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NARRATOR: Previously on
a very special Clone High...
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Clones were unfrozen,
met a new crop of clones.
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Joan of Arc
used to be an outsider
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with a crush on Abe Lincoln,
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but, now, she is suddenly
a popular girl
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dating the hunky JFK.
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Will it last?
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Will anything last?
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Does anything we do matter?
If it will all ultimately
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be forgotten to the sands
of time?
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Anyway, enjoy this episode.
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♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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JOAN OF ARC: This has been
the most perfect day.
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First, Teen Sex Cove.
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And now, Plan B Beach.
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Oh, JFK. Kiss me.
The louder, the better.
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♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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(BOTH MOAN, PANT)
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- Peekaboo.
- JOAN: Abe?
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Abe?
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Abe!
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- ♪ (UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Yes! Yes! Abe!
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That's right, baby.
You're thinking Lincoln.
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Yes! Yes!
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- Yes! Abe!
- (HORN BLARING)
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(SLOT MACHINE CHIMING)
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- (DOLPHIN CALLING)
- Yes! Yes! Yes!
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(GASPS, EXCLAIMS) Oh!
(CLEARS THROAT) Hey!
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I was just having
a little math dream.
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You know, like, "Yes! Abe-- B."
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A, B. Just some algebra.
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Nothing weird or repressed
or intensely private.
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Gotta go, bye.
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♪ ("CLONE HIGH THEME SONG"
BY ABANDONED POOLS PLAYING) ♪
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♪ Way, way back in the 1980s ♪
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♪ Secret government employees ♪
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♪ Dug out famous guys
And ladies ♪
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♪ And made
Amusing genetic copies ♪
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♪ Then the clones as teens
Were frozen ♪
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♪ Thawed out decades later
Why? ♪
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♪ Back for reasons
They’re not disclosin' ♪
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{\an8}♪ Giving high school
Another try ♪
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{\an8}♪ It's time to watch
Clone High ♪
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♪ Energetic and engaging
Clone High ♪
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♪ Our angst is entertaining
Clone High ♪
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♪ (THEME SONG CONCLUDES) ♪
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- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (WIND BLOWING)
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♪ (EERIE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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BOTH: We gather to pay tribute
to the sacred anniversary
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of the event.
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Hey, Joan. I heard
you had a sex dream
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in math class.
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No, I had a math dream
in sex class.
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That's why
you fact-check a rumor.
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- (WIND BLOWING)
- (EXCLAIMS) Hmm.
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- ♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Doritos.
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(FIRE CRACKLING)
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(BOTH GASP)
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(GLASS SHATTERING)
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Are you doing Wiccan stuff?
I love a good coven. Or bad.
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Oh, it’s nothing like that.
(CHUCKLES)
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It was just a huge life changing
incident that bonded us
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- till death.
- (SHUSHES)
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Well, what happened? Tell me.
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Sorry, Joansie.
Our secret is D-A-N-G-E-R-ous.
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Oh, it must be nice
to have female friends,
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you can trust with your deepest,
darkest secrets.
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Back in 2003,
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women just weren't friends
with each other like that.
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For reals? How come that?
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Yeah, why Joan?
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Was it because you're a loser
with dry eyes
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and big ass cuticles?
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Cut them sometimes, Joan,
you can't always
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just push them back. Grow up!
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- ♪ (SOLEMN MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Back in the 2000s,
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women always had to compete
against each other for boys,
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jobs, attention, everything.
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I mean, most TV writers' rooms
back then only had one woman.
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That is unthinkable
and very specific.
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I guess
I'm just one of those gals
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that's destined
to only have close guy friends.
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- Rock fight. Joan, join us.
- Yeah, get in here, guy.
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Whoever gets hit
in the nuts, wins. (GROANS)
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- (GROANS) Let's play again.
- Oh! (CHUCKLES) So fun!
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(SIGHS)
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{\an8}♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
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Joan, I wanted to tell you
that--
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Peekaboo.
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(WHIMPERS)
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Joan definitely has something,
she needs to get off her chest.
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I'm thinking it has something
to do with JFK.
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Where is my monogamous girl?
Where ya been, Joanie?
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Ah! I'm right here thinking
about you and only you.
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That's why I'm in the trash can
because I'm thinking,
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uh, dirty thoughts.
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Girl needs help.
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She can't just keep
all this stuff bottled up.
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(GASPS) What if we invite her
to a sleepover?
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Maybe then,
she'll feel comfortable
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telling us her secret.
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Since secrets told at sleepovers
may never be revealed anywhere
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except at said sleepover.
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I know the rules
of sleepovers, Harriet.
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But yeah! Let's do it.
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How about you and me
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turn your dirty thoughts
into dirty actions tonight?
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Tonight? Uh...
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- (EXCLAIMS)
- Joan, we would like to propose
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a sleepover tonight because--
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A sleepover? Tonight? Of course!
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- You know I'm in.
- Oh, thank God.
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Sleepover prep initiated.
I'll start slicing cucumbers.
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And I'll get the raccoons
out of my sleeping bag.
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Wait! You, er, uh, wanna hangout
with someone else tonight?
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Right.
Girls have sleepovers now.
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So I'm gonna do that.
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Not because I'm working
through anything
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or like avoiding you.
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Because why would
that be the case?
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It wouldn't. That's why.
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You should hang
with the guys instead.
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Oh, yeah. Sure,
I, er, uh, I-- I love guys.
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All the-- all the guys
that I definitely have with...
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Definitely have meaningful relationships
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with lots of male friends.
(CHUCKLES)
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Or guys, as I call them.
Yep, that's me, Mr. Guys.
