The rockridge bulk emporium brothers are about three things.
Both: Infinite savings, efficiency, and back support.
What's the plan when we're stuck behind a family
Taking up the whole aisle?
Whoo! Spin move!
And then, beelining towards the tube sock 12-pack of my dreams!
What if the three-pack of lunch meats
Aren't in the regular spot?
I find the lady who already has them, I say,
"ma'am, where the meat at?!"
Meanwhile, I'm carbo-loading on tiny pizza samples.
(making clicking sounds) and getting one for my dog.
Boom! It's sample or be sampled!
Come on, can we go now?
Is this what adulthood is going to be like?
It's the best part.
I honestly feel more complete as a man.
Train's leaving for paradise.
Both: Choo-choo!
♪
Kids, the chair-making show we like is on.
You want to join? Kids?!
Camille? Babe?
Ramesh?
- (doorbell ringing) - camille: I'm writing.
Can you get that?
(groaning)
(doorbell ringing)
Coming!
- (doorbell ringing) - whoa!
- Vance. Bob. - Andrew. Good day.
Andrew, don't you look well?
May we?
So, how's suspension treating you, bob?
Well, I'm just living it up.
Oh, lucky you because my workload doubled,
And I found out your to-do list never got to-done.
Which brings us to why we're here.
(sighing) vance and our therapist
Thought it would be a good idea if I apologized to people
For any harm I may have caused with my "corruption".
- No air quotes. - My corruption.
So, I guess I owe you an apology.
I regret you may have been hurt by my actions.
There, I did it.
No, you didn't. Now, come on, say it, mean it.
(sighing) I'm...
I'm s...
I am...
I am so...
Why is it so hard to say sorry?
Look, we're good.
It's my first weekend off with no work in a while
And I just want to chill with my family.
- Yep, you got it. Bye. - No, bob.
You know what? Andrew, we would love it
If you and your beautiful family would spend this weekend
At our quaint little cottage.
Both: What?
Well, we're clearly not going anymore
Because we're in need of an emergency
Couples therapy session.
You're not joking?
I've always wanted to go to a cottage.
Well, it's all yours. Bob will send you the details.
Let's go, bob.
(sighing) vance, why would you do that?
- Vance: It serves you right! - (door closing)
Phams, pack your bags! We're going to a cottage!
Seriously, where is everyone?
♪
(horns honking)
Ramesh (on phone:) oh, how's traffic?
It sucks. I just turned off the engine.
We're literally just parked here.
How do so many people have cottages?
Hmm, generational wealth.
Dad, are you sure you're going to be okay alone this weekend?
Oh, I'll be fully occupied.
Camille: Making pancakes.
Waffles, actually.
Don't worry, I shan't burn down the house.
In fact, I have a few homey things to tackle around here.
Uh, really? Like what?
The house shan't be burned down.
That is your takeaway here.
- Okay. - Ramesh: Well, ta-ta.
- Watch out for bears. - (phone beeping)
This cottage is in, like,
Deep woods, with an outhouse, right?
Vance said it was "quaint yet rustic".
What white people call "roughing it".
Woodsy walter stays in his own shelter alone.
- I'm going to try it. - Who's woodsy walter?
- Some dork he follows. - You're the dork.
Khia, what are you listening to?
Oh, it's the cabin cleaver podcast.
There is a serial killer out near the lake we're going to,
Back in the early 2000s, the lakeside lopper.
He lopped off six people's heads.
(laughing)
The radio up here is so quirky.
Dj (on radio:) great news, folks.
The world's biggest beer cozy landmark
Has reopened for the season.
So, bring the family, but expect a line-up.
Yes! That's on my didil: My...
All: Dream it, do it list.
Real talk, I cleared my insane schedule for this weekend,
So my didil involves doing nada.
Fine, you earned it.
But spending time together as a family in nature
Is number one on my didil.
Since when are you interested in nature?
I never got to do stuff in the wild growing up.
The closest I ever came was, this one time,
My cousin lily threw
A computer into a ravine and my uncle made us fish it out.
My mom didn't want me to spend too much time in the sun
Because my skin would get darker.
Shadism is not a good look, naniji.
Lucky for you, your parents are perfect.
Both: Eeeeee!
Dj (on radio:) break out the crokinole,
The forecast is calling for more rain.
