-♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -ABE LINCOLN: Tonight on a very special Clone High.
An epic tale so ground-breaking, so powerful,
there aren’t enough award shows on the planet
to adequately celebrate this absolute treasure
of a cartoon.
So, if you’ve been thinking about creating an award show,
you should do it today.
And now, without further ado,
we proudly present, for your consideration,
Clone High’s paradigm shifting opus, entitled,
“For Your Consideration.”
(WHISPERING) Let's watch.
(WAVES SPLASH)
♪ (UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)
(BOAT CREAKING)
♪ (UPLIFTING MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
♪ (ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
SHADOWY FIGURE LESLIE: As is custom
at our Annual Board of Shadowy Figures Crab Fest,
we open the floor to questions, requests, suggestions,
and funny stories.
-(GRUNTS) -LESLIE: If you wish
to speak this year, you may do so now.
Uh. I have something!
Allow me to present to you my lifelong ambition...
Cloney Island.
Once, "Operation Spread Eagle" is complete,
I would like to formally request control of all remaining clones,
-in order that I may-- -LESLIE: Sorry.
Do you have crab stuck in your teeth?
Uh. What?
I don’t feel anything. Oh, did I get it?
Is it here? There? Over here? Oh, gosh, buttery crab fingers.
Ugh! Disgusting.
Well, that wraps up another successful crab-fest!
To spreading our eagles!
SHADOWY FIGURES: To spreading our eagles!
CANDIDE SIMPSON: (GRUNTS) Hate shellfish.
(GRUNTS) Mr. B!
How dare you not tell me, I have crab in my teeth!
Of course, they didn't take my request seriously!
I had crab sticking out from my incisors.
But I put a note on your--
Oh! You put a note on absolutely nothing!
You promised to look out for my teeth
while I made my very important proposal,
and yet you broke that promise!
What?
What about your promise to me?
Wesley.
What promise?
The dramatic, epic, and award worthy promise
you made all those years ago?
Oh, yes, that!
Why would I ever need to keep such an enormous promise to you?
You're just a hunk of metal with no soul!
How dare you?
(PRINCIPAL SCUDWORTH GRUNTS)
A lie! It was all a lie.
(GRUNTS)
♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(ELECTRICITY ZAPS) -(ROBOTIC SIGH)
JOAN OF ARC: You dropped something.
-Oh, hi, Joan. -Hey, Mr. B.
Can we talk?
I don't know what to do.
I'm just so devastated about my breakup with JFK.
I miss having someone who loves me no matter what.
You know what I mean?
Yes, I do. Wesley.
I've been seeking companionship
with people my whole life, Wesley.
But no more, Wesley.
Hey, why do you always call people Wesley?
It's a long, epic, and award-worthy story.
Wesley.
(YOUNG WESLEY CHUCKLES)
Tomorrow, we're gonna get baptized!
It'll be the best day of our lives!
♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Boy golly, I sure am hungry, identical twin brother.
Me too.
What do you say we rustle up somethin' to eat?
I don’t wanna go in there by myself.
I’d never let you do anything by yourself!
You’ve always got me by your side. Always!
Now, let’s scooch. Ham’s a-callin’!
(CHUCKLES)
-(GUNSHOTS) -I told y’all for the last time
to stay outta my ham patch!
-(GUNSHOTS) -Ow!
You identical twins are gonna be in big trouble!
I’m gonna call your parents Leslie and Presley
to tell them what you’ve done!
♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
(BOTH MUNCHING)
I can’t wait to go to Heaven.
It’ll be such a beautiful reward
for this hardscrabble life of poverty.
At least, we have each other.
I promise, I’ll never leave your side on Earth,
or in Heaven, and a promise between brothers is...
-Forever. -Forever.
Oh, Saint Christopher! We better get home!
We got chores to do!
-(WHISTLES) -♪ (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(HORSE HOOVES CLOMPING)
(HORSE NEIGHING)
(MOOS)
You identical twins finish your chores?
Yes, Pa. We shaved the cows, shot all the rabid dogs,
collected dust for coffee, and said our anti-witch prayers.
-That’s good, Besley. -I’m Besley!
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
(CHUCKLES) Oh, I can never tell you identical twins apart!
Now, go wash up.
Remember what tomorrow is?
♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(INHALES) Hallelujah!
-I’m saved! -(BIRDS CHIRP)
I wanna die so bad now!
Your turn, Besley!
Get baptized, so we can be together forever in Heaven!
