1 00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:03,545 Aardvark. Armadillo. 2 00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:06,006 Ant. Anteater. 3 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,966 Now that I'm doing my fellowship at the district, 4 00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:09,468 there's a rotation of substitutes 5 00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:12,262 who are teaching my class while I'm gone. 6 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:15,057 I like to pop by and see how they're doing 7 00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:17,100 whenever I happen to be at Abbott. 8 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,269 Just some quick, light-touch check-ins, 9 00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:21,355 you know, just to show support. 10 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,564 They hardly even know I'm here. [ Chuckles ] 11 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,738 Jessca: Alpaca. Alligator. 12 00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:32,241 [ Maker's "Hold'em" playing ] 13 00:00:32,241 --> 00:00:40,082 ♪♪ 14 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,878 Kids: ♪ I'm a little teapot, short and stout ♪ 15 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,421 My kids are so bored, they're moshing to 16 00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:49,299 "I'm a Little Teapot." When can we go back in? 17 00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:51,468 ♪ When I get all steamed up, hear me shout ♪ 18 00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:53,553 [ Scoffs, clicks tongue ] ♪ Tip me over and pour me out ♪ 19 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:55,764 And what you tsk'ing at, Tsk'in' Teagues? 20 00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:57,557 Ugh, just -- I mean, look -- look at this. 21 00:00:57,557 --> 00:01:00,143 My kids are just meandering. You know what I mean? 22 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:02,771 You know, she's not even using the buddy system. I -- Mm... 23 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,273 What even set off the alarm? 24 00:01:04,273 --> 00:01:05,857 Don't look at me. 25 00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:08,652 Church or home are the only places my candles are lit. 26 00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:11,530 What's not lit is another call from Abbott. 27 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:12,948 At least it's not a full fire this time. 28 00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:14,491 Mm. Just some smoke. 29 00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:15,784 Seems like someone lit a cigarette 30 00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:16,994 in one of the boys' bathrooms. What?! 31 00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:18,495 Cigarette? What? 32 00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:20,205 Seriously, who still smokes cigarettes? 33 00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:21,915 Single dads, criminals... 34 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,500 Morton. Where is he? 35 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,711 Probably lightin' up in a back alley behind a Dumpster. 36 00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:28,213 Scumbag. 37 00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:30,299 We got him. Melissa sniffed him out. 38 00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:34,219 Oh, yeah. You got menthols, you can run, but you can't hide. 39 00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:36,555 One whiff, and I am 14 again... 40 00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:38,682 thinkin' I'm gonna wait a couple years 41 00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:40,892 before I try one of these. 42 00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:42,144 That would only make you 16. 43 00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:45,230 Smell always reminds me of my uncle. 44 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,941 Oh, my aunt used to sit in a chair with a cig 45 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,444 and a glass of Pinot Grig and recount "Moonlighting" to me. 46 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,112 Yeah, my uncle used to do the same thing, 47 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,197 except it was scotch and the Phillies game the night before. 48 00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:55,741 Mm. 49 00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:56,908 Childhood. Childhood. 50 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,414 Nah, but this is a real problem. Gregory: Mm-hmm. 51 00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:03,957 Janine: Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. 52 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,500 Where did you even get a cigarette? 53 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:06,960 Yeah, what you, a French child? 54 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,129 The guy around the corner sold it to me for a dollar. 55 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,256 A dollar? Inflation is crazy. 56 00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:13,842 But you are in big trouble, because cigarettes are banned. 57 00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:15,886 Not on any of the signs I saw. 58 00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:16,970 What? 59 00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:20,766 On the school's website, we got "no skateboarding, 60 00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:23,310 no vaping, no loitering, no horseplay, no weapons, 61 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,479 no open flames, no bullying, and no gambling." 62 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,356 That last one's just for students, though, right? 63 00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:29,149 There's nothing here about cigarettes. 64 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,692 Did y'all find anything? 65 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:33,612 Uh, well, I saw a sign in the hallway that said "no," 66 00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:35,530 but whatever was under it was graffitied over. 67 00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:38,075 Yeah, that was a "no graffiti" sign. 68 00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,327 The e-mail from the top of the year lists everything -- 69 00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,537 and I mean everything -- including bringing a live spider 70 00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:44,081 to school is grounds for expulsion, 71 00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:45,374 but it definitely doesn't list cigarettes. 