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Enjoy your sleepover.
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- Hey, Joan.
- (SCREAMS)
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You want to see
my lighthouse impression
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- I've been working on?
- No.
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- (SCREAMS)
- By any chance,
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did you say you do
a lighthouse impression?
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- I love lighthouses.
- Really?
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Not at all.
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But my therapist requires
that I have three
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social interactions every month
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or I have to spent spring break
at the asylum again.
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Anyhoo, you want
to hang out later?
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Okay. I-- I guess.
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(LAUGHS)
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Good stuff. Toodle-oo.
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(HORN BLARING)
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- (JFK SOBS)
- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
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Oh, JFK? Are you alright?
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Oh, I'm fine.
I'm just letting my eyes pee.
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Oh, I-P-P. Can't spell
Mississippi without it.
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Joan told me to hang
with my guys tonight,
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but I spent my whole life
making out with girls.
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And I-- I let all
my male friendships fade away.
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Same. If you substitute
hanging out with girls
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with looking at the internet.
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I only have one real friend
right now,
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and it's my girlfriend.
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(SOBS) And we spend every night
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banging and banging and
doing it.
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- Oh, yeah!
- JFK: And banging and
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banging and banging
and banging...
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- Cool.
- ...and banging and banging,
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- and then banging some more.
- Alright.
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And then having sex.
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- And then boinking.
- Same with me.
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- But you know, the internet.
- JFK: And then ramming.
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So, you wanna have a playdate?
Uh, I mean sleepover?
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(CLEARS THROAT)
Uh, I mean, a bro night?
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- Bro night?
- ♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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I'd like that Confucius.
I'd really like that.
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♪ (MUSIC ENDS) ♪
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Hey, Foster Mom.
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Hello, Foster Daughter.
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{\an8}I was just preparing you dinner
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{\an8}as I am required by law
to feed you.
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Oh! Um... Hey, is it cool
if I go to a sleepover tonight?
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(GASPS) A sleepover?
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Where you tell
your most valuable secrets
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to other female clones?
Of course.
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{\an8}I've got a work thing. Bye.
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{\an8}Oh, I wish Toots hadn't died
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{\an8}in that clarinet accident
while I was frozen.
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{\an8}- (CRICKETS CHIRPING)
- (LIZARD HISSES)
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{\an8}CANDIDE SAMPSON:
Members of the board.
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Joan is attending
a sleepover tonight,
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where girls traditionally reveal
their deepest, darkest secrets.
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I know the rules
of a sleepover.
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Get us those secrets,
so we can blackmail
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whichever clones survive,
"Operation Spread Eagle."
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I'll drug the girls
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using my patent pending
truth serum.
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00:08:00,114 --> 00:08:03,557
I'll help you. I'll cancel
my road trip with Mr. B.
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Totally fine. Some other time.
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- (GRUNTS)
- (GLASS CRASHING)
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00:08:08,228 --> 00:08:09,730
- (CRICKETS CHIRPING)
- HARRIET TUBMAN: Joan,
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00:08:09,730 --> 00:08:12,432
welcome to your sleepover.
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00:08:12,432 --> 00:08:13,701
- (GASPS)
- ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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♪ I'm a hot one
Yeah, I'm turning it up ♪
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{\an8}♪ I'mma melt your heart
But you can't even touch ♪
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{\an8}♪ I'm a hot one
And I'm living it up ♪
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Did I underdress?
200
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(CHUCKLES) This is my first
real ladies sleepover.
201
00:08:25,006 --> 00:08:26,880
I mean, Cleo and I
had to share a bedroom
202
00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:28,081
when our parents dated briefly,
203
00:08:28,081 --> 00:08:29,983
but I wouldn't call
that a sleepover.
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- ♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (THUNDER RUMBLING)
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Don't worry, Joanuary Joans.
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We only smother
with consensual friendship.
207
00:08:38,357 --> 00:08:40,528
And sleepovers
are next level friend stuff.
208
00:08:40,528 --> 00:08:42,295
I mean, sleeping next
to someone
209
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in their house on the floor,
right near the outlet
210
00:08:45,031 --> 00:08:46,870
that has too many things
plugged into it.
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00:08:48,471 --> 00:08:49,937
It's honestly
the most beautiful place
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00:08:49,937 --> 00:08:51,104
to share secrets.
213
00:08:51,104 --> 00:08:52,540
I don't have any secrets
to share.
214
00:08:52,540 --> 00:08:54,574
Hey! We wouldn't share
our secrets now either.
215
00:08:54,574 --> 00:08:56,938
Yeah. We've got a lot of bonding
to do first.
216
00:08:56,938 --> 00:08:58,912
Starting with something
no sleepover
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00:08:58,912 --> 00:09:00,247
could ever go without.
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00:09:00,247 --> 00:09:02,616
BOTH: Fun sleepover song.
219
00:09:02,616 --> 00:09:05,685
♪ Being a teen girl sucks
It's so whatever ♪
220
00:09:05,685 --> 00:09:08,989
♪ But then there's one night
You'll remember forever ♪
221
00:09:08,989 --> 00:09:12,293
- ♪ Sleepover, baby ♪
- ♪ It's a sleepover, baby ♪
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00:09:12,293 --> 00:09:13,661
♪ Sleepover, baby ♪
223
00:09:13,661 --> 00:09:17,430
♪ It'll be a blast ♪
224
00:09:17,430 --> 00:09:20,868
♪ Glitter and ribbons
And bodies to explore ♪
225
00:09:20,868 --> 00:09:24,372
ALL: Bloody Mary.
Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary.
