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["Run On" by Arvid Nero playing]
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♪ You can run on for a long time ♪
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♪ You may throw your rock,
Hide your hand ♪
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♪ Workin' in the dark
Against your fellow man ♪
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♪ But as sure as God
Made both black and white ♪
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♪ What's down in the dark
Could be brought to the light ♪
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♪ So go tell that long-tongued liar ♪
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♪ Go tell that midnight rider ♪
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♪ Now tell the rambler, the gambler,
The back-biter ♪
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-♪ Tell 'em that God's gonna come down ♪
-♪ Run on for a long time ♪
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-♪ Tell 'em that God's gonna come down ♪
-♪ Run on for a long time ♪
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♪ Sooner or later, God will cut you down ♪
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-[crowd cheering]
-[medieval music playing]
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[applause and yelling]
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[man] Thank you.
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My loyal subjects,
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tonight is not a night of celebration.
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Tonight is a night
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of judgment.
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[all gasp]
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Golidriyule of Gilgar,
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you have humiliated yourself in battle.
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What's more, you have bothered me,
your quest manager,
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with your constant complaining.
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As the eldest goblin of our sect,
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I call upon a vote.
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Do we banish
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Golidriyule of Gilgar
from Gilgarath forever?
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-[all yell] Aye!
-[laughter]
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So, it is decided.
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Golidriyule of Gilgar,
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hand me your sword.
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[Amily] Not so fast.
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[all gasp]
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As the current quest champion,
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you require my vote.
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The vote of Glenwyn of Galganthian.
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Now, this poor soul must stay.
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Because he literally
has nowhere else to go.
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-Like, at all.
-[murmuring]
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-[man] Never thought of that.
-If anyone opposes me,
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you are much welcome to taste my steel.
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[man] Not I.
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He steals my snacks every week, Amily.
He has to go.
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Steve, can you please
stop breaking character?
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-[whispers] Cut it out.
-[Steve] Oh.
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Who here opposes me?
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You're in character. Right, Amily?
I mean, it's a simple misunderstanding.
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-Oh, yeah. We're totally good.
-So I still have a ride home?
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-Yeah, for sure. Come on.
-Thank you.
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-Ogre!
-Aah!
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Prepare to die.
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-And so the battle begins!
-[Steve growls]
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-[hisses]
-[all yelling]
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-[Mohsin] Wow, you're good at combat.
-[Wendy] You're so fierce.
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I really am, you know,
when you watch it back like this.
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Usually, I'm on
a combo of Vicodin and steroids.
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So I can't really vouch for my actions.
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-Really?
-[Amily] Oh yeah.
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Sometimes I'm like, "I can't believe
my heart's still beating."
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[cheering]
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Suck it, Vernon! Fuck you!
I'm not going anywhere, man.
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-Hey, hey. It's role play.
-Whoo!
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-[Vernon] Role play, not real.
-Are you okay?
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-Sorry. What?
-Are you okay? You seem distracted.
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Oh! Uh, yeah. No, I--
I just keep thinking that
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there's gotta be something more I can do
to help out the cause.
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I volunteered to do a TED Talk,
and I was impolitely declined.
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We tried the skywriter.
They misspelled everything.
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I may have been
the weak link in that chain.
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May?
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-Whatever happened--
-It was definitely Tom.
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He always misspells everything.
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-Um, however it went down--
-Tom is clearly at fault.
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-Yeah. It's Tom.
-Guys, I did the mea culpa.
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Got it.
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In your defense, I mean, you know,
it's hard to throw yourself out there
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when Satan is literally trying
to track you down to murder you.
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That's true. That is true.
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But I feel like somebody smarter,
or braver, or wiser--
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Clark, you've done everything you've
been asked to do up to this point.
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And one good thing did happen.
God saved your dad.
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-Using me as a conduit.
-[Amily scoffs]
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Lest we forget. It's kind of a big deal
when you think about it.
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How could we ever forget?
You always harp on about it.
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It just feels like you forget.
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-[phone rings]
-Hey, whoa. Speaking of.
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Hey, Pop. How you doin'?
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Say hello from me!
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[Pop] Clark, where you been?
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Well, I told you. At work.
