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♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

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NARRATOR: Previously
on a very special Clone High.

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It's no secret JFK found God.

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It was a secret that Harriet
and Toussaint had eye sex,

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until Confucius found out.

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Harriet and Joan's friendship
is still a secret.

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So please don't tell anyone,

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'cause it could get traced
back to me and I'd lose my job.

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And you'd have to live
with knowing you're the reason

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I moved back in with my mom
and her boyfriend, Chip,

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-who's younger than me.
-(RETCHES)

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♪ (MOODY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

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(CLONES LAUGHING)

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(SIGHS) Hacky sack. What a game.

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Got an extra pair
of feet right here if you need.

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Go away, Joan! This is the only
break we get all day

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and we're not wasting it on you.

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-(CROWD LAUGHING, GRUNTING)
-(PHONE PINGS)

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Go on now! Git! Away from here!
Away now!

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(GROANS)

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♪ (MOODY MUSIC CONCLUDING) ♪

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(CROWD CHEERING)

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(SIGHS) Hi, only friends
I have in the world.

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Joan! There you are.
We need you.

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Well, at least someone does.

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We're replacing
the school's spaghetti

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-with venomous snakes.
-(SNAKE HISSES)

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Uh-huh. Come on, help us pour
marinara sauce on these guys!

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(GASPS) Don't worry,
they're not... (GIBBERISH)

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Quick, Ivan,
suck out the poison!

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Okay. (SLURPS)

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(THUDS)

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(GROANS)

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All right, Scudworth. I'll be
out doing errands all day.

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(GROANS)
Traffic's gonna be hell.

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It's Burrito Emporium's
annual free burrito day.

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Oh, is it?
I didn't know about that.

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Did you know about that, Mr. B?

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About Burrito Emporium's
annual free burrito day?

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Obviously not.

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I'll be back around three.
I trust you two can hold down

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the fort while I'm gone?

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-Absolutely. We've got this.
-You can count on us.

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-We're very reliable.
-Do not worry about us.

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-(HEELS CLICKING, DOOR CLOSING)
-She's gone!

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PRINCIPAL SCUDWORTH:
Time to blow each other!

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Quick, blow yourself! Blow!

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MR. B: I'm blowing as hard
as I can.

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-I don't have lungs.
-(BLOWS) No excuses!

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Commence Operation
Free Burrito Day!

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Once our decoys have inflated,
we have roughly five hours

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to snag burritos
before Candide returns.

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The more burritos
we get for school lunches,

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the more money we can siphon
from our food budget

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to fund Cloney Island!

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-(BLOWS)
-(COUGHS)

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Joan! This isn't
what it looks like!

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These are sex dolls.

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For sex and no other reason.

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-(SCREAMING)
-(POPS)

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The plan has blown up
in your face.

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Maybe we should ask Joan
to be Principal for the Day?

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Principal for the Day?

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Can I make people
who hate me listen to me?

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Are you kidding? That's like the
number one thing principals do.

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That and making sex dolls
of ourselves.

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Listen, you've got the job!

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Joan of Arc, I hereby declare
you Principal for the Day!

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Now you'll need
a Vice Principal.

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Someone of low status,
a straw man, a flaccid fool

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to take the fall.

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Mr. B, can you help?
My zipper's stuck.

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Luckily, no wiener this time.
Just a bit of sack.

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You there, lonely boy
with your fly open!

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You shall be Joan's
Vice Principal!

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Hmm, I don't think I can work
with Joan. She tried to kill us,

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and honestly that kind of
creates some trust issues.

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Ultimately, it's about
self-respect--

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Oh, my God, I'm Vice Principal!
(CHUCKLES)

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Is this some sort of
satin-like vinyl?

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It's insanely comfortable,
and so lightweight and shiny!

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Sounds like we're good here.

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Now, if someone calls, you need
to answer the phone as me.

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So I've loaded up a bunch
of my most commonly used phrases

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onto this electric piano.

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Somebody Scud me! Scud's ahoy!
Scuddy don't play that!

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Such clever
and relevant wordplay.

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You're in charge
of the students today.

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Do with them as you wish,
as long as there are no parties!

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That includes house, tea,
garden, cocktail,

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gender reveal, block, stag,
political, album release,

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Donner, and dinner!

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Defy these orders and I will
send you straight to a place

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worse than a Disney cruise
with extended family.

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(BEEPS)

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-Clone Juvie.
-(GASPS)

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JOAN OF ARC: Mussolini?

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ABE LINCOLN: Stalin?

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JOAN: Gaddafi?

100
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And is that Baby Patrick Swayze?

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MR. B: It is. He's actually a
delightful clone,

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but his dancing is beyond dirty.

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Especially for a baby.

