1 00:00:05,003 --> 00:00:06,562 Previously on Velma... 2 00:00:07,123 --> 00:00:10,203 - This is who I am. - That's not true. It can't be. 3 00:00:10,203 --> 00:00:12,443 Because it's not the unknown that freaks me out. 4 00:00:12,443 --> 00:00:15,802 It's idiots like you who ignore facts and science that do. 5 00:00:16,762 --> 00:00:18,722 What do you mean Daphne's brain is missing? 6 00:00:18,722 --> 00:00:20,203 Hey! Put me down! 7 00:00:20,602 --> 00:00:22,082 I'm the serial killer. 8 00:00:22,082 --> 00:00:24,922 And I will keep killing until I get what I want. 9 00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:30,523 - Who are you? - We're your parents, Daphne. 10 00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:36,363 In the wake of the revelation that the serial killer is yet another woman, 11 00:00:36,363 --> 00:00:40,323 {\an8}Crystal Cove also elected Merle Cogburn as sheriff. 12 00:00:43,202 --> 00:00:46,363 I've experienced plenty of tense situations in my day. 13 00:00:48,122 --> 00:00:49,883 And now you die, Velma. 14 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,522 So, what'd you think of my improv show? 15 00:00:53,402 --> 00:00:55,082 But no situation is more tense 16 00:00:55,082 --> 00:00:57,202 than when I'm stuck between my mom and Sophie. 17 00:00:57,202 --> 00:00:58,683 Front door is open. 18 00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:00,202 You installed an alarm. 19 00:01:00,202 --> 00:01:02,402 Afraid someone will wreck your home while you're out? 20 00:01:02,402 --> 00:01:04,922 It's so nice you're able to drop off Velma. 21 00:01:04,922 --> 00:01:06,043 Still no job? 22 00:01:06,043 --> 00:01:09,002 Most of the time, keeping my mom and Sophie apart is easy. 23 00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:12,443 I can't believe you lost. The Nate Silver jinx strikes again. 24 00:01:12,443 --> 00:01:15,202 Hey, if you need anything, we are here for you. 25 00:01:15,723 --> 00:01:18,482 Hey! Oh, Diya's here. 26 00:01:18,482 --> 00:01:20,443 We're just not here for you right now. Bye. 27 00:01:20,443 --> 00:01:23,762 This is your newly elected sheriff, Merle Cogburn. 28 00:01:23,762 --> 00:01:26,803 Since we now know the serial killer is a woman, 29 00:01:26,803 --> 00:01:29,883 {\an8}at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow, all women in Crystal Cove 30 00:01:29,883 --> 00:01:33,883 {\an8}will be temporarily relocated to the Crystal Mines. 31 00:01:33,883 --> 00:01:36,523 How will the men know when to get haircuts? 32 00:01:36,523 --> 00:01:39,642 And is it all of us? Or just the evil, manipulative ones? 33 00:01:39,642 --> 00:01:43,043 But sometimes, keeping them apart isn't possible at all. 34 00:01:43,043 --> 00:01:46,163 So ladies, leave your interpersonal issues at home, 35 00:01:46,163 --> 00:01:47,922 'cause it's gonna be tight down there! 36 00:01:56,002 --> 00:01:58,362 {\an8}Good morning. I'm live at the Crystal Mines 37 00:01:58,362 --> 00:02:02,002 {\an8}as women prepare to move underground with a serial killer. 38 00:02:02,002 --> 00:02:04,803 {\an8}Tell me, are you scared? Or just kind of resigned, 39 00:02:04,803 --> 00:02:06,282 {\an8}like, same old shit different day? 40 00:02:06,282 --> 00:02:10,522 {\an8}A mix of both. But we'll get through this with organization, determination, 41 00:02:10,522 --> 00:02:12,323 {\an8}and highly functional alcoholism. 42 00:02:12,323 --> 00:02:13,603 Oh, what a surprise. 43 00:02:13,603 --> 00:02:16,802 The woman who took my house is turning a blind eye to injustice. 44 00:02:16,802 --> 00:02:19,323 - What's that? - Go get my inhaler from the car. 45 00:02:19,323 --> 00:02:20,962 If I die in front of these other moms, 46 00:02:20,962 --> 00:02:22,762 they'll never let you hear the end of it. 47 00:02:22,762 --> 00:02:24,082 You're not wrong about that. 48 00:02:25,283 --> 00:02:27,202 Help me keep my mom and Sophie apart in the mines. 49 00:02:27,202 --> 00:02:28,802 I'll do your laundry for a month. 50 00:02:28,802 --> 00:02:31,682 A week. One load of towels. But still. Please. 51 00:02:31,682 --> 00:02:33,723 Pass. We suck at everything. 52 00:02:33,723 --> 00:02:37,082 We lost the election and we didn't even hear Daphne sneak off 53 00:02:37,082 --> 00:02:38,922 to Gigi's cabin last night 54 00:02:38,922 --> 00:02:41,362 to walk in the woods like Hillary Clinton. 55 00:02:42,883 --> 00:02:46,522 Dr. Perdue said Daphne would be back in her body and home by now. 56 00:02:47,883 --> 00:02:50,323 Hey, girlie. Nope. Can't even pretend. 57 00:02:50,323 --> 00:02:52,443 I'm back in my body and everything hurts. 58 00:02:52,443 --> 00:02:54,123 Okay, but why did you leave that note? 59 00:02:54,123 --> 00:02:56,443 You said Daphne would be home by now. Is she okay? 60 00:02:56,443 --> 00:02:58,962 Yes. But she's busy. 61 00:02:58,962 --> 00:03:00,962 Have you found her brain yet? 62 00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:03,723 Anyway, you need to focus on learning 63 00:03:03,723 --> 00:03:06,443 whether all the murders are connected to Project SCOOBI. 