1
00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:19,193
I suppose you want to
close again tonight.

2
00:00:19,236 --> 00:00:21,369
I could really use the hours.
[muffled grunt]

3
00:00:21,412 --> 00:00:23,371
I'm too good to you.

4
00:00:24,372 --> 00:00:26,591
Looks like I get to go home

5
00:00:26,635 --> 00:00:27,984
and watch Family Feud.

6
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,769
That Steve Harvey
really blows my skirt up.

7
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,818
Your husband not working
has been great for me.

8
00:00:35,861 --> 00:00:37,472
He isworking.

9
00:00:37,515 --> 00:00:39,996
I mean, not working,working.
He's bowling.

10
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,912
Right. I think
we're saying the same thing.

11
00:00:42,955 --> 00:00:44,087
Oh.

12
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:45,393
When you sweep up the hair,

13
00:00:45,436 --> 00:00:47,221
I want you to pull out
any long strands

14
00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:48,526
and shampoo them.

15
00:00:48,570 --> 00:00:50,920
I sell them to my cousin
who makes dolls.

16
00:00:53,705 --> 00:00:55,490
Dad,

17
00:00:55,533 --> 00:00:57,883
my tap dance group is performing
at the mall next week.

18
00:00:57,927 --> 00:01:01,061
I need you to sign this.

19
00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:03,498
You put me down to chaperone?

20
00:01:03,541 --> 00:01:05,108
Yeah. That just means
you have to keep teenagers

21
00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:06,849
from throwing stuff at us.

22
00:01:06,892 --> 00:01:09,156
They're just jealous
you get to wear a bow tie

23
00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:11,506
and do a kickline
with three pretty girls.

24
00:01:11,549 --> 00:01:12,855
[pen scribbles]

25
00:01:12,898 --> 00:01:15,205
All right, go get
ready for bed.

26
00:01:15,249 --> 00:01:17,686
I'm gonna wait up for your mom.
I've barely seen her all week.

27
00:01:17,729 --> 00:01:19,688
Okay. Night, Dad.

28
00:01:19,731 --> 00:01:21,342
Good night.

29
00:01:21,385 --> 00:01:22,778
Play music.

30
00:01:22,821 --> 00:01:25,085
["Stay Together"
by Al Green playing]

31
00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:27,913
♪ Let's stay together

32
00:01:32,135 --> 00:01:35,225
♪ I...

33
00:01:35,269 --> 00:01:37,706
♪ I'm so in love with you

34
00:01:37,749 --> 00:01:39,447
[exhales]

35
00:01:44,365 --> 00:01:46,106
There's my queen.

36
00:01:47,759 --> 00:01:49,805
A beverage, milady?

37
00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:05,821
[burps, exhales]

38
00:02:05,864 --> 00:02:07,866
Thanks. Good night.

39
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,133
♪

40
00:02:23,404 --> 00:02:25,928
Mom usually gives me
baby carrots,

41
00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:27,451
not the big ones.

42
00:02:28,452 --> 00:02:31,455
Little piece of info, Sam.
I'm about to blow your mind.

43
00:02:31,499 --> 00:02:33,457
Baby carrots aren't real.

44
00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:36,199
They're just big ones cut into
little pieces by a machine.

45
00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:37,722
Yeah, right.

46
00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:45,556
Enjoy your babies.

47
00:02:47,428 --> 00:02:49,778
Aw, honey, I tried so hard

48
00:02:49,821 --> 00:02:51,345
to get home early
last night to see you.

49
00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:52,781
How was your test?Fine.

50
00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:54,609
Okay.

51
00:02:54,652 --> 00:02:57,307
Morning.I'm gonna need you
to mail these.

52
00:02:58,308 --> 00:03:01,616
Also, they'll need stamps.
Uh, we're out of milk.

53
00:03:01,659 --> 00:03:03,226
The garage light is out.
I'm gonna need you

54
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,793
to write this down.TOM:
Oh, no, I got it.

55
00:03:04,836 --> 00:03:06,403
I'll just picture myself
licking a stamp

56
00:03:06,447 --> 00:03:08,840
while a light bulb
shoots milk in my face.

