1 00:00:01,419 --> 00:00:04,253 - Oh, man. What do you guys know about this oedipus guy? 2 00:00:04,296 --> 00:00:07,089 - Never heard of him. - Well, you're about to. 3 00:00:07,133 --> 00:00:08,090 - Wait, what? 4 00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:09,883 - How insane is that? 5 00:00:09,969 --> 00:00:11,677 - Oh, oedipus, oedipus, oedipus. 6 00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:13,303 - Don't spoil it. 7 00:00:13,389 --> 00:00:14,138 This is nothing. 8 00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,222 If I lost my eyesight, 9 00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:17,266 I'd bump into my mother a lot too. 10 00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,309 Both: You're reading it backwards. 11 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:22,855 - Ah! Oedipus, you naughty pioneer. 12 00:00:22,898 --> 00:00:24,189 - Hardly pioneering. 13 00:00:24,275 --> 00:00:26,066 This is the top half of my family tree. 14 00:00:26,152 --> 00:00:28,068 Stupendous? Incest, murder? 15 00:00:28,154 --> 00:00:29,820 - Nah, I know the story. 16 00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:30,863 Sucks to be oedipus. 17 00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:32,814 - Sucks to be oedipus' parents! 18 00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:33,991 - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. 19 00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:36,076 - You know what, guys? I don't say this enough. 20 00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:38,370 We're a relatively healthy family. 21 00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:39,455 All: Aww. - I act like 22 00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:41,415 You guys are a burden, and you are, 23 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:44,835 But I need to appreciate my situation for what it is: 24 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,587 Somewhat better than oedipus. 25 00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:47,921 - Aww. - How nice. 26 00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:50,340 - Every goat in the city has been partially eaten, 27 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,342 Leaving a trail of blood to the palace gates, 28 00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:54,136 And the people are coming with torches 29 00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:56,221 To demand your father be killed! 30 00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:58,182 - [sighs] maybe I'd rather be oedipus. 31 00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:01,810 - [laughs] not a chance, stud. 32 00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:04,688 [upbeat mythical music] 33 00:01:04,774 --> 00:01:11,695 ♪ ♪ 34 00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:28,087 [crowd clamoring] 35 00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:30,547 - Dad, did you eat those goats? - Of course not. 36 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:33,217 I'd remember if I did. Goats are amazing. 37 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:35,302 They have those little handles on their heads 38 00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:37,471 So you can just... [chomping] 39 00:01:37,515 --> 00:01:40,099 - Next time someone asks, shorten that to "no." 40 00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:41,350 - You want me to beat 'em up? 41 00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:43,977 - Everyone? In the entire city? 42 00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:44,978 - Is that a challenge? 43 00:01:45,064 --> 00:01:47,106 - If you beat everyone up, 44 00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:48,315 What am I the king of? 45 00:01:48,359 --> 00:01:50,776 - Quieter people? - No. 46 00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,694 Angry mobs feed on fear and violence. 47 00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:55,864 A smart leader dispels it with calmness and courage. 48 00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:57,074 - So you want me standing 49 00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:58,826 Right behind you or right in front of you? 50 00:01:58,911 --> 00:02:00,786 - Is me on your shoulders too much? 51 00:02:00,830 --> 00:02:03,664 Crowd: Angry mob! Angry mob! 52 00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,249 - Everybody, calm down! 53 00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:07,501 - We don't wanna calm down! We're an angry mob! 54 00:02:07,545 --> 00:02:09,419 - You won't be if you calm down. 55 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,797 - Well, isn't that convenient logic? 56 00:02:11,841 --> 00:02:12,965 Crowd: Yeah! 57 00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:15,259 - My father did not kill your goats. 58 00:02:15,261 --> 00:02:16,593 Can you at least put out the torches? 59 00:02:16,679 --> 00:02:18,011 They're silly. It's daytime. 60 00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:21,056 - Look, if you're gonna be this dismissive of our anger, 61 00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:23,892 Don't act shocked by our decision to be a mob! 62 00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:25,185 [crowd clamoring] 63 00:02:25,271 --> 00:02:26,603 - You guys, I'm not dismissing you. 64 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,231 Can we just talk? - Nobody talked to my goats. 65 00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,233 Crowd: Yeah! - Or maybe they did. 66 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:32,985 But it didn't help! Crowd: Yeah! 67 00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,361 - My point is, our goats are dead. 68 00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:36,613 Crowd: Yeah! - You're overexplaining it. 69 00:02:36,699 --> 00:02:37,948 Crowd: Oh. - What are you, 70 00:02:37,992 --> 00:02:39,825 My angry mob mentor? Crowd: Yes! 71 00:02:39,869 --> 00:02:41,493 - Man, our city sucks. 72 00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:44,329 They can't even kill one murderer together. 73 00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:47,624 - Everybody, I'm going to create a system 74 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:51,336 By which you, the people, are in charge of justice. 75 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,755 We'll call it "a justice system." 76 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,300 - I don't wanna speak for the whole mob, 77 00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:59,052 But I'm willing to indulge you because this torch is heavy! 