♪
- Even Instagram knows I'm going through a breakup.
I just got an ad for "singles grave plots."
- You're not gonna die alone because I'm gonna cremate you
and put you in my smoothie, so I can drink you every morning.
- Honestly, can we just skip ahead to the cremation part?
Anything to not feel what I'm feeling right now.
- Maggie, I know it sucks.
- Thought I could be myself with Daniel.
It's embarrassing when you show yourself to someone,
and then that's why the relationship ends.
- Give me his address.
Thelma's got IBS, and I have a stack of paper bags and a lighter.
- Thank you. BEN: Hey, Maggie,
any chance you'd want to go to prom with me tomorrow night?
- Uh, I don't know. I'll have to ask my parents,
and they'll be just as confused as I am.
- Oh, no, no, no. I want you to come as the entertainment,
um, as a psychic.
You know, the guy who writes names on rice dropped out.
He's at the hospital with carpal tunnel.
- Oh. [Maggie chuckles]
- I think one prom in a lifetime is enough for me.
- Ah, man, I'd love to go to prom as an adult.
I'd finally get to ask all the teens if it's good or bad
when people call me "cheugy."
- You wanna come too, Lou?
Amy, Dave, and Jessie all said no, and you'd really be saving me.
I can always use another set of eyes to police for vapes and wine bras.
- Do I look like a narc to you?
Because I would love to!
- Oh, great. - Come on, let's go!
It'll get your mind off Daniel.
- Plus, if you don't come,
then I'll have to learn how to write on rice,
and one of my students' names is "Redlingshafer."
It can't be done.
- Uh... okay, fine.
I will come. - Yes! Oh!
- No, but I will not be cranking that Soulja Boy. No.
♪ "The Spot" by Your Smith playing ♪
- How great is it that we get to do this all over again?
- Wait, a-are we overdressed? That girl's wearing a sweatsuit.
- Who cares? I'm rockin' the same nipple petals
from prom '07, baby. - They still have stick?
- Nope, not at all.
Um... Oh, yeah, they fell off in the Uber.
- Tonight has to be better than our prom, right?
- What are you talking about? Our prom ruled.
- I think you're thinking of not us and not what happened.
♪ "Cupid Shuffle" by Cupid playing ♪
♪ Down, down, do your dance, do your dance ♪
- Guys, guys, guys!
Prom King and Queen are gonna be Joe and Ilana!
- Seriously? Come on. Why did you have to do that?
- Spoilers! - You suck.
- Brandy, wait.
♪ They say I'm a rapper but I say no ♪
Hey, Rachel, Rachel. Be careful at the after-party.
The police are gonna bust it.
- Are you gonna call the cops on us?
That's messed up.
- No--
♪ Down, down, do your dance, do your dance ♪
♪ Come on, come on ♪
Hey, you wanna dance or something?
- Can't. Chem test Tuesday. Parents are on my ass.
Uh, quick... Ask me what the atomic weight of zirconium is.
- What's the atomic-- - Ninety-one!
- Ah, I got it right!
Well, at least we're in a way better place now.
Kids are gonna look at us and be like,
"Oh my gosh, they're so cool, and, like, totally goals."
- We are goals. I know how to do my eyeliner now.
- Yeah, and I don't have to wear prescription deodorant anymore.
- Hell, yeah! Let's go to prom.
♪ "Take You Where I Go" by Rayelle playing ♪
[cheering] [indistinct chatter]
♪
BEN: Hey!
You guys clean up so nice.
- Hm, you too. Lookin' spicy. - Thank you.
This is my "history teacher after dark" look.
- Um... - You know what?
That does not sound right. I will not call it that.
So, you ready to narc, Louise?
- Uh-huh. Oh.
Spotted. Blunt in the boutonnière, flask strapped to the thigh,
and those cufflinks are actually molly.
Time for me to do my thing. [chuckles]
- Wow, she's like RoboCop. [chuckles] - Yep.