72 00:02:45,374 --> 00:02:46,958 Fidget spinners -- banned. 73 00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:50,170 Cigarettes just seem to have evaded every sign we've seen. 74 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,631 Wait. So many new hazards have come out 75 00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:55,258 that we forgot to put cigarettes on the ban list? 76 00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,594 Gee willikers, I have nothing helpful to say, 77 00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:01,098 so I guess I'll just restate the problem that we're all aware of. 78 00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,517 That's you. Yeah, I got it. 79 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,894 Besties! Let's finish up those worksheets 80 00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:08,063 so we can move on to adjectives. 81 00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:11,608 Jessca, do I need to capitalize the names of the states? 82 00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:16,154 The only human needs are water, food, shelter, and music. 83 00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:17,406 But don't worry about that right now. 84 00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:19,616 Just focus on getting your worksheets done. 85 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,702 Ooh. I'm sorry. [ Chuckles ] 86 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:24,496 You actually do need to capitalize the names of states, 87 00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:27,207 because that's the correct thing to do for proper nouns. 88 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,835 Right? Don't want to build bad habits. 89 00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,920 Hi. I'm Janine. Jessca. 90 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,505 Oh, it's nice to meet you, Jessica. 91 00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:37,134 Jessca. There's no "I." Jess...Ca. 92 00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:39,761 Who are you again? 93 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,513 Oh, sorry. 94 00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:43,640 I'm Miss Teagues. This is my classroom. 95 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,559 Oh! You're back. 96 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:48,311 Friends, looks like I'm at the end of my time here. 97 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,981 Oh, no, no, no, no. I was just popping in to say hi to them. 98 00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:53,775 That's it. Everyone say hi to Janine! 99 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,819 All: Hi, Janine! 100 00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:59,239 Oh. Uh, no, guys, it's Miss Teagues, 101 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:02,284 with a capital "T" because it's a proper noun. 102 00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:03,785 Is there a reason why we're abandoning 103 00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:06,621 all the rules of grammar? Oh, in the first worksheet, 104 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:09,124 I like for the kids to write as freely as possible. 105 00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:10,959 Mm. And, uh, we'll tackle 106 00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,335 capitalization later. 107 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:14,754 Thank you so much for stopping by. 108 00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:17,174 Bye, Janine. Oh, see, it's the way 109 00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:18,717 he said that just now is what I'm trying -- Mm-hmm. 110 00:04:18,717 --> 00:04:20,969 Alright. Let's get back to it. [ Door locks ] 111 00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:22,554 [ Chuckles ] [ Doorknob rattles ] 112 00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:24,973 How could cigarettes not be banned? 113 00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:27,559 Yeah, somebody really missed the mark on that one. 114 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,686 I know my fit is going off today, but don't look at me. 115 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:32,189 I blame...Janine. 116 00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:33,648 What are y'all even doing down there at the district? 117 00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:35,734 Shuffling papers? Doing the Jubi Slide? 118 00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,903 The children are smoking. What's the Jubi Slide? 119 00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:39,362 Oh, it's when you put one foot down, 120 00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,072 and you kind of move in the opposite direction -- 121 00:04:41,072 --> 00:04:42,407 I do not want to live in a world 122 00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:45,994 where white people explain dance moves to me. 123 00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,120 You know, I just don't get it. [ Door opens ] 124 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,622 You know, I thought we beat cigarettes 125 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:49,539 with the Truth Campaign. 126 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,374 It's just so retro. 127 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:53,168 Well, maybe they're getting cool again. 128 00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:56,004 I mean, clogs are back. Anything's possible. 129 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:57,964 Yes. Well, yes, but there are some cool clogs. 130 00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:01,343 I just can't believe that children are smoking ragweed. 131 00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:03,261 I know. Don't they know that smoking kills? 132 00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:06,014 Mm. Jacob, you literally vape. 133 00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,516 Okay, that's different. That -- 134 00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:10,268 Yes, in that it's worse because you can vape anywhere. 135 00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:11,603 You vaped all through "Saltburn." 