57
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,453
Okay. Sam,

58
00:03:12,496 --> 00:03:14,368
what else happened at school?
I want to hear all about it.

59
00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:16,457
School. Stuff. You know.

60
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,023
Oh, I got to grab
my backpack.

61
00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:20,591
[exhales]What?

62
00:03:20,635 --> 00:03:22,202
"School. Stuff. You know"?

63
00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:24,247
That's all I get?
I used to get a full report.

64
00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:25,553
He gave me the whole lowdown.

65
00:03:25,596 --> 00:03:26,771
Maybe I could
fill you in tonight.

66
00:03:26,815 --> 00:03:28,382
We could have dinner, dessert.

67
00:03:28,425 --> 00:03:30,558
I'll even watch
Great British Bake Offwith you.

68
00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:31,950
Every time a new character
comes on-screen,

69
00:03:31,994 --> 00:03:33,256
I promise I won't go...

70
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,171
[British accent]:
"Hello, governor."

71
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,781
[chuckles]

72
00:03:36,825 --> 00:03:39,044
Look, I have clients all
day, and I'm closing again.

73
00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:40,437
Let's play it by ear?

74
00:03:40,481 --> 00:03:42,483
Yeah. I-I just miss you.

75
00:03:42,526 --> 00:03:44,354
I miss you, too. I miss Sam.
I miss everything.

76
00:03:44,398 --> 00:03:46,313
But this is the way it is.

77
00:03:46,356 --> 00:03:48,489
Can't you just take a night off?
My mom can watch Sam.

78
00:03:48,532 --> 00:03:50,186
He can learn how to gut a fish.

79
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,319
[chuckles]

80
00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:54,582
No. Someone
has to pay the bills,

81
00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,584
and right now,
that person is me.

82
00:03:57,541 --> 00:04:00,109
And we're still good with that,
right? I...

83
00:04:00,152 --> 00:04:01,589
Yeah. Course.

84
00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:02,590
[phone chimes]

85
00:04:02,633 --> 00:04:03,939
[grunts]

86
00:04:03,982 --> 00:04:06,202
Oh, great. Ruth is
pissed. I got to go.

87
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,377
Sam, I love you!

88
00:04:07,421 --> 00:04:09,684
Oh, we're out of baby carrots.

89
00:04:09,727 --> 00:04:12,382
[door opens, closes]

90
00:04:17,082 --> 00:04:19,781
Your game is off.
What's up with you?

91
00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:21,043
It's this lane.

92
00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:22,566
It's not level.

93
00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:24,786
It's like rolling my ball
down a 60-foot waffle.

94
00:04:26,918 --> 00:04:29,573
My lanes are smoother than
Denzel eating chocolate mousse,

95
00:04:29,617 --> 00:04:31,009
and you know it.

96
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,708
Something's up your craw.
What is it?

97
00:04:33,751 --> 00:04:36,537
Nothing. Just having
some problems at home.

98
00:04:36,580 --> 00:04:37,581
It's no big deal.

99
00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:38,930
Jen's just used to being

100
00:04:38,974 --> 00:04:40,454
the one that gets
to pick up Sam.

101
00:04:40,497 --> 00:04:42,369
She helps him with his
homework. They get all

102
00:04:42,412 --> 00:04:43,805
that quality time together.

103
00:04:43,848 --> 00:04:45,459
It's killing her
that she doesn't get that.

104
00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:46,808
I'm trying to fill in,

105
00:04:46,851 --> 00:04:48,331
but I can't even cut
his carrots right.

106
00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:49,898
Well, why don't you just buy
the baby ones?

107
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:51,813
Carl,
gonna blow your mind, dude.

108
00:04:51,856 --> 00:04:53,989
There's no such thing
as a baby carrot.

109
00:04:54,032 --> 00:04:56,078
They just take regular carrots,
and they put it in a mach...

110
00:04:56,121 --> 00:04:57,340
Nobody believes me.

111
00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:02,432
Look, we got a tournament
in a couple of weeks.

112
00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:04,521
If you get your head
in the game,

113
00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:05,827
you could win some money.

114
00:05:05,870 --> 00:05:07,916
That'd give you both
some breathing room.

115
00:05:07,959 --> 00:05:09,483
I want to do something
for her now.

