1 00:00:07,050 --> 00:00:08,486 So? 2 00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:10,619 You believe I won these steaks? 3 00:00:10,662 --> 00:00:12,664 Yes, honey, and we're very proud of you. 4 00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:14,753 Every time you bring it up. 5 00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:18,670 The point is, things are going pretty well 6 00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:19,932 for the old Smallwoods. 7 00:00:19,976 --> 00:00:21,630 I mean, your salon is up and running, 8 00:00:21,673 --> 00:00:23,936 Sam's got a solo in his big recital, 9 00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:25,199 and I'm getting used to seeing Archie's toothbrush 10 00:00:25,242 --> 00:00:26,243 in the bathroom. 11 00:00:27,897 --> 00:00:29,725 And, thanks to me, we're all enjoying 12 00:00:29,768 --> 00:00:30,900 20-ounce T-bones. 13 00:00:30,943 --> 00:00:32,684 For the fifth night in a row. 14 00:00:32,728 --> 00:00:34,686 My sweat smells like gravy. 15 00:00:34,730 --> 00:00:38,386 I'm so full of iron, I wouldn't get through a metal detector. 16 00:00:39,387 --> 00:00:41,780 [phone ringing] 17 00:00:41,824 --> 00:00:43,956 It's Rick Rholla, the Rock 'n' Roll Bowla. 18 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,523 Why's he calling you?JEN: Wait. 19 00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:47,134 Hey, honey, we said no phones at the table. 20 00:00:47,177 --> 00:00:48,787 Yeah, but that was before I gave Rick my number. 21 00:00:48,831 --> 00:00:50,702 Can I take it? Please? Please? 22 00:00:50,746 --> 00:00:52,748 Fine.Thank you. 23 00:00:55,664 --> 00:00:56,882 What's up? 24 00:00:56,926 --> 00:00:59,537 Hey, Smallwood. 25 00:00:59,581 --> 00:01:01,409 What's up, man? What's-what's going on? You okay? 26 00:01:01,452 --> 00:01:03,237 Yeah, bro. 27 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,891 [crying]: No, bro. 28 00:01:07,763 --> 00:01:09,852 My divorce is final. 29 00:01:09,895 --> 00:01:11,810 Oh. 30 00:01:11,854 --> 00:01:14,813 Oh, Rick, I'm-I'm... I'm so sorry. 31 00:01:14,857 --> 00:01:15,814 You're gonna... 32 00:01:15,858 --> 00:01:17,990 You're gonna be okay.Am I? 33 00:01:18,034 --> 00:01:19,862 My son won't talk to me, 34 00:01:19,905 --> 00:01:21,864 my wife's banging my divorce attorney, 35 00:01:21,907 --> 00:01:24,301 and I'm taking pills for hair loss. 36 00:01:25,737 --> 00:01:27,217 I'm done with bowling, man. 37 00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:28,523 What? No. 38 00:01:28,566 --> 00:01:30,568 You're-you're Rick Rholla. 39 00:01:30,612 --> 00:01:32,614 You're one of the reasons I became a bowla. 40 00:01:33,658 --> 00:01:35,399 And your hair looks great. 41 00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:36,487 You d... You don't need pills. 42 00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:37,967 It's preventative. 43 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:40,926 Everything that came from bowling-- 44 00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:42,711 the success, the money, the fame-- 45 00:01:42,754 --> 00:01:44,800 I-I just... I don't want it. 46 00:01:44,843 --> 00:01:47,237 Bowling ruined my life, Smallwood. 47 00:01:47,281 --> 00:01:49,805 I'm hanging up my balls forever.No. 48 00:01:49,848 --> 00:01:51,415 No, listen, 49 00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:53,591 you called me. I'm gonna help you, okay? 50 00:01:53,635 --> 00:01:55,463 You can hang your balls on me. 51 00:01:57,378 --> 00:01:59,554 Let's have another sip of this 52 00:01:59,597 --> 00:02:02,165 before we think about what I just said for too long. 53 00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:05,081 You know what? Just go. 54 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,735 I never should have called. 55 00:02:06,778 --> 00:02:09,041 Are you kidding me? I-I'm glad you called. 56 00:02:09,085 --> 00:02:10,521 Come on. Buck up. 57 00:02:10,565 --> 00:02:11,653 You're coming home with me. 58 00:02:11,696 --> 00:02:13,698 ♪ 59 00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:23,708 You are gonna look so snazzy at your recital. 60 00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:27,930 I just hope you don't grow out of it as fast as your dad did. 61 00:02:27,973 --> 00:02:30,628 I used to put him to bed in a T-shirt and sweatpants, 62 00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:33,675 and he would wake up in a crop top and capris. 63 00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:36,939 Dad wore suits when he was a kid?Yeah. 64 00:02:36,982 --> 00:02:39,420 Lot of funerals in our family. 65 00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:41,161 Don't smoke 66 00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:43,424 or go ice fishing in spring. 