64 00:03:06,443 --> 00:03:07,762 I know, I have my file. 65 00:03:07,762 --> 00:03:09,682 The one good thing about being sent to the mines 66 00:03:09,682 --> 00:03:11,443 is the amount of people I can talk to. 67 00:03:11,443 --> 00:03:12,922 But are you sure Daphne's okay? 68 00:03:12,922 --> 00:03:14,522 We had a big fight and I'm worried 69 00:03:14,522 --> 00:03:16,163 that's why she won't get on the phone. 70 00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,123 Yep. She's not talking because she's mad at you. 71 00:03:18,123 --> 00:03:20,682 This is your fault, not mine. Bye. 72 00:03:29,482 --> 00:03:31,723 Wow, this is really just so nice. 73 00:03:31,723 --> 00:03:34,603 I love it and can already think of so many uses for it. 74 00:03:34,603 --> 00:03:36,202 But I'd really just like to get home. 75 00:03:36,202 --> 00:03:38,522 Is there any chance you guys could return me... 76 00:03:48,843 --> 00:03:50,802 Now don't you worry, ladies. 77 00:03:50,802 --> 00:03:54,642 You will only be in the mines for 48 hours. Why? 78 00:03:54,642 --> 00:03:58,563 That's how long it will take for the killer to pick us off one by one? 79 00:03:58,563 --> 00:04:01,682 No, Velma. Thanks to me, we have a recording of the killer. 80 00:04:01,682 --> 00:04:05,242 And now that we can focus on it instead of losing our dongs, 81 00:04:05,242 --> 00:04:08,123 we'll figure out which of you is the killer in no time. 82 00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:11,003 This isn't Merle's first day as Sheriff. 83 00:04:11,003 --> 00:04:12,323 It's his second. 84 00:04:12,323 --> 00:04:16,163 Okay, but where do we go if we don't identify as female or male? 85 00:04:16,163 --> 00:04:19,203 Already thought of that. I respect all gender identities. 86 00:04:19,203 --> 00:04:21,562 And I don't want to get yelled at on social media. 87 00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:24,002 So I am paying for you and yours 88 00:04:24,002 --> 00:04:26,083 to skip town for a couple of days. 89 00:04:26,083 --> 00:04:27,882 The rest of you, get in that mine. 90 00:04:28,723 --> 00:04:30,682 Well, see you in 48 hours. 91 00:04:30,682 --> 00:04:33,562 Until then, enjoy watching a man in a suit do the weather 92 00:04:33,562 --> 00:04:36,442 instead of a woman in an extremely tight dress, 93 00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:38,043 you dumb assholes. 94 00:04:41,002 --> 00:04:42,442 Will you be okay without Mom? 95 00:04:42,442 --> 00:04:44,122 - Do you have enough weed? - Weed? 96 00:04:44,122 --> 00:04:46,523 I don't need weed to be away from your mother. 97 00:04:46,523 --> 00:04:48,362 I need something much stronger. Want some? 98 00:04:48,362 --> 00:04:49,963 Thanks, but I need to be alert. 99 00:04:49,963 --> 00:04:51,523 My hallucinations may have an external trigger 100 00:04:51,523 --> 00:04:53,403 and I'm gonna figure out what it is. Oh, God! 101 00:04:53,403 --> 00:04:56,163 I sure hope so. Even I'm getting tired of this... 102 00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,242 Hey, my eyes are up here, pal. 103 00:04:58,242 --> 00:05:00,643 What? No, I'm just looking through your hole. 104 00:05:04,882 --> 00:05:07,043 You killed me, Norville. 105 00:05:08,163 --> 00:05:09,403 Oh, gosh! 106 00:05:10,682 --> 00:05:12,802 Wait, that's it. I know how to get rid of you. 107 00:05:12,802 --> 00:05:14,682 Offering me tap water? 108 00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:17,002 Fred, you trigger my hallucinations. 109 00:05:17,002 --> 00:05:19,643 And you trigger my disdain for nerds. 110 00:05:19,643 --> 00:05:21,362 No. Look, I think I hallucinate 111 00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:23,562 because I'm the only one who can tell you the truth. 112 00:05:23,562 --> 00:05:25,403 My grandma couldn't have possessed your mom 113 00:05:25,403 --> 00:05:27,122 because my grandma is still alive. 114 00:05:27,122 --> 00:05:30,083 That's impossible. I've accepted my mom wasn't great, 115 00:05:30,083 --> 00:05:32,242 but no way she wanted to replace my brain. 116 00:05:32,242 --> 00:05:33,643 She was possessed. 117 00:05:37,122 --> 00:05:38,442 Whoa, this is nice. 118 00:05:38,442 --> 00:05:41,163 Throw pillows as far as the eye can see. 119 00:05:41,163 --> 00:05:44,362 Free continental breakfast? These ladies thought of everything. 120 00:05:44,362 --> 00:05:45,922 There's even a place to brag about 121 00:05:45,922 --> 00:05:48,322 how discounted the sweater you just bought was. 122 00:05:48,322 --> 00:05:50,682 Sure, but where do you complain that the person you bragged to 123 00:05:50,682 --> 00:05:52,203 wasn't impressed enough? Oh, there. 124 00:05:52,963 --> 00:05:54,283 Serial killer. 125 00:05:54,283 --> 00:05:57,322 Sorry, I know we're jumpy from being locked in here with the killer. 126 00:05:57,322 --> 00:05:58,963 Just wanted to give you your welcome packet, 127 00:05:58,963 --> 00:06:00,843 along with your chore assignment, 128 00:06:00,843 --> 00:06:03,843 camping location, and most importantly, drink tickets. 