Are we ready to begin?
Okay, so I always begin the evening with this caveat
that you are all here for your own personal reasons.
I've never spoken with any of you before other than to get
your names for the waiver
and obviously just schedule tonight.
So, I have no idea what it is that your personal intentions
are for being here. I don't know who you came to
communicate with or what you hope to gain
out of this evening. That being said, I can't
promise you that you will get what you came here for.
But I can promise you one thing:
we will make contact with something.
So, if that in any way does not satisfy your expectations
for the evening, I do invite you politely to leave now
and I will refund you in full.
Okay. Looks like we're all in, so let's join hands.
You promise contact every time?
Yeah, every time. Whether I like it or not.
Hey, what do you think his budget's like for the candles?
Stop it!
It's okay, Mary. I respect skeptics.
Oh, usually, a skeptic at a séance will
keep the ghost from appearing.
Not mine.
Look, Robert, would you mind if I...
What the hell kind of show is this?
Your form said that no one was gonna get hurt.
No. No. It said that no one has gotten hurt.
And Robert, it's not a show, okay? You're not dealing
with me, you're dealing with elements outside of my control.
They have their own voice and volition
and I'm not telling you to be submissive,
but it would help if you approach the evening and try to
be a little bit more...
Subservient.
Deferential.
And to whatever spirit just threw that cup,
please just... chill.
Chill?
Also, I have to remind everyone that once we begin,
do not let go of each other's hands, okay?
It is imperative that no matter what happens
in this room, we do not break the circle.
Throw another cup at me, I'll break more
than just the circle.
You're free to leave whenever you like, Mr. Morton.
Please.
It's gonna be a lively evening.
- Unintended? - Shh.
If there is a spirit here,
please ring this bell.
If there is a spirit in this room,
please make yourself known by ringing the bell.
And don't throw any more cups.
Have you ever had to give anyone their money back?
Yes, once, a long time ago.
But that was just because a Confederate ghost
soldier said some really inappropriate things.
Confederate ghost soldiers ever not PC?
It's why we stopped using the Ouija board.
Can we? Thank you.
Okay. If the spirit is still present,
I ask that you...
- Okay, Robert... you ask. - You broke the circle.
I'm not inviting anyone in tonight.
Robert, please ask.
Ask what?
If there's a spirit in this room,
please ring the bell.
If there is a spirit in this room, please...
My water.
Everyone, without breaking the circle,
just move your knees out of the way.
- The table's on wheels. - Yes. Yes it is.
Because it used to scratch the shit out of my hardwood
floor when this would happen.
Okay.
Looks like it's to you, Amanda.
Um, what do I... what do I do?
Just ask it what's up.
If there is a...
To the spirit in this room,
I ask you please ring this bell.
Is that normal?
It happens, I mean, some of the spirits use
the instruments to communicate.
I have the piano and these other instruments.
Amanda.
Are you... are you trying to communicate
with someone specific?
Go ahead, ask.
Um...
Eric, is that you?
Eric, if that's you, please just give me a sign.
It's him.
"Raindrops."
You recognize this?
Chopin.
"Raindrops Prelude Op. 28."
Eric hated to play it, but... but it's one of my favorites.
It's a little grim.
I know. It picks up, this is the middle, just listen.
Chopin's lover, George Sand, named it because she said
it reminded her of the raindrops on Majorca.
Who's Eric?
Oh. He's, um... was...
He is my husband.
He drowned in our lake last January.
No. No, Eric, wait, no, come back, please.
Are you okay?
Where did he go? Is he gone?
Okay. This happens sometimes. Ask him for a yes.
Say, "Eric, give me a yes."
E... Eric, give me a yes.
Okay, now, "Give me a no."
Eric, give me a no.
Okay. So, high note is yes, low note is no.
Are you okay?
Was it me?
Our dog, Samson?
Samson?
Oh, my God, thank you.
Thank you.
See, the police said that Eric drowned himself in the lake,
but our... our dog, he went missing on the same day.
The police said that Samson run away because Eric
left the door open, but he... but he didn't run way,
because he wouldn't run away.
Samson fell in.
And you were trying to save him.
I'm sorry
that they said that about you.
But I... I never believed it.
Not once.
Bach... it was his favorite.
Invite me in.
Break.
I told you not to break the circle.
You broke it first.
What are you, five years old?
You're five years old.
Okay. I don't ask that every participant
- believe in exactly what I do. - I do believe...
I just ask, could you at least show some respect
to the process and if you can't do that, show some respect to
these people who came here, genuinely open with a purpose.
- You're right, I'm... I'm sorry. - It's fine. Everyone's fine.
All right, let's see who else
we can get to play us some tunes.
Thanks for coming by.
I'm, uh, sorry for how I acted earlier.
No, it's fine.
That was a... neat show.
Ow.
It wasn't a damn show, Bob.
- I was being nice. - It's fine.
I'm glad you had a good time.
I did. See? He gets me.
It was incredible. Shelly was right about you.
- Well, thank you. - Can I tell all my friends?
Thank you very much.
Oh, have a good night.
Hi.
Um... uh, thank you.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting your jacket all wet.
It's fine, hey.
You okay? Yeah.
- Oh. - No, no.
- Hey, I can't. - Oh, no, please.
It's not necessary.
That was worth every penny.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
Thank you.
Okay, good night.
Drive safe.
My mum used to have a figurine just like this.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Where is she now?
- Denver. - Cool.
CIA Illuminati doomsday bunker.