226
00:09:24,372 --> 00:09:25,606
(ALL SCREAM)
227
00:09:25,606 --> 00:09:26,807
(ALL LAUGH)
228
00:09:26,807 --> 00:09:29,677
♪ Let's all share one beer ♪
229
00:09:29,677 --> 00:09:30,977
(ALL LAUGH)
230
00:09:30,977 --> 00:09:33,914
♪ Crafting, bedazzling
And summoning hell ♪
231
00:09:33,914 --> 00:09:36,515
(ALL SCREAM, LAUGH)
232
00:09:36,515 --> 00:09:40,587
- ♪ I'm never leavin' here ♪
- ♪ I'm never leavin' here ♪
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♪ Now that we're all
Such best friends ♪
234
00:09:42,356 --> 00:09:44,224
♪ Our lives will rule ♪
235
00:09:44,224 --> 00:09:46,160
♪ 'Cause the best friends
You keep are the ones ♪
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00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,695
♪ From high school ♪
237
00:09:47,695 --> 00:09:49,463
♪ Sleepover, baby ♪
238
00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:51,731
- ♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪
- (SCREAMS)
239
00:09:51,731 --> 00:09:56,635
♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
240
00:09:56,635 --> 00:09:59,973
{\an8}Now, that we've, er, uh,
finished the requisite
pizza eating
241
00:09:59,973 --> 00:10:02,241
and talk of all
the bases we've gone to.
242
00:10:02,241 --> 00:10:05,946
I assume we play sports.
And then slap asses.
243
00:10:05,946 --> 00:10:07,547
Not anymore, my frozen friend.
244
00:10:07,547 --> 00:10:09,616
We don't move a muscle
except these.
245
00:10:09,616 --> 00:10:10,751
Diggy, diggy, diggy.
246
00:10:10,751 --> 00:10:14,421
I'm talking swiping and typing.
Welcome to FlipFlop.
247
00:10:14,421 --> 00:10:17,023
What is this strange magic?
248
00:10:17,023 --> 00:10:19,025
FlipFlop.
It's the site where people
249
00:10:19,025 --> 00:10:21,862
share videos they made.
These vids taught me everything
250
00:10:21,862 --> 00:10:23,296
I don't know.
251
00:10:23,296 --> 00:10:25,332
- (VOCALIZES)
- ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
252
00:10:25,332 --> 00:10:26,600
FLIPFLOPPER: It was a lie?
253
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:27,801
- (SCREAMS)
- (LAUGHS)
254
00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:29,640
- Busted!
- (SIREN BLARING)
255
00:10:34,043 --> 00:10:35,076
{\an8}( FLIPFLOPPER 2 SCREAMING)
256
00:10:35,076 --> 00:10:39,045
This is... amazing!
257
00:10:39,045 --> 00:10:41,782
I have so many thoughts
and unsolicited opinions.
258
00:10:41,782 --> 00:10:44,118
Oh, should I call the creators?
Or write them letters?
259
00:10:44,118 --> 00:10:45,151
CONFUCIUS: Not even.
260
00:10:45,151 --> 00:10:47,157
I know the exact place
to get the word out.
261
00:10:47,890 --> 00:10:49,289
Comment section.
262
00:10:49,289 --> 00:10:51,925
The, uh... Wait, wait, wait, what?
263
00:10:51,925 --> 00:10:53,129
(DOORBELL RINGING)
264
00:10:54,563 --> 00:10:56,497
Abraham Lincoln, we're so happy.
265
00:10:56,497 --> 00:10:58,332
You're here. Come in, come in.
266
00:10:58,332 --> 00:11:00,334
Jesus, Mom. Back off.
267
00:11:00,334 --> 00:11:01,768
You're gonna scare him away.
268
00:11:01,768 --> 00:11:04,805
Can I offer you something
to drink? A juice box?
269
00:11:04,805 --> 00:11:05,939
Hollandaise?
270
00:11:05,939 --> 00:11:08,007
Oh, no. No. Thank you.
271
00:11:08,007 --> 00:11:10,009
- I'm fine.
- Are you sure?
272
00:11:10,009 --> 00:11:11,940
I can whip up something
lickety-split.
273
00:11:11,940 --> 00:11:13,714
I just have to find the oven.
274
00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,381
He said no, Caitlin!
275
00:11:15,381 --> 00:11:17,083
Let's go to my room.
I found some cool stuff
276
00:11:17,083 --> 00:11:19,853
- we can watch on the internet.
- Have a nice sleepover.
277
00:11:19,853 --> 00:11:24,024
It was so nice to meet you,
Benjamin Franklin.
278
00:11:24,024 --> 00:11:25,324
- (CRICKETS CHIRPING)
- (GIRLS LAUGHING)
279
00:11:25,324 --> 00:11:26,793
JOAN: That was good,
that was good.
280
00:11:26,793 --> 00:11:29,497
{\an8}I'm so glad we did this.
What's next Harriet?
281
00:11:29,497 --> 00:11:32,700
It's time to play
"Never Have I Ever."
282
00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:34,801
- I've never played.
- Never?
283
00:11:34,801 --> 00:11:37,104
- Not ever.
- Never ever ever?
284
00:11:37,104 --> 00:11:38,271
Never, not ever.
285
00:11:38,271 --> 00:11:40,040
I've never played
"Never Have I Ever."
286
00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:41,809
- ♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- HARRIET: Never?
287
00:11:41,809 --> 00:11:44,545
- JOAN: Never.
- HARRIET: Wait, not ever, ever.
288
00:11:44,545 --> 00:11:46,446
JOAN: Not ever.
289
00:11:46,446 --> 00:11:48,782
They're about to play
"Never Have I Ever."