78 00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,387 Crowd: Yeah! 79 00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:03,015 [all grumbling] 80 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:04,558 - That was close. - Yeah. 81 00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:07,227 For a moment there, you almost spinelessly pandered 82 00:03:07,313 --> 00:03:09,563 To a bunch of dingholes I could've easily killed. 83 00:03:09,607 --> 00:03:10,606 - You don't get it. 84 00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:12,608 If the people are in charge of justice, 85 00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:15,277 They'll have to agree on who's guilty or innocent. 86 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,154 Those people can't agree on anything, 87 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:18,113 So I'll just talk in circles 88 00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,656 Until dad gets away with murder. 89 00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:23,702 - You don't seriously expect me to admire you for this, do you? 90 00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:26,663 [metallic clanging] 91 00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:31,585 - [groans] 92 00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,003 [zapping] 93 00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:39,176 Ugh, unbelievable. 94 00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:40,802 What are you doing? 95 00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:42,221 - It's called science, mom. 96 00:03:42,306 --> 00:03:44,431 - Don't ever call me mom. 97 00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:46,725 That's a word my actual children try 98 00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:47,809 And use to leverage me. 99 00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:48,977 I tolerate it from them. 100 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,395 I won't from you. 101 00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:52,981 Now what is the point of this science? 102 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,942 - We can use it to do amazing things, 103 00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,568 Like give people water. 104 00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:57,903 - Like this? 105 00:03:57,988 --> 00:03:59,738 - That's also impressive. 106 00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:00,822 - Isn't it just? 107 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,783 It's called being powerful. 108 00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:05,327 It's why I have a temple and why mortals worship me 109 00:04:05,371 --> 00:04:08,247 And why half-fish stepchildren should know better than to ruin 110 00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:10,999 What was previously a pretty solid day drunk. 111 00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:12,334 - Powerful. Got it. 112 00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:14,670 Um, before you go, could you-- 113 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,505 - Invent an umbrella. 114 00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,840 Quietly. 115 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:19,883 - Dad? 116 00:04:19,969 --> 00:04:22,010 Dad? - [muffled grunts] 117 00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:24,096 - Okay, grab him. - Come on, old man. 118 00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:26,265 When's the last time you fit through any window? 119 00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:29,017 - I am not leaving through the window. 120 00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:30,852 I was grabbing my weed. 121 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:32,145 I'm leaving from the roof. 122 00:04:32,231 --> 00:04:34,147 - Why leave? I'm going to exonerate you. 123 00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:37,067 - My boy, you're what, 30? I'm thousands. 124 00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:39,444 This is how it works with monsters and humans. 125 00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:42,072 I chill among you a while, then something creepy happens, 126 00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:44,866 You kids grab the torches, and daddy bones out. 127 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,368 It's been real. - I have a plan. 128 00:04:46,412 --> 00:04:47,869 I already sold the people on it. 129 00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:49,454 It's why they disbanded. 130 00:04:49,498 --> 00:04:53,292 - You need me to put my head on the block to save yours. 131 00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:55,085 - Well, it sounds bad when you say it. 132 00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:56,336 - All right, well, how's this sound? 133 00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:59,080 I'm gonna put my weed plant up on the roof-- 134 00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:00,674 - Flight risk. - [grunts] 135 00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:01,883 Can I hang on to my weed, 136 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,385 Or is there a law against that too? 137 00:05:03,429 --> 00:05:05,137 - Your weed will always be legal, dad. 138 00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:06,972 I'm a tyrant, not a crazy person. 139 00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:13,103 - Okay, here's how it's going to work. 140 00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:15,105 We're replacing the large angry mob 141 00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:17,357 With a smaller, seated, thoughtful mob. 142 00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:18,358 That's you guys. 143 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,235 You'll decide on guilt or innocence 144 00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:23,521 After hearing all information from both sides. 145 00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:25,574 - Question. - Not your job, but go ahead. 146 00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:29,077 - How are you allowed to be king and defend the killer? 147 00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:30,537 It seems janky. - Janky? 