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You told me to leave because it was weird
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going to the bathroom
with people that close to you.
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Is-- I can come right back.
Is everything okay?
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The food here is killing me.
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I need our favorite dish to heal.
My mom's recipe.
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Yeah. The perfect roast chicken
with Hasselback potatoes?
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No problem. You got it.
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Clark, please.
I wouldn't ask this if it wasn't--
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No problem. I'm happy to do it.
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Oh, please, Clark. I wouldn't ask--
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No, I said yes.
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Oh. Okay-- Okay, great. I just, uh…
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I don't know.
I imagined there would be more pushback.
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No, I said yes. Easy.
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Hi, Gene! Hi!
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-Amily, is that you?
-Hey. I'm so glad you're feeling better.
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Have you made Amily the-- the chicken yet?
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You know, the chicken's the clincher.
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-No. No, I haven't. Not yet, Pop.
-Chicken's the clincher.
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I will have the perfect roast chicken
for you tonight.
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Oh! I can't wait.
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Chicken's the clincher.
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Yeah. That's thrice now you've said it.
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Goodbye, my precious, wonderful son.
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Bye, Gene!
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Bye!
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Heard about the chicken?
It's the clincher.
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-Oh, I hadn't heard that yet.
-[clattering]
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[Amily sighs]
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[Mohsin] No way, Tom.
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-What?
-You always do this.
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It's so weird. There's so many stalls.
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That's really funny. man.
Look, I've been thinking--
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I'm stopping you right there.
We're not having a conversation.
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If I'm Tom the Baptist,
what does that make you?
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First of all, I'm Muslim--
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[whispering] Oh my God,
we're having a conversation.
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Okay, so right there. Muslim. That's
way different from Christianity, right?
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No, not really. Uh…
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Look, I can tell you
that Muslims worship God.
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And we believe that Muhammad
is his prophet. Peace be upon him.
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Instead of Jesus?
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No. We believe
that Jesus is a prophet too.
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But we follow the teachings of Muhammad.
Peace be upon him. All right?
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And it's all the same God.
It's not a bunch of different Gods.
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Jews, Muslims, Christians. Same God.
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It's the God that Clark
apparently spoke to in this bathroom.
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[Tom] Yeah. You know, for whatever reason,
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I thought there were,
like, a million gods?
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-Yeah, well
-[sighs] I suppose I'm not that spiritual.
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But God did work through me.
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Yeah, you've mentioned that to me,
like, 55 million times.
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I wanna see if telepathy's
one of my new powers.
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Okay, I'm sending you a message
with my mind. It's a question.
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-I'm not getting it.
-Damn it!
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Okay, the question was,
do you still go to church?
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You mean the mosque.
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Uh-hmm-hmm?
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A mosque is a place of worship
for Muslims.
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Okay, stop treating me like I'm dumb.
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-[sighs]
-Just, do you go or not?
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No, I don't really. I mean, I… [sighs]
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I guess I'm kind of like a lapsed Muslim.
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You know, I sort of fell away
from religion as I got older,
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like a lot of people do.
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That's probably why God
was talking to Clark in the first place.
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He probably wants to know
how many people still believe.
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Wow. That's pretty deep.
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[sighs]
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I suppose I'm having trouble understanding
why God chose to work through me.
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Tom.
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And I promise you this is the last thing
I'm going to say to you from this stall.
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But I think the reason
God chose to work through you
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is because you had…
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a purpose, right, in that moment.
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And you were true.
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You know,
Clark says that all religions are true.
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So it's not that you're
John the Baptist or Tom the Baptist,
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or that you're from a particular religion
or a religious guy, it's just…
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You did something good
in a moment that was blessed.
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-Wow.
-Now, please, get the fuck outta here.
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Yeah. Sure, yeah.
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Hey, do you even use the bathroom?
You say you go, like, many times a day.
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No.
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I use the ones downstairs.
I value my privacy, man.
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-Hey, Jack.
-Jesus Christ, Tom.
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-Hey, you.
-Hey.
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Coffee today?
I didn't think that was your jam.
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[laughs]
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Yeah, you know. I'm just, uh…
I'm just trying it.
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-Oof.
-Pungent?
183
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It's so coffee-y.
