1 00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:06,798 [indistinct conversations] 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,801 Everyone, can I have your attention, please? 3 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,511 Ma'am? 4 00:00:11,594 --> 00:00:12,554 Ma'am. Sir? 5 00:00:12,637 --> 00:00:14,806 Stop. Stop talking, please. 6 00:00:14,889 --> 00:00:16,306 Thank you. 7 00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:18,101 Now I know you're all looking at each other like, 8 00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:21,980 "Who is this jerk interrupting my chicken wings?" 9 00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:24,941 Well, I'm Stebe, and I want to make a toast 10 00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:29,487 to my beautiful wife, Deb, AKA the lucky winner of today's 11 00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:32,656 KQAC Alternative Radio's call-in grand prize -- 12 00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:36,036 a $100 gift card here at Chucklebee's. 13 00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:41,332 And a free copy of "The Matrix" on DVD. 14 00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:42,584 So... 15 00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:45,420 Anyway, don't let me interrupt. 16 00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:46,296 [laughs] 17 00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:48,006 [conversations resume] 18 00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:51,009 [glass clinks] Can ev-- Can everyone pause for second? 19 00:00:51,092 --> 00:00:53,803 I have a speech to make. Let's quiet down now. 20 00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:56,181 Now you're probably all saying to each other, 21 00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,725 "God, we just had to listen to a toast. 22 00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:01,227 Now we gotta listen to this hot piece'a ass 23 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,771 make another speech?" 24 00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:04,063 [Stebe laughs] 25 00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:06,691 I just wanted to say that after winning today's 26 00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,526 KQAC call-in prize, 27 00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:10,862 I just feel like the luckiest bitch in the -- 28 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,197 Oh, yeah! Gimme those 29 00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:14,657 sizzling fajitas, baby! Oooh! Here we go! 30 00:01:14,699 --> 00:01:16,408 Ho, ho! Yes! 31 00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:17,952 You know what I love about this place? 32 00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:20,747 The food is [Italian accent] "just like a-mama used to make." 33 00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:23,249 [laughter] 34 00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:26,461 Aye, fuggeddabatttit. [laughter] 35 00:01:26,544 --> 00:01:28,338 Oh, my God, if anyone heard us right now, 36 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,548 they'd put us in a mental institution. 37 00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,884 Yeah, I'm crazy, too. Watch this. [farts] 38 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,426 Matt, how dare you do that! What the hell is wrong with you?! 39 00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,721 Well, there goes my fucking appetite! Aaaaahhh! 40 00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:39,348 So sorry to interrupt. My son over there farted, 41 00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:41,685 and I just wanted to apologize for that. 42 00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:42,852 Hi, I-I'm sorry. 43 00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:44,896 You guys might be smelling something kind of weird. 44 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,271 My son farted. 45 00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:48,400 Hey, ladies, just doing some damage control. 46 00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:50,819 Did you guys happen to hear or smell anything weird? 47 00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:53,571 Let us pay for your Jalapeño Poppers, please? 48 00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:56,616 A thousand apologies, a thousand apologies. 49 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:59,035 Cause if you did, it was probably definitely him. 50 00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:01,996 Right there. He farted. 51 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:09,044 ♪♪ 52 00:02:09,253 --> 00:02:16,261 ♪♪ 53 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:23,727 ♪♪ 54 00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:27,522 {\an8}[sobbing] 55 00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:34,571 {\an8}♪♪ 56 00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:39,451 {\an8}[sighs] Deb, when are you finally gonna throw those out? 57 00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:41,745 {\an8}Never! I'll never get rid of these! 58 00:02:41,786 --> 00:02:44,372 {\an8}[sighs] Where did we go wrong, Stebe? 59 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,583 {\an8}Farting? In public? 60 00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:49,168 {\an8}It's just playing in my head on a loop. 61 00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:52,255 I keep asking myself, could I have stopped it? 62 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:54,466 Theo, stop blaming yourself. 63 00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:55,966 Well, why should he, Deb?! 64 00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:58,011 Honey, you're yelling. You're damn right I'm yelling! 