1 00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:03,879 Delivery. Oh, it's the computers the golf course... 2 00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:05,631 [ Engine starts ] ...bribed us with. Finally. 3 00:00:05,631 --> 00:00:07,341 You're not gonna bring 'em inside? 4 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:08,634 Zero stars. 5 00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:10,052 Did he just leave everything 6 00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:11,637 on the sidewalk like this? 7 00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:13,180 Okay, good. You guys are here. 8 00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:14,890 We don't have insurance, so lift with your legs, 9 00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:16,975 brace your back. Ava, my back does not brace. 10 00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:19,186 Call that young man back. 11 00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,270 You got his phone number, Barb? 12 00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,356 I will dial 411 before I pick up-- 13 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,357 Jesus would help. 14 00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:26,235 Jesus was lean, 33, with muscles. 15 00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:27,903 Mmm. Hot. [ Door opens ] 16 00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:29,738 Weren't there, like, four more of these? 17 00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:32,699 Ah! We were robbed. 18 00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,701 Well, at least this time, I wasn't slapped. 19 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,286 Probably already selling 'em on Broad Street by now. 20 00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:39,081 You know what, maybe they needed 'em. 21 00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:41,291 Hey. I got computers for the low-low. 22 00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:43,710 Buy three, get one free. Talk money to me. 23 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:46,088 How much, brother? No. No. 24 00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:48,674 Jaquon! I will call your mother. 25 00:00:48,674 --> 00:00:50,008 Put those things back! 26 00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:51,093 Don't-- Don't do that. 27 00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:52,302 Mm-hmm. 28 00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:54,304 [ Maker's "Hold'em" playing ] 29 00:00:54,304 --> 00:01:04,856 ♪ 30 00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:06,858 And that turtle is for you. 31 00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,777 Enjoy your new friend. 32 00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:11,071 Uh, uh, Janine? Yeah. 33 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,448 Why are there loose animals in the library? 34 00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:15,409 They're gonna put the funk in Funk & Wagnalls. 35 00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,035 Yeah, no, I know, but they're caged, 36 00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:18,704 and I will clean up. I promise. 37 00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:20,330 [ Guinea pig squeaks ] 38 00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:22,165 Uh, Ms. Washington, a goldfish for you. 39 00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:23,584 Janine: I have a really big win to share. 40 00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,669 We asked the district for funding 41 00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:27,462 for more afterschool programs, 42 00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:32,134 so they gave us $50 for class pets instead. 43 00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:33,677 Sometimes you gotta shoot for the moon, 44 00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:38,849 and if you miss, you land on a star... fish. Starfish. 45 00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:41,768 And, Mrs. Howard, I got you the fish you asked for. 46 00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,104 Ohh! 47 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:48,066 I have a flowy gown in this very shade of magenta. 48 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:49,693 [ Both chuckle ] 49 00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:52,362 And, Gregory, your pet rock. 50 00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:54,448 Thank you so much for being budget conscious. 51 00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,074 Oh, it wasn't because of that. I had one of these growing up. 52 00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:58,952 Alrighty. 53 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:02,122 Okay, guinea pig for me and a guinea pig for-- 54 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,707 Melissa! 55 00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,042 Guinea pig. What? 56 00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,668 You forgot to fill out the form, 57 00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:08,086 and the pet store was having a BOGO sale, so... 58 00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,379 Yeah, I didn't forget to fill it out. 59 00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:12,466 I didn't want one. I don't like pets. 60 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:13,967 Melissa. 61 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,802 Hey, what do you mean, you don't like pets? 62 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,346 I don't like 'em. I never had 'em growing up 63 00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:18,764 'cause they're just too much work. 64 00:02:18,764 --> 00:02:20,182 They smell, then they die, 65 00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,975 and you gotta explain that to the kids. 66 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,602 It's too much. I don't want it. 67 00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:24,728 Well, look, look, what if I-I help you out? 68 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,730 You know, I will clean its cage, I'll feed it. 69 00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,482 You won't have to lift a finger. 