1 00:00:05,918 --> 00:00:07,877 Hey, boo. Hey. 2 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,357 I got some great news. 3 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:11,576 You got a job. Nope. 4 00:00:11,620 --> 00:00:12,969 Three interviews, three rejections 5 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,275 and one parking ticket. 6 00:00:15,667 --> 00:00:17,365 I guess that's better than three parking tickets 7 00:00:17,408 --> 00:00:19,149 and one rejection. 8 00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:21,021 I sent out an email blast 9 00:00:21,064 --> 00:00:23,371 to all of my clients about quitting Ruth's salon. 10 00:00:23,414 --> 00:00:24,720 Uh, yeah, but you didn't quit. 11 00:00:24,763 --> 00:00:26,243 My mom got you fired. 12 00:00:26,287 --> 00:00:29,072 Well, I thought "moving on to new horizons" 13 00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:31,683 sounded better than "my mother-in-law told my boss 14 00:00:31,727 --> 00:00:34,338 to pull up her skirt and sit on a cactus." 15 00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:36,601 Controlling the narrative, nice.Mm-hmm. 16 00:00:36,645 --> 00:00:38,951 The great part is, a lot of my clients said 17 00:00:38,995 --> 00:00:40,823 that they would follow me wherever I go. 18 00:00:40,866 --> 00:00:42,955 Which, for the moment... 19 00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:44,479 happens to be our kitchen sink. 20 00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:48,309 Hey, Apple was started in a garage. 21 00:00:48,352 --> 00:00:50,789 You're already doing better than those dorks.[chuckles] 22 00:00:50,833 --> 00:00:52,748 Would you please fix 23 00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:54,445 the doorknob in the downstairs bathroom? 24 00:00:54,489 --> 00:00:55,794 Oh, yeah, no problem. 25 00:00:55,838 --> 00:00:57,405 Pretty sure it's just a twisty-shaky deal. 26 00:00:57,448 --> 00:00:58,841 That's why you're the best. 27 00:00:58,884 --> 00:01:00,886 I thought it was a shaky-twisty deal. 28 00:01:02,105 --> 00:01:04,281 Dinner's almost ready.Where's everybody? 29 00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,631 Uh, Sam's washing up, and your mom's not here yet. 30 00:01:06,675 --> 00:01:09,112 That's weird. She's never late for a taco night. 31 00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:11,636 Unless it's on the same night as WrestleMania. 32 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,638 I'm giving her a call. 33 00:01:13,682 --> 00:01:15,553 Got her voice mail. 34 00:01:15,597 --> 00:01:17,425 Just leave her a message.Yeah, I'm trying to. 35 00:01:17,468 --> 00:01:18,904 There's, like, ten seconds of dead air 36 00:01:18,948 --> 00:01:20,341 before her greeting starts. 37 00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:23,648 Mom, hi, uh... 38 00:01:23,692 --> 00:01:25,650 it's taco night and where are you? 39 00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:27,826 Can you please call me back? We're hungry.[laughs] 40 00:01:27,870 --> 00:01:29,306 And one last time... 41 00:01:29,350 --> 00:01:31,265 if you sneeze during your outgoing message, 42 00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:32,875 you can just record a new one. 43 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,747 That's free, they don't, they don't charge for that. 44 00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:37,097 Okay? 45 00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:38,924 Call me back. 46 00:01:38,968 --> 00:01:40,795 That's weird, she always answers. 47 00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:42,580 Even when she's on the can. 48 00:01:42,624 --> 00:01:44,539 Which is why I'll never FaceTime her again. 49 00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:51,807 Great, now her mailbox is full. 50 00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:53,200 Tom, I'm sure she's fine. 51 00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:54,592 Yeah, probably. 52 00:01:54,636 --> 00:01:55,811 It's only been half an hour. 53 00:01:55,854 --> 00:01:58,030 You spend more time in the cereal aisle. 54 00:02:01,469 --> 00:02:02,948 I don't want to overreact. 55 00:02:02,992 --> 00:02:04,776 But I don't want to under-react. 56 00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:06,865 You could just try reacting appropriately. 57 00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:09,999 I'm gonna overreact. 58 00:02:11,696 --> 00:02:13,350 ♪ 59 00:02:15,657 --> 00:02:17,789 Mom? 60 00:02:17,833 --> 00:02:19,182 Mom! 61 00:02:19,226 --> 00:02:21,184 In here!In where? 62 00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:23,360 The laundry room! 63 00:02:26,189 --> 00:02:28,148 What?! 64 00:02:28,191 --> 00:02:29,497 Well, what the, what the hell happened?! 65 00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:32,064 [sighs]Are you stuck? Are you okay? 66 00:02:32,108 --> 00:02:34,023 Are you a reporter? 