1 00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:10,571 Thank you. 2 00:01:11,531 --> 00:01:13,199 My loyal subjects, 3 00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:16,244 tonight is not a night of celebration. 4 00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:19,539 Tonight is a night 5 00:01:19,622 --> 00:01:20,456 of judgment. 6 00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:23,960 Golidriyule of Gilgar, 7 00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:28,256 you have humiliated yourself in battle. 8 00:01:28,923 --> 00:01:31,259 What's more, you have bothered me, your quest manager, 9 00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:32,969 with your constant complaining. 10 00:01:34,554 --> 00:01:37,765 As the eldest goblin of our sect, 11 00:01:37,849 --> 00:01:39,433 I call upon a vote. 12 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,145 Do we banish 13 00:01:42,228 --> 00:01:46,607 Golidriyule of Gilgar from Gilgarath forever? 14 00:01:46,691 --> 00:01:49,735 -Aye! 15 00:01:49,819 --> 00:01:51,988 So, it is decided. 16 00:01:52,989 --> 00:01:54,282 Golidriyule of Gilgar, 17 00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:56,450 hand me your sword. 18 00:01:56,534 --> 00:01:58,244 Not so fast. 19 00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,998 As the current quest champion, 20 00:02:02,582 --> 00:02:04,167 you require my vote. 21 00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:07,587 The vote of Glenwyn of Galganthian. 22 00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:11,174 Now, this poor soul must stay. 23 00:02:11,841 --> 00:02:14,302 Because he literally has nowhere else to go. 24 00:02:14,385 --> 00:02:15,386 -Like, at all. 25 00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:18,472 -Never thought of that. -If anyone opposes me, 26 00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:21,809 you are much welcome to taste my steel. 27 00:02:21,893 --> 00:02:23,019 Not I. 28 00:02:23,102 --> 00:02:25,980 He steals my snacks every week, Amily. He has to go. 29 00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:28,566 Steve, can you please stop breaking character? 30 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,401 -Cut it out. -Oh. 31 00:02:31,027 --> 00:02:32,612 Who here opposes me? 32 00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:37,617 You're in character. Right, Amily? I mean, it's a simple misunderstanding. 33 00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:40,578 -Oh, yeah. We're totally good. -So I still have a ride home? 34 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,455 -Yeah, for sure. Come on. -Thank you. 35 00:02:43,289 --> 00:02:44,624 -Ogre! -Aah! 36 00:02:44,707 --> 00:02:46,375 Prepare to die. 37 00:02:46,459 --> 00:02:49,629 -And so the battle begins! 38 00:02:54,926 --> 00:02:57,929 -Wow, you're good at combat. -You're so fierce. 39 00:02:58,012 --> 00:03:00,681 I really am, you know, when you watch it back like this. 40 00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:17,490 Usually, I'm on a combo of Vicodin and steroids. 41 00:03:17,573 --> 00:03:19,951 So I can't really vouch for my actions. 42 00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:21,369 -Really? -Oh yeah. 43 00:03:21,452 --> 00:03:24,538 Sometimes I'm like, "I can't believe my heart's still beating." 44 00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:31,045 Suck it, Vernon! Fuck you! I'm not going anywhere, man. 45 00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:32,546 -Hey, hey. It's role play. -Whoo! 46 00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:34,632 -Role play, not real. -Are you okay? 47 00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,592 -Sorry. What? -Are you okay? You seem distracted. 48 00:03:36,676 --> 00:03:39,971 Oh! Uh, yeah. No, I-- I just keep thinking that 49 00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:44,141 there's gotta be something more I can do to help out the cause. 50 00:03:44,225 --> 00:03:47,478 I volunteered to do a TED Talk, and I was impolitely declined. 51 00:03:48,104 --> 00:03:50,439 We tried the skywriter. They misspelled everything. 52 00:03:51,023 --> 00:03:53,025 I may have been the weak link in that chain. 53 00:03:53,109 --> 00:03:54,652 May? 54 00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,821 -Whatever happened-- -It was definitely Tom. 55 00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:58,948 He always misspells everything. 56 00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:01,784 -Um, however it went down-- -Tom is clearly at fault. 57 00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:04,620 -Yeah. It's Tom. -Guys, I did the mea culpa. 58 00:04:04,704 --> 00:04:05,746 Got it. 59 00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:10,126 In your defense, I mean, you know, it's hard to throw yourself out there 60 00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:13,254 when Satan is literally trying to track you down to murder you. 61 00:04:13,963 --> 00:04:15,506 That's true. That is true. 62 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:19,510 But I feel like somebody smarter, or braver, or wiser-- 63 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,847 Clark, you've done everything you've been asked to do up to this point. 