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The Bleacher Creatures have
nothing on these guys.

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Cross me and things could get
much worse for you, Joan.

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Got it? Toodles!

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Okay, sounds like a piece
of cake.

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As long as we don't have
a party.

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We are so gonna have a party!

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SCUDWORTH:
Whatchu talkin' about, Scuddy?

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♪ ("CLONE HIGH THEME SONG"
BY ABANDONED POOLS PLAYING) ♪

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♪ Way, way back in the 1980s
Secret government employees ♪

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♪ Dug up famous guys
And ladies ♪

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♪ And made amusing
Genetic copies ♪

115
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♪ Then the clones
As teens were frozen ♪

116
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♪ Thawed out decades later
Why? ♪

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♪ Back for reasons
They're not disclosin' ♪

118
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♪ Giving high school
Another try ♪

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♪ It's time to watch ♪

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♪ Clone High ♪

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♪ Energetic and engaging
Clone High ♪

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♪ Our angst is entertaining
Clone High ♪

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♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪

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Hey, bae, how you doing after,

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you know, I had optical
intercourse with Toussaint?

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-I'm completely fine!
-Oh, thank goodness,

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'cause it would kill me
if you were feeling bad.

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Toussaint is so not
my type, by the way.

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He's, like, super buff
and really masculine.

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He's stoic and tough
and strong...

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(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

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...and I'm not into that at all!
I'm into you!

133
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My sweet, gangly Confucius.

134
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Don't worry.
It will never happen again.

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You just totally looked at him!

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-(GASPS)
-With your eyes!

137
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Babe, I don't feel a thing
for Toussaint. I promise!

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Please tell me you believe me.
You have to!

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Okay, I believe you.

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I knew we'd get through this.

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Okay, I gotta go to history.
But promise me you're fine?

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Totally fine.

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-HARRIET TUBMAN: Bye, bae!
-Bye!

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I. Am. So. Not. Fine!
(GRUNTS)

145
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What's wrong, bud?

146
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Harriet keeps saying
she's not into the whole

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"manly Toussaint thing,"

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but part of me wonders
if maybe she is. (CRIES)

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Well, I'm pretty sure
the Christian thing to do

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is cut her eyes out.

151
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Trust me,
I'm a former serial cheater.

152
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Harriet's only gonna cheat
again.

153
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It's like that saying,
"Cheater, cheater,

154
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pumpkin fucker."

155
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She's gonna fuck
a bunch more pumpkins.

156
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And Halloween's coming soon!
No! (SOBBING)

157
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Well, if Frida cheated on me,
I would take her to the dump,

158
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and then dump her.

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And then take a dump near her,

160
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just to really get
the point across.

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You're wild, boo.

162
00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:07,135
No, you need to man up!
Be like Jesus.

163
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He is ripped.

164
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I'm reading this illustrated
Bible right now.

165
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I mean, check him out.

166
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The guy wore a Speedo
even when he was dying.

167
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You're right.
I need to out-manly Toussaint.

168
00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:20,440
I got a chin.
I can stand up straight.

169
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I can cross my arms
like a real estate agent

170
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:23,902
on a bus bench advertisement.

171
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:26,780
I'll show Harriet
that I'm the manliest man!

172
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SCUDWORTH: Attention!

173
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,325
This is definitely
Principal Scudworth!

174
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Party in my pants!

175
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Joan, I'm a little worried
about having a party.

176
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Especially given
Scudworth's "no party" rule.

177
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No, no. This is more
of a small gathering.

178
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Former friends hopefully
becoming friends again.

179
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Okay, as long as it's just
a small gathering.

180
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SCUDWORTH: The following clones
report to the library.

181
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H... H... Harriet!

182
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-Frida! Confucius!
-(DOG BARKING)

183
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SCUDWORTH: Say what?

184
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:59,145
JFK. Cleo. Scud it out!
L... l... l... l... library.

185
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:02,357
Say hi to my fat butt. Toodles!

186
00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:04,192
-♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(CROWD LAUGHING)

187
00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:06,194
FRIDA: A smoke machine?
This is legit!

188
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,738
JFK: You know, I shoulda
come to the liberry before!

189
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,990
Finally, something worth
"checking out"!

190
00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:14,285
Principal Scudworth did this?
Maybe I misjudged him.

191
00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:17,163
Surprise! Scudworth had nothing
to do with this.

192
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:18,665
He made me
Principal for the Day,

193
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:23,169
and I invited you all here.
So maybe you misjudged me.

194
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:26,339
You are so not cool, Joan!
The sight of your stupid face

195
00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,883
makes me want to vomit enough
vomit to rival Niagara Falls!

