1
00:00:00,107 --> 00:00:03,342
-♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-ABE LINCOLN: Previously
on a very special Clone High.

2
00:00:03,411 --> 00:00:07,280
Spring Break sprung a leak
in Joan and JFK's relationship.

3
00:00:07,349 --> 00:00:10,282
While Joan and Abe's friendship
sprung back to life.

4
00:00:10,351 --> 00:00:13,518
Harriet figured out Confucius
was her secret admirer.

5
00:00:13,587 --> 00:00:16,188
But Confucius doesn't know
that she knows.

6
00:00:16,257 --> 00:00:17,924
Will he find out that she knows?

7
00:00:17,993 --> 00:00:20,455
Will she find out that he knows
that she knows?

8
00:00:20,524 --> 00:00:21,661
You'll know soon.

9
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,162
But will they know that you know

10
00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:25,631
that they either know
or don't know?

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-Now, we're getting somewhere.
-(SCHOOL BUS THUDDING)

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♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

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We are gathered here today

14
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to say a heartbreaking farewell
to the most famous teen couple

15
00:00:37,678 --> 00:00:41,448
since Juliet
and that guy she ghosted, Romeo.

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00:00:41,517 --> 00:00:43,249
Goodbye, JoanFK.

17
00:00:43,318 --> 00:00:48,988
Or as we will be known
from now on, Joan and JFK.

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00:00:49,057 --> 00:00:51,390
(CRIES) Why?

19
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We sure have a lot of funerals.

20
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We were gonna go
to Canada together!

21
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I was gonna say
there's something

22
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-I wanna "poutine" your pants!
-(CRIES)

23
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-CRIES)
-Thank you, JFK.

24
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Despite our breakup,

25
00:01:06,574 --> 00:01:09,875
JFK and I will continue
to be dedicated co-parents

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-to our beloved tortoise,
Shell Silverstein.
-(MUNCHES)

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As you know,
Shell has been with us

28
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through the most pivotal moments
of this semester.

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It's not your fault, little man.
Your parents love you very much.

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Just not enough
to stay together.

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-(MUNCHES, CRIES)
-♪ (SOMBER MUSIC FADES) ♪

32
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Another woman free
from the patriarchal shackles

33
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-of misogynistic
courting rituals.
-(JFK CRIES)

34
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Yeah, and Joan is single.
And I'm single.

35
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And there's potential to mingle
and possibly tingle.

36
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Wait, you like Joan?

37
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Yeah, it's been a secret
I practically never talk about

38
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to everyone within earshot.

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-RIP, JoanFK.
-(CRIES)

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No! They need to see this!
(CRIES)

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-♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-It's becoming clearer

42
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which clones have the potential
we need to be world leaders.

43
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-♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC FADES) ♪
-JAXXON: Harriet's made
a late break on the inside,

44
00:02:01,028 --> 00:02:05,031
but unfortunately, Confucius
is not as wise as we assumed.

45
00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:07,967
That means Joan and JFK
hold the top two positions.

46
00:02:08,036 --> 00:02:10,769
Those aren't the only positions
those two are holding.

47
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-What are you talking about?
-Joan and JFK are dating!

48
00:02:14,775 --> 00:02:16,776
We might have a power couple
on our hands.

49
00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,744
This is extremely good news!

50
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Maybe there's space for the two
of you on this board after all.

51
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-Wonderful!
-Could be another power couple

52
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-brewing right here. (CHUCKLES)
-Ugh!

53
00:02:26,420 --> 00:02:28,453
Now, what are we ordering
for lunch?

54
00:02:28,522 --> 00:02:30,489
Somebody fetch me
the menu binder!

55
00:02:30,558 --> 00:02:32,158
Skipper,
we are not doing poke again.

56
00:02:32,227 --> 00:02:34,226
Then I don't want to eat.

57
00:02:34,295 --> 00:02:37,196
Oh, dear. Joan and JFK broke up.

58
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What? No! You heard the Board.
They love JoanFK as a couple!

59
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There has to be some way
to get them back together!

60
00:02:44,172 --> 00:02:46,471
-Mr. B, think of a plan!
-Uh!

61
00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:48,006
Well, my friends in Texas
told me

62
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that teaching sexual education
causes teens to have more sex.

63
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We use sex ed to encourage them

64
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to have sex
and get back together!

65
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Don't act like it was your idea,
Mr. B.

66
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See, this is why people
have trouble with robots.

67
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It's settled. Let us implement
mandatory sexual education!

68
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I'll do you one better, Candide.
Saxual education! (VOCALIZES)

69
00:03:11,366 --> 00:03:14,003
♪ (ROMANTIC JAZZ MUSIC VERSION
OF THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

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♪ (ROMANTIC JAZZ MUSIC FADES) ♪

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-(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
-♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

72
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We're almost done
sexifying every room,

73
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-so no matter
where Joan and JFK are...
-(CLATTERING)

74
00:04:09,324 --> 00:04:12,525
...they won't be able to resist
getting back together.