129 00:06:03,843 --> 00:06:06,482 Mommy loves wine more than me. 130 00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:09,523 A Baby Babble Box? 131 00:06:09,523 --> 00:06:11,882 Wait, right, you all hang out with Sophie. 132 00:06:11,882 --> 00:06:14,002 Yeah. We're in a mommy group together 133 00:06:14,002 --> 00:06:16,362 where we measure our babies against each other. 134 00:06:16,362 --> 00:06:18,482 I'm the precocious-est. 135 00:06:19,802 --> 00:06:20,882 But don't worry, 136 00:06:20,882 --> 00:06:23,403 we know to camp you two as far from Sophie as possible. 137 00:06:23,403 --> 00:06:25,242 This is campsite Rose. 138 00:06:25,242 --> 00:06:27,843 You're all the way over at campsite Frose. 139 00:06:27,843 --> 00:06:30,163 Phew! I'm worried enough about the serial killer. 140 00:06:30,163 --> 00:06:32,843 I don't need my mom and Sophie also trying to kill each other. 141 00:06:32,843 --> 00:06:34,723 - Thank you for telling them, Olive. - It wasn't me. 142 00:06:34,723 --> 00:06:37,882 These nosy bitches are just up in everyone's business. 143 00:06:37,882 --> 00:06:39,843 Perfect. Once I get Mom settled, 144 00:06:39,843 --> 00:06:41,242 I'm gonna get these women talking 145 00:06:41,242 --> 00:06:43,963 like they just saw a trailer for a new Jake Gyllenhaal movie. 146 00:06:43,963 --> 00:06:46,523 Velma, speak up. Muttering in public is low-class, 147 00:06:46,523 --> 00:06:48,643 and I don't want to get moved to campsite Canned Rose. 148 00:06:54,643 --> 00:06:57,043 Hello? What happened? 149 00:06:57,442 --> 00:06:58,562 Where am I? 150 00:06:58,562 --> 00:06:59,643 Wait, am I dead? 151 00:06:59,643 --> 00:07:01,763 But I haven't even gone through my blonde phase yet. 152 00:07:01,763 --> 00:07:04,523 - This is unfair. - Daph, you're not dead. 153 00:07:04,523 --> 00:07:05,603 Your jar fritzed out. 154 00:07:05,603 --> 00:07:07,362 Meaning you have no sensory input 155 00:07:07,362 --> 00:07:10,163 and are trapped in your mind until someone finds your brain. 156 00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:13,163 What? If this is my mind, what are you doing in here? 157 00:07:13,163 --> 00:07:15,283 I never think about you guys. I'm a teenager. 158 00:07:15,283 --> 00:07:17,203 I barely even think about the parents I love. 159 00:07:17,203 --> 00:07:21,283 Okay, but you put yourself in a jar to figure out who you are. 160 00:07:21,283 --> 00:07:23,802 And who better than your birth parents to help you 161 00:07:23,802 --> 00:07:24,882 search your memories for the answer. 162 00:07:24,882 --> 00:07:27,523 Literally, anyone. And if I'm controlling this, 163 00:07:27,523 --> 00:07:30,322 why can't one of you be Velma and the other one a hot tub? 164 00:07:30,322 --> 00:07:32,403 Oh, you don't think we'll get to Velma? 165 00:07:32,403 --> 00:07:34,723 I don't know what you mean. 166 00:07:34,723 --> 00:07:38,203 You will soon enough. Anyway, from this classic white void, 167 00:07:38,203 --> 00:07:41,603 there's a couple of ways these memory-inspired journeys can go: 168 00:07:41,603 --> 00:07:43,802 trial, chased by a giant pencil, 169 00:07:43,802 --> 00:07:46,882 go to a meaningful place where each thing is a memory. 170 00:07:46,882 --> 00:07:48,203 Oh, that one sounds nice. 171 00:07:51,723 --> 00:07:54,442 - It isn't. - The Crystal Mines? 172 00:07:57,203 --> 00:07:58,603 Welcome, ladies! 173 00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:01,163 Hope you don't mind sleeping next to some old bats. 174 00:08:01,163 --> 00:08:03,562 And I don't mean the Chiroptera flying above us. 175 00:08:07,043 --> 00:08:09,163 It's bad enough we're stuck down here with the serial killer, 176 00:08:09,163 --> 00:08:11,163 but we're also stuck with the loser moms 177 00:08:11,163 --> 00:08:13,083 because Sophie got the good ones. 178 00:08:13,083 --> 00:08:14,362 - Of course. - Good ones? 179 00:08:14,362 --> 00:08:16,643 In your phone, you have Maxine and Susan listed 180 00:08:16,643 --> 00:08:19,882 as "Evil gossip monster. Do not answer while drunk." 181 00:08:19,882 --> 00:08:21,403 And at least, we're nowhere near Sophie. 182 00:08:21,403 --> 00:08:22,523 - Velma. - Oh God. 183 00:08:22,523 --> 00:08:25,562 The cool moms and I haven't seen Daphne in here 184 00:08:25,562 --> 00:08:28,242 and I wondered if it's because you guys are still on the rocks. 185 00:08:28,242 --> 00:08:30,562 What? I didn't know that you and Daphne were on the rocks. 186 00:08:30,562 --> 00:08:32,163 You didn't? Weird. 187 00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:34,562 I mean, it's been like that since the seance. 188 00:08:34,562 --> 00:08:35,722 Seance? What? 189 00:08:35,722 --> 00:08:39,043 Velma, do you tell Sophie more about your life than me, your mother? 190 00:08:40,922 --> 00:08:42,523 How long has this been going on? 191 00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:45,322 Did I not tell you, the highest regard you can hold for Sophie is 192 00:08:45,322 --> 00:08:46,842 "aunt who gives good presents"? 193 00:08:46,842 --> 00:08:49,243 You did. It's just sometimes easier to talk to Sophie 194 00:08:49,243 --> 00:08:51,442 because I actually care about your opinion. 