1 00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:03,544 All right. And once again, 2 00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:07,464 the school district requires that uniforms be purchased at O'Hare's Warehouse. 3 00:00:07,465 --> 00:00:10,801 If your children show up in a makeshift uniform from a department store, 4 00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:11,927 we're gonna send them home. 5 00:00:11,928 --> 00:00:14,513 What's the difference between a blue shirt and khaki pants 6 00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:16,140 from Filene's Basement and O'Hare's? 7 00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:18,434 One gets them sent home. [chuckles] 8 00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,227 - Was that not clear? I'm sorry. - Right. 9 00:00:20,228 --> 00:00:22,980 Also guys, what did I say about shouting out the questions? All right. 10 00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:24,314 Please have some decorum. Damn. 11 00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:28,360 But the PTA did successfully get Abbott 30% off for the rest of the month. 12 00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:29,737 So head there fast, people. 13 00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:32,239 - [Tariq] That's big. That's big. - [Krystal] Mm-hmm. Right? 14 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,324 - [Tariq] That's cool. That's good. - [Krystal] We did that. Mm-hmm. 15 00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:36,076 You're welcome. All right. Moving on, 16 00:00:36,077 --> 00:00:39,288 we've received many emails about the golf course being built up the street 17 00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:40,748 and what this means for our kids. 18 00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:42,291 Not just our kids. 19 00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:43,542 What about our community? 20 00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,419 I know they're trying to price us out. 21 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,880 I don't want my daughter to have to change schools next year. 22 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,883 - [parents] Yeah. - Can we stop it from being built? 23 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:53,802 People, the golf course is happening. 24 00:00:53,803 --> 00:00:56,096 - There's nothing we can do about that. - [Melissa] Mm-mm. 25 00:00:56,097 --> 00:00:58,390 Well, that's not true. I could pull a Bagger Vance. 26 00:00:58,391 --> 00:00:59,933 - What? - See, I could cozy up 27 00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:01,935 - to whoever their Matt Damon is. - [Barbara] Oh, God. 28 00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:03,854 It's like, I'm teaching him about golf, but really 29 00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:06,774 - I'm teaching him about life. - [Janine] Mmm. Just to add on to that, 30 00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:08,233 - that's a stupid idea. - Okay. 31 00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:11,945 To add on to that, that is a really good movie. It's Will Smith's best performance. 32 00:01:11,946 --> 00:01:14,031 Seven Pounds is sitting right there. Are you kidding? 33 00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:15,824 - I like Elf. - That's Will Ferrell. 34 00:01:15,825 --> 00:01:17,951 - Yeah, Jada's husband. - No. 35 00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:20,496 - All right, so let's get back on track-- - I like Wild Wild West. 36 00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:22,414 Think that's his best movie. We can move on now. 37 00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:25,125 - It is so good, it has its own line dance. - [Janine] Yes. 38 00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:27,628 - No, no. You're thinking of Men in Black. - [Tariq] Okay. All right. 39 00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:29,546 Wait. Wild Wild West has its own line dance? 40 00:01:29,547 --> 00:01:32,299 Does it have its own line dance? 41 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:33,759 - [chuckles] All right. - [Tariq] No-- 42 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:34,843 Go, Barb. 43 00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:36,678 See? Here we go. Now, y'all got her started. 44 00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:39,014 I literally... I have a gavel. I literally have a gavel. 45 00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:42,935 Uh, yeah, so I got this gavel specifically for the PTA meetings, you know? 46 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:47,231 I wanted to be like, "Hey, bang, bang, bang, bang, meeting adjourned." You know? 47 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:48,774 But I have yet to use it 48 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:52,402 because like most group functions that take place in a Philly school gym, 49 00:01:52,403 --> 00:01:55,405 every PTA meeting ends the exact same way. 50 00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:56,907 ♪ Wild Wild West ♪ 51 00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:58,867 - ♪ When I roll into the ♪ - ♪ Wild Wild West ♪ 52 00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:01,286 - ♪ When I stroll into the ♪ - ♪ Wild Wild West ♪ 53 00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:03,414 - ♪ When I bounce into the ♪ - ♪ Wild Wild West ♪ 54 00:02:04,415 --> 00:02:06,708 Kick that... Kick. Ah. 55 00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:08,252 ♪ Wild Wild West ♪ 56 00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:10,964 ♪ We're goin' straight to ♪ 57 00:02:11,714 --> 00:02:12,965 No. 58 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,050 ♪ Now once upon a time in the West ♪ 59 00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:17,344 ♪ Mad man lost his damn mind In the West ♪ 60 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:19,013 ["Hold 'Em" playing] 61 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:34,069 {\an8}The US Constitution established the framework for our government 62 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:35,654 {\an8}and included the Bill of Rights. 