1 00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:07,340 -Mr. and Miss Bealer are charged with instigating 2 00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:09,009 a food fight at the Times Square 3 00:00:09,050 --> 00:00:12,012 Bubba Gump shrimp. 4 00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:13,638 -Interesting. 5 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,349 I didn't know they served food at Bubba Gump Shrimp. 6 00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:18,184 -In their statement, 7 00:00:18,226 --> 00:00:19,686 that couple blames their altercation 8 00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:21,354 on the restaurant's lack of self service, 9 00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:24,524 forcing them to quote, "talk to each other." 10 00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:26,651 -I know there are disagreements in every marriage, 11 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:30,447 but culinary violence is never the answer. 12 00:00:30,488 --> 00:00:32,490 $100 fine. 13 00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:34,200 -Believe it or not, you're the third defendants 14 00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:37,662 this week with shrimp in their hair. 15 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,372 -Couples like that are why I don't want to rush 16 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:41,499 into a relationship with Jake. 17 00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:43,376 Right now, it's just so new and fun. 18 00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:45,211 We can't stop talking at restaurants. 19 00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:46,838 It takes us forever to order. 20 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,548 Waiters hate us. 21 00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:50,842 -Trust me, it's not just the waiters. 22 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:53,803 -You're just jealous because the last woman you dated 23 00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:57,349 is writing you letters on toilet paper from prison. 24 00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:59,142 -She had her letter writing privileges revoked 25 00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:02,103 because she was using her pen as a shovel. 26 00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:05,148 -Wow, your relationships make me feel a lot better 27 00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:08,485 about my horrendous divorce. 28 00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:11,738 Next up, The People versus Pete McGuiness. 29 00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:14,324 -Mr. McGuiness is a landlord charged with excessive use 30 00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:16,242 of force, for physically throwing his tenants out 31 00:01:16,284 --> 00:01:18,370 onto the streets. -And who are the tenants? 32 00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:22,916 -[ English accent ] Hello, Judge. 33 00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:24,959 It's so nice and warm in here. 34 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:28,588 I should like to stay forever. 35 00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:33,009 -He forcibly removed orphans? 36 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,344 -They're not orphans. 37 00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:35,679 They're a children's theater troupe 38 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:38,473 that only does "Oliver". 39 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:41,685 -The defendant ruthlessly punted the actors out on to the street 40 00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:43,853 after he double booked his property as a wedding venue. 41 00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:47,023 -Which means that if you rule in the favor of these 42 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:50,610 fame hungry pre-adults, 43 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:53,780 you'll be blowing up countless weddings. 44 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:57,242 -You better not be blowing up my wedding, Tiny. 45 00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:04,457 -Did I mention that one of the weddings is Roz Russell's? 46 00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:06,167 -The court directs the cute orphan 47 00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:08,420 to please make big sad eyes at Roz. 48 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:14,300 -Will you be my mum? 49 00:02:16,011 --> 00:02:17,929 -Oh, shut up. 50 00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:24,811 ** 51 00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:27,981 -Sorry you lost your venue. You know what, though? 52 00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:29,399 Big weddings are over hyped. 53 00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:31,151 Sarah and I actually considered eloping. 54 00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:34,446 -I wouldn't want any witnesses if I was marrying you either. 55 00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:37,157 -[ Mock laughs ] 56 00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,617 -I found a great place for your wedding. 57 00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:43,204 It's in the heart of Manhattan, it's an historical landmark, 58 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,914 and it has so many security cameras, 59 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:47,667 you can fire your videographer. 60 00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:50,503 -She's talking about here. -I'm talking about here. 61 00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:52,380 -Considering the wedding is tomorrow, 62 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,466 what the hell choice do I have? 63 00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:57,469 -That's the quiet resignation I was hoping for. 64 00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,679 And the best part is the place comes with an officiant 65 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,598 who's never had the honor, but suspects 66 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:03,516 it's the thing they were born to do. 67 00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:06,811 -She's talking about her. -I'm talking about me! 68 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,689 -We have an officiant. I'd invite you as a guest, 69 00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:14,652 but we're still waiting on a couple of RSVPs. 