1 00:02:36,909 --> 00:02:40,162 {\an8}All you need is salt and pepper because a great piece of meat 2 00:02:40,162 --> 00:02:43,833 {\an8}like this should taste of meat and really not a whole lot else. 3 00:02:43,833 --> 00:02:45,293 So, I thought we would make some-- 4 00:02:45,293 --> 00:02:47,211 Why do you like cooking shows? 5 00:02:47,211 --> 00:02:49,046 - No idea. - Do you cook? 6 00:02:49,547 --> 00:02:50,673 Nope. 7 00:02:51,716 --> 00:02:53,718 We start with a russet potato. 8 00:02:53,718 --> 00:02:55,636 Just watch the shows. 9 00:02:56,470 --> 00:02:57,513 Yep. 10 00:02:58,681 --> 00:03:00,266 What about you? Do you cook? 11 00:03:01,726 --> 00:03:05,605 I always think I'm going to, but I never really do, no. 12 00:03:05,605 --> 00:03:08,482 A little piece of salmon here and there. 13 00:03:08,482 --> 00:03:09,734 You know, that's about it. 14 00:03:09,734 --> 00:03:11,444 Well, salmon's something. 15 00:03:12,445 --> 00:03:13,821 It is. Thank you for that. 16 00:03:15,656 --> 00:03:16,616 Salmon hard to cook? 17 00:03:16,616 --> 00:03:19,118 - Brutal. - Yeah. Looks it. 18 00:03:20,536 --> 00:03:24,498 Many years ago, I thought I would start poaching eggs. 19 00:03:24,498 --> 00:03:27,001 I liked the idea 20 00:03:27,001 --> 00:03:30,338 of eating them in the morning on little toast points. 21 00:03:30,338 --> 00:03:32,506 Like royalty, you know, but 22 00:03:33,424 --> 00:03:34,717 yeah. 23 00:03:34,717 --> 00:03:37,220 - Didn't follow through. - Why? 24 00:03:37,845 --> 00:03:39,639 You know, I was 30, 25 00:03:39,639 --> 00:03:43,893 too busy to slow my roll for a three-minute egg. 26 00:03:44,477 --> 00:03:47,647 Well, I support that poached egg dream. 27 00:03:47,647 --> 00:03:51,442 It's not too late. I mean, you got the three minutes. 28 00:03:51,901 --> 00:03:53,027 I do. 29 00:03:53,861 --> 00:03:55,863 Come on, baby. 30 00:03:58,991 --> 00:04:00,785 And here we go. 31 00:04:05,373 --> 00:04:06,666 Good morning! 32 00:04:06,666 --> 00:04:08,459 Did you get the caviar I sent you? 33 00:04:08,459 --> 00:04:11,587 God, I get so much caviar sent to me, 34 00:04:11,587 --> 00:04:13,047 I don't know which is yours. 35 00:04:13,047 --> 00:04:14,423 The expensive one. 36 00:04:14,423 --> 00:04:17,593 Oh, then I got it. Totally unnecessary. 37 00:04:17,593 --> 00:04:19,178 Oh, I disagree, babe. 38 00:04:19,178 --> 00:04:22,848 It is not every day someone makes you their plus-one 39 00:04:22,848 --> 00:04:24,308 to the Met Ball. 40 00:04:24,308 --> 00:04:27,395 I mean, all those years, I've resented those 41 00:04:27,395 --> 00:04:30,606 chic bitches just posing on those stairs. 42 00:04:30,606 --> 00:04:33,359 And now, I'm gonna be one of them. 43 00:04:33,985 --> 00:04:36,320 Seema, those stairs are only for celebrities. 44 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,823 Real people like us have a different entrance. 45 00:04:38,823 --> 00:04:41,117 I don't care if I have to squeeze in through a doggie door, 46 00:04:41,117 --> 00:04:43,828 it's the Met Ball and I'm going! 47 00:04:43,828 --> 00:04:45,246 But who am I wearing? 48 00:04:45,246 --> 00:04:47,415 You're wearing that young, new designer, 49 00:04:47,415 --> 00:04:51,794 LTW's in custom Valentino, so I'm sure Charlotte will "bring it." 50 00:04:52,962 --> 00:04:54,255 Can you hold on a second? 51 00:04:54,255 --> 00:04:56,966 I'd call Tom Ford, but I sold his apartment last year 52 00:04:56,966 --> 00:04:58,801 and did not get his asking. 53 00:04:59,176 --> 00:05:02,305 - Hello? -It's Charlotte. 54 00:05:02,305 --> 00:05:05,933 Oh! Hi. Come on up. 55 00:05:05,933 --> 00:05:07,602 Listen, I gotta go, okay? 56 00:05:07,602 --> 00:05:08,936 I'm just so excited. 57 00:05:08,936 --> 00:05:11,147 - Buh-bye. - Okay, I'm outta here. 58 00:05:11,856 --> 00:05:12,899 Don't you want an egg? 59 00:05:13,482 --> 00:05:16,694 - No time. - Right, 'cause I ruined the first two. 60 00:05:16,694 --> 00:05:17,820 Hang in there. 61 00:05:19,030 --> 00:05:21,449 That's, that's my friend, Charlotte. 62 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,285 I don't know why she's here. 63 00:05:24,994 --> 00:05:27,580 - You wanna open the door and find out? - Oh, right. 64 00:05:32,084 --> 00:05:33,794 Hi! Is it too early? 65 00:05:33,794 --> 00:05:36,672 I just got my sketch on my Met Ball dress. 66 00:05:39,884 --> 00:05:41,052 Charlotte Goldenblatt, 67 00:05:41,052 --> 00:05:43,846 this is Franklyn Silvias, he's just leaving. 68 00:05:43,846 --> 00:05:47,391 Franklyn, this is Charlotte. She's just arriving. 69 00:05:47,391 --> 00:05:49,727 And I'm Carrie Bradshaw. I'll be your host and emcee 70 00:05:49,727 --> 00:05:52,313 for about the next 30 seconds. 71 00:05:53,189 --> 00:05:56,609 - And who's this? - This is Richard Burton. 72 00:05:56,609 --> 00:06:00,488 I had to carry him up the stairs because bulldogs have weak hind legs. 73 00:06:01,239 --> 00:06:03,866 But great faces. 74 00:06:04,617 --> 00:06:06,994 - I'll see you Thursday at work. - Yeah, Thursday. 75 00:06:06,994 --> 00:06:09,080 - All right, bye. - Okay. Bye. 76 00:06:12,291 --> 00:06:13,167 Who? 77 00:06:13,167 --> 00:06:14,961 He's my podcast producer. 78 00:06:14,961 --> 00:06:16,879 - What? - Do you wanna put Mr. Burton down? 79 00:06:16,879 --> 00:06:18,756 - Who? - Your dog. 80 00:06:18,756 --> 00:06:22,093 Here, have a seat. I'm making poached eggs with caviar. 81 00:06:22,093 --> 00:06:25,096 - What? - Yep. I've repurposed my kitchen. 82 00:06:25,096 --> 00:06:29,475 Did you know that stoves aren't just for storage? 83 00:06:29,475 --> 00:06:32,812 Oh, my God. Look at that! 84 00:06:35,231 --> 00:06:38,693 I just saw the final cut, but let's start the montage 85 00:06:38,693 --> 00:06:43,072 with the judicial OG Constance Baker Motley. Yeah. 86 00:06:43,072 --> 00:06:45,408 Mama, listen to me recite my French poem. 87 00:06:45,408 --> 00:06:47,201 I gotta go, Alice. Poetry emergency. 88 00:06:47,201 --> 00:06:51,080 I'll send the file with my Act One edits before I leave. Okay, bye. 89 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:52,623 Fais-le. 90 00:06:52,623 --> 00:06:56,252 La Cigale et la Fourmi par Jean de La fontaine. 91 00:06:56,252 --> 00:06:58,212 - Ma! - La Cigale ayant chante-- 92 00:06:58,212 --> 00:06:59,755 Hey, Ma, where's my lacrosse stick? 93 00:06:59,755 --> 00:07:01,257 Hall closet on the left side. 94 00:07:01,257 --> 00:07:03,092 - Did you brush your teeth? - Yeah. 95 00:07:03,092 --> 00:07:04,176 Breath? 96 00:07:04,176 --> 00:07:05,386 Good. 97 00:07:05,386 --> 00:07:08,097 Tout l'ete elle se trouva bien depourvue-- 98 00:07:08,097 --> 00:07:11,100 Mom, you never signed my permission slip for the robotics competition. 99 00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:12,435 I sent it in yesterday. 100 00:07:12,435 --> 00:07:13,728 - Did you brush your teeth? - Yeah. 101 00:07:13,728 --> 00:07:14,729 Breath? 