136 00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:14,689 You're inhaling thousands of toxins. Yuck. 137 00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:17,901 Yeah, well... Janine smokes weed every day. 138 00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:18,818 [ All gasp ] No. 139 00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:19,820 Damn, Afroman. 140 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:22,072 Nope. Not every day. 141 00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,114 Every night. 142 00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,407 Janine. 143 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,868 Reefer. Ganja. 144 00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:28,745 The Devil's Lettuce. 145 00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,413 That's why your feet so big. 146 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:32,374 I-It's medicinal, and -- and it's considerate. 147 00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:35,252 If I didn't smoke, I'd be an insufferable Energizer Bunny. 148 00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:37,754 What a twist. Janine is quietly off that loud. 149 00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:39,756 Ava, you can't talk, okay? You a hookah head. 150 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:42,050 Mm-hmm. Facts. And microdosing. 151 00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:44,302 I just eyeball it and say, "Yeah, that's enough." 152 00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:46,429 Now, I don't smoke, 153 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:49,391 but I do enjoy a protein-bar edible on the weekends. 154 00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:50,725 You know, research actually shows -- 155 00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:53,103 Wow. This man just made drugs boring. 156 00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:57,649 I suggest that you all drop your vices 157 00:05:57,649 --> 00:06:00,944 and take a hit of my drug of choice -- 158 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:04,197 J-E-S-U-S. 159 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:07,284 Street name, Christ. 160 00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:09,160 Uh, you've been known 161 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:12,414 to demolish those little bottles of Chardonnay. 162 00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:15,750 And you snort that liquid marijuana. 163 00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:18,169 You don't snort it. It is CBD oil, 164 00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:19,880 and I rub it on my joints. 165 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:20,839 It's a gateway ointment. 166 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:22,465 Your lungs are dust. 167 00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:24,509 Crackheads. Speaking of joints, 168 00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:25,802 you ever submerge yourself in the essence of -- 169 00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:28,263 Oh, duh-duh-duh-duh, shh. Don't finish that sentence. 170 00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:30,181 [ Cellphone chimes ] Frankincense and rosemary. 171 00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:32,142 I bathe in it while I hit a blunt. 172 00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:37,314 Gotcha. Okay. I -- 173 00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:40,525 [ Panting ] Gotcha. Whew, so glad we found you. 174 00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:43,194 Um, you may or may not have heard some chatting earlier, 175 00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:44,821 that may or may not have been by the teachers, 176 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:46,281 about, you know, some topics 177 00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,241 that you may or may not know enough about to parse. 178 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,201 What? Baby, what'd you hear up in the lounge? 179 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:52,203 That the teachers are all dope fiends. 180 00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:54,414 [ Gasps ] Okay, now, that was an adult conversation between adults. 181 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,791 That also didn't happen. We were just joking. 182 00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:57,876 Why didn't anybody laugh? 183 00:06:57,876 --> 00:06:59,294 'Cause Janine isn't funny. 184 00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:01,338 Okay, listen, I'm gonna level with you, 185 00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:02,589 'cause I know you're a smart kid -- 186 00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:05,342 I am. Or at least that's what my teachers say. 187 00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:07,761 But maybe they didn't mean it. Since they were high. 188 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,387 [ All gasp ] Okay, alright, I think the point 189 00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,264 is that you overheard our conversation, 190 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,724 which wasn't meant for you, 191 00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:15,352 so maybe it should just stay right here. 192 00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:16,603 If it makes y'all feel better, 193 00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,772 it can stay here physically. Okay. 194 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:21,149 But, digitally, it's up on every platform. 195 00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:22,776 I posted it everywhere immediately. 196 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,319 -Ohh! -Ooh. 197 00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:26,905 Respect. 198 00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,823 Gotcha. [ Panting ] 199 00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:30,408 So, the Dust Bowl, named after -- 200 00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:31,993 Is that what the inside of your car looks like 201 00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:34,162 when you're vaping, Mr. C.? [ Laughter ] 202 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,748 Look, I-I want to make something very clear. 203 00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:40,669 No one should be talking about, or doing, any drugs, okay? 204 00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:42,420 Except for the teachers, huh? 205 00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:44,547 This man is a hypocrite. 