As you know, we've both been very busy with work lately,
So we haven't been as available to you, until now.
Because we want you to know that we got you.
You can ask us anything.
Struggling to connect with your crush?
Need help with your riz?
You just made riz uncool, thanks.
Battling online trolls? Weirdos dming you?
Any big, overwhelming feelings?
I'm feeling bored.
Come on, there's gotta be something we can help you with.
Nope. Now, can I go mentally erase this whole interaction?
Hold on.
There is something that's been bothering me.
- Yeah. - Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Are mutual funds or etfs better for my long-term goals?
Man (on computer:) so, you want to focus on what will maximize
Your tax savings or free up cash flow, depending on your...
That actually makes so much sense.
"sense"? More like dollar, dollar bills!
- Ah! - 'ey!
He's getting into bonds.
♪ yeah, money, dollars, yeah ♪
Dollar, dollar bills, y'all. Dollar, dollar bills--
Shh!
♪
Coach: Hustle! Hustle, jacob! Pass that ball!
Did I miss anything?
Leo made a great layup.
That big one just swatted it out of the hoop.
Those kids even kids?
That one's got a five o'clock shadow.
Leo, you got this, my baby boy.
How's work?
Parking lot geese are back.
- Oh, damn. - Yeah.
I got umbrellas in both hands, trying to shoot them away, like,
"ha, ha, ha, ha."
But they just stare back at me with murder in their eyes,
Just like this...
Maybe you should call animal control.
Uh-uh. Then, they'll know they got to me.
Coach: You want to dribble?
Yo, you got this, phamsanity!
(whistle blowing)
You're aware this is just a pick-up game
In a recreational after-school program,
Right, andrew?
Aw, yeah, my bad. Sorry, coach ray, kids.
Boy: Come on, let's go.
Are you okay?
Leo's got try-outs for the city team this week.
I think he's nervous.
Hm. Are you, too?
He came so close last year,
And I haven't been able to spend much time with him lately
To practice.
I just want him to know that his pops has got his back.
Coach: Yep. Pass it, pass it!
Hudson: I think he's aware.
Coach: Tristan! What did I say, tristan?
Let's go, leo!
Aww! That's--
That's hilarious, buddy, but you should focus on the game.
What's going on?
He's usually got two eyes of the tiger out there.
Mm, I don't know. Maybe he's distracted.
Three-pointer, leo!
Go, go, go!
Seriously, how tall is that kid?
Man...
(sighing) khia...
Hey, mom.
I thought that you were filming today.
Oh, finished up early, so I thought I would just come by
And say hi, since we didn't get to watch that movie last night.
Yeah, well, homework.
I just haven't had time to hang out so much, and you know,
Missing my baby girl.
Baby woman--
Young woman-- young person, you.
Are they-- are they friends of yours?
Khia: Yeah, right,
That's finn and tav, they're seniors.
They have no idea that I exist.
Hey, I know you. You're on good morning gloria.
Yeah, the 'simmer till it glimmers' lady!
My mom loves you.
Yeah, that's-- that's me. Also, the mother to khia here.
- Tav: Sick. - Hi.
You go to our school, right?
Uh-huh, ye-- yeah.
So, do you cook, as well?
Oh, I, uh--
She sure does. In fact, she's gonna be on tv, too.
- Finn: Wow. - Tav: Nice.
Yeah, my producer has been asking me for new pitches lately
And I thought, "why not a whole cooking with cool, artsy,
"fun-to-be-around teens segment?"
Right.
Cool. Being on tv is, like, vintage or something.
(laughing) so vintage.
So, we'll let you know when it's on, or khia will.
It's gonna be great.
- Tav: That's awesome. - Finn: That is so cool.
And you're sure none of those kids
Are on human growth hormones?
Raul can dunk now!
Yeah, puberty hits some of these kids hard and fast.
Yeah, but little raul?
I remember when he could barely dunkaroo.
Look, I-- oh, hey, leo.
Great job today. See you at try-outs?
Oh, yeah. Thanks, coach.
Thought you were working.
Oh, I always got time for my boy.
Except for this past week, when I had to work late.
But I'm here now. You pumped for try-outs?
(sighing) um...
I was thinking maybe I'd pass this year.
What?
I just don't know how much I'm into a competitive league.
Aww, but this is your year.
I love watching you play.
My boy's squeaking up those floors.
Okay, but it's "my man", not "my boy".
Hey, what kind of milk you drinking?
5%, 6%? Straight from the teat?
Okay, who knew I was going to be a natural?
I mean, it's like art. You just got to experiment.
