1 00:00:01,546 --> 00:00:03,715 "Therapy For Today is a convenient way 2 00:00:03,798 --> 00:00:06,760 "to make sure you're getting the help you need. 3 00:00:06,843 --> 00:00:10,722 "After all, mental health, it's something you do for you. 4 00:00:10,806 --> 00:00:13,683 Promo code: ZoomShrink@SexAndTheCity." 5 00:00:13,767 --> 00:00:16,603 Done. And the last one. Sammi? 6 00:00:17,145 --> 00:00:18,063 Ready. 7 00:00:20,399 --> 00:00:23,652 "This is for all my listeners with a vagina. 8 00:00:23,735 --> 00:00:26,613 Ever feel not quite right down there?" 9 00:00:27,322 --> 00:00:33,120 Okay. I'm feeling not quite right up here. What is this? 10 00:00:33,203 --> 00:00:35,163 It's an ad for a vaginal wellness product. 11 00:00:35,247 --> 00:00:36,790 -Yeah, no, I got that part right away. -Did you? 12 00:00:36,873 --> 00:00:39,251 But, "Down there"? 13 00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:41,211 Why is it underlined? 14 00:00:41,294 --> 00:00:43,797 What, just to make it more awkward and obvious? 15 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:45,424 Well, mission accomplished. 16 00:00:46,216 --> 00:00:47,217 Oh, my God. 17 00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:50,303 "But with our vaginal odor suppositories..." 18 00:00:50,679 --> 00:00:54,975 I have spent my entire life going out of my way to never 19 00:00:55,058 --> 00:01:00,063 say the word "suppository." And now, it's coupled with "vagina." 20 00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:01,440 -Wait. No, no, no, no, no, no. -Certainly is. 21 00:01:01,523 --> 00:01:02,816 Oh, my God, again. 22 00:01:02,899 --> 00:01:06,069 "Promo code: VagAndTheCity." 23 00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:08,321 -Come-- I can't. -I'll let 'em know. 24 00:01:08,405 --> 00:01:10,574 -Okay, thank you. -Let's just do the show. 25 00:01:10,657 --> 00:01:12,117 -Let's do the show. -Yeah. 26 00:01:24,588 --> 00:01:27,424 -Ready to be blown? -Am I ever. 27 00:01:29,885 --> 00:01:32,929 How is your romance? How is your man? 28 00:01:33,013 --> 00:01:34,723 Turns out, not my man. 29 00:01:34,806 --> 00:01:37,142 Done. Finito. Too many red flags. 30 00:01:37,225 --> 00:01:39,394 You're always finding red flags. 31 00:01:39,478 --> 00:01:41,688 This one this, that one that. 32 00:01:41,772 --> 00:01:43,523 He still lives with his ex-wife. 33 00:01:43,607 --> 00:01:47,027 Do you know how many mens I dated who still lives with their wives? 34 00:01:47,110 --> 00:01:50,197 -You are too picky. -I have my standards. 35 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,365 Listen to you. Standards. 36 00:01:52,449 --> 00:01:56,912 You sit in my chairs for 10 years with your red flags and standards. 37 00:01:56,995 --> 00:01:59,247 No wonder you're still alone. 38 00:02:01,374 --> 00:02:03,043 Oh. Dios mio. 39 00:02:05,045 --> 00:02:08,256 -I am not done. -I am. Forever. 40 00:02:09,716 --> 00:02:11,802 I pay you to blow me, not shrink me. 41 00:02:26,066 --> 00:02:29,361 Ah, shit. That's my show-writer calling. 42 00:02:29,444 --> 00:02:32,155 -I have to take this. -I'm doin' some of my best work here. 43 00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:33,490 Well, go to the head of the class. 44 00:02:36,827 --> 00:02:37,702 Good morning, BD. 45 00:02:37,786 --> 00:02:41,415 Oh, is it? 'Cause the network hates the new pages. 46 00:02:41,498 --> 00:02:42,666 Can you be here by 10? 47 00:02:44,126 --> 00:02:47,754 -Okay, in an hour? -No, 10 o'clock tonight. 48 00:02:47,838 --> 00:02:50,757 Okay, well, do you have any other time? 49 00:02:50,841 --> 00:02:54,886 No, 'cause today's therapy day and my parents are here. 50 00:02:54,970 --> 00:02:56,263 Not coincidental. 51 00:02:57,305 --> 00:02:59,474 -Oh, shit! -Precisely. 52 00:02:59,558 --> 00:03:01,435 -So you gonna be here? -I guess I can make it. 53 00:03:01,518 --> 00:03:04,020 This isn't a favor. It's your fucking job! 54 00:03:04,896 --> 00:03:07,566 Okay, that was so not cool. 55 00:03:08,692 --> 00:03:10,777 It was hot, but it was not cool. 56 00:03:10,861 --> 00:03:12,404 I'll take hot. 57 00:03:12,487 --> 00:03:15,031 Okay. Wait. No, no. Oh, God. 58 00:03:15,115 --> 00:03:18,493 1 need, I need to meet with this writer. I am so sorry. 59 00:03:18,577 --> 00:03:20,203 Will you be okay all day? 60 00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:21,747 Don't worry about me. 61 00:03:21,830 --> 00:03:24,499 I'll just find someone else to practice giving head to. 62 00:03:24,583 --> 00:03:29,296 Trust. I don't wanna leave, but this is important. 63 00:03:29,755 --> 00:03:31,882 The script is getting so cute it's turning into 64 00:03:31,965 --> 00:03:33,383 "You're a Good Queer, Charlie Brown." 65 00:03:35,594 --> 00:03:37,387 It's so weird. 66 00:03:37,471 --> 00:03:39,973 The writer can't seem to wrap their head around my few realism notes, 67 00:03:40,056 --> 00:03:42,934 but can wrap their head around Tony Danza as my Mexican father. 68 00:03:44,144 --> 00:03:48,940 Till next time, I'm Carrie Bradshaw and this is "Sex and the City." 69 00:03:49,024 --> 00:03:50,484 Great! 70 00:03:50,567 --> 00:03:52,444 I'm pregnant, I have to pee, and I only have a minute. 71 00:03:52,527 --> 00:03:54,237 Why won't you talk about your vagina? 72 00:03:55,739 --> 00:03:58,325 For so many reasons. And to be clear, it's not my vagina. 73 00:03:58,408 --> 00:04:00,202 It's everyone's vagina. 74 00:04:00,285 --> 00:04:02,204 -And hello. -Hello, diva. 75 00:04:02,287 --> 00:04:03,830 I am not a diva. 76 00:04:03,914 --> 00:04:06,291 I did the therapy, I did the eyelashes. 77 00:04:06,374 --> 00:04:08,710 I held up that vegan purse on Instagram. 78 00:04:08,794 --> 00:04:11,505 My other purses still won't speak to me. 79 00:04:11,838 --> 00:04:14,299 -Hey, what's up, Chloe? -Just trying to save 80 00:04:14,382 --> 00:04:16,510 this flaming Viking ship from sinking. 81 00:04:16,927 --> 00:04:20,597 Would you tell your star it is not the podcast heyday of 2021? 82 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:22,891 -This shit is drying up. -We're just looking to have 83 00:04:22,974 --> 00:04:25,060 a conversation about that one ad. 84 00:04:25,143 --> 00:04:27,312 When I gave the vaginal wellness commercial 85 00:04:27,396 --> 00:04:30,148 to the guy who does the car podcast, do you know what he said? 86 00:04:30,232 --> 00:04:32,484 "This is inappropriate, Chloe"? 87 00:04:32,567 --> 00:04:36,780 On air, he said, "My wife suffers from vaginal dryness," 88 00:04:36,863 --> 00:04:38,573 and he's not even married. 89 00:04:38,657 --> 00:04:42,744 -Dude is here for us. -I am, I am here for us, 90 00:04:42,828 --> 00:04:47,082 but no one, no human being speaks like that. 91 00:04:47,165 --> 00:04:48,708 Well, then rewrite the fucker. 