1 00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:03,775 Carrie: "Therapy For Today is a convenient way 2 00:00:03,775 --> 00:00:06,813 "to make sure you're getting the help you need. 3 00:00:06,813 --> 00:00:08,514 "After all, mental health, 4 00:00:08,514 --> 00:00:10,783 "it's something you do for you. 5 00:00:10,783 --> 00:00:13,753 Promo code: ZoomShrink@SexAndTheCity." 6 00:00:13,753 --> 00:00:16,655 Done. And the last one. Sammi? 7 00:00:16,655 --> 00:00:18,561 - Sammi (over intercom): Ready. - Mm. 8 00:00:20,395 --> 00:00:23,695 "This is for all my listeners with a vagina. 9 00:00:23,695 --> 00:00:26,664 Ever feel not quite right down there?" 10 00:00:26,664 --> 00:00:31,336 (chuckles) Okay. Uh, I'm feeling not quite right up here. 11 00:00:31,336 --> 00:00:35,207 - (chuckles) What is this? - It's an ad for a vaginal wellness product. 12 00:00:35,207 --> 00:00:36,842 - Yeah, no, I got that part right away. - Did you? (chuckles) 13 00:00:36,842 --> 00:00:39,311 But, uh... "Down there"? 14 00:00:39,311 --> 00:00:41,279 W-- Eh-- Why is it underlined? 15 00:00:41,279 --> 00:00:43,849 What, just to make it more awkward and obvious? 16 00:00:43,849 --> 00:00:45,485 Well, mission accomplished. 17 00:00:45,485 --> 00:00:47,286 W-- Oh, my God. 18 00:00:47,286 --> 00:00:50,325 "But with our vaginal odor suppositories..." 19 00:00:50,691 --> 00:00:55,027 I have spent my entire life going out of my way to never 20 00:00:55,027 --> 00:00:57,296 say the word "suppository." 21 00:00:57,296 --> 00:01:00,132 And now, it's coupled with "vagina." 22 00:01:00,132 --> 00:01:01,501 - Wait. No, no, no, no, no, no. - Certainly is. 23 00:01:01,501 --> 00:01:02,868 Oh, my God, again. 24 00:01:02,868 --> 00:01:06,138 "Promo code: VagAndTheCity." 25 00:01:06,138 --> 00:01:08,374 - Come-- I can't. - I'll let 'em know. 26 00:01:08,374 --> 00:01:10,643 - Okay, thank you. - Let's just do the show. 27 00:01:10,643 --> 00:01:12,211 - Let's do the show. - Yeah. 28 00:01:12,211 --> 00:01:15,251 ("Goodies" by Dillon Francis playing) 29 00:01:16,084 --> 00:01:18,050 ♪ Got you all hot and bothered ♪ 30 00:01:18,050 --> 00:01:19,684 ♪ Mad 'cause I talk about it ♪ 31 00:01:19,684 --> 00:01:22,154 ♪ I bet you want the goodies ♪ 32 00:01:22,154 --> 00:01:24,025 ♪ Bet you thought about it ♪ 33 00:01:24,592 --> 00:01:27,462 - Ready to be blown? - Am I ever. 34 00:01:27,695 --> 00:01:29,896 ♪ I bet you want the goodies ♪ 35 00:01:29,896 --> 00:01:32,998 How is your romance? How is your man? 36 00:01:32,998 --> 00:01:34,767 Turns out, not my man. 37 00:01:34,767 --> 00:01:37,203 Done. Finito. Too many red flags. 38 00:01:37,203 --> 00:01:39,438 You're always finding red flags. 39 00:01:39,438 --> 00:01:41,741 This one this, that one that. 40 00:01:41,741 --> 00:01:43,575 He still lives with his ex-wife. 41 00:01:43,575 --> 00:01:45,277 Do you know how many mens I dated 42 00:01:45,277 --> 00:01:47,115 who still lives with their wives? 43 00:01:47,448 --> 00:01:50,249 - You are too picky. - I have my standards. 44 00:01:50,249 --> 00:01:52,450 Listen to you. Standards. 45 00:01:52,450 --> 00:01:54,720 You sit in my chairs for 10 years 46 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:56,956 with your red flags and standards. 47 00:01:56,956 --> 00:01:59,358 No wonder you're still alone. 48 00:01:59,358 --> 00:02:00,429 (water splashing) 49 00:02:01,397 --> 00:02:03,032 Oh. Dios mio. 50 00:02:05,067 --> 00:02:08,271 - Juan Jose: I am not done. - I am... Forever. 51 00:02:09,737 --> 00:02:11,807 I pay you to blow me, not shrink me. 52 00:02:15,978 --> 00:02:17,976 (hairdryer blows) 53 00:02:17,976 --> 00:02:19,648 (moaning) 54 00:02:20,281 --> 00:02:22,384 (giggles, moans) 55 00:02:22,918 --> 00:02:25,588 - (phone ringing) - (Che moaning) 56 00:02:26,087 --> 00:02:29,421 Ah, shit. (sighs) That's my show-writer calling. 57 00:02:29,421 --> 00:02:32,224 - I have to take this. - I'm doin' some of my best work here. 58 00:02:32,224 --> 00:02:33,596 Well, go to the head of the class. 59 00:02:34,597 --> 00:02:35,964 Uh... 60 00:02:36,464 --> 00:02:37,763 (exhales) Good morning, BD. 61 00:02:37,763 --> 00:02:39,231 Oh, is it? 62 00:02:39,231 --> 00:02:41,467 'Cause the network hates the new pages. 63 00:02:41,467 --> 00:02:42,772 Can you be here by 10? 64 00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:47,806 - Um, okay, in an hour? Oh! - No, 10 o'clock tonight. 65 00:02:47,806 --> 00:02:50,808 {\an8}Okay, well, um, (chuckles) do, do you have any other time? 66 00:02:50,808 --> 00:02:54,947 No, 'cause today's therapy day and my parents are here. 67 00:02:54,947 --> 00:02:56,314 Not coincidental. 68 00:02:56,314 --> 00:02:59,517 - (gasps) Oh, shit! - Precisely. 69 00:02:59,517 --> 00:03:01,486 - So you gonna be here? - I guess I can make it. 70 00:03:01,486 --> 00:03:04,089 This isn't a favor. It's your fucking job! 71 00:03:04,089 --> 00:03:07,625 (gasps) Okay, um, that was so not cool. 72 00:03:07,625 --> 00:03:10,830 (laughs) It was hot, but it was not cool. 73 00:03:10,830 --> 00:03:12,464 I'll take hot. 74 00:03:12,464 --> 00:03:15,095 Um, okay. Wait. No, no. Oh, God. 75 00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,769 I need, I need to meet with this writer. 76 00:03:16,769 --> 00:03:18,537 I am so sorry. 77 00:03:18,537 --> 00:03:20,272 Will you be okay all day? 78 00:03:20,272 --> 00:03:21,806 Don't worry about me. 79 00:03:21,806 --> 00:03:24,610 I'll just find someone else to practice giving head to. 80 00:03:24,610 --> 00:03:26,044 Trust. I don't wanna leave, 81 00:03:26,044 --> 00:03:29,384 but... this, this is important. 82 00:03:29,750 --> 00:03:31,951 The script is getting so cute it's turning into 83 00:03:31,951 --> 00:03:33,453 "You're a Good Queer, Charlie Brown." 84 00:03:33,453 --> 00:03:35,555 (both laughing) 85 00:03:35,555 --> 00:03:37,456 It's so weird. 86 00:03:37,456 --> 00:03:40,024 The writer can't seem to wrap their head around my few realism notes, 87 00:03:40,024 --> 00:03:42,995 but can wrap their head around Tony Danza as my Mexican father. 88 00:03:42,995 --> 00:03:44,199 I-- (laughs) 89 00:03:44,332 --> 00:03:46,198 Till next time, I'm Carrie Bradshaw 90 00:03:46,198 --> 00:03:49,001 and this is "Sex and the City." 91 00:03:49,001 --> 00:03:50,535 Franklyn (over intercom): Great! 92 00:03:50,535 --> 00:03:52,504 I'm pregnant, I have to pee, and I only have a minute. 93 00:03:52,504 --> 00:03:54,306 Why won't you talk about your vagina? 94 00:03:54,306 --> 00:03:56,709 Oh, for so many reasons. 95 00:03:56,709 --> 00:03:58,376 And to be clear, it's not my vagina. 96 00:03:58,376 --> 00:04:00,246 It's everyone's vagina. 97 00:04:00,246 --> 00:04:02,247 - And hello. - Hello, diva. 98 00:04:02,247 --> 00:04:06,351 I am not a diva. I did the therapy, I did the eyelashes. 99 00:04:06,351 --> 00:04:08,887 I held up that vegan purse on Instagram. 100 00:04:08,887 --> 00:04:11,526 My other purses still won't speak to me. 101 00:04:11,859 --> 00:04:14,359 - Hey, what's up, Chloe? - Chloe: Oh, just trying to save 102 00:04:14,359 --> 00:04:16,531 this flaming Viking ship from sinking. 103 00:04:16,930 --> 00:04:20,665 Would you tell your star it is not the podcast heyday of 2021? 104 00:04:20,665 --> 00:04:22,935 - This shit is drying up. - We're just looking to have 105 00:04:22,935 --> 00:04:25,104 a conversation about that one ad. 106 00:04:25,104 --> 00:04:27,372 When I gave the vaginal wellness commercial 107 00:04:27,372 --> 00:04:29,408 to the guy who does the car podcast, 108 00:04:29,408 --> 00:04:30,442 do you know what he said? 109 00:04:30,442 --> 00:04:32,544 "This is inappropriate, Chloe"? 110 00:04:32,544 --> 00:04:36,849 On air, he said, "My wife suffers from vaginal dryness," 111 00:04:36,849 --> 00:04:38,616 and he's not even married. 112 00:04:38,616 --> 00:04:42,787 - Dude is here for us. - I am, I am here for us, 113 00:04:42,787 --> 00:04:47,126 but... n-no one, no human being speaks like that. 114 00:04:47,126 --> 00:04:48,760 Well, then rewrite the fucker. 115 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:51,129 Pretend like you're talking to your girlfriends. 116 00:04:51,129 --> 00:04:53,169 Put it in your own diva words. 