63 00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:38,115 {\an8}But have you guys ever heard of Draco? 64 00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:39,534 {\an8}The wizard or the rapper? 65 00:02:42,036 --> 00:02:46,206 {\an8}Well, maybe the best way to describe him is through a little rap of my own. 66 00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:47,749 {\an8}Boo! 67 00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:48,876 {\an8}Fine. Fine. 68 00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:51,796 {\an8}He created the Draconian Constitution, 69 00:02:52,463 --> 00:02:54,340 {\an8}and he wrote a harsh legal code 70 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:58,051 {\an8}that doled out one-size-fits-all punishments to establish order. 71 00:02:58,052 --> 00:02:59,261 {\an8}That sounds like my mom. 72 00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:00,596 {\an8}[students laugh] 73 00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:02,806 {\an8}[bell rings] 74 00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:04,683 {\an8}Okay, and we will pick this up next time. 75 00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:07,061 {\an8}Make sure you finish reading that chapter. 76 00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,563 {\an8}Hey, Brandon. Why are you scratching? 77 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,357 {\an8}- He dirty. - No. 78 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,276 {\an8}What do you have on your arm? 79 00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:15,320 {\an8}Oh. 80 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,656 {\an8}I am so excited for our double feature tonight. 81 00:03:19,657 --> 00:03:21,283 {\an8}- I was-- - Ooh. Movie night. 82 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,452 {\an8}Care for a third wheel? 83 00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,162 {\an8}Oh. It's a Ja-gory thing? 84 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,289 {\an8}Don't wanna make it a Ja-gor-acob party? 85 00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,708 {\an8}- No. Your call. What are you gonna watch? - [Janine chuckles] 86 00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:31,668 {\an8}- Dune followed by Friday. - Yes. 87 00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:34,296 {\an8}I've seen Dune 2 and Friday After Next. 88 00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:36,089 {\an8}Now it's time to see the prequels. 89 00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:37,633 {\an8}Mmm. Oh, actually, uh, 90 00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:40,636 {\an8}speaking of big worms, and trigger warning, #gross, 91 00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,931 {\an8}one of my students in the first period has ringworm. 92 00:03:48,686 --> 00:03:50,395 Well, there he goes. 93 00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:52,856 Chin up, Janine. He lasted longer with you than I thought. 94 00:03:52,857 --> 00:03:55,609 {\an8}Whoever is in charge of sanitizing this place needs to be fired. 95 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:56,860 {\an8}A kid has ringworm. 96 00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:58,403 {\an8}- Ringworm? - Jacob, come here. 97 00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:00,072 {\an8}- Yeah. - Nope. Get back. 98 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,908 {\an8}How do you know it's ringworm? Did you touch it? 99 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:06,620 {\an8}Of course not. But it was clearly an itchy red ring, and nurse isn't here this week. 100 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:09,039 {\an8}So I just sent him home and sanitized every surface. 101 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,667 {\an8}- That's not enough. - That's not enough. 102 00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:13,794 {\an8}Jacob, ringworm is an elementary school's-- 103 00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:14,878 {\an8}Worst enemy. 104 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:17,172 {\an8}Maybe you could keep those older kids from touching each other-- 105 00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:19,842 - If the little kids get it... - [both] All of 'em get it. 106 00:04:21,135 --> 00:04:22,970 [both] One, two, three. 107 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:25,055 - Kindness. - Bananas. Thank God. 108 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:29,434 Last time ringworm broke out, we lost half the staff, and students, too, for a week. 109 00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:31,061 - [Melissa] Mm-hmm. - It was horrible. 110 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,105 Oh, yeah. Well, this is worse than horrible. 111 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:36,024 I got a date this weekend, Jacob. Did you ever stop to think of that? 112 00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:38,026 And the guy's got a hot tub. 113 00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:39,111 In-ground. 114 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,571 What's the relevance of that? 115 00:04:41,572 --> 00:04:42,614 I can't with this virgin. 116 00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:45,701 I had ringworm once. My second year of teaching. 117 00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:49,329 Uh, it was awful. But, thank God, I've got immunity now. 118 00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,873 Barb, you can't get immunity from ringworm. 119 00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:54,084 Maybe you can't, but I did. 120 00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:56,795 Look, circling back to how I did nothing wrong here. 121 00:04:56,796 --> 00:05:00,173 I went beyond district policy. I sent him home before the end of the day. 122 00:05:00,174 --> 00:05:02,342 Okay, well, I have a plan that will guarantee 123 00:05:02,343 --> 00:05:03,760 that the ringworm doesn't spread. 