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Yeah. Hey.
185
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I wanted to quickly say that
I thought that it was so sweet
186
00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:07,047
how you decided
to help make chicken for Clark's dad.
187
00:09:07,131 --> 00:09:11,343
Oh. It's not a big deal.
I mean, the guy was in a coma, you know?
188
00:09:11,427 --> 00:09:14,513
I think he has earned
some magic grandma chicken.
189
00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:18,017
Feels like kind of a big deal though. No?
190
00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:21,270
I don't know. I haven't, uh…
I haven't tasted it yet.
191
00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:24,273
Not the chicken.
Though that does sound wonderful.
192
00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:29,486
I think I more mean the fact that
Gene is your boyfriend's dad.
193
00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:32,156
-[sighs]
-You're making him a family recipe.
194
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:34,533
-It's really wholesome. It's nice.
-Ew…
195
00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:38,078
So have you said anything yet?
196
00:09:38,162 --> 00:09:39,705
A certain three words?
197
00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:41,624
The big three words?
198
00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:44,918
I don't know what three words
you're talking about.
199
00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:48,964
"Is it contagious,"
or "It looks infected"?
200
00:09:49,048 --> 00:09:50,132
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
201
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,092
So funny. You always do this.
202
00:09:52,176 --> 00:09:55,763
You always deflect from answering
my questions which you find tedious.
203
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,723
You're pretty weird.
204
00:09:59,058 --> 00:10:00,934
You're like the weirdest one.
205
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:03,562
-[laughs] I'm the weirdest?
-You're the weirdest one.
206
00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:06,774
I've-- I've seen weirder,
but you're the weirdest one by far.
207
00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:09,818
Okay, so what?
So sue me for being secretly weird.
208
00:10:09,902 --> 00:10:12,112
I feel like you are getting
weirder by the minute.
209
00:10:12,196 --> 00:10:14,406
You're doing a lot of hand modeling today.
210
00:10:14,490 --> 00:10:17,534
-Oh, it changes. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
-It is. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
211
00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:20,287
-She can move. Pah. Pah.
-Oh. Oh. Robotic hinges.
212
00:10:20,371 --> 00:10:22,331
-Oil can.
-Pah. Pah,
213
00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:24,291
-This is what we do. This is what we do.
-Can!
214
00:10:24,375 --> 00:10:26,585
-For our morning coffee. Oh, here they go.
-Ch. Ch. Ch.
215
00:10:26,669 --> 00:10:30,339
-[laughing]
-Robots. Those probably need a little oil.
216
00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:32,424
-[both chuckling]
-[Clark] That's cool. Hey, um…
217
00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:36,553
I thought I might do my chicken journey
if you're still up for it. No pressure.
218
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:38,639
No. I'll-- I'll totally go with you.
219
00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:40,849
I-- I only show up to work
to hang out with this one.
220
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,412
[Mohsin] I think you're nice too.
221
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,997
I'm not sure of the next best steps.
222
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,875
Let's say they're whatever
you want them to be.
223
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,920
Also, I'm hoping we don't die soon.
224
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:12,589
Sincerely, Mohsin Raza.
225
00:11:18,429 --> 00:11:22,224
I think it's really sweet that
you're making your dad's favorite meal.
226
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:24,143
Well, it is pretty perfect.
227
00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:26,645
-I hear it's the clincher.
-[light music playing over speakers]
228
00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:28,397
-Didn't need leeks.
-Oh.
229
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:29,481
Hup, hup!
230
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,234
-Okay. Don't-- don't need apples.
-Hup. Hup.
231
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,862
-Don't need apples. Don't need apples--
-Hup. Oh, one of these?
232
00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:37,406
-Oh. Okay. Thank you.
-Ooh.
233
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:41,535
-Green stuff. Here you go.
-Thank you. Thank you, uh--
234
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:42,995
I think I have everything I need.
235
00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:44,621
-Except for the chicken.
-More green.
236
00:11:44,705 --> 00:11:47,082
[chuckles] Yeah. You wanna go
check out the chicken aisle?
237
00:11:47,166 --> 00:11:48,167
-Yeah, sure.
-Cool.
238
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:50,544
[horses snorting]
239
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,514
[Clark] Ooh, premium chicken.
