♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy -- ♪
Hit that high note.
♪ ...dear Ryan ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ And how old ♪
♪ Are you, Ryan? ♪
Here she goes again.
♪ How o-o-o-old are you ♪
♪ Ryan? ♪
♪ How o-o-old ♪
♪ Are yo-o-o-o-u? ♪
I'm 6.
♪ May the good Lord ♪
♪ Bless yo-o-o-o-o-u ♪
[ Maker's "Hold'em" playing ]
♪♪
Okay, now, does anybody remember
what was in this container before?
-Oh, oh. -Erin, go for it.
Ice. Brr.
I will accept "Ice. Brr."
Now, there was an ice cube in this container before, right?
[ Australian accent ] Mum!
Micah, why are you yelling in my class?
Is your mum here right now?
[ Chuckles ] Mr. Eddie, you're silly.
No, I'm not.
[ Laughs ] Um, so there was an ice cube in here before,
but now, there's just water.
What do we think happened to that ice cube?
I love Bingo!
This isn't the first time Micah has disrupted my class.
From what I understand, he's obsessed with a TV show
about Australian dogs.
"Blue-ish" or something.
I don't know. It doesn't matter.
What matters is I've tried everything to keep him in line
and nothing works.
It's gotten to the point where even his classmates are annoyed.
Do you know how hard it is to annoy a first grader?
Bingo! Bingo!
Bingo, Bingo, Bingo!
Um, everybody, e-eyes up here.
Bingo, Bluey!
"Bluey."
The show is called "Bluey."
And then, Tariq said, "Let's get ready to rumbly!"
[ Chuckles ]
Because my tummy was rumbly.
It was funny. [ Chuckles ]
Oh, my God. Are those pork rinds?
W... [ Chuckles ] I know.
I've been talking about my ex too much.
[ Sighs ]
Jacob tells me I sound like a lesbian.
I'm working on it.
No. Not that.
I mean, yeah, you do, but this food.
You eat like you took a cooking class in prison.
You know, it's funny you say that,
because my play cousin Meechie just got out
and taught me this.
It's so delicious and cheap.
Oh, so it's about money?
'Cause I can stretch a budget like a big headed baby
stretches a...
It's not about money.
My mom never taught my sister or I how to cook.
So everybody just got a sister now?
Janine: Tariq used to do the cooking.
He used to say, "Call me Chef Tariq-riq,
'cause when you cook, it stink-stink."
You know no one's making you tell these stories, right?
I know. Okay, listen, I can teach you
how to make a cheap, non-embarrassing meal.
It might take you five days to finish it,
but it'll be delicious,
so it won't skeeve you till the third day.
Really? Yeah.
Oh, God.
I'm gonna regret this, but...
you just come to my place tonight.
What time? I mean, can I come?
I need you to help me with my wine pairings.
Zach -- he gets embarrassed when I ask the clerk for the,
"second least expensive bottle."
Well, I couldn't think of a reason
why you can't quick enough,
so yeah, I frickin' guess you can, buddy. Yay.
And we'll just get rid of that. Whoa.
Hey, man, can you, uh, pass me a sugar packet?
Talk to me, bro.
Try again. Copy that.
Uh, hey, Gregory.
Is there anything you want to get off your chest?
[ Sighs ] I have this kid -- Micah.
I can't stop him from disrupting my class.
It's like he can sense whenever I feel like
I'm getting a handle on something,
and he just swoops in like a cute little falcon
and rips me apart.
Foof.
I have been there.
All the students bringing the correct energy.
Insightful answers popping off left and right.
And then [imitates explosion] someone goes and kills the vibe.
Yeah, I hated all of those sentences,
but how do you handle it?
Well, like last week,
every time Aaliyah would give a correct answer,
she would say, "I'm on your ass, Mr. C."
You still letting them call you that?
Eh, it's out of love.
But when she said it,
the class would burst out in laughter.
It was an untenable situation.
So I sent her to the principal's office. To Ava?
Man: The magnitude seve--
Don't nobody care about that earthquake.
Turn it back, or there'll be another national emergency.
And that was helpful? Yeah.
Like, it made me feel like the mayor of White Guiltsylvania,
but, uh, it -- it did help.
Look, I can't have one student ruining the lesson for everyone.
If you've really tried everything else,
you know, give it a shot.
That's a good idea, actually.
Thank you?
Oh, you're welcome.
That is your coffee.
It was.
[ Doorbell rings ] Hey.
Oh, good. You brought the opps.
And hello to you, too, Melissa. [ Chuckles ]
-Oh, wow. -Wow.
Hey, I, uh -- I brought this.
I think it's called a "blend" 'cause they just mix
all the best wines together.
Is that -- Yes, my cousin Vinny, and you wouldn't know that
if you were minding your own business.
So now close your eyes and follow the sound of my voice.
