1 00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:15,493 Where's the bread? 2 00:00:15,537 --> 00:00:18,148 Uh, it's in the freezer where it belongs. 3 00:00:19,106 --> 00:00:22,370 You... So we have to defrost it every time we make Sam lunch? 4 00:00:22,413 --> 00:00:24,763 No, you just have to raise him not to be so soft 5 00:00:24,807 --> 00:00:27,027 that he can't eat an ice-cold sandwich. 6 00:00:28,593 --> 00:00:31,553 Why is there packing tape on my salon shears?HELEN: Oh, 7 00:00:31,596 --> 00:00:33,555 I must have opened an Amazon package with them. 8 00:00:33,598 --> 00:00:35,818 I got a fresh batch of underpants. 9 00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:39,343 Helen, these aren't regular scissors. 10 00:00:39,387 --> 00:00:41,128 They're, like, $100 each. 11 00:00:41,171 --> 00:00:43,130 Oh, well, you shouldn't leave them out, then. 12 00:00:43,173 --> 00:00:44,609 That's on you. 13 00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:47,743 My mistake. 14 00:00:47,786 --> 00:00:50,093 Uh, hey, you know, would you mind, uh, going upstairs 15 00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:52,400 and helping Sam getting ready for school? 16 00:00:52,443 --> 00:00:54,141 I am on it. Boy, I don't know 17 00:00:54,184 --> 00:00:56,969 how you guys survived without me. 18 00:00:57,970 --> 00:00:59,407 So, 19 00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:01,409 her living here is a lot. 20 00:01:01,452 --> 00:01:03,063 I need a little space. Okay.Mm-hmm. 21 00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:06,153 Yesterday she read me an article about hard water 22 00:01:06,196 --> 00:01:07,676 while I was in the shower. 23 00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,504 And I'm pretty sure she was on the toilet. 24 00:01:10,505 --> 00:01:11,767 I feel bad. 25 00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:13,508 Archie's been working me so hard at the alley, 26 00:01:13,551 --> 00:01:15,727 you've been stuck here with her all day. 27 00:01:15,771 --> 00:01:16,859 Which, of course, 28 00:01:16,902 --> 00:01:18,165 you know because you've been stuck here 29 00:01:18,208 --> 00:01:19,383 with her all day. 30 00:01:20,384 --> 00:01:22,082 I just wish she had more 31 00:01:22,125 --> 00:01:23,692 of a social life or something. 32 00:01:23,735 --> 00:01:25,346 Just a few hours away from the house. 33 00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:27,043 A hobby. Book club. 34 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,697 Yeah. Or she could just drive somewhere 35 00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:30,786 and be there for a while. 36 00:01:30,829 --> 00:01:32,657 Somewhere nice.Yeah, 37 00:01:32,701 --> 00:01:34,964 of course. Real nice. But also far. 38 00:01:36,574 --> 00:01:38,620 ♪ 39 00:01:48,543 --> 00:01:51,154 Carl, what are you doing? This is my lane. 40 00:01:51,198 --> 00:01:53,156 Not today. Got you set up right next door. 41 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,331 But this is my lane. 42 00:01:55,332 --> 00:01:57,856 You can't put your favorite lane in your pocket 43 00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:58,988 and take it with you on tour. 44 00:01:59,031 --> 00:02:00,511 You got to be prepared for anything. 45 00:02:00,555 --> 00:02:02,209 Got it.Now focus up. 46 00:02:02,252 --> 00:02:04,167 I laid a new oil pattern on this lane. 47 00:02:04,211 --> 00:02:05,386 We're gonna be working on it all week. 48 00:02:05,429 --> 00:02:07,214 What? Forget all that stuff, man. 49 00:02:07,257 --> 00:02:09,216 These oil patterns won't make you a star, 50 00:02:09,259 --> 00:02:12,175 but those acting classes I emailed you about will.TOM: Lew, 51 00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:14,134 I'm not taking an online acting class 52 00:02:14,177 --> 00:02:16,484 from your friend who was on Wheel of Fortune. 53 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:20,052 Ain't you on the clock right now?Yep. 54 00:02:21,445 --> 00:02:23,012 Right, right. 55 00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:28,322 Look, you had a great first tournament. 56 00:02:28,365 --> 00:02:31,238 All right? But there's still a lot of work to do. 57 00:02:31,281 --> 00:02:32,891 You got to finish higher than 26th 58 00:02:32,935 --> 00:02:34,676 if you want to qualify for the PBA Championship. 59 00:02:34,719 --> 00:02:35,938 Okay, got it. 60 00:02:35,981 --> 00:02:37,418 Now, the oil pattern I laid here 61 00:02:37,461 --> 00:02:38,854 is really tough. 62 00:02:38,897 --> 00:02:40,769 It's called the Cheetah pattern. 63 00:02:40,812 --> 00:02:42,162 Why is it called the Cheetah pattern? 64 00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:44,468 'Cause the guy who came up with it, 65 00:02:44,512 --> 00:02:47,167 his name is Cheetah... uh, Cheetah Jones. 