Tyrannis: And the final stop
on the palace tour is right here, my bedroom.
Kayleigh: Oh. Is your bed cozy?
Tyrannis: It's very cozy. I sleep like a baby.
Some mornings, I don't even get up until lunchtime.
Sorry. I'm bad at reading signals.
Were you sending me one? Kayleigh: Yes.
Why else would I ask if your bed is cozy?
Tyrannis: That's the first thing I ask about beds.
What else would you want to know about one?
Kayleigh: If they sleep hot?
Tyrannis: Oh, that's true.
This one sleeps very hot.
Oh, wait. Was that also a signal?
Deliria: Whatever you're doing is unimportant. Come with me.
Tyrannis: Mother, I'm with a friend, and I'm beginning
to think that she's about to touch my--
Aah! Mom! No! Why?!
Deliria: Because listen to your mother.
Tyrannis: Oh!
Deliria: Normal form.
Kayleigh: Oh! Thank you. I'll be going now.
Tyrannis: Do you--oh, OK. Deliria: Normal form.
Normal form. [Rat squeaking]
Ah. I forgot you were just holding a rat.
Stupendous: OK, so what's this thing that's more important
than me polishing a spear?
Deliria: Your father has something to show you.
Stupendous: He shows us every day.
I could draw it from memory.
Shlub: Not that. This.
I'm calling her "Deliria's Rump,"
in honor of Deliria's rump.
Now, what we call a floor, boaters call a deck.
What we call a big pole, they call a mast.
And what we call a wiping hand side, they call starboard.
Stupendous: We know the parts of a boat, Shlub.
Shlub: Well, I'm going to hold you to that,
because there will be a quiz later.
Hippocampus: Excellent. You bought a boat.
Can we be done looking at it?
Shlub: Oh, you'll be looking at it
for quite a while.
We're going on a family trip.
Tyrannis: A what? And I'm asking
specifically about the first word.
Shlub: A family trip
to the island of Storgos.
It's my mother's birthday. Tyrannis: Mother?
Great, so a grandmother we've never even heard of.
Checks out with my understanding of "family."
Shlub: Wonderful. Stupendous: But so,
if we gotta meet this new grandma, why--
Shlub: Not new, just never mentioned her before.
Tyrannis: Didn't seem important, I suppose.
Shlub: Never came up. Stupendous: Yeah,
I don't care either way. I was gonna say
why do we have to go the slowest way possible?
Hippocampus: Yeah, can't we just fly?
Tyrannis: Yeah, why can't we just fly there?
Shlub: We certainly could, but we'd
miss all that bonding time.
Your grandmama is going to be so impressed
by this beautiful, loving family,
and beautiful, loving families take boat trips together.
Hippocampus: Do they, though? Shlub: Well, the boat salesman
said yes. Oh, and he said
that parents get to wear these on family boat trips.
Tyrannis: You're putting an awful lot of stock in whatever
this salesman told you. Shlub: He told me to.
Hippocampus: Come on, Mom. We're not doing this, right?
We don't have to do this? Tyrannis: There's no way
I'm putting on that hat.
Deliria: I think it's a wonderful idea.
[Kids groan] Deliria: On the boat.
[Theme music playing]
[Singers chanting]
Singers: Whoo!
Shlub and Deliria: ♪ They threw him overboard
♪ They threw him overboard ♪
♪ They picked him up by the scruff of his neck ♪
♪ And threw him overboard
[Gulps] Come on, kids.
Why aren't you singing old sailor songs with us?
Tyrannis: we don't know any sailor songs.
Shlub: You don't know "They Threw Him Overboard"?
Stupendous: Nope. Shlub: "My Leg Is Gone,
My Leg Is Gone"? Hippocampus: Never heard it.
Shlub: "Overboard He Fell"?
"We're Killing the Captain, Who's In, Who's In"?
"Let's All Bugger Out of Boredom"?
Come on. These are classics.
[Tyrannis retches] Dad, can you steer
a little less drunk? I've thrown up more than I think I ate.
Shlub: I'm steering awfully sober,
considering how drunk I am.
Hippocampus: Just stick to the coastline.
No one knows if maps are accurate yet.
Shlub: "Stick to the coastline"? Who and whose wife
are wearing the captain's hats?
Deliria: Children, back of the boat, now.
It's called a poop deck, and yes, you can.
Deliria: You three have been challenging that man
since we left the dock, and I am sick of it.