65 00:02:58,094 --> 00:02:59,763 We got a kid up there who thinks he can win us over 66 00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:01,639 by pulling an off-color stunt like that?! 67 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:03,350 I'll tell you what he needs -- 68 00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,477 a taste of our dad's medicine when we stepped out of line. 69 00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:08,103 What? O-Oh, no, Theo, no. We're not doing that. 70 00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:09,981 He's not ready. It's not time. 71 00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:11,775 Time for what? 72 00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:13,151 ♪♪ 73 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,445 Matt, The Night of Passage is a punishment created 74 00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:18,114 to turn little bad boys into rock-hard Hornsby men. 75 00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:19,949 All you have to do is survive one night 76 00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:21,159 in the rugged wilderness. 77 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,370 Uhh... 78 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:27,165 I don't think we should camp here. 79 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,917 Well, we're not. You are. 80 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,835 Yeah, no, I don't want to camp here. You're lucky, dude. 81 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:32,337 Back in our day, this place didn't have 82 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,172 all these meth heads here to protect us. 83 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,382 See you in the morning, stinker. 84 00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:36,758 [door opens, closes] 85 00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:39,177 [tires screech] 86 00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:44,808 ♪♪ 87 00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:50,188 ♪♪ 88 00:03:50,271 --> 00:03:51,856 [honks] 89 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:56,027 The ol' Hornsby Night of Passage, aye? 90 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,529 It seems so cruel. 91 00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,531 Leaving a little boy out in the middle of nowhere? 92 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,449 Matt doesn't even know how to make a Pop-Tart. 93 00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,284 Deborah, I can assure you, 94 00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:05,370 if your boy makes it out alive, 95 00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:07,122 he'll return rehabilitated. 96 00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:11,418 And he'll be nuzzled in your warm bosom a rock-hard man. 97 00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:12,961 Ooh! We're screwed! 98 00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,921 We're utterly and completely screwed! 99 00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:17,382 Darberus, let's settle down. Get a hold of yourself. 100 00:04:17,464 --> 00:04:19,341 Now tell us what happened. 101 00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,094 There's a whistleblower. Oh, fuck! [screams] 102 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:24,055 Everyone, go home and pack a bag of any shit you can't live without. 103 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,640 [screams] [shaking] 104 00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:27,058 I'll start burning the building down now. 105 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,060 What are you talking about?! There's no time! 106 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,855 How much would this man painting go for?! [thuds] 107 00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:36,901 [Holly] Thing's broken. 108 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,570 [gasps] 109 00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:42,240 Holly! What are you doing out here? 110 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,242 Who's this lump of crap? 111 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,911 {\an8}Oh, Matt, this is my boyfriend, Oscar. 112 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:49,372 {\an8}He lives out here. 113 00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:52,207 {\an8}S'true. I'm a bad boy. I live out here. 114 00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:54,753 {\an8}He is so bad. 115 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:56,796 {\an8}How long you been on the streets? 116 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,006 {\an8}Uhh... 117 00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:00,425 ♪♪ 118 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:01,676 Too long to count. 119 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,094 Parents kicked me out of the house 120 00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:04,637 for farting at Chucklebee's. 121 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:07,599 They asked me to stop and I said to them, "Take a hike." 122 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,726 - Whoa! Now that's bad. - What? 123 00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:13,730 ♪♪ 124 00:05:13,772 --> 00:05:15,690 That -- That -- That's not that bad. 125 00:05:15,774 --> 00:05:18,276 {\an8}I once shit my pants at Kenny's Lobster Shack. 126 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:19,486 {\an8}He's so bad. Yeah. 127 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:21,696 Don't worry. He's good people, babe. 128 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,490 We know each other from school. 