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# Now, this is a story of long, long ago... #
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SINGING
Hello... SHE SCREAMS
Jo!
JO!
Please welcome your host, Caroline Flack.
She was an exceptionally good live presenter, and when she got big,
she got very big, very quickly.
The Strictly Come Dancing champions 2014...
Caroline and... CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Caroline Flack has been charged with assault.
The 40-year-old has pleaded not guilty to charges
of assaulting her boyfriend, Lewis Burton.
Clear the stairs, come on!
Clear the stairs! Get back!
CRYING: It was a fight.
The only person I ever hurt was myself...
She was my little girl.
It doesn't actually seem real.
It doesn't.
I...
I just wish I'd have seen her. I-I just wish I could've spoke
and told her not to do it.
That's all I wanted to say.
And, I...I never got an opportunity to do that.
There were contradictions in her personality where she seemed
supremely confident on one level, but then massively vulnerable
and lacking confidence on another.
It's hard to imagine a closer bond than twins.
It's a different world now, and it's trying to come to terms
with what happened and...
..could it have happened any differently
if we'd done things differently?
So, that's the hardest bit.
Yeah? How do you invite a snail to a party?
I dunno.
Do you want to come to a party? LAUGHTER
If she walked into a room,
it was like a light going on,
which is a gift.
CHEERS Yeah!
This is fun even when my eyes are open! Woo!
I just remember her as being the funniest,
most stupid ball of energy.
# We are family
# I got all my sisters and me... # Everyone's looking at us!
Everyone fancied her.
You wanted to hang out with her, you wanted to spend time with her
because you just, you thrived on it.
It was lovely.
Oh, Pinks!
LAUGHTER
I always used to tell her she sounded like Peppa Pig.
She sounds like Caroline.
She thought that was hilarious.
Sorry! LAUGHTER
I remember meeting her a couple of years ago,
and I couldn't believe how recognised she was.
I mean, it would be like every other person.
You'd hear, "It's Caroline Flack, Caroline..."
I was like, "Wow, Flacky, you are..."
Here she is!
Have a seat!
I will always remember at a red carpet event, she'd be so nervous
in the car - that all eyes are on her.
Caroline, just on the end!
Caroline, look here on the end, Caroline!
When, she got out of the car, it was always fine.
There were fans screaming her name.
Caroline!
That's when you could see her come alive.
She was like, "Oh, people do like me."
Caroline!
She would always tell me who she was dating pretty much straight away.
And we were heavily, heavily involved in Caroline's private life.
Caroline started dating Lewis, and he was this very tall,
good-looking model. He was an ex-tennis player and she, you know,
was pretty smitten with him.
Let's talk love.
Who's looking for the real thing?
She was about to go into the sixth series of Love Island.
So, she was top of her game when she met Lewis.
The press were obsessed with her love life.
They always were.
This night in December, Caroline was just meeting another friend
for a drink at Shoreditch House,
and then I went there to meet her and we had a few drinks.
She had gotten home and then Lewis had come back.
And then she had...
She had seen something on his phone.
Lewis had been texting a woman.
That was obviously going to be a massive trigger for her.
They had an argument and he called the police.
When the police arrived, she was covered in blood.
What prompted Lewis to call the police,
he received a cut to his head.
She was taken away.
Within 24 hours, journalists had the story.
The TV presenter Caroline Flack was arrested and charged
with assault by beating.
Everything started to go from bad to worse.
I just went and sat outside the police station.
And just, yeah, waited for it all to...play out.
So, I was scared probably more than she was.
I remember her walking out the police station not really,
I don't think, really understanding the impact it might have.
We got a camera!
SINGING IN UNISON
# Had a drink... #
Being twins, it's just a link and a bond which I think is quite rare.
All the way along, you know, everything was the same.
We played together all the time.
# Oompah-pah, oompah-pah that's how it goes... #
When we were very young, you know, we used to sing at home
and stuff, and I sort of went along with it a little bit.
# Sweet little meek little Marianne.. #
That was the sort of pecking order. She was just a bit bossy.
I mean, she was Kylie out of Kylie and Jason.