70 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:16,237 -Dan, are you seriously considering 71 00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:17,947 not going to Roz's wedding? 72 00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:21,076 -I'm seriously considering not going anywhere ever again. 73 00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:22,660 -That's fine. 74 00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:24,245 I don't need him there drinking my booze 75 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:26,748 and throwing rice way too hard. 76 00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:31,294 -Okay, since you're both closed off weirdos, let me translate. 77 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:34,089 Dan, Roz would like you to go to her wedding 78 00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,840 because you mean a lot to her. 79 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,551 And, Roz, Dan is afraid that he's gonna have feelings 80 00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:41,388 and people will see he's a person. 81 00:03:41,429 --> 00:03:44,391 -Way off. -Ridiculous. 82 00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:47,394 -But yeah, I guess I could stop by. 83 00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:51,064 -Having you here would be fine. 84 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:55,694 -God, you closed off weirdos are gonna make me cry. 85 00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:58,029 Maybe losing the venue was a blessing in disguise. 86 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:01,199 -Well, then we're loaded with blessings 'cause 87 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:05,412 this wedding has already had so many things go wrong already. 88 00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:09,416 -I don't mean to eavesdrop, but I have been. 89 00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:12,419 Have you considered it's sabotage? 90 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:14,379 I mean, I imagine as a PI, you've made plenty 91 00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,089 of enemies along the way. 92 00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:18,758 -Sabotage would explain how we've lost a florist, 93 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:22,137 a deejay, and most of our string quartet. 94 00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:24,889 -Miss Russell, would you make me the happiest woman in the world 95 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,100 and let me run security at your wedding? 96 00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:28,518 -For free? 97 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,730 You can do whatever the hell you want. 98 00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:34,691 -That's the quiet resignation I was hoping for. 99 00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:36,609 -I hope you all have fun at the party. 100 00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:39,029 I'll just be quietly practicing the electric slide 101 00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:42,824 alone, even though having the wedding here was my idea. 102 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,327 -You can come. -Yay! 103 00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:49,205 -That way, if anything goes wrong, 104 00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:51,958 I can find you 105 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,085 and I can blame you. 106 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,546 -Yay. 107 00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:02,635 -The ceremony was nice. I guess. 108 00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:04,512 If I was officiating, I would have done better than 109 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,014 "building this house on love." 110 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:08,975 2013 called and wants its metaphors back. 111 00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,643 -You're cute when you're snarky. 112 00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:12,228 You're also cute when you're not snarky. 113 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:15,357 This is just kind of a long way of saying you're cute. 114 00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:18,318 -And this is kind of a short way of saying I'm nauseated. 115 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:19,903 Listen, just because I'm here, 116 00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:22,113 don't expect me to go to your wedding 117 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:25,241 when you decide to blonde for all eternity. 118 00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:28,578 -Our wedding? That is the farthest thing from our minds. 119 00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:31,289 -Yeah, no, we're just keeping things casual. 120 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:34,167 -Yeah. Good luck with that. 121 00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:38,046 Weddings are the foot on the gas of every relationship. 122 00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:40,465 Oof, now I'm gonna have to learn your name. 123 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:45,887 I want to say Chester. 124 00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,764 -That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. 125 00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:50,684 -Yeah, if anything, I'm more of a Chase than a Chester. 