1
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:10,571
Thank you.
2
00:01:11,531 --> 00:01:13,199
My loyal subjects,
3
00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:16,244
tonight is not a night of celebration.
4
00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:19,539
Tonight is a night
5
00:01:19,622 --> 00:01:20,456
of judgment.
6
00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:23,960
Golidriyule of Gilgar,
7
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:28,256
you have humiliated yourself in battle.
8
00:01:28,923 --> 00:01:31,259
What's more, you have bothered me,
your quest manager,
9
00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:32,969
with your constant complaining.
10
00:01:34,554 --> 00:01:37,765
As the eldest goblin of our sect,
11
00:01:37,849 --> 00:01:39,433
I call upon a vote.
12
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,145
Do we banish
13
00:01:42,228 --> 00:01:46,607
Golidriyule of Gilgar
from Gilgarath forever?
14
00:01:46,691 --> 00:01:49,735
-Aye!
15
00:01:49,819 --> 00:01:51,988
So, it is decided.
16
00:01:52,989 --> 00:01:54,282
Golidriyule of Gilgar,
17
00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:56,450
hand me your sword.
18
00:01:56,534 --> 00:01:58,244
Not so fast.
19
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,998
As the current quest champion,
20
00:02:02,582 --> 00:02:04,167
you require my vote.
21
00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:07,587
The vote of Glenwyn of Galganthian.
22
00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:11,174
Now, this poor soul must stay.
23
00:02:11,841 --> 00:02:14,302
Because he literally
has nowhere else to go.
24
00:02:14,385 --> 00:02:15,386
-Like, at all.
25
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:18,472
-Never thought of that.
-If anyone opposes me,
26
00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:21,809
you are much welcome to taste my steel.
27
00:02:21,893 --> 00:02:23,019
Not I.
28
00:02:23,102 --> 00:02:25,980
He steals my snacks every week, Amily.
He has to go.
29
00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:28,566
Steve, can you please
stop breaking character?
30
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,401
-Cut it out.
-Oh.
31
00:02:31,027 --> 00:02:32,612
Who here opposes me?
32
00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:37,617
You're in character. Right, Amily?
I mean, it's a simple misunderstanding.
33
00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:40,578
-Oh, yeah. We're totally good.
-So I still have a ride home?
34
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,455
-Yeah, for sure. Come on.
-Thank you.
35
00:02:43,289 --> 00:02:44,624
-Ogre!
-Aah!
36
00:02:44,707 --> 00:02:46,375
Prepare to die.
37
00:02:46,459 --> 00:02:49,629
-And so the battle begins!
38
00:02:54,926 --> 00:02:57,929
-Wow, you're good at combat.
-You're so fierce.
39
00:02:58,012 --> 00:03:00,681
I really am, you know,
when you watch it back like this.
40
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:17,490
Usually, I'm on
a combo of Vicodin and steroids.
41
00:03:17,573 --> 00:03:19,951
So I can't really vouch for my actions.
42
00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:21,369
-Really?
-Oh yeah.
43
00:03:21,452 --> 00:03:24,538
Sometimes I'm like, "I can't believe
my heart's still beating."
44
00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:31,045
Suck it, Vernon! Fuck you!
I'm not going anywhere, man.
45
00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:32,546
-Hey, hey. It's role play.
-Whoo!
46
00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:34,632
-Role play, not real.
-Are you okay?
47
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,592
-Sorry. What?
-Are you okay? You seem distracted.
48
00:03:36,676 --> 00:03:39,971
Oh! Uh, yeah. No, I--
I just keep thinking that
49
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:44,141
there's gotta be something more I can do
to help out the cause.
50
00:03:44,225 --> 00:03:47,478
I volunteered to do a TED Talk,
and I was impolitely declined.
51
00:03:48,104 --> 00:03:50,439
We tried the skywriter.
They misspelled everything.
52
00:03:51,023 --> 00:03:53,025
I may have been
the weak link in that chain.
53
00:03:53,109 --> 00:03:54,652
May?
54
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,821
-Whatever happened--
-It was definitely Tom.
55
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:58,948
He always misspells everything.
56
00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:01,784
-Um, however it went down--
-Tom is clearly at fault.
57
00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:04,620
-Yeah. It's Tom.
-Guys, I did the mea culpa.
