1
00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:07,257
After a long week of pop quizzes,
food fights, and unlimited homework,
2
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:10,010
it is time for a much-needed escape.
3
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:14,264
And for me and my girls,
that escape is always Saturdays.
4
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,725
But first, a sis gotta get ready.
5
00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:20,562
Ready.
6
00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:23,649
(snoring)
7
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:24,733
(snorts)
8
00:00:26,902 --> 00:00:27,945
(groans)
9
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,571
About to get ready.
10
00:00:32,908 --> 00:00:34,618
Y'all know I stay ready.
11
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,746
Yep, time to get our skate on.
12
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,837
That is, after we get our chores done.
13
00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:48,799
But once the chores are done,
14
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,968
and we're looking as cute as can be,
15
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,011
it's all good.
16
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,475
Closed?
17
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,102
-For two weeks?
-For two weeks?
18
00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:01,395
(gasps)
19
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,939
That is not all good.
20
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:10,529
♪ Everybody out the way, it's Saturday ♪
21
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,364
♪ All we do is celebrate ♪
22
00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:16,159
♪ Long as I got fun, family and friends ♪
23
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,245
♪ I got everything that I need ♪
24
00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:21,206
♪ Everybody out the way, it's Saturday ♪
25
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,001
♪ We ain't got no time to waste ♪
26
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,629
♪ No work, all play, no stress ♪
27
00:01:27,713 --> 00:01:29,381
♪ We got everything that we need ♪
28
00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:31,925
♪ 'Cause there ain't no other day
Like Saturday ♪
29
00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:36,597
How about we just hang out at the mall
for a couple weeks?
30
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:37,890
Boring.
31
00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:39,141
{\an8}-Oh, the kids are here.
-Thank you.
32
00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:40,684
{\an8}-Yeah.
-Isn't it Saturday?
33
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,394
{\an8}Oh, how about we go swimming?
34
00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:44,938
{\an8}Uh-uh, I just got the hair did.
Not happening.
35
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:47,399
{\an8}Oh, we could work on our science project.
36
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:48,901
{\an8}It is due Monday.
37
00:01:48,984 --> 00:01:50,235
{\an8}And use our time wisely?
38
00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,029
{\an8}Have you met me, Simone?
39
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,198
{\an8}-Hey, y'all. Quick question.
-Hey.
40
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,408
{\an8}Um, why are you all here
and not at Saturdays?
41
00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:58,744
{\an8}It's closed for repairs
for the next two weeks.
42
00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,454
{\an8}BOTH: Oh.
43
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:01,580
{\an8}That's, uh...
44
00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:03,040
{\an8}That's just so too bad.
45
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,416
{\an8}I mean, too bad for your father and I.
46
00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:06,919
{\an8}We rather enjoy
our no-kids-at-home Saturdays.
47
00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:09,421
{\an8}Yes, yes, we're actually pushing
for it to be a national holiday.
48
00:02:09,505 --> 00:02:10,756
{\an8}You know what?
49
00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:12,049
{\an8}If we can't go to Saturdays,
50
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,967
why can't we just bring Saturdays to us?
51
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:15,802
I say we throw a party on the block.
52
00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:18,263
-You mean like a block party?
-Yeah, that's what I just said.
53
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:20,265
A party on the block. It'll be fun.
54
00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:23,435
{\an8}We'll have friends, family,
and I'll get London to do the music.
55
00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:25,812
{\an8}Ooh, and I'll do the grilling.
56
00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:27,314
{\an8}ALL: No.
57
00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:28,565
{\an8}What are y'all, a choir or something?
58
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:29,650
{\an8}Why can't I grill?
59
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:32,277
{\an8}Cal, you know why you can't grill.
60
00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:33,946
{\an8}Okay, you start one little, teensy-weensy,
61
00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:36,573
{\an8}itsy-bitsy forest fire,
and the whole world turns against you.
62
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:37,950
{\an8}-Look, I'm grilling.
-Whatever.
63
00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:39,701
{\an8}I think a block party sounds fun.
64
00:02:39,785 --> 00:02:41,745
{\an8}You just have to get the signatures
from all the neighbors.
65
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:44,414
{\an8}-No problem.
-Including old lady Whitaker.
66
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:45,999
{\an8}ALL: That's a problem.