- So, um, how are ya since the breakup?
- Oh, no, no, no. We are not talking about that.
I am just here to tell a bunch of horned-up teens
which Ivy Leagues they are not getting into.
- Gotcha. I'm gonna hit the dance floor. I'm on "grind control."
- Ooh, yeah, those two look like they're trying to start a campfire.
- Hey, guys... don't make me get the spray bottle.
♪ "Nighttiming" by Coconut Records playing ♪
♪ Don't talk to me that way ♪
- You don't wanna be doin' that anyway. Lot of chafing.
- What if I wanna chafe? At least then I'd feel something.
Nobody wants to dance with "That's So Not Raven."
- Well, as your guidance counselor,
I'm proud of you for being so open about your gift.
You are unapologetically you. [sighs]
- I guess. What about you, Mr. Hart?
When are you gonna show people who you really are?
- Everybody knows I'm a proud gay man.
I drive a Kia Soul with a bumper sticker that says,
"My other car is a fireman."
[chuckles]
- No, I mean... the fact that nobody but me knows that you're a psychic, too.
- Maggie, no, I am a grown-up with a two-bedroom apartment,
and a Yankee Candle addiction. I have expenses.
This school does not want a psychic on their payroll.
- Okay, well, when I'm grown up, you'll never catch me in a high school.
So, how's high school going?
- Well, I've been hooking up with this guy from my wrestling team all year,
and I need to know if he'll ever commit to a real relationship.
- Oh, well, in my experience, men will always disappoint you,
so... brace yourself.
- Will you be my boyfriend?
[grunts]
- Yes.
- Ha!
Looks like you got one of the good ones. Hold on to him.
- I'm sorry about smashing your inhaler earlier.
I really thought it was a vape pen.
But, uh, you, Missy, I will have to confiscate that nip of vodka.
I know, it sucks, but soon enough,
you guys'll be old enough to bring vodka wherever you want.
Like, the movie theater, or, you know, the DMV,
so it's all Gucci, right?
- What class did you say you teach again? I-I, I don't think I've seen you here.
- I'm not a teacher.
- So, you're just, like, a professional prom narc?
- No... I'm here helping out Mr. Morales.
Yeah, and not to brag, but... I'm actually a yoga instructor.
- As, like, your job? - I think she means as a hobby.
- No, Sparkles. It is my job.
- So, did you, like... invent goat yoga or something?
- What?! No! But a goat did eat my hair extensions once.
Y-You know what? I didn't come here to defend myself, okay?
- So, I want to be a professional soccer player,
but I'm worried my boyfriend will think it's dumb,
and I just want him to believe in me.
- Ugh, girl, I feel you.
But if he doesn't support you, it's better to find out now
before you clog your phone up with photos of him and his stupid beard
that makes you cry.
- What? - Never mind.
Ha!
Not only does he believe in you,
when you go pro, he gets your jersey number tattooed on his back.
Actual size.
♪ "Underdogs" by Jim and Sam playing ♪
[sighs] Man, these kids are really throwing me off.
What a bunch of well-adjusted little weirdos.
- Tell me about it.
I'm an excellent narc,
but for some reason, no one thinks I'm cool.
Actually, saying that out loud, I should've seen that coming.
- Look... They're all in healthy, supportive relationships.
I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me.
- Barkeep, you got anything stronger?
- I'm a gym teacher, and, um, refreshments aren't for parents.
[scoffs]
- Wow... really twisting the knife.
- I can't believe that just happened.
♪
- Sorry, you won't be having sex tonight.
But if it makes you feel any better, neither will I?
- Well, I-I see a solution to both our problems.
Honors Bio taught me it's called a "symbiotic relationship."
I'm also taking Anatomy.
- Go get some punch, Kenneth. - Okay, sorry.
- Now, don't feel bad, Kurt, okay?
The first time I tried to tie a tie, I passed out.
All right... you look so sharp.
Now, go ask Alec to dance.
Go! Yes! Go!
