1
00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:03,461
{\an8}♪
2
00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:04,921
- Oh, oh, oh, okay.
I got one for you.
3
00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:07,799
That couple over there,
siblings or dating?
4
00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:09,884
- Oh, no, definitely siblings.
5
00:00:09,885 --> 00:00:12,679
The same weird smile,
same shark eyes,
6
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:14,514
hand placed
just above the butt
7
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:17,016
as if tempted,
but know that it's forbidden.
8
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,685
- Ah.
9
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,478
That's the kind of chemistry
you only develop
10
00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:22,230
at the dinner table.
11
00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:24,023
- Uh, excuse me.
We were wondering--
12
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,734
- We're step-siblings.
13
00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:27,277
But now that our parents
are dead,
14
00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:29,405
nothing is forbidden.
15
00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:35,536
- Any chance y'all think
they killed their parents?
16
00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:39,873
- They definitely did nothing
to save them.
17
00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:43,042
- Which one of these outfits
say, "I'm sexy, but not thirsty,
18
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,836
passionate but not desperate,"
19
00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:47,672
and leaves a medium amount
to the imagination?
20
00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:50,133
- Neither.
That one says, "Runway."
21
00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:52,302
Airport runway.
22
00:00:52,303 --> 00:00:54,095
- And the red one screams
23
00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:56,848
"first day in the witness
protection program."
24
00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:58,141
- Shows what you know.
25
00:00:58,142 --> 00:00:59,684
These are
from a high-end boutique
26
00:00:59,685 --> 00:01:01,770
called the Dress Pit.
27
00:01:01,771 --> 00:01:03,354
- Guys, be nice.
28
00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:05,356
This is her first date with Jake
after the breakup.
29
00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:08,526
If she wants to look like the
victim of a '70s slasher film,
30
00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:10,153
she should.
31
00:01:10,154 --> 00:01:12,113
- Eh, as long
as I don't look like
32
00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:14,657
the virgin the killer ignores,
I'll take it.
33
00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:17,160
- So, your first date
after the breakup, huh?
34
00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:19,329
A little bit
of awkward conversation,
35
00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:23,333
followed by an all-out
hump fest.
36
00:01:23,334 --> 00:01:25,960
- For all I know,
Jake wants to take things slow.
37
00:01:25,961 --> 00:01:27,962
So I'm just gonna focus
on what I can control--
38
00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:29,714
returning these
to the Dress Pit.
39
00:01:29,715 --> 00:01:31,508
Luckily, they're open 24 hours.
40
00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:34,093
Because it doesn't have a door.
41
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:37,138
- I don't think that Jake
wants to take it slow.
42
00:01:37,139 --> 00:01:38,432
That's all I can say.
43
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:43,019
He's gonna propose.
But that's it.
44
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:44,521
I helped him pick out the ring.
45
00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:47,023
Would you stop grilling me,
you vultures?
46
00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:53,321
{\an8}♪
47
00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:55,156
- So, where we going tonight?
48
00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:58,034
{\an8}If I need to wear a sports bra,
you have to tell me.
49
00:01:58,035 --> 00:01:59,619
{\an8}- I told you it's a surprise.
50
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:00,954
{\an8}But I'll give you a clue.
51
00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:02,205
It's one of your
favorite places.
52
00:02:02,206 --> 00:02:03,790
{\an8}- Oh, well, you should know
53
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,208
I'm not allowed
at that pet store anymore.
54
00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:08,044
{\an8}They figured out
I'm never gonna buy a bird.
55
00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:11,548
{\an8}They call me a "cockatease."
56
00:02:11,549 --> 00:02:14,175
{\an8}- You think I would take you
to a pet store for our big date?
57
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:16,177
{\an8}I mean, I wanted to,
but then I saw your
58
00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:18,097
picture
up by the register.
59
00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:23,142
{\an8}- So, Jake's proposing?
Huh. That was fast.