102 00:07:15,521 --> 00:07:17,648 - Good. - Quand la bise fut venue-- 103 00:07:17,648 --> 00:07:19,108 - Honey? - Yes? 104 00:07:19,108 --> 00:07:21,194 Did my Morehouse tie make it home from the cleaners? 105 00:07:21,194 --> 00:07:22,570 I don't know. Why don't you ask 106 00:07:22,570 --> 00:07:23,821 the other 50 ties in your closet? 107 00:07:24,655 --> 00:07:25,656 Sarcasm for breakfast. 108 00:07:25,656 --> 00:07:27,325 Well, it's lunchtime for me. 109 00:07:27,325 --> 00:07:29,160 I've been up since four working on my edit. 110 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,245 I know you have 111 00:07:32,121 --> 00:07:33,706 but I missed you this morning. 112 00:07:35,708 --> 00:07:37,543 I missed you yesterday morning. 113 00:07:37,543 --> 00:07:40,671 - Did you miss me? - So much. 114 00:07:40,671 --> 00:07:45,676 But right now, I have to send this email, get the children to school, head downtown, 115 00:07:45,676 --> 00:07:47,845 and dazzle the Walker Foundation 116 00:07:47,845 --> 00:07:50,306 to get this other 25 grand to finish my doc. 117 00:07:50,306 --> 00:07:53,768 Oh, but other than that, it is all about missing you. 118 00:07:53,768 --> 00:07:57,104 Okay? And your missing tie. 119 00:07:57,104 --> 00:07:58,856 Okay. You're working too hard. 120 00:07:58,856 --> 00:08:01,651 Why don't you cancel this meeting and let me write you a check? 121 00:08:04,862 --> 00:08:06,572 Well, that is a very generous offer, 122 00:08:06,572 --> 00:08:10,076 but considering I am a grown woman with an MFA in film 123 00:08:10,076 --> 00:08:12,745 and two docs under my belt, 124 00:08:12,745 --> 00:08:17,875 I think I can rely on myself to secure the financing. 125 00:08:18,876 --> 00:08:21,254 - Loud and clear. - And later this evening, 126 00:08:21,254 --> 00:08:24,382 it will be louder and clearer. 127 00:08:24,382 --> 00:08:26,300 Let's go, Gabrielle. 128 00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:30,012 Au revoir, big, swinging checkbook. 129 00:08:33,474 --> 00:08:34,642 Okay, go ahead. 130 00:08:34,642 --> 00:08:38,729 We kissed in the elevator three weeks ago at work 131 00:08:38,729 --> 00:08:40,398 and wound up back at my place. 132 00:08:40,398 --> 00:08:43,150 I am so, so happy for you, Carrie. 133 00:08:43,150 --> 00:08:46,237 - Why didn't you tell me? - I didn't tell anyone. 134 00:08:46,237 --> 00:08:49,282 And don't do the Charlotte thing. Don't make us into a happy couple. 135 00:08:49,282 --> 00:08:51,576 It's sex, a cooking show, 136 00:08:51,576 --> 00:08:55,162 a sleepover every Thursday, and it's great. The end. 137 00:08:55,162 --> 00:08:58,124 Okay. How big is his dick? 138 00:08:58,124 --> 00:09:00,334 I'm not allowed to be me, so I'm gonna be Samantha. 139 00:09:00,334 --> 00:09:02,211 Okay, wait. Now I'm gonna be Miranda. 140 00:09:02,211 --> 00:09:04,213 - Okay. - If you sleep with someone at work, 141 00:09:04,213 --> 00:09:06,507 you are giving away your power. 142 00:09:07,717 --> 00:09:09,135 I miss Charlotte. 143 00:09:09,135 --> 00:09:11,387 If you see her, will you tell her that I miss her? 144 00:09:11,387 --> 00:09:13,931 Yes. I'm just surprised. 145 00:09:13,931 --> 00:09:17,226 I mean, it's just kind of unexpected. 146 00:09:17,226 --> 00:09:19,186 Well, you know what? 147 00:09:19,186 --> 00:09:22,648 Life's too short not to try something new. 148 00:09:23,316 --> 00:09:25,151 Like poaching an egg. 149 00:09:31,991 --> 00:09:35,119 Hey! How's it goin'? 150 00:09:35,119 --> 00:09:36,871 Best getaway ever. 151 00:09:36,871 --> 00:09:40,750 The sun, the sex, the toasted chili salsa. 152 00:09:40,750 --> 00:09:42,960 - I feel so alive. -Really? 153 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,629 'Cause it looks like you're just standin' around 154 00:09:44,629 --> 00:09:46,756 in your underwear in a weird-ass room. 155 00:09:46,756 --> 00:09:50,176 Best standing in my underwear in a weird-ass room ever! 156 00:09:50,176 --> 00:09:53,679 Che got stuck in a costume fitting for their TV pilot, 157 00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:57,975 so I'm taking their sensory deprivation tank appointment. 158 00:09:57,975 --> 00:09:59,310 That doesn't sound like you. 159 00:09:59,310 --> 00:10:02,772 It's the new me. Best me ever! 160 00:10:02,772 --> 00:10:06,484 Well, I'm still the old me, sitting on my couch at night 161 00:10:06,484 --> 00:10:08,986 watching "Bridgerton" knockoffs, waiting for a FaceTime 162 00:10:08,986 --> 00:10:10,863 from my estranged husband on tour. 163 00:10:10,863 --> 00:10:13,241 Well, that's gotta stop now. 164 00:10:13,241 --> 00:10:14,659 Get out of the house. 165 00:10:14,659 --> 00:10:17,954 - Take yourself to dinner. - I tried that, Miranda. 166 00:10:17,954 --> 00:10:20,039 It's exhausting explaining to curious waiters 167 00:10:20,039 --> 00:10:23,834 why their favorite married couple isn't splitting their usual cacio e pepe. 168 00:10:23,834 --> 00:10:26,837 Then go somewhere where they don't know you and Andre Rashad. 169 00:10:26,837 --> 00:10:30,258 Will the B Train take me to 1996? 'Cause we've been together forever. 170 00:10:30,258 --> 00:10:33,052 All right, I'm done supporting this pity party 171 00:10:33,052 --> 00:10:36,138 for a brilliant, tenured Ivy League professor. 172 00:10:36,138 --> 00:10:39,892 If I can float in the dark in a saline solution, 173 00:10:39,892 --> 00:10:41,894 you can take yourself out to dinner alone. 174 00:10:41,894 --> 00:10:45,189 Well, I gotta do somethin'. I took this online yoga class this morning 175 00:10:45,189 --> 00:10:47,775 and this yoga instructor told us to open up and let it flow, 176 00:10:47,775 --> 00:10:49,944 and I yelled out, "Fuck you, Andre Rashad!" 177 00:10:50,736 --> 00:10:52,405 I thought I was muted. I wasn't. 178 00:10:52,405 --> 00:10:55,491 I'm no longer welcome at Brown Yogis United. 179 00:10:55,867 --> 00:11:02,790 And for the stand-up section, let's drive this around the block. 180 00:11:04,166 --> 00:11:07,461 - Okay. - There we go. 181 00:11:08,546 --> 00:11:10,798 Left arm. 182 00:11:11,757 --> 00:11:12,800 What do you think? 183 00:11:13,843 --> 00:11:15,845 Hey, America! I'm non-binary! 184 00:11:17,054 --> 00:11:17,930 Got it. 185 00:11:17,930 --> 00:11:19,223 Thanks. 186 00:11:19,932 --> 00:11:21,350 I appreciate that. 187 00:11:22,101 --> 00:11:24,812 I kinda like the idea of pulling it all back. 188 00:11:24,812 --> 00:11:27,607 Maybe just, I don't know, jeans and a t-shirt. 189 00:11:27,607 --> 00:11:31,819 Jeans aren't very forgiving up top, and you, you need a jacket. 190 00:11:31,819 --> 00:11:34,780 It doesn't have to be this one. 191 00:11:34,780 --> 00:11:38,659 But look at how major it is with the blue stripe in the hair. 192 00:11:38,659 --> 00:11:40,661 Why does my hair look like that? 193 00:11:40,661 --> 00:11:42,872 Hey, where's my star? 194 00:11:42,872 --> 00:11:44,373 They don't like the hair. 195 00:11:44,373 --> 00:11:47,210 Really? ABC loves the look. 196 00:11:47,210 --> 00:11:50,338 Well, it looks hot on you, BD, 197 00:11:50,338 --> 00:11:56,886 but, I mean, I don't have a blue stripe, and the character's name is Che, 198 00:11:56,886 --> 00:11:59,430 the show's called "Che Pasa," right? 