117 00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:57,406 Just hit the pH balance bullet points. 118 00:04:58,574 --> 00:04:59,805 - Hi Chloe. - Chloe: Not now. 119 00:04:59,805 --> 00:05:01,073 Gonna talk to her. Don't worry. 120 00:05:01,073 --> 00:05:04,410 Hey, I'll, I'll hold up the vegan purse again. 121 00:05:04,410 --> 00:05:05,581 (elevator dings) 122 00:05:06,648 --> 00:05:09,281 Thank you... Ooh, gosh. 123 00:05:09,281 --> 00:05:10,648 If Mommy drops this cake, 124 00:05:10,648 --> 00:05:12,552 we'll just turn around and never come back. 125 00:05:12,552 --> 00:05:14,423 (Gabby laughs) 126 00:05:15,457 --> 00:05:17,722 - Hey. - It's 3:40 and my mother arrives in 20 minutes, 127 00:05:17,722 --> 00:05:20,559 and... Gabby can't greet her with that hair. 128 00:05:20,559 --> 00:05:22,661 Which is natural and beautiful. 129 00:05:22,661 --> 00:05:24,262 It is. Of course, it is. 130 00:05:24,262 --> 00:05:26,298 It's just Nana prefers it a certain way. 131 00:05:26,298 --> 00:05:27,799 Right, baby? Mwah! 132 00:05:27,799 --> 00:05:29,668 - Nana likes "proper little lady" hair. - That's right. 133 00:05:29,668 --> 00:05:33,340 Well, we have 20 minutes till Eunice and 40 minutes of hair. 134 00:05:33,340 --> 00:05:34,210 (sharp sigh) 135 00:05:35,809 --> 00:05:38,010 Why can't I wear some of Mom's hair over there? 136 00:05:38,010 --> 00:05:39,715 That's for when you grow up. 137 00:05:40,148 --> 00:05:41,679 Thank you for your patience, Gabrielle, 138 00:05:41,679 --> 00:05:44,583 but this kind of stuff is very important to Nana. 139 00:05:44,583 --> 00:05:47,019 When she was a little girl growin' up in North Carolina, 140 00:05:47,019 --> 00:05:50,092 how you presented yourself was everything. 141 00:05:50,826 --> 00:05:53,292 We have 10 minutes. Please pick it up. 142 00:05:53,292 --> 00:05:55,427 You pick it up. I'm killing it over here. 143 00:05:55,427 --> 00:05:58,867 - (elevator dings) - (suspenseful music playing) 144 00:06:05,306 --> 00:06:06,638 (doorbell rings) 145 00:06:06,638 --> 00:06:08,273 - Oh, God, let's go, let's go. - Come on. 146 00:06:08,273 --> 00:06:09,878 No! (muttering) 147 00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:12,410 - (doorbell rings) - I'm trying to go, baby! 148 00:06:12,410 --> 00:06:13,879 - Put it on! - I'm going! 149 00:06:13,879 --> 00:06:15,919 ♪ ♪ 150 00:06:18,019 --> 00:06:20,353 (doorbell rings) 151 00:06:20,353 --> 00:06:21,821 - Nana! - Mother! 152 00:06:21,821 --> 00:06:22,788 Eunice! 153 00:06:22,788 --> 00:06:26,095 Gabrielle, you look perfect! 154 00:06:27,495 --> 00:06:30,062 I see you just returned from your 155 00:06:30,062 --> 00:06:33,065 matinee performance in "The Lion King." 156 00:06:33,065 --> 00:06:36,301 Yes... and it was a very good show today. 157 00:06:36,301 --> 00:06:37,503 Eunice: Mm-hmm. 158 00:06:37,503 --> 00:06:38,541 (Gabby chuckles) 159 00:06:40,208 --> 00:06:41,911 Lisa: Uh-- Okay, go ahead. 160 00:06:43,578 --> 00:06:45,213 ♪ ♪ 161 00:06:45,779 --> 00:06:47,582 - Charlotte: Harry, stop picking. - Harry: Just one olive. 162 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:51,483 So, Mom, Dad, I have a request. 163 00:06:51,483 --> 00:06:54,386 What can the York-Goldenblatt ATM do for you today? 164 00:06:54,386 --> 00:06:57,321 - I need an electric keyboard. - Please say no. 165 00:06:57,321 --> 00:07:00,993 - Honey, you have a Steinway. - I'm taking my music in a new direction. 166 00:07:00,993 --> 00:07:02,995 - I'm writing songs. - Rock: Parents, I beg you, 167 00:07:02,995 --> 00:07:06,032 for the sake of all of us, say no. 168 00:07:06,032 --> 00:07:08,234 Rock, stop. All last year 169 00:07:08,234 --> 00:07:10,035 I supported you realizing who you were. 170 00:07:10,035 --> 00:07:12,705 - You did. Fuck! - Both: Hey! 171 00:07:12,705 --> 00:07:13,873 - Hey. - Sorry, I'm just frustrated 172 00:07:13,873 --> 00:07:15,742 that I can't say any more shady things. 173 00:07:15,742 --> 00:07:17,409 Seriously, I need the Nord 174 00:07:17,409 --> 00:07:19,111 and a better audio interface. 175 00:07:19,111 --> 00:07:20,379 I don't know what any of that means, 176 00:07:20,379 --> 00:07:22,014 but here's my translation: 177 00:07:22,014 --> 00:07:23,782 Record on your phone like everybody else. 178 00:07:23,782 --> 00:07:25,417 I'm not everybody else. 179 00:07:25,417 --> 00:07:27,785 - I'm a serious artist. - Oh, my God. 180 00:07:27,785 --> 00:07:30,690 Honey, you have a job playing for classes at ABT, 181 00:07:30,690 --> 00:07:32,424 so just save up. 182 00:07:32,424 --> 00:07:33,692 That'll take forever. 183 00:07:33,692 --> 00:07:36,028 I have something that I need to say now. 184 00:07:36,028 --> 00:07:38,731 So do we. You're on your own, kid, right? 185 00:07:38,731 --> 00:07:41,734 - Am I right? - Yes, yes! Right. 186 00:07:41,734 --> 00:07:43,806 You want it, you find a way. 187 00:07:45,774 --> 00:07:46,973 That'll work. 188 00:07:46,973 --> 00:07:49,136 Nya, come on, you have to admit 189 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,976 that call last week was crazy. 190 00:07:50,976 --> 00:07:52,779 I'll admit I had too much to drink 191 00:07:52,779 --> 00:07:56,782 and it was a... little crazy, 192 00:07:56,782 --> 00:07:59,951 and you admit that you were playing with fire in your motel room. 193 00:07:59,951 --> 00:08:02,487 - Nothin' happened. - Nya (on phone): I could smell the sex through the phone. 194 00:08:02,487 --> 00:08:04,723 Come on, I copped to crazy. 195 00:08:04,723 --> 00:08:06,762 I didn't finish my sentence. 196 00:08:08,296 --> 00:08:10,129 - Yet. - Yet? 197 00:08:10,129 --> 00:08:12,165 Andre Rashad (on phone): Nothin' happened yet. 198 00:08:12,165 --> 00:08:13,636 I see. 199 00:08:14,669 --> 00:08:17,436 - Do you want it to? - Sometimes. 200 00:08:17,436 --> 00:08:20,776 Most times, I want us to work out. 201 00:08:24,345 --> 00:08:27,314 Do you have a plan for how that's gonna happen? 202 00:08:27,314 --> 00:08:28,551 I do. 203 00:08:30,353 --> 00:08:31,887 A surrogate. 204 00:08:34,022 --> 00:08:37,659 - Nya? Baby, are you there? - (Nya sighs) 205 00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:41,861 Thanks, Frank. Are there any visitors from out of town 206 00:08:41,861 --> 00:08:44,000 who would like to identify? 207 00:08:45,367 --> 00:08:48,801 Hi, I'm, uh, Miranda, and I'm an alcoholic. 208 00:08:48,801 --> 00:08:50,435 All: Hi, Miranda. 209 00:08:50,435 --> 00:08:53,538 I'm, uh, new to A.A. and L.A. 210 00:08:53,538 --> 00:08:57,375 and I don't have a lot to fill my days with while I'm out here, 211 00:08:57,375 --> 00:09:00,140 so I'm really grateful for these meetings. 212 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,981 - Don: Welcome. - Thanks. 213 00:09:01,981 --> 00:09:04,550 Don: So, does anybody have a topic? 214 00:09:04,550 --> 00:09:07,620 (groovy music playing) 215 00:09:07,620 --> 00:09:09,658 (indistinct chatter) 216 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:16,829 I have not seen a pair of virgin arms like yours in, like, forever. 217 00:09:16,829 --> 00:09:18,196 (chuckles) 218 00:09:18,196 --> 00:09:20,132 Seems like you're almost out of space, 219 00:09:20,132 --> 00:09:22,304 so, yes, I do rent. 220 00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:25,137 I'm Allie. Yeah, filling the days 221 00:09:25,137 --> 00:09:27,139 was hard for me too when I first quit, 222 00:09:27,139 --> 00:09:29,975 but I'm volunteering to clean the beach on Friday. 223 00:09:29,975 --> 00:09:33,073 - Offer's open. - W-With like an environmental group? 224 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,747 One of my many, yeah. 225 00:09:34,747 --> 00:09:37,216 My husband calls me an "actor-vist." 226 00:09:37,216 --> 00:09:39,852 - (laughing) - I can pick you up. 227 00:09:39,852 --> 00:09:42,558 Oh, that'd be great. Thanks, Allie. 228 00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:46,391 So, how are you feeling about the breakup? 229 00:09:46,391 --> 00:09:49,394 Awful. Juan Jose was my longest relationship. 230 00:09:49,394 --> 00:09:52,064 Ten years of blowouts and confidences. 