This way.
You think this is a [bleep] joke?
Ma'am. Eyes.
Yeah, at school, I make sure I don't use salty language.
It's my house.
I don't give a [bleep]
Oh, it's a video. I thought it was a picture.
Oh, me, too. Ugh! [ Laughs ]
But that's okay, though. Just save it.
We can upload -- Oh, my God.
How come you got a shallot?
A what now? A shallot. I said get an onion.
Oh, Janine thought it was an onion
that was adorable and small like her,
and who am I to shatter that illusion.
[ Laughs ] Does it really matter?
Does it matter?
Janine, come on. Of course it matters.
Ooh! Now I get to patronize a local vendor.
BRB.
I love haggling with neighborhood merchants.
You should see their faces when I counter with a higher price.
You've heard of up-selling? Well, I'm an up-buyer.
If you get a white onion, I swear to God.
[ Door opens, closes ] Hmm.
So, do I have to be that specific about ingredients?
I mean, well, I wonder if I could switch it up.
I hear cooking's like jazz. [ Chuckles ]
No, Dizzy Gillespie. It's not like that.
You got to be specific.
My sister Kristin Marie used the wrong ingredient
making our nana's signature dish
and brought that dish to her wake.
I haven't spoken to her since.
Phew! Well, I may not know about cooking,
but I know a thing or two about sisters.
[ Chuckles ] [ Blender whirring ]
[ Whirring stops ] So does your sister --
[ Whirring resumes ]
That's really loud. [ Chuckles ]
[ Whirring stops ] Alright, you're not getting the hint.
Go ahead, finish.
Hint?
Anyway [sighs] my sister and I aren't that close either.
I mean, literally.
She moved to Colorado because she just couldn't take my mom.
I mean, we still talk.
Sorry.
Garlic, you know, makes you -- makes you cry.
Yeah, garlic doesn't do that. Do it like this.
I know that Melissa's quick to cut people off.
She even stopped talking to her hairdresser
because he called her Melinda once,
but, I mean, her own sister?
That's just heartbreaking.
[ Chuckles ] Hey, Melissa.
I was just thinking about last night,
when you said you don't talk to your sister.
Well, you can stop thinking about it.
I bet you miss her, though, right?
Yeah, of course I miss her, but she was wrong.
What am I gonna do? Apologize to myself?
Well, maybe -- maybe there was a reason
for the substitution, you know?
There's always two sides to every story.
And one of those is the right side, which is mine.
Well, do you think you would consider ever,
you know, mending fences with her?
Yeah. Sure, that'd be nice,
but Kristin Marie would have to come to me,
and she's never gonna do that,
so let's stop talking about it, okay?
Maybe Kristin Marie wouldn't, but Janine Marie would.
What are you up t-- Wait, your middle name is Marie?
No, it is not. My mom forgot to give me one.
I may or may not be hatching a little plan
to reunite Melissa and her sister.
I've hatched many a plan in my day,
and this one is gonna drive the coop crazy.
Okay, now, rain is an example of water in its liquid state.
[ Australian accent ] Bluey is from down under.
Micah, if you keep distracting your classmates,
you're gonna leave me with no other choice
but to send you to the principal's office.
Student: Oooh.
Now, we already know that ice is a solid, but water is a --
Have you ever been down under?
Micah...I didn't want to have to do this,
but you leave me with no choice.
Gather your things.
You're going to see Principal Coleman.
Students: Ooooooh!
Looking good. Great job, you guys.
Hey.
What's up?
I need to take this one to principal's office.
Can you watch my class for a second?
The principal's office?
Don't you think that's a little harsh for a kid that young?
I mean, I've never had to even take any of my kids to Ava.
Well, this is a unique situation.
How so?
Can you help me or not?
Well, I just think maybe there might be some other options.
You two in a fight?
Looks like y'all in a fight.
I'll be right over. Thank you.
Come on, Micah.
You can walk faster.
How have things been going since I sent Micah
to the principal's office?
Pretty well, I'd say.
[ Door opens ]
Here I am, returning Micah after a short,
yet respectable amount of time in my office.
So, Micah, do you have anything you want to say to the class?
[ Normal voice ] Not really. What do you want him to say?
I want him to apologize for disrupting the class
and tell us it'll never happen again.
Of course it's gonna happen again.
You want him to lie to your face?
No.
Don't forget your axolotl.
Hey, Micah, what does an axolotl do on vacation?
Relax-alotl.
I know that's right.
Hey -- Hey, why does he get a toy?
I wanna get sent to the principal's office, too.
Students: Me, too!
No. No. Okay. No.
We're not -- We're not do-- [ Students shouting ]
And then, he pulls out a lollipop that she gave him.
I don't want to interrupt, but your spaghetti's getting cold.
When I asked for the lollipop, he spit it out into my hand.