92 00:04:48,792 --> 00:04:51,086 Pretend like you're talking to your girlfriends. 93 00:04:51,169 --> 00:04:53,171 Put it in your own diva words. 94 00:04:54,673 --> 00:04:57,384 Just hit the pH balance bullet points. 95 00:04:58,552 --> 00:04:59,761 -Hi Chloe. -Not now. 96 00:04:59,845 --> 00:05:01,012 Gonna talk to her. Don't worry. 97 00:05:01,096 --> 00:05:04,349 Hey, I'll hold up the vegan purse again. 98 00:05:06,643 --> 00:05:09,229 Thank you. Ooh, gosh. 99 00:05:09,312 --> 00:05:10,772 If Mommy drops this cake, 100 00:05:10,856 --> 00:05:12,482 we'll just turn around and never come back. 101 00:05:15,318 --> 00:05:16,236 Hey. 102 00:05:16,319 --> 00:05:17,654 It's 3:40 and my mother arrives in 20 minutes 103 00:05:17,738 --> 00:05:20,490 and Gabby can't greet her with that hair. 104 00:05:20,574 --> 00:05:22,617 Which is natural and beautiful. 105 00:05:22,701 --> 00:05:24,536 It is. Of course, it is. 106 00:05:24,619 --> 00:05:26,246 It's just Nana prefers it a certain way. 107 00:05:26,329 --> 00:05:27,330 Right, baby? 108 00:05:27,831 --> 00:05:29,624 -Nana likes "proper little lady" hair. -That's right. 109 00:05:29,708 --> 00:05:33,295 Well, we have 20 minutes till Eunice and 40 minutes of hair. 110 00:05:35,797 --> 00:05:37,966 Why can't I wear some of Mom's hair over there? 111 00:05:38,049 --> 00:05:39,676 That's for when you grow up. 112 00:05:40,135 --> 00:05:41,636 Thank you for your patience, Gabrielle, 113 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:44,514 but this kind of stuff is very important to Nana. 114 00:05:44,598 --> 00:05:46,975 When she was a little girl growin' up in North Carolina, 115 00:05:47,058 --> 00:05:50,061 how you presented yourself was everything. 116 00:05:50,812 --> 00:05:53,231 We have 10 minutes. Please pick it up. 117 00:05:53,315 --> 00:05:55,317 You pick it up. I'm killing it over here. 118 00:06:06,661 --> 00:06:08,205 -Oh, God, let's go, let's go. -Come on. 119 00:06:08,288 --> 00:06:09,164 No! 120 00:06:11,249 --> 00:06:12,375 I'm trying to go, baby! 121 00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:13,835 -Put it on! -I'm going! 122 00:06:20,383 --> 00:06:21,718 -Nana! -Mother! 123 00:06:21,802 --> 00:06:22,719 Eunice! 124 00:06:22,803 --> 00:06:26,098 Gabrielle, you look perfect! 125 00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:30,018 I see you just returned from your 126 00:06:30,102 --> 00:06:32,979 matinee performance in "The Lion King." 127 00:06:33,063 --> 00:06:36,233 Yes, and it was a very good show today. 128 00:06:40,987 --> 00:06:41,905 Okay, go ahead. 129 00:06:45,784 --> 00:06:47,494 -Harry, stop picking. -Just one olive. 130 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:51,415 So, Mom, Dad, I have a request. 131 00:06:51,498 --> 00:06:54,334 What can the York-Goldenblatt ATM do for you today? 132 00:06:54,418 --> 00:06:57,254 -I need an electric keyboard. -Please say no. 133 00:06:57,337 --> 00:07:00,924 -Honey, you have a Steinway. -I'm taking my music in a new direction. 134 00:07:01,007 --> 00:07:02,926 -I'm writing songs. -Parents, I beg you, 135 00:07:03,009 --> 00:07:05,971 for the sake of all of us, say no. 136 00:07:06,054 --> 00:07:07,347 Rock, stop. 137 00:07:07,431 --> 00:07:09,933 All last year, I supported you realizing who you were. 138 00:07:10,016 --> 00:07:12,644 -You did. Fuck! -Hey! 139 00:07:12,727 --> 00:07:13,770 -Hey. -Sorry, I'm just frustrated 140 00:07:13,854 --> 00:07:15,689 that I can't say any more shady things. 141 00:07:15,772 --> 00:07:19,067 Seriously, I need the Nord and a better audio interface. 142 00:07:19,151 --> 00:07:21,945 I don't know what any of that means, but here's my translation: 143 00:07:22,028 --> 00:07:23,697 Record on your phone like everybody else. 144 00:07:23,780 --> 00:07:25,323 I'm not everybody else. 145 00:07:25,407 --> 00:07:27,743 -I'm a serious artist. -Oh, my God. 146 00:07:27,826 --> 00:07:30,620 Honey, you have a job playing for classes at ABT, 147 00:07:30,704 --> 00:07:32,372 so just save up. 148 00:07:32,456 --> 00:07:33,623 That'll take forever. 149 00:07:33,707 --> 00:07:35,959 I have something that I need to say now. 150 00:07:36,042 --> 00:07:38,670 So do we. You're on your own, kid, right? 151 00:07:38,754 --> 00:07:41,673 -Am I right? -Yes, yes! Right. 152 00:07:41,757 --> 00:07:43,717 You want it, you find a way. 153 00:07:45,761 --> 00:07:46,928 That'll work. 154 00:07:47,012 --> 00:07:50,932 Nya, come on, you have to admit that call last week was crazy. 155 00:07:51,016 --> 00:07:52,726 I'll admit I had too much to drink 156 00:07:52,809 --> 00:07:56,730 and it was a little crazy, 157 00:07:56,813 --> 00:07:59,900 and you admit that you were playing with fire in your motel room. 158 00:07:59,983 --> 00:08:02,444 -Nothin' happened. -I could smell the sex through the phone. 159 00:08:02,527 --> 00:08:04,654 Come on, I copped to crazy. 160 00:08:04,738 --> 00:08:06,740 I didn't finish my sentence. 161 00:08:08,283 --> 00:08:10,077 -Yet. -Yet? 162 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:12,120 Nothin' happened yet. 163 00:08:12,204 --> 00:08:13,622 I see. 164 00:08:14,664 --> 00:08:17,375 -Do you want it to? -Sometimes. 165 00:08:17,459 --> 00:08:20,670 Most times, I want us to work out. 166 00:08:24,341 --> 00:08:26,927 Do you have a plan for how that's gonna happen? 167 00:08:27,010 --> 00:08:28,553 I do. 168 00:08:30,347 --> 00:08:31,807 A surrogate. 169 00:08:34,017 --> 00:08:37,646 Nya? Baby, are you there? 170 00:08:38,230 --> 00:08:41,817 Thanks, Frank. Are there any visitors from out of town 171 00:08:41,900 --> 00:08:43,985 who would like to identify? 172 00:08:45,362 --> 00:08:48,740 Hi, I'm Miranda, and I'm an alcoholic. 173 00:08:48,824 --> 00:08:50,367 Hi, Miranda. 174 00:08:50,450 --> 00:08:53,495 I'm new to A.A. and L.A. 175 00:08:53,578 --> 00:08:57,332 and I don't have a lot to fill my days with while I'm out here, 176 00:08:57,416 --> 00:09:00,085 so I'm really grateful for these meetings. 177 00:09:00,168 --> 00:09:01,920 -Welcome. -Thanks. 178 00:09:02,003 --> 00:09:04,506 So, does anybody have a topic? 179 00:09:12,264 --> 00:09:16,977 I have not seen a pair of virgin arms like yours in, like, forever. 180 00:09:18,228 --> 00:09:22,190 Seems like you're almost out of space, so, yes, I do rent. 181 00:09:22,274 --> 00:09:27,028 I'm Allie. Yeah, filling the days was hard for me too when I first quit, 182 00:09:27,112 --> 00:09:29,865 but I'm volunteering to clean the beach on Friday. 183 00:09:29,948 --> 00:09:33,034 -Offer's open. -With like an environmental group? 184 00:09:33,118 --> 00:09:34,661 One of my many, yeah. 185 00:09:34,745 --> 00:09:37,164 My husband calls me an "actor-vist." 186 00:09:38,707 --> 00:09:39,750 I can pick you up. 187 00:09:39,833 --> 00:09:42,627 Oh, that'd be great. Thanks, Allie. 