- I can't believe I'm here in the field
digging up the past to better understand the present
and cement my place in the future.
- You've really thought about what
this career means to you, huh?
Well, I'll be by the water unearthing ruins
of a Spartan warship,
and you'll be anywhere the hell else.
- Excuse me?
- You think archaeologists get famous by helping each other?
You're on your own, Toots.
- "Toots"?
Who even says that?
He'll see.
He'll be begging me for favors when I make it to the--
[screams]
Oh, thank god.
I can still call for-- ahh--help.
Oh, my.
[gasps]
Whoa.
[mysterious music]
♪ ♪
Hello, cover of "Brush & Shovel" magazine.
Now, if I can just get out of here.
- Six chickens, are you insane?
- Hello?
- Do you think I'm made of chickens?
- [gasps] It's the shell.
- Fine, five chickens.
- For a scepter that glows if someone doesn't respect me?
Look, it doesn't even work right.
I'll give you one squirrel skeleton.
- Hello? Hello?
- Oh, what's that?
- Ah, excellent choice.
It's a shell that says "hello" for people
who don't have friends.
- Ah, not an issue for me.
[scepter whirring]
- Two squirrel skeletons, and I throw in the shell for free.
- Deal. - Can you hear me?
I'm trapped in a cave, and I need help!
- Hmm, says more than "hello."
Best squirrel skeletons I ever spent.
[dramatic lyre music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Whoo ♪
[mysterious music]
- What happened to you?
- He obviously doesn't want to talk about it.
- What? Why wouldn't I want to talk about it?
- OK, you got me.
I just don't want to hear about it.
- So who was it this time?
- This was the food merchants for reminding
them to wash their hands.
This was a mother for reminding her
we don't just abandon our children in the wilderness.
And this was teens.
They don't give a reason.
- Have you considered not telling a city full of people
what to do all the time?
- I'm not telling them what to do.
I'm trying to make sure this city is a monument to what
humanity could be-- a beacon echoing into the future,
crying out, this is where civilization started,
and it's all thanks to King Tyrannis!
- If you said that to the teens,
I think I know why they beat you up.
- It was nothing of importance, I assure you.
- And I reject your assurance out of hand.
- Mom, Dad, what's the bickering?
And can it happen elsewhere?
- Well, I'll tell you.
Some monster who clearly knew your father
came up to us with a great shrieking and thrashing
of tentacles, terribly rude, and said something
about a wedding, and now your father
won't tell me what wedding.
- You know, actually, we were in the middle of something
pretty important.
How do we ensure that I'm remembered
for all time as a visionary?
Wow.
- Can you hear me?
Help!
- I think your magic shell needs something.
- Don't change the subject just because you
hear a voice calling for help from a magic shell.
I want-- [scepter whirring]
--to talk about this family's proven lack of respect for me.
- Tell it to the shell.
- Maybe I will.
[scepter whirring]
[grumbles]
Hello?
Friendship shell?
To be clear, I don't need a friend.
I bought this as a goof.
- Yes, hello.
Hello, can you hear me?
- Yes, magic shell, I can hear you.
- I'm not a magic shell.
I'm a person, Alice.
- A magic person inside an ordinary shell.
- A normal person outside of a magic shell.
- Oh, then we have that in common,
although I'm not entirely a normal person.
I'm a king.
- King?
King of what?
- Of Krapopolis.
- Krapopolis?
OK, I may be about to embarrass myself
very badly on a prank show--
- On a what?
- --but I honestly think what's happening is this shell
is connecting us across time.
If you're really from Krapopolis,
that means I'm talking to you from thousands
of years in the future.
- Thousands of-- well, that would
mean Krapopolis is remembered thousands
of years in the future.
I knew it!
This is incredible.
- I can't believe I'm actually talking
to the king of the lost city of Krapopolis.
- Well, I'm pleased to--
I'm sorry, king of the what city of Krapopolis
did you say?
- It's not that didn't want you at my cousin's wedding.