67
00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:47,084
{\an8}Her house is scary.
68
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:48,460
{\an8}Even the mailman won't deliver there.
69
00:02:48,544 --> 00:02:50,087
{\an8}He just throws the mail in the yard.
70
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:53,006
{\an8}I heard that old lady Whitaker
is actually a ghost, okay?
71
00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:55,592
{\an8}And she only comes out
if you say her name three times in a row.
72
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,803
{\an8}Like this, "Old lady Whitaker,
old lady Whitaker, old lady..."
73
00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:00,264
{\an8}-BOTH: Ari!
-Okay, I wasn't going to say it.
74
00:03:03,392 --> 00:03:05,936
{\an8}-Old lady Whitaker.
-Oh, she...
75
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,187
{\an8}Who is...?
76
00:03:07,271 --> 00:03:09,731
{\an8}Are you serious? I mean...
77
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:13,527
{\an8}Folks just stay being scared. (chuckles)
78
00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:16,822
{\an8}Ah! Not today! Shotgun!
79
00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:20,117
{\an8}(distant howling)
80
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:25,956
{\an8}Paris, girl, I don't know,
81
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,749
{\an8}but this don't seem like the move.
82
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,543
{\an8}No, I think the move
is to go back home alive.
83
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:31,587
{\an8}Okay, guys, guys, guys, guys. Come on.
84
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,505
{\an8}We only got one last signature.
85
00:03:33,589 --> 00:03:35,048
{\an8}Yeah, key word being "last,"
86
00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:36,633
'cause if we go in there, Paris,
87
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:40,095
I am telling you, it will be the last time
anyone ever sees us.
88
00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:41,722
Yeah, my butterfly senses are telling me
89
00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,974
this party may be another case
of you doing too much, Paris.
90
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,435
Me doing too much?
When's the last time I did that?
91
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:48,228
BOTH: Indoor skydiving.
92
00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:50,397
(whimpering)
93
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,859
{\an8}(alarm blaring)
94
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:55,027
(screaming)
95
00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:02,117
We survived, right?
96
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:03,619
-Barely.
-Barely.
97
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,871
Do you guys want to have
a block party or not?
98
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,122
Yeah?
99
00:04:07,206 --> 00:04:08,207
(whimpers)
100
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:09,875
-No.
-No, I... I guess.
101
00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:10,959
Wait.
102
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,505
LONDON: Man, scrape harder.
103
00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:18,383
Come on. Dad, when is the last time
you cleaned this thing?
104
00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:19,551
I don't know. What year is it?
105
00:04:19,635 --> 00:04:21,053
That long, huh?
106
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:22,804
I think we need chisels
for all this buildup.
107
00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:25,182
Boy, that buildup is layers and layers
108
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,643
of juices and spices caked on
throughout the years.
109
00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:28,977
That's historical flavor.
110
00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:31,772
More like historical food poisoning.
111
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:33,607
-That is nasty.
-What is that?
112
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,442
-LONDON: I don't...
-Hey, you guys!
113
00:04:35,526 --> 00:04:37,361
How's it going?
114
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:40,739
Just coming out here to check on you,
see how my boys are doing.
115
00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:42,407
Oh, it's going good, it's going good.
116
00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:44,826
Can't wait to fire it up.
Work on my practice brisket.
117
00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:45,911
Well, I was just wondering, you know,
118
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:48,288
if maybe I could help out
with the grilling this time?
119
00:04:48,372 --> 00:04:50,582
You know? Share some of my recipes.
120
00:04:50,666 --> 00:04:53,293
Help out with some
of those grilling techniques. (laughs)
121
00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:55,712
Oh, that... that is super sweet.
122
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,714
Thank you. Thank you.
But no, thanks, okay?
123
00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:00,092
I'm a Johnson.
I'm from a long line of master grillers.
124
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:02,845
-I got this.
-Yeah, yeah. Like, hey, Cal, whoo.
125
00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:04,388
I'm a Johnson too, remember?
126
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,056
-(laughs)
-Oh, okay. Correction.
127
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,226
Johnson men come
from a long line of master grillers.
128
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,394
-Can I get some?
-All right.
129
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:12,604
All right. Give me some. Okay?
It's a man thing.
130
00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:14,439
-Yeah.
-You wouldn't understand, baby.
