♪
I heard the singing down the hall. Whose birthday was it?
Oh, I don't know. I wasn't there.
♪ Happy birthday...♪
It's not my birthday.
So, there was another office gathering
to which I was not invited?
Well, yes, but think of all the good you're doing.
If not for you, there wouldn't be an in-crowd.
I can't believe I'm having such a hard time
fitting in at Harvard.
Kind of hard to fall back on the old line,
"They're just intimidated by your intellect."
Don't take it personally. You're still new.
Besides, no one else we know was at the party.
Alan, there you are.
There's ice cream, too?
I was just delivered something
that made me fly over here.
Interesting,
because I, too, received something that, uh,
would be a real feather in my cap.
So, if you got the flu...?
It would be avian in nature.
I'm gonna freak out if I'm not included real soon.
I got the golden plume.
I, too, was plumed.
"You've been cordially invited to attend
"the Founders' Society mixer.
Join the president and fellows of Harvard University."
What is this?
It's no big deal. It's just
an extremely selective group of Harvard's brightest minds
who help shape the university's future.
I'm kidding, it's a very big deal.
I heard, in their cellar,
they have a bottle of Scotch
from Shackleton's 1917 expedition.
What I wouldn't give
to have a piece of history like that burn my esophagus.
Every Harvard president
started out as a member of the Founders' Society.
Oh, my sister's gonna be so jealous.
Text Monica.
"I'm about to be president."
"I'm about to be pregnant."
Eh, she'll still be jealous. Send.
You know, this is what's wrong with academia.
Look at the two of you,
acting like a couple of giddy children
because of an invitation for some pretentious, elitist clique
that just had to...
I got a golden plume.
We all got a plume.
I've got a plume. Oh, my God.
Oh, there they are.
-I'll get it. -Thank you, Freddy.
- Hey. - Hey. - My,
you look ravishing.
Well, I tried something fun with my hair.
Oh, this is so exciting. The three of us together.
Aren't you all
competing against each other to get into that club?
Technically, yes, but we've gamed the system
by forming an alliance.
See, working together allows you
to brag about one other, which is endearing,
but when you brag about yourself, it's obnoxious.
Yes, the whole thing was my idea.
It's a brilliant idea. I mean, with my connections,
Dr. Crane's celebrity, and also Alan,
um, we're shoo-ins for the Founders' Society.
"The Founders' Society."
Isn't this whole thing just a little pretentious?
-Yes, of course it is. -Absolutely. -Very much so.
Look, and we all have
very good reasons for wanting to get in.
I mean, I for one would like to find a place
where I feel like I belong.
-Scotch-related gluttony for me. -Mm.
Naked ambition here.
Here we are. Champagne. Plus, it gives
Alan and I an opportunity
to exorcise some demons.
Ah, yes, the Bullingdon Club incident.
A classic story.
It was back when we were both attending Oxford.
We tried to get into their most exclusive club,
and while we were pledging...
You got lights-out drunk
and snuck into the library.
Freddy, please.
Olivia and Eve have not heard this story.
So, once we were inebriated,
we thought we would sneak into the library and try to steal...
Oscar Wilde's walking stick.
Olivia, please. Eve has not heard this story.
So, once we absconded with the stick we were...
Tackled by a pack of surprisingly spry librarians
and forever banned from the club.
It was my darkest hour.
I do not sound like that.
So, you've all heard this story?
Dad,
you and Alan have five stories.
No, no. Have you heard the one about...
we tried to rescue a poodle...
...from the deck of a catamaran, and we ended up...
Naked in Denmark.
You know, you tell these stories so often that I'm afraid
that John's first words are gonna be...
"And that crazy drunk chick
turned out to be Princess Margaret."
I apologize for the humiliation
I'm about to inflict on you, Eve,
but you're doing an East Sussex accent,
and I come from West Sussex.
Ooh, Alan, zing.
Oh.
Our chariot awaits. Here we go.
All right, well, you kids have fun.
Don't eat anything endangered.
You really do look fabulous.
-Thank you. -Thank you so much.
Oh, David. Hello. See you soon.
What is up, cousin?
Oh, you know, just excited about a quiet night in
at home, by myself.
I like the sound of that. I'll join you.
So what is up
in Freddy Land?
Is there a-a Mrs. Freddy on the horizon?
Nope. No girlfriend at the moment.
That's a shame.
-Mm. -You sure there's nothing
going on between you and Eve?
-What? No. -Why not?
I mean, you have all this history,
you've lived together for a while.
Also, you've seen each other in your pajamas.
David, you know she used to date my buddy before he...
Trust me, nothing can happen there.
Cool, cool. Smart.
In that case, I'm gonna ask her out.
What? No. You can't ask her out.
