1
00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:03,337
Has anyone seen the other half
of my tuna melt?

2
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:04,421
I was gonna eat it
for dinner.

3
00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:05,547
It's not in the fridge?
No. It was,

4
00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:07,466
but now it's filled
with these eye masks?

5
00:00:07,466 --> 00:00:09,635
Don't touch those. They're
for my next shipment
for my customers.

6
00:00:09,635 --> 00:00:12,387
Those bad boys stay cool
for 11 hours on the face.

7
00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:14,348
And that's the
Ava "Cold-man" guarantee.

8
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,099
Well,
where's my sandwich?

9
00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:18,227
Over on the window sill with
the milk and the mayonnaise.

10
00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:20,187
Janine: Oh.

11
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,064
How long has it been
sitting in the sun?

12
00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:23,774
I don't know.
I'm not a weatherman.

13
00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:26,401
Janine, I've told you
my Zimbabwe tapeworm story

14
00:00:26,401 --> 00:00:28,320
enough times for you to know
not to eat that, right?

15
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,322
Jacob, you can just say
"tapeworm story."

16
00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:31,615
We know where you were.

17
00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:34,201
Well, good, 'cause
it's relevant to the story.

18
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:36,370
[ Door opens ]
Hey, Ava!

19
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,330
Thanks for using
all the printer paper

20
00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:40,249
to make your dumb fliers.
Ava: Don't thank me.

21
00:00:40,249 --> 00:00:42,000
Thank the trees that
laid down their lives.

22
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,752
They're the heroes.

23
00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:48,131
Ava Cold-man's Pop Out Pop-Up:
The Mask Stays On?

24
00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:50,801
The hell even is this?
A-Another pyramid scheme?

25
00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:53,011
It's only a scheme if you're
at the bottom of the pyramid,

26
00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:55,597
and obviously...
I'm a top.

27
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:58,100
They're for my launch party.
The future is eye masks.

28
00:00:58,100 --> 00:01:00,060
The future is gonna be
unemployment

29
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,937
if you don't quit
scamming the school.

30
00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:03,814
I mean, at least
replace the paper.

31
00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:05,941
I had to print a test
for my kids for tomorrow.

32
00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:08,318
All y'all do is complain.
Damn!

33
00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:11,280
"Ava hogging the refrigerator.
Ava used all the printer paper.

34
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,156
Ava forgot to sign
our paychecks last week."

35
00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:14,825
You forgot to sign
our paychecks?!

36
00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:17,327
Yes! Why do I have to
say things twice?

37
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,871
Look, you teachers only have
one class to worry about.

38
00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:22,416
I have a whole school.
Do you ever hear me complain?

39
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,626
Literally all the time.
And I deserve to.

40
00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:26,545
My job is really hard.

41
00:01:26,545 --> 00:01:27,796
I don't see any of y'all
trying to be principal!

42
00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:31,008
You know what?

43
00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:34,219
This is actually
pretty good.

44
00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:37,472
The sun heated it up for me.
Nature's microwave.

45
00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:39,558
[ Maker's "Hold'em" playing ]

46
00:01:39,558 --> 00:01:44,563
♪♪

47
00:01:44,563 --> 00:01:49,651
♪♪

48
00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:54,448
"Eye mask smelled like old
fridge and stale condiments,

49
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:55,699
but I'll still buy again."

50
00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:56,950
Okay. I'll take that.

51
00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,830
[ Cellphone rings ]
Ugh.

52
00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:03,290
"Reduced puffiness."

53
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:05,417
I'm about to retire
from this bitch.

54
00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:07,377
[ Cellphone rings ]
Ugh!

55
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:08,962
"Gave me freezer burn."

56
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,672
Must be user error.

57
00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:13,425
[ Cellphone rings ]
[ Groans ]

58
00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:15,510
What do you want?
I'm not doing jury duty.

59
00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:18,138
Ava, it's Janine. Do you not
have my number saved?