124 00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:05,512 - I also have a plan. - Okay. 125 00:05:05,513 --> 00:05:10,058 First step, contain the spread by keeping certain special students separated. 126 00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:11,518 Isolate the contaminated. 127 00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:14,146 All right. We're going to monitor student behavior-- 128 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,815 Perform ruthless surveillance. 129 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,233 And we'll wanna do individual base learning-- 130 00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:20,485 Put them in solitary confinement. 131 00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:21,945 That sounds intense. 132 00:05:21,946 --> 00:05:23,238 - Yes. It really does. - Okay. 133 00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:25,490 Look, there's nothing to worry about here, guys. 134 00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:26,908 It's been handled. We're fine. 135 00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:29,245 Well, it better be handled, Jacob. 136 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,915 A hot tub. In [bleep] ground. 137 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,711 [door knocks] 138 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,341 Hey, what's up? 139 00:05:41,924 --> 00:05:43,008 Are you gonna open the door? 140 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,801 Have you washed your hands recently? 141 00:05:44,802 --> 00:05:46,178 I'ma need a verbal yes. 142 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,097 - Gregory. - [sighs] 143 00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,266 [Janine scoffs] 144 00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:53,060 Why are you so freaked out by this? 145 00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:56,063 I mean, you teach first grade. It's not exactly a germ-free zone. 146 00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,523 This is a fungus, Janine. 147 00:05:58,107 --> 00:05:59,442 It's a whole ecosystem. 148 00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:02,069 Fungi are like sharks, okay? 149 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:05,364 They're beautiful, elegant, but something to be respected, 150 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,532 nay, feared. 151 00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:09,160 Honestly, you're weird if you don't agree. 152 00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:10,828 Okay. 153 00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:15,500 Thank you. 154 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,585 - [Gregory] Thanks. - [Janine] Okay. 155 00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:23,799 So this isn't a totally surprising side of Gregory, 156 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:27,470 but it is a bit of a new layer that I haven't seen before. 157 00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,304 He really hates ringworm. 158 00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:31,015 Maybe even more than pizza. 159 00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,016 But we all have our quirks. 160 00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:35,561 I'd really be way more concerned if he loved ringworm. 161 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:38,063 'Cause I don't think I can get past that. [chuckles] 162 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,565 And he shouldn't ask me to. 163 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:41,650 There you go. See? 164 00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:44,946 One of my quirks is getting carried away with my own hypotheticals, so... 165 00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:50,784 Brandon, what are you doing back at school? I sent you home. 166 00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:52,244 Wait here, kids. 167 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:54,747 I tried to go home, but my mom sent me back. 168 00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:01,253 "Dear, Mr. Hill. I know that's wrong. 169 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,754 According to the district's website, 170 00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:05,632 my child doesn't have to be sent home until the end of the day. 171 00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:09,886 I'm not the one or the two, so please send my child home at three. 172 00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:12,264 Try Jesus. Don't try me. Patricia." 173 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,348 Is this a riddle? 174 00:07:13,349 --> 00:07:15,308 It means I'm here till the end of the day. 175 00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:17,018 But I kinda wanted to come back anyway. 176 00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:19,604 I let JoJo borrow my Switch, and he still has it. 177 00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:22,941 Okay. Well, that's... that's discouraging. Troublesome, actually. 178 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:26,486 Okay. So you're telling me you let some other kid touch your contaminated game? 179 00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:29,239 Yeah. But to be fair, we all pass it around class while we're supposed 180 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,700 - to be listening to Mr. C. - Okay. This is bad, Jacob. 181 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:32,993 Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. 182 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,328 Come on, kids. 183 00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:37,373 - Charlie's finished. - [Janine] Oh? 184 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:41,585 Oh. That actually looks a lot like you. So good job. 185 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:44,045 But maybe some beige, right? 