1 00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:03,670 Your Honor, the defendant is charged 2 00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:05,839 with inciting a riot during a Christmas concert 3 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:08,633 at the Central Park Bird Sanctuary. 4 00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:09,843 Your Honor, my client was merely trying 5 00:00:09,844 --> 00:00:11,511 to put on a holiday concert 6 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,513 where the birds could tweet along 7 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,515 or land on your shoulder 8 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:19,644 like we've been promised by cartoons. 9 00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:22,439 Instead, the music turned our feathered friends 10 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:25,483 into killing machines. 11 00:00:25,484 --> 00:00:27,861 I would show you the photos, but-- hoo!-- 12 00:00:27,862 --> 00:00:30,488 you would never eat chicken again. 13 00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:32,365 According to this report, 14 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:34,993 there are injuries to 12 drummers drumming, 15 00:00:34,994 --> 00:00:38,122 11 pipers... piping? 16 00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:43,334 10 lords a-leaping. 17 00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:45,879 ♪ Nine ladies dancing ♪ 18 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,881 ♪ Eight maids a-milking ♪ 19 00:00:47,882 --> 00:00:50,300 They wrecked the latte bar. 20 00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:53,511 ♪ Seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying ♪ 21 00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:58,016 ♪ I want to drink ♪ 22 00:00:58,017 --> 00:01:01,060 ♪ Four calling birds, three French hens ♪ 23 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,021 ♪ Two turtle doves ♪ 24 00:01:03,022 --> 00:01:04,981 Dan? 25 00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:06,357 And a partridge-- 26 00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:08,903 Objection! Scrooge. 27 00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,238 Don't hide that baritone 28 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:15,742 under a bunch of bah humbug, Counselor. 29 00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:21,915 ♪ And a partridge with a broke beak ♪ 30 00:01:24,043 --> 00:01:25,752 Merry Christmas to all. 31 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:28,713 And to you, $1,000 fine. 32 00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:37,013 Just a little something to show my appreciation 33 00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:39,724 at this special time. - Aw! 34 00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:42,268 - Mine's empty. - Mine, too. 35 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,895 Unless... 36 00:01:43,896 --> 00:01:47,106 {\an8}did you blow a kiss in here, you scoundrel? 37 00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,526 {\an8}No, it's not my fault 38 00:01:49,527 --> 00:01:51,069 {\an8}that the city outlawed gift giving 39 00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:52,612 {\an8}between municipal workers. 40 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:55,073 {\an8}Fingers crossed next year they ban small talk, 41 00:01:55,074 --> 00:01:58,243 {\an8}so I'll never have to answer "Sup, big man?" again. 42 00:01:58,244 --> 00:02:01,579 {\an8}Sup, big man? 43 00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:03,915 Don't think I forgot my favorite judge. 44 00:02:03,916 --> 00:02:05,960 I know it's empty. 45 00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:11,798 {\an8}But don't worry. 46 00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,466 {\an8}Even without gifts, we're still gonna do 47 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,134 {\an8}something special for the holidays. 48 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,928 {\an8}I signed us up for a Christmas escape room. 49 00:02:16,929 --> 00:02:18,638 {\an8}We got the invitation. 50 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,765 {\an8}Rather unsettling that the only two RSVP options 51 00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:23,768 {\an8}were "yes" and "hell yes." 52 00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:26,145 {\an8}It's Titanic themed. The only other option was 53 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,481 {\an8}Escape from Santa's Workshop, but I did that one, 54 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:31,985 {\an8}and I got in trouble for not trying to escape. 55 00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:33,069 {\an8}Wait. We have to be there in three hours? 56 00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,612 {\an8}No way! 57 00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:37,323 {\an8}I mean, if Julianne was here, maybe. 58 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,158 {\an8}But she's at her anger-management group's 59 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,743 {\an8}Christmas dinner. 60 00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:43,246 {\an8}None of the food requires knives. 61 00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:45,290 {\an8}With Murray filling in, you might as well cancel. 62 00:02:45,291 --> 00:02:46,666 {\an8}I mean, it takes him two hours 63 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,334 {\an8}just to do his pre-trial warmups. 64 00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:51,170 {\an8}I prosecute with every inch of my body. 65 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,006 {\an8}I will be damned if I'm gonna pull a muscle 66 00:02:53,007 --> 00:02:56,342 {\an8}and let A.I. take my job. 67 00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:59,596 {\an8}Hey! New coat, these are my friends. 68 00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:02,765 {\an8}Friends, this is my new coat. 69 00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:06,185 {\an8}Where was this energy when I introduced you to my new hat? 70 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,521 {\an8}The girls got this for me as an early Christmas gift. 71 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:11,190 {\an8}All I had to do was pay for it, wrap it, 72 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,985 {\an8}and then pretend to like the stuff they actually got me. 73 00:03:13,986 --> 00:03:15,862 {\an8}Wyatt, just so you know, we need to move fast tonight. 