195 00:08:51,442 --> 00:08:52,722 When I tell you about Daphne, 196 00:08:52,722 --> 00:08:54,722 you just criticize me and assume it's my fault. 197 00:08:54,722 --> 00:08:56,562 Because most things are your fault. 198 00:08:56,562 --> 00:08:58,082 And it's my job to point that out. 199 00:08:58,082 --> 00:09:00,163 I know, but talking to Sophie never hurts. 200 00:09:00,163 --> 00:09:01,602 It's like talking to a wall. 201 00:09:01,602 --> 00:09:04,082 She only responds in lame framed quotes. 202 00:09:04,082 --> 00:09:06,722 Your responses are like framed quotes in male dorm rooms. 203 00:09:06,722 --> 00:09:10,322 - Aggressive and frightening. - Excuses don't get results, bro. 204 00:09:10,322 --> 00:09:11,562 Okay, I see what you mean. 205 00:09:11,562 --> 00:09:13,922 And this whole situation really is Aman's fault. 206 00:09:13,922 --> 00:09:15,962 He's the one who told Sophie I'd abandoned him 207 00:09:15,962 --> 00:09:17,802 when I was actually kidnapped. 208 00:09:18,322 --> 00:09:19,763 Maybe I could be nicer to her. 209 00:09:19,763 --> 00:09:22,842 Thank you. And I actually have something only you can help me with. 210 00:09:22,842 --> 00:09:24,442 Fine. I guess it's time. 211 00:09:26,243 --> 00:09:27,763 When two people love each other, 212 00:09:27,763 --> 00:09:29,483 or it's your husband's birthday... 213 00:09:29,483 --> 00:09:32,523 No! I need to get info on the murder victims from the moms. 214 00:09:32,523 --> 00:09:35,483 But if I do it, the serial killer might figure out I'm onto them 215 00:09:35,483 --> 00:09:36,962 and go even deeper into hiding. 216 00:09:36,962 --> 00:09:39,363 Yes. It will be like that other mystery we solved together. 217 00:09:39,363 --> 00:09:41,283 Who keeps forgetting to feed the cat? 218 00:09:41,283 --> 00:09:43,523 Who would have guessed it was both of us? 219 00:09:43,523 --> 00:09:44,883 I'm the serial killer. 220 00:09:44,883 --> 00:09:47,842 And I will keep killing until I get what I want. 221 00:09:47,842 --> 00:09:50,442 I got it. I know who it is. 222 00:09:52,123 --> 00:09:54,842 The guy sitting next to me looks like James Marsden. 223 00:09:55,523 --> 00:09:59,922 Of course. Now, any thoughts on the serial killer's identity? 224 00:10:01,163 --> 00:10:03,403 Fred, please, you have to listen to me. 225 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,003 My grandmother is alive. 226 00:10:05,003 --> 00:10:06,962 Yeah? Where? I'd love to meet her. 227 00:10:06,962 --> 00:10:09,802 Grandmothers love me. I remind them of a simpler time. 228 00:10:09,802 --> 00:10:13,243 She's wanted by the government, so I can't reveal her location. 229 00:10:13,243 --> 00:10:15,802 So I just have to trust that she exists? 230 00:10:15,802 --> 00:10:18,163 I already went down this road with the Catholic Church, bro. 231 00:10:18,163 --> 00:10:20,322 But hot nuns are only in the movies. 232 00:10:20,322 --> 00:10:22,523 Hey, hey. We're trying to catch a serial killer. 233 00:10:22,523 --> 00:10:25,363 - Quit squabbling. - We have no choice but to squabble. 234 00:10:25,363 --> 00:10:27,842 Okay, well, we've been working hard. 235 00:10:27,842 --> 00:10:30,602 I guess we could take a little break to settle an argument. 236 00:10:30,602 --> 00:10:32,763 But we're gonna settle it like men. 237 00:10:32,763 --> 00:10:34,802 - Endless litigation. - No. 238 00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:36,003 With the women gone, 239 00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:39,123 I'm emboldened to revive an older, more honorable way 240 00:10:39,123 --> 00:10:40,643 for men to settle disputes. 241 00:10:41,722 --> 00:10:43,082 Chili cook-off. 242 00:10:43,082 --> 00:10:46,283 Wait, to figure out if my grandma's alive and Fred's mom's a killer? 243 00:10:46,283 --> 00:10:47,483 Works for me. 244 00:10:51,682 --> 00:10:53,483 Each crystal holds a memory. 245 00:10:53,483 --> 00:10:57,003 Though most of these are just you doom scrolling social media. 246 00:10:57,003 --> 00:10:58,403 It's when I'm happiest. 247 00:10:58,403 --> 00:11:01,962 But I need memories that will help me figure out who I truly am. 248 00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:03,682 A popular girl? A Wiccan? 249 00:11:03,682 --> 00:11:06,442 Maybe someone who signs their emails, "Cheers"? 250 00:11:06,442 --> 00:11:10,962 You didn't put your brain in a jar to figure out if you're popular or not. 251 00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:13,643 You want to know if you're a good person or a bad person. 252 00:11:13,643 --> 00:11:16,562 No, I don't. I know I'm a good person. 253 00:11:16,562 --> 00:11:19,082 I post on my socials whenever there's an election. 254 00:11:23,722 --> 00:11:26,363 Well, I heard Moira wanted to get rabies from that bat. 255 00:11:28,322 --> 00:11:30,883 A flying carrot? Now I've seen everything. 256 00:11:32,043 --> 00:11:35,763 How funny. Wow. Amanda, 257 00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:37,802 do you have a precocious quip too? 258 00:11:40,043 --> 00:11:42,883 Carrot? More like parrot. 