131
00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:16,984
Yeah, you tell 'em, Dad.
That's right, Mom.
132
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,402
This is a man thing.
133
00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:24,408
Wow, okay, so, let me get this straight.
134
00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:28,078
As long as I'm in the kitchen
cooking for you all,
135
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,162
it's cool.
136
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:32,124
But because we're standing here outside,
grilling,
137
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:33,584
all of a sudden, I can't cook?
138
00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:34,960
-Pretty much.
-Yeah, pretty much.
139
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,336
You hit the nail on the head
with that one, yeah.
140
00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:38,130
Okay, so you know what I'm gonna do?
141
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:40,340
I'm gonna take
my non-grilling self back inside,
142
00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:42,384
because clearly, I'm only worth anything
143
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,219
when I'm barefoot and pregnant
in the kitchen!
144
00:05:44,303 --> 00:05:45,971
-(laughs) Yeah.
-CAL: Sounds good.
145
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:47,139
Hey, baby, on the way back out,
146
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:48,640
can you bring me an iced tea
from the fridge?
147
00:05:48,724 --> 00:05:50,225
Grilling really parches a bro.
148
00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:51,560
-Make that two.
-Make that two.
149
00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:54,980
DEB: You just gonna count
to ten today, Deb.
150
00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:56,148
You gonna count to ten.
151
00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:57,482
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, ten...
152
00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:59,276
All right, boys,
you guys keep scraping away at it,
153
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,360
I'm gonna go get the gas can.
154
00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:02,821
Whoa, whoa. Gas can? Gas can for what?
155
00:06:02,905 --> 00:06:04,406
(laughs) Come on, man.
156
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:05,616
I got to light the grill.
157
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:06,783
How else you gonna start a fire?
158
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,285
(Cal chuckles)
159
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:09,661
(hawk screams)
160
00:06:13,916 --> 00:06:15,375
(cackles)
161
00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:20,547
(crow cawing)
162
00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:22,299
What a cute, little crow.
163
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,176
Cute and terrifying.
164
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,263
{\an8}-(nervous laughter)
-PARIS: All right, guys.
165
00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:30,682
All we need to do is ring that doorbell,
166
00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:33,018
get old lady Whitaker's signature,
and be out.
167
00:06:33,769 --> 00:06:34,770
(sighs)
168
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:41,485
{\an8}Okay.
169
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,195
I'm gonna ring the doorbell.
170
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,865
(doorbell rings)
171
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:51,662
You know what?
I don't think the doorbell works.
172
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,080
Maybe I should knock.
173
00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:54,706
-No, no, no.
-Ooh.
174
00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:56,166
And get knocked out?
175
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:57,835
SIMONE: I say we just leave
176
00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:00,212
and send old lady Whitaker
an email for her signature.
177
00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:01,338
-Oh, yes.
-Bye.
178
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,384
(door creaking)
179
00:07:06,844 --> 00:07:07,886
Hello?
180
00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:11,014
Old lady Whitaker?
181
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,476
SIMONE: No, don't go in.
182
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,019
-She's going in.
-(whimpers)
183
00:07:18,814 --> 00:07:20,107
Mrs. Whitaker?
184
00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:26,572
Mrs. Whitaker?
185
00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:28,323
ARI: Did they pay the light bill?
186
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,076
PARIS: Come on, it's not that scary.
187
00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:32,870
Hello?
188
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,496
It's your neighbors.
189
00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:35,831
(breeze growls)
190
00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:38,208
(all scream)
191
00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:39,585
ARI: Open!
192
00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:41,587
(thunder crashes)
193
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,297
(all scream)
194
00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:47,426
(girls screaming)
195
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,097
Please! Please don't hurt us, okay?
196
00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:54,266
I just wanted to get your signature!
197
00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:56,059
Yeah, and I just want to live
to see another day.
198
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:58,270
And I just ordered
some neon wings online yesterday.
199
00:07:58,353 --> 00:07:59,938
Please let me live to see them glow.
200
00:08:00,022 --> 00:08:01,607
Please!
201
00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:03,400
-Sorry, girls.
-(all gasp)
202
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:07,613
I can't allow you to leave this house.
203
00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:11,283
At least not before I say...
204
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,076
(sobbing)
205
00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:15,370
(clears throat)
206
00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:16,705
...bonjour.