Got it. You love her. I'll back off.
Okay, David. Please listen to me.
I don't have any feelings for Eve.
Okay? We're just friends.
Understood. I'm clear for takeoff.
No. Oh, my God. Y-You're a teenager.
She's almost 30. Her boyfriend died barely a year ago.
She has a baby you're not even allowed to hold.
A baby I'm afraid to hold.
And trust me,
she wants this.
You know what? Go for it.
Ask her out. See what happens.
-Thank you for your blessing. -Mm-hmm.
Eve, what a lovely surprise.
Why? I live here.
What? Are you serious?
He cleared you for takeoff?
This place is so stuffy.
I love it.
Looks like the sort of place you retire to
after a long day hunting man.
Okay, every second counts.
We have two hours to meet and impress
as many members as possible,
after which they will get together and vote
to select the new inductees.
The most important person
is the chair of the econ department, Dean Melvin.
He is the head of the society.
What are you doing?
I'm trying on a priceless antique gauntlet.
-What's it look like I'm doing? -Why?
Because the helmet would mess up my hair.
I do not want a repeat of the Bullingdon club incident.
Please take the gauntlet off before someone sees you.
It's stuck.
What do you mean, it's stuck? Give me that.
Curse the tiny hands of the 14th century chevaliers.
Founders incoming. Be cool.
-Dr. Finch. -Oh.
- Glad you could make it. - Oh.
Dr. Bowen, Dr. Sharma.
It's so great to see you.
These are my colleagues Dr. Crane and Dr. Cornwall.
-Yeah, lovely to see you. Oh, thank you so much. Hi. -Hello.
Charmed.
Dr. Finch, everyone
is buzzing about how you're
transforming the psych department.
Thank you, but Dr. Crane here is the true game-changer.
Oh, now, Dr. Cornwall invented game-changing.
Oh, please, game-changing was game over
until Dr. Finch changed the game-changing game.
Oh.
You all sound like real game-changers.
I'm thinking the same thing.
We could use that around here.
Plus, it is refreshing to see such a spirit
of camaraderie.
Not everyone here is always that supportive.
You should know how to parallel park by now.
We were on a hill.
We killed it.
Frasier, your alliance idea was brilliant.
I think this calls for a drink.
You know, usually I refrain from statements
that might come back to haunt me,
but I believe that we are going to get into this club,
and nothing is going to stop that from happening.
Well, it is a great group of candidates.
It sure is.
It's too bad we only have room
for two new members this year.
So, two spots
and...
three of us.
Puts our alliance in a precarious situation.
What to do? What to do?
You know, it's times like this I like to remind myself,
Dr. Crane, I hired you.
Yes, but what's more important:
a job that forces you to work
a soul-crushing eight hours a week,
or a decades-long friendship with a man
whom you recently described as ravishing?
Or maybe the strongest bond of all
is between two people, a man and a woman,
whose faces have never been on a billboard.
All right, let's just stop it.
Two of us can still get in
if we maintain our alliance. Please,
just remember the inspiring words of Cincinnatus
as he addressed his troops,
"Oblivisci societatis.
Pascamus eam lupis."
Yes.
To which his crowd cheered,
"Sub curru laciamus eam."
Ah, exactly.
And then Cincinnatus said,
in the spirit of harmony,
"Ita callidi sumus,
plane ea Latine nescit."
I'm so glad we're a team.
-Ah, here comes the happy couple. -You let him do this?
Well, in my defense, I thought it would be funny.
And, in my further defense, it was.
It's not that he asked me out.
It's how he asked me out.
What, this charmer? Come on, couldn't have been that bad.
How'd you ask her out?
Stop. Stop.
Wow.
This is not my forte.
I'm not suave like you are.
You've kissed, what,
four, five girls?
Four... David.
I'm Mr. July
in the firefighters' calendar.
I'm a man in uniform with a full head of hair.
I-I carry women out of burning buildings.
You think they just want to shake my hand after?
Ooh, big talk coming from the guy
sitting at home reading...
Little Women.What?
I'd like to see you try coming of age during the Civil War.
Your cousin has no idea how to talk to girls.
It would be very nice if you would help him.
But...
Okay, fine.
David, tonight I'm gonna teach you
how to strike up conversation with a real live human woman.
That's right,
I am gonna give you the gift
of game.
Loser. Okay, you know what?
I'm gonna stay and help.
Really? How many girls have you kissed?
More than you, babe.
Oh.
There he is, Dean Melvin. Okay, um,
I need to get some air before I speak to him.
-Do not start without me. -No, of course. -Of course, of course.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
-What a pleasure to meet you. -Oh,
likewise. Sorry, I'm just looking for a bottle opener.
Oh, well, allow me.
Thank you.