206 00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,549 [ Laughter ] Oh, you just got smoked, Mr. C. 207 00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:49,135 But I bet you like that. [ Laughter ] 208 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:50,762 Hi. 209 00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:52,389 Hmph. Bet you are. 210 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:57,060 Word Families. 211 00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,103 Pet. Kids: Pet. 212 00:07:58,103 --> 00:07:59,938 Mm. Mrs. Howard, 213 00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:02,023 is that Pinot Grigio? 214 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:07,779 This thing has gotten totally out of control. 215 00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:10,281 You're all drug addicts, and I'm tired of it. What do we even say to them? 216 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:11,950 We can't just have our kids undermining us. 217 00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,618 Okay, but how do we tell them not to smoke or do drugs, 218 00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:15,870 when, one, they know that we do them, and, two, 219 00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,747 we can't say anything to them except for "Just say no"? 220 00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,791 Okay, well, Janine, you're at the school district. 221 00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:22,752 What's our move? 222 00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:26,464 We do have one more resource at our disposal. 223 00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:28,925 I think it's time to call in a professional. 224 00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,260 Gregory: Take a seat in this row, 225 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,554 but leave this seat for me, okay? 226 00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:33,930 Well, F.A.D.E. got here quickly. 227 00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,974 Yeah, just had to call in a favor. Nice work. 228 00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,475 And then I had to call in another favor 229 00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,519 when they found out I was the one who sent them Tariq. 230 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,520 To which I said, "How was I supposed to know 231 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,272 he'd be a liability?" To which they said, 232 00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:43,690 "Wasn't he your boyfriend?" To which I said, 233 00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,233 "Okay, nosy, good point. 234 00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,651 I'd like to use all other remaining favors. 235 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:47,986 Can you help me or not?" Well, it sounds like 236 00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:49,696 the Tariq and F.A.D.E. split was amicable, then. 237 00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,865 They said it's litigious and Tariq is not winning. 238 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,616 Great. Look at this. 239 00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:55,744 [ Scoffs ] Why aren't they in single file, 240 00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:58,538 and why are they holding hands? It's like, germ alert. 241 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,373 Maybe it's to make sure no one gets left behind. 242 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,292 Okay, well, did you know 243 00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:04,419 that she has them call her by her first name? 244 00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:06,254 These are your students, not your buddies. 245 00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:07,630 Also, I overheard her saying, 246 00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,758 "You can use commas whenever you feel like." 247 00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:11,760 And I just feel like -- [ Quietly ] Janine, 248 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:14,137 did you smoke last night? 'Cause it don't seem like you did. 249 00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:15,889 I just don't think it's the best way to run a classroom. 250 00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,390 Well, she's right over there if you want to have 251 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,225 an actual conversation with her. 252 00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:22,479 Mm. 253 00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:26,232 [ Kids chattering ] 254 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:29,944 Awwww, yeah! 255 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:34,991 Abbott Elementary two- thousand-and-twenty-three-ee-ee! 256 00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,367 It's 2024. 257 00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:40,497 Two-thousand- and-twenty-fou-ou-r! 258 00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:42,123 Gotta introduce myself right quick. 259 00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:43,750 My mama named me Timothy. 260 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,461 I call myself Slimothy. [ Laughs ] 261 00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:48,713 But you can call me Slim. You feel me? 262 00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,715 Welcome to the F.A.D.E. Experience. 263 00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,342 Let's do this! 264 00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,719 Drink up the energy! 265 00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:57,347 Drink up the energy, drink up the energy! 266 00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:59,599 Sober minded. 267 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:03,436 Aw, yeah, no, it's a great gig. Like, it was fate. 268 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,772 And your Tariq was a renaissance, for real. 269 00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,273 Definitely my inspiration. 270 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,150 'Cause I just be studyin' what he be doin' 271 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,860 and puttin' my own spin on it. 272 00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:13,446 And the people, shh, they like it. 273 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,657 So, what's poppin' to all my little sweeties. 274 00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:18,493 Smokin' cigs'll give you diabetes. 