1
00:00:07,842 --> 00:00:09,802
Think that video
has a lot of views, Wendy?
2
00:00:09,886 --> 00:00:11,345
I think this is my fault…
3
00:00:11,429 --> 00:00:14,182
That depends on your
social media consumption.
4
00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:15,600
You know, influencing and whatnot.
5
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:18,644
Would you plot eight million views
as a lot?
6
00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:22,065
Yes, I do. I mean, I only have Facebook
to message with my dad.
7
00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:23,941
So it's very high indeed for me.
8
00:00:24,609 --> 00:00:27,070
Tom, could you please stop staring at me?
9
00:00:27,153 --> 00:00:28,988
Oh, I'm sorry. But I'm preoccupied.
10
00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:32,867
This guy glows, our coworker.
He… he freaking glows. What the fuck?
11
00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:34,660
Yeah, well, that's an astute point.
12
00:00:34,744 --> 00:00:35,787
Um…
13
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:40,041
But I'm pretty sure there's a reasonable
medical explanation for this?
14
00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:42,960
I mean, I also think
it's just really cool. We don't know--
15
00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:44,629
-Okay, I gotta know this--
-Tom!
16
00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,923
Stop interrupting me or I will end you.
17
00:00:47,006 --> 00:00:49,509
Amily, I'm not interrupting.
I'm collaboratively overlapping.
18
00:00:49,592 --> 00:00:51,719
-You're so full of shit.
-Maybe it's lead poisoning.
19
00:00:52,303 --> 00:00:54,347
Have you swallowed
any watch batteries lately?
20
00:00:55,181 --> 00:00:58,768
You know what? I gotta know. Can you do
anything else besides just glow?
21
00:00:58,851 --> 00:01:01,604
-Of course not.
-You can make that Harry Styles song play.
22
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:04,690
Oh, but I think that was a coincidence,
because that song is popular.
23
00:01:04,774 --> 00:01:07,860
-Mm, 2017.
-Also, Harry Styles has a third nipple.
24
00:01:07,944 --> 00:01:09,737
I don't know if that's relevant.
25
00:01:09,821 --> 00:01:10,947
I don't-- I don't know.
26
00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:14,367
Gee whiz, Clark. You are getting
tons more views. You're blowing up.
27
00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:18,079
Okay, while we're on the topic, can you
make other Harry Styles songs play?
28
00:01:29,048 --> 00:01:31,092
-So, how you feelin', son? You okay?
29
00:01:31,175 --> 00:01:32,927
Yeah. I'm fine.
30
00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:33,970
Why do you ask?
31
00:01:34,053 --> 00:01:36,848
Uh, because you passed out
in your backyard the other night.
32
00:01:36,931 --> 00:01:38,850
Oh, right. Of course.
33
00:01:39,934 --> 00:01:44,605
You have to tell me something because
I'm very troubled, my precious son.
34
00:01:45,314 --> 00:01:46,149
Tell you what?
35
00:01:46,232 --> 00:01:48,192
I saw all that hubbub on Twitter.
36
00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:50,778
Oh, you saw that.
You saw the glowing thing?
37
00:01:50,862 --> 00:01:53,364
Yeah, I saw that.
A lot of people saw that.
38
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:54,949
-Oh man.
-You have to tell me.
39
00:01:55,533 --> 00:01:56,617
How'd you do the trick?
40
00:01:56,701 --> 00:01:58,703
Um-- Well, Pop, it wasn't a trick.
41
00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:00,746
I don't know what it was
or what's happening.
42
00:02:00,830 --> 00:02:03,207
-But it wasn't a trick.
-Clark, please don't do that to me.
43
00:02:03,291 --> 00:02:04,542
Please.
44
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,586
I mean, it's bullshit, son.
45
00:02:06,669 --> 00:02:09,005
You know, if you're not honest
with me, then…
46
00:02:09,505 --> 00:02:10,715
you know, it hurts my feelings.
