MAGGIE: Previously on Maggie...
- The closer I am to your energy, the clearer my vision.
You will fall in love.
There'll be a wedding.
A family.
It's going to be unlike anything you've ever experienced.
[gasps]
I saw myself in a vision. I was married.
- I'm going to make a wish that I spend
more time with you tonight.
[blows]
- I want to tell you something about the reading I gave you.
BEN: What? What is it?
- In your reading, I saw your future,
and this doesn't work out.
I have no idea what my future looks like anymore.
I have to let the new tenant in.
- Ben. - Maggie.
- Hi. - What are you doing here?
- I live here. What are you doing here?
- I live here now with Jessie.
- Amazing.
♪
- Maggie.
WOMAN: Maggie.
MAGGIE: I'm sorry.
[Jessie laughs]
- Are you thinking about him, dear?
- Who?
- Peewee? My missing parakeet.
The police won't even look into it unless it's been 48 hours
and it's a person.
- Did, um, did you bring an item of his?
- Yes, I did.
His doll. I had it made to look like me.
- Whoa.
You'll have to give me the name of your doll person.
- Oh, sure.
- Let me see what I can do.
INSTRUCTOR: Come on, you got this. Dig deeper.
Let's go, let's go. Come on, everybody. [thuds]
- [gasps] Oh.
I'm so sorry, Margot.
Uh...
your bird is gone.
- What? [chuckles]
You're supposed to make me feel better,
JESSIE: Yes! MARGOT: not worse.
There's a reason I go to a psychic and not a therapist.
- Well, unfortunately, the truth doesn't always care
about how we feel.
- Got to get back on eBay now.
For sale. Bird shoes.
Never worn.
- Custom. From the bird cobbler.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
♪
- I can't believe you have your own psychic store now.
I always wonder how these places stay in business.
- Aww, you're sweet.
Yeah, it just kind of felt like the right move.
You know, I can actually focus on work here
away from all the distractions of the duplex.
It's honestly almost perfect.
- Why almost?
[whistle blows] TRAINER: Pick it up! Pick it up!
Those love handles aren't going to handle themselves, ladies!
- I'm next to a CrossFit gym.
TRAINER: Dig, dig. There's no shopping for a thigh gap. Come on!
[wheezy breaths] - Seriously?
- Sorry.
- This is a great location. How do I look?
- Whoa, did you get your hair in your mustache bleach again?
- What? No. The box said Jared Leto uses this color.
- You want the truth? - Not from you.
You've got worse bedside manner than my gynecologist.
And she says "whoa" to everything.
[door opens] - Hi, girls.
- Hi, Mom. - Hi, Maria.
- I brought a sunlamp.
- It's supposed to boost your moods.
- I'm sad just looking at it.
- Well, I can't return it
because the catalog already went bankrupt.
- Ah. - Now, I have a question.
And don't say no.
My meat man's disease-free son just moved to town.
- Oh, sounds hot.
- John is 30 and owns a bed frame,
so I give him your number.
- That sounds promising.
Thank you, Mom, uh, but I don't feel like dating.
I've just tried that, and it was a huge mistake.
- With who? I love him for you.
- Mom. I'm not in the mood, okay.
- Whoa. Oh. [light fizzling]
- How about now?
- Really?
[indiscernible chatter]
- Oh hey. - Hi, ladies.
- Hi. - Oh wait, are you having a party?
- Uh, not that I know of.
- We're having a party!
- It's a housewarming. I hope that's okay.
- Oh. - Of course!
I don't live here, but I love warming homes.
- Hey, babe, do you think it's weird
that Ben and Maggie hooked up and now they're all just, like,
living in this apartment complex together?
- No, that's not weird. - No?
- People have to live somewhere.
- Yeah, but it's all so fast.
I mean, do you think that my brother even loves Jessie?
- Of course, he loves Jessie.
Everybody loves Jessie. She's like ketchup.