116
00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:11,398
That look on her face
this morning

117
00:05:11,441 --> 00:05:12,747
when she left, it...

118
00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:14,314
It broke me.

119
00:05:14,357 --> 00:05:15,837
LEW:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up.

120
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,882
Let's just...
Let's just back up a bit.

121
00:05:17,926 --> 00:05:19,928
Um, what do you mean,

122
00:05:19,971 --> 00:05:22,191
there's no such thing
as baby carrots?

123
00:05:23,888 --> 00:05:26,761
I've eaten them, so...

124
00:05:28,284 --> 00:05:30,939
There you go, Doreen.
You're all set.

125
00:05:30,982 --> 00:05:32,332
Have fun at the funeral.

126
00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:35,683
"Have fun at the funeral"?

127
00:05:35,726 --> 00:05:38,425
I know. My brain is mush.

128
00:05:38,468 --> 00:05:41,210
And the craziest thing is she's
not even going to a funeral.

129
00:05:42,820 --> 00:05:44,866
Well, I know
what'll fix you right up.

130
00:05:44,909 --> 00:05:46,215
Mm.Margarita Mondays.

131
00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:48,130
First round's on me, girl.

132
00:05:48,173 --> 00:05:50,741
And I mean that literally.
I plan on doing body shots.

133
00:05:51,742 --> 00:05:53,527
I wish I could, but...

134
00:05:53,570 --> 00:05:57,182
Margarita Mondays
have turned into

135
00:05:57,226 --> 00:05:58,749
"chug a beer in my kitchen
while I worry

136
00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,621
about paying my mortgage"
Mondays.

137
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:04,059
Maybe 'cause it's longer,
but yours sounds way less fun.

138
00:06:04,102 --> 00:06:07,192
I know. It's just the way
things have to be

139
00:06:07,236 --> 00:06:08,846
until Tom's career
starts to take off.

140
00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:11,545
It was a wedding,
not a funeral.

141
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,809
It's okay.
They're kind of close.

142
00:06:14,852 --> 00:06:16,419
Church. People crying.

143
00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:18,552
Everybody's horny.

144
00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:22,556
All right. I will
see you next month.

145
00:06:22,599 --> 00:06:24,775
[exhales]
It's just this whole thing

146
00:06:24,819 --> 00:06:26,298
is harder than I expected.

147
00:06:26,342 --> 00:06:28,649
By the time I get home,
Sam's already in bed.

148
00:06:28,692 --> 00:06:30,085
I'm too tired to eat.

149
00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:31,478
I'm barking orders at Tom.

150
00:06:31,521 --> 00:06:34,263
I'm just not the wife
or mother I want to be.

151
00:06:34,306 --> 00:06:36,874
I want to be Jessica Alba.

152
00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:39,094
Like, how does she
make it look so easy?

153
00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:41,444
Well, I heard she
has six nannies,

154
00:06:41,488 --> 00:06:42,750
two personal assistants,

155
00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:45,056
and she's
three-quarters fembot.

156
00:06:46,449 --> 00:06:48,843
You already started
drinking, didn't you?

157
00:06:48,886 --> 00:06:52,281
I may have had
a hard coffee.Mm-hmm.

158
00:06:52,324 --> 00:06:54,849
Well, tonight is not gonna
be as much fun without you.

159
00:06:54,892 --> 00:06:56,024
I'm sure you'll survive

160
00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:57,373
the ten minutes
we spend together

161
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,375
before you disappear
with some random dude.

162
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:00,942
Oh, that guy wasn't random.

163
00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:02,639
He used to be the principal
at my high school.

164
00:07:05,163 --> 00:07:06,513
Oh.

165
00:07:06,556 --> 00:07:08,471
Oh.

166
00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:11,343
Take this turkey sandwich.

167
00:07:11,387 --> 00:07:14,129
It's got the perfect amount
of meat, mayo, lettuce,

168
00:07:14,172 --> 00:07:16,305
just a thin slice
of tomato.

169
00:07:16,348 --> 00:07:18,960
Thank you for seeing me.

170
00:07:21,049 --> 00:07:22,703
Our life was like this sandwich.

171
00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:24,052
It had a rhythm to it.