Huh?
Never mind.
- I'm sorry. - For?
Breaking the circle.
It's fine.
It didn't seem fine.
Well, you know, you could have allowed
an ancient, malevolent, gatekeeping entity to wreak
havoc as it sees fit, but hindsight is 20/20.
Well, I'm very sorry for the inconvenience.
What did you think?
Of the ancient, malevolent, gatekeeping entity?
The séance?
Oh, well, I thought it was real entertaining.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Are they always that lively?
Oh, I mean, we get the occasional
banging on an instrument, you know, some music,
but Chopin... it's a whole new level.
I think Eric really knew his stuff.
- May I? - Yeah.
Do you play?
Nothing outside of "Chopsticks."
So, how's it look?
- Clean. - Yeah, I dust.
Are you... are you looking for something in particular, or...
No. Just looking. Does that offend you?
No, no. No, I think a healthy amount of skepticism
is a good thing.
You know, healthy amount.
By the way, I didn't get your last name.
- It's Andrea... Andrea, what? - Uh, you can call me Andy.
- Okay. - I'd love to come back.
- To? - Here. Another séance.
Okay. Yeah.
Would it be possible to bring my camera?
- No. - Why not?
I don't allow people to take pictures inside the house.
This would be video.
It's funny, I found out that, uh, moving pictures
are still pictures. Did you know that?
You afraid of something?
Yes.
You afraid that people will...
see the strings, so to speak?
How did you hear about me in the first place?
A friend at a party.
Okay. And what about you made them think
you'd be interested in a séance?
He knows that I'm interested in these types of things.
- Spiritualism? - Ghosts and the like.
Hmm. Did you Google me?
- I did. - What'd you find?
- Not much. - Oh, what'd you search?
"Nathan Greene medium." "Nathaniel Greene psychic."
"Nate Greene séance." Greene with an E. Green without an E.
"Spooky ookie scary house Greene."
And all of that came up dry?
Indeed it did.
Huh.
But, you know, I'm not a psychic.
I don't do tarot or palm readings and...
I'm not a medium, so.
- No? - No. No, no.
A medium's like a conduit to the spirit world.
That's not what I am.
So, what are you?
I'm just a dude who holds séances at his house.
- But you charge for them. - Yeah, I do.
Well, I only bring it up because if I was to film one
of your séances, it could help get the word out,
drum up business.
Are you offering to make me a commercial?
A viral video could be just as good as a commercial.
Wait. You can guarantee that, going viral?
Yeah.
Wow.
Okay, listen, Andrea, I gotta ta...
- Andy. - Yeah, sure.
Andy, you didn't find anything about me because
I don't really advertise, okay? I don't do interviews,
and I don't promote on social media, so...
I don't know if you noticed, though, in spite of that fact,
the entire table was full tonight, and it will be full
tomorrow night and probably every night hereafter,
so I really do appreciate the attention,
but just... I think I'm doing fine by word of mouth alone.
Speakeasy spiritualist.
What will the hipsters think of next?
I don't know.
May I?
Sure.
You know, I cannot believe that
you put wheels on this thing. I mean, you had to know
that people would call you a fraud.
Yeah, I don't really care if people think I'm a fraud.
- Yeah, well, I would. - Yeah, I know you would.
You know, I thought you were into it.
Into what?
You know,
ghosts and the like.
I am, but as you said, a healthy amount
of skepticism is a good thing.
Just, you know, you don't really seem to be that into it,
any of the stuff you've seen here tonight.
Yeah, well, that way if I ever am completely convinced,
I'll know that I've done my due diligence.
Hmm. So, you were not completely convinced
of anything you witnessed?
- Truth? - Yeah.
I was not.
The banging could be rigged floorboards, the pendulum
- could be on a string. - Hmm.
The candles are strategically placed for well-hidden fans.
- And the knocking? - At the front door?
- Yeah. - Well, that's easy.
Probably still here.
Who is still here?
Your cohorts.
- I'm sorry, my cohorts? - Your posse.
My posse? I have a posse now?
- You do. - Cool.
- It's news to me. - Yeah.
I mean, it's all pretty explainable,
except for the piano.
Well, I mean, could be a player piano.
Let's see.
All right.
Ye... Uh...
You're... Okay.
You're just gonna stand? Okay.
- Okay. Well, it definitely was. - Hmm.
But not like any that I've ever seen. I mean, old school
players, they're pneumatic and they have tubes and rigging
and stuff. The new ones are digital,
but it would still need a mechanism
- to make the keys move. - Hmm.
And now that I think of it, it should have a power code.
But I checked while you were at the door
and I didn't find anything.
Huh, you know a shitload about player pianos.
I've watched an unhealthy amount
of American Pickers.
Well, you know, it could be battery-operated somehow.
Could be, but how would you have gotten rid
of the device and the battery so fast?
Oh, I mean, the posse.
Yeah, could have been.
But I didn't see anyone grab anything,
and believe me, I was looking.
Oh, I believe you.
And the notes were so perfect. Well done on that, by the way.
I mean, to play that piece that solidly
would have taken a sizable device.
Unless... you invented a new type of player piano.
Uh, my garbage disposal hasn't been working since, like, June.
Huh?
I just... I mean, it goes like.
Turns on, it just doesn't really dispose of garbage.
So...
What's your point?
Just that I'm not very handy, so I'm probably not the best
candidate for somebody who, you know, invented some
new technology for player pianos.