186 00:07:44,046 --> 00:07:45,630 Add some color to it. 187 00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:47,757 Certainly got a lot of those unused. 188 00:07:47,758 --> 00:07:49,092 - Hey, Janine. - Yeah. 189 00:07:49,093 --> 00:07:52,262 The ringworm kid is back in school. It's time to put your plan into place. 190 00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:55,515 I have been waiting for this moment my entire life. 191 00:07:55,516 --> 00:07:56,725 All hands on deck. 192 00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,477 Okay. I'll tell Ava. 193 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,520 [Ava through speaker] I'm already on it. 194 00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:03,940 Ava, I thought you said you were gonna stop listening in on our classrooms. 195 00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:05,567 I'm a known liar. 196 00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:06,777 Let's go to work. 197 00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:09,280 [sighs] 198 00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:13,617 {\an8}All right. Mr. Johnson, we need you to stand here 24-7. 199 00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:16,036 And block this floor by any means necessary. 200 00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:17,287 Oh, I got you. 201 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,789 Nothing's getting past me. 202 00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:24,337 No one is getting past me. 203 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:28,340 All right. Well, as you can see, our plan is now in place. 204 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:32,010 Now, we can trust the older kids not to touch each other, but the littles, no. 205 00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:34,012 So just to be safe, 206 00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,138 the second floor 207 00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:37,682 is now completely sealed off from the first floor. 208 00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:40,310 And if all goes well, we'll never see those upstairs people again. 209 00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:43,063 [Janine] All kids' hands must be washed at all times. 210 00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:45,482 [Ava] No going upstairs or downstairs allowed. 211 00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:49,069 [Janine] No group activities. No recess. No gym. No library. 212 00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,445 And no using the bathroom. 213 00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:51,947 Unless they're supervised. 214 00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:54,699 Well, see, that's where we differ. I say pee where you stand. 215 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:57,994 - And I say please don't. - This is a complete overreaction. 216 00:08:57,995 --> 00:08:59,955 The upper floors can't go to the library? 217 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:02,165 Jacob, you're just mad that you're stuck on the second floor 218 00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:03,668 - with patient zero. - Okay. 219 00:09:04,418 --> 00:09:05,794 I love you like a son, Jacob. 220 00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:07,045 But I will beat you down. 221 00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:10,507 Jacob, if it gets down here, everyone will be infected. 222 00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,259 We have to protect the entire school. 223 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,761 This is not fair. And it is certainly no way to educate. 224 00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:16,596 You're being real cavalier right now. 225 00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:18,890 Maybe you're infected and that's the ringworm talking. 226 00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:21,518 Yeah. When's the last time you washed your legs? 227 00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:23,353 I do not have ringworm. 228 00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:25,690 Okay, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. 229 00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:30,444 [Gregory] No one's home. 230 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:35,616 - [in high-pitched voice] Gregory left. - Okay. 231 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,785 Enough of that. 232 00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:40,328 - Hey. - Hey. 233 00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:42,163 - Hi. - Hi. 234 00:09:42,164 --> 00:09:45,251 So, you know, we sealed off the second floor. You don't have to do this. 235 00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,295 - Do what? - Well-- 236 00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:51,006 - Where did you get that turtleneck? - Oh, it was in my drawer. 237 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,842 Why do you keep a turtleneck in your drawer? 238 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,926 I don't know. Times like this. 239 00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,553 So what? You're just gonna stay in here? 240 00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:57,805 Pretty much. Yeah. 241 00:09:58,431 --> 00:09:59,432 All right. So, 242 00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:02,601 are we not gonna do our double feature tonight, or? [chuckles] 243 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,352 I would say, 244 00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:07,315 for now, in light of recent news, it's TBD. 245 00:10:07,898 --> 00:10:09,566 - TBD? - It means "to be determined"-- 246 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,027 I know what it means, Gregory. 247 00:10:13,487 --> 00:10:15,114 [smacks lips] Okay then. 248 00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,199 See ya. 249 00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,035 [lock clicking] 250 00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:22,872 [security chain rattles] 251 00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:25,416 Wait. These doors don't have double locks. 