
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:39,644
I guess it's go time.

198
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,896
[ Exhales sharply ]

199
00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:44,190
Yeah.

200
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:46,317
[ Clears throat ]

201
00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:49,529
About those bars.

202
00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:51,239
I don't think
I'm gonna make them.

203
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:53,074
-He's heating up!

204
00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:56,369
-But you're the sugar daddy.
-I'm not doing it.

205
00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:58,538
-Rejection!

206
00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:02,125
-This isn't laid-back, pajamas-
in-the-drop-off-line Wyatt.

207
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,376
-No it's not.

208
00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:06,087
This is all-business,
hard-pants Wyatt!

209
00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:09,257
-Boom! Personal growth!
[ Machine beeps ]

210
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:12,260
-Did that last one seem weird
to anyone else?

211
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:18,308
-I guess I'll just find
someone else to make lemon bars.

212
00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:19,642
Thank you.

213
00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:20,935
Thank you.

214
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,983
-What...have I done?

215
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:30,862
**

216
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,655
-[ Chuckles ]
Well!

217
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:35,784
As the cop said
to the draft-dodging hippie,

218
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,577
"I'm taking the pot!"

219
00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:41,247
-Damn. It's hotter than the
top half of a mermaid in here.

220
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:45,210
-Who's thirsty? I've got
regular lemonade and hard...

221
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:46,628
body.

222
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:50,256
Calm down, girls.
You can do him -- it!

223
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:53,593
-I'm out of cash.
Can I bet my dead dad's watch?

224
00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:56,596
-We're all friends here.
I don't see why...

225
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:59,432
you didn't bury this with him.

226
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:00,850
-Dan.
-What?

227
00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:03,645
Uh, ante up.
I'll be right back.

228
00:10:03,687 --> 00:10:05,480
What? What?
-What the hell, Dan?

229
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:07,232
You're taking all their money.

230
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,900
This is lower than when you
locked Flobert in the morgue.

231
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,194
-Oh, please.
That was part of a prank war.

232
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:12,696
I'm his Clooney.

233
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,280
And this is about more
than money.

234
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:16,783
This is my way into the secret
New York poker circuit.

235
00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,910
You got high-stakes games
at Gracie Mansion,

236
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,704
the Yankee clubhouse --

237
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,455
Joy Behar's game
in Whoopi's dressing room.

238
00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:25,875
-Huh?! Wha-- Sorry. I...
It's hard to hear over his abs.

239
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:28,420
You got to give these guys back
their money.

240
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,548
-All right. Fine.
I'll give them back their money.

241
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,174
All right, guys. Here.
Look.

242
00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:34,968
A hundred dollars for
whoever has the most tattoos.

243
00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:36,928
Now, listen.
I would take your word for it.

244
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,723
But my friend here...
has to see it.

245
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:43,101
-Why are they always
in the sexiest places?

246
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:45,186
Ooh.

247
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,063
I can't.

248
00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,148
I can't.

249
00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:50,316
**

250
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:52,902
-If you're gonna be
a professional mooch,

251
00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:55,238
you'll have to master more
than just flirting.

252
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,698
There's also persuasion.

253
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:58,158
Guilt.

254
00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:01,119
Some people
can be instantly hypnotized.

255
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,704
Sleep!
[ Fingers snap ]

256
00:11:04,039 --> 00:11:07,792
Okay.
You're not one of them.

257
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,502
-Look.

258
00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:11,504
Your idea to get free clothes
by impersonating a mannequin

259
00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:12,797
is great.

260
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:17,135
But it's small potatoes.
Where are the big potatoes?

261
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,596
-It takes years to work up
to the big potatoes.

262
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,389
-But I need a new apartment now,

263
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:24,351
and no one will give me
a wittle down payment.

264
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:28,146
-I've got your down payment
right here.

265
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:30,690
I knew a man who started
with a paper clip

266
00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:32,484
and traded his way up
to a house.

267
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:36,112
And that man's name
was Murray Flobert.

268
00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:39,366
It wasn't me.
It's just a wild coincidence.

269
00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:40,867
-This better work,

270
00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:42,702
because I'm beginning to feel
like a woman

271
00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:45,955
who started with a pretzel
and ended up with a paper clip.

272
00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:49,334
-Hey, Mr. Hard Pants.

273
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:53,088
No one's ever talked to me
that way, and I didn't like it.

274
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:55,799
I loved it.

275
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,635
-You did?
-Let me show you how much.

276
00:11:58,677 --> 00:12:00,720
-[ Gasps ]

277
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:04,349
-Hey, I got quarters for the --
ho-o-ly Shot Clock Showdown.