259 00:11:44,363 --> 00:11:46,123 Because it flies. 260 00:11:48,283 --> 00:11:52,283 Remember, sweetie, if you have to explain it, it's not funny. 261 00:11:52,722 --> 00:11:53,922 Here comes the drama. 262 00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,682 Cameras down. We're not here to fight. 263 00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:58,043 We've just realized we're at a low-enough point in our lives 264 00:11:58,043 --> 00:11:59,802 to start gardening and have questions. 265 00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:01,763 Really? That's great. 266 00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:04,722 Gardening is such a wonderful stress reliever. 267 00:12:04,722 --> 00:12:09,322 It alleviates my anxieties, so I can be a better mom and homemaker. 268 00:12:09,322 --> 00:12:10,643 Happy to teach you. 269 00:12:12,123 --> 00:12:13,602 Easy, Mom. 270 00:12:14,322 --> 00:12:16,003 Then, sign me up. 271 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,883 Though, I heard the coroners had the best garden. 272 00:12:18,883 --> 00:12:21,602 Or does gossiping about the men in town not interest you? 273 00:12:21,602 --> 00:12:25,363 Are you insane? The coroners' garden was incredible, 274 00:12:25,363 --> 00:12:27,682 but they were so nasty whenever I asked about it. 275 00:12:27,682 --> 00:12:30,243 Can you be more specific about their nastiness? 276 00:12:30,243 --> 00:12:32,123 Where was it on a scale of one 277 00:12:32,123 --> 00:12:34,842 to how we treat actresses we feel are too famous? 278 00:12:34,842 --> 00:12:37,802 They told me to "stick to succulents". 279 00:12:38,722 --> 00:12:41,403 And they only got meaner over the past two months. 280 00:12:41,403 --> 00:12:44,363 - They will not be missed. - Well, neither will Father O'Rourke. 281 00:12:44,363 --> 00:12:46,523 He pushed Sammy's baptism a whole week 282 00:12:46,523 --> 00:12:48,003 because of some "work thing". 283 00:12:48,003 --> 00:12:50,523 Maybe we should've elected the serial killer Sheriff. 284 00:12:50,523 --> 00:12:52,082 She's taking out the trash in this town. 285 00:12:53,123 --> 00:12:55,202 Okay, not to be that person, 286 00:12:55,202 --> 00:12:58,123 but as two people who were almost killed by a serial killer, 287 00:12:58,123 --> 00:12:59,602 this hits a little close to home. 288 00:12:59,602 --> 00:13:03,962 - Who called the fun police? - Yeah, Diya, it's fun. 289 00:13:03,962 --> 00:13:05,363 If you're a sick freak. 290 00:13:06,883 --> 00:13:10,883 A serial killer is never funny. And she might not even be in here. 291 00:13:10,883 --> 00:13:13,082 Our husbands could be dead, and no one is there 292 00:13:13,082 --> 00:13:15,442 to sprinkle cornstarch on the blood stains, you monsters. 293 00:13:17,802 --> 00:13:18,962 Thank you, Sophie. 294 00:13:19,922 --> 00:13:22,003 You're right. That was insensitive. 295 00:13:22,003 --> 00:13:23,962 But looking at chore assignments, 296 00:13:23,962 --> 00:13:25,962 we have all the help we really need with meal prep. 297 00:13:25,962 --> 00:13:28,883 Would you three mind scraping the bat shit off the playground equipment? 298 00:13:31,283 --> 00:13:33,322 Talk about a crappy job. 299 00:13:36,883 --> 00:13:38,523 Why did you bring me to this memory? 300 00:13:38,523 --> 00:13:39,922 I've learned what I'm supposed to learn. 301 00:13:39,922 --> 00:13:42,322 Life is about the little things and Christmas is important. 302 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,562 - Let's go! - No. 303 00:13:43,562 --> 00:13:45,722 We brought you here because on this occasion, 304 00:13:45,722 --> 00:13:47,763 you made a very important moral choice. 305 00:13:47,763 --> 00:13:50,682 It was either showing you this, or every time you chose to eat meat. 306 00:13:50,682 --> 00:13:52,722 Enjoy terraforming Mars, jerk. 307 00:13:52,722 --> 00:13:55,163 But this was still pretty bad, don't you think? 308 00:13:55,163 --> 00:13:57,082 That seance did not go well. 309 00:13:57,082 --> 00:13:59,003 And while I don't care what people think of me, 310 00:13:59,003 --> 00:14:00,523 I know you do. 311 00:14:00,523 --> 00:14:02,922 So I really mean it when I say, "sucks to be you." 312 00:14:02,922 --> 00:14:04,722 It went badly because of Velma. 313 00:14:04,722 --> 00:14:07,763 She's just jealous of you and had to ruin something I cared about. 314 00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:09,043 Like when she made me look up 315 00:14:09,043 --> 00:14:10,802 "friendship bracelet sweatshops Taiwan." 316 00:14:10,802 --> 00:14:13,003 Velma does have a lot to learn. 317 00:14:13,003 --> 00:14:17,562 Yeah. Hey, maybe we should teach her a lesson? 318 00:14:17,562 --> 00:14:19,123 What do you mean? 319 00:14:19,123 --> 00:14:21,202 Let's go someplace more private. 320 00:14:22,802 --> 00:14:24,202 Are you sure? 321 00:14:24,202 --> 00:14:26,123 Stop doubting me, that's Velma's thing. 