60
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,765
Of course not.
What if I meet a better Janine?

61
00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:22,059
Okay, look, I might be
a little bit late.

62
00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:25,520
That tuna melt you left out,
it's, um, not sitting well.

63
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,022
Get to the point, Janine.
Wrap it up!

64
00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:29,983
Oh, God. Please don't do that
with your phone.

65
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:32,819
Ohh. [ Vomits ]

66
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,529
Well, sounds like
you got it all out.

67
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:36,907
I'll see you in an hour.
Oh, no. Wait.

68
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:40,285
I think, um --
I think I might, uh --

69
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,662
I don't think I'm gonna
be able to come in today.

70
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,955
So dramatic.
Next time, start with that.

71
00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:46,541
Look, I have a binder
I keep for subs. It has ev--

72
00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:49,252
Venus, call in a sub
for Ms. Teagues' class.

73
00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:51,922
Preferably male.
6'2", 6'3" in boots.

74
00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:54,341
A Gregory Eddie type.
Headshots if you got 'em.

75
00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,551
Ava, there's a county-wide
sub shortage.

76
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,303
It was in the memo
the district sent last week.

77
00:02:58,303 --> 00:03:00,138
What?
I have no record of that.

78
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:05,018
It says, "Attention
Principal Coleman.

79
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,229
Urgent. Must Read."
They all say that.

80
00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:10,315
This one says you should have
a backup plan!

81
00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:12,067
Well, I hope you have a backup
plan talking to me like that,

82
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:14,444
'cause you're fired.

83
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,113
She fires me once a week.

84
00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:17,614
[ Faint buzzing ]

85
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:20,826
It's so quiet, you can hear
the fluorescent lights.

86
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:23,453
It is such
a magical morning.

87
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,539
You could hear a wig drop.
Hm.

88
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,374
[ Door opens ]
Janine has food poisoning!

89
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,000
Ah. And there it is.
That's it.

90
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,961
That's why it's so quiet
in here.
Uh-huh.

91
00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:32,754
I mean, that's so sad
about Janine.

92
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,005
I know.

93
00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:36,174
[ Tasha sighs ]
Oh, hey, Tasha.

94
00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:39,594
Hey. Just wanna sit here
and decompress, you know?

95
00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,847
Rough ride in?
No.

96
00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:43,849
I just -- you know,
I used to love sitting here

97
00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:46,768
until a certain Cathy got a
little too chatty for my tastes.

98
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:50,230
Well.
[ Chuckles ] Well, "Cathy" is
a hilarious comic strip,

99
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,482
and Janine is
a hilarious coworker.

100
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:54,443
I think the word "hilarious"
is doing a lot of work

101
00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:55,485
in that sentence.

102
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:57,612
[ Laughter ]
Okay, guys, guys.

103
00:03:57,612 --> 00:04:00,615
Janine puts gas in
the conversation tank, okay?

104
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:02,909
She -- She starts
the dialogue engine.

105
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,537
Well, I like to live my life
by the acronym WAIT --

106
00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:07,497
Why Am I Talking?

107
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,082
-[ Laughs ]
-Yes.

108
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,667
Melissa: Yeah!

109
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:13,211
See, I wish my boyfriend
lived by that during the game.

110
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:14,546
I'd quit chucking the remote
at his head.

111
00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:15,464
[ Laughs ]

112
00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:17,549
What?

113
00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:19,759
Hey, girl. I know the last time
you subbed at Abbott

114
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,428
somebody stole your Invisalign,
but we are desperate.

115
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,888
Can you come in?

116
00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:24,723
I'm already here.

117
00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:25,891
For Mr. Morton.

118
00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:27,434
Then why am I using
my minutes on you?!

119
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,102
Get off the phone!
Teach your class!

120
00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:35,317
Morning.
Take your jackets off.

121
00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,194
I need to borrow Ashley
to sub for the day.

122
00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:39,112
Oh, she's already covering
for Ms. McGuinness.