148 00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:33,373 That's a word now? - Are you ruling over that too? 149 00:05:33,459 --> 00:05:34,958 - Uh-huh! - I mean, it really does 150 00:05:35,044 --> 00:05:36,960 Seem janky. - Okay, okay. 151 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,295 This is not part of the royal court. 152 00:05:38,339 --> 00:05:40,672 This is a separate court, a legal court, 153 00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:41,965 Where there is no king. 154 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,258 - So who's in charge? 155 00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:44,968 - Well, we don't really--okay. 156 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,512 Who is the oldest person in the city? 157 00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:50,724 - What? I don't wanna be involved in this hipster crap. 158 00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:51,933 I'm 40! 159 00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,185 - You don't even have to do anything 160 00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:54,644 But sit there and be old. 161 00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:55,687 Just do it. 162 00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:57,481 Make him do it. - Hey! 163 00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:58,857 I don't have time for this! 164 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:00,817 I could die any moment! 165 00:06:00,903 --> 00:06:02,944 I'm 40 years old! 166 00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:04,237 Uh, what's this? 167 00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:06,073 - That was left there by a carpenter 168 00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:08,075 And clearly has nothing to do with any... 169 00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:09,785 If we could get started, I'd-- - what? 170 00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:11,620 - What do you mean "what"? You're banging a hammer-- 171 00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:14,122 - When I feel like it? That's what I thought. 172 00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:15,582 Okay, I'm into this job. 173 00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:19,044 I'm not into your music, but I'm into this job. 174 00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:20,837 Proceed. - All right. I'm-- 175 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,339 I'm sorry. What's wrong with our music? 176 00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:25,634 - It's a bunch of people banging on drums. 177 00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:28,220 When I was your age, we had to make the drums. 178 00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:29,763 - You're five years older than us. 179 00:06:29,807 --> 00:06:33,683 - Everything's a number to your generation. 180 00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:37,187 [whooshing] - aah! 181 00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:38,522 [groans] - my bad! 182 00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:39,981 You've got a great story now, though. 183 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,358 Almost never happens. 184 00:06:41,402 --> 00:06:42,734 [whispers] when I'm sober. 185 00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:44,111 - You're too much. 186 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:45,237 - I'm just enough. 187 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:46,822 - I could use a little more. 188 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,615 [both laugh] 189 00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,409 [both sigh] 190 00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:52,786 How are you, herm-herms? 191 00:06:52,830 --> 00:06:54,413 - Just runnin' and funnin'. 192 00:06:54,498 --> 00:06:56,206 Spreadin' words of stuff I heard. 193 00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:58,041 Speaking of which, so sorry to hear 194 00:06:58,127 --> 00:06:59,418 About all those lost worshippers. 195 00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:01,169 - What do you mean? - Oh, right. 196 00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:03,004 You probably haven't heard because all the other gods 197 00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,965 Have been talking about it behind your back. 198 00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,133 The killassians, 199 00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:07,509 They're worshipping some new god. 200 00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:09,636 - The killassians? Well, that's my city. 201 00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:10,971 They pray to me. 202 00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:12,889 What's the name of this new god? 203 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,808 - Simon? Séance? 204 00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:16,059 - Is it science? 205 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:17,519 - You know him? Introduce me. 206 00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:19,896 Or you could just turn into a crow and blow me off. 207 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,273 Bitch. 208 00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:28,321 [magical poof] 209 00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,409 - Where is the fish boy? 210 00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:35,120 - To what do we owe the honor? 211 00:07:35,164 --> 00:07:36,246 - Playtime is over. 212 00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:38,123 Give me back my killassians. 213 00:07:38,167 --> 00:07:40,208 - I'm sorry, but no. 214 00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:43,170 - It sounded like you said "no," 215 00:07:43,255 --> 00:07:44,504 But that can't be right 216 00:07:44,548 --> 00:07:47,215 Because it would result in your immediate death. 217 00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:48,300 - Killassians, 218 00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,802 Will you worship deliria if she kills me? 219 00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:53,221 Killassians: No! Hail science! 220 00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:55,348 - Turns out, you don't have to be a god to be powerful. 221 00:07:55,434 --> 00:07:56,808 You just have to create one. 222 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,393 Killassians: Hail science! 