Ignore that.
We're going to enjoy the hell out of this beautiful country.
- (horn honking) - come on!
We're trying to build some core memories here!
♪
Get out of here, stupid bugs! Come on!
You're supposed to spray yourself.
Or go natural.
Woodsy walter showed how to harvest citronella oil.
You're obsessed with that guy.
You're one to talk, murder girl.
Don't fight. This is nature time.
It's beautiful.
(gagging) bug. Ugh.
All: Whoa!
This is fancier than our house.
They have vr headsets?
Oh, it smells like a spa.
- Nice. - They got 6g up here.
I'm listening to the last episode.
No.
It's didil time. Come on!
I've got some classic cottage fun in mind.
Listening to podcasts?
Splitting up to see who can survive the longest
Off the land?
Finding the hot tub.
Let me give you a hint.
Zzz! Plop!
Oh, what do we have here?
It's fishing! Huh?
Is this going to get any less boring?
Fishing is not about rushing.
Woodsy walter catches fish with his bare hands.
I will give you all of my tet money if you can catch a fish
With your bare hands.
No, no, you're not going to do that.
He wants to; let him.
(sighing) whoa!
Oh! Oh!
W hat do I do?! What do I do?!
Okay, I'll look it up, I'll look it up, I'll look it up.
(screeching happily)
Um, okay. "lure it in and... Remove the hook
"and bludgeon its head."
What? I'm not going to do that. No.
- Andrew, andrew. - Oh, no, no. You're the chef,
And I have an overactive gag reflex.
- Ugh! - Ugh! Okay!
Whoa!
Ahh!
Ho, ho, ho!
The lopper!
Is there a head inside?
Why is that your first thought?
Okay, fine. Maybe no fish sticks,
But we can have some campfire s'mores tonight.
There's a fire ban in the area.
What?!
Well, there goes didil number four through twenty-one.
I already got another one. Let's go!
Huzzah! Ha-ha! Now, that's aligned.
No more five degrees off for you, mr. Tea cupboard.
(chuckling)
I do like being able to talk to myself out loud again.
There's something so pleasuring
About self-auditory stimulation.
All right.
Ah, yes, the ice maker has been acting up again.
Ah...
(grinding whirring)
That's new.
- (whirring) - ah! Ah!
Ah!
Aah! (grunting)
♪
♪ our house had the biggest patio ♪
♪ our house had all the summer shade ♪
(coughing)
- ♪ we had patio lanterns ♪ - (thunder rumbling)
♪ those patio lanterns ♪
♪ they were the stars in our sky ♪
♪ those patio lanterns ♪
Andrew: Sun's out!
There you are.
Only found one, but we can take turns.
No, I'm done. I am making my own didil.
It's called dmotac, do my own thing and chill.
Khia!
Same. Time to woodsy walter it up.
Leo!
Okay, but we could still...
I found a float tank in the west wing.
I love you, though.
Babe... (sighing)
Traitors! All of you!
- (buzzing) - ah.
Who left the door open?
God! Stupid bugs. Gah!
♪ higher, higher, higher, higher ♪
It is not hot in here.
Yeah, I couldn't figure out how to turn it on,
But the smell of cedar, it's enough to take me away.
Oh, my god!
What happened to your face?
Bird watching.
More like birds watching me, than attacking me.
Yeah, might be time to let go of this didil stuff.
I can't believe the kids don't care.
Didn't our families immigrate to give us a better life?
Indoors! I like to believe
That my ancestors struggled so that, one day,
I could eat curly fries in a hot sauna, and I want that for them.
Maybe I just need to meet them on their level.
Or you could help me check off something on my didil.
We can do that anytime!
This is my only chance to sing tragically hip at sunset.
Name one song.
Not the point!
Hudson: Hello?
- Ahh! - Hey, ramesh.
Just dropping off andrew's half of the bulk birdseed.
You good?
Perfectly fine, thank you.
Oh, hey, man, incontinence is nothing to be ashamed of.
- What?! No! - My grandma June has a--
The ice maker's broken.
Andrew usually fixes it. I thought I'd give it a try.
Oh, no problem, I have the same fridge,
Rockridge bulk emporium two-pack.
- Mind if I...
- Be my guest. - All right.
See?
Right... Under here. So, we just get in here...
- No, stop! - Let me just...