188 00:09:43,295 --> 00:09:46,339 So, how are you feeling about the breakup? 189 00:09:46,423 --> 00:09:49,342 Awful. Juan Jose was my longest relationship. 190 00:09:49,426 --> 00:09:53,054 Ten years of blowouts and confidences. He's heard it all. 191 00:09:53,138 --> 00:09:55,974 -I meant you and Zed. -Oh, shit. 192 00:09:57,225 --> 00:09:58,643 That says a lot. 193 00:09:59,519 --> 00:10:05,067 All right, let's uncurl the blowout breakup, if it's not too painful. 194 00:10:05,150 --> 00:10:06,610 Well, it is still a little fresh, 195 00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:11,364 but he accused me of bailing out on all my relationships too soon. 196 00:10:11,448 --> 00:10:14,826 He said I make up red flags just to get out, 197 00:10:14,910 --> 00:10:16,870 and that's why I'm alone? 198 00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:19,039 He said that to you? 199 00:10:19,122 --> 00:10:21,374 Actually, he screamed it out in his salon. 200 00:10:21,458 --> 00:10:23,376 Do I bail out too quickly? 201 00:10:23,460 --> 00:10:25,253 Well, I don't know about your relationships, 202 00:10:25,337 --> 00:10:29,549 but we have left a lotta host stands pretty quickly. 203 00:10:29,633 --> 00:10:31,343 Yeah, I don't stay longer than 10 minutes. 204 00:10:31,426 --> 00:10:35,514 Look, I do the same thing. I look for or find, 205 00:10:35,597 --> 00:10:39,601 you know, reasons not to move forward if I'm not 100%. 206 00:10:39,684 --> 00:10:44,064 When I was single, I almost rented a house in The Hamptons six times, 207 00:10:44,147 --> 00:10:46,400 but I always found a reason not to. 208 00:10:46,483 --> 00:10:48,527 Was that reason always Bethenny Frankel? 209 00:10:49,861 --> 00:10:51,071 Here you go. 210 00:10:51,738 --> 00:10:55,283 Okay, let's get real. And by real, I mean real estate. 211 00:10:55,367 --> 00:10:57,244 Do you know anyone else who still lives-- 212 00:10:57,327 --> 00:10:58,453 With someone they're married to? 213 00:10:59,788 --> 00:11:03,041 -Yes. -Okay, so, Zed's not the only one-- 214 00:11:03,125 --> 00:11:04,126 Right. 215 00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:06,461 But I think he may be a mooch. 216 00:11:06,545 --> 00:11:09,005 He told his ex-wife to pick up the lunch check. 217 00:11:09,089 --> 00:11:11,883 I just got a feeling, like an uncomfortable feeling. 218 00:11:11,967 --> 00:11:14,261 Well, if you're uncomfortable, you're uncomfortable. 219 00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:17,139 It's like me with the vagina podcast commercial. 220 00:11:17,222 --> 00:11:20,225 -Okay, not at all, but go on. -Okay. 221 00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:22,394 I'm just not 222 00:11:22,477 --> 00:11:26,356 comfortable pitching a vaginal wellness product. 223 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:30,235 Ya know? It's just not in my nature. 224 00:11:30,318 --> 00:11:32,487 -So, I got out of it. -Juan Jose might say 225 00:11:32,571 --> 00:11:34,156 you should work through those feelings. 226 00:11:34,656 --> 00:11:37,951 Juan Jose would scream it. 227 00:11:39,202 --> 00:11:41,163 Darkness comes, hollow dreams 228 00:11:41,246 --> 00:11:44,833 Empty mirrors, I'm unseen 229 00:11:45,876 --> 00:11:47,294 Did you not see the recording sign? 230 00:11:47,377 --> 00:11:49,713 Calm down. I'm just grabbing my charger. 231 00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:51,715 Lily, you have that new keyboard. 232 00:11:51,798 --> 00:11:54,634 This is not smart parenting. I'm gonna kill your father. 233 00:11:54,718 --> 00:11:56,094 Well, that's not smart parenting either 234 00:11:56,178 --> 00:11:57,804 because now you're in prison and we're alone. 235 00:11:57,888 --> 00:11:58,889 Daddy didn't give me the money. 236 00:11:58,972 --> 00:12:00,932 I sold some of my clothes. 237 00:12:01,016 --> 00:12:03,560 I'm sorry, what? 238 00:12:03,643 --> 00:12:05,645 Well, you said to get it myself, so I called The Real Deal, 239 00:12:05,729 --> 00:12:07,731 and they came over and went through my closet. 240 00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:10,400 Wait, the Real Real was here? 241 00:12:10,484 --> 00:12:13,028 No, no, no, The Real Deal. It's way better. 242 00:12:13,111 --> 00:12:14,696 Oh, my God. 243 00:12:19,284 --> 00:12:20,619 Oh, my God! 244 00:12:21,787 --> 00:12:23,663 It's like The Real Real, 245 00:12:23,747 --> 00:12:27,084 but they're fast, sneaky, and they pay in cash. 246 00:12:27,167 --> 00:12:28,460 You know, like a drug deal. 247 00:12:28,919 --> 00:12:30,837 Yeah, how many drug deals have you seen go down? 248 00:12:30,921 --> 00:12:32,589 This is serious. 249 00:12:32,672 --> 00:12:35,092 I can't believe that Lily's perfect pink Chanel, 250 00:12:35,175 --> 00:12:38,720 the dress I chose for her first grown-up piano recital, 251 00:12:38,804 --> 00:12:40,597 is just out there online. 252 00:12:42,307 --> 00:12:43,225 On sale! 253 00:12:43,308 --> 00:12:44,351 This is blasphemy. 254 00:12:44,851 --> 00:12:46,812 I think that's Lagerfeld's last collection. 255 00:12:46,895 --> 00:12:49,648 In a few years, it will be worth three times that. 256 00:12:49,731 --> 00:12:52,609 Four. I am furious! 257 00:12:52,692 --> 00:12:54,611 -Can I sue? -Your daughter? 258 00:12:54,694 --> 00:12:57,739 No, them. The Real Deal. They broke into our home. 259 00:12:57,823 --> 00:13:00,826 Char, there was no crowbar, there was no forced entry. 260 00:13:00,909 --> 00:13:03,537 They had to be invited in, like vampires. 261 00:13:03,620 --> 00:13:05,539 She is a minor. 262 00:13:05,622 --> 00:13:08,792 They took advantage, and they took my Chanel. 263 00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:10,335 -Excuse me, hi. -Yes? 264 00:13:10,419 --> 00:13:11,670 This iced tea isn't cuttin' it. 265 00:13:11,753 --> 00:13:15,340 Can I get a vodka tonic with a straw? And a drink for this one, too. 266 00:13:15,424 --> 00:13:16,466 Coming right up. 267 00:13:16,550 --> 00:13:18,176 Why the day drinking, you might ask? 268 00:13:18,260 --> 00:13:19,553 I never ask. 269 00:13:19,636 --> 00:13:23,098 My mother-in-law and her sorority sisters are coming over for afternoon tea 270 00:13:23,181 --> 00:13:24,433 and she's the president 271 00:13:24,516 --> 00:13:27,144 of the "comments that cut like a knife" chapter. 272 00:13:28,311 --> 00:13:30,814 I'm just so surprised at Lily. 273 00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,524 -It was a gift. -Yes. 274 00:13:32,607 --> 00:13:35,986 A gift she returned for something she wanted more. 275 00:13:36,069 --> 00:13:38,947 Like I did with that pinky ring you gave me for my 40th. 276 00:13:39,030 --> 00:13:41,575 -You returned the pinky ring? -What am I, a mob boss? 277 00:13:41,658 --> 00:13:44,286 But it had that pretty little ruby chip. 278 00:13:44,369 --> 00:13:47,164 Yes. Oddly feminine for a man's ring. 279 00:13:47,247 --> 00:13:49,833 Who's it for, one of the Sopranos? 