196
00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:31,094
I don't mean that. I love you,
you know it, you get it,

197
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,429
we're secret friends. Bye!

198
00:08:32,511 --> 00:08:34,514
Look, what do you say
we hang out and... and chill,

199
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:36,890
you know,
and just let bygones be bygones?

200
00:08:36,975 --> 00:08:39,144
Nice try,
you crafty little bitch.

201
00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:40,854
Gotta respect the effort,
though.

202
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:41,895
See ya!

203
00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:43,773
Uh...

204
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:47,193
Okay, that's locked
to keep other people out,

205
00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:50,405
not to keep you in.
Everyone here is free to go

206
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,949
-at any time.
-We want to go.

207
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,368
But not yet! Come on, guys!

208
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,078
Joan, locking doors
is in violation

209
00:08:57,162 --> 00:09:00,248
of code 36 dash 11 B
in the Vice Principal Handbook--

210
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:04,336
-(MUNCHES, GULPS)
-Well, that's just great.

211
00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:06,504
No, no. Trust me, it's gonna be
so much better in here

212
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:07,630
than out there.

213
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:11,551
I've got liqueur-filled
chocolates.

214
00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:13,887
-Thank God.
-I knew that would work.

215
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:16,056
No. They've got a keg.

216
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:18,975
-♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
-Party!

217
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,811
(CROWD CHEERING)

218
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,567
Okay, now it's fun.

219
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,277
(CROWD CHEERING)

220
00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:31,529
Principal Joan, what do we do?
What do we do?

221
00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:32,572
Grab a leg

222
00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:35,450
-and assist that keg stand.
-What?

223
00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:36,951
JOAN: That's an order,
Vice Principal!

224
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,370
♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

225
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:44,250
ABE: Joan,
we've lost all control!

226
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,544
I'm trying to break
the conga line from within

227
00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,213
-but it's too powerful!
-(CROWD LAUGHING)

228
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,590
Just go with it, Abe!
Everyone's having a good time,

229
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,967
and it's because of me!
That's all that matters!

230
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:56,429
Joan, on behalf of the Bleacher
Creatures, I just wanted to say,

231
00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:59,099
-thank you.
-Oh, great!

232
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:00,308
You guys are here!

233
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:01,851
We've never been to a party

234
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,603
with the general population
before.

235
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:06,314
Do you think now's the best time
to test the waters or...

236
00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:08,566
Are you kidding?
A fellow Bleacher Creature

237
00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:11,152
is Principal for the Day?
There couldn't be a better time.

238
00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:12,487
I brought snakes!

239
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:16,408
(GROANS) No, I hate snakes.
Seriously, Joan?

240
00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,910
They're not staying, are they?

241
00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:21,579
You know what, guys?
I've actually got something

242
00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,873
super cool to show you.
Come with me.

243
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,084
♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

244
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,503
This, my friends,
is the VIP room.

245
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:29,629
(CROWD CHEERING)

246
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:32,340
Seriously? I have never been
in VIP room before.

247
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:35,010
Yeah, it's super-duper
exclusive.

248
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:37,846
Only for the best of the best.
So, you know, just stay put.

249
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:39,055
I'll be back with
the velvet ropes,

250
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,849
the wrist bands,
and the hand stamps.

251
00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,183
Sick.

252
00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:44,519
CONFUCIUS: (GROANS)
Crap on a crapper!

253
00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:46,521
Toussaint brought
his pet falcon!

254
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,189
(SCREECHES)

255
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:53,528
How the hell am I gonna prove
I'm more manly than a dude

256
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:54,988
with a bird?

257
00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:57,532
You can't beat Toussaint
in a manliness contest.

258
00:10:57,615 --> 00:11:01,536
No, you can win!
It's like David versus Goliath.

259
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:04,039
Goliath was a giant manly man.

260
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:07,334
And David was a little boy
in sandals.

261
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:11,212
But David had a secret weapon,
a slingshot!

262
00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,214
He chucked a stone,
and he busted

263
00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:15,550
that giant's skull
wide open. (CHUCKLING)

264
00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:18,720
Hmm, what is my stone?
Let's see here.

265
00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:21,848
A stone comes from a rock,
paper covers rock.

266
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:24,476
Paper makes cuts.
Cut the cheese.

267
00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:25,685
Cheesy bread.

268
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:29,564
Bread is made from dough,
doe is a deer, a female deer.

269
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:32,567
Ray is a drop of golden sun.
Son of a bitch.

270
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:34,402
Bitches are snitches
who get stitches.

271
00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:36,905
A stitch in time saves nine.
Workin' nine to five.

272
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,907
I never have to work
'cause my parents are rich,

273
00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:40,700
which makes me rich!

274
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:44,245
That's it. I'll use my money
to make myself more manly!

