1
00:00:55,098 --> 00:00:58,726
They say you should
never give up on your dreams,
2
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,605
but what if you should?
3
00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:08,111
What if your dreams are just
too big and you are too small?
4
00:01:08,903 --> 00:01:15,660
A tiny, insignificant speck of carbon
floating in a cruel, unforgiving universe.
5
00:01:17,620 --> 00:01:22,083
No, the universe doesn't
care about your dreams.
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00:01:23,042 --> 00:01:25,962
In a flash of light,
in the blink of an eye,
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00:01:26,045 --> 00:01:28,673
it will wipe its ass with your destiny.
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00:01:30,258 --> 00:01:32,802
But if you learn to accept this,
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00:01:32,885 --> 00:01:36,180
to laugh at God
instead of cursing him,
10
00:01:36,556 --> 00:01:40,184
then maybe, just maybe,
you stand a chance
11
00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:44,480
of becoming a pretty decent clown.
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Weird.
13
00:01:49,694 --> 00:01:50,820
Where is everybody?
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00:01:58,911 --> 00:02:02,081
♪ If you're happy and you know it,
clap your hands ♪
15
00:02:03,291 --> 00:02:06,419
{\an8}♪ If you're happy and you know it,
Clap your hands ♪
16
00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:07,545
{\an8}
17
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,797
{\an8}♪ If you're happy and you know it ♪
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00:02:09,881 --> 00:02:11,924
{\an8}♪ And you really want to show it ♪
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♪ If you're happy and you know it,
clap your hands ♪
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If you're happy-- bear with me--
and you know it, stamp your...
21
00:02:23,102 --> 00:02:25,730
Ah, you know it don't you?
22
00:02:26,898 --> 00:02:29,233
Are you going to be
able to finish that? Or...
23
00:02:29,317 --> 00:02:31,611
What is it? Red Leicester?
What is that?
24
00:02:31,694 --> 00:02:32,695
Bobo!
25
00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:36,657
I thought we were clear.
We're gonna go another way with this.
26
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:40,286
Yes, I heard you.
You said I was depressing the children.
27
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,413
That's why I brought out
the happy dance.
28
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Look, we've had a great run, but we're
gonna give Nathan a go this time.
29
00:02:46,125 --> 00:02:49,003
- He does close-up magic...
- And far-away magic.
30
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A fucking wand-stroker?!
31
00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:55,760
My act works!
32
00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:59,889
I've been doing it 25 years!
It's the kids that've changed!
33
00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:02,058
They don't appreciate
the classics anymore.
34
00:03:02,141 --> 00:03:04,268
They just wanna get
jacked up on energy drinks,
35
00:03:04,352 --> 00:03:05,853
and watch Serbian pornography.
36
00:03:05,937 --> 00:03:10,316
- I don't think these kids are watching--
- Asian shit, foot stuff, whatever.
37
00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:14,278
If you want to give my job to a
fucking hat fister, then fine.
38
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Fuck you.
39
00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:18,532
And fuck him,
and fuck this gig,
40
00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:20,660
and fuck all these joyless little pricks,
41
00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:22,787
because I quit. Okay?
42
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:26,290
Oh, I'll be taking one of these
jellies as well. Thank you!
43
00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:29,335
That was methadone.
44
00:03:32,463 --> 00:03:33,506
Yeah, I knew that.
45
00:03:34,465 --> 00:03:35,800
Alright?
46
00:03:45,518 --> 00:03:47,311
Right.
Let's introduce you.
47
00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:50,898
{\an8}
Good morning, Ireland.
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00:03:50,982 --> 00:03:54,568
{\an8}You're listening to 93.5 with Big Roy
and The Animal.
49
00:03:54,652 --> 00:03:57,655
{\an8}
Extreme weather conditions in Bolivia
50
00:03:57,738 --> 00:04:00,741
{\an8}have baffled climatologists
who fear electromagnetic--
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00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:04,245
Garth Brooks live this Saturday
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00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:06,622
at Croke Park, Dublin.
Extra tickets on sale--
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Hey, kid.
54
00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:27,435
Do you wanna see a show?
Come on.
55
00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:31,188
- It'll only take a second.
- Hey! Let go!
56
00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:34,817
Help! That thing was trying
to drag my son away!
57
00:04:35,526 --> 00:04:38,237
No, no, no.
58
00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:41,741
That's just where I do my show.
They won't let me do it out here.
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00:04:41,824 --> 00:04:43,659
If you need any witnesses,
I saw what happened.
60
00:04:43,743 --> 00:04:45,619
She definitely tried to snatch your kid.
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00:04:45,703 --> 00:04:48,748
Fuck you, Alan!
Just gimme a shot on the strip.
62
00:04:48,831 --> 00:04:51,834
- I've done my time!
- The strip's for artists, Funzo.
63
00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:53,919
You're scaring away the clients.
64
00:04:55,046 --> 00:04:58,591
You want to dance with me,
Alan, do you wanna dance?
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00:04:59,258 --> 00:05:01,385
Is this clown bothering you, Alan?
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00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:04,555
Okay.
67
00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:06,349
Okay.
68
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:19,445
You can run, Funzo but we'll get
you eventually! We can wait!
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00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:22,615
Human statues can always wait!
70
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:25,117
{\an8}-
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00:05:29,747 --> 00:05:34,210
{\an8}Before we begin, there are
three basic truths you must accept.
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00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:36,754
One, God is dead.
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00:05:37,922 --> 00:05:39,090
Two.
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00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:42,927
Laughter is the only sane response
to a meaningless existence.
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00:05:44,303 --> 00:05:47,973
Three, if you are going to do a tumble,
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00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:52,228
make sure you land
on the meat of your buttocks,
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00:05:53,104 --> 00:05:55,439
or you will really damage your ass bone.
78
00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:00,361
You, why are you here?
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00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,322
I just love kids.
80
00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:05,950
I guess... making them laugh.
81
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:09,203
A bit route one, isn't it?
"Making children laugh."
82
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:13,290
Ah, we have an avant-gardist in our midst.
83
00:06:14,125 --> 00:06:17,002
Let us marvel at his singular genius.
84
00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:22,091
Monsieur DuCoque.
85
00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:28,931
I am Pepe, and this is my interpretation
of the classic mime "Trapped In A Box."
86
00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:39,316
That's a wall.
87
00:06:44,488 --> 00:06:47,032
And another one. Not this again.
88
00:06:47,533 --> 00:06:50,911
Ooh, uh, Julian.
Julian, are you still out there?
89
00:06:52,163 --> 00:06:53,622
I better call Barbara.
90
00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:56,333
Hello? May I speak to Barbara please?
91
00:06:56,417 --> 00:06:58,252
Barbara? Hi, it's Pepe.
92
00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,546
Listen, bit of an embarrassing one
for you, Barbara.
93
00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:01,964
You know that box I've got
94
00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:03,716
- at the end of my garden?
- Enough!
95
00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:07,386
This is the worst performance
I have ever seen.
96
00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:09,180
Sorry, maybe you
didn't understand there.
97
00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:12,099
I wasn't actually trapped in a box.
I was just pretending.
98
00:07:12,183 --> 00:07:14,852
A true clown never pretends.
99
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,479
He simply be's.
100
00:07:17,146 --> 00:07:20,357
But I am a true clown.
I just need some training.
101
00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:25,154
If I taught a duck to wear a hat and
a little suit and go to an office
102
00:07:25,237 --> 00:07:30,367
every day with a tiny briefcase,
would that make him a businessman?
103
00:07:30,910 --> 00:07:33,871
Well, if he tried really hard
and read all the books and...
104
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,915
really believed in his
dreams, then yes!
105
00:07:35,998 --> 00:07:38,375
Yes, I know that duck
could become a businessman.
106
00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:39,585
Silence!
107
00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:45,090
You will never... be...
a true clown.
108
00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:48,511
Monsieur DuCoque!
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00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:51,555
Monsieur DuCoque!
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00:07:52,264 --> 00:07:55,434
They say comedy equals tragedy plus time.
111
00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:59,313
{\an8}Well, unfortunately, time was up
for the man that some people called
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00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:02,608
{\an8}the last great clown, Jean DuCoque.
113
00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:06,612
And joining me to discuss
his legacy is, well, a bit of a blast
114
00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:09,448
from the TV past,
The amazing Alphonso.
115
00:08:09,532 --> 00:08:11,784
{\an8}It's "The Great,"
it's "The Great Alphonso."
116
00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:15,496
So DuCoque was, I suppose, some
kind of a hero to you.
117
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:19,208
Indeed. And I to him.
118
00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:21,043
Unlike many of the other so-called
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00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:25,297
"stars of the time,"
he was not a jealous clown.
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00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:29,927
For instance, when Alphonso's
Fun Club became the nation's highest
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00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,680
rated kids' TV show in 1993...
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00:08:32,763 --> 00:08:35,182
I think I remember that show!
123
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:38,894
- And then again, in 1994.
- Wasn't it canceled due to some kind
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00:08:38,978 --> 00:08:41,355
of a freak gunge tank accident?
125
00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:42,398
Yeah, it was.
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00:08:42,481 --> 00:08:44,775
There were no formal charges.
127
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,486
- Piss off.
- I think DuCoque would be delighted
128
00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:49,446
to hear the announcement
of my comeback show
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00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:51,907
this Saturday at the
National Concert Hall--
130
00:08:51,991 --> 00:08:55,578
Saturday? Isn't that the same night as
Garth Brooks' Stadium show?
131
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'Cause that's where I'll be!
132
00:08:57,413 --> 00:08:58,622
Oh, fucking hack.
133
00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:03,294
Why are you watching this?
134
00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:11,468
Fuck off!
135
00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:14,263
Fucking thing. Piss off!
136
00:09:15,139 --> 00:09:18,767
Piss off. Why are you smiling?
You've got nothing to smile for.
137
00:09:18,851 --> 00:09:19,852
Eat cock.
138
00:09:20,603 --> 00:09:24,315
Why are you smiling?!
139
00:09:25,024 --> 00:09:26,150
Piece of shit.
140
00:10:11,070 --> 00:10:12,529
I need that source, Suzie.
141
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:14,782
I'm not going live
without a second source.
142
00:10:14,865 --> 00:10:16,950
{\an8}No, no. I never said
it was off the record!
143
00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:19,578
{\an8}- He's not gonna wrap up this story.
144
00:10:19,662 --> 00:10:20,788
{\an8}You've got 20 minutes.
145
00:10:23,666 --> 00:10:26,001
Wow. It only took you three days.
146
00:10:26,085 --> 00:10:27,836
You know you get paid by the word?
147
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:30,923
Look, Edith, I think I've
got a real story here.
148
00:10:31,382 --> 00:10:35,427
- What do you know about solar flares?
- I know I don't care about them.
149
00:10:35,511 --> 00:10:38,305
I've been tracking some serious
meteorological anomalies
150
00:10:38,389 --> 00:10:39,723
over the past few months.
151
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:45,521
NASA, the European Space Agency, the SWPC,
all warning of a potentially major event.
152
00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:48,732
- Alright, listen, Jenny...
- I know what you're gonna say, Edith,
153
00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:50,401
but journalism is in my blood.
154
00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:52,361
You've got a thoroughbred horse here,
155
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:54,780
and you've got me giving
pony rides round the garden.
156
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:57,533
I can sleep standing up.
I can shit while I gallop.
157
00:10:57,616 --> 00:11:00,369
Stop wasting me on these
bullshit celebrity puff pieces.
158
00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:02,413
And let me feel the wind in my mane.
159
00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:06,333
All right. As it happens,
I do have a story for you.
160
00:11:06,417 --> 00:11:09,878
Out in the field, something
tailored to your particular expertise.
161
00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,632
A clown funeral.
162
00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:15,884
A clown funeral!
163
00:11:15,968 --> 00:11:19,221
How fucked up is that? Who
wouldn't click through?
164
00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:22,266
But I thought you wanted
me for my expertise.
165
00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:23,642
I do.
166
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:26,061
Didn't you fuck a clown?
167
00:11:27,271 --> 00:11:28,897
Sorry, did I get that wrong?
168
00:11:30,566 --> 00:11:34,820
Jenny Malone fucked a clown, right?
169
00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:36,780
This Jenny?
170
00:11:37,072 --> 00:11:39,825
- She fucked a clown?
- Yes, she's the clown fucker.
171
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:42,077
Can we all stop calling me that please?
172
00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,288
I just hooked up with a guy at a party.
173
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,331
Was it a children's party?
174
00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:48,667
Ah, fuck you, Suzie.
Journalists are talking.
175
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:52,337
Look, no one else here knows
a goddamn thing about clowns.
176
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:54,256
So do you want this job or not?
177
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:03,891
I'll do it.
178
00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:08,061
Some day I'm gonna do
some real reporting,
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00:12:08,145 --> 00:12:10,272
{\an8}and I'm gonna show you...
180
00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:14,318
you judgmental bitch.
181
00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:18,405
Are you talking to me
or your dead mother?
182
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:23,243
- Dead mother.
- Cool. That's totally normal.
183
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:38,342
Heavy winds being
blamed for the unusual network blackouts
184
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:42,346
from the Cavernly triangle, and also
fearing increasing levels of disruption,
185
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:45,057
and a sharp rise in the number
of towns shutting down.
186
00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:00,072
- Can I help you?
- Is Jenny here?
187
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:02,908
- Jenny.
- Yeah. Five foot four.
188
00:13:03,534 --> 00:13:04,535
Medium hair.
189
00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:08,372
The most beautiful woman in the world.
190
00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:13,669
We do have a Jenny,
but she's kind of plain.
191
00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:15,921
I can take a message.
192
00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:17,339
Um...
193
00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:20,634
could you tell her...
194
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:25,639
every time I see a sunset
the wind shouts her name.
195
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:29,393
Jenny!
196
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,604
Don't say that actually. It's weird, no?
197
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:36,149
I still wrote it...
Could you just say "What up?"
198
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:37,484
"What up?"
199
00:13:37,943 --> 00:13:39,653
You just want me
to say "What up?"
200
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,697
Yeah, but keep it--
keep it casual,
201
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:43,699
like you're really busy,
it's no big deal,
202
00:13:43,782 --> 00:13:45,075
so "What up? What up?"
203
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,953
Not like that, but "What up"
like that. Keep it mean.
204
00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:50,289
Okay. Uh, what was your name?
205
00:13:51,707 --> 00:13:52,708
Uh, Bobo.
206
00:13:53,292 --> 00:13:56,712
Bobo as in Bobo the Clown.
207
00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:58,755
Wow.
208
00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:01,466
You know, I don't know
where she is right now,
209
00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:06,763
uh, but I can tell you
where she'll be tomorrow morning.
210
00:14:08,265 --> 00:14:09,308
Please.
211
00:14:20,819 --> 00:14:23,864
{\an8}-
212
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,628
Thanks for the ride!
213
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,439
- Jenny.
- Oh, fuck me.
214
00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:59,691
Wow, baby girl.
215
00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:02,819
- Of course you're here.
- Wow, you look spectacular.
216
00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:04,237
What are the chances?
217
00:15:08,325 --> 00:15:09,618
Yeah, so I'm good.
218
00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:14,206
Finally got out of the clown game.
At last. Long time coming.
219
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:19,628
Nah. I just needed a change, you know.
Been reading a lot of fitness magazines.
220
00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:22,839
Hey, how you doing?
221
00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:24,675
Bobo. Nice to meet you.
222
00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:28,470
- So are you a couple or what's the coup?
- What? No!
223
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:30,681
- Oh, sorry. You seem lovely.