67 00:02:44,512 --> 00:02:46,601 Oh, make sure you leave some room in the waist. 68 00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:49,865 I'm making another steak sandwich for lunch. 69 00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:52,128 I'm starting to get to the weird part of the cow. 70 00:02:53,303 --> 00:02:55,175 Hey.Hey. 71 00:02:55,218 --> 00:02:57,394 There's my beautiful wife. 72 00:02:57,438 --> 00:02:59,570 My sweet angel of the morning. 73 00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:01,181 You slept in pretty late. 74 00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:03,357 Everything okay with Rick Rholla? 75 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,402 Hopefully, it will be. 76 00:03:05,446 --> 00:03:07,665 You got any aspirin? 77 00:03:08,971 --> 00:03:10,015 And vodka? 78 00:03:11,452 --> 00:03:14,281 Uh, see, I-I was actually just about to tell you 79 00:03:14,324 --> 00:03:16,631 that Rick slept in the basement last night. 80 00:03:16,674 --> 00:03:18,763 Uh, Rick, this is my family. Family, 81 00:03:18,807 --> 00:03:21,201 this is, um, my Rick. 82 00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:25,292 So, he can walk around the kitchen in his underwear, 83 00:03:25,335 --> 00:03:26,641 but I can't? 84 00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:29,557 It's cool with me. 85 00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:33,909 Nice-looking family, Smallwood. 86 00:03:33,952 --> 00:03:35,780 Cherish it. 87 00:03:35,824 --> 00:03:37,739 [voice breaking]: Before it's too late. 88 00:03:37,782 --> 00:03:38,740 [Rick crying] 89 00:03:38,783 --> 00:03:40,176 Is he crying?Yeah. 90 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,699 Men do that these days. 91 00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:45,094 Um, sweetie, a word? [chuckles] 92 00:03:45,137 --> 00:03:46,704 TOM: Sure. 93 00:03:49,316 --> 00:03:50,578 It's Rick Rholla.Uh... 94 00:03:50,621 --> 00:03:52,667 Rick Rholla is staying in our house. This is crazy. 95 00:03:52,710 --> 00:03:54,930 I can see how excited this makes you. 96 00:03:54,973 --> 00:03:56,671 I just... I wish you'd asked me first. 97 00:03:56,714 --> 00:03:58,063 Look, he's in a really bad place. 98 00:03:58,107 --> 00:03:59,717 I-It's just for a couple days. 99 00:03:59,761 --> 00:04:01,676 Yeah, but, honey, I told you, I have to do a bride's hair 100 00:04:01,719 --> 00:04:02,894 for her wedding this weekend. 101 00:04:02,938 --> 00:04:04,635 It's just not a good time for a houseguest. 102 00:04:04,679 --> 00:04:06,202 He's not a houseguest. 103 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,769 Rick Rholla is a bowling god. 104 00:04:07,812 --> 00:04:09,466 I idolize him. 105 00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:11,468 And he asked me for help. 106 00:04:11,512 --> 00:04:12,643 I... 107 00:04:12,687 --> 00:04:14,602 Okay. 108 00:04:14,645 --> 00:04:16,560 But can you help your idol put some pants on? 109 00:04:16,604 --> 00:04:17,779 Yes.Okay. 110 00:04:17,822 --> 00:04:19,041 Thank you. I swear, 111 00:04:19,084 --> 00:04:20,521 deep down, he's a really good guy. 112 00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:23,654 You know, you remind me of my son. 113 00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:26,222 Now he tells his friends I'm dead. 114 00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:32,272 Really, really deep down. 115 00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:37,233 Told you, I'm not gonna bowl. 116 00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,017 Come on. Don't you want to feel 117 00:04:39,061 --> 00:04:41,106 the perfect release coming off your fingertips? 118 00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:43,195 Hear the sound of the crashing pins? 119 00:04:43,239 --> 00:04:47,112 Smell the carpet that Archie put in before the smoking ban? 120 00:04:49,027 --> 00:04:50,855 Or just sit right there in the middle of the action. 121 00:04:50,899 --> 00:04:52,422 Ease back in. 122 00:04:52,466 --> 00:04:53,684 I see what you're doing. 123 00:04:54,772 --> 00:04:56,470 Psst. Hey. 124 00:04:56,513 --> 00:04:57,993 Why the hell did you bring him here? 125 00:04:58,036 --> 00:04:59,647 That's your competition. 126 00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:02,693 You don't invite the Joker to the Batcave. 127 00:05:04,086 --> 00:05:05,783 He's in bad shape. 128 00:05:05,827 --> 00:05:07,611 He's lost his passion for the game. 129 00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:09,787 And you done lost your passion for common sense. 130 00:05:09,831 --> 00:05:11,311 Come on, Arch. I just want to get him 131 00:05:11,354 --> 00:05:12,834 to fall back in love with it again. 