240
00:12:03,974 --> 00:12:05,017
Ooh!
241
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:07,394
Oh, I would ask you
not to throw raw chicken at me, please.
242
00:12:07,478 --> 00:12:09,188
I can't make any promises.
243
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:11,231
[whinnies]
244
00:12:11,315 --> 00:12:12,816
-[neighs]
-[rider] Yah!
245
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,568
[people yelping]
246
00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:16,528
[rider laughing]
247
00:12:19,198 --> 00:12:20,532
-[snorts]
-Earthquake.
248
00:12:20,616 --> 00:12:21,992
-Oh no.
-[glass rattling]
249
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,244
-Come on, come on! Yah!
-[Clark] Go, go, go, go, go!
250
00:12:24,328 --> 00:12:25,454
-Go, go, go!
-[woman screams]
251
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,247
Go!
252
00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:30,751
[man] Get out! Run!
253
00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:32,503
-[Clark] Ooh! Let's go!
-[Amily] Clark!
254
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,588
-[yelling]
-[Clark] Oh, my gosh! Go! Go!
255
00:12:35,172 --> 00:12:36,882
-[both yelling]
-[Amily] Run!
256
00:12:38,217 --> 00:12:40,093
-[rider] There they go!
-[Amily] Run!
257
00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:43,806
-[screeching]
-[yells]
258
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:49,228
-[woman] Oh! What the hell?
-[rider] Easy, easy.
259
00:12:50,521 --> 00:12:51,355
[rider] Yah!
260
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,317
[light music continues playing
over speakers]
261
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:57,569
So you guys are LARPers?
262
00:12:57,653 --> 00:13:01,281
There's an amazing
cowboy LARPing group up in Malibu
263
00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:05,077
-that I think you would be perfect for.
-We ain't LARPers. Whatever that may be.
264
00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:07,371
Okay, then what…
265
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,540
-[grunts]
-What the hell are you?
266
00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:13,085
We are the Four Horsemen
of the Apocalypse, little lady.
267
00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:14,336
Horse people.
268
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,547
I feel you, sister.
269
00:13:17,256 --> 00:13:19,716
Okay, so that would make you
War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death.
270
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,927
So, um, pretty cool.
271
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:23,262
You know, introductions, right?
272
00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:26,056
Uh, you know, 'cause it's just
a little odd to be meeting you.
273
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,850
-I'm Clark. This is Amily.
-I'm Amily.
274
00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:29,852
I'm assuming, sir, that you are Death?
275
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,104
I'm Pestilence.
276
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:34,398
-He's Pestilence. Yes, I was…
-I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
277
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:37,067
-So, uh… Death?
-War.
278
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,235
-Sorry. Apologies.
-Yeah.
279
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,737
-So that would make you…
-Uh…
280
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:41,864
Death.
281
00:13:41,947 --> 00:13:43,824
I am known as Famine.
282
00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:46,076
-Famine. Famine…
-Cool.
283
00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:49,872
Process of elimination. You are Death.
284
00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:51,957
-Yes.
-Got it. Got it.
285
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,126
Our coming has been foretold.
286
00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:57,379
Our beginning
foretells the ending of all else.
287
00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:00,424
-What the fuck does that mean?
-I think, Amily,
288
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,467
-he's discussing the incoming apocalypse.
-I--
289
00:14:02,551 --> 00:14:04,636
That's what you're here to usher in,
I'm assuming?
290
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:08,223
And, uh, you know, I'm assuming,
because you're here and it's in a store,
291
00:14:08,307 --> 00:14:10,434
uh, we're talking about
kind of a right now situation?
292
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,561
Oh, you're absolutely correct.
293
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,855
[laughs] It's gonna be a bloodbath.
294
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:18,025
-Oh, Jesus. Shit.
-Great. Shit.
295
00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:19,401
Uh, so, uh…
296
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:22,696
You know, if you don't mind me asking,
what side, uh, are you on?
297
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:25,240
-Did God send you, or Lucifer--
-[Pestilence] Enough questions.
298
00:14:25,324 --> 00:14:28,327
We can't bring in the apocalypse
until we bring you in, Clark.
