1
00:00:01,711 --> 00:00:03,421
It's too peaceful
in here.
2
00:00:03,421 --> 00:00:04,964
That's because
these children spend
3
00:00:04,964 --> 00:00:07,049
all of their time
on their phones.
Hm!
4
00:00:07,049 --> 00:00:08,676
They barely interact
with each other.
5
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,177
Isn't that right,
Ava?
6
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:12,513
Huh? Oh, yeah.
7
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,765
It's probably 'cause they
don't have hand games anymore.
8
00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:17,268
Hey! Do you guys
know Shame?
9
00:00:17,268 --> 00:00:18,853
Rockin' Robin.
Miss Mary Mack.
10
00:00:18,853 --> 00:00:20,813
♪ Miss Mary ♪
11
00:00:20,813 --> 00:00:22,314
♪ Mack, Mack, Mack ♪
12
00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:24,066
♪ All dressed in
black, black, black ♪
13
00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:26,861
Oh, we have
those, too!
14
00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:28,237
Let's do it.
Okay.
15
00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:29,905
♪ Girls rule, boys drool ♪
16
00:00:29,905 --> 00:00:31,365
♪ We use too much fossil fuels ♪
17
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,825
♪ Loser, loser, double loser ♪
18
00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:34,368
♪ Biden drives a P.T. Cruiser ♪
19
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:35,661
♪ Know the answer,
raise your hand ♪
20
00:00:35,661 --> 00:00:37,246
♪ We live on Native Land ♪
21
00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:38,706
♪ Don't call me sir,
don't call me miss ♪
22
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,416
♪ Aliens do exist ♪
Oh, my.
23
00:00:40,416 --> 00:00:41,542
♪ He's too short,
she's too tall ♪
24
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:42,918
♪ When will this country fall? ♪
25
00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:45,546
Okay. Okay. Uh...
go back to your phones.
26
00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:02,480
Mr. Eddie,
my tooth is loose.
27
00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:03,939
Mm-hmm.
28
00:01:03,939 --> 00:01:06,776
{\an8}If it falls out, do I eat it
like I did last time?
29
00:01:06,776 --> 00:01:08,736
{\an8}I'm a little busy
right now, okay?
30
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,863
{\an8}You're coloring
a carrot.
31
00:01:12,490 --> 00:01:14,241
{\an8}Go take a seat for me.
Okay?
32
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:16,076
{\an8}So, after the teachers' panel,
33
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,745
a man from the
Philadelphia Activities Fund
34
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,413
approached me about
applying for a grant
35
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:20,831
for the Garden Goofballs
program.
36
00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:22,416
That would mean field trips
to fields...
37
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:23,959
seed money for seeds...
38
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:27,254
and the kids' top request--
matching T-shirts.
39
00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:29,590
So I've been working nonstop
on the proposal
40
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,217
to make that happen.
41
00:01:31,217 --> 00:01:32,718
You know, it's really exciting
to think about what
42
00:01:32,718 --> 00:01:34,762
the Garden Goofballs program
can become,
43
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:38,390
and to think it all started
because of a fart.
44
00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:40,142
Hi. Mr. Eddie?
45
00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:42,394
{\an8}I'm subbing for Ms. Teagues
next door this week.
46
00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:44,438
{\an8}Everything alright?
Well, there's a student
47
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:47,149
who's had unexcused absences
the last three days.
48
00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:48,943
Just wondering what
the protocol is.
49
00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:49,944
{\an8}Well, which child?
50
00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:51,946
{\an8}- Alex.
- Alex Perkins?
51
00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:53,656
{\an8}He was with me
last year.
52
00:01:53,656 --> 00:01:56,158
{\an8}Yes, and I noticed he only came
to class twice last week.
53
00:01:56,158 --> 00:01:57,785
{\an8}Oh, well,
that's not like Alex.
54
00:01:57,785 --> 00:02:00,162
{\an8}So can you just
not come to school?
55
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:02,748
{\an8}No.
Sounds like
you don't have to.
56
00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:06,293
{\an8}I can't wait
for second grade!
57
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,462
{\an8}Thanks for letting me know.
I'll look into it.
58
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:11,966
{\an8}My tooth! I just
swallowed my tooth!
59
00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:16,303
{\an8}Yes. This is incredible.
60
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:18,764
{\an8}Okay.
