1 00:00:01,794 --> 00:00:06,423 - Wow. I-I can't believe Dan might be your boyfriend's dad. 2 00:00:06,424 --> 00:00:08,383 My head is swimming. 3 00:00:08,384 --> 00:00:11,302 I almost need a reminder of how we got here. 4 00:00:11,303 --> 00:00:13,596 - Okay, fine. But this is the last time. 5 00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:15,432 Previously on "Night Court"... 6 00:00:15,433 --> 00:00:16,725 Haven't seen you around here, which is a good thing, 7 00:00:16,726 --> 00:00:18,560 'cause it means you're not a criminal. 8 00:00:18,561 --> 00:00:20,103 - Get ready to see a little bit more of me tomorrow. 9 00:00:20,104 --> 00:00:21,563 - Tomorrow I have this stupid 10 00:00:21,564 --> 00:00:23,189 "Sensitivity and Respect in the Workplace" seminar. 11 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,441 - I'm running it. 12 00:00:24,442 --> 00:00:26,234 - Consent to ravage you. - Consent given. 13 00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:28,278 - We are nowhere near meeting parents. 14 00:00:28,279 --> 00:00:30,613 - Parent. I've never met my biological father. 15 00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:31,990 This is my mom. 16 00:00:31,991 --> 00:00:33,283 - So, is this your first time in New York? 17 00:00:33,284 --> 00:00:35,118 - No, I lived here in the '80s. 18 00:00:35,119 --> 00:00:36,661 Before I had Jake, 19 00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:39,748 I actually dated a lawyer who worked in this courthouse. 20 00:00:39,749 --> 00:00:41,291 - What a small world. 21 00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:43,334 I wonder if the guy you dated knew... 22 00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:47,297 - I think Dan might be your boyfriend's dad. 23 00:00:47,298 --> 00:00:50,216 Oh, that was helpful. 24 00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:54,512 I like how you did it in four to six digestible bites. 25 00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:56,473 - So you swear you haven't told anyone about this? 26 00:00:56,474 --> 00:00:57,766 - I can keep a secret. 27 00:00:57,767 --> 00:00:59,476 For instance, I haven't told anyone 28 00:00:59,477 --> 00:01:02,353 Wyatt hooked up with that scary security guard. 29 00:01:02,354 --> 00:01:04,355 And that happened right in this room. 30 00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:07,317 On surfaces that you eat off of. 31 00:01:07,318 --> 00:01:09,570 - Oh, get it, table. 32 00:01:10,613 --> 00:01:12,655 It has to be handled with the utmost care. 33 00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:15,658 I can't just come out and say, "Jake, Dan's your dad." 34 00:01:15,659 --> 00:01:17,660 - Dan is my dad? 35 00:01:17,661 --> 00:01:21,498 - I saw him there, but you were on a roll. 36 00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:23,583 - Not how I wanted you to find out, 37 00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,585 but maybe this is better. 38 00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,504 Now together, we can find the perfect way 39 00:01:27,505 --> 00:01:29,464 to tell Dan you're his surprise son. 40 00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:32,509 - Jake's my surprise son? 41 00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:35,512 - Starting now, everyone wears tap shoes. 42 00:01:35,513 --> 00:01:38,723 I know this is shocking, but let's focus on the positive. 43 00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:41,518 Jake, Dan could be the father figure you've always dreamed of. 44 00:01:41,519 --> 00:01:44,270 - Whoa, whoa, now I got to live up to some kid's dreams? 45 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:47,524 - In my dreams, you showed up 30 years ago in an Acura Legend 46 00:01:47,525 --> 00:01:49,734 and took me to play Skee-Ball. - [ Laughs ] 47 00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:53,071 I wouldn't be caught dead in a Legend. 48 00:01:53,072 --> 00:01:54,531 - Let's all take a break. 49 00:01:54,532 --> 00:01:57,283 I mean, we don't even know if it's true. 50 00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:59,410 - We don't even know if it's true?! 51 00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,120 - [ Grunting ] 52 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,122 [ Glass shattering ] 53 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,625 - Okay, so now we know that's not the way to tell them. 54 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:09,712 - This was a very poor way to break this news to us. 55 00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:12,173 - If you had delivered the information better, 56 00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:14,134 we could be a family right now! 57 00:02:15,928 --> 00:02:17,720 - I am so upset! 58 00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:22,393 I'm gonna take it out on these priceless Fabergé eggs! 59 00:02:26,939 --> 00:02:28,565 - Wait a minute. 60 00:02:28,566 --> 00:02:31,442 I only have Fabergé eggs in my dreams. 61 00:02:31,443 --> 00:02:33,528 - I guess that means this is a dream. 62 00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:35,655 It would explain how I'm pregnant 63 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,907 with our future president. 64 00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:44,622 {\an8}♪ 65 00:02:44,623 --> 00:02:47,417 - Mr. Jasper, we all love Baskin-Robbins' 66 00:02:47,418 --> 00:02:48,877 free-sample policy, but it's understood 67 00:02:48,878 --> 00:02:52,213 the samples go in your mouth, not your pants. 