252 00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:28,460 [Gregory] I installed the locks myself. 253 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:29,753 Look, I'm not crazy. 254 00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:30,838 I'm pragmatic. 255 00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:33,966 Why am I so far away? 256 00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:35,635 Why are you so close? 257 00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:41,348 Hey. Where are you coming from? 258 00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:44,726 The lounge. Had to replenish my coffee for the midafternoon slump. 259 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:47,729 Yeah. Mr. Johnson was supposed to be blocking access. 260 00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:51,692 You'd be surprised what he's willing to do for a wild berry fruit strip. 261 00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:54,653 - [Melissa scoffs] - [Mr. Johnson] Mmm. 262 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,572 Okay. So, not only are you putting all the rest of us at risk, 263 00:10:57,573 --> 00:11:00,451 but you're also blowing your personal goal of switching over to tea. 264 00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:02,995 It's just not realistic. 265 00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:09,709 Look, I made it through the outbreak of '02, '07 and '11 with hardly an itch. 266 00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:11,671 I'm telling you, I'm immune. 267 00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:13,505 God protects me. 268 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,757 So God protects you but not the kids? 269 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:17,842 Something I've brought up with him many times. 270 00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:19,386 What if I don't believe in God? 271 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,721 I didn't mean that. I do, especially when I fly. 272 00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:23,848 I'm just saying, why don't we leave God out of this. 273 00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:26,393 Just 'cause I'm trying to make a point, but we'll check in later. 274 00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:29,437 Listen, I'm glad you're safe with your God, 275 00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:31,731 but some of us are trying to get into some heavy sinnin' 276 00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:33,066 - this weekend. - Oh. 277 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:36,903 So please, no more ups and absolutely no more downs. 278 00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:37,988 Right? 279 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,701 [speaks Latin] 280 00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:44,828 The thing about teaching here as long as I have is 281 00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,538 I've had everything: 282 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,790 ringworm, chicken pox, mad cow, 283 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,667 sad cow, red cow, blue cow. 284 00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:52,670 [chuckles] Mmm. 285 00:11:55,339 --> 00:11:57,883 ♪ Freedom ♪ 286 00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:01,136 Yeah, it upsets me that people aren't taking this seriously. 287 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,847 Because I think what people fail to get 288 00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:06,516 is that this hot tub is in the ground, okay? 289 00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:08,393 It's not a Costco operation. 290 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:09,853 The guy called a contractor. 291 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,771 He came to the house. He dug a hole. 292 00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:13,314 A contractor. 293 00:12:13,315 --> 00:12:17,527 And so a constitution is fundamentally how we coexist together. Okay? 294 00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:18,611 [bell rings] 295 00:12:18,612 --> 00:12:21,656 Hey, hey. Wh-Where are you running off to? Let's, uh-- Let's... [chuckles] 296 00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:23,533 Let's stay here, you know? 297 00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:24,784 Chop it up a bit. 298 00:12:24,785 --> 00:12:26,119 Have a hang. Chill. 299 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:27,620 But it's time for recess. 300 00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:29,914 - Yeah, that's what's so, um, fire. - Fire? 301 00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:33,418 - Is we get to skip recess today. - Get to? 302 00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,712 It might just be safer for everyone if we all stay here 303 00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,672 until matters calm down, rash-wise. 304 00:12:37,673 --> 00:12:39,799 - So you're trapping us in here? - [scoffs] 305 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,676 "Trapping" is a strong word. 306 00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:43,344 - But accurate. - Yes, you're trapped. 307 00:12:43,345 --> 00:12:44,596 [students groan] 308 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:48,391 Guys, this is... this is apparently for the greater good. This is good. 309 00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:49,809 This is ass. 310 00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:51,227 [students] Yeah. Right. 311 00:12:51,228 --> 00:12:52,313 [Jacob] They're right. 312 00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:54,355 And you know why they're right? 313 00:12:54,356 --> 00:12:58,485 Because I taught them to question the system and to speak truth to power. 