126 00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:53,103 -No, I mean, the idea that this wedding 127 00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:55,605 would kick our relationship into a higher gear. 128 00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:56,856 -Like just by being here, 129 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,441 all of a sudden, I'm gonna be like, 130 00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,193 "Oh, you should meet my mom." 131 00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,862 I mean, she is in town, but I'm not introducing her 132 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:04,614 to someone I'm casually dating. 133 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:08,410 -Yeah, we don't want to bring a mom into this hotness. 134 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,787 We are nowhere near meeting parents. 135 00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:15,041 -Well, parent. I've never met my biological father. 136 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:16,835 I don't know why I chose this moment 137 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:19,921 to drop that super not casual bomb. 138 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:22,716 -Dan is right about weddings. 139 00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:24,009 -Maybe we should just come up with some rules 140 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,719 to keep things light. 141 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,470 -I love that. Nothing says fun and casual 142 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:30,598 like a boatload of rules. 143 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,810 -First rule, no heavy conversations. 144 00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:36,980 -Yep. Just small talk and playful banter starting now. 145 00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:38,565 -Perfect. 146 00:06:38,606 --> 00:06:40,483 I did consider searching for my dad once. 147 00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:42,527 Sorry. Now it's out of my system. 148 00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:51,202 -So we made it through Roz and Loretta's ceremony, 149 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,871 but we're not out of the woods yet. 150 00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:54,873 The saboteur could strike at any time. 151 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,751 So I need you hidden, every table, 152 00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:59,419 listening to every conversation. 153 00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:03,131 -Beating a confession out of anyone who looks at us wrong. 154 00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:05,258 Like that guy. 155 00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:08,053 -That's Loretta's daddy. 156 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:13,183 -Interesting, because he told me he was Roz's father in law. 157 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:17,103 Someone can't keep his story straight. 158 00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:20,065 -I haven't been to a wedding since my divorce. 159 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,150 I was worried it was gonna bring up a lot of emotions, 160 00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:26,613 but I'm holding it together pretty lonely right now. 161 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,827 -What are you wearing? You're supposed to be a waiter. 162 00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:36,331 -In this dress? No one's gonna buy that. 163 00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:39,542 But off your idea, why don't I go on to cover as a guest? 164 00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:40,877 Ooh, I'll start by chatting up the partners 165 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,796 at Loretta's law firm. 166 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:45,048 -I don't know. What's your cover story? 167 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,384 -I'm a seasoned trial lawyer who's trying to get out of 168 00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:50,220 a dead end job where I'm surrounded by bozos. 169 00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:54,182 -Oh, you got a real mind for this. 170 00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:55,517 -Yeah, but excuse me. I really shouldn't 171 00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:58,144 be seen talking to the staff. 172 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,856 -So, which signature cocktail do you recommend? 173 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:07,237 The "I'm Loretta sour" or "Sex on the Roz"? 174 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,031 -Eight rosés, please. 175 00:08:10,073 --> 00:08:13,535 -Oh, no, Sorry, ma'am. Tonight they're "Roz-és". 176 00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:17,038 -They're not for me. I'm at the unmarried aunts table. 177 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:20,709 And I'm hoping the wine works as a mute button. 178 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,794 -[ Chuckles ] Oh, okay. Well, you know what? 179 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,170 If that doesn't work out, 180 00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:26,089 you can join me at the singles table. 181 00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,882 It's largely children. Their screens have been taken away. 182 00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:31,302 So basically it's just a knife fight waiting to happen. 183 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,179 -Your eight wines, ma'am. 184 00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:37,475 -Well, how about I drop these off and meet you back here. 185 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,602 -Oh, great. 186 00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,356 -I can feel you smiling. 187 00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:46,568 -And I can feel you feeling. 