67 00:02:35,067 --> 00:02:36,591 Just give me a hand, damn it. 68 00:02:36,634 --> 00:02:38,636 Okay, d-do I pull you out of it? 69 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,029 Or do I push it off of you? 70 00:02:40,072 --> 00:02:42,162 Does it matter? Just get me out of here! 71 00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:43,989 All the blood has rushed to my squirrel. 72 00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:45,817 Oh, God. 73 00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:47,558 Oh.Ready? Ready? 74 00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:49,386 Okay-- ow, ow, ow!It's okay, stop! 75 00:02:49,430 --> 00:02:51,258 Be careful, I think I've tweaked my back. 76 00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:52,998 Uh, okay, um, put, 77 00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:54,130 put your arms around my neck, like one of those monkeyOkay. 78 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,871 stuffed animals with the Velcro hands. 79 00:02:55,914 --> 00:02:57,655 Yeah! Aah!Okay, ready? 80 00:02:57,699 --> 00:02:59,309 BOTH: One, two. 81 00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:00,528 Three-- together!Three! 82 00:03:00,571 --> 00:03:02,312 [shouting] 83 00:03:02,356 --> 00:03:03,618 Oh! 84 00:03:04,575 --> 00:03:06,055 Oh! 85 00:03:06,098 --> 00:03:08,057 Geez, Ma. [whoops] 86 00:03:09,014 --> 00:03:11,408 Okey dokey, let's roll. 87 00:03:13,367 --> 00:03:15,151 "Let's roll"? 88 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,761 You're wobbling like a drunken marionette. 89 00:03:16,805 --> 00:03:18,154 What the hell happened? 90 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,068 What's it look like? 91 00:03:19,111 --> 00:03:21,113 I was doing a load of whites. 92 00:03:21,157 --> 00:03:22,550 And you fell? 93 00:03:22,593 --> 00:03:24,769 No, I didn't fall. 94 00:03:24,813 --> 00:03:26,771 I... I... I slipped. 95 00:03:26,815 --> 00:03:29,252 And it kind of evolved into a fall. 96 00:03:30,558 --> 00:03:33,213 Geez, Ma, you-you could've hit your head or something. 97 00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:34,344 How long were you stuck in there? 98 00:03:34,388 --> 00:03:35,606 Not long. 99 00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:36,999 Judging by the light moving 100 00:03:37,042 --> 00:03:38,478 across the wall, I'd say... 101 00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:40,524 no more than a few hours. 102 00:03:41,612 --> 00:03:43,005 It's not a big deal. 103 00:03:43,048 --> 00:03:45,921 Okay, let's go eat some tacos. 104 00:03:45,964 --> 00:03:47,662 Hey... 105 00:03:47,704 --> 00:03:49,490 Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on... 106 00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:51,579 ♪ 107 00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:03,417 [indistinct chatter] 108 00:04:05,941 --> 00:04:08,422 [hisses] Perfect. Okay. 109 00:04:08,465 --> 00:04:11,076 Now I'm gonna post this on TikTok in slow-mo. 110 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,253 Maybe add, like, an explosion at the end, 111 00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:16,386 Oh, or, like, a, like, a dinosaur that eats the ball. 112 00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:18,519 Oh, okay. 113 00:04:18,562 --> 00:04:19,998 Y-You think people will like that? 114 00:04:20,042 --> 00:04:22,262 I'm trying to make bowling exciting 115 00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:23,698 to a generation raised with nine 116 00:04:23,741 --> 00:04:26,222 Fast and the Furiousmovies and free porn. 117 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,442 We need all the help we can get. 118 00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:30,574 What the hell are you two doing? 119 00:04:30,618 --> 00:04:32,183 Oh, Lew's helping me 120 00:04:32,228 --> 00:04:33,925 up my social media game. 121 00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:35,840 He needs a big following if he wants 122 00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:37,755 TV contracts and a shoe deal. 123 00:04:37,799 --> 00:04:40,062 Right now the only thing that comes up if you search my name 124 00:04:40,105 --> 00:04:42,369 is a sea captain from the 1600s. 125 00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:45,633 All right, Fake Spike Lee and Dumb-zel, 126 00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,287 can we get back to bowling now? 127 00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:49,332 Just give me a minute. I got to check on my mom. 128 00:04:49,376 --> 00:04:51,029 She had a fall last night. 129 00:04:51,073 --> 00:04:52,770 Wait, your mom fell? Is she okay? 130 00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:54,685 Yeah, she's fine, I just found her 131 00:04:54,729 --> 00:04:57,034 stuck butt-first in a laundry basket. 132 00:04:57,079 --> 00:04:58,820 It was actually pretty scary. 133 00:04:58,863 --> 00:05:00,909 She never has her phone on her, so she had to sit there 134 00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:03,128 for hours until I found her. 135 00:05:03,172 --> 00:05:04,956 Hey, Tom, this is getting a little depressing. 