290
00:11:48,782 --> 00:11:51,985
It's time to give them
the truth-serum-laced alcohol.
291
00:11:51,985 --> 00:11:53,556
How are the drinks coming?
292
00:11:55,056 --> 00:11:57,524
Perfect.
We even made a few extra.
293
00:11:57,524 --> 00:11:58,859
Cocktail!
294
00:11:58,859 --> 00:12:00,494
Cha-cha, cha-cha, cha-cha!
295
00:12:00,494 --> 00:12:04,197
Tom Cruise. Kokomo.
296
00:12:04,197 --> 00:12:07,567
Mr. B, which drinks
have all the serum?
297
00:12:07,567 --> 00:12:10,436
This one. Oh, wait. Hold on.
298
00:12:10,436 --> 00:12:13,507
- Maybe that one.
- No, no, no. It's this one.
299
00:12:13,507 --> 00:12:15,809
Uh, actually. This one.
300
00:12:15,809 --> 00:12:18,344
You idiots. How are we
gonna figure this out?
301
00:12:18,344 --> 00:12:21,284
We'll just have to test them ourselves.
302
00:12:29,525 --> 00:12:31,422
- Now what?
- We wait.
303
00:12:33,229 --> 00:12:34,328
- Never?
- Never.
304
00:12:34,328 --> 00:12:35,729
- Not ever, ever.
- Not ever.
305
00:12:35,729 --> 00:12:37,398
- Or ever, ever?
- Never!
306
00:12:37,398 --> 00:12:38,665
HARRIET: Wait, not ever, ever?
307
00:12:38,665 --> 00:12:40,568
JOAN: Never, not ever.
I've never, never--
308
00:12:40,568 --> 00:12:42,369
She's never played
the damn game.
309
00:12:42,369 --> 00:12:44,104
So, how do you play?
310
00:12:44,104 --> 00:12:46,473
You put your hands up like this
and when it's your turn,
311
00:12:46,473 --> 00:12:48,442
you'll say something
you've never ever done.
312
00:12:48,442 --> 00:12:50,177
And then everyone
who has done it
313
00:12:50,177 --> 00:12:51,377
will put a finger down.
314
00:12:51,377 --> 00:12:53,347
And whoever puts
all their fingers down first
315
00:12:53,347 --> 00:12:55,281
is the baddest bish.
316
00:12:55,281 --> 00:12:58,689
And no matter what,
you cannot lie.
317
00:12:58,988 --> 00:13:00,053
Ah!
318
00:13:00,053 --> 00:13:01,658
- ♪ (UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Yes! Abe!
319
00:13:02,624 --> 00:13:04,190
(DOLPHINS CALLING)
320
00:13:04,190 --> 00:13:08,162
Uh, I don't know.
This seems pretty revealing.
321
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:09,563
Don't overthink it, Joan.
322
00:13:09,563 --> 00:13:11,265
Just loosen those lips
and have fun.
323
00:13:11,265 --> 00:13:13,366
I'll start. Um, like,
324
00:13:13,366 --> 00:13:17,537
never have I ever
been attracted to Pinocchio.
325
00:13:17,537 --> 00:13:19,205
(CHUCKLES) I can't lie.
326
00:13:19,205 --> 00:13:22,109
But he sure can,
if you know what I mean.
327
00:13:22,109 --> 00:13:25,345
- (ALL LAUGH)
- You are so bad! Bad Joan.
328
00:13:25,345 --> 00:13:26,747
Wow, this is really fun.
329
00:13:26,747 --> 00:13:28,014
Alright, I wanna try.
I wanna try.
330
00:13:28,014 --> 00:13:30,117
Alright. I don't wanna knock
anyone out right off the bat,
331
00:13:30,117 --> 00:13:31,618
so I'll start with an easy one.
332
00:13:31,618 --> 00:13:36,791
Uh, never have I ever, um, uh,
murdered someone.
333
00:13:36,791 --> 00:13:39,830
(LAUGHS)
334
00:13:40,529 --> 00:13:44,165
♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
335
00:13:44,165 --> 00:13:45,669
(GASPS)
336
00:13:47,569 --> 00:13:50,004
{\an8}(BOTH LAUGH)
337
00:13:50,004 --> 00:13:51,337
{\an8}(SCREAMS)
338
00:13:51,337 --> 00:13:54,508
FLIPFLOPPER: My eyes are open!
But I can't see a thing!
339
00:13:54,508 --> 00:13:56,244
Don't forget to hit donate.
340
00:13:56,244 --> 00:14:00,080
{\an8}Uh-huh! That's a spicy meatball.
341
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:05,155
(LAUGHS) L-O-L I-R-L, JFK.
You're a natural.
342
00:14:05,855 --> 00:14:06,857
I am?
343
00:14:10,159 --> 00:14:11,425
{\an8}TOPHER BUS: (SCOFFS)
Why do people think
344
00:14:11,425 --> 00:14:12,993
{\an8}it's still okay to make fun
of Italians?
345
00:14:12,993 --> 00:14:14,628
I'm tired of being called
"ricotta face"
346
00:14:14,628 --> 00:14:16,330
or "Spaghetti Eddie
with the prosciutto butt,
347
00:14:16,330 --> 00:14:17,497
the cannoli brains."
348
00:14:17,497 --> 00:14:20,033
(IN ITALIAN ACCENT)
I need to educate this fellow.
349
00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:22,535
Wow! You're such a good person.
350
00:14:22,535 --> 00:14:25,299
I find that being anonymous
brings out the best in me.