322 00:14:27,123 --> 00:14:29,003 No! Stop! 323 00:14:30,523 --> 00:14:32,922 You can't erase the past, Daph. 324 00:14:32,922 --> 00:14:34,403 Fine. But you heard me. 325 00:14:34,403 --> 00:14:36,722 It was Velma's fault. I was justified. 326 00:14:36,722 --> 00:14:38,682 It's okay. Your parents are no good. 327 00:14:38,682 --> 00:14:40,562 Makes perfect sense you're no good too. 328 00:14:40,562 --> 00:14:44,163 But you're not even my parents. You're just projections of me. See? 329 00:14:46,163 --> 00:14:47,962 Oh, what the hell? We were kidding, 330 00:14:47,962 --> 00:14:50,123 but now we think you really are a bad person. 331 00:14:54,523 --> 00:14:57,363 Now some might call this an act of procrastination 332 00:14:57,363 --> 00:14:59,243 by a man who has realized 333 00:14:59,243 --> 00:15:01,643 he has no idea how to catch a serial killer. 334 00:15:01,643 --> 00:15:03,722 But they would be wrong. 335 00:15:03,722 --> 00:15:06,123 By more efficiently settling disputes, 336 00:15:06,123 --> 00:15:09,322 I will have more time to find the serial killer. 337 00:15:09,322 --> 00:15:12,842 Now you've all been simmering for six hours. It's time. 338 00:15:15,763 --> 00:15:17,842 And the winner is... 339 00:15:18,643 --> 00:15:20,243 - Fred. - Yes! 340 00:15:20,243 --> 00:15:21,643 Norville, it's decided. 341 00:15:21,643 --> 00:15:24,123 Your grandmother is dead and her ghost forced Fred's mom 342 00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:25,722 to commit those heinous crimes. 343 00:15:25,722 --> 00:15:30,043 This isn't fair. A chili contest with a single judge is tyranny. 344 00:15:30,403 --> 00:15:31,722 Mmm, good point. 345 00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:34,722 Everyone, try the chili and we'll take it to a vote. 346 00:15:34,722 --> 00:15:37,883 Then we'll find the serial killer. 347 00:15:37,883 --> 00:15:40,643 Yeah, I'm not procrastinating, just being fair. 348 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,363 Norville's tastes weird. 349 00:15:44,363 --> 00:15:46,082 Must be the sleeping pills. 350 00:15:50,842 --> 00:15:52,922 Oh, hey, Diya. Little cleaning hack. 351 00:15:52,922 --> 00:15:54,722 If you scrub in a circular motion, 352 00:15:54,722 --> 00:15:57,322 you'll go faster and tone your triceps. 353 00:15:57,322 --> 00:15:58,643 You're welcome. 354 00:15:58,643 --> 00:16:00,082 Oh, you just think you're so perfect, don't you? 355 00:16:00,082 --> 00:16:01,163 Oh, here it comes. 356 00:16:01,163 --> 00:16:03,243 Well, I tried to keep them from killing each other. 357 00:16:03,243 --> 00:16:04,523 Perfect? Wait. 358 00:16:04,523 --> 00:16:06,842 Are you mean to me because you're jealous of me? 359 00:16:06,842 --> 00:16:09,602 Of course. You have a career. You made my house better. 360 00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:11,842 And your baby's more socialized than mine will ever be. 361 00:16:12,283 --> 00:16:15,123 That's crazy. I'm the one who's jealous. 362 00:16:15,123 --> 00:16:17,202 Aman and I are total opposites. 363 00:16:17,202 --> 00:16:19,322 I'm constantly worried he'll want you back. 364 00:16:19,322 --> 00:16:22,082 You're both grumpy, and okay with bad dye jobs. 365 00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:24,483 That's crazy. You're perfect for Aman. 366 00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:26,483 You don't even care that he keeps his porno mags 367 00:16:26,483 --> 00:16:28,202 in a box labeled "Aman's treats." 368 00:16:28,202 --> 00:16:30,202 Hey, as much as I love hearing about this, 369 00:16:30,202 --> 00:16:31,403 I'm trying to investigate. 370 00:16:31,403 --> 00:16:34,202 Stop. You're only investigating to get out of working. 371 00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:36,043 Ugh! She always does that. 372 00:16:36,043 --> 00:16:39,363 "Velma, unload the dishwasher." "I'm investigating." 373 00:16:39,363 --> 00:16:41,842 "Velma, brush your hair." "I'm investigating." 374 00:16:41,842 --> 00:16:45,562 No, you're right. Doing chores is more important than saving lives. 375 00:16:45,562 --> 00:16:47,283 That's why every kid dresses up as Alfred 376 00:16:47,283 --> 00:16:48,722 and not Batman on Halloween. 377 00:16:48,722 --> 00:16:52,082 - Velma, don't be so thin-skinned. - "I'm investigating." 378 00:16:53,202 --> 00:16:55,043 It was better when you hated each other. 379 00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:58,802 You here to take this job from us? 380 00:16:58,802 --> 00:17:00,682 Oh, how far we've fallen. 381 00:17:00,682 --> 00:17:03,802 No, I'm escaping some exceptionally dorky mom bonding. 382 00:17:03,802 --> 00:17:07,243 - I'm watching you. - What? Who said that? 383 00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:10,963 - Don't you recognize my voice? - It's the serial killer. 384 00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:12,362 Oh God! Where's Amanda? 385 00:17:13,243 --> 00:17:15,122 The serial killer? Run away. 386 00:17:20,483 --> 00:17:23,003 Hold on, Amanda. Hold on, baby. 387 00:17:23,523 --> 00:17:24,802 Oh, God! What do we do? 388 00:17:24,802 --> 00:17:28,082 It's okay. I have an idea. As long as this rock holds... 