I just--
- Didn't tell me about it and told them I couldn't make it.
- Well, it just seems simpler, darling.
We're from very different worlds.
- So you're embarrassed of them--
[gasps] or of me.
Is that why you won't take me to your monster
wedding or any other monster events with your
monster family?
- You know you can just say the words.
We don't put "monster" in front of everything.
- [gasps] You think I'm a bigot.
- Uh, no.
- Shlub, I have no problem with monsters.
How could you think that?
I can hang.
- Yes, of course.
Clearly important to you, darling, so let's do it.
Let's go to this wedding together.
- Do you mean it?
How wonderful!
- You should know these are very orthodox monsters.
They can be quite a lot.
- I think I can handle a monster mash.
- Ooh, maybe don't say that while we're there.
- What, "monster mash"?
Oh, no, no, no, of course not.
Why would I?
Oh, this is going to be so much fun.
- But then the cave entrance collapsed,
so I'm trapped underground with no way out,
and I don't know if I'll die of thirst or starvation
or another cave-in.
- Right, but "lost" city.
How is it lost?
I'm looking at it right now.
We have three two-story buildings.
- You're sort of self-centered, aren't you?
- I'm the king.
I'm supposed to be in the center.
Is it possible you're a bad-- uh, what-- what did
you say your job is called?
A arky-barky?
- Archaeologist.
- Is it possible you're bad at it?
- The only reason I've heard of your city is I'm great at it.
Krapopolis is a pretty deep cut.
The only record of it is one line in an Athenian play,
something about it being better to be dinner in the woods
than to have dinner in Krapopolis.
- Um, yes, I'm aware of the expression.
It's very popular. I'm trying to kill it.
- Well, you should be glad you fail,
because that's how you're remembered,
and only by real "archaeholics" and "excavaniacs" like me.
You're not exactly Athens.
- Athens is remembered?
- It's not just remembered.
It's still around.
- Seriously?
How? How do they--
Help-- help me do whatever they did.
- You remember I'm dying in a cave, right?
- Two problems with the same solution.
You're in rubble, but you wouldn't be
if Krapopolis was still around, like--ugh--Athens.
Help my city survive, and you won't have anything
to "arky-farky-cize" here, which means you'll never get
trapped in the first place.
- That actually kind of makes sense,
except for "arky-farky-cize."
- Great, all right. So what do we do?
- Well, there's a million reasons
a city survives or is remembered.
Tell me what you're working on now.
- We're figuring out how to divide our time
between irrigation, Fred and Nancy's divorce,
and replacing all our stone structures with wood.
Obviously, Fred and Nancy's divorce comes first.
- Who are Fred and Nancy, and why would that come first?
- Interesting.
Forget Fred and Nancy.
They can stay together, figure out a way to make it work,
fall in love again, even.
They were so cute together in the beginning.
- Push irrigation to the top of that list,
and do not replace stone with wood.
Stone is most of what survives, and statues.
- Statues, really?
See, this is the kind of intel I need.
- Whoa, hang on.
- What, did you find a way out?
I didn't mean to sound disappointed just then.
- No, there's a lot more stuff down here all of a sudden.
I think me telling you how to change your priorities
just changed history and made Krapopolis a little less lost.
- It's working.
- Everything here is an incredible find.
Oh, my god, this carving.
- Carving? Of what?
- A giant one-eyed woman beating
a king to death with a wagon wheel while a fish watches.
Hello?
- Are you sure you're in Krapopolis?
- And you're positive the woman has one eye?
Maybe it's a two-eyed giant woman and she's winking.
- A servant said you want me to focus
exclusively on irrigation?
- Not exclusively.
Trade is also very important.
- Oh, OK, and why does the shell have a say?
- If you must know, the shell is a woman from the future
trapped in the ruins of the "soon to be not lost"
city of Krapopolis.
Alice, say hello to Hippocampus.
- Uh, hi.
- You're in the future?
Did I destroy the moon?