74 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:19,282 {\an8}Hold up. Did you just put your coat under mine? 75 00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:21,159 {\an8}Did I? 76 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:23,703 {\an8}I was listening to the judge talk about moving fast tonight. 77 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,288 It's just a strange thing to do, 78 00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:27,540 given there are a number of open hooks. 79 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,208 This is the opposite of moving fast. 80 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,045 You know what? It is a bit odd. 81 00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:33,838 Well, even if all the hooks were full, 82 00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:36,007 you would go on top of a coat that was already there. 83 00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:39,303 Nobody goes under a pre-existing coat. 84 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,348 That's what I'm saying. There's a lot to unpack here. 85 00:03:43,349 --> 00:03:45,224 No, no, no, there's nothing to unpack. 86 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,185 Our bags are already on the Titanic. Let's go. 87 00:03:47,186 --> 00:03:50,063 The judge is right. Time is of the essence. 88 00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:52,732 We need to get in there and-- aah! 89 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,567 Aah! See this? 90 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,987 This is why I need to stretch. 91 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:02,408 Sir, you can't go around tearing down inflatable Santas 92 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,410 because you feel they draw attention away 93 00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,204 from the birth of your Lord and Savior. 94 00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:10,541 December 25th is Jimmy Buffett's birthday, 95 00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,919 and you all have lost your way. 96 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,754 Jimmy saves. 97 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,882 Jimmy saves! 98 00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:20,927 Well, it's 5:00 somewhere, but not where you're going. 99 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:24,430 One night in jail and $50 fine. 100 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,349 I gotta hand it to you Parrotheads. 101 00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:28,017 Hawaiian shirts don't look good on anybody, 102 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:30,186 but you're sticking with it. 103 00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:33,856 All right. We are one case away from boarding the Titanic. 104 00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,608 I hear the first puzzle 105 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:38,611 is actually rearranging the deck chairs. 106 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:41,364 Last up-- the State versus Fred Norton. 107 00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:43,074 The defendant is charged with trespassing 108 00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:45,201 after he refused to leave a Christmas party. 109 00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:48,246 I couldn't leave before those fine people heard all about 110 00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:51,791 the suckiest vacuum cleaner money can buy, 111 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:55,128 or my name isn't... Sam Snead. 112 00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:56,587 But that isn't your name. 113 00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,548 According to your driver's license, 114 00:04:58,549 --> 00:05:00,967 you're Fred Norton, and you're not a salesman. 115 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,052 You're an actor. 116 00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:06,889 And it says here you're really willing to do nudity. 117 00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:10,727 The defendant was hired to run a murder-mystery holiday party 118 00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:12,812 and wouldn't break character, 119 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,648 even after it was made clear everyone wanted it to be over. 120 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,567 Wanting it to be over is implied when 121 00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:19,652 you said "murder-mystery party." 122 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,655 Hey, murder-mystery parties are not on trial. 123 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:26,117 If so, I'd have to recuse myself because I love them. 124 00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:28,453 Everyone gets dressed up, the lights go out, 125 00:05:28,454 --> 00:05:29,996 there's a dead body, 126 00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,497 and you have to figure out who did it 127 00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:32,749 and why my date disappeared into a bedroom 128 00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:35,418 with a different person. 129 00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:37,420 I've got the perfect way to keep your man happy 130 00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:41,507 this Christmas-- the Staininator 3000! 131 00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:43,676 Would you care for a demonstration, ma'am? 132 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,845 "Ma'am"? 133 00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:50,349 This because somebody said I was eating yogurt earlier? 134 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,185 Mr. Norton, it would really help your cause 135 00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:54,145 if you would just speak as yourself. 136 00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:57,148 This is a court of law, not a murder-mystery dinner-- 137 00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:01,360 {\an8}Oh, no! 138 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,154 {\an8}Flobert's dead! 139 00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:06,157 {\an8} Why?! 140 00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,617 Take me instead! 141 00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:09,535 No, wait. 142 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:12,289 Take Dan! 143 00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:15,041 {\an8}Sorry. 