299
00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:30,996
So how's this gonna go? [chuckles]
300
00:14:32,581 --> 00:14:33,457
The easy way?
301
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:35,542
Or the hard way?
302
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,004
-[Amily yells]
-[Pestilence groans]
303
00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:40,464
-Ouch.
-[Amily] Go, go, go.
304
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,299
[Clark] Go, go, go! Okay, okay!
305
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,593
-[Amily] Eat a sandwich!
-[Clark] Gotta go! Oh, my gosh!
306
00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:46,053
Keep the change!
307
00:14:46,595 --> 00:14:48,013
Gonna need a minute, fellas.
308
00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:50,182
[Clark] Oh, gosh. Oh, my gosh.
309
00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:52,351
[crowd clamoring]
310
00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:54,937
Wow. This is really serious.
311
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:58,732
I mean, if the Four Horsemen
are really here, which they are,
312
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:01,818
that either means
that God is losing the war in Heaven
313
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,738
or has lost patience with us.
314
00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:07,032
It does kind of seem like that,
doesn't it? I just…
315
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,868
-I wish I could do more to help.
-What are you talking about?
316
00:15:09,952 --> 00:15:12,329
-You're amazing. You do everything.
-I couldn't help your dad.
317
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,206
Tom helped your dad, and I'm so glad--
318
00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:17,751
You took on a Horseman of the Apocalypse,
and you won.
319
00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:21,254
I just wish I could do more
than kick a guy in the dick.
320
00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:23,340
Aw. You're so nice.
321
00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:26,718
I mean,
if this is really close to the end,
322
00:15:26,802 --> 00:15:29,638
I'm just so happy that you're with me.
323
00:15:30,222 --> 00:15:31,056
Me too.
324
00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:32,933
Meaning you.
325
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:36,144
-Not meaning I'm glad I'm with myself.
-With yourself.
326
00:15:36,228 --> 00:15:37,604
I'm glad I'm with you.
327
00:15:38,397 --> 00:15:40,148
That's what I mean. I don't know…
328
00:15:40,232 --> 00:15:42,317
-[sighs]
-Maybe it's not the end of the world.
329
00:15:42,401 --> 00:15:44,361
Sometimes the good guys win, right?
330
00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:49,574
I feel the very strong urge to pray.
331
00:15:50,701 --> 00:15:53,787
Oh, you mean like an urge urge?
Oh. All right. I'm in.
332
00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:57,416
-Dear God.
-Oh, God!
333
00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:59,501
No wonder Catholics are so cranky.
334
00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:01,962
First of all,
thank you so much for everything.
335
00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:07,217
Secondly, I'm really sorry I haven't done
a better job of getting your message out.
336
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,552
Sorry!
337
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:11,930
Thirdly, the Four Horsemen
of the Apocalypse are here,
338
00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:13,890
and things are seeming pretty dire.
339
00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:15,809
It's gettin' weird.
340
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:16,852
Fourthly,
341
00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:20,105
I don't know what the next steps are.
342
00:16:21,398 --> 00:16:25,652
Fifthly, and I'm sorry, normally people
just go to three, I went to five…
343
00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:29,031
But if you could
give us any kind of a sign,
344
00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:31,324
we would really appreciate it.
345
00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:32,868
[banging at door]
346
00:16:34,870 --> 00:16:36,204
Holy shit. I think it worked.
347
00:16:36,288 --> 00:16:37,289
[banging]
348
00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:39,499
[crowd yelling]
349
00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:42,544
I am very disappointed in you, son.
350
00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:46,048
About what now, Mom?
351
00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:48,717
About lying to the world. That's what.
352
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:51,428
Your lies are leading to bad things.
353
00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:56,600
There were people pretending to be Riders
of the Apocalypse in the grocery store.
354
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,811
[Clark] Those people were not pretending.
Those are the real Riders.
355
00:16:59,895 --> 00:17:01,438
This is a very serious situation.
356
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:04,649
Preposterous.
They frightened the shit out of everyone.
357
00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:06,026
My friend Katharine was there,
358
00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:09,654
and she texted me
a sea of useless, frightened emojis.
359
00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:12,866
I think it's all because of you, Clark,
and I didn't raise you to lie.