58
00:04:04,704 --> 00:04:05,746
Got it.
59
00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:10,126
In your defense, I mean, you know,
it's hard to throw yourself out there
60
00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:13,254
when Satan is literally trying
to track you down to murder you.
61
00:04:13,963 --> 00:04:15,506
That's true. That is true.
62
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:19,510
But I feel like somebody smarter,
or braver, or wiser--
63
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,847
Clark, you've done everything you've
been asked to do up to this point.
64
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,725
And one good thing did happen.
God saved your dad.
65
00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:27,935
-Using me as a conduit.
66
00:04:28,019 --> 00:04:31,272
Lest we forget. It's kind of a big deal
when you think about it.
67
00:04:31,355 --> 00:04:33,983
How could we ever forget?
You always harp on about it.
68
00:04:34,567 --> 00:04:35,860
It just feels like you forget.
69
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,945
-Hey, whoa. Speaking of.
70
00:04:38,446 --> 00:04:39,864
Hey, Pop. How you doin'?
71
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,198
Say hello from me!
72
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:43,534
Clark, where you been?
73
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:44,910
Well, I told you. At work.
74
00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:46,829
You told me to leave because it was weird
75
00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:48,998
going to the bathroom
with people that close to you.
76
00:04:49,081 --> 00:04:51,459
Is-- I can come right back.
Is everything okay?
77
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,544
The food here is killing me.
78
00:04:54,170 --> 00:04:57,465
I need our favorite dish to heal.
My mom's recipe.
79
00:04:57,548 --> 00:05:00,509
Yeah. The perfect roast chicken
with Hasselback potatoes?
80
00:05:00,593 --> 00:05:01,635
No problem. You got it.
81
00:05:01,719 --> 00:05:04,555
Clark, please.
I wouldn't ask this if it wasn't--
82
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,057
No problem. I'm happy to do it.
83
00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:07,892
Oh, please, Clark. I wouldn't ask--
84
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,018
No, I said yes.
85
00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:11,771
Oh. Okay-- Okay, great. I just, uh…
86
00:05:11,854 --> 00:05:14,482
I don't know.
I imagined there would be more pushback.
87
00:05:14,565 --> 00:05:16,650
No, I said yes. Easy.
88
00:05:17,443 --> 00:05:19,195
Hi, Gene! Hi!
89
00:05:19,278 --> 00:05:22,114
-Amily, is that you?
-Hey. I'm so glad you're feeling better.
90
00:05:22,198 --> 00:05:25,034
Have you made Amily the-- the chicken yet?
91
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,037
You know, the chicken's the clincher.
92
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:31,040
-No. No, I haven't. Not yet, Pop.
-Chicken's the clincher.
93
00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:33,209
I will have the perfect roast chicken
for you tonight.
94
00:05:33,292 --> 00:05:35,086
Oh! I can't wait.
95
00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:36,295
Chicken's the clincher.
96
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,798
Yeah. That's thrice now you've said it.
97
00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:41,550
Goodbye, my precious, wonderful son.
98
00:05:42,218 --> 00:05:43,344
Bye, Gene!
99
00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:44,512
Bye!
100
00:05:45,638 --> 00:05:47,515
Heard about the chicken?
It's the clincher.
101
00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:49,725
-Oh, I hadn't heard that yet.
102
00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:05,616
No way, Tom.
103
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:06,909
-What?
-You always do this.
104
00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:09,036
It's so weird. There's so many stalls.
105
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,163
That's really funny. man.
Look, I've been thinking--
106
00:06:11,247 --> 00:06:14,125
I'm stopping you right there.
We're not having a conversation.
107
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:17,002
If I'm Tom the Baptist,
what does that make you?
108
00:06:17,086 --> 00:06:18,212
First of all, I'm Muslim--
109
00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:20,297
Oh my God,
we're having a conversation.
110
00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:24,301
Okay, so right there. Muslim. That's
way different from Christianity, right?
111
00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:26,011
No, not really. Uh…
112
00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:30,057
Look, I can tell you
that Muslims worship God.
113
00:06:30,141 --> 00:06:33,144
And we believe that Muhammad
is his prophet. Peace be upon him.
114
00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:34,353
Instead of Jesus?
115
00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:37,273
No. We believe
that Jesus is a prophet too.
116
00:06:37,356 --> 00:06:40,651
But we follow the teachings of Muhammad.