Bye, Principal Oldman!
61
00:02:18,764 --> 00:02:21,308
{\an8}That was Principal Oldman
over at Robinson Prep.
62
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,769
{\an8}He was calling to personally
thank me for the institution
63
00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:25,104
{\an8}of the librarian
program.
64
00:02:25,104 --> 00:02:26,981
{\an8}That's awesome!
Oh, my God!
65
00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:29,984
{\an8}Superintendent John Reynolds
in my office. Ha ha ha!
66
00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:31,360
{\an8}Am I being fired?
67
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,070
{\an8}I was just quoting
that joke.
68
00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,738
{\an8}No, you're not
being fired, Janine.
69
00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:37,241
{\an8}I-I came in here
to compliment you.
70
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:39,285
{\an8}Oh.
71
00:02:39,285 --> 00:02:40,911
"Oh"? That's it?
72
00:02:40,911 --> 00:02:42,496
Y-You thought
you were getting fired,
73
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,123
and now I'm
complimenting you,
74
00:02:44,123 --> 00:02:46,000
and just..."Oh."
Oh.
75
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,836
Anyway, I've been very
impressed with your work.
76
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:52,256
Your ability to problem-solve
under pressure is why I think
77
00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:55,926
you should be calling a few
more of the shots around here.
78
00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:57,428
Wow.
79
00:02:57,428 --> 00:02:59,680
"Wow." That's the reaction
I was looking for!
80
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,517
When your fellowship
is up,
81
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:06,020
we really want to offer you
a full-time position here.
82
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,230
A real job here?
Yeah, here.
83
00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:10,649
We think that you have barely
scratched the surface.
84
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:13,152
You have the chance
to be a superstar.
85
00:03:13,152 --> 00:03:15,279
Minus the flashing lights
and the insane salary.
86
00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:17,072
You would be getting
a little bit of a raise.
Oh!
87
00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:18,741
But you're still
a government worker.
Okay.
88
00:03:18,741 --> 00:03:21,201
Um, but we're gonna
give you that chance.
89
00:03:22,453 --> 00:03:25,539
The district has provided us
with a new software
90
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:28,042
to detect the use of A.I.
in your work.
91
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:30,794
You need to understand
this growing technology,
92
00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:32,713
and I thought we could
try it all together.
93
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:35,925
So here is a poem
by Robert Frost.
94
00:03:35,925 --> 00:03:37,468
And when I hit this button,
95
00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:40,179
it will tell us
if Frost was a robot...
96
00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:42,890
and my entire life
has been a lie.
97
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:47,394
Ah!
I knew it was all Bobby.
98
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:52,024
And here is Javon's paper
on World War II.
99
00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:55,319
I-I only used Wikipedia
to make sure I spelled
the names right.
100
00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:59,198
Ha ha ha! Let's go!
Hey. I told you, Mr. C.
101
00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:00,491
I never doubted you,
Javon.
102
00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:02,409
Mainly because
you got a "D" on it.
103
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:05,245
So we will need to
have a chat about that.
104
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,706
Really, you can use this
on any written material--
105
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:10,793
books, journals, things
from your everyday life, even.
106
00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:13,921
For example,
here is a lovely e-mail response
107
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:16,757
from Mrs. Howard
to my weekly newsletter.
108
00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:20,678
And, uh... no, that...
109
00:04:20,678 --> 00:04:22,888
Mrs. Howard
cold as hell!
110
00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:24,848
Yeah, she must
hate your ass.
111
00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:26,934
Stop cursing.
112
00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:30,437
Janine
is 10 minutes late,
113
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:31,772
which means
she's 30 minutes late,
114
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,190
'cause I'm always
20 minutes late.
115
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:34,900
Well, she does
better than me
116
00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:36,402
because when I say
I'm gonna be a little late,
117
00:04:36,402 --> 00:04:37,820
I usually just
don't show up.
118
00:04:37,820 --> 00:04:40,114
Well, well, well!
119
00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:42,116
If it isn't
the Autobots.
120
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:44,118
Or should I say
Decepticons.
121
00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:45,953
I'm already not enjoying
this conversation.
122
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,705
Jacob, what are you
talking about?
123
00:04:47,705 --> 00:04:50,165
Well, you see,
I was demonstrating
124
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:52,334
the new A.I. detection
software
125
00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:55,254
to my class this morning,
and I thought, "Hmm.