64 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,725 And one good thing did happen. God saved your dad. 65 00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:27,935 -Using me as a conduit. 66 00:04:28,019 --> 00:04:31,272 Lest we forget. It's kind of a big deal when you think about it. 67 00:04:31,355 --> 00:04:33,983 How could we ever forget? You always harp on about it. 68 00:04:34,567 --> 00:04:35,860 It just feels like you forget. 69 00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,945 -Hey, whoa. Speaking of. 70 00:04:38,446 --> 00:04:39,864 Hey, Pop. How you doin'? 71 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,198 Say hello from me! 72 00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:43,534 Clark, where you been? 73 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:44,910 Well, I told you. At work. 74 00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:46,829 You told me to leave because it was weird 75 00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:48,998 going to the bathroom with people that close to you. 76 00:04:49,081 --> 00:04:51,459 Is-- I can come right back. Is everything okay? 77 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,544 The food here is killing me. 78 00:04:54,170 --> 00:04:57,465 I need our favorite dish to heal. My mom's recipe. 79 00:04:57,548 --> 00:05:00,509 Yeah. The perfect roast chicken with Hasselback potatoes? 80 00:05:00,593 --> 00:05:01,635 No problem. You got it. 81 00:05:01,719 --> 00:05:04,555 Clark, please. I wouldn't ask this if it wasn't-- 82 00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,057 No problem. I'm happy to do it. 83 00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:07,892 Oh, please, Clark. I wouldn't ask-- 84 00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,018 No, I said yes. 85 00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:11,771 Oh. Okay-- Okay, great. I just, uh… 86 00:05:11,854 --> 00:05:14,482 I don't know. I imagined there would be more pushback. 87 00:05:14,565 --> 00:05:16,650 No, I said yes. Easy. 88 00:05:17,443 --> 00:05:19,195 Hi, Gene! Hi! 89 00:05:19,278 --> 00:05:22,114 -Amily, is that you? -Hey. I'm so glad you're feeling better. 90 00:05:22,198 --> 00:05:25,034 Have you made Amily the-- the chicken yet? 91 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,037 You know, the chicken's the clincher. 92 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:31,040 -No. No, I haven't. Not yet, Pop. -Chicken's the clincher. 93 00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:33,209 I will have the perfect roast chicken for you tonight. 94 00:05:33,292 --> 00:05:35,086 Oh! I can't wait. 95 00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:36,295 Chicken's the clincher. 96 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,798 Yeah. That's thrice now you've said it. 97 00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:41,550 Goodbye, my precious, wonderful son. 98 00:05:42,218 --> 00:05:43,344 Bye, Gene! 99 00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:44,512 Bye! 100 00:05:45,638 --> 00:05:47,515 Heard about the chicken? It's the clincher. 101 00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:49,725 -Oh, I hadn't heard that yet. 102 00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:05,616 No way, Tom. 103 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:06,909 -What? -You always do this. 104 00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:09,036 It's so weird. There's so many stalls. 105 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,163 That's really funny. man. Look, I've been thinking-- 106 00:06:11,247 --> 00:06:14,125 I'm stopping you right there. We're not having a conversation. 107 00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:17,002 If I'm Tom the Baptist, what does that make you? 108 00:06:17,086 --> 00:06:18,212 First of all, I'm Muslim-- 109 00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:20,297 Oh my God, we're having a conversation. 110 00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:24,301 Okay, so right there. Muslim. That's way different from Christianity, right? 111 00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:26,011 No, not really. Uh… 112 00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:30,057 Look, I can tell you that Muslims worship God. 113 00:06:30,141 --> 00:06:33,144 And we believe that Muhammad is his prophet. Peace be upon him. 114 00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:34,353 Instead of Jesus? 115 00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:37,273 No. We believe that Jesus is a prophet too. 116 00:06:37,356 --> 00:06:40,651 But we follow the teachings of Muhammad. Peace be upon him. All right? 117 00:06:41,152 --> 00:06:43,988 And it's all the same God. It's not a bunch of different Gods. 118 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:46,740 Jews, Muslims, Christians. Same God. 119 00:06:46,824 --> 00:06:51,495 It's the God that Clark apparently spoke to in this bathroom. 120 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,706 Yeah. You know, for whatever reason, 121 00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:55,708 I thought there were, like, a million gods? 122 00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:59,295 -Yeah, well -I suppose I'm not that spiritual. 