207
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,750
And welcome to the House of Whitaker.
208
00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:22,294
PARIS: Wait a minute.
209
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:23,962
I've seen you in the news.
210
00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:25,923
Aren't you that lady
that went to the gas station,
211
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,759
bought some lottery ticket
and won, like, a gazillion dollars?
212
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,802
Actually, it was two gazillion.
213
00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:32,971
But who keeps counting after a gazillion?
214
00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:34,431
(laughs)
215
00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:36,558
You're Mrs. Whitaker?
216
00:08:36,642 --> 00:08:38,977
Once upon a time, when I was broke,
217
00:08:39,061 --> 00:08:40,729
I used to answer to such.
218
00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:43,690
But since my elevation
to a higher tax bracket,
219
00:08:43,774 --> 00:08:45,192
I now answer
220
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:50,322
to Michelle von Wellington Othella.
221
00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:52,574
But you can call me Miss Michelle.
222
00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,660
-And you live here?
-On occasion.
223
00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:59,414
The house used to belong to my great-aunt,
your Mrs. Whitaker.
224
00:08:59,498 --> 00:09:02,251
And when she passed,
she left me this house,
225
00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:05,462
along with $10,000.
226
00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:08,757
So I did what any sensible human being
would do
227
00:09:08,841 --> 00:09:10,801
with such a windfall of cash.
228
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,678
You donated to a butterfly foundation?
229
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,179
I bought a scratch-off.
230
00:09:14,263 --> 00:09:16,014
-Oh.
-And boom! I got paid!
231
00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:19,476
So I use this place as a secret getaway
232
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,520
when life gets a little crazy.
233
00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:23,689
But what about the horror story front yard
234
00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:26,191
and the 10-foot weeds
that's just growing everywhere?
235
00:09:26,275 --> 00:09:28,360
Yeah, and what about
that scary, little crow?
236
00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:30,696
It's to keep out tax attorneys,
237
00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:32,573
new cousins, and my latest husband,
238
00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:35,367
who's upset with me because I forced him
to use the mini yacht.
239
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:38,078
Two hundred feet
is more than enough for him.
240
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:40,372
-Yeah, I think...
-This is insane, okay?
241
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:42,374
My mind is blown.
242
00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:44,168
Only your mind?
243
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:48,672
Well, I think I can do better than that.
244
00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:59,516
Lunch is served.
245
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:01,685
ALL: Wow.
246
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:04,605
Oh, wait until you taste the duck.
247
00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,398
You'll want me to adopt you.
248
00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:07,983
(weak laugh)
249
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:12,863
Okay, boys, now the key to a good brisket
250
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:15,407
is not only catching it on sale
at your local grocery store,
251
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:17,534
but the act of the rub.
252
00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:18,911
-The rub.
-The rub.
253
00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:20,037
We like the sound of that.
254
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,121
It's like a massage, right?
255
00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:22,331
Yes, precisely.
256
00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:23,999
Swedish or deep tissue?
257
00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:26,502
I'm a hot-stone man myself.
258
00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:28,420
Oh, you a man of culture.
See, I like that too.
259
00:10:28,504 --> 00:10:31,548
But the shiatsu,
that be having a brother screaming.
260
00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:33,884
Okay, okay, okay. No, no, no.
No shiatsu, all right?
261
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,385
Now, back to the rub.
262
00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:36,762
Now, what you want to do is...
263
00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:38,931
Get you some mustard and pickle juice,
264
00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:42,142
mix, slather it on it
before you apply the Dalmatian mix.
265
00:10:42,226 --> 00:10:43,769
Time-out. Wait a second.
266
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,729
Dalmatian mix?
We putting dog on biscuit now?
267
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:48,023
What parts of the dog
are we talking about?
268
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:49,566
It makes a difference.
269
00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:52,736
Dalmatian mix,
meaning kosher salt and black pepper.
270
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,947
The mustard and pickle juice
help the salt and pepper
271
00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:57,282
adhere to the brisket.
272
00:10:57,366 --> 00:10:59,785
But, hey, master griller over there
already knew that, right?
273
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,912
Of course I did, all right?
Don't confuse kids, all right?
274
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,121
(laughs) I was getting to that.
275
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:04,790
Uh-huh.
276
00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:07,251
Now, before you apply
the denomination mix...