- You're planning to destroy the moon?
- I mean, it's a dream.
- The moon's still here. - Damn.
What about the sun?
Is that stupid old thing still up there?
- No, wait!
I need to talk to her about something important.
- There you are.
- Gah!
And there you are, beside a wagon,
a wagon with wheels, wagon wheels.
- Yeah, Hippo asked me to bring some supplies up.
Something wrong with the wheels?
I can take 'em off. - No!
In fact, I just passed a law banning wagon wheels,
so I wouldn't be caught touching that.
- You're banning wagon wheels?
Did the magic shell tell you to do this?
- No, I simply decided they're dangerous.
Someone could be killed.
- By a wagon wheel?
- Apparently.
And frankly, unless you plan to kill someone with a wagon
wheel, you should support this law
and start burning wagon wheels.
- [sighs]
- Easy.
- She wants me to build a tunnel that lasts 5,000
years without child labor.
- Yeah, we frown on that in the future.
- Another great tip, but what's this about a tunnel?
Are we changing the plan?
Thought we were trying to make sure Krapopolis
is alive in your time.
- Yeah, no, just in case we fail at that,
I'd also like to make sure I'm alive in my time.
- Right, yes, of course.
I'm sorry.
Out of curiosity, has that carving changed at all?
- No, it's still a one-eyed woman
throwing the king in a well.
- What?
She used to be beating him with a wagon wheel.
- She did? Wait a minute.
Of course.
This is like one of those time-travel movies
like "Back to the Future" or "Back to the Future Part II."
[gasps] Or "Back to the Future Part III."
By changing the past, you created a present
where the wagon wheel picture never existed, so I never
saw it to tell you about it.
- Interesting.
And remind me what we were talking about?
- I guess when we change things, our memories
of the old way just fade away.
- I don't totally understand that,
but I know we're sealing all the wells.
- Are we worried about this?
- We definitely are.
But I love digging a tunnel.
- And I love fire.
- A toast to the bride and groom.
[together] Roar!
- It really is so nice to be here.
- We welcome you, Derrrarrhia.
- Deliria.
- I'm sorry?
- It's pronounced "Deliria."
Don't worry.
I love the way you say it.
It's quite charming, in fact.
I know our kind and yours have had
a troubled history, so awful.
- Well, these issues are very complicated.
- And yet so simple.
It's important to me that you know
I'm horrified by my so-called brethren
who burn monsters with divine fire without consequence.
In this day and age, just so awful.
Wasn't an entire monster region scourged last week?
- Yeah, it was a monster massacre.
- Don't put "monster" in front of everything, do we?
[laughs] Well, you can be sure that I will
not be scourging this region--
as long as you don't get on my bad side!
[laughs]
Oh, that was a joke, of course.
As you can see, I have no problem with monsters.
I married one, after all.
- You wanted an update?
- Oh, yes, from over there, please.
- We burned all the wagon wheels,
even though you say you no longer remember
why we had to do that.
- I remember it felt important.
- We also grated all the wells, which means buckets
don't fit in them anymore.
And we just got started on your new law
about breaking all the pitchforks.
- Very good.
- Are we OK?
You get this weird look like you're
afraid I'm going to stab you with something every time
I get close to you.
- Hey, you have pitchforks to snap,
and I have a shell to consult,
so let's not get in the weeds about who
gets scared of being stabbed by what when
they're approached by whom.
What's on the tablet now?
- Same thing as always.
- Damn it.
- Ty-- and I say this as a woman dying in a cave with
limited emotional bandwidth for others--
are you the king in the carving?
- I'm the king in the carving.
The giant is my sister.
The fish-man is my brother.
- Hippo is a fish-man?
I guess that's no weirder than anything else.
Huh.
But, so, this is what you look like?
- I don't know.
What does it look like?
- Scrawny guy with big hair, and it looks
like these are stink lines?
- Everyone stinks.
Do people in the future not stink?
- We have something called soap.
- I'll want the recipe for that.
