Itchy.
Towel.
MARCUS Love you.
♪ What's the long face?
♪ What's all the crying for?
♪ Didn't you expect it...
Fuck.
Corner!
Fak, it's a facelift, it's not a gut.
Bear, it is a facelift and a gut.
He is not wrong, Jeffrey. Hey.
- How's my budget looking? - Great.
- Not good. - Shitty.
Alright. Fuck this. Watch.
The Bear, alright?
We have equipment that works.
That's a great start, everybody. Zero.
Then we have a deep clean...
Very. - Very deep...
clean and drywall insulation.
- Tables, chairs... - The fridge is still fucked and the gas line...
The fryer is fucked. That's 5K right there.
No, that's ten for a used piece-of-shit fryer.
And then another ten for the correct fryer.
And the oven is scary, that's another ten.
Okay, good. Alright, so we got 20.
- Thirty. Thirty. The oven. - Thirty? Fuck me.
Then we got the windows, the demo, the brick.
That's 50K plus 20K, that is 70K.
Plus 30, that's 80K That's not bad. Really?
Fuck me. Cousin!
Plus the permits, the inspections, and the licenses.
Yes. Right. Okay! - And those people aren't nice.
10K, 10K, plus 70K. - Smart thinking, Neil.
So we're at 80.
- Eighty. - Ninety.
Ninety. Ninety.
I was gonna say 90, okay. Fridge is fucked.
- Also AC. - HVAC?
So we are at 85.
Hmm. - Ha, ha, no, just kidding.
Ninety-five, 95K.
Just out of morbid curiosity,
how accurate do we think these numbers are?
I think I am pretty much right on a couple of 'em.
Fantastic.
And you have to pay us, Jeffrey.
She's right about that, Jefferson.
I know. I'm aware. And I've already...
I've set that aside, okay?
Also, I still don't see the drywall on there.
Yes, right, no. Richie's brother-in-law,
he's gonna do the drywall, actually.
Cousin! Where the fuck is he?
It's so weird when he doesn't answer me.
- He's downstairs. - He's still downstairs?
Still, yeah.
Alright, I'll be back.
We need more money.
We need a project manager.
Okay. You're hired.
- Yeah, right. - Yeah. Right.
- Syd. - Nat.
- Not good. - No. Bad. Bad.
♪ ...falls down
♪ See, the lights do a long
♪ Slow fade
♪ The show goes on
Fuck.
Yo. Cousin, can you call Sal?
I need a drywall estimate.
Thirteen.
Thirteen what? For what?
That'll be his drywall estimate.
Oh.
Okay.
Yo, you ever think about purpose?
I love you, but I do not have time for this, alright?
I have time for this.
Purpose.
What's my purpose, homie?
Your shirt says "Original Berf."
It's a printing mistake.
Collector's item.
Yo, um, I'm trying really hard to be on board
with all this new shit, cousin.
I'm, uh, I'm reading a lot.
I'm trying to learn about who am I to my history.
So in one of these books, there's this dude who's got...
like, no skills,
no personality, nothin'.
All he does is watches trains.
Watches trains do what?
Watches 'em be trains.
And he's got this...
group of friends that he's had since he's a little kid,
you know, and they're all the shit...
and they're outgrowing him, like,
one's like a sick athlete, one's a genius.
This other one's nasty on the keys.
Then, this other one, she's got, like,
charisma like a motherfucker.
And one day, out of the blue,
boom.
They drop his ass.
They just... cut that motherfucker off.
Why do they do that?
'Cause he's got no purpose.
Okay, so, wh-what does he do?
I don't know. I haven't read that far.
But I do know that I'm...
forty-five. I've been here a long time.
You feel me?
I mean, you know what the fuck you're doing, you know.
You love all this shit.
It's fun for you.
I don't have that.
I'm afraid one day, I'm gonna wake up
and you guys are all just gonna cut...
just drop this ass.
Richie, I'm not gonna drop this ass.
This shit's not fun for me.
Yeah, but you love it.
That doesn't make it fun.
If this shit is not fun for you, cousin,
what the fuck is fun for you?
I don't know. I have to get back to you on that.
All these pots are toast, mama.
We're gonna have to get the good-good for the new Jeff.
New Jeff?
If Carmy is the executive chef
and you're the CDC, you're the new Carmy.
We need a new Sydney.
Um, okay, well, good-good is expensive.
So let's just see what we can salvage here.
Sydney, look at this shit.
Half of these pots are burnt on one side.
Well, you know, it's always about the craftsperson, not the tools.
Yeah, okay, these are, um,
just really cheap, shitty restaurant supply bullshit.
