1 00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:07,041 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:14,182 I can't believe he gets here tomorrow. 3 00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:15,716 Where does the time go? 4 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,685 Seems like only yesterday they sent us a picture 5 00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:21,222 of our little guy frolicking in the Spanish highlands. 6 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:23,057 Aw. Did you guys sponsor a kid? 7 00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:24,758 Sort of. We bought a ham. 8 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,027 FRASIER: Not just any ham. 9 00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:32,866 An 18-pound, acorn-fed jamón ibérico from España. 10 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,568 Cost as much as a laptop. 11 00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:35,636 Yeah. (laughs) 12 00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:37,205 Cool use of money. 13 00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:41,742 Last summer I vacationed in Hartford. 14 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,777 So, what's the occasion? 15 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,313 Excellent question. 16 00:00:45,313 --> 00:00:47,215 You see, when Alan and I attended Oxford together, 17 00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:51,152 we sojourned in Spain and enjoyed the most exquisite meal. 18 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,154 Ever since, we've been trying to recreate 19 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,922 that epicurean perfection. 20 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,591 So, in order to celebrate 40 years of friendship... 21 00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:59,127 Wait, is this story just starting? 22 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,530 Yeah, no, I have other tables. 23 00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:04,932 Well, I hope you'll join us for Ham Day. 24 00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:08,702 Oh, I'd love to join you guys. 25 00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:11,205 Ooh, I'll whip up some of my famous sangria. 26 00:01:11,205 --> 00:01:13,441 Ooh. Sangria. 27 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,943 You know, perhaps we could also pair our delicacy 28 00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:18,912 with some cotton candy and Rice Krispie Treats. 29 00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:23,684 Staggering blow, Frasier. Well done. 30 00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,085 (chuckles) Thank you. 31 00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:27,755 Hello, Professor Cornwall, Uncle. 32 00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:31,091 - Ah, David. - And a good Ham Day Eve to you, David. 33 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:32,360 (chuckles) What have you got there? 34 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,928 Oh, these are liability release forms. 35 00:01:35,062 --> 00:01:36,730 I'm spending the summer in Cameroon 36 00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:38,732 tagging wild chimpanzees. 37 00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:40,934 Is that just a... 38 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:45,473 ...teensiest bit way out of your comfort zone? 39 00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:47,475 With the credits I have, 40 00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:49,377 it was either a paid internship at an ice cream factory 41 00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:52,280 or dealing with hostile primates in Central Africa. 42 00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:53,881 Well, for you, that's obviously... 43 00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:55,383 Not an easy decision, I know, 44 00:01:55,383 --> 00:01:57,918 so I asked Professor Cornwall what he thought 45 00:01:58,018 --> 00:02:01,722 and he said in that quirky British style of his, 46 00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:03,624 "Indubitably." 47 00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:06,494 It was his certainty that convinced me. 48 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:07,428 Ah. 49 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,062 Well, that's a charming anecdote 50 00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:10,531 for your obituary. 51 00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:15,703 - Another good one, Frasier. - (laughs) Yeah. 52 00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,104 FREDDY: Hey, Dad. 53 00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:20,508 Well, at least David consulted someone. 54 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,042 This one here chose to leave Harvard 55 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,677 without talking to anybody. 56 00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,413 I'm fine, thanks for asking. 57 00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:28,582 And that's not true. I talked to a lot of people. 58 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,851 Really? You didn't talk to me. 59 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:33,721 Oh, nothing personal, I just... didn't want to. 60 00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:37,558 I did get some great advice from one of my professors. 61 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,260 Really? Which one? 62 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,230 Uh... 63 00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:44,298 I can't remember his name, it was so long ago. 64 00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:45,866 - What did he say? - Mm. 65 00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,868 It wasn't that it was anything that profound, 66 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,404 it was just... he was so clear about it. 67 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,206 You know, I-I asked him if I should drop out, 68 00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:55,876 and he just simply said, "Indubitably." 