136 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,393 People are asking you to take your shirt off 137 00:05:06,436 --> 00:05:07,872 to lighten the mood. 138 00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:11,006 People are watching this now? 139 00:05:11,049 --> 00:05:13,400 Fewer by the second. 140 00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:17,621 Yeah, 4:00 p.m. Saturday sounds great. 141 00:05:17,665 --> 00:05:19,188 I'll be there. 142 00:05:19,231 --> 00:05:21,451 Here, I'll be here-- I live here. 143 00:05:21,495 --> 00:05:24,149 In my kitchen. Uh, I don't live in my kitchen. 144 00:05:24,193 --> 00:05:26,238 I-I work in my kitchen. Okay, bye. 145 00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:31,374 I just booked another appointment. 146 00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:32,897 That makes four today. 147 00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:34,638 Hey! 148 00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:36,466 I think between that and the 40 views 149 00:05:36,510 --> 00:05:38,338 Lew got me on the Internet today, we're officially 150 00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:39,991 a Saginaw power couple. 151 00:05:40,034 --> 00:05:41,732 You know... 152 00:05:41,776 --> 00:05:43,952 I think getting fired was the kick in the ass 153 00:05:43,995 --> 00:05:46,084 I needed to start my own business. 154 00:05:46,128 --> 00:05:48,652 What was I thinking, I was gonna work at Ruth's forever? 155 00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:50,175 Oh, uh, hey, did you get 156 00:05:50,219 --> 00:05:51,655 around to fixing the doorknob in the bathroom? 157 00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:52,874 You only have to ask me once. 158 00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:54,571 You didn't, did you?Uh-uh. 159 00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:55,877 Mm-hmm. 160 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,357 But it's at the top of my list. 161 00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:58,532 And I'm gonna get to that list 162 00:05:58,575 --> 00:06:00,229 as soon as I check on my mom. 163 00:06:00,272 --> 00:06:02,840 Okay, Tom, you don't need to keep worrying about your mom. 164 00:06:02,884 --> 00:06:04,755 I mean, don't you think you're going a tad bit overboard? 165 00:06:04,799 --> 00:06:06,409 No, what-what-what does that mean? 166 00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:08,585 It means that your mom is not that fragile. 167 00:06:08,629 --> 00:06:10,500 This is the woman who dove into Lake Michigan 168 00:06:10,544 --> 00:06:14,069 in March just to get out of a conversation, remember? 169 00:06:14,112 --> 00:06:15,679 I remember. 170 00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:17,202 I kept waiting for her to emerge from the water 171 00:06:17,246 --> 00:06:19,466 with a fish in her teeth like a seal. 172 00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:22,512 Look, if Lake Michigan can't take her down, 173 00:06:22,556 --> 00:06:24,558 I don't think a laundry basket will, okay? 174 00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:26,516 She's a very resilient lady.Yeah, but I-- 175 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,736 I'm starting to worry about her living alone at this age. 176 00:06:28,779 --> 00:06:30,607 I mean, she's a proud woman. 177 00:06:30,651 --> 00:06:32,740 She wouldn't even ask us for help if she did need it. 178 00:06:32,783 --> 00:06:34,045 She's not that old. 179 00:06:34,089 --> 00:06:35,656 She couldn't even call me. 180 00:06:35,699 --> 00:06:37,571 What was gonna happen if I didn't get there in time? 181 00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:40,095 I-I don't want to lose my mom because she doesn't like phones 182 00:06:40,138 --> 00:06:41,705 'cause they make her pocket hot. 183 00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:44,055 Okay, then why don't you just get her 184 00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:45,796 one of those smart watches? 185 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:48,233 You know, then she can wear it all the time and call for help. 186 00:06:48,277 --> 00:06:50,627 Plus, you'll be able to track wherever she is. 187 00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:54,239 Wait, you're-you're suggesting we put a tracking device 188 00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:56,241 on my mom like she's a wild animal? 189 00:06:56,284 --> 00:06:58,330 [chuckles] That's a great idea. 190 00:06:59,288 --> 00:07:00,724 You're welcome. 191 00:07:03,553 --> 00:07:05,947 Well, wait, what are we doing here? 192 00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:08,036 I thought we were going out for hotcakes. 193 00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:10,517 Yeah, we are. I just have to pick something up first. 194 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,562 You know, this used to be a Radio Shack. 