223 00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:03,106 - My life may be infinite, but my patience is not. 224 00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:04,816 - You may not care if I live or die, 225 00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:07,944 But my dad does, and you love him. 226 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,279 La la la. 227 00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:11,323 So I guess it's time for you to become outraged 228 00:08:11,441 --> 00:08:13,658 And fake a mysterious reason to leave. 229 00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:15,243 - I won't tolerate this 230 00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:19,498 Because I'm late to make love to the moon. 231 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,585 - Science demands I take a bath, 232 00:08:23,745 --> 00:08:26,087 Which is more fun with a friend. 233 00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:28,423 - All right! 234 00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:30,175 - [sighs] 235 00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:33,512 - I don't know if this is helpful, 236 00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:35,472 But depending on when those goats were killed, 237 00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:37,516 I may have been at home masturbating. 238 00:08:37,601 --> 00:08:40,310 It actually depends very little on when they were killed. 239 00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:43,104 - Was it in front of a crowd of reputable witnesses? 240 00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:44,231 - Bless your heart, son. 241 00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:45,690 I'm not 100 anymore. 242 00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:47,275 - Dad, under my new system, 243 00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:49,653 You have the right to say nothing. 244 00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,238 I'd like you to do that. 245 00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:53,323 - If I say nothing, won't I look guilty? 246 00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,659 - Not as much as if you say anything. 247 00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:56,826 I've got a strategy. 248 00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:57,911 I'm going to convince everyone 249 00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,037 You were accused 250 00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:01,581 Simply because you are a monster. 251 00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:02,666 [echoing boom] 252 00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:03,875 - Sorry I'm late. 253 00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:05,710 I walked instead of flying. 254 00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:08,004 Last thing this city needs is more panic. 255 00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:09,464 - Excuse me! 256 00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:12,175 We can't just have a sphinx wandering around. 257 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:15,387 - The sphinx's name is brenda, and I'm here 258 00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:17,931 To represent the goat farmers against your father. 259 00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:21,309 - Now you can't make us look anti-monster. 260 00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:23,436 - Brenda, why? This isn't who you are. 261 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,897 You love riddles. - I loved one. 262 00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:28,400 It got solved, and we all have to eat, 263 00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:31,111 Appropriately, in normal quantities, 264 00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:32,779 With human permission. 265 00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:35,115 [humans cheering] 266 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,200 - Everyone, stop being loud and young! 267 00:09:37,286 --> 00:09:39,035 - Did you have a backup strategy? 268 00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:41,121 - I did, but it was basically 269 00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:43,707 To double down on the first one. 270 00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:48,128 As a trader of pottery, you've seen a lot of stories 271 00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:51,172 Painted on a lot of vases, pots, and bowls, correct? 272 00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,967 - Well, of course. That's why I got into ceramics. 273 00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:55,093 I'm a news junkie. 274 00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:56,970 - And how many vases have you seen 275 00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:59,055 Depicting monsters as innocent creatures? 276 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,349 - [laughs] none. - You're laughing about that. 277 00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:03,977 - Well, it's funny to imagine a vase 278 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,937 Showing a monster helping someone. 279 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,647 Nobody would want it. 280 00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:11,484 - "nobody would want it." 281 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:12,652 Your expert. 282 00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:14,070 - Thank you. 283 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,656 Do you ever keep old pottery? 284 00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:19,367 - Well, the older a vase gets, the less valuable. 285 00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:22,662 But I do keep an archive of stories that seem important. 286 00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:25,582 - Oh? Anything this court might find enlightening? 287 00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:28,752 - Well, as a matter of fact, I sure did find something. 288 00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:31,046 This bowl is centuries old. 289 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,298 We can't know what region this was, 290 00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:36,468 But you see here a monster that looks like the accused. 291 00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:39,929 And these appear to be human babies. 292 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:43,975 And then this would be the accused eating the babies. 