69 00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:11,892 You told Freddy to drop out of Harvard? 70 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:15,296 I can tell you're upset. 71 00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:17,365 No. Upset? Why would I be upset? 72 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,701 My son came to you for advice, 73 00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:23,036 and you simply shared your wisdom with him. 74 00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,738 Thank you, I am grateful. 75 00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,540 Ah, wonderful. Well, I'll be on my way. 76 00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,242 How dare you?! 77 00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:31,111 You told my son to drop out of Harvard 78 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,980 and become a firefighter?! 79 00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:35,916 Which I am entirely okay with. 80 00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:38,085 You could have told me that he was considering 81 00:03:38,185 --> 00:03:39,920 the noblest of professions, 82 00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:43,357 but instead you hid from me this rash decision 83 00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,959 to become the kind of hero that just... 84 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,829 makes my heart swell with pride. 85 00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,431 I love you, Freddy. 86 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,900 You go to hell, Alan. 87 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,579 (jazz music playing) 88 00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:09,850 Oh, no. It's worse than I thought. 89 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,452 You're listening to jazz. 90 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,155 Obviously there are no rules in friendship. 91 00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,858 Why should there be rules in music? 92 00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:18,859 (music stops) 93 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,929 Oh, come on, Dad, this is silly. 94 00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:23,731 You and Alan have been friends for decades. 95 00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,165 Centuries? 96 00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:27,301 Decades. 97 00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:29,770 Which makes it even worse. 98 00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:32,105 He knew that you were making a life-altering decision, 99 00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:34,642 - yet he kept it from me for years. - (knock at door) 100 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,377 How can I ever trust him again? 101 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:38,779 - Hey. - Oh, hey. 102 00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,914 Sorry to barge in on you like this, Frasier, 103 00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:43,351 but I can't stand seeing Alan without you. 104 00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:45,786 Mostly because I can't stand Alan without you. 105 00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:49,457 Look, I-I'm sorry, I-I just can't face him right now. 106 00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:53,994 Listen, I don't like giving Alan credit, but... 107 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,129 This might be the first time, actually. 108 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,166 But back when I began at Harvard, 109 00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,469 this guy I just started dating was moving to California. 110 00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:05,072 He wanted me to go with him, I was torn. 111 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,675 So I asked Alan if I should stay here. 112 00:05:07,775 --> 00:05:09,510 And do you know what he said? 113 00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:11,845 "Indubitably"? 114 00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:14,815 (chuckling): No, he said, and I quote, 115 00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,717 "Obviously, you bloody loon." 116 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:20,621 (laughs) It was exactly what I needed to hear. 117 00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,222 I was supposed to meet Christopher at the airport 118 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,224 the next morning, but I did not go. 119 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,494 Thank you, Olivia. 120 00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:28,762 That may be exactly what I needed to hear. 121 00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:29,730 Hmm. 122 00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:32,900 Wait, did I tell Christopher that I wasn't... 123 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,402 Shoot. 124 00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:36,970 See, Dad? 125 00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,672 Alan can be oddly helpful 126 00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:40,608 when you're wrestling with a big decision. 127 00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:43,511 Hmm. Maybe I did overreact. 128 00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,746 Probably because I still feel guilty 129 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,548 that I wasn't here for you then. 130 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,183 Now's when you say 131 00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:51,985 that I don't need to keep feeling guilty about that. 132 00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:53,854 I don't want to tell you how to feel, Dad. 133 00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:56,189 Yeah, all right. 134 00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:58,859 Well, that's a relief. Christopher landed on his feet. 135 00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:02,863 Looks like he started a biotech company. (chuckles) 136 00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:05,699 Oh, good for him. He looks happy. 