- Fair enough. - Yeah.
- How did I know the song? - What song?
The rainbow drops.
It's a very famous song.
- It's not that famous. - It's Chopin.
Yeah, but it's classical music, so, like, who really
listens to classical music these days?
Eric did.
Okay, how did I know about him?
- Google. - Right, Google.
Best friend to all you skeptics and conspiracists.
I guess you could find anything that you want on there.
So, you actually think that I... I what... I Googled Amanda
before she came here, and I just stumbled across some
Facebook post mentioning her deceased Chopin-loving husband?
- You've got it. - Well, shit.
- Yep. - Yeah, you got me.
Sorry.
I think maybe you should go and tell everyone how
you humiliated the charlatan.
- Let me film you. - Like one of your French girls?
I want to film a séance.
No one takes pictures inside this house.
Please.
No one takes pictures inside this house.
Come on, people should see this show.
- People do. - More people.
You know, a couple years ago, some friends of friends
brought some people from LA, these big producer types.
They sat through the séance, they loved it and they offered
me a network deal that night for a show.
It was going to be like Queer Eye meets Crossing Over.
The... S... You're gay?
Wh... No, that's... The point is, is I turned them down.
Oh, you're saying that you can't be bought.
No. I'm saying that these execs,
they could have made millions of dollars off of that deal
and they didn't even try as hard as you are right now,
so I'm wondering why you care so much.
I'm a generous soul who likes to see good artists succeed.
So, you're offering me your patronage?
By way of YouTube hits, yeah.
Huh. It's a pretty sweet plan.
- Right? - Yeah, yeah.
There's just one problem with it.
No one takes pictures inside this house.
You got it. Good job.
Ta-da!
Delete that photo.
Whoa, butterfingers. It's broken glass...
Delete the photo right now, please.
What, are you in witness protection or something?
No, it's for your own safety. Just delete the photo.
- Are you threatening me? - No, listen to me.
It's... it's a warning. Please delete the photo.
- Warning about what? - Andrea, delete the photo.
All right, ca... calm down. And it's Andy.
Here.
Oh, you guys are good.
What?
You guys are fucking good.
What are you talking about?
Right, what am I talking about?
You know, the longer you guys mess with me,
the longer I'm gonna linger.
Andy, did you delete the photo?
No, I will not delete this photo until you tell
- me how you're doing it. - Doing what?
Your friend with the white contacts skulking
in the background of the picture?
I mean, I swear to God, I won't tell anyone,
but I mean, what does he, just, like, hang around
- and wait for someone to... Hey! - Okay, listen to me.
Does your phone back up to the cloud?
If the cloud buys it a drink.
- Does it or not? - No, it doesn't.
Fine. No.
- That's theft. - Yeah.
Coming from the person who won't leave my property.
It's only trespassing if there's a sign.
You know, this is exactly why I don't let the press
into my freaking séances.
- Press, who's press? - You tell me.
Does it actually count as journalism if you're just,
you know, debunking the occult for YouTube shows?
If you ask my father, he would say no, that's not journalism.
You know who I am?
Yeah. I know who you are.
You are Andy don't-call-me Andrea Myers,
number one paranormal investigator and Australian
host of Fact, Fiction, or Folklore.
Do you actually meet people who don't recognize
you in this industry anymore?
Shockingly, I have.
YouTube-famous isn't the same as real-world famous.
I'm really sorry that you have to deal with that.
That sounds very hard.
I can't imagine what that's like.
You think I'm number one?
I assume that you came here to... humiliate me
and show the world what a fraud I am.
No, I came here to scope things out because you've got
two people whose opinions I really value,
who are convinced that you're the real deal.
Huh.
And they insisted that I check you out.
Hmm. Remind me to thank whoever they are.
When did you spot me?
Soon as you walked through the Goddamn door.
- What, so you lied then? - What do you mean?
You just said that you won't allow press into your séance,
and apparently you clocked me from the get-go.
- So, why was I allowed to stay? - I don't know, sadomasochism.
Seriously?
- You wanna know? - Yeah.
You actually really want to know?
Sliding off my seat in anticipation.
Russel Beetz.
Who's that?
You YouTubers don't know anything
outside of your own use.
Russel Beetz, like yourself, was an occult debunker
who was a writer, and he was very popular in the '90s
and early aughts.
He fell out of fashion when people stopped
reading and started watching more...
- YouTube. - Yeah.
Video killed the occult book star.
Russel Beetz was a pretty well-known skeptic,
and three years ago, he came to one of my séances.
He didn't give me his real name, so I didn't even know
he was there, but something else sure knew.
So, we go into the ritual like normal,
and halfway through, we make contact with this
participant's deceased wife.
I don't know why. Maybe it's just a... a lifetime of busting
charlatans like me or something, but Beetz
really got pissed off and started screaming at me.
Pulled up to his feet and started tearing me
a new one in front of everybody, saying that,
"There's strings over here, there's a remote for the bell,
and he's not talking to your wife.
She's dead and gone and never coming back."
He got pissed, grabbed the metronome, and smashed it
on the ground.
Had that thing since I was a kid.
Couple of years back, I debunked a guy
on my show and he punched me square in the face.
Yeah, Stanley Hanson. I love that episode.
- It's my favorite. - Rude.
So, what? Beetz just stormed out?
No. No, hell no, I kicked his ass out.
Literally.
Remind me to stay away from your metronome.
Listen, it gets worse.