123
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,114
But I don't think Ashley knows
what geometry is.

124
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,325
I saw her in the hallway
with a bunch of rocks.

125
00:04:43,325 --> 00:04:44,743
Agh!

126
00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:47,287
[ Indistinct conversations ]

127
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,791
Hey,
I don't know your name,

128
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,292
but it looks like you don't
have a class right now,

129
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,044
so I'm gonna need you
to cover for Ms. Teagues.

130
00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:55,545
Ava, that's my student.

131
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:57,088
I don't know what AAU coach
lied to you,

132
00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:59,090
but this is a grown-ass --
Damn it!

133
00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:00,759
[ School bell rings ]

134
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:04,179
Mr. Johnson,
we need you to sub again.

135
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:06,223
And this time, don't tell them
that there's a colony of

136
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:08,183
lizard people living
underneath the Denver Airport.

137
00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:10,393
I thought we were here
to educate.

138
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:14,147
But I can't sub.
Janitorial emergency.

139
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,565
Mr. Johnson:
The emergency is...

140
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,984
I don't feel like it right now.

141
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,362
I feel a lot better, actually.

142
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:22,572
Yeah, I've calmed down
the tuna sweats,

143
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:26,243
and I managed to get
my work clothes on.

144
00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:28,787
Most of them.
[ Exhales heavily ]

145
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:30,664
I have never missed
a day of work.

146
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,791
Even when Tariq gave me
a migraine from playing

147
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:36,002
"Call of Duty" for 48 hours
straight, I still went in.

148
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:39,005
He said that
if the good guys do nothing,

149
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,799
then the terrorists win.

150
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,511
My kids have
a spelling test today.

151
00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:46,137
[ Stomach gurgles ]

152
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:52,018
It's gonna take a lot more than
a bacteria sandwich to stop me.

153
00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:54,855
[ Stomach gurgles ]

154
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:57,107
Okay. Stomach's just
a little bit rumbly still.

155
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:04,656
No. No, no, no,
no, no, no, no. Mnh.

156
00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:06,700
Could you just turn the cameras
off for a little bit, please?

157
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,368
Thank you!

158
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,954
Okay. Red and yellow
make what color, class?

159
00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:12,163
Hi, Trinity!

160
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:15,959
What are you doing
out of class?

161
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:18,044
We have recess now.
Can Jason come play?

162
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,172
It's 8:30. Who said
you could have recess?

163
00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:28,013
[ Students giggling ]

164
00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:30,682
[ Rhythmic knocking ]

165
00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:32,100
[ Door opens ]

166
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,894
Janine,
your kids are --

167
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,772
My eyes are up here,
Mr. Eddie.

168
00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:39,524
I was expecting, uh...

169
00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:42,193
I've played out this very
scenario in my head many times.

170
00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:48,325
Okay, y'all. I get it.
Ms. Teagues is gone today,

171
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:49,200
and we are all
very excited about that,

172
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,369
but you have got
to stay in this room.

173
00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:53,079
Other than that,
do whatever you do.

174
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:55,123
You don't bother me,
and I won't bother you.

175
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:56,499
Filling in for Ms. Teagues?

176
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:58,960
It's no Christopher Wallace.
No Biggie.

177
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,462
Can we have
some stickers?

178
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:02,422
What do I care?
Go nuts.

179
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,090
Need anything else,
ask each other.

180
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,175
It takes a village
and whatnot.

181
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:06,801
Yes!

182
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,178
Why y'all
following me?

183
00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:09,971
That's the story time chair.

184
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:12,807
Well, now it's the chair
I'm using to hack into
Chet Hanks' Instagram.

185
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,601
You know he don't have
two-step verification.

186
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:15,769
What about
this book?

187
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,604
No! This one!

188
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:20,857
How about y'all read
whatever you want, alone?

189
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,942
[ Cellphone rings, warbles ]

190
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,444
Who is it?

191
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,779
Just create my contact.

192
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,364
Ugh.
What do you want?