389 00:17:28,802 --> 00:17:30,082 Crap. I'm out of ideas. 390 00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:33,122 We got this. We just ran to get our stun guns. 391 00:17:33,122 --> 00:17:34,882 That's why Linda yelled "Run away." 392 00:17:34,882 --> 00:17:36,802 Sorry if it was misleading. 393 00:17:36,802 --> 00:17:39,043 Stun guns? No, it's Amanda down there. 394 00:17:39,043 --> 00:17:41,003 We don't know where the serial killer is. 395 00:17:48,562 --> 00:17:52,162 Oh, my God. That was amazing. I'd love a turn if there's time. 396 00:17:52,923 --> 00:17:55,602 No, of course. Amanda, where's the serial killer? 397 00:17:55,602 --> 00:17:59,322 No killer. Just me pretending. But I slipped. 398 00:17:59,322 --> 00:18:02,842 Wait, you were pretending to be the serial killer? 399 00:18:02,842 --> 00:18:04,923 Why? And how? 400 00:18:05,923 --> 00:18:07,923 I thought funny? 401 00:18:07,923 --> 00:18:10,162 Holy crap. Do you know what this means? 402 00:18:10,162 --> 00:18:12,802 Yeah. It means that while Amanda's still not funny, 403 00:18:12,802 --> 00:18:14,882 this situation is hilarious. 404 00:18:16,283 --> 00:18:19,802 Velma? Velma! Why can't I find Velma? 405 00:18:20,203 --> 00:18:23,243 Is it because I am bad and bad people don't deserve good things? 406 00:18:23,243 --> 00:18:26,243 Not at all. I hit my wife's lover with a car 407 00:18:26,243 --> 00:18:30,162 and the next day, found an uneaten container of fries on a bench. 408 00:18:31,203 --> 00:18:32,362 Velma! 409 00:18:35,443 --> 00:18:36,723 What's happening? 410 00:18:36,723 --> 00:18:39,362 It's because you can't look her in the eye, Daphne. 411 00:18:39,362 --> 00:18:41,443 Because my conscience won't let me. 412 00:18:42,003 --> 00:18:44,763 And only good people are hampered by their guilt. 413 00:18:44,763 --> 00:18:47,882 I'm good. Oh, God! I'm good. 414 00:18:47,882 --> 00:18:49,882 Which means I have to tell her what I did. 415 00:18:49,882 --> 00:18:52,602 - Crap. - You finally get the point. 416 00:18:52,602 --> 00:18:53,602 Pencil joke. 417 00:18:54,402 --> 00:18:56,923 Okay, I learned my lesson. How do I wake up? 418 00:18:56,923 --> 00:18:59,763 Even if she never talks to me again, Velma deserves the truth. 419 00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:02,683 And I maybe deserve some sort of award for being so good and brave? 420 00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:04,162 Wake up? 421 00:19:04,162 --> 00:19:05,963 Daphne, don't you get it yet? You're in hell. 422 00:19:07,043 --> 00:19:09,283 Kidding. But if this is anything like a bad dream, 423 00:19:09,283 --> 00:19:11,322 usually you wake up at the worst part. 424 00:19:11,322 --> 00:19:13,122 Don't say I never did anything for you. 425 00:19:13,642 --> 00:19:15,923 Velma! 426 00:19:16,402 --> 00:19:18,443 Velma! 427 00:19:18,443 --> 00:19:21,162 Oh, you were all holier than thou 428 00:19:21,162 --> 00:19:23,243 while we were talking about the serial killer. 429 00:19:23,243 --> 00:19:25,923 Then you let your daughter go play a sick joke like this? 430 00:19:26,642 --> 00:19:29,882 She only did that to keep up with your thirsty baby's early onset 431 00:19:29,882 --> 00:19:31,043 theater kid disorder. 432 00:19:31,602 --> 00:19:33,283 I'd be careful what you say. 433 00:19:33,283 --> 00:19:36,283 I write blind items for the gossip column of the paper 434 00:19:36,283 --> 00:19:38,283 and I'm not afraid to put you on blast. 435 00:19:39,122 --> 00:19:42,162 Wait, you write those? You told the whole town I huffed paint. 436 00:19:42,162 --> 00:19:43,763 Only my family is supposed to know that. 437 00:19:45,802 --> 00:19:47,082 Wait, that's it. 438 00:19:47,723 --> 00:19:50,882 - We know who the serial killer is. - What? 439 00:19:50,882 --> 00:19:53,122 Wait, is it you? Because I raised you better than that. 440 00:19:53,122 --> 00:19:56,162 No. I mean we collectively know who the serial killer is. 441 00:19:56,162 --> 00:19:58,122 Look, women are hella observant. 442 00:19:58,122 --> 00:20:01,322 We know everything about everyone. So instead of attacking each other, 443 00:20:01,322 --> 00:20:04,683 maybe we can use our skills of observation to solve the case. 444 00:20:04,683 --> 00:20:06,882 But you said talking openly would tip off the serial killer 445 00:20:06,882 --> 00:20:10,802 who, if she's listening, is super-hot and cool and please don't kill me. 446 00:20:10,802 --> 00:20:15,322 I think the killer disguised their voice using a Baby Babble Box. 447 00:20:15,322 --> 00:20:16,523 It could be a man. 448 00:20:21,802 --> 00:20:25,842 Hmm, what happened? How did I get back in my body? 449 00:20:25,842 --> 00:20:27,562 The cockroaches brought you back. 450 00:20:27,562 --> 00:20:29,402 You really have some fans in those guys. 451 00:20:29,402 --> 00:20:31,923 They made you a crown out of rotting fruit and hair. 452 00:20:31,923 --> 00:20:33,602 - Do you want to keep it? - No. 453 00:20:33,602 --> 00:20:36,203 What? All I know is that I need to find Velma. 