172
00:07:24,095 --> 00:07:25,401
Everybody knew
the part they played.

173
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,707
Now it's all mixed up.

174
00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:28,491
Turkey's working
double shifts.

175
00:07:28,535 --> 00:07:29,884
She's missing the tomato,

176
00:07:29,927 --> 00:07:31,973
and the bread
can't do anything about it.

177
00:07:32,016 --> 00:07:34,541
I was thinking
with how pasty your skin is,

178
00:07:34,584 --> 00:07:35,977
you'd be the mayo.

179
00:07:37,326 --> 00:07:39,067
So, am I the turkey
or the bread?

180
00:07:39,110 --> 00:07:41,461
Have you two never
heard of a metaphor?

181
00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:44,899
I'm the tomato, right?

182
00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:46,901
No. Forget the sandwich.

183
00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:48,424
I just wish there was a way

184
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,860
for me to bring in
some extra cash,

185
00:07:49,904 --> 00:07:51,558
give Jen a day off

186
00:07:51,601 --> 00:07:54,648
so she can get a massage,
have some quality time with Sam.

187
00:07:54,691 --> 00:07:56,606
Maybe even have dinner with me.LEW:
Well, I mean,

188
00:07:56,650 --> 00:07:58,086
you got
your baseball card collection.

189
00:07:58,129 --> 00:07:59,653
That's got to be
worth something, right?

190
00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:01,655
I'll thank you
to never say that again.

191
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,919
Next idea, please.

192
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,576
Clinical trials are a great way
to make some quick cash.

193
00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:11,752
That's what I do.

194
00:08:11,795 --> 00:08:13,754
You mean scientific experiments?

195
00:08:13,797 --> 00:08:16,452
Don't those things
have crazy side effects?

196
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:20,238
Nothing serious. I mean,
one time, my toenails fell off.

197
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,807
Easiest hundred bucks
I ever made.

198
00:08:24,808 --> 00:08:26,375
Thank you.

199
00:08:27,245 --> 00:08:28,595
I'll just keep that
in my back pocket

200
00:08:28,638 --> 00:08:30,031
until anyone suggests

201
00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:32,294
literally anything else.

202
00:08:32,337 --> 00:08:35,297
Hey, there's always the
old Hardwood Hustle.

203
00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:36,472
What the hell is that?

204
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,039
When Tom was a kid,

205
00:08:38,082 --> 00:08:39,693
we used to hustle other
bowlers out of money.

206
00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:42,391
Fast way to make some cash.Yeah.

207
00:08:42,434 --> 00:08:43,827
I don't wanna do anything shady.

208
00:08:43,871 --> 00:08:45,525
I'm not doing that again.ARCHIE: You sure?

209
00:08:45,568 --> 00:08:47,135
'Cause there's
a telemarketers convention

210
00:08:47,178 --> 00:08:48,919
that's rented out
half the alley tonight.

211
00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:52,009
Those bastards spend their days
ripping off old ladies.

212
00:08:52,053 --> 00:08:55,970
And even worse,
calling me during my meditation!

213
00:08:56,013 --> 00:08:59,495
You know what, they are
constantly calling me, too.

214
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:02,193
Talking about I need
to pay off my credit cards.

215
00:09:02,237 --> 00:09:04,631
Like, what? It's weird.

216
00:09:04,674 --> 00:09:05,806
[chuckles]

217
00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:07,590
Lew, those aren't telemarketers.

218
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:12,160
Those are bill collectors.

219
00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:14,728
You need to pay every month.
You pay a little bit.

220
00:09:14,771 --> 00:09:18,253
I got to go. I got to get Sam.
I'll be back later.ARCHIE: All right.

221
00:09:18,296 --> 00:09:19,428
But don't forget,

222
00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:20,690
you got a tournament
coming up,

223
00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:22,518
and your game is
all over the place.

224
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,520
A little hustle just might
get your juices flowing again.

225
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,870
[chuckles]
That was another side effect.

226
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,918
Mimi, no one wants to hear
about your juices.

227
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:33,573
I'm listening.

228
00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:39,491
All right, Sam.

229
00:09:39,535 --> 00:09:41,537
If Mom can't be home,
we'll bring home to her.

230
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,670
Little treat.
Couple good stories from you.