123 00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:02,381 But God did work through me. 124 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,509 Yeah, you've mentioned that to me, like, 55 million times. 125 00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:07,970 I wanna see if telepathy's one of my new powers. 126 00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:11,182 Okay, I'm sending you a message with my mind. It's a question. 127 00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,101 -I'm not getting it. -Damn it! 128 00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:17,188 Okay, the question was, do you still go to church? 129 00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:18,230 You mean the mosque. 130 00:07:18,314 --> 00:07:19,565 Uh-hmm-hmm? 131 00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:21,734 A mosque is a place of worship for Muslims. 132 00:07:21,817 --> 00:07:24,361 Okay, stop treating me like I'm dumb. 133 00:07:24,445 --> 00:07:25,738 -Just, do you go or not? 134 00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:27,656 No, I don't really. I mean, I… 135 00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:30,117 I guess I'm kind of like a lapsed Muslim. 136 00:07:30,201 --> 00:07:32,995 You know, I sort of fell away from religion as I got older, 137 00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:34,622 like a lot of people do. 138 00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:38,959 That's probably why God was talking to Clark in the first place. 139 00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:42,087 He probably wants to know how many people still believe. 140 00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,840 Wow. That's pretty deep. 141 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:52,097 I suppose I'm having trouble understanding why God chose to work through me. 142 00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:53,057 Tom. 143 00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:57,228 And I promise you this is the last thing I'm going to say to you from this stall. 144 00:07:57,770 --> 00:08:00,981 But I think the reason God chose to work through you 145 00:08:01,065 --> 00:08:02,525 is because you had… 146 00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:05,653 a purpose, right, in that moment. 147 00:08:07,029 --> 00:08:08,197 And you were true. 148 00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:11,534 You know, Clark says that all religions are true. 149 00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:15,454 So it's not that you're John the Baptist or Tom the Baptist, 150 00:08:15,538 --> 00:08:19,833 or that you're from a particular religion or a religious guy, it's just… 151 00:08:21,752 --> 00:08:24,421 You did something good in a moment that was blessed. 152 00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:28,425 -Wow. -Now, please, get the fuck outta here. 153 00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:29,677 Yeah. Sure, yeah. 154 00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:34,890 Hey, do you even use the bathroom? You say you go, like, many times a day. 155 00:08:34,974 --> 00:08:36,350 No. 156 00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:39,520 I use the ones downstairs. I value my privacy, man. 157 00:08:41,105 --> 00:08:43,399 -Hey, Jack. -Jesus Christ, Tom. 158 00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:46,443 -Hey, you. -Hey. 159 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,490 Coffee today? I didn't think that was your jam. 160 00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:55,494 Yeah, you know. I'm just, uh… I'm just trying it. 161 00:08:56,078 --> 00:08:57,413 -Oof. -Pungent? 162 00:08:57,496 --> 00:08:58,914 It's so coffee-y. 163 00:08:58,998 --> 00:09:01,125 Yeah. Hey. 164 00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:04,169 I wanted to quickly say that I thought that it was so sweet 165 00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:07,047 how you decided to help make chicken for Clark's dad. 166 00:09:07,131 --> 00:09:11,343 Oh. It's not a big deal. I mean, the guy was in a coma, you know? 167 00:09:11,427 --> 00:09:14,513 I think he has earned some magic grandma chicken. 168 00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:18,017 Feels like kind of a big deal though. No? 169 00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:21,270 I don't know. I haven't, uh… I haven't tasted it yet. 170 00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:24,273 Not the chicken. Though that does sound wonderful. 171 00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:29,486 I think I more mean the fact that Gene is your boyfriend's dad. 172 00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:32,156 -You're making him a family recipe. 173 00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:34,533 -It's really wholesome. It's nice. -Ew… 174 00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:38,078 So have you said anything yet? 175 00:09:38,162 --> 00:09:39,705 A certain three words? 176 00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:41,624 The big three words? 177 00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:44,918 I don't know what three words you're talking about. 