195 00:07:12,606 --> 00:07:14,564 Oh, I used to love that place. Mm. 196 00:07:14,608 --> 00:07:17,349 Then they just disappeared one day like a bad stepdad. 197 00:07:19,395 --> 00:07:21,876 Yeah, they're the Orange Julius of ham radio parts. 198 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:24,792 All right, well, go on and get what you need, 199 00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:28,012 and let's get going-- those hotcakes sell out like hotcakes. 200 00:07:29,057 --> 00:07:31,189 Okay, uh, the truth, Ma... 201 00:07:31,233 --> 00:07:32,974 we're not here to get hotcakes. 202 00:07:33,017 --> 00:07:34,628 I don't even know what a hotcake is, to be honest. 203 00:07:34,671 --> 00:07:36,020 Some sort of pancake? 204 00:07:36,064 --> 00:07:38,153 No, it's not a pancake, it's a flapjack. 205 00:07:38,196 --> 00:07:39,937 You know, a flapjack is a griddle cake. 206 00:07:39,981 --> 00:07:41,461 You order a griddle cake in Alabama 207 00:07:41,504 --> 00:07:42,897 and watch what happens. 208 00:07:44,332 --> 00:07:45,900 So I've been kidnapped 209 00:07:45,943 --> 00:07:47,945 by the two biggest idiots in the world? 210 00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:49,991 No, we're not-- Look. 211 00:07:50,034 --> 00:07:51,471 We're here to get a smart watch. 212 00:07:51,514 --> 00:07:52,994 Lew knows all about 'em, 213 00:07:53,037 --> 00:07:54,299 so I thought he could help us pick one out. 214 00:07:54,343 --> 00:07:55,126 Yeah, just tell me what you need, 215 00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:56,606 and I'll set you up. 216 00:07:56,650 --> 00:07:58,521 What do I need a smart watch for? 217 00:07:58,565 --> 00:08:00,480 When I wake up, I know it's 5:00 a.m. 218 00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:03,134 When Blue Bloodsis on, I know it's 9:00 p.m. 219 00:08:03,178 --> 00:08:05,528 Anything else, I'll get there when I get there. 220 00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:09,140 Mom, it's not just to tell time, okay? 221 00:08:09,184 --> 00:08:10,881 These things can make phone calls, 222 00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:12,317 it keeps track of your location, 223 00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:14,145 plus it's always with you. 224 00:08:14,189 --> 00:08:17,279 Jesus is always with me, and he has no monthly fee. 225 00:08:19,194 --> 00:08:21,326 Can I get a amen? Amen. 226 00:08:23,459 --> 00:08:25,374 Okay, so it's not quite as good as Jesus, 227 00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:28,420 but, you know, they're both waterproof. 228 00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:32,337 Okay, look, it's not just for you, it's for me. 229 00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:34,731 So I know where you are and-and that you're okay. 230 00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:36,994 Oh, I see, you don't think I can take care of myself. 231 00:08:37,038 --> 00:08:38,909 Is that what you're saying?No. 232 00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:40,998 [stammers] Look... you can, 233 00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:43,523 but if wearing the watch makes me feel better, 234 00:08:43,566 --> 00:08:45,133 what's the big deal? 235 00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:47,744 This is what I get for coddling you too much. 236 00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:49,224 I knew I shouldn't have breastfed you 237 00:08:49,267 --> 00:08:50,834 for two whole weeks. 238 00:08:53,054 --> 00:08:54,577 Can I get some help, Lew? 239 00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:57,101 I don't know, man, I think the damage is done. 240 00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:00,409 The watches, Lew. 241 00:09:00,452 --> 00:09:01,671 Oh, yes, yes. 242 00:09:01,715 --> 00:09:03,673 Right, okay, um... 243 00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:05,022 so these are the cheap ones. 244 00:09:05,066 --> 00:09:06,894 Easy on the wallet, nice on the wrist. 245 00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,373 Uh, do you have Wi-Fi? 246 00:09:08,417 --> 00:09:10,506 She doesn't. She steals it from her neighbor. 247 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,334 If he has a problem with that, he can 248 00:09:12,377 --> 00:09:15,032 wheel his chair over and tell me to my face. 249 00:09:16,817 --> 00:09:20,081 I don't think we believe in the same Jesus. 250 00:09:21,430 --> 00:09:23,171 Okay, um... 251 00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:25,173 so once you sync your contacts with this, 252 00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:26,740 you'll be able to use voice command 253 00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:29,525 to make calls or texts just by holding this button. 254 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,092 It's-it's pretty self-explanatory. 255 00:09:31,135 --> 00:09:32,963 If it's so self-explanatory, what are you still 256 00:09:33,007 --> 00:09:35,357 flapping your yap about? 