1 00:00:05,003 --> 00:00:06,602 Previously on Velma... 2 00:00:07,043 --> 00:00:09,162 My beloved brother passed away. 3 00:00:09,162 --> 00:00:11,722 The two women hoping to replace him as sheriff, 4 00:00:11,722 --> 00:00:16,242 have outsourced the investigation of his death to kids! 5 00:00:16,242 --> 00:00:19,762 Which leaves me no choice but to enter the race myself. 6 00:00:20,163 --> 00:00:22,483 - Amber's doing a seance. - A seance? 7 00:00:22,483 --> 00:00:25,643 I knew something was up with those new witchy neighbors. 8 00:00:26,282 --> 00:00:27,843 Dr. Dane Dupree. 9 00:00:29,803 --> 00:00:32,003 Holy crap. Is my grandma alive? 10 00:00:33,003 --> 00:00:36,603 You, of all people, know how much I've struggled to find the real me. 11 00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:38,402 It's not the unknown that freaks me out. 12 00:00:38,402 --> 00:00:41,683 It's idiots like you who ignore facts and science that do. 13 00:00:45,762 --> 00:00:47,323 Daphne, we need to talk. 14 00:00:47,323 --> 00:00:49,762 You've said enough already. Go away. 15 00:00:49,762 --> 00:00:53,043 So after a huge fight over whether or not she's a witch, 16 00:00:53,043 --> 00:00:54,563 Daphne isn't talking to me. 17 00:00:54,563 --> 00:00:58,043 She is, however, pointedly posting a lot on social media. 18 00:00:58,043 --> 00:01:00,043 And her followers love the new her. 19 00:01:00,043 --> 00:01:03,563 Sorry, papaya Wiccan Daphne is done with everything orange. 20 00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,002 {\an8}Michelle Obama liked this? 21 00:01:05,002 --> 00:01:08,243 Worse, I can't clap back because I'm terrible at social media. 22 00:01:08,683 --> 00:01:12,043 {\an8}Sorry, Ed, rational-minded Velma is done with redheads. 23 00:01:13,362 --> 00:01:15,523 Olive suggested baiting Daphne with a hot pic 24 00:01:15,523 --> 00:01:17,723 using an app she has to make your butt look bigger. 25 00:01:17,723 --> 00:01:20,803 But when I tried it, I just enraged the flat-butt community. 26 00:01:22,043 --> 00:01:24,883 To get Daphne's attention, I need to up my game. 27 00:01:24,883 --> 00:01:27,323 So let's just see how Daphne feels when she wakes up 28 00:01:27,323 --> 00:01:29,762 to a picture of me in the school library 29 00:01:29,762 --> 00:01:32,562 reading a book called How to Find a Better Girlfriend. 30 00:01:32,562 --> 00:01:34,922 If the threat of breaking up doesn't get her to talk to me, 31 00:01:34,922 --> 00:01:36,202 I don't know what will. 32 00:01:45,523 --> 00:01:48,803 So you, quote, "found the coroners' bodies 33 00:01:48,803 --> 00:01:53,163 on the pentagram where Amber held their dumbass seance yesterday"? 34 00:01:53,163 --> 00:01:54,762 This is feeling a little biased. 35 00:01:54,762 --> 00:01:58,402 Biased? This screams "witch" more than a sexually frustrated pilgrim! 36 00:01:58,402 --> 00:02:00,323 Clearly, Amber's the serial killer. 37 00:02:00,323 --> 00:02:02,922 Even the cameras were disabled with little pentagrams! 38 00:02:03,562 --> 00:02:08,682 Everyone calm down, Fred Jones, Spooky Stuff Hunter, is here. 39 00:02:08,682 --> 00:02:12,403 Yeah, I'm still doing that. And from my readings, witches only kill 40 00:02:12,403 --> 00:02:15,843 when someone tries to eat their house made of cake and candy. 41 00:02:15,843 --> 00:02:18,082 But look at Daphne! She's lost her witchy clothes. 42 00:02:18,082 --> 00:02:20,323 Clearly you've realized you're not actually a witch 43 00:02:20,323 --> 00:02:23,723 and are now distancing yourself from Amber because you know they did this. 44 00:02:23,723 --> 00:02:27,403 What? No! I just needed a break from white dresses. 45 00:02:27,403 --> 00:02:29,883 People kept asking if I was getting adult baptized. 46 00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:33,043 Wait, you're still into witchcraft even after seeing this? 47 00:02:33,043 --> 00:02:35,323 Table this, kids. We have to talk to the press. 48 00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:37,482 They can't get so much as a whiff of this. 49 00:02:37,482 --> 00:02:38,603 What? No way! 50 00:02:38,603 --> 00:02:41,403 Call me the skunk 'cause I'm about to spray it everywhere. 51 00:02:41,403 --> 00:02:44,043 Everyone has to know the danger Amber poses. 52 00:02:44,043 --> 00:02:47,962 Velma, "Dong removing witch" is literally America's worst nightmare. 53 00:02:47,962 --> 00:02:51,082 People will freak out. This can't leak until we know more. 54 00:02:56,962 --> 00:03:00,642 I'll be brief. We found the bodies of two men in their 40s, 55 00:03:00,642 --> 00:03:03,883 or so we assume from their tribal armband tattoos. 