47
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,425
Pop, I don't wanna hurt your feelings.
48
00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:14,719
But the point is, I'm just
49
00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:17,346
too old to be
50
00:02:18,139 --> 00:02:18,973
bullshat.
51
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:19,891
Okay.
52
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,853
Not sure you can change
the tense of the word like that,
53
00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:25,730
-but I understand what you're saying.
-Okay!
54
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,940
-I'm not trying to quibble on grammar.
-Okay.
55
00:02:28,024 --> 00:02:30,443
It really… It kills me to say this.
56
00:02:30,526 --> 00:02:32,653
But when, and only when
57
00:02:33,571 --> 00:02:35,364
you can be honest with me,
58
00:02:35,448 --> 00:02:37,366
then, and only then
59
00:02:37,450 --> 00:02:39,285
will I give you the honor
60
00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:42,788
of a pleasurable sauna with me.
61
00:02:42,872 --> 00:02:43,748
Pop!
62
00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:47,293
I don't think you should phrase it
that way. I'm telling the truth!
63
00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:49,921
And hey, you left your pants in here.
64
00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:52,215
Keep 'em, son. Keep my pants!
65
00:02:52,298 --> 00:02:55,593
Keep everything
until we have no more secrets between us.
66
00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:58,095
Dang it.
67
00:03:01,057 --> 00:03:04,977
So has anybody learned anything
from Operation Why Does Clark Glow?
68
00:03:05,061 --> 00:03:06,729
Well, over here on Team Wendy,
69
00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:08,981
I have come back
with virtual tiddly-squat.
70
00:03:09,065 --> 00:03:11,317
Basically, I jumped down two wormholes.
71
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,737
They were alien conspiracy theories
and ghost stories.
72
00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:18,282
-Oof.
-I'm sorry to say I haven't found much.
73
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:22,078
Even people who, um,
supposedly spontaneously combust--
74
00:03:22,161 --> 00:03:24,914
Oh, my gosh, what?
Combust? I-- I'm gonna be blown up?
75
00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:27,750
No, no, no. You don't just simply blow up.
76
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:30,920
The combustion is from
self-heating too quickly,
77
00:03:31,003 --> 00:03:33,673
which can then lead to auto-igniting,
78
00:03:33,756 --> 00:03:39,303
but you don't glow first, so unfortunately
we can scratch that one off the list.
79
00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:41,305
Okay, crossing off combustion.
80
00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:44,976
Plus, that's gotta be incredibly rare
if it's even a real thing at all.
81
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:47,228
It's definitely a real thing.
It's very real.
82
00:03:47,311 --> 00:03:49,855
Three out of my four uncles combusted.
83
00:03:52,108 --> 00:03:53,985
I don't--
It's not gonna happen to you, though.
84
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:57,113
For sure, because I had a, uh…
What's the pre-- If you think of--
85
00:03:57,196 --> 00:03:58,572
-Premonition.
-About them.
86
00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:00,366
All three of them, but not about you!
87
00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:04,245
So, Mohsin, stop freakin' out Clark.
88
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,331
Tom, what are you reading?
89
00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:09,875
Yeah, Tom, I noticed
nobody in there is burning,
90
00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:11,210
so that's a good start.
91
00:04:11,294 --> 00:04:13,671
Um, did-- did you find some good stuff?
92
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:17,258
Well, I thought maybe there could be
a religious angle to this whole thing,
93
00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:23,014
but I am finding
that I am unable to decipher its code.
94
00:04:23,097 --> 00:04:25,182
Did you really think
you were just gonna pick that up
95
00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:27,059
and be able to read an ancient language?
96
00:04:27,143 --> 00:04:29,562
Well, you know.
I learned pig latin pretty quickly.
97
00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:32,273
Pig latin's not the same
as learning a real language, Tom.
98
00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:34,525
-Agree to disagree.
-Here's what we do know.
99
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,777
Om-Tay is an ipshit-day.
100
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,990
-What was that?