231
00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:45,106
Maybe she can help you solve

232
00:09:45,149 --> 00:09:46,673
that math problem
with the letters in it.

233
00:09:46,716 --> 00:09:48,413
You said you knew
the answer to that.

234
00:09:48,457 --> 00:09:50,590
I do. I just think
she'd like to tell you.

235
00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:51,852
Mom!

236
00:09:51,895 --> 00:09:52,896
Surprise!What?

237
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:53,941
Oh, my God!

238
00:09:53,984 --> 00:09:55,377
What are you doing here?

239
00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:56,552
You brought me Froyo?

240
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,467
That's my favorite "yo."

241
00:09:59,424 --> 00:10:01,601
All your favorite toppings.
We got gummy bear.[phone vibrating]

242
00:10:01,644 --> 00:10:03,167
We got cookie dough.TIA:
Hey, Jen.

243
00:10:03,211 --> 00:10:04,778
Your phone's buzzing.Oh. Okay.

244
00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:06,954
I'll be right back.
Don't cut anyone's hair.

245
00:10:08,303 --> 00:10:09,826
Hey, Sam, when
Mom gets back,

246
00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:11,480
tell me that story you
told me in the car.

247
00:10:11,523 --> 00:10:13,700
I'll pretend I've
never heard it.Got it.

248
00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:15,136
Sorry.

249
00:10:15,179 --> 00:10:16,616
Sam was just gonna tell me

250
00:10:16,659 --> 00:10:18,226
something that happened
in class today.

251
00:10:18,269 --> 00:10:19,967
Okay.Based on his excitement,
it may top the day

252
00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:22,273
his health teacher threw up
in the CPR dummy's mouth.

253
00:10:23,231 --> 00:10:25,886
Yes! A Sam story
straight from the source. Go.

254
00:10:25,929 --> 00:10:27,757
So, Miss Hong was asking
for volunteers...

255
00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:29,280
Jen? I'm here.

256
00:10:29,324 --> 00:10:31,761
Hey! Brenda.
Uh, why don't you have a seat

257
00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:33,241
and get settled,
and I'll be right over.

258
00:10:33,284 --> 00:10:34,808
Okay.

259
00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:36,897
Continue.Honey, is-is
this a bad time?

260
00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:38,072
[phone vibrating]Yes, but I don't want you to go.

261
00:10:38,115 --> 00:10:39,943
Jen, your phone's buzzing again.

262
00:10:39,987 --> 00:10:42,598
Honey, it's fine.I'm in a little bit
of a time crunch.

263
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:43,904
Do you want me to get it?No.

264
00:10:43,947 --> 00:10:45,601
No, no, no. Uh, no, I got it.

265
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,082
I'm sorry, guys. I got to go.

266
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:50,258
But I love
that you came by. Here.

267
00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:51,346
Feel free

268
00:10:51,389 --> 00:10:53,740
to eat my yo if it's still fro.

269
00:10:53,783 --> 00:10:55,524
[chuckles]

270
00:10:56,481 --> 00:10:58,179
[exhales]

271
00:11:01,704 --> 00:11:03,271
How much would you give me

272
00:11:03,314 --> 00:11:05,012
for this 1965 rookie card?

273
00:11:05,055 --> 00:11:06,840
Keeping in mind
he's a Hall of Famer

274
00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:09,973
and only three people have
ever touched this card.

275
00:11:10,017 --> 00:11:11,671
Four.

276
00:11:12,976 --> 00:11:16,458
Actually, sorry. Hold it
gently, loosely by the edges.

277
00:11:16,501 --> 00:11:17,677
Like that.

278
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,504
No, looselier.

279
00:11:19,548 --> 00:11:20,810
Looselier. I'm...

280
00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:23,987
You know what, I'm actually
gonna hold on to this one.

281
00:11:26,337 --> 00:11:28,339
And this one.

282
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:31,212
Also this one.

283
00:11:31,255 --> 00:11:32,953
Wow.

284
00:11:32,996 --> 00:11:34,781
This was a huge
waste of your time.

285
00:11:34,824 --> 00:11:37,609
All right.
Hardwood Hustle it is.

286
00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:40,525
Great. We're gonna
take those fools down.