56 00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:06,802 Regardless, we have no cause of death at this time. 57 00:03:06,802 --> 00:03:10,202 {\an8}Argh, you don't need a cause of death to know that this makes 58 00:03:10,202 --> 00:03:13,962 {\an8}four middle-aged men killed within the past week! 59 00:03:13,962 --> 00:03:16,682 My vacation shirts have subtler patterns, 60 00:03:16,682 --> 00:03:19,802 and yet you two still think you should be sheriff? 61 00:03:19,802 --> 00:03:22,323 Now is not the time for grandstanding, Merle. 62 00:03:22,323 --> 00:03:25,082 How dare you accuse me of grandstanding! 63 00:03:25,082 --> 00:03:27,482 I am on a soapbox! 64 00:03:27,482 --> 00:03:30,323 And I, Sheriff candidate Merle Cogburn, 65 00:03:30,323 --> 00:03:35,082 believe a serial killer is targeting middle-aged men! 66 00:03:36,003 --> 00:03:38,922 Now who will watch our World War II documentaries? 67 00:03:38,922 --> 00:03:40,482 Or collect guitars? 68 00:03:40,482 --> 00:03:42,883 Look, we understand your distress. 69 00:03:42,883 --> 00:03:45,403 But even Velma, who's actually caught a serial killer, 70 00:03:45,403 --> 00:03:48,043 feels there are no leads or reasons to panic. 71 00:03:48,043 --> 00:03:49,843 Isn't that right, Velma? 72 00:03:49,843 --> 00:03:51,762 I will be reading a prepared statement. 73 00:03:51,762 --> 00:03:56,003 Given a lack of evidence, and the fact we're living in a police state, 74 00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:58,202 it is too soon to draw any conclusions. 75 00:03:58,202 --> 00:04:01,802 Well, okay, but I see Fred Jones is also up there. 76 00:04:01,802 --> 00:04:05,843 Are you exploring any "spooky angles" to this case? 77 00:04:06,403 --> 00:04:09,082 No! I'm here to say I've found nothing witchy 78 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:11,082 about the murders at this time. 79 00:04:11,082 --> 00:04:14,082 - You're welcome. - Why would you say witchy? 80 00:04:14,082 --> 00:04:17,562 Is there reason to believe the serial killer is a witch? 81 00:04:18,322 --> 00:04:19,963 This press conference is over. 82 00:04:20,362 --> 00:04:22,682 Daphne, where are you going? We need to talk. 83 00:04:27,723 --> 00:04:29,882 Please be the serial killer and not Velma. 84 00:04:29,882 --> 00:04:31,922 - Daphne? - Norville? What are you doing here? 85 00:04:31,922 --> 00:04:35,562 I was saying goodbye to the trash. 86 00:04:35,562 --> 00:04:38,403 I'll never see it again. Well, anyway, my car's here. 87 00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:39,723 I'm heading home. 88 00:04:39,723 --> 00:04:42,403 The Norville Rogers I'm picking up is going 89 00:04:42,403 --> 00:04:44,603 to the Crystal Cove Insane Asylum. 90 00:04:44,603 --> 00:04:47,562 - What? - Daphne, please stop ignoring me. 91 00:04:47,562 --> 00:04:48,843 I'm your girlfriend. 92 00:04:48,843 --> 00:04:51,362 And we just need to talk about Amber until you admit I'm right! 93 00:04:51,362 --> 00:04:52,562 Go! 94 00:04:54,482 --> 00:04:56,682 You think your grandmother is alive? 95 00:04:56,682 --> 00:04:59,362 Dane Dupree is an anagram for Edna Perdue. 96 00:04:59,362 --> 00:05:02,203 So either yes, she's alive, or I'm about to meet 97 00:05:02,203 --> 00:05:03,682 a delightful southern restaurateur. 98 00:05:03,682 --> 00:05:05,482 Okay, well, can I tag along? 99 00:05:05,482 --> 00:05:08,882 After the seance and these new murders I am not ready to deal 100 00:05:08,882 --> 00:05:12,242 with Velma's endless, "I told you so's" about embracing witchcraft. 101 00:05:12,242 --> 00:05:14,083 Sure, but Velma's not wrong. 102 00:05:14,083 --> 00:05:16,562 You ditching your witchy clothes is suspicious. 103 00:05:16,562 --> 00:05:18,403 Do you think Amber's a serial killer? 104 00:05:18,403 --> 00:05:21,163 No, it's just that after that failed seance, 105 00:05:21,163 --> 00:05:24,203 I don't feel like I'm a witch or a popular girl. 106 00:05:24,203 --> 00:05:26,922 - I don't know who I am. - We're girlfriends! 107 00:05:26,922 --> 00:05:30,083 That's the only identity either of us needs! Come back! 108 00:05:34,203 --> 00:05:36,283 Velma, thank God I found you. 109 00:05:36,283 --> 00:05:39,322 I have your room now, girl, dog. 110 00:05:39,322 --> 00:05:40,482 You stopped me for that? 111 00:05:40,482 --> 00:05:42,882 Daphne was about to admit the error of her ways. 112 00:05:42,882 --> 00:05:45,322 Okay, but I have to show you something at home. 113 00:05:45,322 --> 00:05:46,843 I think it has to do with the murders. 114 00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:50,843 Whoa! Look at all those rings. 