129 00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:25,617 {\an8}Pfft. School? I remember school. 130 00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:28,745 {\an8}I shit my pants there, too. That's why I had to leave. 131 00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:30,163 {\an8}Whoa! Cool! Oh! Yeah! 132 00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:31,623 {\an8}He is so bad. 133 00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:34,125 {\an8}C'mon, babe. Let's get away from Lisa. 134 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,044 {\an8}Who? Lisa Simpson? 135 00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:38,421 {\an8}She also loved school. Dork. 136 00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:40,215 {\an8}[teen] He's so bad. Ugh. School. 137 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:41,841 Idiot, Matt. 138 00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:44,469 I gotta admit, that was a little bit harder than I expected. 139 00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:45,887 Don't know how you did it, Pops. 140 00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:48,973 "I love my son. I hope he doesn't die today." 141 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,351 [laughs] You sound like a pussy, dude. 142 00:05:51,433 --> 00:05:52,686 You did the right thing, old man. 143 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:54,312 'Cause every time I did a Night of Passage, 144 00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:57,440 I came home 10 times harder than when I left. Yeah, me too. 145 00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:59,734 Uh, no, dude. Sorry. You're soft. 146 00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:01,403 I'm not soft. I'm hard! 147 00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:03,655 You wanna feel how hard I am?! Try me, dude! 148 00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:05,699 [beeping] What was that? 149 00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:06,950 What? That beeping. 150 00:06:06,991 --> 00:06:09,077 You don't hear that? Is that the car? 151 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,162 How long's it been since you changed the oil in this thing? 152 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,330 A long time. Is that bad?! 153 00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:13,623 What?! Are you kidding me?! 154 00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:15,458 This thing's a traveling time bomb. 155 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,252 Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Stop! Stop panicking! 156 00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:19,170 You're freaking me out! Dude, chill! 157 00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:21,006 Fuck it! I'm bailing! 158 00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:23,091 Aaahh! [grunts] 159 00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:28,471 Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. 160 00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,015 [grunts] 161 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,933 [groaning] 162 00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:34,102 Shit! 163 00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:41,151 ♪♪ 164 00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:45,030 [grunts] 165 00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:46,865 [beeping] 166 00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:49,075 Whoa. 167 00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:51,286 [beeping continues] 168 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:52,495 Dad, I got your wheelchair! 169 00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:54,205 Am I on fire? 170 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:59,919 Okay. Now... Al, tell me about this "whistleblower." 171 00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:01,379 Deborah, have a seat. 172 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:02,547 [clicks] 173 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:06,217 Welcome to the Hornsby Wrestling Federation. 174 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,554 In this corner, you've got me, Johnny Havok. 175 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,056 And I'm the Black Raven, 176 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,350 king of night and master of the dark arts. 177 00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:16,561 Uhh... And I don't give a heck about any of all y'all. 178 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:18,396 Except my dad, 179 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,440 who's gonna love me more than ever after today's bloodbath. 180 00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:23,234 Hey, Dad, hope you're finally ready to love me. 181 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,319 Oh, not this. 182 00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:25,695 This is some sort of odd ritual 183 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,280 the boys used to do in the backyard. 184 00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,991 Alright, you men ready to engage in battle? 185 00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:31,201 Darby, is that you? 186 00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:32,994 [chuckles] Yeah. 187 00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:34,913 Let's get it on. 188 00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:37,540 Ehhhhhhh. Oh, shit. 189 00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:38,582 - Aw, come on. - That was getting good. 190 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:39,876 ♪ Utzi Wutzi ♪ 191 00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:43,338 ♪ Utzi Wutzi, Utzi Wutzi ♪ 192 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:46,591 ♪ Utzi Wutzi, Utzi Wutzi ♪ 193 00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:49,552 ♪ Utzi Wutzi, Utzi Wutzi ♪ 194 00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,054 ♪ Utzi Wutzi ♪ 195 00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:53,932 What is this? This is from a documentary talkie 196 00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:56,267 your father-in-law demanded we produce. 