People, when they come to these things, they... they bring
something with them. Even the nonbelievers, something
accompanies them. When we form the circle, we open a doorway,
and we only let through the things we want,
but when the circle is broken...
Yeah, okay. I get it. I broke the circle.
- Yeah. - I'm sorry.
So was Russel Beetz.
What'd he see?
I don't know.
I never spoke to him again after the séance.
Well, then, how did you hear that story?
Because the police told me.
Right after Russel killed himself.
Get the fuck out.
Google it.
Your favorite, right?
One week to the minute after he interrupted that séance,
Russel was dead.
And naturally, because of our little fight at the table,
the police thought I was a suspect,
so they came to question me.
But thankfully, I was out shopping, so there
was ample surveillance footage to act as an alibi.
- Convenient. - Yeah.
Anyway, after they cleared me, I started talking to one
of the police officers about how they found this book
that Russel had started working on.
Recanting all of his former work. And apparently,
the first chapter in that book was the story I just told you.
Well, sure, but he could have made all of that up.
Yeah, he could have.
That wouldn't really explain why he killed himself.
Also wouldn't explain the photo.
What photo?
After they searched his house, they looked at his computer
and they found an email from the night of the séance
and there was a photo of Russel sitting at his desk,
and behind him, there was a dark figure with white eyes.
- No shit. - Yeah.
Can I see it?
I don't have the photo.
What do you mean you don't have the photo?
I mean, it was police evidence.
I'm just telling you what the cop told me.
Of course you don't have the photo.
I mean, that photo would be indisputable proof
- of life after death. - Are you serious?
Come on, nothing is indisputable to you
skeptic vultures.
I'm gonna take that as a compliment.
I'm just saying, you know, shows like yours would be
the first to try to refute it and say something
like the picture was obviously photoshopped or the cops
were in on the prank. You'd say whatever you have to.
Yeah, well, you really can Photoshop anything these days.
Okay.
Wait a minute.
That story was all to explain why you don't
allow press into your séances?
- Yeah. - Well, not to harp on about it,
but you allowed me to stay tonight.
Yeah, I did.
Were you hoping that I would piss off a ghost
and then it would follow me home and one week later,
I would seppuku myself, Ringu style?
I guess I was just hoping I could convince you.
But you know, now that you mentioned it,
spiritualists really do hate your show.
Apparently so do the spirits.
Pick up the...
Pick up the knife. Pick up the knife. Pick up the knife.
Shit.
Okay, that wasn't fucking funny.
- What? - That door could have hit me.
No, it couldn't have.
What do you mean couldn't have?
I don't have that kinda luck.
You know, I don't mind being mocked in some bullshit séance.
But the moment it gets physical,
that is crossing the line.
Yeah, well, you know, if you really don't feel safe
in my house, you do have the right to leave
anytime you want.
Hey!
Just verifying that it's broken.
Yeah, and if I was the liar you think I am,
you could have taken my hand off.
I don't have that kind of luck.
You know, you are extremely annoying.
Oh, quit flirting with me.
I'm not flirting with you.
You skeptics, you drive me freaking crazy.
Well, comes with the territory, chief.
Yeah. Well, you know, I never really wanted
to be in this territory, pal.
- But you did. - No, I didn't.
Yeah, you did.
The moment that you started accepting money for duping
people in mourning and became a professional spiritualist,
you entered the realm of the skeptic.
Yeah, but I never really wanted to be
a professional spiritualist, so...
- Occultist. - That neither.
So, what did you want to be?
A botanist.
You wanted to become a botanist?
Yeah, I was a botanist.
I got a degree at Berkeley, and then I worked at UC Davis,
and then I got a job at UC Riverside, and then I moved
back to Pennsylvania, and got a job at Carnegie Mellon.
So, you... you were really a botanist?
Yes. What is... Is that, like, hard to imagine?
Prove it.
W... What?
Okay. Okay.
Come on.
Mm-hmm.
Boom. Botanist.
Huh.
Whoa.
Got any weed in here?
No.
Yeah, okay.
But you could just be a nerd who likes plants?
Yeah, it's kinda the definition of a botanist.
So, yeah.
- Say something smart. - Like what?
Like something only a botanist would know.
What would that prove?
- Just do it. - Okay.
Um, plants utilize an enzyme called rubisco to fix carbon
dioxide from the air, which is pretty much
- responsible for the... - You are a botanist.
I... yeah.
Yeah.
I hope you approach your occult debugging
with a little bit more rigor than that.
You're a scientist.
Was.
Okay, I'm going to need to hear the whole story.
Yeah, I don't think so.
You know, you're my occupational nemesis,
so why would I share that personal information with you?
If you tell me, I'll leave.
If I call the cops, you'll leave.
That's true. But then there's paperwork. So, come on.
Regale me with the tale of how one goes from being
in the field of science to one of science fiction,
and I'll bugger off.
Look, séances are not science fiction.
- Okay? - No, they're séance fiction.
Okay, that was good.
So, you get one story and then you have to leave, okay?
Deal. Can I have a glass of that?
- Sure. - Thank you.
Okay.
So, up until 2012, I was living the super boring
botanist life and pretty much loving every minute of it.
What happened in 2012?
It's when I moved into this house.
And pretty much right away, I started to feel
things were a bit askew.
- Were you scared? - No.
I mean, it's an old house, you know,
wood expands and contracts, wind blows
in strange ways. Kinda... It's par for the course.
Plus, I was an atheist, so I wasn't really
thinking about ghosts, but then...