126
00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:58,465
What better test than to use
one of my good friend Barb's
127
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,092
e-mail correspondences?"
128
00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:01,927
And I was shocked--
129
00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:04,388
no, heartbroken--
130
00:05:04,388 --> 00:05:09,351
to learn that it was
99% A.I.-generated.
131
00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:12,062
Jacob, I'm sure
it was just a glitch.
132
00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:14,148
Dang, Barb.
How could you do that?
133
00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:15,983
Funny you say that.
134
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,485
Because then I decided to
check your thoughtful review
135
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,320
of my essay on
the hidden dangers...
136
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,488
Ohh.
...of espresso
martinis.
137
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,323
And I meant every word.
138
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,658
Oh, I bet you did.
139
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,326
100%...
140
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,203
A.I.-generated.
141
00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:29,580
100. Mnh.
142
00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:31,248
So, Ava showed me
how to do it,
143
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:32,958
and then I showed
Barbara.
144
00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:35,461
Because, you know, we need
to learn A.I. software
145
00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:37,963
to make sure the kids aren't
abusing it to do their work.
146
00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:41,175
That privilege is
reserved for teachers.
147
00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:44,595
Looks like Alex has
seven unexcused absences.
148
00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:45,763
That's not so bad.
149
00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:47,097
Oh. Plus today.
So eight.
150
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:49,391
Eight?
Oh, that's very bad.
151
00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:50,517
It is?
Mm-hmm.
152
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:51,935
If he misses
two more days,
153
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,353
he's got to go
to family court
154
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,314
to schedule an appearance
at truancy court
155
00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:57,316
and then
he gets held back.
156
00:05:57,316 --> 00:05:59,026
For just
two more absences?
Mm-hmm.
157
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,611
Well, has anyone tried
calling his house?
158
00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,446
The district has an
automated phone system
159
00:06:02,446 --> 00:06:04,156
that calls
the students' homes.
160
00:06:04,156 --> 00:06:06,366
Well, do we know if anyone's
gotten through to his family?
161
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,035
What do we do if Alex
still isn't showing up?
162
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:10,704
Well, that's the extent
of our protocol.
163
00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:15,250
Do you know
how hurtful it is to know
164
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,753
that instead of talking to some
of my closest companions,
165
00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:20,089
I've been talking to WALL-E
for the past few months?!
166
00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:21,924
Okay, well, Jacob, you're
being rude, because look--
167
00:06:21,924 --> 00:06:23,467
Janine is here to give us
168
00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:25,010
a big, special,
important announcement.
169
00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,553
Go ahead, Janine.
170
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:27,971
Yes, yes.
Thank you, Melissa.
You're welcome.
171
00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:29,348
Yeah. That's correct.
172
00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:32,142
I do have something big
to announce, so, um...
173
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,852
Wait. Where's Gregory?
174
00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:35,938
Oh, he's working on his Goofball
proposal for the district.
175
00:06:35,938 --> 00:06:37,648
Oh. Okay.
176
00:06:37,648 --> 00:06:40,651
Well, thank you all so much
for staying after school.
177
00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:42,402
I have some news
about my fellowship.
178
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,863
God sakes. Who cares
about your fellowship?!
179
00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:46,573
I got ribs
in the slow cooker!
180
00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:48,408
Wait, wait. No, no, no, no.
This is important.
181
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:49,868
You know,
as you all know,
182
00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,703
my fellowship at the district
is coming to an end.
183
00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:53,497
Ooh, girl,
don't remind me.
184
00:06:53,497 --> 00:06:55,874
My doomsday countdown clock is
set to the day that you're back.
185
00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,584
Stop!
186
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,503
The superintendent
offered me
187
00:06:59,503 --> 00:07:01,588
a full-time position
at the district.
188
00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:05,008
And I'm going to take it.
189
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,426
So I'm leaving Abbott.
190
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,347
Dibs on Janine's classroom
as my new office!
191
00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:13,934
Oh, this is officially
the worst day ever.
192
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,727
I am proud of you.
Ohh.
193
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:18,897
Janine, you have
worked so hard,
194
00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:21,275
and they are lucky
to get you.
195
00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:23,443
Well, if you're not
gonna be here anymore,
196
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,697
then I don't have to
know your name, Janice.
197
00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:29,449
And for the record,
I-I-I am proud of you.