You know, you guys can eat and listen. I've seen you do it.
You know, I have seen students produce fluids
that made me briefly consider
that they might be an alien species.
The thing about spaghetti is you want to eat it hot.
Janine, stop interrupting.
You and Jacob did a good job yesterday.
In 30 seconds, everyone's gonna tell you so.
Just let the man finish his story.
Mm-hmm.
She said I did a good job.
The point is, Ava literally made me take candy from a baby,
and she didn't do anything to discipline Micah at all.
Oh, Ava doesn't discipline the kids.
So then why did you tell me to send them to her?
[ Muffled ] Remember when I said you shouldn't do that?
[ Coughs ] Look, sending a kid to Ava
just helps get them out of the room
so that you can regain control of the rest of the class.
But it doesn't fix the problem, and rewarding bad behavior
is the opposite of what a principal should do, right?
Oh, wait, repeat what you just said,
because for a second, it sounded like
you expect Ava to do her job.
What y'all doing in here?
Never mind. I don't care.
[ Door opens ]
[ Door closes ]
Say when.
Discipline is an incredibly important part
of a child's development.
When I was a kid, if I did anything childlike --
yell, run around, just generally have a zest for life --
I would be put on time out,
and I would have to reckon with the fact
that I had committed a failure of character.
And that is how I became the well-adjusted man
that stands before you today.
Barbara, when you talk to Ava, she listens.
Yes. And you're the only one in this whole school
that can get her to even remotely do her job.
You got that right.
You got this gift to just see through her bull--
Gregory, what do you want?
Ma'am, can you please get Ava to discipline the kids?
'Cause I'm here to teach, not punish.
I will talk with Ava,
because this color doesn't look good on you.
I thought I looked nice today.
[ Intercom beeps ] Ava: Mr. Eddie, please report to the principal's office.
Barbara: Alright. Turn around.
Come on.
Students, turn around.
Students: Ooooooh.
Alright, now, enough of that.
We do not kick somebody when they are down.
You wanted to see me? Why, yes, Mr. Eddie.
I did.
Though, ideally not under these circumstances.
Don't make that face.
I heard you're going around complaining about my principaling.
Now, I've made it a point not to "harass" you
these past few weeks and this is how you repay me?
Ava, you do these kids a disservice
by not being the strong authority figure that they need.
Kids are supposed to be scared to go to the principal's office.
You turned it into a Chuck E. Cheese.
[ Chuckles ] Don't say that.
I got beef with every Charles Entertainment Cheese
in the greater Philadelphia area.
Can I go?
Have you not embarrassed me enough?
Now, how do you think it feels for a six or seven year old
to make that walk of shame?
By the time they get to my office,
they got snot running down their face
and they're shaking like a Chihuahua, and what?
I'm supposed to punish them? And then what?
I gotta tune out some sobbing child
while I'm trying to watch "Below Deck"?
If you don't agree with my approach,
you need to get Micah under control on your own.
[ Intercom beeps ] I'm sending Mr. Eddie back to his class.
Let's all hope he's learned his lesson.
I got next game.
Shame.
This is a 2021, uh, white,
and this $10 dandy has hints of metal --
Oh, God, would you shut the hell up about the wine?
Mm-hmm. [ Doorbell rings ]
Janine, could you get that, please?
Mm-hmm. It's probably one of my neighbors
thinking you're an interracial couple
trying to gentrify the neighborhood.
Oh, Kristin Marie!
Do I know you, Bilbo Baggins?
Where's Melissa?
♪ Chase the blues away ♪
Let me catch you up.
I made the sacred Schemmenti gnocchi,
dropped it off at her school with a note
implying it's from Melissa, and now...
♪ Reunited and it feels so good ♪
Are you trying to [bleep] poison me?
Poison? You know I would never poison anybody.
If I'm taking someone out, I wanna watch 'em go.
The hell are you doing in my house, you pazzo lunatic?
You know exactly what I'm doing here.
You show up at my place of employ
trying to mock me via food.
What the hell are you talking about?
If Nana knew you'd made this,
she'd be turning over in her urn.
If Nana knew you made her gnocchi with red potatoes,
that urn would be a [bleep] sandstorm.
The store was out of russets.
Alright, enough of that! I don't like confrontation. I'm -- yeah.
Jacob, Jacob, Jacob, Jacob. You know what? I'm really glad I came by, actually,
because you're clearly -- you're losing your mind.
What, you're l-- you're letting cameras in your house.
Forgetting you dropped-off food.
You know, I thought about giving this crap to my dog,
but I love my dog, so...
I would say that comment was pretty hurtful.
I couldn't make food that disgusting if I tried.
That, too.
Yeah? If you didn't do it, then how else did this
gnocchi-shaped Play-Doh
end up in my classroom
with a note... Oh.