Especially For You by Kylie and Jason.
Yeah, I was always the boy.
# Especially for you
# I'm gonna tell you, you mean all the world to me... #
Complete opposites, complete opposites.
Jody was positive,
and Carrie was the negative.
It was either, you know, when you get a high or a low
and that's what she was like from a child.
She was either very high
or she was very down. You know,
you couldn't stop her crying.
What a day. No, not now, Carrie.
Wait. Carrie, why are you crying, babes?
Eh?
Aw, don't cry.
Don't cry.
Oh, darling, don't...
And then she'd pick herself up - she would pick herself up.
GIGGLES
Jody always had probably more regular boyfriends.
Carrie always - oh, she always...
It was always someone that wasn't quite right.
And she went out with a boy from the fair,
which was - that was fine.
But of course, he had to be older cos he was working there.
The waltzer boy.
He was a bit older so it was all a bit dramatic
and secret and exciting.
That was, I guess, the first time she got super, super, super upset
when she...when that didn't work out.
But she was heartbroken.
She, I mean, I think she ran away from home. She ran away,
we didn't know where she was and she'd gone to his house and,
you know, was banging on his door.
And she really, really, really, really struggled emotionally.
She was very, very depressed.
And then that's something, that pattern carried on forever.
She really, really did find heartbreak impossible.
She had a long relationship when she was in Cambridge,
but it ended and then we got a call
that she had taken some pills
and she spent time...
..in hospital, and then you could tell, you know, that...
It wasn't right, you know? Her reaction wasn't right.
Yeah, she didn't handle heartbreak well.
I don't know if I should... I don't know.
It feels so weird talking about it because I know it's something
she never wanted anyone to know about.
Each serious boyfriend, she sort of...
..took a lot of tablets, drank a lot, ended up in
an A&E situation, erm,
a lot of times,
and she really didn't think she could cope with that feeling.
Erm...
And so that's, you know, I think it was her trying to...
..trying to control it.
We went through all the doctors and they saw to her and they said,
"No, we think it was a one-off," you know...
But there was always that fear after then that...
Erm...
I don't know, you just, you just, we... You always worried about...
..in case anything happened.
She was quite fascinated by the subject of suicide always,
and I knew that about her. So, yeah, it was a worry.
A worry for a long time and something I think I tried
to get my head around, er...
..for a long time, so it's something that's in my life
that's been, yeah, I've...
I prepared that it could happen.
CAT MEOWS Waffle?
This is Carrie's cat, that I've now inherited.
Right, so this is, erm, my memory box of Carrie.
There's her school photo. SHE CHUCKLES
Then she went from that to that.
SHE LAUGHS
Lovely Mother's Day cards from her.
And you don't realise at the time - you read them, and you think,
"Oh, that's nice."
But when I read them now, it's like...
She used to say to me, "Oh, I've booked this, Mum, are you coming?"
You know, "Come with me," or "we'll go here, we'll go there."
And I'd say, "Oh, I've got to work."
And I did have to work, and I...
Do you know, it just...
You shouldn't...
All the times you, sort of, miss with someone.
And you should just...
..just do it, shouldn't you?
There's one thing I really, erm, treasure now, is this picture.
I was with her when she bought it.
I just thought it was so beautiful.
And, to me, it now looks like Carrie, you know?
Just how...she floated away, really.
It's three days after I've been arrested...
..for having a fight with my boyfriend.
Since then...
..I lost my job.
The job I've worked all my life on.
Caroline was Love Island, it was her show,
it was what made her tick.
She was devastated that... that had gone from her.
All the stuff that she'd worked 20 years for -
they were all gone overnight.
They were just all gone.
Maybe she'd never get any of that back.
Maybe she'd have to find something else to do with her life.
There wasn't a plan B.
I've never hurt anyone in my life.
TEARFULLY: The only person I ever hurt is myself.
SHE SOBS
She always had something, you know?
Something we could look on - a strange channel.
And it just, sort of, grew from there, really.
SHE GIGGLES
What are you doing in my room? Erm...
..this is my room. Room 121?