275
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,664
Worked for Jeff Bezos
and his penis rocket.

276
00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:48,249
It'll work for you!

277
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:49,751
(HORN HONKING)

278
00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:51,795
Thank you kindly!

279
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,797
You won't be seeing us
again today.

280
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,965
It's one free burrito
per customer,

281
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,592
and we've received our one!

282
00:11:57,676 --> 00:11:59,427
Transaction complete.

283
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,096
We have enough
disguise combinations

284
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:03,431
to go through the line
a hundred times each.

285
00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:06,434
That's enough for... Beep, boop,
boop, beep, boop, boop, boop...

286
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:09,437
-Calculating.
-It's two hundred burritos!

287
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:10,605
Jesus fuck.

288
00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:12,107
♪ (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

289
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:13,650
-(CHUCKLES)
-(CHUCKLES)

290
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,235
♪ Semi-dangerous ♪

291
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:16,486
C-aaaarrrrrgh-nitas!

292
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,571
Boo-ritos!

293
00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:19,906
♪ We're dangerous ♪

294
00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:21,616
L'chaim starving!

295
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:24,494
And I say, "What concussions?"

296
00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:29,457
-♪ Baby, roll with it ♪
-♪ Get it on, get it on ♪

297
00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:33,086
♪ Get it on, get it on ♪

298
00:12:33,628 --> 00:12:34,629
♪ We're dangerous ♪

299
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:35,839
♪ (FUNKY MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

300
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,799
We'll have yours in a moment.
Would you mind standing aside,

301
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,718
so I can help the next customer?

302
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:41,386
(IN SCOTTISH ACCENT)
Aye, laddie.

303
00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:44,806
This is it, Mr. B! Once we
collect these final burritos,

304
00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:47,142
we'll be back to school
well before Candide comes back--

305
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:51,271
CANDIDE SAMPSON: Okay, he'll
have the carnie ass-uh-duh.

306
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:52,439
You want it rare?

307
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:53,982
-(HISSES)
-Rare.

308
00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:56,484
Oh, no. What's she doing here?

309
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:59,487
Let's do what these burritos
are gonna do to our bodies.

310
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:00,864
Runs!

311
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:03,575
We can't run now!
Every free burrito gets us

312
00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:05,660
closer to our dream
of Cloney Island.

313
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:08,913
We must trust the disguises.
One last score.

314
00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:13,585
(GASPS) Wait a minute.
Do I know you two?

315
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:15,962
(IN SCOTTISH ACCENT)
Us? No, sorry, lassie.

316
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,672
I could have sworn...

317
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:21,634
You just resemble two of my most
untrustworthy employees.

318
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:23,178
(IN SCOTTISH ACCENT)
Oh, nay, lass.

319
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:25,889
We work at Loch Ness.

320
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:27,932
And whereabouts in Scotland
is that?

321
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:29,267
When you leave the airport,
go left.

322
00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:30,435
Around the middle,
don't you know.

323
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:31,978
That's not far
from the west coast,

324
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:33,480
which is also the
east coast, to be fair.

325
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:34,939
Over the hills
and prairie lands, Wesley.

326
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,524
I'll give you a tour sometime.

327
00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:40,195
Let's just see about this.

328
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,113
(KEYPAD BEEPING)

329
00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:44,366
(EXHALES SHARPLY)

330
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:46,034
-We friggin' nailed it.
-Yay!

331
00:13:46,117 --> 00:13:47,369
♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

332
00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:50,372
Hey, JFK, looking good!

333
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:52,582
Can't talk, focused on the beat.

334
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,709
Just one question.
Do you think everyone is ready

335
00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:55,919
to forgive me now?

336
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:58,213
Well, the Lord says forgiveness
is a virtue--

337
00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:00,548
-Ah! I lost the beat!
-(PHONE RINGING)

338
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:02,550
It's Candide! What do we do?
What do we do?

339
00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:04,219
Quick, come with me.

340
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:06,721
CANDIDE: Scudworth,
is that you? I need to know

341
00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:08,390
if you're there or not.

342
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:10,725
SCUDWORTH:
Cinna-baby speaking! Who dis?

343
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,394
CANDIDE: It's me, you idiot!

344
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:13,895
SCUDWORTH: Totes, McBoats!

345
00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:16,356
You sound weird.
What's going on?

346
00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:19,025
SCUDWORTH: It is I! No way!
Way! You would--

347
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:22,696
Help-- My-- Party--
Say whaaaat-- Scha-wing--

348
00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:25,740
Smell you later! Baba booey!

349
00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:27,659
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

350
00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:31,287
-Did we really just do that?
-Situation handled.