66 00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:51,388 Arch, if you don't know something, 67 00:02:51,432 --> 00:02:53,303 you don't have to make it up to impress me. 68 00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:55,392 Cool name, though, right?Yeah. 69 00:03:00,658 --> 00:03:02,747 Well, why'd you set her up there? 70 00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:05,141 You could've put her closer to the window. 71 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:08,057 Do you want to be closer to the window?! 72 00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:12,279 Okay. Eleanor and I were just chatting 73 00:03:12,322 --> 00:03:14,368 about this water aerobics class 74 00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:15,804 that she's taking.Mm. 75 00:03:15,847 --> 00:03:17,501 Look, she loves it, 76 00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:19,286 and apparently the chlorine tightens her knee skin. 77 00:03:19,329 --> 00:03:22,158 [refrigerator door opens]I have the shins of a 50-year-old. 78 00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:26,249 If I wanted to watch a bunch of cadavers tread water, 79 00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:28,686 I'd turn on Titanic. 80 00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:31,080 No offense! 81 00:03:32,603 --> 00:03:35,998 You know, I was just thinking it-it might be fun for you. 82 00:03:36,041 --> 00:03:38,000 You know, take some time for yourself? 83 00:03:38,043 --> 00:03:39,175 ELEANOR: She's right. 84 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,872 I mean, Helen, have you ever... 85 00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:43,571 thought about dipping your toe in the dating pool again? 86 00:03:43,614 --> 00:03:46,487 No. There's more diseases in that pool 87 00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:48,010 than the one that this old lady's 88 00:03:48,053 --> 00:03:49,577 been floating around in. 89 00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:54,321 Come on, Helen. There's got to be someone out there 90 00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:58,194 who's caught your eye. At church or at the post office? 91 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,022 [gasps softly] What about that guy at the hardware store 92 00:04:00,065 --> 00:04:02,111 that gives you free screws and makes dirty jokes about it? 93 00:04:02,154 --> 00:04:03,460 Frank?JEN: Mm-hmm. 94 00:04:03,504 --> 00:04:04,853 The only thing filthier than his mind 95 00:04:04,896 --> 00:04:06,594 is his fingernails. 96 00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:11,860 But... 97 00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:13,644 Ooh, there's a "but"? 98 00:04:13,688 --> 00:04:15,864 Forget it.Oh. 99 00:04:15,907 --> 00:04:17,735 Come on. Helen, what is it? 100 00:04:17,779 --> 00:04:20,042 It's nothing. It's just there... 101 00:04:20,085 --> 00:04:23,045 there was a guy who asked me out a while back. 102 00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:25,700 You should go for it. Call him. 103 00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:27,223 How nice would it be for you 104 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,356 to just be out of the house for one night? 105 00:04:29,399 --> 00:04:31,053 Oh! Shoot. 106 00:04:31,096 --> 00:04:33,360 Um, I'm gonna go get another towel, okay? 107 00:04:33,403 --> 00:04:34,796 Call him. 108 00:04:36,101 --> 00:04:37,886 You don't need a man. 109 00:04:37,929 --> 00:04:40,018 After Milton died, I got a ferret, 110 00:04:40,062 --> 00:04:42,151 and I'm doing just fine. 111 00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:46,851 My God. Haven't we been through enough? 112 00:04:52,074 --> 00:04:53,597 This pattern's too fast. 113 00:04:53,641 --> 00:04:55,338 My ball is breaking late. 114 00:04:55,382 --> 00:04:57,340 I'm telling you, you got to get your release point wh... 115 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,256 Yes. 116 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,301 Yes what, woman? 117 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,043 You asked me out on a date. 118 00:05:06,697 --> 00:05:09,265 That was ten years ago. 119 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,354 Well, I thought about it, 120 00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:13,313 and the answer is yes. 121 00:05:13,356 --> 00:05:15,358 Keep your elbow in, Tommy. 122 00:05:19,144 --> 00:05:21,103 What the hell was that? 123 00:05:21,146 --> 00:05:22,409 You asked my mom out? 124 00:05:22,452 --> 00:05:24,062 No. 125 00:05:24,106 --> 00:05:26,717 I mean, technically, yes. 126 00:05:26,761 --> 00:05:29,764 But it was so long ago, I-I forgot it ever happened. 