I first met Caroline when she came into the agency.
I think those early days, in some ways,
I just let Caroline get on with it.
She wasn't a client that I needed to go and look after.
She didn't need you around.
And obviously, that changed a lot, sort of, in later years.
HE SCREAMS
What are you doing?!
You can't just sit around, singing all day!
This isn't The X Factor.
Let's meet this week's TMi-ers.
Loved TMi.
They hadn't got anyone to do one of the, erm, games,
she'd say, "Mum, you do it."
This one's my mum!
THEY CHEER
She can't see what I'm doing!
I met Caroline in 2001.
Cos Dee worked with her very early doors.
Oh, she was brilliant!
And she was just this, kind of, little, tiny little pocket rocket
whirlwind of fun.
It was a really fun time to be working in television,
because you were able to make your mistakes in public.
It kind of didn't matter.
And so, we were all learning a craft and a trade together.
Ready?
Oh, Jesus, it's freezing.
Hello, and welcome to PokerStars.com European Poker Tour,
coming to you once again from...
SHE LAUGHS
She didn't seem to think of any pressure on her.
But she wasn't really well known.
Not until she did, really, Xtra Factor with Olly.
CHEERING
We were the co-presenters
on The Xtra Factor.
I walked in and saw her for the first time and thought,
"Wow, she's stunning, gorgeous," and she was full of life.
At the time, I was single, and I think she was.
And I think straight away, this chemistry came out of nowhere.
It was like, "Oh."
THEY SING
Yeah, it was exciting, everyone was talking about us as the next,
you know, Richard & Judy, the next Ant & Dec.
That's why the show was such a success.
And, obviously, the fact that everyone thought we were together.
Please welcome your hosts...
Caroline Flack!
So, The X Factor -
all of a sudden, we got a phone call from Simon
saying he wants to revamp the show.
"We want you to replace Dermot O'Leary."
When we got the job in 2015 to host the biggest,
most talked-about show on TV...
..it should've been the most amazing experience of our lives.
But it ended up being, probably...
..our downfall, really.
If you've got a talent for hosting live TV shows,
then the bigger shows on television
are in the white-hot heat of Saturday night.
You don't get to have that career...
..and that level of fame without taking all the shit
that comes with it.
After the first two, three shows,
we got it from all angles.
"Well, this show is good, but it's missing something.
"It's missing Dermot."
And all of a sudden, you're just... boom, beaten up, beaten up again.
And that was constant for ten weeks.
It was always knowing, "Oh, what'll the media say now?
"What have people said on Twitter now?"
I'd say it was the social media.
It was literally... once Twitter started,
she would spend a lot of time looking at comments.
Her rise to fame coincided with the rise of social media.
I think she was in a kind of weird cat-and-mouse game
with social media, with press, with fame.
She hated it, but she couldn't live without it. Yeah.
The abuse that she was getting...
It was awful.
Awful.
We did try quite hard to try and wean her off social media.
But actually, I don't think we ever really got a handle on that.
Unfortunately.
CHRISTINE: I used to say to her, "Just don't read it.
"Just get rid of your phone."
But she'd be on it constantly.
You'd try and talk to her, but she'd be looking at her phone.
Them comments did affect her every day.
The comments did hurt.
It was slightly destroying her, I would say.
She...was suffering, basically.
And then, when you did see her face-to-face,
nothing would get mentioned.
It would be, "Yeah, I'm fine."
Whereas, obviously, she wasn't fine.
Erm...
Yeah.
It's very difficult to know the extent of someone's problems
if they tell you...
..if they sweep them under the carpet.
She just hid it so well.
I think that's the thing, she hid it so well.
And I think for me, the only warning signs were
the addiction to social media.
And you definitely saw that over the years progressing.
And obviously, that then grew and grew, and didn't really
stop and go away.
REPORTERS CLAMOUR
Sometimes people ask if she wanted to be famous,
which is a really good question. "Did she want to be famous?"
She did want to be famous.
But the problem was she just wasn't emotionally wired
to deal with all the pressures that came with being famous.
But in the beginning, we didn't know that.
Because it wasn't obvious then.