Tyrannis: But, Mother, he doesn't even know
what he's doing. He just has this idea
in his head about "beautiful, loving families"
that for some reason involves a boat--
Deliria: And that makes him happy.
Clearly, the man's ego is at stake,
and I don't care why, but I will not spend the next few days
or years dealing with Insecure Shlub sex.
It's the most incredible drag, and I will kill you
rather than you saddle me with that. Are we clear?!
What if we get lost?
Deliria: Then we'll find our way.
Now you three are going back over there, and you are going
to smile and you are going to make him feel supported
by his beautiful, loving family.
[Thunderclap]
All: ♪ Nothing to eat
♪ And nothing to drink
♪ I think I'm going to diiiie ♪
Shlub: Wonderful boat, isn't she?
I love how Deliria's Rump dances on the waves.
Others: ♪ The watery grave, the watery grave ♪
I'd better go trim the sail.
Others: ♪ We're going to visit the watery grave ♪
[Stupendous grunts] Others: ♪ The watery grave
Stupendous: Aah! Others: ♪ The watery grave
♪ I'm going to visit Hippocampus: Stupe?
Stupe! Others: ♪ The watery grave
Stupendous: Aah! Damn it!
Yeah.
Stupe!
Oh, come on!
Mermaid: Mmm. Stupendous: Hmm?
Thanks for the, uh, air in my mouth.
Mermaid: You can call it a kiss.
I'm Maya. Stupendous: I'm Stupendous.
I can swim way better than what you saw, by the way.
Frickin' jellyfish got me. I hate those guys.
Maya: Let me take care of that for you.
Mwah.
Feel better?
Stupendous: Heh heh! Feeling no pain.
Do you live around here?
Maya: No, I'm on a migration with my family.
Stupendous: Heh! Yeah, me, too. I was hating it until just now.
Maya: Ha ha! Want to show me how well you swim?
I--I could do the "air in the mouth" thing again.
Oh, I'll take some air in the mouth anytime.
[Hippocampus grunts, pants]
Stupe, what the hell happened down there?
You were under for so long, you should not be alive right now.
Stupendous: Oh, you know how long I can hold my breath?
You've tracked it? Hippocampus: No, I'm saying
no land-based mammal could have.
You met a mermaid down there, didn't you?
-So what if I did? -Did she save your life?
-Yeah. -That's what they do, Stupe.
They're famous for it. Stupendous, chuckling: Oh, no.
Sounds terrible. Hippocampus: They save
your life, show you a good time, get in your head, and then
they lure you to some underwater location,
and leave you broken,
usually drowned, at the bottom of the sea.
Wow. Pretty big generalization.
Hippocampus: Yeah, a generalization
like "sharks want to eat you."
I would love to see one try!
Hippocampus: My point is, mermaids are trouble,
and your heart's too big. You're an easy mark.
Stupendous: Maybe I just want a fling.
Maybe this vacation just got good for me.
Hippocampus: Promise me, you will not fall for this mermaid.
Stupendous: OK, I promise, to live my life!
Shlub: Look, the storm is clearing.
We should be coming up on that lighthouse about now.
Hmm. Well, apparently, we're a little off course.
Not to worry. The far bigger emergency
right now is I've lost my hat. Where could you be?
Tyrannis: Mother, we have been good, we have been supportive,
but Operation Indulge Dad has been a bad idea
that's only getting worse. Can you please use
your god powers to get us to Storgos?
Deliria: Hmm, he is looking for his hat, so I suppose
I could give a little push in the right direction.
Let me just get a sense of where we are.
Where are we?
There's nothing here. No!
Tyrannis: Well, Mom'll figure it out soon enough.
She'll get us back on track-- Deliria: Oh, no! Ooh!
I have no landmarks! I'm helpless!
My powers are worthless when I'm this disorientated!
I could fly across the ocean for weeks and still be nowhere,
and then how would I get back to you?
I would never find my way back!
I'd be lost! I am lost!
We're all lost! We're lost!
Ohh!
Tyrannis: And we're going to die.
Shlub: Good news, everyone.
I've found my captain's hat. It was inside me.
Tyrannis: This is terrible.
Deliria: If anyone needs me,
I'll be here, for eternity,
drinking. Stupendous: I'm having fun.
I'm friggin' loosey goosey over here.
Shlub: All right, first and foremost,
I have my hat, so that's covered.
And I wouldn't say we're lost.
I'd say we're in between periods of knowing where we are.
Tyrannis: Perfect spin as always, Captain Dad.
Now, I have a question.