127 00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:31,243 Wait, so how did it happen? 128 00:05:31,287 --> 00:05:33,028 Was it like the beginning of a rom-com? 129 00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:34,769 Did somebody drop something? Did somebody pick something up? 130 00:05:34,812 --> 00:05:36,336 Wait, did you have to chase a train? 131 00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:37,946 God, I love a good love story. 132 00:05:37,989 --> 00:05:39,426 It wasn't no love story. 133 00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:40,818 Look, 134 00:05:40,862 --> 00:05:42,429 she came in here one night, and I got a vibe, 135 00:05:42,472 --> 00:05:43,952 so I asked her out. 136 00:05:43,995 --> 00:05:45,780 But she left without even giving me an answer. 137 00:05:45,823 --> 00:05:47,172 That's why I never told you. 138 00:05:47,216 --> 00:05:50,611 Okay, fine. Let's just move on. 139 00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:51,829 Focus on the bowling. 140 00:05:51,873 --> 00:05:53,440 Man, listen, if it bothers you, 141 00:05:53,483 --> 00:05:55,442 I won't...No, it's fine. Really. 142 00:05:55,485 --> 00:05:56,878 It's... I'm okay. 143 00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:04,276 You got a vibe from my mom? 144 00:06:05,277 --> 00:06:07,715 A vibe? How do you know she wasn't just hungry? 145 00:06:07,758 --> 00:06:11,283 Sometimes, when she's hungry, she gives out mixed signals. 146 00:06:11,327 --> 00:06:14,809 Okay, so it does bother you. Fine. 147 00:06:14,852 --> 00:06:16,811 So I just tell her I'm not interested. 148 00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:19,074 You can't do that. Then she'll feel rejected. 149 00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:20,162 All right, then. 150 00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:21,816 I guess I'll give her a call. 151 00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:24,384 Well, well, only call her if you really want to. 152 00:06:24,427 --> 00:06:25,950 Oh, no, I want to. 153 00:06:25,994 --> 00:06:28,475 I mean, that woman's like a Pontiac Aztek. 154 00:06:28,518 --> 00:06:30,433 They don't make them like that anymore. 155 00:06:32,566 --> 00:06:35,743 But, listen, if you're not cool with it, I...No, it's fine. 156 00:06:35,786 --> 00:06:37,571 You're calling her. 157 00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:39,268 You sure you're good? 158 00:06:40,269 --> 00:06:41,575 I'm good. 159 00:06:41,618 --> 00:06:43,228 Gonna bowl now. 160 00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:44,969 Don't get a vibe. 161 00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:48,190 Hey. 162 00:06:48,233 --> 00:06:50,148 My T-ball coach boned my mom. 163 00:06:50,192 --> 00:06:51,672 I turned out all right. 164 00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,413 No, you didn't. 165 00:06:57,895 --> 00:07:00,550 Hey, honey. How was practice?Not great. 166 00:07:00,594 --> 00:07:02,291 Did you talk to my mom? 167 00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:03,858 Yes. 168 00:07:03,901 --> 00:07:07,209 I talked her into going on a date. 169 00:07:07,252 --> 00:07:08,689 Not in our house. 170 00:07:08,732 --> 00:07:10,604 She's at Walmart right now buying a dress. 171 00:07:10,647 --> 00:07:13,781 Not in our house. Go, me. Right? 172 00:07:13,824 --> 00:07:15,739 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Go, you. 173 00:07:15,783 --> 00:07:18,307 Did she tell you who she's going on the date with?Uh-uh. 174 00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:20,222 Archie.What? 175 00:07:20,265 --> 00:07:23,399 Wow. That's cute. Right? 176 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,096 Wait, no, bad? Awkward? 177 00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:26,533 [sighs] I've had a long day. 178 00:07:26,576 --> 00:07:27,838 Can you just tell me how we feel? 179 00:07:28,839 --> 00:07:30,798 We feel weird. 180 00:07:30,841 --> 00:07:32,321 We feel confused. 181 00:07:32,364 --> 00:07:34,018 We drove home listening to jazz. 182 00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:36,978 We didn't even realize we were listening to jazz. 183 00:07:37,021 --> 00:07:38,414 Honey. 184 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:41,243 She's going on a date with Archie. 185 00:07:41,286 --> 00:07:44,202 Why couldn't it be the mailman or that waiter at Red Lobster 186 00:07:44,246 --> 00:07:45,769 that gives her the free Wet-Naps? 187 00:07:45,813 --> 00:07:47,815 I'm pretty sure those are free for everybody. 188 00:07:47,858 --> 00:07:49,381 Yeah. For a woman who tips six percent, 189 00:07:49,425 --> 00:07:51,514 she gets a lotof free Wet-Naps. 190 00:07:52,559 --> 00:07:54,561 And the best part about that guy? 191 00:07:54,604 --> 00:07:56,563 He's not Archie. 