178 00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:48,964 "Is it contagious," or "It looks infected"? 179 00:09:49,048 --> 00:09:50,132 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, 180 00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,092 So funny. You always do this. 181 00:09:52,176 --> 00:09:55,763 You always deflect from answering my questions which you find tedious. 182 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,723 You're pretty weird. 183 00:09:59,058 --> 00:10:00,934 You're like the weirdest one. 184 00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:03,562 -I'm the weirdest? -You're the weirdest one. 185 00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:06,774 I've-- I've seen weirder, but you're the weirdest one by far. 186 00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:09,818 Okay, so what? So sue me for being secretly weird. 187 00:10:09,902 --> 00:10:12,112 I feel like you are getting weirder by the minute. 188 00:10:12,196 --> 00:10:14,406 You're doing a lot of hand modeling today. 189 00:10:14,490 --> 00:10:17,534 -Oh, it changes. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. -It is. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. 190 00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:20,287 -She can move. Pah. Pah. -Oh. Oh. Robotic hinges. 191 00:10:20,371 --> 00:10:22,331 -Oil can. -Pah. Pah, 192 00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:24,291 -This is what we do. This is what we do. -Can! 193 00:10:24,375 --> 00:10:26,585 -For our morning coffee. Oh, here they go. -Ch. Ch. Ch. 194 00:10:26,669 --> 00:10:30,339 -Robots. Those probably need a little oil. 195 00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:32,424 -That's cool. Hey, um… 196 00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:36,553 I thought I might do my chicken journey if you're still up for it. No pressure. 197 00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:38,639 No. I'll-- I'll totally go with you. 198 00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:40,849 I-- I only show up to work to hang out with this one. 199 00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,412 I think you're nice too. 200 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,997 I'm not sure of the next best steps. 201 00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,875 Let's say they're whatever you want them to be. 202 00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,920 Also, I'm hoping we don't die soon. 203 00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:12,589 Sincerely, Mohsin Raza. 204 00:11:18,429 --> 00:11:22,224 I think it's really sweet that you're making your dad's favorite meal. 205 00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:24,143 Well, it is pretty perfect. 206 00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:26,645 -I hear it's the clincher. 207 00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:28,397 -Didn't need leeks. -Oh. 208 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:29,481 Hup, hup! 209 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,234 -Okay. Don't-- don't need apples. -Hup. Hup. 210 00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,862 -Don't need apples. Don't need apples-- -Hup. Oh, one of these? 211 00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:37,406 -Oh. Okay. Thank you. -Ooh. 212 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:41,535 -Green stuff. Here you go. -Thank you. Thank you, uh-- 213 00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:42,995 I think I have everything I need. 214 00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:44,621 -Except for the chicken. -More green. 215 00:11:44,705 --> 00:11:47,082 Yeah. You wanna go check out the chicken aisle? 216 00:11:47,166 --> 00:11:48,167 -Yeah, sure. -Cool. 217 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,514 Ooh, premium chicken. 218 00:12:03,974 --> 00:12:05,017 Ooh! 219 00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:07,394 Oh, I would ask you not to throw raw chicken at me, please. 220 00:12:07,478 --> 00:12:09,188 I can't make any promises. 221 00:12:11,315 --> 00:12:12,816 -Yah! 222 00:12:19,198 --> 00:12:20,532 -Earthquake. 223 00:12:20,616 --> 00:12:21,992 -Oh no. 224 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,244 -Come on, come on! Yah! -Go, go, go, go, go! 225 00:12:24,328 --> 00:12:25,454 -Go, go, go! 226 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,247 Go! 227 00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:30,751 Get out! Run! 228 00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:32,503 -Ooh! Let's go! -Clark! 229 00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,588 -Oh, my gosh! Go! Go! 230 00:12:35,172 --> 00:12:36,882 -Run! 231 00:12:38,217 --> 00:12:40,093 -There they go! -Run! 232 00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:49,228 -Oh! What the hell? -Easy, easy. 233 00:12:50,521 --> 00:12:51,355 Yah! 234 00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:57,569 So you guys are LARPers? 235 00:12:57,653 --> 00:13:01,281 There's an amazing cowboy LARPing group up in Malibu 236 00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:05,077 -that I think you would be perfect for. -We ain't LARPers. Whatever that may be. 237 00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:07,371 Okay, then what… 238 00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,540 -What the hell are you? 239 00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:13,085 We are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, little lady. 240 00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:14,336 Horse people. 