75
00:04:12,594 --> 00:04:15,161
And with my saxophone skills,

76
00:04:15,230 --> 00:04:19,365
how could anyone
not be in the mood for love?

77
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♪ (OFF TUNE SAXOPHONE PLAYING) ♪

78
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:22,268
'Kay, I'm a little rusty.

79
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♪ (OFF TUNE SAXOPHONE PLAYING) ♪

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(GAGS) Ah, shit!

81
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♪ (SAXOPHONE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

82
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And meet our new sex-ed teacher,

83
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-Miss Diane Grumbles.
-♪ (SAXOPHONE MUSIC STOPS) ♪

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I will be teaching
Sexual Education 1-0-1.

85
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(CHUCKLES) Wink.

86
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Meow! She could inspire anyone
to get in the mood.

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Scudworth!
The halls are full of seamen.

88
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We're here with the oysters
for the students' lunches.

89
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Where do you want us seamen
dropping our load?

90
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Well, for starters, my mouth!
(CHUCKLES)

91
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Apologies.

92
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-(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
-♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

93
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(JFK CRYING)

94
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JFK, I know you're sad
about your breakup,

95
00:05:17,759 --> 00:05:18,924
but I need your advice.

96
00:05:18,993 --> 00:05:21,527
We've been texting for weeks,
but Harriet has no idea

97
00:05:21,596 --> 00:05:23,695
that I'm @definitelyahotguy69.

98
00:05:23,764 --> 00:05:26,132
What if she's totally bummed
when she finds out it's me?

99
00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:28,501
I can't wait until Confucius
tells me the truth,

100
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so we can turn our internet love
into reality-TV-level love.

101
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You know, love that lasts.

102
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-(CRIES)
-(SCREAMS)

103
00:05:35,510 --> 00:05:37,977
Harriet texted
@definitelyahotguy69.

104
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She wants to meet IRL!
What do I do?

105
00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:44,683
I don't know who IRL is,
but you gotta reveal yourself

106
00:05:44,752 --> 00:05:48,287
to Harriet before that IRL guy
steals her! (CRIES)

107
00:05:48,356 --> 00:05:50,022
-♪ (MELLOW MUSIC FADES) ♪
-So what you're saying is,

108
00:05:50,091 --> 00:05:52,491
I need to do an over-the-top
elaborate introduction

109
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that will totally blow her away.
I love it!

110
00:05:55,931 --> 00:05:57,057
Yeah, how long should I wait

111
00:05:57,126 --> 00:05:58,797
to tell Joan how I feel
about her

112
00:05:58,866 --> 00:06:01,701
while also giving her time
to recover from her breakup?

113
00:06:01,770 --> 00:06:03,737
Ten minutes?
No, that's way too short.

114
00:06:03,806 --> 00:06:04,971
Twelve minutes?

115
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:08,140
As the son of a mother,
I know about women.

116
00:06:08,209 --> 00:06:10,370
And I think
you should give Joan more space.

117
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Man, neither one of you know
how to talk to women.

118
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Y'all just need to be chill.

119
00:06:14,616 --> 00:06:16,081
-Hey!
-(GASPS)

120
00:06:16,150 --> 00:06:18,651
-♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
-I had so much fun with you
at Arroyo Fest.

121
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And I don't usually like fun.

122
00:06:20,488 --> 00:06:23,356
-Also me. Farroyo Mest. Uh...
-What?

123
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What am I saying? I'm, like,
"What?" (CHUCKLES)

124
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:28,427
I've never seen you
nervous before. (GASPS)

125
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(SING-SONG) You like Cleo.
Neener, neener, neener.

126
00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:32,832
(SHUSHES) No, I don't!

127
00:06:32,901 --> 00:06:34,167
I don't think she's into me
like that.

128
00:06:34,236 --> 00:06:36,163
And I'm not nervous,
I'm super chill,

129
00:06:36,232 --> 00:06:38,437
-like always. (GRUNTS)
-(CLATTERING)

130
00:06:38,506 --> 00:06:43,575
-♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-So, there's this hot,
new French movie...

131
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about these two
18th century countesses,

132
00:06:46,314 --> 00:06:48,484
but their love was forbidden.

133
00:06:49,750 --> 00:06:52,188
Maybe we could go
see it or whatever?

134
00:06:52,754 --> 00:06:54,781
(GULPS) Uh.

135
00:06:54,850 --> 00:06:58,924
-I-- I-- I'm allergic to movies.
Okay, bye.
-♪ (MUSIC RISES, FADES) ♪

136
00:06:58,993 --> 00:07:01,026
-(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)
-(BRICK WALLS SMASHING)

137
00:07:01,095 --> 00:07:03,032
-(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
-SEAMEN: ♪ We are the seamen ♪

138
00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:09,368
-♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-Hey, you, John Fitzgerald,

139
00:07:09,437 --> 00:07:12,739
I need to grab some of my stuff
from your locker.

140
00:07:12,808 --> 00:07:14,874
Of course. Here, let me see.