193
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:30,075
Look, Gregory texted that
you were covering for me,

194
00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:31,660
but I'm pretty sure
the medicine is just making me

195
00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:33,078
hallucinate that, right?

196
00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:35,163
No, Janine, once again
I am your savior.

197
00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:36,456
Your kids are acting
really weird, by the way.

198
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,375
They've been hanging
around you too much.

199
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:40,919
Listen to me
very carefully.

200
00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,587
In the bottom drawer
of my desk

201
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:45,715
is a binder I made
in case I need a sub.

202
00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:48,593
It has everything you need
to get through the day.

203
00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:50,929
Just follow
the binder, Ava.
Uh-huh.

204
00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:53,640
And it's Friday, so you've gotta
give them their spelling test.

205
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,767
Promise me you will
give them that test, Ava.

206
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:57,644
Okay. I get it.
If it happens, it happens.

207
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,521
And if it doesn't, you'll
just do it when you get back.

208
00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,398
No, no, no, no.
They're expecting it today.

209
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:04,025
They studied for it.
It's all printed out.

210
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,902
All you have to do
is help them through it.

211
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:08,363
Just remember, everything
you need is in the binder,

212
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:10,657
and you can just call me
if you need anything.

213
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,200
I don't have your number.

214
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,618
Ava --
[ Cellphone warbles ]

215
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:14,744
[ Chuckles ]

216
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,413
So, I just gave up
on finding it.

217
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:19,374
It's not my problem.
Amen to that.

218
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,835
Even the good Lord rested
on the seventh day.

219
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,337
And you know what?
Giving up is underrated.

220
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,257
Tanking is how the Sixers
got Joel Embiid.

221
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,301
Ow!
[ Inhales sharply ]

222
00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:32,846
[ Groans ] Of course
our coffee maker leaks.

223
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,264
You know,
if Janine was here,

224
00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:36,433
she would not only fix
that coffee maker,

225
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:38,059
she'd give you aloe
for the burn.

226
00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:40,770
Yeah, and then we'd
have to have 17 meetings

227
00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:43,064
so we could discuss how
getting burnt made us feel.

228
00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:44,524
Hm!

229
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:47,235
And then, before
she'd fix the problem,

230
00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:50,238
she would find five more...
and make it worse.

231
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:51,489
Melissa: Yes.

232
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,199
Wow, excuse her
for reaching for solutions.

233
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,160
Ah.
Here's my solution --

234
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,911
Sounds like
a Mr. Johnson problem.

235
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:58,830
This girl gets it.

236
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:02,500
Tasha, we were thinking about
going out for lunch today.

237
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,710
Would you like
to join us?

238
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,045
Uh, okay.

239
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,047
Alright, then.

240
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,548
Jacob: I don't like it.

241
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,509
She comes in here.
She sits in Janine's spot.

242
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:13,720
I mean, that's just, like,
spitting in the face

243
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:14,929
of teacher code.

244
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:16,306
Oh, and then, all of a sudden,

245
00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:17,766
they have room for a third
at lunch?

246
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:19,142
Do you know how many times
they've told Janine

247
00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:21,394
that their restaurant
refuses to seat tables of three?

248
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,939
[ Toilet flushes ]
[ Sighs ]

249
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:30,278
[ Stomach gurgling ]

250
00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:36,409
[ Ava sighs ]

251
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,786
"First of all, good morning."

252
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:40,038
Ugh. Shut up, Janine.

253
00:09:40,038 --> 00:09:42,916
"Step one, write the date
on the board."

254
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,959
And get my hands all chalky? No.

255
00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:46,920
"Step two, turn on the lights."

256
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,422
Now, what kind of idiot wouldn't
immediately turn on the...

257
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:52,926
[ Chuckles ] Oh, yeah.
I was just about to do that.

258
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,302
[ Light switch clicks ]

259
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:56,096
Now, I was the last one in here,
so that was on y'all.