137 00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,035 Although it's hard to tell in the shadow of that yacht. 138 00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:10,871 Come on, Dad. 139 00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:12,506 Alan's your best friend. Just talk to him. 140 00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:13,907 You know, neither of us behaved perfectly. 141 00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:15,543 Why should I have to apologize first? 142 00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:16,844 (phone dings) 143 00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:20,113 Still, we do owe it to our friendship 144 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,582 to try to work things out. 145 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,383 Was that an alert that your ham's just arrived? 146 00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:25,385 Just cleared customs! 147 00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,555 We got an hour to figure this out. 148 00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:30,157 Okay, I'm headed to the station to talk to some scouts, 149 00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:31,124 I'll give you a ride. 150 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,392 Terrific. Come on, Olivia. 151 00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:34,528 (laughs) I dodged a bullet. 152 00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:36,029 Look at this poor woman with Christopher. 153 00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:38,666 So bored, nothing to do but sunbathe and drink champagne. 154 00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:40,133 Does this look like a girlfriend or a sister? 155 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,436 Well, they're kissing, so... 156 00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,577 Frasier. 157 00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,545 Alan. 158 00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:53,581 Oh, this is ridiculous. 159 00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:55,783 - I'm working up to it, Freddy. - No, the... 160 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,485 This photo of me on your desk. 161 00:06:57,585 --> 00:06:59,520 I had frosted tips for like one week. 162 00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:04,091 Alan... 163 00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:06,594 I'm not entirely sure 164 00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:08,962 that you completely deserved all the vitriol 165 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:11,499 you may have received from me. 166 00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:14,101 Shall I grab a pair of garden shears 167 00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:16,369 so you can hedge your apology a bit more? 168 00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:19,239 I'm-I'm just hurt that you didn't share that with me 169 00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:21,141 and you kept it from me all this time. 170 00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:23,443 But Frederick explained to me 171 00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:25,078 that he was very grateful for your advice. 172 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:28,716 You should know I would never offer my counsel capriciously. 173 00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:30,050 Of course. 174 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,452 Thank you for helping my son. 175 00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,321 I would do it again in heartbeat. 176 00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:35,689 And I would ask that you not. 177 00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,961 As long as we can trust each other again. 178 00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:42,663 Of course we can. 179 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,164 Aw. 180 00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:48,536 You know, people joke about the true meaning of Ham Day, 181 00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:51,171 but this? 182 00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:54,542 God bless us, every one. 183 00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:58,912 Speaking of, any news on our little friend? 184 00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:02,082 Yes, yes. He's cleared customs, the courier has collected him, 185 00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:03,684 and David is standing by. 186 00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,485 You know, I received 187 00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:07,921 a tin of quince paste in a gift basket. 188 00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:11,759 That would pair excellently with our jamón. 189 00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:14,127 Uh, why did you receive a gift basket? 190 00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:17,030 Oh, it's, uh, condolences on my mother's passing. 191 00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:20,067 I, uh, had to cancel all my classes. 192 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,268 Oh, your mom died? 193 00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:24,171 Mm. Fourth time this year. 194 00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:28,008 I'll go and check the common area. 195 00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,777 Right. I'll continue the search here. 196 00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:34,347 Okay, well, I'm gonna destroy all evidence of Malibu Freddy... 197 00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:36,984 ...and head to the station. 198 00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:38,552 What's this? 199 00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:44,057 Enchanted Snooker Ball. 200 00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,960 Huh, so it's, what, like some British knockoff 201 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:48,996 - of a Magic 8 Ball? - (chuckles) 202 00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,465 "Have a spot of tea and ask again later." 