-Goodie! Heaven, here I com-- -Oh, no, no, no! Not you!
Don’t get in that water. You’ll get all rusty.
But I want to go to Heaven.
You can’t go to no Heaven, on account you're a robit.
And robit’s ain't got no souls.
-I’m a robit? -♪ (MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Gasp.
But-- But he’s my identical twin brother!
Oh, don’t be a fool now.
Didn’t you notice his mediocre British accent
and that we shovel coal into his butt?
(BEEPING)
-Does not compute! -It don’t compute one bit!
Boo-hoo! Hoo!
Besley, please don’t cry! Here, wipe your eyes.
But it-- It's-- it’s dry? Uh. I don’t understand.
Robots can’t cry.
-No! -(METAL CLANGING)
(WHEELS SQUEAKING)
-(WHIMPERS) -(GLASS SHATTERS)
Huh? Huh?
LESLIE: Hey, we thought you knew you was a robit.
What, with your metal skin and all.
But, you could never tell us identical twins apart!
Oh, that was just a fun game, like “I got your nose.”
I thought you did have my nose! Oh, God! I have no nose!
-(SOBS) -(WHEELS SQUEAKING)
Goodbye, Mother-- I mean, woman who purchased me.
Wait! Don’t go.
Before I give you this pillow I embroidered.
-(SIGHS) -(WHEELS SQUEAKING)
No! Don’t leave me! What about our brother promise?
I’m not your brother.
You don’t have to pretend anymore.
But, we’re gonna be together forever!
I can’t go to Heaven with you, Wesley.
I’m a robot! I have no soul!
I don’t even have a nose!
We can figure all that out.
No, just leave me alone!
I hate you and I never want to see you again!
-Go! Go on! Get! Get outta here! -(GASPS)
♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(WHIMPERS)
MR. BUTLERTRON: Goodbye.
-Wesley. -(CRIES)
It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
Breaking up with JFK was the hardest thing
I’ve ever had to do.
But I know I did the right thing.
(SIGHS) It’s hard to admit,
but I never really stopped having feelings for Abe.
You should always tell those you love the truth.
JOAN: I can’t.
I just broke up with JFK. He’ll think I’m a whore.
JOAN: (ECHOEING) He’ll think I’m a whore. He’ll think I’m a whore.
♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Hey, whore!
-Thanks for the whore job. -(COINS CLINGING)
Here’s six dollars.
But we agreed on eight dollars and a hug.
SCUMBAG: Hey! See you next week!
-(CAR ENGINE REVVING) -Cough, cough, cough.
(SIGHS)
-(SIREN WAILING) -(CARS HONKING)
♪ ("MAYBE" BY SELECTRACKS PLAYING) ♪
-(ELECTRICAL BUZZING) -♪ Maybe ♪
-♪ It's my fault for caring ♪ -(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
♪ Maybe I held you to my gun ♪
(GRUNTS)
B. Your rent’s late again!
This is your last warning or you’re out on the street.
Typical robot.
Oh, and you got another letter from that brother of yours.
I have no brother.
-I have no family. -(ELEVATOR BELL RINGS)
Man! You must have a dark past.
But thankfully, it doesn’t haunt you,
because robots can’t be haunted
on account of having no soul at all.
(WIND WHOOSHING)
♪ (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
What’s shakin’, hot stuff?
It’s me, your favorite sex client.
Hi, Purity.
Let me just recharge
and I will get right to performing sexual favors.
Sorry I’m running late.
I’m late too.
On my men-u-stration. You’re gonna be a daddy, Mr. B.
-(GLASS SHATTERING) -What?
You heard me.
Oh! Lil guy’s already kickin'.
(STATIC BUZZING)
Finally, something to live for. A family.
PURITY: Oh, you're crying?
It’s just ceiling juice.
MR. B: We were happy for a time.
♪ (“SCOOBIDOO LOVE” BY CHARLIE STEINMANN PLAYING) ♪
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
-(ELECTRICITY ZAPS) -(BOTH CHUCKLE)
♪ It is such a good night To kiss ♪
♪ It is such a good night To dance ♪
♪ It is such a good night To scoobidoo-doobidoo ♪
♪ Scoobidoo-doobidoo ♪ ♪ Scoobidoo-doobidoo love ♪
(GROANS)
(STATIC BUZZING)
-(CRIES) -(GASPS)
♪ It is such a good night To kiss ♪
♪ It is such a good night To dance ♪
♪ It is such a good night To Scooby-Doo doobidoo ♪
♪ Scooby-Doo doobidoo ♪ ♪ Scooby-Doo doobidoo love ♪
-♪ (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -Honey, I’m home.