257 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,098 Come on, Ma. 258 00:09:37,141 --> 00:09:38,708 These things are cool. 259 00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:40,405 You can use it like a walkie-talkie like Dick Tracy, 260 00:09:40,449 --> 00:09:42,146 send texts.Check the weather. 261 00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:44,845 You can even set a reminder for Tom Selleck's birthday. 262 00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:45,933 He's your favorite! 263 00:09:45,976 --> 00:09:47,456 You'll never forget-- 264 00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:49,676 Ma? 265 00:09:50,938 --> 00:09:52,330 She's gone. 266 00:09:52,374 --> 00:09:54,811 Just like my last stepdad. 267 00:10:00,077 --> 00:10:01,731 Come on, Ma, what's the big deal? 268 00:10:01,775 --> 00:10:03,167 It's just a watch. 269 00:10:03,211 --> 00:10:04,734 I am not an invalid. 270 00:10:04,778 --> 00:10:06,867 I didn't say you were. 271 00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:08,956 You didn't have to say it, the way that you're treating me. 272 00:10:08,999 --> 00:10:10,348 Trying to get me to wear 273 00:10:10,392 --> 00:10:12,699 some fancy LifeAlert bracelet. 274 00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:14,657 Ma, you had literally fallen 275 00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:16,137 and could not get up. 276 00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:19,706 I'm not wearing that stupid watch 277 00:10:19,749 --> 00:10:21,882 so that you'll know where I am every second. 278 00:10:21,925 --> 00:10:24,058 Come on, don't think of it like that. 279 00:10:24,101 --> 00:10:26,234 This thing can make your life a lot easier. 280 00:10:26,277 --> 00:10:28,062 Look, I already set it up. 281 00:10:28,105 --> 00:10:29,977 Call Tom. 282 00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:31,543 WATCH: Which Tom? 283 00:10:31,587 --> 00:10:33,241 Tom Smallwood. 284 00:10:33,284 --> 00:10:34,895 Tom Smallwood was a ship captain 285 00:10:34,938 --> 00:10:37,071 who was thrown overboard by his mutinous crew 286 00:10:37,114 --> 00:10:39,160 in the year 1619. 287 00:10:40,683 --> 00:10:44,382 He was probably trying to get 'em to all wear smart watches. 288 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,212 You're saying he was a good and fair captain 289 00:10:48,256 --> 00:10:50,998 who cared about the well-being of his crew? 290 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:54,262 Look, what happened really made me worry, Mom. 291 00:10:54,305 --> 00:10:55,698 Do you have any idea what was going 292 00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:57,613 through my mind as I drove over here? 293 00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:58,919 Don't worry about me. 294 00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:01,443 I am not kicking the bucket anytime soon. 295 00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:04,185 If I live as long as my mother did, 296 00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:07,405 I still have 14 Christmases left. 297 00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:11,583 Wow, Ma, you have a real chipper way of putting things. 298 00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:13,890 I can't believe Hallmark hasn't snatched you up. 299 00:11:13,934 --> 00:11:16,066 I am just trying to be realistic. 300 00:11:16,110 --> 00:11:17,894 Yeah, and I'm doing this because I care. 301 00:11:17,938 --> 00:11:19,417 Sometimes the baby duckling 302 00:11:19,461 --> 00:11:20,984 is the one that has to, you know... 303 00:11:21,028 --> 00:11:22,159 figure-- Oh, my God! 304 00:11:22,203 --> 00:11:23,987 Just give me the damn watch. 305 00:11:24,031 --> 00:11:25,902 Anything to shut the duck up. 306 00:11:29,558 --> 00:11:31,081 Thank you, Mom. 307 00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:34,345 Also, I'm taking you to the mall 308 00:11:34,389 --> 00:11:35,825 to try on some laundry baskets. 309 00:11:35,869 --> 00:11:37,914 No shame in going up a size. 310 00:11:40,612 --> 00:11:42,702 ♪ 311 00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:44,312 Hey, what's going on, y'all? 312 00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:46,706 I'm here with Tom's coach, Archie Betts. 313 00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:48,359 Anything you want to say to the fans? 314 00:11:48,403 --> 00:11:50,579 Hey, Archine, you want to be on the Internet? 315 00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:53,408 You want to be in the trunk of my car? 316 00:11:56,150 --> 00:11:57,891 [laughs] 317 00:11:57,934 --> 00:11:59,849 Man, he got jokes. 318 00:11:59,893 --> 00:12:01,633 [sighs] 319 00:12:01,677 --> 00:12:03,766 But I'm gonna turn this off just in case he's serious. 320 00:12:05,507 --> 00:12:07,204 Hey, man, you get your money back on the watch? 321 00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:08,423 Even better than that. 322 00:12:08,466 --> 00:12:09,859 I got her to wear it. 323 00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:11,861 So she's okay? She's fine. 324 00:12:11,905 --> 00:12:13,384 She even hugged me. 325 00:12:13,428 --> 00:12:15,038 She hugged you? 326 00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:16,605 With whose arms? 327 00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:18,955 Man, I'm just relieved. 