70 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,275 Come on, Mellie Mel, your kids will love it. 71 00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:32,402 Besides, the kids are gonna be really upset 72 00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:34,529 if they're the only ones without a class pet. 73 00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:35,781 Don't want that, now, do ya? 74 00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:39,451 [ Guinea pig squeaking ] 75 00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:41,745 You're right in a way that really pisses me off, kid. 76 00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:42,788 Aww, thank you. 77 00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,331 Okay. 78 00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:45,791 And, Mr. Johnson, you requested a bear. 79 00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:47,834 I sure did. Okay. 80 00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,711 Would you settle for a bear hug? 81 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,715 [ Laughing ] D'aww. [ Laughing ] Okay. 82 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,259 Aww. It smells like ass in here. 83 00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:58,303 Yeah, it really does. I'm so sorry. 84 00:02:58,303 --> 00:02:59,596 [ Footsteps clicking ] 85 00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,264 Hey, Ava. 86 00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:02,682 I've set up my computer, but I don't have 87 00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,309 any of the district software, 88 00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:06,269 so I'm putting in a ticket at the old district. 89 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:09,606 No, you are not. They don't even know we took these computers as bribes. 90 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:12,317 We're not even allowed to accept donated computers. 91 00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:13,360 I got a plan. 92 00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:15,153 Ava: The district won't service any computers 93 00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:16,238 that don't belong to them, 94 00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:18,698 but they drop the ball all the time, 95 00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,534 so I'll just tell them that I submitted a ticket 96 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,786 a long time ago for these computers that they gave us, 97 00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:25,038 that they didn't keep track of. 98 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,456 I like to cause doubt and confusion 99 00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,959 by creating a memory that doesn't exist. 100 00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,669 Some call it gaslighting. 101 00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:33,380 I call it kids have computers in their classrooms. 102 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,924 Janine: Okay. [ Guinea pig squeaking ] 103 00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:37,634 [ Gasps ] 104 00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:40,637 You just gotta watch out for this one 'cause he's a biter. 105 00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:41,680 [ Chuckles ] So-- Yeah, I'll tell you what. 106 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:42,931 If that thing bites me, 107 00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,349 I'm fastballing it into the wall. 108 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:46,268 Okay, but biting is a sign of... 109 00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:47,060 [ Cage clangs ] ...affection. 110 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,937 I-- I... 111 00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,313 Watch out. 112 00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:53,692 He didn't bite me. 113 00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,318 He's warming up-- God! [ Guinea pig chirps ] 114 00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,737 [ Clicks tongue ] Ooh! 115 00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:00,574 Bared his teeth at me. What a smile. 116 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,410 He likes your sweater. Oh? [ Chuckles ] 117 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,996 [ Winces ] Odd way of showing it. 118 00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:07,831 The real question is... Mm-hmm. 119 00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:09,249 We just hanging out? 120 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,460 Look, some IT wonk is coming by today 121 00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:12,419 to get the computers 'putin. 122 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,254 He cannot know they're donated, 123 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,423 so if you love new computers, lie like an old carpet. 124 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:19,009 I cannot, I do not, I will not lie. 125 00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:19,843 I heard you tell Janine she looked cool 126 00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,553 in that goofy sweater. 127 00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,388 Okay, you caught me. All you have to do is play dumb. 128 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,932 Jacob, that face you're making right now is perfect. 129 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,059 Dumb as hell. What? This is my normal face. 130 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,270 Besides, I-I can't play dumb. 131 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,855 Hi, I'm O'Shon. 132 00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:36,526 Oh. [ Irish accent ] Top o' the morning to you, O'Shon. 133 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:38,320 [ Normal voice ] I'm O'Jacob. No, I'm just joking. 134 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,197 It's just Jacob. [ Chuckles ] Just-- 135 00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:42,699 Just a little Irish humor for you, bloke. 136 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,534 Sorry, I'm dumb. Wow. I can do it. 137 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:45,827 O'Shon: I guess, uh, we lost 138 00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:47,537 the ticket to provide tech support. 139 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,748 Uh, we get backlogged sometimes, but no excuses. 140 00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:52,959 I'm here now. Yeah, you really screwed the pooch on that one, 141 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:56,296 so if you could just install the software and be on your way. 142 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,798 It'll take a few days to get everything set up, 143 00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:58,715 but I'll get on it now. 144 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,012 [ Gasps ] O'Shon? Crikey. 145 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:05,680 Barbara: That man is handsome. 