280 00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:55,005 I remember how the little strap just fell off Lily's shoulder 281 00:13:55,088 --> 00:13:58,800 just as she was finishing her "Prelude No. 1 in C." 282 00:13:58,884 --> 00:14:01,720 Question: Is this guy hot enough to be one of my Hotfellas? 283 00:14:03,889 --> 00:14:05,265 Yes. 284 00:14:08,769 --> 00:14:11,438 Hurry, Daddy, get a cab! We don't wanna miss the waltz. 285 00:14:11,521 --> 00:14:13,148 Okay. Taxi! 286 00:14:13,690 --> 00:14:15,942 I wish we were going to hip-hop class. 287 00:14:16,443 --> 00:14:18,653 Oh, Daddy! Daddy, here comes one! 288 00:14:19,446 --> 00:14:20,489 Yep. 289 00:14:20,572 --> 00:14:22,491 Aren't they supposed to stop if their light is on? 290 00:14:22,574 --> 00:14:24,534 We'll get one, baby. It's okay. 291 00:14:24,618 --> 00:14:26,953 Taxi! Yo! 292 00:14:27,329 --> 00:14:30,332 This never happens when we're with Claire's daddy. 293 00:14:32,084 --> 00:14:34,252 Ladies, meet me on the corner, okay? 294 00:14:35,504 --> 00:14:36,505 Taxi! 295 00:14:37,589 --> 00:14:38,590 Sir. 296 00:14:40,801 --> 00:14:43,428 'Scuse me, sir. You wanna-- 297 00:14:46,389 --> 00:14:47,432 Sir? 298 00:14:47,974 --> 00:14:52,020 This is illegal, so unlock the door or I'll report you. 299 00:14:52,104 --> 00:14:53,355 Hey! 300 00:14:53,939 --> 00:14:54,940 Hello! 301 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:59,111 -Yeah, you better go! -Is that your Herbert? 302 00:14:59,194 --> 00:15:02,239 Certainly not. Let's go up 3rd, okay? 303 00:15:02,322 --> 00:15:04,533 Hi, Nana! Nana! 304 00:15:20,924 --> 00:15:22,717 That's not a cooking show. 305 00:15:22,801 --> 00:15:25,720 No. I'm downloading Final Draft. 306 00:15:25,804 --> 00:15:29,599 The least sexy sentence ever spoken after sex. 307 00:15:29,683 --> 00:15:32,519 I bought it so we could rewrite that vagina copy. 308 00:15:32,602 --> 00:15:34,771 The second least sexy sentence. 309 00:15:34,855 --> 00:15:37,607 I thought you talked to Chloe, and she was okay about it. 310 00:15:37,691 --> 00:15:40,152 Yeah, she was, but then she circled back. 311 00:15:41,570 --> 00:15:42,946 Hate when people circle back. 312 00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:47,325 You wear glasses? 313 00:15:47,409 --> 00:15:48,702 Just when I read. 314 00:15:50,746 --> 00:15:52,456 You know, we don't have to use that version. 315 00:15:52,539 --> 00:15:56,251 Just, you know, put it in your own voice. Are you ready? 316 00:15:56,334 --> 00:15:59,337 Throw out some phrases you might say that would apply to this. 317 00:16:01,214 --> 00:16:04,426 Humiliated, mortified, wanna die? 318 00:16:04,509 --> 00:16:05,886 -I'll start. -Okay. 319 00:16:05,969 --> 00:16:07,012 How's... 320 00:16:08,555 --> 00:16:11,266 "Ladies, when I go out for a night on the town, sometime--" 321 00:16:11,349 --> 00:16:13,518 -Pardon? -I'm just spit-balling here. 322 00:16:13,602 --> 00:16:15,270 "A night on the town"? 323 00:16:15,353 --> 00:16:18,315 Who's doing the talking, Dorothy Parker's vagina? 324 00:16:18,398 --> 00:16:20,609 Well, Carrie, I don't have one. 325 00:16:20,692 --> 00:16:22,194 I'm not supposed to know how to talk about it. 326 00:16:22,277 --> 00:16:23,487 Well... 327 00:16:23,945 --> 00:16:27,949 Okay, let's have some fun with it. What if you call it a "vajayjay"? 328 00:16:28,033 --> 00:16:30,911 Well, I would, but I don't want people to think that 329 00:16:30,994 --> 00:16:33,789 the podcast is a rerun from the 1990s. 330 00:16:34,289 --> 00:16:39,127 Come on. You're the writer. We're here. Let's do this thing. 331 00:16:39,211 --> 00:16:43,507 All right, fine. But "here" is where we usually don't work. 332 00:16:43,590 --> 00:16:48,512 "Here" is where we usually watch "Beef Grill." 333 00:16:50,972 --> 00:16:52,057 Okay, I got something. 334 00:16:53,350 --> 00:16:56,937 "It'll take you from dry to wet-ass pussy." 335 00:16:57,979 --> 00:17:00,357 -What? -It's more current. 336 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,276 It's Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion. 337 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:07,114 Well, I'm Carrie B, and I don't speak like that, 338 00:17:07,197 --> 00:17:09,408 so Megan Thee End. 339 00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:20,043 This is a lovely dinner. 340 00:17:20,127 --> 00:17:23,380 Sorry. I gotta find a new Hotfella. Kevin has Hep C. 341 00:17:23,463 --> 00:17:25,757 And still no response from The Real Deal, 342 00:17:25,841 --> 00:17:28,510 or should I say The Real Steal's, corporate office. 343 00:17:28,593 --> 00:17:30,762 -Oy. -I second that "oy." 344 00:17:30,846 --> 00:17:33,682 Oh, my God! The dress just dropped another hundred dollars. 345 00:17:33,765 --> 00:17:36,393 Why don't you just walk over there and buy the fucker back? 346 00:17:36,476 --> 00:17:37,853 Because then they win! 347 00:17:37,936 --> 00:17:41,982 No, most of Lily's good pieces are gone. Sold. No hope. 348 00:17:42,065 --> 00:17:43,984 I want them to return this dress 349 00:17:44,067 --> 00:17:46,903 with an acknowledgment that what they did was wrong. 350 00:17:46,987 --> 00:17:48,280 Good luck. I'm still waitin' 351 00:17:48,363 --> 00:17:51,283 for any acknowledgment from my mother and she's been dead 10 years. 352 00:17:52,033 --> 00:17:53,201 Anthony. 353 00:17:53,285 --> 00:17:54,745 -Anthony! -What? 354 00:17:54,828 --> 00:17:58,165 How would you feel if someone stole your beloved 355 00:17:58,248 --> 00:18:02,085 Hotfella's sourdough recipe and sold it for cheap online? 356 00:18:02,169 --> 00:18:04,755 I would cut them from tongue to taint. 357 00:18:04,838 --> 00:18:06,173 Thank you. 358 00:18:06,423 --> 00:18:10,010 Okay, people. Lily requests your presence at the piano, 359 00:18:10,093 --> 00:18:15,640 and because I am trapped into supporting her, I will be there, too. 360 00:18:17,934 --> 00:18:21,438 -Should I open another bottle of red? -No, sweetie, no. 361 00:18:22,105 --> 00:18:23,356 Showtime. 362 00:18:23,982 --> 00:18:26,359 I am not not the same 363 00:18:26,443 --> 00:18:30,447 Caught inside this gilded cage 364 00:18:33,533 --> 00:18:35,911 Darkness comes, hollow dreams 365 00:18:35,994 --> 00:18:39,998 Empty mirrors, I'm unseen 366 00:18:43,585 --> 00:18:46,088 Park Avenue streets, where do they lead 367 00:18:46,171 --> 00:18:48,965 Stuck in the deep, goddamn 368 00:18:49,049 --> 00:18:51,760 The power of privilege 369 00:18:51,843 --> 00:18:53,303 Should've opened that second bottle. 370 00:18:53,386 --> 00:18:55,764 No reason or rhyme, lost in the climb 371 00:18:55,847 --> 00:19:01,686 Livin' a life confined, the power of privilege 372 00:19:02,396 --> 00:19:03,897 Who is she, Lily Eilish? 