197 00:07:56,308 --> 00:07:59,062 I call them the Utzi Wutzis. 198 00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:01,606 Here they are learning about the joys of a hard day's work. 199 00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:03,274 It's capitalism at its finest. 200 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,902 With a twist, though. I don't pay them a penny. 201 00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:08,405 Actually, I don't even know why I'm whispering. 202 00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,907 They can't understand a damn thing I'm saying. Utzi! 203 00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:13,493 Oh, shit! Cut the camcorder! 204 00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:16,538 Everyone knows Royal Crackers used to use illegal aliens 205 00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:17,831 to run their factories. 206 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:20,625 We issued an apology statement, remember? 207 00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:23,294 I mean, wha-- uh, what -- 208 00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:26,673 I mean, what -- what else are we supposed to do? 209 00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:31,469 Yes, but, um, we actually never did, uh... stop. 210 00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:33,638 [stammering] I mean, what?! 211 00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,515 [bee buzzing] 212 00:08:38,183 --> 00:08:39,477 Aaah! 213 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,438 Hey! Look who's finally awake. 214 00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,398 Ugh. Well, as long as I saved Dad 215 00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:44,774 from that death trap of a car. 216 00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,317 Oh, yeah, that beeping wasn't the oil, dude. 217 00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,820 I just changed it yesterday. It was actually this. 218 00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:51,489 [beeping] The heck is that? 219 00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,074 It's some kind of tracking device 220 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,826 that fell out of Dad's wheelchair. 221 00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:56,870 This thing probably leads to a treasure chest full of cash 222 00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:58,663 or, I dunno, something you would like. 223 00:08:58,705 --> 00:08:59,914 Like a pile of dress shirts. 224 00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:01,458 We don't know what it is. 225 00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:03,084 It's probably in some gnarly cave 226 00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:04,919 where we're gonna have to fight off skeletons with swords, 227 00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:07,005 but once we do, we'll be richly rewarded. [grunting] 228 00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,506 And look, if you don't want to be part of that, 229 00:09:08,590 --> 00:09:10,091 cool, that's great, actually. 230 00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:11,676 Then I don't have to split the spoils with you. 231 00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:13,345 But don't come crawling back to me and Dad, 232 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,805 when we're in our palace, neck deep in titties, 233 00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:17,182 living like Lil Jon. 234 00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:20,101 Aah! Dad! Shit! 235 00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,312 [both panting] 236 00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:25,190 Oh, God! Daddy! 237 00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:28,943 ♪♪ 238 00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:30,236 Yeah! 239 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,654 Thank God. 240 00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:32,947 Shit! Aaahh! 241 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:33,948 ♪♪ 242 00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:36,326 Dad! Oh! 243 00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:37,660 [beeping] 244 00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,704 Stebe! I've got great news! 245 00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:41,164 Aah! The beeping's getting faster. 246 00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:43,375 I think that means we're on the right traaaaaaaa... 247 00:09:43,415 --> 00:09:46,711 Aaaaaahhhhhhh! 248 00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,838 [knock on door] 249 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,549 [Deb] Carl Langley, editor-in-chief? 250 00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:52,634 That's right. And who -- 251 00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:54,678 Well, I'm Deb effing Hornsby, 252 00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:58,473 AKA this week's KQAC call-in prize winner. 253 00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:00,558 And your worst nightmare! 254 00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:02,435 Listen, I don't care what you say, lady, 255 00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:03,853 I'm running that story. 