What is the part of the boat underwater in the back?
Stupendous: Oh, this is the quiz? The rudder.
No, not that. It's under. It's made of wood.
Stupendous: Keel? Tyrannis: Hull?
Shlub: No. It's way in the back. It's made of wood.
Hippocampus: The whole boat is made of wood.
Stupendous: You're talking about the rudder.
-No, not that. -The strake!
Gunwale! Planking?
Now you're making things up.
It's in the water.
-The rudder. -It's made of wood!
-It's the rudder. -Oh, hang on.
It's the rudder. I kept thinking udder,
and I knew that wasn't right.
Anyway, the rudder's broken.
-Are you kidding?! -Relax.
It's just one little part of a very big boat.
All right, that does it. I'm taking over.
I'm the captain. Deliria and Shlub: What?
Tyrannis: You two let us down yet again, so I'll get
this "beautiful, loving family" to your dumb mom's dumb island!
And I'm taking this. Shlub: So you're married
to your mother now, is that it?
Tyrannis: What? Shlub: Well, you're wearing
matching hats, and where there's smoke, there's fire.
Tyrannis: No, Dad! Shlub: Right under my nose.
Unbelievable. Tyrannis: Dad?
Shlub: Tell me this. Does she say my name
when you make love? Tyrannis: Mother,
please remove your hat. It's confusing Dad.
Now, as I see it, there are two things
that need our immediate attention:
straightening the mast, which requires strength;
and fixing the rudder, which requires a strong swimmer.
Stupendous: I got the rudder! [Splash]
Tyrannis: What's that about?
She's got mermaid fever.
Tyrannis: Ooh, boy.
Mermaids, huh?
We all know what that's about.
Been there myself.
Deliria: When were you with a mermaid?
Shlub: Name 5 parts of a mermaid.
Tyrannis: All right, fine. I've never had the pleasure.
I thought we were doing sailor talk.
Oh, boy. This rudder's pretty messed up.
Could be down here a while.
Maya: There you are.
Both: Mm.
Maya: Do you want to go to fourth base with me?
Stupendous: Huh? Maya: Oh, mermaids have 6 bases,
and I'm ready to go to fourth with you.
Both: Mm.
Stupendous: Wow.
Maya: I didn't think we'd go all the way to sixth,
but it felt right. [Blows air]
Stupendous: You are not who I thought you'd be.
Maya: Who did you think I'd be? Mermaid stereotype?
Get in your head, leave you crazy or drowned
at the bottom of the sea? Stupendous: No. [Scoffs]
What? Lure me to my death?
Maya: Ha ha ha ha! Nobody said "lure."
But it's OK. I know the rep.
Important part is you're open-minded.
Here, I want you to have this.
Stupendous: Does that mean we're going steady?
Maya: Can I tell you another secret?
There is actually a seventh base.
Stupendous: Ho ho, whoa! I'd love to find out
whatever that is. Maya: A bunch of us are going
to Make Out Point later. Stupendous: Is that
some kind of underwater location?
Maya: Where you make out? Yeah.
Come on. I'll take you back to your boat.
[Grunts]
Tyrannis: Great. See that? It's us, the kids,
the mortals, who have to clean up your mess.
Now, did you say there's a way to navigate
by looking at the sun? Hippocampus: Tricky, because you
only get one shot before you go blind.
Stupendous: Why don't we just ask the skeleton?
Tyrannis: The skeleton? Stupendous: Yeah, that guy.
Shlub: Oh, I wouldn't ask the skeleton.
Deliria: Agreed. If he knew where to go,
he'd still have skin and the other stuff.
Tyrannis: You two don't get to vote.
You screwed up enough already.
Excuse me, Skeleton Man.
[Sea gull cries]
Can you point us towards Storgos?
[Bones creak]
Thank you. Is, uh, anything we can do for you?
[Bones creak] Tyrannis: You sure?
Some drinking water? An umbrella or something?
All right, well, thanks for the directions.
There. Tell me I was wrong now.
[All screaming]
Hippocampus: I think it's that whirlpool from Homer's story!
Stupendous: If it is, we're screwed!
[Thunder]
Who dares to enter the domain of Scylla?
And me, Charybdis! [Gnawing]
Stupendous: Where would I even punch that thing?
Scylla: And introducing Lobster-Man,
Eel-Man, and last but not least,
a decaying whale turned into a vibrant ecosystem
for bottom feeders, Whalefall!
Stupendous: She picked up a whole team?
We are simple travelers. We mean no harm.