203 00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:55,402 Yes, I suppose it is. (laughs) 204 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:59,039 All right, well, I'm glad you two are friends again. 205 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:02,743 After all, today is a day for ham. 206 00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:04,712 Not beef. 207 00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:05,979 Yes, off you go. 208 00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:16,223 Has Frasier Crane still got it? 209 00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,831 "Indubitably." 210 00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:34,441 Did Alan use a ridiculous toy 211 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,244 to determine my son's future? 212 00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,647 "Obviously, you bloody loon." 213 00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:50,724 (knock at door) 214 00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:53,260 Delivery for Frasier Crane? 215 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,295 Yes, perfect. 216 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:59,066 Screw those guys. I made sangria anyway. 217 00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:00,600 Ooh, is that the ham? 218 00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:01,802 Let me try it. 219 00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:03,370 No, don't touch it. 220 00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,372 My uncle doesn't think I'm capable enough 221 00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,074 to go to Cameroon. 222 00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:09,142 So you're gonna prove him wrong by... 223 00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:10,944 keeping his ham safe? 224 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,946 Not just safe. 225 00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:14,782 Pristine. 226 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,922 Whoa, quite the spread. 227 00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:24,825 Uh, yes, Uncle Frasier gathered all the fixings 228 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,794 for a Ham Day feast. 229 00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:29,229 Crusty bread, Manchego, 230 00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,131 dessert, sangria. 231 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:32,199 Sangria? 232 00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,502 Well, after you left, 233 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:36,770 he realized he liked the idea. 234 00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:39,106 That son of a bitch. 235 00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:41,274 Ooh, an instruction card. 236 00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:42,575 I love these. 237 00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,544 We have to follow this to the letter. 238 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,715 "Take the ham out of its packaging." 239 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,722 (grunts) 240 00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:57,624 (romantic music playing) 241 00:10:57,725 --> 00:10:59,426 What is that? 242 00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:01,194 It's called ambiance. 243 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,830 I'll dim the lights. 244 00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:05,198 Why do you know how to romance 245 00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,300 a pig and not a human woman? 246 00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:14,875 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 247 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:17,244 - Oh, my God. - Eve, what are you doing? 248 00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,545 They'll be here... 249 00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:22,482 Oh, wow. 250 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,452 This is better than sex. 251 00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:28,588 Okay. 252 00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:33,526 Can you at least tell us why we're here? 253 00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:34,561 Yeah, Dad, the scouts were waiting. 254 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:35,695 Why'd you call us back? 255 00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,564 Patience, please. 256 00:11:37,664 --> 00:11:39,332 It's a no-go on the quince, Frasier. 257 00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:40,633 I can't-- Oh. 258 00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:41,534 Ah. 259 00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:43,536 Luckily, I have something 260 00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,739 just as delicious to serve. 261 00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,877 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, welcome back 262 00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:52,612 to the room in which Alan changed your lives forever. 263 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,347 Does it seem like he's gearing up for something? 264 00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:56,950 Yep. "Gonna be late." 265 00:11:57,885 --> 00:11:59,686 What if I told you that the cautious, 266 00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:01,688 well-reasoned advice 267 00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:03,556 Alan espoused came not 268 00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,292 from deliberate consideration 269 00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,627 but rather from... 270 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,630 an Enchanted Snooker Ball. 271 00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:14,667 - A what? - It's basically a Magic 8 Ball. 272 00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:17,370 The so-called "advice guru" 273 00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:19,272 is nothing more than a charlatan, a, a fortune teller 274 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,541 with a pool hall oracle. 