277
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,127
-BOTH: Dalmatian.
-Whatever.
278
00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:12,589
You want to really let her know
who's boss.
279
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,258
(yelling)
280
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:17,177
-No, no. No, no, no. Close, close, close.
-That's it.
281
00:11:17,261 --> 00:11:19,263
Yes, no, no. Okay, pick it up,
just like you're doing.
282
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:20,347
Yeah. All right?
283
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:21,932
And then you squeeze.
284
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,559
-BOTH: Squeeze it.
-Yeah, yeah.
285
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:25,519
This starts the tenderization process.
286
00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:26,770
Gotta really squeeze it.
You know what I'm talking about?
287
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:27,855
-Squeeze it.
-Squeeze it.
288
00:11:27,938 --> 00:11:29,773
CAL: Yeah! Use your legs.
I like that. Yeah?
289
00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:32,776
And you want to keep
on squeezing it until...
290
00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:37,614
Until it's done.
And guess what? It ain't done.
291
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:38,949
But, hey, what do I know?
292
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,909
(laughs) I can't grill, right?
293
00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:42,828
LONDON: ♪ Shiatsu ♪
294
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:44,204
-♪ Shiatsu ♪
-♪ Shiatsu ♪
295
00:11:44,288 --> 00:11:45,914
-♪ Shiatsu ♪
-♪ Shiatsu ♪
296
00:11:45,998 --> 00:11:47,040
♪ Shi-shiatsu ♪
297
00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:48,125
We got to hit that!
298
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:49,626
(beatboxing)
299
00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:54,590
(all sigh)
300
00:11:54,673 --> 00:11:57,426
Miss Michelle, you sure do make
a mean chicken wing.
301
00:11:57,509 --> 00:11:58,510
It's so true.
302
00:11:58,594 --> 00:12:02,222
If I eat any more, I may have to pop
a button on my cute jumpsuit.
303
00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:03,891
I may have to pop two.
304
00:12:03,974 --> 00:12:07,352
I'm glad you ladies
are enjoying yourselves.
305
00:12:07,436 --> 00:12:09,354
I'm even happier
I decided to open the door
306
00:12:09,438 --> 00:12:11,064
and let you all in.
307
00:12:11,148 --> 00:12:14,151
If I may ask, why did you open the door?
308
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:19,156
Well, I was watching you three
from my surveillance cameras.
309
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,449
You have cameras?
310
00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:22,868
Where?
311
00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:24,411
Everywhere.
312
00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:28,373
Anyway, I watched how you three toiled
313
00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:30,083
over approaching the house,
314
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:33,212
how you stuck together as friends.
315
00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:35,047
It reminded me how important it is
316
00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:36,757
to have good friends in your life.
317
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,258
We all need them,
318
00:12:38,342 --> 00:12:41,553
especially if you can't buy them.
319
00:12:41,637 --> 00:12:42,721
We are good friends.
320
00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:44,181
Yes. Free-of-charge friends.
321
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,767
So, the real reason why we came is...
322
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,770
Your rink closed
for two weeks for repairs,
323
00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:52,523
and you need my signature
to throw a block party, correct?
324
00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:54,066
How do you know that?
325
00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:56,902
Never mind.
326
00:12:56,985 --> 00:13:00,781
So, if you don't mind...
327
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:05,577
Of course I'll sign.
328
00:13:05,661 --> 00:13:06,662
-Yes!
-Yes!
329
00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:09,331
I'm always down for a good block party.
330
00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,208
(squealing)
331
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,292
But...
332
00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:16,296
I'm also down for a good...
333
00:13:16,380 --> 00:13:18,215
challenge.
334
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:21,760
-SIMONE: Should we be here?
-ARI: Can we just... We can turn back.
335
00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,307
What in the out of the blue?
336
00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:38,443
ALL: Miss Michelle?
337
00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:39,653
Correction.
338
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,947
Down here, it's Chi-Town Shelly.
339
00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:46,285
And if you want my signature, boo-boo,
340
00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:48,745
you're gonna have to skate for it.
341
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:57,129
ALL: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
342
00:14:00,215 --> 00:14:01,800
Lace up, ladies.
343
00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:10,434
These quads are dope.
344
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,311
-Ari, you got to focus.
-Yeah.