144 00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:18,795 Darkness instantly puts me to sleep. 145 00:06:18,796 --> 00:06:22,173 I am very dangerous driving through tunnels. 146 00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:25,468 Judge, your chair. 147 00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:30,223 {\an8}"You're next. Ho ho ho." 148 00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:33,060 {\an8}Aw. Your first death threat. 149 00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:37,021 No one move. You're gonna want to remember this. 150 00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:38,732 I'll get a camera! 151 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,405 Detective Kratz, NYPD. How can I help you? 152 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,574 Besides finding the bastard that did this? 153 00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,827 It might be easier if you took your sunglasses off. 154 00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:53,246 After all, it is night, and we are inside. 155 00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:55,039 Don't tell me how to do my-- 156 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,583 Oh, yeah, that's much better. Thank you. 157 00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,544 Detective, it's gotta be the murder-mystery guy. 158 00:06:59,545 --> 00:07:01,879 I mean, you can't pretend to die 52 weeks a year 159 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,340 and not end up a little weird. 160 00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:07,385 Well, I'm sorry, but we take all threats seriously. 161 00:07:07,386 --> 00:07:09,262 There's something about this time of year 162 00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:11,222 that brings out the worst in people. 163 00:07:11,223 --> 00:07:13,558 You know, my wife left me on Christmas. 164 00:07:13,559 --> 00:07:15,434 This Christmas. 165 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,020 I found the divorce papers in my stocking. 166 00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:20,773 That's what I get for peeking! 167 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,609 Speaking of Christmas, some of us have plans. 168 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:26,404 Is there any way we can fast-track this investigation, 169 00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:28,781 since, again, we know who did it? 170 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,616 We are talking about your safety here. 171 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,244 Detective, you take as much time as you want, 172 00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:34,745 even if it means we miss the thing 173 00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:38,249 that only Abby wanted to do. 174 00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:39,959 Don't listen to him. He just hates fun. 175 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,878 - I don't-- - If this were a Christmas movie, 176 00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:45,548 there'd be a pile of angels just trying to jumpstart his heart. 177 00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,967 Well, unfortunately, you're all stuck here 178 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,219 until Vacuum Guy cooperates. 179 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:51,804 Although, he is a good salesman. 180 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,973 I almost bought one for my wife. 181 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,309 Ex-wife. 182 00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:57,810 Now excuse me. I have to go deal with 183 00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,397 some police feelings in the bathroom. 184 00:08:02,191 --> 00:08:04,401 This is why men shouldn't be cops. 185 00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:10,489 Excuse me, Wyatt. 186 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,659 I just need a place to put my folder. 187 00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:18,956 Oh, I just put my folder under yours. 188 00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:20,750 What a weird thing to do. 189 00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:24,462 I should probably explain myself. 190 00:08:24,463 --> 00:08:26,172 Fine, Gurgs. 191 00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:29,300 Truth is, I did put my coat under yours on purpose. 192 00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:31,302 I didn't want it to get stolen. 193 00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:34,430 Oh, so you'd be fine if my coat got stolen. 194 00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:36,974 Fine's the wrong word. 195 00:08:36,975 --> 00:08:39,018 Shocked. Uh, I would be shocked 196 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,520 if it got stolen. 197 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,648 That's why it's the perfect cover for my coat. 198 00:08:43,649 --> 00:08:45,441 Oh! Oh, well, my coat 199 00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:48,527 doesn't want to be your coat's coat! 200 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,113 Enough with the coats. 201 00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,531 Whatever happened with the folder-- 202 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:56,285 now, that was interesting. 203 00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:59,038 All right, guys, if we could just link Fred to this crime, 204 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:01,666 we can escape this room and head to a warehouse in Brooklyn 205 00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:03,209 that used to be an underground dance club, 206 00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:06,045 but now is a place we can get into. 207 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,715 I'm not going anywhere with that jacket ass. 208 00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:13,386 I told you she was a hothead. 209 00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:15,721 Yeah, she's that, too. 210 00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:18,641 What your coat say about me? 211 00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:21,185 Tell... your coat 212 00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:23,020 to say it to my face! 213 00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:25,064 People! People, please. 