192 00:07:56,606 --> 00:07:59,522 Look, I know that this is uncomfortable for you, 193 00:07:59,566 --> 00:08:01,568 but this is the first time she's put herself out there 194 00:08:01,611 --> 00:08:03,091 since your dad died, isn't it? 195 00:08:03,134 --> 00:08:05,267 It's not about that. This is about Archie. 196 00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:08,270 He shouldn't be swooping in and dating my mom. 197 00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:09,663 He should be coaching me. 198 00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:12,448 It'll be fine. It is one date.Oh, for now. 199 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,754 They haven't even gone on the date. 200 00:08:13,797 --> 00:08:15,103 It's already a distraction. 201 00:08:15,146 --> 00:08:16,539 We couldn't crack one oil pattern 202 00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:18,280 because he was all over the place. 203 00:08:18,323 --> 00:08:20,064 Tom.Okay, maybe Iwas all over the place. 204 00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:22,284 But the point is, it's a distraction. 205 00:08:22,327 --> 00:08:25,113 What if they date for a month or-or a year?I... 206 00:08:25,156 --> 00:08:27,289 What if they break up the week of a big PBA Championship? 207 00:08:27,332 --> 00:08:30,161 I mean, have you even stopped to think about that? 208 00:08:30,205 --> 00:08:31,598 Ugh! 209 00:08:31,641 --> 00:08:33,425 This is not how I wanted to spend 210 00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:35,166 my "your mom's at Walmart" time. 211 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:41,433 Wow, those new dryer sheets really worked. 212 00:08:41,477 --> 00:08:42,783 I always thought I was an Ocean Breeze gal. 213 00:08:42,826 --> 00:08:44,219 Where do you think they're going? 214 00:08:45,742 --> 00:08:47,178 Better not be fancy. 215 00:08:47,222 --> 00:08:48,571 If there aren't pictures of the food on the menu, 216 00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:50,225 she's gonna ask what they're hiding. 217 00:08:50,268 --> 00:08:53,620 That's what dating's all about, trying new things. 218 00:08:53,663 --> 00:08:55,230 [door opens]HELEN: Knock, knock. 219 00:08:55,273 --> 00:08:56,536 What do you think? 220 00:08:59,277 --> 00:09:02,237 Be honest. I tell you when you look terrible. 221 00:09:03,978 --> 00:09:05,806 Wow. 222 00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:07,198 Really? 223 00:09:07,242 --> 00:09:10,680 It's from the Sofia Vergara collection. 224 00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:13,291 Feel like I can speak Spanish. 225 00:09:14,336 --> 00:09:16,338 What do you think, Tommy?I don't know, Ma. 226 00:09:16,381 --> 00:09:17,731 Aren't you always the one that says 227 00:09:17,774 --> 00:09:19,950 dresses are for princesses and prostitutes? 228 00:09:22,736 --> 00:09:24,694 You look good, Ma. 229 00:09:24,738 --> 00:09:27,175 Are you sure? I mean, I don't even know where we're going. 230 00:09:27,218 --> 00:09:28,393 Maybe it's too much. 231 00:09:28,437 --> 00:09:29,786 Does it make me look sweaty? 232 00:09:29,830 --> 00:09:32,354 'Cause I'm feeling really clammy right now. 233 00:09:32,397 --> 00:09:34,835 If this is how you feel, why are you even doing this? 234 00:09:34,878 --> 00:09:36,619 'Cause I don't want to end up alone. 235 00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:39,230 Tightening my knee skin in some dirty pool 236 00:09:39,274 --> 00:09:41,319 to impress my ferret. 237 00:09:42,625 --> 00:09:46,107 Mom, if you're nervous, you could always cancel. 238 00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:47,804 Do you think I should? 239 00:09:47,848 --> 00:09:49,719 You don't have anything to be nervous about, Helen. 240 00:09:49,763 --> 00:09:52,374 You look amazing. And besides, clammy is in now. 241 00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:53,810 We call it glowy. 242 00:09:53,854 --> 00:09:56,160 Well, in that case, I've got a glow line 243 00:09:56,204 --> 00:09:59,642 from the back of my neck down to my ass crack. 244 00:09:59,686 --> 00:10:02,427 You're nervous because you're excited. 245 00:10:02,471 --> 00:10:04,081 If there's anything we can do 246 00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:05,430 to make you feel more comfortable, 247 00:10:05,474 --> 00:10:07,084 we'll do it. I'll-I'll help you get ready. 248 00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:09,783 [chuckles]: We'd even go on the date with you if we could. 249 00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:11,393 I want that. 250 00:10:11,436 --> 00:10:13,134 What? 251 00:10:13,177 --> 00:10:15,223 A double date. I like that. I want that. 252 00:10:15,266 --> 00:10:16,485 I'll tell Archie. 