60
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,143
- Maybe a little fast,
but, I mean,
61
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,728
they dated for quite a while.
62
00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:29,190
{\an8}- No, the way
you explained it was fast.
63
00:02:29,191 --> 00:02:31,568
{\an8}You should take your time
with news like that.
64
00:02:31,569 --> 00:02:33,152
{\an8}But now that I mention it,
65
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,989
{\an8}it does seem pretty quick
to get engaged.
66
00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:37,198
{\an8}- He's a male cheerleader.
67
00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:38,783
{\an8}She feeds squirrels for fun.
68
00:02:38,784 --> 00:02:41,870
They shouldn't overthink it.
69
00:02:41,871 --> 00:02:44,664
{\an8}- Next up, the People vs...
70
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,167
{\an8}Sylvia Plath and Batman?
71
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:51,421
{\an8}Aw, it's never the real one.
72
00:02:51,422 --> 00:02:54,215
{\an8}- Those are the names
on the defendants' fake IDs.
73
00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:56,050
{\an8}It's a tale as old as time.
74
00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:59,722
{\an8}Just a couple of white kids
trying to get some White Claws.
75
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,765
{\an8}- Permission to approach.
76
00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:04,642
{\an8}I'm not representing
these children.
77
00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:07,604
{\an8}They don't even know
who Gene Hackman is.
78
00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:09,772
{\an8}- Well, you could try them
as adults.
79
00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:11,274
{\an8}You know,
a week in jail at their age
80
00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:12,609
{\an8}would have nipped
a lot of my problems
81
00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:15,236
{\an8}right in the bud.
82
00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:17,447
{\an8}- I can't send them
to adult jail.
83
00:03:17,448 --> 00:03:21,117
{\an8}They'll get picked last
for all the gangs.
84
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:23,202
{\an8}- Come on,
it'll be like summer camp.
85
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,038
{\an8}Of course
they'll try to run away,
86
00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,414
{\an8}but, you know, years from now,
87
00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:28,625
{\an8}they'll miss it.
88
00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:30,627
{\an8}- I'll handle this.
89
00:03:30,628 --> 00:03:33,713
{\an8}Kids, we'll call your parents
and forget this ever happened
90
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,089
{\an8}if you just give us
your real names.
91
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:36,716
{\an8}- Our real names
are on our IDs.
92
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:39,093
{\an8}- I'm pretty sure you don't
live in the state of...
93
00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:42,013
{\an8}"Balaska,"
94
00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:45,475
{\an8}at "1,000,000 Fart Lane."
95
00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:48,436
{\an8}- Babe, wait.
She's a judge.
96
00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:49,646
Maybe she can marry us.
97
00:03:49,647 --> 00:03:51,064
- What do you mean, marry you?
98
00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:52,649
- That's why we came
to New York.
99
00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:54,317
- Yeah. We're here to see
the original Olive Garden
100
00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:56,152
and get hitched.
101
00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:59,697
Just like the breadsticks,
our love is bottomless.
102
00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:01,866
- Okay,
I'm not gonna let two kids
103
00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:03,242
with pocket bread get married.
104
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,869
I think we need
a five-minute recess.
105
00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:08,164
- Sick! Dodgeball!
106
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:09,874
- It's not that kind of recess.
107
00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:13,169
Some of us have asked.
108
00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:16,047
- These kids are
not your problem.
109
00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:17,256
Do not get sucked in.
110
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,925
You have a very big date
tonight.
111
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,468
- Don't worry.
It won't take long.
112
00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:23,346
I got a talking stick,
a feelings chart,
113
00:04:23,347 --> 00:04:26,683
and the two best huggin' arms
in New York City.
114
00:04:26,684 --> 00:04:29,560
See you in my chambers!
115
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:33,983
- [ German accent ] You should
have chosen adult prison.
116
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:39,112
- Oh, Carl, it's so sweet
you came just to bring me
117
00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:41,114
your homemade espresso.