328 00:12:18,999 --> 00:12:21,610 Now, if anything happens, she can always call for help. 329 00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,786 Plus I always know where she is. 330 00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:25,396 Like, right now, check it out. 331 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:26,833 She is at... 332 00:12:26,876 --> 00:12:28,095 Archie's Lanes. 333 00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:35,537 Where is she? 334 00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:37,844 Don't look at me. I ain't hiding her. 335 00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:39,671 The only thing I got up under here 336 00:12:39,715 --> 00:12:42,587 is a two-pound bag of Sour Patch Kids. 337 00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:47,244 Damn things gonna cost me my foot one day. 338 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,423 [stammers] I don't understand what's going on. 339 00:12:52,467 --> 00:12:55,035 Wait, it also says her heart rate is zero. 340 00:12:56,036 --> 00:12:57,907 That seems low. 341 00:13:04,914 --> 00:13:07,699 [laughing] 342 00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:09,005 She slipped it in my coat! 343 00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:11,442 Uh-oh, Mama's off the grid. 344 00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:15,359 ♪ 345 00:13:16,404 --> 00:13:18,623 Thank you for sticking with me. 346 00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:20,712 I love it. I'll be back in a month. 347 00:13:20,756 --> 00:13:22,584 Oh, great! And-and I promise 348 00:13:22,627 --> 00:13:24,194 this setup is not permanent. 349 00:13:24,238 --> 00:13:25,848 Sorry about the garbage disposal. 350 00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:28,024 It almost cut your hair for me. 351 00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:30,200 Jen, I-- 352 00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:32,028 Oh, wow! 353 00:13:32,072 --> 00:13:33,377 That frames your face... 354 00:13:33,421 --> 00:13:35,597 [stammers] Work it, girl! 355 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,686 [mouthing] 356 00:13:37,729 --> 00:13:39,427 "Work it, girl"? 357 00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:41,255 I don't know.Uh, Tom, what is wrong? 358 00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:42,952 She won't wear it! 359 00:13:42,996 --> 00:13:44,475 Oh. She slipped it in my pocket. 360 00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:46,173 Now I have no idea where my mom is. 361 00:13:46,216 --> 00:13:48,218 Oh, you mean like how it's been her whole life 362 00:13:48,262 --> 00:13:49,872 up until yesterday? 363 00:13:49,915 --> 00:13:51,569 It's different now. 364 00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:53,615 She fell in a laundry basket. Wh-What's next? 365 00:13:53,658 --> 00:13:56,618 She slips down a manhole and we never find her again? 366 00:13:56,661 --> 00:13:59,360 Wait, Tom, are you talking about your mom or Mr. Bean? 367 00:14:00,796 --> 00:14:02,667 You know I'm talking about my mom. 368 00:14:02,711 --> 00:14:04,844 Not the greatest comedic actor of our generation. 369 00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:08,499 Okay, Tom, Tom, you're spinning out. 370 00:14:08,543 --> 00:14:10,632 I mean, sure, one day she'll be old enough 371 00:14:10,675 --> 00:14:12,895 where you have to worry about her, but at that point, 372 00:14:12,939 --> 00:14:14,679 she'll probably be living with us. 373 00:14:14,723 --> 00:14:17,508 Then you'll always know where she is, and then... 374 00:14:17,552 --> 00:14:19,467 you're gonna need that watch to find out where I am. 375 00:14:21,556 --> 00:14:23,079 I-I have to get to the beauty supply shop 376 00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:24,907 before it closes. Can you do me a favor? 377 00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:26,909 Grab the towels in the bathroom, 378 00:14:26,953 --> 00:14:28,084 and add them to this load? 379 00:14:28,128 --> 00:14:29,433 Sure. Thanks. 380 00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:31,044 I-I might be overreacting. 381 00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:32,610 I-I just can't shake the vision of her 382 00:14:32,654 --> 00:14:34,525 stuck somewhere in that house. 383 00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:37,354 You know, it happens a lot more to old people than you think. 