351
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:34,082
Abe, I think we actually have
everything under control--

352
00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:35,417
(LOW GROWLING)

353
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:36,584
Dammit!

354
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:38,545
Hey, everyone.
This is my boy, Kevin!

355
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,380
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Is he dangerous?

356
00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:42,966
Maybe a tiny bit more
than a falcon.

357
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,384
-(GRUMBLES)
-(FALCON SCREECHES)

358
00:14:44,426 --> 00:14:46,052
There's nothing
to worry about, though.

359
00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:49,723
I got him perfectly trained.
Um, fetch me a beer, Kevin?

360
00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:55,937
Good bear.

361
00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:58,773
Wow, Confucius,
you seem different.

362
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:03,236
Like, manlier and edgier and...
basically, the complete opposite

363
00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:05,572
of how you normally are.
I like it.

364
00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:07,449
♪ (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

365
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:08,700
♪ (ROMANTIC MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

366
00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:10,160
Hey, um, love the bear.

367
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:12,454
Just wanna make sure
it's not gonna kill everyone?

368
00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:14,873
(SCOFFS) Oh, no.
Kevin's not stepping out of line

369
00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:16,124
on my watch.

370
00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:18,126
Oh, okay, cool.

371
00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:20,295
'Cause I'm taking a pretty big
risk throwing this party,

372
00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:23,965
and adding a bear to that mix
kind of increases that risk.

373
00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:26,468
But, hey, happy to do it
for my friends.

374
00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:29,304
(CHUCKLES)
We are friends again, right?

375
00:15:29,346 --> 00:15:30,930
CLEOPATRA: Not so fast, Joan.

376
00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:32,974
Jesús Cristo wants
to turn the water fountain

377
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:36,144
into a wine fountain,
but Abe's telling him he can't.

378
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:38,480
It's fine! Tell him it's fine!

379
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:41,107
Joan, Jesús said he doesn't know
how to turn it back into water!

380
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:42,776
What if it stays wine forever?

381
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:44,361
People like me again, Abe!

382
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:45,779
-(ABE GRUMBLES)
-It's finally happening!

383
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,822
So please,
please just be cool, okay?

384
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,240
Everything's under control.

385
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:51,493
(WATER DRIPS)

386
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:54,496
You know, I'm starting to think
this isn't a VIP room.

387
00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:55,789
-Yeah.
-She ditched us.

388
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,207
We are standing in a closet!

389
00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:03,338
CROWD: Jesús! Jesús!
Jesús! Jesús! Jesús! Jesús!

390
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:05,840
(SLURPS, SMACKS LIPS)

391
00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:08,718
Full-bodied with notes
of black currant and oak.

392
00:16:08,802 --> 00:16:11,221
-It's cabernet!
-(CROWD CHEERS)

393
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,847
-Woo!
-CLEO: Oh, my God.

394
00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:16,017
I never thought I'd say this,
Joan, but welcome--

395
00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:17,477
-(GASPS)
-(THUDS)

396
00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:19,854
-(CROWD SCREAMING)
-(SNAKES HISSING)

397
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:23,525
To your worst nightmare!
We're back!

398
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,527
-(SNAKES HISS)
-(CROWD SCREAMING)

399
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,237
(METAL SCRAPING)

400
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,198
That was a close one,
but we got our burritos.

401
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:31,950
I just hope we have
the freezer space.

402
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:35,203
MR. B: I'll move Gandhi.

403
00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:36,538
♪ (LIGHT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

404
00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:37,539
(MUNCHES)

405
00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:38,707
-(YELPS)
-Gasp!

406
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:40,917
(GASPS)

407
00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:44,671
-Do you think she bought it?
-Shush.

408
00:16:44,713 --> 00:16:46,548
Okay, I know
we're sneaking around,

409
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:49,217
but you don't have to shush me.
It is, like, so annoying

410
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:50,552
to shush a grown person!

411
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:52,053
-MR. B: Sorry, I was--
-(SHUSHES)

412
00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:53,888
Hmm.

413
00:16:57,767 --> 00:17:00,020
We keep freakin' nailing it!

414
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:03,231
-(HISSES)
-(CROWD SCREAMING)

415
00:17:03,273 --> 00:17:04,523
(VAN GOGH GROANS)

416
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:05,567
(SCREAMS)

417
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,111
(CROWD SCREAMING)

418
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:09,695
Everyone take shelter!

419
00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:11,906
Leave this to me
and Gideon! (GRUNTS)

420
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,450
Oh...

421
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:15,743
No! Leave it to me and Kevin!

422
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:17,078
(GASPS)

423
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:18,872
♪ (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

424
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:20,290
Uh-oh.

425
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:21,750
(ROARS)

426
00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:24,586
Okay, Kevin, easy.
Remember your training--

427
00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,628
-(ROARS)
-Kevin!