146 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,766 First of all, he wears glasses. 147 00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,059 Second of all, you two need a pair 148 00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,394 if you think he's attractive. 149 00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:12,187 Please. 150 00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:15,190 I'm just saying, of the three rock types, 151 00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:16,149 I think it's really cool that 152 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,151 my kids got a metamorphic rock. 153 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,361 Imagine me stuck with some kind of 154 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,154 sorry sedimentary rock. 155 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,657 Totally. No. So very, very cool. [ Chuckles ] 156 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:26,701 Alright. Well, you know who doesn't bite? Who? 157 00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:27,828 Dwayne "The Pet" Rockson. 158 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,037 Okay. Gregory, 159 00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,872 it is their love language. 160 00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:34,000 Guinea pigs cannot lick like cats and dogs can, so... 161 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,253 Don't let that guinea pig loose in your classroom. 162 00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:38,588 You know they grow to the size of their environment, right? 163 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:40,090 I think you're thinking of goldfish. Yeah. 164 00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,758 Explain grizzlies, then, dumbass. 165 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,844 [ Trash can thumps ] 166 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:46,930 What do you got there? Oh, I'll tell you what I got here. 167 00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:50,016 Why even ask? My entire afternoon is what I've got here. 168 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,102 First, the kids said the guinea pig was bored, 169 00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:54,688 so I had to get him this little straw mat for it to gnaw on. 170 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,815 Then, Sweet Cheeks didn't like that cheap feed, 171 00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:59,192 so I gotta meal prep this hay. 172 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,486 Then, that stupid straw mattress wasn't comfy enough, 173 00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:04,489 so I had to build this tiny house stick by stick. 174 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:06,992 Thanks a lot, Teagues. 175 00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:10,161 I knew it, this was a bad idea from the jump. 176 00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:12,455 This is exactly why people shouldn't have pets. 177 00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:15,292 I don't have time to do my job and take care of some rat. 178 00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:17,961 What do I look like, April O'Neil? 179 00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:19,504 Guinea pig's not even that cute. 180 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,631 I hate that freaking guinea pig. 181 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:24,467 What? 182 00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:29,431 Melissa, I'm sorry this guinea pig is making your life harder. 183 00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:31,057 Look, I'm gonna take it back to the store. 184 00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,560 Maybe we can use that $4.77 on something else. 185 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,312 No way. My kids would lose it. 186 00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:37,314 Sweet Cheeks and I are stuck with each other 187 00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:39,733 'til one of us dies, and it ain't gonna be me. 188 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:43,695 Alright, well, at least you don't have to worry about him over the weekend, so... 189 00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:44,779 What does that mean? 190 00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,239 You know, the students, they take turns 191 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,490 hosting the pets over the weekends. 192 00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,367 The kids get to learn responsibility, 193 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,910 and the guinea pigs get to see what a big, 194 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,787 beautiful world it is out there. 195 00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,998 Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, good. Yeah. 196 00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:58,126 As long as it's out of my gorgeous hair. [ Exhales sharply ] 197 00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:01,838 These computers are pretty new for a three-year-old ticket. 198 00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:03,632 Oh, I wouldn't know. [ Chuckles ] 199 00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:06,760 These contraptions all seem the same to me. 200 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,470 [ Chuckles ] Okay. 201 00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:10,597 It's just that, these computers, 202 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:13,099 they have features I usually only see-- 203 00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:18,730 But, you know, how would one turn on a machine such as this? 204 00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:20,774 I know how to start these computers. 205 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,860 I just have to throw this handsome young man off the scent 206 00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,070 for the greater good. 207 00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:27,405 Forgive me, Lord. 208 00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:30,617 Ma'am, uh, please don't take this the wrong way... Mm-hmm. 209 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,744 ...but are you familiar with this thing? 210 00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:35,705 Like updating it, opening your browser, checking your e-mail? 211 00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:39,334 That's-- That's all good? Oh, I can check an e-mail. [ Chuckles ] 212 00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,002 My real question is, 213 00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:44,923 what is an e-mail? 214 00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,966 [ School bell rings ] 215 00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:49,928 This shouldn't take too long. 216 00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:51,471 You've got everything pretty set up. 217 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,556 You just need the permissions and licenses. 