Peace be upon him. All right?
117
00:06:41,152 --> 00:06:43,988
And it's all the same God.
It's not a bunch of different Gods.
118
00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:46,740
Jews, Muslims, Christians. Same God.
119
00:06:46,824 --> 00:06:51,495
It's the God that Clark
apparently spoke to in this bathroom.
120
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,706
Yeah. You know, for whatever reason,
121
00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:55,708
I thought there were,
like, a million gods?
122
00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:59,295
-Yeah, well
-I suppose I'm not that spiritual.
123
00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:02,381
But God did work through me.
124
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,509
Yeah, you've mentioned that to me,
like, 55 million times.
125
00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:07,970
I wanna see if telepathy's
one of my new powers.
126
00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:11,182
Okay, I'm sending you a message
with my mind. It's a question.
127
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,101
-I'm not getting it.
-Damn it!
128
00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:17,188
Okay, the question was,
do you still go to church?
129
00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:18,230
You mean the mosque.
130
00:07:18,314 --> 00:07:19,565
Uh-hmm-hmm?
131
00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:21,734
A mosque is a place of worship
for Muslims.
132
00:07:21,817 --> 00:07:24,361
Okay, stop treating me like I'm dumb.
133
00:07:24,445 --> 00:07:25,738
-Just, do you go or not?
134
00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:27,656
No, I don't really. I mean, I…
135
00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:30,117
I guess I'm kind of like a lapsed Muslim.
136
00:07:30,201 --> 00:07:32,995
You know, I sort of fell away
from religion as I got older,
137
00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:34,622
like a lot of people do.
138
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:38,959
That's probably why God
was talking to Clark in the first place.
139
00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:42,087
He probably wants to know
how many people still believe.
140
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,840
Wow. That's pretty deep.
141
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:52,097
I suppose I'm having trouble understanding
why God chose to work through me.
142
00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:53,057
Tom.
143
00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:57,228
And I promise you this is the last thing
I'm going to say to you from this stall.
144
00:07:57,770 --> 00:08:00,981
But I think the reason
God chose to work through you
145
00:08:01,065 --> 00:08:02,525
is because you had…
146
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:05,653
a purpose, right, in that moment.
147
00:08:07,029 --> 00:08:08,197
And you were true.
148
00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:11,534
You know,
Clark says that all religions are true.
149
00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:15,454
So it's not that you're
John the Baptist or Tom the Baptist,
150
00:08:15,538 --> 00:08:19,833
or that you're from a particular religion
or a religious guy, it's just…
151
00:08:21,752 --> 00:08:24,421
You did something good
in a moment that was blessed.
152
00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:28,425
-Wow.
-Now, please, get the fuck outta here.
153
00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:29,677
Yeah. Sure, yeah.
154
00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:34,890
Hey, do you even use the bathroom?
You say you go, like, many times a day.
155
00:08:34,974 --> 00:08:36,350
No.
156
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:39,520
I use the ones downstairs.
I value my privacy, man.
157
00:08:41,105 --> 00:08:43,399
-Hey, Jack.
-Jesus Christ, Tom.
158
00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:46,443
-Hey, you.
-Hey.
159
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,490
Coffee today?
I didn't think that was your jam.
160
00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:55,494
Yeah, you know. I'm just, uh…
I'm just trying it.
161
00:08:56,078 --> 00:08:57,413
-Oof.
-Pungent?
162
00:08:57,496 --> 00:08:58,914
It's so coffee-y.
163
00:08:58,998 --> 00:09:01,125
Yeah. Hey.
164
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:04,169
I wanted to quickly say that
I thought that it was so sweet
165
00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:07,047
how you decided
to help make chicken for Clark's dad.
166
00:09:07,131 --> 00:09:11,343
Oh. It's not a big deal.
I mean, the guy was in a coma, you know?
167
00:09:11,427 --> 00:09:14,513
I think he has earned
some magic grandma chicken.
168
00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:18,017
Feels like kind of a big deal though. No?
169
00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:21,270
I don't know. I haven't, uh…
I haven't tasted it yet.
170
00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:24,273
Not the chicken.
Though that does sound wonderful.
171
00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:29,486
I think I more mean the fact that
Gene is your boyfriend's dad.
172
00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:32,156
-You're making him a family recipe.