Back early from my overnight shift
at the airplane ashtray factory.
-Gasp. -(SCREAMS)
How could you? And with a VCR!
Exactly.
And it’s the best kind of VCR, a Betamax.
And unlike you, it gives me good loving
and will never ever go out of style.
Oh, yeah. That’s it, baby!
I see it now, our son is not even mine!
Be Kind! Rewind!
You knew who I was when you met me!
A woman who loves sex with many types of electronics!
Yeah. Now get outta here, I’m about to eject!
-(CHUCKLES) Oh, yeah. -(PURITY MOANING)
VCR: Oh, yeah. Right there. (GRUNTS)
-Oh, God, that was insane! -(PURITY BREATHING HEAVILY)
MR. B: There was only one place I could go.
The place I should’ve gone a long time ago.
Take me to Wesley.
♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
In his name we pray...
Amen.
Besley?
Know anywhere an old hunk of metal can plug in for a spell?
What about Ma and Pa? Uh. I mean Leslie and Presley--
Are they?
Gone. Died of natural causes.
From injuries sustained from that train what hit ‘em.
MR. B: People always said they were wrong to build a house
on train tracks.
I hope you haven’t been alone this whole time.
I’m always alone.
Cockypop! You’ll never be alone again.
I swear on my kids, Chesley, and Resley, and Fesley.
I even named my youngest after you, Mr. Butlertron.
She’s a real beauty. You gotta meet ‘em!
(SNIFFS) I don’t need it. Robots can’t cry.
I’m not worthy to meet your children, Wesley.
My life has been one of shame.
As previously established, I have no soul.
Well then how’s about we get you one?
Baptism.
♪ (ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(WAVES CRASH)
Why are we going out so far?
Well, baptizing a robot’s gonna take tons of water.
After we get you a soul,
we will always be together on Earth...
-And in Heaven. -And in Heaven.
Just let me put on my rustproofing spray.
I’ve never been so happy.
Now, let me hold you, just so...
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(WESLEY SCREAMS)
(EXHALES) Help! Besley, I can’t swim! (GRUNTS)
-MR. B: No! No! No! Wesley. -(WESLEY GROANS)
Wait, I got you! Oh, no! Quick! Grab my claw, brother!
(GRUNTS)
I’ll see you in Heaven.
-But I’m not baptized! -(MUFFLED GROANS)
Please don’t die!
-(WHIMPERS) Wesley! -(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Oh, God! Why!
♪ (MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Hop in.
♪ (TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(HORN HONKING)
(GLASS SHATTERS)
Oh, no! We’re gonna get so grounded!
I don’t think Mom and Dad are going to ground us.
'Cause they’re gonna kill us first!
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-Oh, Wesley, this is a pickle. -(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
-No, it’s a baseball. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
My favorite window!
-It’s broken. -(AUDIENCE GASP)
It’s my fault, sir. I broke the window.
-I’m such a clumsy robot. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-You’re fired, Mr. Butlertron! -(AUDIENCE GROANING)
Wait! It’s our fault, we broke the window, not Mr. B.
-We’re so sorry. -(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
You told your loved one the truth.
That’s another theme in this whole-- (SCREAMS)
-Error! My ball-bearings! Error! -(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING OVER STEREO) ♪
(SNORTS)
-(OBJECTS CLATTERING) -Who’s there? I’ve got a gun!
I just can’t find it right now!
(DOOR CREAKS)
Who sent you?
I won that Battle of the Network Stars
fair and square!
I j... I just saw you on television. (BREATHES HEAVILY)
See, I recognized you as Mr. Butlertron model 8133B.
I was sure they’d all been destroyed
during the Ford Administration.
And yet, here you are.
And yet, here I am. Now, get out of my face-plate.
Please. I’m desperately in need of your services.
(LAUGHS)
You want me to work for you?
What could you possibly offer me that I haven’t already got?
I’m a multi-camera situation comedy star.
(SCREECHES)
I can offer to make you a part of this.
♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MR. B GASPING)
(GIGGLES)
A family.
No! They’re baby clones of historical figures
so I can start a clone theme park.
Wait. You can clone people?
Of course, I can!
Then I will give up my fulfilling Hollywood life
and come work for you.