Wow, wish you two were around all the time.
I think that could be arranged.
Dean Melvin, hello.
"Voluptatem, ut semper."
Oh, Dr. Finch. I'd forgotten you're a fellow Latin buff.
Not a very useful skill these days, is it?
Oh, you'd be surprised.
Uh, where are your colleagues?
I think they think that schmoozing with the waiter
is going to get them into the club.
You know, something I'm wondering, actually, is,
what is your take on Keynesian
theory versus neoclassical?
What's the difference?
Fascinating.
So, what you're saying is
they're really different sides
of the same coin.
You're a trip, man.
-Can I get you a drink? -Oh, we should be getting you a drink.
Where's that damn waiter?
I don't know. Where is he?
-Almost ready. -What's with the whistle?
Well, at the fire station we run drills
till we get things right.
Tonight you
are gonna master walking up to a woman and making small talk.
Eve will be your practice girl.
Can we not refer to me as a practice girl?
Okay, uh, please approach your...
rehearsal human...
...and introduce yourself.
Hello, milady.
She's not Maid Marian. Go back,
try again. Speak like people your own age.
Sup, queen?
Nope. Do it again.
This is really hard.
Are you sure I have to talk to someone to date them?
Uh, let's just pretend you're at a club.
Talk about your surroundings.
It's really loud in here!
Yeah, that was my bad.
Let's say it's a coffee shop.
How loud is it?
You're the only two people there.
Why? Does it have a bad health score?
-David. -Sorry, sorry.
Who's your favorite magician?
So, you want to hear some facts about whales?
What's your favorite word?
Mine's a tie between "conquistador" and "lemon."
I'm a gentleman, so I'll ask first,
may I smell your hair?
Want to guess how many toes I have?
Hint, it's lower.
Why am I so bad at this when my father
was such a ladies' man?
You're making this way too hard. Keep it simple.
Confidence is attractive.
Stand straight. Freddy, show him.
Then just try to make eye contact. Freddy?
If she looks away, she's not feeling it,
but if she looks back, she might be.
Then just to make conversation. Freddy?
Hey, I noticed
the book you were reading. Any good?
Yeah, it's so good.
-I actually already finished it. -Oh.
-Do you want to borrow it? -I'd love to,
but then I'd need to get your number.
You know, so I can return it.
Sure.
I hope you're a fast reader.
Wow.
I'm really bad at reading people,
but I could've sworn you two were into each other.
Great acting. Even you, Eve.
So you play quite an important role here?
I'm just here to serve people.
Such a noble way of looking at it.
That's what I keep trying to tell my mom.
Well, she's a fool if she's not proud.
You guys get me.
Listen, I should probably go out and make the rounds.
Yes, of course. We just wanted some face time with the dean.
Who's Dean?
Well, you are. Dean Melvin.
I'm Kevin. That guy's Dean Melvin.
What are you doing?
I'm attempting to flip her the bird.
Hey, listen,
if you guys want to get high later,
just let me know.
I'm in.
Dean Melvin loved me and said that he will make sure
that I am accepted, but, more importantly,
"Servus te amavit?"
Well, he asked us to get high,
so I think he liked us pretty well.
Well, good news for you is that
Dean Melvin is interested in my recommendation
for the final spot.
And, for the record, I am very open to accepting bribes.
Oh, please, Olivia, our friendship is rock solid.
We're not about to start competing with each other...
I'll give you my son.
What?
Don't play so coy, sister. I've seen the way you look at him.
I know when he showers. I can get you...
What the hell am I doing?
What you're doing is making a deal. Keep talking.
I know I've said no a hundred times, Olivia,
but now I am prepared...
to go ice-skating with you.
Alan, do not mess with me.
Oh, come on, it's obvious
who's Founders' Society material around here.
Hint: it's the one of us
who doesn't need a can opener to check his watch.
So we're just
trading jabs now, are we? Fine.
Then it is time to throw down the gauntlet.
-Oh, that would've been so good. -Hmm.
Decide between yourselves and then let me know.
Right now Alan is ahead.
Text Monica.
"I finally found a skating partner."
"I finally found a mating partner."
That is much better.
All right.
I think I've come up with a solution
that'll make us both happy.
Go on.
You bow out.
What? Why should I bow out?
Because this is important to me, and as far as I can tell,
nothing is important to you.
Plus, you owe me.
I owe you? What the hell does that mean?
You know perfectly well what it means.
Explain it to me like I'm a student at Tufts.
You...
are the one...
who wanted to steal Oscar Wilde's cane.
You...
are the one who wanted to play with that poodle.
You take nothing seriously,
and I am always the one who has to pay a price for it.
You make me sound like some reckless buffoon.
Anyway, this place isn't that great, you know.
A huge crack in that table.