141
00:07:14,943 --> 00:07:18,210
You wore these
when we went to Makeout Cove!

142
00:07:18,279 --> 00:07:21,646
Named for Ron Makeout,
inventor of the 169,

143
00:07:21,715 --> 00:07:24,083
the threesome
where one guy just stands there.

144
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Of course,
it's just sex-related stuff.

145
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:30,823
I'm also here for Shell.
It's my day to watch him.

146
00:07:30,892 --> 00:07:32,758
-I'm sure you could use a break.
-♪ (MELLOW MUSIC FADES) ♪

147
00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:34,060
What's that supposed to mean?

148
00:07:34,129 --> 00:07:36,061
Are you saying
I'm not a good parent?

149
00:07:36,130 --> 00:07:37,930
No. We just agreed

150
00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:40,599
that I'd take him
to third period, remember?

151
00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:44,036
Biology? You're going to expose
him to that?

152
00:07:44,105 --> 00:07:46,672
-What kind of mother are you?
-Um, okay. Look,

153
00:07:46,741 --> 00:07:50,376
I know you're still hurting
and still processing everything.

154
00:07:50,445 --> 00:07:54,279
We'd both be better off
if we never saw you again!

155
00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:58,117
Well, too bad because Shell
belongs to both of us!

156
00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:00,219
There is no "us" anymore!

157
00:08:00,288 --> 00:08:03,456
So, if I have to lose you
then you have to lose Shell!

158
00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:04,923
I'll see you in court!

159
00:08:04,992 --> 00:08:08,528
No, I'll see you in court!
I'm getting custody of our son!

160
00:08:08,597 --> 00:08:10,199
(JFK CRIES)

161
00:08:11,133 --> 00:08:12,101
Hmm.

162
00:08:16,939 --> 00:08:18,398
CONFUCIUS: Remember,
cue the finale

163
00:08:18,467 --> 00:08:20,874
when I get to the bottom
of the stairs. Music!

164
00:08:20,943 --> 00:08:22,241
♪ (ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

165
00:08:22,310 --> 00:08:24,213
-(BEEPS)
-Huh? (GASPS)

166
00:08:26,014 --> 00:08:32,318
CONFUCIUS: ♪ Why do b-- ♪
(SCREAMS)

167
00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:34,190
-(GRUNTS)
-(BIRDS CHIRP)

168
00:08:38,093 --> 00:08:41,427
-(CHIRPS)
-(HAWK SCREECHES)

169
00:08:41,496 --> 00:08:43,729
CONFUCIUS: (SOBBING)
God, I ruined it. I'm sorry.

170
00:08:43,798 --> 00:08:46,765
Don't take the tuba off.
You don't need to know who I am.

171
00:08:46,834 --> 00:08:48,968
-♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-Confucius, you don't need
to try so hard.

172
00:08:49,037 --> 00:08:51,738
I knew you were
@definitelyahotguy69 all along.

173
00:08:51,807 --> 00:08:52,905
And I still like you.

174
00:08:52,974 --> 00:08:54,974
CONFUCIUS: You do?
You're not let down?

175
00:08:55,043 --> 00:08:57,042
Even after I just
super beefed it?

176
00:08:57,111 --> 00:08:59,112
-(CLATTERING)
-I'm the opposite of let down,

177
00:08:59,181 --> 00:09:00,914
and I want to shout it
from the rooftops!

178
00:09:00,983 --> 00:09:02,048
We're a couple!

179
00:09:02,117 --> 00:09:04,818
Yes! Let's announce
in the most romantic way

180
00:09:04,887 --> 00:09:06,185
that teens know how.

181
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:08,120
BOTH:
An unsupervised house party,

182
00:09:08,189 --> 00:09:10,690
announcing our relationship
to the whole school!

183
00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,657
Jinx. You owe me a kiss.

184
00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:14,193
-(BOTH SMOOCH)
-♪ (SOFT MUSIC FADES) ♪

185
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:17,296
-(CHALK SQUEAKING)
-Lesson number one.

186
00:09:17,365 --> 00:09:20,899
As everyone knows,
when you have sex with someone,

187
00:09:20,968 --> 00:09:24,807
you are having sex with everyone
they've ever had sex with.

188
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:26,442
Isn't that hot?

189
00:09:27,743 --> 00:09:29,175
For our next exercise,

190
00:09:29,244 --> 00:09:32,311
we're gonna put the fake sperm
into the fake egg.

191
00:09:32,380 --> 00:09:35,748
You'll be partnered up,
just like in sex.

192
00:09:35,817 --> 00:09:37,650
♪ (SENSUAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

193
00:09:37,719 --> 00:09:41,320
I'll come up with pairs.
The first one is Joan and JFK.

194
00:09:41,389 --> 00:09:42,891
-Absolutely not.
-I refuse.

195
00:09:44,392 --> 00:09:46,229
The rest of you, figure it out.

196
00:09:48,996 --> 00:09:51,964
So, what do ya say, Frida?
Do you wanna be my partner?