275 00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:20,745 Now, I admit that it make you look cool. 276 00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,789 But it make your breath smell like stool. 277 00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,457 And that's poop. [ Gasps ] 278 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:27,210 Slim: I run up the score when I step in the booth. 279 00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:31,381 You do too much dip, you might lose a tooth. 280 00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:34,342 I'm feelin' so swaggy and actin' uncouth. 281 00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,427 Please don't get me started on cancer. 282 00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:39,222 I'mma lose it if you think smokin' the answer! 283 00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:41,516 Get that out. Put it out. 284 00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:44,144 In conclusion, I don't think children should smoke. 285 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,645 -That's right. -Yes. 286 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,647 Whoo! [ Chuckles ] 287 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,275 Yeah, y'all warm as hell now! 288 00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:52,777 Fatal overdoses in Philly are on the rise! 289 00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:57,282 And you all are responsible for stopping it via your decisions. 290 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:58,700 Say it wit' me. 291 00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:01,953 All: Decisions. 292 00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:04,789 Alright, now I'm about to bring out da dopest... 293 00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:05,582 Mm. Mm. Mnh-mnh. 294 00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:07,417 ...the tightest 295 00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:09,752 certified F.A.D.E. representative 296 00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:12,172 in the wo-o-rld! 297 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:16,384 Carol-i-i-i-ne! 298 00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,595 Pay attention so you don't die. 299 00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:20,763 Pay attention... 300 00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:24,267 so you don't die. 301 00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:28,062 Hello, young... youth of color. 302 00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,856 I'm Caroline. 303 00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:32,984 Look to your left. 304 00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:35,778 Now look to your right. 305 00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:38,781 Now imagine it's blurry. 306 00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:41,576 That's what it's like to be under the influence. 307 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:43,578 Hey, Jessca, how's it going? 308 00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:46,456 It's fantastic. I was just telling the kids 309 00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:49,000 they can choose their own homework assignments. 310 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,877 I see. Yeah. 311 00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:55,131 I find that choice gets them really excited about homework. 312 00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:57,425 Caroline: You are worthy of a good life. Hey, so, um, first of all, 313 00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,510 I just wanted to say thank you for subbing. 314 00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:02,263 The only job harder than teaching is substitute teaching. 315 00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:05,975 I don't know. Have you ever seen "Ice Road Truckers"? 316 00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:09,771 That ice thin. That truck big. 317 00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:11,814 [ Chuckles dryly ] Yeah, good point. 318 00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,191 Mm-hmm. Great show. 319 00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:14,442 Uh, second, you know, 320 00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:17,028 I used to teach this class for three years, 321 00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:19,280 and so I have a deep, you know, rich understanding 322 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,240 of the kids and this grade level, 323 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,493 so, you know, if you ever need any tips. 324 00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:26,621 Thanks! But everything's fine. 325 00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:29,082 Right, but there are some universal teaching practices, 326 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,125 and because of your lack of experience, 327 00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:34,045 you might just need a little gentle guidance. 328 00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:37,632 Excuse me, Janine, I'm trying to listen. 329 00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:39,092 Thank you. Mm-hmm. 330 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,761 If I need help, I will ask. 331 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,054 Okay. 332 00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:46,015 But I don't, so I won't. 333 00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:48,393 So, in conclusion, 334 00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:52,355 say no to drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol. 335 00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:54,440 Remember, F.A.D.E. says, 336 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,943 if it makes you faded, 337 00:12:56,943 --> 00:13:01,531 walk away from i-it. 338 00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:03,324 I know that doesn't exactly rhyme, 339 00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:06,828 but it's the message that counts. 340 00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:09,747 A-Alright, we're gonna keep this fun bus moving along 341 00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:13,459 and jump right into a Q&A. 342 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:16,129 When my mom gets off her shift at the hospital, 343 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,381 she has a cigarette. Is that okay? 344 00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:22,093 Only if she wants to wind up being a patient there herself. 