260
00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:00,767
Okay. "Step three.

261
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:03,103
Play this DVD"?

262
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,896
Where the hell
she get this from? Blockbuster?

263
00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,314
[ Giggles ]

264
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:08,358
[ Disc drive clacks ]

265
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:11,361
Hi, students.
It's me, Ms. Teagues.

266
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:14,155
And if you're watching this,
it means it's too late for me.

267
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:15,323
[ Students gasp ]

268
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:17,158
To come in today.

269
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:19,202
Nobody wants to see
some creepy ghost Janine

270
00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:20,745
crawl through that screen.

271
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,372
Good Lord, Janine.

272
00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:24,666
No wonder you ain't got
no friends. [ Chuckles ]

273
00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:26,209
Boring.

274
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,752
Not gonna do that.
That's dumb.

275
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:28,628
Oh! Here we go.

276
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:29,963
"Step eight,

277
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,590
play my creativity mix
while they draw."

278
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,717
Now, music I can get with.
But not these Kidz Bop beats.

279
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:36,511
[ Keyboard clacks ]

280
00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:38,138
♪ You said that I've been
actin' different, yeah ♪

281
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,681
♪ Funny how I finally
flipped the script on ya ♪

282
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:41,391
Alright, kids, time to take
your spelling test.

283
00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:43,393
We didn't finish
story time!

284
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:45,186
You didn't even write the date
on the board!

285
00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:46,396
Why do you need
to know the date?

286
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:48,898
You got a meeting later?
Use your imagination.

287
00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:50,275
Just take the test.

288
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:52,694
I am never having kids.

289
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:56,114
[ Music playing loudly ]

290
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:57,949
♪♪

291
00:10:57,949 --> 00:11:00,535
Uh, a-alright, now, um,

292
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:02,453
everybody turn to the other side
of your math sheets.

293
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:05,498
Mr. Eddie! I can't even
hear myself think!

294
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:06,875
Yeah.

295
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,418
♪ Don't leave no pieces ♪

296
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:11,337
Damn. More frostbite face?
That's not good.

297
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,256
Ava, can you turn
the music down?

298
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,049
Wait. It's the hook.
♪ Yeah ♪

299
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:17,260
♪ While I'm up cleaning ♪

300
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:21,139
♪ Boy, please, ooh,
I don't need you ♪

301
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:22,640
[ Music shuts off ]

302
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,392
Now run along.
My kids are taking a test.

303
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:25,977
Oh, so you're actually
doing the lesson plan?

304
00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:28,104
Of course I am. And I'm
making it look effortless.

305
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:32,108
Why'd you draw
the Babadook?
That's my mom!

306
00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:34,277
You weren't supposed to
draw at all. Why didn't
you take the test?

307
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:37,113
You played music.
Music means we get to draw.

308
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:40,200
Ms. Teagues says
music enhances crea-divity.

309
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:43,536
Looks effortless.

310
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:44,746
Who's watching your kids,
Mr. Eddie?

311
00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:48,666
When is Ms. Teagues
coming back?

312
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,710
Yeah, I miss
Ms. Teagues.

313
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,545
Well, Ms. Teagues thought
a soggy tuna melt

314
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,797
was more important than you,
so you got an upgrade.

315
00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:57,133
You're not good
at this.

316
00:11:57,133 --> 00:12:00,053
You know what?
I don't need this.

317
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,096
Insidious, you got Ms. Teagues'
phone number?

318
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,850
[ Cellphone buzzing ]

319
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:10,480
I took some medicine.

320
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,648
[ Cellphone buzzing ]

321
00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,733
Imodium...

322
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,360
melatonin...

323
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,070
Pepto...

324
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:19,072
Bismol...

325
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:21,866
and something Erika brought back
from Mexico.

326
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,743
[ Cellphone buzzing ]

327
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,578
And I'm feeling better already.

328
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:28,289
[ Chuckles ]

329
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:31,751
I'm pretty sure "Space Jam" was
based on a true story, though,

330
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,503
and they just don't
want you to know.