241 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,547 I feel you, sister. 242 00:13:17,256 --> 00:13:19,716 Okay, so that would make you War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death. 243 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,927 So, um, pretty cool. 244 00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:23,262 You know, introductions, right? 245 00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:26,056 Uh, you know, 'cause it's just a little odd to be meeting you. 246 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,850 -I'm Clark. This is Amily. -I'm Amily. 247 00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:29,852 I'm assuming, sir, that you are Death? 248 00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,104 I'm Pestilence. 249 00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:34,398 -He's Pestilence. Yes, I was… -I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. 250 00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:37,067 -So, uh… Death? -War. 251 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,235 -Sorry. Apologies. -Yeah. 252 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,737 -So that would make you… -Uh… 253 00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:41,864 Death. 254 00:13:41,947 --> 00:13:43,824 I am known as Famine. 255 00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:46,076 -Famine. Famine… -Cool. 256 00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:49,872 Process of elimination. You are Death. 257 00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:51,957 -Yes. -Got it. Got it. 258 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,126 Our coming has been foretold. 259 00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:57,379 Our beginning foretells the ending of all else. 260 00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:00,424 -What the fuck does that mean? -I think, Amily, 261 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,467 -he's discussing the incoming apocalypse. -I-- 262 00:14:02,551 --> 00:14:04,636 That's what you're here to usher in, I'm assuming? 263 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:08,223 And, uh, you know, I'm assuming, because you're here and it's in a store, 264 00:14:08,307 --> 00:14:10,434 uh, we're talking about kind of a right now situation? 265 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,561 Oh, you're absolutely correct. 266 00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,855 It's gonna be a bloodbath. 267 00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:18,025 -Oh, Jesus. Shit. -Great. Shit. 268 00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:19,401 Uh, so, uh… 269 00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:22,696 You know, if you don't mind me asking, what side, uh, are you on? 270 00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:25,240 -Did God send you, or Lucifer-- -Enough questions. 271 00:14:25,324 --> 00:14:28,327 We can't bring in the apocalypse until we bring you in, Clark. 272 00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:30,996 So how's this gonna go? 273 00:14:32,581 --> 00:14:33,457 The easy way? 274 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:35,542 Or the hard way? 275 00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:40,464 -Ouch. -Go, go, go. 276 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,299 Go, go, go! Okay, okay! 277 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,593 -Eat a sandwich! -Gotta go! Oh, my gosh! 278 00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:46,053 Keep the change! 279 00:14:46,595 --> 00:14:48,013 Gonna need a minute, fellas. 280 00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:50,182 Oh, gosh. Oh, my gosh. 281 00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:54,937 Wow. This is really serious. 282 00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:58,732 I mean, if the Four Horsemen are really here, which they are, 283 00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:01,818 that either means that God is losing the war in Heaven 284 00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,738 or has lost patience with us. 285 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:07,032 It does kind of seem like that, doesn't it? I just… 286 00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,868 -I wish I could do more to help. -What are you talking about? 287 00:15:09,952 --> 00:15:12,329 -You're amazing. You do everything. -I couldn't help your dad. 288 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,206 Tom helped your dad, and I'm so glad-- 289 00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:17,751 You took on a Horseman of the Apocalypse, and you won. 290 00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:21,254 I just wish I could do more than kick a guy in the dick. 291 00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:23,340 Aw. You're so nice. 292 00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:26,718 I mean, if this is really close to the end, 293 00:15:26,802 --> 00:15:29,638 I'm just so happy that you're with me. 294 00:15:30,222 --> 00:15:31,056 Me too. 295 00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:32,933 Meaning you. 296 00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:36,144 -Not meaning I'm glad I'm with myself. -With yourself. 