Will you please, please
not ruin this one thing for me?
I see.
I had no idea this is how you felt about us,
and I'm very sorry.
I will of course
bow out, and I'll help you secure that final spot.
Thank you. Now,
let's go talk me up to some of the other members.
We're almost out of time.
Uh, if I may, uh, one tiny request first.
I'd like you to help me meet a rather special lady.
Really? Who is the intoxicating little creature, eh?
She's beautiful, isn't she?
Gorgeous. Now, can we go?
You act like you've never seen a bottle of alcohol before.
It's a vintage Chateau Chien Blanc.
Oh, I'll give you two some privacy.
I noticed something on the way in. I just want to check it.
Ah, Lady Chien.
Well, I don't mean to brag, but I was right.
-About? -Well, on our way in here,
I accidentally locked the door, and we're stuck down here.
What?
Yeah, I know, I know, we're both upset.
If only there were
something in this room that could help
calm our nerves.
All right, David, this is the final drill.
Releasing you into the wild.
Remember, the goal is just to meet someone
and have a conversation. You see anyone interesting?
I don't know if I can do this.
I forgot how people talk.
Maybe I could just build a girlfriend. That seems easier.
I don't disagree, but, uh,
I think you should give it a try.
I need a drink.
He's joking about building a girlfriend, right?
I don't know. I've seen the schematics.
Tonic soda, grenadine back, don't skimp on the ice.
Sorry.
Just taking the edge off. I'm... I'm really nervous.
Oh, I get it.
I'm the same way.
Uh, sometimes, when I'm nervous,
I close my eyes and recite state capitals.
I do the same thing with presidents.
Yes. We can both say Lincoln.
Uh, you know what really calms me down?
Sniffing old books?
Get out of my head.
Th-There's an old bookstore around the corner,
if you want to go check it out.
I'd love to.
Sorry, guys.
I-I don't think it's gonna work out tonight.
I'll do better next time, I promise.
Milady.
Did he just pick up a girl without even realizing it?
You know, now and then, in this workaday world,
things do happen in a delightful
storybook fashion,
and what a comfort it is.
Is that a quote from Little Women?
It's a classic for a reason.
No signal down here, of course.
So, the Founders' Society mixer is almost over,
the only people we've mixed with are each other and Kevin.
And, again, I'm sorry. I promise you, in future,
I won't pull you into any more of my silly antics.
Now, just put your hands like this.
Thank you.
Alan.
Well, we're gonna be down here awhile.
We might as well have something warm in our bellies.
Oh, yes.
This is a big joke. Does anything actually matter to you?
I can think of two things I care deeply about:
my cat and you.
I was sure you were going to say Scotch.
I know I can be flippant about things, and that
you've had to pay the price, so...
I'm sorry if I've mucked things up again.
Thank you.
And I'm sorry if I seem to take
things a bit too seriously sometimes.
I've always wondered why that is.
You know, it's funny.
The thing about me is, I...
I've always wanted to fit in somewhere, you know?
I mean, even when I was
back in Boston, I-I used to be a regular at a bar, and yet...
Nobody knew your name?
Well, not-not exactly, but, um...
I still have this longing
to find the place where I belong.
Ugh, have you still got passion?
We're in our 60s, man.
What's wrong with "good enough"? What's wrong with "this'll do"?
What's wrong with
limping towards the finish line?
What's wrong? Well, let's see.
We're locked in a basement,
uh, you've got a, a gauntlet
stuck on your arm.
And you're drinking century-old booze
with your best-looking friend.
Sounds delightful.
The only thing I would change...
is that terrible Scotch.
Why am I chewing?
Well, if nothing else, consider this,
we've got the sixth story to bore everyone with.
That's a hell of a silver lining.
You know, I don't remember
one thing about that Bullingdon Club,
but I'll never forget being tackled by those
rabid librarian bullies.
Gosh.
That is something I will always remember.
Me, too.
So you're no longer mad at me for messing up your evening?
No, of course not.
Good, because I lied about the door being locked.
What? You mean the door's been unlocked
-all this time? -No, no, have a look. There isn't a door.
What? You locked me in a room without a door?
Not bad for a reckless buffoon.
No, I just thought we ought to, uh, hash things out.
I've certainly learned my lesson.
Who cares about this ridiculous club?
I've got you. I don't need them.
Dr. Crane. I've been dying to speak with you all night.
We would be honored if you would like to join our society.
I'd love to.
Wonderful.
The fact that you paused at all is a huge step forward.
Y'all know how this goes.
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin'♪
♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs♪
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused♪
Yeah, maybe. But I got you pegged.
♪ But I don't know what to do with those♪
♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs♪
♪ Life's callin' again.♪
Good night, everybody!
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org