384 00:14:37,398 --> 00:14:39,530 [door opens] 385 00:14:39,574 --> 00:14:42,055 [door closes] 386 00:14:42,098 --> 00:14:44,492 [thudding] 387 00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:46,146 Jen?! 388 00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:47,974 Jen? 389 00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:51,020 You're right-- it was a shaky-twisty deal! 390 00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:00,116 Call Jen. 391 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,249 WATCH: I'm sorry, I'm busy right now. 392 00:15:02,292 --> 00:15:03,859 Call Jen. 393 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:06,122 I'm sorry, I'm busy right now. 394 00:15:07,558 --> 00:15:10,170 Please call Jen. 395 00:15:11,649 --> 00:15:14,043 I'm sorry, I'm busy right now. 396 00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:17,873 You're going in the toilet. 397 00:15:19,048 --> 00:15:20,745 HELEN: Tommy? 398 00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:22,138 Ma? 399 00:15:22,182 --> 00:15:24,097 Ma!What are you doing? 400 00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:25,968 Why aren't you answering your phone? 401 00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:27,970 Oh, oh, I wasn't answering my phone, 402 00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,493 and you got worried? 403 00:15:29,537 --> 00:15:31,104 Doesn't feel good, does it?! 404 00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:34,890 Please help me, I'm stuck! 405 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:37,023 Hold on a second. 406 00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:38,720 Let me run to the store, 407 00:15:38,763 --> 00:15:40,461 and get you a smart watch. 408 00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:43,943 Very good. Very, very funny. 409 00:15:43,986 --> 00:15:45,770 I've been stuck in here for three hours! 410 00:15:47,511 --> 00:15:48,860 [exhales] 411 00:15:48,904 --> 00:15:50,688 Thanks, Ma. 412 00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:53,300 No problem, that's why I keep a Leatherman on me. 413 00:15:53,343 --> 00:15:55,258 This thing pulled out all your baby teeth 414 00:15:55,302 --> 00:15:57,086 and pierced both my ears. 415 00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:59,349 Thank you, old friend. 416 00:15:59,393 --> 00:16:01,177 So, uh... 417 00:16:01,221 --> 00:16:02,526 where's your phone? 418 00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:04,354 I left it in my truck.What?! 419 00:16:04,398 --> 00:16:06,574 You don't have your cellphone?Ma-- 420 00:16:06,617 --> 00:16:09,185 Wow, that's so irresponsible of you.Ma... 421 00:16:09,229 --> 00:16:10,708 Lucky that I came along. 422 00:16:10,752 --> 00:16:12,145 Lord knows you're so fragile. 423 00:16:12,188 --> 00:16:13,668 Ma! 424 00:16:13,711 --> 00:16:15,452 What? 425 00:16:17,193 --> 00:16:18,803 I want you to move in with us. 426 00:16:18,847 --> 00:16:21,154 What? 427 00:16:21,197 --> 00:16:23,025 I want you to... 428 00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:25,245 live here with us. 429 00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:28,639 Well, where the hell is this coming from? 430 00:16:28,683 --> 00:16:31,555 Around hour two sitting on the toilet. 431 00:16:31,599 --> 00:16:33,601 Look... 432 00:16:33,644 --> 00:16:35,516 I know you're fine, and-and falling 433 00:16:35,559 --> 00:16:37,300 could've happened to anyone. The problem was me. 434 00:16:37,344 --> 00:16:38,823 Yeah, I could've told you that. 435 00:16:38,867 --> 00:16:39,999 Will you let me finish?All right. 436 00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:42,784 Look, I just did a lot of thinking. 437 00:16:42,827 --> 00:16:44,220 Mostly because the only thing that works 438 00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:46,483 on this dumb watch is the meditation app. 439 00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:49,660 Look, there's gonna be a point 440 00:16:49,704 --> 00:16:51,314 where you can't take care of yourself 441 00:16:51,358 --> 00:16:53,925 and you'll have to move in, but-but why wait? 442 00:16:53,969 --> 00:16:56,232 Why not do it while you're healthy, 443 00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:58,582 while we can all still enjoy each other? 444 00:16:58,626 --> 00:17:00,976 So I am supposed to just 445 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,804 pack up my life 446 00:17:02,847 --> 00:17:05,154 and move all my stuff in here. 447 00:17:05,198 --> 00:17:06,502 Is that what you want? 448 00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:09,115 I was hoping you would want that. 449 00:17:09,157 --> 00:17:11,160 I mean, yeah, it's what I want. 450 00:17:12,422 --> 00:17:14,685 I-Is that not...? 451 00:17:14,729 --> 00:17:17,165 I don't know. 452 00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:19,299 Most mothers would want that. 453 00:17:23,128 --> 00:17:25,521 But... you should know... 454 00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:27,175 I am very independent. 455 00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:29,352 And I am just fine 456 00:17:29,396 --> 00:17:30,788 being by myself. 457 00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:32,529 I know. 458 00:17:32,573 --> 00:17:34,879 And I would never go anywhere where I was not needed. 