Okay, yeah, no.
- Now I know this is horseshit. - What do you mean?
You can't honestly expect me to believe that this
is a haunted house and you're this atheist
turned spiritualist character, come on.
Yeah, I feel like I've made it abundantly clear
that I really don't care what you think because this house
is haunted and you can't believe...
What the fuck?
Don't worry. That was not ghosts.
It's just a wonky floorboard.
- Yeah, none of it's ghosts. - Well, some of it's ghosts.
Sorry, are my scary stories getting to you?
No.
You fucking rigged that.
No, the universe just loves me.
Uh, where was I? Um...
- Your house sucks? - Yes, yes, it does.
So, my buddy Sean was over watching TV
with me when I first moved in and...
Welcome, welcome, welcome. Well, ladies
and gents, this is the one we have been waiting for...
You embarrass me, man.
... go head to head. They've been at each
other all year, there's been a bit of trash talk between
them also, some of the big players...
- Is that you? - No, you?
No.
But now, the time for talking is done.
It is time for them to come out on the pitch.
We're gonna see who is the best team today.
What the fuck?!
So, the ghost used that same low piano note?
- Yeah. - Just like Eric?
Yeah.
So, even if all this were true,
- which it's not... - Which it is.
...how do you know that Eric was the one playing the piano
tonight and not whatever is haunting this house?
Well, okay. I guess I don't know for sure.
So, even if it were all true,
- which it's not... - Which it is.
...you, sir, could still be a fraud,
because you have no way of knowing whether
entities are who they say they are.
Okay. Yeah, that's a fair point.
Would it make you feel better if I add that
to the whole pre-séance disclaimer portion?
- No. - Okay.
Continue.
So, this all happened about a week before
Halloween and my buddy Sean thought it'd be
a fun idea to hold a séance and...
Are we ready to begin?
Are there any spirits present tonight?
Were you the one messing with the TV earli...
Don't break the circle.
The website said not to break the circle.
Can you please tell me that one of you rigged the table?
Uh, okay. What is it you want?
I... I think it has to be a yes or no question.
Okay.
Is that a yes?
And a no?
What the fuck? Please tell me that you are knocking.
I read about these two sisters that fake
séances by knocking with their toes.
Are you knocking with your toes?
- Okay, very cute. - I did... did you knock?
Negative.
All right, everyone scoot your chairs in.
- Don't break the circle. - Without breaking the circle,
move you're chairs in, spread your legs...
Said your mom.
...and touch the feet of the person next to you.
Okay.
So, whoever's foot is on top, press down. Ow!
Oh, it wasn't that hard.
Okay. So, we're all feeling secure?
Eh.
- Spirit. - Spirit?
What?
Isn't that a little impersonal?
Oh, I'm sorry, do they have preferred pronouns?
Spirit.
Did you used to live in this house?
Did you die in this house?
Are you the lease holder of this house?
I think it likes Nate.
Yeah, it does.
Spirit... did you used to live in this house?
Did anyone's foot move?
Did you die in this house?
Is that something different?
Maybe someone different?
Are there more than one of you present?
More than two of you?
Nate.
Are there more than three of you?
Are there more than ten of you?
Okay, Nate, please stop.
- Don't break the circle. - Fuck the circle.
More than 20?
I don't want to do this anymore.
More than 30?
Whoa, Nate, dude, let's give this a rest.
- Are there more than 40 of you? - Nate!
Seriously.
- So, what did she do? - Oh, she broke up with me.
- That's harsh. - Yeah. I mean,
I can't really say I blame her, though.
- Why not? - Because she asked me to stop
and I felt like I needed to figure out what was going on.
I, uh, live here, so I kind of need to know.
I had another séance and that's when I realized
why the pendulum had pointed to Meredith.
Why did it point at her?
Because someone in her family was trying to make contact.
So, I delivered the message.
- Mm. She shot the messenger. - Yeah.
And if that is true, that is super messed up.
I guess it's a good thing that it's not true then, huh?
Hmm. Just saying.
- So, I hate to be a pest. - Oh, do you?
But that still doesn't
explain why you're not a botanist.
Oh, I was fired.
- Inappropriate plant touching? - No.
Well, yeah, but they didn't know about that.
No, my friend Sean told people
about the séance and then word traveled pretty fast.
Next thing you know, a bunch of people are coming
up to me, asking me to talk to their dead loved ones,
and once they started coming to my place of work,
my boss didn't like that very much, so he fired me.
Mm. Occupational hazard.
Yeah. Obviously, I needed to find some other source
of income, so that's when I opened the doors to Hell House
to the public and started charging.
And you never thought about leaving?
I sunk all my money into this place when I moved here,
and it is kind of hard to sell a house that people
know is haunted, so...
But I did eventually fall in love with it.
Yeah, okay, but if you sunk all your money into this
- place... - Mm-hmm.
...and you have no other source of income,
then why wouldn't you want free advertising?
Oh. Nice. Good segue.
No, but really.
Nate, I get it, okay.
You don't want to admit that it's a show.
I understand. I was part of the club, too,
- Magician's Code and all that. - Hmm.
But with the show that you've created here and my platform
from which to advertise, I mean, you could kick off
a whole new renaissance of classic parlour shows.
I just... I don't really understand your angle
'cause earlier you were super worried about
duping the emotionally vulnerable and now
you're trying to help me drum up business, so...
Duping, no. We'd... we'd tell them that it's not real.
They'd know that it was a show.