345
00:14:12,394 --> 00:14:16,315
Come on, girls. Come on and get spanked
like you stole something.
346
00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:18,817
Wow. The language on that billionaire?
347
00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:20,152
Atrocious, I tell you.
348
00:14:20,235 --> 00:14:22,321
I don't care what she's saying, okay?
349
00:14:22,404 --> 00:14:23,780
We're gonna get that signature.
350
00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:26,450
Chi-Town Shelly's about to get dealt with.
351
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,118
Let me do the honors, ladies.
352
00:14:28,202 --> 00:14:29,995
I'll take care of old Shelly-Shell.
353
00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:31,997
She don't want these wings.
354
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,499
SIMONE: Mm-hmm. Get her, girl.
355
00:14:34,583 --> 00:14:35,709
Just so you know,
356
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:37,544
those butterflies won't save you.
357
00:14:37,628 --> 00:14:39,463
Yeah, and just so you know...
358
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:40,797
I got nothing.
359
00:14:40,881 --> 00:14:42,049
Pity.
360
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,679
(hip-hop music playing)
361
00:14:47,763 --> 00:14:49,431
♪ Agitated, exacerbate ♪
362
00:14:49,515 --> 00:14:51,642
♪ Why you look so mad
When the woman's a lady? ♪
363
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:52,976
♪ Gotta wipe that look off your face ♪
364
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:54,895
♪ When you see a girl
Come through in first place ♪
365
00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:57,022
♪ Know that she bad
'Cause she worked through the hate ♪
366
00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,690
♪ Too bad on the... ♪
367
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:03,028
Sorry. I got Chi-Towned.
368
00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:06,323
(laughing) Call me when you buy some hips.
369
00:15:10,244 --> 00:15:13,038
(hip-hop music continues)
370
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:26,677
My bad, y'all.
But Chi-Town Shelly is the truth.
371
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,555
Paris, care to play?
372
00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:31,932
Oh, yeah. Let's play.
373
00:15:35,853 --> 00:15:37,855
(hip-hop music continues)
374
00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:40,566
(screams)
375
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:45,028
I think we're gonna have to play with her
a little differently.
376
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:46,113
(Michelle laughs)
377
00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:50,909
CAL: Just a little more of that.
378
00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:54,121
-Taste tester says "huh."
-Huh?
379
00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:55,873
-(gags)
-(chuckles)
380
00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:57,499
-Oh!
-How's that taste?
381
00:15:57,583 --> 00:15:59,710
-Flammable.
-Okay, all right, all right.
382
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:01,670
No, Mr. J. I'm good.
383
00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:04,339
I'd like to keep my nose hairs.
They're one of my best features.
384
00:16:04,423 --> 00:16:09,636
Okay. Well, Cal's secret sauce is ready,
so it is time to get our flame on.
385
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:11,513
(grunts)
386
00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:13,098
All right!
387
00:16:13,182 --> 00:16:14,600
Uh, Dad, thanks for shedding the gasoline,
388
00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:16,268
but you getting a little too happy
389
00:16:16,351 --> 00:16:18,270
with having squirt-squirt
with the dang lighter fluid.
390
00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:20,898
Yeah, you should douse, not drown.
391
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:22,608
The more accelerant,
the better, all right?
392
00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:25,235
This is going to save us
at least two hours of grilling, son.
393
00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:28,030
Actually, everything I've read on grilling
says that for the best results,
394
00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:29,948
the flame should be low and slow.
395
00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:33,160
Well, I am Cal Johnson,
and everything I do is hot and fast.
396
00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:34,912
(chuckles)
397
00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:36,413
Now, stand back.
398
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,290
Oh, yeah, we gonna stand way back.
399
00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:39,833
Way back in the house!
400
00:16:39,917 --> 00:16:42,085
-Save yourself!
-Really?
401
00:16:43,754 --> 00:16:44,755
(door closes)
402
00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,465
DEB: What's going on out there, boys?
403
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:51,720
-(flames flump)
-(Cal shrieks)
404
00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,139
That answer your question?
405
00:16:54,223 --> 00:16:55,390
(groans)
406
00:16:56,517 --> 00:16:58,477
(Cal whimpering)
407
00:17:00,229 --> 00:17:01,605
(Deb clears throat)
408
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:02,814
Mm-mm-mm.