-I knew you wouldn't even know pig latin.
101
00:04:41,073 --> 00:04:42,825
No, well, I know pig latin… I know--
102
00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:45,411
Okay, that was pig…
Your accent was terrible.
103
00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:46,620
God, you're an idiot.
104
00:04:46,704 --> 00:04:50,791
Okay, bringing it back
to Operation Why Does Clark Glow?
105
00:04:50,875 --> 00:04:53,627
I did a little bit
of cross-referencing to glowing
106
00:04:53,711 --> 00:04:56,213
and the New Testament,
and I came up with a quote.
107
00:04:56,714 --> 00:04:59,216
"A city on a hill cannot be hidden."
108
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:02,094
"Neither do people light a lamp
and put it under a bowl."
109
00:05:02,178 --> 00:05:04,055
"Instead, they put it on its stand,
110
00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:06,932
and it gives light
to everyone in the house."
111
00:05:07,016 --> 00:05:10,436
"In the same way,
let your light shine before men
112
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:14,231
that they may see your good deeds
and praise your Father in Heaven."
113
00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:16,442
Matthew five: 14 through 16.
114
00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:21,113
How-- how did you know that, Clark?
115
00:05:26,869 --> 00:05:29,288
Wait a minute. Same song.
Why the same song?
116
00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:31,374
I don't know, Tom.
I'm not-- I'm not doing it.
117
00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:33,334
You didn't not do it, though.
118
00:05:35,211 --> 00:05:37,046
I think I just need a little bit of air.
119
00:05:37,129 --> 00:05:38,005
Okay.
120
00:05:38,089 --> 00:05:39,340
Um…
121
00:05:39,423 --> 00:05:41,884
Keep it up, guys. You're doing great.
122
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,846
That's for you, Tom.
Try not to uck-say so ad-bay.
123
00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:48,641
-Okay.
124
00:05:49,392 --> 00:05:52,770
Four fingers on that hand.
That's not even atomically correct, so…
125
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,106
Hmm. It's not even anatomically correct,
either.
126
00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:58,567
-What did I say?
127
00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:04,156
Did that guy just take my picture?
128
00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:05,366
No.No.
129
00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:06,992
Asshole.
130
00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:09,578
I know this is all,
you know, pretty weird…
131
00:06:09,662 --> 00:06:13,499
Well, it's very weird, actually,
but, I mean, at least you…
132
00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:16,001
play music that you really love.
133
00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:19,630
I mean, imagine if it was all this
plus music you… hated.
134
00:06:23,676 --> 00:06:24,593
Oh…
135
00:06:25,428 --> 00:06:26,679
Well, that's a shame.
136
00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:31,725
I think I'm supposed to help that bird.
137
00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:34,061
Oh.
138
00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:37,022
Like you're getting a… Is there a--
139
00:06:37,106 --> 00:06:39,483
Is there a voice,
like, telling you that in your head?
140
00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:41,735
No. I mean, unless my own voice is going…
141
00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:43,946
-What your mind does, yeah…
-Doesn't count. I was…
142
00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:47,491
I was referring to, like, if you're
hearing a voice that is not your own…
143
00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:49,285
-No.
-…in your head, you could be insane.
144
00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:53,164
-But it doesn't seem like you are.
-Yeah. No, it's…
145
00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:56,459
It's definitely too late for him.
146
00:06:56,542 --> 00:06:59,587
Oh, it's not a him. It's a her.
That's a girl bird.
147
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,173
-Girl bird.
-I don't know how I--
148
00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:05,176
-Give me a second. I'm gonna go down here.
-Sure.
149
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:08,554
And I'm gonna see if I can help her out.
150
00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:11,182
Hi, friend. How are we, friend?
151
00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:12,266
-Oh!
152
00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:13,976
-Oh no!
-Oh, oh! Oh!
153
00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:17,730
She charged me.
154
00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:19,815
-Oh, she charged you.
-She charged me.
155
00:07:19,899 --> 00:07:23,152
-So she's okay.