132 00:05:12,877 --> 00:05:15,184 Or you could just do nothing 133 00:05:15,227 --> 00:05:16,794 and let one of your biggest competitors 134 00:05:16,838 --> 00:05:19,406 go stock shelves for Amazon. 135 00:05:19,449 --> 00:05:22,626 I don't want to win like that. That's not who I am. 136 00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:24,976 Plus, I'm not just helping Rick the bowla, 137 00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:26,935 I'm helping Rick the person. 138 00:05:26,978 --> 00:05:29,111 Well, I'd lock both their asses in my deep freeze 139 00:05:29,154 --> 00:05:31,026 and thaw them out after the season ended. 140 00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:37,641 Hey, buddy. So, you can just watch, 141 00:05:37,685 --> 00:05:41,253 but if you change your mind, feel free to join in any time. 142 00:05:41,297 --> 00:05:43,299 Got it. Orgy rules. 143 00:05:44,866 --> 00:05:46,041 Great news, man. 144 00:05:46,084 --> 00:05:47,869 You know that hot dog stand on 7th? 145 00:05:47,912 --> 00:05:49,436 You mean the one that uses the D 146 00:05:49,479 --> 00:05:50,828 from its health inspection to spell out "dog"? 147 00:05:50,872 --> 00:05:53,527 Mm-hmm. Yep. 148 00:05:53,570 --> 00:05:54,963 That's the one. Hmm. 149 00:05:55,006 --> 00:05:56,747 And they're naming a hot dog after you. 150 00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:58,749 What? Shut it.Yeah, man. Yeah, no, no. 151 00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,447 They're calling it "The Smallwood." 152 00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:02,231 Putting it on the menu tomorrow. 153 00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:04,494 Hey![laughs] 154 00:06:04,538 --> 00:06:05,669 So, uh, 155 00:06:05,713 --> 00:06:07,018 what are they gonna do? 156 00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:09,804 They're-they're-they're putting it 157 00:06:09,847 --> 00:06:11,371 on the menu tomorrow. 158 00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:15,070 Oh. See, when I did this sort of thing, 159 00:06:15,113 --> 00:06:16,767 they made a big deal out of it. 160 00:06:16,811 --> 00:06:18,378 Turned it into an event. 161 00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:20,597 Sounds like you miss it. 162 00:06:20,641 --> 00:06:22,773 Not at all. I'm just saying, 163 00:06:22,817 --> 00:06:24,601 it starts with them naming a hot dog after you, 164 00:06:24,645 --> 00:06:27,430 next thing you know, you're making 10K an appearance. 165 00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:28,953 Right. 166 00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:30,955 Right, right, right, yeah. Let me make a call. 167 00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:35,351 Uh, excuse me, Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Bowla, 168 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,440 do you mind if I take a picture? 169 00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:38,659 Yeah, whatever you want, buddy.Okay. 170 00:06:38,702 --> 00:06:40,400 [phone camera clicking] 171 00:06:40,443 --> 00:06:41,923 You don't want to be in them? 172 00:06:41,966 --> 00:06:43,794 [laughs]: No, thanks. Every time you're photographed, 173 00:06:43,838 --> 00:06:45,535 uh, you lose a piece of your soul forever. 174 00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:46,797 Cool if I post these? 175 00:06:49,844 --> 00:06:52,194 [exhales] This place is depressing. 176 00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:54,762 I'm gonna go sit in your truck and listen to country music 177 00:06:54,805 --> 00:06:56,894 and look at old family pictures on my phone. 178 00:06:58,069 --> 00:06:59,941 Rick. Come on, buddy. 179 00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:01,725 Let's throw a few. 180 00:07:01,769 --> 00:07:03,684 You know, calling my place depressing 181 00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:06,948 is a good way to get me to depress my foot in your ass. 182 00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:09,907 Okay, perfect. 183 00:07:09,951 --> 00:07:11,909 Just talked to the hot dog people. 184 00:07:11,953 --> 00:07:13,998 They want you to do a ribbon cutting ceremony tomorrow night. 185 00:07:14,042 --> 00:07:15,913 I told them to call it a rebranding. 186 00:07:15,957 --> 00:07:17,132 Help people forget about that lady 187 00:07:17,175 --> 00:07:19,134 finding a Band-Aid in her chili dog. 188 00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:22,964 I turned it into an event. 189 00:07:23,007 --> 00:07:24,922 Lew, that is amazing. 190 00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:26,533 I mean, the Band-Aid part was-was disgusting, 191 00:07:26,576 --> 00:07:28,056 but that is amazing. 192 00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:30,972 It is, man. It is. This could really raise your profile. 