Nate, look, I'm talking human-to-human.
You've got to make a living, right?
So, why not do it honestly?
I mean, we'll both have fun and...
What is that light?
Is that another room?
Oh, come on.
- Does this open like a door? - Here, watch out.
Is this your bedroom?
Yes. I'll thank you not to go snooping around.
This is a stupid spot for a master bedroom, it's
- right near the front door. - No offense taken.
Why wouldn't you just shack up on the second floor?
Oh, I don't suppose the fact that it's haunted would
be a sufficient answer for you?
No, it wouldn't.
Although I guess you do probably have
your little muppets living up... puppets.
Mm...
Andy. What... what are you doing?
Hey, stop!
It's a marionette show, isn't it?
You have drilled holes in your second floor
and that is how you manipulate your séances.
That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
- No, please come down. - Oh, I can top that.
No, please, come down now!
Ooh, you really don't want me to see what's upstairs, do you?
What is it? Magician's assistant?
Oh, I know, it's probably your buddy, Sean.
Okay. I'll play.
It's okay. Look, this happens sometimes.
- Where are they? - Where's who?
Come on, Andy, what's it gonna take to make you believe?
Oh, come on, Nate, what, spirits?
Spirits did this?
Okay. As a man of science, explain to me
how a non-physical entity is lighting all these
candles and building pyramids out of chairs.
Best answer I can give you is quantum mechanics.
It's well established that at the subatomic level,
particles cease to obey classical physics
and they even behave differently depending
on whether or not they're observed, so...
W... I'm sorry, particles know when they're being observed?
Yes.
Okay, well, don't just say yes
like it's common knowledge.
Well, double-slit experiment, you can look it up.
It's pretty cool. But the point is, is what it shows is that
all matter behaves both as a particle and a wave.
So, at that point, you kind of have to acknowledge...
Okay, sorry.
You said all matter behaves as both a particle
and a wave, so I'm... Give me a second.
So, w... Okay, what exactly is it that you're trying to say?
Basically, I believe that ghosts
are the waveform versions of people.
Ghosts are wave people!
That's your big theory, ghosts are wave people?
It's the really simplified version, yeah.
I mean, I have a much more complex
explanation involving electromagnetism
and conservation of energy that describes how they
actually move objects and conjure things out of thin air.
But for your sake, I'll keep it simple.
Okay. Offense taken.
But if all this is true,
then it should be repeatable in an experimental setting, right?
I can get ghosts to do this kind of stuff any
night of the week, Andy.
Ah, right there. Any night of the week.
Why do ghosts only come out at night?
I can get them to do it during the day, too,
but that doesn't matter, does it?
Because you're not interested in anything
besides disproving something.
That's not true. I'm interested, it's just that...
I know a good trick when I see it and... and this was
one of the best tricks that I've ever seen.
And how is it that you know so much about tricks?
Huh?
I mean, you mentioned being in some
kind of club and you mentioned Magician's Code earlier.
- Would you look at the time? - So, are you a magician?
I didn't think that we really need to go into-
Nope, come on, you just put me through
like an hour-long cavity search,
the least you can do is just answer some personal questions.
Are you?
Okay.
It is possible that I was Magician of the Year at age 12.
- What? In your hometown? - No, in the country.
Australia?
No. We were in the States by then.
What is that, like 80, 90 magicians?
- 7,358. - All 12-year-olds?
No, I was best of all the magicians.
Come on, Andy.
At 12 years old, you were the best magician in the world?
Country.
Google it.
Okay.
Type "The Mysterious Ms. Myers."
Oh, no way, this is am... That's you? Look at that!
- Mm-hmm. - Oh, this is amazing.
This totally makes up for the whole cavity search thing.
Does it?
Is that you shaking hands with Magic Johnson?
- Mm-hmm. - Geez.
Okay. Okay, so I don't get it.
If you were so successful, why aren't you doing
a show in Vegas or something?
I quit.
I don't know, I was a teenager and magic was like,
so lame and... I don't know, I... I guess I... I kind
of gave up my passion for popularity.
- I just got it. - What?
The Magic Johnson giving you a magic award thing,
that's... that's pretty clever. Wait, so I don't understand,
that doesn't explain how you got into debunking.
My mom died.
I'm... I'm sorry...
It's... it's fine. I... I was 20. I was away at college
and she slipped on some ice.
Yeah, I was pretty messed up for a while and went
to see bunch of therapists, but when I didn't get what
I needed there, I... I went to a...
Okay, I went into a psychic.
Okay. All... all makes sense now.
We did a séance and I could see all the 101
magician bullshit that she was pulling and it made me super
mad and here I am.
So, one fake convinced you to just establish your entire
life around proving that all mediums are fake?
My entire life? What do you mean?
Exactly what do you think YouTube
spiritualists debunkers make?
- Oh... - I'm a financial planner.
I just do this shit on the side for fun.
For fun.
Okay.
In that case, I feel extra guilty that you weren't
able to figure out how I was tricking you.
- Marionettes. - Mm-mm.
Okay. Well,
seeing as we know each other a little better now...
let me film a séance...
I'm not going to let you film one of your séances, no.
I'm not going to give up, you know.
Yeah, I can see that.
In that case, nature nerd, walk a girl out.
- Sure you're good to drive? - Yeah.
I actually only live, like, ten minutes away, so...
- Wow. - Oh, my God, we should, like,
totally hang out sometime.
We should totally, like, not do that.