351
00:14:25,299 --> 00:14:28,044
- (BOTH LAUGH)
- (NOTIFICATION DINGS)
352
00:14:28,578 --> 00:14:29,910
Top-Her 69 replied.
353
00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:32,415
He called you
"Rocky Balboa dumb."
354
00:14:33,283 --> 00:14:34,382
Let me at him!
355
00:14:34,382 --> 00:14:36,684
Oh, it’s been a while
since I, er, uh,
356
00:14:36,684 --> 00:14:38,685
pounded some knucklehead's
face in.
357
00:14:38,685 --> 00:14:40,654
Where is this wisenheimer?
358
00:14:40,654 --> 00:14:42,790
Let me teach you
how we fight in the future.
359
00:14:42,790 --> 00:14:44,892
♪ (ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC
PLAYING) ♪
360
00:14:44,892 --> 00:14:47,794
Pop on these blue light glasses
to avoid eye strain.
361
00:14:47,794 --> 00:14:49,230
We're going in.
362
00:14:49,230 --> 00:14:51,899
♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
363
00:14:51,899 --> 00:14:54,333
Candide, I don't think any
of these had the truth serum,
364
00:14:54,333 --> 00:14:57,203
because I'm feeling no effects.
And I'm only attracted to you
365
00:14:57,203 --> 00:14:58,438
because you remind me
of my lonesome
366
00:14:58,438 --> 00:14:59,540
and coldhearted mother,
367
00:14:59,540 --> 00:15:01,441
which is really a turn on
for me. Oh, no!
368
00:15:01,441 --> 00:15:03,511
Last night, I had a dream
where I was pregnant
369
00:15:03,511 --> 00:15:05,045
with Mr. B's baby.
370
00:15:05,045 --> 00:15:07,117
I just wanna be a mom. (GASPS)
371
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:13,089
The coffee maker didn't break,
I was getting freaky with it.
372
00:15:16,157 --> 00:15:18,158
Damn, Joan, how are you
gonna guess our secret
373
00:15:18,158 --> 00:15:19,959
on your first
"Never Have I Ever"?
374
00:15:19,959 --> 00:15:24,765
Wait, your secret really is
that you murdered someone.
375
00:15:24,765 --> 00:15:27,768
Okay, fine. Yes, bingo.
You got it.
376
00:15:27,768 --> 00:15:32,071
I have so many questions. Who?
Wait, when? How?
377
00:15:32,071 --> 00:15:35,175
I remember it clear
as Miami Beach seawater
378
00:15:35,175 --> 00:15:36,644
minus all the condoms.
379
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:38,912
It was 2014.
380
00:15:38,912 --> 00:15:41,981
We met over a tandem love
for tandem biking.
381
00:15:41,981 --> 00:15:43,517
♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
382
00:15:43,517 --> 00:15:44,921
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
383
00:15:45,721 --> 00:15:47,053
HARRIET:
Now, that our tandem bikes
384
00:15:47,053 --> 00:15:48,955
were in tandem,
we started training
385
00:15:48,955 --> 00:15:52,221
for our first singles doubles
tandem biking competitions.
386
00:15:52,221 --> 00:15:54,794
The grand prize was 12 dollars
387
00:15:54,794 --> 00:15:57,363
and the chance
to meet Prince's chauffeur.
388
00:15:57,363 --> 00:15:59,967
- Nothing could stop us.
- (THUNDER RUMBLING)
389
00:15:59,967 --> 00:16:01,935
HARRIET:
Not even a little rain.
390
00:16:01,935 --> 00:16:03,637
(CHUCKLES) Purple rain?
391
00:16:03,637 --> 00:16:05,004
- What? No.
- That doesn't make any sense.
392
00:16:05,004 --> 00:16:06,607
Why did she say purple rain?
393
00:16:06,607 --> 00:16:08,476
FRIDA KAHLO: We were
practicing mornings, noons,
394
00:16:08,476 --> 00:16:10,977
dusks, late nights, leap days.
395
00:16:10,977 --> 00:16:14,047
- Racing super-fast, until...
- (BOTH LAUGH)
396
00:16:14,047 --> 00:16:15,849
- ♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
- (TIRES SCREECH)
397
00:16:15,849 --> 00:16:17,917
(SCREAMS, MUNCHES)
398
00:16:17,917 --> 00:16:20,854
- (SCREAMS)
- (THUNDER RUMBLING)
399
00:16:20,854 --> 00:16:23,023
We hit a guy,
landed right on him.
400
00:16:23,023 --> 00:16:25,426
Impact put dude's whole body
into a knot,
401
00:16:25,426 --> 00:16:28,094
like a garlic knot but a man.
402
00:16:28,094 --> 00:16:31,231
So, then what? Did they try you
as adults or children?
403
00:16:31,231 --> 00:16:33,701
What did you wear to court?
Did your lawyer have suspenders
404
00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:35,235
and do this?
405
00:16:35,235 --> 00:16:38,005
- (THUNDER RUMBLING)
- FRIDA: Nah, girl.
406
00:16:38,005 --> 00:16:40,911
We rolled that cuerpo muerto
right into a hole
407
00:16:41,910 --> 00:16:44,010
and vowed to forget
it ever happened.
408
00:16:44,010 --> 00:16:46,647
Which is why every year
on the anniversary,
409
00:16:46,647 --> 00:16:49,419
we remember it. Never forget.
410
00:16:50,786 --> 00:16:54,654
So, now that you know
our big secret,
411
00:16:54,654 --> 00:16:56,289
come on, Joan, what's yours?
412
00:16:56,289 --> 00:17:00,259
Well, mine is really small
compared to murder,
413
00:17:00,259 --> 00:17:05,068
like, it's embarrassing.