173
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:34,533
-It's really wholesome. It's nice.
-Ew…
174
00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:38,078
So have you said anything yet?
175
00:09:38,162 --> 00:09:39,705
A certain three words?
176
00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:41,624
The big three words?
177
00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:44,918
I don't know what three words
you're talking about.
178
00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:48,964
"Is it contagious,"
or "It looks infected"?
179
00:09:49,048 --> 00:09:50,132
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
180
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,092
So funny. You always do this.
181
00:09:52,176 --> 00:09:55,763
You always deflect from answering
my questions which you find tedious.
182
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,723
You're pretty weird.
183
00:09:59,058 --> 00:10:00,934
You're like the weirdest one.
184
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:03,562
-I'm the weirdest?
-You're the weirdest one.
185
00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:06,774
I've-- I've seen weirder,
but you're the weirdest one by far.
186
00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:09,818
Okay, so what?
So sue me for being secretly weird.
187
00:10:09,902 --> 00:10:12,112
I feel like you are getting
weirder by the minute.
188
00:10:12,196 --> 00:10:14,406
You're doing a lot of hand modeling today.
189
00:10:14,490 --> 00:10:17,534
-Oh, it changes. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
-It is. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
190
00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:20,287
-She can move. Pah. Pah.
-Oh. Oh. Robotic hinges.
191
00:10:20,371 --> 00:10:22,331
-Oil can.
-Pah. Pah,
192
00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:24,291
-This is what we do. This is what we do.
-Can!
193
00:10:24,375 --> 00:10:26,585
-For our morning coffee. Oh, here they go.
-Ch. Ch. Ch.
194
00:10:26,669 --> 00:10:30,339
-Robots. Those probably need a little oil.
195
00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:32,424
-That's cool. Hey, um…
196
00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:36,553
I thought I might do my chicken journey
if you're still up for it. No pressure.
197
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:38,639
No. I'll-- I'll totally go with you.
198
00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:40,849
I-- I only show up to work
to hang out with this one.
199
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,412
I think you're nice too.
200
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,997
I'm not sure of the next best steps.
201
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,875
Let's say they're whatever
you want them to be.
202
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,920
Also, I'm hoping we don't die soon.
203
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:12,589
Sincerely, Mohsin Raza.
204
00:11:18,429 --> 00:11:22,224
I think it's really sweet that
you're making your dad's favorite meal.
205
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:24,143
Well, it is pretty perfect.
206
00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:26,645
-I hear it's the clincher.
207
00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:28,397
-Didn't need leeks.
-Oh.
208
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:29,481
Hup, hup!
209
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,234
-Okay. Don't-- don't need apples.
-Hup. Hup.
210
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,862
-Don't need apples. Don't need apples--
-Hup. Oh, one of these?
211
00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:37,406
-Oh. Okay. Thank you.
-Ooh.
212
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:41,535
-Green stuff. Here you go.
-Thank you. Thank you, uh--
213
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:42,995
I think I have everything I need.
214
00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:44,621
-Except for the chicken.
-More green.
215
00:11:44,705 --> 00:11:47,082
Yeah. You wanna go
check out the chicken aisle?
216
00:11:47,166 --> 00:11:48,167
-Yeah, sure.
-Cool.
217
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,514
Ooh, premium chicken.
218
00:12:03,974 --> 00:12:05,017
Ooh!
219
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:07,394
Oh, I would ask you
not to throw raw chicken at me, please.
220
00:12:07,478 --> 00:12:09,188
I can't make any promises.
221
00:12:11,315 --> 00:12:12,816
-Yah!
222
00:12:19,198 --> 00:12:20,532
-Earthquake.
223
00:12:20,616 --> 00:12:21,992
-Oh no.
224
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,244
-Come on, come on! Yah!
-Go, go, go, go, go!
225
00:12:24,328 --> 00:12:25,454
-Go, go, go!
226
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,247
Go!
227
00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:30,751
Get out! Run!
228
00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:32,503
-Ooh! Let's go!
-Clark!
229
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,588
-Oh, my gosh! Go! Go!
230
00:12:35,172 --> 00:12:36,882
-Run!
231
00:12:38,217 --> 00:12:40,093
-There they go!
-Run!
232
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:49,228
-Oh! What the hell?
-Easy, easy.