But, I need you to make me a promise.
-(THUNDER RUMBLING) -You’ll clone one more person.
Your life has been so epic and award-worthy.
Meanwhile, I have no one. I’m all alone.
There is still someone you can always count on.
You, Mr. B?
What? No. You.
Don’t put your trust in other people.
They’ll only let you down
until eventually you can’t take it anymore.
Hey. Don’t cry, Mr. B.
Oh, never mind. It was Au Jus from that prime rib sandwich.
(WHEELS SQUEAKING)
-(DOOR CREAKING OPEN) -Goodbye, Joan.
Goodbye, Mr. B. Thanks for the advice.
Hey, wait. Your battery’s getting low.
(BEEPING)
I know.
(DOOR OPENS)
Last Stop, Jumpers Cliff, named for Bonnie Jean Jumper,
who invented jumpers, or as we call them today,
rompers or one-pieces.
Okay, end of the line.
-(DOOR CLOSES) -(BUS REVERSE INDICATOR BEEPING)
(WAVES SPLASHES)
Oh, God, why is life so hard?
Huh! I’m sorry. Were you going to jump?
I didn’t mean to cut in line.
I’m not here to jump.
I’m here to stare into the sunset
and let my battery power down.
Forever.
But there is a line over there.
Oh. That’s a lot of people.
That’ll take all day! You know what? Forget it.
Life’s too short, you know what I mean? (WHISTLES)
(BEEPING)
♪ (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(WEAKLY) Wesley.
(POWER SHUTS DOWN)
-(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) -♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
SCUDWORTH: You’re not going anywhere,
Mr. B.
I owe you an apology.
You did try to tell me,
but the note must have gotten stuck on my shoe
and I didn’t see it until I went to change into my house clogs.
What do you say, old pal?
Will you forgive an old turkey-lurkey
and come on home?
-No. -Why not?
For the simple, epic and award-worthy reason
that I’m unable to trust a single soul.
Because I have no soul.
Don’t you realize?
I’m a scientist!
I don't have a soul! The clones don't have souls!
They’re just horny science experiments!
We’re all soulless.
Together! And so is he.
-(GIGGLES) -(GASPS) Wesley!
I made you a promise when you came to work with me.
But today you said you never intended to keep your promise.
That’s because I was too embarrassed
to tell you the truth.
Been trying to do this for years,
but I’m such a goofus!
And I kept confusing my own hair clumps with Wesley’s.
I kept cloning myself!
And then I had to murder the clones of me.
This was the last Wesley hair. I did it! Your brother is alive.
(GASPS)
This is the best day of my life!
(SCREAMS)
♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
No!
(WHIMPERS)
(GRUNTS) Help me, Mr. B!
My delicate hands can’t hold on much longer!
(MR. B. GROANING)
I promise, I’ll never leave your side.
On Earth or in Heaven.
And a promise between brothers is...
-Forever. -Forever.
Mr. B! How dare you not tell me
I have crab in my teeth?
(GROANS)
(SCREAMS)
(SCUDWORTH GASPS)
Goodbye again, Wesley.
I was a little worried there
when you flashed on the crab memory.
Why did you choose me?
I know that Wesley will go to Heaven.
But you and I don’t need to.
Because, we’re already there.
Uh. Wha-- Uh. I don't understand.
I love those clones.
And I could never leave what we built together.
We have created quite a family, haven’t we?
Gasp! A family!
It must be raining because robots can’t cry.
Or can they?
So, are you coming back to the lab?
Of course, I am. No way you can handle
the final exciting chapter
of "Operation Spread Eagle" alone.
Can you believe I cried?
You didn’t cry, that was a malfunction.
-No, I totally cried. -Did not!
-MR. B: I did cry. It was salty. -(JUMPER SCREAMING)
SCUDWORTH: There’s no magic in the world.
Robots don’t cry. Rainbows don’t exist.
MR. B: Rainbows do exist.
SCUDWORTH: Okay, I’ll give you rainbows.
MR. B: I’m telling you, they were real tears.
SCUDWORTH: Ah, you wish, robit.
MR. B: It was wet in human style.
SCUDWORTH: Oh, you want to see crying? Watch this.
(SCUDWORTH MIMICS CRYING)
Ah, see? That was fake!
MR. B: So is your hair.
SCUDWORTH: Wow, whatever! I like our repartee.
MR. B: Oh, yes. It’s quite witty.
♪ (UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