256 00:10:03,895 --> 00:10:07,482 Aaaahhhh! [stammering] 257 00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:10,318 Aaaahhh! 258 00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:12,028 [breathing heavily] 259 00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:13,697 Okay, okay, fine, I won't run the story. 260 00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:16,825 But you should know this guy has gone out to multiple outlets, 261 00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:18,993 "The Oildale Times," "The Victorville Metro," 262 00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:20,995 "The Gelman's Coupon Flyer." 263 00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:22,414 Somebody is gonna run it. 264 00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:25,375 Carl, god damn it, gimme the source. No, I can't. 265 00:10:25,417 --> 00:10:27,877 You can threaten me all you want, but I abide by something 266 00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:29,337 called journalistic integrit-- 267 00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:30,964 [grunts] 268 00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:34,092 His name is Stuart Glandville. I'll email you his address. 269 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,761 Anyway, I know I shouldn't 270 00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:38,596 be lookin' at adult stuff on the Internet. 271 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,265 But when that age verification pops up, 272 00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:43,601 a voice in my head says, "Lie. Tell 'em you're 22." 273 00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,687 I guess I'm just destined to be bad. 274 00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:47,272 Babe, they could put you 275 00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:50,442 in a mental institution for talking like that. 276 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,943 Good. That's where I belong. 277 00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:53,737 Uh, I was in a mental institution once. 278 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:56,031 Really? Shut up. Yeah, had to get out of there 279 00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:57,449 cause they were treatin me like a jerk. 280 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,409 Since then, I've been taking care of myself. 281 00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:02,370 I cook whatever I find. I make beds out of trash. 282 00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:03,788 - Whoa. - [chuckles] 283 00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:05,790 A few months ago, I even took out my own appendix. 284 00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,042 That's, like, so bad. 285 00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:08,960 What? How'd you do that? 286 00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:10,795 Wasn't that hard, honestly. 287 00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,088 You watch enough web videos, 288 00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:14,174 you can pretty much be your own doctor. 289 00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:17,135 All you gotta do is lie on the age verification. 290 00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:19,137 - [chuckles] Yeah. - Talk about bad. 291 00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:23,850 [howling in distance] [coughs] 292 00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:26,061 Dad? Theo? Oh -- Oh, no. 293 00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:27,979 They -- They drowned! They're dead! 294 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,065 We're not dead, you dumbass. We're right over here. 295 00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:31,983 You were facedown in the water for like an hour. 296 00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,651 Why didn't you get me out of the river? 297 00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:35,987 Because I'm not your mommy. Why didn't you get me out? 298 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,489 Wha-What? We're going in circles here, dude. 299 00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:39,824 Now can we please continue to hunt for Dad's treasure? 300 00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,785 This tracker's beeping like crazy. 301 00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:46,122 ♪♪ 302 00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:47,665 Man, my eye's really stinging. 303 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,793 Probably got infected while you were sleeping in that river. 304 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:51,294 Don't worry, with the money we're about to find, 305 00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:53,171 you'll be able to afford as many eyes as you want. 306 00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:54,756 Hell, I might even get a few extra myself. 307 00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:57,467 [beeping rapidly] [chuckles] 308 00:11:57,509 --> 00:11:58,718 Holy fuck! 309 00:11:58,802 --> 00:12:00,720 Utzi. Utzi Wutzi. 310 00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:02,222 Aah!Aah! 311 00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:04,808 Hornsby. 312 00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:10,397 ♪♪ 313 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,273 [knock on door] 314 00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:16,236 Hi, Stuart. Deb Hornsby. 315 00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:18,988 What do you want? May I come in? 316 00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:22,575 We want to hire you back, Stuart, with a 5% raise. 