Maybe we can Bar Keepers Friend some of them.
Hmm, science, baby.
Well, do you want a little more science?
Always. I love learning this shit.
Okay, well, on the good-good,
there's, like, all these stacked layers of steel,
and in between them is an aluminum core.
You're an aluminum core.
Oh, hi, baby. - What's up, T?
- How you doing? - Aw.
Just, like, lurking, waiting till I, like, said that or--
No, no, I just walked in, perfect timing.
Yeah, okay.
How is she? All good.
Um, nurse just had an emergency.
She'll be back tomorrow, and Chester's got her.
If you need anything...
Yeah, I know.
♪ When your back's against the wall ♪
♪ That's when I kick you in the balls ♪
♪ Ballbreaker
I'm gonna find you a new home.
That's gonna be my home.
Your home's my home.
Oh, don't worry about me.
I got it, you know. Just heavy as shit.
Shit, uh... Well, never mind.
That was much easier.
♪ Saxophones started blowing me down ♪
♪ I was buried in sound
♪ Taxicabs were driving me around ♪
♪ To the handshake drugs I bought downtown ♪
Corner.
♪ To the handshake drugs
♪ I bought downtown
- Yeah. - Yeah.
You...
♪ They were translated poorly... ♪
Fudge.
Yo. Nat, what was that great idea we had the other day?
The one I said to write down? Yeah.
I don't suppose you wrote it down?
No. I'm starving. You want? No, that's yours.
I thought I wanted it, but then I wanted to throw up.
In other news, I reviewed your numbers.
Mm-hmm. And?
Aside from being vaguely kinda a little bit sorta close,
you're missing an IRS stipulation.
Which IRS stipulation?
The one that says businesses
have to have all previous debts be current...
Yeah, but we're on a payment plan.
...and complete before any new business license is granted.
That can't possibly be true.
Here.
- Alright. So that's, that's definitely true. - Mm-hmm.
Okay, great, I can figure that out.
Um, thank you. Thank you for, uh, for helping today
but you have to get the fuck outta here.
- You gotta save yourself. - Um...
Sydney asked me to be project manager.
Really? That's interesting. What did you say?
That it was interesting and that I'd think about.
We need a project manager?
Yes. Yes, we do. Very much so.
Yes. Hello. Good morning.
I'm not making the same mistakes I made last time.
Yeah, but then, you know, who's gonna approve
all these insane interest rates?
Oh, that's nice. Carm, go fuck yourself?
- What's going on? - Oh, you're not gonna like it.
Awesome. So gas is off
until hoods and overheads pass the new fire suppression test.
- Okay. Is that a Fak? Sounds like a Fak. - No, it is not a Fak.
It is not a Fak.
It's a specialist. Aw.
Shit. Yeah, shit.
But some good news.
Everybody is food certified except for Ebra,
who just needs to be renewed.
And Richie, who actually has never done it because...
Richie. Yes.
Also, I filed with the BACP
for our City of Chicago Consultant.
Right. We need them to approve
all of our new business paperwork,
and then they'll send a rep and that rep will sign off
on another rep who will come and look at stuff
and then sign off on a, on a different rep.
- How many reps is that? - Many.
A lot. A lot of reps. Yeah.
But it's-it's gonna be okay, you know.
All we have to do is just stay calm
and make sure--
Fuck. - Sydney.
Fuck. What was that?
Uh, fell through a wall.
- Good morning. - Damn, you got strong.
What kind of insurance coverage do we have
for people falling through the fuckin' wall?
The really good kind where you pray they don't.
Yo! Syd, you just fu...
Why'd you tear Fenway?
Why did I tear Fenway?
That's been there for five years.
You think I intentionally fell through a wall?
"A," fuck the Red Sox,
and "B," what has it been hiding for five years?
"A," that's...
Three, four, five.
"A," that's Mikey's favorite squad,
so please show some respect, okay?
And "B," that's the result of some failed Jewish Lightning.
- Yo. - What?
What? That's what it's called.
No, we're not doing that.
I'd like to add it to the list, please.
Look, I haven't said
G or R in over a week.
No, cousin, explain.
In an effort of personal growth,
I promise not to say gay or retarded--
- No, cousin, the hole. Explain. - You just-just said it.
Jewish Lightning is when you burn down a place.
Yeah, the explanation makes it seem worse.
Look, there was a time when
Mikey was maybe on some shit and he thought
that if this place were to accidentally... burn down,
that maybe there'd be some insurance money.
I got it, thank you.
I just wanna say that I think
the explanation of Jewish Lightning
does cement it as something that we shouldn't say.