214 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:28,735 It's Jimmy Buffett's birthday. Show some respect. 215 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,570 Abby, just face it. 216 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,489 You're shipwreck's a train wreck. 217 00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:35,658 We're never making it to the escape room. 218 00:09:35,659 --> 00:09:37,868 Dan, I know you don't have the holiday spirit, 219 00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,870 but we all fake it sometimes. 220 00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:42,206 News flash-- we don't need another story about Louisiana. 221 00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,916 We know where it is. 222 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:47,420 If it was that interesting, we'd go. 223 00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:48,879 If I'm the only one who cares about this, 224 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,506 I'll just get us out of here, 225 00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:52,049 go to that Titanic escape room alone, 226 00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:55,094 and drown on Christmas all by myself! 227 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,596 Move it, big man! 228 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,891 So has he confessed yet? 229 00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:02,435 'Cause I'm about to miss my boat. 230 00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:04,437 Talking to this guy's a waste of time. 231 00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:07,106 He suffers from what we on the force call a 55-20-- 232 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,567 broken brain. 233 00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:11,444 He's totally lost touch with reality. 234 00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:13,863 He's stuck in whatever murder mystery he was playing in. 235 00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:15,448 Speaking of 55-20, 236 00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:17,783 this baby comes in 55 different colors 237 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,452 and has 20 different attachments. 238 00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:23,080 That's 4,200 different ways of having fun! 239 00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:24,790 You see what I'm dealing with? 240 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:27,793 I gotta go take a walk. 241 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:31,464 You know, my wife and I used to take walks. 242 00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,799 They've got codes for broken brains, 243 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,802 but not broken hearts. 244 00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:41,098 You just lost your good cop. 245 00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,975 Now you're staring at a lady who, 246 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:46,312 for the first time in her life, is not excited about Christmas. 247 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,147 Tomorrow, I'm gonna take a bus upstate, 248 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,149 where I'm gonna spend my day setting up my mom's 249 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,151 digital frame just so she can remind me 250 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:55,988 that I haven't given her any grandkids to put in it. 251 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,823 Then I don't have anyone to kiss under the mistletoe 252 00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,492 because my boyfriend's mom needed a wingman 253 00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:01,994 for her singles cruise. 254 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,246 You not confessing is keeping me from the one thing 255 00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:05,956 I was looking forward to. 256 00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:07,625 So I'm gonna give you one last chance. 257 00:11:07,626 --> 00:11:09,878 Come clean, bucko! 258 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,089 Did someone say clean? 259 00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:15,007 Oh, my God. Just come back to reality 260 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,842 so I can get on the damn Titanic. 261 00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:19,178 Whoa! Abby. Whoa. 262 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,763 You don't want to shake him. 263 00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,807 What you want to do is you want to lift... 264 00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:25,101 - Oh! - ...and shake like this! 265 00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:27,019 Aw! You're helping. 266 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:31,190 Yeah, well, Christmas brings out the best in me! 267 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,775 Ooh! 268 00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:34,652 Oh! Save some for the wedding night, 269 00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,487 my little Georgia peach. 270 00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:39,865 It was yogurt for men! John Stamos eats it! 271 00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,617 Why does he keep calling you a woman? 272 00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:43,202 You can't see the beautiful Southern belle 273 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,537 right before your eyes? 274 00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:47,706 What kind of fortune teller are you? 275 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,875 Fortune teller? Southern be-- 276 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,794 Dan! Dan! Dan. - Hmm? 277 00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:54,046 He thinks we're characters in his murder-mystery game. 278 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,548 We gotta play along. Just, um... 279 00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:57,216 buy a vacuum, buy a vacuum. 280 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,302 And remember, you have boobs. 281 00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:15,568 My house... 282 00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:18,529 is just in shambles. 