...that said, "For my sister"?
Huh.
Everybody out. Mm-hmm.
Get out.
Wow. Not even an apology
for trying to snuff out your own sister.
Real nice, Schemmenti.
Oops.
Hang on. Wait. Let me just --
Let me just say one thing to you before you go, okay?
Your roots are growing in.
That's enough.
Make your voice deeper.
Since Ava refuses to do another one
of the integral functions of her job,
I have to take on this additional duty.
I plan to exceed expectations.
Of which there are none.
'Cause this isn't my job.
That's enough.
Deeper.
[ Clears throat ] That is enough.
My work here is done.
Hm. Enough. Enough.
[ Clears throat ] Enough.
Just stopping by to see how things are going
since your conversation with Ava.
Terribly.
I can't think of any other way to get Micah to focus
other than to break out my dad voice.
Well, did your dad's dad voice work on you?
I'd say it did.
Working here at Abbott as a young Black man,
you are in a unique position.
Mm.
You are also at a crossroads.
Now, I am not saying that discipline
does not have its place,
but your students can either fear you
or they can respect you.
You can't have both.
It's possible I'd forgotten what all that discipline
made me feel like as a kid.
I'm starting to thinking that maybe I didn't grow into the man
I'm proud of because of it.
Maybe I did in spite of it.
Ooh, Melissa is mad.
I'm sure she's not that mad.
Yeah, she is. That's her angry walk.
Look at her, not bending her knees.
Are you so bad at reading body language
because yours are so small?
Hey, Melissa?
Hey. I'm -- I'm sorry.
I was just trying to fix your relationship with your sister,
not re-create an episode of "The Sopranos."
Is that offensive? I haven't seen it.
I don't know. No, I knew what I was risking
when I invited you over to the house.
I brought this on myself.
I don't want to undercut my apology
by over-explaining my behavior...
Sure you don't. What is it, Janine?
I have been missing my sister a lot lately,
and I can't imagine having her down the street
and not speaking to her over a potato substitution.
And I get that food's important to you.
It's not about the gnocchi, Janine.
There are members of my family
that still have a vendetta against her over that dish,
but Kristin Marie left my whole family high and dry
when my nana got sick.
She said, "Oh, I can't handle seeing her like this,"
and she just disappeared,
and I was left to take care of her by myself.
And then she brings a Tupperware
full of hot garbage to the funeral?
That was just the nail in the coffin.
Metaphorically. Nana was cremated.
I miss seeing her though.
It was nice to have fun with her like that again.
Really?
Yeah, ya know. Family. It's complicated.
[ Snickers ]
Yeah, that is for sure.
Yeah.
I wish my mom taught me how to cook.
Hey.
Why don't you and me make some time
to do another cooking lesson, alright?
So you don't hurt someone. [ Chuckles ]
Okay?
Oh, and no Jacob. He's not invited.
Oh, I-I'm not invited?
Now, our ice cube melted and then turned into water,
but we left that water in the sun, and then it evaporated.
Now, does anyone know --
[ Vocalizing "Bluey" theme song ]
[ Gasps ] Bluey!
Huh? What?
What was that, Bluey?
Uh-huh. Yeah.
[ Chuckles ]
Bluey, you so crazy.
Oh, Bluey is so funny.
But she said that she knows what state
the evaporated water is in.
Does anyone else?
Okay, Micah, come on up.
Now you know he don't know.
Okay, now, is the water a solid, a liquid, or a gas?
Enh! Wrong.
Not quite, buddy.
But that's okay.
Thank you for trying.
Now, does anybody else want to give it a go?
Mr. Eddie, you didn't send anyone to my office today.
Oh, I feel like I got the situation under control.
Well, you know you don't need a misbehaving student
to stop by my office.
You could always just come say hi.
And I'd have to be high to do that. Oop.
Come on. Unh-unh.
I don't like this little duo at all.
Oh, Ava,
I forgot to drop off that discipline report to you.
You are no longer speaking to work Ava.
You can drop it off at her desk or speak to her tomorrow.
How dare you. Oop.
[ Sighs ]
[ Cellphone rings ]
[ Cellphone clicks ] What up, Pops?
Yeah, of -- of course. Of course.
I'm sorry, Lt. Colonel Father Sir.
Mm. So, this one was where Kristin Marie
and I went to Disney World, and if you look real close,
you can see there's a bump on my forehead
where she slammed the door in my face.
Oh, this one -- this is a sad day.
So this was when Kristin Marie had to say goodbye to her cat.
She had the name changed legally to Melissa
right before she put it down.
So... [ Grunts ]
Whoop!
This one's very special.
This is me on Kristin Marie's wedding day.
Oh, see, look -- look at this.
Look how nice we used to get along.
Excuse me.
[ Sniffles ]
-- Captions by VITAC --