428
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,089
(CROWD SCREAMING)

429
00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:29,758
Oh, no, what do we do?

430
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,926
Harriet will protect you!
Remain crouched behind her

431
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:34,429
-as she leads you to safety.
-Oh, come on.

432
00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:36,556
-(CROWD SCREAMING)
-(SNAKES HISSING)

433
00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:38,099
(ROARS)

434
00:17:38,141 --> 00:17:39,934
Wait! We can hide
in the kitchen!

435
00:17:41,436 --> 00:17:42,437
(ROARS)

436
00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:43,855
-(TOUSSAINT GRUNTS)
-(FALCON SCREECHES)

437
00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:45,148
(CROWD SCREAMS)

438
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,025
-(SNAKES HISS)
-(KEVIN ROARS)

439
00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:48,151
(HISSES)

440
00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:53,156
I've never been so embarrassed
in my whole life.

441
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:55,700
Oh, no, babe, there's no need
to be embarrassed.

442
00:17:55,784 --> 00:17:58,453
I'm hiding in here while my bear
is terrorizing the school,

443
00:17:58,495 --> 00:18:01,289
and a guy you had eye sex with
is out there bravely trying

444
00:18:01,373 --> 00:18:04,042
-to save our lives.
-It's not that brave.

445
00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:05,627
-(FALCON SCREECHES)
-(TOUSSAINT GRUNTS)

446
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:07,921
Take that, venomous
vipers and you monstrous mammal!

447
00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:09,255
(ROARS)

448
00:18:09,297 --> 00:18:10,423
Halitosis.

449
00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:11,800
-(TOUSSAINT GRUNTS)
-(OBJECTS CLATTER)

450
00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:13,468
TOUSSAINT: Your breath
hits harder than you do!

451
00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:15,303
Be careful, Toussaint!

452
00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:16,971
What? That's what you say.

453
00:18:17,389 --> 00:18:18,890
(ROARS)

454
00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:20,141
What are we gonna do? (GASPS)

455
00:18:20,225 --> 00:18:21,893
That door
won't hold him forever.

456
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:24,771
The only sensible thing to do
is get more bears

457
00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:27,148
to fight this bear
if things get out of hand.

458
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:29,526
What? No,
we need to ban all bears!

459
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,528
What? Oh, that's un-American!

460
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,988
And it infringes upon
my God-given right

461
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:35,281
to bear a bear!

462
00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:39,035
Our founding fathers would
be rolling over in their graves!

463
00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:40,954
Leave us out of it!

464
00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:43,998
Bears were only meant to help
fight colonial occupation!

465
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,167
And when necessary,
take as a wife!

466
00:18:47,085 --> 00:18:48,336
(ROARS)

467
00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:51,506
Okay, I'm still Principal
for the Day. I can fix this.

468
00:18:51,548 --> 00:18:54,217
We're done listening to you,
Joan. You threw this party,

469
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:55,593
and now we're all gonna die
in here.

470
00:18:57,387 --> 00:18:58,555
(ROARS)

471
00:18:58,638 --> 00:18:59,848
-(SCREAMS)
-(GASPS)

472
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,183
(SCREAMS) No!

473
00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:04,519
I'm a feminist.
I can't die in a kitchen!

474
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:06,438
♪ (INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

475
00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:09,524
-(WHIMPERS)
-(ROARS)

476
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:11,401
-CONFUCIUS: Kevin!
-(GROWLS)

477
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,987
I told you.
Remember your training.

478
00:19:14,029 --> 00:19:16,031
Confucius, what are you doing?

479
00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:18,700
Trying to be good enough
for you. Easy boy.

480
00:19:18,742 --> 00:19:19,868
(ROARS)

481
00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:21,494
When we get home,
I'll get you some chateaubriand

482
00:19:21,536 --> 00:19:24,080
with peppercorn sauce,
with that toilet water you like!

483
00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:25,623
-(ROARS)
-(SCREAMS)

484
00:19:25,707 --> 00:19:27,917
-(GROANS)
-(ALL GASP)

485
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:31,379
Oh, God! You ruined the shirt
my mom got me!

486
00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:33,590
The same woman who plucked you
out of that horrible zoo

487
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,050
and offered you a better life.

488
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,593
But I guess none of that
matters now, huh?

489
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,803
You're just a big, scary bear
who goes around

490
00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:41,222
scaring everybody.
Is that what you want?

491
00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:44,392
Good. I didn't think so.

492
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:46,227
You don't need to act
a certain way to try

493
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:48,021
and live up to people's
expectations.

494
00:19:48,063 --> 00:19:49,397
You just need to be Kevin.