198
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,702
I'm just having trouble
processing--
199
00:07:31,702 --> 00:07:33,120
because I'm a human.
200
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,496
But, um...
Ohh!
201
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:35,873
This is huge.
202
00:07:35,873 --> 00:07:37,291
Oh. Thank you, guys.
203
00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:39,459
This was not an easy
decision to make.
204
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,254
I mean,
I hemmed and I hawed.
205
00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:43,672
Heck, I almost
pussyfooted.
206
00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:46,675
But I want to do it.
207
00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:49,845
I think I can really do
some good work there.
208
00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:53,015
No reaction
from you, Ava?
Oh, sorry.
209
00:07:53,015 --> 00:07:55,142
I'm just going through
the mental list of
Janine replacements
210
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:56,977
that I started
the day I met you.
211
00:07:58,187 --> 00:08:00,397
Ooh! It's on!
212
00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:03,150
And since you don't work here
anymore, you're trespassing.
213
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:05,569
Security! Security!
214
00:08:09,573 --> 00:08:10,866
Mr. Alonzo: Singular noun
or a plural noun?
215
00:08:10,866 --> 00:08:12,201
Day nine,
and he's still not here.
216
00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:13,911
I mean, Alex was
in my class last year,
217
00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:15,746
and he had perfect attendance.
218
00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:18,665
He's the type of kid who likes
when recess gets rained out
219
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,459
so he can stay inside and read.
220
00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:22,127
Something has to be going on.
221
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,503
Hello?
222
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,546
Hi. This is
Abbott Elementary calling
223
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:26,089
to check on
Alex Perkins.
224
00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:29,051
You're gonna have to
speak up. Who is this?
225
00:08:29,051 --> 00:08:30,886
Uh, this is
Gregory Eddie,
226
00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:32,346
um, from
Abbott Elementary.
227
00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:34,806
Is Alex okay?
Oh, hi. Yeah.
228
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:37,434
He's right here watching
"The Price Is Right" with me.
229
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:39,394
Well, he needs to
be in school!
230
00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:42,689
He can't be absent tomorrow,
or he will be held back.
231
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,775
No. I already
gave him a snack.
232
00:08:44,775 --> 00:08:46,193
No. "Held back!"
233
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,654
If Alex misses
one more day of school,
234
00:08:48,654 --> 00:08:50,697
he will have to repeat
the second grade!
235
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:53,408
Can you possibly turn
the TV down for me?!
236
00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,077
Sure.
It's a commercial.
237
00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:56,870
Oh, okay. Thank you.
238
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,414
We want to know why
Alex hasn't been in school.
239
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:01,583
He said he don't want
to go to school,
240
00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:04,378
say he miss his old teacher,
Ms. Teams.
241
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:05,671
Huh?
Ms. Teams?
242
00:09:05,671 --> 00:09:08,799
Oh. Ms. Teagues?
He misses her?
243
00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:10,300
He says that's why?
244
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,302
Oh, okay. Goodbye!
245
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:13,387
No, I--
246
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,806
Damn shame.
247
00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:18,725
The boy live
right across the street.
248
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:25,565
So you're telling me
that we can see
249
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,484
as many movies
as we want?
250
00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:29,319
Mm-hmm.
251
00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:34,825
Jacob, seems like
a perfect opportunity
252
00:09:34,825 --> 00:09:37,411
for you to tell us about
that movie membership thing
253
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:39,329
you're always
proselytizing about.
Yeah.
254
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:41,081
How's that--
How's that work again?
255
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,000
Well, while I would love
to fill you in
256
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,043
and explain Nicole Kidman's
role in all of it,
257
00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:46,586
I think you'd probably
prefer to consult
258
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,088
some of your
robot friends.
259
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,966
Oh.
So we used A.I.
260
00:09:50,966 --> 00:09:52,634
At least
we responded.
261
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:55,804
Do you have any idea how
much time and love and time
262
00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:57,222
I put into my e-mails?
263
00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:59,558
Have you no respect
for my emotional labor?
264
00:09:59,558 --> 00:10:02,144
You just ask for
so much feedback.
Oh. So much.
265
00:10:02,144 --> 00:10:04,855
And Barb's typing speed
is a sentence per hour.
266
00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:06,565
There isn't enough time
in the day.