I remember the final of The X Factor,
there was a big story.
And basically, we were getting sacked after the show.
I was just like, "This is the final of The X Factor!"
Yeah, it was an awful experience,
to know that everyone hated us on the show.
DERMOT: It was tough. It hurt.
Sadly, as Caroline got more famous,
I think she became addicted to affirmation.
And all that terrible kind of maelstrom ended up with us
on the sofa talking to you about her now.
That X Factor experience for both of us was...was hard.
You know, but again, Caroline...
God, she got it so much more than me.
I don't know what it was.
GRAHAM NORTON: Dermot's back on The X Factor.
Well done, girls. Yes.
APPLAUSE Well done. Now...
..I'm not saying the writing was on the wall for Caroline Flack,
but you could get better odds of Anne Boleyn returning for
the second series of Wolf Hall.
That just really, really hurt her.
You thought, "Oh, that's going to..."
You know, "..make her feel so, so bad."
And that's when you again worried about her.
Are you two good mates? Yeah. We're best friends.
Are you? What's the worst thing she does?
Go on. Go on, Mum. The worst thing?
Yeah, what's the worst thing? Doesn't answer her phone.
She's busy. She worries a lot.
I don't answer my phone, she gets in the car and drives to London.
That's great. And knocks on my door,
"Why aren't you answering your phone?"
She'd text me in the middle of the night, and one night,
I remember got in my car to drive to London.
And halfway there, she went, "Oh, it's all right now."
But she just, yeah... used to brush it off then.
And what always got her out of it was having to go to work,
or having to do something.
And then, the next day, it might, you know,
things might seem better.
But you just never really knew.
LORRAINE KELLY: As Caroline Flack steps down from Love Island,
we're finding out who is set to replace her.
Yeah, that's showbiz.
First, though, Andi Peters has joined us - the competition!
Just to laugh when it was the worst time in Carrie's life,
and say, "That's show business."
Well, it shouldn't be show business.
Should not be show business.
She started to feel that she was losing her grip on her life.
The attacks were coming in at her from all sides.
The press.
She was on her phone,
and she was just scrolling through Twitter.
She had people on social media - that this is "what she deserved".
Fathers for Justice decided to start a Twitter campaign against her,
of her in a line-up with the heading,
"This is what a domestic abuser looks like."
The madness doesn't stop.
The echo chamber got really loud and really angry.
She just felt really ashamed that that's what people saw her as -
I think it was just too much.
It made her so on-edge and so paranoid.
She'd had bad press before, and she'd get over it.
But there was always a way out that she couldn't....
This time, she couldn't see.
She just couldn't see a way out.
Caroline Flack was surrounded by photographers as she arrived
at court accused of assaulting her boyfriend.
SHOUTS
That was awful.
Yeah, that was awful.
She just seemed tiny to me, and she was frightened and...
She just looked so lost and sad,
and it was - it was horrible.
Her boyfriend, former professional tennis player and model
Lewis Burton, arrived separately.
He's previously said he wants the case against Caroline Flack
to be dropped and doesn't support the prosecution.
Prosecutor Katie Weiss told the court both were covered in blood.
And in fact, one of the police officers likened the scene
to a horror movie.
The presenter pleaded not guilty to assault.
She put her head in her hands as the court refused an application
to remove bail conditions,
preventing her from contacting Burton.
There was, erm, a love element in there as well.
At the time, she just wanted to see him.
It was that feeling she knew too well
that she knew she couldn't cope with.
Step back, please! Out of the way!
From that day, she was in a very bad way.
I know her, so I knew it was going to be unbearable.
It was going to trigger all the things that she finds...
..difficult, so it didn't just trigger one of those things,
it triggered everything in her life that she finds difficult.
I first met Caroline, 2003.
We were both young in the industry.
I was an aspiring TV producer.
She was an aspiring TV presenter.
I was emotionally stable.
I would run like this,
and she was up and down.
I was already attached.
I had a boyfriend, who I then later married.
She was on and off attached to various different people.
She did go a bit... out with some funny...
Yeah, not funny people.