Stop touching things.
Oopsie.
You broke it.
I can't let this food go to waste.
Can we take some of it to your house?
Sorry, man, my fridge is packed to the max
With infinite savings.
Well, then... Hungry?
Hey, hey, my baby girl.
May I?
(sighing) yeah.
Hey, we might not have a campfire,
But we can still tell some stories.
Yeah. Um...
Okay. I'll tell a story.
All right. It's on my didil--
Lit only by his lantern,
The lakeside lopper would stalk campers and cut off their heads.
Then, he would dry out their tendons and braid them together,
So that he could use it for rope for his shelter.
He'd grab their organs right--
No, no, I can't. I can't.
No. And then, he'd take their skin
And rip it right off their bones.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la! Not listening!
People still think
That he might be alive!
Too easy.
Whoa!
This is like the ritz-carlton of forest shelters.
Can I help?
The point is to kind of do it alone.
Oh.
Fine. You can join in for a bit.
All right.
♪ me and my favourite boy ♪
♪ build it in the wood ♪
Hey! I work better in silence.
Oh, respect the craft. Gotcha.
Oh, spider!
(yelping, whimpering)
Dad, your arm's bleeding.
I'll make a poultice.
No, no, no, no. Come on. I'll walk it off.
I'll walk it off.
(wincing) ahh...
♪ only got one arm ♪
♪ not gonna slow me down ♪
Dad, woodsy walter says his number one tip
Is to cut dead weight.
Oh, no problem.
Tell me if you want to hang out later.
Maybe we'll go for a little swim.
Maybe.
Ha-ha! Look at us, two bachelors cooking up a fridge full of food
On a Saturday night, doing the thing.
All I wanted to do was
Fix some things and pleasure myself
With endless self-auditory stimulation.
Look at how that went.
Okay, it's not that bad.
I should accept that things just don't go my way.
That's not true.
You have so many things going right; house to live in,
Food to eat, friends.
(oven beeping)
Oh, my god, the pizza tacos!
- Let me up. - (both grunting)
This rock-skipping game looks so real.
What's your record so far?
One-and-a-half rocks if I skip two rocks.
So, you didn't want to go canoe portaging with dad?
I don't even think he knows what "portaging" means.
Do you think he even likes this stuff?
I think that this is his way to force us to spend time with him.
What even is a core memory, anyway?
Something you'll always remember.
I mean, trauma, right?
- (both laughing) - totally.
Even though this is a serial killer's playground,
It's pretty chill.
It must have sucked that mom and dad
Never got to do this until now.
Remember when they wanted to "embrace winter",
And so they took us skiing?
Mom couldn't even get off the ski lift
And dad went down backwards.
Yeah. I mean, at least they always try.
Yeah, that's pretty cool, I guess.
- Wanna go outside? - Sure.
There's a lopper crime scene I wanna check out.
(sighing contentedly)
Oh!
Okay, now, it's too hot.
I figured out how to turn it on.
It's voice-activated.
♪ I got lots of ♪
♪ curly fries! ♪
I think we should put the parental controls
Back on the kids' internet.
No more podcasts or woodsy walters.
Why? Because it teaches them independent thought?
Exactly. It's too much.
No, they're growing older.
It's natural for them to want space.
It feels like they don't need me anymore.
(kids screaming)
- What is that? - The kids!
- (kids screaming) - daddy's coming!
- Sauna off! - Voice assistant: Okay.
(kids screaming)
We were just in the woods!
- We saw a bear! - Bears don't carry axes!
It's the lopper!
Holy crap!
Big fur! What do we do?!
If it's brown, lay down, and if it's black, fight back.
It was like a black-brown. Maybe more brown-black?
- Quick! Shoulder to shoulder! - Look big! And move!
Okay! Aah!
Just in case, I want you all to know
I love you all so much.
And I was the one who stunk up the van on the way here.
- Ugh. - Love you, too.
Part of me wants it to be the lopper.
I'm not well.
I love all of you so much, and I forced you to do the didil
Because I think we're drifting apart.
Sometimes, I bite... My toenails before bed.
All: Eww.
Love you?
(roaring)
(screaming)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Put down the oar.
Someone forgot to sheath this.
Bob?
Why are you dressed like an apex predator?
Like I'm letting vance have my fur.
Okay, but why are you here?