118
00:04:41,115 --> 00:04:42,991
Mmm.
119
00:04:42,992 --> 00:04:44,993
I'm tasting hot chocolate
120
00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:49,122
and just a hint
of melted cannoli?
121
00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:50,999
- It's a recipe
from the Old Country.
122
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,583
- Ah!
123
00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:54,377
- I wish someone
would bring me things.
124
00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:56,295
- Last week I gave you my cold,
125
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,172
and you got a day off to finally
finish "The Americans,"
126
00:04:58,173 --> 00:05:00,717
so you're welcome.
127
00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,218
- Pickup for Dan.
128
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:03,761
- Oh, look who it is.
129
00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:05,596
The famous Dan Fielding.
130
00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:07,807
Hey, Julianne, why don't you
introduce me to your friend?
131
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,350
- Your "friend"?
Julianne, I had no idea
132
00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:10,768
you thought of me that way.
133
00:05:10,769 --> 00:05:13,187
How humiliating for you.
134
00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:15,189
- Uh, you'll have to excuse Carl.
135
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:17,608
He was in the mob,
and they call everyone "friend."
136
00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:21,613
And every piece of leather
furniture, "Hey, nice."
137
00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:30,997
- Jake, buddy,
everything okay there?
138
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:32,415
- Oh, yeah, yeah,
everything's fine.
139
00:05:32,416 --> 00:05:34,251
[ Chuckles ]
140
00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:38,337
- Is this cold feet,
141
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:41,300
or is this how white men
moisturize their hands?
142
00:05:43,302 --> 00:05:44,427
- I messed up.
143
00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:46,179
I lost Abby's engagement ring.
144
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,597
- What?!
You lost the ring
145
00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:50,600
when I specifically
told you not to?!
146
00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:52,393
- Uh, when was the last time
you had it?
147
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,353
- Okay, um, I know I had it
148
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,022
when I went
through the metal detector
149
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,440
because a guy
with a forehead tattoo said,
150
00:05:57,441 --> 00:05:59,400
"Is that real?"
I said, "I hope so.
151
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:00,860
I spent my life savings on it."
152
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:04,238
We both laughed.
- [ Laughs ] That is good.
153
00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:07,658
- And then he gave me a big hug
and ran away.
154
00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:09,410
[ Gasps ]
I know what happened.
155
00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:11,370
- You left it
at the metal detector.
156
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,956
- No, the guy with the face
tattoo obviously stole it!
157
00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:16,084
- Oh, you're good.
You're good.
158
00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:18,252
I bet you're good at puzzles.
159
00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,838
You want to do a puzzle with me?
160
00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,007
- How can I propose
with no ring?
161
00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:24,634
♪ Around the rosie ♪
162
00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:27,053
- ♪ Pocket full of posey ♪
163
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,679
- Oh, you are right, Jake.
164
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,224
Singing that song is fun.
165
00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:34,393
- Aww, all my friends sitting
around a table singing.
166
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,522
And I know I'm not dreaming
because I'm fully clothed.
167
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,108
Jake, why are your hands
covered in mashed potatoes?
168
00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:42,276
- Uh, for--
- For charity!
169
00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:44,904
- Yeah.
- Like the Ice Bucket Challenge.
170
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:48,074
We're putting our hands
in vats to...
171
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:50,451
- Raise awareness for bats.
172
00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:53,663
It's called... Vats for Bats.
173
00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:55,498
- Oh, I love this.
Who's doing it next?
174
00:06:55,499 --> 00:06:57,918
- Wyatt.
175
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,594
Another bat saved.
176
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,347
- I'm just grabbing
some candy to bribe the kids
177
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,682
I locked in my office.
178
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,350
That sounds bad,
but they're fine.
179
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:17,145
They could easily crush me.
180
00:07:17,146 --> 00:07:18,521
- I need to find that ring.
181
00:07:18,522 --> 00:07:20,439
- Listen, alright, with my brains
182
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,316
and my brains, we'll find it.