I don't mean that, but people you don't expect.
Yeah, her world. But it's where her world took her, really.
Prince Harry was like the defining moment, really.
The papers had got hold of it and that had never
happened to her before and she was really upset about it.
There's a catchy headline
and the tabloid image of them
together is great cos it proves that they're together.
And then you stick that next to a photo of her looking really sexy
and glamorous and suddenly what the page is saying is "slut".
And then she has to live with that.
It got to a point with Carrie
that she was on the front page of the paper so often.
It was just like, "Oh, it's just another day.
"Caroline's on the front of the paper."
You know, she's probably immune to it, but she never was. She...
You don't become immune to that, do you?
This says that you're in a new relationship.
Oh, I'm not here to talk about my love life. Are you good, happy?
I'm all good. I'm all good.
Just newspaper cannon fodder, isn't it?
And there's probably part of her that loved it
and got a buzz from it,
and there's part of her that it just chipped away at her soul.
It was slow-motion...
..it happening in front of our eyes.
CHEERING It's time for One Direction!
# It's gotta be you... #
I was there at X Factor when Harry was 16, 17.
And you could see there was a lot of flirting going on.
ARCHIVE: Which girl do you fancy the most, Harry? Caroline.
LAUGHTER
A lot of the Harry Styles fans,
there was a big hate brigade.
It was sort of a personal hate for someone that they didn't know.
If you're not the person, it's easy to see that that's ridiculous,
but Carrie couldn't see that.
An older woman dating a teenage boy,
in society's view, is not acceptable.
But because she kept doing these things and like fuelling that fire,
then there would be a backlash to it.
But the backlash was extraordinary.
And so then, when she started to publicly mess up with her love life,
that made it even more compelling,
like you were buying in to her soap opera.
Here was the profound irony to all of this,
she's hosting a show called Love Island,
and she couldn't, herself, find love.
ARCHIVE: Brace yourself, Britain, it's the return of the Flack.
# Can't stop thinking about you... #
I'm a sort of TV producer by trade.
The biggest job we did together was the first series of Love Island.
You know, it's a show about hot people falling in and out of love
and having relationships they shouldn't have
and being a bit messy.
And you're, like, literally that's Caroline Flack, the TV show.
Hello, boys. ALL: Hello. Welcome to Love Island.
Thank you very much.
And as a producer on it, you sit back and you're kind of thinking
like it's kind of not real.
But to Caroline, it's like, "What do you mean?
"Like it's these people that... Of course they're in love."
She was struggling with her relationships.
I think at that time she was trying to find
a person to settle down with, I think.
And then I found somebody and that wasn't easy, I think.
I have no comment on that one.
Everybody's asking me that.
I don't feel like I had enough time for Carrie all the time.
Yeah. I feel bad, yeah.
Because it's irreversible now,
so it's, you know, it's...final.
So you don't get a chance to -
to address it.
Caroline never really wanted to grow up.
I think she was really jealous of everyone else's
emotional stability and their ability to settle down
and get married and have children, and I think she really wanted that.
But it wasn't in her make-up.
She just wasn't built that way.
Caroline, why are you being like this? Come on, Caroline.
It was really difficult for her to find that connection
with somebody because her world became more and more surreal.
Why are you being like this?
And because of that negative element of her particular fame...
..I think it was hard to get someone,
to find somebody who understood that.
First thing, congratulations, miss! Thank you very much.
Can you show your sparkling ring to our camera, please?
It needs resizing at the minute.
That was very, yeah, sudden. Very sudden.
And I think at the time it was lovely.
Talking weddings, have you got any plans yet?
Oh! I don't even know what to do.
I never thought I'd get married, so, for me, I don't know...
Do I call someone up? Hi, I need to get married!
That was quite a turbulent relationship.
She was really happy to get engaged and there was something
about it that she felt would be OK and would work,
but it didn't.
It was probably tough
to have a relationship with her,
but also brilliant.
And actually, the truth is, if you want the best of Caroline,
you have to take the worst of Caroline as well.
I just don't think, ultimately,
she met a man who quite had the balls to do that.