495
00:19:49,481 --> 00:19:52,150
Now, come over here, lean down,
and put this on.

496
00:19:53,068 --> 00:19:54,778
♪ (INTENSE MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

497
00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:57,489
(KISSES)

498
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:00,033
Thank God that's over.

499
00:20:00,075 --> 00:20:01,409
(ALL LAUGH)

500
00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:03,912
Oh, no. It's Scudworth!
He's back!

501
00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:05,413
Let's get outta here!

502
00:20:05,497 --> 00:20:08,583
Holy Book of Revelation,
chapter 20, verse three!

503
00:20:08,667 --> 00:20:10,085
Let's just get back
to our classrooms

504
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:12,379
and act like nothing happened.

505
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:14,714
Dammit, my wiener
got jammed again.

506
00:20:16,675 --> 00:20:17,884
Well, Mr. B,

507
00:20:17,926 --> 00:20:20,720
we've got enough burritos
here to add hundreds of dollars

508
00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:23,473
to our Cloney Island dreams!
(GASPS)

509
00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:28,228
Oh, my god,
with a lower case "g",

510
00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:29,646
because I'm not religious!

511
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:32,190
What in science's name
happened here?

512
00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:34,609
Abe, my Vice Principal
for the Day,

513
00:20:34,693 --> 00:20:36,653
what do you have
to say for yourself?

514
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:39,781
-Uh...
-I did this, sir!

515
00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:41,950
-Huh?
-JOAN: One hundred percent.

516
00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:44,160
This is all my fault.

517
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:46,913
Is that true, Principal
for the Day of Arc?

518
00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:50,959
It was all my idea,
and I forced everyone to come.

519
00:20:51,001 --> 00:20:52,419
I did it all myself.

520
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,754
I threw the party,
and that's my bear.

521
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:56,923
(KEVIN SNIFFS)

522
00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:59,718
Well, then,
you're going to Clone Juvie!

523
00:20:59,801 --> 00:21:02,262
And you're never gonna see
your friends again!

524
00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:04,806
That's okay. I don't have any.

525
00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:11,104
Yes, you do.
Principal Scudworth,

526
00:21:11,146 --> 00:21:14,983
I, too, threw this party.
And that's my bear.

527
00:21:15,066 --> 00:21:16,359
Abe, what are you doing?

528
00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:19,863
After spending the day with you,
I realize I missed you.

529
00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:21,990
And I feel lucky to have you
as a friend.

530
00:21:22,073 --> 00:21:23,324
♪ (HEARTFELT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

531
00:21:23,408 --> 00:21:26,077
Fine! Then you'll have each
other in Juvie!

532
00:21:26,161 --> 00:21:29,706
No! I threw this party,
and that's my bear.

533
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:31,166
I threw this party,
and that's my bear.

534
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:32,417
I threw this party,
and that's my bear.

535
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:33,710
I threw this party,
and that's my bear.

536
00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:37,797
I did not throw this party,
and that's not my bear.

537
00:21:37,839 --> 00:21:39,758
I just forgot my purse.

538
00:21:39,841 --> 00:21:43,011
Well, I can't send you all
to Juvie! Just clean this up

539
00:21:43,094 --> 00:21:44,387
and we'll pretend
it never happened.

540
00:21:44,471 --> 00:21:48,099
Like January 6th
and Livestrong bracelets.

541
00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:50,393
Guys, you didn't have
to do that.

542
00:21:50,477 --> 00:21:51,686
And neither did you.

543
00:21:51,728 --> 00:21:53,855
But the sacrifice
you've just made for us

544
00:21:53,938 --> 00:21:55,273
shows us that you've changed,

545
00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:57,067
and we're ready
to try being your friends again.

546
00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:59,361
Yes! You won't regret it!

547
00:21:59,444 --> 00:22:01,112
We've thought about it too,
Joan,

548
00:22:01,154 --> 00:22:03,031
and we actually
don't want you back.

549
00:22:03,073 --> 00:22:05,033
Oh, no.

550
00:22:06,368 --> 00:22:07,535
(BROKEN GLASS CLATTERING)

551
00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:15,043
Hey, I just wanted to say,
thanks for saving my life today.

552
00:22:15,085 --> 00:22:17,379
You were so brave.

553
00:22:17,462 --> 00:22:20,924
Please, the only brave thing
I did was admit I was scared.

554
00:22:21,007 --> 00:22:22,717
Standing face to face
with that bear,

555
00:22:22,801 --> 00:22:24,511
I realized
that masculinity shouldn't be

556
00:22:24,552 --> 00:22:26,221
about aggression
and physical strength.

557
00:22:26,262 --> 00:22:28,515
It should be about allowing
yourself to be vulnerable.