360
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,326
Uh Dad raised me, Mom.
361
00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:16,119
[Mom] I mean, come on.
362
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:18,622
What's the secret of the glowing trick?
363
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:22,501
What? Have you got a remote control
in your backside or something?
364
00:17:22,584 --> 00:17:25,295
Is that the best version of glowing
people can come up with?
365
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:28,799
Also, I know your father isn't well.
366
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,218
I should go pay my final respects.
367
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:35,555
Actually, he had a miraculous recovery,
Mom. So that's great news.
368
00:17:35,639 --> 00:17:37,390
He was a good man. A good father.
369
00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:39,601
You're not listening to me,
and that is not new.
370
00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:42,604
The only reason I left you two
to your own devices
371
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:45,190
was because you were always so close.
372
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:46,900
Who is this?
373
00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,444
Oh, this? This is Amily.
374
00:17:49,528 --> 00:17:50,779
Hello, Emily.
375
00:17:50,862 --> 00:17:52,531
It's Amily with an "A."
376
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:54,616
Wouldn't that be Aimily?
377
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:58,954
I don't know. I'm not a dictionary,
Clark's Mom. I know it's pronounced Amily.
378
00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:04,292
My name is Helen. As in Helen
of fucking Troy. Thank you very much.
379
00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:06,920
Oh, thank you for this elixir. [chuckles]
380
00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:08,880
Eh. I like her.
381
00:18:08,964 --> 00:18:12,634
Even though she has shown up
at exactly the same time
382
00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:16,513
that your life has swirled
into a web of deceit and trash,
383
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:19,057
which is most certainly not a coincidence.
384
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:21,643
Please tell me
you're not having premarital sex.
385
00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:23,353
Oh, Mom.
386
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,647
I know I haven't been
the best mother to you.
387
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:29,109
Even though nobody ever
talks about how difficult it is
388
00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:30,986
for the mother to leave.
389
00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:34,406
-Oof.
-But I have to advise you as best I can.
390
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:38,660
So I'm saying stop lying to America.
391
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:41,204
And say no premarital nookie.
392
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,748
-[Clark] Mom.
-No way.
393
00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:46,293
Absolutely not. No.
394
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:50,922
You can tell me that I'm bad and I'm wrong
as much as you want.
395
00:18:51,006 --> 00:18:52,632
You can even deny the apocalypse.
396
00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:55,218
But I'm not gonna let you bring Amily
397
00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:58,305
into your extraordinary brand
of bull-roar.
398
00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:02,767
You have never spoken to me
like that in your entire life.
399
00:19:02,851 --> 00:19:04,936
Well, I've never had the reason to.
400
00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:07,564
But I will not
have you speak that way about Amily.
401
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,900
She's the best of us.
I won't stand for it.
402
00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:12,777
Thanks, Clarky.
403
00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:13,737
"Clarky"?
404
00:19:14,279 --> 00:19:16,239
He's not a porcelain doll, Amily.
405
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:21,161
I'm going to take my leave
before someone says something I'll regret.
406
00:19:24,915 --> 00:19:27,250
I mean it, son. Stop with the bullshit.
407
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:28,418
[kissing]
408
00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:32,547
[door opens]
409
00:19:32,631 --> 00:19:34,507
-That's my mom, everybody.
-[door closes]
410
00:19:37,552 --> 00:19:39,095
C'mon, Wendy. You've been there forever!
411
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:41,640
[Wendy]
Stop lurking outside the bathroom, Tom!
412
00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:43,225
I do not wanna come out in this.
413
00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:45,644
I have mine on. Does that help or hurt?
414
00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:51,358
Oh, you've got to be shitting me.
415
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:52,692
[Tom] What?
416
00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:57,322
Wendy, Council of Clark sweatshirts.
We're official! You look amazing.
417
00:19:58,073 --> 00:20:01,034
Could you stop storming off
and use your words, please?
418
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:03,161
Okay, fine. I will use my words.
419
00:20:03,245 --> 00:20:07,290
You can't make Council of Clark into
an acronym and slap it on a sweatshirt,
420
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:08,792
because it clearly says "cock."
421
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:11,544
Guys, it means Council of Clark.