193 00:07:31,015 --> 00:07:32,756 You think?Absolutely. 194 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,845 T-They said The Smallwood is like a slider, 195 00:07:34,889 --> 00:07:36,238 only for hot dogs. 196 00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:38,980 It's a whole new market. This is very exciting. 197 00:07:40,982 --> 00:07:44,159 So, they're naming a tiny wiener after you? 198 00:07:44,202 --> 00:07:45,639 Uh-huh. 199 00:07:46,814 --> 00:07:48,642 I wouldn't celebrate, I'd sue. 200 00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:56,911 I'd definitely go with the romantic updo with flowers. 201 00:07:56,954 --> 00:07:58,869 It's gonna go perfect with your wedding dress. 202 00:07:58,913 --> 00:08:01,829 I still can't believe I'm getting married in two days. 203 00:08:01,872 --> 00:08:02,786 [both laugh] 204 00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:04,875 Hey, Smallwood's wife. 205 00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:06,834 Did you know we're out of milk? 206 00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:08,705 Oh, Rick, you're here, 207 00:08:08,749 --> 00:08:10,794 and not at the bowling alley like Tom swore you would be. 208 00:08:10,838 --> 00:08:12,840 Oh, yeah, I'm done with that place. 209 00:08:12,883 --> 00:08:17,366 I am officially Rick Rholla, the Guy Who Used to Bowla. 210 00:08:17,409 --> 00:08:19,237 Until he lost his soul-a. 211 00:08:21,022 --> 00:08:23,285 Well, I'm sure the last place you want to be 212 00:08:23,328 --> 00:08:24,547 is with a bunch of women talking about hair, so... 213 00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:26,549 No, no, no, no, I want to be 214 00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:28,856 around nice, normal people doing normal things. 215 00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:30,858 HELEN: Oh, man. 216 00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:34,035 That jacked-up squirrel is trying to stare me down again. 217 00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:35,819 [shouts] 218 00:08:37,821 --> 00:08:39,083 Got to show them who's alpha. 219 00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,479 And what's your story, cupcake? 220 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,567 [chuckles] JEN:Oh, uh, 221 00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:45,568 this is Tom's friend Rick. 222 00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:46,874 Rick, this is Sarah. 223 00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:47,962 Hi.Hi. 224 00:08:48,005 --> 00:08:49,006 She's getting married 225 00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:50,573 this weekend.Oh, yeah? 226 00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:51,922 Mm-hmm.Good for you. 227 00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:53,750 Make sure you remember how you feel 228 00:08:53,794 --> 00:08:55,186 looking into his eyes at the altar. 229 00:08:55,230 --> 00:08:56,927 Aww. Thanks. 230 00:08:56,971 --> 00:08:59,495 Might stop you from ripping out his heart one day. 231 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,670 Okay. 232 00:09:00,714 --> 00:09:01,715 We're gonna get back to the consultation... 233 00:09:01,758 --> 00:09:03,543 I used to be married. 234 00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:07,590 [sighs] But then fame and success kicked in. 235 00:09:07,634 --> 00:09:11,725 Always on the road, groupies showing up at my hotel room. 236 00:09:11,768 --> 00:09:14,292 Next thing you know, you're paying a thousand bucks 237 00:09:14,336 --> 00:09:16,556 to keep a tape of you and three Waffle House waitresses 238 00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:17,731 off the Internet. 239 00:09:17,774 --> 00:09:20,603 Uh... Rick. 240 00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:23,214 You know, I missed my own mom's funeral 241 00:09:23,258 --> 00:09:25,390 because I thought it was more important to bowl 242 00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:27,610 the Roto-Rooter Open. 243 00:09:27,654 --> 00:09:30,395 You don't need milk, you need Jesus. 244 00:09:31,527 --> 00:09:34,748 Look, okay, that's the great thing about love. 245 00:09:34,791 --> 00:09:37,098 Everyone's fairy tale is different. 246 00:09:37,141 --> 00:09:39,274 True, but they all end up the same. 247 00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:42,494 They say till death do you part, but what they don't tell you is 248 00:09:42,538 --> 00:09:45,497 it can be a living death of endless misery. 249 00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:49,327 But mazel tov! 250 00:09:51,329 --> 00:09:52,722 There you are, buddy.Hey. 251 00:09:52,766 --> 00:09:53,941 I've been looking all over for you. 252 00:09:53,984 --> 00:09:55,595 Here I am. 253 00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:56,987 W-What's wrong? 