558
00:22:28,556 --> 00:22:29,766
Hey, can you hold this?

559
00:22:29,849 --> 00:22:31,935
♪ (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

560
00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:33,186
Uh-huh.

561
00:22:33,228 --> 00:22:36,606
♪ You can't buy rock 'n' roll
On some lonely sinner's dream ♪

562
00:22:36,690 --> 00:22:37,774
♪ (ROCK MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

563
00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,901
I never should've tried to be
tougher than Toussaint.

564
00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:41,319
Should've just been myself.

565
00:22:41,403 --> 00:22:43,530
Real strength is knowing
you're good enough

566
00:22:43,571 --> 00:22:45,281
-just the way you are.
-Mm-hmm.

567
00:22:45,365 --> 00:22:48,201
Whoa. Confucius is as hot
as the Earth!

568
00:22:48,243 --> 00:22:50,245
-Right?
-CLEO: What is happening?

569
00:22:50,286 --> 00:22:52,747
Uh, inappropriate.

570
00:22:52,831 --> 00:22:55,750
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I've never seen

571
00:22:55,834 --> 00:22:58,253
what you have going on
under there in broad daylight.

572
00:22:58,294 --> 00:23:01,589
So I would love to just live
in this moment for a second.

573
00:23:01,631 --> 00:23:03,633
You haven't heard a word
I've said, have you?

574
00:23:03,717 --> 00:23:05,343
-Hmm?
-You know,

575
00:23:05,427 --> 00:23:07,637
ever since you eye-cheated
on me, I've been wondering

576
00:23:07,721 --> 00:23:10,265
how I screwed everything up.
But the truth is,

577
00:23:10,348 --> 00:23:12,392
it wasn't my fault you cheated.

578
00:23:12,434 --> 00:23:15,103
It was yours.
I didn't do anything wrong.

579
00:23:15,562 --> 00:23:17,230
I'm sorry, but...

580
00:23:17,272 --> 00:23:19,357
I need to break up with you,
Harriet.

581
00:23:19,399 --> 00:23:22,569
No! Confucius, please!
Can we talk about this?

582
00:23:22,610 --> 00:23:25,238
(SHUSHES)
I may have lost my shirt,

583
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,198
but what I gained
was self-worth.

584
00:23:27,282 --> 00:23:29,284
And that's all I want right now.

585
00:23:29,951 --> 00:23:33,121
What have I done? Confucius!

586
00:23:33,747 --> 00:23:37,334
I. Am. Not. Okay.

587
00:23:37,417 --> 00:23:39,502
-(SOBS)
-(SCREECHES)

588
00:23:40,879 --> 00:23:42,005
What?

589
00:23:45,842 --> 00:23:46,968
(FALCON CHIRPS)

590
00:23:47,010 --> 00:23:48,928
-(GRUNTS)
-(MUMBLES)

591
00:23:48,970 --> 00:23:50,138
(SCUDWORTH SCREAMS)

592
00:23:50,221 --> 00:23:52,682
You have some nerve, mister.

593
00:23:52,766 --> 00:23:53,808
I do?

594
00:23:53,850 --> 00:23:56,436
Nobody has ever spoken
to me the way you did

595
00:23:56,478 --> 00:23:58,521
this afternoon
when I called the school.

596
00:23:58,605 --> 00:24:01,149
Oh, yes, that's...
Well, I'm sure I can think

597
00:24:01,191 --> 00:24:04,152
up a reasonably long-winded
explanation.

598
00:24:04,194 --> 00:24:07,155
You should show me
this side of you more often.

599
00:24:09,324 --> 00:24:10,367
See you around, Scuddy.

600
00:24:14,204 --> 00:24:16,790
-(WOLF HOWLING)
-We did it.
She's none the wiser.

601
00:24:16,831 --> 00:24:19,459
Let's get these burritos on ice.

602
00:24:19,501 --> 00:24:21,002
-(DOOR OPENING)
-MUSSOLINI: Burritos?

603
00:24:21,044 --> 00:24:22,420
SCUDWORTH: The Juvie clones
got out!

604
00:24:22,504 --> 00:24:23,546
Hand them over.

605
00:24:23,630 --> 00:24:24,673
(BOTH SCREAM)

606
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,677
(SCREAMS)

607
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:31,096
Well, that sucks.

608
00:24:31,179 --> 00:24:33,264
Grab the costumes, Mr. B.

609
00:24:33,348 --> 00:24:35,100
We're going back.

610
00:24:35,183 --> 00:24:39,521
That's a wrap.
Or should I say, burrito.

611
00:24:39,562 --> 00:24:43,233
♪ (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

612
00:25:38,413 --> 00:25:40,248
♪ (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
CONCLUDES) ♪