68 00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:54,340 I'll let you off with a warning. 69 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,426 {\an8}- Ohh, so close. 70 00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:58,219 {\an8}I really thought I had it that time. 71 00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:00,763 {\an8}But I swear, you will never beat me again. 72 00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:03,266 {\an8}Because this was my last case as prosecutor. 73 00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:05,894 {\an8}- What? No, Murray, you can't leave. 74 00:03:05,895 --> 00:03:07,770 {\an8}I never thought it was possible I could win this much. 75 00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:10,899 {\an8}And I have a very high opinion of myself. 76 00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:12,734 {\an8}- Sorry, Dan. I was only filling in 77 00:03:12,735 --> 00:03:15,194 {\an8}until the DA's office found a permanent replacement 78 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,446 {\an8}for Olivia. 79 00:03:16,447 --> 00:03:17,906 {\an8}I still can't believe she left us 80 00:03:17,907 --> 00:03:22,243 {\an8}for a big law firm with better pay and benefits. 81 00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:23,828 {\an8}But is she happy? 82 00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:27,498 {\an8}According to her Facebook, extremely. 83 00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:29,417 {\an8}- Ah, there's really a replacement, 84 00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:31,461 {\an8}or just you in a wig again? 85 00:03:31,462 --> 00:03:33,796 {\an8}- Wait, you were Arthur B. Lawyer? 86 00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:35,632 {\an8}Were you also Olivia? [ Gasps ] 87 00:03:35,633 --> 00:03:38,593 {\an8}I changed my clothes in front of her. 88 00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:40,803 {\an8}- Yeah, this new prosecutor is impressive on paper. 89 00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:42,805 {\an8}She did some corporate law a while back 90 00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:47,477 {\an8}but recently has been a practicing criminal. 91 00:03:47,478 --> 00:03:49,395 {\an8}Uh, I know we don't get the best people, 92 00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:50,480 {\an8}but this can't be right. 93 00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:52,231 {\an8}- No, it is. 94 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:55,193 {\an8}Hi, Dan. - Aah! 95 00:03:55,194 --> 00:03:56,653 {\an8}Julianne. 96 00:03:56,654 --> 00:03:59,405 {\an8}You're out of prison. 97 00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:01,866 {\an8}Does the warden know? 98 00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:05,495 {\an8}- The new prosecutor is the woman who swore to destroy Dan? 99 00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:06,913 {\an8}I didn't know she was a lawyer. 100 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:09,791 {\an8}They'll let anyone be a criminal these days. 101 00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:11,834 {\an8}- No, I left that life behind. 102 00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:15,672 {\an8}Now I want to use my legal skills to make the city safer. 103 00:04:15,673 --> 00:04:17,966 {\an8}And to address the elephant in the room, 104 00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:23,680 {\an8}whom I no longer see thanks to those fantastic pharmaceuticals, 105 00:04:23,681 --> 00:04:24,931 {\an8}I did want Dan dead. 106 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:28,685 {\an8}But-- pff-- come on. Who hasn't? 107 00:04:28,686 --> 00:04:30,687 {\an8}- Hey, I need to talk to your boyfriend. 108 00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:32,438 {\an8}- What? No, you don't. You have nothing in common 109 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:33,690 {\an8}and no reason to see each other. 110 00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:36,442 {\an8}- Yes, we do. I have an HR emergency. 111 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:38,361 {\an8}- Would you believe that our new HR rep 112 00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:41,364 {\an8}looks a lot like Flobert in a wig? 113 00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:43,575 Fine. I'll call Jake. 114 00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,829 - I'll get right to the point. I called this meeting 115 00:04:47,830 --> 00:04:50,331 to disclose a relationship with a co-worker. 116 00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:53,001 This woman tried to kill me. 117 00:04:53,002 --> 00:04:55,420 - Okay, so on the form, I'll just put "other." 118 00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:58,464 Oh, never mind. "Kill me" is on here. 119 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:02,051 - I guess I should also disclose that we are in a relationship. 120 00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,511 But that's it. 121 00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:04,887 No other relationships to disclose. 122 00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:06,723 So meeting over? 123 00:05:06,724 --> 00:05:08,891 - Uh, no, but I do need to keep this brief. 124 00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:10,560 I'm visiting my mom at the hospital. 