233
00:12:50,521 --> 00:12:51,355
Yah!
234
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:57,569
So you guys are LARPers?
235
00:12:57,653 --> 00:13:01,281
There's an amazing
cowboy LARPing group up in Malibu
236
00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:05,077
-that I think you would be perfect for.
-We ain't LARPers. Whatever that may be.
237
00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:07,371
Okay, then what…
238
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,540
-What the hell are you?
239
00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:13,085
We are the Four Horsemen
of the Apocalypse, little lady.
240
00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:14,336
Horse people.
241
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,547
I feel you, sister.
242
00:13:17,256 --> 00:13:19,716
Okay, so that would make you
War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death.
243
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,927
So, um, pretty cool.
244
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:23,262
You know, introductions, right?
245
00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:26,056
Uh, you know, 'cause it's just
a little odd to be meeting you.
246
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,850
-I'm Clark. This is Amily.
-I'm Amily.
247
00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:29,852
I'm assuming, sir, that you are Death?
248
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,104
I'm Pestilence.
249
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:34,398
-He's Pestilence. Yes, I was…
-I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
250
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:37,067
-So, uh… Death?
-War.
251
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,235
-Sorry. Apologies.
-Yeah.
252
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,737
-So that would make you…
-Uh…
253
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:41,864
Death.
254
00:13:41,947 --> 00:13:43,824
I am known as Famine.
255
00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:46,076
-Famine. Famine…
-Cool.
256
00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:49,872
Process of elimination. You are Death.
257
00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:51,957
-Yes.
-Got it. Got it.
258
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,126
Our coming has been foretold.
259
00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:57,379
Our beginning
foretells the ending of all else.
260
00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:00,424
-What the fuck does that mean?
-I think, Amily,
261
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,467
-he's discussing the incoming apocalypse.
-I--
262
00:14:02,551 --> 00:14:04,636
That's what you're here to usher in,
I'm assuming?
263
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:08,223
And, uh, you know, I'm assuming,
because you're here and it's in a store,
264
00:14:08,307 --> 00:14:10,434
uh, we're talking about
kind of a right now situation?
265
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,561
Oh, you're absolutely correct.
266
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,855
It's gonna be a bloodbath.
267
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:18,025
-Oh, Jesus. Shit.
-Great. Shit.
268
00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:19,401
Uh, so, uh…
269
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:22,696
You know, if you don't mind me asking,
what side, uh, are you on?
270
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:25,240
-Did God send you, or Lucifer--
-Enough questions.
271
00:14:25,324 --> 00:14:28,327
We can't bring in the apocalypse
until we bring you in, Clark.
272
00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:30,996
So how's this gonna go?
273
00:14:32,581 --> 00:14:33,457
The easy way?
274
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:35,542
Or the hard way?
275
00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:40,464
-Ouch.
-Go, go, go.
276
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,299
Go, go, go! Okay, okay!
277
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,593
-Eat a sandwich!
-Gotta go! Oh, my gosh!
278
00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:46,053
Keep the change!
279
00:14:46,595 --> 00:14:48,013
Gonna need a minute, fellas.
280
00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:50,182
Oh, gosh. Oh, my gosh.
281
00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:54,937
Wow. This is really serious.
282
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:58,732
I mean, if the Four Horsemen
are really here, which they are,
283
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:01,818
that either means
that God is losing the war in Heaven
284
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,738
or has lost patience with us.
285
00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:07,032
It does kind of seem like that,
doesn't it? I just…
286
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,868
-I wish I could do more to help.
-What are you talking about?
287
00:15:09,952 --> 00:15:12,329
-You're amazing. You do everything.
-I couldn't help your dad.
288
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,206
Tom helped your dad, and I'm so glad--
289
00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:17,751
You took on a Horseman of the Apocalypse,
and you won.
290
00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:21,254
I just wish I could do more
than kick a guy in the dick.
291
00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:23,340
Aw. You're so nice.
292
00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:26,718
I mean,
if this is really close to the end,
293
00:15:26,802 --> 00:15:29,638
I'm just so happy that you're with me.
294
00:15:30,222 --> 00:15:31,056
Me too.
295
00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:32,933
Meaning you.
296
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:36,144
-Not meaning I'm glad I'm with myself.
-With yourself.
297
00:15:36,228 --> 00:15:37,604
I'm glad I'm with you.