- Mmm! - Sam: Letting myself in!
- (door closing) - sam: Smells good in here.
Hey, sam.
Look at my fave tv star chef-to-be! Hi. Oh!
- Sam: How are you feeling? - Khia: Excited.
We've been testing out the chicken tikka masala recipe
And I put my own spin on it.
Oh, well, good stuff. Give me a taste.
No, no. Um, it's not ready yet.
It still needs to simmer till it glimmers.
Khia: Oh, right. I'm gonna go plan out
My outfit in the meantime.
I have some new friends who'll be watching.
Are you sticking around?
- Yeah, for at least half a box. - Nice.
Or a whole box. What's wrong?
- Girl can't cook. - Sam: What?
Yeah, the first batch she wanted to take over,
And then she burnt everything to dust.
And then, the recipe was "throwing her off",
So she just improvised.
And why didn't you correct her?
Well, because she just seemed happier getting artsy with it,
So I just sort of encouraged her to experiment,
And now, she thinks she's good at it.
But why?
Because I told her she was.
(sighing) she smiled at me.
She barely talks to me these days.
You think I'm gonna give up a chance for another smile?
Okay, well, I mean,
Maybe the food's... Not so bad.
It's aromatic in here, you know?
It's cooked, right?
Mm-hmm, yeah.
Yeah, you're screwed.
(sighing) I know,
And I can't cancel the segment
Because the producer loved the idea,
And khia's just so excited.
I mean, it seems to me,
Maybe the best option is not lying to your kid.
Right. Right.
So, I should just find a way to work around her. Great.
Oh, that's not what I said.
(camille whimpering)
(sighing)
Oh, you're a champ
For having a second plate
Of whatever that was that khia made.
I don't get it.
We have a cooking gene on both sides.
She should be twice as good at this.
Or is it-- is it four times?
Yeah, like, how does she not taste it?
Should we get her checked out? You gotta tell her, babe.
(whimpering)
Yes, even though she's smiling at you.
Okay, fine.
Oh, hey. Did leo say anything about basketball?
No. Why?
I think he's in his head about try-outs.
All the other kids sprouted up over the summer.
I think it psyched him out.
- Poor guy. - Yeah.
I had hoop dreams when I was his age,
But when everyone had a growth spurt but me, I quit.
I've regretted it ever since.
Right, because you could have been jeremy lin, right?
Probably.
I just don't want him to get discouraged and quit
Because things get hard.
Maybe he just needs to learn how to play differently at his size.
Oh...
Make him own it more. I like it.
You're so smart and hot.
- Mm-hmm. - Dirty or clean?
Clean. (sniffing)
- Dirty. - Yeah.
- Oh, oh, okay. - Thank you.
Okay. (sniffing)
(man singing in foreign language)
(knocking)
Knock, knock. Whoo!
- Smells like up dog in here. - What's "up dog"?
Not much. What's up with you? Ehh!
(chuckling)
Hey, so, I get why
You're feeling discouraged with basketball.
- You do? - Yeah!
It's tough playing with the talls.
But you can't let that stop you.
Son, you are following in the size nine footsteps
Of all the pham men,
And it's time for you to claim your throne.
- What throne?
- You are a short king. - Short king?
All the best guys are--
Muggsy bogues, tom cruise, sisqó...
Frodo baggins. We live longer.
We retain our cuteness over time.
Plus, we're underestimated.
Yeah, I guess.
It just takes a little extra work.
How about me and you squeezing a little practice in the morning.
- Okay, sure. - All right!
Slamming that ring into mordor, baby!
Still got it.
Welcome to your new training ground.
We're a long way from the school gym, son.
Thought you and me were just shooting hoops, dad.
We're both here to help.
We know it ain't easy balling out when you're short.
You play with five-foot-niners on the regular,
And they think they all that.
But we figured out the way,
The way of the dog.
This is street rules.
It's 90% mental, 10% spiritual, 10% sticking the elbows out.
That's how you play it 110%,
Just like ai.
Artificial intelligence?
He doesn't know who alan iverson is.
Oh, son, we have work to do!
Lesson one, guard the doghouse.
(squealing)
That hoop is your home to protect.
You've gotta kevin mccallister it! What-what?
Don't be afraid to be bumping bellies.
Huh, you see this? Bumping bellies.
Don't be afraid! Don't be afraid! I ain't scared!
A little too much pepper on that one. It's all good.
Let's move forward. Go get that ball, leo.
Lesson two, this ball is your bone.
You hungry, huddy-hud?
Haven't eaten in days, dog!
Mm-hmm. All right. Here we go. Here we go.