254 00:09:58,249 --> 00:10:00,817 Geez. You don't have to yell. 255 00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:15,527 So... [chuckles] 256 00:10:15,571 --> 00:10:17,573 ...guess who has some exciting news. 257 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,575 If you don't come to my funeral, 258 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:23,666 I am going to choke you with my cold, dead fingers. 259 00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:26,626 What? 260 00:10:26,669 --> 00:10:28,628 And I better never find a video 261 00:10:28,671 --> 00:10:31,631 of you on the Internet with anyone from a Waffle House. 262 00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:35,025 Okay, I-I feel like I stepped out for Twizzlers 263 00:10:35,069 --> 00:10:37,593 and missed an important part of the movie. 264 00:10:38,855 --> 00:10:40,683 Eh, that's my bad. 265 00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:43,555 I may or may not have shared some juicy excerpts 266 00:10:43,599 --> 00:10:44,905 from the Book of Rick. 267 00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:45,819 Ooh, I want to hear. 268 00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:48,604 ALL: No. 269 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,998 Okay, time's up, everybody. It's me. 270 00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:53,740 The answer is me. I have exciting news. 271 00:10:53,783 --> 00:10:55,176 You're looking at someone who's gonna have 272 00:10:55,219 --> 00:10:56,743 his own hot dog named after him. 273 00:10:56,786 --> 00:10:58,570 That's so cool.Right? 274 00:10:58,614 --> 00:10:59,920 Kind of a big deal. 275 00:10:59,963 --> 00:11:02,139 There's a huge ribbon cutting tomorrow night. 276 00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:04,359 Small hot dog, but big deal. 277 00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:07,841 Uh... Tom. 278 00:11:07,884 --> 00:11:09,407 What? 279 00:11:09,451 --> 00:11:11,018 Tomorrow night's my show. 280 00:11:11,061 --> 00:11:12,497 Oh. 281 00:11:13,585 --> 00:11:15,762 Oh, no. Um... 282 00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:16,937 Did you forget? 283 00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:20,201 No, I didn't forget. I... 284 00:11:20,244 --> 00:11:21,942 I just forgot to remember. 285 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:25,946 And so it begins. 286 00:11:27,469 --> 00:11:29,689 Someone say something about pie? 287 00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:36,957 Tom, how could you forget about his recital? 288 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,741 It's all anyone has been talking about for weeks. 289 00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:41,962 ARCHIE:Oh, I know why he forgot. 290 00:11:42,005 --> 00:11:46,183 He was too busy helping this adult man. 291 00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,535 Don't worry, Sam. 292 00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:51,754 Your dad is gonna work it out. 293 00:11:51,798 --> 00:11:53,974 Yes, that's right, Sam. I'll work it out. 294 00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:56,019 Having a food named after you is a big deal. 295 00:11:56,063 --> 00:11:58,413 They named a donut after me. 296 00:11:58,456 --> 00:12:00,937 They called it The Rick-hole. 297 00:12:00,981 --> 00:12:03,200 They got the "hole" part right. 298 00:12:03,244 --> 00:12:04,680 RICK: Hey, 299 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,682 Smallwood's kid, don't take it personally. 300 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,598 You got to realize your dad's career comes first. 301 00:12:09,641 --> 00:12:11,643 He's gonna miss a lot of your shows, graduations 302 00:12:11,687 --> 00:12:13,384 and probation hearings. 303 00:12:13,428 --> 00:12:17,780 But it'll be even more special when he does make one. 304 00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:19,651 If he ever does. 305 00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:22,872 No, Sam, I-I'm not gonna miss it. 306 00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,656 Of course he's not. 307 00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:25,657 So you'll skip it? 308 00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:27,050 I can do both. 309 00:12:27,094 --> 00:12:28,704 Everything's gonna be fine. 310 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:33,317 And to think all of this started in 1880, 311 00:12:33,361 --> 00:12:38,018 when a German immigrant accidentally dropped a sausage 312 00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:39,759 in a bun. 313 00:12:40,890 --> 00:12:43,545 The hot dog was born. 314 00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:45,808 Yeah. Yeah.