You're correct.
Alright, this is salvageable.
Um, Natalie, do you know where the tape is?
The tape is packed. It's up front.
Okay? Jeff.
You fell through the wall? Corner.
Yes. Yes. - You okay?
Okay. What was I saying?
Gotta stay calm and take it step by step.
No, I know. We will.
Not the first hole in a wall I've fallen through.
- No, no, that's what you were saying. - It is.
Huh? Really?
Okay.
Paint in the crawlspace.
That was the great idea?
Yo, cousin, you do me a favor
and get the paint from the crawlspace?
I'm on the operating table right now, cousin.
Purpose, Chef.
Good point, Chef.
Thank you.
So there's a hole in the wall.
Yeah, I heard.
Do me a favor. Just keep thinking about it.
I'll definitely keep thinking about that hole.
No. No, the project management.
Oh.
Um, timing on my side is not great.
Never is.
There's not enough money.
Never is.
Where do you get more?
Is that in my head?
Ow.
No.
Okay.
So, um, this is coming
from a place of wanting to start fresh and clean.
I love this place. I love this city.
I wanna start our first business here.
I want it to be a real business,
an honest business with-with-with honest partners.
We wanna do high-level dining
and hospitality and-and-and beverages.
And we can and we will because we know
that any good restaurant starts
with dedication to service and taking care of the customer.
We drafted a quick term sheet that specifically lays out
not only our business prospectus,
but an execution guide as well as a return portfolio.
Hey, Richard, will you turn that fucking thing off, please?
I'm trying.
What the fuck we doin' here?
What's going on? What are you...
What are you doing?
Mikey was telling you the truth.
About the-the petting zoo?
What? No, no, no, no.
Mini golf? No.
About franchising.
He wanted to franchise this place.
He wanted to open a restaurant with me.
How the fuck do you know?
'Cause we found your money.
Motherfucker didn't put it in a bank, did he?
No, he-he definitely didn't put it in a bank.
Oh, God. Thank Christ.
What is KBL?
Kalinowski, me, Berzatto, you, Layne, Lee.
Lee? Who's Lee?
Uncle Lee Layne.
Oof. That's not our uncle.
Yeah, well, Richie's not your cousin.
Heard and resented.
Hey, Richie, could you please turn that
goddamn motherfuckin' thing off?
It's making me insane!
How's it not makin' you insane?
I don't mind it. Lucky you.
I'm on it, Uncle J. How the fuck did I know
that the crawlspace had a goddamn alarm on it?
Mikey's fuckin' Kevin McCalliper--
McCallister. - McCallister.
Yes. Hello.
Uh, the password is "gofastboatsmojito," all one word.
Yeah. Go fast boats and then mojito. All one word.
Okay, so just to be clear,
'cause, you know, I can't fuckin' hear correctly.
Not only are you not giving me back
the original $300,000 you owe me,
but you are also asking me for an additional $500,000?
Yes, that sounds correct. Okay.
And so how many times you've done this, Carm?
None times.
And what's your track record, Syd?
- Not great. - Cool. I'm in.
Okay, you are first out with a bonkers interest rate
because, well, we have no choice.
And you'd also be entitled to a partnership.
Partnership of what, my love?
Hey, you throw a rock, you hit five great restaurants.
We're going to be better.
Um, this is going to be a destination spot.
This is going to be an excellent restaurant.
And I know that because we're going to get a star.
- Syd. - Carm.
- Fuck stars. - Okay, well, you can say that
because you already got one.
No, no, no, I never got one. I retained it.
That's basically a cousin of getting one.
Okay, kids. It's not getting one, it's retaining one.
Somebody else got it, I retained it.
Guys. - You kinda got one, though.
What do you mean? They're being funny.
Let's get a star.
Oh, thank fucking God.
Thank fuck. Yeah, bitch.
Okay, so you get a star. Now what?
- We're dialed. - My trapped.
My friends, can I tell you a story
about complete and utter failure?
Look, we don't pay you back
by the end of 18 months, and it is yours.
What's mine? All of it.
The building and the lot.
- Well, Carm. - Yeah, Carm.
What do you think?
I don't know what the fuck I'm thinkin'.
- Tell me more. - You can get five million for this lot.
Two maybe.
- Your math is-- - Fucked.
- Yeah. Not good. - Okay.
Look, we don't pay you the money
by the end of 18 months, worst-case scenario,
you helped out your nephew, he blew it.
You're out 800 grand, and you can make two million.
And then we are done forever.
Jimmy, I wasn't gonna tell you about the money,
but we need more, okay?
And we need a partner, and that is the truth.
What do you say?