115 00:05:50,843 --> 00:05:53,922 Did you finally win your land war with the South African diamond miners? 116 00:05:53,922 --> 00:05:57,442 No, hearing about the murders made me realize life is short. 117 00:05:57,442 --> 00:05:59,682 And when you're rich and find someone you care about, 118 00:05:59,682 --> 00:06:01,603 you lock them down ASAP. 119 00:06:01,603 --> 00:06:04,083 So you have legal leverage if they ever want to leave you. 120 00:06:04,083 --> 00:06:06,603 You're proposing to Diya? I'll kill you! 121 00:06:07,643 --> 00:06:11,083 Hold on. That's weird 'cause I don't think I'm actually angry. 122 00:06:11,083 --> 00:06:13,603 Is this what emotional growth feels like? 123 00:06:13,603 --> 00:06:14,723 I wouldn't know, 124 00:06:14,723 --> 00:06:17,362 but this is gonna be the best thing that's ever happened to us. 125 00:06:17,362 --> 00:06:19,802 And Diya. She's a middle-aged single woman. 126 00:06:19,802 --> 00:06:21,843 I believe they turn those into glue. 127 00:06:21,843 --> 00:06:24,002 But I want the proposal to be a surprise. 128 00:06:24,002 --> 00:06:27,122 So I need you to secretly find her ring size. 129 00:06:27,122 --> 00:06:28,882 I will not let you down. 130 00:06:28,882 --> 00:06:31,882 Unless, as Diya is about to say, I do. 131 00:06:32,922 --> 00:06:35,043 - It's stuck, isn't it? - Yup. 132 00:06:39,643 --> 00:06:41,723 Damn, Sophie, since when did you get into gardening? 133 00:06:41,723 --> 00:06:43,283 And tell me this isn't organic. 134 00:06:43,283 --> 00:06:45,163 I need all the growth hormones I can get. 135 00:06:45,163 --> 00:06:48,802 Sorry, but with your parents' divorce settled, I feel I can finally nest. 136 00:06:48,802 --> 00:06:50,643 And as I was working out here last night, 137 00:06:50,643 --> 00:06:54,203 I heard witchy cackling coming from Daphne's backyard. 138 00:07:00,203 --> 00:07:03,083 That's why Linda and Donna didn't want me talking to the press. 139 00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:06,843 Not only do they know Amber's the killer, they're protecting them. Look! 140 00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:09,562 Are their crotches missing? Did the killer do that? 141 00:07:09,562 --> 00:07:12,283 You need to post that picture and warn the world about Amber. 142 00:07:12,283 --> 00:07:13,723 Okay, but it won't do any good. 143 00:07:13,723 --> 00:07:17,283 My posts get treated like sensible tax reform. Mocked and ignored. 144 00:07:17,283 --> 00:07:20,723 That's because teen social media is about making people horny. 145 00:07:20,723 --> 00:07:23,922 Adult social media is about making people afraid of their neighbors. 146 00:07:23,922 --> 00:07:25,682 Plus, you've already caught one serial killer. 147 00:07:25,682 --> 00:07:27,442 People will listen to you about this! 148 00:07:27,442 --> 00:07:31,242 I'm posting pictures of Amber, their mom's bookstore and the crime scene. 149 00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:33,322 But I promise you nothing will happen. 150 00:07:34,002 --> 00:07:36,083 Wow! Look at all those likes. 151 00:07:36,083 --> 00:07:40,163 It feels a little shallow TBH. Wait! Brain chemistry just changed. 152 00:07:40,163 --> 00:07:41,763 This is the greatest feeling in the world! 153 00:07:46,083 --> 00:07:48,482 Good morning. Welcome to Crystal Cove Asylum, 154 00:07:48,482 --> 00:07:51,203 where all of your fantasies hopefully won't come true. 155 00:07:51,203 --> 00:07:53,963 Yes. Hello. We'd like to see Dr. Dane Dupree. 156 00:07:53,963 --> 00:07:55,922 Dr. Dane Dupree? 157 00:07:55,922 --> 00:07:59,203 Do you mean, Dr. Dane Perdue? Wait. No, no, You were right. 158 00:07:59,203 --> 00:08:02,523 It's Dr. Dane Purdoctor, I mean Edna Purdane, oh boy. 159 00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:04,043 Forget it, Rhonda. You blew it. 160 00:08:04,043 --> 00:08:05,922 - I'll deal with these two. - Grandma? 161 00:08:10,163 --> 00:08:12,882 Oh, my God, 3,000 likes and counting! 162 00:08:12,882 --> 00:08:14,963 Any more and I'll have to start a lifestyle brand. 163 00:08:15,643 --> 00:08:17,283 Velma, what have you done? 164 00:08:17,283 --> 00:08:20,122 What have I done? Men are dead, and you're protecting Amber 165 00:08:20,122 --> 00:08:22,482 more than parents who say "boys will be boys". 166 00:08:22,482 --> 00:08:23,963 Amber is going to jail. 167 00:08:23,963 --> 00:08:25,242 No, Velma. 168 00:08:25,242 --> 00:08:28,283 Thanks to you, I'm going to be burned alive! 169 00:08:31,643 --> 00:08:33,562 Bring out the witch! 170 00:08:36,602 --> 00:08:39,442 Don't blame me. If you'd arrested Amber, we could've avoided this. 171 00:08:39,442 --> 00:08:41,403 There's no time to point fingers. 