267
00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:08,900
Okay, look, if we were
trying to be mean,
268
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:11,695
we would say that your e-mails
are super-long and boring,
269
00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:14,865
add zero value to our lives,
and please stop sending them.
270
00:10:14,865 --> 00:10:16,700
We're being nice!
Yeah.
271
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:19,536
Nice?
A.I. cannot be nice.
272
00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:21,705
Okay.
Okay. Okay.
273
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:25,125
I can see where
this would be upsetting.
274
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,835
We're sorry.
275
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:29,379
No more
generative e-mails.
Mnh-mnh.
276
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:32,507
And we will do our best
to respond.
277
00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:33,967
Thank you.
Yes.
278
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,303
To the ones that aren't
super-long and boring.
279
00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:40,766
Hey, Gregory. Um...
280
00:10:40,766 --> 00:10:42,559
I was just about to text you,
281
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,311
but I'm guessing
you heard already.
282
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:45,979
So you already know
about Alex Perkins?
283
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,731
Alex Perkins?
From my class?
284
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,441
What's going on with him?
Everything okay?
285
00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:52,110
Oh, um, yeah. He hasn't
been coming to class.
286
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:53,779
He has nine absences.
One more--
287
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:56,365
He has to go to truancy court
and he gets held back a year.
288
00:10:56,365 --> 00:10:58,283
Yeah. Can you imagine
having to go to court
289
00:10:58,283 --> 00:10:59,576
as a second grader?
290
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:00,994
Oh, my God.
How is this happening?
291
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,871
This is very out-of-character
for him.
292
00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:04,998
Something must be going on.
I know. Um...
293
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,167
We just found out he lives
right across the street.
294
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,502
I was thinking about
going to his house.
295
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:10,379
We cannot
go to his house.
296
00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:13,382
I mean, that's strictly
against district policy.
297
00:11:13,382 --> 00:11:15,509
The protocol
says we call.
298
00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:17,177
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
we went through all
the district protocols.
299
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,471
I then called his house,
I spoke to his grandma,
300
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,390
who I think heard one of
every three words I said,
301
00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:24,684
but his grandma did say
that he's not coming to school
302
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,436
because he misses
his old teacher.
303
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:27,687
That's me.
304
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,064
Or me.
Or me.
305
00:11:29,064 --> 00:11:30,399
Okay.
306
00:11:30,399 --> 00:11:31,983
Um, so, I was thinking
that after school,
307
00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:33,568
we could get together,
308
00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:36,321
go to the house,
see what's going on.
309
00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:39,574
Jacob.
Ah.
310
00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:40,867
One of my
real friends.
311
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:42,202
You'd never use a robot.
312
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,912
You're damn right.
313
00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:45,914
I wanted you to know I'm
eagerly awaiting your feedback
314
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:48,667
on my latest newsletter about
the history of spring cleaning.
315
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:51,002
Oh. Yeah.
I was, um...
316
00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:52,629
I was working
all weekend on that.
317
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:54,965
You shall have my
detailed response soon.
318
00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:56,925
Great. For every
paragraph I wrote,
319
00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:59,803
I expect at least
three paragraphs back.
320
00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:06,101
We here at Abbott hold our
teachers to a high standard.
321
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:10,355
Therefore, we will be conducting
a rigorous selection process
322
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:14,651
to ensure that only the most
qualified educator gets the job.
323
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,194
Having said that,
324
00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:18,780
if you are 5'5" and under,
please step forward.
325
00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:22,159
You are dismissed.
326
00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:24,786
If you are a go-getter
who is always prompt,
327
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:26,538
please step forward.
328
00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:30,083
Thank you. You are dismissed.
329
00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:33,712
Congratulations on making it
to the final round.
330
00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:36,840
You are only one question away
from landing this job.
331
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,177
Do you own
a jelly-bean belt?
332
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:45,140
Seriously?! Dismissed!
333
00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,933
Send in the next batch.
334
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:49,478
Okay, so, under no circumstances
do we enter the house.
335
00:12:49,478 --> 00:12:50,854
We're already, you know,
336
00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:52,397
pushing the boundaries
of district policy.
337
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:53,940
Right. Going up to the door
is already bad enough.
338
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,609
We don't want to cross
any more lines.
339
00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:57,444
Exactly. We'll just explain
the gravity of the situation
340
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:58,737
to Grandma,
be on our way.