- You guys are going to come, right?
It'll be fun, and it won't go late.
I hope it's not going to go late.
Can you see when people are going to leave?
- Oh no. Unfortunately, I can't choose what I see.
That's why I end up having so many visions of old men
shaving their shoulders.
Yeah, it's a thing.
- I hope that's not why you ran away halfway through my reading.
[nervous chuckle] - You ran away during his reading?
- No, I didn't run away. I just saw all there was to see.
- Oh, I bet you know some things that I don't.
[chuckles awkwardly]
[yawns] Oh gosh.
I should get to bed, huh?
- It's, uh, 4:15.
- Yes, stay, Dave made beer.
And we also have good beer.
- Oh, but we actually like unregulated alcohol.
- Oh, do we?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Let's try it.
You're acting a little weird.
- I'm sorry. I know.
I can't be hanging around with the guy that I slept with
and his new old girlfriend and her very angular clavicles.
- You might end up loving her. You've been wrong before.
Remember when we were kids
and you had that vision of me driving a PT Cruiser
and therefore predicted that I would be a millionaire?
- It looked very fancy back then,
and I had no context.
And predictions aside,
Jessie does not know about me and Ben,
so the less time I spend around her, the better.
- Hmm. Oh. [whistles]
- Hey! - Hey.
- You know, Amy is coming over on Thursday.
You guys should join.
We can do a girls' night. We can discuss that hair issue.
- We'd love to. - Amazing.
Ooh, we can play a drinking game where we say we're fine,
but then drink until we admit we're not
and spill all of our darkest secrets.
[laughter] LOUISE: Okay.
Sometimes I go to IKEA for dinner.
- I don't wear underwear when I try on swimsuits.
- Sometimes I let my dog--
- Okay, guys, we haven't started playing yet.
- That's right. We got to save this energy for Thursday.
Can't wait.
- Why would you agree to that?
I can't spill my darkest secrets to her.
And you know how I get when I Sancerre.
- But she does hair professionally.
That's the most important friend I can have next to someone
who knows how to wax it off.
Next to you, my numero uno.
[glasses clink]
[gags] BOTH: No, no.
- Mm-mm.
- Ooh. Is that Bulgarian rosewater?
- Pine-Sol. I'm having an earwig problem.
Oh, I have had a day.
You wouldn't believe this lady that was in here upset
about her lost bird.
What she should have been upset about is her online shopping habit.
- Wait. Margot came to you? - Mm-hmm.
- What is with everybody? Nobody wants the truth anymore.
- Well, not the way you stab it into them.
I just told her the bird ended up on a singles nudist cruise.
That's where I'd fly away to.
[- snaps fingers] Angel. - Sorry.
- Yeah. Aren't we supposed to be honest with people,
even if it hurts them?
- Well, yeah,
but maybe you can start by being honest with yourself.
- Okay. What do you mean?
- I mean, you're using your disappointment over Ben
as an excuse to put your walls back up.
I can see it.
- Okay, maybe I'm protecting myself.
But... it's because I saw myself ending up with Ben,
and then it turned out I was wrong,
which means I was actually right, and I end up alone.
- Aww. Maybe Ben is the one. Maybe he isn't. Maybe--
Shh!
- I wasn't talking. - Hush, child.
Who is the girthy Adonis you're talking to
at some housewarming party?
- Oh, I'm not going to that party.
- Oh, you are. - I have no date prospects.
- You do. - My mom tried to set me up with someone,
but I never called him back.
- Trust me, you're going to want to call this one back.
He's got that muscly V thing that goes right to the crotch.
JOHN: And this is me high-fiving an elephant's paw.
- Wow. What's that like?
- It's hard to explain, but it's kind of like
when two people... slap hands together, I guess.
Kind of.
- So how long did you live in Thailand?
- A week.
Yeah, but it was a super, super important week.
- Yeah. - I mean, like--
[mimics explosion]
- Hmm.