183
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:24,318
Don't worry.
- No ring,
184
00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:27,531
but there's a watch
in the coleslaw.
185
00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:34,120
- Look, I remember being young
and thinking I knew it all.
186
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,289
But the mistakes you make now
can follow you forever.
187
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:37,957
Trust me.
You don't want to do this.
188
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:42,044
- How would you know?
Do you even have a boyfriend?
189
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:45,548
- For your information, I might.
190
00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:48,176
Ask me tomorrow.
191
00:07:48,177 --> 00:07:50,052
- I think she's jealous of us, babe.
192
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:54,473
She's alone, and you have
a fiancé with two bikes.
193
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,683
- Two bikes?
194
00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:58,769
My mama said that
wasn't allowed.
195
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:00,730
- Look, we've already
been told this
196
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,565
by every other old person
in our lives.
197
00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:04,567
- We're not gonna talk you
out of it
198
00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:06,944
because you
are about to live it.
199
00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:09,197
We open on your tiny apartment.
200
00:08:09,198 --> 00:08:11,532
[ Tapping ]
I wonder who that is.
201
00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:13,910
- I'm your landlord!
202
00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:16,370
And if you twos
don't keep it down in here,
203
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,289
I'll raise your rent!
204
00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,208
Huh!
You think that's mean?
205
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,376
Wait till you meet your boss.
206
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:25,546
- That's me, your manager
at the fast food joint.
207
00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:27,548
You're gettin' a raise never.
208
00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:29,508
Don't bother checkin'
the calendar for "never."
209
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,595
It ain't there.
210
00:08:32,596 --> 00:08:34,388
- I'm not going to work
at a drive-thru.
211
00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:37,391
I'm pretty.
212
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:39,769
- Well, your options
may be limited
213
00:08:39,770 --> 00:08:43,397
once you meet life's
most inconvenient miracle.
214
00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:45,775
- Wah!
215
00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:48,736
That's me, your baby!
216
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:51,239
I'm loud and expensive.
217
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:57,995
One day I'm going to major
in communications.
218
00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,538
- And don't forget about me.
219
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,165
I'm your mother-in-law.
220
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,792
I said I'd move in
to help with the baby,
221
00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:04,961
but instead, I just made
passive-aggressive comments
222
00:09:04,962 --> 00:09:08,214
about your body.
223
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,966
- My mom is never
passive-aggressive.
224
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:13,261
She would say that stuff
to your face.
225
00:09:13,262 --> 00:09:16,389
- And I forgive her because
she brought you into my life.
226
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,432
- Ohh.
Abby, I might be crazy,
227
00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:20,559
but I think these kids
can make it work.
228
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,645
- What? No, they can't.
That's the whole point.
229
00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:24,855
- You know what?
230
00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:26,983
I'm a university president
giving out full scholarships
231
00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:30,987
to teens who are in love.
- Guess what I just heard?
232
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:34,407
That university burnt down.
So you're stuck with me,
233
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:37,034
your mean boss,
the rest of your life.
234
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:40,454
- Well, too bad the mean boss
just died of a heart attack
235
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:42,832
and left you all of her money.
236
00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:44,250
- Flobert!
- Don't worry.
237
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,752
You're going to heaven.
238
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:53,467
- Okay, so these are the mug
shots of all the criminals
239
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:56,178
with forehead tattoos
in the five boroughs.
240
00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:59,640
- Nobody smiles in pictures
anymore.
241
00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:02,852
- Uh, Jake, security said three
crates were dropped off for you
242
00:10:02,853 --> 00:10:06,314
from Dominic's Party Rentals?
- Crap, I totally forgot
243
00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:08,024
I ordered decorations
for the proposal.
244
00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:11,068
- Wait, you're--
you're proposing here?
245
00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:15,656
- Oh, so this proposal
was doomed from the jump.
246
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:18,701
I mean, uh,
you focus on the ring.