But, um, I-- I had, um...
414
00:17:05,901 --> 00:17:08,201
Wait, I know, what you're doing?
415
00:17:08,201 --> 00:17:11,338
You made up this murder
so I'll share my secret with you
416
00:17:11,338 --> 00:17:13,206
and then you'll rub it
in my face and--
417
00:17:13,206 --> 00:17:16,138
and tell everyone,
just like Cleo used to do.
418
00:17:16,138 --> 00:17:17,511
We're not being sus.
419
00:17:17,511 --> 00:17:19,145
I mean, we are
because we killed someone.
420
00:17:19,145 --> 00:17:22,182
- Yeah, right.
- Fine! We'll prove it.
421
00:17:22,182 --> 00:17:23,850
We'll show you
where the body is buried.
422
00:17:23,850 --> 00:17:26,753
Get your closed-toe shoes on, now.
423
00:17:26,753 --> 00:17:29,057
Oh, man.
I only brought chancletas.
424
00:17:29,057 --> 00:17:31,458
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
425
00:17:31,458 --> 00:17:33,560
- ♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (PANTS)
426
00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:35,296
(SPITS, SIGHS)
427
00:17:35,296 --> 00:17:36,730
Stay focused, kiddo.
428
00:17:36,730 --> 00:17:39,065
Oh, I'm giving it everything
I got, Coach.
429
00:17:39,065 --> 00:17:41,401
Hey, Toph. Do you wanna get off
the computer
430
00:17:41,401 --> 00:17:45,473
- and watch a movie or something?
- No, I'm online.
431
00:17:45,473 --> 00:17:49,709
- (KEYBOARDS CLACKING)
- (GRUNTS)
432
00:17:49,709 --> 00:17:52,112
I suck? You are mistaken
433
00:17:52,112 --> 00:17:54,482
{\an8}and must be thinking
of your mother!
434
00:17:54,482 --> 00:17:56,117
{\an8}- (GRUNTS, GASPS)
- (CHUCKLES)
435
00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:57,951
Hey, you play, uh, guitar?
436
00:17:57,951 --> 00:18:00,321
I just have one! Okay?
My uncle gave it to me!
437
00:18:00,321 --> 00:18:01,521
Shut up. I'm online!
438
00:18:01,521 --> 00:18:04,895
{\an8}Ha! Wrong! My mom is terrible
at blow jobs, loser!
439
00:18:05,795 --> 00:18:08,695
Hmm, you are a loser
440
00:18:08,695 --> 00:18:11,868
with a wiener that would be
best described as...
441
00:18:14,003 --> 00:18:16,306
{\an8}"A not very good wiener."
442
00:18:17,173 --> 00:18:18,873
- (GASPS)
- (LAUGHS)
443
00:18:18,873 --> 00:18:21,612
(GROWLS)
444
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:28,852
♪ (DRAMATIC VOCALIZING, FADES) ♪
445
00:18:29,652 --> 00:18:30,651
You're a loser
446
00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,656
with a very small amount
of friends.
447
00:18:34,090 --> 00:18:35,325
Zero!
448
00:18:37,459 --> 00:18:42,098
(GROANS) No!
449
00:18:42,598 --> 00:18:43,730
(GRUNTS)
450
00:18:43,730 --> 00:18:44,964
TOPHER: And the amount of people
451
00:18:44,964 --> 00:18:46,900
you'll have at your funeral
is also zero.
452
00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:48,334
Because you have no friends!
453
00:18:48,334 --> 00:18:49,803
Maybe your dad will show up
just to take
454
00:18:49,803 --> 00:18:51,337
a dump on your face,
and then he'll say,
455
00:18:51,337 --> 00:18:53,307
"Look, my dump
is my son's only friend."
456
00:18:53,307 --> 00:18:55,642
Oh, wait!
Even the dump hates you.
457
00:18:55,642 --> 00:18:58,612
Topher,
you're a monster online.
458
00:18:58,612 --> 00:19:01,351
- (LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
- And in person.
459
00:19:02,484 --> 00:19:04,117
FRIDA: Do we really
have to dig up that body?
460
00:19:04,117 --> 00:19:05,385
- HARRIET: Yes.
- JOAN: Yes.
461
00:19:05,385 --> 00:19:09,557
Until Joan believes our secret,
she won't share hers.
462
00:19:09,557 --> 00:19:12,526
So let's dig up
that deadass body
463
00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:16,032
and make her talk! (GASPS)
464
00:19:17,667 --> 00:19:19,399
You didn't murder anyone.
465
00:19:19,399 --> 00:19:22,570
You guys were trying to trick me
into giving you my secret.
466
00:19:22,570 --> 00:19:24,971
Girl friendships haven't change.
467
00:19:24,971 --> 00:19:27,641
This doesn't make sense.
This was the spot.
468
00:19:27,641 --> 00:19:29,577
- (BICYCLE BELL RINGING)
- (ALL SCREAM)
469
00:19:29,577 --> 00:19:32,213
- (THUNDER RUMBLING)
- FREDERICO: I know what you did
470
00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:34,143
eight autumns ago.
471
00:19:34,143 --> 00:19:36,317
(ALL SCREAM)
472
00:19:36,317 --> 00:19:38,852
- (SOBS) Yo. I can't...
- JFK.
473
00:19:38,852 --> 00:19:40,988
- (SOBS)
- You're gonna be alright.
474
00:19:40,988 --> 00:19:42,822
Oh, just leave me here to die.
475
00:19:42,822 --> 00:19:47,328
He said, "You're a loser
with zero friends."