197
00:09:52,033 --> 00:09:54,801
I-- I already have one!
My backpack! Hi, partner!

198
00:09:54,870 --> 00:09:56,139
♪ (SENSUAL MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

199
00:09:57,139 --> 00:09:59,071
Where's your partner,
Abe Lincoln?

200
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:01,173
When everyone made eye contact
to pick partners,

201
00:10:01,242 --> 00:10:04,411
I was busy looking at the face
in the ceiling, Miss Grumbles.

202
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:07,814
(CACKLES)

203
00:10:07,883 --> 00:10:09,581
-Call me Diane.
-♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

204
00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:10,950
-You know...
-Uh. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

205
00:10:11,019 --> 00:10:14,587
...Lincoln was my favorite
president. (CHUCKLES)

206
00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:17,589
-Mine too, Diane!
-Blood wasn't the only thing

207
00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:21,460
original Abe Lincoln liked
to spray around the cheap seats.

208
00:10:21,529 --> 00:10:22,962
-(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
-♪ (SOFT MUSIC FADES) ♪

209
00:10:23,031 --> 00:10:26,131
-How about you stay after class?
-Oh, shoot, Diane.

210
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:27,833
Thanks for having
my best interests at heart

211
00:10:27,902 --> 00:10:31,437
but it's time to tell the girl
I always loved that I love her!

212
00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:33,940
Why love a girl
when you can love a woman

213
00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:36,742
who invented
the missionary position?

214
00:10:36,811 --> 00:10:40,716
-Oh, you. What a character!
-TOPHER BUS: Hmm.

215
00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:44,954
-♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(SIGHS) She's perfect.

216
00:10:48,990 --> 00:10:51,590
-♪ (MUSIC STOPS) ♪
-Wait! You can't tell Joan
how you feel

217
00:10:51,659 --> 00:10:53,793
if you're a virgin
and she's not.

218
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:56,596
But I-- Isn't virginity
a social construct?

219
00:10:56,665 --> 00:10:57,664
Ya know, like brunch?

220
00:10:57,733 --> 00:11:00,666
Look, Joan has had a lot of sex
with JFK

221
00:11:00,735 --> 00:11:02,569
and he's had a lot of sex
with everybody,

222
00:11:02,638 --> 00:11:04,537
so he's really good at sex.

223
00:11:04,606 --> 00:11:05,938
Compared to him,
you'll be terrible.

224
00:11:06,007 --> 00:11:07,839
Oh, jeez, you're right.

225
00:11:07,908 --> 00:11:10,709
Okay, but even if I wanted
to get some sexual experience,

226
00:11:10,778 --> 00:11:13,179
who would I lose
my precious virginity to?

227
00:11:13,248 --> 00:11:15,982
Who's had more sex than JFK?

228
00:11:16,051 --> 00:11:18,283
-Abe! Yoo-hoo!
-♪ (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS, STOPS) ♪

229
00:11:18,352 --> 00:11:23,122
-(COUGHING)
-Miss Grumbles is perfect!

230
00:11:23,191 --> 00:11:24,851
I heard she had sex
with Billy Bob Thornton,

231
00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:28,494
who had sex with Angelina Jolie,
who had sex with Colin Farrell!

232
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:30,997
Don't you wanna be able
to have sex like Colin Farrell?

233
00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:35,567
-Who wouldn't?
-♪ (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS, STOPS) ♪

234
00:11:35,636 --> 00:11:38,803
I don't know.
She's got a lot of experience.

235
00:11:38,872 --> 00:11:42,808
-I-- I gotta think about it.
-Excuse me, young sir.

236
00:11:42,877 --> 00:11:45,211
We gotta get these here oysters
into the cafeteria

237
00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,880
and if you don't let us by,
we'll find a way.

238
00:11:47,949 --> 00:11:49,852
We're the seamen.

239
00:12:40,636 --> 00:12:43,269
♪ (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING, FADES) ♪

240
00:12:43,338 --> 00:12:45,871
You're being unreasonable!
I'm Shell's mother.

241
00:12:45,940 --> 00:12:49,541
Well, I'm his father!
And I brought counsel.

242
00:12:49,610 --> 00:12:51,543
-The head of the debate team.
-♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

243
00:12:51,612 --> 00:12:54,814
-I second that emotion!
-I also brought counsel.

244
00:12:54,883 --> 00:12:56,248
The other head
of the debate team.

245
00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:59,218
Oh, we're coming
for everything you got.

246
00:12:59,287 --> 00:13:01,390
-(ALL GRUNT)
-♪ (SAXOPHONE PLAYS) ♪

247
00:13:05,126 --> 00:13:06,458
A little saxophone

248
00:13:06,527 --> 00:13:09,328
-to stimulate the pheromones?
-♪ (SAXOPHONE PLAYS) ♪

249
00:13:09,397 --> 00:13:11,931
Time to address the elephant
in the room.

250
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,899
You don't even know
what you're talking about!

251
00:13:13,968 --> 00:13:16,502
-He's a turtle!
-He's a tortoise!