409
00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:04,775
(shuddering)
410
00:17:05,651 --> 00:17:07,069
Bet you want to apologize, don't you?
411
00:17:07,152 --> 00:17:08,654
-Mm-mm.
-DEB: Mm-hmm.
412
00:17:08,737 --> 00:17:10,030
Still think a woman can't grill?
413
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:11,490
-No, no.
-Mm-hmm.
414
00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:13,325
Why don't you take that burnt piece
of meat and put it on the counter?
415
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:15,494
Okay, it's okay. It's okay.
416
00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:16,912
-(whimpering)
-Can you see me?
417
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,830
-Can you see me? Look at me.
-(stuttering)
418
00:17:18,914 --> 00:17:20,749
It's a good thing I got
my special Debbie Deb's Hickory Rub
419
00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:22,000
on standby, okay?
420
00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:24,670
Now, London, I need you to get
that backup brisket out the fridge,
421
00:17:24,753 --> 00:17:27,381
get the thermometer
and the applewood chips, pronto, okay?
422
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:28,465
Derek...
423
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:30,300
just stay under the table.
424
00:17:30,384 --> 00:17:32,344
All right, come on.
Let's get this show on the road.
425
00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:34,471
Take them singed eyebrows
and go under the table with Derek.
426
00:17:34,555 --> 00:17:35,973
Go on now. Derek, get him some salve.
427
00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:38,267
All right, come on, get the brisket
and applewood chips.
428
00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:41,144
-Applewood chips, okay.
-Not an apple. Applewood chips.
429
00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:42,855
Every time I come over this house.
430
00:17:43,689 --> 00:17:45,566
MICHELLE: I thought y'all said
y'all could skate?
431
00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:48,694
We-B-Girlz needs to be We-B-Practicing.
432
00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:51,029
(laughs)
433
00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:53,740
Guys, obviously, Chi-Town Shelly
ain't no joke.
434
00:17:53,824 --> 00:17:56,201
But we need to get that signature.
435
00:17:56,285 --> 00:17:58,787
Well, we can't take her down individually.
That's proven.
436
00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:00,873
We need a different approach.
437
00:18:01,999 --> 00:18:03,542
The only approach.
438
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:07,212
{\an8}ALL: The Bum Rush.
439
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:15,846
Oh, so you want to come with the Bum Rush.
440
00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:17,556
Figures as much.
441
00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:19,141
Sorry, Chi-Town Shelly.
442
00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:21,393
It's time to get audited.
443
00:18:28,442 --> 00:18:30,611
(upbeat music playing)
444
00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:51,590
(upbeat music continues)
445
00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:09,525
{\an8}Oh! Well played, ladies.
446
00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:11,276
Well played.
447
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:12,361
(grunts)
448
00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:18,116
Well, looks like y'all will be having
y'all's block party.
449
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,326
I'll sign.
450
00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:21,495
Yes! Thank you, Miss Michelle.
451
00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:23,080
No need to thank me.
452
00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:25,374
Oh, but make sure
you bring me back a plate.
453
00:19:25,457 --> 00:19:28,168
Oh, and never mention what happened here.
454
00:19:28,252 --> 00:19:29,795
Or even me staying here.
455
00:19:29,878 --> 00:19:33,507
I would hate to have to send
my security detail to your door.
456
00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,759
Yeah, right.
I'm not afraid of no rent-a-cop.
457
00:19:35,843 --> 00:19:36,844
-Me neither.
-(laughter)
458
00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:44,393
Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead
and keep this a secret.
459
00:19:44,476 --> 00:19:45,602
Mm-hmm.
460
00:19:45,686 --> 00:19:47,312
Brisket.
461
00:19:47,396 --> 00:19:48,605
That's what I like.
462
00:19:48,689 --> 00:19:49,982
Potato salad.
463
00:19:50,065 --> 00:19:51,525
Macaroni and cheese.
464
00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:53,485
Uh, just put everything in the plate.
465
00:19:57,114 --> 00:19:58,949
(indistinct chattering)
466
00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:01,410
♪ I woke up this morning ♪
467
00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:03,829
♪ And I said... ♪
468
00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:05,122
-Come on, let's go.
-Let's go.
469
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,331
Man, this is hungry.