199 00:11:59,430 --> 00:12:01,766 - It's me. - No, of course, it is. 200 00:12:01,766 --> 00:12:03,434 It's just 'cause, you know, I'm the writer, 201 00:12:03,434 --> 00:12:04,977 so I thought it'd be, like, a fun little bridge 202 00:12:04,977 --> 00:12:07,188 between you and me. 203 00:12:07,188 --> 00:12:11,150 With all due respect, BD, it's a bridge too far. 204 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:13,611 They want to just wear a t-shirt. 205 00:12:14,403 --> 00:12:15,696 So, no jacket? 206 00:12:24,372 --> 00:12:25,665 My eye. 207 00:12:39,220 --> 00:12:40,721 Where's that light? 208 00:12:51,774 --> 00:12:54,819 Fuck the new me! Jesus. 209 00:12:57,864 --> 00:12:59,574 - Want some? - Is there a flavor? 210 00:12:59,574 --> 00:13:01,367 - Lollipop. - Lollipop. 211 00:13:01,367 --> 00:13:03,077 - Ooh, I'll get that. - No, no, no. 212 00:13:03,077 --> 00:13:05,288 Carrie Bradshaw, it's on me. 213 00:13:05,288 --> 00:13:08,624 And it's not even a fake reach like all the other times. 214 00:13:08,624 --> 00:13:11,168 - Are you sure? - Just don't make fun of my credit card. 215 00:13:11,168 --> 00:13:12,628 It's blue. 216 00:13:13,796 --> 00:13:15,089 It's the least I can do. 217 00:13:15,089 --> 00:13:17,717 I mean, you're letting my wife design your fancy-ass dress. 218 00:13:17,717 --> 00:13:19,135 - Okay-- - It's a big break for Smoke. 219 00:13:19,135 --> 00:13:21,137 No, no, no. This is not a favor, okay? 220 00:13:21,137 --> 00:13:24,640 No wife of yours, no matter how much I love you, 221 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:27,143 would ever be designing my dress 222 00:13:27,143 --> 00:13:31,772 if I didn't think she was a crazy massive talent 223 00:13:31,772 --> 00:13:33,316 who I want to wear first. 224 00:13:33,316 --> 00:13:35,109 Oh, you're gonna make me cry. 225 00:13:38,571 --> 00:13:39,864 Smurf National Bank. 226 00:13:41,741 --> 00:13:44,076 Hey, so, can you score two more tickets for Smoke and me? 227 00:13:44,410 --> 00:13:46,787 Jackie, this isn't a Phish concert, okay? 228 00:13:46,787 --> 00:13:49,832 - It's the Met Ball. - Come on. We're cool. 229 00:13:49,832 --> 00:13:52,460 I mean, she's Black, and I do a podcast from my living room. 230 00:13:54,170 --> 00:13:55,838 To be clear, Herbert saying, "You work too hard. 231 00:13:55,838 --> 00:13:57,256 Let me write you a check," 232 00:13:57,256 --> 00:13:59,634 translates to, "Be there for my morning cuddle 233 00:13:59,634 --> 00:14:01,260 and help me find my favorite tie." 234 00:14:01,260 --> 00:14:03,679 Oh, I know. Harry's all like, 235 00:14:03,679 --> 00:14:06,307 "Get out there, babe! You do everything," 236 00:14:06,307 --> 00:14:09,310 until one morning, he doesn't have his everything bagel. 237 00:14:09,310 --> 00:14:11,854 And then it's like, "This house is falling apart!" 238 00:14:11,854 --> 00:14:15,942 Hey, I'm really enjoying listening to your podcast "Rich People's Problems!" 239 00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:17,985 You know, you're lucky I'm loaded with pins and can't move 240 00:14:17,985 --> 00:14:19,445 'cause you don't want me to come over there. 241 00:14:19,445 --> 00:14:21,405 Lisa, where's your hot designer, Pierre Paolo? 242 00:14:21,405 --> 00:14:22,782 I want a selfie with him. 243 00:14:22,782 --> 00:14:24,075 Anthony. 244 00:14:24,075 --> 00:14:25,284 - What? - Is everything all right? 245 00:14:25,284 --> 00:14:27,411 You are my date at Lisa's table. 246 00:14:27,411 --> 00:14:29,914 You are not gonna embarrass me by asking for selfies 247 00:14:29,914 --> 00:14:31,415 with celebrities at the Met. 248 00:14:31,415 --> 00:14:33,042 Like I was the one that chased Justin Bieber 249 00:14:33,042 --> 00:14:35,419 - down that hallway. - It was for the kids! 250 00:14:35,419 --> 00:14:38,923 Okay. My nanny has the stomach flu and can't pick up Gabrielle. 251 00:14:38,923 --> 00:14:40,883 - Oh no! - Ina, I am so sorry. 252 00:14:40,883 --> 00:14:42,927 I promise I won't mess up any of your hard work. 253 00:14:42,927 --> 00:14:44,971 Just tell him he can make the train as long as he wants. 254 00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:46,138 Bye. 255 00:14:46,138 --> 00:14:48,099 Hi, Gabby, it's Mommy. I'm on my way! 256 00:14:48,683 --> 00:14:49,976 - Love the boobage. - Oh, thank you. 257 00:14:49,976 --> 00:14:52,019 - Wait till you see the rest. - Mm. Mm. 258 00:14:52,019 --> 00:14:53,938 - What are you gonna wear? - A tux. 259 00:14:53,938 --> 00:14:57,233 Just a tux? The theme is "Veiled Beauty." 260 00:14:57,233 --> 00:14:58,484 Well, I'm a veiled threat. 261 00:14:58,484 --> 00:15:00,278 Just ask anyone. 262 00:15:00,278 --> 00:15:03,030 I'm so excited. The Met Ball. 263 00:15:03,030 --> 00:15:04,365 God, I love balls. 264 00:15:15,626 --> 00:15:19,005 Okay. Dinner is gonna be a little bit late tonight 265 00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:20,882 because after my fitting, 266 00:15:20,882 --> 00:15:23,050 I had to go with your Uncle Anthony to get his tux. 267 00:15:23,050 --> 00:15:24,969 Mom, you've got a big problem. 268 00:15:24,969 --> 00:15:28,014 Like, giant. Enormous. So big. 269 00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:30,016 Rock, stop scaring me. What is it? 270 00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:31,642 Okay. 271 00:15:31,642 --> 00:15:33,811 Dad thinks he's going with you to the Met. 272 00:15:33,811 --> 00:15:36,606 What? Why would he think that? 273 00:15:36,606 --> 00:15:39,192 No. Your daddy hates these kinda things. 274 00:15:39,192 --> 00:15:42,320 Well, he just came home all excited about his outfit. 275 00:15:42,904 --> 00:15:44,280 What outfit? 276 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:46,574 Cheerio, old chaps! 277 00:15:47,825 --> 00:15:49,243 Honey, where'd you get that hat? 278 00:15:49,243 --> 00:15:51,245 It matches yours, right? Am I right? 279 00:15:51,245 --> 00:15:52,622 After I saw your outfit, 280 00:15:52,622 --> 00:15:55,249 I went to this guy on Madison Avenue, and he is hookin' me up. 281 00:15:55,249 --> 00:15:57,168 I mean, it's the Met Ball, 282 00:15:57,168 --> 00:15:58,753 I can't just wear a plain, old tux. 283 00:15:58,753 --> 00:16:01,422 I'm just surprised. You're so excited. 284 00:16:01,422 --> 00:16:04,300 I never went to my prom, you know, 'cause I had Epstein-Barr that whole year. 285 00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:07,386 - Right, right. - I'm really lookin' forward to it! 286 00:16:07,386 --> 00:16:12,058 - You, me, Rihanna. - Oh, you, me, and Rihanna. 287 00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:13,142 Yeah! 288 00:16:15,353 --> 00:16:19,065 - Next voicemail, Franklyn, please. - Comin' at ya. 289 00:16:19,398 --> 00:16:21,734 This is Chase. 290 00:16:21,734 --> 00:16:23,194 Hi, Carrie. 