287
00:11:41,483 --> 00:11:44,704
That'll teach them to sell a guy
hair pills that don't work.

288
00:11:51,319 --> 00:11:53,147
Sizes?11.

289
00:11:53,190 --> 00:11:54,278
Nine.

290
00:11:54,322 --> 00:11:56,585
So, I called the old lady back.

291
00:11:56,628 --> 00:11:59,196
You sold her
a second reverse mortgage?Damn right.

292
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,895
Plus a warranty to her car,
and I don't even do those.

293
00:12:01,938 --> 00:12:03,723
[both laugh]

294
00:12:05,072 --> 00:12:07,030
All right, gentlemen. Have fun.

295
00:12:07,074 --> 00:12:08,728
Ah.

296
00:12:08,771 --> 00:12:11,382
Mm-hmm. While you still alive,

297
00:12:11,426 --> 00:12:14,646
'cause you gonna be
smoking turds in hell.[chuckles]

298
00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:17,911
Um, Sam,

299
00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:20,087
here's five bucks, pal.
Um, go play video games, okay?

300
00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:21,262
Nice.

301
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:25,440
All right. I'm going in.

302
00:12:25,483 --> 00:12:27,181
All right, so,
how we gonna play these chumps?

303
00:12:27,224 --> 00:12:28,791
Rock the Baby?
Skin the Goat?

304
00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:30,837
Oh, Karaoke
Night in Taiwan?

305
00:12:32,664 --> 00:12:35,319
Does this look like Taiwan,
dummy?

306
00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,845
We're doing
a classic Hardwood Hustle,

307
00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:40,455
same as when Tom was a kid.

308
00:12:40,498 --> 00:12:42,718
You throw the first game.
You ask for another chance.

309
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:46,113
You double the bet,
and then ba-ba-bam.

310
00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:48,768
Okay.

311
00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:50,595
I'm going in. Do I
look like a sucker?

312
00:12:50,639 --> 00:12:51,814
[chuckles]:
You always look like a sucker.

313
00:12:52,859 --> 00:12:54,904
You have cheese in your beard.

314
00:13:00,127 --> 00:13:01,563
Howdy, fellas.

315
00:13:01,606 --> 00:13:03,217
Hope I don't disturb you
if I play over here.

316
00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:04,827
It's been a few years
since I bowled.

317
00:13:04,871 --> 00:13:08,918
Boy, that lane sure is long.

318
00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:13,923
Ugh. That act was a lot cuter
when he was 11.

319
00:13:15,272 --> 00:13:18,145
All right, Cinderella.

320
00:13:18,188 --> 00:13:20,582
I'm off to the ball.

321
00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:24,064
Okay, earrings or no earrings?

322
00:13:24,107 --> 00:13:25,456
In that skirt, I don't think

323
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:26,631
anyone's gonna notice
you have ears.

324
00:13:28,198 --> 00:13:30,244
Okay. Have fun. Be safe.

325
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:32,072
Do not settle
for a guy with a futon.

326
00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:35,118
You deserve a bed
that's never a couch.

327
00:13:36,119 --> 00:13:37,512
Thanks, Mom.

328
00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:39,253
Mm.

329
00:13:39,296 --> 00:13:41,255
Least I can be a mom
to someone today.

330
00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:42,996
What are you talking about?

331
00:13:43,039 --> 00:13:44,693
You were a great mom
all day today.

332
00:13:44,736 --> 00:13:46,521
How? I wasn't home.

333
00:13:46,564 --> 00:13:48,958
I-I couldn't even take
a Froyo break with them.

334
00:13:49,002 --> 00:13:51,265
That's right. Because
you were working your ass off

335
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:52,657
and showing Sam
you'll do anything

336
00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:53,920
to provide for your family

337
00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:55,660
while your husband
chases his dream.

338
00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:57,488
Yeah?Hell yeah.

339
00:13:57,532 --> 00:14:01,014
I would take that badass mom
over robot Jessica Alba any day.

340
00:14:02,972 --> 00:14:05,322
Do you ever notice
that her eyes don't move?

341
00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:06,758
It's like...

342
00:14:09,936 --> 00:14:11,807
Thanks.