-She's… Yeah. Holy shit!
156
00:07:23,235 --> 00:07:25,362
You're like Moses, man.
157
00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:26,447
-I mean, I think.
158
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:29,074
I don't really know
who specifically Moses is.
159
00:07:29,158 --> 00:07:32,578
I know he's one of the white dudes
with a-- with a beard and stuff,
160
00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:36,040
but did Moses,
kind of, resurrect dead birds?
161
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:39,418
I don't have any idea.
I was raised Episcopalian.
162
00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:46,008
Holy shit.
163
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,767
-Oh!
164
00:07:57,728 --> 00:08:00,773
-Oh, my God.
-No, no, no, no. Not God.
165
00:08:00,856 --> 00:08:03,275
Just one of his humble servants.
166
00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:05,528
Are you an angel?
167
00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:07,530
-Yes.
-Oh!
168
00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:09,490
-Yeah.
-That's awesome.
169
00:08:09,573 --> 00:08:10,533
That is awesome.
170
00:08:10,616 --> 00:08:11,659
Clark.
171
00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:14,078
-Oh! Hello.
-Ah, there he is.
172
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,205
-Hello.
-Sorry about that.
173
00:08:16,288 --> 00:08:19,333
I am an angel sent by God.
174
00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:21,460
Oh no.
175
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,799
It's great that-- you're an angel
and that you're here.
176
00:08:26,882 --> 00:08:29,260
-This is mind-blowing, actually.
-Yeah.
177
00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:31,554
-I didn't-- didn't get your name.
-Chamuel.
178
00:08:31,637 --> 00:08:33,305
-Samuel.
-Chamuel.
179
00:08:33,389 --> 00:08:35,266
-Chamuel.
-Chamuel.
180
00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:36,517
Chamuel.
181
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:40,771
Okay, well, Chamuel, um,
what in particular brings you by?
182
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,357
Okay, you, Clark,
183
00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:46,860
have been chosen by God
184
00:08:46,944 --> 00:08:49,655
-to help the world.
-Oh no.
185
00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:51,991
Really? I was afraid
he was gonna say something like this.
186
00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:54,451
-That's all right--
-I was really nervous about exactly this.
187
00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,287
So, here's the CliffsNotes version.
188
00:08:57,121 --> 00:09:00,499
Lucifer is currently attempting
to, once again,
189
00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:02,126
take over the throne of Heaven,
190
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:05,963
and it's not going great
for the good guys at present.
191
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,590
-Oh no.
-Yeah.
192
00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:12,386
Um, quick question. What does being
chosen by God to help the world mean?
193
00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:14,471
I don't even know
which religion is the right one.
194
00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:17,141
-We know.
-The Pennsylvania Dutch would be my guess.
195
00:09:19,018 --> 00:09:21,312
-Mm.
-I have to ask. Why me?
196
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,731
I mean, I'm not that guy.
197
00:09:23,814 --> 00:09:26,942
I was never picked in gym class,
even when the teams weren't even.
198
00:09:27,026 --> 00:09:29,653
-See, I can, like, visualize that.
-Yeah.
199
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:32,823
I'm not authorized to tell you
why God picked you.
200
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,743
I'll do, obviously,
whatever I'm supposed to do.
201
00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:38,954
But I don't know what I'm supposed to do,
so what am I supposed to do?
202
00:09:39,038 --> 00:09:41,582
Spread the message. Be yourself.
203
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:44,251
You know, you guys
will hear more about this later.
204
00:09:44,335 --> 00:09:47,338
It's all, kind of,
part of the process, you know?
205
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,381
-Sorry, guys. I gotta go.
206
00:09:49,465 --> 00:09:50,507
See ya later.
207
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:54,720
Don't worry if things get weird.
Always the darkest before the dawn.
208
00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:57,222
Unless Lucifer wins.
209
00:09:58,057 --> 00:09:58,932
Yeah, then…
210
00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:00,517
it would be dark.