275 00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:25,612 Oh, dear, that's Mother. 276 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:26,980 She hasn't been well. 277 00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,918 Hold on! Hold on. 278 00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:33,854 Are you telling me that... 279 00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:36,489 I dumped Christopher-- my Christopher-- 280 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,025 because of a toy? 281 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:40,994 An enchanted toy. 282 00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:47,134 I realize the optics aren't in my favor, 283 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,302 but I do have an explanation. 284 00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:51,504 "Maybe start without me." 285 00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:55,275 It's called "revealed preference theory." 286 00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:56,910 Sometimes a life decision 287 00:12:57,010 --> 00:13:00,447 is so momentous, it can paralyze a person. 288 00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:02,415 So I gave Freddy and Olivia 289 00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:03,917 clear, definitive advice 290 00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:06,453 which allowed them to finally move forward. 291 00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:08,588 The theory says that if the subject made 292 00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:10,557 the right decision, their confidence will grow. 293 00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,125 (voice breaking): And if it's the wrong decision? 294 00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:13,160 Yeesh. 295 00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,998 Well, after a brief honeymoon period, 296 00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,500 they start to feel regret and ultimately realize 297 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,302 that the other path was the right one 298 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:23,904 and then reverse course. 299 00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:26,573 Alan, if the answer doesn't matter, 300 00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:27,908 then what's with the ball? 301 00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:29,309 Why not just toss a coin? 302 00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:31,644 Whimsy. 303 00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:34,181 Works for me. 304 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,682 Here you go. 305 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,218 FRASIER: Well, it doesn't work for me. 306 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,253 My son... 307 00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:41,855 came to you for advice, and you made him 308 00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:43,790 the subject of a frivolous experiment. 309 00:13:43,891 --> 00:13:46,093 There's nothing frivolous about the Enchanted Snooker Ball. 310 00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:48,028 I've just explained that. 311 00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,598 He was in a time of crisis, and you kept it from me. 312 00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:53,800 How many years did we barely speak with each other 313 00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,035 after that? 314 00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:56,736 Why? Why would you do that? 315 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,972 Because you would've given your son bad advice. 316 00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:03,010 You would have completely ignored what Freddy wanted 317 00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:05,845 in deference to your own expectations of him. 318 00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,514 I gave him the strength to realize 319 00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:09,516 what was important to him and the confidence 320 00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:11,151 to follow through. 321 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,821 Well... 322 00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:16,924 that was not your call to make. 323 00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:20,760 You've crossed a line, Alan. 324 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,063 I don't know how we get past this. 325 00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:26,133 I hate to say this, but Ham Day... 326 00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:28,001 - Frasier, no. - ...is canceled! 327 00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:31,071 Half of that pig is mine! 328 00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:40,213 Eve, look what you did, now there's a bigger hole. 329 00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:42,549 - This was my chance to prove myself. - Okay. 330 00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,717 It's okay, we can fix this. 331 00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:46,053 I have a bag of fresh herbs. 332 00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:49,622 How does you getting high right now help, Eve? 333 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,626 No, to cover the spot-- you know what? 334 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:54,827 Just put it on the jamonero. 335 00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:57,130 I'll be right back. 336 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,969 "Place ham on the jamonero." 337 00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:05,072 "Handle with the utmost care." 338 00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,140 * 339 00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:35,002 ♪ ♪ 340 00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:40,107 (groans) 341 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:51,284 (grunting) 342 00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:55,855 Oh, oh... 343 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:04,397 (sighs) 344 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:10,003 (garbage disposal grinding) 345 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:17,077 This was on the card? 346 00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:27,987 So, while we work as a unit, 347 00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:29,822 we're more like a family. 