252
00:13:16,571 --> 00:13:19,105
-♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-What kind of father
wouldn't know that?

253
00:13:19,174 --> 00:13:22,541
Joan wants full custody.
JFK is not a suitable parent.

254
00:13:22,610 --> 00:13:25,078
-He's emotionally volatile--
-You take that back!

255
00:13:25,147 --> 00:13:27,013
I'm extremely calm,
you dumb do-dos!

256
00:13:27,082 --> 00:13:29,949
You're not gonna win this,
Sacagawea!

257
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:33,285
-I was a debate captain.
-Twenty years ago!

258
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:36,322
Your debate skills are like you.
Freezer burned.

259
00:13:36,391 --> 00:13:38,757
-Ouch.
-♪ (MUSIC STOPS,
SAXOPHONE PLAYS) ♪

260
00:13:38,826 --> 00:13:41,594
But wow. Your clone mother
may have been a guide,

261
00:13:41,663 --> 00:13:44,133
but I'm lost... in your eyes.

262
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,833
-♪ (SAXOPHONE PLAYS) ♪
-And your clone father

263
00:13:46,902 --> 00:13:48,634
may have been
a peanut scientist...

264
00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:51,565
(INHALES) ...but I want to have
sex with you. (SMOOCHES)

265
00:13:51,634 --> 00:13:53,772
-Ugh!
-Hmm, that gives me an idea.

266
00:13:53,841 --> 00:13:57,409
-Maybe you and I could also--
-Are you out of your mind?

267
00:13:57,478 --> 00:13:59,382
I'm taking Shell. We're done!

268
00:14:01,516 --> 00:14:02,648
♪ (SAXOPHONE STOPS PLAYING) ♪

269
00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:06,418
(SCREAMS) I'm aflame! Quick!
Pat me with those couch cushions

270
00:14:06,487 --> 00:14:08,053
we illegally took the tags
off of.

271
00:14:08,122 --> 00:14:10,522
I assume they're not...
(SCREAMS) ...flammable!

272
00:14:10,591 --> 00:14:12,591
-(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
-Rager tonight! My house!

273
00:14:12,660 --> 00:14:14,994
-♪ (MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-No parents!
Totally unsupervised!

274
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:18,197
Confucius and I are a couple!
He's my boyfriend!

275
00:14:18,266 --> 00:14:20,800
And she's my girlfriend!
We're a thing!

276
00:14:20,869 --> 00:14:23,002
Yo! Come destroy my parents'
delicate home

277
00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:25,170
filled with priceless antiques,
everybody!

278
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:27,140
Who has a rager on a Thursday?

279
00:14:27,209 --> 00:14:30,843
I have no desire to destroy
priceless antiques. Hard pass.

280
00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:32,879
-Harder pass! (SPITS)
-♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪

281
00:14:32,948 --> 00:14:35,414
♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

282
00:14:35,483 --> 00:14:37,683
-(SHELL SILVERSTEIN COOS)
-Oh, there, buddy!

283
00:14:37,752 --> 00:14:39,684
He doesn't know he can't swim.

284
00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:42,822
A lot of us try to do things
we don't know how to do.

285
00:14:42,891 --> 00:14:44,760
It's how we learn to do them.

286
00:14:47,962 --> 00:14:49,361
I wish someone could teach me

287
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,864
how to handle this breakup
with JFK.

288
00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:53,800
It's the hardest thing
I've ever had to do.

289
00:14:53,869 --> 00:14:57,236
Hey, just know,
you can do hard things.

290
00:14:57,305 --> 00:15:00,072
Because even though you're soft
and oogly on the inside,

291
00:15:00,141 --> 00:15:02,641
you're strong and hard
on the outside.

292
00:15:02,710 --> 00:15:05,812
Like Shell, your foster son,
who you have proven

293
00:15:05,881 --> 00:15:08,848
that you have loved
for many weeks now.

294
00:15:08,917 --> 00:15:10,183
Thanks for saying that, Abe.

295
00:15:10,252 --> 00:15:12,484
Well, maybe tonight,
you and I can--

296
00:15:12,553 --> 00:15:13,990
-Oh, crap, he's drowning.
-♪ (MUSIC STOPS) ♪

297
00:15:15,023 --> 00:15:16,225
(GASPS)

298
00:15:17,425 --> 00:15:19,228
♪ (ROMANTIC JAZZ MUSIC
PLAYING) ♪

299
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:25,531
-(COUGHS)
-I know what I have to do now.

300
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:28,133
You doing what you
don't wanna do is inspiring me

301
00:15:28,202 --> 00:15:29,935
to do who I don't want to do...

302
00:15:30,004 --> 00:15:31,605
-(COUGHS)
-...but I have to do.

303
00:15:31,674 --> 00:15:34,243
-For what I want.
-(COUGHS)

304
00:15:35,209 --> 00:15:36,743
-Aw.
-♪ (ROMANTIC JAZZ MUSIC FADES) ♪

305
00:15:36,812 --> 00:15:39,315
-(GROANS, GASPS)
-(MUNCHES)

306
00:15:41,950 --> 00:15:43,115
Huh?