454 00:20:36,203 --> 00:20:38,562 Wait, Fred? What's he doing here? 455 00:20:38,562 --> 00:20:40,043 Where am I? 456 00:20:40,043 --> 00:20:42,162 Norville, if you're trying to human traffic me, 457 00:20:42,162 --> 00:20:45,122 my dad already tried and the guys just said, "too clingy". 458 00:20:45,122 --> 00:20:47,642 My grandson apparently thought it was a good idea 459 00:20:47,642 --> 00:20:49,562 to sneak a friend into my top-secret hideout 460 00:20:49,562 --> 00:20:51,243 to solve a personal dispute. 461 00:20:51,243 --> 00:20:54,882 Fred, this is my living grandmother, Dr. Edna Perdue. 462 00:20:54,882 --> 00:20:58,483 What? Oh, God. No. 463 00:20:58,483 --> 00:21:01,122 My mother wasn't possessed and really was a killer. 464 00:21:01,122 --> 00:21:02,523 That means I'm half-killer. 465 00:21:02,523 --> 00:21:05,003 Or full-killer, if you go by Judaism rules. 466 00:21:06,402 --> 00:21:09,483 Norville, have there been any changes in your hallucinations? 467 00:21:11,683 --> 00:21:12,763 I think that worked. 468 00:21:12,763 --> 00:21:15,283 She's fading faster than my dad after one hard seltzer. 469 00:21:15,283 --> 00:21:17,683 Yes. That did it! 470 00:21:19,003 --> 00:21:20,203 She's gone. 471 00:21:26,122 --> 00:21:29,562 Wait, what's going on? What am I? 472 00:21:30,082 --> 00:21:33,963 Let's pool what we know to figure out how the victims are connected. 473 00:21:33,963 --> 00:21:36,602 Does anybody have anything I could use to tape this up? 474 00:21:36,602 --> 00:21:38,483 - I have some thumbtacks. - I have tape and glue. 475 00:21:38,483 --> 00:21:40,402 I have six years' worth of receipts. 476 00:21:41,402 --> 00:21:43,362 Okay, so to start, 477 00:21:43,362 --> 00:21:46,003 does "Project SCOOBI" mean anything to any of you? 478 00:21:46,003 --> 00:21:48,443 Yes. Don usually doesn't like to talk about work, 479 00:21:48,443 --> 00:21:51,322 but one day he brought home the Baby Babble Boxes 480 00:21:51,322 --> 00:21:52,842 saying he made them at the office. 481 00:21:52,842 --> 00:21:54,763 Project SCOOBI was written on the box. 482 00:21:54,763 --> 00:21:56,203 You said you invented those. 483 00:21:56,203 --> 00:21:58,602 And you said you finished that Jonathan Franzen novel 484 00:21:58,602 --> 00:21:59,683 before our book club meeting. 485 00:21:59,683 --> 00:22:01,043 No fighting. 486 00:22:01,043 --> 00:22:03,963 A few months ago, I took my daughter for tutoring at Mr. S's. 487 00:22:03,963 --> 00:22:05,602 He was on the phone when we arrived 488 00:22:05,602 --> 00:22:07,483 and I heard him say Project SCOOBI. 489 00:22:07,483 --> 00:22:09,763 I remember because I was staring at his mouth 490 00:22:09,763 --> 00:22:11,602 and thinking disgusting thoughts. 491 00:22:12,683 --> 00:22:13,963 Hey, stay on track. 492 00:22:15,562 --> 00:22:18,283 I'm a nurse at the hospital and I was kicked out of the morgue 493 00:22:18,283 --> 00:22:20,602 because the coroners had an appointment with a lawyer 494 00:22:20,602 --> 00:22:21,963 and all these other men. 495 00:22:21,963 --> 00:22:24,683 Which is strange because only surgeons need lawyers 496 00:22:24,683 --> 00:22:26,122 for when they operate drunk. 497 00:22:26,122 --> 00:22:30,122 Okay, so not only were all the victims aware of Project SCOOBI, 498 00:22:30,122 --> 00:22:32,562 they took a meeting with a lawyer at the hospital. 499 00:22:32,562 --> 00:22:34,602 Do you remember what he looked like? 500 00:22:34,602 --> 00:22:36,562 Yes. It was your dad. 501 00:22:37,362 --> 00:22:38,283 What? 502 00:22:48,003 --> 00:22:49,963 {\an8}Good evening. Just moments ago, 503 00:22:49,963 --> 00:22:53,283 {\an8}the women exited the mines facing zero resistance. 504 00:22:53,283 --> 00:22:55,203 {\an8}And now we know why. 505 00:22:56,963 --> 00:23:00,203 {\an8}What's more, Aman Dinkley has been identified 506 00:23:00,203 --> 00:23:02,683 {\an8}as a person of interest in the recent murders. 507 00:23:02,683 --> 00:23:04,523 I'm not saying a thing. 508 00:23:04,523 --> 00:23:07,362 He can't be the killer. I have an app that tracks his location, 509 00:23:07,362 --> 00:23:10,082 monitors his heart rate, and records all his conversations. 510 00:23:10,082 --> 00:23:11,683 He's lucky to have found you, Sophie. 511 00:23:11,683 --> 00:23:13,763 'Cause I would have just told them to fry the sucker. 512 00:23:14,602 --> 00:23:17,402 - Daphne, you're back! - Velma, what's going on? 513 00:23:17,402 --> 00:23:19,802 It's my dad. He's somehow involved. 514 00:23:19,802 --> 00:23:23,362 But, Daphne, look, I am so sorry about what I said at the seance. 515 00:23:23,362 --> 00:23:25,043 I don't care if you're a witch. 516 00:23:25,043 --> 00:23:26,963 I don't even care that you're friends with Amber. 517 00:23:26,963 --> 00:23:28,683 I just want to be with you. 518 00:23:28,683 --> 00:23:31,203 Velma, I have to tell you something. 519 00:23:32,203 --> 00:23:33,802 I really like Amber. 520 00:23:34,483 --> 00:23:36,003 Okay... 521 00:23:36,003 --> 00:23:39,003 But I like you more. 522 00:23:39,443 --> 00:23:41,683 And that's it. That's all I have to tell you. 523 00:23:41,683 --> 00:23:42,802 Cheers.