211
00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:03,145
People would burn.
212
00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:05,189
Yeah.
213
00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:10,319
Oh, don't tell anyone about me. Not yet.
214
00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:20,954
I can't believe it. I mean…
215
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:24,583
-Uh… Wow.
-Holy shit, right?
216
00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:25,501
Yeah.
217
00:10:35,219 --> 00:10:36,303
-Hi, there.
-Oh, my gosh.
218
00:10:36,387 --> 00:10:38,764
I'm sorry. Sorry.
I'm Judy. I'm with USA Today.
219
00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:41,975
Um, I'm a reporter.
A junior reporter but still a reporter.
220
00:10:42,059 --> 00:10:44,436
Um, I just wanted
to ask you a few questions?
221
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,064
-Really?
-You have a problem with the free press?
222
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:50,067
No, no, no, no. I love the free press.
It's, like, the best press.
223
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,528
You write things
that people need to read about.
224
00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:55,322
Well, if a kid falls in a well,
that's you guys.
225
00:10:55,406 --> 00:10:57,825
And good job on that amendment.
226
00:10:57,908 --> 00:11:00,536
-The one… The good one.
-The-- the first one?
227
00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:03,247
-What's that?
-The-- the first amendment?
228
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:06,166
Yeah. I love that one.
I put it right up there with the, uh…
229
00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:07,710
"Thou shall not kill," which is cool.
230
00:11:07,793 --> 00:11:10,963
Well, that's not so much an amendment.
That's a commandment.
231
00:11:11,046 --> 00:11:14,049
Right. Anyway, Judy,
it's been a blast meeting you,
232
00:11:14,133 --> 00:11:16,176
but it's been a weird day,
and I feel a little blarfy,
233
00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:18,011
just on the tinge of blarfness,
234
00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:20,723
so I'm wondering if we could talk
at a time that's maybe not now?
235
00:11:20,806 --> 00:11:23,100
It can be quick.
I wanted to ask you a few questions
236
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,728
about the situation you experienced
at the restaurant.
237
00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:28,230
-I have to go. Really nice meeting you.
-Oh, well…
238
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,691
We could--
we could set up a time that works for you!
239
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:33,110
Will-- will you--
will you at least take my card?
240
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,571
It has been such a pleasure meeting you.
241
00:11:45,998 --> 00:11:47,249
Wake up.
242
00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:51,754
Hey, guys?
243
00:11:52,463 --> 00:11:53,505
Hey, Frisbee.
244
00:11:53,589 --> 00:11:55,340
Hey, I have noticed
245
00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:59,803
that you guys
have not been doing your actual job,
246
00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:03,640
helping people with
their computer problems and IT issues,
247
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:05,601
-for a couple of days now.
-Uh…
248
00:12:05,684 --> 00:12:07,770
It's a lot more
than a couple days, Frisbee,
249
00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:10,522
but something really important
is going on with Clark, so…
250
00:12:10,606 --> 00:12:12,483
Yeah, the guy glows, Frisbee.
251
00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:14,735
Yeah. Yeah, I know that Clark glows.
252
00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:16,945
-You do?
-Yeah, it doesn't bother me.
253
00:12:17,029 --> 00:12:19,364
More importantly,
it doesn't bother corporate. Okay?
254
00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:22,201
As long as we all stay
HR compliant, it's fine.
255
00:12:22,284 --> 00:12:24,161
-Of course, if you have a grievance,
256
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,997
please, please file the L2 waiver, right?
257
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,875
Then you and I can sit down,
and we can have a very meaningful,
258
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:32,836
blue-sky, guided dialogue.
259
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,588
I'm sorry. Did you say somethin'?
260
00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:38,801
No. Let's, uh…
let's dare to be great today, guys.
261
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,136
Hey, Clark.
262
00:12:42,638 --> 00:12:44,640
-HR approves of your glowing.
-Oh.
263
00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,809
-Okay, thank you, Frisbee.