There is nothing more worrying than getting a text from Caroline
saying, "I've got a new man and you're really going to like him."
So every time she got a boyfriend she really liked, we'd say,
"Oh, it's lovely.
"Maybe this time it'll all be right."
That's awful. But it's true.
"I've got a new man and you're really going to like him."
Had that text several times.
And every time I would think,
"Fingers crossed."
She'd meet someone, be very happy,
but you were always worried that if it ended or when it ended,
she would get...
She couldn't handle heartbreak. She couldn't - ever.
When I look back now, I get it.
She was feeling things so much more deeply than I would have done
in the same situation.
And I don't think I really got that when we were younger.
I just thought she was a pain in the arse.
And now I get it. Now I understand that you'd be a friend,
and then there will come a certain point where you think,
"Oh, come on, it's not THAT bad." But I think it was that bad.
I just think she'd sometimes go into a place where she needed help.
And usually it was - it was possible to help her.
Sometimes it wasn't.
Sometimes you just couldn't get in.
Christmas, we didn't think she was coming,
we didn't know where she was going.
Then Christmas morning, she said, "Are you at home?"
I was, "Of course I'm at home."
And, um, cos we couldn't get hold of her on Christmas Eve and,
um, and she drove up home and she had the last Christmas
with us and it was lovely.
So she, yeah, she forgot about trying to figure out
what was going on for the day
and came and had a really, really good time.
We said that was the best, best thing.
Then she laughed and we had fun with her and we thought, "Oh, maybe
"she's turned the corner, you know, it'll be all right."
And we said, "Now, just stay here until..."
But then she got up Boxing Day and she drove home.
Um, and you don't... You didn't know what was going on in her head.
You just didn't know.
Christmas came and went.
She was being really sensible and looking after herself.
And when the image turned up on January 1st, 2020
on the front of The Sun, she almost gave up hope.
The early hours at the morning of her arrest, there was an argument
between Caroline and Lewis, he received a small cut to his head,
which was treated on the scene when the police arrived,
and then he went home with his mum.
Her blood was on those sheets in the bedroom.
That was her blood, she'd cut herself.
She had to have plastic surgery on her arm where she'd cut it so bad.
She did do that when she got really low.
She'd cut herself before.
That was her worst nightmare,
that she did not want that to be made public
because she'd hurt herself
and she didn't want to have to speak about that or...
I don't know, she felt ashamed about that...
I have never had the kind of exposure or press intrusion
that Caroline had.
That's ultimately what killed her, I believe.
And, you know, I'm sure many others do.
I think she realised that, you know, everything
was going to be in the press and that they'd find out
that she was... you know, had these dark moments.
And she didn't - she didn't want people to know that.
We've got some breaking news for you now.
In the past few minutes, it's been confirmed that
the TV presenter Caroline Flack has died at the age of 40...
She was my little girl, but that was part of Jo.
It's just... Just part of her.
How do you start to come to terms with her loss?
I don't know.
Just... Just carry on.
It's hard to see her and to hear her...
..so I sort of avoid it.
What would you say to her now?
I don't know.
Oh, do you remember that one?
That's when I had to cut all her hair off
because she had eczema, so you kept long hair
and that was the one time that you really looked...different.
THEY CHUCKLE SOFTLY Aw.
Oh, that's a lovely one of Carrie.
Oh, that's beautiful.
I think it's hard to look at it recently because... Yeah.
..that's what we've lost. We've lost...
We've lost Carrie. Yeah.
Who do you blame for all of this?
I don't know. That's really difficult...
That's really difficult...
You know, you say, "Well, if she hadn't met Lewis,
"it wouldn't have happened.
"If the police hadn't done that, it wouldn't have happened,
"if she'd have got off with a caution..."
You just don't... "If she hadn't done that," you know, and, you know,
"If she hadn't looked at his phone and seen a text from a girl"...
I just don't know, but Carrie's state of mind was such that...
..any of those things could have done it
because it was how she...was...
Someone else could have probably dealt with it, but she couldn't.