373 00:19:03,980 --> 00:19:09,236 'Cause I always have to be 374 00:19:09,319 --> 00:19:13,365 The good girl, I'm a good girl 375 00:19:13,448 --> 00:19:18,245 No, I'm not allowed to be me 376 00:19:18,954 --> 00:19:21,873 I'm a good girl, I'm a good girl 377 00:19:24,167 --> 00:19:28,046 Go back to bed, Gabby. This is Mommy/Daddy time. 378 00:19:29,464 --> 00:19:31,633 Actually, it's Mother time. 379 00:19:31,716 --> 00:19:33,135 Oh, Mother. 380 00:19:34,302 --> 00:19:36,263 Is the electric teapot giving you trouble again? 381 00:19:36,346 --> 00:19:37,973 I can make you a cup. 382 00:19:38,056 --> 00:19:40,100 I think it's you who needs a cup. 383 00:19:40,183 --> 00:19:41,935 Preferably chamomile. 384 00:19:42,519 --> 00:19:45,480 What was that display all about today? 385 00:19:45,564 --> 00:19:50,068 If those ladies weren't all half-blind with cataracts, 386 00:19:50,152 --> 00:19:52,028 I'd be mortified. 387 00:19:52,112 --> 00:19:57,701 Imagine my horror seeing my son, the pride of Morehouse and of Harvard, 388 00:19:57,784 --> 00:20:01,496 pounding on the hood of a taxicab like some 389 00:20:01,580 --> 00:20:05,709 deranged squeegee man demanding a tip. 390 00:20:06,084 --> 00:20:07,502 What happened? What did I miss? 391 00:20:07,586 --> 00:20:10,505 I pounded on the hood of a cab one time 392 00:20:10,589 --> 00:20:13,300 because that man saw your daughter and I standing there-- 393 00:20:13,383 --> 00:20:15,010 It's irrelevant! 394 00:20:15,093 --> 00:20:17,471 We never surrender our dignity. 395 00:20:17,554 --> 00:20:21,850 Your grandfather faced the brickbats of Selma 396 00:20:21,933 --> 00:20:25,562 without ever loosening his tie. 397 00:20:25,645 --> 00:20:28,565 Wexleys win by winning. 398 00:20:32,611 --> 00:20:36,073 Didn't the Emancipation Proclamation free us 399 00:20:36,156 --> 00:20:37,991 from head wraps? 400 00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:40,327 Oh, God. 401 00:20:43,413 --> 00:20:47,167 This isn't like you. And in front of Gabby? 402 00:20:47,250 --> 00:20:49,711 I did it because she was standin' right there. 403 00:20:49,795 --> 00:20:52,047 To look at her tiny, little face, 404 00:20:52,130 --> 00:20:55,759 confused because her Daddy couldn't manage to get a taxicab? 405 00:20:55,842 --> 00:21:00,013 I never thought I'd say these words, but your mother is right. 406 00:21:00,097 --> 00:21:01,765 You know the rules. 407 00:21:01,848 --> 00:21:07,396 When we go off, they win. So you have to keep it in check. 408 00:21:07,479 --> 00:21:11,775 Because if you pound on the wrong car and they take you away 409 00:21:12,734 --> 00:21:14,736 she's gonna find a way to blame me. 410 00:21:16,446 --> 00:21:17,447 Okay? 411 00:21:20,575 --> 00:21:24,746 Thank you so much. Thank you. You've been awesome. Thank you. 412 00:21:26,873 --> 00:21:30,502 Now, listen, before I leave here tonight, I just wanna take a moment 413 00:21:30,585 --> 00:21:33,588 to introduce a very special guest here tonight. 414 00:21:34,089 --> 00:21:37,634 Playing my dad on my new pilot, 415 00:21:38,051 --> 00:21:42,639 the one and only, TV legend Tony Danza! 416 00:21:46,726 --> 00:21:48,311 I know what you're all thinking. 417 00:21:48,395 --> 00:21:51,690 Too hot to play anyone's father. Tony, come on up here. 418 00:21:51,773 --> 00:21:53,358 -Come on up here. -You can't stand here. 419 00:21:53,442 --> 00:21:55,026 Oh, I'm sorry. 420 00:21:55,110 --> 00:21:56,862 Excuse me. You're in the way. Hello. 421 00:21:56,945 --> 00:21:58,113 Oh. I'm sorry. 422 00:21:58,196 --> 00:22:01,074 Tony Danza! 423 00:22:01,533 --> 00:22:02,743 Yeah! 424 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:18,133 Okay, I got something. 425 00:22:19,384 --> 00:22:20,802 Saved by the bell. 426 00:22:22,637 --> 00:22:24,598 Oh, I gotta take this, it's my friend in L.A., 427 00:22:24,681 --> 00:22:27,559 but truthfully, I'd take a robocall to get outta this. 428 00:22:30,604 --> 00:22:31,688 Hello? 429 00:22:31,772 --> 00:22:33,607 Hey! What're you up to? 430 00:22:34,357 --> 00:22:36,151 You know, 431 00:22:36,234 --> 00:22:40,906 writing a commercial for a line of vaginal products. 432 00:22:40,989 --> 00:22:42,574 Why? Are your books not selling? 433 00:22:43,658 --> 00:22:45,827 No, Franklyn and I have to do it for the podcast. 434 00:22:45,911 --> 00:22:48,371 Hey, listen, I have a question: As a friend, 435 00:22:48,455 --> 00:22:53,960 how do you phrase it when you have trouble down there? 436 00:22:54,044 --> 00:22:57,005 I don't know. I have nothing but good news down there. 437 00:22:57,089 --> 00:23:00,008 How does that help me? Ugh, I don't know what happened. 438 00:23:00,092 --> 00:23:03,470 I kissed a guy in an elevator and now I'm part of a filthy 439 00:23:03,553 --> 00:23:05,305 Tracy/Hepburn writing team. 440 00:23:05,388 --> 00:23:07,641 Yeah, I didn't think you could do just sex. 441 00:23:07,724 --> 00:23:09,601 Well, now it's sex with homework. 442 00:23:11,394 --> 00:23:14,272 Carrie, I have to hang up. Tony Danza's comin' right at me. 443 00:23:14,356 --> 00:23:17,442 I get it, you're fancy. All right. Bye. 444 00:23:17,526 --> 00:23:18,485 Bye. 445 00:23:18,568 --> 00:23:20,362 -Hi. -Miranda, this is Tony. 446 00:23:20,445 --> 00:23:22,614 -Tony, this is Miranda. -Hello, Miranda. 447 00:23:22,697 --> 00:23:25,367 Such a pleasure to meet Che's significant person. 448 00:23:25,450 --> 00:23:28,370 Hi. I'm thrilled to meet you. 449 00:23:29,121 --> 00:23:30,414 Well, then, you know I was just saying to Che, 450 00:23:30,497 --> 00:23:32,082 we should, we should have dinner tomorrow night? 451 00:23:32,165 --> 00:23:34,209 The three of us? What do ya say? 452 00:23:34,292 --> 00:23:37,921 -You're the boss. -Cute, cute. She's cute. 453 00:23:38,547 --> 00:23:39,756 -It is "she," right? -She! 454 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:41,800 Yeah, okay. See? I'm two for two. 455 00:23:49,975 --> 00:23:52,811 So, I circled back to Chloe on her circle back. 456 00:23:52,894 --> 00:23:53,895 And? 457 00:23:54,312 --> 00:23:57,899 And she's making it seem like this is a dealbreaker for "Sex and the City." 458 00:23:58,942 --> 00:24:01,695 So, I bolded the important bullet points. 459 00:24:02,279 --> 00:24:05,741 -Let's give it another shot. -No, let's not. 460 00:24:05,824 --> 00:24:08,618 I appreciate your zeal but 461 00:24:08,702 --> 00:24:11,288 I think my vagina has to write its own monologue. 462 00:24:11,371 --> 00:24:12,789 Thank God. 463 00:24:16,168 --> 00:24:19,838 Well, if you need any help, I got a ton of great ideas. 464 00:24:59,211 --> 00:25:01,630 Oh, my God. Who did this to you? 465 00:25:01,713 --> 00:25:03,548 EZ Blow on 68th Street. 