278
00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:13,775
-Flobert! Look.
[ Bell chimes ]

279
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:17,570
I traded up to a scooter.
-Oh!

280
00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:19,072
Hey!
-[ Laughs ]

281
00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:21,074
Paper clip to slice of pizza
to air fryer

282
00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:23,493
and then back to paper clip,
which I used to pick the lock

283
00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:25,954
on the evidence room,
where I found this.

284
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:27,414
-I'm proud of you!

285
00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:30,375
But look what my paper clip
turned into.

286
00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:34,921
[ Grunts ]
H-H-Hey!

287
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:37,173
-So when you said
big potatoes,

288
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:40,260
you meant actual
literal potatoes.

289
00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:42,429
-My ship's finally come in.

290
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:46,307
The trick now is making sure
the IRS doesn't find out.

291
00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:49,602
-You know, when I said
stand up to her,

292
00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:51,146
I knew you'd get in her face.

293
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:53,773
I just didn't know
you'd get inher face.

294
00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,191
-This is bad.

295
00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:56,776
I was trying to free myself
from this woman,

296
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:57,986
and now I'm in even deeper.

297
00:12:58,028 --> 00:12:59,571
-It was one kiss.

298
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:00,947
-I'm the Pringles of people.

299
00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:03,116
Once you pop,
you just don't stop.

300
00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:04,617
-This is for you.

301
00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:06,995
It's the only package
I'm allowed to handle.

302
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,750
Oh!

303
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,169
-Amazon Prime?
What'd I get?

304
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:18,965
Who sent me a tie?

305
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:21,509
-You're welcome,
you're welcome.

306
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:23,094
That came fast.

307
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,846
So, I've been thinking.

308
00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:27,140
You're a stripes guy now.

309
00:13:27,182 --> 00:13:29,476
It's a good power look
for your upcoming interviews.

310
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:32,520
-Uh, my what?
-For your new job, silly.

311
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:36,024
How am I supposed to
introduce you?

312
00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:37,650
"This is my lover, Wyatt.

313
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:40,320
He works with a bunch of losers
at a dump."

314
00:13:40,362 --> 00:13:42,739
-I don't care for your choice
of words,

315
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:45,033
but that is one dynamite blazer.

316
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:50,205
-Oh. I just noticed Amber
didn't heart my text.

317
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,540
I have to destroy her.
BRB.

318
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:56,086
-Starting to think
you shouldn't have kissed her.

319
00:13:57,087 --> 00:14:00,006
Just tell her it was a mistake.
Women love that.

320
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:02,008
-If I do that,
I'll be chaperoning dances

321
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:03,551
for the rest of my life.

322
00:14:03,593 --> 00:14:06,262
I can't be learning eighth-grade
slang when I'm 70.

323
00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:08,556
No. I'll stick it out
till my kids are in college,

324
00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:11,768
and I'll never have to know what
the future version of "sus" is.

325
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:14,562
But I bet it's probably "florg."

326
00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:16,940
-So, I'm thinking
for your next phase,

327
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:20,402
we do finance
or international finance.

328
00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:21,778
-Finance?

329
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:24,656
I thought being a lawyer
was a true passion of yours.

330
00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:26,199
But what do I know?

331
00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,535
The only thing I've done
with your mouth is listen to it.

332
00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:32,288
-Wyatt, can you just tell
your little bossy-boss

333
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:33,915
that you love all my plans
for us?

334
00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:35,500
Thank you, thank you.

335
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:39,379
-I just remembered --
I got to go feed my birds.

336
00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:42,048
[ Chuckles ]
Birds, right?

337
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,009
Always eating
in the middle of conversations

338
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:46,428
you definitely want to have.

339
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:50,390
**

340
00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:53,601
-Gentlemen, I'm afraid
that I'm gonna have to fold --

341
00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:56,479
all this cash in my pocket!

342
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:57,939
-Ugh!

343
00:14:57,981 --> 00:15:01,234
-Boys, I've now been hypnotized
by Flobert,

344
00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:04,320
and I am no longer susceptible
to your charms.

345
00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:07,657
And...it's super not working.

346
00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:09,325
-Oh, speaking of working!

347
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,911
Gurgs, if you and your Taser
will escort me to the ATM

348
00:15:11,953 --> 00:15:15,582
so I can deposit all this money,
there might be a special...

349
00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:17,375
high five in it for you.

350
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:20,003
Dan, I know there's nothing
I can say

351
00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:21,755
to get you to walk away
from this game.

352
00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:24,632
So I brought a ringer
to send you packing.