She just hated the thought that people thought she was like
this awful person. And is that because she just really cared
what everyone thought? Yeah, yeah, she wouldn't... Even when she'd
taken pills as a young person, we weren't allowed to...
She didn't want anyone to know.
She didn't want anyone to know she got down.
And I know they say, "Oh, everyone's talking about it now,"
but I think a lot of people that really suffer with depression
still don't talk about it.
They don't.
You're either ashamed of it or you're frightened that
they'll think something...about you,
so I think people are still frightened to say it.
What was she, about 14 there?
Yeah. CHRISTINE CHUCKLES
Oh, dear... I just...
This is really sad...
SHE SOBS
..but then I'm really pleased we've got all these...photos,
but this is the first time I've looked through...
SHE SNIFFLES
..to look through...
Sorry. No, don't be.
She wouldn't talk to me.
I'd never known her do that before, actually.
And then she got in touch and then, actually, we had a chat.
She said it was fine.
And then I took my eye off the ball
and I spent maybe two or three days not worrying.
That is what you learn, isn't it, about suicide?
That often someone's just waiting for you
to take your eye off the ball...
..and then they pretend everything's fine...
..when it's not.
I just know that my heart breaks every time I think of Caz and think
of what she would have had to have gone through to take her own life,
you know, that...
And that's going to hurt for a long time cos it's...
We got on... We were... We were great together.
INAUDIBLE
All that talent, all that love, all the joy that she brought,
just gone.
She has gone.
It's... It's just horrible.
And you feel like saying, "Come on, you've made your point, come back.
"We've all listened, we've heard and I'm sorry...
"..that we didn't listen more, sooner."
It was playing out in slow motion for us.
We still didn't do enough.
# If I had to do it all again
# I wouldn't change a single thing
# There's no question in my heart... #
It's difficult to think all of the things that you remember
about her, really.
I think it was that she was funny. She just used to make us laugh.
Hello, I'm Caroline Flack.
SHE LAUGHS HEARTILY
I was proud of her there.
She was good at her job, and I...
I like the fact that she...
..had so many people that did really like her, didn't they?
But it's awful that you don't know that...
You know, when you're feeling that bad...
Toodle-oo, everyone. Toodle-oo.
# Goodbye, goodbye, we're very sad to see you go
# Goodbye, goodbye, it's time to wave goodbye! #
APPLAUSE Toodle-oo.Toodle-oo.
# Welcome to your life
# There's no turning back... #
I just won't ever forget that she made my life much more fun
than it ever would have been.
I've never met anyone like her, I'll never meet anyone else like her.
If I walked into the same room as her, like, across the bar,
she'd throw her hand in the air, "Pinky!"
You'd light up because you knew she was so happy to see you,
so she made you feel a million dollars in that moment...
I've just always got this image of her one arm in the air, just like...
Yeah, it was nice to talk... It was good to talk today.
I enjoyed talking about her.
# It's my own design
# It's my own remorse... #
I never had as much fun with anybody ever,
so, while she was living, it was good fun.
Band metal!
# ..freedom and of pleasure
# Nothing ever lasts forever... #
That's my memory, you know, because that's what they were like,
even at, like, 40-year-olds.
# ..rule the world
# There's a room where the light won't find you... #
Even though Carrie struggled, emotionally,
she was not a weak person.
Her emotional struggles were just a little part of who she was,
and she was actually someone who lived a great life
that was really full of joy.
That's what's so great you miss about her.
# Everybody wants to rule the world. #
We all needed a place just to come and sit and remember, really,
this just fitted it. It was just...
Just beautiful.
You come here and...
I don't know, I think it allows you to talk to Carrie
cos you feel silly anywhere else!
Here she is.
SHE LAUGHS
She's become a wooden bench! THEY LAUGH
Aw...
It's as if she's there, really.
As if she's still here...
..but she's not.
"Our beautiful girl whose tiny feet made such a big imprint
"on the world,
"Carrie, we miss and love you so very much.
"Just to have another moment, another kiss, another smile,
"one more chance to hear you laughing
"or just to hold you for a while."
And I think that said it all, really.
SHE SNIFFLES
Subtitles by Red Bee Media