247
00:10:18,702 --> 00:10:20,536
Gurgs and I can set up
the decorations.
248
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:22,538
- So while you're looking through
these forehead tattoos,
249
00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:24,290
ignore the ones with my name.
250
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:27,626
My fans are crazy,
but not thieves.
251
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,712
- Great news.
I got something.
252
00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:31,213
- You found the ring?
253
00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:33,049
- No, I got meatball subs
for everybody.
254
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:35,885
The ring, I got bupkis,
255
00:10:35,886 --> 00:10:37,553
but I did come across
a beauty at the pawn shop
256
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,096
from a wide receiver
who's fallen on hard times.
257
00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:41,057
Not for nothing,
258
00:10:41,058 --> 00:10:42,892
but if anybody was ever
going to propose to me,
259
00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:44,643
I would not say no
to a Super Bowl ring.
260
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,520
- Ah.
261
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:50,274
- Here. Try this meatball sub.
It'll change your life.
262
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:52,568
- Julianne, what do you think
the pawnshop would give us
263
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:54,904
for a guy who
flunked out of the mob?
264
00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:56,947
- Oh, please.
265
00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:59,116
You were just whining about
how hungry you were.
266
00:10:59,117 --> 00:11:03,871
And now Carl has brought you
the balls of his homeland.
267
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:06,540
- Homeland?
The guy was born in Secaucus.
268
00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:08,376
- Play nice.
269
00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:10,252
My ex-cellmate, Big Spider,
is downstairs.
270
00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:13,672
She brought some rings
that fell off some fingers.
271
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:16,675
Hey, blondie, you ever meet
a cannibal in real life?
272
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,260
- Hey, Julianne, take Carl.
273
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:19,678
All the gold jewelry
274
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,640
might be a fun challenge
for a cannibal.
275
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:31,941
- You know, I gotta ask,
you ever take salsa classes?
276
00:11:31,942 --> 00:11:36,987
With hips like yours,
marone, you'd be fantastic.
277
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,781
- Oh, please. Come on.
278
00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:41,034
What, you don't think I know
I got perfect salsa hips?
279
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:47,373
- Wow. Wow.
280
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,625
Jake really went all out
with his decorations
281
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,377
for the proposal.
282
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:53,295
- What if it's a marble statue
of Abby?
283
00:11:53,296 --> 00:11:56,924
You know if it's this big,
it's gonna be nude.
284
00:11:56,925 --> 00:12:00,386
- Who's nude?
- Ghosts. Think about it.
285
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:05,141
You're dead. Why would you get
to take your clothes with you?
286
00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:06,767
- Have you seen Jake?
287
00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:07,810
The kids are taking
a little longer than I thought.
288
00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:09,770
- Well, Jake's not here.
289
00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:10,771
- Oh, okay.
I'll give him a ring.
290
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:12,815
- He doesn't need one.
291
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:15,151
- That's definitely not
what he's looking for.
292
00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:17,778
- Okay.
293
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:18,988
Should I even ask about
the crates?
294
00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:20,699
- I wouldn't.
295
00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:27,580
All right,
let's unbox our big naked boss.
296
00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:29,999
- What the hell is this?
- The package you ordered--
297
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,210
"Colonel Rooster's
Slobstacle Course."
298
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:34,628
- We didn't order this.
299
00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:36,630
- Who did you think Dillon was?
300
00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:38,632
- Obviously a 6-year-old
having a very romantic birthday
301
00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:41,385
on your dime.
302
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:44,597
- Okay. This could still work.
There's a karaoke machine.
303
00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:46,599
You could serenade her.
304
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:51,270
[ "Old McDonald" plays ]
305
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,271
All right.
306
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,689
Hey, girl.
307
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,357
We're gonna quack, quack here.
308
00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:56,817
We're gonna quack, quack there.
309
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:59,278
We're gonna quack, quack
everywhere.