345 00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:23,344 What about wine? 346 00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:25,263 My dad drinks a glass at dinner sometimes. 347 00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:27,640 You know what pairs well with everything? 348 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,517 Sobriety. 349 00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:32,395 My aunt takes edibles the doctor prescribed for her glaucoma. 350 00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:34,105 I guess that would be an exception 351 00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:36,190 if it is for medical reasons. 352 00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:38,943 So, you're saying some drugs are better than others? 353 00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:40,445 I would not say better. 354 00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:42,905 But some are definitely worse than others. 355 00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:45,033 Well, then, what's the least bad drug? 356 00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:47,160 All substances are bad. 357 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,828 But if you had to pick one... 358 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:49,954 Cigarettes, I guess. 359 00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,873 No! No! [ Scoffs ] 360 00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:55,251 So if I had to pick one thing to do if my life depended on it, 361 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,294 it should be cigarettes? 362 00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:58,046 No! Maybe weed? 363 00:13:58,046 --> 00:13:59,797 Hoo, buddy. The hell? 364 00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:01,049 Let's end this, guys. 365 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:03,217 According to CNN... Uh, fake news. 366 00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:05,053 Okay, now you got my attention. 367 00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:07,930 ...alcohol was illegal during the Prohibition era, 368 00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,558 and we're seeing the same renaissance now with marijuana. 369 00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:12,226 You know where they don't have a marijuana problem? 370 00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:13,686 The Third World, 371 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,229 where kids can't just Google whatever they want, 372 00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:16,606 because they're busy making the phones. 373 00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:18,107 Okay, alright -- It just seems like 374 00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:19,734 most drugs aren't that bad. 375 00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:22,445 Fine, you can smoke a little! Just don't do opioids! 376 00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:23,905 My grandfather's on opioids. 377 00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:25,490 Drugs from a doctor are okay. 378 00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,158 My mom's on Valtrex. 379 00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:28,701 That's fine. Your mom has herpes. 380 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:29,911 -Hey! -Wow. 381 00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:31,162 Lady, are you high? 382 00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:33,706 Caroline: Uh -- [ Coughing ] 383 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,209 Whoo! Alright! 384 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,920 When I say "this," you say, "went well." 385 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,129 This. Went well. 386 00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,714 This. Went well. 387 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,175 Hey, okay. Ah, peace. 388 00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:49,680 Ava: [ Over P.A. ] Attention, Abbott Elementarians -- 389 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,265 Due to the district mandate, we will now be performing 390 00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,392 mandatory locker, bag, and cubby searches. 391 00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:54,811 In addition to searches, 392 00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:58,064 we are also reinforcing the zero-tolerance policy. 393 00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:01,400 Any substance found will end in a mandatory two-day suspension. 394 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,736 Okay... Any discussion of illicit substances 395 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,155 will result in disciplinary action. 396 00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:08,866 This applies to students and teachers. 397 00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:13,037 [ Sighs ] It's bad enough 398 00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:14,455 I got to make announcements sounding like a cop. 399 00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:16,457 Now I got to be a judge and hand out a sentence. 400 00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:19,001 According to this, I got to suspend Curtis. 401 00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:21,254 Well, that's how it goes. 402 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,881 You bring a substance in, you get suspended. 403 00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:25,925 This seems like overkill, to do all this 404 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,094 without even having an honest conversation with Curtis 405 00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,345 or any of our students. 406 00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:31,973 Well, that's the system for ya. 407 00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:35,017 We're not allowed to say anything except "drugs are bad." 408 00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:38,479 It just all seems ridiculous. Okay, Curtis is a great kid. 409 00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,481 He's an "A" student. He doesn't bother anyone. 410 00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,608 It's kind of uncharacteristic that he smokes. 411 00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:45,319 Smokes or smoked? 412 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:47,155 Do we even know if he's done this before? 413 00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:52,535 We let this thing get so out of control, 414 00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:56,289 we forgot to ask the boy what happened. 