172 00:08:41,403 --> 00:08:43,842 Just do something before that mob... Oh, God! 173 00:08:43,842 --> 00:08:45,483 Tramples my new flowers. 174 00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:47,763 The evidence doesn't point to Amber, Velma. 175 00:08:47,763 --> 00:08:50,842 They have an alibi. They were with us all night. 176 00:08:50,842 --> 00:08:52,682 What? Why wouldn't you just tell me that? 177 00:08:52,682 --> 00:08:54,842 The same reason anyone keeps anything quiet. 178 00:08:54,842 --> 00:08:56,363 Truth makes us look bad. 179 00:08:57,082 --> 00:08:58,363 Excuse me, everyone. 180 00:08:58,363 --> 00:09:01,363 Thank you for forming this angry mob on such short notice. 181 00:09:03,003 --> 00:09:05,202 Unfortunately, for the first time ever, 182 00:09:05,202 --> 00:09:08,003 it seems the social media post was not accurate. 183 00:09:08,003 --> 00:09:09,802 While the murders feel witchy, 184 00:09:09,802 --> 00:09:12,483 new evidence suggests it was not Amber. 185 00:09:12,483 --> 00:09:16,082 See, with the election coming up, Amber was helping us all night 186 00:09:16,082 --> 00:09:19,003 by burning Merle's yard signs in our backyard. 187 00:09:19,003 --> 00:09:22,123 Wait, what? You burned my signs? 188 00:09:22,123 --> 00:09:26,403 It was childish and in social media fashion, everyone is sorry-ish. 189 00:09:26,403 --> 00:09:29,322 Oh, my! Well, then it seems we've made a terrible error 190 00:09:29,322 --> 00:09:33,202 because Amber is even more powerful than we thought! 191 00:09:33,202 --> 00:09:36,202 They've cast a spell on Velma to defend them! 192 00:09:36,202 --> 00:09:37,802 Burn Amber! 193 00:09:38,643 --> 00:09:40,802 What? No! 194 00:09:40,802 --> 00:09:43,163 No! Stop! You're all in danger. 195 00:09:43,163 --> 00:09:45,922 A killer is still out there targeting your dongs. 196 00:09:45,922 --> 00:09:49,763 Exactly. And that killer is Amber. 197 00:09:49,763 --> 00:09:51,682 According to this one commenter, 198 00:09:51,682 --> 00:09:55,523 witches use penii for their spells and potions. 199 00:09:55,523 --> 00:09:58,962 Now we've got Amber outnumbered so they don't scare us. 200 00:09:58,962 --> 00:10:02,962 In fact, men, let's show everyone how brave we are! 201 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:06,883 Stand up to the witches! Remove your britches! 202 00:10:08,643 --> 00:10:13,442 You'll get my cold dead genitals when you pry them from my hand! 203 00:10:14,163 --> 00:10:17,322 - I think you said that wrong. - I assure you, I did not! 204 00:10:17,322 --> 00:10:19,123 They're not going to listen to us, Velma! 205 00:10:19,123 --> 00:10:21,442 I know. But there is someone they will listen to. 206 00:10:21,442 --> 00:10:22,763 Sophie, I need a ride. 207 00:10:27,763 --> 00:10:29,602 Grandma? What's going on? 208 00:10:29,602 --> 00:10:31,883 You're alive? And is Grandma what I call you? 209 00:10:31,883 --> 00:10:35,883 No. Dr. Perdue will suffice. Now, how did you find me? 210 00:10:35,883 --> 00:10:37,682 Your mother nor father are that smart. 211 00:10:37,682 --> 00:10:40,962 Our biology teacher, Gavin Swendig had a staff list. 212 00:10:40,962 --> 00:10:43,562 Norville rearranged the letters of Dr. Dane Dupree, 213 00:10:43,562 --> 00:10:44,802 which, honestly, 214 00:10:44,802 --> 00:10:47,322 for somebody who's supposedly brilliant, seems a little lazy. 215 00:10:47,322 --> 00:10:50,202 I had Rhonda do it. Shame on me, right? 216 00:10:50,202 --> 00:10:52,082 But Gavin is one of those dead men. 217 00:10:52,082 --> 00:10:54,483 Why is he looking for me? Tell me about it. 218 00:10:54,483 --> 00:10:56,562 We're not telling you anything until you explain 219 00:10:56,562 --> 00:10:58,363 how you've secretly been alive for 30 years! 220 00:10:58,363 --> 00:11:00,363 Norville, I understand your frustration. 221 00:11:00,363 --> 00:11:02,082 But telling anyone was too risky. 222 00:11:02,082 --> 00:11:04,643 The military is still after me for hiding my journals 223 00:11:04,643 --> 00:11:06,722 and abandoning Project SCOOBI. 224 00:11:06,722 --> 00:11:09,722 And God help us if they ever found this! 225 00:11:20,682 --> 00:11:23,283 That's why there's no eating on the floor, Rhonda. 226 00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:24,363 I'm sorry. 227 00:11:25,442 --> 00:11:27,403 You think I can talk the mob down? 228 00:11:27,403 --> 00:11:29,562 I mean, I could try, but I usually just incite them. 229 00:11:29,562 --> 00:11:31,763 I know, but Merle listened to you earlier. 230 00:11:31,763 --> 00:11:35,243 And mobs just want easy answers in a scary, complex world. 