476
00:19:47,328 --> 00:19:50,196
I am a loser with zero friends.
477
00:19:50,196 --> 00:19:52,031
I can't even be friends
with a dump
478
00:19:52,031 --> 00:19:54,367
my dad took on my dead face.
479
00:19:54,367 --> 00:19:58,538
(SOBS) You're not a loser.
That dump would be your friend.
480
00:19:58,538 --> 00:20:01,342
(SOBS) Wait a minute.
481
00:20:01,342 --> 00:20:04,578
You're not...
You're... You're...
482
00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:08,148
♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
483
00:20:08,148 --> 00:20:10,520
(GASPS) That's what I thought.
484
00:20:12,922 --> 00:20:16,456
- (LAUGHS)
- (COMPUTER DINGS)
485
00:20:16,456 --> 00:20:19,588
Huh. This guy said,
"You used the possessive 'your,'
486
00:20:19,588 --> 00:20:22,065
you idiot.
It's apostrophe, R-E!"
487
00:20:23,465 --> 00:20:24,896
What?
488
00:20:30,539 --> 00:20:35,378
No! (GROANS)
489
00:20:36,978 --> 00:20:41,685
(SCREAMS, GROANS)
490
00:20:43,553 --> 00:20:46,222
Okay, I'm gonna go.
491
00:20:48,919 --> 00:20:51,192
TOPHER'S MOM: Wow,
is it tomorrow already?
492
00:20:51,192 --> 00:20:53,260
- Bye.
- (DOOR CLOSING)
493
00:20:53,260 --> 00:20:56,497
♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
494
00:20:56,497 --> 00:20:57,931
CONFUCIUS: He logged off, JFK.
495
00:20:57,931 --> 00:20:59,469
I corrected his grammar.
496
00:21:00,336 --> 00:21:02,138
It's over, we won.
497
00:21:02,905 --> 00:21:04,805
(SOBS) We won.
498
00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:06,874
You did that for me?
499
00:21:06,874 --> 00:21:09,279
Of course.
That's what friends do, man.
500
00:21:10,178 --> 00:21:13,283
I finally see the point
of other boys.
501
00:21:13,949 --> 00:21:16,883
You're not so bad... bro?
502
00:21:16,883 --> 00:21:22,189
(SOBS) Yes, we're the bros.
503
00:21:22,189 --> 00:21:25,491
BOTH: Slap fight! (LAUGH)
504
00:21:25,491 --> 00:21:27,160
- (GIRLS SCREAM)
- ♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
505
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:30,298
FREDERICO: Eight autumns ago,
you killed me.
506
00:21:30,298 --> 00:21:33,003
(SCREAMS)
Unibrow, save yourself.
507
00:21:35,203 --> 00:21:38,305
Sorry, I meant
you killed the old me.
508
00:21:38,305 --> 00:21:39,773
(LAUGHS) Thank you.
509
00:21:39,773 --> 00:21:42,810
What? You're not dead? (GROANS)
510
00:21:42,810 --> 00:21:45,545
(CHUCKLES) I know, right?
Name's Frederico.
511
00:21:45,545 --> 00:21:48,549
As I laid buried alive,
my life flashed before me
512
00:21:48,549 --> 00:21:51,618
and it was really stupid.
513
00:21:51,618 --> 00:21:54,020
I had no friends,
and you know why?
514
00:21:54,020 --> 00:21:55,423
Because I never opened up.
515
00:21:55,423 --> 00:21:57,290
Never told anyone my secrets.
516
00:21:57,290 --> 00:21:59,593
People would ask,
"How are you, Frederico?"
517
00:21:59,593 --> 00:22:01,662
And I'd say,
"None of your business,"
518
00:22:01,662 --> 00:22:03,797
and I'd threw my Sprite
in her face.
519
00:22:03,797 --> 00:22:05,932
I went to a therapist to try
to get help,
520
00:22:05,932 --> 00:22:08,301
but she wanted to know
my secrets too.
521
00:22:08,301 --> 00:22:11,104
So I chucked a Sprite
in her face.
522
00:22:11,104 --> 00:22:14,574
(GRUNTS) I went through a lot
of Sprite pushing people away.
523
00:22:14,574 --> 00:22:16,043
But that fateful night,
524
00:22:16,043 --> 00:22:17,644
as you two filled my mouth
with mud,
525
00:22:17,644 --> 00:22:19,379
I realized I wanted to live.
526
00:22:19,379 --> 00:22:21,815
I decided it was time to pull
myself out of the emotional
527
00:22:21,815 --> 00:22:23,984
and literal hole I was in,
and make some friends.
528
00:22:23,984 --> 00:22:25,252
- ♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Hi.
529
00:22:25,252 --> 00:22:28,088
Now, I have tons of friends.
I tell them all my secrets.
530
00:22:28,088 --> 00:22:30,090
(WHISPERS) I'm scared
of belly buttons.
531
00:22:30,090 --> 00:22:32,459
I no longer drink Sprite,
which is literally bad for you
532
00:22:32,459 --> 00:22:34,128
and not even food,
and was almost illegal
533
00:22:34,128 --> 00:22:35,196
in New York.
534
00:22:35,196 --> 00:22:36,730
I'm so happy.
535
00:22:36,730 --> 00:22:38,765
- Huh?
- Thank you for saving my life
536
00:22:38,765 --> 00:22:40,166
by burying me alive.
537
00:22:40,166 --> 00:22:43,069
So, we didn't murder you?
We fixed you?
538
00:22:43,069 --> 00:22:45,773
- Oh, thank God.
- That is such a relief.