293 00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:45,101 [crowd gasps] - oh, no. 294 00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,812 - Oh, that was mesopotamia. 295 00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:48,897 Or sumeria. 296 00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:50,106 I get them confused. 297 00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:52,025 One thing is for sure, though: 298 00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:54,569 I have gained weight. 299 00:10:58,367 --> 00:10:59,949 - Why didn't you tell me you spent 300 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,993 Part of your life eating babies? 301 00:11:02,079 --> 00:11:03,286 - I'm on trial for eating goats. 302 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:04,871 It hardly seemed relevant. 303 00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:05,955 - Not to get us off track, 304 00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,207 But what do they taste like? 305 00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,500 - Do not answer that! 306 00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:11,211 - Look, I spent some time a thousand years ago 307 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,672 Imprisoned in a pit by a tribe of humans 308 00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:16,925 That refused to feed me anything but their enemies. 309 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,010 - Who's enemies with babies? 310 00:11:19,096 --> 00:11:21,388 - You know, human values have a habit of drifting. 311 00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,348 It always starts with "let's get rid of bad people" 312 00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:26,434 And somehow always ends up with a baby pit. 313 00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:29,145 Oh, honey, you're back. I missed you. 314 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,814 - What are you doing? - Whoops. 315 00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:33,274 [crow squawks] your loss, whoever you are. 316 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,485 - I don't care what you do with that slutty bird. 317 00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:38,029 I just need you to do me a small favor. 318 00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:40,073 - Anything, my love. - Kill your son. 319 00:11:40,117 --> 00:11:42,033 - Okay, but since he's defending me, 320 00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:43,576 It might be a bit of an issue. 321 00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:46,037 - Not our son, your son. 322 00:11:46,081 --> 00:11:47,831 I'd do it, but you know the rules. 323 00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,082 "you make 'em, you kill 'em." 324 00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:50,250 - Nobody's killing anyone. 325 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:51,918 What do you think hippocampus did 326 00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:53,294 That would warrant his murder? 327 00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,964 - He took my killassians away from me. 328 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,257 - So what? It's not like 329 00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,925 You ever did anything to earn their worship. 330 00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:00,677 - You don't earn worship. 331 00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:01,761 Then it's not worship. 332 00:12:01,847 --> 00:12:03,888 If I had to do things to get things, 333 00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,473 I'd be one of you things. 334 00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:07,475 - Well, if people praised you and never get anything for it, 335 00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:10,854 Doesn't it stand to reason that they might stop? 336 00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:12,397 - Of course. You're right. 337 00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,232 I don't have to kill your brother. 338 00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:16,067 I just have to bribe everyone with gifts 339 00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:18,403 So they forget all about that stupid science. 340 00:12:18,447 --> 00:12:20,029 - That's not really what I was saying. 341 00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:22,240 - Got what I wanted. Not listening. 342 00:12:22,284 --> 00:12:24,117 - Okay, back to what's actually important. 343 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:25,952 Dad, I'm going to lose this case, 344 00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,287 And you're going to die. 345 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:28,997 - Look, I know laws just got invented, 346 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,874 But I think your dad needs to break a couple 347 00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:31,916 If he's gonna live. 348 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:32,917 - She's right. 349 00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:34,169 I'll tell people you escaped. 350 00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:36,796 Can you maul and trample me a little? 351 00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:38,047 Oh, in a way that doesn't hurt. 352 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,340 - I can't run now, son. 353 00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:40,884 Your people would kill you. 354 00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,302 - They'll kill you if you stay. 355 00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:46,139 - But legally, thanks to you. 356 00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,641 - You're welcome? 357 00:12:50,312 --> 00:12:53,062 - Someone in this city killed the goats, folks, 358 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:56,065 And someone in your city used to eat babies. 359 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,067 Not exactly a riddle. 360 00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,944 I'd know. I'm a sphinx. 361 00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:01,154 You want to hear a riddle? 362 00:13:01,198 --> 00:13:02,739 - Oh, god. Here she goes. 363 00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:04,407 - What has four legs in the morning, 364 00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,785 Two legs at noon, and three legs at night? 