283 00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:20,156 I mean, I-I don't know what to do 284 00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:23,868 since my husband, Ormel, died. 285 00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:27,538 Well, I am sorry for your loss, but I'm happy for my gain. 286 00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:28,957 Enchanté. - Mm. 287 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,335 Would you be a doll and put me down 288 00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:36,380 for one of them little dirt suckers? 289 00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:40,050 Oh, and if you'd like to see, uh, Louisiana, 290 00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,262 it's beautiful this time of the year. 291 00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,056 Well, I'll put you down for a vacuum, 292 00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:48,267 and I'll pick you up for a date. 293 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,769 Let me get the paperwork started. 294 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,229 Dan, you did it. You played along, 295 00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,689 and you're gonna get a clue. 296 00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,274 Well, I don't have any invoices, 297 00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,775 but you can just write your information here 298 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,944 on my invitation to this party. 299 00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,946 Or you can always whisper it in my ear. 300 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:03,073 I have a photographic memory. 301 00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:05,075 Click, click. 302 00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:08,120 I'll write it down. 303 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,622 What is this? "You're cordially invited 304 00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:12,124 to Colonel Strangleton's Malibu estate." 305 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,292 Do you think this is a clue? 306 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,044 Yeah, yeah, this is the game. 307 00:13:15,045 --> 00:13:17,046 We go to this party, and then we'll get answers. 308 00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:19,298 Why are you smiling? 309 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,718 Oh, my God, there's gonna be costumes, aren't there? 310 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,723 Okay, so the game that Fred is stuck in 311 00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:29,433 is called "Murder in Malibu." 312 00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:32,895 We're now all guests at an oil tycoon's Christmas party. 313 00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,647 Abby, I can't hear you. Speak up! 314 00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:37,149 Dan, this all would be a lot easier to explain 315 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,569 if you would just come into the room. 316 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:44,990 This is ridiculous. 317 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,325 Woman in my station-- 318 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:49,829 this parasol is dramaturgical incorrect! 319 00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:52,748 I'm just remembering how awful it was 320 00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:55,501 seeing "Hamilton" with you. 321 00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,253 Flobert, you're a climate scientist. 322 00:13:57,254 --> 00:13:59,171 How you feeling? - Bad. 323 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,799 I've been doing some research to prepare. 324 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,842 Did you know we're losing the bees? 325 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:07,264 Without bees, who are the birds gonna have sex with? 326 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,850 I'm sorry. If I'm the oilman, 327 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,352 why would I invite this guy to my party? 328 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,855 Because none of this makes sense! 329 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,649 It's "Murder in Malibu." 330 00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:21,610 I'm a Southern belle. You're an oil tycoon. 331 00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:24,029 She's a fortune teller named Seymore Tomorrow, 332 00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:28,200 and he is apparently a climate scientist from the future! 333 00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:32,788 Without the bees, there is no future. 334 00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,457 It is a murder-mystery game. It's not about making sense. 335 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,626 It's about dressing up with your friends in costume 336 00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:40,296 so you can watch one of them die! 337 00:14:40,297 --> 00:14:41,839 Just so you know, for now, 338 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,549 this costume includes this cool jacket. 339 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,050 I don't want to hang it up 340 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,885 until there's a basic coat to cover it. 341 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,722 You'll be waiting a long time. 342 00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:52,601 What do you think about this coat, babydoll? 343 00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:56,520 Great. Our showgirl's here, 344 00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,063 and she's escalated the coat conflict. 345 00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,565 Can we just focus on the game? 346 00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:01,567 Our guest of honor is arriving. 347 00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:05,404 Well, finally, a room full of guests and their wallets! 348 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,823 While we're waiting to have dinner, 349 00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:09,491 would anyone like to see a demonstration 350 00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:11,994 of the Staininator 3000? 351 00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:15,123 It cleans up nice, kinda like you, missy. 