218 00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,308 Yeah. 219 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,268 They call me Jacob Jobs around these parts 220 00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:58,728 'cause I'm always... [tongue clicking] 221 00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,355 ...click-clacking. 222 00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:03,858 Cool. O'Shon, is it? 223 00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:07,028 What if you tell me everything you know about computers? 224 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:12,742 Finally, rule number 11-- Designated guinea pig food 225 00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:16,079 and filtered water only. 226 00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:18,289 Okay? Nothing else. You got it, guys? 227 00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,750 That star next to the rule means it's extra important. 228 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,043 They all have stars. 229 00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:23,169 That's 'cause they're all important. 230 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,255 No, honey. Come on. No tapping. 231 00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,340 It stresses Sweet Cheeks out. 232 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,926 Alright, let's see. Who's going to take him first? 233 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:30,719 Aaron. 234 00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,557 You gotta stop that, kid. Come on. 235 00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:36,808 You could hurt yourself. 236 00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:39,144 No, I can't. I don't feel pain. 237 00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:42,439 Do guinea pigs? 238 00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:43,857 [ Pencil tapping ] 239 00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:47,944 No more pencils for Aaron. 240 00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:51,698 After this, I'll hit the library, and then I'm done. 241 00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,867 They're not the most tech savvy, but you got a really nice staff. 242 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,911 Yeah, we're just one big family here. [ Chuckles ] 243 00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,956 Oh, you already got a few programs on here. 244 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:02,584 Wow. This is some extremely high-powered editing 245 00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:04,294 and special effects software. 246 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,671 Are you making a big-budget movie? [ Chuckles ] 247 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,548 Well, I'm not gonna let a souped-up graphics card 248 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,050 and a 14th-generation processor go to waste. 249 00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:12,886 I'm editing a series of deepfakes of Janine. 250 00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,971 She has no idea what's coming. [ Laughs ] 251 00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:16,765 Alright, I'm gonna grab a coffee. 252 00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:18,767 Incognito Mode doesn't leave a history, right? 253 00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:21,186 Auf Wiedersehen. 254 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:27,025 The district doesn't have a 14th generation of anything. 255 00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:32,655 So, still going to the batting cages this weekend? 256 00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,157 Absolutely. 257 00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:36,326 I still have a few holes in my swing. Mm-hmm. 258 00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,203 You wanna come take some hacks with me? 259 00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:40,789 I don't know what that means, but, yeah, I do. 260 00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,123 It's okay. I'll teach you. 261 00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:44,918 Okay. I can't wait to learn. Yuck! 262 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,628 Somebody please give me a lobotomy. 263 00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,254 [ Door opens ] 264 00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:51,174 Well, guess who's got two thumbs 265 00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:52,967 and a guinea pig to dispose of? 266 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,719 What? Yep. 267 00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:57,972 Came in this morning, and Sweet Cheeks was belly up. 268 00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:59,974 See, this is exactly why you should've got a pet rock. 269 00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,143 My students are developing a bond that will last for eternity. 270 00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:03,853 Melissa, are you sure it's dead? 271 00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:06,147 Just the other day, I thought my fish was dead. 272 00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:08,817 [ Clicks tongue ] She was just taking her beauty sleep. 273 00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:11,820 Maybe I ought to add a tiny vanity to her aquarium. 274 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,154 Yes. 275 00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:15,114 Hey, Shirley, order me a little 276 00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:17,617 fish mirror for Queen LaSeafah. 277 00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,870 Mmm. Yeah. 278 00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,997 See, I told you this was gonna happen. 279 00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:24,707 No, they told me at the store 280 00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:26,960 that the guinea pig would live for at least the school year. 281 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,587 Well, guess what? They're not guinea pig doctors, are they? 282 00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:32,257 It's gone. So now I gotta give my kids the death talk. 283 00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:34,384 Oh, my God, Melissa, I am-- 284 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,427 I'm so sorry. This is a disaster. Oh. 285 00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:38,346 Um, can I get you anything? 