How long'd it take you to open?
That is a great question.
Well, you know...
great partners ask great questions.
Okay.
Alright, Fak, Gary on construction and demo.
Syd, we're on menu? Yes, Chef.
With Jimmy's injection, it's gonna take
at least eight months to get into profit,
which, to put it generously, is tight,
given it's gonna take six months to open.
- Six months? - Six months?
Yeah, at least.
And that's being...
- What, confident? - Cocky.
Crazy. You guys. Crazy.
Dude, um, we have 18 months to pay back that loan.
Uh, is there anything we can do? I mean...
Dude, you are the one that said 18 months.
That's a CP. What's a CP?
- Carmy Problem. - A Carmy Problem.
- Great. - Six months is gonna kill us.
Yeah. No, we're gonna have to be rockin' from the jump.
Just fuckin' packed right out.
And you want a, uh, star.
I think it'd be nice. Yeah.
- Godspeed. - Thank you.
Start looking into crew? - Yeah.
Natalie, do you work here?
I'm still thinking.
I have one person still thinking, Chef.
Tremendous. - Thank you.
Alright, okay, we're gonna have to
find people that want to learn,
which is gonna be impossible.
But, you know, it's even more difficult
to teach people how to give a shit, so.
Good night. Jeffs.
- Bye, T. - Good night.
Okay. Oh, and Sydney,
I got a bunch of those stains out.
That Bar Keepers works.
Science, baby.
Yeah, okay, I'll see you all bright and early tomorrow.
Yep. Night, Chef.
Bye. - Night.
Tina.
Tina? Tina, hey.
- Sorry, uh... - What's up?
I wanted to...
I wanted to ask you something, and-and you can totally say no.
- It might be completely insane. - I could stay later.
- It's just there wasn't that much left to do. - No, no, go home, obviously.
Go home. It's-it's more... I wanted to ask you...
Uh, yeah. If you-- obviously feel free to say no,
this is probably insane.
And it would just require a lot of training.
And, I mean, like a lot of training,
like, more than you've probably ever done before.
And you also know this place.
I mean, it's a fucking hell hole.
And why would you wanna be here?
But, um, yeah, it was just about earlier.
If you, you know, you were talking about
the new sous and I guess--
Oh, yeah, I can ask around.
I just don't know anybody off the top--
No, no, no.
T... Tina, I'm asking you
if you would, um, be interested
in learning how to be my sous.
Yeah, if you... I guess...
I don't know. if you wanna be my Jeff or whatever.
Oh, fuck. Oh, Christ.
- You're very strong. - Yes. Yes. Yes.
You're very, very strong.
- I am. - That's cool.
Great. Okay. Okay.
Um, yeah, go home, though.
Okay. - Yeah.
But I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Tomorrow? Yeah.
Yes, Jeff. Okay. Night.
Okay.
She all good?
Well, I'm almost outta here.
I appreciate you, dude.
DVR it. She'll watch it later.
Alright.
Quiet.
Don't think I've ever heard it be quiet in here.
Definitely not.
Good evening, Chef.
Good night, Chef.
♪ In the darkest hour
♪ Of the longest night
♪ If it was in my power
♪ I'd step into the light
♪ Candles on the altar
♪ Penny in your shoe
Night, guys. Night.
- Thanks for today, Bear. - Yeah, you're welcome.
Ah, we'll see you tomorrow? Uh, we'll see.
Okay. Well, I'm choosing to believe.
Really gonna leave early?
I mean, there's only so much we can do without permits.
It feels weird, though, right?
Very. Yes.
It's too chill?
Well, I don't know. We can go home early.
Right.
- Um... - What are you, uh...
Oh, uh, I don't know.
Um, what are you gonna...
No idea.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
- Yep. - Cool.
- Okay, night. - Night.
♪ Transcendental blues
Yo!
Six months is too long.
We need to open this shit ASAP.
Heard.
Is this a terrible idea?
Cool. Good. Okay. Yeah.
Just making sure.
♪ Can I scream?
♪ Yeah!
♪ We lack the motion
♪ To move to the new beat ♪
♪ Whoo!
♪ We lack the motion
♪ To move to the new beat ♪
♪ It's here for us to admire
♪ If we can afford the beauty of it ♪
♪ If we can afford the luxury of turning our heads ♪
♪ If we tried and tried and tried ♪
♪ Adjust that thousand-dollar smile ♪
♪ And behold the creation of man ♪
♪ Great words won't cover ugly actions ♪
♪ Good frames won't save bad paintings ♪
♪ Whoo!
♪ To move to the new beat
♪ Yeah!
♪ We lack