My charm will win you over, Nate Greene.
Mm. Mysterious Ms. Myers.
- Eat shit, plant-fucker. - Ooh.
You know, that would actually be really good for plants,
if they were to eat shit.
Shut up.
Since feces is literal plant food.
That's why they use it as fertilizer.
I'm going to turn around and if I see something,
I'm going to be very upset and I will cancel tomorrow séance.
Turning around in three, two...
Thank you.
- Hey. - Jesus, Myers.
- What are you- - You know, there was a second...
a second where I thought that you might not
be some slimy piece of shit con artist.
- Whoa. Whoa. - When did you do this?
- What? - Where did you and your friends
- even get my number? - I don't have any partners.
I don't know what you're talking...
I am not being cute anymore. Where are they?
- Wait. - Hey, fuck sticks, I know
- there's someone else here. - Andy!
Come out now and I'll only kick his ass for real.
Andy, do not go up there, please.
Fuck you.
Andy.
Andy, come down.
Come down.
Andrea.
Andy, come down now!
Andrea, I'm with you.
Behind you.
You have to go.
I don't know what the hell kinda show this is,
but... what are you doing with that?
Andy, you have to go.
I'm not going anywhere until I see who's helping
you terrorize your guest.
I don't understand what happened.
I got a call from my mother.
You know, the one that's been dead for ten years?
Okay, I can explain but not here...
And I found this little trinket that you planted for me.
You know, I get that you figured out
who I was and thought it would be fun to dupe the skeptic,
and I don't care if you're a foot fucking taller than me...
bringing my mother into this... that shit is not funny, Nate.
And if I can't beat the shit out of you right now,
and believe me, I'm going to try,
I will devote every show of mine from now until
the motherfucking rapture to tearing this house
of horrors to the ground.
Andy.
Listen to me, you were right.
I faked all of this tonight and I planted that message on
your phone and I planted the necklace and it was wrong.
I'm sorry. Now please leave.
I thought you said it was broken.
Andy.
Why do you have the knife again?
Fuck, I think it wants me...
Nate, Nate cut it out.
Nate.
Nate, come on.
I'll leave, I promise, just... just open the door.
I'm scared, okay? You scared me.
I hope the cameras are rolling.
I'm Andy Myers of Fact, Fiction, or Folklore,
and I'm fucking scared.
Now just open the door.
Nate! It's just a YouTube show.
It's just a fucking YouTube show.
We had an understanding.
Please.
Goddamn it, Nate, open the door
or I'm gonna break the fucking thing down!
Oh, sh...
Where's the knife?
It's on the ground, I put it down.
Just back off, away from the knife.
Okay, I just... I'm trying to help you.
Screw...
- Oh, come on. - What?
That, who the fuck is that behind you?
Nate.
Nate. Nate.
Please be corn syrup.
Fuck YouTube.
Fuck!
You're nuts.
Let's get nuts.
Andrea.
Andy.
It's going to be tough.
I need you to listen.
I found you.
Ow, ow!
Nate, thank God you're alive.
- You okay? - Andy?
- Yeah. - Did you just kick me?
I... I did, I'm sorry.
I kick when I get scared and you scared me.
- My head hurts. - That wasn't me.
What's happening?
Uh, your house is trying to kill me.
Why would it attack me?
I don't know, but it's definitely haunted.
Wouldn't it be great if my posse came out right now?
It would. It really would. How do we get out of here?
Do you think they'd let you open the door?
I don't know. There's one way to find...
I'll take that as a no.
Have you seen that one before?
No!
Down there, go.
Down the steps, come on.
Get in.
- Okay. - Go.
- Ramming speed, motherfucker. - Yeah, um, I can't.
Can't what? I'll do it. I'll drive.
No. I...
I sorta don't... I don't have the keys.
What do you mean you don't have the keys?
I mean the keys are upstairs and I kind of got distracted
when that thing threw me against the wall,
so I don't have the keys.
How do we get out of this fucking house?
I don't know, maybe we can pray...
Fifty bucks says that will not work.
I'll Venmo you.
I'm going to die tonight...
with a former botanist and his stupid shaggin' wagon.
Okay, there is a good chance that we might die
tonight, but probably not in this car.
- How do you know? - I had it blessed.
- What? - Yeah.
Yeah, I thought it would be a good idea to have
a, you know, portable poltergeist panic room.
Couldn't really have a priest over to the house
without the house knowing, so I drove over to a church
and had it blessed.
Right, so you thought ahead to get a portable
- poltergeist panic room... - Yeah.
...but not to hide a spare key?
I'm sorry, Nate, what is the point in a portable
poltergeist panic room if it's not portable?
Well, I don't know, maybe moments like this
it's pretty useful, huh?
I didn't say it was a foolproof plan.
So, what now?
I don't know, I guess we just play games on our pho...
Yours too?
It seems even Victorian-Era ghosts know
how to block cell and Wi-Fi signal.
And if they did work, then trust me, I would totally
be live-streaming this shit.
Yeah, you'd be a shoe-in for a Webby.
- And posthumously, of course. - Yeah.
Fact, Fiction, and Folklore's final episode:
number one skeptic dies in a portable poltergeist panic
room with a plant nerd.
Perfect.
I did tell you not to break the circle.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Everyone said I was gonna die in this house.
- What? - Yeah.
It's not very supportive.
Yeah, I know, but I guess a lot of them were right.
Ugh...
You know... you know what the stupidest part is?
No, but I'd like to know.