365 00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:10,872 Man because he crawls as a baby and uses a cane when he's old. 366 00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,248 Thank you. - Ooh. 367 00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,292 - That was a good riddle. - Impressive. 368 00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:15,627 - I'm not addressing that riddle 369 00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:18,046 Because it has nothing to do with the trial. 370 00:13:18,089 --> 00:13:19,923 Also, not a great riddle. 371 00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:20,840 - We liked her riddle. 372 00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:22,050 - It's clearly popular, 373 00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:23,676 Which is why I won't criticize it, 374 00:13:23,762 --> 00:13:26,930 But it's frustrating when popular things are stupid. 375 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,306 - Come on. - Crazy. 376 00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:30,475 - The sphinx's riddle is not on trial, young man. 377 00:13:30,519 --> 00:13:33,144 - No, it's not and never has been. 378 00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:35,313 Maybe it should've been. [people grumbling] 379 00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:36,356 Moving on. 380 00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:37,565 - Excuse me. Not moving on. 381 00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:39,984 I want to know what makes my riddle stupid. 382 00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,110 - I shouldn't have said that. 383 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:44,155 That was rude, and I'm sorry. 384 00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:46,241 I just think that a proper riddle 385 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,409 Is a solvable linguistic puzzle, 386 00:13:48,537 --> 00:13:50,954 Like, what can be touched but not seen? 387 00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:52,789 The heart. 388 00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:55,583 - Can we just find his father guilty now? 389 00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:57,919 - You don't wanna hear his closing argument? 390 00:13:57,963 --> 00:13:59,254 - Kind of a waste of time. 391 00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:01,297 - Yeah, this guy's time is so important. 392 00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:03,341 What are you, late to marry an overrated riddle? 393 00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:05,301 [people booing] 394 00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:10,390 - Killassians, deliria has returned. 395 00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:13,643 And I think you're going to like what I brought with me. 396 00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,144 - An air of desperation? 397 00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:17,772 - In my thousands of years on this planet, 398 00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:19,274 I have learned many things, 399 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:23,570 But mostly how to properly reward my worshippers. 400 00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,780 So you're welcome. 401 00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:28,074 Ooh, honey. 402 00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:30,076 Yum, yum, yum. 403 00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:32,370 - Bribery? Isn't that beneath you? 404 00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:34,372 - Not if it works. - It won't. 405 00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:35,832 You can offer them anything you want, 406 00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:37,876 But they won't take it. 407 00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:39,294 Asskill, wanna tell her why? 408 00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:41,921 - Science has opened our eyes to amazing new concepts. 409 00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:43,673 I mean, the baths alone. 410 00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:44,674 Right, bath buddy? 411 00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:45,884 - Not in front of people. 412 00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:48,678 - You idiots really believe this nonsense? 413 00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:51,347 I'm a god. I'm real. 414 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,182 - It's called faith, stepmother, 415 00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:55,351 And it's much bigger than you. 416 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:58,730 - But is it bigger than sandals? 417 00:14:58,857 --> 00:15:01,524 Shovels? Dairy cows? 418 00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,318 Piles of hair? 419 00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:05,945 Killassians: All hail science! 420 00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:07,655 - Shall we talk? 421 00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:09,324 - What do you want? 422 00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:12,035 - I want you to let me call you mom. 423 00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,328 - What? Why? 424 00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:14,996 - Does it matter? - No. 425 00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,789 Because it's never going to happen. 426 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:17,957 - Which is exactly why 427 00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:20,251 It's the only thing I will accept. 428 00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:22,337 - You do realize it won't mean anything. 429 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,255 You can't make me love you. 430 00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:26,090 - Pfft, I don't want your love. 431 00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,216 I want power. 432 00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,510 You see, every time I call you mom, 433 00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:31,638 You'll know I beat you. 434 00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:33,806 That's worth everything. 435 00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:35,725 - I am strangely impressed 436 00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:38,269 By your cold, unfeeling calculations. 