- What, are you single?
224
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,265
- Um...
- We should go out some time.
225
00:15:32,349 --> 00:15:35,477
I know this great little Italian!
And he's a fantastic hot dog stand.
226
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,105
Bobo. I'm working.
Leave me alone.
227
00:15:40,315 --> 00:15:41,316
Nice.
228
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:45,904
Sorry to cock-block you there, mate.
But me and her got history.
229
00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:49,282
And a future by the looks of it, so...
230
00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:55,497
You can flash all the cash you want, but
you ain't impressing anyone, mate. Okay?
231
00:16:05,757 --> 00:16:08,135
So anyway he says,
"What's with the big pants?"
232
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:09,553
And then I say,
233
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:12,472
"that's where I keep the big dick
I use to fuck your mum."
234
00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:16,226
Anyway, that's why I don't play
orphanages anymore.
235
00:16:24,943 --> 00:16:26,528
I'm so sorry for your loss.
236
00:16:27,446 --> 00:16:29,239
Oh, thank you.
237
00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:32,868
Monsieur DuCoque
was like a father to me.
238
00:16:32,951 --> 00:16:38,665
I suppose now it's fallen
upon me to honor his legacy.
239
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:42,794
Big shoes to fill.
240
00:16:46,590 --> 00:16:47,591
You're right.
241
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:50,802
I should take his shoes.
242
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:52,679
Fuck me.
243
00:16:52,763 --> 00:16:57,184
So this guy, he must have
been a pretty big deal, right?
244
00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:59,019
- Who, DuCoque?
- Mm-hmm.
245
00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:03,356
Yeah. I guess. Excuse me.
246
00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,610
Aah. You smell musky.
247
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,324
Jen!
248
00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:14,618
Wow! This is a real Who's Who, huh?
249
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:16,369
Hey. How you doing?
250
00:17:18,789 --> 00:17:19,915
Friends.
251
00:17:21,416 --> 00:17:24,461
The pain and grief we are all feeling.
252
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,338
There are no words.
253
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:30,425
But where words fail us,
254
00:17:30,509 --> 00:17:32,844
there is always mime!
255
00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:44,648
What're we lookin' at?
256
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,608
I'm trapped in a box while screaming.
257
00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:49,569
That's not how it reads.
258
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,618
Okay, the other hand isn't helping.
259
00:18:08,672 --> 00:18:10,841
A fitting tribute, I think we'd all agree.
260
00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:16,888
But first, let me tell you
how great it is
261
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:22,018
to see the nation's entire clowning
community in such rude health.
262
00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:27,107
Adieu Monsieur.
263
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:28,900
But enough about the past.
264
00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,070
As you all know,
265
00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:35,574
I myself am back on top,
266
00:18:35,699 --> 00:18:40,620
gearing up for my enormous
comeback show tomorrow night!
267
00:18:40,996 --> 00:18:42,831
But I need a support act.
268
00:18:43,248 --> 00:18:45,709
- Well, if you...
- Not you. Not that.
269
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,420
Wait a minute, where's Boinki?
270
00:18:48,503 --> 00:18:49,671
Doing a Masters.
271
00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:50,839
Hmm?
272
00:18:51,089 --> 00:18:53,049
- Giggles?
- Trampled by a horse.
273
00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:55,010
Oh, probably for the best.
274
00:18:55,844 --> 00:18:57,512
Um, what about you?
275
00:18:57,846 --> 00:18:58,972
Are you a clown?
276
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,974
I mean, the makeup says clown,
277
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:02,976
- but the hair--
- I'm a journalist.
278
00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:05,145
- Thank you very much.
- Well, perfect.
279
00:19:05,228 --> 00:19:07,397
I'll give you 20 minutes after this.
280
00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:09,816
Then we can do the interview, eh?
281
00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:13,737
Right. Well then, we'll have to audition!
282
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:16,865
Everyone out to the car park.
I'll give you five minutes each.
283
00:19:16,948 --> 00:19:19,201
Glory awaits!
284
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:24,164
We just want Funzo.
285
00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:28,084
If you want me, you're
gonna have to take on all of us.
286
00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:30,795
You fucked up now, Alan.
287
00:19:30,879 --> 00:19:32,881
Right, guys?
288
00:19:34,049 --> 00:19:36,301
- Who are you?
- Who's Alan?
289
00:19:36,927 --> 00:19:39,095
You owe me an ear, Funzo.
290
00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:40,931
You take Liberty.
291
00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:42,849
Leave Alan to me.
292
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:45,769
Take them where?
293
00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:48,730
To Hell.
294
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,191
Oh my God!
295
00:19:57,072 --> 00:20:00,450
You can't do this to me!
My comeback show is tomorrow!
296
00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:02,619
Ticket sales have been robust.
297
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:03,870
Weird fuckers, come on!
298
00:20:03,954 --> 00:20:05,580
This is a violation of
my journalistic rights.
299
00:20:05,664 --> 00:20:08,083
You might as well curl off a hot one
right on the Geneva Convention.
300
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:11,169
- Come on to fuck your...
- I want to be in her cell.
301
00:20:11,962 --> 00:20:13,672
I want to be in that cell.
302
00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:29,813
- Was that a tooth?
- Yeah, but it's not mine.
303
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:39,364
Do you think maybe she's gone scary?
304
00:20:39,823 --> 00:20:43,618
So. What should we call our
clown troupe slash fight club?
305
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:47,831
- I'm not a clown
- And I am not forming a troupe with you.
306
00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:51,626
I trained under the late Jean DuCoque.
307
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:53,920
You look like a tramp
who lost at paintball.
308
00:20:54,129 --> 00:20:56,506
- I'm a street clown.
- Street clown?
309
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:58,717
What is that?
That doesn't even mean anything.
310
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:03,054
It means I learned my
shit on the streets.
311
00:21:03,305 --> 00:21:05,724
Not some fancy school with a roof on it.
312
00:21:06,016 --> 00:21:10,020
It means a clown for anyone,
any place, any time.
313
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:14,566
Down an alley, under a bridge,
outside people's windows at night.
314
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:16,484
I'll clown for you right now.
315
00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:19,821
Without so much as a warmup!
316
00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:21,865
Are you insane?
317
00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:24,868
What?
Never seen a neck trapeze before?
318
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:27,579
- Oh, well that answers that.
- What did you say, DuCoque muncher?
319
00:21:27,662 --> 00:21:31,499
- You heard what I said you little lunatic!
- Just stop it, you poke at my face!
320
00:21:31,583 --> 00:21:34,711
Why don't you shut up, both of you?!
321
00:21:36,546 --> 00:21:39,341
This whole argument is pointless.
322
00:21:40,008 --> 00:21:43,011
Face it, the world doesn't
need clowns anymore.
323
00:21:44,054 --> 00:21:48,016
We're fax machines, we're travel agents.
324
00:21:49,601 --> 00:21:51,061
We're obsolete.
325
00:22:50,787 --> 00:22:51,830
What's that noise?
326
00:22:56,167 --> 00:22:57,335
Fucking hell!
327
00:23:03,591 --> 00:23:06,302
Funzo? What have you done?
Let them out please.
328
00:23:06,386 --> 00:23:09,514
We could, but then we'd also
be letting out all the rats.
329
00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:10,473
What rats?
330
00:23:10,557 --> 00:23:14,018
- The sack of rats I threw in there.
- We're gonna get you Funzo!
331
00:23:14,102 --> 00:23:16,104
You better sleep with one eye open!
332
00:23:16,187 --> 00:23:20,108
- It's cool. I already do.
- You'll never outrun us, Funzo.
333
00:23:20,191 --> 00:23:22,819
You can't escape. Oh my God,
there's one on my balls.
334
00:23:22,902 --> 00:23:24,154
There's one on my balls.
335
00:23:29,117 --> 00:23:32,036
Weird.
Where is everybody?
336
00:23:39,669 --> 00:23:41,588
Hello?
337
00:23:43,673 --> 00:23:46,092
Anybody!
338
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,021
- My phone's dead.
- So's my beeper.
339
00:23:58,104 --> 00:23:59,647
So are my parents.
340
00:24:00,565 --> 00:24:02,650
But I had nothing to do with it.
341
00:24:07,697 --> 00:24:11,910
So when that thing comes back to life,
how about you give me your number?
342
00:24:11,993 --> 00:24:14,204
And we go for that fantastic hot dog.
343
00:24:14,662 --> 00:24:16,664
Bobo, there's not gonna be a hot dog.
344
00:24:18,082 --> 00:24:21,586
Oh, so you wanna get right down to it
like last time, do you?
345
00:24:22,045 --> 00:24:23,504
Last time was a mistake.
346
00:24:25,381 --> 00:24:29,385
A sweaty, sweaty mistake,
and I've regretted it ever since.
347
00:24:35,934 --> 00:24:37,310
Monsieur is still in there!
348
00:24:37,894 --> 00:24:39,312
How could they leave him?
349
00:24:39,395 --> 00:24:42,440
Trapped in a box, the irony!
350
00:24:45,068 --> 00:24:47,654
Damn it, the Scimitar
won't let me enter her.
351
00:24:48,363 --> 00:24:51,199
You! Journalist!
I've got a show to do!
352
00:24:51,282 --> 00:24:53,618
So I'm gonna have to
drive you in your car.
353
00:24:53,952 --> 00:24:56,746
I can give you that interview
you were asking for.
354
00:24:57,247 --> 00:24:59,040
Nothing electrical is working.
355
00:24:59,123 --> 00:25:01,251
Oh shit, really?
356
00:25:09,550 --> 00:25:12,303
What do you say, friend,
can you give us a lift?
357
00:25:12,845 --> 00:25:16,557
There is no way I'm giving a lift
to a talentless has-been,
358
00:25:17,392 --> 00:25:19,310
a homeless psychopath,
359
00:25:19,394 --> 00:25:23,439
and the woman
who broke my heart!
360
00:25:24,357 --> 00:25:26,776
Look, I've got a big show tonight
361
00:25:26,859 --> 00:25:28,736
and there's a juicy support slot,
362
00:25:28,820 --> 00:25:32,198
which I'm willing to dangle over
the muzzle of any slobbering clown
363
00:25:32,282 --> 00:25:35,618
- willing to do me a solid.
- I can do you a solid.
364
00:25:35,702 --> 00:25:38,663
How solid do you need?
365
00:25:38,997 --> 00:25:40,623
You know we've met before, right?
366
00:25:41,249 --> 00:25:44,669
We both came over here
to audition for the same TV show,
367
00:25:44,752 --> 00:25:47,547
and I spent every penny
I had on that ferry.
368
00:25:48,214 --> 00:25:50,675
And he saw me rehearse
backstage and stole my act.
369
00:25:51,259 --> 00:25:53,511
And the career.
It should have been mine.
370
00:25:53,803 --> 00:25:55,263
Oh, what we got here?
371
00:25:55,430 --> 00:25:56,931
Oh look, it's your whole act.
372
00:25:58,558 --> 00:26:00,310
Look, Boo Boo is it?
373
00:26:01,311 --> 00:26:05,273
Have you any idea how many lesser
clowns have accused me of stealing
374
00:26:05,356 --> 00:26:07,525
their shitty material over the years?
375
00:26:08,443 --> 00:26:12,238
It's not my fault you couldn't
make it on the big boy stage,
376
00:26:12,697 --> 00:26:15,867
but if you did want to make
a genuine contribution
377
00:26:15,950 --> 00:26:18,119
to our illustrious art form,
378
00:26:18,202 --> 00:26:20,705
then the best thing you can do
379
00:26:20,788 --> 00:26:26,002
is drive me to Dublin
so that I can do my show.
380
00:26:26,377 --> 00:26:27,462
Fuck the art form.
381
00:26:28,171 --> 00:26:32,467
Clowning is as dead to me as that boy
band who drowned in your gunge tank.
382
00:26:32,550 --> 00:26:36,054
There was only one of them.
There were no formal charges.
383
00:26:36,512 --> 00:26:37,555
Bobo.
384
00:26:37,847 --> 00:26:39,640
- Bobo.
- What?
385
00:26:40,224 --> 00:26:44,354
I'm sorry about what I said back there.
I don't actually want you to die.
386
00:26:45,855 --> 00:26:48,149
- But you didn't say that.
- Exactly.
387
00:26:48,316 --> 00:26:52,028
Listen,
there's something big going on here,
388
00:26:52,111 --> 00:26:54,280
and I think I know what it is,
389
00:26:54,364 --> 00:26:57,158
and if I'm right,
it's bigger than all of us.
390
00:26:57,784 --> 00:26:59,827
Now we need
to put our differences aside
391
00:26:59,911 --> 00:27:01,829
and get back home as soon as possible
392
00:27:01,913 --> 00:27:03,414
so I can write this story.
393
00:27:04,415 --> 00:27:05,458
I need this, Bobo.
394
00:27:06,542 --> 00:27:07,710
I need you.
395
00:27:11,464 --> 00:27:14,342
Is that, is that a picture
of me on your dashboard?
396
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:17,845
Fine. Oi.
397
00:27:19,305 --> 00:27:22,475
We'll park this beef, because I don't
mind being the bigger man.
398
00:27:22,558 --> 00:27:24,727
You don't have to do that.
I'll be the bigger man.
399
00:27:24,811 --> 00:27:26,479
No, no, no, no.
I insist.
400
00:27:26,646 --> 00:27:28,648
- Let me be bigger.
- It's cool.
401
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:34,570
I'm already bigger, so it's just easier
if we think of me as being the bigger man.
402
00:27:38,366 --> 00:27:41,702
Great. Now, how are we
gonna fit five of us in this thing?
403
00:27:42,954 --> 00:27:44,497
Make that six.
404
00:28:01,889 --> 00:28:05,643
- Nothing.
- Oh my God, these are terrible.
405
00:28:07,311 --> 00:28:09,272
Nothing like my act.
406
00:28:09,689 --> 00:28:11,691
Look at this one.
The jugglenaut.
407
00:28:11,774 --> 00:28:14,110
A tower of clowns on fire.
408
00:28:16,821 --> 00:28:18,364
I mean, it makes no sense.
409
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:22,160
Can you please stop critiquing
my childhood dreams?
410
00:28:22,410 --> 00:28:26,914
I mean, the clown at the bottom would
need to be built like a garden shed.
411
00:28:26,998 --> 00:28:32,128
The one on the top would have to be insane
I mean, certifiably clinically insane.
412
00:28:32,587 --> 00:28:34,255
And as for the one in the middle,
413
00:28:34,338 --> 00:28:38,801
well, this clown would have to be
so still, it was if he were frozen solid.
414
00:28:39,177 --> 00:28:40,344
But above all that,
415
00:28:40,428 --> 00:28:44,182
these three would have to be
willing to die for one another.
416
00:28:44,724 --> 00:28:47,059
You ever met a clown you'd die for?
417
00:28:56,652 --> 00:28:57,820
Hey! Stop the car!
418
00:28:59,864 --> 00:29:01,741
Stop the car.
419
00:29:07,205 --> 00:29:08,247
Clown scum!
420
00:29:08,331 --> 00:29:09,832
Jesus fucking--
421
00:29:12,502 --> 00:29:13,544
Come on, please!
422
00:29:13,628 --> 00:29:15,588
Just one fucking
text message, anything!
423
00:29:17,757 --> 00:29:19,258
What's happening to everybody?
424
00:29:21,219 --> 00:29:22,386
Come back, you bastard.
425
00:29:22,929 --> 00:29:23,930
That's quilted.
426
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:27,141
That's four-ply. I need that.