331
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:35,546
[ Chuckles ]

332
00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:36,881
Mmm!

333
00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:45,139
I said it's non-refundable!

334
00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:46,933
You need to get your ears
and eyes checked.

335
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,685
Uh, Ava,
what are you doing?

336
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:50,478
Damage control.
My eye masks are giving people

337
00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:52,313
freezer burn,
and they're leaving bad reviews.

338
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:53,856
And you're just ditching
Janine's class?

339
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,316
I'm not ditching.
I'm pivoting.

340
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:56,693
Besides, those kids
are unhinged.

341
00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,903
I'm done with teaching.
Time to throw in the towel.

342
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:00,571
And I'm the towel.

343
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,490
I'm your sub, Mr. Johnson.

344
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,951
Have any of you ever flown
into Denver Airport?

345
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,578
Or have a fondness for lizards
the size of humans?

346
00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:08,288
Anybody?

347
00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:12,959
S-So you're just quitting?
Mr. Johnson: Go on, now.

348
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,252
Quitting?
This class isn't my problem.

349
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:15,628
Did you at least get them
to retake their tests?

350
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,630
Who cares? They can take it
on Monday. It's just one day.

351
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,966
Ava, that's what I thought
when I was a sub,

352
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:22,677
that just one day
wouldn't matter, but it does.

353
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:26,347
Janine works really hard to
prepare them for these tests.

354
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:28,349
And it's important that the kids
see their progress, okay?

355
00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:30,727
They're second graders.
Every day matters in school.

356
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,020
If not, they'll just
fall behind.

357
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:33,604
Well, falling behind
is great.

358
00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,231
You get to walk
at your own pace

359
00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:36,858
and talk
and nobody's shushing you.

360
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,609
Did you at least do everything
in the binder?

361
00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:40,153
Damn. You know about her
little nerd binder, too?

362
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:44,115
Parts of it.
Some of it was dumb.

363
00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:45,616
Like putting the date
on the board.

364
00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:47,285
You didn't put the date
on the board?

365
00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:49,328
It's the start of their routine.
No wonder they're unmoored.

366
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:50,788
Stop using fake words.

367
00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:53,916
Ava, the date is how
they start every day.

368
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,710
It's important.
It's a process.

369
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,253
There's a reason
why we build a routine.

370
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:59,464
Each step builds
upon the last.

371
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,799
Like a Beyoncé playlist.
Sure.

372
00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:03,801
You wouldn't put "Love on Top"
in front of "Church Girl."

373
00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:06,429
Look, we work really hard
to build a curriculum,

374
00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:08,139
and I know it's boring,
but tomorrow you can get

375
00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:11,267
right back to making TikToks or
whatever else it is that you do.

376
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:13,061
But today
we need your help.

377
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:15,438
They just need you
for a few more hours...

378
00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:17,356
and for you to follow everything
that's in that binder.

379
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:23,613
I hear what you're saying.
I just have one question.

380
00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:24,781
Mm-hmm.

381
00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,949
Does school end
at 2:30 or 3:00?

382
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:32,205
Let's be safe
and say 3:00.

383
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,664
Where are you going?
Uh-huh.

384
00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:35,291
Mm-hmm.

385
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:37,668
Why build an airport
25 miles from the city

386
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,504
if you aren't trying
to hide anything?

387
00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:41,881
Alright, Man in Black,
I'm tappin' back in.

388
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,425
Now go home and tell your
parents what I taught you, kids.

389
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:45,843
It starts with you.

390
00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:50,014
[ Chuckles ] Okay, class.
Let's do this.

391
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:52,517
"Step one, date on board."

392
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:55,144
Why can't you just look at your
phones like normal people?

393
00:14:58,523 --> 00:14:59,941
Alright.
[ Chuckles ]

394
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,613
Alright.

395
00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:08,199
Come on. What are y'all doing?
Get over here. It's story time.