422
00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:15,507
As Tom the Baptist, I decree them sacred.
So say we all.
423
00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:18,510
There's a small problem with that.
You didn't baptize anybody.
424
00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:20,887
Wh-- You guys were there.
425
00:20:20,971 --> 00:20:25,433
My single tear fell onto Gene and it
brought him to life. Therefore, Baptist.
426
00:20:25,517 --> 00:20:28,728
It takes way more
than a single tear to baptize somebody.
427
00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:31,398
-I'd say at least a quarter cup.
-Quarter cup.
428
00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:33,858
-Oh!
-Gosh, we are so in sync. Thank you.
429
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:35,944
Okay, who cares? The sweatshirts stay.
430
00:20:36,027 --> 00:20:39,155
They're codified and sanctified and must
be worn by every member of the group.
431
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:41,783
I'm not wearing it.
It clearly says "cock" on it, Tom.
432
00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:43,493
As a proud feminist, I won't wear anything
433
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,328
that reinforces
the patriarchical upper hand.
434
00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:47,414
-FTP. Fuck the patriarchy.
-[clicks tongue]
435
00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:50,041
Am I going crazy?
Cock has a "K" in it. A "K!"
436
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:51,668
It's at least cock-adjacent, Tom.
437
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:53,586
-Yeah.
-It's just letters, guys.
438
00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:56,756
I promise you,
no one anywhere will read this as "cock."
439
00:20:57,799 --> 00:20:59,092
Cock. Cock.
440
00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:04,931
Cock… I gotta cock corp… Call corporate.
I gotta call corporate. Cock!
441
00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:16,818
Oh, I like it.
442
00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:19,321
I mean, the chicken is-- is perfect.
443
00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:22,115
And the skin, perfection.
444
00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:25,160
And the potatoes are nice.
445
00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:28,580
Uh-oh. The chicken was perfection,
but the potatoes are just nice?
446
00:21:28,663 --> 00:21:31,166
Well, you know,
I'm just saying that it's, uh…
447
00:21:31,249 --> 00:21:34,044
It's okay to experiment
with potatoes, you know?
448
00:21:34,711 --> 00:21:36,212
Have a little fun spicin' 'em up.
449
00:21:36,296 --> 00:21:40,091
Well, I mean, in our defense,
we did encounter four evil horse people…
450
00:21:40,175 --> 00:21:41,843
-True.
-…while we tried to get ingredients.
451
00:21:41,926 --> 00:21:43,678
-And then Mom showed up.
-Mom?
452
00:21:45,055 --> 00:21:45,889
What did she say?
453
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:48,475
So you wanna skip over
the four evil horse people part?
454
00:21:48,558 --> 00:21:50,643
By the way,
they foretell the coming apocalypse.
455
00:21:50,727 --> 00:21:52,479
-Oh.
-But Mom…
456
00:21:52,562 --> 00:21:55,190
Well, Mom was just,
I guess, doin'… Mom stuff.
457
00:21:55,273 --> 00:21:56,941
-Oh, boy.
-[Clark] Yeah.
458
00:21:57,025 --> 00:22:01,446
-She was not kind to Amily.
-She did not care for any of this.
459
00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:04,032
Oh. You spoke your mind, didn't you, son?
460
00:22:04,115 --> 00:22:05,742
You know what? I did.
461
00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:07,786
-Good.
-He really let her have it.
462
00:22:07,869 --> 00:22:09,371
[chuckles]
463
00:22:09,454 --> 00:22:10,663
I appreciate him.
464
00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:14,376
Well, I can't thank you enough
for this delicious meal.
465
00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:16,795
It reminds me of my mom.
466
00:22:16,878 --> 00:22:18,880
[Clark] Oh! I'm glad.
467
00:22:18,963 --> 00:22:21,800
Amily, could a man have a finer son?
468
00:22:22,384 --> 00:22:23,385
I don't see how.
469
00:22:27,097 --> 00:22:30,475
My God. I haven't even
tried the magic chicken. Okay.
470
00:22:32,685 --> 00:22:33,520
Oh my God.
471
00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:37,732
Oh my God.
That is so… It's like beyond perfect.
472
00:22:37,816 --> 00:22:39,234
Unbelievable. That skin.