I think I only stayed because I knew I wouldn't be alone.
Okay, thank you.
I think I'd rather be alone.
What about you?
What about me?
I mean, you're always such an angry skeptic.
- Thank you. - No, I'm serious.
When I would watch your videos, you... you just seemed... mad.
I am mad.
I mean, it... it didn't start out that way, but...
It started out with me just wanting to know,
but the more I learned, the more frauds I uncovered,
and the angrier I got.
I guess it's kind of a vicious cycle.
Well, in your defense, you did expose a lot of frauds.
Hmm. All but one.
You know, I think really, though, I...
I just wanted to know.
Know what?
That she was there.
So, I could... Uh, I just wanted to know.
She is.
Thanks.
No, Andy, she is.
Yeah, I know.
No, Andy, I'm not being metaphorical,
your mom is literally here with us tonight.
I... I told you spirits can make objects appear,
and I never went out and bought some bumblebee necklace,
and yet all that bumblebee stuff was all over
my house tonight. Your mom is clearly here trying
to communicate with you.
She's here?
Why didn't you tell me?
Wha... just what? Tell the super angry skeptic that her dead mom
is trying to communicate with her?
I would have listened.
I wouldn't have interrupted.
I would have called you an asshole.
A hundred percent you would have called me an asshole.
But if she's here and she's trying to
communicate with me... then maybe she's the answer.
What do you mean?
She planted all of that stuff,
the... the necklace and the figurine and the lamp.
She's... she's trying to let us know that she's gonna help us.
We've got to go back upstairs.
Wait, whoa, hey, Andy, we don't know for cer...
Do not leave the portable poltergeist panic room.
Wait.
Mum, open the door. Mum, come on.
Mum, open... No, she can do it.
- Come on. - No.
Why isn't she helping us?
I don't know, maybe there's just too many of them.
- Hey. - Nate.
- Give me your hands. - What are you doing?
- What's your mum's name? - Patricia. Patty.
Okay. Okay, Patty Meyers, I don't know if you're here
tonight to help us, but if you are, please,
because if you don't, I'm afraid that your wonderful
innocent daughter and her new friend are gonna get
killed tonight. I'm pretty sure I speak for both of us
when I say I don't want to die, so please.
You try. Go.
Mum. Mum, are you there?
I don't need proof, we just need your help.
Mum, please help us.
No one will save you.
Mum, help us now.
Mum.
You can thank her later, come on.
Okay. Women and children first.
Just go.
Ow. Fuck. I'm all right.
- Suck it, Hell House. - Yeah, look what...
Oh my God.
What the fuck?
Your mom couldn't keep it open for three more seconds?
I'm sorry. I don't know, I just... I celebrated too early.
- Yeah. - My bad.
Yeah, your bad!
Why does all the bad shit happen to me?
I won't post.
I won't post!
You guys have got a nice place here and he's... can speak
to your living loved ones and you don't want some
YouTuber coming in and blowing up your spot.
I get it.
If I had a gateway between spirit realms
I'd want to keep that on lockdown, too.
What are you talking about?
I will never post a video about this house, I promise.
Hell, I'll never even talk to another living soul
about this place. Your secret dies with me.
God, I won't post!
Is everything okay?
Yes.
We're just practicing a fire drill.
We were?
Yeah, my husband and I were practicing a fire drill
and the window fell on his leg, but we're fine.
He's fine, we're fine.
We are?
Fucking fine.
Pretty stupid time for a fire drill.
Yeah.
You, uh, want me to call an ambulance?
No. And every minute that I waste gabbing
to the noisy neighbor is another minute we're...
I'm not taking him to the hospital. So, go on.
Well, keep it down! It's 1:00 AM.
Yeah. I'm sorry. That's... that's my bad.
It's just the window fell on my leg.
We will. Thank you. Sweet dreams. Goodnight.
Don't touch.
- Hey, Andy. - Yeah.
I'd really like go the hospital now.
Sure thing, Nate.
You sure?
Yeah. I'm sure.
- I could help... - No, it's okay.
Have a nice life, Myers.
You too, Greene.
Hi, this Andy, leave me a message.
A million times I've asked myself what I would
say if could give you a message.
The standards are all here. I'm proud.
I love you, and I will always be with you.
But the one thing I must tell you is, be tenacious.
Because you deserve everything you want in life.
A million times I've asked myself what I would
say if I could give you a message.
A million times I've asked
myself what I would say if I could give you a message.
I love you. And I will always be with you.
But the one thing I must tell you is, be tenacious.
The standards are all here.
I'm proud. I love you.
And I will always be with you.
But the one thing I must tell you is, be tenacious.
Because you deserve everything you want in life.
Hey, guys. Um...
I know I've been offline for a little bit.
Um...
It's because...
It's because I was wrong.
Uh, and I've been wrong for a really long time.
You see, I started this show...
because I was heartbroken.
It felt like a piece of me was missing and...
I really, really wanted that piece back.
Um, when you hear all these stories about spirits,
the afterlife, and...
thought that just one of those was true,
just one...
that it might all be okay...
And that I might be okay.
Somewhere along the way, I, um...
stopped believing in that one thing.
I know that most of you found my show
because you probably felt exactly the same.
It's like me... angry, and... I don't know,
maybe watching me be angry helped you stay angry.
And it's no way to live.
And I'm not angry anymore.
And if me explaining this to you
helps you stop being angry, then... you deserve to know.
I found the one.
It exists.