286 00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:40,306 Grief counseling, a hug, or... No! 287 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,349 ...I can take you out for a drink? 288 00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:42,559 Janine, I don't need a beer 289 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,102 for a dead guinea pig, okay? 290 00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,979 I'm gonna do what I always do. I'mma go home, 291 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,189 throw some baby backs in the slow cooker, and watch "Housewives." 292 00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:50,108 Okay, well, maybe I can come over. 293 00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:51,484 That's really not necessary. 294 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:54,487 Also, I'm getting my carpets cleaned tonight. 295 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:58,616 Oh, but-- while you cook ribs? And also at night? 296 00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,493 Yeah, I got a discount. 297 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,580 What, you want me to eat ribs on a dirty floor? 298 00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:06,166 Also, what is with all the questions, huh? Whoa. 299 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,792 I mean, are we good? We're good. 300 00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:08,710 Are you good? 301 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,295 Ugh. My God. 302 00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:11,880 Janine, don't get hurt. What? 303 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,841 I feel awful. I mean, I pushed Melissa to do something 304 00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,385 she didn't want, and it didn't work out. 305 00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:18,595 Should not have tried to assert 306 00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:19,721 my guinea pig agenda. 307 00:11:19,721 --> 00:11:21,681 [ Sighs ] 308 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:25,935 I might be grown, but I can still make rookie mistakes. 309 00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,188 I'm so sorry, but that's just, 310 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:30,523 you know, the circle of life. Right, kids? 311 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,442 Life is just like that. 312 00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:35,612 [ Students crying, sniffling ] To quote Frank Sinatra's "That's Life," 313 00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:37,280 "That's life." 314 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,657 So, if you want, just come to me with any questions 315 00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:41,701 you might have, and rest assured that 316 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,953 Sweet Cheeks is in a better place. 317 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:48,750 Mmm-mmm-mmm. 318 00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:52,378 That man put the "form" in information technology. 319 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,631 Yeah. He's a real Firefox. [ Giggles ] 320 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,257 Get your ass on Chrome. 321 00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,927 Anyway, he looks just like me five years ago, 322 00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,178 but with more hair. 323 00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,640 This man is a weenie. 324 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:04,849 Excuse me, Principal Coleman, 325 00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:07,101 can I talk to you for a second about the computers? 326 00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:09,938 Sure. Grand rising, brother. 327 00:12:09,938 --> 00:12:11,564 Good afternoon. Are you the man 328 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,024 that we have to thank for being able to use 329 00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:14,651 these wonderful computers? 330 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,694 I just installed some new programs, is all. 331 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:18,696 Well, it is just a blessing to be able to work 332 00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,448 on brand-new computers. 333 00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:22,325 The kids are, uh-- the kids are loving it. 334 00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,744 Instead of "Oregon Trail," they now have Roblox, 335 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,955 which they shouldn't be playing at school, 336 00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:28,456 but, uh, still. [ Chuckles ] 337 00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:30,083 It's going to be a real difference maker. 338 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:34,045 Mm-hmm. These new computers are going to put my students ahead 339 00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:37,757 of the curve that so often wants to leave them behind. 340 00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,008 Mm. 341 00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:41,302 So, I don't have all day. 342 00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:42,929 Oh, my God. 343 00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,264 The computers have Khan Academy. 344 00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,390 [ Students chattering excitedly ] 345 00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:46,641 What did you want to tell me? 346 00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:49,811 Yeah, uh, you know what? It can wait. 347 00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:54,774 [ Chatter continues ] 348 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,734 [ Whistling ] Hey. Oh! Bye, Melissa. 349 00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:00,071 Hey, would you mind giving me a ride to my place? 350 00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:01,614 Uh, yeah, sure. 351 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,074 But didn't your ride just walk out? 352 00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:05,576 You didn't come in with Melissa? She's, uh, going out. 353 00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:08,037 Really? Going out? 354 00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,580 She told me she had ribs in the slow cooker 355 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,207 and that she was getting her carpets cleaned, so... 356 00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:12,542 Oh, is that what she's calling it now? 357 00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:14,377 TMI. 358 00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:16,212 What are you talking about? 