So what do you look like?
- Oh, I look like a shell.
[laughter]
You know, if I fall into a cave with a tunnel leading out
of it, I don't think we can assume
I'm gonna find the shell, and that means neither of us
is gonna remember ever meeting.
- Right, like with the carving.
- I wish there were a way to preserve everything you've
told me, in case I forget.
I don't assume you have written language?
- Written language-- that's a thing?
I knew it was gonna be a thing.
- You have it?
- Hippo's been working on it. Hippo!
- What?
- Written language-- rush it into production.
[mystical music]
♪ ♪
- [gasps] It's working. - It's working?
Already?
- I guess the fact that you asked
him to do it means he's eventually going to,
so it's here. We did it!
- We did it!
- OK, I'll get right on that.
[indistinct chatter]
- It's going wonderfully, I think.
Did you hear my speech about why monster
stereotypes are so harmful?
- Yes, I wonder if you might want to just dial it back.
- Dial it back?
They love me.
- They're biting their tongues, darling.
They don't want to hear about your kind
hunting theirs to extinction.
- But I came out against.
- It's not a topic they're eager to rehash
with you at a wedding.
- Roar, roar!
Yes, roar, everyone.
Hello.
My husband seems to think you're judging me,
but I know that's not the case, or you'd
be attacking me and attempting to tear me
apart with your monster jaws.
[laughs]
- Because monsters try to tear everyone
apart indiscriminately?
- Obviously, I was joking.
If anything, I'm quite a fan of the tearing apart.
You know, if you're good at it, you're good at it.
[laughs]
[all grumbling]
You are judging me.
A bunch of snarling monsters is judging me?
[all growling]
Don't you growl at me.
[all growling]
Ahh!
[gasps]
Ahh!
[groans]
- Ahh-uhh!
- Ahh!
- Uh... ahh-ahh!
[shouting]
- Ahh!
[grunts]
Ahh!
- Ugh!
Well, I'm not too proud to admit I was wrong.
Better to keep us separate after all,
and to keep them separate as well.
Do you get it?
Oh, lighten up.
So, straight home, or stop for mead first?
- Are you serious?
- Straight home, then.
- Have you deciphered it yet?
- Almost.
It's basically Linear B.
Might even help us finally decipher Linear A.
- Well, I can't decipher any of what you're saying,
but tonally, it sounds like a big win.
Why did they stop digging?
Do I need to bring back the child labor?
- I mean, yes!
But a couple buildings collapsed.
- This is more important.
- All right, I'll tell that to the bereaved.
- Alice, are you free yet? - Nope.
Still in a cave.
- She's still in a cave, Hippo.
- Ty, we're worried about you.
- Worried about killing me with that pitchfork you hid.
- Huh?
- This "hello" shell that you bought that's supposed to make
you feel less lonely and sad--
did it ever occur to you that it's just telling
you what you want to hear?
- He's saying you've gone insane.
- That's not what I'm saying.
- It's what I'm saying.
- I'm saying this needs to stop.
- OK, I've got it. - You've got it?
- Yes. "Tyrannis--"
- Oh my god, oh my god. It says that?
It says my name?
- "--the legendary, mad king--"
- "Legendary," nice!
Wait a minute.
"Mad"?
- "--who took orders from a seashell and was confined,
therefore, to a prison for the insane"?
- Well, that's--
Right.
[door slams]
- Men and women are the same.
We're equal.
We all have 32 teeth, if someone would just count mine.
- No, we're not going to count them.
But thank you, Thelmamnmon, for sharing.
Adrian, Bdrian, would you like to go next?
- As you can see, we're two brothers.
- That's right.
- We were born on the same day.
- Same mom, same dad.
- And we look the same.
- But we're two different people.
- Bdrian, we've gone over this.
You're clearly one person who was split into two
by the curse of a witch.
- Well, I'm the king of Krapopolis.
- Me too!
- No, he really is king.
- Ouch.
- Everything I've tried to do, I've failed.