- [singsongy] H3C, CH2, CH3 is propane.
- Holy crap, he's hot. Do you think his hair is naturally black?
- Uh, well, his eyebrows are red and he's got freckles.
- Oh no, he saw us. Pretend like we're dancing.
- Okay.
- Actually, he's kinda scary. - [singsongy] H3C, CH2, CH3 is propane.
Maggie? Oh.
- Trevor got into Penn.
Why would you tell him to commit to art school?
You might as well tell him to grow a handlebar mustache now
because he's goin' straight to being a barista.
- He's an artist.
That's what he's going to do with his life.
- You don't know that, Victor.
- I think I do, and it is my job to guide these students.
- Well, lately, you've been guiding angry parents into my office.
Now talk to Trevor and fix this.
♪ "Control" by Kid Sister playing ♪
- I love that one. Oh my god, you look so cute.
[laughing] Look at that.
- Uh, so, just to be clear-- - Oh, that lady's back.
- That's right. The lady is back.
Yoga might be a part-time job, but it is a full-time lifestyle.
- You felt the need to come back and tell us that?
- No. No, no, no. That's not all. I'm smart, okay? I went to med school.
- So, you're like a retired doctor?
- What? No... I dropped out because it was stressful.
You guys get that, right?
School is just studying, and overbearing parents, and raging acne.
Actually, you all have perfect skin.
- Things are goin' pretty great right now. Gemma just made a boatload on NFTs.
- Yeah, she literally bought a boat.
- You die together, holding hands at the age of 102.
Enjoy.
- Beat it, kid! This is an emergency. - Ah! [winces]
- Thank you. [Louise sighs]
Why is love so easy for these kids, Lou? It makes no sense.
- They drive Teslas, Maggie.
And I'm just some cheugy loser who blew off her parents' expectations
in the name of "personal fulfillment."
Cheugy is bad, Maggie... Really bad.
- It's like the second I opened myself up to Daniel,
he breaks my heart.
- I still owe money on my PT Cruiser.
- And now I'm getting hit on by kids in jorts.
- And according to one kid, I still need that prescription deodorant.
I gotta get outta here. - What? Why? Where are you going?
- I'm going through something, Maggie,
and I have to go home and figure out what the hell an NFT is immediately!
[sighs]
- Maggie...
where's Miss Louise?
- Ugh, she's so obsessed with becoming a doctor
that she locked herself in the bathroom to study,
so I'm alone as usual.
- You know, sometimes you just have a bad night.
DYLAN: Hey, Maggie,
I have two crystal balls you can look into.
- Dylan, I suggest you take your comments and your rusty wallet chain elsewhere.
- At least the night's almost over.
- Listen, Maggie, I know things seem terrible right now,
but I see great things in your future.
People are gonna love and appreciate you.
And those eyebrows are gonna make people jealous someday.
- Thanks.
You know, you're kinda like my guardian angel.
- Oh. "Guardian angel." I like that. [gasps]
- What? - I just saw something.
You will dance with a great guy at prom and you'll be happy.
- Really? - Yes, sweetie, just not at this prom.
♪
- Milady... would you be so kind to let me have this dance?
♪ "Falling in Love Again" by Dojo Cuts playing ♪
- Sure, Kenneth.
- You smell really nice. Like a fancy grocery store.
- Thank you.
Nice jorts. - Thanks. They're rentals.
- Oh.
- Excuse me, Kenneth. May I cut in?
I just overheard Hayley Redlingshafer
saying that your jorts slap and make you look like a total zaddy.
- Ah, thank you, Mr. Morales.
- Shall we?
- A total zaddy, huh?
- Yeah, I have no idea what any of those words mean.
[laughing]
Sorry for... cutting in on Kenneth.
I mean, he's a great student, but very handsy.
- Well, he is the first person I ever danced with at prom.
- Well, if it makes you feel better,
my prom was a bummer, too. I didn't dance either.
- I didn't even get a corsage.