Come back!
427
00:29:27,767 --> 00:29:28,768
Come back!
428
00:29:32,396 --> 00:29:34,023
Wait. Stop the car.
429
00:29:34,565 --> 00:29:36,025
Maybe there's someone there.
430
00:29:36,108 --> 00:29:39,320
Oh, good call, Jennifer.
I could eat a horse's ass.
431
00:29:42,698 --> 00:29:45,785
Uh, Jennifer,
I'll have a tall latte, the mixed grill
432
00:29:45,868 --> 00:29:48,412
and some Trebor
Triple X mints please.
433
00:29:48,496 --> 00:29:50,414
Get it yourself, you boiled gammon.
434
00:29:56,629 --> 00:29:58,589
Look, I don't mean to pry,
435
00:29:58,673 --> 00:30:00,383
but does anyone ever tell you,
436
00:30:00,466 --> 00:30:03,678
you remind them of a certain
Stephen King novel?
437
00:30:03,761 --> 00:30:07,890
- What's a Stephen King novel?
- Right.
438
00:30:08,516 --> 00:30:10,142
Um, have you seen It?
439
00:30:10,434 --> 00:30:11,435
What?
440
00:30:11,727 --> 00:30:14,021
- It. It. Have you seen It?
- Have I seen what?
441
00:30:14,105 --> 00:30:16,983
It! It! Fuck.
It's a film. It!
442
00:30:17,066 --> 00:30:20,862
Yes, I've seen a film. I've seen, um...
443
00:30:20,945 --> 00:30:24,907
Babe: Pig in the City.
Changed my life.
444
00:30:25,449 --> 00:30:27,493
Yeah. All right. Well it's...
445
00:30:28,202 --> 00:30:32,623
It's like Babe, except instead of a pig,
it's a clown.
446
00:30:32,707 --> 00:30:34,876
And instead of really
wanting to herd sheep,
447
00:30:34,959 --> 00:30:37,044
he really wants to murder children.
448
00:30:37,962 --> 00:30:38,963
Cool!
449
00:30:41,257 --> 00:30:43,134
What was that?
450
00:30:45,636 --> 00:30:47,638
There is nothing left to steal.
451
00:30:48,306 --> 00:30:50,391
Just move on and you'll come to no harm.
452
00:30:50,474 --> 00:30:53,394
Stay calm.
I am a journalist. A good one.
453
00:30:53,477 --> 00:30:56,564
Leave this to me, Jennifer.
I know how to speak to perverts.
454
00:30:56,647 --> 00:31:00,610
Listen, by all means, have your filthy
way with him, but let the rest of us go.
455
00:31:00,735 --> 00:31:02,612
Oh my God. You're--
456
00:31:02,695 --> 00:31:03,946
You're...
457
00:31:05,072 --> 00:31:07,617
- You're bleeding slightly.
- It's nothing.
458
00:31:07,700 --> 00:31:10,119
No, I think-- I think it's, um...
I think it's something serious.
459
00:31:10,202 --> 00:31:12,204
We should take your shirt off right now.
460
00:31:12,413 --> 00:31:15,249
Listen to the man, Jenny.
There's nothing for us to steal.
461
00:31:15,333 --> 00:31:16,334
Let's go please.
462
00:31:16,792 --> 00:31:17,960
So you're a journalist?
463
00:31:18,544 --> 00:31:20,379
Written all over my face, huh?
464
00:31:20,463 --> 00:31:22,924
No. It was literally
the first thing you said.
465
00:31:23,633 --> 00:31:25,176
Yeah. Okay, um...
466
00:31:25,968 --> 00:31:27,428
What happened here?
467
00:31:28,971 --> 00:31:33,225
The flash in the sky,
everything stopped working.
468
00:31:34,101 --> 00:31:36,312
Sent people insane.
469
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:41,901
They look like animals fighting
over snack boxes and condiments.
470
00:31:42,568 --> 00:31:44,278
And then we ran out supplies.
471
00:31:44,612 --> 00:31:46,155
They turned on each other.
472
00:31:46,822 --> 00:31:48,658
The sun. I knew it!
473
00:31:49,075 --> 00:31:52,912
Working nights in a burger
trailer in the midlands of Ireland.
474
00:31:53,871 --> 00:31:57,500
I thought I had seen the lowest
humanity could sink.
475
00:31:58,459 --> 00:31:59,794
But this...
476
00:32:00,002 --> 00:32:03,339
A few hours without
Wi-Fi and civilization has crumbled.
477
00:32:08,469 --> 00:32:10,054
What fresh hell is this?
478
00:32:11,138 --> 00:32:12,181
Hyah!
479
00:32:14,850 --> 00:32:15,851
Statues.
480
00:32:20,523 --> 00:32:22,483
I'll hold them back. Save yourselves!
481
00:32:25,403 --> 00:32:26,821
But I want to stay with you!
482
00:32:26,946 --> 00:32:29,281
- Go with your friends.
- They're not my friends.
483
00:32:29,365 --> 00:32:31,492
Fuck fuck, fuck!
Fuck, fuck fuck! Fuck fuck!
484
00:32:40,042 --> 00:32:41,043
Shit.
485
00:32:41,210 --> 00:32:44,797
If something happened to you.
I could never forgive myself.
486
00:32:45,214 --> 00:32:47,925
- Get in the clown car.
- I don't want to!
487
00:32:48,009 --> 00:32:49,093
Get in the clown car!
488
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:51,220
Go, go, go!
489
00:32:59,478 --> 00:33:01,063
Put your bloody foot down!
490
00:33:02,356 --> 00:33:04,483
It's a wind-up car,
what do you expect?
491
00:33:07,653 --> 00:33:10,489
A solar flare!
I knew it! I was right.
492
00:33:10,614 --> 00:33:14,577
All those years of being called
a crank, a joke, a conspiracy nut,
493
00:33:14,785 --> 00:33:16,120
a flat chested virgin.
494
00:33:16,495 --> 00:33:18,330
Well, fuck you, Mum.
495
00:33:18,706 --> 00:33:20,041
Look at me now!
496
00:33:21,542 --> 00:33:25,963
Calm down and focus on me. Now if
we can just get on the road
497
00:33:26,047 --> 00:33:29,258
we'll have me back in time
for my sound check. Yes?
498
00:33:29,717 --> 00:33:32,344
- Didn't you hear what I said?
- Something about being a virgin?
499
00:33:32,428 --> 00:33:33,971
Just show some respect.
500
00:33:34,055 --> 00:33:37,016
- The lady is definitely not a virgin.
- Oh, shut up Bobo.
501
00:33:37,099 --> 00:33:38,684
Look.
502
00:33:38,768 --> 00:33:42,021
The country, the whole country,
maybe the world, has gone dark.
503
00:33:42,563 --> 00:33:45,316
A solar flare of this
magnitude will have blown out
504
00:33:45,399 --> 00:33:49,695
- power grids, comms, satellites.
- So no TV?
505
00:33:49,779 --> 00:33:53,240
No internet, no sound check!
506
00:33:53,324 --> 00:33:55,076
No Serbian pornography.
507
00:33:55,159 --> 00:34:00,498
Anything wireless, anything digital,
anything with a computer in it, basically,
508
00:34:00,581 --> 00:34:02,958
is as dead as the clown
on the roof of this car.
509
00:34:09,799 --> 00:34:12,760
Look! Some kids alone
by the side of the road!
510
00:34:12,843 --> 00:34:14,011
Stop the car!
511
00:34:14,095 --> 00:34:16,806
- Why? What are you going to do to them?
- Come on.
512
00:34:16,889 --> 00:34:20,851
We don't need computers,
or a fancy concert hall
513
00:34:20,935 --> 00:34:23,896
or parental consent to do a clown show.
514
00:34:24,396 --> 00:34:25,898
Those kids are gonna love it.
515
00:34:25,981 --> 00:34:26,982
Let's go.
516
00:34:27,066 --> 00:34:29,360
No. No, I don't do that any more.
517
00:34:30,361 --> 00:34:32,488
The world is ours now.
518
00:34:32,905 --> 00:34:34,615
Waaah!
519
00:34:38,077 --> 00:34:41,247
No, Funzo, stop!
Funzo, Leave them alone!
520
00:34:41,330 --> 00:34:43,624
Stop! Leave them alone!
521
00:34:46,335 --> 00:34:49,213
So what's our schtick?
Good clown, bad clown?
522
00:34:49,296 --> 00:34:50,631
Maybe we both go bad clown,
523
00:34:50,714 --> 00:34:53,134
- fuck with their heads a bit.
- Just leave them alone, yeah?
524
00:34:54,301 --> 00:34:57,263
It's called Street Clowning.
Watch and learn.
525
00:34:59,473 --> 00:35:03,477
Hey kids, I don't feel very well.
526
00:35:05,104 --> 00:35:08,482
I think I'm gonna...
527
00:35:24,707 --> 00:35:26,709
Okay.
I think I'm good.
528
00:35:29,003 --> 00:35:30,004
Halt!
529
00:35:31,839 --> 00:35:36,218
Who are you to approach our younglings
at eventide, painted fool?
530
00:35:37,136 --> 00:35:38,888
Oh, we were just--
531
00:35:40,681 --> 00:35:43,142
We mean your children no harm, crone.
532
00:35:43,517 --> 00:35:48,898
We are but weary travelers seeking to
lay our master to rest.
533
00:35:49,315 --> 00:35:52,526
- You're from the townlands?
- Yes, ugly wench.
534
00:35:52,985 --> 00:35:57,907
What remains of them. We
hear tell of a great doom.
535
00:35:58,532 --> 00:36:02,703
Indeed. A great darkness
has embraced our kingdom.
536
00:36:05,331 --> 00:36:09,919
Come, the cloud fire is low.
You must be hungry.
537
00:36:12,796 --> 00:36:14,465
What in God's name is going on?
538
00:36:15,132 --> 00:36:17,968
- I think she's gonna make us a feast.
- Oh fine.
539
00:36:18,427 --> 00:36:20,846
Our survival has been hard-won.
540
00:36:22,264 --> 00:36:25,601
This fellowship relies on the
ancient wisdom of our ancestors
541
00:36:26,101 --> 00:36:28,395
- from the Before Times.
- Yesterday?
542
00:36:28,646 --> 00:36:31,732
Now we grow Dustroot and Gelpwort.
543
00:36:32,608 --> 00:36:34,151
Hail fellow chieftain.
544
00:36:34,944 --> 00:36:38,989
Hey, sorry about Siobhan.
She's really fucking high.
545
00:36:40,824 --> 00:36:44,370
I'm Fintan. And you must be... clowns?
546
00:36:45,329 --> 00:36:48,624
Nope, not for me.
Retired from all that bollocks.
547
00:36:48,707 --> 00:36:53,003
I studied movement myself, actually.
Come, chill with us. Stay for the night.
548
00:36:53,295 --> 00:36:55,798
Come on, Siobhan,
we'll get you a glass of water.
549
00:36:56,173 --> 00:36:57,549
What is this place?
550
00:36:58,133 --> 00:36:59,843
We call it Xanadu.
551
00:37:01,595 --> 00:37:03,180
It's a boutique micro festival.
552
00:37:03,264 --> 00:37:06,183
Chill beats, ethical street food,
vibes for days.
553
00:37:06,267 --> 00:37:08,936
Or at least it was before the power cut.
554
00:37:09,812 --> 00:37:11,146
Now we're castaways.
555
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:15,693
All our Priuses are dead,
we've had to ration our food,
556
00:37:15,776 --> 00:37:17,569
collect rainwater.
557
00:37:18,404 --> 00:37:21,824
But we still have a veritable
cornucopia of class A drugs.
558
00:37:21,907 --> 00:37:23,575
Ah, drugs, you say?
559
00:37:23,659 --> 00:37:26,704
Well, maybe this evening
doesn't need to be a total loss.
560
00:37:27,288 --> 00:37:29,790
You know, Angus Deayton
used to call me The Dyson.
561
00:37:31,625 --> 00:37:34,461
Here we are. Lodgings for the night.
562
00:37:34,545 --> 00:37:36,046
Real Himalayan vibes.
563
00:37:36,505 --> 00:37:39,258
- I hope you don't mind sharing tents.
- No, that's fine.
564
00:37:39,341 --> 00:37:40,467
How about, uh...
565
00:37:40,551 --> 00:37:42,094
me and Jenny take this one,
566
00:37:42,219 --> 00:37:45,597
and the lesser males share with Funzo.
567
00:37:45,931 --> 00:37:48,642
Sounds good.
Come on, let me show you my salt lamp.
568
00:37:48,851 --> 00:37:49,852
Oi.
569
00:37:50,728 --> 00:37:52,855
Can we have a word,
mano to mano?
570
00:37:53,647 --> 00:37:54,648
Eh?
571
00:37:55,899 --> 00:37:58,861
Look, we're both alpha clowns.
I get it, I get it, I get it.
572
00:37:59,820 --> 00:38:01,030
Rival silverbacks.
573
00:38:01,864 --> 00:38:04,908
Two bull walruses stinking up the beach
with our battle musk.
574
00:38:05,576 --> 00:38:08,203
But I want to save you some
embarrassment here, buddy.
575
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:13,792
Jenny is off the menu.
576
00:38:16,420 --> 00:38:18,839
If we are both walruses, Booboo,
577
00:38:19,298 --> 00:38:22,217
I think it's pretty clear who
the beach master is.
578
00:38:23,302 --> 00:38:25,929
'Cause when you're
the fattest thing on the sand
579
00:38:27,014 --> 00:38:32,269
you don't have to steal anything.
It all just comes waddling towards you.
580
00:38:41,570 --> 00:38:43,364
Governments were warned.
581
00:38:43,447 --> 00:38:47,409
...satellite communications were--
nanas, bananas-- toilet paper...
582
00:38:48,118 --> 00:38:50,245
Can you believe this thing actually works?
583
00:38:50,329 --> 00:38:52,373
Kids'll watch anything
with a screen.
584
00:38:52,456 --> 00:38:55,876
That's live?
But how is he broadcasting?
585
00:38:57,419 --> 00:38:59,630
He must have an analogue
OB transmitter or...
586
00:38:59,713 --> 00:39:01,048
You have to hear me.
587
00:39:02,341 --> 00:39:03,675
This isn't over, people.
588
00:39:03,801 --> 00:39:05,177
Christ, is that Tim?
589
00:39:05,552 --> 00:39:07,513
How did that charlatan get on the TV?
590
00:39:08,806 --> 00:39:11,934
- You know that man?
- That's Tim from Bromanz.
591
00:39:12,017 --> 00:39:14,686
He and his brother
were in a hot boy band.
592
00:39:15,187 --> 00:39:18,273
- Bromanz.
- Brothers, but also men.
593
00:39:18,357 --> 00:39:21,235
Spelled with a zed
because it was the nineties.
594
00:39:21,652 --> 00:39:24,696
He moved into a fallout bunker
and became a recluse.
595
00:39:25,155 --> 00:39:28,700
We used to party with the Lighthouse
Family back in the good old days.
596
00:39:29,368 --> 00:39:30,661
You know where he lives?
597
00:39:30,744 --> 00:39:32,996
I need to meet him,
find out what he knows.
598
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:34,289
Oh, he'll never talk.
599
00:39:34,790 --> 00:39:37,042
And neither will
the Lighthouse Family.
600
00:39:37,334 --> 00:39:39,128
About the solar flare, you idiot.
601
00:39:39,628 --> 00:39:41,797
Maybe he can shed some light
on what's going on.