125 00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:12,603 She's fine, but she just got some work done 126 00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:15,732 on what she calls her "man-catchers." 127 00:05:15,733 --> 00:05:19,944 My therapist said conversations like that are why I got into HR. 128 00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:21,779 - Jake is extra close with his mom 129 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,906 because he doesn't know who his dad is. 130 00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,324 No one does. 131 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,076 Fine, yeah. My dad wrestled alligators. 132 00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:29,495 And your dad was a judge who also did magic. 133 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,039 Now we're all caught up on dads. 134 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:32,915 Can we get back to the woman who clearly took this job 135 00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:35,918 to exact some horrible revenge on me? 136 00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:39,297 - Oh, Dan, six months ago, you would have been spot-on. 137 00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:40,757 I mean, yeah, old Julianne 138 00:05:40,758 --> 00:05:42,592 would definitely have conned her way out of prison 139 00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:44,677 and lied herself into this job 140 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:47,764 just so she could watch you squirm. 141 00:05:47,765 --> 00:05:50,308 But that Julianne is gone. 142 00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:52,393 I killed her. 143 00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,645 Cheeto? 144 00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:58,941 - Let's say for the moment that I believe you, which I don't. 145 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:00,860 You could be a prosecutor anywhere. 146 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,946 If this is not some sort of sick game of cat and mouse, 147 00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,865 why did you choose the one courthouse 148 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:09,077 with this juicy little mouse? 149 00:06:09,078 --> 00:06:12,789 - Because hardly any judges in this city 150 00:06:12,790 --> 00:06:14,957 signed up for Operation Second Chance. 151 00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:18,879 But one judge signed up 40 times. 152 00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,548 - You signed off on this and kept it from me? 153 00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:23,716 - I'm not keeping things from you. 154 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,802 Why does that keep coming up? 155 00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:27,053 - I don't think it has. 156 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,763 Unless you're keeping things from me. 157 00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:30,765 - Not keeping things! 158 00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:34,602 Look, I had no idea the new prosecutor was Julianne, 159 00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:36,104 but her record's been expunged. 160 00:06:36,105 --> 00:06:38,481 I got a glowing letter from her parole officer. 161 00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:41,442 Oh, and she was vice president of the knitting club. 162 00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:44,862 They gave her needles in prison. How bad could she be? 163 00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:48,116 - Great, I've always wanted to be trapped in a macrame net. 164 00:06:48,117 --> 00:06:50,993 - Oh, Dan, macrame couldn't hold a guy like you 165 00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:53,080 for more than three minutes. 166 00:06:54,665 --> 00:06:57,500 - Julianne's our prosecutor. We just have to make it work. 167 00:06:57,501 --> 00:06:59,460 - Like one big happy family. 168 00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:01,003 - Not a family. No one's family. 169 00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:02,547 We would have disclosed that earlier 170 00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:04,132 when we were disclosing things. 171 00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:06,467 - I think I know what's going on here. 172 00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:07,802 - No time for theories. 173 00:07:07,803 --> 00:07:08,970 Jake has to go see his mom's new rack. 174 00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:11,139 Come on. - She sent me pictures, 175 00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:14,100 but she said they don't do them justice. 176 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,853 - The last time I saw Dan, we kissed. 177 00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:18,479 And I think he's upset 178 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:23,192 because it meant more to him than it did to me. 179 00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:25,112 - Oh, that's a lie. 180 00:07:26,864 --> 00:07:28,865 I rocked your face. 181 00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:32,618 I am telling you, she is a wolf in sheep's clothing, 182 00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:35,872 and I'm a juicy little spring lamb. 183 00:07:35,873 --> 00:07:38,499 - You just said you were a juicy mouse. 