231 00:09:52,064 --> 00:09:53,099 He's heard it all. 232 00:09:53,099 --> 00:09:55,972 - I meant you and Zed. - Oh, shit. 233 00:09:57,238 --> 00:09:58,674 That says a lot. 234 00:09:59,540 --> 00:10:05,110 All right, let's uncurl the blowout breakup, if it's not too painful. 235 00:10:05,110 --> 00:10:06,679 Well, it is still a little fresh, 236 00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:09,682 but he accused me of bailing out on 237 00:10:09,682 --> 00:10:11,416 all my relationships too soon. 238 00:10:11,416 --> 00:10:14,887 He said I make up red flags just to get out, 239 00:10:14,887 --> 00:10:16,892 and that's why I'm alone? 240 00:10:17,725 --> 00:10:21,694 - He said that to you? - Actually, he screamed it out in his salon. 241 00:10:21,694 --> 00:10:23,429 Do I bail out too quickly? 242 00:10:23,429 --> 00:10:25,297 Well, I don't know about your relationships, 243 00:10:25,297 --> 00:10:29,601 but we have left a lotta host stands pretty quickly. 244 00:10:29,601 --> 00:10:31,403 Yeah, I don't stay longer than 10 minutes. 245 00:10:31,403 --> 00:10:32,438 Look, I do the same thing. 246 00:10:32,438 --> 00:10:35,574 I look for or find, 247 00:10:35,574 --> 00:10:39,644 you know, reasons not to move forward if I'm not 100%. 248 00:10:39,644 --> 00:10:42,148 When I was single, I almost rented a house 249 00:10:42,148 --> 00:10:44,116 in The Hamptons six times, 250 00:10:44,116 --> 00:10:46,451 but I always found a reason not to. 251 00:10:46,451 --> 00:10:49,387 - Was that reason always Bethenny Frankel? - Ha-ha. 252 00:10:49,387 --> 00:10:51,123 - (both laughing) - Bartender: Here you go. 253 00:10:51,123 --> 00:10:52,892 (inhales) Okay, let's get real. 254 00:10:52,892 --> 00:10:55,327 And by real, I mean real estate. 255 00:10:55,327 --> 00:10:57,295 Do you know anyone else who still lives-- 256 00:10:57,295 --> 00:10:59,765 - With someone they're married to? - Mm. 257 00:10:59,765 --> 00:11:03,102 - Yes. - Okay, so, Zed's not the only one-- 258 00:11:03,102 --> 00:11:04,173 Right. 259 00:11:04,773 --> 00:11:06,505 But I think he may be a mooch. 260 00:11:06,505 --> 00:11:09,074 - Hm? - He told his ex-wife to pick up the lunch check. 261 00:11:09,074 --> 00:11:11,943 I just got a feeling, like an uncomfortable feeling. 262 00:11:11,943 --> 00:11:14,282 Well, if you're uncomfortable, you're uncomfortable. 263 00:11:14,782 --> 00:11:17,183 It's like me with the vagina podcast commercial. 264 00:11:17,183 --> 00:11:20,222 - Okay, not at all, but go on. - Okay. 265 00:11:20,555 --> 00:11:22,454 I'm just not... 266 00:11:22,454 --> 00:11:26,425 comfortable pitching a vaginal wellness product. 267 00:11:26,425 --> 00:11:30,295 Ya know? It's just... not in my nature. 268 00:11:30,295 --> 00:11:32,525 - So, I got out of it. - Juan Jose might say 269 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,199 you should work through those feelings. 270 00:11:34,199 --> 00:11:38,741 (laughs) Juan Jose would scream it. 271 00:11:39,140 --> 00:11:41,206 (sings) ♪ Darkness comes, hollow dreams ♪ 272 00:11:41,206 --> 00:11:45,177 ♪ Empty mirrors, I'm unseen ♪ 273 00:11:45,177 --> 00:11:47,379 Ah, ah! Did you not see the recording sign? 274 00:11:47,379 --> 00:11:49,782 - Calm down. I'm just grabbing my charger. - (Lily sighs) 275 00:11:49,782 --> 00:11:51,784 Lily, you have that new keyboard. 276 00:11:51,784 --> 00:11:53,452 This is not smart parenting. 277 00:11:53,452 --> 00:11:54,686 I'm gonna kill your father. 278 00:11:54,686 --> 00:11:56,154 Well, that's not smart parenting either 279 00:11:56,154 --> 00:11:57,857 because now you're in prison and we're alone. 280 00:11:57,857 --> 00:11:58,991 Daddy didn't give me the money. 281 00:11:58,991 --> 00:12:01,062 I sold some of my clothes. 282 00:12:01,329 --> 00:12:03,629 I'm sorry... what? 283 00:12:03,629 --> 00:12:04,797 Well, you said to get it myself, 284 00:12:04,797 --> 00:12:06,064 so I called The Real Deal, 285 00:12:06,064 --> 00:12:07,800 and they came over and went through my closet. 286 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,469 Wait... the Real Real was here? 287 00:12:10,469 --> 00:12:13,139 No, no, no, The Real Deal. It's way better. 288 00:12:13,139 --> 00:12:14,710 Oh, my God. 289 00:12:16,879 --> 00:12:17,947 (gasps) 290 00:12:19,281 --> 00:12:20,679 Oh, my God! 291 00:12:20,679 --> 00:12:21,747 (Richard Burton whines) 292 00:12:21,747 --> 00:12:23,715 It's like The Real Real, 293 00:12:23,715 --> 00:12:27,152 but they're fast, sneaky, and they pay in cash. 294 00:12:27,152 --> 00:12:28,557 You know, like a drug deal. 295 00:12:28,923 --> 00:12:30,890 Yeah, how many drug deals have you seen go down? 296 00:12:30,890 --> 00:12:32,657 This is serious. 297 00:12:32,657 --> 00:12:35,160 I can't believe that Lily's perfect pink Chanel, 298 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:38,764 the dress I chose for her first grown-up piano recital, 299 00:12:38,764 --> 00:12:40,703 is just out there online. 300 00:12:41,370 --> 00:12:43,268 (gasps) On sale! 301 00:12:43,268 --> 00:12:44,473 This is blasphemy. 302 00:12:44,873 --> 00:12:46,871 I think that's Lagerfeld's last collection. 303 00:12:46,871 --> 00:12:49,709 In a few years, it will be worth three times that. 304 00:12:49,709 --> 00:12:52,678 Four. I am furious! 305 00:12:52,678 --> 00:12:54,680 - Can I sue? - Your daughter? 306 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:57,782 No, them. The Real Deal. They broke into our home. 307 00:12:57,782 --> 00:13:00,887 Char, there was no crowbar, there was no forced entry. 308 00:13:00,887 --> 00:13:03,589 They had to be invited in, like vampires. 309 00:13:03,589 --> 00:13:05,590 She is a minor. 310 00:13:05,590 --> 00:13:08,861 They took advantage, and they took my Chanel. 311 00:13:08,861 --> 00:13:10,395 - Uh, excuse me, hi. - Yes? 312 00:13:10,395 --> 00:13:11,731 This iced tea isn't cuttin' it. 313 00:13:11,731 --> 00:13:13,866 Can I get a vodka tonic with a straw? 314 00:13:13,866 --> 00:13:15,401 And a drink for this one, too. 315 00:13:15,401 --> 00:13:16,534 Server: Coming right up. 316 00:13:16,534 --> 00:13:18,237 Why the day drinking, you might ask? 317 00:13:18,237 --> 00:13:19,604 I never ask. 318 00:13:19,604 --> 00:13:21,273 My mother-in-law and her sorority sisters 319 00:13:21,273 --> 00:13:23,141 are coming over for afternoon tea, 320 00:13:23,141 --> 00:13:24,542 and she's the president 321 00:13:24,542 --> 00:13:27,250 of the "comments that cut like a knife" chapter. 322 00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:30,883 (sighs) I'm just so surprised at Lily. 323 00:13:30,883 --> 00:13:32,585 - It was a gift. - Yes. 324 00:13:32,585 --> 00:13:34,453 - A gift she returned... - Aw. 325 00:13:34,453 --> 00:13:36,054 ...for something she wanted more. 326 00:13:36,054 --> 00:13:38,990 Like I did with that pinky ring you gave me for my 40th. 327 00:13:38,990 --> 00:13:41,627 - You returned the pinky ring? - What am I, a mob boss? 328 00:13:41,627 --> 00:13:44,330 But... it had that pretty little ruby chip. 329 00:13:44,330 --> 00:13:47,232 Yes. Oddly feminine for a man's ring. 330 00:13:47,232 --> 00:13:49,938 Who's it for, one of the (lisps) Sopranos? 331 00:13:50,171 --> 00:13:52,805 (sighs) I remember how the little strap 332 00:13:52,805 --> 00:13:55,107 just fell off Lily's shoulder 333 00:13:55,107 --> 00:13:58,844 just as she was finishing her "Prelude No. 1 in C." 334 00:13:58,844 --> 00:14:01,817 Question: Is this guy hot enough to be one of my Hotfellas? 335 00:14:02,885 --> 00:14:05,317 (coughs) Oh! Yes. 336 00:14:05,317 --> 00:14:08,023 (ambient street noise) 337 00:14:08,789 --> 00:14:11,491 Hurry, Daddy, get a cab! We don't wanna miss the waltz. 338 00:14:11,491 --> 00:14:13,162 Okay. Taxi! 339 00:14:13,694 --> 00:14:16,064 - I wish we were going to hip-hop class. - (Gabby laughs) 340 00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:18,700 Oh, Daddy! Daddy, here comes one! 341 00:14:19,467 --> 00:14:22,595 - Yep. - Aren't they supposed to stop if their light is on? 342 00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:24,604 We'll get one, baby. It's okay. 343 00:14:24,604 --> 00:14:26,976 Taxi! Yo! 344 00:14:27,342 --> 00:14:30,346 This never happens when we're with Claire's daddy. 