314 00:12:58,486 --> 00:12:59,612 And the truth is, 315 00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:01,780 yeah, this is ass. 316 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:02,865 [scoffs] 317 00:13:03,365 --> 00:13:05,284 God, why am I such a good teacher? 318 00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:07,119 Hello? The Atlantic? 319 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,830 This message is for whomsoever is in charge of great stories. 320 00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:11,956 I've got a hot one. 321 00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:15,627 Local hero principal saves downtrodden school from outbreak. 322 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:19,131 Possible headline: "Ava Coleman Runs Rings Around Worm." 323 00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:21,216 Uh-uh. 324 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:24,094 Miss Lowery said if it happened again, I'd have to come here. 325 00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:25,762 It happened again. 326 00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:27,807 I don't care. Get out. Get out. Get out. 327 00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:30,391 Attention, teachers. 328 00:13:30,392 --> 00:13:33,102 No child is to be sent to the principal's office today. 329 00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:35,647 Kids, if you want to do crime, now's the time. 330 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:36,982 Happy Purge Day, y'all. 331 00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:43,072 Mr. Johnson, bring every disinfectant under the sun to my office immediately. 332 00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:46,241 - Mr. Johnson? - [snores] 333 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,868 Are you sleeping standing up again? Hey. 334 00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:52,081 No, George Washington Carver, I invented peanut butter. 335 00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:55,876 [snores] 336 00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,629 I'm done with the chapter. Can I go use the bathroom? 337 00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:01,297 Sorry, you're not allowed to leave unsupervised, 338 00:14:01,298 --> 00:14:02,882 and I can't leave the class now. 339 00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:03,967 I don't like it either, 340 00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:06,010 but you don't understand the kind of pressure I'm under. 341 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:08,346 You don't understand the kind of pressure my bladder is under. 342 00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:10,598 But I promise, I'll go to the bathroom and be right back. 343 00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:13,101 What am I gonna do? Sneak off and learn something new? 344 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:14,936 Certainly not if you stumble into Morton's class. 345 00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:17,189 I'm not trash-talking Morton with you right now. 346 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,109 - Why not? - Because you're being worse than Morton. 347 00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:21,819 You're being Draconian. 348 00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:25,573 - Okay. Go to the bathroom. - Thank you. 349 00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:32,328 Living organisms. Tiny little creatures crawling all over your body, 350 00:14:32,329 --> 00:14:34,622 - thriving in moist areas, so-- - [door closes] 351 00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:35,833 [chair legs scrape] 352 00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,253 What just happened? 353 00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:41,380 That hoodie? 354 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,133 Gio, were you wearing that hoodie this morning? 355 00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:46,218 No. 356 00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,929 - Where'd it come from? - My brother gave it to me. 357 00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:51,348 - I was cold. - When? 358 00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:53,266 - Just now. - Gio, 359 00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:55,226 remember when we said no one could leave the classroom? 360 00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:58,355 Yeah. That's why I texted him to bring it to me. 361 00:14:59,773 --> 00:15:01,483 Bring it to you from where? 362 00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,987 What floor is your brother on? 363 00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:11,367 [sighs] 364 00:15:11,368 --> 00:15:13,412 Mr. Eddie, my arm itches. 365 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:15,539 [whispering] The fungi are here. 366 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:17,917 They're here. 367 00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,794 [Ava through speaker] Attention: Protocol has been broken, y'all. 368 00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:24,422 I repeat, protocol has been broken, y'all. 369 00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:26,007 The perimeter has been breached. 370 00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:28,176 The infection has jumped floors and is now spreading. 371 00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:29,928 We are in full lockdown. 372 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:34,099 I am currently reviewing the tapes to see which teacher or janitor is to blame. 373 00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:38,394 You just went to the bathroom, right? Nowhere else? 374 00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:41,147 - Yeah. - Oh, thank goodness. [chuckles] 375 00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:44,442 But on the way, I stopped by the first floor real quick 376 00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:46,110 to drop off my hoodie to my brother. 