341
00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:00,947
Sounds good.
Yes.
342
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:03,575
Oh. You here to fix
the refrigerator?
343
00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:04,951
Oh, no. What's wrong
with the refrigerator?
344
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,369
What's not wrong
with the fridge?
345
00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:07,913
No, no,
we're not here for that.
Oh.
346
00:13:07,913 --> 00:13:09,748
Yes. I'm Janine Teagues
from the school district,
347
00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:12,209
and this is Gregory Eddie
from Abbott Elementary.
Hello.
348
00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:15,295
And we came to let you know
that your grandson, Alex,
349
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:18,006
is one absence away from
being held back.
350
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,382
He's fine.
351
00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:21,510
He's inside watching
"The Price Is Right."
352
00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:23,261
That ain't never
hurt nobody.
353
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:26,556
Um, but he won't be fine if
he misses class tomorrow--
354
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:28,225
or another day
this year.
355
00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:29,768
There will be
repercussions
356
00:13:29,768 --> 00:13:31,186
that will affect him
for the rest of his life.
357
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:34,022
Back in my day, we came
to school when we could,
358
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:36,149
and we all turned out
just fine.
359
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,984
Right. But that
won't work here.
360
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:40,320
Oh.
This is
a very serious matter.
361
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,531
We wouldn't be here
otherwise.
362
00:13:42,531 --> 00:13:45,075
So, please,
could you just make sure
363
00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:46,535
that Alex makes it
to class?
364
00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:48,078
Well, I just don't see
the point
365
00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:50,330
in making the boy go
somewhere he hates so bad
366
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:53,291
when he can stay home and just
hang out with me and Drew Carey.
367
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:54,960
Hm.
Um...
368
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,420
Janine, I think
it's time to go.
369
00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:01,383
And Rona. Hi.
370
00:14:01,383 --> 00:14:03,176
$1,100.
$1,100...
371
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:04,886
Actually,
can we come inside?
372
00:14:04,886 --> 00:14:06,930
- Huh?
- Sure.
373
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,515
But don't be making
no guesses
374
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,267
during
Showcase Showdown.
375
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:12,185
You keep them
to yourself.
376
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,228
Okay.
377
00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:15,564
Janine?
Gregory.
378
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:22,779
You're gonna
be playing Plinko!
379
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,239
Alex, we want to know why you
haven't been coming to school.
380
00:14:24,239 --> 00:14:26,116
I'm gonna miss Plinko.
...thousand dollars!
381
00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:28,034
Alex. Hey.
382
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,369
Yes! There you go!
383
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:30,704
Tell us what's
been going on.
384
00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,789
Well, Ms. Teagues
doesn't go to school,
385
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,208
so I don't need
to go, either.
386
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,378
Alex, you have to
go to school
387
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,046
whether I'm there
or not, okay?
388
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,591
School is something
you cannot miss.
You do.
389
00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:45,051
When are you coming back
to be my teacher again?
390
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,553
Well, that's the good news.
391
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:49,014
Ms. Teagues is almost
done at the district,
392
00:14:49,014 --> 00:14:51,057
so she'll be back at Abbott
very soon.
393
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,853
I know you're not
sick in my house.
394
00:14:54,853 --> 00:14:57,063
No.
395
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:59,190
Um...
396
00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:01,610
So, I actually
just accepted
397
00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:03,987
a full-time position
at the district.
398
00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:05,572
What?
What?!
399
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,449
She says she's working
full-time at the district.
400
00:15:07,449 --> 00:15:09,200
Y'all can't hear?
401
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,911
...price starts with
a 3 or ends with a 5?
402
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,705
Welcome to
your future!
403
00:15:13,705 --> 00:15:15,290
Yeah.
404
00:15:15,290 --> 00:15:16,750
Ooh. I'mma save so much
money from the chiropractor
405
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,335
from not having to
look down at you.
406
00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:19,669
Hmm!
407
00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:20,920
So, after
formally interviewing
408
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,380
536 applicants,
409
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,466
I found a perfect replacement
for Janine.
410
00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:27,260
She has great fashion sense,
went to Penn State,
411
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:30,597
and says her best skill is
creative problem ignoring.
412
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,932
I can't wait to introduce her
to the rest of the staff.
413
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,310
I hope you get a nude
from the T-800!
414
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:36,770
Ooh.
What's going on here?