298
00:15:38,397 --> 00:15:40,148
That's what I mean. I don't know…
299
00:15:40,232 --> 00:15:42,317
-Maybe it's not the end of the world.
300
00:15:42,401 --> 00:15:44,361
Sometimes the good guys win, right?
301
00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:49,574
I feel the very strong urge to pray.
302
00:15:50,701 --> 00:15:53,787
Oh, you mean like an urge urge?
Oh. All right. I'm in.
303
00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:57,416
-Dear God.
-Oh, God!
304
00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:59,501
No wonder Catholics are so cranky.
305
00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:01,962
First of all,
thank you so much for everything.
306
00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:07,217
Secondly, I'm really sorry I haven't done
a better job of getting your message out.
307
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,552
Sorry!
308
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:11,930
Thirdly, the Four Horsemen
of the Apocalypse are here,
309
00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:13,890
and things are seeming pretty dire.
310
00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:15,809
It's gettin' weird.
311
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:16,852
Fourthly,
312
00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:20,105
I don't know what the next steps are.
313
00:16:21,398 --> 00:16:25,652
Fifthly, and I'm sorry, normally people
just go to three, I went to five…
314
00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:29,031
But if you could
give us any kind of a sign,
315
00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:31,324
we would really appreciate it.
316
00:16:34,870 --> 00:16:36,204
Holy shit. I think it worked.
317
00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:42,544
I am very disappointed in you, son.
318
00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:46,048
About what now, Mom?
319
00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:48,717
About lying to the world. That's what.
320
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:51,428
Your lies are leading to bad things.
321
00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:56,600
There were people pretending to be Riders
of the Apocalypse in the grocery store.
322
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,811
Those people were not pretending.
Those are the real Riders.
323
00:16:59,895 --> 00:17:01,438
This is a very serious situation.
324
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:04,649
Preposterous.
They frightened the shit out of everyone.
325
00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:06,026
My friend Katharine was there,
326
00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:09,654
and she texted me
a sea of useless, frightened emojis.
327
00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:12,866
I think it's all because of you, Clark,
and I didn't raise you to lie.
328
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,326
Uh Dad raised me, Mom.
329
00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:16,119
I mean, come on.
330
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:18,622
What's the secret of the glowing trick?
331
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:22,501
What? Have you got a remote control
in your backside or something?
332
00:17:22,584 --> 00:17:25,295
Is that the best version of glowing
people can come up with?
333
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:28,799
Also, I know your father isn't well.
334
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,218
I should go pay my final respects.
335
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:35,555
Actually, he had a miraculous recovery,
Mom. So that's great news.
336
00:17:35,639 --> 00:17:37,390
He was a good man. A good father.
337
00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:39,601
You're not listening to me,
and that is not new.
338
00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:42,604
The only reason I left you two
to your own devices
339
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:45,190
was because you were always so close.
340
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:46,900
Who is this?
341
00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,444
Oh, this? This is Amily.
342
00:17:49,528 --> 00:17:50,779
Hello, Emily.
343
00:17:50,862 --> 00:17:52,531
It's Amily with an "A."
344
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:54,616
Wouldn't that be Aimily?
345
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:58,954
I don't know. I'm not a dictionary,
Clark's Mom. I know it's pronounced Amily.
346
00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:04,292
My name is Helen. As in Helen
of fucking Troy. Thank you very much.
347
00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:06,920
Oh, thank you for this elixir.
348
00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:08,880
Eh. I like her.
349
00:18:08,964 --> 00:18:12,634
Even though she has shown up
at exactly the same time
350
00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:16,513
that your life has swirled
into a web of deceit and trash,
351
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:19,057
which is most certainly not a coincidence.
352
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:21,643
Please tell me
you're not having premarital sex.
353
00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:23,353
Oh, Mom.
354
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,647
I know I haven't been
the best mother to you.
355
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:29,109
Even though nobody ever
talks about how difficult it is
356
00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:30,986
for the mother to leave.
357
00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:34,406
-Oof.
-But I have to advise you as best I can.
358
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:38,660
So I'm saying stop lying to America.
359
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:41,204
And say no premarital nookie.
360
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,748
-Mom.
-No way.
361
00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:46,293
Absolutely not. No.
362
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:50,922
You can tell me that I'm bad and I'm wrong
as much as you want.