348 00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:31,891 Okay, who's got questions? 349 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,426 How long have you been a firefighter? 350 00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,362 Almost 15 years. 351 00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:36,763 Did you always want to be one? 352 00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:38,431 Uh, no, no, as a matter of fact, 353 00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:40,667 I studied to become a doctor before dropping out. 354 00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,369 That sounds like a hard decision. 355 00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:44,003 Yeah, yeah, it was. 356 00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:45,538 It's funny, I was just talking about this. 357 00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:47,774 Luckily, I got some great advice 358 00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:48,975 from one of my professors. 359 00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,377 A professor's kind of like a teacher. 360 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,045 Teachers are so smart. 361 00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:53,246 Aren't they? 362 00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,647 Also, this is kind of funny. 363 00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:56,483 I just found out he got his advice 364 00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:58,951 from what's basically a Magic 8 Ball. 365 00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:01,388 - The toy? - (laughs): Yeah. 366 00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:03,890 Your teacher asked a toy if you should be a firefighter? 367 00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:08,528 Well... 368 00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:09,696 That's not funny. 369 00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:10,830 You could die doing this job. 370 00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:12,832 My grandpa died in a fire. 371 00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:15,068 What's funny about this? 372 00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:18,405 I-I said "kind of funny." 373 00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:20,440 What sort of terrible teacher would do that? 374 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,209 Did you go to the worst college? 375 00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:24,944 It was Harvard. 376 00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:28,248 You dropped out of Harvard 377 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,782 to be a firefighter? 378 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,951 Yeah, 'cause of the advice. 379 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,321 - Because of an 8 ball? - A Magic 8 Ball. 380 00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,723 Is that supposed to be the funny part? 381 00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:38,225 - Okay. - Wait. 382 00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:40,026 Why didn't you ask your parents for advice? 383 00:17:40,026 --> 00:17:41,394 Do they give bad advice? 384 00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,263 (laughs) These questions. 385 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,098 Uh, so no. 386 00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:47,700 Uh, as a matter of fact, my dad's famous for giving advice. 387 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,202 What? That's so dumb. 388 00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:50,437 Do you hate your dad? 389 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:51,971 No. (laughs) 390 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,072 I don't hate my dad. 391 00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:54,541 In fact, I felt really bad 392 00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:55,842 when he found out about this yesterday. 393 00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:57,744 He found out yesterday? 394 00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,612 KIDS: What? 395 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,414 Okay, okay, we-we... we can calm down. 396 00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,082 It's not like my dad's mad at me or anything. 397 00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:05,017 I mean, he's super mad at his best friend. 398 00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,319 Why is he mad at his best friend? 399 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,587 Oh, 'cau-- uh, 'cause that was my professor. 400 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,489 You went to your dad's best friend 401 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:12,091 instead of him for advice about dropping out of college 402 00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:15,162 and only told him yesterday? 403 00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:18,165 I didn't tell him. He figured it out. 404 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:20,933 He should be mad at you. 405 00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:22,602 You're the coward who caused all this. 406 00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:24,036 - Yeah! - Yeah! 407 00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:26,105 - Who wants to pet Sparky? - KIDS: Me! 408 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,907 Okay. 409 00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:32,312 - (grunts) - You're not doing it right. 410 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,814 And stop eating it while we're trying to get... 411 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:38,318 Dude, I'm helping. There's less to get out now. 412 00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:42,355 (grunting) 413 00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:52,131 Well, at least the sangria's okay. 414 00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:56,336 Oh, no. 415 00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:01,174 All I am saying is that Christopher... 