437 00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:39,854 - I thought you might be. - Fine. 438 00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:42,273 Because you are power-hungry and have proven yourself 439 00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:45,109 A worthy adversary, I will allow you this. 440 00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:47,278 - I know you will, mom. 441 00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:50,239 - Ooh, it's like being stabbed in the ears. 442 00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:53,409 Now can we finally get out of this dusty hellhole? 443 00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:56,412 - Absolutely. I miss my bed and my lab. 444 00:15:56,498 --> 00:15:58,373 Plus, no matter how much water they get, 445 00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:02,126 These people still smell like half-dead muskrats. 446 00:16:02,963 --> 00:16:04,921 All hail science or whatever. 447 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,714 Smell ya later! 448 00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:09,050 What are you gonna do about all your lost worshippers? 449 00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:10,259 - Well, I'm not too worried. 450 00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:12,303 I have a feeling they'll find their way back. 451 00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:13,888 I might not know what humans like, 452 00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:15,807 But I know what they don't: 453 00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:17,642 Locusts! 454 00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:19,102 [buzzing] 455 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:22,605 [people screaming] 456 00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,649 - And if a lifetime, which is a series of days, 457 00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:26,150 Looks like a single day, 458 00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:29,946 Your perspective is so distant that a cane would be a leg, 459 00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:32,115 So it's not just a jumble of metaphors. 460 00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:33,616 It's the best riddle ever, 461 00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:36,077 And I now understand why people like it. 462 00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:37,203 Good enough? 463 00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:40,873 - All right, you may begin your closing argument, 464 00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:42,917 But it better be good. 465 00:16:42,961 --> 00:16:46,087 - Fact: Your goats were eaten. 466 00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:49,549 Fact: My dad... 467 00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:51,342 - Ate babies. 468 00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:54,679 - Stop telling everyone you ate babies! 469 00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:56,723 Stop talking. 470 00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:59,559 Everything you say is... 471 00:17:01,563 --> 00:17:03,396 True. 472 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:08,026 My father has never lied in his life. 473 00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:09,944 I should know. 474 00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:12,405 I grew up wishing he would. 475 00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:17,326 I also grew up constantly lying about him. 476 00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:20,872 I told people I didn't have a father. 477 00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:23,166 I was ashamed of him 478 00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:24,917 Because he's shameless. 479 00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:26,127 - It's true. 480 00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,421 - We want to be good. 481 00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:31,841 We want to set wrong things right. 482 00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,718 You know who else wanted that? 483 00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:35,386 These guys. 484 00:17:35,472 --> 00:17:38,056 Chucking babies into a monster's mouth. 485 00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:40,099 What happened here? 486 00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:42,685 If we asked these humans, would they tell us, 487 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,188 Or would they say, "it didn't happen that way. 488 00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:46,981 "there's more to it than that. 489 00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:48,191 "the babies were bigger. 490 00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:50,193 "they were very dangerous babies. 491 00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:51,986 You had to be there. Trust me"? 492 00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:54,781 Well, I don't trust them. 493 00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:56,699 They're too human. 494 00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,451 They mean too well. 495 00:17:58,536 --> 00:18:00,453 And they want too much. 496 00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:03,998 And they lie too often. 497 00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:06,793 Is there a reason not to let this guy babysit? 498 00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:08,377 Yep. 499 00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:12,006 Are there reasons not to take his grooming advice? Yes. 500 00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:13,674 When you look at him, listen to him, 501 00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,093 Or watch him do anything, 502 00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:17,678 Is it reasonable to be disgusted? 503 00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,472 Maybe. 504 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:22,508 But there's no reason to mistrust him. 505 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:25,978 He's never pretended to be better than he is. 506 00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:28,773 That's me. That's you. 507 00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:30,525 That's these guys. 508 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:35,655 That's why humans have to be extra careful about justice. 