297 00:15:36,228 --> 00:15:37,604 I'm glad I'm with you. 298 00:15:38,397 --> 00:15:40,148 That's what I mean. I don't know… 299 00:15:40,232 --> 00:15:42,317 -Maybe it's not the end of the world. 300 00:15:42,401 --> 00:15:44,361 Sometimes the good guys win, right? 301 00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:49,574 I feel the very strong urge to pray. 302 00:15:50,701 --> 00:15:53,787 Oh, you mean like an urge urge? Oh. All right. I'm in. 303 00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:57,416 -Dear God. -Oh, God! 304 00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:59,501 No wonder Catholics are so cranky. 305 00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:01,962 First of all, thank you so much for everything. 306 00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:07,217 Secondly, I'm really sorry I haven't done a better job of getting your message out. 307 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,552 Sorry! 308 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:11,930 Thirdly, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are here, 309 00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:13,890 and things are seeming pretty dire. 310 00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:15,809 It's gettin' weird. 311 00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:16,852 Fourthly, 312 00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:20,105 I don't know what the next steps are. 313 00:16:21,398 --> 00:16:25,652 Fifthly, and I'm sorry, normally people just go to three, I went to five… 314 00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:29,031 But if you could give us any kind of a sign, 315 00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:31,324 we would really appreciate it. 316 00:16:34,870 --> 00:16:36,204 Holy shit. I think it worked. 317 00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:42,544 I am very disappointed in you, son. 318 00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:46,048 About what now, Mom? 319 00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:48,717 About lying to the world. That's what. 320 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:51,428 Your lies are leading to bad things. 321 00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:56,600 There were people pretending to be Riders of the Apocalypse in the grocery store. 322 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,811 Those people were not pretending. Those are the real Riders. 323 00:16:59,895 --> 00:17:01,438 This is a very serious situation. 324 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:04,649 Preposterous. They frightened the shit out of everyone. 325 00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:06,026 My friend Katharine was there, 326 00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:09,654 and she texted me a sea of useless, frightened emojis. 327 00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:12,866 I think it's all because of you, Clark, and I didn't raise you to lie. 328 00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,326 Uh Dad raised me, Mom. 329 00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:16,119 I mean, come on. 330 00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:18,622 What's the secret of the glowing trick? 331 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:22,501 What? Have you got a remote control in your backside or something? 332 00:17:22,584 --> 00:17:25,295 Is that the best version of glowing people can come up with? 333 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:28,799 Also, I know your father isn't well. 334 00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,218 I should go pay my final respects. 335 00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:35,555 Actually, he had a miraculous recovery, Mom. So that's great news. 336 00:17:35,639 --> 00:17:37,390 He was a good man. A good father. 337 00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:39,601 You're not listening to me, and that is not new. 338 00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:42,604 The only reason I left you two to your own devices 339 00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:45,190 was because you were always so close. 340 00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:46,900 Who is this? 341 00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,444 Oh, this? This is Amily. 342 00:17:49,528 --> 00:17:50,779 Hello, Emily. 343 00:17:50,862 --> 00:17:52,531 It's Amily with an "A." 344 00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:54,616 Wouldn't that be Aimily? 345 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:58,954 I don't know. I'm not a dictionary, Clark's Mom. I know it's pronounced Amily. 346 00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:04,292 My name is Helen. As in Helen of fucking Troy. Thank you very much. 347 00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:06,920 Oh, thank you for this elixir. 