310
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:01,363
If you'll be
311
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:03,282
my farmer's wife.
312
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:07,870
- [ Laughs ] Now make
"Wheels on the Bus" sexy.
313
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:09,705
- Oh, interesting.
314
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,457
You're too good
for Big Spider's rings,
315
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:15,002
but you'll propose
in an off-brand Chuck E. Cheese.
316
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:17,254
- This is a disaster.
317
00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:19,840
Is the universe trying to tell
me that I shouldn't propose?
318
00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:21,884
I mean, you know, maybe
I am going a little too fast.
319
00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:23,677
- Whoa! Jake. Whoa!
Take a breath.
320
00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,804
All right.
I've been where you are.
321
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,681
Now, you know
how Abby makes you feel.
322
00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:29,433
- Yeah.
- The moment you see her,
323
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:32,228
all of your doubts
are just gonna melt away.
324
00:13:32,229 --> 00:13:34,897
- Yeah. You're right.
I just need to talk to Abby.
325
00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:36,273
Okay.
326
00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:38,734
- Hey, I just got a text
from Carl
327
00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,694
saying that you locked him
in the morgue.
328
00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:42,655
- Well, I--
329
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:45,784
Well, he wasn't supposed to be
able to get service down there.
330
00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:53,749
- Okay. The year is 2049.
You're empty nesters,
331
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:55,834
and a new friend has moved
into your bedroom.
332
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:58,712
[ Heavy breathing ]
333
00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:01,882
My name is CPAP machine,
334
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:05,971
and I can go all night
[Deep inhale] long.
335
00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:12,935
- Hey, Abby,
can I talk to you for a second?
336
00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:15,104
- Jake, can you please tell
these kids that getting married
337
00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:17,147
would be the biggest mistake
of their lives?
338
00:14:17,148 --> 00:14:19,275
- Interesting.
339
00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:21,902
Interesting point
for me to hear right now.
340
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,279
- Look at us.
341
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:24,947
We've said I love you
to each other,
342
00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:26,115
and we haven't even thought
about getting married.
343
00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:29,868
- We haven't?
- Exactly.
344
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,912
- You're obviously busy, so--
- No, wait.
345
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:33,914
Didn't you want to talk to me
about something?
346
00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:36,875
- Yeah, I was gonna say
maybe going out tonight
347
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,669
isn't such a good idea.
348
00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:40,879
- What do you mean?
I thought you were excited.
349
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:45,134
- I was. Now I'm not so sure.
I should go.
350
00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:49,763
- Ooh.
Principal got dumped.
351
00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:53,934
- Get ready.
352
00:14:53,935 --> 00:15:01,358
I got a box of props to convince
you to marry these kids.
353
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,944
- No need, Flobert. I'm sold.
Come on, stand up.
354
00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:06,530
- But I had a whole game show
planned.
355
00:15:06,531 --> 00:15:07,948
- You want to get married?
356
00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:09,783
I'm gonna marry you right here,
right now.
357
00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:11,201
- She's bluffing.
358
00:15:11,202 --> 00:15:13,829
- Can't get married
without a tie.
359
00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:17,708
And here is your veil.
360
00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:18,917
- Why are you doing this?
361
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,336
- Because I'm a judge,
362
00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:21,629
and it's one of the cool things
I get to do.
363
00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:22,796
So, marriage.
Batman, you in?
364
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,632
- I'm down.
- All right.
365
00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:26,342
Sounds like an "I do" to me.
What about you, Sylvia?
366
00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:27,718
You want to make a mistake
you'll live to regret?
367
00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:29,720
- Stop marrying us. We're kids.
368
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,013
- Too late, I already did.
369
00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:34,350
I now pronounce you
Batman and wife.
370
00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:37,436
- Hold on. I don't actually
want to get married.
371
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,188
I just wanted to renegotiate
my curfew.
372
00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:42,024
I'm calling my mommy.
373
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:44,401
- I did not see that coming.