396
00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:10,201
[ Students chattering ]

397
00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:16,541
Amelia Bedelia?
Who wants to read about

398
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,668
an annoying woman that can't
follow simple instructions?

399
00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:20,753
I'm not Ms. Teagues. If you
have something mean to say,

400
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,547
just say it.

401
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:24,674
What about Eloise?

402
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:26,884
That little girl
at the New York Plaza?

403
00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:29,178
She's alright, but I got
some real Plaza stories for you.

404
00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:31,514
You ever heard of
Ghostface Killah?

405
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:33,975
So, it's me and Redman.
It's nineteen ninety--

406
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:40,314
You know what? Let's save that
for another time.

407
00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:41,649
Who's ready for story time?!

408
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:44,694
Come on, y'all.
This ain't some white concert.

409
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:45,611
Make some noise!

410
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:46,737
Students: Yay!

411
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:48,281
Yes!

412
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:51,492
Alright, then.
Let's get into it.

413
00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:54,996
Okay. Maybe the binder
isn't so dumb.

414
00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:57,915
I really wanted to hear
the Ghostface story.

415
00:15:57,915 --> 00:16:00,668
Barbara:
Ooh, look at us,

416
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:03,754
sneaking out in between periods
to get coffee.

417
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:05,798
-Tasha, you're on lookout.
-Yeah.

418
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,341
Ants!
Oh!

419
00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:09,385
Oh, and their tiny little
caffeinated bodies

420
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,888
are headed straight
for the refrigerator.

421
00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:13,973
We can't lose the fridge, Barb!
We can't lose the fridge!

422
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,975
Wow. Yeah.
This is a bummer.

423
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,435
Uh, but I don't know.

424
00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:20,104
Nothing we can do
about it, right?

425
00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:21,772
Well, I'm out.

426
00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:22,648
Melissa:
Wh-- [ Scoffs ]

427
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:23,774
[ Door opens ]

428
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:27,862
It's okay.
You can say it.
[ Door closes ]

429
00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,947
You wish Janine was here.

430
00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:31,407
To do something about it.

431
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:38,164
[ Car alarm beeping ]

432
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:40,416
[ Janine groaning ]

433
00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:43,085
"I absolutely love the Plaza."

434
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:45,004
Whew. That little girl's wild.

435
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,256
You got a dog and a turtle?
That's crazy.

436
00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:50,051
Alright. Who's ready
for that spelling test?

437
00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:51,552
I know that little nerd is.

438
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,224
Oh, dang.

439
00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:58,434
I forgot they had your little
demon markings on them.

440
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:01,187
I'm gonna have to print
some new ones.

441
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,189
Spell in your heads.
I'll be right back.

442
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:07,610
Gregory: ...the colors
of the rainbow in order.

443
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,445
Hold on.

444
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:13,074
Well, that didn't last long.
Shut up.

445
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:14,909
I need you to watch my class
for five minutes.

446
00:17:14,909 --> 00:17:16,786
Five minutes
or five "Ava" minutes?

447
00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:17,995
Stop flirting with me.

448
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,125
[ Telephone ringing,
indistinct conversations ]

449
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,463
[ Copier beeping ]

450
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:28,756
Out of paper?

451
00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:32,843
Come on!
Who used all the paper?!

452
00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:41,519
Y'all gettin' this?
Most selfless person alive here.

453
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,067
[ Copier beeps, whirs ]

454
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:53,948
[ Chuckles ]

455
00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:55,324
[ Copier whirring ]

456
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,668
Ms. Cold-man? Is this you?

457
00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:08,462
Unless you got $14.95 and
you want the luxury of a spa

458
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:11,507
in the comfort of your home,
flip that over.

459
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:14,176
Okay, so it looks like you guys
are supposed to spell out

460
00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:16,637
what's in these pictures,
so...go ahead.

461
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:21,434
Ms. Principal? I don't know
what this is a picture of.

462
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,810
That's a bee.