307
00:15:43,184 --> 00:15:45,385
JOAN OF ARC: Our tortoise son
needs his father.

308
00:15:45,454 --> 00:15:47,086
Raise him well.

309
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:51,523
We won, buddy boy!
We did it! (LAUGHS)

310
00:15:51,592 --> 00:15:53,829
Now, I can tell Abe
how I really feel.

311
00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:57,597
I have to do this for Joan.

312
00:15:57,666 --> 00:15:59,564
-So do I.
-(PHONE BEEPS)

313
00:15:59,633 --> 00:16:01,801
-♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-Well, hello, Mr. President.

314
00:16:01,870 --> 00:16:04,140
Hi, Miss Grumbles. (GULPS)

315
00:16:05,073 --> 00:16:06,105
I'm pretty nervous.

316
00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:09,575
Let me put on some modern music
to help the mood.

317
00:16:09,644 --> 00:16:11,310
-♪ (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING
OVER GRAMOPHONE) ♪
-Wink.

318
00:16:11,379 --> 00:16:14,279
It's okay for a teacher
and a minor to be together

319
00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:15,582
-if it's love.
-Uh...

320
00:16:15,651 --> 00:16:17,083
But we have to keep this
a secret

321
00:16:17,152 --> 00:16:18,717
or we'll both go to jail.

322
00:16:18,786 --> 00:16:20,620
That's the law,
don't bother to look it up.

323
00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:22,021
I don't wanna go to jail.

324
00:16:22,090 --> 00:16:24,589
I'm a winter,
so orange is a no for me.

325
00:16:24,658 --> 00:16:28,428
Oh, let me slip something off
to feel more comfortable.

326
00:16:28,497 --> 00:16:30,296
(SLURPS)

327
00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:32,798
-♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(GROANS)

328
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,099
(SLURPS, SMOOCHES)

329
00:16:34,168 --> 00:16:36,602
I can feel all of your previous
sexual partners

330
00:16:36,671 --> 00:16:38,504
offering me
their carnal knowledge.

331
00:16:38,573 --> 00:16:40,639
Oh, it's more
than I was expecting!

332
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:45,009
(GRUNTS) So many, it's too many!
I'm sorry but I can't do this.

333
00:16:45,078 --> 00:16:48,547
-♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC FADES) ♪
-Thank you for the opportunity
but I-- I must decline.

334
00:16:48,616 --> 00:16:51,420
-Uh, Miss Grumbles?
-(SQUEAKS)

335
00:16:54,857 --> 00:16:57,924
(BURPS) Excuse me.

336
00:16:57,993 --> 00:16:59,959
Miss Grumbles,
I have the cucumbers

337
00:17:00,028 --> 00:17:01,564
you asked for. Ah shit!

338
00:17:03,098 --> 00:17:04,797
-♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

339
00:17:04,866 --> 00:17:06,202
-(SLURPS)
-(SLURPS)

340
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:13,807
I love eating oysters.

341
00:17:13,876 --> 00:17:17,042
Did you know
that they're an aphrodisiac?

342
00:17:17,111 --> 00:17:21,346
Uh. Yeah. I-- I didn't know
you liked oyster eating too.

343
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:24,683
It's crazy. I used to think
we were complete opposites.

344
00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:27,520
I see now that we have so much
in common.

345
00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:30,456
Most people are so annoying.

346
00:17:30,525 --> 00:17:32,491
-But you? I don't know.
-(GULPS)

347
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:34,559
-You just seem different.
-♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC FADES) ♪

348
00:17:34,628 --> 00:17:37,162
You're different!
I go do karate now!

349
00:17:37,231 --> 00:17:39,832
Hey, you and Cleo want to come
to our party?

350
00:17:39,901 --> 00:17:42,138
I go do karate now! (GRUNTS)

351
00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:46,371
If no one comes to our party,
are we even a couple?

352
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,674
Uh. Maybe she'll take a flyer
after karate.

353
00:17:48,743 --> 00:17:51,845
Don't you get it?
There is no karate! (GROANS)

354
00:17:51,914 --> 00:17:54,247
♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

355
00:17:54,316 --> 00:17:58,485
(GRUNTS) Both sexual and saxual
education were a bust!

356
00:17:58,554 --> 00:17:59,951
Joan and JFK are showing

357
00:18:00,020 --> 00:18:01,655
-no signs
of getting back together!
-♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC FADES) ♪

358
00:18:01,724 --> 00:18:03,356
Also, the "statutory-rape-

359
00:18:03,425 --> 00:18:07,130
death-by-orgasm" situation
is very troubling.

360
00:18:09,164 --> 00:18:12,131
-(GASPS)
-♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS,
FADES) ♪

361
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:13,800
I'll take care of it.

362
00:18:13,869 --> 00:18:18,237
Attention clones,
especially Joan and JFK.