345 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,350 Ladies, meet me on the corner, okay? 346 00:14:35,518 --> 00:14:36,519 Taxi! 347 00:14:37,586 --> 00:14:38,621 Sir. 348 00:14:40,822 --> 00:14:43,426 'Scuse me, sir. You wanna-- 349 00:14:46,395 --> 00:14:47,563 Sir? 350 00:14:47,996 --> 00:14:50,195 This is illegal, so unlock the door 351 00:14:50,195 --> 00:14:52,064 or I'll report you. 352 00:14:52,064 --> 00:14:53,369 Hey! 353 00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:56,368 Hello! 354 00:14:56,368 --> 00:14:59,171 - Yeah, you better go! - Sorority Sister: Is that your Herbert?! 355 00:14:59,171 --> 00:15:02,307 - Certainly not. Let's go up 3rd, okay? - (group murmuring) 356 00:15:02,307 --> 00:15:04,547 Hi, Nana! Nana! 357 00:15:13,154 --> 00:15:15,191 (Franklyn breathes deeply) 358 00:15:19,027 --> 00:15:20,893 Uh... 359 00:15:20,893 --> 00:15:22,762 that's not a cooking show. 360 00:15:22,762 --> 00:15:25,764 No... I'm downloading Final Draft. 361 00:15:25,764 --> 00:15:29,668 - The least sexy sentence ever spoken after sex. - (Franklyn chuckles) 362 00:15:29,668 --> 00:15:32,572 I bought it so we could rewrite that vagina copy. 363 00:15:32,572 --> 00:15:34,841 The second least sexy sentence. 364 00:15:34,841 --> 00:15:36,408 I thought you talked to Chloe, 365 00:15:36,408 --> 00:15:37,676 and she was okay about it. 366 00:15:37,676 --> 00:15:40,212 Yeah, she was, but then she circled back. 367 00:15:40,212 --> 00:15:43,015 (groans) Hate when people circle back. 368 00:15:43,015 --> 00:15:44,053 Ugh. 369 00:15:46,054 --> 00:15:47,385 You wear glasses? 370 00:15:47,385 --> 00:15:49,425 - Just when I read. - Huh. 371 00:15:50,758 --> 00:15:52,524 You know, we don't have to use that version. 372 00:15:52,524 --> 00:15:56,295 Just, you know, put it in your own voice. Are you ready? 373 00:15:56,295 --> 00:15:59,367 Throw out some phrases you might say that would apply to this. 374 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:04,470 Um... humiliated, mortified, wanna die? 375 00:16:04,470 --> 00:16:05,938 - I'll start. - Okay. 376 00:16:05,938 --> 00:16:08,540 How's, um... (clears throat) 377 00:16:08,540 --> 00:16:11,309 "Ladies, when I go out for a night on the town, sometime--" 378 00:16:11,309 --> 00:16:13,578 - Pardon? - I'm just spit-balling here. 379 00:16:13,578 --> 00:16:15,314 (laughs) "A night on the town"? 380 00:16:15,314 --> 00:16:18,383 Who's doing the talking, Dorothy Parker's vagina? 381 00:16:18,383 --> 00:16:20,652 (laughs) Well, Carrie, I don't have one. 382 00:16:20,652 --> 00:16:22,255 I'm not supposed to know how to talk about it. 383 00:16:22,255 --> 00:16:23,555 Well... 384 00:16:23,555 --> 00:16:25,958 Uh, okay... (sighs) let's have some fun with it. 385 00:16:25,958 --> 00:16:27,993 What if you call it a "vajayjay"? 386 00:16:27,993 --> 00:16:30,963 Well, I would, but I don't want people to think that 387 00:16:30,963 --> 00:16:33,833 the podcast is a rerun from the 1990s. 388 00:16:33,833 --> 00:16:36,969 (chuckles) Come on. You're the writer. 389 00:16:36,969 --> 00:16:39,171 We're here. Let's do this thing. 390 00:16:39,171 --> 00:16:43,575 All right, fine. But "here" is where we usually don't work. 391 00:16:43,575 --> 00:16:48,581 "Here" is where we usually watch "Beef Grill." 392 00:16:48,581 --> 00:16:49,618 Hm. 393 00:16:50,985 --> 00:16:53,319 - Okay, I got something. - Hm? 394 00:16:53,319 --> 00:16:56,989 "It'll take you from dry to wet-ass pussy." 395 00:16:56,989 --> 00:17:00,426 - (laughs) What? - It's more current. 396 00:17:00,426 --> 00:17:03,328 It's Cardi B and, and Megan Thee Stallion. 397 00:17:03,328 --> 00:17:04,997 Well, I'm Carrie B, 398 00:17:04,997 --> 00:17:07,166 and I don't speak like that, 399 00:17:07,166 --> 00:17:09,405 so Megan Thee End. 400 00:17:10,038 --> 00:17:12,036 (quiet chewing) 401 00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:20,112 This is a lovely dinner. 402 00:17:20,112 --> 00:17:23,449 Sorry. I gotta find a new Hotfella. Kevin has Hep C. 403 00:17:23,449 --> 00:17:25,817 And still no response from The Real Deal, 404 00:17:25,817 --> 00:17:28,554 or should I say The Real Steal's, corporate office. 405 00:17:28,554 --> 00:17:30,822 - Oy. - I second that "oy." 406 00:17:30,822 --> 00:17:33,792 Oh, my God! The dress just dropped another hundred dollars. 407 00:17:33,792 --> 00:17:36,462 Why don't you just walk over there and buy the fucker back? 408 00:17:36,462 --> 00:17:37,891 Because then they win! 409 00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:40,667 No, most of Lily's good pieces are gone. 410 00:17:40,667 --> 00:17:42,034 Sold. No hope. 411 00:17:42,034 --> 00:17:44,036 I want them to return this dress 412 00:17:44,036 --> 00:17:46,972 with an acknowledgment that what they did was wrong. 413 00:17:46,972 --> 00:17:48,340 Good luck. I'm still waitin' 414 00:17:48,340 --> 00:17:49,742 for any acknowledgment from my mother 415 00:17:49,742 --> 00:17:51,343 and she's been dead 10 years. 416 00:17:51,343 --> 00:17:53,312 - (Anthony chuckles) - Anthony. 417 00:17:53,312 --> 00:17:54,846 - Anthony! - What? 418 00:17:54,846 --> 00:17:58,211 How would you feel if someone stole your beloved 419 00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:02,154 Hotfella's sourdough recipe and sold it for cheap online? 420 00:18:02,154 --> 00:18:04,824 I would cut them from tongue to taint. 421 00:18:04,824 --> 00:18:06,194 Thank you. 422 00:18:06,427 --> 00:18:10,062 Okay, people. Lily requests your presence at the piano, 423 00:18:10,062 --> 00:18:12,198 and because I am trapped 424 00:18:12,198 --> 00:18:15,638 into supporting her, I will be there, too. 425 00:18:17,938 --> 00:18:21,444 - Should I open another bottle of red? - No, sweetie, no. 426 00:18:22,210 --> 00:18:23,842 Showtime. 427 00:18:23,842 --> 00:18:26,278 (sings) ♪ I am not not the same ♪ 428 00:18:26,278 --> 00:18:30,319 ♪ Caught inside this gilded cage ♪ 429 00:18:33,421 --> 00:18:35,855 ♪ Darkness comes, hollow dreams ♪ 430 00:18:35,855 --> 00:18:39,895 ♪ Empty mirrors, I'm unseen ♪ 431 00:18:43,464 --> 00:18:46,026 ♪ Park Avenue streets, where do they lead ♪ 432 00:18:46,026 --> 00:18:48,862 ♪ Stuck in the deep, goddamn ♪ 433 00:18:48,862 --> 00:18:51,704 ♪ The power of privilege ♪ 434 00:18:51,704 --> 00:18:53,239 Should've opened that second bottle. 435 00:18:53,239 --> 00:18:55,707 ♪ No reason or rhyme, lost in the climb ♪ 436 00:18:55,707 --> 00:19:02,248 ♪ Livin' a life confined, the power of privilege ♪ 437 00:19:02,248 --> 00:19:03,815 Who is she, Lily Eilish? 438 00:19:03,815 --> 00:19:09,155 - (Rock laughs) - ♪ 'Cause I always have to be ♪ 439 00:19:09,155 --> 00:19:13,291 ♪ The good girl, I'm a good girl ♪ 440 00:19:13,291 --> 00:19:18,133 ♪ No, I'm not allowed to be me ♪ 441 00:19:18,833 --> 00:19:22,402 ♪ I'm a good girl, I'm a good girl ♪ 442 00:19:22,402 --> 00:19:24,136 (knocks on door) 443 00:19:24,136 --> 00:19:28,044 Go back to bed, Gabby. This is Mommy/Daddy time. 444 00:19:29,477 --> 00:19:31,677 Actually, it's Mother time. 445 00:19:31,677 --> 00:19:34,279 Oh, Mother... 446 00:19:34,279 --> 00:19:36,314 Is the electric teapot giving you trouble again? 447 00:19:36,314 --> 00:19:38,017 I can make you a cup. 448 00:19:38,017 --> 00:19:40,152 I think it's you who needs a cup. 449 00:19:40,152 --> 00:19:41,956 Preferably chamomile. 450 00:19:42,523 --> 00:19:45,524 What was that display all about today? 451 00:19:45,524 --> 00:19:50,128 If those ladies weren't all half-blind with cataracts, 452 00:19:50,128 --> 00:19:52,097 I'd be mortified. 453 00:19:52,097 --> 00:19:54,800 Imagine my horror seeing my son, 454 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,770 the pride of Morehouse and of Harvard, 455 00:19:57,770 --> 00:20:01,540 pounding on the hood of a taxicab like some 456 00:20:01,540 --> 00:20:05,714 deranged squeegee man demanding a tip. 457 00:20:06,081 --> 00:20:07,546 What happened? What did I miss? 458 00:20:07,546 --> 00:20:10,515 I pounded on the hood of a cab one time 459 00:20:10,515 --> 00:20:13,018 because that man saw your daughter and I 460 00:20:13,018 --> 00:20:15,054 - standing there-- - It's irrelevant! 