352 00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:19,752 He touches me, I'm suing the city. 353 00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:22,046 All right, Colonel Strangleton, as our host, 354 00:15:22,047 --> 00:15:23,672 would you like to get us started? 355 00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:25,716 His name is Strangleton, but he gets shot. 356 00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:29,928 This was written by a room full of monkeys! 357 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:33,766 Welcome to a home built on black gold. 358 00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,225 I really think my character would be eating 359 00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,603 a popsicle right now. 360 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,229 Why don't you take your coat off? 361 00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:41,398 Oh, right, you won't, because deep down, 362 00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:43,442 you know your coat should be my coat's coat. 363 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,904 That's a damn lie. 364 00:15:46,905 --> 00:15:48,113 Enough. If you won't play your roles, 365 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:49,948 I'll just do it for you. 366 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,451 As I gaze into the future, 367 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:55,412 I see that the showgirl is 368 00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:57,456 not in love with the oil tycoon. 369 00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:02,086 She's in love with his money, a gold digger. 370 00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:03,545 Well, I never. 371 00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,130 I don't need to marry for money, see? 372 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,882 My real last name is Amtrak. 373 00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:10,135 My daddy owns the railroad. Choo-choo, baby. 374 00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:13,764 Ooh! I got train money. 375 00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:16,475 If you're hellbent on drilling Mother Earth, 376 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:20,313 then I'm hellbent on drilling you full of lead! 377 00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:27,111 Don't you dare point a gun at my fiancée. 378 00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:29,488 She's a real man. 379 00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,490 Don't marry her. Marry me. 380 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,826 I've been in love with you ever since that torrid night 381 00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:35,744 under the magnolias. 382 00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:37,913 Our dirty little secret isn't the only thing I'm carrying. 383 00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:41,291 I'm also carrying your bastard child! 384 00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:45,003 Wow. That was an insult to story logic 385 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,798 and to regional Southern dialects. 386 00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:49,341 Shh, shh, shh. We're almost finished. 387 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,677 So the lights go out, 388 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,012 and when they come back on, 389 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,514 the showgirl's dead, 390 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:56,682 we all know the scorned lover did it. 391 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,350 we're finished, and Fred is... 392 00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,019 Dying. 393 00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:05,400 The vacuum salesman's not supposed to get murdered. 394 00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:09,987 Ew. That's really in there. 395 00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:12,531 He's dead. 396 00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,324 Oh, God. 397 00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:16,785 I did that, didn't I?! 398 00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:19,873 Come on, it's Christmas. Help me hide the body. 399 00:17:24,919 --> 00:17:26,628 Detective Kratz, what do we do? 400 00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:27,713 Do we have to lock down the building? 401 00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:29,381 Right. Yeah, we should, um, 402 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:33,177 call the chief or, uh, the commish, or, uh... 403 00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:35,888 Ah! I'm not a cop. I'm an actor. 404 00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:37,306 Not even a good one. 405 00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:42,060 This badge is chocolate. 406 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,729 I'm a part of his murder-mystery troupe. 407 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,147 We were hired to run a game here, 408 00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:47,191 but no one was supposed to die! 409 00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:48,692 What do you mean, you were hired to run a game? 410 00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:50,068 Who hired you? 411 00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,487 It doesn't matter who hired him. 412 00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:53,155 There's a killer loose in the building. 413 00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:54,656 Don't worry. I won't let anything happen to you. 414 00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:57,242 - Thanks, Wyatt. - I was talking to my coat. 415 00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,078 Everybody, hands up! You're all under arrest. 416 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:03,165 He did it. He talks about killing people every day. 417 00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:05,334 Hey! Shut up! No! Don't shoot! 418 00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:08,170 I didn't kill anybody. All I did was hire this guy 419 00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:10,255 for one of the stupid murder-mystery parties. 420 00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:11,590 Now there is a real dead guy, 421 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,594 and this is no longer a party. 