More than failed.
I wish I'd never found that shell.
- Shells, man.
- I wanted to be remembered, wanted to touch the future,
and all I managed to do was cement my fate
as an ineffectual madman whose sister is going to murder him.
At least that problem and the problem of me being locked
in here cancel each other out.
- King Tyrannis, your sister is here to see you.
- [screams]
- What are you talking about?
I don't want to kill you.
I want you to get better.
- "Better" healthy, or "better" dead?
- Better dead? - I knew it!
Get away from me!
- Look, our jobs are stressful.
Let me show you an activity I do when I'm stressed.
You'd probably want to draw you killing somebody
who isn't you, or not.
Maybe that's what would scratch your itch.
- You've been drawing these?
You were never going to kill me.
- I don't know about never.
- We can't determine how we're read or remembered.
It's madness to try and control a narrative
for thousands of years.
I get it now.
I've got a woman to save.
Can you get me out of here?
- [laughs] Can I get you out of here?
Ahh!
- Ugh!
[indistinct chatter]
- Well, I guess I didn't really know what I was doing anyway.
[grunts]
- Gorgon, you're alive!
[all grunting]
You're all alive and more monstrous than ever.
How?
- Consider it a peace offering.
- Did you have to drop them?
- Just listen.
You were right about the whole thing.
I wanted to prove that I wasn't like the other gods,
but that's just more god behavior.
And we were at a monster party, which I ruined,
and that's why I've returned your friends.
I assume they won't mind some of their legs and wings
getting mixed up.
And I can say that with confidence because I
know they already hate me.
- Given that you have created a new kind of monster,
which we will call the Frankenstein,
we accept at least what seems to be the spirit
of your strange apology.
- Oh, I wouldn't call it an apology.
- Darling--
- Yes, yes, fine, I apologize.
[together] Roar!
- Roar!
- I have as many teeth as a man!
- I'm a complete individual human being on my own.
- Yeah, me too.
We're both that.
- I'm digging a tunnel that will
erase my memory of the seashell that told me to dig it.
- Oh, boy.
- Hang on, Alice, I'm coming!
- Ty, if you finish the tunnel now,
we'll never finish securing your city's
place in the future.
Krapopolis will still be a lost city.
- History and arky-farky are just ideas.
What's real is people and whether or not
they die in caves.
- But I won't remember you.
Neither of us will even know you saved me.
- But I will have saved you all the same.
[grunts]
[mysterious music]
♪ ♪
- Ty, what are you doing in here?
- And why did you dig a tunnel?
- I'm not sure, but it feels like it was important.
Why am I holding a shell?
- Speaking of important, check it out, a drawing
of me throwing Ty to lions.
- I don't care for it.
- I just do it for stress relief.
It's not supposed to be good.
How'd the monster trip go?
- I would say quite well.
But it's just a trip.
You don't have to put "monster" in front of it, eh?
- Yes.
Your mother even created a new monster,
a Frankenstein monster.
- Actually, it's just called a Frankenstein.
- It was frightening, yes, but such a lucky accident.
If it weren't for the cave-in, these artifacts
might never have been found.
And the writings alone are gonna revolutionize the study
of this long-forgotten city.
This kind of discovery is why you get into arky-farky--
[chuckles] excuse me, archaeology--
in the first place.
- And what was the name of the city again?
- Krapopolis.
- Ah.
Do you think it would be possible to change it?
- To change the name?
No, I don't think so.
I mean, it already is the name.
- Why would they name it that?
Seems so easy to make fun of.
- What do you mean?
- Well, do I have to say it?
- Maybe you should.
- The word "crap" is right in there.
- So as a journalist, that's what you would use?
You'd say, "More like crap-opolis,"
and you'd feel good about that?
You'd feel like you had done your job, hit on something
pretty smart and original?
- I guess it might feel a little hack.
- All right, then.
- Still not a great name.
- It's the name, all right? Let's move on.
- Did you get any of that?
- Bento.