253 00:10:17,747 --> 00:10:19,140 Ma... 254 00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:24,449 What did you do? 255 00:10:29,454 --> 00:10:31,500 Thanks for agreeing to watch him last-minute, Lew. 256 00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:33,067 Oh, man, no problem. 257 00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:34,459 [Jen clears throat] 258 00:10:34,503 --> 00:10:36,461 Oh! 259 00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:39,160 Look out, Salt-N-Pepa. There's some new queens 260 00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:40,596 in town. 261 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,033 "New"? What is he talking about? 262 00:10:43,077 --> 00:10:45,122 I've lived here 50 years. 263 00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:48,691 Helen, it was a compliment.Oh. Thanks. 264 00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:52,913 Lew, just remember, 9:00 p.m. bedtime. 265 00:10:52,956 --> 00:10:54,479 Oh, crap. 266 00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:56,090 I-I forgot I'm supposed to bake brownies 267 00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:58,440 for Sam's bake sale tomorrow. Lew, can you do me a huge favor? 268 00:10:58,483 --> 00:11:00,834 There's a box...Shh, shh, shh. You had me at "brownies." 269 00:11:00,877 --> 00:11:03,619 Don't Jerry Maguire my wife. 270 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:08,885 [Archie and Helen speaking indistinctly] 271 00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:18,852 Hey, Arch. 272 00:11:18,895 --> 00:11:20,375 What do you say we talk about the Cheetah pattern? 273 00:11:20,418 --> 00:11:21,681 I-I was thinking about it. My grip 274 00:11:21,724 --> 00:11:22,986 might be the key to the whole thing. 275 00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:24,988 Can we not talk about bowling?TOM: Can we...? 276 00:11:25,032 --> 00:11:27,251 This is what we do, Ma. I-I sit with Archie. 277 00:11:27,295 --> 00:11:29,558 We talk about bowling. It's important, right? I mean... 278 00:11:29,601 --> 00:11:31,038 She's right, Tom. 279 00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:34,389 We don't have to talk about bowling all the time. 280 00:11:34,432 --> 00:11:36,217 Come on, live a little. 281 00:11:38,175 --> 00:11:40,612 Yeah, just gambled my family's future on it, 282 00:11:40,656 --> 00:11:43,093 but, yeah, let's see what they have for appetizers. 283 00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,401 Can I get you something to drink?Uh, 284 00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:48,403 just a round of waters, I think. We're not drinking tonight. 285 00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:50,057 We're not?Oh, no. 286 00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:52,233 Archie and I have an early morning. Big day of practice. 287 00:11:52,276 --> 00:11:53,582 I'll have a glass of wine. 288 00:11:53,625 --> 00:11:54,931 Make that two. 289 00:11:54,975 --> 00:11:56,585 You never drink wine. 290 00:11:56,628 --> 00:11:58,152 I'm just making an observation. 291 00:11:58,195 --> 00:12:00,284 She never drinks wine. The table is here. 292 00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:03,200 The candle's hot. You're pinching my leg. 293 00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:08,118 I'll get those waters started. 294 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:13,297 So, what's everyone ordering? 295 00:12:13,341 --> 00:12:15,996 Well, the steak sounds exquisite.Mmm. 296 00:12:16,039 --> 00:12:17,780 Since when do you say "exquisite"? 297 00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:19,521 I say it all the time. 298 00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:22,132 As in, "Why don't you mind your exquisite business?" 299 00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:24,526 [Helen and Archie laugh][phone vibrating] 300 00:12:24,569 --> 00:12:26,397 Sorry. 301 00:12:26,441 --> 00:12:28,095 It's Lew. I'll get it later. 302 00:12:28,138 --> 00:12:29,357 He's watching our kid. 303 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:30,837 I'll get it now. 304 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,363 What's up, man?LEW: Hey, Tom. 305 00:12:35,406 --> 00:12:37,626 Do you have a hand sifter?TOM: What? 306 00:12:37,669 --> 00:12:38,932 I don't know what that is. 307 00:12:38,975 --> 00:12:40,672 I don't know what I have anymore, Lew. 308 00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:43,153 I don't know what's going on. I don't know anything! 309 00:12:43,197 --> 00:12:45,155 [line disconnects] 310 00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:47,897 I don't think that was about me. 311 00:12:50,204 --> 00:12:52,075 Okay. 312 00:12:52,119 --> 00:12:55,470 So, the tiramisu will have no espresso powder. 