415
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:39,314
Jacob responded to my
newsletter using a chat bot.
416
00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:41,274
I ran it through
that program,
417
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:43,109
and the only thing real
was some corny joke
418
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:45,362
about if you spring-cleaned
my head,
419
00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:47,572
you'd probably see
your reflection in it.
420
00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:49,115
What the hell, Jacob?!
421
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:51,076
You gave us a hard time
for using it,
422
00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:53,536
but then you go and do
the same thing to Mr. Johnson!
423
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,872
I'm sorry. I've been completely
underwater this week.
424
00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:57,582
Ha!
Mr. Johnson is
425
00:15:57,582 --> 00:15:59,626
single-handedly responsible
for keeping
426
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,587
most of the toilets in this
joint running some of the time.
427
00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:04,339
Yet he still found the time
428
00:16:04,339 --> 00:16:07,801
to put his heart and soul
into that newsletter.
429
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:09,386
Wait.
So you authentically
430
00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:11,388
respond to his newsletter,
but not mine?
431
00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:13,306
Yeah.
He sends one e-mail
432
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,475
per quarter,
and it is usually filled
433
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:18,645
with delightful
anecdotes and musings.
434
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:21,022
Mm-hmm. You send 10 e-mails
a day. And you know what?
435
00:16:21,022 --> 00:16:23,358
I rarely feel like I'm learning
a thing about you.
436
00:16:23,358 --> 00:16:24,693
Oh, and you feel like
you learn something
437
00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:26,319
about Mr. Johnson
from that newsletter?
438
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,154
I think we all know
he likes to clean!
439
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,989
Actually, it's more than
about spring cleaning
440
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,992
and explores its origins
in the Iranian culture.
441
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,661
I learned a lot about
the Iranian people
442
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,080
since their problematic
depiction in the film "300."
443
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,332
Great read.
Very insightful.
444
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,334
And you would've known that if
you had read my newsletter,
445
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,253
you ignorant fool!
Ooh!
446
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:44,504
Y'all fightin'?!
447
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,589
Everyone,
please meet Mercedes--
448
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:49,050
Janine's more evolved
replacement.
449
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:51,136
So, who's winning?
450
00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:53,054
Oh, I got 10
on the plumber.
451
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,517
Ends with a 4.
It can't--
It can't end...
452
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,894
I wanted to tell you earlier
with everyone else,
453
00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:02,522
but you weren't there, and then
you told me about Alex, so...
454
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,983
I mean, it's--
it's, uh-- it's wild.
455
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:07,736
But, um, congrats?
456
00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:09,320
Thanks.
457
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,156
Yeah. Congrats. Congrats.
Thank you.
458
00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:12,741
Hello?
459
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:14,451
Right. Okay.
Yeah. Oh. Right.
460
00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:17,078
Um, Alex...
461
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:19,539
Just because I'm not there
doesn't mean
462
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:22,375
that the school isn't filled
with great teachers.
463
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,085
A-And Mr. Eddie
is right next door
464
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:26,296
in case you ever
need anything.
465
00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:27,756
Right?
466
00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:31,009
Yeah. I'll be right there
if you ever need me.
467
00:17:31,009 --> 00:17:34,012
I don't know.
468
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:35,889
Alex, what do you want to be
when you grow up?
469
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:39,058
I want to be on
"The Price Is Right."
470
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,060
Okay.
Mm-hmm.
471
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:44,773
Well, then you
need to learn math
472
00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:46,566
in order
to make your guesses.
473
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,026
Hm!
474
00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:49,694
Not to mention
communication skills...
Mm-hmm.
475
00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:51,237
...critical thinking,
and understanding
476
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,614
of socioeconomic
inflation.
477
00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:54,115
And you have to take P.E.
478
00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:56,159
to spin the big wheel,
which is fun.
479
00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:57,744
Yeah. That, too.
Right?
480
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,788
And you have to learn
all that stuff in school.
481
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,417
Look.
482
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:07,253
Teachers are gonna
come and go in your life.
483
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,380
Heck, people,
for that matter.
484
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,509
You'd still play Plinko
485
00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,761
even if Drew Carey
wasn't the host, right?
486
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:16,387
I'd still play.
487
00:18:16,387 --> 00:18:19,599
Okay. So... can we expect you
at school tomorrow?
488
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,684
$500, so you got $1,500...