602
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:44,675
- He could be the key to my story.
- Maybe.
603
00:39:44,883 --> 00:39:47,094
How come you know so
much about transmitters?
604
00:39:47,302 --> 00:39:49,263
I actually grew up in a broadcast van.
605
00:39:49,346 --> 00:39:52,141
My mother would just leave me
there for hours at a time
606
00:39:52,224 --> 00:39:54,810
with a bowl of water
and the window slightly open.
607
00:39:55,018 --> 00:39:56,353
Well then,
608
00:39:56,437 --> 00:39:58,772
I think perhaps, Jennifer,
609
00:39:58,856 --> 00:40:02,860
you and I should pay Tim
from Bromanz a little visit.
610
00:40:02,943 --> 00:40:06,029
Sorry to tell you this.
Word has reached me from Dublin.
611
00:40:06,196 --> 00:40:07,531
It's just as I predicted.
612
00:40:08,115 --> 00:40:09,616
Society has collapsed.
613
00:40:09,950 --> 00:40:11,660
There's looting, there's killing.
614
00:40:12,244 --> 00:40:15,747
There's rioting on the streets.
People have turned against one another.
615
00:40:16,039 --> 00:40:18,834
- The government are doing nothing.
616
00:40:19,918 --> 00:40:21,211
This just in...
617
00:40:21,753 --> 00:40:23,714
Garth Brooks is dead.
618
00:40:26,341 --> 00:40:27,342
Fuck.
619
00:40:28,343 --> 00:40:32,139
- Dublin has fallen!
- Oh my god, my children!
620
00:40:32,264 --> 00:40:34,641
We have to do something!
621
00:40:35,893 --> 00:40:37,019
So lads...
622
00:40:37,102 --> 00:40:38,562
If I'm being honest,
623
00:40:39,438 --> 00:40:41,690
it's hard to know what
tomorrow's gonna bring,
624
00:40:41,773 --> 00:40:43,775
but we still have tonight, right?
625
00:40:44,443 --> 00:40:46,612
And while we might be running low on hope,
626
00:40:46,695 --> 00:40:48,071
we still have a pretty decent supply
627
00:40:48,155 --> 00:40:50,073
of some other essentials,
if you know what I mean.
628
00:40:50,157 --> 00:40:53,827
So let's all raise a glass
and let the world know
629
00:40:53,911 --> 00:40:56,622
that we're absolutely sending it tonight!
630
00:40:56,705 --> 00:40:58,415
This is our boutique festival.
631
00:40:58,499 --> 00:40:59,500
Yeah!
632
00:40:59,625 --> 00:41:00,751
And we're not afraid!
633
00:41:02,461 --> 00:41:04,963
Yes.
634
00:41:05,088 --> 00:41:06,924
Wait, wait. What's in this?
635
00:41:07,257 --> 00:41:10,302
Hard to say, but if I had to
estimate a street value
636
00:41:10,385 --> 00:41:12,721
I'd say about three, four hundred quid.
637
00:41:47,756 --> 00:41:50,551
I don't like this.
I don't like this.
638
00:41:52,594 --> 00:41:54,930
I don't like this.
I don't like this.
639
00:41:57,099 --> 00:41:59,935
Bury me with dignity,
you talentless buffoon.
640
00:42:00,269 --> 00:42:05,774
I will! You'll be in Père Lachaise
with the Masters in a proper grave.
641
00:42:06,233 --> 00:42:07,734
Dug by a professional.
642
00:42:08,026 --> 00:42:10,112
You will never be a true clown.
643
00:42:11,488 --> 00:42:13,156
No.
644
00:42:13,240 --> 00:42:14,741
No!
645
00:42:18,078 --> 00:42:20,372
No!
646
00:42:23,208 --> 00:42:24,501
Bobo!
647
00:42:30,132 --> 00:42:33,427
Oh, isn't this amazing!
648
00:42:33,510 --> 00:42:35,804
These are the best people!
649
00:42:36,763 --> 00:42:38,015
Oh, look at us.
650
00:42:38,682 --> 00:42:40,851
Doing what we love.
651
00:42:40,934 --> 00:42:43,395
Me, a real journalist.
652
00:42:43,478 --> 00:42:46,356
Following leads. Getting the story.
653
00:42:46,607 --> 00:42:48,984
And you!
654
00:42:51,028 --> 00:42:55,782
Can you feel your thumbs? I'm really
conscious of my thumbs for some reason.
655
00:42:55,991 --> 00:42:59,578
Such a shame you're not a clown any more.
You were so good.
656
00:43:00,245 --> 00:43:01,246
Really?
657
00:43:01,371 --> 00:43:04,041
Yeah. Yeah. At the show where we met.
658
00:43:04,791 --> 00:43:07,210
- Did you like that?
- Oh my God. Oh my God.
659
00:43:07,294 --> 00:43:10,339
You should do a show for all these people.
They would love it.
660
00:43:10,714 --> 00:43:14,551
It's like Funzo said,
the world is yours now.
661
00:43:15,052 --> 00:43:17,929
Alright then, I will!
I'll be a clown again.
662
00:43:18,597 --> 00:43:21,308
- I'll do a show.
- Yeah! Do you have any gum?
663
00:43:23,435 --> 00:43:26,647
A show, you say? Great idea, Jennifer.
664
00:43:27,064 --> 00:43:28,065
A clown-off.
665
00:43:28,940 --> 00:43:31,318
Let's see whether Booboo has
got anything in his little book
666
00:43:31,401 --> 00:43:36,573
that can hold up under the crushing
weight of my enormous talent.
667
00:43:36,865 --> 00:43:39,993
Yeah! Yeah.
You should do the trick in your book.
668
00:43:40,202 --> 00:43:43,580
The one Alphonso said was fucking stupid.
669
00:43:46,124 --> 00:43:47,584
What, the Jugglenaut?
670
00:43:55,175 --> 00:43:58,679
I am a business man.
I am a business man!
671
00:43:59,221 --> 00:44:02,891
I am a business man!
672
00:44:04,393 --> 00:44:05,394
I need your help.
673
00:44:06,228 --> 00:44:07,854
I'm a business man.
674
00:44:08,939 --> 00:44:10,774
We could never do that!
675
00:44:10,899 --> 00:44:12,651
We'd go down in flames!
676
00:44:12,734 --> 00:44:15,529
Or in history,
as true clowning legends.
677
00:44:15,987 --> 00:44:19,825
- I thought you were done with clowning.
- No, the world was done with clowning.
678
00:44:19,908 --> 00:44:23,537
It moved on to TikTok dances and
live streaming hand jobs on the dark web.
679
00:44:23,620 --> 00:44:25,914
- Ah!
- And none of that works now.
680
00:44:26,456 --> 00:44:29,376
Everything is obsolete except us.
681
00:44:30,210 --> 00:44:32,129
This is our moment.
Can't you see?
682
00:44:32,921 --> 00:44:36,383
This is our opportunity to
clown like the masters before us.
683
00:44:37,551 --> 00:44:41,096
Grimaldi. Gaullier
684
00:44:41,179 --> 00:44:42,931
- McDonald
- No, not McDonald.
685
00:44:43,014 --> 00:44:44,433
- DuCoque!
- DuCoque.
686
00:44:46,143 --> 00:44:48,395
Okay, we're forming a troupe.
687
00:44:48,770 --> 00:44:51,273
No, we're just gonna do
this one trick and then...
688
00:44:51,356 --> 00:44:54,151
I'm reasonably confident
I don't have hepatitis any more.
689
00:44:54,234 --> 00:44:55,444
Okay, I'm not touching that.
690
00:44:55,527 --> 00:44:58,155
You don't touch it,
you spread it on your asshole.
691
00:44:58,989 --> 00:45:01,616
Will you excuse us for one second please?
692
00:45:01,783 --> 00:45:02,784
Sure.
693
00:45:03,702 --> 00:45:06,246
That clown has gone fully scary.
694
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:09,583
And we both know there is
no coming back from that.
695
00:45:09,666 --> 00:45:12,335
So what should we call our troupe?
696
00:45:13,086 --> 00:45:17,674
I know.
How about Clown-pedo?
697
00:45:18,633 --> 00:45:21,052
You know, like a torpedo of clowns?
698
00:45:22,262 --> 00:45:24,639
Look, this is a three clown trick.
699
00:45:24,931 --> 00:45:26,683
Are you in or not?
700
00:45:28,435 --> 00:45:31,730
Ladies and jellybeans,
701
00:45:31,813 --> 00:45:35,442
stamp your footsies
and wiggle your ears
702
00:45:35,525 --> 00:45:38,737
for the silliest billy around,
703
00:45:38,820 --> 00:45:42,574
The Great Alphonso!
704
00:45:42,657 --> 00:45:44,826
Yeah!
705
00:45:45,577 --> 00:45:48,371
Hey, but where are the audience?
706
00:45:48,455 --> 00:45:49,706
Hello audience?
707
00:45:50,332 --> 00:45:51,333
Hello?
708
00:45:52,250 --> 00:45:53,251
Audience!
709
00:45:54,169 --> 00:45:56,087
Ah, I have an idea.
710
00:45:56,171 --> 00:45:58,757
You haven't had an
original idea in your life.
711
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:00,884
You skit-stealing fuckpipe.
712
00:46:01,843 --> 00:46:03,929
Ah, there you are!
713
00:46:04,012 --> 00:46:07,390
You will never be a true clown.
714
00:46:08,475 --> 00:46:11,645
Yeah, I might need to take
a rain check on this show.
715
00:46:11,728 --> 00:46:16,650
It's just, um, oh, this is not really my,
my crowd, but, um, uh, break a leg, guys.
716
00:46:16,733 --> 00:46:18,818
I am sure you're going to smash it, so...
717
00:46:18,902 --> 00:46:20,779
- Wait!
- Hey!
718
00:46:21,029 --> 00:46:23,240
We've come too far
for you to wuss out now.
719
00:46:23,323 --> 00:46:26,409
This is our chance to
win back the woman that I love,
720
00:46:26,493 --> 00:46:30,372
and have our revenge
on my nemesis, Alphonso.
721
00:46:31,915 --> 00:46:34,251
So what do you say, my friends? Hm?
722
00:46:35,460 --> 00:46:38,380
Are we in this together or what?
723
00:46:40,674 --> 00:46:42,634
Yeah. I'm still gonna sit this one out.
724
00:46:42,717 --> 00:46:46,012
- Say the magic words.
- Five second call, fellas.
725
00:46:46,179 --> 00:46:48,598
I hope I don't fall in this pie!
726
00:46:50,850 --> 00:46:53,895
- It's just started.
- Yeah. But I spiked his pie.
727
00:46:53,979 --> 00:46:55,730
- With what?
- With spikes.
728
00:46:59,192 --> 00:47:00,860
Showtime!
729
00:47:00,944 --> 00:47:04,197
Ladies and gentlemen!
730
00:47:05,448 --> 00:47:06,741
Shut up a sec.
731
00:47:06,825 --> 00:47:10,245
- Jesus Christ, my eye!
- Funzo what the bloody hell have you done?
732
00:47:10,328 --> 00:47:11,621
Help me! My beautiful eye!
733
00:47:11,705 --> 00:47:16,167
- Jesus Christ.
- The ciliary muscle has been compromised!
734
00:47:16,334 --> 00:47:19,879
So what we're going to do now is a trick
I know. So hope you enjoy.
735
00:47:19,963 --> 00:47:21,256
Pepe, hup!
736
00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:23,425
Get out of the way!
737
00:47:23,508 --> 00:47:24,676
Pepe, I said hup.
738
00:47:24,759 --> 00:47:27,429
He's bottled it. Time to go to Plan B.
739
00:47:27,512 --> 00:47:30,557
- Plan B? We haven't got a Plan B.
- Hi everybody!
740
00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:32,892
Who wants to die?
741
00:47:34,644 --> 00:47:38,440
With laughter!
I meant to say with laughter.
742
00:47:38,523 --> 00:47:40,984
Oh, and this was supposed to be a flower.
743
00:47:41,151 --> 00:47:43,111
Uh, who likes dancing?
744
00:47:43,486 --> 00:47:45,572
Yeah. Don't go.
745
00:47:46,573 --> 00:47:50,660
♪If you're happy and you know it,
Clap your hands. Oi! Oi! ♪
746
00:47:50,827 --> 00:47:53,496
♪ If you're happy and you know it,
Clap your hands ♪
747
00:47:53,580 --> 00:47:55,332
- Put the knife down please.
- What?
748
00:47:55,415 --> 00:47:56,791
♪ If you're happy and you know it ♪
749
00:47:56,875 --> 00:47:59,336
- ♪ And you really want to show it ♪
750
00:48:03,548 --> 00:48:05,508
Oh, Funzo!
751
00:48:10,513 --> 00:48:13,391
Rain hell!
752
00:48:13,475 --> 00:48:14,517
Run!
753
00:48:40,377 --> 00:48:43,755
Jenny!
754
00:49:07,654 --> 00:49:09,364
Good morning, lazybones.
755
00:49:10,031 --> 00:49:12,117
- What happened? Where are we going?
- Paris.
756
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:14,369
We're going to steal a yacht
and take DuCoque home.
757
00:49:14,452 --> 00:49:16,538
What?
No, no, we have to go after Jenny.
758
00:49:16,788 --> 00:49:18,164
Why would we do that?
759
00:49:18,248 --> 00:49:20,750
Because Alphonso kidnapped her,
you turquoise dick.
760
00:49:20,834 --> 00:49:22,168
- Now turn around!
- No! Stop!
761
00:49:22,252 --> 00:49:24,754
- You're gonna get us killed.
- No, you're gonna get us killed.
762
00:49:24,838 --> 00:49:27,507
No, I'm going to get us killed.
Yeah!
763
00:49:29,259 --> 00:49:31,302
Let women drive!
764
00:49:33,930 --> 00:49:34,931
Oh shit.
765
00:49:39,686 --> 00:49:40,687
Oh, fantastic.
766
00:49:42,230 --> 00:49:44,065
Well, looks like we're walking.
767
00:49:44,733 --> 00:49:48,111
- They can't have gone far.
- No, we can't just leave Monsieur here.
768
00:49:48,695 --> 00:49:50,321
Uh, we can, and we should
769
00:49:50,405 --> 00:49:52,866
because he's starting
to smell like a chef's ass.
770
00:49:53,616 --> 00:49:55,034
Right. Which way's North?
771
00:49:55,535 --> 00:49:57,662
I think you're supposed to follow the sun.
772
00:49:58,496 --> 00:50:01,374
And are we following the sun
or are we following your dick?
773
00:50:02,041 --> 00:50:06,671
Jenny is in danger and I need to rescue
her from that fat nonce.
774
00:50:07,213 --> 00:50:09,424
Do you though?
I mean they looked pretty cozy
775
00:50:09,507 --> 00:50:11,676
on the back of that
emotional support horse.
776
00:50:12,802 --> 00:50:15,764
Right. You two can either
come with me and be heroes,
777
00:50:16,598 --> 00:50:19,225
or you can starve out here
and end up like your hero.
778
00:50:23,104 --> 00:50:25,899
- Fine. We'll follow the sun.
- Hmm.
779
00:50:25,982 --> 00:50:28,943
but when we reach it,
I am coming back for DuCoque.
780
00:50:34,783 --> 00:50:37,452
This is just troupe banter, right?
781
00:50:37,744 --> 00:50:39,537
We'd never split up, right?
782
00:50:40,830 --> 00:50:43,917
Nah. Clown-pedo is 'til death.