313 00:12:55,513 --> 00:12:58,125 Eh, it's not a big deal, Sam. 314 00:12:58,168 --> 00:12:59,822 This is awesome. 315 00:12:59,866 --> 00:13:00,780 You should be a chef. 316 00:13:00,823 --> 00:13:02,216 Ah. Well, in my house, 317 00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:04,348 we didn't have money for me to go to culinary school, 318 00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:06,916 so now I just do it for fun. 319 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,179 But maybe someday. 320 00:13:09,223 --> 00:13:12,095 So, which one of these am I taking to the bake sale? 321 00:13:12,139 --> 00:13:14,271 Ah. I was thinking we could cut up 322 00:13:14,315 --> 00:13:16,099 this coconut, passion fruit tart, 323 00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:18,362 and you could serve them as a little amuse-bouche. 324 00:13:21,322 --> 00:13:23,890 I have enough nicknames already. 325 00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:27,415 Well, it's a good thing 326 00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:29,460 we didn't go with the peanut butter balls. 327 00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:31,027 [clears throat] 328 00:13:31,071 --> 00:13:32,637 So, finally, I said, 329 00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:35,075 "Please don't tell me your life story. 330 00:13:35,118 --> 00:13:36,816 Just fill my damn prescription." 331 00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:38,208 [Helen and Archie laughing] 332 00:13:39,383 --> 00:13:42,212 Oh, yeah, they don't make pharmacists like they used to. 333 00:13:42,256 --> 00:13:44,954 I know. [laughs][chuckles] 334 00:13:44,998 --> 00:13:47,739 [laughs] I don't think I get it. 335 00:13:48,740 --> 00:13:51,831 Well, I guess that makes it an inside joke. 336 00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:53,658 [Helen and Archie laugh] 337 00:13:53,702 --> 00:13:55,660 So, what do you think? Uh, is this, uh, 338 00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:57,488 heading towards a second date, 339 00:13:57,532 --> 00:13:58,881 or you think it's one and done? 340 00:13:58,925 --> 00:14:00,317 They haven't even gotten their food yet, Tom. 341 00:14:00,361 --> 00:14:01,841 I just want to know if this is something 342 00:14:01,884 --> 00:14:03,886 we have to get used to.Okay. You know what? 343 00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:06,149 We have to go home. I just remembered 344 00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:08,325 we have leftovers in the fridge.No, we don't. 345 00:14:08,369 --> 00:14:09,849 Why are you lying? 346 00:14:09,892 --> 00:14:12,982 I'm thinking they might want to be alone. 347 00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:14,157 Why would you think that? 348 00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:15,419 We want to be alone. 349 00:14:16,768 --> 00:14:18,118 How do you know she's not just saying that 350 00:14:18,161 --> 00:14:19,249 to make Archie feel good? 351 00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:20,337 She's not. 352 00:14:20,381 --> 00:14:22,992 Okay. It's time to go, Tom. 353 00:14:23,036 --> 00:14:24,689 You two have a good night.What? 354 00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:26,169 I... Honey, 355 00:14:26,213 --> 00:14:27,562 I ordered the soup of the day.[sighs] 356 00:14:27,605 --> 00:14:29,912 If we leave now, I'll never know what it was. 357 00:14:32,219 --> 00:14:34,743 I hate it when people bring children to a restaurant. 358 00:14:34,786 --> 00:14:37,267 [both laugh] 359 00:14:39,052 --> 00:14:40,923 Can you believe she asked us to leave? 360 00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:43,708 It was her idea that we come, and then she asks us to leave? 361 00:14:43,752 --> 00:14:46,233 She was having a good time. You were making it weird. 362 00:14:46,276 --> 00:14:48,713 Everybody was acting different. Ordering wine. 363 00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:50,324 Archie was wearing cologne. 364 00:14:50,367 --> 00:14:53,936 I swear my mom smelled him and went, "Mmm, mmm." 365 00:14:55,633 --> 00:14:57,853 So, Archie smelled good, and it's been a long time 366 00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:00,029 since your mom "Mmm, mmm-ed" a guy. 367 00:15:00,073 --> 00:15:02,379 Two of the grumpiest people I know 368 00:15:02,423 --> 00:15:04,816 couldn't stop smiling all night.I know. 369 00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:07,689 It was adorable. I've never seen that twinkle in your mom's eye. 370 00:15:07,732 --> 00:15:09,996 I have, and the last time she had it, 371 00:15:10,039 --> 00:15:11,475 it wasn't with Archie. 