489
00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:22,769
Okay.
490
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:24,270
Good. Okay.
Okay.
491
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:27,607
And maybe, one day,
you can go on a game show
492
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,734
and win a new refrigerator
for your grandma.
493
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:33,112
That boy better at least
win me a Kia!
494
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,448
Good luck! Good luck!
Come on! Ugh!
495
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:39,577
So, how do we make sure he
actually shows up every day?
496
00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:41,454
Um, you know,
497
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,373
maybe the Goofballs
can help keep an eye on him.
498
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:45,208
Part of my proposal
is about keeping the students
499
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:48,628
accountable for each other
while in the program.
500
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,172
That's a really good idea.
501
00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:54,551
I look forward to seeing
the proposal at the district.
502
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:56,594
Congratulations
on taking the job.
503
00:18:56,594 --> 00:18:58,096
No one
deserves it more.
504
00:18:58,096 --> 00:19:01,224
Thanks. Still hasn't
really hit me yet.
505
00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:04,102
Yeah, I don't think
it's hit me yet, either.
506
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:14,487
"And with that in mind,
I ask but one question--
507
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,322
Are any of us clean?"
508
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:17,532
Huh!
509
00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,993
It's breathtaking,
Mr. Johnson.
510
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,870
I apologize, truly.
511
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:23,121
I accept...
512
00:19:23,121 --> 00:19:24,372
twenties or gift cards
513
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:27,333
of the same value.
514
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:28,877
Upon self-reflection,
515
00:19:28,877 --> 00:19:30,837
perhaps I did overdo it
with my e-mails.
516
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:33,506
I am so sorry for getting
so upset with you both.
517
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:34,883
It is okay.
518
00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:36,467
We shouldn't have
used technology
519
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:39,178
to mislead you into
thinking that we care.
520
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:42,015
Yeah, from now on, we'll
just delete your e-mails
521
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:43,391
like normal people do.
522
00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:44,851
I am so grateful
for that.
523
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:47,687
Thank you
for your humanity.
524
00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:57,488
Hey, Gregory.
525
00:19:57,488 --> 00:20:00,074
Hey. I'm just calling to
let you know that Alex
is back in school.
526
00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:01,242
He's even early.
527
00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:03,703
Ohh. Good.
That's great news.
528
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,330
Yeah. It is.
529
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,750
You know, we make
a really good team.
530
00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:12,128
Yeah, we do.
531
00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:16,466
Have a great day.
532
00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:18,092
You too.
533
00:20:24,599 --> 00:20:26,559
Hey, there!
534
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,394
So, they tell me you're
gonna be here full-time!
535
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:29,854
Hmm!
Yeah.
536
00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:32,148
So I'm just here to drop off
your start paperwork.
537
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:34,484
Oh, um...
538
00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:36,611
You know what?
Can I have a day?
539
00:20:36,611 --> 00:20:37,862
I'm just so swamped.
540
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:40,073
Oh, and the rest of us
aren't?
541
00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:42,742
But, of course!
Take your time.
542
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,327
Mm-hmm.
543
00:20:54,712 --> 00:20:57,966
Farrah's gonna come
right back to me after
I give her these flowers.
544
00:20:57,966 --> 00:20:59,217
Dude,
that's cabbage!
545
00:21:00,718 --> 00:21:02,011
{\an8}Hey, guys, we have
a new Goofball.
546
00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:03,638
{\an8}I want everyone
to say hi to Alex.
547
00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:06,307
{\an8}What's up? Let me bring
you up to speed, Alex.
548
00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:09,102
{\an8}First rule of Goofballs--
We don't talk about Goofballs.
549
00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:11,354
{\an8}That's not true.
Second rule
of Goofballs--
550
00:21:11,354 --> 00:21:12,897
{\an8}We don't call it
Goofballs.
551
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:14,524
{\an8}Okay, stop it. I need you
to be older and mature,
552
00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:15,692
{\an8}'cause we're trying to ke--
553
00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:17,527
{\an8}We gotta keep an eye
on him!
554
00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:19,112
{\an8}Okay, Alex! Hold on!
No, no, no, no! Wait!
Wait, wait, wait!
555
00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:21,114
{\an8}Okay. Alright. Look.
"Price Is Right" is not even on.
556
00:21:21,114 --> 00:21:22,156
{\an8}It's not even on!
You're so fast!