783
00:50:46,544 --> 00:50:47,796
Wait for me!
784
00:50:48,421 --> 00:50:50,632
Hyah!
785
00:50:50,715 --> 00:50:54,177
Onward trusty steed and away!
786
00:50:58,431 --> 00:51:04,354
Yes, me and Tim from Bromanz used to
stagger back here drunk once a fortnight.
787
00:51:04,604 --> 00:51:08,107
God, I know this old place
like the back of his head.
788
00:51:11,945 --> 00:51:14,531
How are you so perky?
Didn't you lose an eye?
789
00:51:14,864 --> 00:51:17,534
I took a handful of these.
790
00:51:17,617 --> 00:51:19,494
I don't know exactly what they are,
791
00:51:19,577 --> 00:51:22,664
but they're actually making me
prefer having just the one eye.
792
00:51:24,457 --> 00:51:27,669
Tim from Bromanz,
as I live and breathe.
793
00:51:27,752 --> 00:51:30,505
You won't be doing either for long
if you don't identify yourself.
794
00:51:30,588 --> 00:51:35,593
Tim it's me, Alphonso. Fonzie Bear.
The Fondler.
795
00:51:36,094 --> 00:51:40,557
- Al? I haven't seen you since...
- The after party.
796
00:51:42,725 --> 00:51:43,893
Who's your friend?
797
00:51:44,561 --> 00:51:48,273
Jenny Malone. Viral Load Media.
I'm a journalist.
798
00:51:48,356 --> 00:51:50,316
Wasn't there that evening.
I left before nine.
799
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:53,236
I swear to God, there was nothing
going on that I knew about anyway.
800
00:51:53,319 --> 00:51:55,196
Tim, it's not about that.
801
00:51:55,363 --> 00:51:59,075
Jennifer here has got a theory
about what's happened to the world
802
00:51:59,534 --> 00:52:01,995
and we think you could help us.
803
00:52:02,078 --> 00:52:04,789
Oh, hello?
804
00:52:05,081 --> 00:52:06,708
Oh, hello doggy.
805
00:52:07,375 --> 00:52:09,919
Hello. You're so cute.
Yes you are.
806
00:52:11,379 --> 00:52:13,423
- Can we come in?
- Uh...
807
00:52:13,506 --> 00:52:15,550
Sure that's a yes.
Thank you.
808
00:52:19,929 --> 00:52:20,930
Shakira.
809
00:52:21,723 --> 00:52:22,724
Come on.
810
00:52:26,311 --> 00:52:29,856
Poor thing's very sick.
Got her on heavy sedatives.
811
00:52:30,773 --> 00:52:35,278
She's been with me through it all.
The fame, the fall.
812
00:52:36,863 --> 00:52:40,325
Years of people
calling me a tinfoil hat wanker.
813
00:52:41,284 --> 00:52:43,369
She's all I've got now.
814
00:52:43,453 --> 00:52:45,622
Ah, Rolf!
815
00:52:46,998 --> 00:52:51,794
Dreadful pervert, of course.
But by God could that man draw a kangaroo.
816
00:52:51,961 --> 00:52:54,172
Good girl, Shakira.
817
00:52:54,672 --> 00:52:58,176
- We saw your broadcast.
- I didn't think it was reaching anyone.
818
00:52:58,635 --> 00:53:01,304
- I know what's happening. It's a--
- Solar flare.
819
00:53:02,263 --> 00:53:04,599
Exactly.
820
00:53:04,974 --> 00:53:06,726
Good old Flex!
821
00:53:06,809 --> 00:53:09,270
You know I was friends
with all of the Gladiators.
822
00:53:09,354 --> 00:53:11,856
Yes. All except for Pegasus.
823
00:53:12,482 --> 00:53:16,903
Let's just say I plowed his wife
and uh, we'll leave it at that.
824
00:53:17,320 --> 00:53:19,489
Traitors, the bloody lot of them.
825
00:53:20,615 --> 00:53:23,993
How are we not prepared for this?
The government must have known.
826
00:53:24,077 --> 00:53:25,078
Of course they knew.
827
00:53:25,453 --> 00:53:28,539
They've known for years.
They wanted this to happen.
828
00:53:30,041 --> 00:53:31,167
All of this...
829
00:53:32,001 --> 00:53:33,503
this is only the beginning.
830
00:53:34,796 --> 00:53:38,341
What I'm about to tell you goes deeper
than you could possibly imagine.
831
00:53:39,342 --> 00:53:42,303
But before I start...
832
00:53:42,387 --> 00:53:44,597
does anyone want tea?
833
00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:48,977
Milk?
834
00:53:50,520 --> 00:53:53,314
It's UHT Milk.
Is that okay?
835
00:53:54,983 --> 00:53:57,360
Sugar.
One? Two?
836
00:53:58,194 --> 00:54:00,905
One for you. Two for you.
Both with milk.
837
00:54:00,989 --> 00:54:02,991
Do you know what?
I'll just put everything on a tray,
838
00:54:03,074 --> 00:54:05,576
and bring it out.
You can make your own.
839
00:54:19,674 --> 00:54:21,801
It goes on and on.
840
00:54:22,593 --> 00:54:25,471
I can't take much more of this.
I'm so hungry.
841
00:54:26,597 --> 00:54:28,516
Why aren't there any bistros?
842
00:54:29,517 --> 00:54:30,601
I give up.
843
00:54:35,231 --> 00:54:36,482
Jenny doesn't love me.
844
00:54:37,233 --> 00:54:38,818
She was on ecstasy.
845
00:54:40,737 --> 00:54:42,488
What the hell was I thinking?
846
00:54:48,578 --> 00:54:54,292
Hey. I know things look really bleak
right now, but that's just because
847
00:54:54,375 --> 00:54:56,210
things are really bleak right now.
848
00:55:00,465 --> 00:55:01,966
It's time to face facts.
849
00:55:03,551 --> 00:55:04,761
I'm a terrible clown.
850
00:55:07,597 --> 00:55:10,391
Yeah, yeah, you are.
851
00:55:12,852 --> 00:55:14,353
Oh, like you're any better?
852
00:55:14,437 --> 00:55:15,563
What good is all that training
853
00:55:15,646 --> 00:55:17,648
if you can't get on stage
without browning your trousers?
854
00:55:18,066 --> 00:55:20,860
Lots of great artists
struggled in their early years.
855
00:55:20,943 --> 00:55:21,944
Early years?
856
00:55:22,070 --> 00:55:24,113
How long you gonna
be chasing this dream?
857
00:55:24,197 --> 00:55:26,491
Ten years. I'm going to chase
the dream for ten years and then,
858
00:55:26,574 --> 00:55:29,285
- I'm just gonna live the dream.
- Oh, cool. Didn't realize you had a plan.
859
00:55:29,368 --> 00:55:30,870
- Yep.
- That changes everything.
860
00:55:30,953 --> 00:55:33,164
It does, doesn't it?
Just stick to your plan,
861
00:55:33,247 --> 00:55:35,124
believe in yourself,
and never give up.
862
00:55:37,376 --> 00:55:39,504
That's what all the great clowns did.
863
00:55:41,047 --> 00:55:42,548
I mean, sure, there's...
864
00:55:43,174 --> 00:55:47,345
millions of deluded people out there who
believe in themselves and should give up.
865
00:55:49,722 --> 00:55:50,973
But I'm not one of them.
866
00:55:52,892 --> 00:55:54,393
I'm in that first category.
867
00:55:55,269 --> 00:55:58,481
That's something I've always
known deep in my heart.
868
00:56:01,776 --> 00:56:04,195
And your heart can't be wrong, can it?
869
00:56:15,248 --> 00:56:16,249
Oh, fuck.
870
00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:24,423
Hey, put that back on! You are a
DuCoque-trained buffoon!
871
00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:26,801
I'm not.
872
00:56:28,177 --> 00:56:32,348
I trained under him for three minutes
and I was so bad that he died.
873
00:56:32,890 --> 00:56:35,518
But you're such a pretentious wanker.
874
00:56:36,144 --> 00:56:38,563
- I'm self-taught.
- It doesn't matter.
875
00:56:38,646 --> 00:56:40,731
We're not giving up.
We're a troupe.
876
00:56:42,066 --> 00:56:43,067
Aren't we?
877
00:56:44,485 --> 00:56:45,820
This is our time.
878
00:56:45,903 --> 00:56:47,155
You said it yourself.
879
00:56:47,655 --> 00:56:49,240
This isn't our time.
880
00:56:50,241 --> 00:56:53,202
I only said that cause I needed
your help to impress Jenny.
881
00:56:54,495 --> 00:56:56,080
The world doesn't need us.
882
00:56:57,290 --> 00:56:58,791
It never needed us.
883
00:56:58,875 --> 00:57:02,420
It would be better for everyone if we all
just sit down and quietly die.
884
00:57:02,503 --> 00:57:03,963
We are not all going to die.
885
00:57:04,088 --> 00:57:06,591
One of us will die
and the other two will eat him.
886
00:57:06,674 --> 00:57:07,842
That's you, Pepe.
887
00:57:08,718 --> 00:57:11,387
Oh, there she is.
Welcome back, It.
888
00:57:12,013 --> 00:57:14,515
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Oh, come on Funzo.
889
00:57:14,599 --> 00:57:16,309
We all know what you are.
890
00:57:16,392 --> 00:57:18,895
- Don't you say the S word.
- Oh, don't say the S word.
891
00:57:18,978 --> 00:57:22,482
What else would you call a clown
who asks children if they want to die?
892
00:57:23,483 --> 00:57:26,777
- A trailblazer who lives on the edge?
- You live in a sewer.
893
00:57:26,861 --> 00:57:28,404
Where else was I gonna go, huh?
894
00:57:28,488 --> 00:57:30,948
Back to the sanitarium?
I don't think so.
895
00:57:31,032 --> 00:57:33,951
Are you even listening to yourself?
You are a walking Halloween costume.
896
00:57:34,035 --> 00:57:36,621
You are what children check for
under their bed at night.
897
00:57:36,704 --> 00:57:40,041
- Don't do it, Pepe.
- No! She needs to know.
898
00:57:40,583 --> 00:57:45,171
Funzo. You are a scary clown.
899
00:57:45,254 --> 00:57:49,842
I'm not a fucking scary clown.
900
00:57:51,594 --> 00:57:54,305
Yes you are, but you don't scare me
you little bastard.
901
00:57:54,764 --> 00:57:56,807
Then lets settle this the clown way.
902
00:57:58,726 --> 00:58:00,978
Last one to die wins.
903
00:58:01,521 --> 00:58:03,856
- Since when is that the clown way?
- Calm down.
904
00:58:03,940 --> 00:58:06,067
I'm going to wear your skin as a cape.
905
00:58:06,651 --> 00:58:10,738
Set the table, Bobo. Tonight we feast on
wussy-wussy puss-puss.
906
00:58:20,790 --> 00:58:25,211
My God, I am a scary clown.
907
00:58:25,503 --> 00:58:30,258
I'm really glad you had a breakthrough,
but there's a fucking knife in my hand.
908
00:58:30,383 --> 00:58:33,302
- Do I push or pull? Push or pull?
- Pull, obviously.
909
00:58:40,601 --> 00:58:44,855
Hey, that car looks just
like yours, what are the chances?
910
00:58:45,314 --> 00:58:47,233
Oh fuck off.
911
00:59:15,011 --> 00:59:18,889
Now that we're on our knees, they
can roll out whatever protocols
912
00:59:18,973 --> 00:59:21,726
they want with zero resistance.
913
00:59:22,226 --> 00:59:24,020
We're like ducks...
914
00:59:24,270 --> 00:59:25,438
...in a vice.
915
00:59:26,772 --> 00:59:27,898
Quack.
916
00:59:28,482 --> 00:59:30,693
It's all so obvious.
917
00:59:31,110 --> 00:59:33,154
They're gonna let society eat itself.
918
00:59:33,613 --> 00:59:36,699
We need to get this information
out there before it's too late.
919
00:59:37,074 --> 00:59:41,037
I've been trying, but my transmitter
won't reach more than 20 to 30 miles.
920
00:59:41,120 --> 00:59:44,874
So we need a mast,
like 50 or 60 feet high.
921
00:59:45,458 --> 00:59:47,710
We could bring the truth
to the whole country.
922
00:59:48,377 --> 00:59:51,547
I have a pretty big one,
and as it happens it's still erect.
923
00:59:52,089 --> 00:59:53,591
It's in here somewhere.
924
00:59:56,302 --> 00:59:59,221
This is my big top.
925
00:59:59,305 --> 01:00:02,975
Now it hasn't been used in years,
but the main mast is still standing,
926
01:00:03,059 --> 01:00:04,602
proud and tall.
927
01:00:04,935 --> 01:00:06,312
Like a penis.
928
01:00:06,979 --> 01:00:08,439
This is perfect, Tim.
929
01:00:08,731 --> 01:00:11,484
I rig your transmitter to this
mast and then you and me
930
01:00:11,567 --> 01:00:13,694
could present an emergency report.
931
01:00:13,944 --> 01:00:14,987
We could save lives.
932
01:00:15,404 --> 01:00:17,948
No, no, no.
933
01:00:18,032 --> 01:00:19,700
Shakira is very sick.
934
01:00:20,368 --> 01:00:22,912
I can't leave her.
She's an indoor dog.
935
01:00:23,996 --> 01:00:26,999
She hasn't left here in 15 years,
and neither have I.
936
01:00:27,083 --> 01:00:29,335
Tim, I need you to be brave.
937
01:00:30,169 --> 01:00:31,921
The people need you.
938
01:00:32,004 --> 01:00:34,965
Just like your brother needed
an identical version of hims--
939
01:00:35,049 --> 01:00:36,217
My brother is dead.
940
01:00:37,802 --> 01:00:40,930
I'm sorry, I'm just not up for this.
941
01:00:42,098 --> 01:00:44,809
If not for us, Tim,
then do it for Shakira.
942
01:00:46,018 --> 01:00:49,814
Look into her eyes and tell me
you don't want this bitch to live
943
01:00:49,897 --> 01:00:51,941
in a world that knows the truth.
944
01:00:56,570 --> 01:00:57,571
I'll do it.
945
01:01:00,533 --> 01:01:03,703
Can't find my driving gloves.
Gonna have to borrow yours, Jenny.
946
01:01:04,704 --> 01:01:08,040
Jenny? Jenny? Jenny.
947
01:01:08,124 --> 01:01:11,085
- Do you think it's safe for you to drive?
- Oh, buckle up, you painted ham.
948
01:01:11,168 --> 01:01:13,087
I've driven bigger rigs than this.
949
01:01:13,170 --> 01:01:14,171
God help us.
950
01:01:21,637 --> 01:01:24,306
- Fuck, fuck, fuck.
- Go, go, go, go.
951
01:01:32,314 --> 01:01:36,235
No! Shakira...
No!
952
01:01:39,655 --> 01:01:41,323
It was my sixth birthday.
953
01:01:42,658 --> 01:01:46,370
Me and my two best friends snuck
into the circus and saw the clowns.
954
01:01:47,329 --> 01:01:50,750
After that, all we wanted to do
was be like them.
955
01:01:52,543 --> 01:01:56,839
We even formed a troupe, the Superfriends.
956
01:01:59,633 --> 01:02:00,926
It wasn't my fault.
957
01:02:07,558 --> 01:02:08,559
What did you do?
958
01:02:10,561 --> 01:02:12,563
I misread the label.
959
01:02:13,230 --> 01:02:16,609
I thought I was dousing them
in laughter fluid.