184 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,084 - Uh, since that's the third use, 185 00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:43,629 "juicy" is what we in HR call a problem word. 186 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,047 - Just pipe down, young man. 187 00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:46,841 I'm old enough to be your father. 188 00:07:46,842 --> 00:07:48,551 - Okay, meeting's over. Good stuff. 189 00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:49,677 Everyone's pappy-- happy. 190 00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:51,095 Let's skedaddy-- skedaddle. 191 00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:53,098 Get out! 192 00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:59,520 - Okay, I think I finally figured out a way 193 00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,564 to tell Dan that Jake might be his son-- 194 00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:03,858 this friendly, anonymous letter. 195 00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:07,570 - That explains why this article doesn't make sense. 196 00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:09,572 - Hey, Judge. - Nothing. 197 00:08:09,573 --> 00:08:14,035 - Oh, you two were talking about how Dan might be Jake's daddy. 198 00:08:14,036 --> 00:08:16,495 - Damn it, Murray, should have known you couldn't keep a secret 199 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,207 after you told me about Wyatt and that scary security guard. 200 00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:20,666 - That doesn't count. 201 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:24,253 I told you that in a dream. 202 00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:25,922 - Just tell him, Judge. 203 00:08:25,923 --> 00:08:27,173 I was nervous to talk to my neighbor 204 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,008 about his loud music, but I did. 205 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,928 And that's how I met Robert Durst dressed as a woman. 206 00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:33,179 - It's not as simple as you 207 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,097 meeting Robert Durst in disguise. 208 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:38,059 I mean, we're not even positive they are father and son. 209 00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:40,519 I could be getting Jake's hopes up over nothing. 210 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,980 Telling them would be a whole lot easier if I knew for sure. 211 00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:44,649 - Well, let's get some hard proof. 212 00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:47,026 We can trick those guys into a paternity test easy. 213 00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:50,154 I'm always looking for a reason to steal DNA. 214 00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:51,948 - And I'm always looking for a reason 215 00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:53,783 to hold a fake blood drive. - [ Gasps ] 216 00:08:53,784 --> 00:08:55,952 That's why we're friends. 217 00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:58,120 - No one's stealing any DNA. 218 00:08:58,121 --> 00:09:00,164 We can get the answer in a normal way. 219 00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:04,502 Now, what color roses say, "Hey, Jake's mom, nice boobs. 220 00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:07,047 Any chance Dan saw the befores?" 221 00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:10,801 - Orange. - Orange. 222 00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:15,805 - Midge, if the cafeteria in the prison was run this well, 223 00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:18,724 there would be no riots. 224 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,810 - Oh, she's good. 225 00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:22,687 Winning over the court one by one, 226 00:09:22,688 --> 00:09:25,982 preying on the weak and the stupid. 227 00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:28,234 Pulling the wool over their eyes. 228 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,695 Luckily, the three of us know better. 229 00:09:30,696 --> 00:09:33,030 - I like her. 230 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:36,034 She looks like if Connecticut was a person. 231 00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:41,038 - Luckily, the two of us know better. 232 00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:45,084 - Maybe you've misjudged her. She seems reformed to me. 233 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,169 - Where'd you get the scarf? 234 00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:49,171 - I don't know. 235 00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:52,550 I don't remember my life before I got it. 236 00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:56,637 - She's literally pulled the wool over your eyes. 237 00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,640 - I think it's pashmina. 238 00:10:01,143 --> 00:10:04,895 - You can tell that quack doctor they're big enough 239 00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:08,190 when I say they're big enough. 