- Can I interest you guys in some dessert?
- Oh, you don't want any, right?
- No. - No.
I would actually love some.
WAITRESS: I'll get you a menu.
[door opens]
- This girls' night hasn't even started yet,
and I already want to leave.
You sure it's not weird to bring a single tiny cucumber?
- No. Jessie strikes me as someone
who's really into water-forward vegetables.
- Okay, well, what did you bring?
- The cucumber's from both of us.
- Come on. [doorbell rings]
- Hi. - Hi. This is from me.
- You're amazing for bringing this.
- Is that a Persian? - Yes.
- I love Persians.
- Oh, hi.
[door closes]
I didn't know you all were hanging out tonight.
- Yeah. You got to have girls for a girls' night.
- Right. [chuckles]
Well, I'm, uh...
I'm off to meet Dave.
- Aww, I love it when you two hang out,
'cause it's still kind of about me.
- Ah, it's not. - Well.
- Um, have a good night.
- Alright, Maggie. Spill it. What happened with you two?
[muffled cough]
- What do you mean? - Your date?
The landlord said you went out with some meat prince.
She was very excited about the possibility of free ham.
Your mom says hi, by the way.
- John. Yes, him.
- Who is this John?
- Very sweet, but not my thing.
- Well, what is your thing?
- I mean, I'm a psychic, so I guess I just want somebody unpredictable
who can surprise me.
John was ugly, wasn't he?
Wow. I literally can't think of words
and look at him at the same time.
[gasps]
- Okay, Maggie, I love you, even though you still haven't accepted
my period app friend request.
But I feel like I just, I don't understand you
if you don't want to go out with this guy again.
- Let me see.
- Well, listen, there are some perks to being single.
That being said, it sounds like a nightmare.
And I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
That's why I'm married.
- Aren't you and Dave not married?
- Hmm. Not legally.
We got married at Burning Man.
It was officiated by an unlicensed wizard.
- Oh. - He builds Adirondack chairs!
[gasps] Maggie, what is wrong with you?
- So this guy lives in the sea,
and he and the octopus are together?
DAVE: I don't think they put labels on it,
but I got a good feeling they're going to make it after all.
- I got a good feeling that octopus has
no idea what's going on.
- Ben, love is love, even with a tentacle. Can't fight it.
- Listen. Um, when did you know my sister was the one?
- That's not a thing you know, mate.
It's like how do you know water feels good? It just does.
- Well, not always.
Sometimes you drink the wrong kind,
and it ruins the family vacation.
- Okay, worrywart. See, your problem is you think too much.
Just feel. Quick, what's your favorite direction?
- Uh, what? - Mine's forward and to the left.
Stop thinking. Just answer. What's your favorite time?
- 11:11. Because it reminds me of four tiny swords.
[mimics sword swishing] - Alright. What's yours?
- My future with Amy.
Wow. That was interesting.
My intuition just taught me something.
Your turn. Jessie, do you love her?
- Yeah, I do.
- Nice. What are you drinking?
- A crisp white would be nice.
- Your intuition is wrong. Two big beers.
- Two big beers. - Two big beers.
JESSIE: Alright. What do you think?
- I love it. - Yeah?
AMY: So good. - So good.
- Yes. Okay.
How much do I owe you?
Um, let's see. Where's my wallet?
Oh, there's the exotic cucumber I gifted you.
- It's on the house. - What?
Thank you.
Who knew having a friend who does hair is so awesome?
- Oh my god. Are we allowed to call each other friends now?
- Yeah. - I didn't want to, like, say it first
and, you know, scare you guys off.
I haven't made new friends in a while.
- Yeah, me neither.
- No, I get that for you.
Makes me so upset because you deserve everything.
We all deserve everything. Women are amazing.
- What did you see in Ben's reading?
- Oh. Um--
- I'm sorry. I shouldn't ask that,
but I've been wanting to all night.