415 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,875 So I guess I got to suspend him? 416 00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,877 Hold on, okay? Let me talk to him. 417 00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,587 He's been spending a lot of time in my classroom, 418 00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:04,172 and I think he's comfortable with me. 419 00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:06,299 I'll go with you. As a former child smoker, 420 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,050 I can probably cough up some advice. 421 00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:09,343 [ Laughs ] [ Door opens ] 422 00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:10,928 [ Coughs ] 423 00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:14,140 See? It's not funny. 424 00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:18,519 Janine: ...steps to make sure this kind of thing doesn't happen anymore. 425 00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,146 Feel like some direction... 426 00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:24,066 Uh, some direction from the school district -- 427 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:25,526 Everything okay? 'Cause, Janine, 428 00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:27,653 I know you love to return a wave. 429 00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,947 Yeah, everything's fine. I love the sub. 430 00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:33,492 [ Chuckles ] And her methods, and her ways. 431 00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:36,078 Yeah, I have no concerns. Spill the peas. 432 00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,039 She's just doing things differently than I would, okay? 433 00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,123 And that's all I'll say. 434 00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:42,793 She is teaching grammar out of order, 435 00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:45,588 and it is chaos, and other things, too. It's -- 436 00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:47,173 Would you believe it if I told you 437 00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:50,343 that when you first started, I found that some of your ways 438 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,845 of teaching were a bit unorthodox? 439 00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,473 Uh, no, because that belief interferes 440 00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,266 with my perception of reality, so... 441 00:16:57,266 --> 00:17:00,394 Janine, every teacher has their own style. 442 00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:02,230 You do things differently than Melissa. 443 00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:04,815 Melissa does things differently than me. 444 00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:06,525 I know, but it's my class. 445 00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:09,028 It was your class. 446 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,988 It's not your class right now. 447 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,826 Okay. Okay. 448 00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:17,870 But did you know that she took the "I" out of her name 449 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,205 and just goes by Jessca? 450 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,207 Now, that is foolishness. 451 00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,750 Mm-hmm. These kids nowadays, 452 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,794 they're just gonna do anything. I know. 453 00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:28,130 "Hello, students. My name is no longer Miss Barbara. 454 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,758 It's Miss Br-ha-ha-ra." [ Kids giggle ] 455 00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:32,885 Yeah, yeah. It's absurd. 456 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,136 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 457 00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:38,432 Am I in trouble? Because I really am sorry. 458 00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:40,434 No, no, we just wanted to talk, hon. 459 00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:43,104 So, remember when we asked you where you got the loosie? 460 00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:46,023 Well, we also want to know why you got it. 461 00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:48,192 I don't know. Just curious, I guess. 462 00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,194 Curiosity is part of being a kid. 463 00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:52,530 Okay, when I was younger, I, uh... 464 00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:56,534 Uh, l-look, you're gonna be presented 465 00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:59,078 with a lot of things in life, both good and bad, 466 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,205 and we just want to make sure that you're being careful. 467 00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:03,416 I wasn't even gonna do it again. 468 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:06,252 See, that's great. It took me decades to learn that. 469 00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:07,837 It was nasty. 470 00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:10,298 Yeah, it is nasty, so don't forget that taste. 471 00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:13,467 Was F.A.D.E. my fault? 472 00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,344 No, no, sweetie. 473 00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:16,887 F.A.D.E. is the government's fault. 474 00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:19,181 [ Chuckles ] 475 00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:20,850 I really am sorry. 476 00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:23,853 Yeah, we know you are. Why don't you head on back to class? 477 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,400 I hate that we can't be more honest with them. [ Door opens ] 478 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,902 Me, too. That kid should not be suspended. Ugh. 479 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,698 Maybe he doesn't have to be. 480 00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:39,910 Hey. Now it's vibe time. 481 00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,039 Hey, Jessca. 482 00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:44,957 So, I just wanted to apologize. 