463
00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:24,645
Like...the letter?

464
00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:26,647
No. Like a bee.
Bzz-bzz.

465
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:28,608
Can't spell a word
with just one letter.

466
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:31,027
What about "A"?
What about it?

467
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,574
Let's sound it out.

468
00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:40,661
What other letters
can go after beeee?

469
00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:44,123
Oh! "B."

470
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,420
Happy Monday, everyone!

471
00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,589
Oh. Hey.
How you feeling?

472
00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:55,718
Oh. I am good now,
but Friday was gross.

473
00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:58,220
Mm. Well, here.
It's got electrolytes in it.

474
00:18:58,220 --> 00:18:59,722
It's good to stay hydrated
while you're recovering.

475
00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:00,931
Oh.

476
00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:03,184
I'm glad you're okay.
Thanks.

477
00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:05,603
Whew!
It is good to be back.

478
00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:07,396
Yeah, it's good
to have you back, kid.

479
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,190
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.

480
00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:11,233
And we missed you.

481
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:15,154
And your...
infectious energy.

482
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:18,574
Wow. Getting food poisoning
was totally worth it.

483
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:21,535
I think I'll start ordering
my chicken medium rare.

484
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,996
[ Gasps ]
Oh, my goodness, Tasha!

485
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,707
I have not seen you
in so long!

486
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:27,917
Can I join you?

487
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,210
I'm all done.

488
00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:31,712
Okay.
I'll see you again soon.

489
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:33,130
[ Breathes deeply ]

490
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,508
Nothing good can last.

491
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:38,344
Guys, how long has
the coffee maker been broken?

492
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:39,303
-Oh.
-Oh.

493
00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:40,096
I mean,
I'm gone for one day,

494
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:41,222
and this happens.

495
00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:42,890
Don't worry.
I will fix it.

496
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,725
Mm-hmm.

497
00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:46,519
Oh, what happened
to all the eye masks?

498
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,187
Eye-mask game
took a turn.

499
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,564
If anybody asks, I have
never heard of Ava Cold-man

500
00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:52,233
or any burns
that her eye masks

501
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,568
may or may not have
allegedly caused.

502
00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:57,029
Well, thank you
for covering for me, Ava.

503
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,531
Did everything go okay?

504
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,616
Oh, yeah.
It was easy as hell.

505
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:02,159
I don't know why y'all teachers
whine so much.

506
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:09,750
Taking these to storage, Ava.
We're swimming in printer paper.

507
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,293
Did you order those for us?

508
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:12,545
Don't look at me
like that.

509
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,422
We were short,
so I got some more.

510
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,799
Acting like I'm not the most
responsible one in here.

511
00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:19,009
Oh, and the city called.
They're gonna turn off the power

512
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:20,928
in the gym so they can fix
the fire alarm.

513
00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:23,055
It was in a memo.
That's short for "memorization."

514
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,974
So you guys
should remember that.

515
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:26,308
Hm.

516
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:28,102
Hm. No.

517
00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:29,812
Just helping out a little.

518
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:32,064
Don't read too much into it.
It was mostly for me.

519
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,859
Just making sure I am never
put in that position again.

520
00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:37,236
Substitute teaching.
Yet another doomsday scenario

521
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,071
Young Ava is prepped for!

522
00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:43,200
[ Whirring ]

523
00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:49,582
What do you need?

524
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:52,042
We need to talk about
one of your products.

525
00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:56,714
Ugh! Uh...

526
00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:59,425
W-W-What product
are you referring to?

527
00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:01,010
Ava!

528
00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:04,096
Can you at least just reimburse
me for my topical gel?

529
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,848
I think you'll find that
the corporation responsible

530
00:21:05,848 --> 00:21:07,850
for your...
unfortunate situation

531
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:10,102
has since been dissolved.

532
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,520
You're lucky I don't report
your little thievery.

533
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:12,897
Now get out!

534
00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:23,657
-- Captions by VITAC --