363
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:21,674
Do not go to Confucius
and Harriet's party and hook up.

364
00:18:21,743 --> 00:18:23,642
But we do want them to hook up!

365
00:18:23,711 --> 00:18:26,746
An authority figure telling me
not to do something?

366
00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:28,247
Now, I have to do it!

367
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:32,117
ALL: Party horny! Party horny!

368
00:18:32,186 --> 00:18:33,552
Uh, yeah. I guess that worked.

369
00:18:33,621 --> 00:18:36,856
The trap is set.
Now, the fun begins.

370
00:18:36,925 --> 00:18:39,325
So, we're not
telling the police.

371
00:18:39,394 --> 00:18:41,226
♪ (MUFFLED PARTY MUSIC
PLAYING) ♪

372
00:18:41,295 --> 00:18:44,496
MR. BUTLERTRON: I like the way
this party is currently going!

373
00:18:44,565 --> 00:18:46,332
-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
-Babe, our party's a hit!

374
00:18:46,401 --> 00:18:48,801
Everyone here is shipping us
so hard right now.

375
00:18:48,870 --> 00:18:51,304
I can't believe
every bedroom's already in use.

376
00:18:51,373 --> 00:18:52,608
I'm so proud of us.

377
00:18:53,975 --> 00:18:56,409
-Joan. (GRUNTS)
-(SMOOCHING)

378
00:18:56,478 --> 00:19:00,446
(GRUNTS, GROANS)
Let's talk Grumbles.

379
00:19:00,515 --> 00:19:02,949
Sorry, I can't hide my feelings
from Joan.

380
00:19:03,018 --> 00:19:04,951
I may not have
the sexual experience

381
00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:06,119
because Miss Grumbles died

382
00:19:06,188 --> 00:19:07,820
before we even got past
first base,

383
00:19:07,889 --> 00:19:09,888
but I have the sexual heart.

384
00:19:09,957 --> 00:19:13,192
I don't care if I'm a virgin,
I'm gonna tell her how I feel!

385
00:19:13,261 --> 00:19:15,127
Not so fast. I wouldn't do that,

386
00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:18,001
unless you want me
to show her this!

387
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,268
Oops. Sorry, monitoring that one
for weird edges.

388
00:19:21,337 --> 00:19:23,069
Nope. Nope. Yup!

389
00:19:23,138 --> 00:19:25,671
(GASPS) Why are you
blackmailing me?

390
00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:29,842
Ah! You can't say blackmailing!
I'm-- I'm White leveraging.

391
00:19:29,911 --> 00:19:33,912
-Because my true crush is Joan.
-What?

392
00:19:33,981 --> 00:19:36,082
-♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-I can't fight my attraction
to a White woman.

393
00:19:36,151 --> 00:19:37,650
And if you even think
about putting those

394
00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:39,386
gangly fingers of yours
anywhere near her,

395
00:19:39,455 --> 00:19:41,820
I'll show her this!

396
00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:44,660
Wrong one, again!
I do a lot of White leveraging.

397
00:19:45,594 --> 00:19:46,795
JOAN: Abe?

398
00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:50,729
Can we talk?

399
00:19:50,798 --> 00:19:53,032
This break up with JFK
has really made me think

400
00:19:53,101 --> 00:19:54,867
about what's important in life.

401
00:19:54,936 --> 00:19:57,440
And you're right up
at the top of the list.

402
00:20:00,008 --> 00:20:02,008
-Grumbles.
-Is there any chance

403
00:20:02,077 --> 00:20:05,111
you'd maybe want to hang out
sometime, just us?

404
00:20:05,180 --> 00:20:08,647
Uh... No! I'm sorry but no.

405
00:20:08,716 --> 00:20:11,150
There are reasons
but I can't explain them!

406
00:20:11,219 --> 00:20:15,487
-I must be vague!
-♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

407
00:20:15,556 --> 00:20:17,626
-♪ (MUFFLED PARTY MUSIC
PLAYING) ♪
-(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

408
00:20:23,665 --> 00:20:26,735
Oh, sorry, bish. I'm taking up
the whole-ass balcony.

409
00:20:32,107 --> 00:20:33,776
How do you not want this?

410
00:20:34,576 --> 00:20:35,741
♪ (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

411
00:20:35,810 --> 00:20:38,081
(IN FRENCH)

412
00:20:38,608 --> 00:20:40,183
(IN FRENCH)

413
00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:14,680
(SMOOCHES)

414
00:21:14,749 --> 00:21:16,915
-(BICYCLE BELL DINGS)
-♪ (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC FADES) ♪

415
00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:18,821
-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
-♪ ("EVERYTHING ABOUT ME"
PLAYING) ♪

416
00:21:22,290 --> 00:21:24,824
JFK,
you're an amazing turtle dad.

417
00:21:24,893 --> 00:21:29,861
Tortoise dad.
I'm a tortoise dad.