231 00:11:35,243 --> 00:11:38,082 Believing in the supernatural allows you to connect with them. 232 00:11:38,082 --> 00:11:40,682 On a simpler level I can't. 233 00:11:40,682 --> 00:11:42,523 Okay, Well, I'll still do it. 234 00:11:42,523 --> 00:11:44,922 But only because I need you to do something for me. 235 00:11:44,922 --> 00:11:46,483 Or rather, us. 236 00:11:46,483 --> 00:11:49,163 I need you to get me your mom's ring size without her knowing. 237 00:11:49,163 --> 00:11:50,883 William is proposing? 238 00:11:50,883 --> 00:11:52,602 They've only been dating for two weeks. 239 00:11:52,602 --> 00:11:55,602 The only question he needs to be popping is "Are your tubes tied?" 240 00:11:55,602 --> 00:11:57,763 I know, but I've never seen Father so happy. 241 00:11:57,763 --> 00:12:00,442 So do this for me or that witch will burn. 242 00:12:01,602 --> 00:12:03,163 I can't tell what's sadder. 243 00:12:03,163 --> 00:12:04,763 That Diya's getting married before me, 244 00:12:04,763 --> 00:12:06,763 or that all of these are gold-plated. 245 00:12:06,763 --> 00:12:08,043 Diya getting married before you. 246 00:12:08,043 --> 00:12:11,043 All right, Fred, you have my mom's ring size. Now we have to go. 247 00:12:11,043 --> 00:12:13,322 My relationship with Daphne is already on the rocks. 248 00:12:13,322 --> 00:12:16,763 And if the mob burns Amber, Daphne might think it's somehow my fault. 249 00:12:21,363 --> 00:12:23,123 Now, what we do here is unorthodox. 250 00:12:23,123 --> 00:12:25,363 So please reserve all judgment until the end. 251 00:12:26,802 --> 00:12:29,123 Oh, God! You're a monster. 252 00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:31,163 Coconut seltzer? 253 00:12:31,163 --> 00:12:32,363 Sorry, wrong door. 254 00:12:32,363 --> 00:12:35,523 And some people like the taste of sunscreen. 255 00:12:36,602 --> 00:12:39,082 What? Who do these brains belong to? 256 00:12:39,082 --> 00:12:41,003 The brave. The curious. 257 00:12:41,003 --> 00:12:43,123 And, of course, the rich and bored. 258 00:12:43,123 --> 00:12:44,682 That lady brought her cat. 259 00:12:46,842 --> 00:12:50,403 See, while at Project SCOOBI I made an incredible discovery. 260 00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:53,283 When I placed hardened soldiers' brains in jars 261 00:12:53,283 --> 00:12:54,922 they discovered their true selves, 262 00:12:54,922 --> 00:12:57,562 unsullied by outside influences. 263 00:12:57,562 --> 00:13:00,322 After the procedure, now, knowing who they were, 264 00:13:00,322 --> 00:13:01,722 they all left the military. 265 00:13:01,722 --> 00:13:04,123 One became a teacher, two got married, 266 00:13:04,123 --> 00:13:08,682 and one walked on his hands because I put his brain back in upside down. 267 00:13:08,682 --> 00:13:10,763 I have since perfected the technology, 268 00:13:10,763 --> 00:13:14,082 and now anyone can have their brain removed to find their true self. 269 00:13:20,243 --> 00:13:22,883 - Rhonda, I told you to get a mat. - Sorry! 270 00:13:22,883 --> 00:13:25,202 Hold on. You faked your death 271 00:13:25,202 --> 00:13:29,163 and abandoned your family to create a day spa for brains? 272 00:13:29,163 --> 00:13:33,322 Norville, helping people figure out who they really are is revolutionary work. 273 00:13:33,322 --> 00:13:37,363 Exactly! And I couldn't contact you and risk the military finding me. 274 00:13:37,363 --> 00:13:40,962 It takes rigorous screening before I let anyone in here. 275 00:13:40,962 --> 00:13:43,003 I haven't even reached out to those poor girls 276 00:13:43,003 --> 00:13:46,202 Victoria Jones put in jars, even though I'm sure they're dying. 277 00:13:46,202 --> 00:13:48,802 What? The Brains are dying? 278 00:13:50,523 --> 00:13:53,643 Mom, you have to convince them I'm not evil! 279 00:13:53,643 --> 00:13:55,643 Read them one of my poems! 280 00:13:55,643 --> 00:13:57,043 Which one? "Love Unites"? 281 00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:02,842 Or "I'll do anything to stay a witch forever parentheses mwah-ha-ha"? 282 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:03,962 Mom! 283 00:14:05,043 --> 00:14:07,082 Oh, no! We're too late! What do we do? 284 00:14:07,082 --> 00:14:09,442 Nothing if you want to stay alive! 285 00:14:09,442 --> 00:14:10,802 But Amber didn't do this. 286 00:14:10,802 --> 00:14:13,322 The only thing they're guilty of is thinking they could replace me 287 00:14:13,322 --> 00:14:15,363 as the driving force in Daphne's life. 288 00:14:15,363 --> 00:14:17,883 Yeah, I know that, Velma. I've always known that. 289 00:14:17,883 --> 00:14:20,722 I've just been using this to help my sheriff campaign. 