291 00:16:23,194 --> 00:16:26,280 I'm seeing this guy and we're having great sex, 292 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:27,740 but it's casual so far. 293 00:16:28,282 --> 00:16:29,909 How do I know if he'd be open 294 00:16:29,909 --> 00:16:32,745 to taking it to more of a relationship place? 295 00:16:32,745 --> 00:16:33,871 Okay, bye. 296 00:16:33,871 --> 00:16:37,208 First of all, Relationship Place is a great name for a restaurant. 297 00:16:37,208 --> 00:16:41,087 Okay. I think and certainly, I'm no expert, 298 00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:45,925 but if he'd like to go there, there will be a moment 299 00:16:46,342 --> 00:16:49,720 when he sort of steps out of the pattern you are currently both in 300 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:52,098 and signals to you 301 00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:56,561 that he thinks this relationship is more than just sex. 302 00:16:56,561 --> 00:17:00,481 Anyway, that's what I think. I hope that's helpful, listeners. 303 00:17:01,274 --> 00:17:03,067 'Kay, who's next? 304 00:17:03,067 --> 00:17:04,151 Hey. 305 00:17:07,446 --> 00:17:09,824 - Great show. - Yeah. Back at ya. 306 00:17:09,824 --> 00:17:11,826 Oh, and, a buddy of mine is 307 00:17:11,826 --> 00:17:14,120 christening his new bourbon line at a rooftop party 308 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,955 with some friends Tuesday night. 309 00:17:15,955 --> 00:17:18,040 Might be fun. How 'bout it? 310 00:17:18,791 --> 00:17:21,586 Oh, sure. 311 00:17:21,586 --> 00:17:22,837 Cool. 312 00:17:28,718 --> 00:17:34,015 I mean, is this a strap-on or a cat toy? 313 00:17:34,015 --> 00:17:35,266 Can we move this along? 314 00:17:35,266 --> 00:17:37,059 I've got a set at The Comedy Store at nine. 315 00:17:37,059 --> 00:17:38,686 This is a lot of work for something 316 00:17:38,686 --> 00:17:42,356 that I don't even know if I'm philosophically or spiritually into. 317 00:17:42,356 --> 00:17:45,026 Please, you scream, "Gimme a dick." 318 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:47,987 Didn't they have a beginner model? 319 00:17:47,987 --> 00:17:49,488 I'm not a beginner. 320 00:17:54,035 --> 00:17:56,996 Okay. You've got at least 10 more minutes of heavy lifting. 321 00:17:56,996 --> 00:17:59,290 I'm gonna take this. It's Carrie. 322 00:17:59,290 --> 00:18:01,417 Backstage Cirque du Soleil, this is Che. 323 00:18:01,918 --> 00:18:03,127 Say hi for me! 324 00:18:03,127 --> 00:18:04,503 Miranda says hi. 325 00:18:05,046 --> 00:18:07,131 Tell her I said hi. What's she up to? 326 00:18:07,131 --> 00:18:08,841 Oh, trying to figure out a strap-on. 327 00:18:08,841 --> 00:18:10,468 I withdraw the question. 328 00:18:11,636 --> 00:18:13,262 So, hey, how are you? 329 00:18:13,596 --> 00:18:15,348 Curious. What's Franklyn like? 330 00:18:15,348 --> 00:18:16,557 My Franklyn? 331 00:18:16,557 --> 00:18:19,936 He's a chill dude. 332 00:18:19,936 --> 00:18:22,480 -How chill? - Why? 333 00:18:24,899 --> 00:18:30,905 I'm about to take your and my relationship to a very personal place. 334 00:18:30,905 --> 00:18:32,782 I just told you Miranda's strappin' on a dick. 335 00:18:32,782 --> 00:18:34,200 We're there. 336 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:35,326 Put her on speaker. 337 00:18:35,326 --> 00:18:37,161 Oh, she wants me to put you on speaker. 338 00:18:37,161 --> 00:18:40,164 - Put her on speaker. - Okay, all right. 339 00:18:41,249 --> 00:18:43,668 Okay, I'm sleeping with Franklyn. 340 00:18:43,668 --> 00:18:46,254 - Who's Franklyn? - Her podcast producer. 341 00:18:46,254 --> 00:18:49,799 Carrie, if you sleep with someone at work, you lose your power. 342 00:18:49,799 --> 00:18:51,384 Take her off speaker. 343 00:18:51,384 --> 00:18:54,053 You're out. Get back to it. 344 00:18:54,053 --> 00:18:55,888 All right, all right. 345 00:18:57,098 --> 00:19:00,351 So, you and Franklyn. I saw that coming. 346 00:19:00,351 --> 00:19:03,187 I didn't. Out of nowhere, we kissed in the elevator, 347 00:19:03,187 --> 00:19:05,815 and now we have sex every Thursday after the podcast. 348 00:19:05,815 --> 00:19:08,192 - Nice! -No, it was until today. 349 00:19:08,192 --> 00:19:11,279 He invited me to a roof party with his friends 350 00:19:11,279 --> 00:19:12,947 and I said yes. 351 00:19:12,947 --> 00:19:15,199 And that's a bad thing? 352 00:19:15,199 --> 00:19:16,742 I don't wanna take this to the roof. 353 00:19:16,742 --> 00:19:19,036 In fact, I don't wanna take this to any other level. 354 00:19:19,036 --> 00:19:22,373 I like this level. 355 00:19:22,373 --> 00:19:24,417 Thursday sex after the podcast. 356 00:19:24,417 --> 00:19:27,503 Right, so why did you say yes to his invite? 357 00:19:27,503 --> 00:19:29,338 I'm pathologically polite. 358 00:19:29,338 --> 00:19:33,426 Okay, but some relationships are just about sex. 359 00:19:33,426 --> 00:19:36,470 And that's the primary dynamic, which is awesome, 360 00:19:36,470 --> 00:19:39,015 but then you have to keep it in the bedroom and-- 361 00:19:39,015 --> 00:19:40,683 And not the roof, right. 362 00:19:40,683 --> 00:19:43,477 So, back to the original question, 363 00:19:43,477 --> 00:19:45,563 Franklyn, what's he like? Is he really chill 364 00:19:45,563 --> 00:19:48,149 or is he gonna get, like, you know, 365 00:19:48,149 --> 00:19:50,985 all emotional when I tell him I only want Thursdays with him? 366 00:19:50,985 --> 00:19:55,698 Carrie, truthfully, under all that chill, he's a dude. 367 00:19:55,698 --> 00:19:59,202 So, I have no idea what's up in that man head. 368 00:19:59,202 --> 00:20:02,246 All right. Thank you, then. Good night. 369 00:20:02,246 --> 00:20:03,206 Good night. 370 00:20:05,666 --> 00:20:07,084 Okay. 371 00:20:08,961 --> 00:20:11,672 Hey! What happened to penis-palooza? 372 00:20:11,672 --> 00:20:13,090 Nah. Show's over. 373 00:20:13,090 --> 00:20:14,759 I'm on Open Table. 374 00:20:14,759 --> 00:20:19,597 How about we get outta here, grab some dinner, and I come see your set? 375 00:20:21,057 --> 00:20:23,601 I'm still workin' out my new material. 376 00:20:24,227 --> 00:20:26,187 Well, maybe, maybe tomorrow night? 377 00:20:26,187 --> 00:20:29,106 - Definitely tomorrow night. - See? 378 00:20:29,690 --> 00:20:30,942 Dick implied. 379 00:20:35,154 --> 00:20:36,948 Good morning. 380 00:20:36,948 --> 00:20:39,951 My son will be in town for one day next week. 381 00:20:40,576 --> 00:20:42,036 I want you to meet him. 382 00:20:42,036 --> 00:20:43,454 Really? 383 00:20:44,914 --> 00:20:46,332 I'd like that. 384 00:20:50,711 --> 00:20:51,921 So, lunch Monday. 385 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:57,218 This Monday? 386 00:20:57,218 --> 00:20:59,345 Does it really come down to this? 387 00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:01,889 The man or the Met? 388 00:21:01,889 --> 00:21:03,891 Is the universe really that cruel? 389 00:21:03,891 --> 00:21:05,935 Yes. The universe is a bitch. 