[applause] 315 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,247 Feel like we've been here since 1880. 316 00:12:51,727 --> 00:12:52,815 This is taking forever. I was supposed to cut 317 00:12:52,859 --> 00:12:54,556 that ribbon 30 minutes ago. 318 00:12:54,599 --> 00:12:55,818 It's crazy. I thought the hot dog 319 00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:57,254 was thousands of years old. 320 00:12:58,386 --> 00:12:59,430 [phone chimes] 321 00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:02,869 It's Jen. I got to get to Sam's recital. 322 00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:04,522 Oh, boy, I don't miss that. 323 00:13:04,566 --> 00:13:05,610 Trying to be in two places, 324 00:13:05,654 --> 00:13:06,786 knowing you're letting everybody down. 325 00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:08,744 I am just happy to be a guy standing here 326 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:09,919 learning about franks. 327 00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:15,577 Hey, uh, little twist in the ceremony. 328 00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:17,971 They added another ribbon cutter. 329 00:13:18,014 --> 00:13:20,103 Did you win a spelling bee, too? 330 00:13:20,147 --> 00:13:22,889 No, I-I'm a professional bowler. 331 00:13:22,932 --> 00:13:23,890 Whatever. 332 00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:27,023 And now, 333 00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:28,068 for the ribbon cutting. 334 00:13:28,111 --> 00:13:29,721 Finally.But first, did you know 335 00:13:29,765 --> 00:13:32,724 there's 27 varieties of mustard? 336 00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:36,598 Number one... 337 00:13:36,641 --> 00:13:37,991 This is gonna be good. 338 00:13:39,383 --> 00:13:40,689 Lew, I'm sorry, I don't have time for this. 339 00:13:40,732 --> 00:13:42,647 If I don't leave right now, I am screwed. 340 00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:44,171 I think you might already be screwed. 341 00:13:44,214 --> 00:13:45,955 Isn't that your truck getting towed over there? 342 00:13:45,999 --> 00:13:47,652 You said it was okay to park there! 343 00:13:47,696 --> 00:13:49,829 No, I said it was okay by me. 344 00:13:50,699 --> 00:13:52,701 I'm running with scissors! 345 00:13:57,619 --> 00:13:58,838 How's Sam doing? 346 00:13:58,881 --> 00:14:00,230 Well, 347 00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:02,232 hiding under the covers and wouldn't talk to me. 348 00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:04,321 So either he's really mad or maybe he just built 349 00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:05,714 a really sweet fort. 350 00:14:07,716 --> 00:14:10,545 Probably mad, though. It didn't look that cool. 351 00:14:12,547 --> 00:14:14,462 He's not mad, Tom. 352 00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:15,680 He's hurt. 353 00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:16,725 He's been rehearsing 354 00:14:16,768 --> 00:14:17,726 that show for weeks, 355 00:14:17,769 --> 00:14:18,727 and you didn't even show up. 356 00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:20,903 I did. I showed up. 357 00:14:20,947 --> 00:14:22,905 I was just late. 358 00:14:22,949 --> 00:14:24,689 By the time I got there, they were already setting up 359 00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:26,735 for an A.A. meeting. 360 00:14:26,778 --> 00:14:28,563 I don't want to say who I saw there, but... 361 00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:30,521 we might want a new dentist.Mm. 362 00:14:32,523 --> 00:14:35,657 I-I mean, Tom, you've always put your family first. 363 00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:37,877 I do.You didn't today. 364 00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:40,270 How do I make it up to him? 365 00:14:40,314 --> 00:14:42,316 You'll figure it out. 366 00:14:45,580 --> 00:14:46,711 I'm gonna get him a puppy. 367 00:14:46,755 --> 00:14:47,756 No. 368 00:14:58,201 --> 00:15:00,682 Oh, hey, Smallwood. Glad you're up. 369 00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:02,902 How do you turn the parental locks off your Wi-Fi? 370 00:15:02,945 --> 00:15:04,512 I put in "big naturals," 371 00:15:04,555 --> 00:15:06,688 but all it's showing me is waterfalls. 372 00:15:09,778 --> 00:15:11,171 You know what, Rick? Um... 373 00:15:11,214 --> 00:15:13,434 I think you got to go. 374 00:15:13,477 --> 00:15:15,523 Are you serious?I'm going through some stuff 375 00:15:15,566 --> 00:15:17,133 with my family, I-I got to figure it out 376 00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:19,309 and I-I don't want a guy like you around while I do. 377 00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:21,659 Ooh, a guy like me? 378 00:15:21,703 --> 00:15:24,271 What, because I'm so terrible and you're so great? 