418
00:21:29,930 --> 00:21:32,932
-(SNIFFLES)
-♪ Nowadays, people say
We're good together ♪

419
00:21:33,001 --> 00:21:35,500
♪ I smile
Say I'm happy that I met her ♪

420
00:21:35,569 --> 00:21:38,237
♪ Why's it feeling like
It's taking so much effort? ♪

421
00:21:38,306 --> 00:21:40,907
♪ And why is nothing that I do
Making it better? ♪

422
00:21:40,976 --> 00:21:43,108
♪ I've been tryna put
The two of us behind me ♪

423
00:21:43,177 --> 00:21:45,277
-(MUFFLED SCREAM)
-♪ Every time she says
I want you ♪

424
00:21:45,346 --> 00:21:46,445
♪ It reminds me ♪

425
00:21:46,514 --> 00:21:48,814
♪ Of how you showed up
In the middle of the night, we ♪

426
00:21:48,883 --> 00:21:51,854
♪ Spent forever talkin' about
What we might be ♪

427
00:21:54,957 --> 00:21:56,092
-♪ (SONG FADES) ♪
-(MUFFLED) JFK?

428
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:03,262
Joan, I realized Shell's needs
are more important than mine

429
00:22:03,331 --> 00:22:08,500
-and he needs you.
-Wow. You've really grown.

430
00:22:08,569 --> 00:22:11,705
You know what else has grown?
My big throbbing...

431
00:22:11,774 --> 00:22:13,639
-Um...
-...heart.

432
00:22:13,708 --> 00:22:15,942
Sorry, the breakup got so ugly.

433
00:22:16,011 --> 00:22:19,578
I felt like I was just hurting,
but we both were.

434
00:22:19,647 --> 00:22:23,249
-Wanna share custody?
-(CLICKS TONGUE) Aw, JFK.

435
00:22:23,318 --> 00:22:24,753
-♪ (ROMANTIC JAZZ MUSIC
PLAYING) ♪
-(SMOOCHES)

436
00:22:25,086 --> 00:22:26,685
(GASPS)

437
00:22:26,754 --> 00:22:30,456
(MOANS) Oh, Joan.
Oh, I knew we weren't over.

438
00:22:30,525 --> 00:22:33,826
Oh, no, JFK. I-- I'm still
attracted to you, of course,

439
00:22:33,895 --> 00:22:38,698
but I-- I think, maybe,
we're meant for other people.

440
00:22:38,767 --> 00:22:40,999
♪ (MUSIC DECRESCENDOS) ♪

441
00:22:41,068 --> 00:22:43,402
-♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-Oh, I think
it's best for both of us

442
00:22:43,471 --> 00:22:47,173
if I go have meaningless sex
with the Brontë sisters.

443
00:22:47,242 --> 00:22:49,375
But it will bring me no joy.

444
00:22:49,444 --> 00:22:51,678
Well, fleeting joy,
three separate times.

445
00:22:51,747 --> 00:22:54,350
But that's it.
Fare thee well, Joan.

446
00:22:54,817 --> 00:22:56,877
Fare thee well.

447
00:22:56,946 --> 00:22:58,221
♪ (SOFT MUSIC FADES) ♪

448
00:23:02,223 --> 00:23:06,862
-♪ (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(GRUNTS)

449
00:23:10,366 --> 00:23:11,935
Ah! Go for it.

450
00:23:13,769 --> 00:23:15,602
-(SMOOCHES)
-(SCREECHES)

451
00:23:15,671 --> 00:23:16,670
-♪ (MUSIC STOPS) ♪
-(GASPS)

452
00:23:16,739 --> 00:23:19,338
-(SCREECHES)
-(GROANS)

453
00:23:19,407 --> 00:23:21,741
-♪ (PARTY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-What are we
going to do, Candide?

454
00:23:21,810 --> 00:23:24,611
Joan and JFK
are officially done-zo.

455
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:27,046
(GROANS) Stupid saxophone!

456
00:23:27,115 --> 00:23:28,848
Your perverted plan
was never gonna work

457
00:23:28,917 --> 00:23:30,682
-in the first place.
-My plan?

458
00:23:30,751 --> 00:23:32,017
-I did-- (GROANS)
-I'll just tell the Board

459
00:23:32,086 --> 00:23:33,986
you blew it again,
Scudworthless.

460
00:23:34,055 --> 00:23:36,555
My knee is broken!
I can see bone!

461
00:23:36,624 --> 00:23:39,559
You should
really get more calcium.

462
00:23:39,628 --> 00:23:41,931
Party's over. Hose ‘em down!

463
00:23:43,465 --> 00:23:45,565
(ALL SCREAM)

464
00:23:45,634 --> 00:23:46,936
♪ (MUSIC STOPS) ♪

465
00:23:48,403 --> 00:23:52,075
-Wet T-shirt contest!
-(CROWD CHEERING)

466
00:24:05,153 --> 00:24:08,157
♪ (ROMANTIC JAZZ MUSIC VERSION
OF THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

467
00:24:53,001 --> 00:24:55,271
♪ (ROMANTIC JAZZ MUSIC FADES) ♪