466 00:25:03,632 --> 00:25:06,718 Juan Jose, you made your point. I got back with Zed. 467 00:25:08,804 --> 00:25:10,013 Look, I'm not gonna beg. 468 00:25:10,097 --> 00:25:12,182 Do you want this top-of-the-line tequila and my apology or not? 469 00:25:12,265 --> 00:25:14,059 Why are you apologizing for? 470 00:25:14,142 --> 00:25:17,354 For taking what you said too personally. I know you meant well. 471 00:25:17,437 --> 00:25:20,399 Not necessarily. I blow hot and cold. 472 00:25:20,482 --> 00:25:22,734 I told this one not to have kids, 473 00:25:22,818 --> 00:25:25,070 I told that one her bangs were bad, 474 00:25:25,153 --> 00:25:28,573 and I told that one to please get a lipo. 475 00:25:28,657 --> 00:25:32,160 No one's listening, but I was right about the bangs. 476 00:25:32,911 --> 00:25:34,955 Abdal, Kiki's gonna finish you. 477 00:25:35,038 --> 00:25:38,208 Seema is back. She's my number one. 478 00:25:47,509 --> 00:25:49,344 Oy. Qué es esto? 479 00:26:11,324 --> 00:26:14,494 Nya, I can't talk now. I'm saving the planet. You're welcome. 480 00:26:14,578 --> 00:26:16,872 Well, I'm saving myself 481 00:26:16,955 --> 00:26:21,001 by de-Andre-fying my apartment and my life. 482 00:26:22,043 --> 00:26:27,382 Sayonara, tacky-ass Japanese lantern he bought in a Tokyo airport in 1999! 483 00:26:27,466 --> 00:26:29,134 You're getting rid of Andre Rashad? 484 00:26:29,217 --> 00:26:34,389 No, he got rid of himself. He told me he hasn't cheated on me yet. 485 00:26:34,473 --> 00:26:37,309 And then, after our many conversations 486 00:26:37,392 --> 00:26:41,021 about my complicated feelings about having a baby 487 00:26:41,104 --> 00:26:43,440 he suggests a surrogate. 488 00:26:43,523 --> 00:26:45,859 A surrogate! Miranda! 489 00:26:45,942 --> 00:26:49,237 He hasn't heard me at all. Not in two years! 490 00:26:49,321 --> 00:26:55,077 So, that's it! Because motel girl plus the surrogate equals I'm done! 491 00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,829 -I'm so sorry. -I'm not. 492 00:26:57,913 --> 00:27:00,749 So, I'm carefully packin' his things. 493 00:27:01,333 --> 00:27:03,752 Buh-bye, patchouli incense. 494 00:27:04,086 --> 00:27:08,965 Later, lame-ass college roommate's mixed-media 495 00:27:09,049 --> 00:27:13,595 "collage homage to Nubian women" made of Korean weave hair! 496 00:27:14,179 --> 00:27:17,057 Bonfire of the beanies at 11! 497 00:27:17,641 --> 00:27:18,809 -Miranda. -Hold on. 498 00:27:18,892 --> 00:27:20,352 I have to go. Here's your bag. 499 00:27:20,435 --> 00:27:22,646 I'm sorry, my kid's school just called. 500 00:27:22,729 --> 00:27:25,565 There was some micro-aggression over a Squishmallow. 501 00:27:25,649 --> 00:27:29,069 -Preschool drama. -Go, go! I can get an Uber home. 502 00:27:29,152 --> 00:27:31,363 Okay, bye. Sorry. 503 00:27:32,406 --> 00:27:34,116 Nya, I should hang up. 504 00:27:34,199 --> 00:27:37,452 Cell phones and environmentalists, not a great match. 505 00:27:37,536 --> 00:27:40,831 Do you know anybody who wants to buy six or eight guitars, cheap? 506 00:27:40,914 --> 00:27:43,125 I'm havin' a "goin' out of Andre" sale. 507 00:27:43,208 --> 00:27:45,335 Okay. Buh-bye. 508 00:27:47,921 --> 00:27:49,589 We're makin' real progress, huh? 509 00:27:50,090 --> 00:27:53,844 The Earth is already dead. We're basically just cleaning up a corpse. 510 00:27:54,761 --> 00:27:57,139 You're a delight. Let's talk more. 511 00:27:57,806 --> 00:27:59,391 Not funny. 512 00:28:01,893 --> 00:28:04,479 Well, here we are. 513 00:28:04,563 --> 00:28:06,815 -Are we ready? -Oh, I'm so ready. I am so ready. 514 00:28:06,898 --> 00:28:09,276 You just tell me when. You know, you give me the sign. 515 00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:10,610 Take that trash can right there, 516 00:28:10,694 --> 00:28:12,738 I'm gonna throw it right through this window. 517 00:28:12,821 --> 00:28:16,825 Nope. I am gonna kill them with kindness. 518 00:28:17,492 --> 00:28:20,829 They are gonna give me that dress back and I'm gonna bring my baby home. 519 00:28:21,538 --> 00:28:23,415 You are so clever! 520 00:28:30,922 --> 00:28:33,300 There's some really great stuff in here. 521 00:28:33,842 --> 00:28:35,844 No, there isn't. 522 00:28:36,386 --> 00:28:37,554 No, there isn't. 523 00:28:37,637 --> 00:28:40,640 Hello. I am Charlotte York-Goldenblatt. 524 00:28:40,724 --> 00:28:42,684 You may have received my emails. 525 00:28:43,185 --> 00:28:44,686 I don't know. 526 00:28:44,770 --> 00:28:47,230 Well, they were numerous. 527 00:28:47,314 --> 00:28:51,276 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God. 528 00:28:51,359 --> 00:28:56,156 Oh, my God. These Sonia Rykiel-- How has nobody bought these? 529 00:28:56,990 --> 00:28:59,409 How long have they been just sitting there? 530 00:28:59,493 --> 00:29:01,078 I don't know. 531 00:29:02,579 --> 00:29:04,873 -What? -I have an itty-bitty problem 532 00:29:04,956 --> 00:29:08,043 and I am sure that you and I can solve it together. 533 00:29:08,126 --> 00:29:09,961 -What is your name? -Eden. 534 00:29:10,045 --> 00:29:14,049 Eden! You and I together, Eden, can solve this. 535 00:29:14,132 --> 00:29:18,220 So, my daughter, Lily, sold you a bunch of clothes, 536 00:29:18,303 --> 00:29:23,350 and she is still a minor. Surely you have rules against this. 537 00:29:23,433 --> 00:29:26,603 This isn't a bar. We don't card. 538 00:29:27,771 --> 00:29:29,189 Starting fresh. 539 00:29:29,856 --> 00:29:30,941 Eden. 540 00:29:33,318 --> 00:29:38,240 I am looking for this Chanel dress. Is it at this location? 541 00:29:38,323 --> 00:29:39,533 I don't know. 542 00:29:39,616 --> 00:29:45,163 Well, maybe you could look here in this little computer to see. 543 00:29:45,247 --> 00:29:49,126 These boots are in super-good shape. 544 00:29:49,209 --> 00:29:52,295 You are sleeping with the enemy, Carrie. 545 00:29:52,379 --> 00:29:53,797 I'm sorry. 546 00:29:59,428 --> 00:30:00,470 -Great Job. -Thanks. 547 00:30:00,554 --> 00:30:02,264 -Yeah, no problem. -Thank you. 548 00:30:08,895 --> 00:30:11,356 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 549 00:30:14,151 --> 00:30:15,318 I lost my phone! 550 00:30:15,402 --> 00:30:16,778 Did anybody see a phone? 551 00:30:16,862 --> 00:30:21,324 Oh, my God, I don't have my phone, and I need it to call Uber. 552 00:30:21,408 --> 00:30:22,576 Uber's a Ponzi scheme. 553 00:30:23,326 --> 00:30:26,079 Again?! So helpful! 554 00:30:26,997 --> 00:30:30,459 God. Did you see a phone? 555 00:30:30,709 --> 00:30:33,920 -I lost my phone! -Bummer! 556 00:30:34,629 --> 00:30:35,547 Damn it. 557 00:30:36,256 --> 00:30:40,385 Ah, fuck. Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck. 558 00:31:21,426 --> 00:31:23,762 Hi! Hello. 