188 00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:49,070 Banner day, Dan. Banner fricking day. 189 00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:50,071 -Just a second. 190 00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:52,157 Hey, Roz, who's that woman? 191 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,742 She seems very familiar. 192 00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:54,951 -She should. 193 00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:56,828 You argued against her sister 194 00:08:56,870 --> 00:09:00,540 in this courthouse for the better part of a decade. 195 00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:03,543 -That's Christine Sullivan's sister? 196 00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:05,378 -Yeah. Katie. 197 00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:06,796 We met through Christine 198 00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:09,132 and ended up seeing a lot of each other. 199 00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:12,802 -Now Dan wants to see a lot of her. 200 00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:14,095 -Too bad she hates him. 201 00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:15,764 -Damn it, Fielding. What did you do? 202 00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,474 -Nothing! 203 00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:21,936 Well, except maybe moving to DC to be with Christine, 204 00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,772 pledging my undying love, 205 00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:27,150 and then just disappearing with no explanation. 206 00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:29,819 You know, that was a long time ago. 207 00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:32,322 And she didn't seem to hate me just now. 208 00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:35,283 Oh, maybe I didn't tell her who I was. 209 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,952 -Well, you don't want to drink in your face? 210 00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:40,663 I'd keep it that way. 211 00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:43,458 -Message received. 212 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:46,586 Challenge accepted. 213 00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,463 Flobert, I need your help 214 00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:51,049 making me look good to someone who hates my guts. 215 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:54,928 But you cannot say my name, and you cannot tell Roz. 216 00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:59,516 -Roz?! The lady the drink's named after is here? 217 00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:02,727 I hope this goes better than the time I met Arnold Palmer. 218 00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,943 -Hi there. Olivia Moore. 219 00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:11,611 So happy for Loretta, et cetera, et cetera. 220 00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:14,030 Oh, I heard that you're looking for new associates. 221 00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:15,615 Maybe an outside hire. 222 00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,534 Someone who's quietly saying her name to sneak it 223 00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:19,369 into your subconscious. Olivia. 224 00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:22,205 -[ Clears throat ] You're in my seat. 225 00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:24,457 -Devin. -Olivia. 226 00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:25,792 What's that perfume? 227 00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:28,753 Desperation by Calvin and Hobbes? 228 00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:31,673 -So, you work at Loretta's law firm? 229 00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:33,508 Don't tell me you made partner 230 00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:35,176 'cause then I would need to reintroduce myself 231 00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:37,429 and adjust my tone. Olivia. 232 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:40,432 -I got passed over, but don't worry, I got big plans. 233 00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:44,602 So if you'll excuse me, I need some face time with the boss. 234 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,897 Gina, you're looking well. Devin. 235 00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:50,859 -Everyone having a good time? Hm? 236 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,903 They come to an end, you know? 237 00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:56,031 -Wyatt, you see that guy over there? 238 00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:58,491 He's boss blocking me. I need you to get him drunk. 239 00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:00,952 -Smart, Olivia. Focus on career. 240 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:04,873 Career can't leave you and take the dog you've trained. 241 00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:06,750 -Flobert, I need you to take that guy 242 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:09,544 out of commission. -Booze or poison? 243 00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:11,212 -Thank you. 244 00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:15,759 -Can I just say we are killing it at keeping it light. 245 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,678 Just casually grinding like you would any random piece of ass 246 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,472 you meet at a wedding. 247 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,515 -Oh, thank you. 248 00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:25,477 And let me just say you are also a hot, disposable rando. 249 00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:30,231 Oh, it's a slow one. 250 00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:32,859 -Nice change of piece. -Yeah. 251 00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:38,823 -No. -No, not today, wedding! 