416 00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:03,376 Oh, God, they're here. What do we do? 417 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,312 I have an idea. Just stall them. 418 00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:06,679 Hey, everybody. 419 00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:09,048 Be right back. (whistling) 420 00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:15,188 - (door closes) - Tragic news, David. 421 00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:17,224 Ham Day is canceled. 422 00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:19,492 What? No. 423 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,762 I'm collecting my half and leaving. 424 00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,096 Uh, what? No. 425 00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:25,498 Look, i-if we're gonna split the ham, 426 00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:27,367 we've got to do this as fairly as possible. 427 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,569 I'm, uh, ordering a kitchen scale and a bone saw. 428 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,037 Should be here by end of week. 429 00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:33,039 - David, just get the ham. - ALAN: And hurry up. 430 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,342 I don't want to spend a second longer here than I need to. 431 00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:36,509 Agreed. 432 00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:39,379 Guys, please, no more fighting. 433 00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:41,714 - Are you okay? - Not really. 434 00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,516 I was just picked on by a bunch of kids 435 00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:45,184 that couldn't make the soccer team. 436 00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:48,821 Look, if you should be mad at anyone, 437 00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:50,156 it should be me. 438 00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:51,424 Right? I put you in an impossible position 439 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:54,661 between me and my dad, and, Dad, I... 440 00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:57,930 shouldn't have made such a huge decision without you. 441 00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:00,767 Thank you, Freddy. 442 00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,034 I appreciate that. 443 00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:04,304 So come on... (stammers) 444 00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:05,505 You guys have been friends for decades, 445 00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:08,308 so let's just sit down and hash this out. 446 00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:09,609 No. 447 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,312 I refuse to eat jamón with this mountebank. 448 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:14,847 Will you two knock it off? 449 00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:17,417 This was 15 years ago. 450 00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:19,419 You don't see Christopher dwelling on the fact 451 00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:21,153 that I broke up with him and now 452 00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:23,390 he has to drown his sorrows with a woman 453 00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:25,625 (high-pitched): who looks uncomfortably like me. 454 00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:31,431 Anyway... 455 00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:34,100 maybe it would help if you reminded yourselves 456 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,168 why this ham is so important. 457 00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:37,169 I mean, come on, Dad, you've told me 458 00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:38,405 that story a million times. 459 00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:40,440 (stammers) There's a Ham Day origin story? 460 00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:42,509 Tell it and take as long as you like. 461 00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,412 That's actually not a bad idea. 462 00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:47,079 Dad? 463 00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,483 Alan? 464 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:53,052 (sighs) 465 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:07,434 We ate ham in Spain. End of story. 466 00:21:07,534 --> 00:21:09,168 Come on, there's more to it than that. 467 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,203 How'd it start, Dad? You were, uh... 468 00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:13,473 you were buying ladies' sandals. 469 00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:15,775 They were espadrilles. 470 00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:20,279 A classic Spanish shoe. 471 00:21:20,380 --> 00:21:22,048 He convinced me to join him, 472 00:21:22,148 --> 00:21:24,317 but we missed the bus and walked for three hours, 473 00:21:24,417 --> 00:21:25,952 trying to find our group from Oxford. 474 00:21:26,085 --> 00:21:28,455 Yes, which I rather enjoyed because of my espadrilles. 475 00:21:28,555 --> 00:21:31,758 But Alan was whining like a goat, 476 00:21:31,858 --> 00:21:34,327 which seemed to attract a-a wild ibex. 477 00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:37,263 No, the eye-watering colors 478 00:21:37,263 --> 00:21:39,832 of your bolero jacket attracted the ibex. 479 00:21:39,932 --> 00:21:42,802 - That's why it chased you up a tree. - Yes. 480 00:21:42,902 --> 00:21:45,738 I was stranded on a branch when Alan left. 481 00:21:45,738 --> 00:21:47,507 I thought he'd abandoned me, but... 482 00:21:47,607 --> 00:21:49,409 But I'd gone scrambling for a rock. 483 00:21:49,509 --> 00:21:53,079 Now, stone in hand, I launched, knowing my aim was true... 484 00:21:53,079 --> 00:21:55,515 And hit me square in the face. 485 00:21:57,450 --> 00:22:00,387 Yes, but the scream you let out frightened away the ibex. 486 00:22:02,789 --> 00:22:05,257 Alan helped me down from the tree. 487 00:22:05,358 --> 00:22:10,096 We'd lost touch with our group, so we wandered about 488 00:22:10,196 --> 00:22:12,999 without provision, aimlessly, for hours. 