374
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:46,612
I thought you two
were rock solid.
375
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,822
- If she thinks
she's getting one of my bikes
376
00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:51,910
in the divorce,
she is dreaming.
377
00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:56,664
- And listen, for the record,
378
00:15:56,665 --> 00:15:59,583
it was his idea to go in there
and check cadavers for rings.
379
00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:01,585
- That was your idea, Big Dog.
380
00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:04,880
My idea was buying
matching tracksuits.
381
00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:06,465
- What is your problem?
382
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,967
You have been obnoxious to him
all night.
383
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:12,429
Oh, are you jealous?
- Jealous?
384
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:14,890
What, of a man who thinks an
undershirt is an outside shirt?
385
00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:17,267
What do you care
if I'm nice to your boyfriend?
386
00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:19,436
- I think she cares
because you two are friends.
387
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:22,690
- All right, Carl, for the last
time, we are not friends.
388
00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:25,234
- Furthest thing from it.
389
00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:27,069
- Yeah. Dan couldn't handle it.
390
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:28,862
He used to have a thing for me.
391
00:16:28,863 --> 00:16:30,406
- Oh, no, no. If anything,
you couldn't handle it.
392
00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:31,615
You were the one obsessed
with me.
393
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,409
- Oh, hey, buddy, I can handle
394
00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:35,077
being friends with you
if you can.
395
00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:37,413
- I can handle being friends
with you in my sleep.
396
00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:38,914
- Well, then I guess
we're friends.
397
00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:40,791
- I guess we are.
Well, I'm going to hit you up
398
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:42,459
for so many rides
to the airport.
399
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:44,878
- Oh, and I meet
so many ladies at the gym,
400
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:47,089
and get ready because
I'm going to set you up
401
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:49,258
with all of them.
402
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:52,261
- I can't wait for the four of us
to vacation together.
403
00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:54,054
- We're going to the Cape.
404
00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:56,891
- Oh, so great
to have a good friend.
405
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:01,729
- Hello? Julianne? Big Dog?
406
00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:03,815
I think there's
something moving in here!
407
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:11,029
{\an8}♪
408
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,158
- Aw. They thought
I was going to share these.
409
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:22,291
Hey, uh, our freezer broke,
so I was just being helpful.
410
00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:25,085
- My mom is here,
so I wanted to say goodbye.
411
00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:26,962
- Uh, look, I know
I was hard on you,
412
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,672
but it's actually
413
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:30,299
because you remind me
a little bit of myself.
414
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,134
I don't want you to
make bad choices like I did.
415
00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:33,552
Though I never ran away.
416
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,929
I tried,
417
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:38,348
but the closest I got was three
aisles over in a Blockbuster.
418
00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:40,768
- My name is Shelby,
by the way.
419
00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:42,728
His name actually is Batman.
420
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,190
His parents are not the best.
421
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,943
- It's nice to meet you,
Shelby.
422
00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:52,738
- Oh, no. Are you leaving
so soon, Miss Plath?
423
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:55,491
I was hoping that you'd sign
my copy of "The Bell Jar."
424
00:17:55,492 --> 00:17:58,660
- What's "The Bell Jar"?
425
00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:01,121
Oh, I found this
by the metal detector.
426
00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:02,748
I guess I don't need it anymore.
427
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:03,749
- No, no, no, I'll take that
off your hands.
428
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,167
Thank you very much.
429
00:18:05,168 --> 00:18:07,085
You don't have time
to deal with this.
430
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:10,172
You got a big date
to get ready for.
431
00:18:10,173 --> 00:18:12,758
- Why are you being so weird?
432
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:15,719
- I'm not being weird.
Just excited for your big night.
433
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,763
- Only big night I have
is with that ice cream.
434
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:21,600
Jake canceled.
- Jake canceled? That's weird.
435
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,310
I know he was looking
forward to it.
436
00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:25,604
- Yeah, so was I.