379 00:15:24,314 --> 00:15:27,230 Beep, beep, beep, beep. News flash, we're the same. 380 00:15:27,274 --> 00:15:30,712 No, we're not. I am-- I'm not you. 381 00:15:30,755 --> 00:15:32,714 [chuckles] I am your future. 382 00:15:32,757 --> 00:15:34,716 You may not be here yet, but you will be. 383 00:15:34,759 --> 00:15:36,805 This is what bowling does. 384 00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:38,241 You keep saying that, 385 00:15:38,285 --> 00:15:39,851 but it's not bowling that ruined you. 386 00:15:39,895 --> 00:15:41,244 It's you that ruined you. 387 00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:43,464 You know, I thought you were cool. 388 00:15:43,507 --> 00:15:45,640 But you're sounding a lot like my ex-wife. 389 00:15:45,683 --> 00:15:48,121 And our marriage counselor. And the judge. 390 00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:49,513 And the neighbors.No, stop. Stop. 391 00:15:49,557 --> 00:15:50,732 Think about that. 392 00:15:50,775 --> 00:15:52,864 Everyone who can leave you has left you. 393 00:15:52,908 --> 00:15:55,302 But the one thing you have left, bowling, 394 00:15:55,345 --> 00:15:56,346 you don't want to do it. 395 00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:58,435 So I'm sorry, you can't help a sheep 396 00:15:58,479 --> 00:16:01,003 out of a fence if the sheep doesn't want to get out! 397 00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:03,005 What? 398 00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:06,356 You're a horse, I've led you to water but you won't drink. 399 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,358 What the hell are you saying to me, Smallwood? 400 00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:09,969 Look, I'm saying there's no point. 401 00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:12,754 If you don't want help, why are you here? 402 00:16:12,797 --> 00:16:15,975 I'm sorry. You got to go. 403 00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:19,326 Well, all right, I'll go. 404 00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:21,676 But just remember you made choices, too. 405 00:16:21,719 --> 00:16:23,634 You didn't have to go to that ribbon cutting. 406 00:16:23,678 --> 00:16:24,896 That's on you. 407 00:16:26,463 --> 00:16:28,596 Kicking me out in the middle of the night? 408 00:16:28,639 --> 00:16:30,467 It's gonna be really awkward 409 00:16:30,511 --> 00:16:32,687 when you see me leave in the morning. 410 00:16:40,216 --> 00:16:42,958 Jen? Mom? Sam? 411 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,091 Uh, would you come downstairs, please? 412 00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:48,485 Pretty please? 413 00:16:52,576 --> 00:16:53,577 Okay, okay, I got this. 414 00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:56,015 Mom, it's just me. 415 00:16:56,058 --> 00:16:57,886 Yeah, I know that. 416 00:16:57,929 --> 00:16:59,975 Give me the bat, please?No. 417 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,411 Just give me the... 418 00:17:01,455 --> 00:17:04,240 Please, sit down. This-this is important. 419 00:17:09,637 --> 00:17:11,552 Okay, first of all... [clears throat] 420 00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:14,511 [scatting] 421 00:17:14,555 --> 00:17:17,253 ♪ Good morning, family 422 00:17:17,297 --> 00:17:19,473 ♪ I'm sorry, family... 423 00:17:19,516 --> 00:17:20,561 Give me that bat. 424 00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:24,826 Okay, I-I'm sorry, just sit down. 425 00:17:26,523 --> 00:17:30,179 I know you're all mad at me, and it makes sense. 426 00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:33,400 So you figured, "What the hell, I'll just wake everyone up 427 00:17:33,443 --> 00:17:36,968 "at the ass crack of dawn and sing them a really stupid song. 428 00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:39,536 That'll smooth things over." 429 00:17:41,451 --> 00:17:42,974 When you realize how important something is, 430 00:17:43,018 --> 00:17:44,541 you want to do it right away. 431 00:17:44,585 --> 00:17:46,195 What's so important? 432 00:17:46,239 --> 00:17:48,154 You. All of you. 433 00:17:48,197 --> 00:17:49,633 Which is why I want to invite you 434 00:17:49,677 --> 00:17:50,939 to the grand opening 435 00:17:50,982 --> 00:17:54,508 of my promise to always put my family first. 