-Okay.
264
00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:48,769
Hey, where have you been?
265
00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:50,395
-Oh, I was, um… back in the…
-No, no, no.
266
00:12:50,479 --> 00:12:52,189
You don't have to answer.
What are you doin'?
267
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:55,192
We know where he's been. You don't
need to kick him while he's down.
268
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,653
What are you talking about?
I was just asking him a question.
269
00:12:57,736 --> 00:13:01,031
Oh my goodness. Clark, if I may, we all
know you've been having tummy trouble,
270
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:04,451
what with the social media hubbub
surrounding the glowing,
271
00:13:04,535 --> 00:13:06,203
-all that stuff, it's stressful.
-Yeah!
272
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,831
Yeah, I mean, you know,
and my dad's still mad at me.
273
00:13:08,914 --> 00:13:12,167
There you go. And his dad's still mad
at him. Jesus, girlfriend, dish.
274
00:13:12,251 --> 00:13:15,295
Um, well, he thinks
that I'm lying about the glowing.
275
00:13:15,379 --> 00:13:19,216
You know, if this glowing thing is really
having some kind of religious connotation,
276
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:24,388
it just seems that all the figures
that God sort of challenges or tests,
277
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,932
well, they-- they all kind of
go through it, you know?
278
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:29,476
I mean, Saint Bartholomew was--
he was skinned.
279
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:33,397
Um, Hazrat Yusuf was thrown into a well
and sold to slavery by his brothers.
280
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,481
Jesus, Mohsin.
281
00:13:35,107 --> 00:13:38,735
What are you trying to do?
Are you trying to give him more diarrhea
282
00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:41,488
than the level of diarrhea
that he currently is having?
283
00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:44,783
Of course I'm not trying to give him
more diarrhea than the current level.
284
00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:46,159
I'm not some kind of monster.
285
00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:48,161
Well, stop grilling him
while he's got diarrhea.
286
00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:50,038
-Yeah.
-That's not gonna help his system.
287
00:13:50,122 --> 00:13:51,874
-You're gonna be fine.
-Okay.
288
00:13:51,957 --> 00:13:53,959
You'll be fine.
Diarrhea rarely kills people.
289
00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:56,169
We don't even know
that this is a religious thing.
290
00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:58,255
Talking about all this stuff.
We don't know.
291
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:01,341
Maybe Mohsin was right, maybe you're just
gonna spontaneously combust.
292
00:14:01,425 --> 00:14:02,801
-Mm. Maybe.
-What?
293
00:14:02,885 --> 00:14:05,637
I doubt it. I doubt it.
It's a low, low percentage.
294
00:14:05,721 --> 00:14:10,225
No, look, I think the religious angle is
the only thing that makes any sense to me.
295
00:14:10,309 --> 00:14:11,143
Okay?
296
00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:15,772
What I can't figure out, though,
and no offense for this one, my friend.
297
00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:17,441
But why would anybody pick Clark?
298
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:20,193
That is-- No offense taken at all, Wendy.
What a great question.
299
00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:21,778
-Why would anyone choose me?
-Well--
300
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,113
So there you go.
301
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:26,283
I don't know if I think that's
a great question. No offense, Wendy.
302
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:30,871
But just because Clark is the last person
that you would expect God to choose,
303
00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:33,457
doesn't mean that God chose the wrong guy.
304
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:36,460
God would probably choose
someone simple. Sweet.
305
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:40,631
Oh, well, that's not me. I mean, I'm not
simple and sweet. I'm very edgy, actually.
306
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:44,509
If you're so edgy,
what are your favorite hobbies, Clark?
307
00:14:44,593 --> 00:14:46,094
Oh, thank you so much for asking.
308
00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:49,264
My favorite hobbies would be,
um, taking saunas with my father
309
00:14:49,348 --> 00:14:50,515
and having nice conversations.
310
00:14:50,599 --> 00:14:53,852
-Oh my gosh, I am simple.
-But you're sweet too.