Is there any chance you could just let this one go?
I'm a mouth in the middle of the ocean.
It's like my brand. In you go!
We literally just fixed that!
I'm gonna claw you to pieces!
[Growls, grunts]
Tyrannis: Aah! Oof!
[Stupendous grunting]
[Hippocampus screaming]
[Splash]
Stupendous: Aah! [Panting]
[Grunting]
Lobster-Man: Aah! Oh!
[Grunts]
Tyrannis: Mom, I know you're dealing with being lost
in the vast expanse of the ocean, but you know where
you're not lost? Kicking ass!
Deliria: I wish I could help.
[Sail creaks]
Tyrannis: Can you blow? Deliria: Can I what?
Tyrannis: Stupe! The mast!
[Stupendous grunting]
[Charybdis gnawing]
Tyrannis: Mom! Blow! You've got this!
I am the goddess Deliria,
and I can still make wind.
Tyrannis: We did it! We did it! We--
[All screaming]
Stupendous: So you guys got this, right?
I'm gonna peace out. I got a thing.
Hippocampus: Stupe! No!
This will not impress my mother.
Tyrannis: That's your main concern?!
Shlub: Well, I wanted her to see my beautiful, loving--
Tyrannis: "Beautiful, loving family," yes, of course!
And we all know now what that means--
being on a boat and acting a certain way.
Well, guess what--family isn't about appearances.
It's an obligation, and I would have thought, as parents,
you'd at least feel an obligation not
to strand your children on driftwood!
Now who's being selfish?
Deliria: All right, just stop! This is hard for all of us,
but however we define it, family is the only thing keeping us--
oh, thank God! We made it!
Tyrannis: So we'll just... float in, I guess.
[Centaurs murmur]
Tyrannis: OK, wow. This is fancy.
Hippocampus: I thought we had money.
This is some centaur money here!
Shlub: I want to make sure we're presentable for my mother.
Where's your sister?
Hippocampus: She bailed for a mermaid.
Shlub: OK, all right. Good for her.
Let's just say she died. Hippocampus: Huh?
Shlub: Not recently. We'll say she died in childbirth.
That's very sympathetic,
and, of course, the funeral was exquisite.
Now, what can we do about our looks?
Hippocampus: What the hell is going on? Who is this?
Shlub: Deliria, can you clean up the boys?
I'm going to be a minute with the grooming,
and I'll probably have to spit up some hairballs.
Tyrannis: "Clean up the boys"?
Shlub: I just want my mother to like you.
Tyrannis: Shouldn't she like us already?
Shlub: Well, she thinks I can't do anything right,
so all I wanted to do was sail into this harbor
on a beautiful boat with my beautiful, loving family.
Tyrannis: So we're just props. You dragged us through hell
just to make yourself look good. Absolutely perfect.
Woman: Well, you missed the family polo match,
but I suppose we can find a place for you
at dinner or nearby, at any rate.
We hired a Tapestry Monster to take a family tapestry.
It was very expensive, so do see if you can clean up the boys.
Shlub: Hi, Mom.
Hippocampus, voice-over: They save your life, show you
a good time, get in your head, and then they lure you
to some underwater location and leave you broken,
usually drowned, at the bottom of the sea.
Maya, voice-over: There is actually a seventh base.
Maya? Maya!
I'm gonna need one of those air kisses.
♪ Where are you?
Maya: Mm. Mm.
Mm, mm.
Stupe! I--
I didn't think you'd come.
This is...Jellyfish.
Do you need some air?
Stupendous: No! Leave me alone!
[Lute playing]
Mom: This is a statue of my favorite son being done
by my second-favorite son. Sculptor: Oh, no argument here.
Kyle is spectacular. [Kyle neighs softly]
Mom: Oh, right. You all have two legs.
I'm afraid we don't have any chairs.
Everyone, I just want to thank you all
for coming here. I couldn't choose
a more beautiful family to turn 10,000 with.
[Centaurs neigh and snort]
Mom: You all came from so far away.
Thomas and Caroline brought their beautiful children
all the way from Crete. Thomas: We came on our new boat.
You simply must see our new boat.
Mom: Oh, I've got a new boat as well.
Aren't boats fun? We should have a family trip
on my boat sometime. Thomas: Yay!
I love family boat trips.
This family and boats.
Mom: And you all look so beautiful and perfect,
except for Shlub and his family,
but we didn't expect anything more from them, did we?
[Centaurs laughing]
Hippocampus: Wow.