- So, you really wanted an ice-cold flower bracelet
from a to-go box? - Yes!
My wrist was the only part of my body I was comfortable accentuating.
- Worst part for me? Oh yeah, I rocked a faux hawk.
- Ooh, I'm sorry, Mr. Brightside.
- I came outta my cage and I'm doing okay.
[laughing]
- Ooh... should you maybe, like, throw a bucket of cold water on them, or?
- Oh, um, mm, no.
Jeff gave half the seniors lice last semester.
I'm gonna give him this win. - Oh, fair enough.
I mean, I don't know how any of these students could resist
this romantic atmosphere. - Mm.
- Sticky floors.
- Oh, the overwhelming scent of Axe body spray.
- The deejay's laser occasionally burning a hole in your retina.
- Yes.
[chuckles]
Well, I guess it's all about who you're with that
makes the night special.
♪
♪ I been holdin' on ♪
GEMMA [on microphone]: Students of J.R. Buchanan High,
it is time to announce the royal court!
Come on up, Mr. Morales.
[cheering, applause]
- There's my overly reverb-ed cue.
[laughs]
- Now, before Mr. Morales does the honors of crowning this year's royalty,
we have a little surprise.
ALL: Ooh.
- So, the prom committee did some digging on something called MySpace,
and we thought Mr. M. would like to remember his prom when he was king.
- Okay.
[all laughing]
GEMMA: Aw, they're so in love.
STUDENT [shouts]: Nice suspenders, Mr. M.!
- Uh, just so you know, suspenders were really cool, uh, back then... so.
What do you, uh--
What do you say we announce the royal court, huh?
[cheering]
DEEJAY: Time to get freaky... in a respectful way!
[cheering]
- Ugh... this music is so loud I can't even concentrate!
Oh, I knew I shouldn't have come to prom.
If I don't pass this test, my parents are gonna kill me
because I'm not gonna get into med school, which means that my brother will win.
- Do you even want to be a doctor,
or are you just trying to make your parents happy?
- I'm sorry, what's the difference?
- Let's just go to Rena's.
I hear there's a secret menu and they'll put cheese on your fries.
- Shut up. Is that real?
- Duh, I wouldn't lie about cheese.
- We need to make that a rule.
BOTH: We don't lie about cheese.
- Wait, ow, ow, ow... These shoes are killing me.
I wish my mom just let me wear my Heelys.
- All right, Victor, did you talk to Trevor yet?
- No... and I'm not going to.
PRINCIPAL BUTLER: Excuse me?
- I'm gonna meet you outside. - Okay.
ANGEL: He will go to art school,
and then he will sign with a gallery in Chelsea,
and have a bitter feud with the maître d' at Balthazar.
And, yes, he will be a barista, but only for, like, six months.
- And, uh... how do you know all this?
- Because I can see the future.
I'm psychic.
PRINCIPAL BUTLER: [laughs] Psychic.
Victor, tell me, what else do you see in your crystal ball?
- Well, I see you having four beautiful grandchildren,
and you get a DUI on something called a Bird scooter.
Oh, and there is one more thing.
It's blurry, but it's getting clearer, it's getting clearer.
I quit. [gasps]
I quit.
- All right, Mr. Hart! - I'm a free bird.
- Well... that was it.
The only prom we'll ever have,
and the best part was watching a grown man quit his job.
I hope we don't feel that way when we see Twilight.
- Are you kidding my ass? There is no way. Team Jacob.
- I keep trying to get visions of it,
but all I see are adult women sobbing in the theater.
[laughing]
Thought I might find you here.
Also, your period app posts your location.
- I should turn that off. - Yeah.
- I'm sorry for ditching you. - It's okay. We both had a rough night.
At least we got cheesy fries. - Mm-hm.
BOTH: Mm.
- Well, I may not be the psychic in this relationship,
but I know we're only goin' up from here.
- Yeah? What do you see, Lou?