353
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:26,634
-What?
What do you mean, a ringer?

354
00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:29,429
What...
[ Chuckles ]

355
00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:30,847
Ol-- Olivia.

356
00:15:30,889 --> 00:15:33,350
-In law school, I paid
for my tuition by playing poker.

357
00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:34,851
-Great.

358
00:15:34,893 --> 00:15:37,312
So you wiped the floor with some
pimply-faced law students?

359
00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:40,565
-Actually, it was the Deep Stack
Poker Extravaganza in Vegas.

360
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:41,941
Three years in a row.

361
00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:43,943
Had to give it up
'cause I had a problem.

362
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,737
With the Russian mafia.

363
00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:47,113
-Don't you worry.

364
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:49,616
I'm not gonna let
that mean lady hurt you.

365
00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:50,950
**

366
00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,786
-I won't take up
much of your time.

367
00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:54,829
We're both very busy people.

368
00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:58,208
Something you should know
if you want to pick a fight --

369
00:15:58,249 --> 00:16:00,043
I always win.
-Oh, yeah?

370
00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:03,254
Well, something youshould know.
We're not both busy people.

371
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:06,383
I was drawing my dream cat.

372
00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:08,385
-It's socute.
-I know, right?

373
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:10,804
It's got this cute little heart
nose and -- Wait a minute!

374
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:13,306
We're in a fight,
and I'm not afraid of you.

375
00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:16,351
-You sound just
like Ella FitzMarcus.

376
00:16:16,393 --> 00:16:19,562
Before me, she ruled the PTA
because every year

377
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:23,566
she got Al Roker to narrate
our holiday pageant.

378
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:26,403
Until the year
that Al didn't show

379
00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:29,489
because his new
Italian chauffeur got lost.

380
00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:33,159
How'd I know
that Al's chauffeur was Italian?

381
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:35,286
A-beats a-me.

382
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:38,123
-Mamma mia.

383
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:40,750
-So...thank you, thank you.

384
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:42,377
-No, thank you, no, thank you.

385
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,588
Let me tell you a story
about another bully I knew.

386
00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:50,010
That bully's name was my entire
sixth-grade basketball team.

387
00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:52,512
And also some of the parents.

388
00:16:52,554 --> 00:16:55,432
Whenever I went to shoot,
they'd all yell, "No!"

389
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,308
'cause they thought I'd miss.

390
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,853
-In case it wasn't clear,
I was the chauffeur in my story.

391
00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:02,230
-We're on my story now.

392
00:17:02,272 --> 00:17:04,566
I spent that entire season
on the bench,

393
00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:07,235
but I practiced
every chance I got.

394
00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:08,903
And when it was time
for the division finals

395
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:11,531
and half the team was out
with mono because of a game

396
00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:13,366
of spin-the-bottle
I was excluded from,

397
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,577
they had no choice
but to put me in.

398
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:19,205
And when everyone shouted,
"No," I made that shot.

399
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:20,999
Turns out it was in
the wrong basket.

400
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,375
That's why they were shouting.

401
00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:25,170
But the point is...
I don't back down.

402
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:27,047
-So you've always been a loser.

403
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:30,258
Great story.
Kind of knew the ending.

404
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:33,345
Too bad for you...
I don't lose.

405
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,472
-You lost in my courtroom.
-That was rigged.

406
00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:38,391
You were the judge, and no one
wins in fluorescent lighting.

407
00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:40,727
-All right.
Let's play on your turf.

408
00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:42,312
Shot Clock Showdown.

409
00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:44,522
I'm gonna beat you for Ella
and Al Roker

410
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:47,525
and every single mother
you crushed over the years.

411
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,902
-You're on.

412
00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:53,239
Oh, and by the way,
I also have a basketball story.

413
00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:56,159
I won a national championship
with UConn.

414
00:18:05,669 --> 00:18:06,711
-All right.
So you're both all in, huh?

415
00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:10,006
I'll tell you what.
It's my call. All in.

416
00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:11,591
-Ha!
Queen-high straight.

417
00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:13,426
-Beats my two pair.
-Yeah. Well, you know what?

418
00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:16,471
I hate to inform you.
The queen is dead.

419
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:18,598
Long live the king...
high straight.

420
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,768
Oh, money? Come here.
Daddy missed you.

421
00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:23,436
-Hold on.
Hold on.

422
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:25,146
This guy's two pair
is really good.

423
00:18:25,188 --> 00:18:27,273
It's 3s...and 3s.

424
00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:29,067
Ha!
That's four of a kind.