290 00:14:21,163 --> 00:14:23,202 I didn't think they'd actually try to burn them. 291 00:14:23,202 --> 00:14:25,962 But now anyone who tries to talk sense to the mob 292 00:14:26,322 --> 00:14:28,003 will be burned with a witch! 293 00:14:28,003 --> 00:14:31,082 You know, the thin crust actually has fewer carbs 294 00:14:31,082 --> 00:14:33,483 than this gross cauliflower crust. 295 00:14:34,643 --> 00:14:36,842 No! Cauliflower must be healthier! 296 00:14:36,842 --> 00:14:39,802 Wait, you're right. As Americans, we'd rather destroy anyone 297 00:14:39,802 --> 00:14:42,243 who points out our delusions than admit we might be wrong. 298 00:14:42,243 --> 00:14:45,243 - Amber's gonna burn. - Not on my watch, they aren't! 299 00:14:47,842 --> 00:14:49,442 Untie that witch! 300 00:14:51,562 --> 00:14:53,082 Never mind! As you were! 301 00:14:53,082 --> 00:14:54,562 William, what were you thinking? 302 00:14:54,562 --> 00:14:55,842 That witch can't die! 303 00:14:55,842 --> 00:14:58,523 Diya found out I was gonna propose and said no. 304 00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:02,082 So now I need Amber to cast a love spell on her. 305 00:15:02,082 --> 00:15:04,322 Damn it, Velma! I knew you'd ruin the secret. 306 00:15:04,322 --> 00:15:06,403 Just when you think the day can't get worse. 307 00:15:06,403 --> 00:15:07,602 It wasn't Velma. 308 00:15:07,602 --> 00:15:10,003 I figured it out because Aman posted this. 309 00:15:10,403 --> 00:15:14,322 TFW You're not paying alimony anymore? #freedom 310 00:15:14,322 --> 00:15:17,842 #never making that mistake again? Aman! 311 00:15:17,842 --> 00:15:19,442 All right! 312 00:15:19,442 --> 00:15:21,523 Yeah! Get him, Sophie! 313 00:15:21,523 --> 00:15:25,602 If Aman hadn't posted that, I'd be proposing on my yacht right now. 314 00:15:25,602 --> 00:15:28,363 Diya's only way home would be to say yes or swim. 315 00:15:28,363 --> 00:15:30,682 Wait. And if I hadn't posted that picture of Amber 316 00:15:30,682 --> 00:15:33,202 and the dead coroners, the mob wouldn't be here. 317 00:15:33,202 --> 00:15:35,243 Holy crap, I think I know how to save Amber! 318 00:15:35,243 --> 00:15:38,322 Even more guns? Wondered when you'd get there. 319 00:15:38,322 --> 00:15:40,962 The only thing Americans hate more than being told they're wrong, 320 00:15:40,962 --> 00:15:42,883 is learning they've been lied to. 321 00:15:42,883 --> 00:15:44,562 If the mob is looking for blood... 322 00:15:44,562 --> 00:15:46,763 Then we just gotta give them some red meat! 323 00:15:48,483 --> 00:15:51,123 Concerned people of Crystal Cove! 324 00:15:51,123 --> 00:15:53,883 All this is because you saw a post! 325 00:15:53,883 --> 00:15:59,123 So I ask, is the problem witches or elites 326 00:15:59,123 --> 00:16:02,682 using big tech to manipulate your feeling on witches? 327 00:16:02,682 --> 00:16:05,363 Are you pawns? Or are you men? 328 00:16:05,363 --> 00:16:08,643 And women whose motives I can't totally wrap my head around. 329 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:13,123 Exactly! Then let this witch go 330 00:16:13,123 --> 00:16:17,722 and turn your anger to the force that bewitched your minds. 331 00:16:17,722 --> 00:16:20,442 - Social media! - Velma! 332 00:16:20,442 --> 00:16:22,523 Fine! A pox on you all! 333 00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:25,322 Help! Mom get Dad, he's a lawyer! 334 00:16:25,322 --> 00:16:27,842 Maybe the threat of a lawsuit will get them to release me. 335 00:16:29,403 --> 00:16:30,842 You said you didn't want to get married. 336 00:16:30,842 --> 00:16:33,483 I remember because that's the moment I fell in love with you. 337 00:16:33,483 --> 00:16:35,202 That was before we had a child! 338 00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:38,363 And even though Diya was missing, you were still married to her. 339 00:16:38,363 --> 00:16:39,922 But now you're not. 340 00:16:39,922 --> 00:16:43,003 And I've worked hard to turn our den of sin into a home, 341 00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:44,962 hoping we could make it official. 342 00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:47,003 Wait. That's why you redid the garden? 343 00:16:47,003 --> 00:16:49,322 I just thought you were bored like every other gardener. 344 00:16:49,322 --> 00:16:52,922 It's a metaphor. I want to grow something together. 345 00:16:52,922 --> 00:16:56,322 How am I supposed to figure that out from flowers? 346 00:16:59,523 --> 00:17:01,523 Aman! What are you doing? 