960
01:02:22,239 --> 01:02:24,825
I couldn't handle what I'd done,
961
01:02:25,659 --> 01:02:28,245
so I created someone who could.
962
01:02:29,205 --> 01:02:34,251
I called her... Funzo.
963
01:02:39,256 --> 01:02:42,092
If I take this off,
I don't know who I'll be.
964
01:02:43,803 --> 01:02:45,346
Who were you before?
965
01:02:48,224 --> 01:02:49,558
Ja...
966
01:02:50,851 --> 01:02:52,186
Jan...
967
01:02:55,189 --> 01:02:56,899
Janet.
968
01:02:58,567 --> 01:03:00,027
My name was Janet.
969
01:03:02,112 --> 01:03:04,156
Well then you'll be Janet. Yeah.
970
01:03:04,448 --> 01:03:05,741
- That's okay?
- It's okay.
971
01:03:05,825 --> 01:03:07,368
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah, okay.
972
01:03:07,451 --> 01:03:10,079
- Yeah. You'll be Janet.
- Yeah, Janet. Yeah.
973
01:03:10,371 --> 01:03:12,832
- And I guess I'll be Ken.
- Ken.
974
01:03:13,457 --> 01:03:15,251
And I'll be Jean-Luc.
975
01:03:21,257 --> 01:03:22,258
Really?
976
01:03:22,341 --> 01:03:23,467
- Jean-Luc?
- Yeah.
977
01:03:23,551 --> 01:03:25,177
- That's your name?
- Jean-Luc.
978
01:03:26,637 --> 01:03:28,222
Why would I say it if I...
979
01:03:28,764 --> 01:03:33,352
It's no problem if it is. It's just,
Jean-Luc. Really? Come on.
980
01:03:36,230 --> 01:03:38,649
All right. Dean.
My actual name is Dean.
981
01:03:38,732 --> 01:03:42,194
- Okay.
- That's more believable. Yeah.
982
01:04:07,344 --> 01:04:10,598
- Janet.
- Dean.
983
01:04:11,599 --> 01:04:12,725
Ken.
984
01:04:13,309 --> 01:04:14,852
Hello, my name is Janet.
985
01:04:15,144 --> 01:04:17,521
- Hello, I'm Dean.
- Afternoon, I'm Ken.
986
01:04:18,397 --> 01:04:20,816
Welcome.
Thanks for having me.
987
01:04:21,400 --> 01:04:24,278
- Janet, Ken, Dean.
- Hello, my name is Dean.
988
01:04:24,361 --> 01:04:27,448
- Is this blouse unisex, or...
- Hello, my name is Janet
989
01:04:27,531 --> 01:04:29,408
and I'd like one plate of meat please.
990
01:04:29,575 --> 01:04:34,121
Hello, I'm Ken and I'm interested in
purchasing a secondhand microwave.
991
01:04:34,455 --> 01:04:37,750
I'm Janet, your new neighbor.
I just moved in beneath your house.
992
01:04:37,875 --> 01:04:41,211
Hello. I have a voucher for a couple's
massage, and my name is Dean.
993
01:04:42,463 --> 01:04:44,089
No, it's just me. Can I go twice?
994
01:04:44,590 --> 01:04:47,718
Hey, my name's Ken and I'm
your mum's new boyfriend.
995
01:04:49,053 --> 01:04:52,139
- Et voilà.
- Wow. It's bigger than I thought.
996
01:04:52,222 --> 01:04:54,600
I bet you never had a
woman tell you that before.
997
01:04:55,017 --> 01:04:58,562
Well actually, my prostate
doctor is female, so...
998
01:04:58,646 --> 01:05:00,648
Dr. Susan Wang.
999
01:05:03,275 --> 01:05:08,197
- Welcome to my humble home.
- Lovely.
1000
01:05:15,829 --> 01:05:16,830
Did you...
1001
01:05:25,547 --> 01:05:27,257
What was that?
1002
01:05:31,595 --> 01:05:34,640
- Let's get back to the car.
- Don't worry. I speak child.
1003
01:05:35,307 --> 01:05:38,435
So, which one of you little
scamps is the leader then?
1004
01:05:39,144 --> 01:05:40,688
What's it to you, Granddad?
1005
01:05:41,689 --> 01:05:42,690
Him?
1006
01:05:43,649 --> 01:05:45,401
Looks like a bed wetter to me.
1007
01:05:46,151 --> 01:05:48,529
You wouldn't all follow a bed
wetter, would you?
1008
01:05:48,612 --> 01:05:50,030
I'm not a bed wetter.
1009
01:05:50,114 --> 01:05:54,201
Sorry, I can't hear you over
the overwhelming stench of piss.
1010
01:06:00,374 --> 01:06:04,503
So which of the rest of you think that
you could help run Alphonso Land, hmm?
1011
01:06:05,671 --> 01:06:06,839
Too scrawny.
1012
01:06:07,256 --> 01:06:09,717
Too ginger. A girl.
1013
01:06:10,342 --> 01:06:13,804
Oh well.
I suppose the leader has to be me.
1014
01:06:16,932 --> 01:06:19,143
Ignore your parents.
1015
01:06:19,226 --> 01:06:20,936
Forget the wrath of grown-ups.
1016
01:06:21,020 --> 01:06:25,441
No rules, no homework, no bedtime.
1017
01:06:25,607 --> 01:06:28,986
Welcome to Alphonso Land!
1018
01:06:36,618 --> 01:06:38,704
How's this for camera-ready, Mum?
1019
01:06:39,329 --> 01:06:41,415
Who's not going to amount to anything now?
1020
01:06:42,207 --> 01:06:43,208
You dead bitch.
1021
01:06:44,418 --> 01:06:45,711
Oh, there you are, miss.
1022
01:06:45,794 --> 01:06:47,588
Need you on set in five.
1023
01:06:47,963 --> 01:06:48,964
What is this?
1024
01:06:56,430 --> 01:06:57,973
Okay, listen up guys.
1025
01:06:58,182 --> 01:07:02,311
We need to be ready to shoot in five.
It's not ideal but it is what it is.
1026
01:07:02,394 --> 01:07:03,812
First up...
1027
01:07:08,317 --> 01:07:11,361
Jennifer, that's not the outfit
I picked out for you.
1028
01:07:11,904 --> 01:07:14,281
A spangly leotard didn't really
seem appropriate
1029
01:07:14,364 --> 01:07:16,492
for breaking the biggest
news story in the world.
1030
01:07:16,575 --> 01:07:19,828
It is however, the perfect attire
for the glamorous assistant
1031
01:07:20,120 --> 01:07:21,914
for the only clown on television.
1032
01:07:22,998 --> 01:07:26,502
- What?
- This weekend was to be my big comeback.
1033
01:07:26,585 --> 01:07:30,923
I see no reason why that should change
just because the world as we know it has.
1034
01:07:31,715 --> 01:07:33,634
Didn't you listen to Tim from Bromanz?
1035
01:07:33,717 --> 01:07:35,844
This is urgent.
We have to tell the world.
1036
01:07:35,928 --> 01:07:39,681
Jennifer, we've been handed
a golden opportunity here.
1037
01:07:40,682 --> 01:07:43,936
So we have the biggest broadcasting
facility in the country
1038
01:07:44,019 --> 01:07:46,563
and we're gonna use it
to put out a clown show?
1039
01:07:46,647 --> 01:07:49,108
Finally, we're on the same page.
1040
01:07:49,691 --> 01:07:51,151
Oh, this is stupid.
1041
01:07:51,819 --> 01:07:55,614
Okay, kids, I have an important
message to get out to the world.
1042
01:07:55,697 --> 01:07:56,990
Turn the camera over here.
1043
01:07:57,074 --> 01:08:00,369
Put her in the tiger cage.
1044
01:08:01,870 --> 01:08:05,124
Have you lost your mind?
We're in the middle of a global calamity.
1045
01:08:05,207 --> 01:08:09,378
This is Y2K times 2K, and I'm the
only one who knows what's going on.
1046
01:08:09,461 --> 01:08:11,004
You have to let me tell people.
1047
01:08:14,925 --> 01:08:17,678
No, no, no. You can't do this.
This is my big story.
1048
01:08:18,011 --> 01:08:20,055
My mother doesn't get to win again.
1049
01:08:20,139 --> 01:08:22,641
How is she still winning?
We put her in the ground.
1050
01:08:22,724 --> 01:08:24,810
There's still a way out of this, Jennifer.
1051
01:08:24,893 --> 01:08:27,437
Just be my Debbie McGee.
1052
01:08:28,230 --> 01:08:29,231
Aww.
1053
01:08:29,356 --> 01:08:31,400
What in God's name are you
trying to achieve here?
1054
01:08:32,317 --> 01:08:34,403
I'll be the only game in town, Jennifer.
1055
01:08:34,653 --> 01:08:38,240
I was canceled once before.
I lost my TV show.
1056
01:08:38,615 --> 01:08:41,994
My celebrity friends, my
regular table at Stringfellows.
1057
01:08:42,452 --> 01:08:44,955
Well, I'll not let them do it to me again.
1058
01:08:45,372 --> 01:08:47,291
I'm going to create an army here.
1059
01:08:47,457 --> 01:08:52,004
Loyal fans who will fight to keep me on
the air with their dying breaths,
1060
01:08:52,087 --> 01:08:55,757
and I will be revenged on everyone
that betrayed me!
1061
01:08:56,091 --> 01:08:58,302
Alphonso! Alphonso!
1062
01:08:59,094 --> 01:09:02,097
Oh look. They're calling my name.
1063
01:09:02,472 --> 01:09:04,933
Alphonso! Alphonso!
1064
01:09:13,483 --> 01:09:14,526
Bye bye, Bobo.
1065
01:09:19,323 --> 01:09:23,410
Boys and girls! Ladies and gentlemen!
1066
01:09:23,493 --> 01:09:24,745
That's the guy!
1067
01:09:24,828 --> 01:09:25,871
I'm back!
1068
01:10:04,409 --> 01:10:06,954
What are you doing? This isn't Paris.
1069
01:10:07,162 --> 01:10:09,623
Let's him go, Dean.
Let him go.
1070
01:10:10,290 --> 01:10:12,084
He is with Satan now.
1071
01:10:32,145 --> 01:10:35,023
I feel like I've swallowed a load of dirt.
1072
01:10:35,399 --> 01:10:39,027
You have. You were snoring.
It was the only way to shut you up.
1073
01:10:40,070 --> 01:10:42,906
I need a bloody drink.
1074
01:10:43,031 --> 01:10:46,118
Well, Ken, it seems to
me we have two options.
1075
01:10:46,660 --> 01:10:50,122
Either we drink our own piss or...
1076
01:10:50,205 --> 01:10:52,582
we drink each other's.
1077
01:11:02,217 --> 01:11:05,637
Come on, give me just a drop
you miserable bitch.
1078
01:11:05,721 --> 01:11:10,392
Not in my... I've got a
bloody open mouth here.
1079
01:11:15,981 --> 01:11:17,649
So this is a sex thing?
1080
01:11:18,191 --> 01:11:22,654
No. We're just having...
Actually, let's go with sex thing.
1081
01:11:23,238 --> 01:11:24,573
Mildly less embarrassing.
1082
01:11:25,073 --> 01:11:29,119
We used to be clowns, but my
name's Janet now, and I'm a person.
1083
01:11:30,120 --> 01:11:32,873
Well, as it happens, I'm
on the trail of a clown.
1084
01:11:33,123 --> 01:11:36,251
I don't suppose you've heard of
The Great Alphonso?
1085
01:11:36,626 --> 01:11:40,047
That hack. Nope, never heard of him.
Wasn't a fan.
1086
01:11:40,213 --> 01:11:42,507
He killed my dog,
stole my life's work.
1087
01:11:43,508 --> 01:11:46,428
- Him and his clueless journalist friend.
- What?
1088
01:11:46,511 --> 01:11:48,889
Now she's broadcasting
a clown show from his big top
1089
01:11:48,972 --> 01:11:51,767
with my transmitter.
Took everything from me.
1090
01:11:52,851 --> 01:11:55,354
Swear to God, when I find her...
What's that smell?
1091
01:11:56,396 --> 01:11:57,397
It's nothing.
1092
01:11:57,606 --> 01:11:59,107
This doesn't make sense.
1093
01:11:59,858 --> 01:12:03,445
Jenny hates clowns...
unless she's on drugs.
1094
01:12:04,696 --> 01:12:07,866
Alphonso must have taken her hostage
and given her drugs.
1095
01:12:07,949 --> 01:12:09,618
Jesus Christ. Not this again.
1096
01:12:09,701 --> 01:12:12,162
No, no, no. Fuck it.
I know where they are.
1097
01:12:13,330 --> 01:12:15,582
Bobo couldn't save the woman he loves.
1098
01:12:16,792 --> 01:12:18,668
But maybe Ken can.
1099
01:12:21,004 --> 01:12:22,214
I'm coming with you.
1100
01:12:22,923 --> 01:12:25,092
Then we're coming too!
1101
01:12:25,175 --> 01:12:27,677
- I'm not sure we're all going to fit.
- Fine, go on.
1102
01:12:27,761 --> 01:12:28,762
Let's ride.
1103
01:12:36,395 --> 01:12:39,064
So where are your clothes?
1104
01:12:39,231 --> 01:12:41,650
Ah, we burned them
as a symbolic gesture,
1105
01:12:41,733 --> 01:12:44,111
which in retrospect
was entirely unnecessary.
1106
01:12:44,444 --> 01:12:46,530
We can't save Jenny in our pants.
1107
01:12:46,613 --> 01:12:50,367
We're gonna have to steal some clothes
or we'll look ridiculous.
1108
01:12:55,914 --> 01:12:56,915
It's Jenny.
1109
01:12:57,332 --> 01:13:01,128
Right, I'm gonna need you guys
to create a diversion. Okay?
1110
01:13:01,503 --> 01:13:02,879
I've got this flare.
1111
01:13:03,880 --> 01:13:05,799
Keep away from children.
1112
01:13:06,550 --> 01:13:08,969
Why does everyone keep saying this to me?
1113
01:13:09,261 --> 01:13:10,595
Okay, what's the plan?
1114
01:13:11,096 --> 01:13:16,017
Okay, I'm gonna commando roll across
that field, crawl for a bit,
1115
01:13:16,101 --> 01:13:17,686
parkour my way over the fence
1116
01:13:17,769 --> 01:13:20,021
and take out
the first kid with one of these.
1117
01:13:25,402 --> 01:13:27,070
And I'll say, "tough break."
1118
01:13:28,029 --> 01:13:31,741
The second kid will come at me from
behind, and I'll give him one of these.
1119
01:13:31,825 --> 01:13:34,077
Ah, wanker!
1120
01:13:34,161 --> 01:13:35,620
And I'll say, um...
1121
01:13:37,873 --> 01:13:40,417
I won't say anything there.
I'll keep it stealthy.
1122
01:13:40,917 --> 01:13:43,128
So at that point,
it's just those two kids
1123
01:13:43,211 --> 01:13:45,839
standing between me
and a happy ever after.
1124
01:13:45,922 --> 01:13:49,926
So I'll jump up, grab the door frame
and give 'em a double kick. Ya! Ya!
1125
01:13:50,010 --> 01:13:53,763
I'll say "two's company,"
or "twice to meet you."
1126
01:13:54,681 --> 01:13:55,682
Everyone got it?
1127
01:13:56,892 --> 01:13:57,934
Yeah.