372 00:15:11,519 --> 00:15:12,737 It was with my dad. 373 00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:14,478 So this is about your dad. 374 00:15:14,522 --> 00:15:16,393 I don't want to talk about my dad. 375 00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:18,091 You never want to talk about your dad. 376 00:15:18,134 --> 00:15:20,397 The only thing I know about him is that he loved 377 00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:22,269 to take you fishing, he brought you to the Grand Canyon once, 378 00:15:22,312 --> 00:15:24,488 and he cried when he met Dale Earnhardt. 379 00:15:25,968 --> 00:15:27,970 This isn't about my dad-- this is about Archie. 380 00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,972 How could he do this to me?Do what? Have a good time? 381 00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:32,061 Archie was my dad's best friend, right? 382 00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:34,411 Well... wow. 383 00:15:34,455 --> 00:15:36,283 You never told me that. 384 00:15:36,326 --> 00:15:38,807 He was supposed to watch over us after my dad died. 385 00:15:38,850 --> 00:15:40,417 Not swoop in and start 386 00:15:40,461 --> 00:15:42,419 dating my mom right after it happened. 387 00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:44,334 Your dad died 20 years ago. 388 00:15:44,378 --> 00:15:45,857 He's a procrastinator. 389 00:15:47,381 --> 00:15:49,078 Look... 390 00:15:49,122 --> 00:15:50,732 I get why this bothers you now. 391 00:15:50,775 --> 00:15:52,429 But I really don't think your mom would have done it 392 00:15:52,473 --> 00:15:54,083 if she thought there was anything wrong with it. 393 00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:55,780 I know. 394 00:15:55,824 --> 00:15:58,348 And Archie has been watching over you guys. 395 00:15:58,392 --> 00:16:00,350 You know that. 396 00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:02,700 There is a reason he was the first person she thought of 397 00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:05,094 when I asked if there was anyone she had her eye on. 398 00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:08,141 Seems like your dad had a pretty great best friend. 399 00:16:08,184 --> 00:16:09,620 [sighs] 400 00:16:09,664 --> 00:16:11,361 You're right. 401 00:16:11,405 --> 00:16:13,929 It's just happening fast. 402 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,627 I think it's catching me off-guard a bit. 403 00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:18,586 I get it. 404 00:16:18,629 --> 00:16:20,022 It's okay. 405 00:16:21,023 --> 00:16:22,982 It was nice to see my mom all... 406 00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:25,723 dolled up like a guest preacher was in town. 407 00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:29,553 Having a good time.It was. 408 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,035 I just hope your best friend does the same 409 00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:34,863 for me after you die. 410 00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:36,996 [chuckles] Joke's on you. 411 00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:38,736 You're my best friend. 412 00:16:38,780 --> 00:16:40,825 [chuckles] 413 00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:43,524 See, this is me waiting for you to say, 414 00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:45,569 "You're mybest friend, Tom." 415 00:16:47,789 --> 00:16:49,834 [Archie laughing] 416 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,663 HELEN: Thank you for walking me to the door. 417 00:16:52,707 --> 00:16:54,317 That's very gentlemanly of you. 418 00:16:54,361 --> 00:16:56,493 ARCHIE: Gentleman is my middle name, you know? 419 00:16:56,537 --> 00:16:58,408 No, it's not. 420 00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:01,063 Would you... 421 00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:02,847 uh... 422 00:17:02,891 --> 00:17:04,371 like to come in for some coffee? 423 00:17:04,414 --> 00:17:05,894 And that's it? 424 00:17:07,417 --> 00:17:09,115 Hey, guys. 425 00:17:09,158 --> 00:17:10,768 No, I think I should go. 426 00:17:10,812 --> 00:17:12,248 Come on,Archie. 427 00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:13,684 Come in the kitchen and have some coffee. 428 00:17:13,728 --> 00:17:15,425 That's all right, Tom, I...Arch, come on. 429 00:17:15,469 --> 00:17:16,731 Come in the kitchen. 430 00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:18,907 Have some coffee with my mom. 431 00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:19,995 [scoffs] 432 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,344 He's such a control freak. 433 00:17:21,388 --> 00:17:23,433 I don't know where he gets it. 434 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:27,785 [gasps] 435 00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:29,396 Whoa, Tommy. 