425
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,444
-[ Laughs ]
-Oh, my God. I win!

426
00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:35,323
I can finally afford to fix
the typos in my back tattoo.

427
00:18:36,408 --> 00:18:38,952
Thanks for your help.
Here's a watch.

428
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:41,121
Good luck with your horniness.

429
00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:42,497
-[ Chuckles, gasps ]

430
00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:44,624
Hold on.
It's after midnight.

431
00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:48,420
Fleet Week is over
and I didn't lick one sailor.

432
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,797
-Let's see how you do next week
during WrestleMania.

433
00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:52,215
-Mamma mia.

434
00:18:52,257 --> 00:18:53,883
-Come quick!

435
00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:56,678
The judge is about to play
some mom in Shot Clock Showdown!

436
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,347
-Hundred dollars on the mom?
-Yeah. I'll take that action.

437
00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:01,891
You got 100 bucks?
-I got a paper clip.

438
00:19:01,933 --> 00:19:04,477
**

439
00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,229
[ Applause, game beeping ]

440
00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:07,647
-She's on fire!

441
00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:09,816
-Don't do this.
You can't beat her.

442
00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:12,485
I stood up to Jasmine once,
and now I have to memorize

443
00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:13,987
a list of acceptable
talking points

444
00:19:14,029 --> 00:19:16,906
because this weekend,
I'm meeting her parents.

445
00:19:16,948 --> 00:19:19,868
But I do think it will help me
talk to Dan.

446
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:22,037
-You wish.

447
00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:24,664
-So she played for UConn.
That's ancient history.

448
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:26,499
-She only stopped playing pro
a couple years ago

449
00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:28,543
after winning her third
Olympic gold.

450
00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:31,212
[ Machine chimes,
buzzer sounds ]

451
00:19:31,254 --> 00:19:33,757
-Twenty points!
Unbeatable!

452
00:19:33,798 --> 00:19:34,966
[ Machine chimes ]

453
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:38,553
-Feel that?
That's how Lithuania felt.

454
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:40,972
-Potatoes!

455
00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:44,434
Get your big potatoes here!

456
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:49,022
-Judge, if you think
you can do this...

457
00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:50,273
I believe in you.

458
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:52,525
-Wyatt, that's very sweet
of you.

459
00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:54,069
But that's the last thing
I need.

460
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:57,447
My game was built on people
not believing in me.

461
00:19:58,239 --> 00:20:01,034
-Abby, just know
I'm here for you.

462
00:20:01,076 --> 00:20:03,995
I am behind you zero percent!

463
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:08,583
[ Up-tempo music plays ]

464
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:13,880
**

465
00:20:13,922 --> 00:20:15,006
-Boo!

466
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:17,217
[ Crowd shouting ]

467
00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:22,430
**

468
00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:24,641
[ Crowd gasps, murmurs ]

469
00:20:24,683 --> 00:20:27,143
[ Down-tempo music plays ]

470
00:20:27,185 --> 00:20:29,062
**

471
00:20:29,104 --> 00:20:31,815
-[ Voice distorted ]
No!

472
00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:41,783
**

473
00:20:41,825 --> 00:20:46,413
**

474
00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:48,123
[ Buzzer sounds ]

475
00:20:48,164 --> 00:20:49,666
-Unbelievable!

476
00:20:49,708 --> 00:20:52,752
Your negativity
made her stronger.

477
00:20:52,794 --> 00:20:57,757
-Hey. I just want to say...
you owe me five bucks.

478
00:20:57,799 --> 00:20:59,634
-Oh, no.
I-I hope this doesn't mean

479
00:20:59,676 --> 00:21:01,469
we'll have to take a rain check
on meeting your parents.

480
00:21:01,511 --> 00:21:04,180
-I'm taking a rain check
on everything.

481
00:21:04,222 --> 00:21:05,849
I need to focus
on my basketball.

482
00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:09,436
I just lost to a four-foot
civil servant shooting a potato!

483
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,605
-Thanks for sticking by me.

484
00:21:12,647 --> 00:21:14,024
-Aw, no need to thank me.

485
00:21:14,065 --> 00:21:17,527
-And you did inspire me
to stand up for myself.

486
00:21:17,569 --> 00:21:19,195
I think I deserve a raise.

487
00:21:19,237 --> 00:21:22,615
[ Machine chimes ]
-Awkward.

488
00:21:22,657 --> 00:21:24,284
-Someone unplug that thing.

489
00:21:24,325 --> 00:21:27,579
-It wasunplugged
the whole time.

490
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:30,040
-That's night court, baby!
[ Machine chimes ]