Um, Ben and I have been off and on for a while,
so I get in my head sometimes,
and I was just wondering if you saw me in his future.
- Well-- [doorbell rings]
AMY: Oh. That's the door.
[clears throat]
- Hi. - Hi.
I hope I'm in the right place.
Maggie texted me to come by,
told me to wear basketball shorts.
- Please have a seat in this chair.
Or, you know, you can build one or whatever you want.
- I can do both. [laughter]
- Can I have that back? - Yeah.
There you go.
I'm Louise, by the way.
- Hi. I'm John. - Hi.
[both giggling]
JOHN: Oh, is that a Persian?
LOUISE: Oh my god--
- Oh! Oh god.
- Whoa! Uh...
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.
- Yeah. You just keep popping up everywhere, huh?
- No more surprises. - Yeah.
- I, I promise. - Hmm.
Keys. - Your keys.
- Don't think. Just answer.
Are you sure? - Yes.
I'm going to ask her at the party.
- Well, I should get to bed. [chuckles]
- Makes more sense now than when you said it
at four o'clock in the afternoon.
MAGGIE: Yep.
- How was your date with the Adonis?
- Physically, Helvetica.
Emotionally, Wingdings.
- Tiny wiener? - I don't know. I didn't see it.
- Oh, well, there's always Ben.
- No, there isn't.
I had a vision of him proposing to Jessie
at their housewarming party.
- Fun.
I love a tacky public engagement.
It's my favorite part of straight culture.
- Angel, why do you keep telling me to be open-minded?
Just tell me I'm doomed and let me give up.
I'm not like our clients. I can handle the truth.
- Okay, here's the truth.
Your problem is you can see the future,
but you never see past it.
- What's past the future?
- Hope, honey.
And that is something that everybody needs.
In that regard,
you're no different than your clients.
- What am I even hoping for?
- You'll know, when it walks through your door.
[stomach rumbles] Oh.
Oh, I need a Tums.
Those tiny wieners go right through me.
- I am surprised to see you back.
- I don't know where else to go.
Jo-Ann Fabric was closed,
and the world just keeps moving on without my bird.
And I can't seem to--
- I know what you mean. - I'm just hopeless.
- You know what?
Even psychics need to double-check their work sometimes.
Can I have your hands?
- Mm. MAN: [on TV] This bond
between the octopus and its human--
- I love you.
- Hmm.
Well, I don't know how to tell you this, Margot,
but I do see a bird in your future.
- Are we happy? - Yeah.
[laughs]
- Thank you.
[whistle blows] CROSSFIT TRAINER: Pain is a gift!
It is everyone's-- MAGGIE: Oh. Watch out, Margot.
[panting] Uh, who are you? What are you doing?
- Please, don't make me go back out there.
We have been running up and down
the same staircase for 20 minutes.
- Yeah. You lost me at running.
- That's where they lost me, too.
Oh god, I'm so sorry.
- Well, I mean, you can hide in here if you want.
- Can I? I won't touch anything.
- Oh. I think you're going to change your mind about that.
- Wow.
You must be psychic.
So what do you do here? - I'm a psychic.
- Well, that explains it.
I'm Daniel, by the way.
- Maggie. - Thank you, Maggie.
Maybe, just maybe, this will get me through the battle ropes.
- Well, turns out I like giving people a little hope now and then.
- Look, um,
I hate to ask you this when you can see the outline
of my nipples through my shirt.
- Oh. DANIEL: But, um...
would you want to go out sometime?
- Actually, um,
what are you doing tonight?
- I may or may not die from CrossFit,
but if I'm alive, I'm available.
- [laughs] Perfect.
[shouting in Spanish]
- Thank you.
Hi. Thanks for coming.
Oh, bar's over there. Food's inside.
Uh, the party does end at 10:00, but have a great time.
- You look great, by the way.
I almost didn't recognize you with your nipples covered.
- Oh, don't worry. They're still there.