489 00:22:13,099 --> 00:22:15,802 And just as I was convinced we would die out there, 490 00:22:15,802 --> 00:22:18,170 we spotted a taberna, 491 00:22:18,304 --> 00:22:21,273 rising like a mirage on the mesa. 492 00:22:21,273 --> 00:22:23,342 FRASIER (chuckles): And so we went in 493 00:22:23,476 --> 00:22:26,178 - and ordered a bottle of local Rioja. - (chuckles) 494 00:22:26,278 --> 00:22:29,148 And we feasted on the most succulent, 495 00:22:29,248 --> 00:22:31,851 melt-in-the-mouth jamón ibérico. 496 00:22:31,951 --> 00:22:34,454 And do you remember the-the two señoritas 497 00:22:34,554 --> 00:22:35,755 that we met that night? 498 00:22:35,855 --> 00:22:38,290 Oh, those dark-eyed sirens. 499 00:22:38,290 --> 00:22:41,127 Oh, they stole our hearts. 500 00:22:41,227 --> 00:22:42,929 - And wallets. - Yeah. 501 00:22:45,164 --> 00:22:46,733 - And my espadrilles. - Mm. 502 00:22:48,535 --> 00:22:50,369 We called our parents, they paid for the meal, 503 00:22:50,470 --> 00:22:51,838 they yelled at us. 504 00:22:51,838 --> 00:22:53,873 I told Alan's parents it was all my fault. 505 00:22:54,006 --> 00:22:57,910 And I told Frasier's parents it was all mine, and... 506 00:22:58,044 --> 00:23:00,413 we've been best friends ever since. 507 00:23:01,481 --> 00:23:02,949 (laughs softly) 508 00:23:04,551 --> 00:23:07,253 I'm sorry. I never should have doubted you. 509 00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:08,555 You've always been there for me. 510 00:23:08,655 --> 00:23:10,056 I'm sorry, too. 511 00:23:10,156 --> 00:23:13,292 I promise never to help your son again. 512 00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:15,061 Well, then, that's settled. 513 00:23:15,161 --> 00:23:17,229 I have to say, this-this, 514 00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:20,600 this theory of yours, it-it's the height of stupidity. 515 00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:22,068 Well, not the height of stupidity. 516 00:23:22,168 --> 00:23:23,803 I mean, it-it worked for Freddy and Olivia. 517 00:23:23,903 --> 00:23:25,271 They wouldn't change anything. 518 00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:27,073 - That's true. - I would change everything. 519 00:23:28,875 --> 00:23:30,276 All right. 520 00:23:30,376 --> 00:23:33,279 Who wants ham? 521 00:23:33,379 --> 00:23:35,748 Well, I must admit, 522 00:23:35,848 --> 00:23:37,617 Rodrigo looks delicious. 523 00:23:37,717 --> 00:23:40,453 - Rodrigo? - I begged you not to name him. 524 00:23:41,387 --> 00:23:43,956 Where did you find another ibérico ham? 525 00:23:44,056 --> 00:23:46,425 I didn't, I just had some Black Forest left over from the deli. 526 00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:47,727 You think that'll work? 527 00:23:47,727 --> 00:23:49,796 It's not like I remember it, but... 528 00:23:49,896 --> 00:23:52,331 - Mmm. - You know, I agree, but... 529 00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:55,902 sharing it with you makes it okay. 530 00:23:56,002 --> 00:23:57,537 Yes, it does. 531 00:23:57,637 --> 00:23:59,906 (whispers): Oh, my God, it's working. 532 00:24:00,006 --> 00:24:01,608 - I can't believe they're buying... - Enough! 533 00:24:01,708 --> 00:24:05,044 Stop turning the screws on me. I confess. 534 00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:07,580 To what? 535 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:08,848 I ruined the ham. 536 00:24:08,948 --> 00:24:10,416 It's sitting in your kitchen 537 00:24:10,416 --> 00:24:14,020 on a bed of shattered glass and shameful lies. 538 00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:19,258 Oh... 539 00:24:19,358 --> 00:24:22,595 What rash and bloody deed is this? 540 00:24:24,864 --> 00:24:26,699 It was greasy and it fell in the cake 541 00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:28,701 and then it got stuck in the garbage disposal, 542 00:24:28,835 --> 00:24:30,236 and then Eve tried to get high. 543 00:24:30,336 --> 00:24:32,104 I-- and I'm sorry, Dr. Cornwall, 544 00:24:32,104 --> 00:24:36,576 I know you believed in me, but I-I can't go to Cameroon. 545 00:24:37,844 --> 00:24:39,712 See? Theory works. 546 00:24:40,847 --> 00:24:42,481 And if it's any consolation, David, 547 00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:44,517 I never believed in you. 548 00:24:46,118 --> 00:24:49,021 That is such a relief. Thank you. 549 00:24:49,121 --> 00:24:52,358 You know, I was going to... 550 00:24:52,458 --> 00:24:55,628 make a toast, but my sangria's all over the floor. 551 00:24:55,628 --> 00:24:58,765 Hmm, bummer. We have my sangria. 552 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:02,635 Very well. Uh... 553 00:25:02,735 --> 00:25:06,606 Everyone, to friendship... 554 00:25:07,473 --> 00:25:10,042 ...to forgiveness... 555 00:25:10,176 --> 00:25:12,545 and to the true spirit of Ham Day. 556 00:25:12,679 --> 00:25:15,247 Hey, Christopher. 557 00:25:16,749 --> 00:25:19,351 It's Livvy. I've been thinking, and... 558 00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:21,654 I will go to California with you. 559 00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:24,624 Freddy? 560 00:25:25,725 --> 00:25:27,727 God bless us, every one. 561 00:25:35,034 --> 00:25:36,669 ("Tossed Salads and Scrambled Eggs" playing) 562 00:25:36,669 --> 00:25:39,271 FRASIER: Y'all know how this goes. 563 00:25:39,405 --> 00:25:42,208 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 564 00:25:42,208 --> 00:25:45,712 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 565 00:25:47,614 --> 00:25:49,749 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 566 00:25:49,849 --> 00:25:52,619 Yeah, maybe. But I got you pegged. 567 00:25:52,752 --> 00:25:54,654 (chuckles) 568 00:25:54,754 --> 00:25:56,756 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 569 00:25:56,889 --> 00:26:01,260 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 570 00:26:02,528 --> 00:26:04,463 ♪ Life's callin' again. ♪ 571 00:26:06,498 --> 00:26:09,301 And a happy Ham Day to all. 572 00:26:10,302 --> 00:26:13,673 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org