Vance kicked me out.
And then... I got fired.
And then, my car ran out of electricity.
I had to slog for an hour through the woods.
Wait, you got fired?
Oh, that's terrible news, man.
Yeah. (sobbing)
Oh... Bob, I'm sorry you're going through a rough time.
(sobbing)
- (sobbing continues) - I got you, buddy.
♪
Love the air fryer, bob.
So roomy.
- Take it. - Oh, that's not nece--
Kids are grown, they never come up.
Vance and I thought we'd retire here.
I guess I can now.
(scoffing) you do a little light money laundering
And suddenly, everybody's so by the book.
Well, at least you still have this place.
Yeah. It was my grandfather's. Then, we did a massive reno.
I had to go to court with my sister for it.
I haven't seen her in ten years.
But that lake view, it's worth it.
I take it you enjoyed yourself?
It was all right.
Tackled some things on my did-- activity list.
They didn't seem into it.
Yeah, family's overrated.
You compromise, you sacrifice, you make activity lists.
And for what?
Well, for a chance to love and be loved back.
(chuckling mirthlessly) love only leads to hurt.
Yeah, but then it comes back to love and understanding.
(chattering)
It's unconditional.
Well, if they keep rejecting you,
You can stay here with me.
Ha! I think I'll do pretty much anything in my power
To make sure that doesn't happen.
And on that note,
They wanted to leave hours ago, so...
- Okay, it's been a time. - Take care, bob.
(sighing)
And I hope the lake heals your heart.
Let's go, phams!
(snorting)
Ah! Aah!
(groaning) food hangover is no joke.
Neither is a real hangover.
Your pina coladas were too delicious.
Hey, if you have a pile of coconuts to use...
Both: You colada them!
(chuckling)
Thank you for helping, hudson.
I'm sorry for my bad mood. It's been hard.
Hey, hit me, meshey.
I never thought, at this age,
I'd be living in my daughter's basement.
I thought by fixing these things,
I could gain some sense of control, even for a moment.
I couldn't even have that.
I feel you.
I never thought I'd be a single dad raising a teenager.
Now, that's hardship.
Ha! I had my time with that.
And camille turned out great.
You made the best out of a hard situation,
Just like last night.
Gotta take it one samosa at a time.
You're right. Thanks.
Do you think your bulk depot sells single fridges?
I could at least start looking for a replacement.
(chuckling) it has nearly everything.
It's beautiful.
Dj (on radio:) the highway is bumper to bumper
Out of cottage country. Why would anyone want to leave?
I'm sorry I pushed way too hard
And was only focused on what I wanted.
I just wanted to give you kids the classic canadian experience.
Yeah, but classic for who, dad?
Man...
Growing up,
I wanted to be white so bad, or just...
At least to have the things they got to have.
Yeah, I felt like they had all the fun.
- Andrew: Yeah. - We're fun,
And we have traditions, too,
Like those letters you write us on our first day of school.
And making me lie about my age, so we get things cheaper.
Yeah, and our new tradition,
Making fun of leo for biting his toenail.
(chuckling)
Come on. I thought we were going to die.
Yeah, we make our own version of classic experiences.
How about making a giant beer cozy one of our classics?
Babe, do not tease me.
No, dad, let's do it.
Let's check one off of our didil!
That's what I'm talking about!
Once this traffic moves!
- (horn honking) - okay...
Seriously! Move! Just go!
We're all headed to the same place.
(whimpering)
(crow cawing)
Female agent: Whoever did this really knows what they're doing.
Male agent: Never seen one of these before.
(sniffing) jeez.
The bottle's all sticky, too.
It's gotta be covered in prints.
Female agent: Got something.
- Looks like blood. - Call in forensics now.
Yeah. Wait. Does this mean...?
(sighing)
The lakeside lopper is back.
(crow cawing)
♪
Radio dj: The local police advise everyone
To lock their doors and boathouses.
It seems as if the dreaded lakeside lopper
Is back on the prowl.
In other news, there was huge traffic
Getting into the world's biggest beer cozy landmark
This opening weekend.
(horns honking)
Andrew: This line-up has taken five hours,
But it's worth it because it was on my didil.
I am so thirsty. Do you have any water?
Radio dj: I'm not sure what a didil is,
But I hope it's nothing bad.
(loon calling)