461 00:20:15,054 --> 00:20:17,522 We never surrender our dignity. 462 00:20:17,522 --> 00:20:21,889 Your grandfather faced the brickbats of Selma 463 00:20:21,889 --> 00:20:25,631 without ever loosening his tie. 464 00:20:25,631 --> 00:20:28,571 Wexleys win by winning. 465 00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:36,141 Didn't the Emancipation Proclamation free us 466 00:20:36,141 --> 00:20:38,014 from head wraps? 467 00:20:38,714 --> 00:20:40,349 Oh, God. 468 00:20:41,917 --> 00:20:43,382 - (Herbert sighs) - (door shuts) 469 00:20:43,382 --> 00:20:45,984 This isn't like you. (slight chuckle) 470 00:20:45,984 --> 00:20:49,755 - And in front of Gabby? - I did it because she was standin' right there. 471 00:20:49,755 --> 00:20:52,091 To look at her tiny, little face, 472 00:20:52,091 --> 00:20:55,828 confused because her Daddy couldn't manage to get a taxicab? 473 00:20:55,828 --> 00:20:58,330 I never thought I'd say these words, 474 00:20:58,330 --> 00:21:00,065 - but your mother is right. - (scoffs) 475 00:21:00,065 --> 00:21:01,834 You know the rules. 476 00:21:01,834 --> 00:21:05,170 When we go off, they win. 477 00:21:05,170 --> 00:21:07,439 So you have to keep it in check. 478 00:21:07,439 --> 00:21:09,909 Because if you pound on the wrong car 479 00:21:09,909 --> 00:21:12,712 and they take you away... 480 00:21:12,712 --> 00:21:14,750 she's gonna find a way to blame me. 481 00:21:15,150 --> 00:21:17,153 (chuckling) Okay? 482 00:21:17,886 --> 00:21:19,888 (both chuckling) 483 00:21:20,588 --> 00:21:22,587 Thank you so much. Thank you. 484 00:21:22,587 --> 00:21:24,785 You've been awesome. Thank you. 485 00:21:24,785 --> 00:21:26,858 (cheering, applause) 486 00:21:26,858 --> 00:21:29,061 Now, listen, before I leave here tonight, 487 00:21:29,061 --> 00:21:30,562 I just wanna, I just wanna take a moment 488 00:21:30,562 --> 00:21:33,602 to introduce a very special guest here tonight. 489 00:21:34,102 --> 00:21:37,673 Playing my dad on my new pilot, 490 00:21:38,073 --> 00:21:42,708 the one and only, TV legend Tony Danza! 491 00:21:42,708 --> 00:21:45,481 (cheering, applause) 492 00:21:46,747 --> 00:21:48,380 I know what you're all thinking. 493 00:21:48,380 --> 00:21:50,082 Too hot to play anyone's father. 494 00:21:50,082 --> 00:21:51,749 Tony, come on up here. 495 00:21:51,749 --> 00:21:53,420 - Come on up here. - You can't stand here. 496 00:21:53,420 --> 00:21:55,082 Oh, I'm sorry. 497 00:21:55,082 --> 00:21:56,922 Excuse me. You're in the way. Hello. 498 00:21:56,922 --> 00:21:58,156 Oh. I-I'm sorry. 499 00:21:58,156 --> 00:22:01,097 Tony Danza! 500 00:22:01,530 --> 00:22:02,765 Yeah! 501 00:22:08,102 --> 00:22:10,106 (distant cars honking) 502 00:22:16,845 --> 00:22:18,477 - Okay, I got something. - (phone ringing) 503 00:22:18,477 --> 00:22:20,816 Ooh. Saved by the bell. 504 00:22:22,650 --> 00:22:24,649 Oh, I gotta take this, it's my friend in L.A., 505 00:22:24,649 --> 00:22:27,620 but truthfully, I'd take a robocall to get outta this. 506 00:22:27,620 --> 00:22:29,353 (Franklyn chuckles) 507 00:22:30,626 --> 00:22:31,757 Hello? 508 00:22:31,757 --> 00:22:33,659 Miranda: Hey! What're you up to? 509 00:22:33,659 --> 00:22:36,195 Oh, you know... 510 00:22:36,195 --> 00:22:40,967 writing a commercial for a... line of vaginal products. 511 00:22:40,967 --> 00:22:42,634 Why? Are your books not selling? 512 00:22:42,634 --> 00:22:45,870 Ha. No, Franklyn and I have to do it for the podcast. 513 00:22:45,870 --> 00:22:48,440 Hey, listen, I have a question: As a friend... 514 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:54,013 how do you phrase it when you have trouble down there? 515 00:22:54,013 --> 00:22:57,048 I don't know. I have nothing but good news down there. 516 00:22:57,048 --> 00:23:00,051 - How does that help me? Ugh, I don't know what happened. - (Miranda chuckles) 517 00:23:00,051 --> 00:23:03,521 I kissed a guy in an elevator and now I'm part of a filthy 518 00:23:03,521 --> 00:23:05,357 Tracy/Hepburn writing team. 519 00:23:05,357 --> 00:23:07,694 Yeah, I didn't think you could do just sex. 520 00:23:07,694 --> 00:23:10,495 Well, now it's sex with homework. 521 00:23:10,495 --> 00:23:12,665 (gasps) Oh, Carrie, I have to hang up. 522 00:23:12,665 --> 00:23:14,332 Tony Danza's comin' right at me. 523 00:23:14,332 --> 00:23:17,503 I get it, you're fancy. All right. Bye. 524 00:23:17,503 --> 00:23:18,537 Bye. 525 00:23:18,537 --> 00:23:20,405 - Hi. - Miranda, this is Tony. 526 00:23:20,405 --> 00:23:22,674 - Tony, this is Miranda. - Hello, Miranda. 527 00:23:22,674 --> 00:23:25,411 Such a pleasure to meet Che's significant person. 528 00:23:25,411 --> 00:23:28,413 Hi... Oh, I'm thrilled to meet you. 529 00:23:28,413 --> 00:23:30,482 (chuckles) Well, then, you know I was just saying to Che, 530 00:23:30,482 --> 00:23:32,151 we should, we should have dinner tomorrow night, huh? 531 00:23:32,151 --> 00:23:34,253 The three of us? What do ya say? 532 00:23:34,253 --> 00:23:37,960 - You're the boss. - (laughs) Cute, cute. She's cute. 533 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:39,825 - It is "she," right? - She! 534 00:23:39,825 --> 00:23:41,861 Yeah, okay. See? I'm two for two. 535 00:23:41,861 --> 00:23:43,866 (all laughing) 536 00:23:46,935 --> 00:23:48,870 (keyboard clacking) 537 00:23:49,970 --> 00:23:53,908 - So, I circled back to Chloe on her circle back. - And? 538 00:23:54,307 --> 00:23:57,942 And she's making it seem like this is a dealbreaker for "Sex and the City." 539 00:23:57,942 --> 00:24:01,717 - (Carrie groans) - So, uh, I bolded the important bullet points. 540 00:24:02,283 --> 00:24:05,784 - Let's give it another shot. - Mm. No, let's not. 541 00:24:05,784 --> 00:24:08,687 I appreciate your zeal but (inhales) 542 00:24:08,687 --> 00:24:11,357 I think my vagina has to write its own monologue. 543 00:24:11,357 --> 00:24:13,225 Thank God. 544 00:24:13,225 --> 00:24:15,264 (both chuckling) 545 00:24:16,164 --> 00:24:19,898 Well, if you need any help, I got a ton of great ideas. 546 00:24:19,898 --> 00:24:22,939 (light music playing) 547 00:24:32,914 --> 00:24:35,218 ♪ ♪ 548 00:24:39,321 --> 00:24:41,324 ♪ ♪ 549 00:24:52,461 --> 00:24:55,471 - (upbeat music playing) - (indistinct chatter) 550 00:24:59,207 --> 00:25:01,674 Oh, my God. Who did this to you? 551 00:25:01,674 --> 00:25:03,608 EZ Blow on 68th Street. 552 00:25:03,608 --> 00:25:06,815 Juan Jose, you made your point. I got back with Zed. 553 00:25:08,817 --> 00:25:10,249 Look, I'm not gonna beg. Do you want this 554 00:25:10,249 --> 00:25:12,250 top-of-the-line tequila and my apology or not? 555 00:25:12,250 --> 00:25:14,119 Why are you apologizing for? 556 00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:15,854 For taking what you said too personally. 557 00:25:15,854 --> 00:25:17,422 I know you meant well. 558 00:25:17,422 --> 00:25:20,425 Not necessarily. I blow hot and cold. 559 00:25:20,425 --> 00:25:22,795 I told this one not to have kids, 560 00:25:22,795 --> 00:25:25,497 I told that one her bangs were bad, 561 00:25:25,497 --> 00:25:28,634 and I told that one to please get a lipo. 562 00:25:28,634 --> 00:25:32,241 No one's listening, but I was right about the bangs. 563 00:25:32,908 --> 00:25:35,007 Abdal, Kiki's gonna finish you. 564 00:25:35,007 --> 00:25:38,277 Seema is back. She's my number one. 565 00:25:38,277 --> 00:25:41,317 (speaking Spanish) 566 00:25:47,522 --> 00:25:49,425 Oy. Qué es esto? 567 00:25:52,495 --> 00:25:54,497 (seagulls cawing) 568 00:25:57,966 --> 00:25:59,563 (metal detector beeps) 569 00:26:02,838 --> 00:26:05,108 (phone ringing) 570 00:26:11,346 --> 00:26:14,547 Nya, I can't talk now. I'm saving the planet. You're welcome. 571 00:26:14,547 --> 00:26:16,949 Well, I'm saving myself 572 00:26:16,949 --> 00:26:22,021 by de-Andre-fying my apartment and my life. 573 00:26:22,021 --> 00:26:24,723 Sayonara, tacky-ass Japanese lantern 574 00:26:24,723 --> 00:26:27,426 he bought in a Tokyo airport in 1999! 575 00:26:27,426 --> 00:26:29,189 You're getting rid of Andre Rashad? 