359 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,339 She told me she's got a date. 360 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,133 Really? 361 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,968 Now, why would she lie about that? 362 00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:24,053 I think she's keeping it super secret because she's, 363 00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:25,930 like, really into him. Huh. 364 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,181 She already has a nickname for him. 365 00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:28,349 Oh, yeah? She calls him "Sweet Cheeks." 366 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,105 "Sweet Cheeks"? Mm-hmm. 367 00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:36,024 I almost miss when I knew less about her. 368 00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:38,109 Excuse me. Sorry. Um... Matter of fact, can we just go get a... drink? 369 00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:43,531 ♪ But guinea pigs just wanna have fu-un ♪ 370 00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:46,617 ♪ Oh, and Sweet Cheeks just wanna have ♪ 371 00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:47,285 ♪ You just wanna ♪ 372 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,832 Oh, holy... [ Chuckles ] 373 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,125 I got a question for you, Melissa. 374 00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:55,501 I didn't even see you come in. 375 00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:59,005 [ Scoffs ] Oh, Melissa, Melissa, Melissa. 376 00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,298 [ Feet slam ] 377 00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:05,636 So, how was your carpet cleaner? 378 00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:08,765 Yeah, fine. Yeah? Carpets all clean? 379 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:11,100 Very. Mm-hmm? All polished up? [ Lips pop ] 380 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,769 Okay, shampooed, but yeah. 381 00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,520 Interesting. Oh. 382 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,897 You're asking the wrong questions. Okay. 383 00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:20,610 So, Melissa, where'd you put Sweet Cheeks' body? 384 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:21,402 Trashed it. 385 00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:23,196 Oh, yeah? Which trash? 386 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,947 Hey, what are you getting at, now? 387 00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:27,825 [ Laughing ] This guy. 388 00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:29,911 How much time did you do on that slow cooker? 389 00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:31,370 And at what temperature? 390 00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:33,289 What's happening here? Just tell her. 391 00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:35,291 I know Sweet Cheeks is alive. 392 00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:38,002 Yeah. I saw you driving off after school with him. 393 00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:39,962 What kind of nefarious plan you got here, Melissa? 394 00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:43,341 What, you gonna fix him up and flip him for profit, huh? 395 00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:44,509 Wire his wheel to your house so you never 396 00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:45,760 have to pay for electricity again? 397 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,386 No! Then what is it? 398 00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:50,181 I love him. Okay? I love Sweet Cheeks. 399 00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:53,059 He grew on me. I took him home. 400 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,644 Wait. 401 00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:57,188 So you gave the death talk to your class 402 00:14:57,188 --> 00:15:00,274 for a guinea pig that still spins and bites? 403 00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:04,529 Oh, my Lazarus. Mm! Melissa, you didn't. 404 00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,780 Hey, now that I know what's really going on, 405 00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:07,365 do you think we could actually get the carpets cleaned? 406 00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:08,574 No! 407 00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:09,867 Plot twist. The "M" in M. Night Shyamalan 408 00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:11,369 stands for "Melissa." 409 00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:12,954 Yeah, yeah. Give it up, Melissa Night Shyamalan. 410 00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,455 Guys, there are other directors. 411 00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:17,166 Just because he's local does not mean he's the only director. 412 00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:20,378 You are bringing Sweet Cheeks back in here today. 413 00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:23,548 Or else. Or else...? 414 00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:26,551 Or else I'm going to tell your kids that he's still alive, 415 00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:28,594 and you're going to have to deal with it. 416 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:31,055 You have until after lunch. 417 00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,015 Hey, I need to speak to you. 418 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,520 Who you talking to? 419 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:38,521 You. 420 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,233 What do you want? 421 00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:43,693 I know there wasn't a lost ticket, 422 00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:45,278 and I know that the district did not give you these computers. 423 00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:50,783 Damn it! Who gave it away? Barb? 424 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,869 It was Principal Coleman. 425 00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:55,121 Well, that can't be right. That's me. 426 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,747 When you mentioned the processor, 427 00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:59,250 it confirmed what I was already thinking. 