240 00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:12,279 And I don't think these pills are even working. 241 00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,906 - Hi, Susan. Brought you flowers. 242 00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:19,702 A bouquet for your bou-bays. 243 00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:22,079 Sorry, I'm super uncomfortable. 244 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:24,040 - If it isn't my favorite cousin. 245 00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:27,835 You got a lot of nerve showing your face around here, Barbara. 246 00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,587 - Oh, no, uh, I'm not Barbara. 247 00:10:29,588 --> 00:10:32,299 I'm-- I'm Jake's girlfriend, Abby. 248 00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:38,346 - Hey, Barbara, do you remember your little joke 249 00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:40,931 where you would pretend to call a tow truck 250 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:43,351 and report two flats? 251 00:10:43,352 --> 00:10:47,688 Well, they're not so flat anymore, are they? 252 00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,231 - Maybe I should go. 253 00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:54,153 - But I have always felt like I could tell you anything. 254 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:57,157 - Well, if you're in a sharing mood, maybe I'll stay. 255 00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,243 - Come closer. 256 00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:03,287 - Oh! 257 00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:08,084 - That's for telling me you can't get pregnant in a pool. 258 00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:11,796 - Um, back to us telling each other everything. 259 00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:14,423 Um, you know, I was just thinking, 260 00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:19,720 we haven't talked about Jake's dad in a while, huh? 261 00:11:19,721 --> 00:11:22,056 - Come closer. 262 00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:23,724 - I don't want to. 263 00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:28,229 - Oh, Barbara, you know I don't know who Jake's dad is. 264 00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:30,189 - Well, uh, maybe we could figure it out. 265 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,858 Um, didn't you date a lawyer who worked at night court 266 00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:35,111 right around the time you were pregnant with Jake? 267 00:11:35,112 --> 00:11:37,988 - I dated so many people back then. 268 00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:40,741 There was a lawyer. 269 00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:43,285 And a judge. 270 00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:45,122 - A judge? 271 00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:49,708 Was it a night court judge? 272 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,711 - And a magician. 273 00:11:53,839 --> 00:11:55,423 - A judge and a magician? 274 00:11:55,424 --> 00:11:59,760 Or a judge, comma, and a magician? 275 00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:01,470 Where's the comma, Susan? 276 00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:03,056 Oh! 277 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,060 - Mom, if you don't stop yelling at the doctor, 278 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,020 he's gonna take them back. 279 00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:12,356 Abby, you came to visit my mom. That's so sweet. 280 00:12:12,357 --> 00:12:16,235 - Yeah, yeah, we were just, um, taking a trip down memory lane. 281 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:20,281 - I never realized how much you two look alike. 282 00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:24,326 But that makes sense, because you are... 283 00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:26,328 related. 284 00:12:26,329 --> 00:12:29,165 - Yeah, we are kind of twins, right? 285 00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:31,293 Like kissing a mirror. 286 00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,923 - Okay, I'm in. Let's get their DNA. 287 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,383 Don't ask why I changed my mind. 288 00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:41,136 And just for fun... 289 00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,763 ...here's mine, too. 290 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:48,268 - Why would we test your-- - I said don't ask! 291 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,274 - So, getting Jake's DNA will be easy. 292 00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,984 We both shed like Chow Chows. 293 00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:58,360 Which is a coincidence, 294 00:12:58,361 --> 00:13:01,113 not a trait inherited from a common parent. 295 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:02,781 - Well, don't worry about Dan. 296 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,450 His DNA's as good as ours. 297 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:07,036 We have a plan. - And it's foolproof. 