347 00:17:01,523 --> 00:17:04,642 Butt out! And don't stand in my flowers! 348 00:17:04,642 --> 00:17:06,402 Or do. I don't care anymore! 349 00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:09,763 Velma! What can I do that doesn't involve 350 00:17:09,763 --> 00:17:11,963 me confronting anyone who might hurt me? 351 00:17:11,963 --> 00:17:15,003 Maybe you and your dad can just pay them to leave. 352 00:17:15,003 --> 00:17:17,162 Like when a CEO messes up real bad. 353 00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:18,723 What? I didn't hear you! 354 00:17:18,723 --> 00:17:21,882 I'm telling you to shut down the will of the people with money. 355 00:17:21,882 --> 00:17:23,642 It's every rich person's dream. 356 00:17:23,642 --> 00:17:24,963 Dad, are you getting any of that? 357 00:17:24,963 --> 00:17:27,882 It's just like the squeak of a balloon deflating. 358 00:17:27,882 --> 00:17:29,602 Velma, that won't work! 359 00:17:29,602 --> 00:17:32,203 I've been around William enough to learn that rich people can't hear you 360 00:17:32,203 --> 00:17:34,162 when you tell them how to spend their money! 361 00:17:34,162 --> 00:17:36,162 It has to be their idea. Watch! 362 00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:39,283 William, look, I really like you. 363 00:17:39,283 --> 00:17:41,763 - But it's too soon to get married. - I agree. 364 00:17:41,763 --> 00:17:43,963 But if you're not locked down, you can just leave. 365 00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:47,243 That gives you too much power. My friends at the club will laugh. 366 00:17:47,243 --> 00:17:51,122 But a real relationship isn't about power, and locking people down. 367 00:17:51,122 --> 00:17:53,243 It's about caring and respect. 368 00:17:54,562 --> 00:17:57,723 You are truly the most remarkable woman I've ever known. 369 00:17:57,723 --> 00:17:59,402 I would do anything for you. 370 00:17:59,402 --> 00:18:03,003 Then please, pay these people to leave Velma alone. 371 00:18:03,003 --> 00:18:04,483 I'm sorry. Did you say something? 372 00:18:04,483 --> 00:18:06,122 Mom! They lit the fire! 373 00:18:06,122 --> 00:18:09,082 Hey, no one roasts my daughter but me! 374 00:18:13,322 --> 00:18:14,963 Now, why'd you go and do that? 375 00:18:17,602 --> 00:18:20,322 Help! 376 00:18:20,723 --> 00:18:22,003 The Brains can't die! 377 00:18:22,003 --> 00:18:25,082 They were about to start internships as buoys in the marina. 378 00:18:25,082 --> 00:18:27,562 - How do we save them? - Well, it's fairly simple. 379 00:18:27,562 --> 00:18:30,802 I just need to change the solution in their jars as soon as possible. 380 00:18:30,802 --> 00:18:32,842 Wait, that's it? Great! Let's go! 381 00:18:32,842 --> 00:18:35,642 Ow, I thought you were asking hypothetically. 382 00:18:35,642 --> 00:18:38,362 See, that's how I would save them if I could leave the asylum. 383 00:18:38,362 --> 00:18:40,763 But I can't. No one outside of this place 384 00:18:40,763 --> 00:18:43,802 can know I'm alive or the military might find me. 385 00:18:48,602 --> 00:18:50,122 I've had it with you, Grandma! 386 00:18:50,122 --> 00:18:53,322 It's bad enough you think your work is more important than your family, 387 00:18:53,322 --> 00:18:56,203 but you also think it's more important than saving lives? 388 00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:59,283 - Yes! Perfectly summarized. - Hold on. 389 00:18:59,283 --> 00:19:03,443 What if you went to the Brains in my body? 390 00:19:06,523 --> 00:19:08,443 This is all my fault, Mom. 391 00:19:08,443 --> 00:19:11,882 I'm worse at social media than a fast food company during Pride month. 392 00:19:11,882 --> 00:19:15,402 You can't win. Being bad at social media makes people insecure, 393 00:19:15,402 --> 00:19:16,802 and so does being good at it. 394 00:19:16,802 --> 00:19:19,243 At least that's what I tell myself when someone unfollows me. 395 00:19:19,243 --> 00:19:21,162 No, wait, Mom, that's the answer. 396 00:19:21,162 --> 00:19:24,402 Fear and insecurity created the mob, which means it can destroy it. 397 00:19:24,882 --> 00:19:27,882 All I have to do is exploit the biggest insecurity of all. 398 00:19:27,882 --> 00:19:30,043 Or should I say, smallest. 399 00:19:30,842 --> 00:19:33,162 I'm gonna post some altered photos of Sheriff Cogburn, 400 00:19:33,162 --> 00:19:35,243 Mr. S, and the coroners. 401 00:19:35,243 --> 00:19:38,322 Just prey the "bulge" setting on Olive's butt enlarging app works. 