252 00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,533 -Hold on. 253 00:11:40,575 --> 00:11:41,576 -No! 254 00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:42,577 -What? My shoe's untied. 255 00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:43,953 -Tie it tomorrow! 256 00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:52,295 -Okay. Okay. I'm gonna let you in a little secret. 257 00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:56,841 When you see "anonymous donor"...[ Chuckles ] 258 00:11:56,883 --> 00:12:00,303 -[ Laughs ] -Here you go, sir. 259 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,097 -Thank you, my man. -It's an open bar, sir. 260 00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:03,431 -Oh, that's for you. Don't worry about it. 261 00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:05,308 Can't stop giving. 262 00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:08,436 -Wow. A $50! -Hey! 263 00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:09,979 You know what? 264 00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:13,233 They should make those different colors, shouldn't they? 265 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:17,278 -I just realized that I still haven't gotten your name. 266 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,155 I'm Katie. 267 00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:22,283 -Oh, I think we've established that I'm anonymous. 268 00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,786 But of course -- of course I have a name. 269 00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:30,709 -There he is, the bravest, most decent man I have ever known. 270 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,168 This man is a hero. 271 00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:34,337 You know, every year, he shaves that beard 272 00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:37,257 and sends the hair to kids in other countries 273 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:41,011 who can't grow their own beards. 274 00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:43,763 -Whatever you're doing, do less. 275 00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:45,473 -This man is a coward! 276 00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:48,977 Who hit me with this car and drove away. 277 00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:51,438 -That was an absurd over correction. 278 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:57,485 -Oh, look at you two talking. 279 00:12:57,527 --> 00:13:01,698 I'll just take this drink out of your throwing hand. 280 00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:05,035 -I was just hearing about all the volunteer work that -- 281 00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:08,788 Sorry. I still haven't gotten your name. 282 00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:12,375 -Oh, did he not volunteer that? 283 00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:13,793 -Oh, I'm sorry. What's that, sir? 284 00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,503 Oh, yeah. What? 285 00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:17,547 Oh, you said you would like to make a toast? 286 00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:19,090 Oh, I'm really not in a good place. 287 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,717 -Oh, no. You know, you're right. 288 00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:21,885 Let's get you in front of a microphone. Here we go. 289 00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:23,219 Listen, everybody. 290 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:24,971 Probably my generous nature talking, 291 00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:27,349 but I think we should give our full attention to this waiter. 292 00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:28,475 Go! 293 00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:36,107 -Uh, I didn't expect to speak, but treasure today. 294 00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:39,986 Later you may find yourself dealing with divorce lawyers 295 00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:41,571 and your ex wife could have a new boyfriend 296 00:13:41,613 --> 00:13:44,616 who gave a toast at your wedding with a lot of innuendo 297 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,493 you probably should have picked up on. 298 00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:53,166 But true love is worth that risk. 299 00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:56,169 And when you find it... 300 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:00,757 ...hold on. 301 00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:02,384 -Cheers. -Cheers. 302 00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:04,344 -Let's hope this doesn't kick off a wave of toasts. 303 00:14:04,386 --> 00:14:06,137 -Yeah, the last thing we need 304 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,764 is a bunch of half cocked sap hounds trying 305 00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:10,308 to get us to be all lovey dovey. 306 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:13,770 -So if this isn't working on us, 307 00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:16,231 why you holding my hand? 308 00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:19,401 -'Cause you're holding my hand, you sap hound! 309 00:14:19,442 --> 00:14:22,153 Oh, you're picturing us playing with our kids, 310 00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,364 aren't you? 311 00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:27,075 -We're using the cushions from the couch to build a fort. 312 00:14:27,117 --> 00:14:29,452 Abby, the wedding's winning. 313 00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:31,121 I feel the walls closing in. 314 00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:33,248 -It's not the walls. It's the bouquet toss 315 00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:34,541 We got to get out of here! -You might as well 316 00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:36,042 just catch it. 317 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,335 The wedding's not gonna stop till it gets what it wants. 318 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,170 -It's got to catch me first. 