436 00:17:54,551 --> 00:17:55,813 I was gonna sing a song now, 437 00:17:55,857 --> 00:17:57,859 but I'm reading the room, so I'll skip it. 438 00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:02,255 You may have just saved your own life. 439 00:18:03,691 --> 00:18:05,519 Look, I know I messed up. 440 00:18:05,562 --> 00:18:07,434 Jen, I-I never should've had Rick stay here 441 00:18:07,477 --> 00:18:08,652 in the first place. 442 00:18:08,696 --> 00:18:10,654 I'm sorry. And Mom, 443 00:18:10,698 --> 00:18:12,700 of course I'm gonna be at your funeral. 444 00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:15,703 Will you cry and make a scene 445 00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:19,098 and try to throw yourself into the hole? 446 00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:23,102 I'm gonna cry so hard they're gonna think I'm a suspect. 447 00:18:24,581 --> 00:18:27,758 And Sam, I owe you the biggest apology of all. 448 00:18:27,802 --> 00:18:29,673 I should've been at your show. 449 00:18:29,717 --> 00:18:32,807 I had a choice to make, I made the wrong one. 450 00:18:32,850 --> 00:18:34,243 It won't happen again. 451 00:18:35,288 --> 00:18:36,289 And you can be mad at me. 452 00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:37,594 I'd be mad at me, too, 453 00:18:37,638 --> 00:18:39,944 so you can be mad as long as you want. 454 00:18:41,032 --> 00:18:43,078 Can I keep the giant scissors?Hell yeah. 455 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,732 We're good. 456 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:49,345 Okay. Now come and cut the only ribbon that matters. 457 00:18:49,389 --> 00:18:52,696 The ribbon that represents the bond of our family. 458 00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:54,568 Wait, so why are we cutting it, then? 459 00:18:54,611 --> 00:18:59,094 Yeah, wouldn't that be severing the bond? Yeah. 460 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,704 No, and if you'd let me sing my song, 461 00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:01,923 you would've known that. 462 00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:04,186 Okay, Sam, cut the ribbon 463 00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:06,667 so we can watch the recital video and eat breakfast. 464 00:19:07,668 --> 00:19:10,497 [cheering] 465 00:19:10,540 --> 00:19:11,672 You made breakfast? 466 00:19:11,715 --> 00:19:14,805 Yep. Steak and eggs and more steak. 467 00:19:14,849 --> 00:19:16,633 [both groan] 468 00:19:16,677 --> 00:19:18,461 But that's the last of the meat. 469 00:19:18,505 --> 00:19:20,507 [cheering weakly] 470 00:19:26,774 --> 00:19:30,647 Hey, Smallwood, Smallwood's family. 471 00:19:30,691 --> 00:19:32,214 Do you know any of our names? 472 00:19:32,258 --> 00:19:33,955 Yeah. Smallwood's wife, 473 00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:35,565 Smallwood's mom, Smallwood's kid. 474 00:19:35,609 --> 00:19:36,610 And that's Carl. 475 00:19:39,047 --> 00:19:40,744 You got a minute? 476 00:19:40,788 --> 00:19:41,963 Yeah, man. 477 00:19:42,006 --> 00:19:43,704 What's up? 478 00:19:43,747 --> 00:19:46,707 Before I leave town, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. 479 00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:49,710 You said a lot of stuff I needed to hear. 480 00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:54,541 And, uh, for what it's worth, if I'm ever in trouble again, 481 00:19:54,584 --> 00:19:55,716 you'll still be my first call. 482 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,240 You don't have to say that. 483 00:19:58,284 --> 00:20:00,808 I mean it. Well, yeah, what I meant to say was, 484 00:20:00,851 --> 00:20:02,897 don't-don't say that. 485 00:20:04,768 --> 00:20:06,422 You're a funny guy. 486 00:20:06,466 --> 00:20:08,119 I'll see you around, Smallwood. 487 00:20:08,163 --> 00:20:10,121 Oh, little tip. 488 00:20:10,165 --> 00:20:11,949 When you're set, bring the ball up higher 489 00:20:11,993 --> 00:20:13,603 and you'll get a better backswing. 490 00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:14,909 So more like this? 491 00:20:14,952 --> 00:20:16,650 No, no, no. Here, let me just show you. 492 00:20:16,693 --> 00:20:19,479 I did the same thing when I was a kid. 493 00:20:19,522 --> 00:20:23,178 Wow, looks like I helped Rick find his passion again. 494 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:26,747 It looks like you just hurt your odds of a top ten finish 495 00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:30,316 by helping your biggest competitor get his mojo back. 496 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,274 Hey, Smallwood's coach. 497 00:20:32,318 --> 00:20:35,669 Give me a lane. Rick Rholla's ready to bowla. 498 00:20:38,933 --> 00:20:40,717 Congratulations. 499 00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:48,899 Captioning sponsored by CBS 500 00:20:48,943 --> 00:20:51,946 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org