317 00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,536 And all you have to do is keep your mouth shut. 318 00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:26,830 I have the contract right here. Whaddya say? 319 00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:29,374 Sorry, Deb. This story is hot. 320 00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:32,168 I'm about to get me some of that whistleblower money. 321 00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:34,504 Please, Stuart! I'll do anything! 322 00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:36,131 I'm not even supposed to be in charge! 323 00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:39,300 My husband's on a camping trip! I don't know what to do! 324 00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:41,386 [sobbing] Oh, God. Oh, God! 325 00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:43,221 Can you please stop slobbering all over my couch? 326 00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:44,764 It's pathetic. 327 00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:46,307 Stuart! I'm a mess! 328 00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:48,518 Get out of my house. I'm just a stupid woman! 329 00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:51,896 I don't know what to do! Get out of my house, Deb. 330 00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:56,359 [sobbing] 331 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,861 Oh, Stuart! 332 00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:04,951 ♪♪ 333 00:13:06,077 --> 00:13:13,084 ♪♪ 334 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:15,211 Utzi Wutzi. 335 00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:17,088 Hornsby. Hornsby! 336 00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:18,631 Hornsby. Hornsby. 337 00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,717 - Hornsby. Hornsby. - Hornsby. Hornsby. 338 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,302 Are you seeing what I'm seeing? 339 00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:24,346 A whole village of TainT fans. 340 00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:26,348 I don't think these are TainT fans, Theo. 341 00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:27,766 [together] Hornsby. Hornsby. 342 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:30,268 I think they're Dad Stans. 343 00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:34,522 Hornsby. Hornsby. 344 00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:38,651 Hornsby. Hornsby. 345 00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,278 So, I go up to the guy and go, 346 00:13:40,362 --> 00:13:41,863 Yeah, I'll take one cup. For water." 347 00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:44,574 He hands it to me and I fill it to the brim with Mr. Pibb. 348 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,410 You told us that story yesterday. 349 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,412 I'm a bad boy. 350 00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:52,207 Guys?! I think I'm going into labor! 351 00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:53,917 Oh, crap. I'll get Matt. 352 00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:55,585 What? You think that square is bad enough 353 00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:57,003 to bring life into the world? 354 00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:58,254 Help me! [grunts] 355 00:13:58,338 --> 00:13:59,422 [scoffs] Please. 356 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,508 Watch a real bad boy at work. 357 00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:04,052 [panting, screams] 358 00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:05,929 Aah! [liquid squishes] 359 00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:08,723 "Oh, hey, Matt." "What? Oh, 'sup, Holly." 360 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:10,725 "Gosh, have you been working out? 361 00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:13,019 Your muscles -- They're so big." 362 00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:16,356 "Lil bit. Bad boys gotta keep fit so no one steps." 363 00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:18,900 "That's hot. Can I kiss you on the mouth?" 364 00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:20,193 Aah! Matt. 365 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:22,404 What these? This one's not you. I-It's not you. 366 00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:24,114 Uh, what? No. Marci. 367 00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,407 She's going into labor. 368 00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:28,076 Oh. Well, congratulations to her. 369 00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:30,453 [chuckles] No! Can you help her deliver? 370 00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:32,497 Uhh... You said you were a bad boy, right? 371 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:33,790 What? N-No. 372 00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:36,459 Holly, I-I gotta tell you something. 373 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,170 [sighs] I'm not qualified to deliver a baby. 374 00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:40,672 What? I'm not a bad boy. 375 00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:43,049 I just happened to fart in a Chucklebee's once 376 00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:45,677 and my parents sent me out here to teach me a lesson. 377 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,054 [sighs] I'm a good kid. 378 00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:49,723 Let Oscar handle this one. 379 00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:53,018 Matt! You're the bad boy we need right now! 380 00:14:54,352 --> 00:14:56,062 Son of a bitch. 