402 00:19:38,322 --> 00:19:39,562 And post! 403 00:19:43,362 --> 00:19:45,882 - Velma, you're brilliant! - What did you post? 404 00:19:45,882 --> 00:19:50,602 - Do you not follow me? - I do. My battery died. 405 00:19:50,602 --> 00:19:52,723 Velma, is this post true? 406 00:19:52,723 --> 00:19:54,802 That all the victims were better endowed 407 00:19:54,802 --> 00:19:57,203 than a public broadcasting service? 408 00:19:57,203 --> 00:19:59,683 Yes. Sorry, we didn't mention that earlier. 409 00:19:59,683 --> 00:20:02,562 The killer is only targeting men with huge dongs. 410 00:20:02,562 --> 00:20:06,283 So if you don't have a huge dong, stay here as long as you want. 411 00:20:06,283 --> 00:20:09,082 You're fine. Everyone will just know you have a small dong. 412 00:20:09,082 --> 00:20:10,683 Yeah, I see. 413 00:20:11,322 --> 00:20:13,802 Well, the rest of you fellas are probably safe. 414 00:20:13,802 --> 00:20:15,402 But I should head inside. 415 00:20:15,402 --> 00:20:17,963 I have to go feed mine so it don't attack me. 416 00:20:17,963 --> 00:20:21,723 All this rampaging and having a big penis hurts my back. 417 00:20:21,723 --> 00:20:23,003 You did it, Velma! 418 00:20:23,003 --> 00:20:25,842 You used social media to actually do a good thing. 419 00:20:25,842 --> 00:20:28,443 Maybe I'm finally starting to figure it out. 420 00:20:28,443 --> 00:20:30,483 In fact, I've heard selfies perform better 421 00:20:30,483 --> 00:20:32,402 when you take your glasses off. 422 00:20:39,443 --> 00:20:42,402 You're suggesting my grandma do a reverse Get Out? 423 00:20:42,402 --> 00:20:44,162 That movie is a modern classic, 424 00:20:44,162 --> 00:20:46,122 I don't think Jordan Peele needs our take on it. 425 00:20:46,122 --> 00:20:49,402 But it's the only way to save Lola and the rest of the Brains. 426 00:20:49,402 --> 00:20:51,483 Not to mention being a brain in a jar 427 00:20:51,483 --> 00:20:54,523 sounds like it's exactly what I need to figure out who I am. 428 00:20:54,523 --> 00:20:57,602 She should use my body instead. My granny, my choice. 429 00:20:57,602 --> 00:21:00,402 And for that reason, I say, "Hell, naw." 430 00:21:00,402 --> 00:21:02,443 Because you couldn't live with yourself if something bad happened 431 00:21:02,443 --> 00:21:03,723 to your flesh and blood? 432 00:21:03,723 --> 00:21:06,203 How dare you? The procedure is foolproof. 433 00:21:06,203 --> 00:21:09,923 I just don't want to touch your penis when I have to pee. It's weird. 434 00:21:09,923 --> 00:21:13,162 But then again, putting my brain in the body of a young Asian woman, 435 00:21:13,162 --> 00:21:15,122 could raise some thorny questions. 436 00:21:15,122 --> 00:21:18,802 Agreed. So let's stay off social media and handle it respectfully. 437 00:21:18,802 --> 00:21:20,802 And go save those Brains! 438 00:21:28,362 --> 00:21:32,122 Help us! Or at least toss out a s'more so I can die happy! 439 00:21:33,243 --> 00:21:35,882 - Oh, no! - It's Arizona all over again. 440 00:21:44,322 --> 00:21:47,443 - Dad, you saved us! - No, this wasn't about you. 441 00:21:47,443 --> 00:21:50,763 I was putting out the fire before the heat wilted Sophie's flowers. 442 00:21:50,763 --> 00:21:53,243 - You were? - Yes. I know I'm not perfect. 443 00:21:53,243 --> 00:21:55,562 But I always protect what's important to me. 444 00:21:59,683 --> 00:22:00,802 Amber, I'm sorry. 445 00:22:00,802 --> 00:22:02,763 I shouldn't have jumped to any conclusions. 446 00:22:02,763 --> 00:22:04,003 Or posted that picture. 447 00:22:04,003 --> 00:22:06,243 Or bought 50,000 followers to repost it. 448 00:22:06,243 --> 00:22:08,483 It's honestly not okay, but according to my rune stones, 449 00:22:08,483 --> 00:22:10,203 you'll get what's coming to you soon enough. 450 00:22:10,203 --> 00:22:13,523 The good news is that we'll be able to focus all of our attention 451 00:22:13,523 --> 00:22:15,642 on catching the actual serial killer 452 00:22:15,642 --> 00:22:18,723 as soon as we're elected co-sheriffs tomorrow. 453 00:22:18,723 --> 00:22:22,523 This is gonna sound insane, but voters are actually responding negatively 454 00:22:22,523 --> 00:22:24,923 to the fact that Merle tried to burn women alive. 455 00:22:24,923 --> 00:22:28,402 Well, if that doesn't merit a post, I don't know what does. 456 00:22:33,483 --> 00:22:34,763 What? 457 00:22:34,763 --> 00:22:37,923 What do you mean you liked, then unliked Velma's post? 458 00:22:37,923 --> 00:22:39,483 Oh, God, I just did it again. 459 00:22:39,483 --> 00:22:41,443 I told you to stay off social media. 460 00:22:53,283 --> 00:22:58,122 So teens, my point is, Jesus only had 12 followers 461 00:22:58,122 --> 00:23:00,322 and he still went viral. 462 00:23:00,322 --> 00:23:03,602 LOL, Lord of Light. 463 00:23:04,882 --> 00:23:07,443 No, fuck me. It was dark.