428 00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,252 Even the newest computers that the district distributes 429 00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:02,712 don't have the 14th-generation processor. 430 00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:04,589 Where did you get these? Tuh! 431 00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:06,257 You think I got in this chair by folding under pressure? 432 00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:08,301 No. But if you don't tell me, 433 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,344 I have to assume they're stolen and report it. 434 00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,437 We got the rich people building the golf course 435 00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:20,354 to donate them. 436 00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:21,814 You "got" them to? 437 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,400 Fine. It was blackmail, black man. 438 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,485 A bribe, quid pro quo. 439 00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:28,613 They were doing illegal work, and we needed the resources. 440 00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:30,114 Look, the district is not going to allow this. 441 00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:31,824 You know what? Take them. 442 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,619 I'll find another way to get my kids computers. 443 00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:37,705 [ Cellphone clicks ] 444 00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:41,542 I'm not gonna report you. 445 00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:43,669 It's obvious that you all need these computers, 446 00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,630 and scheming is the only way that you're able to get them. 447 00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:47,006 I beg my pardon? 448 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,883 But we need to do things on my terms 449 00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:50,426 so that none of us get caught. 450 00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:52,470 I'm not losing my job over this. 451 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:53,721 And I know you do not want to lose yours. 452 00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:56,390 You gone stop talking to me like that. 453 00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:58,100 Have a seat. 454 00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,478 Okay, so, now, some of these kids might have cats, 455 00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,688 but you just remember our training sessions, 456 00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,565 and you're gonna be fine. 457 00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,359 Yeah. 458 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,193 Yeah, baby. [ Knocking on door ] 459 00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:10,112 How you doing? 460 00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:11,781 I'm okay. 461 00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:13,324 So you know, I don't go around 462 00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:15,243 telling kids their animals are dead for kicks. 463 00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:17,370 That wasn't a suspicion of mine. 464 00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:18,955 I just never had a pet before, 465 00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:21,123 and I really fell for this little stinker. 466 00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:23,292 He's no Dwayne, but he's great. 467 00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:25,086 What's really going on, Melissa? 468 00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:27,088 Man, I don't know, I panicked. 469 00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:29,799 Like, second graders can't take care of themselves. 470 00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,133 How are they going to keep him safe? 471 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:32,426 He could have died, you know? 472 00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:33,803 I get it. I had a hard time giving the kids 473 00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:36,055 in the Goofball program responsibility over the plants. 474 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,473 But then none of them died. 475 00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:38,724 All of them died. 476 00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:39,725 You're always such a huge help. 477 00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,310 But before I started the Goofballs, 478 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:42,812 a wise woman told me that in order 479 00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:44,647 to be the best teacher I could be, 480 00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,357 I needed to open myself up to more 481 00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:48,276 than what I thought I owed these students. 482 00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:50,653 That'd be scary, 'cause they make mistakes, 483 00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:53,030 but watching them grow from those mistakes, 484 00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:56,784 it's worth it every time. 485 00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:59,328 Thank you for giving my own advice back to me. 486 00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:02,540 It's the best advice I've gotten. 487 00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:03,874 Come on. Don't you want to hold him? 488 00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:05,543 I like rocks! 489 00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:09,505 So, in order to keep this little secret, it is imperative 490 00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:13,634 that you direct all IT-related issues to my office. 491 00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:16,512 Don't just blindly submit them to the district, Janine. 492 00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,888 Why are you singling me out? 493 00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:19,598 'Cause you're a district rat. 494 00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,851 So, you have a, uh, software problem, 495 00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:23,227 submit a ticket to me. 496 00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:26,063 You have a network problem, submit a ticket to me. 497 00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,815 And if we run out of computer chips? 