Hudson: All right, all right.
- (both grunting) - andrew: Chowin' down!
Leo, you hungry?
I guess.
Oh! He guesses! He guess-- oh.
What you tryin' to do when you get that bone, son?
You got this.
Never forget rule number one.
Come on, we'll do it again.
We'll do it again. Let's do it again.
It's barbecue time.
Barbecue time-- nope!
Post up! Post up! There it is.
♪ we be ridin' dirty ♪
♪ (unclear) in that big ball, big dog ♪
♪ big dog, I'mma big dog ♪
(both shouting)
♪ ridin' dirty, hittin' corners in that big ball, big dog ♪
There he is, there he is. Permission for take-off.
- ♪ big dog, big dog ♪ - get outta here!
♪ I'mma big dog ♪
All right. Don't forget lesson three, hydrate.
Are we done yet?
Depends. You feeling ready, my man?
I'm feeling done.
But yeah, I get it. I'll dog it up.
Ah, yeah!
Hudson, we did it!
My man is finally my dog.
Phamsanity on three.
Both: One, two, three!
All: Phamsanity!
(sighing)
Hudson: Phew! You need a shower.
Andrew: I need an ambulance.
So, I was thinking, for today, I would handle all the boring,
Heavy, all the recipe stuff,
And pass it to you
For the more presentational things, and-- and such.
Like modelling the food?
More like sous-chefing... Passively.
Yeah, but the segment's about teenagers making meals.
A valid point. Um...
- (gasping) - okay, so, then--
Look at this mini camille. It's khia, right?
Hi.
Oh, well, you're gonna steal your mom's job.
It is so nice to meet you, gloria.
Oh I'm surprised you even know who I am.
No, you're actually really popular at school.
Oh!
Could I get a pic?
Sweetheart, you can have a kidney.
Oh, she's so great, camille.
- Yeah, she is. - (camera shutter clicking)
I'm just trying to figure out a game plan for today.
Oh, well, you've got to stick this dynamo front and centre.
She's got such sparkle.
- Okay. - Yeah, I can't wait.
Oh, you're so lucky to have a daughter
That still speaks to you.
(chuckling nervously)
Anyway...
(squealing happily)
All right, are all four jacobs here?
- Jacob 1: Here. - Jacob 2: Here, coach.
Okay, buddy, you got this.
And remember the art of the dog when they unleash
Their disproportionately long arms and legs on you.
Okay, sure. Ruff.
Woof! Go get him, son.
(whistle blowing)
All right, we're going to warm up for five minutes,
Then we're going to start. You all right?
Hudson: Andrew, leo told us to go.
Can't miss the phamsanity.
Camille: Okay, the marinated chicken looks good.
You want that nice, rich colour.
And khia, how's the masala going?
Oh, it's looking good.
Ah, okay. Just a little longer.
As I always say, simmer till it glimmers.
- (chuckling nervously) - mm-hmm.
Oh, and I'm going to add a bit of vinegar
Because acid always lifts the dish.
True. Yes, it does.
But for you watching at home,
You might want to just stick to the recipe.
Yeah, or add a punch.
Okay, and there we have it.
You know, fun, easy recipes
For teens to play with and make their own.
Oh, hey, gloria, come try.
Oh, khia, gloria doesn't usually
Appear in these segments.
Gloria: Oh!
Don't be silly, I'll give it a shot.
Ooh!
I...
Don't know.
(stammering in slow-motion)
(whispering in slow motion:) why are you being so weird?
Mmm! Flavourful!
We'll see you back here in a minute.
Director: Cut!
(buzzer sounding)
It's bad?
Gloria: Oh, honey...
It's like a salt lick just jumped in my mouth,
Which is great... If I was a horse,
But I'm a person.
Camille: Oh... You know,
I think flavours just differ from person to person.
That is a thing.
Yeah.
- Khia? - It's okay.
They always come back... When they need bail money.
Uh... Khia?
Andrew: He's laughing.
He hasn't got a shot off.
Hudson: He's enjoying the game.
This is what happens-- you give up,
Then you become the class clown, and then where do you end up?
Like me.
Is that a bad thing?
Wait! Ow!
You're gonna get us blacklisted!
Woof!
- Woof! - (whistle blaring)
Coach: Okay, five-minute break, guys.
What are you doing here?
Oh, um...
- You see, I left my keys. - Yeah.
And, uh, then,
A goose had...
I just want to make sure you're okay.
You're not using our street rules principles.
I know, but--
Trust me, short king of bel air,
You don't want to get to my age and wish you'd tried harder.