559 00:31:23,845 --> 00:31:25,138 I'm sorry to accost you, 560 00:31:25,222 --> 00:31:27,891 but I lost my phone trying to save the planet, 561 00:31:27,974 --> 00:31:31,144 and I wonder if I could borrow one of yours for a super quick call? 562 00:31:31,812 --> 00:31:33,980 -Yeah. -Oh, thank you so much. 563 00:31:34,064 --> 00:31:37,109 -You're welcome. -Oh, could you open that for me? 564 00:31:37,192 --> 00:31:40,153 -Yep. -Thank you. All right. 565 00:31:40,237 --> 00:31:41,822 -Want some? -No, thank you. 566 00:31:48,036 --> 00:31:49,204 Breathe. 567 00:31:52,791 --> 00:31:54,584 Unknown caller. 568 00:31:54,668 --> 00:31:57,003 Better not be the Democrats again. 569 00:31:59,506 --> 00:32:00,507 Hello? 570 00:32:01,007 --> 00:32:03,009 Carrie, it's Miranda. I lost my phone. 571 00:32:03,093 --> 00:32:05,178 Well, whose phone is this? 572 00:32:05,262 --> 00:32:07,556 A nice surfer in a parking lot. 573 00:32:07,639 --> 00:32:11,601 -Why are you so very fancy? -What's Che's phone number? 574 00:32:12,436 --> 00:32:13,812 You don't know Che's phone number? 575 00:32:13,895 --> 00:32:15,063 Don't say it like that. 576 00:32:15,147 --> 00:32:17,023 Nobody knows anybody's number anymore. 577 00:32:17,107 --> 00:32:18,942 All right, hold on a second, I'll look it up. 578 00:32:19,025 --> 00:32:20,402 You see? 579 00:32:22,154 --> 00:32:23,196 Hi. 580 00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:25,115 She's just getting me a number. 581 00:32:32,664 --> 00:32:34,332 -Hello? -It's Miranda. 582 00:32:34,416 --> 00:32:35,709 Why aren't you home yet? 583 00:32:35,792 --> 00:32:39,671 I lost my phone on the beach, and I can't call an Uber without it. 584 00:32:39,755 --> 00:32:40,881 Can you come and get me? 585 00:32:40,964 --> 00:32:44,342 At the beach? It's rush hour. 586 00:32:44,426 --> 00:32:47,220 It'll take me, like, an hour and a half to get there. 587 00:32:47,304 --> 00:32:49,139 We have dinner with Tony Danza in an hour! 588 00:32:50,140 --> 00:32:51,975 Well, I don't, obviously. 589 00:32:52,058 --> 00:32:55,896 Shit. Do you want me to cancel, or-- 590 00:32:55,979 --> 00:32:59,191 You can't cancel. It's Tony Danza! 591 00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:06,281 Okay, I have an idea. I'll send someone to get you. Where are you? 592 00:33:07,407 --> 00:33:09,367 Can you tell them where I am? 593 00:33:13,163 --> 00:33:18,085 We're, like, off PCH, like, across from Neptune's Net. 594 00:33:19,878 --> 00:33:20,796 You got that? 595 00:33:20,879 --> 00:33:22,589 Yeah, yeah, I got it, I got it. Stay there. 596 00:33:22,672 --> 00:33:24,716 Where the fuck else am I going? 597 00:33:25,509 --> 00:33:26,927 -Shit. -Thank you. 598 00:33:27,010 --> 00:33:29,805 -You're welcome. -Please stop offering me that. 599 00:33:29,888 --> 00:33:32,516 So, where am I? Neptune somethin'? 600 00:33:32,599 --> 00:33:33,600 -Yeah. -It's up there. 601 00:33:33,683 --> 00:33:35,685 Neptune's Net, is that way. 602 00:33:35,769 --> 00:33:38,355 Oh, okay. That way, all right. 603 00:33:38,438 --> 00:33:40,399 Thank you guys so much. You saved my life. 604 00:33:40,482 --> 00:33:43,110 -A thousand times thank you, thank you. -You're welcome. 605 00:33:44,194 --> 00:33:45,070 Good luck. 606 00:34:07,592 --> 00:34:10,720 Okay. I found it. It is in a warehouse. 607 00:34:10,804 --> 00:34:13,765 Fine. I give up. I'll buy it back. 608 00:34:13,849 --> 00:34:15,767 You can't. It's on hold. 609 00:34:15,851 --> 00:34:17,978 What? It's on hold where? 610 00:34:20,063 --> 00:34:22,357 -I don't know. -Listen, Eden, my husband 611 00:34:22,441 --> 00:34:25,318 is a partner at a major New York law firm, 612 00:34:25,402 --> 00:34:29,281 so you might wanna watch your tone or I am gonna call your manager. 613 00:34:29,364 --> 00:34:31,658 Hey, Charlotte, can I have a word over here? Real quick. 614 00:34:36,163 --> 00:34:38,123 Dead as she is, 615 00:34:38,206 --> 00:34:41,793 I don't think Eden can take much more interrogation. 616 00:34:41,877 --> 00:34:42,961 And she's got a phone. 617 00:34:43,044 --> 00:34:45,714 You're, like, this close to being a meme. 618 00:34:45,797 --> 00:34:51,052 I know. I don't know what's wrong with me. And even if I got the dress back, 619 00:34:51,136 --> 00:34:53,638 I don't even know if Lily could fit into it anymore. 620 00:34:55,182 --> 00:34:57,184 First the Chanel, and then the Chopin. 621 00:34:57,267 --> 00:34:59,603 I just feel like she's rejecting everything I ever gave her. 622 00:35:00,479 --> 00:35:04,274 Is she rejecting it, or is she, you know, like you just said, 623 00:35:04,357 --> 00:35:05,484 is she outgrowing it? 624 00:35:06,818 --> 00:35:10,822 You know? And that's healthy, right? Wanting to change and move on. 625 00:35:12,616 --> 00:35:14,910 Who am I to say? I'm still fighting to save "Sex and the City." 626 00:35:14,993 --> 00:35:16,953 I'm not sure it fits me anymore either. 627 00:35:22,125 --> 00:35:24,419 I don't need that dress. 628 00:35:24,503 --> 00:35:25,837 I have the memory. 629 00:35:26,588 --> 00:35:29,800 And Lily. Whoever she is now. 630 00:35:30,175 --> 00:35:31,051 Let's go. 631 00:35:31,676 --> 00:35:33,929 Yeah, but before we go, can I just get the other boot? 632 00:35:34,471 --> 00:35:36,014 Then I'll have a pair. 633 00:36:01,206 --> 00:36:04,292 Miranda. Che sent me. I'm Lyle. 634 00:36:04,376 --> 00:36:07,379 Fair warning, Lyle, 635 00:36:08,422 --> 00:36:09,464 I smell. 636 00:36:14,594 --> 00:36:16,012 How bad is it? 637 00:36:18,306 --> 00:36:21,977 I used to shuck oysters in high school, so it's nostalgic. 638 00:36:22,060 --> 00:36:24,855 That's generous. 639 00:36:25,647 --> 00:36:27,357 Thank you so much for driving all the way out here. 640 00:36:27,441 --> 00:36:29,359 Actually, I live out here. 641 00:36:29,443 --> 00:36:31,403 Yeah, I work at the Malibu Soho House, so. 642 00:36:31,486 --> 00:36:32,571 Malibu Soho, nice. 643 00:36:32,654 --> 00:36:33,780 Yeah. 644 00:36:34,364 --> 00:36:35,782 And what do you do there, Lyle? 645 00:36:35,866 --> 00:36:37,868 I'm a mixologist. 646 00:36:37,951 --> 00:36:41,580 Used to be called a bartender before their margaritas hit 22 bucks. 647 00:36:43,081 --> 00:36:44,791 And how do you know Che? 648 00:36:44,875 --> 00:36:46,126 We were married. 649 00:36:47,836 --> 00:36:49,629 Technically, we still are. 650 00:36:54,843 --> 00:36:56,428 So, ukulele? 651 00:36:56,511 --> 00:36:58,722 Oh, yeah, you bet. 652 00:36:58,805 --> 00:37:00,599 That's what I heard. 653 00:37:02,809 --> 00:37:03,769 Che. 654 00:37:04,936 --> 00:37:07,272 I'm really excited about being in your project. 655 00:37:08,190 --> 00:37:09,900 I feel like there's a "but" coming. 656 00:37:09,983 --> 00:37:12,694 Well, there is. I can't be Mexican. 657 00:37:13,987 --> 00:37:17,657 I mean, it's just not gonna fly, especially these days. 658 00:37:17,741 --> 00:37:20,660 I thought because he's Mexican-American 659 00:37:20,744 --> 00:37:22,829 and it's a comedy, I thought I'd be okay, 660 00:37:22,913 --> 00:37:25,540 but I'm already getting pushback on social media. 