483 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,543 Um, while you're here, 484 00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,253 these kids are your class, not mine, 485 00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:50,796 and I should not have tried to force 486 00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,257 my albeit tried-and-true methods onto -- 487 00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:55,301 "K," so let me stop you right there, 488 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:58,804 because actually, I'm only signed up to be here this week. 489 00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:00,222 And I won't be returning, 490 00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:02,767 because this week has been exceptionally mid. 491 00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:06,479 Oh! So -- Mm. I thought you would, uh -- 492 00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,481 I don't know. I just thought you were having a good time, 493 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,609 so that's why I wanted to come and, you know, say sorry 494 00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:14,362 for the way I'd been acting, because it wasn't, you know -- 495 00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:16,906 Yeah, you're talking as if there was some sort of interaction 496 00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,908 I'm supposed to remember, but I don't. 497 00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:20,326 [ Chuckles ] [ Chuckles dryly ] 498 00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:21,660 Nevertheless... Oh. 499 00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:23,329 ...I accept your apology, 500 00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:26,707 which I'm sure I humbly deserve. 501 00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:27,875 [ Both chuckle ] 502 00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:29,251 Toodle-oo. 503 00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:31,003 Okay. Oh. Oh, the door. 504 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:31,754 Toodle-oo. Click it. 505 00:19:31,754 --> 00:19:33,172 [ Door locks ] 506 00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:39,095 I'm gonna be honest. This was a rough week at Abbott. 507 00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:40,554 Uh, sometimes, as a teacher, 508 00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:42,765 there's only so much you're allowed to say. 509 00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:43,974 But that doesn't mean that you can't still be there 510 00:19:43,974 --> 00:19:45,810 for your kids. 511 00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:48,354 I remembered that I had an in at the district, 512 00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:49,855 and she's gonna speak to the board 513 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,565 and see if she can get Curtis' suspension lifted. 514 00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:53,651 I'm confident she'll get it done. 515 00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:56,320 She always does. 516 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,407 Thank you. The truth is, attitudes change. 517 00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:01,283 And as teachers, we have to figure out 518 00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:03,744 how to keep an open mind while staying within the bounds. 519 00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:05,454 And the result is, 520 00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:07,957 sometimes we end up learning something ourselves. 521 00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:11,001 You're gonna feel so much better when you just let it go. 522 00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:12,169 [ All speaking indistinctly ] Let it go. 523 00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:12,962 -Drop it. -Good, there you go. 524 00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,004 -Okay. See? -Very good. 525 00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:15,047 Good job. Yes! 526 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,382 There you go! 527 00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:18,259 [ Chanting ] Jacob. Jacob. Jacob. Yes. Yes. 528 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,718 No! [ All screaming ] 529 00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:21,220 No! Oh, my God! 530 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,389 Get him out! Get him out! Jacob. Jacob. Jacob? Relax. 531 00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:24,724 I got it! [ All screaming indistinctly ] 532 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,559 No! Jacob! Give it to me! No! 533 00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:31,605 They say quitting vaping is easy-peasy. Total lie. 534 00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:33,774 Nicotine gum -- I kept accidentally swallowing it. 535 00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:36,026 Reading Allen Carr's "Easy Way to Stop Smoking," 536 00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:38,696 I was falling asleep and dreaming about smoking. 537 00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:42,366 Anyway, I have found a solution that I really think is the one. 538 00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:46,203 [ Gasps ] 539 00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:47,538 Hey, didn't you listen to F.A.D.E.? 540 00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:48,956 You can't have vape pens in school. 541 00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:50,916 I buried my vape pen. 542 00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,501 This is my Bref. [breath] 543 00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:56,255 No vapor, no nicotine, just real natural air. 544 00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,174 Damn, they got dumbasses paying for air? 545 00:20:58,174 --> 00:20:59,717 Why didn't I think of that? 546 00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:02,636 Dumbasses? No -- Uh, it was only $200. 547 00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:04,847 And it comes with a lifetime guarantee... 548 00:21:06,140 --> 00:21:07,308 Wait. 549 00:21:09,226 --> 00:21:10,478 I got got. 550 00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,357 [ Inhaling deeply ] 551 00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:20,488 Well, I'll be. 552 00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:22,782 This oxygen is bussin'! 553 00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:25,576 -- Captions by VITAC --