Let the dog out.
Can you stop talking about the stupid made-up dog?
This is good. Unleash the dog!
Fine. You want your dog? I'll give you your dog.
(whistle blaring)
Coach: Watch that reach, leo.
Hudson: Uh...
What am I watching?
Okay, he's playing a bit rough.
But it's all fair, right? He's just being scrappy.
Ahh!
- Both: Oh! - (whistle blaring)
We created a monster.
Little dude went from street rules to prison rules.
(both stammering)
Both: Oh!
Leo! Leo!
Leo, what was that?
You can't go around bullying people.
You're one to talk!
What? I'm not being a bully.
I want you to play with heart, not rip them out.
I told you, I don't even care about any of this!
But you love basketball!
No, I don't! I'm done with it!
I don't even want to be on the team!
Since when doesn't he like basketball?
(door slamming)
I got my door slam about an hour ago, so...
Looks like we're 0-2.
Should we let him cool off or attack while steaming?
I'm going to let mine simmer till it glimmers.
Yeah, good call.
You want some ice cream?
Mmm, ice cream.
(sighing) hey, leo,
I don't know what's happening,
And it would be good to talk about it.
Why? It's not like you listen.
What?
You see these ears?
These are flesh funnels for you to pour your words into.
That's all I want.
Fine, you might not want to play on that team,
But I know you can't say no to one-on-one extreme horse.
The last few days,
You've been so pushy,
Like you're at a rib fest or something.
Oh, damn.
That bad, huh?
I don't mind playing for fun,
But I don't wanna do basketball anymore.
I tried to tell you. Instead, I made kyle tran cry.
We'll get kyle tran a gift basket.
But I didn't think you meant it.
So, you weren't psyched out by all those tall kids?
No, not really.
I just went along with it because you love basketball,
And lately, it's kind of the only time I get to see you.
I just wanted to hang out.
You wanted to hang out with me?
Oh, leo...
That is the most touching thing I've ever heard,
Including half-off ribs at ribfest.
I just didn't know how to tell you.
I know work's important. I don't want you to feel bad.
Hey, look at me.
Nothing in this world is more important to me
Than this family.
Damn, leo, I'm sorry.
I was caught up in my own phamsanity.
It's okay.
Maybe we can find other things to bond on, besides basketball.
You got it, my man. Anything.
Maybe you can start taking me to dance classes?
Yo, okay.
I can start teaching you right now, hmm?
Pop-'n'-lock is in full effect.
No, no.
I just meant driving me there.
Yeah, that makes sense. My body hurts a little bit already.
Hit me. Get him!
Khia?
It's so late.
I couldn't sleep.
- Look, I get it. - Get what?
Why you didn't tell me that I was so bad.
- You do? - Yeah.
I remember that you told me a story once
Of how you baked a cake for naniji's birthday
And it was burnt and raw, but she still ate it.
Not the raw bits, but yeah.
But it made you wanna...
Get better at cooking.
If naniji had told you that it sucked,
Then you probably would have felt discouraged and quit.
Yeah, maybe.
Yeah, well, thanks for not telling me
That I suck at cooking because...
I think that I'm actually starting to really like it.
- Really? - Yeah.
Wait, so, um, you're not mad at me?
Oh, no, lying to me was still really crappy.
I'm sorry I lied.
I'll be more straight up with you from now on.
Good because I plan on getting real good at this,
And I'd love it if you could teach me.
Oh, I would be honoured!
- Oh, okay. - (alarm beeping)
Oh, crap! I forgot again!
(alarm beeping)
What is happening?
Just some midnight cooking!
- (alarm beeping) - whoa!
I was ready to punch a fire in the face!
Anybody...
Want some charred bits?
What kind of bits we talking about here?
- Uh... - (coughing)
Not too bad.
I'll try it, if you try it first.
Andrew: Hey, you wanna see this?
Oh!
You don't know about allen iverson?
The answer? The answer?
He was the answer!
I'm going this way. I'm going this way.
I'm going this way!
The '01 76ers was him
And literally, 12 sacks of potatoes.
Are you going to pick up this collect call?
Oh. Who's it from?
Long distance!
There it is! That song "all by myself"?
It was written about allen iverson in the '01 finals.
Just put it on his back...
And was just like he's carrying, he's carrying, he's carrying.
Ahh...
- Speedy claxon! - Who's speedy claxon?
- Speedy claxton! - Brought him to the finals.
Both: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
♪ what you gonna do when you get that bone? ♪
♪ what you gon' do when you get that bone? ♪
♪ give me what I want, yeah, I want the most ♪