319 00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,258 -Oh, go! 320 00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:50,348 -I'm starting to think that Abby might be the saboteur. 321 00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:56,062 -That's better than watching them dance. 322 00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:58,648 -I heard you tipped the bartender 50 bucks. 323 00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:01,609 I have been lying to your ex girlfriend's sister 324 00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,862 all night and haven't seen a dime. 325 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:08,992 Thanks a lot, Dan Fielding! 326 00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:12,203 -You're Dan Fielding? 327 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,789 So this was you trying to make yourself look good? 328 00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:16,833 -No, not at all. 329 00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:20,503 I was just trying to show you that I am not the man I was. 330 00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:22,255 I've changed. 331 00:15:22,297 --> 00:15:24,215 -Oh, I don't know. Because you still seem 332 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,967 like the same selfish jerk 333 00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:30,013 that didn't bother to show up to my sister's funeral. 334 00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:31,806 No. Kate. 335 00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:40,190 -Be a waste not to. 336 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,859 -There it is. 337 00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:44,986 Closing argument for why we should change 338 00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:47,530 our judicial selection process. 339 00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:49,699 -New York State has tons of pictures of me 340 00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:51,993 eating cake off myself, and I'm still here. 341 00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:55,288 -Huh. Oh, I've got some news. 342 00:15:55,330 --> 00:15:56,790 Katie Sullivan hates me 343 00:15:56,831 --> 00:15:58,416 because I didn't go to her sister's funeral. 344 00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:00,877 -Oh. 345 00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:03,463 Sometimes in life... 346 00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:07,217 Nope. Can't put a positive spin on that one. 347 00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:09,344 -The fact is I was there. 348 00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:11,096 I was hiding behind a row of poplar trees 349 00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:12,555 'cause I didn't want to intrude. 350 00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:19,396 Christine Sullivan was the best person I have ever met, 351 00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:22,982 and I was in love with her, and miraculously, 352 00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:24,693 she started to have feelings for me. 353 00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:29,656 And I pushed her away and then left because I thought, 354 00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:34,536 you know, maybe I wasn't good enough for her. 355 00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:36,079 -Dan... 356 00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:38,289 you weren't. 357 00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:42,168 I can see how fear can make you push someone 358 00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:45,255 away, sometimes into a cake. 359 00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:49,509 -Almost never into a cake. That's just you. 360 00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:51,761 You know, Christine made me a better man. 361 00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:54,431 I would have never had the life I did with Sarah 362 00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:57,308 if it hadn't been for Christine Sullivan. 363 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:58,935 -You could say all that to Katie. 364 00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:02,480 -Eh, what's the point? She'd just think I was lying. 365 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:06,276 -Well, I guess the important thing is that you know, right? 366 00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:08,653 Come on, let's go get you a Loretta-colada. 367 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,876 -Hey, you don't want your copy? 368 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,799 -You clean up nice. 369 00:17:29,841 --> 00:17:31,843 -You sure Dan won't mind me borrowing his spare suit? 370 00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:34,471 -Oh, yeah, it's fine. It's not even his good spare. 371 00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:36,890 It's the one he eats ribs in. 372 00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:38,641 -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 373 00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:42,062 We said no sharing food, especially the adorable ones. 374 00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:43,813 -Well, when I was riding you like a surfboard into 375 00:17:43,855 --> 00:17:47,150 a wedding cake, I realized it's not the wedding. 376 00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:49,319 It's us. 377 00:17:49,361 --> 00:17:51,321 I don't want to be casual, Jake. 378 00:17:51,363 --> 00:17:52,655 -Oh, me neither. 379 00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,449 I'm exhausted from being so chill. 380 00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:56,951 The truth is I want to slow dance. 381 00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,412 I want to hold hands, and I want you to meet my mom. 382 00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:01,081 -I want to meet your mom and your dad. 383 00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:03,500 -Still don't know who he is. -Right. 