348 00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:08,880 Eh. I like her. 349 00:18:08,964 --> 00:18:12,634 Even though she has shown up at exactly the same time 350 00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:16,513 that your life has swirled into a web of deceit and trash, 351 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:19,057 which is most certainly not a coincidence. 352 00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:21,643 Please tell me you're not having premarital sex. 353 00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:23,353 Oh, Mom. 354 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,647 I know I haven't been the best mother to you. 355 00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:29,109 Even though nobody ever talks about how difficult it is 356 00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:30,986 for the mother to leave. 357 00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:34,406 -Oof. -But I have to advise you as best I can. 358 00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:38,660 So I'm saying stop lying to America. 359 00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:41,204 And say no premarital nookie. 360 00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,748 -Mom. -No way. 361 00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:46,293 Absolutely not. No. 362 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:50,922 You can tell me that I'm bad and I'm wrong as much as you want. 363 00:18:51,006 --> 00:18:52,632 You can even deny the apocalypse. 364 00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:55,218 But I'm not gonna let you bring Amily 365 00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:58,305 into your extraordinary brand of bull-roar. 366 00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:02,767 You have never spoken to me like that in your entire life. 367 00:19:02,851 --> 00:19:04,936 Well, I've never had the reason to. 368 00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:07,564 But I will not have you speak that way about Amily. 369 00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,900 She's the best of us. I won't stand for it. 370 00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:12,777 Thanks, Clarky. 371 00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:13,737 "Clarky"? 372 00:19:14,279 --> 00:19:16,239 He's not a porcelain doll, Amily. 373 00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:21,161 I'm going to take my leave before someone says something I'll regret. 374 00:19:24,915 --> 00:19:27,250 I mean it, son. Stop with the bullshit. 375 00:19:32,631 --> 00:19:34,507 -That's my mom, everybody. 376 00:19:37,552 --> 00:19:39,095 C'mon, Wendy. You've been there forever! 377 00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:41,640 Stop lurking outside the bathroom, Tom! 378 00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:43,225 I do not wanna come out in this. 379 00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:45,644 I have mine on. Does that help or hurt? 380 00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:51,358 Oh, you've got to be shitting me. 381 00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:52,692 What? 382 00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:57,322 Wendy, Council of Clark sweatshirts. We're official! You look amazing. 383 00:19:58,073 --> 00:20:01,034 Could you stop storming off and use your words, please? 384 00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:03,161 Okay, fine. I will use my words. 385 00:20:03,245 --> 00:20:07,290 You can't make Council of Clark into an acronym and slap it on a sweatshirt, 386 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:08,792 because it clearly says "cock." 387 00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:11,544 Guys, it means Council of Clark. 388 00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:15,507 As Tom the Baptist, I decree them sacred. So say we all. 389 00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:18,510 There's a small problem with that. You didn't baptize anybody. 390 00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:20,887 Wh-- You guys were there. 391 00:20:20,971 --> 00:20:25,433 My single tear fell onto Gene and it brought him to life. Therefore, Baptist. 392 00:20:25,517 --> 00:20:28,728 It takes way more than a single tear to baptize somebody. 393 00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:31,398 -I'd say at least a quarter cup. -Quarter cup. 394 00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:33,858 -Oh! -Gosh, we are so in sync. Thank you. 395 00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:35,944 Okay, who cares? The sweatshirts stay. 396 00:20:36,027 --> 00:20:39,155 They're codified and sanctified and must be worn by every member of the group. 397 00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:41,783 I'm not wearing it. It clearly says "cock" on it, Tom. 398 00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:43,493 As a proud feminist, I won't wear anything 399 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,328 that reinforces the patriarchical upper hand. 400 00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:47,414 -FTP. Fuck the patriarchy. 