1128
01:13:58,018 --> 01:14:02,230
Oh, by the way,
if I don't make it out there,
1129
01:14:03,315 --> 01:14:06,568
tell the world I died with dignity.
1130
01:14:06,943 --> 01:14:08,028
You want us to lie.
1131
01:14:08,487 --> 01:14:11,198
No, just imply I was wearing trousers.
1132
01:14:12,616 --> 01:14:13,617
Okay.
1133
01:14:23,210 --> 01:14:24,961
Hey, Ken!
1134
01:14:25,045 --> 01:14:27,631
What's a diversion?
1135
01:14:31,843 --> 01:14:36,515
Well, well, well, looks like you've
made some new friends, Tim.
1136
01:14:37,224 --> 01:14:38,433
We're here for the girl.
1137
01:14:39,559 --> 01:14:42,145
Let the girl go and
no harm will come to you.
1138
01:14:42,437 --> 01:14:43,480
She's just a girl.
1139
01:14:43,647 --> 01:14:45,857
I'm 35, you dick.
1140
01:14:45,941 --> 01:14:48,735
I kept your secret, Alphonso.
You didn't have to kill my dog.
1141
01:14:48,818 --> 01:14:50,111
What secret?
1142
01:14:50,654 --> 01:14:52,864
I'm sorry about your dog,
by the way,
1143
01:14:52,948 --> 01:14:55,909
but I do wanna get clarity,
though, on that secret.
1144
01:14:55,992 --> 01:14:57,077
The gunge tank.
1145
01:14:59,496 --> 01:15:02,582
It was the after party of series
three of Alphonso's Fun Club.
1146
01:15:02,958 --> 01:15:05,210
It wasn't an accident.
I saw him do it.
1147
01:15:05,752 --> 01:15:08,046
My brother was taking
the piss out of the show.
1148
01:15:08,129 --> 01:15:09,589
He was making jokes about it.
1149
01:15:09,798 --> 01:15:12,926
He called it Al-fuckso's Bum Club.
1150
01:15:15,220 --> 01:15:17,973
So Alphonso drowned him in gunge,
1151
01:15:19,099 --> 01:15:22,310
and he threatened to do the same
to me if I ever told anyone.
1152
01:15:22,561 --> 01:15:26,773
Well, sadly for you, Tim,
it looks like you just have.
1153
01:15:27,065 --> 01:15:30,652
Bedwetter, Ginger Twat!
Throw the others in with Jennifer.
1154
01:15:31,152 --> 01:15:37,117
Tim here is about to experience
pie to the power of infinity.
1155
01:15:40,745 --> 01:15:43,748
Jenny, I swore that I'd find you.
1156
01:15:43,832 --> 01:15:47,460
- It's true. He wouldn't shut up about it.
- And now we can be together.
1157
01:15:47,586 --> 01:15:50,630
We could start a new life!
In this cage, if needs be.
1158
01:15:50,714 --> 01:15:53,758
- Bobo what are you talking about?
- That's the thing. I'm not Bobo any more.
1159
01:15:53,842 --> 01:15:55,135
- I'm Ken.
- Ken.
1160
01:15:55,218 --> 01:15:56,469
- Ken.
- She knows.
1161
01:15:56,720 --> 01:15:58,388
Just normal, dependable Ken.
1162
01:15:58,513 --> 01:15:59,514
- Ken.
- Okay.
1163
01:16:00,724 --> 01:16:03,893
Type of bloke that wears
brown size nine shoes.
1164
01:16:04,936 --> 01:16:06,104
Who owns a shed.
1165
01:16:07,564 --> 01:16:11,401
Sort of bloke you could get to know
over a tepid cup of Bovril.
1166
01:16:12,944 --> 01:16:16,197
Type of guy you could settle down with.
1167
01:16:16,281 --> 01:16:18,366
As I say, in this cage, if needs be.
1168
01:16:20,076 --> 01:16:22,370
Where have you guys been?
1169
01:16:22,787 --> 01:16:26,207
On a long journey
to the center of ourselves.
1170
01:16:27,375 --> 01:16:31,463
My name is Dean and
I'm not a clown either.
1171
01:16:32,547 --> 01:16:35,383
In a funny way
I don't suppose I ever really was.
1172
01:16:35,592 --> 01:16:37,510
And I'm Janet, and my thing is,
1173
01:16:37,844 --> 01:16:40,764
when I was six I set my friends on fire.
I poured...
1174
01:16:42,015 --> 01:16:44,643
- Oh mother of God!
- The show's about to start.
1175
01:16:44,934 --> 01:16:50,273
Listen, that 200 pound slab of lunch meat
is trying to amass an army of children.
1176
01:16:50,607 --> 01:16:53,735
We need to disable that transmitter
and get him off the air.
1177
01:16:56,655 --> 01:16:59,908
Hello boys and girls!
1178
01:17:00,700 --> 01:17:06,414
I am back on the TV where I belong,
and tonight for a special treat.
1179
01:17:06,706 --> 01:17:09,125
I have an old celebrity friend.
1180
01:17:10,168 --> 01:17:12,962
Tim from Bromanz!
1181
01:17:16,341 --> 01:17:18,426
Are... we... ready?
1182
01:17:18,593 --> 01:17:20,011
No, no, no, no, no.
1183
01:17:21,096 --> 01:17:23,765
Unleash hell!
1184
01:17:53,795 --> 01:17:54,796
Stop it!
1185
01:17:54,879 --> 01:17:56,756
He's had enough!
1186
01:17:56,840 --> 01:17:58,258
Hold your fire!
1187
01:17:58,925 --> 01:18:03,471
We're going to need him conscious
for the main event.
1188
01:18:07,851 --> 01:18:09,853
Gunge him! Gunge him!
1189
01:18:09,936 --> 01:18:15,275
And we're going to have more celebrity
people come on this show all the time.
1190
01:18:15,358 --> 01:18:20,238
With your help! I want you to bring
some of those friends of mine
1191
01:18:20,572 --> 01:18:22,741
who I haven't seen since I was on TV.
1192
01:18:22,824 --> 01:18:27,245
If you bring this to me,
you get a big reward. Yes!
1193
01:18:27,328 --> 01:18:29,497
So come to Alphonso Land!
1194
01:18:29,581 --> 01:18:34,002
No homework, no rules, no bedtime!
1195
01:18:34,085 --> 01:18:38,506
And anybody who tries
to stop us will get gunged!
1196
01:18:39,424 --> 01:18:41,134
Anyone!
1197
01:18:42,260 --> 01:18:46,639
Jesus Christ. He's gonna
gunge us all to death. Oh God.
1198
01:18:47,140 --> 01:18:48,141
Oh God.
1199
01:18:48,850 --> 01:18:52,395
Oh God. We're next. Oh God.
This is all your fault, Bobo.
1200
01:18:52,479 --> 01:18:53,980
I wish I'd never met you.
1201
01:18:54,063 --> 01:18:56,900
I could be off breaking the
biggest story in the world
1202
01:18:56,983 --> 01:18:59,444
with an unbelievably hot
burger van guy now.
1203
01:18:59,527 --> 01:19:02,822
Instead of being stuck in
a cage with a bunch of clowns
1204
01:19:02,989 --> 01:19:05,867
waiting to be murdered by feral children.
1205
01:19:06,367 --> 01:19:08,369
Actually ex-clowns. But I'll shut up.
1206
01:19:09,245 --> 01:19:10,789
Why me, Bobo?
1207
01:19:11,748 --> 01:19:16,169
Out of all the women in the world
you could have chosen to obsess over,
1208
01:19:16,961 --> 01:19:18,671
why did you land on me?
1209
01:19:23,134 --> 01:19:27,680
Because you were the
first person in 15 years
1210
01:19:28,473 --> 01:19:30,266
who made me feel good about myself.
1211
01:19:32,769 --> 01:19:34,771
Made me feel more than just a...
1212
01:19:36,815 --> 01:19:38,775
fat clown at a children's party.
1213
01:19:40,693 --> 01:19:41,903
That I was important.
1214
01:19:44,113 --> 01:19:47,325
And that I was someone
who deserved to be loved
1215
01:19:49,994 --> 01:19:52,372
Because I threw you
a drunk fuck in a cupboard?
1216
01:19:53,540 --> 01:19:55,750
It was long--
It was long enough to know...
1217
01:19:58,711 --> 01:20:00,839
- I love you.
- Oh shit.
1218
01:20:02,090 --> 01:20:03,091
Oh my God.
1219
01:20:05,760 --> 01:20:06,928
Oh, that's bleak.
1220
01:20:10,849 --> 01:20:14,894
Oh, oh, that's so fucking bleak.
1221
01:20:14,978 --> 01:20:19,274
God. Okay. Yeah.
No. Alphonso! Alphonso!
1222
01:20:19,357 --> 01:20:21,359
Yes, I'm in. I give up.
1223
01:20:33,788 --> 01:20:34,873
Clown blood.
1224
01:20:35,707 --> 01:20:36,708
It's fresh.
1225
01:20:40,628 --> 01:20:41,629
They're close.
1226
01:20:52,098 --> 01:20:54,392
Ah, Pegasus.
1227
01:20:55,435 --> 01:20:56,436
My old friend.
1228
01:21:02,483 --> 01:21:05,194
Jesus Christ, they just keep coming.
1229
01:21:05,486 --> 01:21:06,821
We need to get outta here.
1230
01:21:06,905 --> 01:21:10,241
There's no way we're getting past
these homicidal rug-munchers.
1231
01:21:10,325 --> 01:21:13,077
- I think you mean rugrats.
- They're terrifying.
1232
01:21:13,578 --> 01:21:15,079
One of them smokes a pipe.
1233
01:21:15,455 --> 01:21:16,915
Alphonso was wrong you know,
1234
01:21:17,790 --> 01:21:19,542
about the Jugglenaut.
1235
01:21:20,209 --> 01:21:23,338
It doesn't need clowns who
are willing to die for one another.
1236
01:21:23,463 --> 01:21:26,007
It just needs clowns
who have nothing to live for.
1237
01:21:26,090 --> 01:21:27,884
- What?
- Well think about it.
1238
01:21:28,593 --> 01:21:30,094
These kids like violence.
1239
01:21:30,386 --> 01:21:34,015
They like danger, they like
watching people hurt themselves.
1240
01:21:35,808 --> 01:21:40,355
If we can pull off a trick like that, we
might be able to distract them long enough
1241
01:21:40,438 --> 01:21:46,361
to do one last decent thing with our lives
and take that prick Alphonso off the air.
1242
01:21:49,072 --> 01:21:54,243
Everyone dreams of dying
doing what they love.
1243
01:22:00,249 --> 01:22:02,961
And since that's not an option for us,
1244
01:22:08,091 --> 01:22:09,717
what say we go out clowning?
1245
01:22:13,346 --> 01:22:19,227
Oi! Bedwetter. Gather your men.
I've got something to show you.
1246
01:22:19,310 --> 01:22:20,311
What is it?
1247
01:22:20,937 --> 01:22:22,105
It's a clown show.
1248
01:22:23,398 --> 01:22:24,482
We've just seen one.
1249
01:22:27,568 --> 01:22:28,569
Not like this.
1250
01:22:33,574 --> 01:22:36,202
I knew you would come
around eventually, Jennifer,
1251
01:22:36,285 --> 01:22:40,581
now for a moment there,
you nearly chose the wrong team.
1252
01:22:42,375 --> 01:22:46,004
It's a brave new world, Jennifer,
and it's ours for the taking.
1253
01:22:46,671 --> 01:22:50,967
Me as warlord slash
global clown Emperor
1254
01:22:51,759 --> 01:22:55,847
and you beside me as my
bikini-clad assistant.
1255
01:22:56,347 --> 01:22:57,890
Ah, thank you Shakira.
1256
01:22:58,349 --> 01:23:01,102
Yes.
I mean, sounds good.
1257
01:23:02,061 --> 01:23:03,896
Have you got anything to drink?
1258
01:23:04,188 --> 01:23:07,442
Jenny, do wombles shit
on Wimbledon Common?
1259
01:23:07,817 --> 01:23:08,818
Hmm?
1260
01:23:10,111 --> 01:23:12,113
- Drinks cabinet's over there.
- Great.
1261
01:23:12,196 --> 01:23:15,366
I will make us a...
1262
01:23:16,659 --> 01:23:19,037
vodka and...
1263
01:23:19,579 --> 01:23:20,580
scotch.
1264
01:23:20,663 --> 01:23:24,333
Ah, a Kilted Russian: how very agreeable.
1265
01:23:40,433 --> 01:23:42,143
Hello, boys and girls.
1266
01:23:43,144 --> 01:23:45,229
My name's Bobo,
1267
01:23:45,313 --> 01:23:51,444
and these are my friends, Pepe and Funzo.
1268
01:23:51,861 --> 01:23:54,947
Who likes balloons?
1269
01:23:56,157 --> 01:23:57,200
I do.
1270
01:24:03,456 --> 01:24:04,457
Oh.
1271
01:24:06,209 --> 01:24:08,503
Ah, this was a mistake.
1272
01:24:08,920 --> 01:24:10,797
- What was that?
- Oh, nothing.
1273
01:24:10,880 --> 01:24:14,217
You know what kids are like
when they're drunk on power.
1274
01:24:15,885 --> 01:24:18,096
A toast to good friends.
1275
01:24:18,179 --> 01:24:19,180
Ah, Jenny.
1276
01:24:19,597 --> 01:24:21,390
I hate for you to embarrass yourself
1277
01:24:21,474 --> 01:24:26,479
in front of the Rotary Club Toastmaster
General in 1992, 1993, and 1995.
1278
01:24:27,188 --> 01:24:28,981
I'd better do this. Hmm.
1279
01:24:29,732 --> 01:24:34,529
Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished
guests, Princess Michael of Kent.
1280
01:24:34,987 --> 01:24:40,284
An occasion such as this always calls for
one of the greatest and indeed longest
1281
01:24:40,368 --> 01:24:42,745
poems of the last six centuries.
1282
01:24:43,955 --> 01:24:46,457
Okay. Screw the crowd work.
Skip to the big finish.
1283
01:24:46,582 --> 01:24:49,961
Boys and girls, I present to you
1284
01:24:50,378 --> 01:24:53,548
the Jugglenaut!
1285
01:24:55,383 --> 01:24:57,051
Pepe, hup!
1286
01:25:00,054 --> 01:25:02,974
I can't. I can't do it.
I'm not good enough.
1287
01:25:03,057 --> 01:25:04,976
I never have been.
1288
01:25:05,101 --> 01:25:06,853
I'll never be a DuCoquesman.
1289
01:25:08,062 --> 01:25:10,189
I don't need you to be a DuCoquesman.
1290
01:25:10,273 --> 01:25:13,860
I don't care what some dusty French
wank merchant thought of you.
1291
01:25:13,943 --> 01:25:16,487
I just need you to
climb on to my fat shoulders
1292
01:25:16,571 --> 01:25:18,823
and be paralyzed with fear, please.
1293
01:25:22,827 --> 01:25:25,288
Okay, I can do that.
1294
01:25:31,794 --> 01:25:34,088
Funzo, hup!
1295
01:25:34,380 --> 01:25:37,550
I don't want to be Funzo.
I don't want to scare anyone.
1296
01:25:37,925 --> 01:25:40,428
Funzo, Janet.
It doesn't matter what you call yourself.
1297
01:25:40,511 --> 01:25:42,763
Being scary is who you are.
1298
01:25:42,847 --> 01:25:44,307
You were born to do this,
1299
01:25:44,390 --> 01:25:48,853
and I'll be honest with you, some of these
kids could do with a decent fucking scare.