436 00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:31,963 What is all of this? 437 00:17:32,007 --> 00:17:34,053 Well, I may have ruined your first date, but... 438 00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:36,055 I wanted to make sure you guys had a great second date. 439 00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,578 [chuckles] 440 00:17:37,621 --> 00:17:38,840 This is so fancy. 441 00:17:38,883 --> 00:17:40,276 It's like one of those restaurants 442 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,496 where they won't sing to you on your birthday. 443 00:17:45,368 --> 00:17:46,891 This is a real nice thing you did, Tom. 444 00:17:46,935 --> 00:17:49,068 Thought about it, Arch. 445 00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:50,721 My mom's gonna date somebody. 446 00:17:50,765 --> 00:17:52,636 I'm really glad it's you. 447 00:17:53,768 --> 00:17:56,118 I'll leave you guys alone. 448 00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:58,294 Where'd all these desserts come from? 449 00:17:58,338 --> 00:17:59,817 TOM: I have no idea. 450 00:17:59,861 --> 00:18:01,210 They were in the fridge when we got home. 451 00:18:01,254 --> 00:18:03,169 Enjoy. 452 00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:05,388 [stammers] 453 00:18:05,432 --> 00:18:07,129 I'll be right back. 454 00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:10,219 Tommy. 455 00:18:13,353 --> 00:18:15,398 Thanks. 456 00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:17,661 Have fun, Ma. 457 00:18:27,454 --> 00:18:29,499 We're not actually gonna eat any of this, are we? 458 00:18:29,543 --> 00:18:30,935 Oh! 459 00:18:30,979 --> 00:18:32,633 God, no! It's 9:30. 460 00:18:32,676 --> 00:18:34,156 I got to get to bed. 461 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,245 Me, too. 462 00:18:37,246 --> 00:18:39,335 I only said yes to the coffee to be polite. 463 00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:41,598 I just asked you to be polite. 464 00:18:41,642 --> 00:18:43,165 [exhales] [chuckles] 465 00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:44,601 All right, Helen, I'll see you around. 466 00:18:44,645 --> 00:18:46,603 All right, thanks, Arch. 467 00:18:46,647 --> 00:18:48,953 Um, you know... 468 00:18:48,997 --> 00:18:51,869 I've been known to pick up a bear claw 469 00:18:51,913 --> 00:18:54,742 at, uh, Mr. Donut some mornings. 470 00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:57,701 I could pick up two tomorrow. 471 00:18:59,094 --> 00:19:00,704 If you're asking me out on another date, 472 00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:03,229 I'm gonna need a few years to think about it. 473 00:19:05,318 --> 00:19:07,711 Make mine a maple bar. 474 00:19:14,718 --> 00:19:16,633 Well, you've finally conquered the Cheetah pattern. 475 00:19:16,677 --> 00:19:18,722 Congratulations.Couldn't have done it without you. 476 00:19:18,766 --> 00:19:20,202 And, hey, Arch.Hmm? 477 00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:22,813 If you hurt my mom, I'm gonna kill you. 478 00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:26,208 I'm just kidding. 479 00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:27,557 But she'll kill you. 480 00:19:28,906 --> 00:19:31,213 In the woods, bow and arrow. 481 00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:32,519 You'll never hear her coming. 482 00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:35,870 Celebrate with some curly fries? 483 00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:38,829 Mm-mm, no, not today. 484 00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:41,354 I made roasted bone marrow and parsley salad, 485 00:19:41,397 --> 00:19:44,226 braised short ribs with a red wine reduction, 486 00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:47,186 and a Concord grape and honeydew torte for dessert. 487 00:19:47,229 --> 00:19:48,491 It's a tasting menu. 488 00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:51,799 Well, damn, Lew, this is some fine cuisine. 489 00:19:51,842 --> 00:19:52,713 This is the kind of stuff 490 00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:54,367 we need to be serving here. 491 00:19:54,410 --> 00:19:56,325 Set us apart from all the rest of those dumps. 492 00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:57,587 Great. 493 00:19:57,631 --> 00:19:59,807 Mm, oh, how much would it cost 494 00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:01,678 to, uh, put this stuff on the menu? 495 00:20:01,722 --> 00:20:03,245 About $140 per person. 496 00:20:03,289 --> 00:20:05,465 Boy, what in the blue hell are you thinking?! 497 00:20:06,901 --> 00:20:08,642 All right, let's stick with dump.