459 00:17:34,923 --> 00:17:36,446 That's exactly what I'm saying. We-we... 460 00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:39,536 You're saying that you need me, Tommy?Y-Yeah. 461 00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:41,103 I mean, I-I'm gonna be traveling, 462 00:17:41,147 --> 00:17:42,452 so I w... I won't be home, 463 00:17:42,496 --> 00:17:44,846 and Jen is starting her business. 464 00:17:44,889 --> 00:17:46,108 Sam... 465 00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:48,545 He can't pluck and dress a chicken. 466 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,160 I mean, he has to learn from the best. 467 00:17:54,203 --> 00:17:57,076 You're worse off than I thought. 468 00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:59,295 Honestly, I... 469 00:17:59,339 --> 00:18:02,081 I don't know how we've been doing it without you. 470 00:18:05,606 --> 00:18:08,522 [sighs] Did you run this by the warden? 471 00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:11,002 Not yet. 472 00:18:11,046 --> 00:18:12,830 I'll have to do that before it's official. 473 00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:14,876 Yeah, well, then I'm not gonna hold my breath 474 00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:16,834 or drain my waterbed. 475 00:18:18,793 --> 00:18:20,229 It's a big decision. 476 00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:22,231 I have to pick the right moment to ask her. 477 00:18:22,275 --> 00:18:24,146 Ultimately, it's Jen's call. 478 00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:25,495 WATCH: Calling Jen. 479 00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:27,193 [chuckles]: No. No, no. No. 480 00:18:27,236 --> 00:18:29,630 Hopefully, she didn't hear any of that. 481 00:18:36,593 --> 00:18:39,074 Okay, I know how much you care about your mom, 482 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:42,033 but this is a pretty big bomb to drop. 483 00:18:42,077 --> 00:18:43,513 Okay. 484 00:18:43,557 --> 00:18:45,776 So, is that a no, or...I didn't say that. 485 00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:47,865 I just wish you had talked to me about it 486 00:18:47,909 --> 00:18:49,867 before you floated the idea to her. 487 00:18:49,911 --> 00:18:51,695 I switched to two percent milk without telling you, 488 00:18:51,739 --> 00:18:53,480 and you were mad at me for a week. 489 00:18:54,829 --> 00:18:56,265 Look, I hear you. 490 00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:57,962 I-If you want to be mad at me for a week, 491 00:18:58,006 --> 00:18:59,399 I totally get it. 492 00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:03,794 She talked about renting out her place and giving us the money. 493 00:19:03,838 --> 00:19:05,274 I mean, that-that could help us out. 494 00:19:05,318 --> 00:19:06,493 Come on, you know this isn't about the money. 495 00:19:06,536 --> 00:19:07,929 I know. 496 00:19:07,972 --> 00:19:09,235 Come on, what do... what do you think? 497 00:19:10,279 --> 00:19:12,281 I think you're a very sweet man 498 00:19:12,325 --> 00:19:14,022 and an amazing son. 499 00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:16,851 And as much as I think your mom is a pain in the ass, 500 00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:18,722 I do love her. 501 00:19:18,766 --> 00:19:20,420 And I love you. 502 00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:22,161 Ah, bup, bup, bup, bup. 503 00:19:23,945 --> 00:19:26,730 Just so you know, there are going to be times 504 00:19:26,774 --> 00:19:28,776 where you see me just sitting in the car. 505 00:19:28,819 --> 00:19:32,258 Don't come get me. 506 00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:36,044 Yes, ma'am.[chuckles] 507 00:19:37,045 --> 00:19:38,916 This is gonna be bad. 508 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,527 Oh, my God.[laughs]: I know. 509 00:19:40,570 --> 00:19:43,007 Jen, this is gonna be brutal.Oh, yeah. 510 00:19:44,008 --> 00:19:45,575 But, you know, we got to make the most of it. 511 00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:47,969 Who knows how many Christmases we have left?What? 512 00:19:48,012 --> 00:19:50,667 That is terrible. Where did you get that from? 513 00:19:50,711 --> 00:19:52,669 Where do you think? 514 00:20:02,157 --> 00:20:03,463 [TV playing indistinctly] 515 00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,508 Hey. Good news. 516 00:20:05,552 --> 00:20:07,293 Lew got me up to 50 followers, 517 00:20:07,336 --> 00:20:10,209 and when you search my name, Tom the bowler comes up 518 00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:12,167 before Tom the sailorman. 519 00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:15,388 Couldn't be happier for you. 520 00:20:18,391 --> 00:20:20,044 [clears throat] 521 00:20:22,569 --> 00:20:24,266 Hey, hey. Turn down the hose. 522 00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:27,226 My waterbed is almost at capacity. 523 00:20:28,183 --> 00:20:29,793 This is great. 524 00:20:29,837 --> 00:20:31,621 Oh, oh, don't touch that TV. 525 00:20:31,665 --> 00:20:33,797 Blue Bloodsmarathon is just about to start.