390 00:21:08,396 --> 00:21:10,398 Thank you. My purse was exhausted. 391 00:21:10,398 --> 00:21:12,483 - There you are. - Well, you know, 392 00:21:12,483 --> 00:21:14,986 you said you wanted your relationship to move forward, right? 393 00:21:14,986 --> 00:21:17,572 Yes, but this is like a sudden lurch forward. 394 00:21:17,572 --> 00:21:20,199 I've never even been to his place. My choice. 395 00:21:20,199 --> 00:21:22,660 But meeting his son will definitely get you closer. 396 00:21:22,660 --> 00:21:24,495 I'd be meeting his son and his ex-wife. 397 00:21:24,495 --> 00:21:28,541 She's invited, too, so I'll get to see how close we'll stay after our divorce. 398 00:21:28,541 --> 00:21:31,002 - So, you can't do both? - It's a European lunch. 399 00:21:31,002 --> 00:21:33,588 It could take a month. I mean, if I go to the Met, 400 00:21:33,588 --> 00:21:37,675 I'd have to be home with my glam squad by 2:30. 401 00:21:37,675 --> 00:21:39,802 2:30? I need a month. 402 00:21:39,802 --> 00:21:43,389 - You need two minutes. - Fuck, I can't come. 403 00:21:43,389 --> 00:21:45,182 There's just too much on the table. 404 00:21:45,182 --> 00:21:47,476 I'm sorry, Carrie. Now, you won't have someone gorgeous 405 00:21:47,476 --> 00:21:48,769 to go to the Met Ball with. 406 00:21:49,353 --> 00:21:51,898 What about that gorgeous booty call guy Charlotte told me about? 407 00:21:51,898 --> 00:21:53,816 I never said booty call. 408 00:21:53,816 --> 00:21:57,195 - You have a booty call? - It's not a booty call. We work together. 409 00:21:57,195 --> 00:21:58,988 So, it's an actionable booty call? 410 00:21:59,864 --> 00:22:02,950 She isn't ready to let someone in in a significant way. 411 00:22:04,118 --> 00:22:05,328 Where'd you get that from? 412 00:22:06,662 --> 00:22:09,081 That's your response? Your-- 413 00:22:09,081 --> 00:22:11,334 Okay. I-- Sorry. What is happening with you? 414 00:22:12,585 --> 00:22:18,591 I am having "exit out of grief sex" every Thursday with a very nice man. 415 00:22:18,591 --> 00:22:19,800 He is nice, yes. 416 00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,845 Then, he asked me to go out with his friends 417 00:22:22,845 --> 00:22:26,933 on a Tuesday, and I felt like I had to say yes. 418 00:22:26,933 --> 00:22:29,936 - Just don't go. - Oh, okay. How? 419 00:22:29,936 --> 00:22:32,188 How do I tell him I don't wanna go out on Tuesday 420 00:22:32,188 --> 00:22:34,482 without seeming like a "See ya next Tuesday"? 421 00:22:34,482 --> 00:22:36,609 You're overthinking this. Men aren't that emotional. 422 00:22:36,609 --> 00:22:38,611 Just tell him you changed your mind. He'll handle it. 423 00:22:38,611 --> 00:22:41,447 - Okay. - Last week, I was down on my knees 424 00:22:41,447 --> 00:22:44,116 blowin' this cute nurse practitioner, 425 00:22:44,116 --> 00:22:46,035 and I feel a tap, tap, tap on my head. 426 00:22:46,035 --> 00:22:49,038 I look up and he says he thought he was gonna be into it, 427 00:22:49,038 --> 00:22:51,332 - but he changed his mind. - Oh, my God. 428 00:22:51,332 --> 00:22:54,001 - What did you do next? - No "oh, my God," no "drama." 429 00:22:54,001 --> 00:22:56,212 I took it like a man. I got up, got dressed, 430 00:22:56,212 --> 00:22:58,589 went home, ate a box of Fiddle Faddle and I'm fine. 431 00:23:00,007 --> 00:23:02,385 Well, tap, tap, tap. 432 00:23:02,385 --> 00:23:03,678 What does that mean? 433 00:23:03,678 --> 00:23:07,932 It means that due to circumstances beyond my control, 434 00:23:07,932 --> 00:23:11,018 I have to take Harry to the Met Ball instead of you. 435 00:23:11,018 --> 00:23:13,145 - What? - He already bought a top hat, 436 00:23:13,145 --> 00:23:16,482 and he never got to go to his prom because he had Epstein-Barr. 437 00:23:16,482 --> 00:23:18,943 So? I had Lyme disease for five months. 438 00:23:18,943 --> 00:23:20,486 Did I throw you from a speeding car? 439 00:23:20,486 --> 00:23:22,071 - No! - But we're married. 440 00:23:22,071 --> 00:23:24,532 I can't take my best gay friend over my husband. 441 00:23:24,532 --> 00:23:26,742 Oh, okay. I didn't know you were on the Supreme Court. 442 00:23:26,742 --> 00:23:29,245 All right, simmer down, simmer down. 443 00:23:29,787 --> 00:23:31,330 You can be my plus-one. 444 00:23:31,330 --> 00:23:34,750 See? Yes! Yes! You can go with Carrie. 445 00:23:34,750 --> 00:23:36,210 Well 446 00:23:36,878 --> 00:23:39,672 - I'll consider it. - Oh, thank you. 447 00:23:47,430 --> 00:23:49,849 Bartender, I'll have what she's reading. 448 00:23:50,892 --> 00:23:52,560 Such focus. 449 00:23:53,102 --> 00:23:54,270 Must be absorbing. 450 00:23:54,270 --> 00:23:55,938 Well, Skip Gates always is, 451 00:23:55,938 --> 00:23:58,232 but since I'm on my second glass of Malbec, 452 00:23:58,232 --> 00:24:00,568 I'm having a hard time concentrating. 453 00:24:00,568 --> 00:24:02,612 Well, you're finding your roots over a glass of wine. 454 00:24:02,612 --> 00:24:04,405 That's a challenge. 455 00:24:06,032 --> 00:24:08,492 - How was your dinner? - It was wonderful. 456 00:24:09,368 --> 00:24:11,954 I'd love to join you for dessert, but... 457 00:24:12,788 --> 00:24:13,664 But? 458 00:24:14,290 --> 00:24:16,500 You're using your purse as a rampart. 459 00:24:17,043 --> 00:24:19,420 Oh, okay. 460 00:24:19,420 --> 00:24:20,546 It's alright. 461 00:24:20,546 --> 00:24:22,673 - I think there's a hook here somewhere. - I'll put it right here. 462 00:24:22,673 --> 00:24:23,841 There you go. 463 00:24:25,551 --> 00:24:28,095 - I'm Toussaint. - Yes, you are. 464 00:24:30,014 --> 00:24:31,849 - I'm Nya. - Nya. 465 00:24:32,892 --> 00:24:34,310 Beautiful name. 466 00:24:35,186 --> 00:24:37,605 Have you tried the molten chocolate cake here? 467 00:24:37,605 --> 00:24:40,316 It will make you see the face of God. 468 00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:45,238 I believe it will. And I do love chocolate, but 469 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:48,908 I'm on kind of a diet. 470 00:24:49,825 --> 00:24:53,120 I didn't know you had to give up chocolate once you got married. 471 00:24:53,120 --> 00:24:54,830 - You do. - Really? 472 00:24:54,830 --> 00:24:56,582 No wonder I'm still single. 473 00:24:58,751 --> 00:25:00,878 I was too busy looking in these deep brown eyes. 474 00:25:00,878 --> 00:25:03,881 I didn't clock the ring. My apologies. 475 00:25:03,881 --> 00:25:08,302 I will make sure your fortress is secure. 476 00:25:08,886 --> 00:25:10,304 Nice to meet you, Nya. 477 00:25:18,771 --> 00:25:20,439 You good, ma'am? 478 00:25:20,439 --> 00:25:22,024 I'll have another Malbec. 479 00:25:22,733 --> 00:25:24,819 Ah, man. 480 00:25:25,361 --> 00:25:30,324 I am so lazy in LA. No one walks anywhere. 481 00:25:30,575 --> 00:25:32,702 You know? It's like yesterday I took an Uber 482 00:25:32,702 --> 00:25:35,246 from my bathroom to my bedroom. 483 00:25:35,246 --> 00:25:37,707 Yeah. And it was way too expensive. 