343
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,635
[chuckles]

344
00:14:13,678 --> 00:14:15,898
You know, I got to stop
feeling sorry for myself

345
00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:18,074
and-and be in acceptance.

346
00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:20,642
Like, this is my new life now,
and we're gonna be okay.

347
00:14:20,685 --> 00:14:23,079
And I just need
to start focusing

348
00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:24,646
on all the...Ooh. I got to go.

349
00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:26,430
I think my gummy just kicked in.

350
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,657
Well,

351
00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:37,180
here goes nothing.

352
00:14:37,224 --> 00:14:39,313
How many pins do I need
to catch up to you guys?

353
00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:41,315
36.And you have ten left.

354
00:14:41,358 --> 00:14:42,751
Ooh! Wow.

355
00:14:42,794 --> 00:14:45,493
[grunts]
That seems impossible.

356
00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:48,844
You only lose when
you don't try.

357
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,325
That's very deep, Brad.I'm Ben.

358
00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:53,066
There you go
being deep again, Brad.

359
00:14:55,633 --> 00:14:57,853
Now comes the ba-bam.

360
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:00,073
I really feel like I
started to hit my groove

361
00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:01,161
towards the end there.

362
00:15:01,204 --> 00:15:02,989
Guess it just wasn't your day.

363
00:15:03,032 --> 00:15:04,599
I-I'm open to
playing again.

364
00:15:04,642 --> 00:15:06,340
I'd even be willing
to double the bet.

365
00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:07,558
What do... What do you say?

366
00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:09,909
I'm good.

367
00:15:12,563 --> 00:15:13,738
What?

368
00:15:13,782 --> 00:15:15,262
I sell reverse mortgages.

369
00:15:15,305 --> 00:15:16,828
Do you really think
you're gonna hustle me?

370
00:15:16,872 --> 00:15:18,569
[Brad and Ben laughing]

371
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,665
What the hell
just happened?

372
00:15:27,709 --> 00:15:30,755
I think you just got
Karaoke'd in Taiwan.

373
00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:35,238
Or, as they say...
[speaks Chinese]

374
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:40,113
"The teacher has
been taught."

375
00:15:41,636 --> 00:15:43,594
What? I'm taking
night classes.

376
00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:44,987
Let me grow.

377
00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:51,341
Hey.TOM:
Hey.

378
00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:54,475
Um, can I talk to you
for a second?

379
00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:56,607
I-I know you're tired.

380
00:15:58,044 --> 00:16:00,698
Not that you look tired.
You look great.[chuckles]

381
00:16:00,742 --> 00:16:02,744
Fresh.
Like the day I met you.

382
00:16:02,787 --> 00:16:04,137
Okay. Honey.

383
00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:06,704
Radiant?

384
00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:09,403
I... Look, I just...

385
00:16:09,446 --> 00:16:10,708
I know it's
a tough time right now,

386
00:16:10,752 --> 00:16:12,188
and the burden's
all on you.

387
00:16:12,232 --> 00:16:15,148
So I-I wanted to do something
to give you a break.

388
00:16:18,847 --> 00:16:20,196
Ba-bam.

389
00:16:21,154 --> 00:16:23,025
[laughs]

390
00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:25,506
But where did
this come from?I had an interesting day.

391
00:16:25,549 --> 00:16:26,986
I won a couple hundred bucks
off a guy

392
00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:28,857
doing the Hardwood Hustle.

393
00:16:28,900 --> 00:16:31,381
It didn't go well at first.
I actually lost money.

394
00:16:31,425 --> 00:16:32,948
Okay.

395
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,515
But then I found
this other guy.

396
00:16:34,558 --> 00:16:36,952
[laughs]
Guess I just got lucky.

397
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:40,303
You say the 7-10 split
is difficult to pick up?

398
00:16:45,308 --> 00:16:48,137
So you conned a guy
out of his money?

399
00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:49,704
I'm a smooth operator.

400
00:16:49,747 --> 00:16:51,619
[chuckles]

401
00:16:51,662 --> 00:16:54,056
And it worked perfectly
until...

402
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:56,189
[mouths]

403
00:17:04,632 --> 00:17:06,677
I couldn't do it.

404
00:17:06,721 --> 00:17:08,331
I'm a dad now.