363
00:18:51,006 --> 00:18:52,632
You can even deny the apocalypse.
364
00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:55,218
But I'm not gonna let you bring Amily
365
00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:58,305
into your extraordinary brand
of bull-roar.
366
00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:02,767
You have never spoken to me
like that in your entire life.
367
00:19:02,851 --> 00:19:04,936
Well, I've never had the reason to.
368
00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:07,564
But I will not
have you speak that way about Amily.
369
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,900
She's the best of us.
I won't stand for it.
370
00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:12,777
Thanks, Clarky.
371
00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:13,737
"Clarky"?
372
00:19:14,279 --> 00:19:16,239
He's not a porcelain doll, Amily.
373
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:21,161
I'm going to take my leave
before someone says something I'll regret.
374
00:19:24,915 --> 00:19:27,250
I mean it, son. Stop with the bullshit.
375
00:19:32,631 --> 00:19:34,507
-That's my mom, everybody.
376
00:19:37,552 --> 00:19:39,095
C'mon, Wendy. You've been there forever!
377
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:41,640
Stop lurking outside the bathroom, Tom!
378
00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:43,225
I do not wanna come out in this.
379
00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:45,644
I have mine on. Does that help or hurt?
380
00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:51,358
Oh, you've got to be shitting me.
381
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:52,692
What?
382
00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:57,322
Wendy, Council of Clark sweatshirts.
We're official! You look amazing.
383
00:19:58,073 --> 00:20:01,034
Could you stop storming off
and use your words, please?
384
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:03,161
Okay, fine. I will use my words.
385
00:20:03,245 --> 00:20:07,290
You can't make Council of Clark into
an acronym and slap it on a sweatshirt,
386
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:08,792
because it clearly says "cock."
387
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:11,544
Guys, it means Council of Clark.
388
00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:15,507
As Tom the Baptist, I decree them sacred.
So say we all.
389
00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:18,510
There's a small problem with that.
You didn't baptize anybody.
390
00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:20,887
Wh-- You guys were there.
391
00:20:20,971 --> 00:20:25,433
My single tear fell onto Gene and it
brought him to life. Therefore, Baptist.
392
00:20:25,517 --> 00:20:28,728
It takes way more
than a single tear to baptize somebody.
393
00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:31,398
-I'd say at least a quarter cup.
-Quarter cup.
394
00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:33,858
-Oh!
-Gosh, we are so in sync. Thank you.
395
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:35,944
Okay, who cares? The sweatshirts stay.
396
00:20:36,027 --> 00:20:39,155
They're codified and sanctified and must
be worn by every member of the group.
397
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:41,783
I'm not wearing it.
It clearly says "cock" on it, Tom.
398
00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:43,493
As a proud feminist, I won't wear anything
399
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,328
that reinforces
the patriarchical upper hand.
400
00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:47,414
-FTP. Fuck the patriarchy.
401
00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:50,041
Am I going crazy?
Cock has a "K" in it. A "K!"
402
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:51,668
It's at least cock-adjacent, Tom.
403
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:53,586
-Yeah.
-It's just letters, guys.
404
00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:56,756
I promise you,
no one anywhere will read this as "cock."
405
00:20:57,799 --> 00:20:59,092
Cock. Cock.
406
00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:04,931
Cock… I gotta cock corp… Call corporate.
I gotta call corporate. Cock!
407
00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:16,818
Oh, I like it.
408
00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:19,321
I mean, the chicken is-- is perfect.
409
00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:22,115
And the skin, perfection.
410
00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:25,160
And the potatoes are nice.
411
00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:28,580
Uh-oh. The chicken was perfection,
but the potatoes are just nice?
412
00:21:28,663 --> 00:21:31,166
Well, you know,
I'm just saying that it's, uh…
413
00:21:31,249 --> 00:21:34,044
It's okay to experiment
with potatoes, you know?
414
00:21:34,711 --> 00:21:36,212
Have a little fun spicin' 'em up.
415
00:21:36,296 --> 00:21:40,091
Well, I mean, in our defense,
we did encounter four evil horse people…
416
00:21:40,175 --> 00:21:41,843
-True.
-…while we tried to get ingredients.
417
00:21:41,926 --> 00:21:43,678
-And then Mom showed up.
-Mom?