[Maggie chuckles]
- So glad you decided to come. - Thanks for having me.
- Yeah. So, what were you doing today?
- Oh, I was counting trees all throughout my neighborhood.
- Oh. How many were there?
- Two. - Oh, okay.
Oh my gosh. John is so fascinating.
Did you know that he's found every Waldo?
- Yeah. That was the first thing he told me.
- Oh, hey, Maggie. Have you seen Dave?
Not like in the future, but like now.
- Oh no, I haven't seen him in either.
- Oh, I bet John could find him.
- Oh, okay. - Mm-hmm.
- Have you seen Dave? [clinking]
- Oh. - Hi. Uh, thank you all so much for coming
to celebrate this new chapter for Jessie and me.
There's a lot that could be said
for finding the right person in your life.
Which brings us to what this night is really about.
- Dave.
- Thanks, mate. Where's Amy?
Um-- - Sorry. Excuse me.
- Oh god. There you are.
- Dave, what are you doing? - You're as beautiful today
as the day when we maybe got married at Burning Man.
- Oh.
- And I'm not even on mushrooms.
[all laugh]
I've never looked back from that moment.
But recently,
I've been finding myself looking forward and a little to the left.
- Your favorite direction?
- That's my favorite direction. You know me so well.
I know I have my head in the clouds sometimes
and I don't always read your text messages,
especially when you send a bunch in a row.
But I don't want to go another day wondering
if that wizard that married us had a license or not.
ALL: Aww!
- Will you marry me? For real this time?
- Yes. Of course.
Yes, yes, yes, of course. - Yes!
- Woo! [all cheering]
- She said yes! - Yes!
- Ooh, I did not see that coming.
- Me neither. I had no idea he was Australian.
- Yeah, I'm just hearing it now.
BEN: Let me guess--
texting that you looked for me to say good night
but now you need to get to bed?
- Oh, this is awkward.
I didn't save your number. What's your name again?
- I need to ask you something.
- Oh. - I'm going to ask her at the party.
- You were going to ask me. - Well, we haven't talked.
And it's weird that I moved into your duplex with my girlfriend,
especially after we, you know.
- Took the D train to V town.
- I was going to say "spent a lovely night together."
- Oh. [chuckles]
- Which is kind of the problem.
- You're pregnant.
- I wanted to ask if I should tell Jessie about us.
- Oh. - I love her.
And I don't want to hurt her.
- Oh, gorgeous.
- You know, I think the truth can hurt people sometimes.
And maybe it's better if we just
leave the past in the past.
- Yeah, yeah.
You're probably right.
What about us? We'll be okay?
- Yeah, we're friends.
- We're friends.
Good news.
She must see you in her future if she's keeping you around, huh?
[chuckles]
- Hey. There you are.
- That used to be my line.
- Good night. - Good night.
- Nice guy. MAGGIE: Yeah.
Um, do you want to get another drink?
- You know, I'm actually not a huge fan of parties.
- Oh?
- There's just something about the talking and the people
and the talking to people.
[both chuckle] - Totally.
Well, my place is right upstairs,
and we don't have to talk to anybody.
- Oh.
Uh, well, you know, it's a good thing
I have a lot of practice with stairs.
- Do you? - Well, you know, I almost died today.
- We'll take it step-by-step.
[party chatter]
♪
- Can you see if people will notice if I get Invisalign?
Oh, um-- [door opens]
[sighs] - Sorry to bother you,
but I own the CrossFit studio next door.
Have you seen one of our students?
Scruffy, brutal BMI.
Smells like cookies. - I haven't seen him. Sorry.
- Well, if you do, tell him we're all pushing tires across the parking lot.
- Lamp really lifted my spirits.
I think I can make it to my car now.
Bye.
[chuckles]
- He's cute, right? [clears throat]
- Oh. Um.
[clears throat] - Invisalign.
- Yep, people will notice. - Okay.
♪ theme music playing ♪
♪
[clucking]