509 00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:37,073 We're too good at it. 510 00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:40,326 And too wrong, too often. 511 00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:43,121 This guy ate babies. 512 00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:45,581 He didn't eat your goats. Thank you. 513 00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:48,000 - Mm-hmm. - Very impressive. 514 00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:49,377 - I'll tell you what happened here. 515 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:53,172 One of these babies survived and sired my ancestors. 516 00:18:53,258 --> 00:18:58,010 I am the last descendant of the baby that got away. 517 00:18:58,096 --> 00:19:01,556 - Son, this is a goat-eating trial. 518 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:02,723 - No, you idiots! 519 00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,809 The whole point of killing the goats 520 00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:06,102 Was to make you understand 521 00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:08,396 You're sheltering an evil beast! 522 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,732 - Wait, are you saying you killed our goats? 523 00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:12,733 - Look! Goats! 524 00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,861 [scared panting] 525 00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:16,028 - Let's go! - Let's get him! 526 00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:17,071 - Come on! - Get him! 527 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,115 - We find the monster innocent. 528 00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:20,741 Get the torches! - Yeah! 529 00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:21,701 [jury cheering] 530 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,080 - Go get him. - [laughs evilly] 531 00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:28,791 - Justice is hereby over. Keeping the hammer. 532 00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:30,084 - Thank you, son. 533 00:19:30,128 --> 00:19:33,254 - You're welcome, you baby-eating old bastard. 534 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,714 [crowd cheering] - come on! 535 00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,257 Get him! - [sobbing] 536 00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:37,842 - Yeah! - [grunts] 537 00:19:37,927 --> 00:19:39,218 - Should they be doing that? 538 00:19:39,262 --> 00:19:41,137 Doesn't everybody have rights now? 539 00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,222 - Yeah, everybody but that guy. 540 00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:45,308 Let's take the win. - Congratulations. 541 00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:46,601 I had a feeling you were innocent. 542 00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:49,061 - Are you serious? Then what the hell, brenda? 543 00:19:49,147 --> 00:19:50,479 Why? - I was hungry. 544 00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,690 And they offered me a lot of goat carcasses. 545 00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:53,941 Hey, king tyrannis, 546 00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:55,943 What's a dick in the morning... - Yep, that's okay. 547 00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:57,278 - And then at night? - We get it. 548 00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,529 - You. - Oh, wow. 549 00:19:58,573 --> 00:20:00,156 Good thing you followed all the way through. 550 00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:02,825 - What can't hear a dick over the sound of it leaving? 551 00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:05,453 Brenda the legal sphinx! 552 00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:08,706 [whoosh] aah! 553 00:20:08,791 --> 00:20:10,458 Both: Whoa! - Holy! 554 00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:11,542 - Did you see that? 555 00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:14,212 - Sphinx flying just outside the city. 556 00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:16,297 - Mom got it! - Mom, no! 557 00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:18,591 - Oh, he's just as much my child as you two. 558 00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:19,884 - No, not that. 559 00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:22,178 That was, uh-- we knew her. 560 00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:24,180 - Well, she may be alive. 561 00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:26,098 - She was making sounds going down. 562 00:20:26,184 --> 00:20:29,185 Not good sounds, but not no sounds. 563 00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:31,187 - [sighs] do I have to go and get her? 564 00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:34,440 - No, we'll all go get her together. 565 00:20:34,525 --> 00:20:37,360 - So I have to go get her slowly. 566 00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:42,281 Ugh. 567 00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:47,286 - I say, darling, do you ever think 568 00:20:47,372 --> 00:20:50,248 How lucky you are that you don't have to bathe yourself? 569 00:20:50,333 --> 00:20:53,542 No washing your armpits or legpits or wingpits 570 00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:54,710 Or your tailpit? 571 00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:56,712 - Can't say that I have. 572 00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:08,140 Have you quite finished? 573 00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:11,143 - Well, now I have to start again. 574 00:21:11,229 --> 00:21:12,687 - Isn't it strange 575 00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:14,689 How the things you once found cute in a lover 576 00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:18,192 Become the very things that end up torturing you forever? 577 00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:20,653 - Well, I like the idea of being loved forever. 578 00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:22,738 - Then stop that. 579 00:21:26,661 --> 00:21:28,327 I like it too. 580 00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:31,205 - Did you get any of that? 581 00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:35,293 - Bento. [applause]