437
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:28,774
I was looking forward to tonight
and all the nights after that.
438
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,609
I mean, I could see
my whole life with Jake.
439
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,986
Mean landlords, bad bosses,
440
00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:34,988
sharing everything
but our bank accounts
441
00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:36,991
because I don't want him to see
how much I spend on markers.
442
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:42,538
- I may have lost the thread.
443
00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:44,748
- All I'm saying is I don't know
what life is gonna throw at me,
444
00:18:44,749 --> 00:18:48,126
but I know I want to
go through it with Jake.
445
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:50,128
- Then you have to tell him.
446
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:53,382
You know, I took the same subway
as Sarah for three months
447
00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:55,384
before I asked her out.
448
00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:58,220
I was a fool to wait.
I could have lost her.
449
00:18:58,221 --> 00:19:00,222
- I can't lose Jake again.
450
00:19:00,223 --> 00:19:03,058
But I don't want to scare him.
451
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:05,394
I'm all in,
but I don't know.
452
00:19:05,395 --> 00:19:07,396
What if he's not
on the same page?
453
00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:09,107
- He is!
Where's your phone?
454
00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:13,151
[ Cellphone rings ]
455
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,821
- It's Jake.
- Oh.
456
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,990
- Hey. Hi.
I was just going to call you.
457
00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:22,035
- Well, that's weird.
What a coincidence.
458
00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:23,787
- Glad you called.
459
00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:25,080
About earlier, I--
460
00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:27,416
- Abby, I was being stupid.
461
00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:30,210
Are you still up for
doing something tonight?
462
00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:33,589
- Tell him you love him.
463
00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:37,426
- Stop talking.
I'm on the phone.
464
00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:38,802
Is there an echo?
465
00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:40,220
- Oh.
466
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:44,182
No, no, no. No. Oh, God.
[ Music playing ]
467
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,976
- Where are you?
468
00:19:45,977 --> 00:19:48,812
- I'm just at my boy Dillon's
birthday party.
469
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:51,189
Uh, but I can be there
in a minute.
470
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:54,152
- I'll be here.
I'm excited to see you.
471
00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:57,905
- Well, look at that.
472
00:19:57,906 --> 00:19:59,114
Looks to me like
your ice cream is canceled,
473
00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:01,700
and the big night's back on.
474
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,660
- What is with that weird look?
475
00:20:03,661 --> 00:20:07,998
I feel like you're
either gonna hug me or kill me.
476
00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:10,667
- There's no look.
477
00:20:10,668 --> 00:20:12,044
Just that the memories
you make tonight
478
00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:13,922
are going to last a lifetime.
479
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:20,302
- Jake's gonna propose.
- [ Stammers ]
480
00:20:20,303 --> 00:20:22,220
- [ Gasps ]
481
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,640
And he told you because
he knows nothing about jewelry
482
00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:26,058
and would have done it
with a puka shell necklace.
483
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:27,309
- No, no, no, no.
484
00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:30,145
I didn't do nothing.
I gotta go.
485
00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:32,272
I gotta give something to--
486
00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:34,359
I don't know, Wyatt.
487
00:20:37,779 --> 00:20:40,155
- Oh, my God,
I'm gonna get married.
488
00:20:40,156 --> 00:20:42,157
Oh, my God,
I'm gonna get married.
489
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:46,788
Um, uh, pictured this moment
with less melted ice cream.
490
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,126
[ Knock on door ]
491
00:20:58,132 --> 00:21:02,094
{\an8}What the [bleep]
are you doing here?
492
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:07,140
{\an8}- Just came by
to give you this.
493
00:21:07,141 --> 00:21:09,768
{\an8}- Hey, Abby, I--
494
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:12,270
{\an8}Who's this guy?
495
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,607
{\an8}- I'm her husband.
496
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:19,111
{\an8}- So how'd it go?
497
00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:20,863
{\an8}Who's this guy?
498
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,159
{\an8}- It's funny.