484 00:25:40,418 --> 00:25:42,420 And that is my time. 485 00:25:42,420 --> 00:25:45,673 Thank you so much, everybody. You've been so great. Thank you. 486 00:25:48,134 --> 00:25:49,802 - Hey, my man! - Heeey! 487 00:25:50,553 --> 00:25:54,473 Che Diaz, everybody! Che Diaz! Yeah! 488 00:25:55,016 --> 00:25:57,935 Out here in LA filming their TV pilot. 489 00:25:57,935 --> 00:26:01,480 Hey, Che, any part for a white guy? 490 00:26:07,737 --> 00:26:10,323 You were so good! 491 00:26:10,990 --> 00:26:13,492 Nope. Don't hug me. 492 00:26:13,492 --> 00:26:14,660 What's wrong? 493 00:26:15,411 --> 00:26:17,038 I just-- You surprised me. 494 00:26:18,664 --> 00:26:20,124 I'm at work. 495 00:26:23,127 --> 00:26:24,754 You were so good. 496 00:26:43,689 --> 00:26:44,565 Hey. 497 00:26:44,565 --> 00:26:46,651 Hey, Andre. Turn on your FaceTime. 498 00:26:46,651 --> 00:26:48,861 We're talkin' now. We don't need to FaceTime, babe. 499 00:26:48,861 --> 00:26:51,572 No. No, we do. 500 00:26:52,448 --> 00:26:54,867 I wanna FaceTime with you 'cause I wanna show you something 501 00:26:54,867 --> 00:26:57,036 that's not my face. 502 00:26:59,288 --> 00:27:01,290 Turn it on! Turn it on now. 503 00:27:02,875 --> 00:27:05,086 What's up? Isn't it late there? 504 00:27:05,545 --> 00:27:09,006 I miss you, baby. Know what else misses you? 505 00:27:09,006 --> 00:27:11,133 Not my face. 506 00:27:13,302 --> 00:27:16,222 I'm wearin' those panties you like. You know, the ones with the clit beads? 507 00:27:16,222 --> 00:27:17,848 Babe, no, don't put the phone down there. 508 00:27:17,848 --> 00:27:19,350 - I'ma put it down there, baby. - Nya, stop! 509 00:27:19,350 --> 00:27:20,726 Stop. I'm not alone. 510 00:27:21,269 --> 00:27:22,854 What you mean you're not alone? 511 00:27:23,855 --> 00:27:26,816 Who's there with you? Show me who's there. 512 00:27:31,070 --> 00:27:32,488 Who the hell is that in a hat? 513 00:27:32,488 --> 00:27:34,365 It's not like that, Nye. 514 00:27:34,365 --> 00:27:37,618 That's Heidi, a backup singer. 515 00:27:37,618 --> 00:27:38,953 I'm helpin' her write songs. 516 00:27:38,953 --> 00:27:42,665 Oh, you're helping Heidi-in-a-hat write songs in your hotel room? 517 00:27:42,665 --> 00:27:47,378 We're just writing songs, and it's 9:30 here. 518 00:27:47,378 --> 00:27:48,629 We're fully dressed. 519 00:27:48,629 --> 00:27:53,551 I wish I had known that we were allowed to write songs with other people 520 00:27:53,551 --> 00:27:55,761 because tonight 521 00:27:55,761 --> 00:28:00,516 I had the chance to write a song with a super fine man. 522 00:28:00,516 --> 00:28:03,185 - It's not like that. - Feels like it is! 523 00:28:03,185 --> 00:28:06,647 And if right now was a song I was writing 524 00:28:06,647 --> 00:28:08,524 it would be a breakup song. 525 00:28:08,524 --> 00:28:14,071 So, goodbye, Andre Rashad and Little Miss Hipster Heidi. 526 00:28:22,371 --> 00:28:24,373 Fuck around and find out. 527 00:28:26,751 --> 00:28:28,252 Coming! 528 00:28:29,337 --> 00:28:30,504 Hello! 529 00:28:30,504 --> 00:28:32,131 Here we are! 530 00:28:32,131 --> 00:28:34,967 - That is a stunning kimono! - Thank you. 531 00:28:34,967 --> 00:28:37,637 My friend Stanford sent it to me from Japan. 532 00:28:37,637 --> 00:28:39,722 Come in, come in! 533 00:28:42,058 --> 00:28:44,477 - I-- - This is very exciting. 534 00:28:45,061 --> 00:28:47,146 I'm not worried. We can do this. 535 00:28:47,146 --> 00:28:49,941 Not worried about what? What can we do? 536 00:28:49,941 --> 00:28:52,485 So, my seamstress has a stomach flu. 537 00:28:52,485 --> 00:28:54,403 - Oh no. - So I had to use a new seamstress 538 00:28:54,403 --> 00:28:56,948 and she also got the stomach flu. 539 00:28:57,657 --> 00:28:59,992 There's a seamstress stomach flu? 540 00:28:59,992 --> 00:29:02,453 - It is all over the city. - The seamstresses have the flu, 541 00:29:02,453 --> 00:29:04,539 but I got lattes, y'all. 542 00:29:04,539 --> 00:29:06,332 But the cape is totally done. 543 00:29:06,332 --> 00:29:09,252 - Totally. - So it's only the dress. 544 00:29:10,127 --> 00:29:12,630 Okay, so what still needs to be done on the dress? 545 00:29:12,630 --> 00:29:14,340 All the final fit work. 546 00:29:15,633 --> 00:29:16,759 Oh, my God. 547 00:29:21,055 --> 00:29:23,266 - Dude, that's too small. - I know that, bitch. 548 00:29:25,518 --> 00:29:26,477 Now what? 549 00:29:27,854 --> 00:29:29,730 That new seamstress totally fucked this up. 550 00:29:29,730 --> 00:29:33,109 - Fucked it up. - But we have six hours. 551 00:29:33,109 --> 00:29:35,403 I can open up the back. 552 00:29:35,403 --> 00:29:37,697 - Yeah, take it off. - Yeah, open it. 553 00:29:38,698 --> 00:29:39,657 How? 554 00:29:53,671 --> 00:29:54,714 Oh, my God. 555 00:29:56,966 --> 00:29:58,551 Hey, can you check again? 556 00:30:00,011 --> 00:30:03,431 Jackie, just sit the fuck back down! I told you not to come out here again! 557 00:30:03,431 --> 00:30:06,058 Makes me nervous. Seriously? 558 00:30:06,434 --> 00:30:07,894 My bad. 559 00:30:10,479 --> 00:30:12,106 Weird. 560 00:30:12,106 --> 00:30:14,150 I smell Franklyn from the old podcast. 561 00:30:14,150 --> 00:30:17,653 That expensive man perfume he wears sometimes. 562 00:30:17,653 --> 00:30:20,198 Yeah, he left his jacket here. 563 00:30:21,407 --> 00:30:24,619 But why would Franklyn's jacket be in your bedroom? 564 00:30:25,077 --> 00:30:26,454 Bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh. 565 00:30:26,454 --> 00:30:27,830 Are you and Franklyn dating? 566 00:30:27,830 --> 00:30:28,998 Is he your date to this thing? 567 00:30:28,998 --> 00:30:30,541 That is so adorbs. 568 00:30:30,541 --> 00:30:32,001 Said with no irony at all. 569 00:30:32,001 --> 00:30:34,212 It's not adorbs. We're not dating. 570 00:30:34,212 --> 00:30:36,339 We just hook up after the podcast. 571 00:30:36,339 --> 00:30:37,882 So, you're not taking him to this? 572 00:30:37,882 --> 00:30:39,592 No, it's not like that. 573 00:30:39,592 --> 00:30:42,303 We're not a couple. 574 00:30:43,888 --> 00:30:46,557 Does he know that? 'Cause men are dumb. 575 00:30:46,557 --> 00:30:48,017 It's just sex. 576 00:30:48,017 --> 00:30:51,687 Carrie Bradshaw, the world has changed since you've been out there, okay? 577 00:30:51,687 --> 00:30:54,565 It's not alright to objectify people anymore. 578 00:30:54,565 --> 00:30:56,192 Men have feelings, too. 579 00:30:56,692 --> 00:30:58,319 So, to sum it up 580 00:30:58,945 --> 00:31:01,155 men are dumb with feelings. 581 00:31:01,155 --> 00:31:03,366 - Exactly. - Gotcha. 582 00:31:03,366 --> 00:31:04,450 Yeah. 583 00:31:08,037 --> 00:31:11,624 - How's it going? - I still have four hours. Yeah. 584 00:31:11,624 --> 00:31:12,583 Yeah. 585 00:31:20,550 --> 00:31:21,634 The Colosseum. 586 00:31:22,426 --> 00:31:24,470 Brady and Louisa look so cute. 587 00:31:32,478 --> 00:31:34,689 I'm kind of learning my lines. 588 00:31:35,439 --> 00:31:36,649 You're acting like a-- 589 00:31:43,155 --> 00:31:45,199 Something is different. 590 00:31:45,199 --> 00:31:47,910 You don't want me to hold you lately. 