384 00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:05,835 -Let's start with your mom. -Alright. 385 00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:07,754 -You know what? I'm gonna go call her. 386 00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:09,172 -Okay. 387 00:18:09,214 --> 00:18:10,715 -Just leave the cake-pop. -Right. 388 00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:13,885 -Everyone can relax. The wedding is safe. 389 00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:16,471 I found our guy. -Devin?! 390 00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:19,265 -[ Chuckles ] It's one of yours. 391 00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:22,018 -You can't prove I did anything. 392 00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:23,853 -You're a witness, counselor. 393 00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:25,355 -You're right. 394 00:18:25,397 --> 00:18:27,232 Sure you're bitter that Loretta got the promotion, 395 00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:29,317 but to sabotage a whole wedding? Mnh-mnh. 396 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:31,986 That'd take a far greater mind than yours. 397 00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:35,156 -Well, joke's on you because this isn't a real wedding. 398 00:18:35,198 --> 00:18:39,327 I planted a fake officiant, and these two never got married. 399 00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:42,288 -Wait, weren't not really married? 400 00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:45,041 I can feel you smiling. 401 00:18:45,083 --> 00:18:47,711 -And I can feel you needing an officiant. 402 00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:50,380 -She just talking about her. -I'm talking about me! 403 00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:54,342 -All rise. 404 00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:07,022 The wedding is now in session. 405 00:19:08,565 --> 00:19:11,860 -Welcome, everyone, to Roz and Loretta take two. 406 00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:14,112 I know this wasn't your first choice of venue. 407 00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,114 -Or second. 408 00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:20,952 We almost converted to get a synagogue on Long Island. 409 00:19:20,994 --> 00:19:23,413 -But I think this place is very special. 410 00:19:23,455 --> 00:19:25,582 My dad always said a million stories came in 411 00:19:25,623 --> 00:19:27,751 through these court room doors. 412 00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:31,713 And I personally think the best kind is a love story. 413 00:19:31,755 --> 00:19:32,922 Roz and Loretta, 414 00:19:32,964 --> 00:19:34,758 we are so incredibly lucky to be witnessing 415 00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:37,635 the official beginning of your love story here tonight. 416 00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:41,598 -Move it along, Stone. The deejay's on clock. 417 00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:44,267 -By the power vested me by the State of New York, 418 00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:45,977 I sentence you to eternity together. 419 00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:49,314 $50 fine and time served. Oh, sorry, reflex. 420 00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:53,443 [ Applause ] 421 00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:56,654 -I don't know why I'm crying. I don't even know these people. 422 00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:02,952 -You know something? 423 00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:05,246 We keep dancing like this, Loretta is gonna get jealous. 424 00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:08,458 -I'm just distracting you so she can steal your wallet 425 00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:10,251 and get us a better gift. 426 00:20:10,293 --> 00:20:15,298 -Oh, isn't the best gift friendship? 427 00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:17,342 Fine. I'll get you some booze. 428 00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:21,137 -May I cut in? -Uh, really? I -- 429 00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:24,933 -Don't talk. I have a feeling you're ruin it. 430 00:20:25,684 --> 00:20:28,436 -Usually. -Always. 431 00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:34,818 -Abby. Hey, this is my mom, Susan. 432 00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:36,486 -Oh, it's so nice to meet you. 433 00:20:36,528 --> 00:20:38,738 I'd say I've heard so much about you, 434 00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:40,824 but Jake and I were keep it at cazsh until like 20 minutes ago. 435 00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:44,619 -That's funny because he told me all about you. 436 00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,830 -Thanks, Mom. I'll get you something from the bar. 437 00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:49,374 Your drink still Scotch and blabbermouth? 438 00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:51,835 -So, is this your first time in New York? 439 00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:54,212 No, I lived here in the '80s. 440 00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:55,922 -Before I had Jake, 441 00:20:55,964 --> 00:21:00,176 I actually dated a lawyer who worked in this courthouse. 442 00:21:00,218 --> 00:21:01,678 -What a small world. 443 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:06,182 I wonder if the guy you dated knew... 444 00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:07,851 Huh. 445 00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:10,687 How long before Jake was born did you date this lawyer? 446 00:21:10,729 --> 00:21:13,565 -A little under a year. -[ Gasps ] 447 00:21:16,234 --> 00:21:18,737 I'm out of cake pops, 448 00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:21,906 and I think that Dan might be your boyfriend's dad. 449 00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:27,662 Just so you know, I am real bad at keeping secrets. 450 00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:32,167 -It's funny.