311
00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:56,188
What does this mean?
Do I have to start a ministry?
312
00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:57,272
-No.
-I don't know how to.
313
00:14:57,356 --> 00:14:59,358
I'm not the kind of person
who joins clubs.
314
00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:02,861
I don't know. And if I'm supposed
to help God, I don't know how to do it.
315
00:15:02,945 --> 00:15:04,947
Who said you have to help God?
316
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:08,700
Uh… no one. He didn't--
he didn't say that anyone said that.
317
00:15:08,784 --> 00:15:11,328
-No one said that. No person said that.
-I was--
318
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:12,329
-I don't--
-You said it.
319
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,413
He just said it.
320
00:15:13,497 --> 00:15:15,332
-Because you said it.
-I'm not being untruthful.
321
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:19,419
You're a person. I'm a person.
No person said anything about that.
322
00:15:19,503 --> 00:15:21,672
Right, so no person, I think, but--
323
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:25,801
Who said you need to help God?
Just getting back to the first question.
324
00:15:25,884 --> 00:15:26,802
You did.
325
00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:28,637
I did? I guess I did.
326
00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:32,391
I think what's happening here
is we've just been too tunnel-visioned.
327
00:15:32,474 --> 00:15:34,977
We're all feeling the stress of it.
328
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,645
-Yeah.
-Maybe I should just take you home.
329
00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:37,938
I don't know if your…
330
00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:41,191
if your system can take
a scooter ride right now.
331
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:44,403
Oh, actually, no, I-- that--
that sounds really good, and thank you.
332
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:45,529
My system is actually fine.
333
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:48,156
You guys were talking a lot about it,
but I don't actually have it.
334
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,617
-You don't have what?
-I don't have…
335
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,786
I don't have diarrhea.
336
00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:54,955
-You don't have what?
-I don't have diarrhea.
337
00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:56,957
Oh, he's saying
he doesn't have diarrhea.
338
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:57,916
-I--
-Like, after all.
339
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,460
-We thought he had diarrhea. He doesn't.
-I don't.
340
00:16:00,544 --> 00:16:02,629
-Doesn't have it after all.
-It went the other way.
341
00:16:02,713 --> 00:16:04,381
-Oh.
-You're plugged up.
342
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:06,299
Yeah, but I don't even
like to talk about it.
343
00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:08,510
It's something that sort of--
It was brought to me…
344
00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:10,887
I feel like now I'm talking about it
more than I wanted to.
345
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:12,556
-It's not--
-Oh my God. People poo!
346
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,224
-Yuck, Tom.
-People poo.
347
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,851
-It's a fact of life! A fact!
-Oh God.
348
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:19,730
Whether a lot or a little. I poo seven
to eight times a day, and that's normal.
349
00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:22,065
-Jesus!
-Seven to eight times is not normal.
350
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,859
All right, Wendy. The point is
351
00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:26,403
my man and our leader Clark
can keep that bound up if he wants.
352
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:29,031
Okay, pause.
Since when was Clark our leader?
353
00:16:29,114 --> 00:16:30,699
Yeah, why is Clark our leader?
354
00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:32,701
I didn't make us our leader.
I-- I'm so sorry.
355
00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:35,871
No, no, no, you misunderstand.
Of course he didn't make himself leader.
356
00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:39,041
-And he glows!
357
00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:40,584
Can we go?
358
00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:43,545
Come on. Way ahead of you.
359
00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:45,005
Oh. Bye, guys.
360
00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:46,339
-Bye, Clark.
-See ya, Clark.
361
00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:47,591
On your side, bud.
362
00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:53,096
Hi, Skittles.
363
00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:55,307
Do you like cats?
364
00:16:57,893 --> 00:17:01,855
Um… I can honestly say
that I have almost no opinion of cats.
365
00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:03,940
Oh really? I have two. This is Skittles.
366
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:07,069
And as you can see,
she's a real snack machine.
367
00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:09,196
They're so sweet. They're so sweet.