Grandmother really did a number on Dad.
[Laughing and gurgling]
Maya: Stupe, what's wrong?
Stupendous: A jellyfish? Really?
I told you I hate jellyfish! Maya: But I don't.
Did you go to seventh base with him?
Can I tell you another secret?
We actually have 8 bases.
-What? -OK, 9.
Stupendous: And you went all the way
with that jellyfish? I thought what we had was special.
Maya: It was. But it was a vacation thing.
I thought you understood.
Stupendous: Nah, I was lying to myself.
My brother was right. You did leave me broken.
Maya: But not drowned.
Maybe next time, I'll let you go to tenth.
-There's ten?! -Oops.
See ya! [Splash]
Stupendous: Eh, worth it.
Mom: So, Shlub, you're still living out there among humans?
-Yes, Mother. -And having orgies with them?
-Yes, Mother. -I suppose I should
congratulate you on at least trying not to be
a massive disappointment. Shlub: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Tapestry Monster: Are we ready to take a family tapestry?
Mom: Oh, yes, please. Everyone gather round.
Shlub: Mm. Tapestry Monster: Why don't we
have the guest of honor in the middle?
Excellent, and the grandchildren up front?
Maybe you could move a little towards the back?
Uh, a bit more.
Kyle, maybe you move a little in front of them.
Hmm, we're still seeing a little too much
of the...loser family.
Kyle: If I stand sideways, does that cover them?
Caroline: What if I drape my mane in front of them?
Shlub: Do you see how the drinking figures into this?
Tyrannis: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I went from
hating you to having fun with you to hating you again--
Shlub: Does this end somewhere positive?
'Cause I'm rather in a dark place.
Tyrannis: It does. I--I really sympathize with you, Dad.
Mommy issues are kind of my speciality.
Excuse me. Grandmother! Mom: Not now.
We're taking a portrait. Tyrannis: Yes, now!
I thought family was about responsibility
and obligation, but I see now what that gets you.
Family is supposed to be about supporting each other
for exactly who we are, and I'd much rather have
a screw-up dad than a mean-spirited, condescending,
phony-ass mother! Deliria: Excuse me?!
Tyrannis: Not you! Her! Mom: Shlub, take
your insolent, two-legged children out of here.
Shlub: I have a better idea.
Mom: What? What are you doing? [Shlub grunts]
Mom: No! No! No! [Shlub farting]
Kyle: Oh. Mom: How is that an idea?
[Tyrannis grunts]
[Mom gasps]
[Centaurs shouting]
Oops!
Looks like the desserts are flambéed tonight.
I've never seen anything so rude in all my life!
[Grunts]
Ah, ha ha!
[Hippocampus grunts]
[Crash]
Stupendous: What the hell is going on here?
Hippocampus: We're doing what we do best--
ruining things. Stupendous: On it.
Aah! Caroline: Oh!
So what happened with the mermaid?
Got burned. You were maybe
a little bit right: my heart was too big.
Caroline: Oh! My mane!
[All grunting]
[Gurgles]
Mom: My tapestry!
[People yell]
Shlub: So, shall we fly home?
Hippocampus: I got a better idea!
Let's sail!
Your brother Thomas was right.
It is a beautiful boat.
Tyrannis: What's our heading, Captain Dad?
Shlub: I haven't the faintest idea.
Do you love sailor songs?
You'll love this collection of all the classics.
You'll get "Retch on the Floor, Retch on the Floor,
Watch Your Step, There's Retch on the Floor,"
"A Shanty for My Auntie,"
"Overboard Again, This Time for Good,"
"Rickets, Rickets, Who Else Has Rickets?"
"The Captain's Friend, the Captain's Friend,
Who Has to Be the Captain's Friend?"
"How Many People Are Not Overboard?"
"Need a Mouse, Take a Mouse, Got a Mouse, Leave a Mouse,"
"The Cook's in the Soup, the Cook's in the Soup,
We Threw Him In, the Cook's in the Soup,"
"Sharks!" "Wasting Away, Day by Day,"
"It's Not a Gay Thing, It's a Boredom Thing,
a Boredom Thing, a Boredom Thing."
"I'm Kidding Myself, It Was a Gay Thing,
It Was a Gay Thing."
"I Think the Sea Birds Are Talking to Me,"
"The Stars Are Lying, Go That Way, Go That Way,"
and everyone's favorite,
"Gloria My Love (The Overboard Song)."
Man: Did you get any of that?
Man: Bento. [People cheer]