576 00:26:29,189 --> 00:26:32,031 No, he got rid of himself. 577 00:26:32,031 --> 00:26:34,499 He told me he hasn't cheated on me yet. 578 00:26:34,499 --> 00:26:37,369 And then, after our many conversations 579 00:26:37,369 --> 00:26:41,073 about my complicated feelings about having a baby... 580 00:26:41,073 --> 00:26:43,543 he suggests a surrogate. 581 00:26:43,543 --> 00:26:45,910 A surrogate! Miranda! 582 00:26:45,910 --> 00:26:49,281 He hasn't heard me at all. Not in two years! 583 00:26:49,281 --> 00:26:52,151 So, that's it! Because motel girl 584 00:26:52,151 --> 00:26:55,187 plus the surrogate equals I'm done! 585 00:26:55,187 --> 00:26:57,890 - I'm so sorry. - I'm not. 586 00:26:57,890 --> 00:27:00,829 So, I'm carefully packin' his things. 587 00:27:01,329 --> 00:27:03,766 Buh-bye, patchouli incense. 588 00:27:04,099 --> 00:27:09,034 Later, lame-ass college roommate's mixed-media 589 00:27:09,034 --> 00:27:11,804 "collage homage to Nubian women" 590 00:27:11,804 --> 00:27:13,676 made of Korean weave hair! 591 00:27:14,176 --> 00:27:17,180 Bonfire of the beanies at 11! 592 00:27:17,646 --> 00:27:18,878 - Miranda. - Oh, hold on. 593 00:27:18,878 --> 00:27:20,746 I have to go. Here's your bag. 594 00:27:20,746 --> 00:27:22,714 I'm sorry, my kid's school just called. 595 00:27:22,714 --> 00:27:25,617 There was some micro-aggression over a Squishmallow. 596 00:27:25,617 --> 00:27:29,121 - Preschool drama. - Go, go! I, I can get an Uber home. 597 00:27:29,121 --> 00:27:31,393 Okay, bye. Sorry. 598 00:27:31,793 --> 00:27:34,160 Um, Nya, I should hang up. 599 00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:37,496 Cell phones and environmentalists, not a great match. 600 00:27:37,496 --> 00:27:40,900 Do you know anybody who wants to buy six or eight guitars, cheap? 601 00:27:40,900 --> 00:27:43,238 I'm havin' a "goin' out of Andre" sale. 602 00:27:43,505 --> 00:27:45,738 Okay. Buh-bye. 603 00:27:45,738 --> 00:27:46,609 (sighs) 604 00:27:47,943 --> 00:27:49,712 We're makin' real progress, huh? 605 00:27:50,112 --> 00:27:52,010 The Earth is already dead. 606 00:27:52,010 --> 00:27:54,747 We're basically just cleaning up a corpse. 607 00:27:54,747 --> 00:27:57,220 You're a delight. Let's talk more. 608 00:27:57,819 --> 00:27:59,488 Not funny. 609 00:28:01,890 --> 00:28:04,523 - Well... here we are. - Mm. 610 00:28:04,523 --> 00:28:06,858 - Are we ready? - Oh, I'm so ready. I am so ready. 611 00:28:06,858 --> 00:28:09,328 You just tell me when. You know, you give me the sign. 612 00:28:09,328 --> 00:28:10,662 Take that trash can right there, 613 00:28:10,662 --> 00:28:12,798 I'm gonna throw it right through this window. 614 00:28:12,798 --> 00:28:16,869 Nope. I am gonna kill them with kindness. 615 00:28:16,869 --> 00:28:19,004 - Oh. - They are gonna give me that dress back 616 00:28:19,004 --> 00:28:20,873 and I'm gonna bring my baby home. 617 00:28:20,873 --> 00:28:23,476 Oh, you are so clever! 618 00:28:23,476 --> 00:28:24,708 Mm. 619 00:28:25,814 --> 00:28:29,218 Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. 620 00:28:29,751 --> 00:28:30,883 Wow. 621 00:28:30,883 --> 00:28:33,422 There's some really great stuff in here, hm? 622 00:28:33,855 --> 00:28:35,858 (whispers) No, there isn't. 623 00:28:36,391 --> 00:28:37,624 (whispers) No, there isn't. 624 00:28:37,624 --> 00:28:39,191 Hello. 625 00:28:39,191 --> 00:28:40,727 I am Charlotte York-Goldenblatt. 626 00:28:40,727 --> 00:28:43,162 You may have received my emails. 627 00:28:43,162 --> 00:28:44,730 I don't know. 628 00:28:44,730 --> 00:28:47,299 Well, they were numerous. 629 00:28:47,299 --> 00:28:51,336 Oh, my God... Oh, my God, oh, my God. 630 00:28:51,336 --> 00:28:54,740 Oh, my God. These Sonia Rykiel b-- 631 00:28:54,740 --> 00:28:56,208 How has nobody bought these? 632 00:28:56,208 --> 00:28:59,512 H-- How long have they been just sitting there? 633 00:28:59,512 --> 00:29:01,184 I don't know. 634 00:29:02,583 --> 00:29:04,916 - (quietly) What? - I have an itty-bitty problem 635 00:29:04,916 --> 00:29:08,087 and I am sure that you and I can solve it together. 636 00:29:08,087 --> 00:29:10,022 - What is your name? - Eden. 637 00:29:10,022 --> 00:29:14,092 Eden! You and I together, Eden, can solve this. 638 00:29:14,092 --> 00:29:16,361 So, my daughter, Lily, 639 00:29:16,361 --> 00:29:18,263 sold you a bunch of clothes, 640 00:29:18,263 --> 00:29:21,033 and she is still a minor. 641 00:29:21,033 --> 00:29:23,435 Surely you have rules against this. 642 00:29:23,435 --> 00:29:26,672 This isn't a bar. We don't card. 643 00:29:26,672 --> 00:29:29,278 (inhales) Starting fresh. 644 00:29:29,878 --> 00:29:31,047 Eden... 645 00:29:33,314 --> 00:29:35,848 I am looking for this Chanel dress. 646 00:29:35,848 --> 00:29:38,283 Is it at this location? 647 00:29:38,283 --> 00:29:39,585 I don't know. 648 00:29:39,585 --> 00:29:41,954 Well, maybe you could look here 649 00:29:41,954 --> 00:29:45,223 in this little computer to see. 650 00:29:45,223 --> 00:29:49,194 These boots are in super-good shape. 651 00:29:49,194 --> 00:29:52,365 You are sleeping with the enemy, Carrie. 652 00:29:52,365 --> 00:29:53,802 I'm sorry. 653 00:29:54,469 --> 00:29:57,473 ("Hotel California" by Eagles playing) 654 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:00,539 - Great Job. - Miranda: Thanks. 655 00:30:00,539 --> 00:30:02,278 - Yeah, no problem. - Oh, thank you. 656 00:30:08,917 --> 00:30:11,416 Oh, my God... Oh, my God. 657 00:30:11,416 --> 00:30:15,387 (gasps) Ugh, ugh! Ugh, I lost my phone! 658 00:30:15,387 --> 00:30:16,883 Did anybody see a phone? 659 00:30:16,883 --> 00:30:19,759 Oh, my God, um, I-I-I-I-I don't have my phone, 660 00:30:19,759 --> 00:30:21,393 and I need it to call Uber. 661 00:30:21,393 --> 00:30:23,295 Uber's a Ponzi scheme. 662 00:30:23,295 --> 00:30:26,102 Again?! So helpful! 663 00:30:27,002 --> 00:30:28,567 God. (sighs) 664 00:30:28,567 --> 00:30:30,473 Did you-- Uh, did you see a phone? 665 00:30:30,706 --> 00:30:33,943 - I lost my phone! - Bummer! 666 00:30:34,643 --> 00:30:35,677 Damn it. 667 00:30:36,277 --> 00:30:40,483 Ah, fuck... Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck. 668 00:30:41,384 --> 00:30:43,019 (groans) 669 00:30:45,987 --> 00:30:46,986 (Miranda grunts) 670 00:30:46,986 --> 00:30:49,658 ♪ On a dark desert highway ♪ 671 00:30:50,058 --> 00:30:52,825 ♪ Cool wind in my hair ♪ 672 00:30:52,825 --> 00:30:54,694 (screams) 673 00:30:54,694 --> 00:30:55,731 (groans) 674 00:30:56,331 --> 00:30:59,201 ♪ Rising up through the air ♪ 675 00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:06,005 ♪ Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light ♪ 676 00:31:06,005 --> 00:31:09,274 ♪ My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim ♪ 677 00:31:09,274 --> 00:31:12,414 ♪ I had to stop for the night ♪ 678 00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:15,782 ♪ There she stood in the doorway ♪ 679 00:31:15,782 --> 00:31:19,451 ♪ I heard the mission bell ♪ 680 00:31:19,451 --> 00:31:21,387 ♪ And I was thinking to myself ♪ 681 00:31:21,387 --> 00:31:23,622 Hi! Hello. 682 00:31:23,622 --> 00:31:25,190 I'm sorry to accost you, 683 00:31:25,190 --> 00:31:27,960 but I, I, I lost my phone trying to save the planet, 684 00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:29,227 and I wonder if I could borrow 685 00:31:29,227 --> 00:31:31,267 one of yours for a super quick call? 686 00:31:31,834 --> 00:31:34,033 - Yeah. - Oh, thank you so much. 687 00:31:34,033 --> 00:31:37,169 - You're welcome. - Oh, could you open that for me? 688 00:31:37,169 --> 00:31:40,238 - Yep. - Miranda: Thank you. All right. 689 00:31:40,238 --> 00:31:41,844 - Want some? - No, thank you. 690 00:31:42,444 --> 00:31:46,049 (upbeat music playing in store) 691 00:31:48,050 --> 00:31:49,248 Breathe. 692 00:31:49,248 --> 00:31:51,220 - (phone ringing) - (Charlotte breathes deeply) 693 00:31:51,887 --> 00:31:54,753 Mm. Unknown caller. 694 00:31:54,753 --> 00:31:57,026 Better not be the Democrats again. 695 00:31:59,528 --> 00:32:00,629 Hello? 696 00:32:01,029 --> 00:32:03,062 Carrie, it's Miranda. I lost my phone. 