381 00:14:56,146 --> 00:14:58,815 [cheering] 382 00:14:58,857 --> 00:15:01,067 Fuck it up! Let's go! Yes! Yes! Sports! 383 00:15:01,151 --> 00:15:06,656 ♪♪ 384 00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:07,991 Watch his face! Awesome! 385 00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:10,577 ♪♪ 386 00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:13,705 Yeah, first down! Yeah, dude! 387 00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:26,343 ♪♪ 388 00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:34,476 ♪♪ 389 00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:36,853 Utzi! 390 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,356 [shouting] 391 00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,607 Oh, my God! Jesus Christ! 392 00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:43,985 Wait a damn second! I get it now. 393 00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:46,029 The Night of Passage? The tracking device? 394 00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:48,365 This night was never about making us rock hard. 395 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,033 Was it, Dad? It was just an excuse 396 00:15:50,075 --> 00:15:52,035 to dump us on your way to this F'd up cult 397 00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,454 where you could act like a god and get rock hard. 398 00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:55,747 But in the dick. 399 00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,624 Showering everyone with thumbs up 400 00:15:57,707 --> 00:15:59,376 and thumbs down to show your approval?! 401 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,960 Well, I got news for you! 402 00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:03,213 Back at camp there were two little boys who loved you! 403 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,840 Not like a god but a dad! 404 00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:10,595 ♪♪ 405 00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:12,389 But -- But, uh, I'm rambling. 406 00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:14,307 W-Who's fighting next, fellas? 407 00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:15,850 ♪ Havin' my baby ♪ 408 00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:18,436 [screaming] Help me! 409 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,939 ♪ What a lovely way of sayin' what you're thinkin' of me ♪ 410 00:16:21,022 --> 00:16:22,399 Oh, my God! It's coming out! 411 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,442 Holy shit. [grunting] 412 00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:26,403 ♪ I can see it ♪ 413 00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,071 [vomits] 414 00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:30,407 ♪ Your face is glowin' ♪ [screaming] 415 00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:33,743 ♪ I can see it in your eyes ♪ 416 00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:36,162 ♪ I'm happy you know it ♪ 417 00:16:36,246 --> 00:16:37,372 [baby crying] 418 00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:40,375 ♪ That you're havin' my baby ♪ 419 00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:46,798 ♪ You're the woman I love and I love what it's doin' to ya ♪ 420 00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:49,801 ♪ Havin' my baby ♪ 421 00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:51,219 ♪ You're a woman in love... ♪ 422 00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:53,888 Here, Marci. And, hey. 423 00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:56,224 If he ever farts in a crowded Chucklebee's, 424 00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:58,476 go easy on him, huh? 425 00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:04,941 Matt, that was incredible. [gasps] 426 00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:06,943 You brought a life into this world 427 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,863 and exposed Oscar for the punk ass little bitch that he is. 428 00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:11,281 [farting] I'm a good, good boy. 429 00:17:11,321 --> 00:17:13,575 I'm a good little boy. I'm a good little boy. 430 00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:16,661 Your parents were right about you. 431 00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:19,122 You're a true bad boy for life. 432 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:32,927 ♪♪ 433 00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:35,221 Hey. It was you. What? 434 00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:37,182 The stick with the lime for a head? 435 00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:40,018 Those were dolls that I made of us and I was making them kiss. 436 00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:41,978 I think I manifested this. 437 00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:45,398 Uhh... I should go check on Marci. 438 00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:48,985 ♪♪ 439 00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:54,449 Okay, Stebe. Remember -- Johnny Havok's the heel. 440 00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:57,243 The Black Raven's the face, so you gotta bring the cheap heat. 441 00:17:57,327 --> 00:18:00,538 Okay, yeah. Maybe a low blow and then we can fast-track the heat. 442 00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:02,082 Yeah. Then we'll milk it, okay? 443 00:18:02,165 --> 00:18:04,501 Once the heat's on me, just beat the fucking shit out of me. 444 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,837 I guess Johnny Havok's officially out of retirement. 445 00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:10,048 Utzi. Utzi. Utzi. Utzi. 446 00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,633 Shut up. 447 00:18:11,675 --> 00:18:13,510 Shut your mouths. 