377 00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,278 - He was cold. - What? 378 00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:50,531 And then, I returned a book to the library, dapped up Miss Howard, 379 00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:52,909 and grabbed a drink from teachers' lounge. But I swear, that's it. 380 00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:55,745 You were just supposed to go to the bathroom. 381 00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:58,666 You know what's so funny? I actually forgot to go to the bathroom. 382 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,460 Can I go to the bathroom now? 383 00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:08,549 [groans] How on earth could this happen? 384 00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:09,926 My plan was airtight. 385 00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:12,470 - Apparently not. - Barbara's been breaking protocol. 386 00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:14,138 - Barb. - I thought your people don't snitch. 387 00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:16,349 [scoffs] Then why are all my uncles in jail, huh? 388 00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:17,433 It wasn't Barbara, okay? 389 00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:19,978 Somehow, one of my kids ended up with a tainted hoodie from upstairs. 390 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,521 - Somehow? - [Jacob] I'm sorry. 391 00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:23,231 Okay. It is... Guys, it's possible 392 00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:26,442 that I definitely let one of my kids go to the bathroom and-- 393 00:16:26,443 --> 00:16:28,695 - Do you just hate me? - I worked so hard on this. 394 00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:31,531 I shaved above the knee, Jacob. Above the knee. 395 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,491 That was so irresponsible. 396 00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:35,952 Oh, yeah? Well, apparently, he had time to also dap you up. 397 00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:38,079 And I him, but I am immune. 398 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,289 Cancel classes and shut Abbott down. 399 00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:43,543 This is going to wreak the worst havoc on this school. 400 00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:46,379 I guess it's every man, woman and flawless principal for themselves. 401 00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:49,257 Send all the kids back to their homerooms. I'll be in my bunker. 402 00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:50,800 I ate all your bunker snacks, by the way. 403 00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:52,427 [scoffs] You don't know where my bunker is. 404 00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:54,930 [chuckles] Well, I ate something from somewhere, buddy. 405 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:07,275 Hey. Guys, this isn't cool. Don't make Brandon sit in the corner. 406 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:09,736 No, I moved over here. I don't wanna give everybody ringworm. 407 00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:12,238 Look, you don't have to punish yourself for this, okay? 408 00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:14,824 It's not a punishment. I would have stayed home if I could've. 409 00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:16,909 But I can't. So for now, 410 00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:18,996 I'm just gonna sit here and play on my Switch. 411 00:17:20,247 --> 00:17:22,165 Wish you wouldn't do that while I'm teaching. 412 00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:23,916 I wish you wouldn't teach while I'm playing. 413 00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:25,210 But here we are. 414 00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:28,546 - I'm just looking out for everybody else. - [sighs] 415 00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:32,051 That is what we should be doing. Sacrificing for the greater good. 416 00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:37,181 [chuckles] God, I am such a good teacher that he taught me something, you know? 417 00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:40,809 Everyone, come out. 418 00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:44,188 Everyone. 419 00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,023 - Oh, sorry. - Why do we keep interacting? 420 00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:49,067 This could have been an email. A nice, sterile email. 421 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,860 You better be down here with some good news. 422 00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:52,487 Nope. Nope. Day just keeps getting worse. 423 00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:54,989 Or not. I've already submitted this to The Atlantic. 424 00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:57,742 So if it gets worse, it's actually better for me, story-wise. 425 00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,786 Look, I know I fumbled earlier. 426 00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:01,829 And I realize now that I was wrong and you were right. 427 00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:04,582 So I think we need to take all of the exposed kids 428 00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:08,336 and put them in a combined isolation class in the gym until the end of the day. 429 00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:10,880 Mmm. Yeah. I mean, that's a good idea. 430 00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,882 But who's gonna go in there and watch them? 'Cause... 431 00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:14,635 I will. Unless... 