661 00:37:25,624 --> 00:37:28,210 And rightly so. I'm not Mexican. 662 00:37:28,293 --> 00:37:30,587 Okay, but my father's Mexican. 663 00:37:30,670 --> 00:37:33,173 Yeah, yeah. I know, I know, but he doesn't have to be. 664 00:37:33,256 --> 00:37:37,552 He can be Italian, like me, and we switch your mother to Mexican. 665 00:37:37,636 --> 00:37:39,012 But I'm Irish/Mexican. 666 00:37:39,721 --> 00:37:42,641 Italian is just Irish with better food. 667 00:37:42,724 --> 00:37:45,102 The important thing is to preserve the Mexican. 668 00:37:45,477 --> 00:37:48,355 So, I spoke to ABC, and if you approve, 669 00:37:48,438 --> 00:37:50,941 your Irish mother is now dead. 670 00:37:51,024 --> 00:37:56,154 and we switch all of her emotional scenes to the Mexican grandmother, your abuela, 671 00:37:56,238 --> 00:37:58,824 who, by the way, is killing it in the run-throughs. 672 00:38:00,242 --> 00:38:01,535 Listen, kid, 673 00:38:01,618 --> 00:38:03,954 I want you to succeed. I really do. 674 00:38:04,037 --> 00:38:06,998 I think what you're doing here is really important and cute. 675 00:38:07,082 --> 00:38:10,836 I think you're gonna open a lotta hearts and change a lotta minds. 676 00:38:10,919 --> 00:38:14,506 But you're not gonna do that with Tony Danza as a Mexican. 677 00:38:15,966 --> 00:38:21,471 I've come too far to get canceled now. And the Danza-lions agree with me. 678 00:38:22,055 --> 00:38:23,932 I'm sorry, the Danza-lions? 679 00:38:24,015 --> 00:38:25,392 My hardcore fans. 680 00:38:34,943 --> 00:38:37,195 So, what got into you last week? 681 00:38:37,279 --> 00:38:39,030 Me. I got into me. 682 00:38:39,364 --> 00:38:42,117 I sometimes get lost in my head. 683 00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:46,830 But those five amazing texts from you helped me find my way back. 684 00:38:48,623 --> 00:38:50,500 I have a proposition for you. 685 00:38:52,794 --> 00:38:54,463 I'm all ears. 686 00:38:54,546 --> 00:38:57,215 There's an opportunity to invest in this new private club 687 00:38:57,299 --> 00:38:58,717 here in Manhattan. 688 00:38:59,217 --> 00:39:00,719 They just want $200,000. 689 00:39:02,012 --> 00:39:04,931 So, let's go in as partners, 690 00:39:05,682 --> 00:39:07,309 $100,000 each? 691 00:39:07,642 --> 00:39:11,855 Interesting. And what's this club called, "Red Flag"? 692 00:39:12,272 --> 00:39:17,360 I thought those five texts were suspect. Three would've been appropriate. 693 00:39:18,487 --> 00:39:21,448 It's not like that. This is a legitimate investment. 694 00:39:21,531 --> 00:39:23,033 Yeah, well... 695 00:39:25,869 --> 00:39:27,454 maybe. 696 00:39:27,537 --> 00:39:29,539 But I'm investing in myself. 697 00:39:30,207 --> 00:39:33,627 Juan Jose was wrong. I was right. 698 00:39:35,128 --> 00:39:36,546 Where are you going? 699 00:39:38,590 --> 00:39:40,759 We're having chocolate mousse. 700 00:39:41,051 --> 00:39:43,053 Who the fuck is Juan Jose? 701 00:39:58,402 --> 00:40:01,321 You are not gonna believe what just happened to me at dinner. 702 00:40:04,449 --> 00:40:07,411 -What's that face? -I don't know your number. 703 00:40:07,494 --> 00:40:08,829 Excuse me? 704 00:40:08,912 --> 00:40:13,667 Your phone number. I had no idea. I had to call Carrie. 705 00:40:14,292 --> 00:40:17,796 Also, I had no idea you're actually married. 706 00:40:18,505 --> 00:40:21,258 Well, technically. 707 00:40:21,341 --> 00:40:24,594 Yeah, we're both such slackers, we never got around to getting divorced. 708 00:40:25,011 --> 00:40:26,972 Che, I don't know who you are. 709 00:40:27,055 --> 00:40:28,098 Well... 710 00:40:29,057 --> 00:40:32,018 Well, join the club 'cause up until an hour ago, 711 00:40:32,102 --> 00:40:33,854 I thought I was Mexican/Irish. 712 00:40:34,813 --> 00:40:37,190 Tony Danza and ABC just made me Italian. 713 00:40:37,566 --> 00:40:40,902 -La fungoule! -I'm serious. 714 00:40:40,986 --> 00:40:42,988 Yeah, and please don't be. 715 00:40:43,613 --> 00:40:46,032 I've got enough on my plate right now. 716 00:40:46,491 --> 00:40:50,912 And we're having so much fun. Let's not let your lost phone 717 00:40:50,996 --> 00:40:53,582 become a couple's existential crisis, okay? 718 00:40:53,665 --> 00:40:56,668 My number is three-four-seven 719 00:40:57,544 --> 00:40:58,795 five-three-two 720 00:40:59,921 --> 00:41:01,047 Nine-nine. 721 00:41:02,215 --> 00:41:03,300 Are you getting this? 722 00:41:08,513 --> 00:41:12,642 Never thought I could, but I can actually live with what I wrote. 723 00:41:12,726 --> 00:41:14,728 Yeah, it's really funny. 724 00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:21,068 Is there, is there an inordinate amount of box activity in the hallway today? 725 00:41:21,151 --> 00:41:22,944 Hey. I hope you're happy. 726 00:41:23,028 --> 00:41:26,823 You two wouldn't talk about her vagina and now everyone's outta work. 727 00:41:27,491 --> 00:41:29,659 That's ridiculous, Chloe. What happened? 728 00:41:29,743 --> 00:41:32,412 Every show is over, that's what happened. 729 00:41:32,496 --> 00:41:36,583 They sold these studios to Apple or Peach or whatever the fuck. 730 00:41:36,666 --> 00:41:39,586 I told you: sinking ship. 731 00:41:39,669 --> 00:41:44,132 Word of advice, Carrie, next job, don't be so precious about your pussy. 732 00:41:47,260 --> 00:41:49,471 Well, I'll take that to heart. 733 00:42:04,861 --> 00:42:09,991 Okay, but you've said, more than once, I might add, 734 00:42:10,075 --> 00:42:11,868 that we could always 735 00:42:11,952 --> 00:42:14,746 -sell the podcast somewhere else. -Well, that was before. 736 00:42:14,830 --> 00:42:17,040 It's hard to sell something that's been canceled. 737 00:42:17,833 --> 00:42:19,376 Wanna try? 738 00:42:20,335 --> 00:42:22,963 I don't know if it's smart to go any further. 739 00:42:25,924 --> 00:42:27,926 With the podcast? 740 00:42:29,636 --> 00:42:30,637 Carrie 741 00:42:31,346 --> 00:42:32,931 you've made it pretty clear that you want this to be 742 00:42:33,014 --> 00:42:36,643 a, a Thursday thing, and I'm starting to feel like 743 00:42:36,726 --> 00:42:38,186 maybe I want more. 744 00:42:38,687 --> 00:42:41,732 So, if Thursday's still the case... 745 00:42:42,691 --> 00:42:44,067 I better get out 746 00:42:44,151 --> 00:42:46,528 before I'm all fucked up Friday through Wednesday. 747 00:42:48,071 --> 00:42:52,284 -Well, I wouldn't want that. -Yeah. Neither would I. 748 00:42:52,909 --> 00:42:53,910 Well 749 00:42:54,619 --> 00:42:56,913 thank you for the "Sex and the City." 750 00:42:57,789 --> 00:43:00,625 Double entendre intended. 751 00:43:00,709 --> 00:43:03,003 See? You are the writer. 752 00:43:09,134 --> 00:43:13,346 And just like that, I freed up my entire week.