473
00:22:39,317 --> 00:22:41,861
What did I tell ya? It's the clincher.
474
00:22:41,945 --> 00:22:43,154
It's the clincher.
475
00:22:43,738 --> 00:22:45,657
-[phone rings]
-Sorry, guys.
476
00:22:46,491 --> 00:22:49,160
-This is a blocked FaceTime.
-[Pop] Go ahead and answer it.
477
00:22:49,828 --> 00:22:52,497
It could be the gas company
and they're coming to turn off your gas.
478
00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:54,874
Never pick up a blocked number.
Blocked FaceTime?
479
00:22:54,958 --> 00:22:56,960
-Pick it up.
-[Amily] You can't block a FaceTime.
480
00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:59,045
-Do not pick that up.
-Pick it up.
481
00:22:59,129 --> 00:23:00,338
-No.
-Answer the phone.
482
00:23:00,422 --> 00:23:01,464
-Okay.
-[grunts]
483
00:23:02,257 --> 00:23:03,508
Hi there, dipshit.
484
00:23:04,134 --> 00:23:05,885
Weren't you wondering where I've been?
485
00:23:05,969 --> 00:23:08,888
Well, I'll tell you.
I just got back from killing Chamuel.
486
00:23:08,972 --> 00:23:10,014
That's right.
487
00:23:10,098 --> 00:23:14,227
It took a while, but I finally slit
his neck like a turkey, and now he's dead!
488
00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:17,522
And he screamed
and cried like a baby the whole time.
489
00:23:17,605 --> 00:23:20,024
Ooh! Guess what? God's dead too.
490
00:23:20,108 --> 00:23:21,359
-No.
-Yeah!
491
00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:23,945
It's over. Why do you think
the horsemen were unleashed?
492
00:23:24,028 --> 00:23:24,946
She's lying.
493
00:23:25,530 --> 00:23:27,574
We know you're lying! We're not buying it!
494
00:23:28,158 --> 00:23:30,535
Hi, best friend! You know I'm not.
495
00:23:30,618 --> 00:23:34,497
And now I'm right outside
your little hospital.
496
00:23:34,581 --> 00:23:37,542
Ooh! Hi, doc! Nice scrubs.
497
00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:41,337
Frisbee's stupid Hogwarts spell
can't keep me out of there forever.
498
00:23:42,464 --> 00:23:44,924
And once I get in there, you're all dead.
499
00:23:45,008 --> 00:23:48,219
Then I'm going to torture your souls
in Hell forever.
500
00:23:48,928 --> 00:23:51,347
[sighs] Okay, I think that's it.
501
00:23:51,431 --> 00:23:52,849
I'll see you soon! Bye!
502
00:23:59,439 --> 00:24:01,399
The gas company doesn't FaceTime.
503
00:24:02,233 --> 00:24:04,611
["Run On" by Arvid Nero]
504
00:24:10,700 --> 00:24:14,621
♪ You can run on for a long time ♪
505
00:24:32,096 --> 00:24:35,141
♪ You may throw your rock
Hide your hand ♪
506
00:24:35,225 --> 00:24:38,102
♪ Workin' in the dark
Against your fellow man ♪
507
00:24:38,186 --> 00:24:41,231
♪ But as sure as God
Made both black and white ♪
508
00:24:41,314 --> 00:24:44,108
♪ What's down in the dark
Will be brought to the light ♪
509
00:24:44,192 --> 00:24:46,653
♪ So go tell that long-tongued liar ♪
510
00:24:47,153 --> 00:24:49,697
♪ Go tell that midnight rider ♪
511
00:24:50,198 --> 00:24:53,535
♪ Now tell the rambler, the gambler
The back-biter ♪
512
00:24:53,618 --> 00:24:56,663
♪ Tell 'em that God's gonna
Cut 'em down ♪
513
00:24:56,746 --> 00:24:59,832
♪ Tell 'em that God's gonna
Cut 'em down ♪
514
00:24:59,916 --> 00:25:03,419
♪ Sooner or later, God will cut you down ♪
515
00:25:07,924 --> 00:25:10,134
[theme music playing]
516
00:25:40,248 --> 00:25:42,250
[theme music fades out]