- Well, I'm gonna be a surgeon,
and you're gonna be married to Pete Wentz,
and we'll look back on this and laugh.
[laughs]
I really thought tonight was gonna be a win for us.
Now I'm questioning every choice I've ever made.
Like, maybe I shouldn't have quit med school.
- Lou! You were miserable in med school. You did what was best for you.
- I used to be so ambitious, Maggie. - You still are!
You still have that flashcard-wielding freak deep inside of you.
You just gotta let her out.
- I have always wanted to own my own studio,
and I think I could do it, too.
My classes always have a waitlist,
and one of my Yelp reviews said that I should start a cult.
- Yes!
- Who cares if I never made it on a "30 under 30" list?
I got a new goal, and a cartilage piercing that's finally healed.
- That is huge. Things are really looking up.
- And what about you? How are you?
- You know what?
I'm actually okay.
At first, it was... it was rough seeing all those teens in love.
- Oh, yeah, you hate to see that.
- But maybe... it was good for me?
Like... it was a reminder that love is still out there.
- Uh, I just got full-body chills. - Yeah.
Somebody's gonna love me for who I really am, visions and all.
- Well, you know, someone already does.
- Mm, thanks, Lou. I love you, too.
- You know what?
I need to celebrate. - Ooh.
- Hopefully, this is vodka and not wine cooler.
To our futures. - To our futures.
Hey, you know what I just remembered? - Huh, prom sucks?
- These cheese fries give me heartburn.
- Just gotta keep eating through the pain. - Challenge accepted.
♪
- So, how was prom? Dance with anyone?
- I think you know the answer to that.
Ugh, I'm just glad it's over.
Thank god we're both done with high school.
- I know. That dress code was oppressive.
They wouldn't let me wear any of my silk robes.
They have lapels. It's business casual.
- I just wanted to tell you, Angel... I'm really proud of you.
- I'm proud of me, too. But for what specifically?
- For being unapologetically you.
- Aw.
[knocks on door]
- I gotta go. That must be Lou coming back for her leftovers.
- Bye, baby.
- L-- Oh, hi. - Hi.
- Hey, come in. - Are you okay?
- Oh, yeah, I-- I'm... - I was just looking around, and I didn't see you there.
- ...so sorry. I didn't mean to leave early. I just-- - No, no, no. It, it-- It's all good.
It's all good.
But you did miss Alec and Kurt winning prom kings.
- Ahh.
And crowned by a former king.
- Oh, about that-- - Yeah, so you secretly had a great prom.
- Actually... right before that picture was taken,
that was the first time Jessie and I broke up.
- Ah. - Sometimes a photo doesn't tell the full story.
- I know what you mean.
- So, am I still part of the miserable prom club?
- I guess I won't revoke your membership card just yet.
- [chuckling] I did bring this.
Kenneth thought you should have it.
- Sweet, sweet Kenneth.
He is tenacious. I will give him that.
- I thought you should have it, too.
♪ "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis playing ♪
Thanks for coming tonight, Maggie. - Yeah.
- You're welcome. - Students loved it.
Good night. - Night.
♪ Closed off from love, I didn't need the pain ♪
♪ Once or twice was enough and it was all in vain ♪
♪ Time starts to pass, before you know it, you're frozen ♪
♪ Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love ♪
♪ I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love ♪
- Victor Hart?
- Yes, I would like to change my name to Angel.
That's A-N-G-E-L, as in guardian, as in touched by, as in hair pasta.
- Got it. - Wow. Well, that was super easy.
I wanna thank you for being a part of this monumental moment in my life.
- You are very welcome, sir.
- I'mma go to Starbucks now and watch them spell it wrong on a cup.
- Great, but first, you'll head down to the Social Security Office
and change your Social Security card.
Then you'll swing by the DMV and get a new license.
After that, head straight to the bank and change your fi--
- You know what?
I'm just gonna tell people to call me Angel.
I'm wearing all white. They'll get it. [chuckles] Thank you.
♪
[clucking]
[fanfare]