498 00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:30,359 Submit a ticket to me. 499 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,278 Sorry, um, is it hot in here? 500 00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,323 Gregory: Uh, that sounds good. Yeah, thanks. Melissa: Yeah, we got it. 501 00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:36,157 Jacob: What if a computer breaks 502 00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:37,366 and we need it fixed immediately? 503 00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:39,452 What's a good cell number to reach you at? 504 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,329 It's a good point. Um, I'm gonna give 505 00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:42,872 Ms. Coleman my personal number, 506 00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:46,500 and she can contact me directly in case of an emergency... 507 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:47,084 anytime. 508 00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:51,255 Fine. Whatever. 509 00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:52,506 Alright, give it up for O'Shon, 510 00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:54,383 and let's get on with the day. 511 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:57,345 [ Cheers and applause ] Oh, no. No. No, you don't have to clap for me. 512 00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:02,725 ♪ Kiss me, out of the bearded barley ♪ 513 00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:05,436 ♪ Nightly ♪ Why are you humming that song? 514 00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:07,938 'Cause I just rented "She's All That" from Blockbuster. 515 00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:11,692 [ Scoffs ] He ain't all that. 516 00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,569 And he's poor. 517 00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:20,785 [ Humming "Kiss Me" ] 518 00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:22,787 Oh. 519 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,457 I just like the song, okay? 520 00:19:26,457 --> 00:19:29,001 So, listen, kiddos, I know you're really upset about 521 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,544 the passing of Sweet Cheeks, 522 00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:33,923 but we got a new guinea pig from the store, 523 00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:36,926 and we're going to call it Sweet Cheeks 2. 524 00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:39,261 Then why does he look like Sweet Cheeks 1? 525 00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:40,888 Turns out he's a twin. 526 00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,515 Isn't that the same cage? 527 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,392 Yeah, I got it at a discount. 528 00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:46,060 You never heard of upcycling? 529 00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:47,478 How did he die, again? 530 00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:49,271 Can we all please just raise our hands? 531 00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:51,774 No more questions. Alright, look. 532 00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:55,277 All that matters is that we are going to promise to take care of 533 00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,947 and love our new guinea pig to the best of our ability, 534 00:19:57,947 --> 00:19:59,615 no matter what mistakes 535 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:01,700 are definitely going to be made along the way. 536 00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,202 Can we do that? Okay. 537 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,246 Ms. Schemmenti, I made this sign. 538 00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:09,208 They don't like when you do that. 539 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:12,461 Mm. Amici per la pelle. 540 00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:14,422 That's Italian for "friends for life." 541 00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:18,259 Can you say, "amici per la pelle"? 542 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:20,553 All: [ Together ] Amici per la pelle! 543 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:23,305 That's good. You don't have to do the hands, though. 544 00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:25,975 So the ol' guinea pig had a long-lost twin? 545 00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,601 I know the feeling. 546 00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:29,145 Yeah, well, um, 547 00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:31,897 honestly, it's the same guinea pig. 548 00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,607 Then what did I bury? 549 00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:35,067 [ Mop handle drops ] 550 00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:40,781 Hi! I am almost ready to go. 551 00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:42,783 What, did you get a fish? What happened to your rock? 552 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:46,203 They tore him apart. 553 00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:48,038 It's just carnage. 554 00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:51,125 Oh, no. Gregory, that's-- 555 00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:52,918 It's actually really pretty. [ Chuckles ] 556 00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:54,879 You know, I tried to protect him. Yeah. 557 00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:57,006 But they dropped him, and they didn't mean to. 558 00:20:57,006 --> 00:20:59,842 Yeah. But now, h-he's... 559 00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:01,302 He's sparkly! 560 00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:03,012 No? Okay. 561 00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:05,389 Well, look, maybe we can get you another one, like, 562 00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,224 from the side of a road or something? 563 00:21:07,224 --> 00:21:09,894 So it, too, can shatter? 564 00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:11,937 [ Shakily ] Like my fragile, little heart? 565 00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:13,230 [ Sniffles, sobs ] 566 00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:16,317 Oh! Oh, no. 567 00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:18,944 So, ramen tonight? 568 00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:20,362 [ Sobbing ] Yeah. 569 00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:21,530 Okay. 570 00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:28,454 -- Captions by VITAC--