401 00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:50,041 Am I going crazy? Cock has a "K" in it. A "K!" 402 00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:51,668 It's at least cock-adjacent, Tom. 403 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:53,586 -Yeah. -It's just letters, guys. 404 00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:56,756 I promise you, no one anywhere will read this as "cock." 405 00:20:57,799 --> 00:20:59,092 Cock. Cock. 406 00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:04,931 Cock… I gotta cock corp… Call corporate. I gotta call corporate. Cock! 407 00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:16,818 Oh, I like it. 408 00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:19,321 I mean, the chicken is-- is perfect. 409 00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:22,115 And the skin, perfection. 410 00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:25,160 And the potatoes are nice. 411 00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:28,580 Uh-oh. The chicken was perfection, but the potatoes are just nice? 412 00:21:28,663 --> 00:21:31,166 Well, you know, I'm just saying that it's, uh… 413 00:21:31,249 --> 00:21:34,044 It's okay to experiment with potatoes, you know? 414 00:21:34,711 --> 00:21:36,212 Have a little fun spicin' 'em up. 415 00:21:36,296 --> 00:21:40,091 Well, I mean, in our defense, we did encounter four evil horse people… 416 00:21:40,175 --> 00:21:41,843 -True. -…while we tried to get ingredients. 417 00:21:41,926 --> 00:21:43,678 -And then Mom showed up. -Mom? 418 00:21:45,055 --> 00:21:45,889 What did she say? 419 00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:48,475 So you wanna skip over the four evil horse people part? 420 00:21:48,558 --> 00:21:50,643 By the way, they foretell the coming apocalypse. 421 00:21:50,727 --> 00:21:52,479 -Oh. -But Mom… 422 00:21:52,562 --> 00:21:55,190 Well, Mom was just, I guess, doin'… Mom stuff. 423 00:21:55,273 --> 00:21:56,941 -Oh, boy. -Yeah. 424 00:21:57,025 --> 00:22:01,446 -She was not kind to Amily. -She did not care for any of this. 425 00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:04,032 Oh. You spoke your mind, didn't you, son? 426 00:22:04,115 --> 00:22:05,742 You know what? I did. 427 00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:07,786 -Good. -He really let her have it. 428 00:22:09,454 --> 00:22:10,663 I appreciate him. 429 00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:14,376 Well, I can't thank you enough for this delicious meal. 430 00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:16,795 It reminds me of my mom. 431 00:22:16,878 --> 00:22:18,880 Oh! I'm glad. 432 00:22:18,963 --> 00:22:21,800 Amily, could a man have a finer son? 433 00:22:22,384 --> 00:22:23,385 I don't see how. 434 00:22:27,097 --> 00:22:30,475 My God. I haven't even tried the magic chicken. Okay. 435 00:22:32,685 --> 00:22:33,520 Oh my God. 436 00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:37,732 Oh my God. That is so… It's like beyond perfect. 437 00:22:37,816 --> 00:22:39,234 Unbelievable. That skin. 438 00:22:39,317 --> 00:22:41,861 What did I tell ya? It's the clincher. 439 00:22:41,945 --> 00:22:43,154 It's the clincher. 440 00:22:43,738 --> 00:22:45,657 -Sorry, guys. 441 00:22:46,491 --> 00:22:49,160 -This is a blocked FaceTime. -Go ahead and answer it. 442 00:22:49,828 --> 00:22:52,497 It could be the gas company and they're coming to turn off your gas. 443 00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:54,874 Never pick up a blocked number. Blocked FaceTime? 444 00:22:54,958 --> 00:22:56,960 -Pick it up. -You can't block a FaceTime. 445 00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:59,045 -Do not pick that up. -Pick it up. 446 00:22:59,129 --> 00:23:00,338 -No. -Answer the phone. 447 00:23:00,422 --> 00:23:01,464 -Okay. 448 00:23:02,257 --> 00:23:03,508 Hi there, dipshit. 449 00:23:04,134 --> 00:23:05,885 Weren't you wondering where I've been? 450 00:23:05,969 --> 00:23:08,888 Well, I'll tell you. I just got back from killing Chamuel. 451 00:23:08,972 --> 00:23:10,014 That's right. 452 00:23:10,098 --> 00:23:14,227 It took a while, but I finally slit his neck like a turkey, and now he's dead! 453 00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:17,522 And he screamed and cried like a baby the whole time. 454 00:23:17,605 --> 00:23:20,024 Ooh! Guess what? God's dead too. 455 00:23:20,108 --> 00:23:21,359 -No. -Yeah! 456 00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:23,945 It's over. Why do you think the horsemen were unleashed? 457 00:23:24,028 --> 00:23:24,946 She's lying. 458 00:23:25,530 --> 00:23:27,574 We know you're lying! We're not buying it! 459 00:23:28,158 --> 00:23:30,535 Hi, best friend! You know I'm not. 460 00:23:30,618 --> 00:23:34,497 And now I'm right outside your little hospital. 461 00:23:34,581 --> 00:23:37,542 Ooh! Hi, doc! Nice scrubs. 462 00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:41,337 Frisbee's stupid Hogwarts spell can't keep me out of there forever. 463 00:23:42,464 --> 00:23:44,924 And once I get in there, you're all dead. 464 00:23:45,008 --> 00:23:48,219 Then I'm going to torture your souls in Hell forever. 465 00:23:48,928 --> 00:23:51,347 Okay, I think that's it. 466 00:23:51,431 --> 00:23:52,849 I'll see you soon! Bye! 467 00:23:59,439 --> 00:24:01,399 The gas company doesn't FaceTime.