470
00:20:06,415 --> 00:20:07,624
DEREK: My stomach yelling at me.
471
00:20:07,708 --> 00:20:08,834
LONDON: I can hear it.
472
00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:10,669
(indistinct chatter)
473
00:20:14,506 --> 00:20:15,799
CAL: Huh? Huh?
474
00:20:15,883 --> 00:20:17,509
-(laughing)
-WOMAN: Wow!
475
00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:23,515
Now, I would love to take credit
for this amazing brisket.
476
00:20:23,599 --> 00:20:24,808
You'd best not.
477
00:20:24,892 --> 00:20:26,685
-(all laugh)
-I know, that's right.
478
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:31,190
Look, all props to my lovely
and beautifully talented wife.
479
00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:33,692
The real grill master
of the Johnson family.
480
00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:36,528
(laughter)
481
00:20:36,612 --> 00:20:38,447
Thank you, baby. I love you.
482
00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:40,199
Thank you. (laughs)
483
00:20:40,908 --> 00:20:42,242
-CAL: Hey, girls.
-DEB: Hey.
484
00:20:42,326 --> 00:20:44,536
Congratulations on pulling
this block party together.
485
00:20:44,620 --> 00:20:46,288
-Job well done.
-ALL: Thanks.
486
00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:47,372
DEB: It's not that we doubted you,
487
00:20:47,456 --> 00:20:49,249
but how did you get Mrs. Whitaker
to sign off?
488
00:20:49,333 --> 00:20:52,586
Ooh, we had to battle her
in this crazy subterranean skating rink.
489
00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:53,754
SIMONE: It's under her house,
490
00:20:53,837 --> 00:20:56,715
which is just a scary front
to keep the IRS, her greedy husband,
491
00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:58,717
-and newfound relatives out.
-DEB: Ooh.
492
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,053
And she skates by the name
Chi-Town Shelly,
493
00:21:01,136 --> 00:21:03,347
-but she's really...
-(car horn honks)
494
00:21:10,979 --> 00:21:14,149
Uh, really low-key and kind of cheap.
495
00:21:14,233 --> 00:21:15,859
Yeah, and she really loves her privacy,
496
00:21:15,943 --> 00:21:18,779
so I would advise for you
to never disturb her like that, ever.
497
00:21:18,862 --> 00:21:20,405
Like, ever.
498
00:21:20,489 --> 00:21:22,157
SIMONE: What they said, yeah.
499
00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:24,493
MICHELLE: Hey.
500
00:21:25,494 --> 00:21:27,454
How much for the brisket?
501
00:21:28,288 --> 00:21:29,498
Not for sale.
502
00:21:31,375 --> 00:21:33,210
(laughs) Sold!
503
00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:34,628
Mm.
504
00:21:39,466 --> 00:21:41,218
Maybe I'll play the lottery.
505
00:21:41,301 --> 00:21:42,594
(chuckles) Whoa.
506
00:21:42,678 --> 00:21:45,097
♪ Ain't nobody got to cry today ♪
507
00:21:45,180 --> 00:21:47,766
♪ You can save that trouble
For another day ♪
508
00:21:47,850 --> 00:21:50,310
♪ Hey, we're gonna have a good day ♪
509
00:21:53,689 --> 00:21:55,357
♪ The truth, coming to the barbecue ♪
510
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:56,733
♪ Promise it gonna be a moo' ♪
511
00:21:56,817 --> 00:21:58,193
♪ Holla if you rollin' through ♪
512
00:21:58,277 --> 00:21:59,653
♪ Like I... ♪
513
00:21:59,736 --> 00:22:00,946
♪ Bring the homey, bring the boo ♪
514
00:22:01,029 --> 00:22:02,406
♪ You can bring your mama too ♪
515
00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:04,992
♪ Oh, that is how we do, oh ♪
516
00:22:05,075 --> 00:22:08,495
♪ Monday through Friday
Got us like "meh" ♪
517
00:22:08,579 --> 00:22:12,207
♪ Everybody out the way, it's Saturday ♪
518
00:22:12,291 --> 00:22:14,960
♪ All we do is celebrate ♪
519
00:22:15,043 --> 00:22:16,879
♪ We got everything that we need ♪
520
00:22:16,962 --> 00:22:19,965
♪ 'Cause there ain't no other day
Like Saturday ♪