448 00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:14,594 Shut up. 449 00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:16,596 Losers. 450 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,478 Shut your mouths. [grunts] 451 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,398 Shut up. Y'all are just jealous. 452 00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:29,150 I know I look good. 453 00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:30,944 Losers. 454 00:18:34,656 --> 00:18:37,367 Oh, God. Not the Black Raven. 455 00:18:37,409 --> 00:18:38,660 Why is he here? 456 00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:40,161 [grunts] 457 00:18:44,499 --> 00:18:45,583 Ha! 458 00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:47,711 [cheering] 459 00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:54,759 ♪♪ 460 00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:56,177 Ow! Fuck! 461 00:18:56,219 --> 00:19:01,266 ♪♪ 462 00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:06,396 ♪♪ 463 00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:07,897 Stebe, stop! [chuckles] 464 00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:10,608 I'm not in character! Shut up, you big baby. 465 00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:13,069 And by the way? It's Johnny Havok. 466 00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:15,864 No, no, no. No, no. Ow. Fuck! 467 00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:19,576 Ah, dude! Stebe, I think you broke my neck. 468 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:20,910 Just pin me, dude! 469 00:19:20,952 --> 00:19:23,830 Sorry, Theo. But the face always wins. 470 00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:25,457 No! No, no, no, no, no! 471 00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:28,251 Ah! Ah! 472 00:19:28,293 --> 00:19:30,420 Ah! Ah! 473 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,756 [both grunting] 474 00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:35,091 [cheering] 475 00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:42,140 ♪♪ 476 00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:49,564 ♪♪ 477 00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:53,068 Utzi Utzi! 478 00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:55,278 [together] Hornsby. Hornsby. 479 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,405 Hornsby. Hornsby. 480 00:19:57,447 --> 00:19:59,407 Hornsby. Hornsby. 481 00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:01,451 Hornsby. Hornsby. 482 00:20:01,493 --> 00:20:03,703 ♪♪ 483 00:20:03,787 --> 00:20:05,622 [horn honks] 484 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,457 Rise and shine, big man. 485 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,292 Look at him. Hard as a rock. Aah! 486 00:20:09,376 --> 00:20:12,837 Yep, looks like we all had a successful Night of Passage. 487 00:20:12,921 --> 00:20:14,422 Hop in, Matt. 488 00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:16,299 Be careful, backseat's got a bunch of exposed springs. 489 00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:17,717 Stab your nuts. 490 00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:23,890 ♪♪ 491 00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:25,725 You guys go on without me. 492 00:20:25,809 --> 00:20:29,104 I'm gonna get home on my own. 493 00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:30,814 Okay. 494 00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:36,653 ♪♪ 495 00:20:36,695 --> 00:20:42,784 ♪♪ 496 00:20:49,666 --> 00:20:51,001 What the hell?! 497 00:20:51,042 --> 00:20:53,003 Ugh. No, no, no, no, no, no! 498 00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:54,170 Alright, get down. 499 00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:55,588 We know what you've been up to, 500 00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:57,090 you sick son of a bitch. 501 00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:59,217 What are you talking about? 502 00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,052 I haven't been up -- I haven't been up to anything! 503 00:21:01,136 --> 00:21:02,846 We got a tip from a whistleblower, 504 00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:05,432 told us all about you. 505 00:21:05,515 --> 00:21:07,892 Boom -- Dead to rights. 506 00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:10,770 What the? These look familiar, sicko? 507 00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:13,690 No. No, no, no, no! Those aren't mine! 508 00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:14,983 Shut up. Shut up. 509 00:21:15,025 --> 00:21:16,609 You're going away for a long time, pal. 510 00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:19,529 No. You know what they do to guys like you in prison? 511 00:21:19,571 --> 00:21:20,655 I've seen it on TV. 512 00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:22,699 [sobbing] 513 00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:24,868 These are all lies! [sobbing] 514 00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:27,829 ♪ I see it showing ♪ It's not true! 515 00:21:27,871 --> 00:21:30,874 ♪ Whoa, the seed inside ya, baby ♪ I've been set up! They did this to me! 516 00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:33,877 ♪ Do you feel it growin'? ♪ 517 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,880 ♪ Are you happy you know it? ♪ 518 00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:40,717 ♪ That you're havin' my baby ♪ 519 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:47,057 ♪ I'm a woman in love and I love what it's doin' to me ♪ 520 00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:50,435 ♪ Havin' my baby ♪ 521 00:21:50,518 --> 00:21:56,775 ♪ I'm a woman in love and I love what's goin' through me ♪ 522 00:22:03,615 --> 00:22:05,033 [chirp]