298 00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:09,747 - Is Flobert in the trash can? 299 00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:12,249 - Yes, I am. 300 00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:14,502 - So, Dan just got his nightly coffee. 301 00:13:14,503 --> 00:13:16,420 When he goes to throw out his cup, 302 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:18,756 Flobert will be in there waiting with a sterile evidence bag 303 00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:20,966 to preserve the integrity of the sample. 304 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:23,010 - Bingo bango. 305 00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:24,553 - But in the meantime, 306 00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:26,805 won't he just be getting covered in garbage? 307 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:30,809 - Oh, Abby, that's what the "cups only" sign is for. 308 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,102 - What "cups only" sign? 309 00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:35,523 - The one I'm sticking on right now. 310 00:13:35,524 --> 00:13:38,025 I forgot to make it. 311 00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:40,110 - And another great thing about the scarf is, 312 00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:41,946 I can say anything when I'm wearing it, 313 00:13:41,947 --> 00:13:43,280 and I still look cool. 314 00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:47,494 To wit-- I think my rash is spreading. 315 00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:54,208 - Alright. Julianne, I saved you a seat over here. 316 00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:57,127 Yeah, she may have all of you fooled, 317 00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:59,088 but under that veneer of civility 318 00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:02,049 is a volcano of rage just waiting to erupt. 319 00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:03,968 And I'm just about to be that thing 320 00:14:03,969 --> 00:14:06,053 that makes the volcano go... 321 00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:08,847 [ Sputters ] 322 00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,391 - And, Dan, uh, just so you know, 323 00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:12,142 when you're done drinking that coffee, 324 00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:14,061 you can throw it out in that trash can. 325 00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:16,272 Don't let the lack of sign fool you. 326 00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:18,440 It's definitely for cups. 327 00:14:18,441 --> 00:14:20,568 - It is so refreshing to pick a seat 328 00:14:20,569 --> 00:14:24,905 without having to navigate gang dynamics. 329 00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,365 "You have to sit on the floor 330 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:29,577 'cause you didn't pay proper respects to Big Spider." 331 00:14:29,578 --> 00:14:32,913 It's just exhausting. 332 00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:34,290 - Um, you know what, Julianne? 333 00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:36,542 I wanted to apologize for how I acted earlier. 334 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,336 I'm very impressed with how you're handling this. 335 00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:42,506 I mean, I couldn't work with the man who sent my ass to jail 336 00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,466 and stole the best years of my life. 337 00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:47,011 I mean, I'd want to just pick up a spoon and reach over the table 338 00:14:47,012 --> 00:14:50,055 and jab him in the jugular with it. 339 00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,349 - Oh, boy. [ Chuckles ] 340 00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:54,894 I am really gonna enjoy this. 341 00:14:58,148 --> 00:15:01,066 Mm. This soup is cold. 342 00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,944 - That's because today's soup... 343 00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:06,071 is salsa. 344 00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,323 Let me throw this out for you. 345 00:15:07,324 --> 00:15:09,325 - Oh, no, I think that's just for cups. 346 00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:12,536 - Sweet Lord! - Lord! 347 00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:15,664 Thank you for this table. Amen. 348 00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:17,207 - As I was saying, 349 00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:20,127 I'm just so glad that you're completely changed, 350 00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,338 because if you weren't fully reformed, 351 00:15:22,339 --> 00:15:25,341 I mean, I can't imagine the-- the bubbling rage 352 00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:30,305 that would come up in you every time you saw my carefree smile. 353 00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:34,516 - I could wear your teeth like a necklace. 354 00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:36,352 That's how beautiful they are. 355 00:15:36,353 --> 00:15:39,229 - You know what? Something weird's going on here. 356 00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:40,564 - Finally an ally. 357 00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:43,317 - No, there's a sock in my coffee. 