368
00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:10,655
Ah! There you go.
369
00:17:10,739 --> 00:17:13,075
All right. All right.
Go play. Go play.
370
00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:16,661
-Mm.
-How you doin', Clark?
371
00:17:17,788 --> 00:17:21,500
You know, uh… I think I'm doing
really good, really well.
372
00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:24,961
You know, just so good.
I'm just kinda… you know, just chillin'.
373
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:28,215
Just enjoying the evening and just kinda…
Everything's really good.
374
00:17:28,799 --> 00:17:30,717
-You seem really anxious.
-Do I?
375
00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:33,512
You know, that might just be
because, I don't know, um…
376
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:37,265
You know,
we met an angel, is one thing.
377
00:17:37,349 --> 00:17:41,144
And then, um, you know, apparently, uh…
there's a lot of responsibilities
378
00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:44,064
on my plate for some reason,
even though I didn't ask for it.
379
00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:47,651
It's fine, because who doesn't want them?
Because responsibility's a fine thing.
380
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:50,946
But, then, also, how do you get God's
message out when you're supposed to--
381
00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:57,494
How do you feel now?
382
00:17:58,078 --> 00:17:59,746
-I feel a lot better. Thank you.
-Mm.
383
00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:04,751
I think everything's gonna be just fine.
384
00:18:04,835 --> 00:18:06,586
Footage of an average-looking man
385
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:10,173
who, as you can see,
seems to glow with a very bright light.
386
00:18:10,257 --> 00:18:14,094
Our own Susan Storm interviewed
the influential Reverend Milton Throp.
387
00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:17,722
So, Reverend, you're saying this glowing
has a religious reason behind it?
388
00:18:18,223 --> 00:18:20,684
No, I'm saying that
that is exactly what this…
389
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:24,229
false witness, Clark Thompson,
is trying to make us believe.
390
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:28,233
To see this deceiver
attempt to confuse our fellow citizens
391
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:32,237
with false miracles and trickery,
well, it makes me very angry.
392
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:37,826
This shyster, whoever he is,
is, at best, a charlatan, and at worst
393
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:40,537
a horrible agent of the Devil.
394
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,080
Agent of the Devil.
395
00:18:42,164 --> 00:18:46,710
I didn't… That did not go
as positively as I had hoped for.
396
00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:49,379
I mean, come on, who is this guy?
397
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:51,840
He's never met me. He doesn't know me.
398
00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:54,634
I mean,
I think God picked the wrong person.
399
00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:56,928
I don't think he picked the wrong person.
400
00:18:58,763 --> 00:19:00,849
We don't have to watch any more TV.
401
00:19:01,558 --> 00:19:03,977
We could do something entirely different.
402
00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:15,322
For the record, I did not mean to do that.
403
00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:17,365
I like it.
404
00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:20,493
-This is the place!
-I believe in you, Clark!
405
00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:21,786
You're a blasphemer!
406
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:25,123
Blasphemers like you will burn in hell!
You will burn in hell forever!
407
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,251
Clark, you're the messiah!
408
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,795
I'm really sorry.
409
00:19:30,879 --> 00:19:34,507
I-- I can walk you to your scooter.
I can take you home. I'm so sorry.
410
00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:36,927
I can't say it's not weird, because it's…
411
00:19:37,552 --> 00:19:38,553
it's weird.
412
00:19:38,637 --> 00:19:40,555
I mean, it's-- Yeah, it's batshit.
413
00:19:40,639 --> 00:19:43,892
But maybe if we just drink enough tequila,
it'll seem okay.
414
00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:46,978
I don't really drink, so I'm okay.
415
00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:49,564
Well, you should consider starting.
416
00:19:49,648 --> 00:19:50,815
Charlatan!
417
00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:52,317
Clark!
418
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,320
Clark! Clark!
Clark! Clark! Clark! Clark!
419
00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:57,739
Clark! Clark! Clark! Clark! Clark!