432 00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:17,679 Anyone else? 433 00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:20,973 Well, worth the ask. 434 00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:22,809 I wanted to do it anyway. 435 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:23,893 Godspeed, brother. 436 00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:26,313 - And, Gregory, I'll take your gear. - The hell you will. 437 00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,441 Well, then it's settled. 438 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:33,237 - I'll be a hero. - Okay. Bye. 439 00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:35,154 [Janine whispering] Go. You got this. 440 00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:36,240 Okay. 441 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:39,325 Damn. He is so brave. 442 00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:41,244 Better him than me. [laughs] 443 00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:43,454 Might as well be you. You guys live together. 444 00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:45,207 Son of a bitch! 445 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,751 Lord, this day. 446 00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:52,422 Mmm. I can feel the strength of God just tingling through my body. 447 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,383 - Tingling? - Yes, like little angels 448 00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:56,969 dancing on my skin. 449 00:18:57,636 --> 00:18:58,636 Why, look. 450 00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:01,431 God has blessed me with a little red halo. 451 00:19:02,599 --> 00:19:03,808 [Ava] Barb, you have ringworm. 452 00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:04,934 Yes, I do. 453 00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:07,311 [Janine] Oh, God. Barb, I mean, 454 00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:09,230 we could just tell Jacob you can go watch the kids. 455 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:12,066 Unfortunately, that is not God's plan for me. 456 00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,153 - Have a nice day. - [Janine] Wh-- 457 00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:16,864 - I think God wants me to leave too. - No, Ava. 458 00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:23,619 Oh, no. 459 00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:27,416 I ran the ship into an iceberg, and so down with it I shall go. 460 00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:31,128 Hopefully... Hopefully no one touches me. 461 00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:35,882 I really appreciate that it's you, Mr. C. 462 00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:37,258 You're a real one. 463 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,385 Thank you. 464 00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:42,763 Bye, Mr. Eddie. 465 00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:45,391 Oh, whoa. All right, sweetie. 466 00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:47,311 Have a good night. Wash your hands. 467 00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:49,604 All right. 468 00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:52,648 So movie night in four to ten days, huh? 469 00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:54,151 It's not so bad, right? 470 00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:55,777 We could still FaceTime. 471 00:19:57,487 --> 00:19:59,031 Yeah. Okay. 472 00:20:01,950 --> 00:20:03,243 [Janine whispering] Bye, girls. 473 00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:18,508 All right. 474 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:20,761 So, 475 00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:23,055 what movie we watching first? 476 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:27,516 Um, okay. What about Dune or Friday? 477 00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:29,852 One of them. I don't know. I'll watch all of them with you. 478 00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:31,897 - I don't care. - Okay. Well, we have the weekend. 479 00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:35,900 I got ringworm. It was as horrible as I thought. 480 00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,526 But we got it together. [chuckles] 481 00:20:37,527 --> 00:20:39,237 And, look, we even have matching rings, so-- 482 00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,323 No, no. It's not as cute as you think. 483 00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:46,245 The trick is, if you always have ringworm, you never catch it. 484 00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:48,537 Take that how you wanna. 485 00:20:48,538 --> 00:20:49,789 Yeah, caught it. 486 00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:52,500 But turns out Jacuzzi guy got evicted that morning 487 00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:55,795 for having an in-ground hot tub in violation of his HOA rules. 488 00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:57,380 I said we should go to dinner. 489 00:20:57,381 --> 00:20:59,925 And he said that would be violation of his parole. 490 00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:02,218 So I just stayed home and itched. 491 00:21:02,219 --> 00:21:04,804 {\an8}I realize now that God was just testing me. 492 00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:08,558 {\an8}And now he is testing the whole church choir. [chuckles] 493 00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:11,727 {\an8}But you should see Jacob. Oh. 494 00:21:11,728 --> 00:21:13,896 {\an8}Apparently, you can't really get it this bad, 495 00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:16,775 {\an8}but I guess I'm a medical marvel. [chuckles] 496 00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:19,652 {\an8}I didn't get ringworm, but I did get a tapeworm. 497 00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:21,696 {\an8}Seafood restaurant next to the gas station. 498 00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,865 {\an8}Got it. Passed it. Worth it.