591 00:31:49,745 --> 00:31:51,622 Is there something you're not telling me? 592 00:31:55,543 --> 00:31:56,419 Yeah. 593 00:32:02,717 --> 00:32:04,927 Okay. I... 594 00:32:06,596 --> 00:32:08,598 I have something that I've been 595 00:32:10,057 --> 00:32:14,812 afraid to tell you because of how you'll feel about me after. 596 00:32:18,357 --> 00:32:19,358 Okay. 597 00:32:21,819 --> 00:32:23,487 I'm on a diet. 598 00:32:24,405 --> 00:32:25,448 What? 599 00:32:26,574 --> 00:32:29,911 The costume department said that my belly hangs over my jeans 600 00:32:29,911 --> 00:32:33,539 and that's why I keep pushing your arms away. 601 00:32:33,539 --> 00:32:35,875 I was afraid to tell you 'cause I don't want you 602 00:32:35,875 --> 00:32:39,170 to think of me as this person. Fuck! 603 00:32:39,170 --> 00:32:43,549 God, after everything I've been through, I let this bullshit still get to me. 604 00:32:48,971 --> 00:32:50,556 Can I hold you? 605 00:33:05,279 --> 00:33:08,908 Can I tell you something that I was afraid to tell you? 606 00:33:14,497 --> 00:33:20,253 I thought that you thought that our relationship was just sexual 607 00:33:20,253 --> 00:33:24,549 and I made a mistake coming to LA and taking it out of the bedroom. 608 00:33:27,468 --> 00:33:29,470 No, it was about the jeans. 609 00:33:30,346 --> 00:33:31,556 Che... 610 00:33:33,182 --> 00:33:38,354 you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen. 611 00:33:45,444 --> 00:33:48,072 - You know what? - What? 612 00:33:48,948 --> 00:33:51,534 I am the most beautiful person you've ever seen. 613 00:33:54,453 --> 00:33:56,330 So, fuck TV. 614 00:33:56,330 --> 00:33:58,416 - Let's get a pizza. - Yeah. 615 00:34:00,793 --> 00:34:04,255 - But thin crust, right? - You bitch. 616 00:34:07,967 --> 00:34:09,844 Hey, it's Carrie. You got a minute? 617 00:34:09,844 --> 00:34:11,679 Sure. What's up? 618 00:34:11,679 --> 00:34:14,265 Well, in case you were worried, 619 00:34:15,474 --> 00:34:16,934 you left your jacket here. 620 00:34:16,934 --> 00:34:20,521 Oh, okay, well, I'll pick it up when I get you on Tuesday. 621 00:34:20,980 --> 00:34:22,732 Also, 622 00:34:22,732 --> 00:34:27,945 I changed my mind about the bourbon roof party on Tuesday. 623 00:34:27,945 --> 00:34:30,781 Is it the bourbon or the roof? 624 00:34:31,365 --> 00:34:33,034 It's the Tuesday. 625 00:34:33,409 --> 00:34:37,872 I think I'm only ready for Thursdays with us. 626 00:34:37,872 --> 00:34:42,251 Got it. You're not ready to book a table at Relationship Place. 627 00:34:42,752 --> 00:34:47,173 Yeah. But I'm really happy with the takeout. 628 00:34:47,173 --> 00:34:48,549 If you're okay with that. 629 00:34:48,549 --> 00:34:50,593 Thursdays it is. 630 00:34:50,593 --> 00:34:52,511 Okay. Bye. 631 00:34:58,309 --> 00:34:59,227 It's us! 632 00:35:01,896 --> 00:35:03,981 That'd be hair and makeup. 633 00:35:03,981 --> 00:35:05,399 How's it coming? 634 00:35:07,193 --> 00:35:08,486 Do you have a Band-Aid? 635 00:35:11,405 --> 00:35:12,281 Oh, my God. 636 00:35:13,115 --> 00:35:15,284 I can't even imagine the headspace you have to get in 637 00:35:15,284 --> 00:35:16,994 to go to work every day. 638 00:35:16,994 --> 00:35:20,289 Yeah, my job is a lot of pressure, but then, so is yours, right? 639 00:35:20,289 --> 00:35:23,834 Actually, I think real estate may be a little more stressful, Cyril. 640 00:35:23,834 --> 00:35:26,420 You only risk your life deactivating explosives, 641 00:35:26,420 --> 00:35:29,173 whereas I have to take pretentious New Yorkers out to lunch. 642 00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:34,554 Big shot and I are going for a smoke. 643 00:35:34,554 --> 00:35:35,805 Victoire, get the check, 644 00:35:35,805 --> 00:35:38,015 and then we'll go to Brooklyn for baklavas. 645 00:35:41,936 --> 00:35:45,565 I'm not a fan of baklava or Brooklyn. 646 00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:50,653 So, Victoire when is the last time you saw each other? 647 00:35:50,653 --> 00:35:52,530 This morning, at home. 648 00:35:52,530 --> 00:35:54,448 No, sorry. I meant Zed. 649 00:35:54,448 --> 00:35:56,409 - Yes, this morning at home. - Whenever you're ready. 650 00:35:56,409 --> 00:35:57,785 He's still living in my house. 651 00:36:03,416 --> 00:36:05,042 Ooh, ooh. 652 00:36:05,042 --> 00:36:06,252 - Oh, okay. - Sorry. 653 00:36:06,252 --> 00:36:08,921 - Thank you. - We'll put that here. 654 00:36:10,339 --> 00:36:12,717 Hi, Seema. How's lunch? 655 00:36:12,717 --> 00:36:15,803 I'm coming. He still lives with his ex-wife. 656 00:36:15,803 --> 00:36:17,346 I may be 20 minutes late. 657 00:36:17,346 --> 00:36:19,932 Oh. Well, I may be a day late. 658 00:36:19,932 --> 00:36:22,518 I'm having a bit of a dress issue. 659 00:36:22,518 --> 00:36:24,770 - Sorry 'bout that. - No, no, no. It's okay. It's okay. 660 00:36:24,770 --> 00:36:27,440 - I'll keep you posted, okay? - Okay, babe. 661 00:36:30,067 --> 00:36:32,069 Don't get out, Rocco, no time. 662 00:36:33,446 --> 00:36:35,114 What's up, boss? 663 00:36:35,114 --> 00:36:37,533 - Where are you going? - To my home 664 00:36:37,533 --> 00:36:39,702 which I don't live in with my ex-wife. 665 00:36:39,702 --> 00:36:41,287 She has the top two floors. 666 00:36:41,287 --> 00:36:43,497 I'm on the first. Separate entrance. 667 00:36:43,497 --> 00:36:47,460 Well, this feels like a mess, and I'm not missing the Met for a mess. 668 00:36:47,460 --> 00:36:50,922 - You're such an American. - Yes, I'm an American. 669 00:36:50,922 --> 00:36:52,298 No secret there. 670 00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:54,050 Seema! 671 00:36:58,554 --> 00:37:01,933 Hello. This is your male escort and I will be putting out. 672 00:37:01,933 --> 00:37:04,560 Unfortunately, you will not. 673 00:37:04,894 --> 00:37:07,063 - What? - Tap, tap, tap. 674 00:37:07,063 --> 00:37:10,983 - Seema's back in. - You've gotta be fucking kidding me. 675 00:37:10,983 --> 00:37:15,112 I'm sorry, but she needs the Met more. 676 00:37:15,112 --> 00:37:17,949 - You'll get over it. You're a man. - Says who? 677 00:37:17,949 --> 00:37:19,951 Says you. 678 00:37:19,951 --> 00:37:20,993 You okay? 679 00:37:20,993 --> 00:37:23,663 When did my life become seventh grade gym class again? 680 00:37:23,663 --> 00:37:25,373 Don't have fun. 681 00:37:30,836 --> 00:37:32,838 That's hot as all get out. 682 00:37:33,422 --> 00:37:34,465 I get so-- 683 00:37:40,596 --> 00:37:43,558 Baby, your shoulders feel like iron. 684 00:37:43,558 --> 00:37:45,685 What's goin' on up here? 685 00:37:45,685 --> 00:37:47,728 The Avid crashed when I was getting my makeup done 686 00:37:47,728 --> 00:37:50,773 and I lost all the work I did on my edit today. 687 00:37:50,773 --> 00:37:52,191 That's what's going on up there. 688 00:37:53,359 --> 00:37:56,946 Look, you are about to have a very big night. 