405
00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:10,812
That doesn't set
a good example for Sam.

406
00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:13,293
So I gave the money back.

407
00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:15,338
So where did this
money come from?

408
00:17:16,339 --> 00:17:18,472
I sold
my baseball card collection.

409
00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:21,605
What? Babe, come on.
You love that collection.

410
00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:24,347
I love you more.

411
00:17:24,391 --> 00:17:26,088
It was a no-brainer.

412
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:27,785
[sighs]

413
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:29,831
Give them a good home.

414
00:17:29,874 --> 00:17:31,137
Actually, maybe...

415
00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:32,834
Maybe I could
just say goodbye.

416
00:17:32,877 --> 00:17:35,793
Just a little... Just
five more minutes, maybe?

417
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:40,059
I'm having a bit of
seller's remorse.

418
00:17:41,277 --> 00:17:43,410
Is this money gonna

419
00:17:43,453 --> 00:17:45,455
solve all of our problems? No.

420
00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:48,328
Can you quit your job? Nope.

421
00:17:48,371 --> 00:17:49,894
[chuckles]

422
00:17:49,938 --> 00:17:51,766
Not even close.

423
00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:54,464
But can you take
a couple of days off?

424
00:17:54,508 --> 00:17:55,944
You're damn right.

425
00:17:55,987 --> 00:17:57,902
And the first day,
you get to chaperone

426
00:17:57,946 --> 00:18:00,253
Sam and his tap dance troupe
to the mall,

427
00:18:00,296 --> 00:18:02,255
and you'll get to tell me
all about it.

428
00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:05,867
The day after that, get to spend
the afternoon at the spa

429
00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:07,782
for some much deserved
relaxation and pampering.

430
00:18:07,825 --> 00:18:09,131
Followed by

431
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:12,047
pizza and wings.
Maybe even that dessert.

432
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,005
You can tell it's just
pizza dough with sugar on it,

433
00:18:14,049 --> 00:18:15,442
but it's still pretty good.

434
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:20,447
I don't know. It-it depends
on how much cash we have left.

435
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,102
Is that not good?

436
00:18:24,755 --> 00:18:26,453
It's better than good.

437
00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:30,239
You're always better than good.

438
00:18:30,283 --> 00:18:32,111
All those years,

439
00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:34,765
you worked a job you didn't love
to keep a roof over our head.

440
00:18:34,809 --> 00:18:36,332
You missed

441
00:18:36,376 --> 00:18:38,813
so many things with Sam,
and you never said a word.

442
00:18:38,856 --> 00:18:40,249
You never made me
feel bad about it.

443
00:18:40,293 --> 00:18:42,643
Now it's my turn.

444
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:45,124
I love you.

445
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:47,082
I love you, too.

446
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,823
[chuckles]

447
00:18:52,435 --> 00:18:54,089
[chuckles]

448
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,744
We make a pretty good team.Mm-hmm.

449
00:18:56,787 --> 00:19:00,139
Not as good as the '84 Tigers,
which I had. Near mint.[groans]

450
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,014
With counseling,
I'll-I'll get over it.

451
00:19:13,630 --> 00:19:15,937
Okay.

452
00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:18,940
Girl products smell different
from boy products.

453
00:19:18,983 --> 00:19:21,508
Boy products are all
tobacco and leather.

454
00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:23,945
It smells like a leprechaun
baby shower in here.

455
00:19:23,988 --> 00:19:25,381
[laughs]

456
00:19:26,382 --> 00:19:28,471
Cute, right?

457
00:19:28,515 --> 00:19:31,213
[exhales]
You are helping me close

458
00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:32,432
to spend time together.

459
00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:34,477
Anything you say is cute.

460
00:19:35,304 --> 00:19:36,871
[chuckles]

461
00:19:36,914 --> 00:19:39,613
[both laugh]

462
00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:42,572
Oops. Sorry.
[chuckles]

463
00:19:42,616 --> 00:19:43,878
You guys can have
this room.

464
00:19:43,921 --> 00:19:45,532
We'll just take
the chair by the sink.

465
00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:55,977
Captioning sponsored by
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466
00:19:56,020 --> 00:20:00,020
Captioned by
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