358 00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:44,568 Now, you said this is for cups? 359 00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:46,487 - Uh, yeah. Empty cups. Empty cups. 360 00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:48,197 - What the... 361 00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:49,531 - Did you guys hear that? 362 00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:52,076 - I didn't hear anything. - Me neither. 363 00:15:52,077 --> 00:15:53,661 - So, Dan, you were saying something 364 00:15:53,662 --> 00:15:54,953 about your bubbling rage? 365 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,205 - No, not my rage, your rage. 366 00:15:56,206 --> 00:15:57,956 No, your rage! 367 00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,375 [ Cellphone rings ] 368 00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:01,126 - What? - I should take this. 369 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,961 Dan, as your friend, 370 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,547 I really think that you should deal with your anger 371 00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:08,300 before your anger deals with you. 372 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,387 Big Spider told me that. 373 00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:15,140 - Alright, fine. The volcano didn't erupt. 374 00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:17,267 But she's this close. 375 00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:19,520 - Uh, that sure is a lot of broken glass 376 00:16:19,521 --> 00:16:21,230 headed for the "cups only" trash can. 377 00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:23,316 - Sorry. I'm full. 378 00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,069 - Let this be a warning to all of you, alright? 379 00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:28,404 Because the-- the last words 380 00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,239 out of the villagers of Pompeii's mouth, 381 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:34,034 "Oh, Julianne seems nice." 382 00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:35,327 All I can taste is sock now. 383 00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:36,537 Where the hell did that trash can go? 384 00:16:36,538 --> 00:16:39,331 - I can get that for you. - Okay. 385 00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:42,418 What are you do-- 386 00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:43,712 Mm-hmm. 387 00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:48,341 - Well, that was easy. 388 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,430 - The evidence is overwhelming. 389 00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:56,056 Fingerprints everywhere. 390 00:16:56,057 --> 00:17:00,102 And you dropped your diary at the crime scene. 391 00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:02,688 Herman, is it possible that you wanted to be caught? 392 00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,314 Those prison bars, 393 00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:06,608 do they take you back to the bars of your crib, 394 00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:09,529 the last place that you truly felt safe? 395 00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:18,704 - Apparently, we're changing our plea to guilty. 396 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:21,081 - 30 days in jail. 397 00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:24,126 - Just a tip before you go back on the inside. 398 00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:29,631 Go and find the biggest guy in the yard and give him this. 399 00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:32,051 You'll have a friend for life. 400 00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:37,723 - Did you hear that? She uses scarves as currency. 401 00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:40,601 This is a debt I'll have to repay. 402 00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:42,311 If she asks me to kill you, 403 00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:44,646 feel this and tell me you wouldn't do it. 404 00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:47,524 - Wyatt, don't worry your warm little neck about it. 405 00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:49,359 I finally have everything I need 406 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,695 to expose Julianne for who she really is. 407 00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:55,157 - Alright, Judge, I got the DNA results. 408 00:17:55,158 --> 00:17:56,742 - Oh, Murray, I could kiss you 409 00:17:56,743 --> 00:18:00,079 if I weren't now worried anyone could secretly be my brother. 410 00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:04,792 What? These are just headshots of you. 411 00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:06,835 - I thought if you had the lab results first, 412 00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:10,756 you'd be too distracted to give me your honest opinion. 413 00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:15,594 So, what do you think, silly or sassy? 414 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:18,180 - Can I please just have the lab results? 415 00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:20,182 And obviously sassy. 416 00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:21,600 - The People vs.