689 00:37:56,946 --> 00:37:58,072 Yeah. 690 00:37:58,072 --> 00:38:01,617 And you're always doing everything for all of us. 691 00:38:01,617 --> 00:38:05,288 Why don't you let me do that thing 692 00:38:06,289 --> 00:38:09,542 that I do that relaxes you? 693 00:38:09,542 --> 00:38:12,003 Sweetie, we don't have time. 694 00:38:14,380 --> 00:38:15,506 Okay, fine. 695 00:38:16,007 --> 00:38:18,217 But I am ready from the waist up. 696 00:38:18,217 --> 00:38:22,221 - Nothing can get smeared or messed. - Got it. 697 00:38:22,221 --> 00:38:24,307 - Only from the waist down. - Yeah. 698 00:38:26,434 --> 00:38:28,811 And my editor's gonna send the new cut in, like, 10 minutes. 699 00:38:28,811 --> 00:38:30,104 I only need eight. 700 00:38:30,104 --> 00:38:31,397 Have a seat. 701 00:38:36,402 --> 00:38:37,486 I just feel like I should be 702 00:38:37,486 --> 00:38:39,113 - double-checking something. - Lis... 703 00:38:39,113 --> 00:38:40,907 you're cuttin' into my eight. 704 00:38:41,908 --> 00:38:43,117 Tighter, baby. 705 00:38:44,660 --> 00:38:45,703 It won't go any tighter. 706 00:38:45,703 --> 00:38:48,873 It has to! We've gotta work on your upper body strength. 707 00:38:48,873 --> 00:38:51,083 Rock, please, come help your sister. 708 00:38:51,083 --> 00:38:53,377 I won't be party to upholding the patriarchy 709 00:38:53,377 --> 00:38:55,504 and the heteronormative standards of beauty. 710 00:38:55,504 --> 00:38:59,342 I totally understand and applaud but just for today, 711 00:38:59,342 --> 00:39:00,718 come help your sister. 712 00:39:00,718 --> 00:39:02,428 Take them! 713 00:39:03,387 --> 00:39:04,430 - Take these. - Okay. 714 00:39:06,182 --> 00:39:07,808 These boots are kinda pinchin' me. 715 00:39:07,808 --> 00:39:09,435 Welcome to fashion, Harry. 716 00:39:09,435 --> 00:39:10,603 Ready, Rock? 717 00:39:12,313 --> 00:39:13,189 Good, good. 718 00:39:18,528 --> 00:39:20,613 What is with this train? 719 00:39:20,613 --> 00:39:23,533 - This is crazy. - It's not crazy. 720 00:39:24,158 --> 00:39:25,952 It's Valentino. 721 00:39:28,454 --> 00:39:30,831 Where's the van? Where's the Sprinter? 722 00:39:31,832 --> 00:39:35,294 That's what I forgot, to confirm the van. 723 00:39:35,294 --> 00:39:37,171 - Oh, my God. - How could you forget that? 724 00:39:37,838 --> 00:39:40,675 Well, I was having an orgasm, which you said was for me, 725 00:39:40,675 --> 00:39:42,760 but typically, it was all about you. 726 00:39:44,804 --> 00:39:45,680 Well, now what? 727 00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:47,682 Back to me, of course. I don't know. 728 00:39:47,682 --> 00:39:50,601 This can't fit in a cab. There's no limos available, so 729 00:39:50,601 --> 00:39:52,687 let's scoop this baby up and walk. 730 00:39:52,687 --> 00:39:54,564 You wanna walk 10 blocks? 731 00:39:54,564 --> 00:39:57,191 Ya had to have your eight minutes, 732 00:39:57,191 --> 00:39:58,860 you can walk 10 blocks. 733 00:39:58,860 --> 00:40:00,486 It was worth it, baby. Wasn't it? 734 00:40:00,486 --> 00:40:02,780 'Cause it was good. You know it was good. 735 00:40:02,780 --> 00:40:06,409 I don't know if it was "walk to the Met" good, but it was good. 736 00:40:07,243 --> 00:40:10,955 - Oh, okay. Can you see in that thing? - Who needs to see? 737 00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:26,637 Is fashion always this hot? 738 00:40:26,637 --> 00:40:28,639 Harry, stop kvetching. 739 00:40:29,849 --> 00:40:32,602 And these boots are really gonna hurt goin' up all those stairs. 740 00:40:32,602 --> 00:40:34,186 Well, good news. 741 00:40:34,186 --> 00:40:36,898 Those stairs are only for celebrities, not for us. 742 00:40:36,898 --> 00:40:40,610 So, no one at work is gonna see me on TV? 743 00:40:40,610 --> 00:40:43,237 And where am I gonna get my picture with Rihanna? 744 00:40:43,237 --> 00:40:45,364 Honey, you probably won't. 745 00:40:45,781 --> 00:40:49,243 What? So, no stairs, no Rihanna. 746 00:40:49,243 --> 00:40:51,329 Why'd I even wanna go to this thing in the first place? 747 00:40:51,329 --> 00:40:53,873 I have been asking myself that all week! 748 00:40:53,873 --> 00:40:55,458 What does that mean? 749 00:40:56,083 --> 00:40:58,336 Fully embracing the "Veiled Beauty" theme... 750 00:40:58,336 --> 00:41:01,047 "Veiled Beauty"? How 'bout "Veiled Beast"? 751 00:41:01,047 --> 00:41:04,050 Arriving on the legendary Met stairs is always... 752 00:41:04,050 --> 00:41:05,676 I hope you're havin' the worst time of your life. 753 00:41:05,676 --> 00:41:08,221 Anthony? I've made a terrible mistake. 754 00:41:08,221 --> 00:41:10,014 Please, please, come with me. 755 00:41:10,473 --> 00:41:12,558 - I'm back in? - Yes, if you'll have me. 756 00:41:12,558 --> 00:41:13,768 How soon can you be ready? 757 00:41:13,768 --> 00:41:16,938 - Yesterday! - Okay, great. I'll pick you up in 20. 758 00:41:16,938 --> 00:41:20,233 Okay, bye! I'm goin' to the Met Ball! 759 00:41:22,818 --> 00:41:26,239 This is so great. Seema, this is fantastic. 760 00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:27,698 You look amazing. 761 00:41:27,698 --> 00:41:29,408 Amore, this is so beautiful. 762 00:41:29,408 --> 00:41:30,493 Juan Jose. 763 00:41:30,493 --> 00:41:32,620 Amore, I wanna take a little video. 764 00:41:32,620 --> 00:41:33,871 Right there. 765 00:41:35,331 --> 00:41:36,958 Anna is going to love it. 766 00:41:37,959 --> 00:41:41,712 This is really divine. Amore, you look beautiful. 767 00:41:41,712 --> 00:41:43,339 I love you all so much. 768 00:41:43,339 --> 00:41:44,674 Guys, we killed it! 769 00:41:45,716 --> 00:41:46,842 Bye! Ciao! 770 00:41:53,599 --> 00:41:54,725 Looks good, babe. 771 00:41:54,725 --> 00:41:56,185 No. No, it doesn't. 772 00:41:56,185 --> 00:41:57,770 It's supposed to be fucking sickening tight 773 00:41:57,770 --> 00:41:59,856 to show off her kick-ass body. 774 00:42:00,356 --> 00:42:01,649 You still have a half-hour. 775 00:42:01,649 --> 00:42:03,860 Jackie, this isn't some "Cinderella" shit! 776 00:42:03,860 --> 00:42:06,404 This is my life! There aren't any magic birds or fairies 777 00:42:06,404 --> 00:42:10,366 who are gonna pull this together, so just shut the fuck up, please! 778 00:42:12,994 --> 00:42:15,288 I think I need a "Smoke" break. 779 00:42:23,462 --> 00:42:26,007 Carrie, I'm so sorry. 780 00:42:26,007 --> 00:42:27,925 - No. - You can't wear this. 781 00:42:27,925 --> 00:42:30,469 I mean, my career will be over before it even starts. 782 00:42:30,469 --> 00:42:34,140 You must have something else fabulous to wear with my cape? 783 00:42:35,683 --> 00:42:36,893 Wait. I-- 784 00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:41,230 I can't just go to my closet and find a perfect dress 785 00:42:41,230 --> 00:42:45,318 to wear to something called "Veiled Beauty." I-- 786 00:42:48,196 --> 00:42:49,614 Wait a minute, 787 00:42:52,783 --> 00:42:54,368 I might have something. 788 00:42:56,412 --> 00:42:58,039 I don't know. Maybe. 789 00:42:58,831 --> 00:43:00,458 I've only worn it once. 790 00:43:01,292 --> 00:43:02,919 It's not the best memory. 791 00:43:36,911 --> 00:43:41,916 And just like that, I repurposed my pain.