418
00:21:45,055 --> 00:21:45,889
What did she say?
419
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:48,475
So you wanna skip over
the four evil horse people part?
420
00:21:48,558 --> 00:21:50,643
By the way,
they foretell the coming apocalypse.
421
00:21:50,727 --> 00:21:52,479
-Oh.
-But Mom…
422
00:21:52,562 --> 00:21:55,190
Well, Mom was just,
I guess, doin'… Mom stuff.
423
00:21:55,273 --> 00:21:56,941
-Oh, boy.
-Yeah.
424
00:21:57,025 --> 00:22:01,446
-She was not kind to Amily.
-She did not care for any of this.
425
00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:04,032
Oh. You spoke your mind, didn't you, son?
426
00:22:04,115 --> 00:22:05,742
You know what? I did.
427
00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:07,786
-Good.
-He really let her have it.
428
00:22:09,454 --> 00:22:10,663
I appreciate him.
429
00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:14,376
Well, I can't thank you enough
for this delicious meal.
430
00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:16,795
It reminds me of my mom.
431
00:22:16,878 --> 00:22:18,880
Oh! I'm glad.
432
00:22:18,963 --> 00:22:21,800
Amily, could a man have a finer son?
433
00:22:22,384 --> 00:22:23,385
I don't see how.
434
00:22:27,097 --> 00:22:30,475
My God. I haven't even
tried the magic chicken. Okay.
435
00:22:32,685 --> 00:22:33,520
Oh my God.
436
00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:37,732
Oh my God.
That is so… It's like beyond perfect.
437
00:22:37,816 --> 00:22:39,234
Unbelievable. That skin.
438
00:22:39,317 --> 00:22:41,861
What did I tell ya? It's the clincher.
439
00:22:41,945 --> 00:22:43,154
It's the clincher.
440
00:22:43,738 --> 00:22:45,657
-Sorry, guys.
441
00:22:46,491 --> 00:22:49,160
-This is a blocked FaceTime.
-Go ahead and answer it.
442
00:22:49,828 --> 00:22:52,497
It could be the gas company
and they're coming to turn off your gas.
443
00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:54,874
Never pick up a blocked number.
Blocked FaceTime?
444
00:22:54,958 --> 00:22:56,960
-Pick it up.
-You can't block a FaceTime.
445
00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:59,045
-Do not pick that up.
-Pick it up.
446
00:22:59,129 --> 00:23:00,338
-No.
-Answer the phone.
447
00:23:00,422 --> 00:23:01,464
-Okay.
448
00:23:02,257 --> 00:23:03,508
Hi there, dipshit.
449
00:23:04,134 --> 00:23:05,885
Weren't you wondering where I've been?
450
00:23:05,969 --> 00:23:08,888
Well, I'll tell you.
I just got back from killing Chamuel.
451
00:23:08,972 --> 00:23:10,014
That's right.
452
00:23:10,098 --> 00:23:14,227
It took a while, but I finally slit
his neck like a turkey, and now he's dead!
453
00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:17,522
And he screamed
and cried like a baby the whole time.
454
00:23:17,605 --> 00:23:20,024
Ooh! Guess what? God's dead too.
455
00:23:20,108 --> 00:23:21,359
-No.
-Yeah!
456
00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:23,945
It's over. Why do you think
the horsemen were unleashed?
457
00:23:24,028 --> 00:23:24,946
She's lying.
458
00:23:25,530 --> 00:23:27,574
We know you're lying! We're not buying it!
459
00:23:28,158 --> 00:23:30,535
Hi, best friend! You know I'm not.
460
00:23:30,618 --> 00:23:34,497
And now I'm right outside
your little hospital.
461
00:23:34,581 --> 00:23:37,542
Ooh! Hi, doc! Nice scrubs.
462
00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:41,337
Frisbee's stupid Hogwarts spell
can't keep me out of there forever.
463
00:23:42,464 --> 00:23:44,924
And once I get in there, you're all dead.
464
00:23:45,008 --> 00:23:48,219
Then I'm going to torture your souls
in Hell forever.
465
00:23:48,928 --> 00:23:51,347
Okay, I think that's it.
466
00:23:51,431 --> 00:23:52,849
I'll see you soon! Bye!
467
00:23:59,439 --> 00:24:01,399
The gas company doesn't FaceTime.