422 00:18:15,804 --> 00:18:18,430 Dan, you threw me a murder-mystery party? 423 00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:21,558 Yeah, I mean, it's Christmas. I had to give you something. 424 00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:23,936 But I swear to God, Jimmy Buffet, 425 00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:25,854 whoever the hell is listening, 426 00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:27,606 bring this guy back, and I promise I will never do 427 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:31,443 another thoughtful thing as long as I live! 428 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,278 Dan, he's moving. He's breathing. 429 00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:36,782 It's coming back to life because you believed in Christmas. 430 00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:40,118 Well, I fell for something, didn't I? 431 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,287 Big time. Stand down, everybody. 432 00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:43,705 These are all fake cops. 433 00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:47,417 All those badges are chocolate, too. 434 00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:49,127 Fred, take a bow. You've earned it. 435 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,879 Oh. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. 436 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,798 Oh, and I think all of you guys 437 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,550 should give yourselves a big round of applause 438 00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:56,385 for participating in this beautiful piece 439 00:18:56,386 --> 00:18:57,803 of immersive theater. 440 00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,305 Oh. Excellent job. 441 00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:03,308 I gotta admit, Dan, you had me going for a while. 442 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,811 But then I saw the way you shook Fred. 443 00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,479 That wasn't your everyday anger. 444 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,314 You know Dan's different types of anger? 445 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,316 Oh, yeah. 446 00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,652 In our time together, I've seen every vintage. 447 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:16,321 I'm kind of an anger sommelier. 448 00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:19,658 And that Fred shake-- that was a bottle you only pop open 449 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,827 when someone overcharges you, like at Chipotle, 450 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,745 when they make you pay extra for guac. 451 00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:25,581 Everybody wants guac. 452 00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:28,250 They should include it in the price. 453 00:19:28,251 --> 00:19:30,335 After that, I went to Fred 454 00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,754 and asked him to add another level to the game. 455 00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:34,590 All it took was me investing too much money 456 00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:37,134 in his all-female production of "A Few Good Men." 457 00:19:37,135 --> 00:19:40,345 Oh, opening night is-- - I'm not going. 458 00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,014 Now, I'm sure you're all wondering 459 00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:43,640 how I made the murder look so real. 460 00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:45,684 No, no, we're not. 461 00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:48,437 All it took was a watermelon full of cow's blood. 462 00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:49,521 And where'd you get cow's blood? 463 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,523 Just Google it. 464 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:55,360 So I guess that's game, set... back. 465 00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:14,296 Did you just sacrifice your cool jacket to save mine? 466 00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:16,673 It was my coat's turn to be on top. 467 00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:19,051 - My hero. - It was nothing. 468 00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:20,803 I was talking to your coat. 469 00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:25,223 We will look back on this and laugh, 470 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,225 when the world is turned to sand 471 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,938 and we're riding our worms to work. 472 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:34,232 You know, I take back everything I said 473 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,652 about a pile of angels having to jumpstart your heart, 474 00:20:36,653 --> 00:20:39,988 because this might be one of the best Christmas presents ever. 475 00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:41,573 You know, I know you a little, too, 476 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,075 and the only thing you like more 477 00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:45,035 than escape rooms or murder mysteries 478 00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:47,245 is this place. 479 00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:48,914 So I thought I'd mash them up 480 00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:52,167 and give you a little Christmas gumbo. 481 00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:53,919 {\an8}Hey, and you didn't even have to go to Brooklyn for it. 482 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,172 {\an8}Well, Brooklyn to me is an escape room. 483 00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:02,260 {\an8}You hear that? He doesn't need angels. 484 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,012 {\an8}Why did we even fly down here? 485 00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:05,931 {\an8}Ah, don't worry. We'll get our wings. 486 00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:08,934 {\an8}Come on, let's grab some booze and sneak it back into heaven. 487 00:21:10,395 --> 00:21:12,104 {\an8}Hey, guys, you forgot your weird... 488 00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:17,567 {\an8}...guitar. 489 00:21:17,568 --> 00:21:20,195 {\an8}I really must have hit my head when I passed out.