1300
01:25:52,023 --> 01:25:53,024
Oh God.
1301
01:25:53,608 --> 01:25:54,609
Oh Jesus.
1302
01:26:39,362 --> 01:26:41,155
Three, two, one!
1303
01:26:51,999 --> 01:26:53,000
Pepe!
1304
01:26:53,876 --> 01:26:56,337
Hup... hup... hup...
1305
01:27:11,394 --> 01:27:12,895
Funzo, grab the transmitter!
1306
01:27:15,439 --> 01:27:19,819
I can hear it!
The laughter! It's like thunder!
1307
01:27:24,115 --> 01:27:26,617
"Since last she was a wee--"
Wait.
1308
01:27:27,368 --> 01:27:29,745
Is that children enjoying themselves?
1309
01:27:30,496 --> 01:27:32,164
That's impossible.
I'm still here.
1310
01:27:32,873 --> 01:27:34,417
Let's have your drink first.
1311
01:27:34,500 --> 01:27:38,713
♪ I like to drink with Alphonso.
Alphonso is my mate ♪
1312
01:27:38,796 --> 01:27:41,841
♪ And when I drink with Alphonso,
He gets it down in eight ♪
1313
01:27:42,341 --> 01:27:44,510
Jesus Christ, okay, fuck it!
1314
01:27:45,928 --> 01:27:47,096
Show's over!
1315
01:28:00,651 --> 01:28:03,738
- Funzo!
- No!
1316
01:28:08,242 --> 01:28:13,414
- You killed our friend.
- Our best friend, you monster.
1317
01:28:14,123 --> 01:28:16,042
An eye for an eye, Booboo.
1318
01:28:16,250 --> 01:28:17,793
And now it's your turn.
1319
01:28:24,842 --> 01:28:27,219
We just want Funzo.
Give her over now
1320
01:28:27,303 --> 01:28:30,097
and I promise you all a
quick and painless death.
1321
01:28:30,222 --> 01:28:32,016
Too late. He's already killed her.
1322
01:28:32,350 --> 01:28:35,394
Yeah. Just a few minutes ago.
You couldn't have been closer.
1323
01:28:36,145 --> 01:28:37,146
What?
1324
01:28:37,688 --> 01:28:39,815
Well that is an anti-climax.
1325
01:28:40,024 --> 01:28:42,568
I mean, we traveled all
this way fueled by revenge.
1326
01:28:45,279 --> 01:28:48,991
- You're gonna have to give us a minute.
- This is bloody typical.
1327
01:28:49,075 --> 01:28:50,868
- Bloody typical!
- Okay, okay.
1328
01:28:50,951 --> 01:28:52,286
We have no time for this.
1329
01:28:52,370 --> 01:28:54,663
I need you to be more
solution orientated now,
1330
01:28:54,747 --> 01:28:57,124
rather than focusing on problems, okay?
1331
01:28:58,918 --> 01:29:00,753
- It's a tiny motorbike.
- No, no.
1332
01:29:03,923 --> 01:29:06,926
Yeah. Great. Great.
Let's explain that to them, then.
1333
01:29:10,346 --> 01:29:12,807
Okay. So we've noticed
that you've got a gunge pit
1334
01:29:12,890 --> 01:29:15,351
and we've always
wanted to try one of those,
1335
01:29:15,434 --> 01:29:18,187
so I think we're just
gonna murder you all with that.
1336
01:29:18,270 --> 01:29:19,647
Tie their hands.
1337
01:29:19,730 --> 01:29:21,982
Why does no one seem to be...
Stop it!
1338
01:29:22,942 --> 01:29:25,361
Turn around. Don't tie me up.
I have money.
1339
01:29:25,569 --> 01:29:27,988
Well, Bitcoin.
It's yours if you let me go.
1340
01:29:48,884 --> 01:29:50,678
My ear! My other ear!
1341
01:29:54,890 --> 01:29:57,017
Bobo! The transmitter!
1342
01:29:57,476 --> 01:29:59,228
The transmitter!
1343
01:30:23,502 --> 01:30:25,796
There's only one way to settle this, Alphonso.
1344
01:30:25,880 --> 01:30:28,465
I will crush you with my bulk.
1345
01:30:28,549 --> 01:30:31,302
I have seen off many rivals.
1346
01:31:37,910 --> 01:31:40,829
Who's the walrus now, Alphonso, you dick?
1347
01:31:40,913 --> 01:31:44,208
- Who's the fucking walrus now?
- You are.
1348
01:31:44,708 --> 01:31:46,794
I've beaten you in every way.
1349
01:31:47,461 --> 01:31:50,506
As a clown, as a man.
1350
01:31:52,549 --> 01:31:54,969
Both ways!
1351
01:31:56,512 --> 01:31:58,847
Do you know I used to look up to you?
1352
01:31:58,931 --> 01:32:01,141
You were one of the
reasons I became a clown.
1353
01:32:01,225 --> 01:32:02,935
I'm so sorry.
1354
01:32:03,978 --> 01:32:05,646
Oh, I'm not gonna hurt you.
1355
01:32:06,855 --> 01:32:08,649
Because I'm the bigger man.
1356
01:32:10,150 --> 01:32:13,654
- And the better clown.
- Bromanz forever!
1357
01:32:16,991 --> 01:32:19,952
Jesus Christ, Tim.
I was just doing a whole thing.
1358
01:32:22,621 --> 01:32:25,082
And I should have done that 30 years ago.
1359
01:32:27,459 --> 01:32:31,297
Okay Funzo, you've earned your spot.
We'll see you on the strip.
1360
01:32:32,798 --> 01:32:36,635
- You okay, Janet?
- Of course. Nothing bad happened to me.
1361
01:32:36,927 --> 01:32:38,929
Nothing bad ever happens to Funzo.
1362
01:32:47,479 --> 01:32:48,897
We should probably help him.
1363
01:32:48,981 --> 01:32:50,482
- No.
- Okay!
1364
01:33:08,792 --> 01:33:12,046
Okay. It's all looking good.
1365
01:33:15,132 --> 01:33:16,133
Fantastic.
1366
01:33:18,135 --> 01:33:19,386
Okay.
We're all set.
1367
01:33:20,095 --> 01:33:21,096
You ready?
1368
01:33:21,638 --> 01:33:24,224
I was born ready, Bobo.
It's in the blood.
1369
01:33:25,267 --> 01:33:29,146
Going live in Five! Four! Three!
1370
01:33:29,980 --> 01:33:32,524
- Are you gonna do it wearing that?
- Oh shit.
1371
01:33:32,649 --> 01:33:33,776
Good evening.
1372
01:33:33,859 --> 01:33:37,988
I'm Jenny Malone reporting
the truth to the world.
1373
01:33:38,072 --> 01:33:42,076
I realize we've all been through a lot,
but what I'm about to tell you
1374
01:33:42,159 --> 01:33:46,914
should explain how we got here and how
we are going to survive this together.
1375
01:33:49,375 --> 01:33:54,755
In 1967, the CIA, in conjunction with
the teenage Hillary Clinton,
1376
01:33:54,838 --> 01:33:57,091
began a series of experiments on the sun.
1377
01:33:57,257 --> 01:33:59,510
And two days ago, under the instruction
1378
01:33:59,593 --> 01:34:04,306
of a sinister cabal of shapeshifting,
pedophilic lizard people,
1379
01:34:04,390 --> 01:34:07,017
they unleashed
a secret weapon on the world.
1380
01:34:07,851 --> 01:34:10,771
- Operation: Solar Flare.
- I've been saying it for... yes!
1381
01:34:11,021 --> 01:34:14,191
A plan to enslave humanity,
harvest our DNA,
1382
01:34:14,274 --> 01:34:17,111
and sell it to the Chinese
chemtrail industry.
1383
01:34:17,569 --> 01:34:19,446
Over the next three to four hours,
1384
01:34:19,530 --> 01:34:21,448
I will show you--
1385
01:34:21,907 --> 01:34:24,451
Irrefutable evidence
of John F. Kennedy's...
1386
01:34:26,453 --> 01:34:27,996
John F. Kennedy...
1387
01:34:34,503 --> 01:34:37,005
- What are you doing?
- What's going on then?
1388
01:34:37,965 --> 01:34:41,301
- Is it-- is it over?
- Everything's turning back on.
1389
01:34:43,220 --> 01:34:45,180
Yeah. Yeah, okay.
1390
01:34:47,850 --> 01:34:49,560
Oh my gosh.
1391
01:34:50,894 --> 01:34:54,815
And although Áras an Uachtaráin was
completely obliterated, the president was
1392
01:34:54,898 --> 01:34:59,820
eventually carried to safety by Brazilian
burger technician Gustavo Musculos.
1393
01:35:01,780 --> 01:35:04,491
Elsewhere, chaotic scenes
played out across the nation
1394
01:35:04,575 --> 01:35:06,910
with a series of localized
electrical blackouts
1395
01:35:06,994 --> 01:35:09,705
believed to have been caused
by a massive power surge
1396
01:35:09,788 --> 01:35:12,958
at a recent concert by
country singer Garth Brooks.
1397
01:35:13,500 --> 01:35:14,918
May he rest in peace.
1398
01:35:16,503 --> 01:35:18,380
Then there was this bizarre broadcast
1399
01:35:18,464 --> 01:35:22,009
by the daughter of celebrated news
correspondent Deborah Malone,
1400
01:35:22,092 --> 01:35:25,220
Two days ago,
under the instruction of a sinister cabal
1401
01:35:25,345 --> 01:35:27,931
of shapeshifting pedophilic
lizard people--
1402
01:35:28,015 --> 01:35:31,643
I think we can all agree her late
mother would be massively disappointed.
1403
01:35:31,727 --> 01:35:34,646
Next up, clown funerals.
They're like buses, aren't they?
1404
01:35:34,730 --> 01:35:37,816
You wait ages for one and then
two come along all at once.
1405
01:35:37,941 --> 01:35:39,693
Nineties has-been clown,
1406
01:35:39,943 --> 01:35:43,489
the late Alphonso
has popped his giant clogs
1407
01:35:43,572 --> 01:35:46,909
and is in a tiny little car
on his way to heaven right now.
1408
01:35:54,249 --> 01:35:56,210
Thanks for helping us out, Jenny.
1409
01:35:56,293 --> 01:36:00,214
Yes. Thank you so much for letting us
bury DuCoque in your mother's grave.
1410
01:36:00,297 --> 01:36:03,509
Don't mention it.
She hated clowns and the French.
1411
01:36:11,225 --> 01:36:14,102
When we first hooked up
at your niece's birthday,
1412
01:36:15,270 --> 01:36:17,523
did you ever imagine we'd end up here?
1413
01:36:19,399 --> 01:36:20,400
No.
1414
01:36:22,319 --> 01:36:23,612
No, of course not.
1415
01:36:25,030 --> 01:36:26,031
Yeah.
1416
01:36:26,240 --> 01:36:27,282
Me neither.
1417
01:36:31,161 --> 01:36:33,956
Oh, what the fuck are you doing?
1418
01:36:34,831 --> 01:36:37,334
I just thought we'd been on this journey.
1419
01:36:38,418 --> 01:36:40,254
I vanquished the other male.
1420
01:36:42,256 --> 01:36:43,674
Did I read the moment wrong?
1421
01:36:44,716 --> 01:36:50,097
We are secretly burying a rotting
clown corpse in my mother's grave.
1422
01:36:51,098 --> 01:36:54,101
What is it about this moment
that you think is sexy?
1423
01:36:57,729 --> 01:36:59,314
- The sun?
- The sun. Oh.
1424
01:36:59,398 --> 01:37:00,816
It's kind of sexy.
1425
01:37:01,817 --> 01:37:03,902
It's like a big, red
clown nose in the sky.
1426
01:37:03,986 --> 01:37:05,487
Goodbye, Bobo.
1427
01:37:06,238 --> 01:37:07,239
Forever this time.
1428
01:37:07,906 --> 01:37:09,950
- Yeah, but what about...
- No! Forever.
1429
01:37:11,618 --> 01:37:13,996
Well, what now?
1430
01:37:15,455 --> 01:37:18,500
I hear there's a prime spot
going on the main strip.
1431
01:37:18,709 --> 01:37:21,295
You could get your DuCoque
out on the street!
1432
01:37:27,718 --> 01:37:31,888
Do you know, I used to blame
Alphonso for my lack of success.
1433
01:37:34,891 --> 01:37:39,605
But now that he's gone,
I can't see anything getting in my way.
1434
01:37:41,189 --> 01:37:42,983
Let's do it!
1435
01:37:44,568 --> 01:37:47,779
Well, it looks like we're
gonna need some business cards.
1436
01:37:48,196 --> 01:37:50,907
- We need a name first.
- We have a name!
1437
01:37:50,991 --> 01:37:55,078
- We are not calling ourselves that.
- It's too late!
1438
01:38:07,257 --> 01:38:09,885
Where are the clowns of yesteryear?
1439
01:38:13,055 --> 01:38:19,770
Where are the red and white faces
and the absolutely enormous trousers?
1440
01:38:21,521 --> 01:38:27,486
I understand that the
world is different now,
1441
01:38:30,530 --> 01:38:33,116
but I miss the good old days.
1442
01:38:36,662 --> 01:38:40,207
Where are the children who are
happy with simple pleasures?
1443
01:38:43,168 --> 01:38:45,045
Not Serbian Pornography.
1444
01:38:46,463 --> 01:38:47,923
Life is bullshit.
1445
01:38:50,384 --> 01:38:51,927
I hate young people.
1446
01:38:53,762 --> 01:38:55,222
What a bunch of pricks.
1447
01:38:56,890 --> 01:39:01,103
They pull at my nose and call me a tramp.
1448
01:39:03,313 --> 01:39:04,523
Here is the duck.
1449
01:39:06,149 --> 01:39:08,276
With his tiny briefcase.
1450
01:39:09,736 --> 01:39:11,697
He checks his list,
1451
01:39:12,864 --> 01:39:14,700
and adjusts his glasses.
1452
01:39:16,702 --> 01:39:19,079
{\an8}My name is there.
1453
01:39:20,539 --> 01:39:22,624
{\an8}There's no hardship.
1454
01:39:23,709 --> 01:39:28,922
{\an8}I will go with
him in his little business suit
1455
01:39:29,965 --> 01:39:34,136
{\an8}Goodbye dreadful world,
goodbye cruel life.
1456
01:39:35,137 --> 01:39:40,851
{\an8}This is my final act, the last ritual.
1457
01:39:47,315 --> 01:39:49,067
{\an8}Life is not rosy.
1458
01:39:51,278 --> 01:39:52,946
{\an8}Whatever Edith Piaf says.
1459
01:41:34,548 --> 01:41:36,049
{\an8}
1460
01:41:36,299 --> 01:41:40,554
{\an8}You are listening to the audio
book of Life of Pie, a Clown Odyssey,
1461
01:41:41,137 --> 01:41:47,227
{\an8}written and narrated by the Great
Alphonso. Chapter One. Beginnings.
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01:41:49,771 --> 01:41:52,566
{\an8}I was a born clown despite
a difficult childhood.
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01:41:53,191 --> 01:41:56,444
{\an8}I was ten years old
when the bullying first started.
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01:41:57,112 --> 01:42:01,700
{\an8}At its height, I must have been
bullying 20 or 30 children a day.
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01:42:02,409 --> 01:42:06,788
{\an8}I didn't know at the time, but
this was the perfect preparation
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01:42:07,247 --> 01:42:09,457
{\an8}for a career in television.