539
00:22:45,773 --> 00:22:47,341
I'm so glad we don't have
to live
540
00:22:47,341 --> 00:22:49,042
with that terrible secret anymore.
541
00:22:49,042 --> 00:22:51,411
Guys, I'm so sorry
I didn't believe you.
542
00:22:51,411 --> 00:22:52,779
I'll tell you my secret.
543
00:22:52,779 --> 00:22:55,649
It's so silly compared to yours,
so it's not a big deal.
544
00:22:55,649 --> 00:22:58,619
I'm just gonna say it,
I had a sex dream about Abe.
545
00:22:58,619 --> 00:22:59,988
- ♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (GASPS)
546
00:22:59,988 --> 00:23:01,154
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
547
00:23:01,154 --> 00:23:05,158
- That's a huge deal.
- But wait, it was just a dream.
548
00:23:05,158 --> 00:23:07,528
I was having sex
with Abe's head.
549
00:23:07,528 --> 00:23:09,863
Eh, we call that oral sex now.
550
00:23:09,863 --> 00:23:13,199
No, no, no, his head was giant,
so nobody or limbs.
551
00:23:13,199 --> 00:23:15,169
But... (CHUCKLES)
...you know how dreams are.
552
00:23:15,169 --> 00:23:16,370
Just weird.
553
00:23:16,370 --> 00:23:18,371
Nothing is ever just a dream.
554
00:23:18,371 --> 00:23:20,373
What's in your head
when you're sleeping
555
00:23:20,373 --> 00:23:23,210
is what's in your heart
when you're awake.
556
00:23:23,210 --> 00:23:24,839
- Wait, what?
- It's true.
557
00:23:24,839 --> 00:23:26,380
This is officially
the biggest secret
558
00:23:26,380 --> 00:23:27,648
I've ever been a part of.
559
00:23:27,648 --> 00:23:29,349
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God.
560
00:23:29,349 --> 00:23:31,284
Oh, my God, it is juicy.
561
00:23:31,284 --> 00:23:33,853
You guys are going tell
everyone, aren't you?
562
00:23:33,853 --> 00:23:36,689
Will you please also tell them
I really like JFK?
563
00:23:36,689 --> 00:23:39,025
- ♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- HARRIET: Hey, hey, it's okay.
564
00:23:39,025 --> 00:23:40,460
We're not gonna tell anyone.
565
00:23:40,460 --> 00:23:43,530
But, honestly, seriously, girl,
this was a sleepover.
566
00:23:43,530 --> 00:23:45,765
You know that a secret
that happens at a sleepover
567
00:23:45,765 --> 00:23:48,268
can never ever be told.
568
00:23:48,268 --> 00:23:50,436
Yes, we all know
how sleepovers work.
569
00:23:50,436 --> 00:23:52,939
You know, I'm so sick of people
overexplaining the rules
570
00:23:52,939 --> 00:23:54,876
when literally everyone...
(SCREAMS)
571
00:23:54,876 --> 00:23:55,946
(BODY THUDS)
572
00:23:57,345 --> 00:24:01,112
- Frederico?
- Clap once if you can hear me.
573
00:24:02,118 --> 00:24:03,384
Are we sure he's dead?
574
00:24:03,384 --> 00:24:05,486
I'd hate to bury him
alive again.
575
00:24:05,486 --> 00:24:07,655
Yeah, he's not screaming
this time.
576
00:24:07,655 --> 00:24:11,024
I'll get the shovels, friends.
577
00:24:11,024 --> 00:24:15,196
{\an8}I'm happy to report
our mission was a success.
578
00:24:15,196 --> 00:24:16,397
We stuck to the plan
579
00:24:16,397 --> 00:24:18,965
and did not get sidetracked
in any way.
580
00:24:18,965 --> 00:24:21,034
Yes, we remained focused
on the sleepover
581
00:24:21,034 --> 00:24:22,168
and not on various issues
582
00:24:22,168 --> 00:24:23,603
we're dealing with
in our personal lives.
583
00:24:23,603 --> 00:24:26,105
As a result, we now have all
the clones' secrets
584
00:24:26,105 --> 00:24:29,609
and none of each other’s.
Our dignity is rock solid,
585
00:24:29,609 --> 00:24:32,749
and we are not attracted
to either of our parents.
586
00:24:33,682 --> 00:24:34,748
CANDIDE:
You're really good
587
00:24:34,748 --> 00:24:36,316
at your job, Scudworth.
588
00:24:36,316 --> 00:24:41,921
♪ (EERIE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
589
00:24:41,921 --> 00:24:45,159
BOTH: Upon this act,
we shall be bonded together
590
00:24:45,159 --> 00:24:49,329
in friendship forevermore.
591
00:24:49,329 --> 00:24:54,334
Sleep well, fair Frederico.
Or should I say, "Frienderico."
592
00:24:54,334 --> 00:24:57,805
Thank you, guys,
for teaching me that sleepovers
593
00:24:57,805 --> 00:25:00,807
are indeed the friggin' best.
594
00:25:00,807 --> 00:25:02,442
- (WHISTLES)
- (GASPS)
595
00:25:02,442 --> 00:25:05,212
- ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- JFK, I missed you.
596
00:25:05,212 --> 00:25:09,217
- How was your sleepover?
- Honestly, it killed.
597
00:25:09,217 --> 00:25:13,787
(ALL LAUGH)
598
00:25:13,787 --> 00:25:14,889
Why are we laughing?
599
00:25:14,889 --> 00:25:18,261
(ALL LAUGH)
600
00:25:19,161 --> 00:25:23,233
♪ (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
601
00:26:08,410 --> 00:26:09,780
♪ (THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