-- 417 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:24,144 - Your Honor, I would like to call for a mistrial. 418 00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:27,815 This prosecutor is not who she appears to be. 419 00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:31,693 - I knew it. She's a princess. 420 00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,529 - Sure, she's got a glowing letter 421 00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:36,615 from her parole officer, Stan Kinds. 422 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,534 What do we know about old Stan? 423 00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:40,869 I'll tell you what I know. 424 00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:42,871 He doesn't exist. 425 00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:46,166 - Yes, I-I do. 426 00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:47,835 - No, you don't. 427 00:18:47,836 --> 00:18:49,878 I called the number on your letterhead. 428 00:18:49,879 --> 00:18:51,213 It was a laundromat. 429 00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:54,383 - Sorry. I have a second job. 430 00:18:54,384 --> 00:18:56,552 The city's expensive. 431 00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:57,845 - No, this is not true. 432 00:18:57,846 --> 00:18:59,847 You are a figment of her imagination, 433 00:18:59,848 --> 00:19:02,391 designed to taunt and play with me. 434 00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:05,435 Let me ask you this-- If not, why is your name, Stan Kinds, 435 00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:10,440 just a lazy anagram for "Dan stinks"? 436 00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:13,194 - Oh, it is? That's fun. 437 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,865 - No, listen, I know that there's this other information and facts 438 00:19:17,866 --> 00:19:20,158 that proves that she's a monster, like, um-- 439 00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:22,369 - Like telling you a scarf is made of pashmina 440 00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:24,497 when it's made out of lies. 441 00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:27,916 - Look, her start paperwork. 442 00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:30,419 She has that her first day was the 22nd. 443 00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,546 Today is the 21st. Ha! 444 00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:33,922 - Today is the 22nd. 445 00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:37,593 - Aw, I missed a dentist appointment. 446 00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:40,763 - Okay, now seems like a good time for a break. 447 00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:45,225 Where are the lab results? - They are right here. 448 00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:46,685 - Oh, good. - Oh, man. 449 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:49,856 I got to stop keeping everything in unmarked envelopes. 450 00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:57,905 - Editor of the Yale Law Journal. 451 00:19:57,906 --> 00:20:02,200 Passed the bar in three states. Huh. 452 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,452 This is all true? 453 00:20:03,453 --> 00:20:05,495 You're, um, actually the real deal. 454 00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:07,706 - You know, that's on me for only mentioning it 455 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:11,251 over and over and over again. 456 00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:13,253 - So you're not obsessed with me? 457 00:20:13,254 --> 00:20:15,631 I'm just crazy. 458 00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:20,719 That would explain why I thought I heard a trash can screaming. 459 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,596 - Well, you're not all wrong. 460 00:20:22,597 --> 00:20:26,391 When I was in prison, I did think about you. 461 00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,310 A lot. 462 00:20:28,311 --> 00:20:31,355 That kiss did rock my face. 463 00:20:31,356 --> 00:20:33,565 But, Dan, you're bad for me. 464 00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:34,900 And if I'm going to make this work, 465 00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,777 then that is a line I cannot cross. 466 00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:39,655 So instead, I'm just going to have to go hard at you 467 00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:42,491 every night until we are dripping with sweat 468 00:20:42,492 --> 00:20:45,327 and begging for mercy. 469 00:20:45,328 --> 00:20:46,996 As lawyers. 470 00:20:49,624 --> 00:20:51,626 {\an8}- Yeah, lawyers are good. 471 00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:54,503 {\an8}- Oh, and-- and you weren't wrong 472 00:20:54,504 --> 00:20:56,380 {\an8}about the talking trash can. 473 00:20:56,381 --> 00:20:59,967 {\an8}That guy "Flo-bare" was inside. 474 00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:01,426 {\an8}Everybody here thinks 475 00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:03,930 {\an8}that you're the judge's boyfriend's dad. 476 00:21:11,896 --> 00:21:14,856 {\an8}- You think what? 477 00:21:14,857 --> 00:21:16,608 {\an8}- Would it make you feel better to know 478 00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:19,529 {\an8}that my boyfriend's not my brother?