697 00:32:03,062 --> 00:32:05,230 Well, whose phone is this? 698 00:32:05,230 --> 00:32:07,599 Uh, a nice surfer in a parking lot. 699 00:32:07,599 --> 00:32:11,707 - Why are you so very fancy? - What's Che's phone number? 700 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:13,906 You don't know Che's phone number? 701 00:32:13,906 --> 00:32:15,107 Don't say it like that. 702 00:32:15,107 --> 00:32:17,109 Nobody knows anybody's number anymore. 703 00:32:17,109 --> 00:32:19,011 All right, hold on a second, I'll look it up. 704 00:32:19,011 --> 00:32:20,446 You see? 705 00:32:20,446 --> 00:32:22,114 (surfers greeting each other) 706 00:32:22,114 --> 00:32:23,248 Hi. 707 00:32:23,248 --> 00:32:25,121 She's just getting me a number. 708 00:32:27,423 --> 00:32:29,421 (phone ringing) 709 00:32:29,421 --> 00:32:32,625 ("Hotel California" continues) 710 00:32:32,625 --> 00:32:34,426 - Hello? - It's Miranda. 711 00:32:34,426 --> 00:32:35,795 Why aren't you home yet? 712 00:32:35,795 --> 00:32:37,791 Ugh, I lost my phone on the beach, 713 00:32:37,791 --> 00:32:39,732 and I can't call an Uber without it. 714 00:32:39,732 --> 00:32:40,966 Can you come and get me? 715 00:32:40,966 --> 00:32:44,403 At the beach? It-it-it's rush hour. 716 00:32:44,403 --> 00:32:47,272 It'll, It'll take me, like, an hour and a half to get there. 717 00:32:47,272 --> 00:32:49,245 We have dinner with Tony Danza in an hour! 718 00:32:50,145 --> 00:32:52,078 Well, I don't, obviously. 719 00:32:52,078 --> 00:32:55,948 Shit. (clears throat) Do you want me to cancel, or-- 720 00:32:55,948 --> 00:32:59,288 You can't cancel. It's Tony Danza! 721 00:33:03,323 --> 00:33:06,325 Okay, I have an idea. I'll send someone to get you. Where are you? 722 00:33:06,325 --> 00:33:09,365 Oh... can you tell them where I am? 723 00:33:11,632 --> 00:33:18,174 Um... we're, like, off PCH, um, like, across from Neptune's Net. 724 00:33:19,974 --> 00:33:22,675 - You got that? - Yeah, yeah, I got it, I got it. Stay there. 725 00:33:22,675 --> 00:33:24,713 Where the fuck else am I going? 726 00:33:25,514 --> 00:33:26,978 - Shit. - Thank you. 727 00:33:26,978 --> 00:33:29,849 - You're welcome. - Uh, please stop offering me that. 728 00:33:29,849 --> 00:33:32,585 So, where am I? Neptune somethin'? 729 00:33:32,585 --> 00:33:33,681 - Surfer: Yeah. - It's up there. 730 00:33:33,681 --> 00:33:35,755 Neptune's Net, is that way. 731 00:33:35,755 --> 00:33:38,424 Oh, okay. That way, all right. 732 00:33:38,424 --> 00:33:40,459 Thank you guys so much. You saved my life. 733 00:33:40,459 --> 00:33:43,132 - A-A thousand times thank you, thank you. - You're welcome. 734 00:33:44,198 --> 00:33:45,100 Good luck. 735 00:33:45,299 --> 00:33:47,800 ♪ Last thing I remember ♪ 736 00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:50,639 ♪ I was running for the door ♪ 737 00:33:52,307 --> 00:33:54,206 ♪ I had to find the passage back ♪ 738 00:33:54,206 --> 00:33:58,205 ♪ To the place I was before ♪ 739 00:33:58,205 --> 00:34:01,514 ♪ "Relax," said the night man we are... ♪ 740 00:34:01,514 --> 00:34:04,187 (store music playing) 741 00:34:07,589 --> 00:34:09,522 Okay. I found it. 742 00:34:09,522 --> 00:34:10,823 It is in a warehouse. 743 00:34:10,823 --> 00:34:13,826 Fine... I give up. I'll buy it back. 744 00:34:13,826 --> 00:34:15,828 You can't. It's on hold. 745 00:34:15,828 --> 00:34:18,062 What? It's on hold where? 746 00:34:20,068 --> 00:34:22,400 - I don't know. - Listen, Eden, my husband 747 00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:25,370 is a partner at a major New York law firm, 748 00:34:25,370 --> 00:34:27,539 so you might wanna watch your tone 749 00:34:27,539 --> 00:34:29,341 or I am gonna call your manager. 750 00:34:29,341 --> 00:34:31,747 Hey, Charlotte, can I have a word over here? Real quick. 751 00:34:36,184 --> 00:34:38,183 - (deep breath) - Dead as she is, 752 00:34:38,183 --> 00:34:41,854 I don't think Eden can take much more interrogation. 753 00:34:41,854 --> 00:34:43,021 And she's got a phone. 754 00:34:43,021 --> 00:34:45,757 You're, like, this close to being a meme. 755 00:34:45,757 --> 00:34:48,822 I know. I don't know what's wrong with me. 756 00:34:48,822 --> 00:34:51,096 And even if I got the dress back, 757 00:34:51,096 --> 00:34:53,736 I don't even know if Lily could fit into it anymore. 758 00:34:55,203 --> 00:34:57,236 First the Chanel, and then the Chopin. 759 00:34:57,236 --> 00:34:59,709 I just feel like she's rejecting everything I ever gave her. 760 00:35:00,475 --> 00:35:04,510 Is she rejecting it, or is she, you know, like you just said, 761 00:35:04,510 --> 00:35:06,779 is she outgrowing it? 762 00:35:06,779 --> 00:35:08,446 You know? And that's healthy, right? 763 00:35:08,446 --> 00:35:10,919 Wanting to change and move on. 764 00:35:12,119 --> 00:35:14,954 Eh, who am I to say? I'm still fighting to save "Sex and the City." 765 00:35:14,954 --> 00:35:17,060 I'm not sure it fits me anymore either. 766 00:35:17,726 --> 00:35:19,728 (deep breath) 767 00:35:22,130 --> 00:35:24,463 - I don't need that dress. - Mm-mm. 768 00:35:24,463 --> 00:35:26,565 - I have the memory. - (Carrie chuckles) 769 00:35:26,565 --> 00:35:29,838 And Lily... Whoever she is now. 770 00:35:30,271 --> 00:35:33,967 - Let's go. - Yeah, but, um, before we go, can I just get the other boot? 771 00:35:33,967 --> 00:35:36,108 - (gasps, laughs) - Then I'll have a pair. 772 00:35:36,108 --> 00:35:38,144 (seagulls cawing) 773 00:35:38,144 --> 00:35:41,781 ("La Paz" by Sam Himself playing) 774 00:35:41,781 --> 00:35:43,619 (car honks) 775 00:35:44,185 --> 00:35:50,493 ♪ I'll ride into town on an old truck from Japan ♪ 776 00:35:52,660 --> 00:35:55,122 ♪ Across a dead dust desert ♪ 777 00:35:55,122 --> 00:35:58,801 ♪ Where the heat rots everything ♪ 778 00:36:01,202 --> 00:36:04,336 Miranda... Che sent me. I'm Lyle. 779 00:36:04,336 --> 00:36:07,376 Oh. Fair warning, Lyle... 780 00:36:08,444 --> 00:36:09,545 I smell. 781 00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:13,882 ♪ ♪ 782 00:36:14,611 --> 00:36:16,019 How bad is it? 783 00:36:17,651 --> 00:36:21,186 (chuckles) I used to shuck oysters in high school, 784 00:36:21,186 --> 00:36:24,893 - so it's nostalgic. - Oh. That's generous. 785 00:36:25,660 --> 00:36:27,459 Thank you so much for driving all the way out here. 786 00:36:27,459 --> 00:36:29,428 Actually, I live out here. 787 00:36:29,428 --> 00:36:32,632 - Yeah, I work at the Malibu Soho House, so. - Malibu Soho, nice. 788 00:36:32,632 --> 00:36:33,802 Lyle: Yeah. 789 00:36:34,369 --> 00:36:35,835 And what do you do there, Lyle? 790 00:36:35,835 --> 00:36:37,931 I'm a mixologist. 791 00:36:37,931 --> 00:36:39,171 Used to be called a bartender 792 00:36:39,171 --> 00:36:41,641 before their margaritas hit 22 bucks. 793 00:36:41,641 --> 00:36:43,042 (both chuckling) 794 00:36:43,042 --> 00:36:44,844 And, uh, how do you know Che? 795 00:36:44,844 --> 00:36:46,210 We were married. 796 00:36:47,850 --> 00:36:49,682 Technically, we still are. 797 00:36:49,682 --> 00:36:51,720 ♪ ♪ 798 00:36:54,855 --> 00:36:56,488 - (Tony Danza chuckles) - Che: So, ukulele, huh? 799 00:36:56,488 --> 00:36:58,791 - Oh, yeah, you bet. - (both laughing) 800 00:36:58,791 --> 00:37:00,660 That's what I heard. (chuckles) 801 00:37:00,660 --> 00:37:02,795 - Tony Danza: Mm. - (Che chuckling) 802 00:37:02,795 --> 00:37:04,067 - Che. - Mm? 803 00:37:04,933 --> 00:37:08,166 I'm really excited about being in your project. 804 00:37:08,166 --> 00:37:09,969 I feel like there's a "but" coming. 805 00:37:09,969 --> 00:37:12,708 Well, there is. Uh, I-I can't be Mexican. 806 00:37:14,009 --> 00:37:15,708 I mean, it-it's just not gonna fly, 807 00:37:15,708 --> 00:37:17,709 especially these days. 808 00:37:17,709 --> 00:37:20,712 I mean, I thought because he's Mexican-American 809 00:37:20,712 --> 00:37:22,881 and it's a comedy, I thought I'd be okay, 810 00:37:22,881 --> 00:37:25,584 but I'm already getting pushback on social media. 811 00:37:25,584 --> 00:37:28,253 And rightly so. I'm not Mexican. 812 00:37:28,253 --> 00:37:30,655 Okay, but (chuckles) my father's Mexican. 813 00:37:30,655 --> 00:37:31,757 - Yeah, yeah. I know, I know-- - I mean-- 814 00:37:31,757 --> 00:37:33,225 but he doesn't have to be. 815 00:37:33,225 --> 00:37:34,894 He can be Italian, like me, 816 00:37:34,894 --> 00:37:37,596 and we switch your mother to Mexican. 817 00:37:37,596 --> 00:37:39,064 But I'm Irish/Mexican. 818 00:37:39,064 --> 00:37:42,700 Ah, Italian is just Irish with better food. 819 00:37:42,700 --> 00:37:45,107 The important thing is to preserve the Mexican. 820 00:37:45,473 --> 00:37:48,373 So, I spoke to ABC, and if you approve, 821 00:37:48,373 --> 00:37:51,010 - your Irish mother is now dead... - Mm. 822 00:37:51,010 --> 00:37:53,612 ...and we switch all of her emotional scenes 823 00:37:53,612 --> 00:37:56,214 to the Mexican grandmother, your abuela, 824 00:37:56,214 --> 00:37:58,884 who, by the way, is killing it in the run-throughs. 825 00:37:58,884 --> 00:38:01,586 - Hm. - Listen... kid, 826 00:38:01,586 --> 00:38:04,022 I want you to succeed. I really do. 827 00:38:04,022 --> 00:38:07,058 I think what you're doing here is really important and cute. 828 00:38:07,058 --> 00:38:10,896 I think you're gonna open a lotta hearts and change a lotta minds. 829 00:38:10,896 --> 00:38:14,537 But you're not gonna do that with Tony Danza as a Mexican. 830 00:38:15,070 --> 00:38:18,436 I-I-I've, I've come too far to get canceled now. 831 00:38:18,436 --> 00:38:21,510 And the Danza-lions agree with me. 832 00:38:22,076 --> 00:38:23,976 I'm sorry, the Danza-lions? 833 00:38:23,976 --> 00:38:25,414 My hardcore fans. 834 00:38:26,481 --> 00:38:27,880 Oh. 835 00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:30,553 (light music playing) 836 00:38:34,957 --> 00:38:37,256 So, what got into you last week? 837 00:38:37,256 --> 00:38:39,027 Me. I got into me. 838 00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:42,160 I sometimes get lost in my head. 839 00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:46,899 But those five amazing texts from you helped me find my way back. 840 00:38:46,899 --> 00:38:48,601 (both chuckle) 841 00:38:48,601 --> 00:38:50,506 I have a proposition for you. 842 00:38:52,808 --> 00:38:54,506 I'm all ears. 843 00:38:54,506 --> 00:38:57,276 There's an opportunity to invest in this new private club 844 00:38:57,276 --> 00:38:58,713 here in Manhattan. 845 00:38:59,213 --> 00:39:00,716 They just want $200,000. 846 00:39:02,016 --> 00:39:04,954 So... let's go in as partners, 847 00:39:05,687 --> 00:39:07,322 $100,000 each? 848 00:39:07,655 --> 00:39:11,894 Interesting... And what's this club called, "Red Flag"? 849 00:39:12,293 --> 00:39:15,127 I thought those five texts were suspect. 850 00:39:15,127 --> 00:39:17,361 Three would've been appropriate. 851 00:39:18,500 --> 00:39:19,464 I-I-It's not like that. 852 00:39:19,464 --> 00:39:21,501 Th-This is a legitimate investment. 853 00:39:21,501 --> 00:39:23,039 Yeah, well... 854 00:39:25,874 --> 00:39:27,507 maybe... 855 00:39:27,507 --> 00:39:29,545 but I'm investing in myself. 856 00:39:30,212 --> 00:39:31,978 Juan Jose was wrong. 857 00:39:31,978 --> 00:39:33,649 I was right. 858 00:39:35,150 --> 00:39:36,552 Where are you going? 859 00:39:38,586 --> 00:39:40,790 We're having chocolate mousse. 860 00:39:41,056 --> 00:39:43,059 Who the fuck is Juan Jose? 861 00:39:45,393 --> 00:39:48,392 - (ambient nature sounds) - (car arriving) 862 00:39:52,067 --> 00:39:54,703 - (car door shuts) - (car departing) 863 00:39:58,406 --> 00:40:01,344 You are not gonna believe what just happened to me at dinner. 864 00:40:02,110 --> 00:40:03,546 (Che laughs) 865 00:40:04,446 --> 00:40:07,480 - What's that face? - I don't know your number. 866 00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:08,876 E-Excuse me? 867 00:40:08,876 --> 00:40:10,648 Your phone number. 868 00:40:10,648 --> 00:40:13,689 I had no idea. I had to call Carrie. 869 00:40:14,289 --> 00:40:17,793 Also, I had no idea you're actually married. 870 00:40:18,527 --> 00:40:21,327 Well... technically. 871 00:40:21,327 --> 00:40:22,560 Yeah, we're both such slackers, 872 00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:24,634 we never got around to getting divorced. 873 00:40:25,033 --> 00:40:27,033 Che, I don't know who you are. 874 00:40:27,033 --> 00:40:29,035 Well, (laughs) 875 00:40:29,035 --> 00:40:32,071 well, join the club 'cause up until an hour ago, 876 00:40:32,071 --> 00:40:34,339 I thought I was Mexican/Irish. 877 00:40:34,339 --> 00:40:37,212 (sighs) Tony Danza and ABC just made me Italian. 878 00:40:37,578 --> 00:40:40,946 - La fungoule! (laughs) - I'm serious. 879 00:40:40,946 --> 00:40:43,018 Yeah, and please don't be. 880 00:40:43,618 --> 00:40:46,054 I've got enough on my plate right now. 881 00:40:46,487 --> 00:40:47,920 And we're having so much fun. 882 00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:50,956 Let's, let's not let your lost phone... 883 00:40:50,956 --> 00:40:53,626 become a couple's existential crisis, okay? 884 00:40:53,626 --> 00:40:57,529 My number is three-four-seven... 885 00:40:57,529 --> 00:40:58,864 - five-three-two-- - (Miranda chuckles) 886 00:40:58,864 --> 00:41:01,766 Mm, mm. Nine-nine. Mm, mm. 887 00:41:01,766 --> 00:41:04,069 - (Miranda chuckles) - Are you getting this? Mm. 888 00:41:04,069 --> 00:41:06,109 Mm, mm. (chuckles) 889 00:41:06,742 --> 00:41:08,144 Mm. 890 00:41:08,510 --> 00:41:12,711 Never thought I could, but I can actually live with what I wrote. 891 00:41:12,711 --> 00:41:14,750 (chuckles) Yeah, it's really funny. 892 00:41:15,517 --> 00:41:18,117 Is there, is there an inordinate amount 893 00:41:18,117 --> 00:41:21,120 of box activity in the hallway today? 894 00:41:21,120 --> 00:41:22,989 Chloe: Hey. I hope you're happy. 895 00:41:22,989 --> 00:41:24,923 You two wouldn't talk about her vagina 896 00:41:24,923 --> 00:41:26,891 and now everyone's outta work. 897 00:41:26,891 --> 00:41:29,727 (scoffs) That's ridiculous, Chloe. What happened? 898 00:41:29,727 --> 00:41:32,464 Every show is over, that's what happened. 899 00:41:32,464 --> 00:41:36,636 They sold these studios to Apple or Peach or whatever the fuck. 900 00:41:36,636 --> 00:41:39,638 I told you: sinking ship. 901 00:41:39,638 --> 00:41:41,974 Word of advice, Carrie, next job, 902 00:41:41,974 --> 00:41:44,147 don't be so precious about your pussy. 903 00:41:47,282 --> 00:41:49,515 Well, I'll take that to heart. 904 00:41:49,515 --> 00:41:51,554 (indistinct chatter) 905 00:41:53,221 --> 00:41:55,858 - (elevator dings) - (Franklyn clears throat) 906 00:42:04,867 --> 00:42:06,198 Okay, but... 907 00:42:06,198 --> 00:42:10,035 you've said, more than once, I might add, 908 00:42:10,035 --> 00:42:11,937 that we could always... 909 00:42:11,937 --> 00:42:14,806 - sell the podcast somewhere else. - Well, that was before. 910 00:42:14,806 --> 00:42:17,079 It's hard to sell something that's been canceled. 911 00:42:17,679 --> 00:42:20,312 - Wanna try? - (Franklyn inhales, sighs) 912 00:42:20,312 --> 00:42:22,986 I don't know if it's smart to go any further. 913 00:42:25,921 --> 00:42:27,924 With the podcast? 914 00:42:29,658 --> 00:42:30,660 Carrie... 915 00:42:31,359 --> 00:42:32,992 you've made it pretty clear that you want this to be 916 00:42:32,992 --> 00:42:34,126 a, a Thursday thing, 917 00:42:34,126 --> 00:42:36,729 and... I'm starting to feel like... 918 00:42:36,729 --> 00:42:38,297 maybe I want more. 919 00:42:38,297 --> 00:42:41,837 So, if Thursday's still the case... 920 00:42:42,704 --> 00:42:44,136 I better get out 921 00:42:44,136 --> 00:42:46,572 before I'm all fucked up Friday through Wednesday. 922 00:42:46,572 --> 00:42:48,040 (chuckles) 923 00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:52,381 - Well, I wouldn't want that. - Yeah. Neither would I. 924 00:42:52,909 --> 00:42:53,916 Well... 925 00:42:54,616 --> 00:42:57,549 thank you for the "Sex and the City." 926 00:42:57,549 --> 00:43:00,686 - Double entendre intended. - (Franklyn chuckles) 927 00:43:00,686 --> 00:43:03,092 See? You are the writer. 928 00:43:04,726 --> 00:43:07,730 (lively music playing) 929 00:43:09,129 --> 00:43:13,369 Carrie: And just like that, I freed up my entire week. 930 00:43:18,273 --> 00:43:21,277 ♪ ♪ 931 00:43:51,973 --> 00:43:54,978 ♪ ♪